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- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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The gifted young lady
didn't know what to do.
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00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:16,643
Should she fly off to Hollywood
for the big audition?
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Or should she stay in Toledo
5
00:00:18,183 --> 00:00:21,679
for a high-school production
of "Damn Yankees?"
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00:00:21,681 --> 00:00:23,013
So she asked her father.
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And her father replied,
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"What do you think is
the right decision?"
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And she answered...
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I think I made a commitment...
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So I probably can't break that.
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Yes, children!
13
00:00:37,122 --> 00:00:38,828
But what about the big audition?
14
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Why, she taped it herself
15
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and mailed it off to Los Angeles.
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Eh, it was a long shot.
17
00:00:44,293 --> 00:00:46,259
But if you don't dream...
18
00:00:46,261 --> 00:00:51,732
You'll never know
if your dreams can happen.
19
00:00:51,734 --> 00:00:54,735
And when Kevin Williamson
from the WB received the tape,
20
00:00:54,737 --> 00:00:57,806
he knew he had found his star.
21
00:00:57,808 --> 00:01:00,140
And the tomboy, best-friend role
22
00:01:00,142 --> 00:01:02,686
of little Joey Potter
on "Dawson's Creek"
23
00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:05,212
would be played by Toledo's very own
24
00:01:05,214 --> 00:01:07,681
- Katie Holmes.
- Yay!
25
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One, two, three, four!
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Good morning, Whitlock,
27
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and a happy Katie Holmes
Day Eve to you all.
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Tomorrow night the city of Toledo
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will hold the annual
Katie Holmes Day Pageant.
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Please donate any items you
can for the rummage sale.
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All proceeds go to the local orphanage.
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And as always, dream big.
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Katie did.
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Are you sure you want
to give your boys away?
35
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I think they're worth a bunch.
36
00:01:47,723 --> 00:01:50,490
So who am I to keep this from happening?
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Oh.
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Katie provides.
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♪ See the Katie, hear her sing ♪
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♪ In every musical, fall and spring ♪
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♪ She had a commitment
she couldn't break ♪
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♪ So she sent a tape ♪
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I can't believe it's
already Katie Holmes Eve.
44
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I barely slept last night.
45
00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:34,468
Oh, me neither! I knutted all night.
46
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Don't you mean knit?
47
00:02:35,504 --> 00:02:36,570
Yeah, past tense.
48
00:02:36,572 --> 00:02:38,271
You don't say, "I digged a hole".
49
00:02:38,273 --> 00:02:40,374
Anyway, I could not sleep.
50
00:02:40,376 --> 00:02:42,309
And so I knutted for hours.
51
00:02:42,311 --> 00:02:44,788
And usually when I knut, you
know, I fall straight asleep.
52
00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:47,347
But I was so excited,
I just knutted again.
53
00:02:47,349 --> 00:02:48,991
Sounds like me this weekend.
54
00:02:48,993 --> 00:02:50,126
I don't get it.
55
00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:51,285
Good morning, everybody.
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00:02:51,287 --> 00:02:52,686
Hey, where do I drop
off these donations?
57
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Oh, I'll take those.
58
00:02:53,722 --> 00:02:56,131
- Yeah? Great.
- Whoa, "Pieces of April".
59
00:02:56,133 --> 00:02:57,167
- Nice.
- Oh.
60
00:02:57,169 --> 00:02:59,960
Very on-brand for our Katie
Holmes Day rummage sale.
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00:02:59,962 --> 00:03:03,297
What do you mean... No.
This is a real thing?
62
00:03:03,299 --> 00:03:05,599
Katie Holmes Day?
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00:03:05,601 --> 00:03:07,367
You're t... so all of Toledo
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00:03:07,369 --> 00:03:09,813
is just sort of unironically
celebrating an actress
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00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:12,272
who's face, you know,
to be quite honest,
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00:03:12,274 --> 00:03:13,607
I have trouble remembering?
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00:03:13,609 --> 00:03:15,542
She's just like a... like a...
68
00:03:15,544 --> 00:03:17,344
an adorable white girl with like a...
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00:03:17,346 --> 00:03:19,479
you know, just a face and hair and eyes.
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Yeah, that's her.
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00:03:20,516 --> 00:03:21,724
Oh, my God. That's right.
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00:03:21,726 --> 00:03:23,107
You've been gone 20 years.
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00:03:23,109 --> 00:03:25,352
You don't know anything
about Katie Holmes Day.
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00:03:25,354 --> 00:03:29,040
It's... it's a celebration
of... of dream and wonder.
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You're gonna hate it.
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00:03:31,627 --> 00:03:34,294
Happy Katie Holmes Day Eve, Jack.
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00:03:34,296 --> 00:03:35,696
Yeah.
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00:03:35,698 --> 00:03:38,632
Listen, I need the keys
to the driver's ed car.
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00:03:38,634 --> 00:03:41,635
It's the base for the float
in our Katie Holmes Day parade.
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00:03:41,637 --> 00:03:44,471
The student council made a replica
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00:03:44,473 --> 00:03:46,340
out of papier-mâché of the Buick
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00:03:46,342 --> 00:03:48,059
that Katie drove in high school.
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00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,562
Well, you know, the
driver's ed car is a Buick,
84
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,512
so you could just drive that.
85
00:03:56,518 --> 00:03:58,819
That's so funny, Jack.
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00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:01,455
Hers was a '94 with a dent in the hood.
87
00:04:01,457 --> 00:04:03,557
The 2007 Buick
88
00:04:03,559 --> 00:04:05,859
does not represent
Katie's humble beginnings.
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00:04:05,861 --> 00:04:08,395
Okay.
90
00:04:08,397 --> 00:04:09,730
A Holmes on your head.
91
00:04:09,732 --> 00:04:11,865
- Nope.
- Oh.
92
00:04:13,402 --> 00:04:15,076
Whitlock High?
93
00:04:15,078 --> 00:04:17,213
It's Mayor Wade CupsofCabbage.
94
00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:18,572
I'll take it in my office.
95
00:04:22,645 --> 00:04:25,830
Mayor CupsofCabbage. Hey...
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00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:29,601
Yes, you... you want me to
be in the... in the pageant?
97
00:04:31,553 --> 00:04:35,489
Yes... yes, it would be an
honor to play Kevin Williamson,
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00:04:35,491 --> 00:04:38,425
the man who launched
Katie Holmes's career.
99
00:04:38,427 --> 00:04:40,894
And I will not let you down this time.
100
00:04:41,964 --> 00:04:44,865
- He's giving me a second chance.
- Yes!
101
00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:47,202
- What if I choke?
- You can do this, Ralph.
102
00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:48,669
I believe in you.
103
00:04:48,671 --> 00:04:50,971
It is just one line. It's ten words.
104
00:04:50,973 --> 00:04:52,706
"Hello, Katie.
105
00:04:52,708 --> 00:04:55,609
You are Joey Potter.
Welcome to 'Dawson's Creek'".
106
00:04:55,611 --> 00:04:57,778
You need to immerse
yourself in this character.
107
00:04:57,780 --> 00:05:00,480
For the next 24 hours, you're gonna be
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00:05:00,482 --> 00:05:02,983
a Hollywood slick hotshot.
109
00:05:02,985 --> 00:05:04,785
I don't know.
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00:05:04,787 --> 00:05:06,520
Unless...
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00:05:08,824 --> 00:05:10,557
California Raisin.
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00:05:10,559 --> 00:05:14,461
Oh! I've got goose bumps!
113
00:05:14,463 --> 00:05:17,931
Make me famous, Mr. Producer.
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00:05:21,570 --> 00:05:22,703
All right.
115
00:05:22,705 --> 00:05:25,539
Go ahead and shut all the way up.
116
00:05:25,541 --> 00:05:26,673
Where's my garbage?
117
00:05:26,675 --> 00:05:28,775
We're using it as a bucket of fate.
118
00:05:28,777 --> 00:05:31,830
Yeah, in one bucket,
there's sweet pudding,
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00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,648
representing a tasty dream come true.
120
00:05:34,650 --> 00:05:36,683
And in the other, a baby crab...
121
00:05:36,685 --> 00:05:38,685
its pinchers, a stark reminder
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00:05:38,687 --> 00:05:40,854
that chasing your dreams can hurt.
123
00:05:40,856 --> 00:05:43,457
Got it.
124
00:05:43,459 --> 00:05:44,958
Sweet chocolate pudding!
125
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,861
Papa's gonna be a
backup singer for Lizzo!
126
00:05:49,565 --> 00:05:50,764
Guys.
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00:05:50,766 --> 00:05:52,200
Ah, I got to say.
128
00:05:52,202 --> 00:05:55,092
This holiday is, uh... and
I don't say this lightly...
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00:05:55,094 --> 00:05:56,328
bonkers.
130
00:05:56,330 --> 00:05:58,398
Point, counterpoint, Mr. Griffin,
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00:05:58,400 --> 00:05:59,773
it's actually not.
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00:05:59,775 --> 00:06:00,789
Yeah.
133
00:06:00,791 --> 00:06:02,809
At 8:47 tomorrow night,
134
00:06:02,811 --> 00:06:04,778
you kiss someone on the forehead
135
00:06:04,780 --> 00:06:07,914
because that's when Katie
had the talk with her wise dad
136
00:06:07,916 --> 00:06:10,410
which he ended with a forehead kiss.
137
00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:11,453
Right.
138
00:06:11,455 --> 00:06:14,256
The entire holiday culminates
in a glorious pageant.
139
00:06:14,258 --> 00:06:15,957
I've always wanted to play Katie Holmes,
140
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:18,058
- and I think this is the year.
- Oh.
141
00:06:18,060 --> 00:06:19,692
And we make wish lists addressed
142
00:06:19,694 --> 00:06:20,794
to Katie in Hollywood,
143
00:06:20,796 --> 00:06:22,130
put them in our shoes,
144
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,898
and leave them in our front porches.
145
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:25,052
And the next morning,
146
00:06:25,054 --> 00:06:27,769
there's a fresh blueberry
muffin in each shoe.
147
00:06:27,771 --> 00:06:29,904
So shoe muffins.
148
00:06:29,906 --> 00:06:31,572
Got it. Yeah.
149
00:06:31,574 --> 00:06:32,672
And you all do this?
150
00:06:32,674 --> 00:06:33,708
Oh. Not me.
151
00:06:33,710 --> 00:06:35,076
I don't celebrate Katie Holmes Day.
152
00:06:35,078 --> 00:06:36,845
Oh, finally, a sane person.
153
00:06:36,847 --> 00:06:38,713
My family celebrates Jamie Farr Day.
154
00:06:38,715 --> 00:06:41,485
My dad says that's Toledo's
original top celebrity.
155
00:06:41,487 --> 00:06:44,664
So there's also a Klinger
from "MASH" holiday.
156
00:06:44,666 --> 00:06:46,237
A world without Katie Holmes Day
157
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,922
is a world I don't want to live in.
158
00:06:47,924 --> 00:06:50,925
I like the sound of that.
159
00:06:50,927 --> 00:06:52,794
Tell me more of these traditions.
160
00:06:57,234 --> 00:06:59,834
- Sorry I'm late.
- Damn, girl.
161
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:03,004
- A 55-inch flat screen TV?
- Oh...
162
00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,873
That is gonna bring in so much money.
163
00:07:04,875 --> 00:07:05,927
Forget porridge.
164
00:07:05,929 --> 00:07:07,300
Those orphans are about to have some
165
00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:09,277
- R-r-r-r-regular soup.
- Okay!
166
00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:11,012
Uh, actually, this is...
167
00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:12,747
A gift from an angel.
168
00:07:12,749 --> 00:07:15,016
That is so sweet.
169
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:17,521
But it... it's not a big deal.
170
00:07:17,523 --> 00:07:18,753
- And she's humble.
- Mm.
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00:07:18,755 --> 00:07:19,788
Amazing.
172
00:07:19,790 --> 00:07:21,255
- Mommy Warbucks.
- Mm-hmm.
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00:07:21,257 --> 00:07:22,957
A regular Mother Toledo.
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00:07:22,959 --> 00:07:24,125
Oh.
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00:07:24,127 --> 00:07:26,694
Yes.
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00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:27,896
- Yeah... oh, good.
- _
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00:07:27,898 --> 00:07:29,764
- Very good.
- _
178
00:07:29,766 --> 00:07:32,033
- Yes.
- _
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00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:34,068
I'd like to believe you
have a genuine interest
180
00:07:34,070 --> 00:07:35,536
in this beloved holiday,
181
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,071
but your maniacal cackling
182
00:07:37,073 --> 00:07:39,513
has made me fear you're
planning something nefarious.
183
00:07:39,515 --> 00:07:42,076
Your fears are...
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00:07:42,078 --> 00:07:43,812
completely founded.
185
00:07:43,814 --> 00:07:46,247
Oh, I just thought of another tradition.
186
00:07:46,249 --> 00:07:48,750
It's the one where people
who don't love the holiday
187
00:07:48,752 --> 00:07:49,851
just don't participate,
188
00:07:49,853 --> 00:07:52,222
and let the ones that really
[BLEEP] love it enjoy it.
189
00:07:54,024 --> 00:07:55,323
Can we swear now?
190
00:07:55,325 --> 00:07:57,561
Oh, shut up. Shut up.
191
00:07:57,563 --> 00:08:00,265
Shut up, everybody. Shut up.
192
00:08:00,267 --> 00:08:03,136
Oh, Mayor CupsofCabbage,
what a pleasant surprise.
193
00:08:04,801 --> 00:08:07,335
I'm sorry. Come again.
194
00:08:07,337 --> 00:08:10,238
And a-a third time, 'cause it's insane.
195
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,675
I see.
196
00:08:19,850 --> 00:08:21,818
I don't think that's coming off.
197
00:08:24,054 --> 00:08:26,087
That dumb-ass mayor cast me
198
00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:28,718
as the lame WB assistant
in the stupid pageant
199
00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:30,887
for the sixth year in a row.
200
00:08:30,889 --> 00:08:34,829
Well, to be fair, you do give
off strong assistant vibes.
201
00:08:34,831 --> 00:08:36,831
Just once I want to be Katie
202
00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:39,067
and say the big final line.
203
00:08:39,069 --> 00:08:40,235
It's bullshit.
204
00:08:40,237 --> 00:08:42,971
That's one A-word, one F-word,
205
00:08:42,973 --> 00:08:44,839
and one B-S-H word.
206
00:08:44,841 --> 00:08:46,307
Guys, Marissa's right, all right?
207
00:08:46,309 --> 00:08:48,042
This holiday is a complete sham.
208
00:08:48,044 --> 00:08:49,978
Mr. Griffin, is it fair to say
209
00:08:49,980 --> 00:08:52,280
that you have an especially
large chip on your shoulder
210
00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:54,083
because a Toledoan from your peer group
211
00:08:54,085 --> 00:08:57,869
went on to achieve her dreams
and you're, you know, here?
212
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,004
No, Marcus.
213
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:00,907
My problem is that you all believe
214
00:09:00,909 --> 00:09:03,763
a doe-eyed actress can
make your dreams come true.
215
00:09:03,765 --> 00:09:05,899
It doesn't work that way. W-w-watch.
216
00:09:05,901 --> 00:09:08,034
Please, Katie Holmes,
217
00:09:08,036 --> 00:09:10,904
let me spend five more
minutes with my dead mother.
218
00:09:14,009 --> 00:09:16,557
Did she... is she here?
My mother, is she here?
219
00:09:16,559 --> 00:09:18,778
Oh, she isn't? Yeah... No,
Because it doesn't work.
220
00:09:18,780 --> 00:09:20,180
Well, give her time.
221
00:09:20,182 --> 00:09:22,215
She has thousands of homes to visit.
222
00:09:22,217 --> 00:09:24,317
Marissa...
223
00:09:24,319 --> 00:09:27,887
we're gonna destroy Katie Holmes Day.
224
00:09:27,889 --> 00:09:30,159
Holy shit ass dick fart.
225
00:09:42,070 --> 00:09:43,837
Let's do this.
226
00:09:47,075 --> 00:09:48,174
_
227
00:09:48,176 --> 00:09:51,111
Ralph, the football team
wants real energy drinks.
228
00:09:51,113 --> 00:09:53,913
They figured out that
Gatorade Clear's just water.
229
00:09:53,915 --> 00:09:55,982
That's it.
230
00:09:55,984 --> 00:09:57,183
A football show.
231
00:09:57,185 --> 00:09:58,686
I can see it now.
232
00:09:58,688 --> 00:10:00,223
Oh, pwetty pwease,
233
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:03,089
can I be in your sports show?
234
00:10:03,091 --> 00:10:04,325
I'm your spoiled daughter
235
00:10:04,327 --> 00:10:05,995
that benefits from your success.
236
00:10:05,997 --> 00:10:08,648
- Come on.
- Oh, of course, princess.
237
00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:10,398
Give me some of that
sugar that Daddy likes.
238
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,165
Oh. Mwah!
239
00:10:12,167 --> 00:10:15,001
This feels like an HR trap.
240
00:10:18,073 --> 00:10:19,906
Oh. For reals?
241
00:10:19,908 --> 00:10:21,452
An old Garfield phone?
242
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,276
Mary, can you believe this?
243
00:10:23,278 --> 00:10:25,311
Uh, I cannot, Stephanie.
244
00:10:25,313 --> 00:10:27,213
Considering this queen right here
245
00:10:27,215 --> 00:10:29,460
just donated a flat screen TV
246
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,351
for the Katie Holmes Day rummage sale.
247
00:10:31,353 --> 00:10:34,120
I think the phone's fun.
248
00:10:34,122 --> 00:10:36,923
Hello, Garfield? Oh,
well, it's me, an orphan.
249
00:10:36,925 --> 00:10:38,892
Oh, you love lasagna? Funny.
250
00:10:38,894 --> 00:10:41,127
I've never had lasagna, and I never will
251
00:10:41,129 --> 00:10:43,029
because we didn't raise any damn money
252
00:10:43,031 --> 00:10:44,431
with your sorry-ass phone.
253
00:10:47,436 --> 00:10:50,403
Oh, and I am encouraged. Who's next?
254
00:10:50,405 --> 00:10:52,072
Do me. Do me!
255
00:10:52,074 --> 00:10:54,072
I brought stained Tupperware. Ooh.
256
00:10:54,074 --> 00:10:55,308
Give it to me.
257
00:10:55,310 --> 00:10:57,488
You said I'd be a star.
258
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,179
You lied to me, Daddy.
259
00:10:59,181 --> 00:11:02,048
It was never you. It was these pills!
260
00:11:03,185 --> 00:11:05,852
Hey. Can you sign off on payroll?
261
00:11:05,854 --> 00:11:08,088
Intern, you're the star now.
262
00:11:08,090 --> 00:11:10,290
Not sure what this is, but...
263
00:11:10,292 --> 00:11:11,424
I am in.
264
00:11:11,426 --> 00:11:14,361
Step aside, sister.
265
00:11:14,363 --> 00:11:17,430
♪ Well, it's a big old trolley ♪
266
00:11:17,432 --> 00:11:19,330
♪ Coming around the bend ♪
267
00:11:19,332 --> 00:11:21,500
And feast your peepers on
something you never had...
268
00:11:21,502 --> 00:11:22,936
talent!
269
00:11:24,106 --> 00:11:26,306
Faster.
270
00:11:26,308 --> 00:11:29,008
Ha ha! Yes.
271
00:11:29,010 --> 00:11:30,877
Oh, who we got up next?
272
00:11:30,879 --> 00:11:32,145
I drew this.
273
00:11:32,147 --> 00:11:36,084
It's, uh, Catty Holmes
from "Pawson's Creek".
274
00:11:38,987 --> 00:11:42,155
Oh, wow. Dave, we love it.
275
00:11:42,157 --> 00:11:43,957
Yeah? Really?
276
00:11:43,959 --> 00:11:45,992
This is original art. It's really good.
277
00:11:45,994 --> 00:11:47,193
We're gonna frame it
278
00:11:47,195 --> 00:11:48,995
and give it directly to the orphans
279
00:11:48,997 --> 00:11:50,964
and bring a little joy into their lives.
280
00:11:50,966 --> 00:11:52,332
Really?
281
00:11:52,334 --> 00:11:54,968
Hell, no! Boom!
282
00:11:57,072 --> 00:11:59,939
And that is our time, all right?
283
00:11:59,941 --> 00:12:01,677
So feel free to join us tomorrow
284
00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:03,043
at the rummage sale
285
00:12:03,045 --> 00:12:05,145
and come and witness the chump change
286
00:12:05,147 --> 00:12:08,248
that your crappy-ass
donations will surely bring in.
287
00:12:08,250 --> 00:12:09,282
Yeah.
288
00:12:09,284 --> 00:12:10,318
Ooh, ooh.
289
00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:12,986
And stick around for our
first-ever live auction,
290
00:12:12,988 --> 00:12:15,221
where you'll get the
opportunity to make a bid
291
00:12:15,223 --> 00:12:17,390
on the greatest donation of all time.
292
00:12:17,392 --> 00:12:18,958
You know what it is?
293
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:22,062
This TV right here!
294
00:12:27,874 --> 00:12:29,074
Yeah...
295
00:12:29,076 --> 00:12:30,276
No, no, no! No.
296
00:12:30,278 --> 00:12:33,373
Oh, I-I got it. I-I
want to carry it myself.
297
00:12:33,375 --> 00:12:36,009
Uh, for the children.
298
00:12:36,011 --> 00:12:38,945
Okay.
299
00:12:38,947 --> 00:12:41,047
Legs!
300
00:13:42,044 --> 00:13:43,778
Good morning, Whitlock.
301
00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:45,478
In honor of Katie Holmes Day,
302
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:48,448
I am going to climb
in through this window,
303
00:13:48,450 --> 00:13:51,351
just like Katie did on "Dawson's Creek".
304
00:13:51,353 --> 00:13:55,088
So... here we go.
305
00:13:55,090 --> 00:13:58,558
Okay. Oh.
306
00:14:00,595 --> 00:14:03,563
Okay. Ah.
307
00:14:03,565 --> 00:14:06,232
Ow, my keys! Oh, God.
308
00:14:06,234 --> 00:14:08,234
Okay. Okay.
309
00:14:10,539 --> 00:14:14,107
Oh, my God.
310
00:14:14,109 --> 00:14:17,143
Well, I come bearing bad news.
311
00:14:17,145 --> 00:14:20,346
The school's Buick float
for the Katie Day parade
312
00:14:20,348 --> 00:14:22,515
has been stolen.
313
00:14:22,517 --> 00:14:25,552
So, instead, I ask all of you
314
00:14:25,554 --> 00:14:28,799
to walk in the parade arm in arm.
315
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:32,604
Let's make tonight the best
Katie Holmes Day pageant ever!
316
00:14:33,738 --> 00:14:35,873
Well, looks like
someone unwittingly made
317
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,497
the holiday even more heartwarming.
318
00:14:37,499 --> 00:14:40,100
Oh, don't worry. There's
so much more coming.
319
00:14:40,102 --> 00:14:42,630
Last night my shoes were
stolen from my porch.
320
00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:46,373
And lo, not two, but three muffins.
321
00:14:46,375 --> 00:14:47,441
No, no.
322
00:14:47,443 --> 00:14:50,176
No, you said that you put
the wishes in the shoes,
323
00:14:50,178 --> 00:14:52,412
and then Katie turns
the wishes into muffins.
324
00:14:52,414 --> 00:14:54,547
Ergo, no shoes, no muffins.
325
00:14:54,549 --> 00:14:55,893
♪ See the Katie ♪
326
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,584
♪ Hear her sing ♪
327
00:14:57,586 --> 00:14:59,319
- ♪ And every musical ♪
- Yo.
328
00:14:59,321 --> 00:15:01,254
The jug band's singing a capella.
329
00:15:01,256 --> 00:15:03,289
They sound smooth as hell.
330
00:15:03,291 --> 00:15:06,359
Jug, you know that new sound
you've been looking for?
331
00:15:06,361 --> 00:15:08,328
Well, listen to this.
332
00:15:08,330 --> 00:15:10,096
Another miracle.
333
00:15:10,098 --> 00:15:13,566
Mr. Griffin, may we go bask
in their newfound glory?
334
00:15:13,568 --> 00:15:16,703
Feel free to leave my class
at any time for any reason.
335
00:15:22,644 --> 00:15:25,478
We took everything, and the day came.
336
00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:28,415
It came just the same.
337
00:15:28,417 --> 00:15:31,184
I'm gonna have to play WB assistant
338
00:15:31,186 --> 00:15:33,522
and say that stupid
line the rest of my life.
339
00:15:35,323 --> 00:15:37,157
What exactly is your line?
340
00:15:37,159 --> 00:15:39,061
"Mr. Williamson will see you now".
341
00:15:41,329 --> 00:15:45,231
So, if Katie doesn't
meet with Mr. Williamson,
342
00:15:45,233 --> 00:15:48,268
then her dreams don't come true, and...
343
00:15:48,270 --> 00:15:50,203
if her dreams don't come true...
344
00:15:50,205 --> 00:15:53,406
Then there's no Katie Holmes Day.
345
00:15:55,744 --> 00:15:58,246
Yeah.
346
00:16:00,148 --> 00:16:02,348
Well, hey, now. We
all know why we're here.
347
00:16:02,350 --> 00:16:06,352
Please give it up for
Michelle Patricia Jones
348
00:16:06,354 --> 00:16:08,588
and her donation of...
349
00:16:08,590 --> 00:16:11,291
This TV right here!
350
00:16:14,463 --> 00:16:15,827
I'm dead.
351
00:16:15,829 --> 00:16:17,630
I'm dead. I'm dead.
352
00:16:17,632 --> 00:16:20,500
We will start the bidding at $500.
353
00:16:20,502 --> 00:16:22,602
Ooh, okay. We have $500.
354
00:16:22,604 --> 00:16:25,472
Now do I see a $550?
355
00:16:25,474 --> 00:16:27,776
$550 from Where's Waldo over there.
356
00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:30,443
And, Waldo, hey. I see you, okay?
357
00:16:30,445 --> 00:16:32,612
$550 going once.
358
00:16:32,614 --> 00:16:35,248
Going twice...
359
00:16:35,250 --> 00:16:36,783
$600!
360
00:16:36,785 --> 00:16:39,552
Okay... ladies and gentlemen,
I do not believe this.
361
00:16:39,554 --> 00:16:43,335
But this queen right here is
bidding on her own donation!
362
00:16:43,337 --> 00:16:45,085
$700!
363
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:46,754
$750!
364
00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:48,395
$1,000!
365
00:16:50,766 --> 00:16:53,433
$1,000 of my own money.
366
00:16:53,435 --> 00:16:54,667
Sold!
367
00:16:56,538 --> 00:16:59,541
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
368
00:17:08,517 --> 00:17:10,926
A blessed day.
369
00:17:10,928 --> 00:17:13,030
I just bought this holiday classic
370
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,487
at the rummage sale.
371
00:17:14,489 --> 00:17:15,908
And much to my surprise,
372
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:19,325
the tape inside...
it's an old home video.
373
00:17:19,327 --> 00:17:21,227
Might you have the movie
374
00:17:21,229 --> 00:17:23,761
I so graciously purchased for $1.50?
375
00:17:23,763 --> 00:17:24,764
Nope.
376
00:17:24,766 --> 00:17:27,149
Now, if you could so
graciously get out of my way,
377
00:17:27,151 --> 00:17:29,270
- I've got a pageant to destroy.
- Wait a minute.
378
00:17:29,272 --> 00:17:31,799
That's no way to speak
to a fellow Toledoan
379
00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:33,506
on Katie Holmes Day.
380
00:17:33,508 --> 00:17:36,342
Okay, you big baby man.
You want your money?
381
00:17:36,344 --> 00:17:37,744
There's your money.
382
00:17:37,746 --> 00:17:39,713
I don't want money.
383
00:17:39,715 --> 00:17:41,863
I want "Pieces of April".
384
00:17:43,067 --> 00:17:44,467
I don't know what to tell you, man.
385
00:17:49,691 --> 00:17:52,325
_
386
00:17:52,327 --> 00:17:54,561
Hey, how'd you know where I...
387
00:17:54,563 --> 00:17:56,665
live?
388
00:18:06,241 --> 00:18:07,674
Hi, Jacky.
389
00:18:07,676 --> 00:18:09,542
I just wanted to wish you good luck
390
00:18:09,544 --> 00:18:11,179
at the science fair tomorrow.
391
00:18:11,181 --> 00:18:14,481
And I am so sorry that
I'm going to missing it.
392
00:18:14,483 --> 00:18:17,617
I want you to know that you
are a brilliant, talented,
393
00:18:17,619 --> 00:18:19,519
beautiful boy.
394
00:18:19,521 --> 00:18:22,489
And I have no doubt that
you're going to do great.
395
00:18:22,491 --> 00:18:23,790
And you'll definitely beat
396
00:18:23,792 --> 00:18:25,934
that bullying
mouth-breather Greg Miller.
397
00:18:25,936 --> 00:18:28,695
I mean, he's probably gonna
present another potato clock.
398
00:18:28,697 --> 00:18:30,530
He did.
399
00:18:30,532 --> 00:18:32,732
I'm so proud of you.
400
00:18:32,734 --> 00:18:34,434
I love you, Jacky.
401
00:18:42,511 --> 00:18:45,478
I'll be damned.
402
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,515
You gave me five more
minutes with my mom.
403
00:18:50,919 --> 00:18:53,520
It's all real.
404
00:18:55,724 --> 00:18:57,826
I got to save Katie Holmes Day.
405
00:19:11,473 --> 00:19:13,540
So that was Katie's
bedroom right up there.
406
00:19:13,542 --> 00:19:15,709
- Up there?
- Yeah.
407
00:19:15,711 --> 00:19:16,843
Hey, yo, yo, yo. Here they come.
408
00:19:16,845 --> 00:19:18,030
Here they come.
409
00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:19,979
Please stop.
410
00:19:19,981 --> 00:19:22,782
The Holmes family no longer lives here.
411
00:19:22,784 --> 00:19:25,518
We are the Goodmans.
412
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,522
If we knew this would happen,
413
00:19:27,524 --> 00:19:31,624
we never would have bought this house.
414
00:19:31,626 --> 00:19:34,928
Seriously, stop!
415
00:19:34,930 --> 00:19:38,732
Please don't put us through this again.
416
00:19:38,734 --> 00:19:41,701
My condition has worsened.
417
00:19:41,703 --> 00:19:44,738
Please, go away!
418
00:19:53,715 --> 00:19:55,317
All right. Coming through, everybody.
419
00:19:56,618 --> 00:19:59,552
Happy Katie Holmes Day. Yeah.
420
00:20:16,972 --> 00:20:19,906
Okay, this is it. You got this.
421
00:20:19,908 --> 00:20:22,776
There's no Durbin. It's only Kevin.
422
00:20:22,778 --> 00:20:24,924
Hi, I'm Katie Holmes.
423
00:20:24,926 --> 00:20:27,647
I'm here to meet with Mr. Williamson.
424
00:20:27,649 --> 00:20:29,818
Mr. Williamson will...
425
00:20:32,554 --> 00:20:34,988
Not see you right now. He's out.
426
00:20:36,693 --> 00:20:38,126
All right, coming through,
coming through.
427
00:20:38,128 --> 00:20:40,060
All right, here we go.
Coming through, guys.
428
00:20:40,062 --> 00:20:41,127
- Watch it.
- Okay, coming through.
429
00:20:41,129 --> 00:20:42,595
But we have a meeting.
430
00:20:42,597 --> 00:20:44,664
Mm, he's at lunch. Go back home.
431
00:20:44,666 --> 00:20:46,666
But I think I can see him.
432
00:20:46,668 --> 00:20:47,967
Oh, ring, ring.
433
00:20:47,969 --> 00:20:50,837
Hello. Mm.
434
00:20:50,839 --> 00:20:52,706
- Actually I just found out.
- Uh...
435
00:20:52,708 --> 00:20:54,251
Kevin Williamson's dead.
436
00:20:55,711 --> 00:20:57,844
"Dawson's Creek" is canceled.
437
00:20:57,846 --> 00:20:59,079
Bah-bye.
438
00:20:59,081 --> 00:21:01,047
- Marissa, why?
- Don't do this!
439
00:21:01,049 --> 00:21:02,949
Let her meet him!
440
00:21:02,951 --> 00:21:05,685
Hello, everybody.
441
00:21:05,687 --> 00:21:08,588
Yeah... no, I'm, um...
442
00:21:08,590 --> 00:21:10,490
I'm Mr. Williamson's doctor.
443
00:21:10,492 --> 00:21:12,243
And he's very much alive.
444
00:21:12,245 --> 00:21:15,095
And, yeah, he's ready to meet Katie.
445
00:21:17,599 --> 00:21:19,699
Ring, ring. Oh.
446
00:21:19,701 --> 00:21:22,780
Just found out. I'm the
boss of Hollywood now.
447
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:26,706
And my first act as queen
is to banish Katie Holmes.
448
00:21:26,708 --> 00:21:29,075
Please reconsider, Your Highness!
449
00:21:29,077 --> 00:21:32,712
So, look, I've been trying
to ruin Katie Holmes Day.
450
00:21:34,583 --> 00:21:36,583
I ran around all of last night
451
00:21:36,585 --> 00:21:39,018
stealing children's shoes.
452
00:21:39,020 --> 00:21:41,021
Wow, it sounds insane
when I say it out loud.
453
00:21:41,023 --> 00:21:42,956
Uh, but worst of all,
454
00:21:42,958 --> 00:21:46,786
I convinced this sweet,
young girl here to st...
455
00:21:46,788 --> 00:21:48,028
No, not you.
456
00:21:48,030 --> 00:21:50,830
I don't why she's... I don't...
I don't even know you.
457
00:21:50,832 --> 00:21:53,143
Yeah... no, I-I convinced Marissa here
458
00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:55,568
to stop believing in her dreams.
459
00:21:55,570 --> 00:21:58,872
Then I experienced the magic
of Katie Holmes Day myself.
460
00:21:58,874 --> 00:22:01,007
You know, I had a dream,
and my dream came true.
461
00:22:01,009 --> 00:22:02,699
And... and sure, you know.
462
00:22:02,701 --> 00:22:05,470
Big dreams can be a bit
of a mirage, you know?
463
00:22:05,472 --> 00:22:07,747
Often planted in our capitalist minds
464
00:22:07,749 --> 00:22:10,116
- by greedy corporations who...
- You're losing us!
465
00:22:10,118 --> 00:22:12,585
Bottom line, um,
466
00:22:12,587 --> 00:22:15,165
Marissa's dream has always
been to play Katie Holmes.
467
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:17,057
And you think it would be all right
468
00:22:17,059 --> 00:22:19,859
if Marissa said the final line?
469
00:22:19,861 --> 00:22:21,094
Oh, that's great.
470
00:22:21,096 --> 00:22:23,063
Okay, here we go.
471
00:22:23,065 --> 00:22:27,502
Uh, Mr. Williamson, your 3:00 is here.
472
00:22:33,041 --> 00:22:36,810
Katie, you are Joey Potter.
Welcome to "Dawson's Creek".
473
00:22:39,681 --> 00:22:41,648
He did it.
474
00:22:41,650 --> 00:22:43,485
The sweet son of a bitch did it.
475
00:22:43,487 --> 00:22:46,099
Mr. Williamson, I have
something to tell you.
476
00:22:49,606 --> 00:22:51,473
When the camera is rolling,
477
00:22:51,475 --> 00:22:54,027
I'll be this Joey Potter.
478
00:22:54,029 --> 00:22:56,062
But when you say "cut",
479
00:22:56,064 --> 00:22:59,666
I will return to and always be
480
00:22:59,668 --> 00:23:02,969
Toledo's very own Katie Holmes.
481
00:23:02,971 --> 00:23:05,638
♪ I don't want to wait ♪
482
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,007
♪ For our lives to be over ♪
483
00:23:08,009 --> 00:23:10,143
♪ I want to know right now ♪
484
00:23:10,145 --> 00:23:13,813
Hey, everyone look! It's 8:47!
485
00:23:13,815 --> 00:23:15,849
♪ I don't want to wait ♪
486
00:23:15,851 --> 00:23:18,818
♪ For our lives to be over ♪
487
00:23:18,820 --> 00:23:20,020
Mwah!
488
00:23:20,022 --> 00:23:21,921
Aww.
489
00:23:21,923 --> 00:23:23,623
Oh.
490
00:23:23,625 --> 00:23:25,692
Hey.
491
00:23:27,696 --> 00:23:29,095
Oh.
492
00:23:32,701 --> 00:23:34,234
Oh!
493
00:23:34,236 --> 00:23:38,638
Mom, this year can you kiss my forehead?
494
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:40,106
Eat your beans.
495
00:23:40,108 --> 00:23:41,708
♪ On the rainy front step ♪
496
00:23:41,710 --> 00:23:43,777
♪ Wearing shrapnel in his skin ♪
497
00:23:43,779 --> 00:23:45,678
I hoped you'd come around to it.
498
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,881
But I didn't think you'd make
it a whole holiday special.
499
00:23:48,883 --> 00:23:49,949
Just...
500
00:23:49,951 --> 00:23:51,552
♪ Lives inside him still ♪
501
00:23:51,554 --> 00:23:56,558
♪ It's so hard to be gentle and warm ♪
502
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,310
♪ The years passed by ♪
503
00:23:58,312 --> 00:24:02,262
♪ And now he has granddaughters ♪
504
00:24:05,133 --> 00:24:08,868
♪ I don't want to wait
for our lives... ♪
505
00:24:08,870 --> 00:24:10,415
Katie continued,
506
00:24:10,417 --> 00:24:14,220
"When you say 'cut', I
will return to and always be
507
00:24:14,222 --> 00:24:17,259
Toledo's very own Katie Holmes".
508
00:24:21,049 --> 00:24:24,284
"Granted, I won't always
be playing Joey Potter.
509
00:24:24,286 --> 00:24:26,197
So, when I'm doing another character,
510
00:24:26,199 --> 00:24:28,567
the same rule applies.
511
00:24:28,569 --> 00:24:31,024
When the camera's rolling,
I am that character.
512
00:24:31,026 --> 00:24:32,892
But when they yell 'cut',
513
00:24:32,894 --> 00:24:36,229
I'm Katie Holmes from Toledo, Ohio!"
514
00:24:38,734 --> 00:24:40,934
Okay, orphans. Off to bed.
515
00:24:40,936 --> 00:24:43,608
And tomorrow we'll be
enjoying a feast of muffins,
516
00:24:43,610 --> 00:24:45,357
thanks to a large amount of money
517
00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:47,107
Whitlock High School raised for us.
518
00:24:47,109 --> 00:24:49,909
Yay!
519
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:11,320
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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