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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,000 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com - 2 00:00:07,015 --> 00:00:08,215 _ 3 00:00:10,757 --> 00:00:13,094 Hello, Whitlock students. I'm Mr. Pugh. 4 00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:15,566 And I'm very excited to invite you 5 00:00:15,568 --> 00:00:17,001 to join the Toledo chapter 6 00:00:17,003 --> 00:00:19,504 of Ohio Naturalists. 7 00:00:19,506 --> 00:00:21,442 The program offers hands-on learning 8 00:00:21,444 --> 00:00:23,841 and a chance to become a citizen scientist. 9 00:00:23,843 --> 00:00:25,109 Oh, hello, Mr. Bee. 10 00:00:25,111 --> 00:00:26,180 Oh. 11 00:00:26,182 --> 00:00:27,745 Looks like somebody wants to get on camera. 12 00:00:27,747 --> 00:00:30,987 Uh, this year, we're going on an overnight field trip 13 00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:33,487 to Swan Creek Preserve Metropark... 14 00:00:33,489 --> 00:00:34,719 the bees are back. Ah. 15 00:00:34,721 --> 00:00:36,921 Brought a friend. Or two. 16 00:00:36,923 --> 00:00:38,923 Uh, you know, bees are actually... 17 00:00:38,925 --> 00:00:39,991 they're very friendly. 18 00:00:39,993 --> 00:00:41,993 They... they know not to attack 19 00:00:41,995 --> 00:00:44,062 unless they're feeling threatened or... 20 00:00:44,064 --> 00:00:45,930 Bananas! 21 00:00:45,932 --> 00:00:47,665 Got me. 22 00:00:47,667 --> 00:00:49,200 Sometimes they get confused, but... 23 00:00:49,202 --> 00:00:50,535 Owee. 24 00:00:51,905 --> 00:00:55,006 Oh, well, uh... 25 00:00:55,008 --> 00:00:58,710 We will, uh, embark on a variety of activities. 26 00:00:58,712 --> 00:01:01,546 Uh, from bird counts to stream sampling. 27 00:01:01,548 --> 00:01:04,048 Plant identi... please go away from... 28 00:01:05,085 --> 00:01:07,552 Oh, no. 29 00:01:07,554 --> 00:01:09,520 I stepped on a goose nest. 30 00:01:09,522 --> 00:01:12,523 Oh. Its babies. 31 00:01:12,525 --> 00:01:14,993 I squished them. Oh, no. 32 00:01:14,995 --> 00:01:16,461 Go away! 33 00:01:29,009 --> 00:01:32,210 - Aw, God. Would you please stop? - _ 34 00:01:32,212 --> 00:01:33,711 I'm nice. 35 00:01:33,713 --> 00:01:35,580 Mr. Pugh asked me to edit that out, 36 00:01:35,582 --> 00:01:37,416 but I do not know how to do that. 37 00:01:37,418 --> 00:01:38,646 Okay, Rams. 38 00:01:38,648 --> 00:01:40,177 Get ready to grab the day by... 39 00:01:40,179 --> 00:01:41,346 When you're in the wild, 40 00:01:41,348 --> 00:01:43,121 if you need to heighten your sense of smell, 41 00:01:43,123 --> 00:01:45,223 you lick your fingers and wet your nostrils. 42 00:01:45,225 --> 00:01:47,527 Like so. 43 00:01:49,262 --> 00:01:50,828 Like, if I'm a wolf? 44 00:01:50,830 --> 00:01:53,633 And I wanna sniff out a fat bunny? 45 00:01:57,704 --> 00:02:00,538 Hm. 46 00:02:00,540 --> 00:02:01,739 All right. 47 00:02:01,741 --> 00:02:03,841 Begin shutting your mouths up. 48 00:02:03,843 --> 00:02:05,877 I cannot believe I'm saying this, 49 00:02:05,879 --> 00:02:08,579 but Sarika is now my favorite. 50 00:02:08,581 --> 00:02:10,915 Yeah... her aunt wants to publish my book, 51 00:02:10,917 --> 00:02:13,685 "The Pursuit of Happiness Through Societal Regression". 52 00:02:13,687 --> 00:02:15,421 We're meeting for dinner tonight at Mansy's. 53 00:02:15,423 --> 00:02:17,491 Mansy's is very romantic. 54 00:02:17,493 --> 00:02:19,557 I took Sarah, my college girlfriend, there. 55 00:02:19,559 --> 00:02:21,259 Oh! You gave her a name! 56 00:02:21,261 --> 00:02:23,127 Nice! But this is not a date. 57 00:02:23,129 --> 00:02:26,164 Besides, my aunt only goes for guys who drive BMWs. 58 00:02:26,166 --> 00:02:27,632 Not driver's ed cars. 59 00:02:27,634 --> 00:02:30,301 And Heather's back to being my favorite. 60 00:02:30,303 --> 00:02:32,103 Don't call it a comeback. 61 00:02:32,105 --> 00:02:34,322 Okay. Yeah. 62 00:02:34,324 --> 00:02:36,358 So I guess the only question that remains is 63 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:37,909 how should I pose for the photo 64 00:02:37,911 --> 00:02:39,978 on the back cover of my book, you know? 65 00:02:39,980 --> 00:02:42,847 Oh. Maybe I'll hold this skull. 66 00:02:42,849 --> 00:02:44,749 Like Hamlet. You know? 67 00:02:44,751 --> 00:02:46,387 But it'd be like this child's skill, 68 00:02:46,389 --> 00:02:49,692 so my hands look bigger. 69 00:02:49,694 --> 00:02:50,855 _ 70 00:02:50,857 --> 00:02:53,291 You know, so my hands look bigger. 71 00:02:53,293 --> 00:02:56,327 Right. Let's hold off on that. 72 00:02:56,329 --> 00:02:58,096 Oh, okay. 73 00:02:58,098 --> 00:03:00,298 I read the first chapter of your book. 74 00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:02,066 You're clearly a good writer. 75 00:03:02,068 --> 00:03:03,334 Oh. Thanks. 76 00:03:03,336 --> 00:03:05,570 Yeah, I write to discover what I know. 77 00:03:05,572 --> 00:03:08,339 That's Flannery O'Connor. 78 00:03:08,341 --> 00:03:09,707 Cool. 79 00:03:09,709 --> 00:03:12,710 Now, perhaps you've heard of my client, 80 00:03:12,712 --> 00:03:15,113 best-selling author, Robin Schwonk. 81 00:03:15,115 --> 00:03:17,615 The final book in his "Rock Bottom" trilogy, 82 00:03:17,617 --> 00:03:19,784 "Disgraced", is set to be released in three weeks. 83 00:03:19,786 --> 00:03:22,085 But he's having a personal trauma, 84 00:03:22,087 --> 00:03:23,621 and hasn't written it. 85 00:03:23,623 --> 00:03:25,957 His beloved Pekingese has psoriasis. 86 00:03:27,193 --> 00:03:28,693 Sorry, the elbow rash stuff? 87 00:03:28,695 --> 00:03:30,361 On a dog? 88 00:03:30,363 --> 00:03:32,897 We need "Disgraced" ASAP. 89 00:03:32,899 --> 00:03:36,301 We have 50,000 pre-sales, and I have spent the money. 90 00:03:36,303 --> 00:03:38,736 I finally had my shoulders done. 91 00:03:38,738 --> 00:03:40,838 Oh, good... good. Yeah, no... sorry. 92 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:42,106 What does this have to do with my book? 93 00:03:42,108 --> 00:03:43,975 This is your book. 94 00:03:43,977 --> 00:03:46,144 I want you to write "Disgraced". 95 00:03:46,146 --> 00:03:48,179 Uh... 96 00:03:48,181 --> 00:03:50,982 "A brilliant but emotionally stunted psychopath 97 00:03:50,984 --> 00:03:53,051 is disgraced and moves home to the Midwest. 98 00:03:53,053 --> 00:03:55,787 His intense shame drives him to murder". 99 00:03:55,789 --> 00:03:57,889 I mean, the main character is basically you. 100 00:03:57,891 --> 00:04:00,058 No, I... I don't relate to that character at all. 101 00:04:00,060 --> 00:04:03,227 Excuse me, sir. Is this your child's skull? 102 00:04:03,229 --> 00:04:06,064 It is. 103 00:04:06,066 --> 00:04:07,165 I just got chills. 104 00:04:07,167 --> 00:04:08,601 You're perfect. 105 00:04:08,603 --> 00:04:11,002 Sarika told me you were fired from Harvard, 106 00:04:11,004 --> 00:04:13,572 and live in your dead mother's apartment. 107 00:04:13,574 --> 00:04:16,007 - Townhome. - You are "Disgraced". 108 00:04:16,009 --> 00:04:18,242 Sorry, I live in my dead mother's townhome. 109 00:04:18,244 --> 00:04:20,011 You'll be paid, of course. 110 00:04:20,013 --> 00:04:22,981 And if you nail this, I will do everything I can 111 00:04:22,983 --> 00:04:25,051 to get your book published. 112 00:04:28,054 --> 00:04:29,287 Okay. 113 00:04:29,289 --> 00:04:31,956 I'm in. 114 00:04:31,958 --> 00:04:33,224 Ow, ow, ow, ow. 115 00:04:33,226 --> 00:04:35,226 Oh, oh. Shoulders. 116 00:04:35,228 --> 00:04:37,295 Right. 117 00:04:37,297 --> 00:04:38,464 _ 118 00:04:38,466 --> 00:04:40,064 Oh. Good morning, ladies. 119 00:04:40,066 --> 00:04:41,666 While you were out buying 120 00:04:41,668 --> 00:04:44,268 paintings of wine bottles at TJ Maxx, 121 00:04:44,270 --> 00:04:47,338 I pulled one over on the rubes who buy books at airports. 122 00:04:47,340 --> 00:04:50,108 - I wrote a Schwonk. - Whoa. 123 00:04:50,110 --> 00:04:52,176 You wrote a book for Robin Schwonk? 124 00:04:52,178 --> 00:04:53,277 - Mm-hmm. - Dang. 125 00:04:53,279 --> 00:04:56,247 I still remember reading "Bone Freaks" when I was 13. 126 00:04:56,249 --> 00:04:58,049 That's where I learned the word "areola". 127 00:04:58,051 --> 00:05:00,006 - Oh. - Anyway, I think you guys are gonna be 128 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:01,295 the perfect audience for this, I do. 129 00:05:01,297 --> 00:05:02,320 Check... check this out. 130 00:05:02,322 --> 00:05:04,857 "I woke up in a seedy motel. 131 00:05:04,859 --> 00:05:07,959 What was left of the desk clerk stared back to me. 132 00:05:07,961 --> 00:05:10,094 - Eyes vacant..." - Oh, God, stop! 133 00:05:10,096 --> 00:05:12,096 That's giving me the creep sweats. 134 00:05:12,098 --> 00:05:14,332 Hey, creep sweats are the panties thrown on stage 135 00:05:14,334 --> 00:05:15,466 of horror writing, so. 136 00:05:15,468 --> 00:05:16,483 Jesus, Jack. 137 00:05:16,485 --> 00:05:17,935 It's 8:00 in the morning. 138 00:05:17,937 --> 00:05:19,337 Yeah, oh, sorry. I haven't slept. 139 00:05:19,339 --> 00:05:20,673 Uh-uh. You know what you see. 140 00:05:20,675 --> 00:05:24,042 That is exactly why he's listed in my "If I Go Missing" kit. 141 00:05:24,044 --> 00:05:25,877 What's an "If I Go Missing" kit? 142 00:05:25,879 --> 00:05:28,246 So it is a kit that you make for the police 143 00:05:28,248 --> 00:05:29,380 in case you go missing. 144 00:05:29,382 --> 00:05:31,849 And inside it has all your passwords, 145 00:05:31,851 --> 00:05:34,786 your DNA, a recent photo of you for the news, 146 00:05:34,788 --> 00:05:38,389 and a list of men you think might wanna kill or kidnap you. 147 00:05:38,391 --> 00:05:39,958 Every lady needs one. 148 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:41,492 Except me because I'm microchipped. 149 00:05:41,494 --> 00:05:45,330 However, I did make a "If Durbin Goes Missing" kit. 150 00:05:45,332 --> 00:05:48,166 And just for your information, it is in this drawer here. 151 00:05:48,168 --> 00:05:49,367 And it is always locked. 152 00:05:49,369 --> 00:05:51,502 Nope. Not locked. 153 00:05:51,504 --> 00:05:53,037 All right. Let me show you. 154 00:05:53,039 --> 00:05:54,172 Ooh. 155 00:05:54,174 --> 00:05:56,108 Very top secret. 156 00:05:56,110 --> 00:05:58,810 I've got a blood sample. 157 00:05:58,812 --> 00:06:00,979 I won't tell you what hole that came out of. 158 00:06:00,981 --> 00:06:02,648 Michelle, the point is 159 00:06:02,650 --> 00:06:05,249 you needed a kit like yesterday, okay? 160 00:06:05,251 --> 00:06:07,020 Like, watch a "Dateline". 161 00:06:09,756 --> 00:06:11,356 Well. Kiddos. 162 00:06:11,358 --> 00:06:14,359 This weekend, I crapped out a Robin Schwonk novel. 163 00:06:16,529 --> 00:06:18,930 Uh, all due respect, boss. 164 00:06:18,932 --> 00:06:20,898 Robin Schwonk doesn't use ghost writers. 165 00:06:20,900 --> 00:06:22,500 Well, this is a one-time thing, Heather. 166 00:06:22,502 --> 00:06:24,802 He's in a dark place right now. 167 00:06:24,804 --> 00:06:26,838 Apparently his dog has psoriasis. 168 00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:28,506 Millie? Oh, no. 169 00:06:28,508 --> 00:06:29,540 Mm-hmm. 170 00:06:32,145 --> 00:06:34,445 - Hello? - Jack Griffin. 171 00:06:34,447 --> 00:06:36,481 Hey. Robin Schwonk. 172 00:06:36,483 --> 00:06:39,384 I just finished reading your draft of "Disgraced". 173 00:06:39,386 --> 00:06:40,918 You did? Great. 174 00:06:42,123 --> 00:06:43,554 Mm-hmm. Yeah. 175 00:06:43,556 --> 00:06:46,124 No let me ask you something. 176 00:06:46,126 --> 00:06:48,559 Do you like messing with me? 177 00:06:48,561 --> 00:06:52,497 'Cause I just finished wiping my ass with that pile of shit. 178 00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:54,465 Have you even read any of my trilogies? 179 00:06:54,467 --> 00:06:56,167 'Cause this is nothing like my work. 180 00:06:56,169 --> 00:06:58,369 I'm not gonna put my name on this, you little piggie! 181 00:06:58,371 --> 00:06:59,537 - Next. - Hold on. 182 00:06:59,539 --> 00:07:01,172 Hello, sweetie. 183 00:07:01,174 --> 00:07:02,907 I'm here to pick up psoriasis cream 184 00:07:02,909 --> 00:07:05,476 for Millie Schwonk. 185 00:07:05,478 --> 00:07:07,045 Say, where's Margaret anyway? 186 00:07:07,047 --> 00:07:08,212 Oh! There she is. 187 00:07:08,214 --> 00:07:09,525 I didn't see you back there, doll. 188 00:07:09,527 --> 00:07:10,561 How are you? 189 00:07:10,563 --> 00:07:13,418 Well, sweetie, you look great with a tan. 190 00:07:13,420 --> 00:07:15,219 Hawaii? Oh, well. 191 00:07:15,221 --> 00:07:16,554 I gotta change my line of work. 192 00:07:16,556 --> 00:07:18,222 Hello? Wh... 193 00:07:18,224 --> 00:07:19,590 Yeah, Jackie. 194 00:07:19,592 --> 00:07:21,456 Let's fix this. Okay, bud? 195 00:07:21,458 --> 00:07:22,459 Let's get it done. 196 00:07:22,461 --> 00:07:23,928 Okay. Bye-bye now. 197 00:07:23,930 --> 00:07:26,531 Oh... 198 00:07:26,533 --> 00:07:28,299 Well. 199 00:07:28,301 --> 00:07:30,804 There's eight hours of work down the drain. 200 00:07:37,410 --> 00:07:39,344 So he hated it, huh? 201 00:07:39,346 --> 00:07:41,612 Well you did say you crapped it out, so, 202 00:07:41,614 --> 00:07:44,402 you know, that had me worried since Jump Street. 203 00:07:44,404 --> 00:07:46,839 Marcus, go stick your hand in the window sill. 204 00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:49,287 Dan, slam the window down on it as hard as you can. 205 00:07:49,289 --> 00:07:50,955 Okay, you know I can't do that, Mr. G. 206 00:07:50,957 --> 00:07:52,223 Come on, boss. 207 00:07:52,225 --> 00:07:54,425 You gotta have thick skin in the writing biz. 208 00:07:54,427 --> 00:07:57,895 I have had ten stories rejected by the "Whitlock Gazette", 209 00:07:57,897 --> 00:08:00,031 and I'm "friends with the editor". 210 00:08:00,033 --> 00:08:01,099 I told you. 211 00:08:01,101 --> 00:08:03,001 We don't publish mature content. 212 00:08:03,003 --> 00:08:04,168 Fact. 213 00:08:04,170 --> 00:08:06,170 Two of the greatest minds on the planet, 214 00:08:06,172 --> 00:08:08,239 Schwonk and Griffin, are teaming up. 215 00:08:08,241 --> 00:08:10,875 And I, Heather Marie Willmore, 216 00:08:10,877 --> 00:08:13,411 will be able to help them both. 217 00:08:13,413 --> 00:08:15,446 We can fix this, comrade. 218 00:08:15,448 --> 00:08:17,148 Let's do it for Millie. 219 00:08:17,150 --> 00:08:18,250 Who's Mille again? 220 00:08:18,252 --> 00:08:20,518 That's Schwonk's psoriasis dog. 221 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:24,155 I think the millionaire's ashy bitch is gonna be okay. 222 00:08:24,157 --> 00:08:26,926 I have psoriasis, but no one's worried about me. 223 00:08:28,094 --> 00:08:30,097 You all won't even look at me! 224 00:08:32,098 --> 00:08:34,067 Look at me! 225 00:08:36,036 --> 00:08:37,868 - I did a lot of photos - _ 226 00:08:37,870 --> 00:08:39,103 for my "If I Go Missing" kit, 227 00:08:39,105 --> 00:08:40,972 because let's be honest. 228 00:08:40,974 --> 00:08:42,573 You don't know what state you're gonna be in 229 00:08:42,575 --> 00:08:44,208 if and when the police find you. 230 00:08:44,210 --> 00:08:47,408 So, this is if I've been missing in the woods 231 00:08:47,410 --> 00:08:49,113 for a couple weeks. Mm! 232 00:08:49,115 --> 00:08:51,449 Here's if I've disappeared from a cruise ship. 233 00:08:51,451 --> 00:08:52,650 - Oh. - Oh! 234 00:08:52,652 --> 00:08:54,652 And this is if I get taken 235 00:08:54,654 --> 00:08:56,354 from an award ceremony. 236 00:08:56,356 --> 00:08:58,222 And if I'm found dead at the ceremony. 237 00:08:58,224 --> 00:08:59,991 - Oh. - Oh, cute, right? 238 00:08:59,993 --> 00:09:02,060 Now, I went ahead and left instructions for my funeral. 239 00:09:02,062 --> 00:09:04,028 - Oh. - Yes. 240 00:09:04,030 --> 00:09:07,098 "First, my silky-voiced cousin Reggie will read my eulogy. 241 00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:08,533 But if he's no longer with us, 242 00:09:08,535 --> 00:09:10,368 I guess my sister, Angela, can do it. 243 00:09:10,370 --> 00:09:12,036 But please tell her to focus. 244 00:09:12,038 --> 00:09:14,072 Because her S's can be too lazy". 245 00:09:14,074 --> 00:09:15,239 - Mm-hmm. - Wow. 246 00:09:15,241 --> 00:09:17,275 I can't even think of anyone 247 00:09:17,277 --> 00:09:19,978 for my list of men who are likely to kidnap or kill me. 248 00:09:19,980 --> 00:09:21,179 - I'm... - Keith. 249 00:09:21,181 --> 00:09:23,148 - Like, 100% Keith. - Your husband, Keith. 250 00:09:23,150 --> 00:09:24,284 Like, Keith would absolutely kill you. 251 00:09:24,286 --> 00:09:25,383 Keith will be the one to murder you. 252 00:09:25,385 --> 00:09:26,651 It'll be Keith. 253 00:09:26,653 --> 00:09:27,952 In the dead of the night. 254 00:09:27,954 --> 00:09:31,222 It's always the husband, Michelle. 255 00:09:31,224 --> 00:09:33,291 Um, just curious. 256 00:09:33,293 --> 00:09:36,327 Uh, did one of you happen to sneak into my email, 257 00:09:36,329 --> 00:09:38,997 and send a funny but hurtful message 258 00:09:38,999 --> 00:09:40,264 to the whole school from my account? 259 00:09:40,266 --> 00:09:42,467 Oh. You mean this email that says, 260 00:09:42,469 --> 00:09:45,069 "I HAVE A DIRTY BUTT" in call caps? 261 00:09:45,071 --> 00:09:47,372 That's funny. 262 00:09:47,374 --> 00:09:49,372 For the record, my butt is very clean. 263 00:09:49,374 --> 00:09:50,408 - Okay? - Oh. 264 00:09:50,410 --> 00:09:51,641 You know... you know the commercial where... 265 00:09:51,643 --> 00:09:53,277 where the dirty dish gets dunked 266 00:09:53,279 --> 00:09:54,511 into the warm, soapy water, 267 00:09:54,513 --> 00:09:56,280 and when it comes out, all the food comes off? 268 00:09:56,282 --> 00:09:58,116 Well, same situation back there. 269 00:09:58,118 --> 00:09:59,785 It's spotless. 270 00:09:59,787 --> 00:10:01,855 I... I'm a little cocky about it. 271 00:10:01,857 --> 00:10:03,976 Durbs, you got hacked, okay? 272 00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:05,911 You need to change all of your passwords. 273 00:10:05,913 --> 00:10:07,947 I'm locked out, okay? Look. 274 00:10:07,949 --> 00:10:10,115 If one of you is pranking me, I'm totally cool with it. 275 00:10:10,117 --> 00:10:12,505 I can take a dirty butt joke as well as the next guy. 276 00:10:12,507 --> 00:10:15,176 Maybe even better because mine is so clean. 277 00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:18,457 Show us, show us, 278 00:10:18,459 --> 00:10:20,326 show us, show us! 279 00:10:21,629 --> 00:10:22,696 I don't know. 280 00:10:22,698 --> 00:10:24,494 I... I still feel like he can kill the janitor 281 00:10:24,496 --> 00:10:25,497 just for the hell of it. 282 00:10:25,499 --> 00:10:28,100 No, if this is gonna be a bona fide Schwonk, 283 00:10:28,102 --> 00:10:30,469 the murderer can't just be a bad guy, boss. 284 00:10:30,471 --> 00:10:32,571 He has to be possessed by something. 285 00:10:32,573 --> 00:10:35,140 Maybe he's possessed by a dead altar boy. 286 00:10:35,142 --> 00:10:37,676 I was for a while. That's how I know Latin. 287 00:10:37,678 --> 00:10:40,012 Spiritus cadem m... 288 00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:42,081 Don't let her finish! 289 00:10:42,083 --> 00:10:43,515 Okay, guys, 290 00:10:43,517 --> 00:10:47,019 Robin Schwonk never vilifies animals or children, okay? 291 00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:49,555 He's not just a genius. He is a good man. 292 00:10:49,557 --> 00:10:51,223 Now think. 293 00:10:51,225 --> 00:10:53,993 What is the killer possessed by? 294 00:10:53,995 --> 00:10:55,995 It should be something in nature. 295 00:10:55,997 --> 00:10:58,130 Pinecone. 296 00:10:58,132 --> 00:11:00,332 What's that, Yuyao? Pinecone? 297 00:11:00,334 --> 00:11:03,035 Did you just say pinecone, Yuyao? 298 00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:04,136 Acorn. 299 00:11:04,138 --> 00:11:05,238 - Yuyao. - Oh, my God. 300 00:11:06,340 --> 00:11:09,275 - That's terrible. - Aww, Yuyao. 301 00:11:09,277 --> 00:11:10,835 Still better than what Marcus said though. 302 00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:13,045 - I didn't say anything yet. - I got it, okay. 303 00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:14,747 What if the disgraced teacher 304 00:11:14,749 --> 00:11:16,415 is swimming during a full moon, 305 00:11:16,417 --> 00:11:19,518 and gets possessed by a demon lake? 306 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,346 And then he gives the corpses of his murder victims 307 00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:23,656 to the lake as a gift. 308 00:11:23,658 --> 00:11:25,357 Oh. That's good. 309 00:11:25,359 --> 00:11:27,626 Y'all are creepy as hell. 310 00:11:27,628 --> 00:11:30,529 This is why I don't join your Naturalists camping club. 311 00:11:30,531 --> 00:11:33,332 I'd be getting a nice char on my s'more. 312 00:11:33,334 --> 00:11:34,400 And bam! 313 00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:35,768 I get a hatchet to the neck. 314 00:11:40,774 --> 00:11:42,141 - That's good. - Write that down. 315 00:11:42,143 --> 00:11:43,144 Yeah. 316 00:11:43,146 --> 00:11:45,311 Can we please stop summoning evil toward us? 317 00:11:45,313 --> 00:11:47,546 That's it. An evil tortoise. 318 00:11:47,548 --> 00:11:49,415 He's possessed by an evil tortoise. 319 00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:50,783 Okay, this is good. 320 00:11:50,785 --> 00:11:51,799 This is good stuff. Yeah. 321 00:11:51,801 --> 00:11:53,034 I mean, not the tortoise thing, 322 00:11:53,036 --> 00:11:54,560 or anything Marcus has been saying, 323 00:11:54,562 --> 00:11:56,121 but, you know, the Heather stuff. 324 00:11:56,123 --> 00:11:58,190 Yeah. Nice. 325 00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:02,728 ♪ And please water my ferns ♪ 326 00:12:02,730 --> 00:12:04,562 ♪ When I go to Cabo ♪ 327 00:12:04,564 --> 00:12:05,598 Hey. Hey. 328 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:09,435 Sorry, uh, I've been sent by the hacker. 329 00:12:10,705 --> 00:12:12,204 They get your passwords too? 330 00:12:12,206 --> 00:12:14,490 He or she got into my Minecraft, 331 00:12:14,492 --> 00:12:16,527 and broke my smoke cabin. 332 00:12:18,212 --> 00:12:20,348 Did your wolves get out? 333 00:12:21,749 --> 00:12:24,496 They said that the only way for me to get my life back 334 00:12:24,498 --> 00:12:26,566 is if I read you this note. 335 00:12:28,656 --> 00:12:30,489 "Principal Durbin, 336 00:12:30,491 --> 00:12:32,658 If you want access to your email, 337 00:12:32,660 --> 00:12:34,360 you have to let 338 00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:37,363 everyone in Ohio Naturalists 339 00:12:37,365 --> 00:12:39,698 go on the overnight field trip, 340 00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:43,569 whether or not they have a permission slip". 341 00:12:43,571 --> 00:12:45,237 Damn it! 342 00:12:45,239 --> 00:12:47,406 This psycho is asking for my integrity. 343 00:12:47,408 --> 00:12:50,309 Yeah, it's such a... such a bummer, huh? 344 00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:52,444 You don't know what they took from me, Vic. 345 00:12:52,446 --> 00:12:55,781 20 years of precious emails from my ex-wife, Brenda. 346 00:12:55,783 --> 00:12:59,385 Including the one where she accepted my marriage proposal. 347 00:12:59,387 --> 00:13:01,520 There's gotta be something I can do. 348 00:13:01,522 --> 00:13:03,389 There's only one other option, 349 00:13:03,391 --> 00:13:06,292 but it... it's too horrible to even say. 350 00:13:07,528 --> 00:13:09,662 During the announcements tomorrow, 351 00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:12,531 "You have to wash your dirty butt 352 00:13:12,533 --> 00:13:16,268 with the chemistry class's eye-washing station". 353 00:13:16,270 --> 00:13:18,671 The whole field trip permission slip thing 354 00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:20,306 doesn't sound that bad. 355 00:13:20,308 --> 00:13:22,174 Like, comparatively. 356 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:24,243 Go now. 357 00:13:24,245 --> 00:13:25,678 Leave me. 358 00:13:30,963 --> 00:13:33,098 Morning, Heather. 359 00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:35,487 I was up all night, 360 00:13:35,489 --> 00:13:37,896 but I sent your changes in at 6 a.m. and it's good. 361 00:13:37,898 --> 00:13:38,999 It's really good. 362 00:13:39,001 --> 00:13:40,392 I think Schwonk is gonna love it. 363 00:13:40,394 --> 00:13:42,294 And then it's on to my book, so. 364 00:13:42,296 --> 00:13:44,396 Oh. 365 00:13:44,398 --> 00:13:46,899 All right. It's your boy. 366 00:13:46,901 --> 00:13:50,436 Here we go. 367 00:13:50,438 --> 00:13:52,771 Mr. Schwonk, what'd you think? 368 00:13:52,773 --> 00:13:55,307 Hey, Jack! I gotta tell you. 369 00:13:55,309 --> 00:13:57,243 I am very impressed. 370 00:13:57,245 --> 00:13:58,444 Very impressed. 371 00:13:58,446 --> 00:13:59,677 In fact, I think you've invented 372 00:13:59,679 --> 00:14:01,513 a whole new genre of literature. 373 00:14:01,515 --> 00:14:04,250 And I would call it "shit lit!" 374 00:14:04,252 --> 00:14:06,785 He gets possessed by a demon lake? 375 00:14:06,787 --> 00:14:09,305 What the hell is a demon lake? 376 00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:11,557 Did an ignorant child write this? 377 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:15,327 A lake isn't scary, 'cause you can just get away from it. 378 00:14:15,329 --> 00:14:18,197 A river. Now, a river is scary. 379 00:14:18,199 --> 00:14:20,530 Because it moves. It follows you. 380 00:14:20,532 --> 00:14:21,533 Oh! 381 00:14:21,535 --> 00:14:22,935 And then the murderer gets possessed 382 00:14:22,937 --> 00:14:24,365 while he's swimming? 383 00:14:24,367 --> 00:14:27,406 I already wrote that in my "Underwater Demon" trilogy. 384 00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:29,918 Why would I plagiarize myself, you ass? 385 00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:33,779 I'd be ruined! This is donkey crap! 386 00:14:33,781 --> 00:14:35,748 Okay. Bye-bye now. 387 00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:38,651 I forgot about the "Underwater Demon" trilogy. 388 00:14:38,653 --> 00:14:40,852 I don't know why I thought my ideas were good enough. 389 00:14:40,854 --> 00:14:42,922 No, your ideas are good. Okay? 390 00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:44,790 In fact, they're too good for him. 391 00:14:44,792 --> 00:14:46,691 So we're keeping the book, all right? 392 00:14:46,693 --> 00:14:47,726 Schwonk can't have it. 393 00:14:47,728 --> 00:14:50,261 Excuse me, Jackie. I'm still here. 394 00:14:50,263 --> 00:14:52,498 Couldn't hang up 'cause I'm eating a hard shell taco. 395 00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,366 That's a two-handed operation. 396 00:14:54,368 --> 00:14:57,236 Jackie, baby. 397 00:14:57,238 --> 00:14:58,504 Schwonk can't have it? 398 00:14:58,506 --> 00:15:01,907 Schwonk gets whatever Schwonk wants. 399 00:15:01,909 --> 00:15:03,909 Nobody knows your name. 400 00:15:03,911 --> 00:15:05,544 And they never will! 401 00:15:05,546 --> 00:15:07,246 Oopsie. Honey? 402 00:15:07,248 --> 00:15:08,414 I'm gonna need a napkin. 403 00:15:08,416 --> 00:15:10,548 No, Wendy, the meat's delicious. 404 00:15:10,550 --> 00:15:11,684 It's just wet. 405 00:15:11,686 --> 00:15:14,620 Jack, make it right, and fix the bad parts! 406 00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:17,523 Get this done or your little book will never get published! 407 00:15:17,525 --> 00:15:20,259 Oh, honey, I'm gonna need another napkin. 408 00:15:20,261 --> 00:15:21,566 All right. Thanks, Jack. 409 00:15:21,568 --> 00:15:23,402 Appreciate it. Bye-bye now. 410 00:15:23,404 --> 00:15:24,672 Bye-bye. 411 00:15:26,934 --> 00:15:28,734 I'm sorry, boss. 412 00:15:28,736 --> 00:15:30,436 I let you down. 413 00:15:37,244 --> 00:15:39,278 Make it right and fix the bad parts! 414 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:40,312 Jackie. 415 00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:41,815 Okay, bye-bye now. 416 00:15:42,917 --> 00:15:44,251 Keith! 417 00:15:44,253 --> 00:15:46,418 - Your husband, Keith. - 100% Keith. 418 00:15:46,420 --> 00:15:48,420 It's always the husband, Michelle. 419 00:15:51,259 --> 00:15:53,791 Show us, show us, show us! 420 00:15:53,793 --> 00:15:55,361 I have a dirty butt! 421 00:15:59,372 --> 00:16:01,200 I'm here to pick up psoriasis cream 422 00:16:01,202 --> 00:16:02,937 for Millie Schwonk. 423 00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:08,040 Did an ignorant child write this? 424 00:16:08,042 --> 00:16:10,712 This is donkey crap! 425 00:16:22,423 --> 00:16:24,792 - Love you. - Love you too. 426 00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:31,397 Why would I plagiarize myself, you ass? 427 00:16:31,399 --> 00:16:33,832 I'd be ruined! 428 00:16:33,834 --> 00:16:36,802 - And then it's on to my book. - _ 429 00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:45,611 Is someone there? 430 00:16:46,948 --> 00:16:48,480 Plagiarism, boss. 431 00:16:48,482 --> 00:16:50,349 Jesus, Heather. 432 00:16:50,351 --> 00:16:51,717 You need to use the doorbell. 433 00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:54,053 He said no one would ever know your name. 434 00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:55,487 Let's prove him wrong. 435 00:16:55,489 --> 00:16:58,390 Let's have Schwonk plagiarize Griffin. 436 00:16:58,392 --> 00:17:00,392 Yes. That is brilliant. 437 00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:02,494 It's a plagiarism time bomb. 438 00:17:02,496 --> 00:17:04,697 When it explodes, Schwonk will be ruined, 439 00:17:04,699 --> 00:17:06,799 and the world will know your name. 440 00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:11,539 _ 441 00:17:15,009 --> 00:17:16,475 Oh! 442 00:17:16,477 --> 00:17:19,378 We out-Schwonk-ed Schwonk last night. 443 00:17:19,380 --> 00:17:22,681 We planted passages from my book into his manuscript. 444 00:17:22,683 --> 00:17:24,850 So as soon as he goes to print, we'll expose him. 445 00:17:24,852 --> 00:17:27,519 Mr. Griffin's name will be everywhere. 446 00:17:27,521 --> 00:17:29,488 His book will fly off the shelves. 447 00:17:30,493 --> 00:17:32,691 Well there's not really a market for philosophy books. 448 00:17:32,693 --> 00:17:35,361 If anything, Malcolm Gladwell's sociology books 449 00:17:35,363 --> 00:17:36,562 kind of scratch that itch, 450 00:17:36,564 --> 00:17:38,564 but maybe I'm just 451 00:17:38,566 --> 00:17:40,466 an outlier. 452 00:17:40,468 --> 00:17:42,835 Anyone... can anyone please 453 00:17:42,837 --> 00:17:45,137 slam Marcus's fingers into the window sill? 454 00:17:45,139 --> 00:17:46,505 Maybe I could. 455 00:17:46,507 --> 00:17:49,475 Looks like you guys have reached your 456 00:17:49,477 --> 00:17:50,543 tipping point. 457 00:17:50,545 --> 00:17:53,078 Oh. 458 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:54,480 Oh. 459 00:17:54,482 --> 00:17:55,548 Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait. 460 00:17:55,550 --> 00:17:56,649 Wait. 461 00:17:56,651 --> 00:17:58,117 Ugh, it's Schwonk. 462 00:17:58,119 --> 00:17:59,827 - Um... - Oh, put it on speaker. 463 00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:01,654 Yeah, okay. 464 00:18:01,656 --> 00:18:04,490 Ugh. All right. 465 00:18:04,492 --> 00:18:06,425 Hey, Jack. Its Schwonk. 466 00:18:06,427 --> 00:18:07,626 Great news. 467 00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:09,461 You passed the test. You won. 468 00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:11,897 - Won what? - Everything. 469 00:18:11,899 --> 00:18:13,632 Well, that's why I was so hard on you, son. 470 00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:15,399 I had to make sure you were up to the task. 471 00:18:15,401 --> 00:18:16,635 Don't you get it? 472 00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:18,070 You're Schwonk now. 473 00:18:18,072 --> 00:18:19,738 Oh, uh... 474 00:18:19,740 --> 00:18:21,640 Wow, this took a weird turn. Um... 475 00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:23,275 You're gonna write a lot of novels, 476 00:18:23,277 --> 00:18:25,477 and I can finally retire. 477 00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:26,712 Sorry, hang on a second, Jack. 478 00:18:26,714 --> 00:18:27,748 Excuse me, pal. 479 00:18:27,750 --> 00:18:29,350 Get your hand out of my freaking pocket. 480 00:18:29,352 --> 00:18:30,849 Uh, Schwonk, you okay? 481 00:18:30,851 --> 00:18:33,485 Hey, Jack, Christ, I think I'm getting robbed here. 482 00:18:34,490 --> 00:18:36,188 Don't fight it. Just... just let them have... 483 00:18:36,190 --> 00:18:37,790 All right, all right. Take whatever you want. 484 00:18:37,792 --> 00:18:39,458 That... no, not the psoriasis cream! 485 00:18:39,460 --> 00:18:40,660 Jack, I gotta go. 486 00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:42,369 Okay, buddy. Remember... you're Schwonk now. 487 00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:43,961 Okay, all right. Talk soon, bye-bye. 488 00:18:43,963 --> 00:18:45,864 No, no. It's for my dog! 489 00:18:45,866 --> 00:18:46,899 Of course. 490 00:18:46,901 --> 00:18:49,201 He was pulling a Willy Wonka. 491 00:18:50,706 --> 00:18:51,770 Huh. 492 00:18:51,772 --> 00:18:53,672 Students and faculty. 493 00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:55,207 You are about to witness something 494 00:18:55,209 --> 00:18:57,009 you will not be able to unsee. 495 00:18:57,011 --> 00:19:00,179 Oh, no! 496 00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:01,947 What I'm about to do, 497 00:19:01,949 --> 00:19:04,750 I do to regain access to the precious memories 498 00:19:04,752 --> 00:19:06,518 in my hacked email account. 499 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:09,555 Memories which include, but are not limited to, 500 00:19:09,557 --> 00:19:11,724 a picture of me and my ex-wife 501 00:19:11,726 --> 00:19:13,826 backstage with Adam Levine. 502 00:19:13,828 --> 00:19:16,595 Adam was as gracious as you would expect him to be. 503 00:19:16,597 --> 00:19:18,964 Especially given his legacy of musc... 504 00:19:18,966 --> 00:19:20,165 Ralph. 505 00:19:20,167 --> 00:19:22,568 The water is at temperature. 506 00:19:29,477 --> 00:19:31,243 Wait, stop, stop! It was me. 507 00:19:31,245 --> 00:19:32,778 I'm the blackmailer. 508 00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:34,797 I didn't think you would actually go through with it. 509 00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:36,115 Oh, thank God! 510 00:19:36,117 --> 00:19:39,051 Show's over. Grab the day by the horns! 511 00:19:39,053 --> 00:19:40,986 Bye. 512 00:19:40,988 --> 00:19:42,588 It was you? 513 00:19:42,590 --> 00:19:44,590 But how did you do it? 514 00:19:44,592 --> 00:19:46,433 Well, I asked Ms. DeMarcus 515 00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:47,976 for my homeroom attendance folder, 516 00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:49,728 and she gave me this. 517 00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:51,764 It has, like, all of your passwords in it. 518 00:19:51,766 --> 00:19:53,799 God. 519 00:19:53,801 --> 00:19:54,934 It's all my fault. 520 00:19:54,936 --> 00:19:56,168 I'm so sorry, it's just... 521 00:19:56,170 --> 00:19:58,938 my mom won't let me go on the Ohio Naturalists field trip. 522 00:19:58,940 --> 00:20:00,946 And Mr. Pugh lets boys and girls sleep together 523 00:20:00,948 --> 00:20:01,982 in the same lodge. 524 00:20:01,984 --> 00:20:03,905 And you can zip your sleeping bag up with a girl. 525 00:20:03,907 --> 00:20:04,974 And if I don't go, 526 00:20:04,976 --> 00:20:07,279 Eduardo might zip his sleeping bag up with Grace's! 527 00:20:07,281 --> 00:20:08,881 Oh, my God. 528 00:20:08,883 --> 00:20:11,449 I didn't know Mr. Pugh allowed teenage co-bagging. 529 00:20:11,451 --> 00:20:13,118 That trip is cancelled! 530 00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:16,055 What an elegant solution. 531 00:20:17,625 --> 00:20:20,526 Anyway, we cool? 532 00:20:20,528 --> 00:20:22,228 No, we're not cool! 533 00:20:22,230 --> 00:20:25,664 You have in-school suspension. Two weeks. 534 00:20:25,666 --> 00:20:26,899 _ 535 00:20:26,901 --> 00:20:28,601 Hello. Hey, hey, hey. 536 00:20:28,603 --> 00:20:29,768 Look at this, kiddos. 537 00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:31,637 Look... look what Robin Schwonk sent. 538 00:20:31,639 --> 00:20:33,137 His... his book came out. 539 00:20:33,139 --> 00:20:35,500 - So, you know, he sent us a gift package. - _ 540 00:20:35,502 --> 00:20:39,111 He also texted me a, uh, picture of his boat. 541 00:20:39,113 --> 00:20:42,248 It said, "Feel free to use the yacht anytime, Jackie. 542 00:20:42,250 --> 00:20:43,916 Okay, gotta go. Bye!" 543 00:20:43,918 --> 00:20:45,784 Maybe no one will notice the plagiarism. 544 00:20:49,156 --> 00:20:51,622 You don't think anyone will notice how the murderer talks? 545 00:20:51,624 --> 00:20:52,892 Hm? 546 00:20:52,894 --> 00:20:54,560 I wrapped my hands around his neck. 547 00:20:54,562 --> 00:20:56,595 He pleaded, "Help me, God". 548 00:20:56,597 --> 00:20:58,597 I sneered, "God is a construct 549 00:20:58,599 --> 00:20:59,798 for those who must pretend 550 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,800 that the minutiae of their daily patheticism 551 00:21:01,802 --> 00:21:04,703 ends in a great reward... Heaven". 552 00:21:04,705 --> 00:21:06,705 Marcus's frail body went limp. 553 00:21:06,707 --> 00:21:08,040 Up, it's Schwonk. 554 00:21:08,042 --> 00:21:09,341 Uh, okay. 555 00:21:09,343 --> 00:21:11,176 - Hey. - So. 556 00:21:11,178 --> 00:21:13,145 You tried to mount me. 557 00:21:13,147 --> 00:21:14,747 But I caught ya. 558 00:21:14,749 --> 00:21:15,816 Yeah. 559 00:21:15,818 --> 00:21:17,349 I bought the rights to your book. 560 00:21:19,186 --> 00:21:22,353 Yeah, you can't fool me 'cause I'm a god damn fox, Jackie. 561 00:21:22,355 --> 00:21:23,656 What? Oh. 562 00:21:23,658 --> 00:21:25,958 Hi. Table for two, please. 563 00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:28,093 No, I didn't make a reservation. 564 00:21:28,095 --> 00:21:29,862 What about that empty table right there? 565 00:21:29,864 --> 00:21:31,931 Okay, fine. 566 00:21:31,933 --> 00:21:33,599 We'll sit at the bar. 567 00:21:33,601 --> 00:21:35,367 Oh, the bar is booked. 568 00:21:35,369 --> 00:21:38,837 Wendy, let's make a little mess in this lobby. 569 00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:40,839 Dump out all the dirt from the plant. 570 00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:42,299 Oh, it's bolted down. 571 00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:43,976 Well just scoop it out with your hands. 572 00:21:43,978 --> 00:21:45,911 Oh, there is room at the bar? 573 00:21:45,913 --> 00:21:47,554 Gee, how'd that happen? 574 00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:49,615 Honey, just scoop the dirt back in with your hands. 575 00:21:49,617 --> 00:21:50,883 Yeah, yeah. We're coming. 576 00:21:50,885 --> 00:21:52,250 - We're coming! - Oh, my God. 577 00:21:52,252 --> 00:21:53,319 You know what, Jack? 578 00:21:53,321 --> 00:21:56,851 You could've been Schwonk, and you blew it! 579 00:21:56,853 --> 00:21:57,923 - Wait... - Okay? 580 00:21:57,925 --> 00:21:59,024 Talk soon. Bye-bye. 581 00:22:01,095 --> 00:22:03,729 Well, so much for my book. 582 00:22:03,731 --> 00:22:06,133 Or hanging out on a yacht. 583 00:22:10,304 --> 00:22:13,672 You stood by me, Captain. 584 00:22:13,674 --> 00:22:16,308 You said my ideas were good. 585 00:22:16,310 --> 00:22:19,678 You're my number one hero. 586 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:21,747 I know that's not a yacht, 587 00:22:21,749 --> 00:22:23,916 but I hope it counts for something. 588 00:22:26,655 --> 00:22:27,689 See, Sarika? 589 00:22:27,691 --> 00:22:30,289 This is why Heather's my favorite. 590 00:22:30,291 --> 00:22:32,992 Unless you have another aunt in the publishing business? 591 00:22:32,994 --> 00:22:34,403 - No. - Just the one? 592 00:22:34,405 --> 00:22:36,063 Yeah. 593 00:22:45,321 --> 00:22:49,321 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com - 41194

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