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- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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00:00:07,314 --> 00:00:09,540
Previously, on "A.P. Bio..."
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Ah, dang it.
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- Oberland rejected me.
- Aww.
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They said I don't have
a high school diploma.
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Well, yeah, because I didn't
graduate from high school,
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you dummies.
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00:00:19,652 --> 00:00:22,987
Well, it looks like Helen Henry DeMarcus
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is going back
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to high school!
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Good luck.
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00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:38,670
And now, "A.P. Bio".
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Mom, what popcorn topping do you want?
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Nacho cheese or ranch?
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Whatever you want, Jacky.
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Hm. I can't decide.
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00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:50,782
What's tonight's episode called?
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00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:52,817
"Poor Butterfly".
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Read the blurb please.
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"When a dangerous pimp assaults
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Fatman's sole witness against him,
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Jake talks a scared prostitute
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into helping him set the pimp up".
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A pimp-catching episode.
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Definitely nacho cheese.
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What the heck?
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Why aren't you spinning, big guy?
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We don't need popcorn
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00:01:20,688 --> 00:01:22,421
to watch an old "Jake and the Fatman".
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No, no, no. You're wrong, okay?
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Because it's a tradition, all right?
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We need the popcorn and
the Butter-tastic Pop 2
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or it just isn't Tuesday
Night Stay Up Late TV Night.
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- It just isn't.
- Okay.
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I don't know what to do. No, no, no.
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Come on, man.
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_
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Ah.
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What the hell?
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00:02:02,835 --> 00:02:04,568
One, two, three, four!
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When I kindly demanded
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a refund, that hell pigeon
threw a tiny piano at me,
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leaving this abrasion on my forehead.
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So I thought I bought a
full-size popcorn maker, not...
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this.
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Aww.
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No, it's not cute, okay?
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It's... it's small, and it's stupid.
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Hey.
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Uh-uh.
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Oh, you didn't check
the dimensions, did you?
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Internet pro tip, man.
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Always scroll down and check the dims.
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I'll take the tiny popcorn maker.
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I have a dollhouse, and
drama's really been building up
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since Kelsey caught Stink
in the hot tub with Andre.
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But that just what happens when
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seven strangers are picked
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from my toy box to share a home.
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- Did I do a fail?
- Mm-hmm.
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Oh, Target has popcorn poppers.
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And if you come in on
a Tuesday or a Saturday,
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you can buy a hot dog
from yours truly, Grace.
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Grace, I've talked to you before
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about plugging Target hot dogs in here.
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Plus, I don't want
just any popcorn maker.
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Okay? I want the Butter-tastic Pop 2.
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If you're looking for my analysis
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- of this situation...
- Oh, I'm not.
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It seems like you've confused...
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- I am not.
- The magic of TV night
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- with a specific brand...
- I never am.
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Of popcorn maker, and buddy,
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that's like scooping peanut
butter out of a jelly jar.
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Anthony, what's going on
over here with all the glitter?
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It's a multimedia thing I'm working on
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00:03:39,098 --> 00:03:41,799
that combines history,
rap, and glitter bombs.
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It's sort of the next
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revolutionary step after "Hamilton".
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Lost me at "Hamilton", bud.
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So I had you for the full thing then.
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Guys, this is the mission, okay?
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We need to destroy this little granny.
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Now how are we gonna do it?
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Porch turd?
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Come again.
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I'm good.
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00:04:01,921 --> 00:04:03,522
Why don't we just sell this lady
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00:04:03,524 --> 00:04:05,433
a bunch of doll-sized furniture, right?
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00:04:05,435 --> 00:04:06,790
And then when she gets it,
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it'll be full-sized furniture.
92
00:04:09,428 --> 00:04:11,795
How are we gonna make
full-size furniture look tiny?
93
00:04:11,797 --> 00:04:13,831
All you gotta do is
make a 6-foot soda can.
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00:04:13,833 --> 00:04:15,133
And then take a picture
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00:04:15,135 --> 00:04:16,867
of the regular-sized
furniture next to it.
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00:04:16,869 --> 00:04:18,302
I do it all the time.
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Yeah, let's send that bitch a sectional.
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00:04:20,306 --> 00:04:21,406
Mr. Griffin,
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if you're still wondering
what Marissa said,
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00:04:23,242 --> 00:04:24,775
I believe it was,
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"porch turd".
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00:04:26,345 --> 00:04:28,912
Yeah... okay. Thanks, Eduardo.
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00:04:28,914 --> 00:04:30,447
Guys, we gotta think bigger, okay?
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00:04:30,449 --> 00:04:33,150
I wanna hurt this old lady
the way she hurt TV night.
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00:04:33,152 --> 00:04:35,452
All right? I wanna mess
up her little store.
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00:04:35,454 --> 00:04:37,789
Without killing anybody. You know?
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00:04:37,791 --> 00:04:40,290
That should go without
saying with all these, okay?
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00:04:40,292 --> 00:04:42,026
I mean, you guys know
it's never that, right?
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Has that been super clear?
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That... that we don't kill the person?
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00:04:45,464 --> 00:04:47,898
It's definitely good to hear out loud.
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00:04:47,900 --> 00:04:49,967
Yeah, now, Anthony,
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00:04:49,969 --> 00:04:52,202
these glitter bombs, when they explode,
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they could destroy something, right?
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The point of a glitter
bomb is not destruction.
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00:04:56,809 --> 00:04:58,876
- It is wonderment.
- Right.
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00:04:58,878 --> 00:05:01,577
But if I were to jam one
into a tiny dollhouse,
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00:05:01,579 --> 00:05:02,846
it would wreck it?
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00:05:02,848 --> 00:05:05,115
I think it would be glamazing.
120
00:05:05,117 --> 00:05:07,217
Yeah, but an old
dollhouse lady would hate it?
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00:05:07,219 --> 00:05:09,219
Only if she hates
beauty and refracted light.
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00:05:09,221 --> 00:05:10,689
Okay, I think we're
saying the same thing.
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Thanks, Anthony. All right.
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Well, a mission is born.
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_
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You okay with covering for me now?
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Absolutely.
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I'm the principal of the school.
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00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,231
I can answer a couple of calls.
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00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:23,602
I'm probably gonna kick back
and finish my book,
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"You're okay, Divorcée.
Adventures in Singlehood".
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Good. You're doing the work.
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00:05:28,941 --> 00:05:31,075
Do you mind if I take
the keyboard cleaner?
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I'm really sweating it up.
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00:05:33,279 --> 00:05:35,412
Helen, are you nervous?
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I am, Ralph.
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00:05:36,849 --> 00:05:38,650
You're gonna be fine.
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00:05:38,652 --> 00:05:41,352
Think of old Harold.
Sacramento, all right?
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00:05:41,354 --> 00:05:43,387
Wife left him when he was 97.
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00:05:43,389 --> 00:05:44,788
Said he was too old.
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Now he's out there dating,
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00:05:46,258 --> 00:05:48,258
having the time of his life.
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00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:51,361
Or... or maybe not. This
was published in 2013.
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He's probably dead.
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00:05:52,365 --> 00:05:54,531
Oh, now I'm half nervous and half sad.
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Congratulations, Ralph.
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You made me into an actual teen.
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Are you too angsty to do a
handshake with your principal?
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00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:02,973
Never.
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00:06:02,975 --> 00:06:04,308
Boom. Boom.
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00:06:04,310 --> 00:06:05,409
Oh. Oh.
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00:06:05,411 --> 00:06:06,445
Oh. Oh.
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00:06:06,447 --> 00:06:07,511
Oh.
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00:06:07,513 --> 00:06:09,313
Oooh.
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00:06:09,315 --> 00:06:10,547
Uh-uh-uh.
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00:06:10,549 --> 00:06:12,916
We got this.
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Thank you, Ralph.
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00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,386
Hey, get going, little missy.
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The bell rang ten minutes ago.
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Oh, my God.
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Out of my way, boomer.
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Morning, Ralph.
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- Hey.
- My Sex Ed condoms came.
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- Oh.
- And looks like I ordered enough
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to get the free dildo!
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Oh, uh...
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00:06:31,437 --> 00:06:32,870
Oh. Don't worry.
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I'm giving it to a friend.
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I am totally asexual, Ralph.
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Actually, no, Ralph.
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I'm not totally asexual.
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I'm... I am fully sexual,
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and this dildo is for me
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for sex purposes.
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Have a nice day.
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Stop having those delivered to school!
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- She has a little White House replica
- _
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right inside of her door.
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So Anthony and I can
plant the glitter bomb
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and retreat very easily.
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00:07:00,966 --> 00:07:02,366
We just need...
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00:07:02,368 --> 00:07:04,968
We need somebody to
distract Granny Shitbird.
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00:07:04,970 --> 00:07:08,372
We need the ultimate distractor.
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What about you, Sarika?
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00:07:09,975 --> 00:07:11,942
You seem like you go
into a lot of stores
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00:07:11,944 --> 00:07:13,344
and ask to speak to the manager.
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Only if the customer service is subpar.
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You asked to speak to my manager.
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00:07:18,150 --> 00:07:19,885
It's called a hairnet, Grace.
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00:07:19,887 --> 00:07:22,252
Okay, no, but we need
a true distraction here.
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00:07:22,254 --> 00:07:25,489
If it comes to it, I'd be
willing to show my, uh,
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00:07:25,491 --> 00:07:28,092
kazoo.
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00:07:28,094 --> 00:07:30,394
You... no. No, come on, no.
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00:07:30,396 --> 00:07:32,963
And please never tell us
what you're referring to.
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00:07:32,965 --> 00:07:35,032
Hey, yo, Mr. G. What if it was this?
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Let's say it's raining.
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I've got my shirt open, of course.
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00:07:38,037 --> 00:07:41,005
I walk up and I'm like,
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00:07:41,007 --> 00:07:44,975
♪ Maybe I saw you at the movies, girl ♪
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00:07:44,977 --> 00:07:49,079
♪ Maybe I saw you at the car wash ♪
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00:07:49,081 --> 00:07:52,983
♪ I can't remember where I saw you, girl ♪
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00:07:52,985 --> 00:07:57,154
♪ But I remember that I liked it, girl ♪
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Cancel the sectional.
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00:07:58,424 --> 00:08:00,557
That bitch is gonna need a coffin.
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00:08:00,559 --> 00:08:02,593
Very smooth. Very smooth.
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00:08:02,595 --> 00:08:04,294
Hey, teach. Sorry I'm tardy.
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00:08:04,296 --> 00:08:06,530
Oh! Son of a!
208
00:08:06,532 --> 00:08:09,400
My apologies, Mr. Bones.
209
00:08:09,402 --> 00:08:12,904
I mean, I'm not sure if it's
a mister, but I'm assuming.
210
00:08:12,906 --> 00:08:14,271
It's hard to tell with their groin
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00:08:14,273 --> 00:08:16,273
once the flesh is boiled off.
212
00:08:16,275 --> 00:08:19,043
Historically, most of those are made
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00:08:19,045 --> 00:08:21,011
from male hobo bodies.
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00:08:21,013 --> 00:08:22,714
And, you know, the lady hobos
215
00:08:22,716 --> 00:08:24,248
don't donate their bodies as much.
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00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:26,283
Isn't that a headscratcher?
217
00:08:26,285 --> 00:08:29,586
Anyway, I don't mean to
distract from the learning.
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00:08:29,588 --> 00:08:31,955
So take it away, Mr. Griffins.
219
00:08:31,957 --> 00:08:33,424
Yes.
220
00:08:33,426 --> 00:08:36,460
Please continue the
lesson, Mr. Griffins.
221
00:08:36,462 --> 00:08:39,698
As you can see, I've
drawn a popcorn maker,
222
00:08:39,700 --> 00:08:42,112
which is the perfect thing to picture
223
00:08:42,114 --> 00:08:45,569
the orderly chaos
within each human cell.
224
00:08:45,571 --> 00:08:48,572
And then we got talking
about a biological phenomenon
225
00:08:48,574 --> 00:08:49,973
known as distractors.
226
00:08:52,011 --> 00:08:54,311
Seems to... I put my backpack...
227
00:08:54,313 --> 00:08:56,580
I took it off while I was sitting.
228
00:08:56,582 --> 00:08:59,316
And it somehow hooked to
the top of my undergrunders.
229
00:08:59,318 --> 00:09:00,652
It's just...
230
00:09:00,654 --> 00:09:03,320
I just gotta free myself
from this little trap here.
231
00:09:03,322 --> 00:09:05,023
Yuyao, can you...
232
00:09:05,025 --> 00:09:06,991
unzip that big zipper back there?
233
00:09:06,993 --> 00:09:08,726
But just do it real slow.
234
00:09:08,728 --> 00:09:10,862
Otherwise, I think I'm gonna
launch into the blackboard.
235
00:09:10,864 --> 00:09:13,330
I'm basically a bullfrog
in a slingshot right now.
236
00:09:13,332 --> 00:09:15,599
Oh, God. That hurts.
237
00:09:15,601 --> 00:09:18,669
That is bad. Yuyao, pull.
238
00:09:18,671 --> 00:09:20,471
No! That's the wrong way.
239
00:09:20,473 --> 00:09:22,673
My pork tenderloin is...
240
00:09:22,675 --> 00:09:26,076
I'm not gonna be able to sit
on a barstool for like a year.
241
00:09:26,078 --> 00:09:27,711
Looks like we found our distractor.
242
00:09:27,713 --> 00:09:29,801
I'm just glued!
243
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:31,938
I'm glued and I'm flossed.
244
00:09:36,388 --> 00:09:38,389
_
245
00:09:40,326 --> 00:09:42,493
So, uh, Helen,
246
00:09:42,495 --> 00:09:44,461
you're a little further
behind than I thought.
247
00:09:44,463 --> 00:09:46,630
And in order to get you fully caught up,
248
00:09:46,632 --> 00:09:47,998
I'm gonna need you to do your report
249
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,466
on DNA today, all right?
250
00:09:49,468 --> 00:09:52,536
You are gonna be interviewing
a real life Toledoan
251
00:09:52,538 --> 00:09:54,538
about her family tree.
252
00:09:54,540 --> 00:09:56,707
I... I really should get
back to the office, Jack.
253
00:09:56,709 --> 00:09:57,809
Oh, no, well,
254
00:09:57,811 --> 00:10:00,113
look at Anthony's dedication to biology.
255
00:10:00,115 --> 00:10:02,015
I mean, he should
probably be getting to...
256
00:10:02,017 --> 00:10:03,985
- Gym class.
- Yeah, gym class.
257
00:10:03,987 --> 00:10:06,283
But he's skipping
that 'cause he loves...
258
00:10:06,285 --> 00:10:08,185
- Not running.
- No.
259
00:10:08,187 --> 00:10:10,788
No. Because he loves biology.
260
00:10:10,790 --> 00:10:11,889
All right? So grab your things.
261
00:10:11,891 --> 00:10:13,223
Now, listen. Listen.
262
00:10:13,225 --> 00:10:16,026
Durbin is gonna be fine.
263
00:10:16,028 --> 00:10:17,227
I'm s... I don't know
264
00:10:17,229 --> 00:10:18,430
which button here is hold,
265
00:10:18,432 --> 00:10:19,797
but I have some good news.
266
00:10:19,799 --> 00:10:22,299
Your son is not sick. I made an error.
267
00:10:22,301 --> 00:10:25,402
It's Caleb Baker, not Caleb Barker.
268
00:10:25,404 --> 00:10:26,804
Uh, so...
269
00:10:26,806 --> 00:10:28,439
and I'm sorry that you used your...
270
00:10:28,441 --> 00:10:30,441
one phone call to find that out.
271
00:10:30,443 --> 00:10:32,710
Uh, Ms. Barker, can you
please hold for just a second?
272
00:10:32,712 --> 00:10:34,244
Mm, yeah.
273
00:10:34,246 --> 00:10:36,342
Congratulations, you're caller 97
274
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:37,614
on the free money giveaway.
275
00:10:37,616 --> 00:10:39,350
Just give us the phrase that pays.
276
00:10:39,352 --> 00:10:42,252
FM 97 plays all the songs
277
00:10:42,254 --> 00:10:44,121
that are fit to hear.
278
00:10:44,123 --> 00:10:45,723
Wipeout.
279
00:10:45,725 --> 00:10:48,692
FM 97 plays the tunes
that make you move.
280
00:10:48,694 --> 00:10:50,694
I... that's the phrase?
281
00:10:50,696 --> 00:10:52,363
So, Durbs, Helen promised me
282
00:10:52,365 --> 00:10:54,264
a bushel of pinecones
for an art project.
283
00:10:54,266 --> 00:10:56,133
We're making these cute
little pinecone creatures
284
00:10:56,135 --> 00:10:57,501
for the children's hospital.
285
00:10:57,503 --> 00:10:59,370
Okay, yeah, I'll find the pinecones.
286
00:10:59,372 --> 00:11:01,405
Can you guys get these?
287
00:11:01,407 --> 00:11:02,773
Oh.
288
00:11:02,775 --> 00:11:05,475
Whitlock Rams, home
of the... the Rams.
289
00:11:05,477 --> 00:11:06,677
What's up, caller number one?
290
00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:09,213
Hello, Whitlock residence.
Mary speaking.
291
00:11:09,215 --> 00:11:11,148
Mr. Durbin, did you get my mom yet?
292
00:11:11,150 --> 00:11:13,317
I think I might be sick soon.
293
00:11:13,319 --> 00:11:16,153
- Where's your wife?
- Helen is not my wife.
294
00:11:16,155 --> 00:11:18,290
- Then what's with the photo?
- It's fake!
295
00:11:18,292 --> 00:11:20,357
We're not married,
and we're not mermaids.
296
00:11:20,359 --> 00:11:22,559
I need 1,000 meatballs by 10:00.
297
00:11:22,561 --> 00:11:24,094
It's spaghetti day.
298
00:11:24,096 --> 00:11:26,430
I have carpal tunnel.
299
00:11:26,432 --> 00:11:29,166
No, I don't know the "school hours".
300
00:11:29,168 --> 00:11:31,402
It's open, like, most of the time.
301
00:11:31,404 --> 00:11:33,038
I'm sorry, ma'am, can you... Durbs.
302
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:34,838
We cannot do this. Can
we please get Helen back?
303
00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:35,973
- No.
- Over my dead body.
304
00:11:35,975 --> 00:11:37,474
She is following her dream.
305
00:11:37,476 --> 00:11:40,212
When Anne, 58, from Tulsa got divorced,
306
00:11:40,214 --> 00:11:43,282
she followed her dream of
becoming an animal therapist.
307
00:11:43,284 --> 00:11:45,349
She was kicked in the head
doing what she loves best...
308
00:11:45,351 --> 00:11:47,151
tickling horses' feet.
309
00:11:47,153 --> 00:11:49,753
And she never thought
of her ex-husband again.
310
00:11:49,755 --> 00:11:51,889
Or tied her shoes.
311
00:11:51,891 --> 00:11:53,624
Now see, Durbs, that started to help
312
00:11:53,626 --> 00:11:54,860
and then did not.
313
00:11:54,862 --> 00:11:56,229
Okay, fine, I'll handle the call.
314
00:11:56,231 --> 00:11:57,861
Can someone start on the meatballs?
315
00:12:03,469 --> 00:12:06,236
Nothing like an early
morning raw beef bath.
316
00:12:06,238 --> 00:12:09,239
_
317
00:12:12,745 --> 00:12:15,479
I love even in the little
gas station over there
318
00:12:15,481 --> 00:12:18,282
the bathroom is clean. It's just...
319
00:12:18,284 --> 00:12:20,351
I love everything, and I especially love
320
00:12:20,353 --> 00:12:21,919
those farm animals.
321
00:12:21,921 --> 00:12:23,687
Everything's so adorable,
322
00:12:23,689 --> 00:12:26,357
but most of all, I gotta
ask you, jeepers creepers,
323
00:12:26,359 --> 00:12:28,258
where did you get those eyeballs?
324
00:12:28,260 --> 00:12:30,894
Is that color from mama's
side or daddy's side?
325
00:12:30,896 --> 00:12:32,930
Funny you should ask.
326
00:12:32,932 --> 00:12:35,699
We think the color is
from my mother's side.
327
00:12:35,701 --> 00:12:37,402
Oh! Interesting.
328
00:12:37,404 --> 00:12:40,270
But the shape is from my father's side.
329
00:12:40,272 --> 00:12:41,905
I have my father's eye.
330
00:12:41,907 --> 00:12:43,307
You mean eyes.
331
00:12:43,309 --> 00:12:44,908
Oh, no. His actual eye.
332
00:12:44,910 --> 00:12:47,244
I had a bum cornea, so when he died,
333
00:12:47,246 --> 00:12:49,647
they just swapped his right in to my eye
334
00:12:49,649 --> 00:12:51,582
and that's why I don't
look at myself naked
335
00:12:51,584 --> 00:12:53,617
'cause it wouldn't be appropriate.
336
00:12:53,619 --> 00:12:55,719
I don't think he'd appreciate it.
337
00:12:55,721 --> 00:12:58,756
I mean, he's a spirit. He
sees a lot of naked spirits.
338
00:12:58,758 --> 00:13:00,858
I'm sure they don't have
clothes up there, but...
339
00:13:03,929 --> 00:13:05,295
Nice.
340
00:13:07,933 --> 00:13:09,500
Man.
341
00:13:09,502 --> 00:13:10,834
I wish we could see the look on her face
342
00:13:10,836 --> 00:13:12,269
when this thing goes off.
343
00:13:12,271 --> 00:13:13,504
It'll be glitterific.
344
00:13:13,506 --> 00:13:15,305
She may even glamppreciate it.
345
00:13:15,307 --> 00:13:16,840
Stop doing that with words, all right?
346
00:13:16,842 --> 00:13:19,278
Remember what this woman did
to my Tuesday night tradition.
347
00:13:25,284 --> 00:13:26,950
Just give me a second, okay?
348
00:13:26,952 --> 00:13:29,520
Well, I... I see your daughter's point.
349
00:13:29,522 --> 00:13:31,355
Those girls are mean to me too.
350
00:13:31,357 --> 00:13:33,290
But I still come to school.
351
00:13:33,292 --> 00:13:34,925
Oh, no. Helen isn't here?
352
00:13:34,927 --> 00:13:36,860
I have to put together all
these "Safe Sex" packets
353
00:13:36,862 --> 00:13:38,363
before lunch.
354
00:13:38,365 --> 00:13:40,664
She always tapes on the condoms for me.
355
00:13:40,666 --> 00:13:42,866
Oh, sorry, Michelle. We're out of tape.
356
00:13:42,868 --> 00:13:44,001
There. Knee-length.
357
00:13:44,003 --> 00:13:45,402
You are up to dress code.
358
00:13:45,404 --> 00:13:46,804
And honestly, it's a good look.
359
00:13:49,709 --> 00:13:51,308
On to Plan B.
360
00:13:51,310 --> 00:13:53,510
Oh, I guess for the students too.
361
00:13:53,512 --> 00:13:55,546
I can't ignore this anymore.
362
00:13:55,548 --> 00:13:57,681
My tie is caught in the paper shredder.
363
00:13:57,683 --> 00:13:59,416
- Can someone some here and deal with this
- _
364
00:13:59,418 --> 00:14:01,452
worried mom who can only fax?
365
00:14:01,454 --> 00:14:03,988
15 balls? That's it?
366
00:14:03,990 --> 00:14:06,590
Ooh, damn, Rhonda.
367
00:14:06,592 --> 00:14:08,292
Damn.
368
00:14:08,294 --> 00:14:09,827
Is Ms. DeMarcus here?
369
00:14:09,829 --> 00:14:12,765
I accidentally ricocheted
a throwing star into my leg.
370
00:14:15,701 --> 00:14:17,668
- Uh, I'm here for my child?
- He's right here.
371
00:14:17,670 --> 00:14:20,471
- That's not my mom.
- Oh, I'm... I'm sorry.
372
00:14:20,473 --> 00:14:22,606
Your son is fine.
Could you take this one?
373
00:14:22,608 --> 00:14:24,541
And just drop him at the
Baker's on the way home?
374
00:14:24,543 --> 00:14:26,543
- That'll be fine.
- I might throw up in your car.
375
00:14:26,545 --> 00:14:28,512
Car? I have a motorcycle.
376
00:14:28,514 --> 00:14:30,280
Cool. Can I drive?
377
00:14:30,282 --> 00:14:31,815
That'll be fine.
378
00:14:31,817 --> 00:14:32,950
What? No, no!
379
00:14:32,952 --> 00:14:35,486
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
380
00:14:35,488 --> 00:14:37,455
Do these meat hunks taste piney to you?
381
00:14:37,457 --> 00:14:39,526
Mine's literally a pine cone.
382
00:14:44,253 --> 00:14:46,030
Why's everybody eating in here?
383
00:14:46,032 --> 00:14:48,832
We eat in here to avoid all
the muggles in the cafeteria.
384
00:14:48,834 --> 00:14:50,501
Where's Ms. DeMarcus?
385
00:14:50,503 --> 00:14:52,736
She's still talking
to that dollhouse lady.
386
00:14:52,738 --> 00:14:56,073
What about the package?
Did the eagle land?
387
00:14:56,075 --> 00:14:58,676
Is the lotion in the basket?
388
00:14:58,678 --> 00:15:01,478
Yeah. Yeah, uh... I think so.
389
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,447
Later tonight, Granny Shitbird's
390
00:15:03,449 --> 00:15:05,582
precious little White
House will be exploding
391
00:15:05,584 --> 00:15:07,818
in a vengeful cloud of glitter.
392
00:15:07,820 --> 00:15:09,520
All thanks to Helen and her
393
00:15:09,522 --> 00:15:11,555
endless supply of folksy nonsense.
394
00:15:11,557 --> 00:15:13,391
Tell you,
395
00:15:13,393 --> 00:15:16,329
giving her a decoy biology
assignment actually worked.
396
00:15:16,331 --> 00:15:17,828
It was amazing to watch somebody else
397
00:15:17,830 --> 00:15:19,063
get just absolutely blasted
398
00:15:19,065 --> 00:15:21,065
by her incoherent word hose.
399
00:15:21,067 --> 00:15:23,201
I once abducted a group of aliens,
400
00:15:23,203 --> 00:15:24,535
yet somehow I wound up
401
00:15:24,537 --> 00:15:26,238
being the one that was probed!
402
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:28,072
I told you that in confidence.
403
00:15:28,074 --> 00:15:30,507
Helen, I, um... I was
404
00:15:30,509 --> 00:15:32,710
actually just telling the class
what a great job you did.
405
00:15:32,712 --> 00:15:36,547
This project isn't even
real? You lied to me?
406
00:15:36,549 --> 00:15:38,549
You've been lying to me this whole time?
407
00:15:38,551 --> 00:15:40,651
You think I have a word hose?
408
00:15:40,653 --> 00:15:43,654
And you think that
word hose is incoherent?
409
00:15:43,656 --> 00:15:47,024
I'm not even getting
credit for this report?
410
00:15:47,026 --> 00:15:49,426
I thought we were friends?
411
00:15:49,428 --> 00:15:51,795
I mean, I thought we were friends.
412
00:16:01,317 --> 00:16:05,386
And, uh, that's when we
planted the glitter bomb.
413
00:16:05,388 --> 00:16:06,488
So how's that gonna help you
414
00:16:06,490 --> 00:16:07,991
get the vintage popcorn popper
415
00:16:07,993 --> 00:16:10,328
for your Tuesday Night TV Night thing?
416
00:16:10,330 --> 00:16:13,432
Admittedly, there is
no direct correlation.
417
00:16:13,434 --> 00:16:16,669
His sorrow manifests
as externalized rage.
418
00:16:16,671 --> 00:16:18,940
Well, thank you, Marcus.
419
00:16:21,460 --> 00:16:24,061
Well, I am very sorry that you're sad.
420
00:16:24,063 --> 00:16:25,696
But you did lie to me.
421
00:16:25,698 --> 00:16:27,696
And the only thing worse
than a bee stinging is
422
00:16:27,698 --> 00:16:30,367
when a bee first tells you,
"I'm not gonna sting you".
423
00:16:30,369 --> 00:16:32,569
And it's safe to go into his bee house.
424
00:16:32,571 --> 00:16:35,005
Did you stick your
face in a beehive, Helen?
425
00:16:35,007 --> 00:16:37,574
I just wanted to meet a queen.
426
00:16:37,576 --> 00:16:39,644
I'm sorry I lied to you. I really am.
427
00:16:39,646 --> 00:16:41,781
So what are you gonna do
to fix what you did to that
428
00:16:41,783 --> 00:16:45,252
double-jointed,
pigeon-toed, half-Albanian?
429
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,084
I'm gonna ask my
friend to help me fix it.
430
00:16:47,086 --> 00:16:48,585
- Who's your friend?
- Helen...
431
00:16:48,587 --> 00:16:51,089
There's a bomb in the White House.
432
00:16:51,091 --> 00:16:53,857
And we're the only two people
on Earth who can stop it.
433
00:17:20,886 --> 00:17:22,786
There we go. There we go.
434
00:17:22,788 --> 00:17:24,188
Okay, come on.
435
00:17:24,190 --> 00:17:27,024
All right, it's right over here, okay.
436
00:17:30,830 --> 00:17:31,964
Okay.
437
00:17:35,067 --> 00:17:37,234
Which... which one do I, um?
438
00:17:37,236 --> 00:17:39,169
Get the right one.
439
00:17:39,171 --> 00:17:41,841
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Ahh!
440
00:17:52,151 --> 00:17:54,487
Oooh.
441
00:18:05,931 --> 00:18:08,599
Yeah, success! Yes!
442
00:18:08,601 --> 00:18:10,267
You know what?
443
00:18:10,269 --> 00:18:12,603
These things are pretty impressive.
444
00:18:12,605 --> 00:18:14,605
Yeah. The attention to detail
445
00:18:14,607 --> 00:18:16,640
is surprisingly satisfying.
446
00:18:16,642 --> 00:18:17,841
I mean, just look at that...
447
00:18:17,843 --> 00:18:19,710
Oh.
448
00:18:19,712 --> 00:18:21,346
Jack.
449
00:18:21,348 --> 00:18:23,547
I just got snagged on
the State of Liberty.
450
00:18:23,549 --> 00:18:24,948
I'm a little caught up here.
451
00:18:24,950 --> 00:18:26,617
Okay, all right... well,
don't... don't move.
452
00:18:26,619 --> 00:18:28,018
Let me... let me get it.
453
00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:30,854
- I'm a fish on a hook.
- You sure are.
454
00:18:30,856 --> 00:18:32,491
A little snagged?
455
00:18:32,493 --> 00:18:34,925
This is... this is crazy.
456
00:18:34,927 --> 00:18:36,193
Oh, don't tug that part.
457
00:18:36,195 --> 00:18:37,895
Well, I'm not even really tugging yet.
458
00:18:37,897 --> 00:18:39,596
Yeah, that's a house
of cards right there.
459
00:18:39,598 --> 00:18:41,532
- Okay. All right. Okay.
- Try the other.
460
00:18:41,534 --> 00:18:43,000
You caught hair. Ah!
461
00:18:43,002 --> 00:18:44,301
Close. We're close here.
462
00:18:44,303 --> 00:18:46,870
Oh!
463
00:18:46,872 --> 00:18:48,706
- Oh?
- Oh. That was close.
464
00:18:48,708 --> 00:18:50,074
Yeah. Heh.
465
00:18:50,076 --> 00:18:52,812
- I think if I stand up slowly.
- Uh-huh.
466
00:18:54,146 --> 00:18:56,013
Oh, no, I'm in a panic.
467
00:18:56,015 --> 00:18:57,114
Oh.
468
00:18:58,147 --> 00:19:00,250
Oh, oh!
469
00:19:00,252 --> 00:19:01,885
Oh! Ouch!
470
00:19:01,887 --> 00:19:04,621
- Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
- Oh, God.
471
00:19:04,623 --> 00:19:06,991
Oh, no, what's on my head? I can't see.
472
00:19:06,993 --> 00:19:08,258
I can't see.
473
00:19:08,260 --> 00:19:09,860
Oh, my God. Stop.
474
00:19:09,862 --> 00:19:12,596
- What-what are you doing?
- Oh, son of a bitch.
475
00:19:12,598 --> 00:19:14,266
Oh, no.
476
00:19:15,234 --> 00:19:17,901
- Oh, God.
- What are you doing?
477
00:19:19,006 --> 00:19:20,740
No, no, no, no. Don't stand up there.
478
00:19:23,142 --> 00:19:26,010
Oh, my God.
479
00:19:26,012 --> 00:19:27,778
Oh, my... are you okay?
480
00:19:27,780 --> 00:19:29,113
Ah!
481
00:19:29,115 --> 00:19:30,814
- Oh, God.
- Oh, my God.
482
00:19:30,816 --> 00:19:32,149
Hold on.
483
00:19:34,620 --> 00:19:36,787
- Uh...
- Should, we, uh,
484
00:19:36,789 --> 00:19:38,722
call the dollhouse lady,
tell her what happened?
485
00:19:38,724 --> 00:19:40,290
I mean, I'll take the blame.
486
00:19:40,292 --> 00:19:41,925
You're a good friend, Jack,
487
00:19:41,927 --> 00:19:44,194
but we need to get the
[BLEEP] out of here.
488
00:19:44,196 --> 00:19:45,763
I'm on probation.
489
00:19:45,765 --> 00:19:47,197
I'll tell you the story in the car.
490
00:19:47,199 --> 00:19:48,400
- Okay.
- Come on.
491
00:19:48,402 --> 00:19:49,633
- Where are you going?
- Follow you.
492
00:19:49,635 --> 00:19:51,704
Just... I'm disoriented.
493
00:19:59,979 --> 00:20:01,178
- Durbs.
- Ralph?
494
00:20:01,180 --> 00:20:02,379
- Durbs!
- Ralph!
495
00:20:02,381 --> 00:20:04,549
Oh, no. Did you sleep here?
496
00:20:04,551 --> 00:20:06,283
Yeah. But you know what?
497
00:20:06,285 --> 00:20:07,985
It's okay.
498
00:20:10,222 --> 00:20:12,156
I can't... I'm broken. I can't.
499
00:20:12,158 --> 00:20:13,757
Good morning, ram rods.
500
00:20:13,759 --> 00:20:14,958
- Oh!
- Oh, Helen.
501
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:16,994
- Oh, thank God, Helen.
- Hey.
502
00:20:16,996 --> 00:20:18,729
Oh, my fanny.
503
00:20:18,731 --> 00:20:20,097
I really wanna support you going back
504
00:20:20,099 --> 00:20:21,932
and getting your high school diploma.
505
00:20:21,934 --> 00:20:24,034
But you are too important to lose.
506
00:20:24,036 --> 00:20:25,903
So I'm gonna go against everything
507
00:20:25,905 --> 00:20:28,372
this book tells me to do
and beg you to come back.
508
00:20:28,374 --> 00:20:30,074
I... I'm nothing without you.
509
00:20:30,076 --> 00:20:31,809
We'll have a baby to fix it.
510
00:20:31,811 --> 00:20:33,110
Well maybe not that...
511
00:20:33,112 --> 00:20:35,746
Ralph, you know that
I can't say no to you.
512
00:20:35,748 --> 00:20:38,949
Mrs. Durbin, these corns
aren't gonna shuck themselves.
513
00:20:38,951 --> 00:20:40,184
Yeah, 'cause you're gonna do them.
514
00:20:40,186 --> 00:20:41,786
Now get the hell out of here.
515
00:20:41,788 --> 00:20:43,589
Shoo!
516
00:20:45,060 --> 00:20:46,161
Don't make me spray you.
517
00:20:48,009 --> 00:20:50,878
Comes in here trying to
make me do her job every day.
518
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:52,580
And you just have to be firm with her.
519
00:20:52,582 --> 00:20:54,251
That's all.
520
00:20:55,717 --> 00:20:57,768
Yeah! Hit the road, Rhonda.
521
00:20:57,770 --> 00:20:59,471
Why don't you peel your own corn, you...
522
00:20:59,473 --> 00:21:00,938
Oh, God. She's coming back.
523
00:21:00,940 --> 00:21:02,940
Hey, there's my star student.
524
00:21:02,942 --> 00:21:05,275
No, Jack. You cannot have her back.
525
00:21:05,277 --> 00:21:06,744
Here we go.
526
00:21:06,746 --> 00:21:08,946
Two men fighting over me.
527
00:21:08,948 --> 00:21:10,682
It's not been the first time.
528
00:21:10,684 --> 00:21:12,952
I made a real mess of the
cast of "Fuller House".
529
00:21:12,954 --> 00:21:14,221
Sorry, Jack.
530
00:21:14,223 --> 00:21:16,920
Clearly, my services are needed here.
531
00:21:16,922 --> 00:21:19,723
Okay, well, listen. I
better give you this then.
532
00:21:19,725 --> 00:21:22,192
- Really good work.
- A?
533
00:21:22,194 --> 00:21:24,095
- Mm-yeah.
- Yahoo!
534
00:21:24,097 --> 00:21:26,966
Hot mail!
535
00:21:26,968 --> 00:21:28,799
Earth link. Aww.
536
00:21:28,801 --> 00:21:30,901
Helen, what about your final credits?
537
00:21:30,903 --> 00:21:32,637
Oh, well. Look, Helen,
538
00:21:32,639 --> 00:21:34,507
I mean, I could probably
help you with biology
539
00:21:34,509 --> 00:21:35,873
when we both have some down time.
540
00:21:35,875 --> 00:21:37,141
- Really?
- Yeah.
541
00:21:37,143 --> 00:21:38,876
- You would do that?
- Sure, why not?
542
00:21:38,878 --> 00:21:40,311
Oh, you little cutie!
543
00:21:40,313 --> 00:21:42,379
You mind if I lay one on ya?
544
00:21:42,381 --> 00:21:44,850
Oh. Uh...
545
00:21:45,851 --> 00:21:47,951
- Boo-boop.
- Mmm.
546
00:21:47,953 --> 00:21:50,154
Oh, okay. An old Tootsie Roll.
547
00:21:50,156 --> 00:21:51,388
Thank God.
548
00:21:51,390 --> 00:21:52,555
Oh, they're good, aren't they?
549
00:21:52,557 --> 00:21:54,291
Mm, no.
550
00:22:00,266 --> 00:22:03,434
Oh, my God! What did you do?
551
00:22:03,436 --> 00:22:04,868
I fixed the cord.
552
00:22:04,870 --> 00:22:06,036
How? Wow.
553
00:22:06,038 --> 00:22:07,805
Thank you.
554
00:22:07,807 --> 00:22:09,740
Okay, so...
555
00:22:09,742 --> 00:22:11,636
ranch or nacho cheese?
556
00:22:11,638 --> 00:22:13,574
What... what's tonight's episode?
557
00:22:15,915 --> 00:22:17,416
- "A clown..."
- Eh.
558
00:22:17,418 --> 00:22:20,186
Goes after Jake with
a sawed-off shotgun,
559
00:22:20,188 --> 00:22:21,655
leaving the Fatman to remember
560
00:22:21,657 --> 00:22:23,826
all the suspects he's convicted".
561
00:22:25,791 --> 00:22:27,958
- Ranch.
- Yeah.
562
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:30,029
- Yup.
- We get it.
563
00:22:39,527 --> 00:22:43,427
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
39539
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