Original subtitles

Once upon a time, I had a mum who told me everything.

You know, I knew about her lovers and her breakups.

We'd go to these parties and I'd notice strangers who were flirting with her and--

You know, I'd watch-- I'd watch her life from under tables and I'd listen in from my bed and--

You know, we used to cuddle up and she'd tell me her thoughts about the world.

In my family, we made decisions together.

I felt like an adult.

No fucking way.

Dad, Mum's is left. Right, strap your helmet on.

Can you imagine, just you and me living together, all the time?

Like, for how long?

Yeah, I'm not gonna answer anything until you put your helmet on properly, yeah?

I want to tell her something. What?

Private. Between me and Mum. Ah.

When did you decide this? Fuck, I didn't decide any of this, all right?

She was supposed to tell you herself.

Fuck. Mum?

Mum?

Hang on, honey.

Hey. Tom's been telling the biggest bunch of lies.

He said that I'm gonna live with him full-time now.

I mean, I love Dad and all, but can you imagine even for a little while?

Also, I've got something I really want to tell you.

Mum.

Mum, open the door.

Mum!

I can give you some pamphlets and books if you like.

It'll set out the steps. Um, I'll take hormones, take a male name--

Have you seen my cardigan? That new one?

She's not listening.

No, I get it. You feel like a man. You want to become a man.

You need a little space.

Look, you don't have to leave right now. Can we sit and talk about it?

I get it, Mum. It's okay.

Have you washed it? I don't know.

Harry.

Harry?

Have you seen my red cardi?

Hey.

Cold.

Give it to me. You can fuck off.

Warmer now.

Has she told you yet?

You knew?

Everyone knew except me.

My sister should just get a fucking strap-on.

Get a fucking strap-on, woman.

Oh, get off. We need to talk to Billie.

Until your mum grows a bit more hair on her chest,

she doesn't want you around.

Yeah, exactly what we need.

Shipping you off to chef man here.

Yeah, and you work late. You're never home.

I'll make it work.

For how long?

Yeah, for how long, brother?

Well, top surgery can happen in about nine months, maybe longer.

Full effects of testosterone can take years. It's a long process.

How long?

With your dad?

Yeah.

A year.

I was thinking a year.

* Thinking of you all the while *

My mum always used to tell me how much of a drag it was to breast-feed me.

You know, I was a hungry child and I bit.

But she'd always tell me that-- that she never loved anyone or anything in her life...

more than she did then.

I loved my mum.

I wanted my mum to be happy.

* Thinking of you all the while *

* More and more

* Longing for that cheeky smile *

* That I adore

* Keep the love that's growing in your eyes so true *

You're not kicking Harry out, are you?

He's an adult. He's an idiot.

I just need my life to be simple right now, Bill.

I'm not sure I can finish this now.

I'll have it ready for you next time you come around, okay?

Next time I come around?

A year.

Look. How about we make a promise to each other?

How about every week we set aside some time to be with each other?

Just you and me.

You could come over after school and we'll drop everything.

It'll be our time together.

How does that sound?

Every week?

Same time, every week, without fail.

Every Tuesday?

Do you promise?

I promise.

There are just so many things that I should have said.

You know, there were so many things that I just wasn't clear about and--

* Keep the love that's growing in your eyes so true *

These are all the things that I should have said before now.

* You alone my heart can cheer *

* You, just you *

So at the moment, because it's under Medicare,

prior to surgery being approved,

something called real-life experience is required.

Do you know about real-life experience, Billie?

Yeah, I've told her about RLE.

Good. So you must understand that before we can prescribe hormones,

your mum must continue to come to us for assessment.

Second session now.

I think this whole process should take about two or three months.

Then after about six months, we can look at surgery.

Female-to-male chest reconstruction surgery.

Hysterectomy can follow, if that's what you want.

What's a hysterectomy?

It's where they take the uterus out.

Now, I understand you've taken a male name.

What do you think about your mum's new name, Billie?

James is a lovely name. Hello, James.

Um, hello.

Thanks.

So do I call you Dad now?

Um, whatever you're comfortable with, I suppose.

Dad.

When will I see you next, Dad?

Dad, dad, dad, dad. Dad?

Next week, same time.

Eat with your chopsticks, not with your fingers.

It tastes better, Dad.

It's rude... Billie.

Ow, that hurt. It did not. Eat properly.

Mum?

Harry?

Uncle Harry?

You know, you shouldn't be missing school because of me. It's not the point.

I just thought we could hang out.

Yeah, well, I've got appointments before. Then after I've gotta work.

Nice sideburns.

Look, I can't keep having the school call saying you're skipping out.

I thought we'd have more time together.

Let's just stick to an agreed time. 4:00 till 10:00?

Sure. 4:00 till 10:00.

You promise?

Just promise, will you? Okay, okay, I promise.

And stay out of my stuff.

What? What are you eating so fast for?

What do you do on the other nights?

Not much. I work.

Do you go out?

Nah, not yet.

You will.

Jesus. This house is so fucking cold.

Got another exciting night planned together?

I'll take back what you don't want. Dad won't even know what's missing.

Frida. How long are you here for?

Dad?

Just for tonight, remember? And then it's back to Mum's tomorrow.

Back to Mum's tomorrow. I get to sleep in your bed.

What's this?

Ingredients: scissors, wool crepe, spirit gum, pencil eyeliner, mascara?

It'll be fun.

And then he turns around and goes, "Saltwater thief! You, sir, are a notable pirate."

And then the other one comes in and he goes-- he goes, "Don't call me names, sir!"

** [ Speakers: Pop, Man Singing ]

Adam's apple.

You're still into women, right?

Yeah, of course.

But if you're with them, are they a lesbian or are they straight?

I don't-- I don't want to be with anyone yet.

When then?

When I'm a man.

I thought you were a man now.

Didn't you have any dinner?

Nope.

** * Those warriors with wild hearts *

* Who show their love is bona fide *

* Though

* Lo

* What have I become?

**

Hey.

Hey.

Well, because of the vacuum and stuff, but it feels kind of peaceful.

There's a great view too.

Hey, I've lost weight.

Really? Yeah, really, really.

* I will think of you

I was checking out binders the other day...

because, well, I thought mine had stretched out.

Now it looks like I've just lost weight.

* Those warriors with wild hearts *

* Who show their love is bona fide **

Sorry.

Have you told anyone?

Nuh-uh. No one. I haven't told anyone.

Good.

I don't even know your names though.

Josh.

Jasmin.

Josh and Jasmin?

Josh and Jasmin. Jasmin and Josh.

Fuck off then.

Oh, no, no. I was thinking about my mum.

Uh, my mum's name starts with a "J,"

and so when I was growing up I always wanted my name to start with a "J."

It just feels like a better way to start a name,

uh, with a "J" rather than a "B."

Uh, Billie.

Um, you know, growing up, the only Billies I knew were pet dogs.

So you wanna play a game?

Sure. Yeah.

I'm so, so sorry. I completely lost track of time.

It's okay, honey. Don't worry about it.

No, I'm so sorry. What were you doing?

I'm on my way now. I'll be, like, 30 minutes.

Oh, look, by the time you get here, we'll only have a couple of hours together,

and then I'll have to drive you home.

Just go straight to Tom's.

Really? I'm literally on my way now.

It's okay, hon. If I go to work early, I'll finish early. It'll be good.

Are you sure?

Yeah, it'll be good to have an early night for once.

Okay.

Well, I'll see you next week?

I'll see you then. Love you.

Love you too. I'm so sorry.

Can't you just hit it to me?

What, you don't want to play properly?

This is supposed to be fun, and instead, you're just making fun of me.

Making me run all over the fucking court. I'm trying to say something.

You never fucking listen to me.

Is this about last week?

You were the one who was late.

I just thought it would be easier if we just skipped it.

And I'm just saying that I'm really sorry,

and I never want to miss hanging out with you.

Never.

Okay, well, let's just make sure we never miss out again.

Okay. Exactly. Let's just make sure.

- Okay, let's. - Good.

Now do you want to play or what?

Yes.

[ Billie, Jasmin Giggling ]

Hey, open your mouth. Why?

Just open your mouth.

Wider.

Oh. I've got spit all over my mouth.

Disgusting.

Mmm. Now on the other side.

What does it taste like?

Minty fresh.

No, I mean, what does he taste like?

Well, why don't you try?

Okay.

Ah, shit, I gotta go.

What, really? Yeah.

No, you don't.

Yes, I do. Mmm.

You know, this is the last time we have here.

What do you mean?

Well, 'cause it's the play this weekend,

and then us year-11s go on holiday next week.

What, so we can't come here anymore?

No more rehearsals. There's no point.

I-I really have to go.

Your loss.

Hi. Hey.

You have to go back?

I could stay forever.

No, I mean, I can't believe it. It--

At this point--

Lunch time hookups, pleasuring a beautiful woman.

Maybe I could pleasure you sometime.

I'm taking all the pleasure.

No, but it is my pleasure.

Charmer.

You're just a lovely surprise, is all.

Hi.

Hey. I'll be out in a tick.

Okay.

Okay, look at this.

So whenever I meet another person with a transgender parent,

ah, one of the things that we often talk about is...

the amazing gift of knowing...

that our parent has chosen to live an authentic life.

What do you think about that?

You know, what is an authentic life?

Is this an authentic life?

**

**

Oh, cool.

Your first testosterone shot. Yep, this morning.

Awesome.

About fucking time.

Champagne. Mmm.

So the doctor thought everything was fine, then? Well, I mean, obviously.

Yep. I passed all the tests, so to speak.

It's really happening. I'm on the T.

Here's to bigger clits.

Harry. What?

It's okay, sweetheart. Nothing could spoil my mood tonight.

So--

Mm-mm-mm.

Hey, Harry, can you drive me home tonight?

You have dinner and you hang out,

and then you leave your house and go to your other house.

Yep.

This is ridiculous.

It's just fucking ridiculous.

What time are you supposed to leave Jane's-- fucking James's anyway?

10:00.

We're already late.

It's okay. I told Dad 12:00.

Uh, things might start happening straight away.

Like what?

Um, my muscle mass will increase and, uh--

Oh, and my hair is gonna get coarser and grow more.

Even facial hair?

Um, that'll probably take longer.

Just keep an eye out because I could even start going bald.

Is that good?

What do you mean?

Well, if you go bald, it'll mean it's working, right?

I mean, only men go bald, so if you go bald, is that gonna make you happy?

If I start seeing that, should I mention it?

I mean, do you want me to only mention the good things or--

Um, how about if you see it, you just let me know, okay?

Uh, this is my voice on testosterone,

um, one week.

Hey, I, um-- I got some pictures of some guys off the net too.

And, like, these are guys that, like me, were born biologically female,

but, uh, they've taken testosterone, so--

What, is that all from just taking testosterone?

Yep.

My gosh.

You wouldn't even know.

No.

It's good, huh?

**

It's this one here.

Okay, now start walking forward. Harry.

Harry, can I just open my eyes? No.

Okay, now open your eyes.

Oh, my God.

Don't burn the place down and don't go on the roof. Okay?

What the fuck is this, anyway?

You boozing with buds or something?

No.

Well, what then?

You're having an E party? You're doing crank.

Do you want me to get you anything?

I don't need anything.

What is this?

It's just friends from school and we just need somewhere to hang out.

Hmm. And you want me to drop you off each Tuesday?

Yeah?

Yes. Please.

That'd be good.

It'll be our little secret.

Do you notice anything?

Mmm.

I don't know.

Is it meant to have changed in a week?

I don't know.

Here?

Yep. Yeah, just in front of the camera.

Okay. And you can sit down on it.

Josh, come too.

Just you first.

What are you gonna ask me?

Are you guys together, like boyfriend and girlfriend?

Mmm, no.

It's quite intoxicating, really.

So are you a man now?

I'm nearly a man.

It wasn't that stupid, you know,

the idea of rose petals on a bed, listening to Barry White.

It wasn't that.

Was it good?

Yeah.

No. No, no, it wasn't actually.

That one. What noise do you make?

Good-quality clothes. They've got a beard.

They walk with, you know, intent.

They're a man. It's like, you're-- you're smooth, man.

Okay, have you ever gone down on a girl? Yeah.

What did it taste like? Tangy.

Good?

Tangy.

Bad.

Tangy. Just--

Do you like that I'm filming you?

I don't mind it.

What do you think this is?

I think this is-- I think this is interesting.

The thing is, I see myself every day so I'm not sure if I'll notice.

Is your voice a bit deeper?

I've started shaving.

Your face? Yeah.

I'm shaving it to make the hairs grow thicker.

Hmm. Is it working?

Well, I mean, I can only feel, like, nudie bum, but--

Ding, ding. Time.

Hey, hang on.

See ya. See ya.

**

Are you more like your mum or your dad?

I don't know my dad, so-- And I never want to be my mum.

Okay, Jas, take your top off.

Lips.

Don't hover. You can kiss them.

Uh, don't lick them.

But you can bite, like a nibble.

Breasts.

You can't tweak or jiggle them or suck on them.

But you can cup them.

And you can come on them.

Now I'm gonna have to start again.

Huh?

I show that to my kid, remember.

I've met your brother. Yeah, I know. He lives with me.

But you haven't told your daughter about me?

No.

Well, now's a good time to introduce me.

Hi, Billie. My name's Lisa-- Oh, fuck.

I'm fucking your mother!

You look tanned this week.

What, you can't see that?

No.

But you look older.

Josh, what does it feel like to be inside a girl?

Do you hear something?

There it is again. I swear I heard something.

Ha-ha.

Yeah, like a high Like a slug being baked.

Fuck you then.

Maybe if the slug came a little closer, we'd be able to hear it.

What does it feel like?

I don't know.

Like a warm loaf of bread.

**

**

Wake up.

Merry Christmas, my beautiful pumpkin.

Merry Christmas.

How was it?

We didn't go.

We stayed home.

My folks are not pleased about their new 38-year-old son.

No, they are not.

Lose a daughter, gain a son.

It's like James got married to himself.

Your mum should never have said anything to them though. That's the thing.

I mean, he just looks like a dyke at the moment anyway,

and it took 'em long enough to accept that.

The fuckers.

Hey. Hey, you've gotta wake up.

You stink of smoke.

I think I smell like pussy.

Billie, you've got to wake up.

Billie.

I'm not so sure I can take you tonight.

Billie, um, because, um,

I am-- I am very high,

and I will-- I will continue to be so.

Billie.

I'll tell James about your secret.

Okay, okay, okay. Okay, I'm up.

I'm up. I'm awake. What?

Um, so I've-- I've played in every position, right?

I've, um-- I've batted, I bowled, I fielded, I batted for the other team.

I always knew what I wanted. I'm not like your mum, you know.

And-- And Billie, that's-- that's the thing.

I've got to tell you something that's really important.

What?

Don't be like your mum.

It's like-- Because you look up to her so much.

And you can't be like your mum.

Like a man?

No.

Jesus, you're retarded sometimes.

I mean, unless you want to be.

I don't know. How would I know?

Just don't take so fucking long to find out.

You don't have to wait for inspiration. You're not fucking Rembrandt.

You-You just-- You take your clothes off and you roll around in the paint.

Promise.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, okay, yes.

Now, Harry, you just-- just go and let me sleep.

Okay.

Uh-oh.

Hey, chef man!

Happy Christmas, motherfucker!

**

- Hey, kiddo. - Hey.

Are you ready to go? Yep.

See ya. See ya.

Merry Christmas, Billie.

Merry Christmas, Mum.

See ya.

Dinner parties and Christmas crackers--

Stupid family.

* Christmastime

* Hate it *

I hate Christmas.

Christmas sucks balls.

So I can bite them, but I can't lick them?

And I can't hover over them?

That's what I said.

**

Look. I'm sorry, okay?

Why? It's not your fault.

Well, then what? You're so grumpy today.

It's just a testosterone thing.

What? Being fucking grumpy?

No. There are just complications.

Like what?

Like-- Like this.

Like this. That's what.

Hey. Hurry up with your secret ladies' business.

I'm waiting on some test results so we'll just have to wait and see.

**

What's wrong?

Jesus, good morning to you too.

Well, you never call and you knew I'd be sleeping.

So what's up?

Jane?

I've had to stop testosterone.

It's got something to do with overproduction of liver enzymes.

Well, you saw me.

So are you gonna stop the treatments for good?

Yes. Apparently it's fucking rare, but there have been other cases.

If I'd stayed on T, I would've died.

I'm so sorry, J.

I don't know how to tell Billie. Jesus.

Do you know that was my first thought-- how the fuck am I gonna tell her?

She's gonna want to move back in with you.

You know that, right?

Oh, I can't-- I can't do it yet. Please.

I just need time to think.

Tom?

I await your decision.

You should go to another doctor.

You can't just trust one doctor. Like, there has to be other ways.

Right? No.

I don't know.

So, what now?

Look, I know this has been hard for all of us.

I I still need time to work it out.

I think we should stick to-- I'd like to stick to our Tuesdays.

I was always praised for my sophistication,

my maturity, my ability to adapt.

But it was never true.

You just have no choice, do you?

About 200 kilometers north of Adelaide in 1880,

and then his father got a job in Sydney.

Hey.

Do you want me to make dinner tonight?

Take your top off.

Come here.

Take your top off.

* It's time to get up Get up *

* Get out of bed

* Hula-Hoop time

* Hula-Hoop crime

* Hula-Hoop ti-- *

Hey. Hey.

Is everything okay?

Yeah.

Mum?

Mum?

What the fuck, Mum. Where were you?

Let's go, Bill. School.

Beautiful day.

Yeah.

Well?

Okay, watch this.

We're currently on our mission down to the Pine Island Glacier...

in West Antarctica.

When looking out of the window of the aircraft,

we noticed a fairly large crack in the ice shelf.

These things happen on a semi-regular basis...

in both the Arctic and the Antarctic, but it's still a fairly large event.

So, um-- So we wanted to make sure we captured as much of that process as we could.

So much stuff happens in a year.

You know, the Earth--

And there was--

There were civil wars in Syria and Libya and, um--

You know, and in Antarctica, a glacier the size of New York split off.

Or maybe it didn't split off.

Fuck.

I can't remember whose party it was, but we were against the door,

'cause there was no lock, and he pulled my pants down straight away.

Can I do it?

Nah.

Like that?

A little rougher.

Like you want to show me how much you want me.

Come on, guys. When can I have a go?

Josh, just wait a sec.

But maybe because it was Valentine's Day...

and his girlfriend was in the other room.

He wanted to do it pretty quickly.

So I let him, you know, put it in me straight away.

Here, grab my leg.

Just put your fingers here.

Come on, guys. I'm dying over here.

Is that right?

He kept on turning his head away from me.

I forced it back and got him to kiss me.

Okay, let's go.

No, hang on, I'll do this.

Okay, and go.

And you have to do it rough. Okay.

Okay.

Jas, you weren't wearing jeans.

- Not easy. - Okay.

Okay.

And wait. Hold my leg. Okay, come here.

Billie, what do you think? Uh--

Come on. What do you like?

Uh, I don't know.

Come on, Billie.

Dude, we told you everything. You gotta give us something.

Um--

So does this mean you're still transitioning?

Yeah, of course.

I just don't remember you telling me.

Don't worry. It'll happen. Somehow.

This'll get bigger.

Is Harry here?

He's never here.

I hit the soap dish with my arse and broke the soap dish...

and fell into the bath, but when I landed I also passed out,

but not because I hit my head, but because I thought I'd cut my arse.

And then just ride naked? Yeah. Yeah absolutely.

Or dressed like a sperm.

Are you two brother and sister?

She's my niece. Oh.

You look like you could be her brother.

She might as well be my sister.

I mean, I take care of her like she's my sister.

Make sure my little Billie doesn't get hurt.

Are you taking care of my Bill?

Are you using protection?

You're not-- You're not using your mum's strap

If you are, I really hope that you're washing that filthy fucking thing.

It's unsanitary.

No. No strap-ons here.

Is your mum a lesbian or something?

Why are you here, Harry?

So, you just hang out here, right?

You shoot the shit and talk about your-- your stuff?

What would you do if you didn't have this glorious place I gave you, hey?

Where would you go?

I suppose you could go to your mum's, Billie, couldn't you?

James is always at work at this time so he wouldn't know a thing.

Who's James?

Okay.

'Cause I've already been seeing the psychiatrist.

So basically--

due to the changes in the international standards of care,

I think I can get chest reconstruction surgery without being on hormones.

So what I wanted to ask was, do you want to come?

To the surgery?

To the psychiatrist.

For approval in a couple of weeks.

Somewhere you'd rather be?

Yeah, sure, Mum. Book me in.

**

* Need a reaction

* Need a reaction from you to me *

* Just need a reaction Need a reaction *

* Need a reaction *

Awesome, right? Yes.

This is so weird.

** [ Speakers: Pop ]

What?

Harry, it's Tom. Chef man.

Is Billie there? She's not answering any of my calls.

Go fish. She's not here, Pastry Pete.

Where are they? Don't know.

I'll call Jane then.

Um, bad idea.

Why? Look, I need to talk to Billie, man. I came off my scooter.

Are you all right?

Cheers, mate. Yeah. No, I'm good.

I was just sorta showing off at a friend's place and came off...

and scraped up my left side.

But I need to talk to Billie.

'Cause I don't know if I'm gonna be home.

So I'll just, uh-- I'll call Jane, eh?

Not a good idea.

You keep saying that.

Well, she's gonna be back here anyway, so I can just tell her then.

Or I could just call Jane now.

No. Don't.

Dude, what the fuck's going on?

Oh, fuck.

All right, here's the deal.

Billie?

Sit down, mate.

Why didn't you answer any of my calls?

Listen, Harry convinced me not to call your mother looking for you.

But he had to tell me why though.

I don't understand why you thought you had to lie about hanging out with your mates.

All right.

We'll duke it out, you and me.

I'm not gonna tell your mother.

Good. I don't want him to know.

Nah. You're gonna tell her.

It's "him."

Fuckin' whatever, Bill.

This is something you're gonna sort out yourself, yeah?

**

**

**

I just don't really wear dresses like this at the moment.

Well, it's your birthday.

- Okay, just get out so I can try something else on. - Okay.

I been thinking it might be good for me to start seeing people.

Actually, I--

No, thank you.

There's this woman at work that's...

kind of shown interest.

What, you're seeing someone? No.

That's-- That's not what I was saying.

How about trying this one on?

Can you just give us a minute? Sure.

I don't like any of these. Can we just go?

Did you want to try somewhere else?

No. Just take me home.

When we were here,

this place,

things made sense,

secret and separate.

No family.

It was precious, that stuff.

You know, it was mine.

Tell your mum, Bill.

Just start talking.

Where's the mother?

She's around.

Not enough to be in a photo with her kid though.

No, no, she's around.

I'm glad to see you back here.

We've spoken on the phone a few times,

but your mum's not been here for a while.

And you, Billie, I've not seen you here for ages.

Seven months. Yeah, it's been seven months.

Okay.

How is everything then?

Yeah, despite the hiccup, things are pretty good.

And the two of you? How has your time been together?

Yeah, it's been good.

Yeah, time together's been good.

Outside of that?

I've been lying to Mum each week about going to Tom's at 10:00.

So that's good.

Actually, I've just been going out with friends,

fucking around without anybody knowing where I am.

So, you know, that's-- that's really good.

And Mum hasn't known about any of this until-- until just now.

So-- So that's really fucking good, isn't it?

And James, he's been seeing someone. I think someone from work.

But I don't know anything about that,

so you're gonna have to ask him if that's been good because--

because I've absolutely no fucking idea.

I mean, maybe you could tell me.

I'm busy, guys.

In front of the psychiatrist.

Billie could've really fucked things up for me today. Don't be ridiculous.

I'm sure he deals with fucked-up families all the time.

We gotta do this shit now, guys? It's busy, yeah?

Yeah, we have to do it now. It needs to be sorted out.

It's between you and Billie, man. No, it's not.

This has been really badly managed. And she's been lying to you too, you know.

Why the fuck do you think I would let her stay out till 12:00 on a school night?

And have you even bothered to ask her what she's been doing?

Because she won't bloody tell me.

Are you even remotely worried?

This is our daughter we're talking about.

Every Tuesday she's your daughter, I agree, yes. But not at any other time.

You no longer get to decide what happens to Billie after the clock strikes 10:00.

- She's my responsibility then. - Oh, well, great job.

Hey, this was your fucking idea. Remember? Fucking deal with it.

For some reason I can only guess at,

you've chosen to be her mother for a mere six hours out of every week.

That's 24 hours in a month. A day.

So in the last six months you've chosen to be her mother for, what, six days?

Six days. Is that about right?

You have no say, man.

Is everything all right?

I don't mind it rough. Don't get me wrong.

No, don't.

I'm bleeding.

I just hate it. It's fucking painful.

For me too. For lots of women.

I used to think it was, you know, hormones.

I didn't get it. Get what?

That I hated it because I couldn't escape that I was a woman.

I mean, this body is still...

here.

I didn't realize you were getting periods again.

Billie thinks I've been seeing you for months, you know.

Thinks I've been lying about not seeing anyone.

She's a smart cookie.

Tom and I split when Billie was one.

We moved houses but kept sharing them,

trying for some strange version of a family, I guess.

Until it was clear I was totally into women.

** In front of Billie,

he said he hated me for being so slow to realize who I was.

And when he finally moved out,

demanded we share Billie.

And then my kid brother Harry moved in.

Messy.

It was just so much change for such a little kid.

Awesome, right.

I mean, there I was--

"Hey, I'm a lesbian. It's all cool."

But there was something else.

One night it was so simple.

I dressed up. I just decided to do it.

In what?

I put on men's clothes, drew a beard, and there I was.

In the mirror I finally recognized myself and...

I was a beautiful man.

I wish I had a photo of that.

No, you don't.

It was so liberating.

But I was really scared.

I'd screwed Billie and Tom around so much by then.

So I made a decision that I'd just shelve it.

I mean, I couldn't do anything simple to change it anyway, so it wasn't important.

Billie was important.

Then, 10 years later, it came screaming out at me.

If you can't work out how to live with yourself, you might as well not be here.

Do you wish you were born a man?

I mean, what would've happened if I kept putting it off?

The kindest, most loving kid in the world--

I didn't want to resent her.

I just needed some time.

Do you wish you were born a man?

Yes.

But then you wouldn't have had Billie.

No.

I'm sick of tiptoeing, but I just--

I just don't want to do this anymore.

Well...

how about you move back in?

No.

Hey, it's Billie.

Leave me a message. Okay, bye.

Hey, it's Mum.

Um, it's after 5:00 now, so I'm just wondering if you're coming.

I haven't heard anything back from you, so, um--

Well, I'll be at home, so give me a call.

Whoa!

Hey, it's Billie.

Leave me a message. Okay, bye.

Hiya. Um--

I think we should at least talk.

I'm not sure if you're even listening to these messages,

and Tom's not helping at all.

Um, can-- can we at least just talk?

Sorry I'm late. We're busy.

Thanks for coming. Take a seat. Okay.

I was just saying that,

apart from a couple of truancy incidences last year,

we haven't had any trouble with Billie before.

So in our view, this incident is out of character.

Yeah, well, we're just as surprised as you are.

Yes, it's really come out of the blue for us as well, so that's why we are all here.

Well, we're here to help. So what exactly happened?

Well, um,

Billie texted another girl in a different year--

Jasmin Miller-- during class time.

And Jasmin's teacher happened to notice,

and so he confiscated the phone.

And he noticed that the message was a photograph of Billie,

uh, in a state of nakedness.

Really?

And trust me, this is serious.

I want to make it very clear that if you're a minor,

a naked photograph of yourself...

can be regarded as child pornography.

Normally I'd bring the police into this straight away,

but I'm not going to in this case.

I really wanted just to bring it to your attention.

Because a family like yours, in a unique situation,

I wanted to make sure you understood the consequences.

"Unique situation"?

Well, I think you have a more complicated view of life, a family like yours.

What

Look, I think Billie has really good perspective, if that's what you mean.

And I think we've equipped our daughter with a better understanding of things...

than most other parents might.

Yeah, well, I think it might have been...

a confusing time for Billie lately.

I'm not going through her stuff.

You can watch for hours if you want. She won't move.

She really doesn't do much else, but especially on a Tuesday.

It's her favorite TV night.

Packed to the Rafters, then NCIS.

And now The Voice is on. She likes to watch that.

Does she live here by herself?

She has two kids. A girl and a boy.

And if they're all home together, they'll watch The Voice.

She hates outside.

She doesn't really go out much.

Wouldn't child services know about this?

They cover for her. They make excuses if anyone asks for her.

They can't afford to get in trouble at school...

because the school always calls the parents.

And she won't come. She can't.

You have a brother?

Younger.

Now, what's so shit about your life you haven't told us?

What so shit about yours?

You get to do whatever you want.

Oh, my God.

You don't get it.

My mum's sick.

I'm sick of being your plaything. Fuck off.

[ Phone Ringtone: Whistling Sound ]

Hey. It's 5:30 in the morning.

Um, I-I'm still jet-lagged.

It could be the crazy yelling man out here.

Oh, can you see him?

Anyway, um,

San Fran's pretty amazing.

Um, I met some, uh, interesting trans guys already and, um--

Yeah, I hope you're watching these.

And, uh, talk to you soon, hopefully.

I have identified as a trans guy for many years.

I identify as gender queer.

Fuck if I know what a man is.

For me, it's a thing that I believed about myself from before conscious memory.

I didn't know that I was trans until I was about 26.

As a child too I had a twin sister,

so it was really easy for me to understand what it looked like to be comfortable as female,

and I was not that.

You know, my question's been, okay, now that I can't take T,

how do I kind of be the man that I see in my head for me to be,

that I've taken this year off to do?

For me, I've been on for 18 years,

and, uh, you know, I don't think that it's necessary,

um, you know, for gender identity.

Um, I'm not on T, but I just had top surgery.

I'm on, like, day 16 after top surgery, and it's really fulfilling.

I'm married to a woman and have a seven-year-old kid,

and I transitioned before he was born,

so he's always known me as his dad.

But I still had to come out to him...

and help him know that I'm a different kind of dad.

It took me a really long time...

to feel comfortable accepting myself as a man,

and even still sometimes, after 11 years,

I have moments where I'm just, like, so crazy.

Not like I feel like a woman, but it just feels like, um--

I don't know, I feel nervous or scared about claiming that identity.

My dad became a woman,

uh, about 14 years ago when I was 17,

and it really transformed our relationship.

Initially when my dad came out I said,

"Oh, I love you no matter what. This will be fine."

Then, like, a month or so later...

I realized that I was, like, sad about something.

I lived with my mom, and so I told her--

I was, like, "I feel a little weird about something."

She was, like, "Do you think it's because your dad came out to you as transgender?"

Cheers.

So, you want me to get this camera off Harry?

Yes. Because?

Because he stole it from me and won't give it back.

Well, what's on there?

Nothing's on there. I just need it for a school project.

So why did he steal it?

I don't know.

Worried it had shit of his own on there...

that would incriminate him, something.

I don't know.

Can you get it or not?

Tom still letting you hang around with those friends of yours?

Dad lets me be an adult.

I am able to make my own decisions, you know.

Well, sending a naked photo of yourself to a relative stranger...

doesn't seem like the best decision to me.

Can you just give it a rest?

Okay.

Why don't you come to mine and we can talk together.

How is it any different from you sending over videos...

of your gay adventures in San Francisco?

It's different. You're a child, for one thing.

But in a year, all of a sudden I just won't be?

A year is a long time, especially at your age.

I knew this was a bad idea.

You can't even get my fucking camera back.

Where are you going? Just sit down.

Let's not do this.

We also recorded, um, with this special robot...

that we can remote control.

It was really funny. That's really cheeky.

Right. I'm gonna take James's car.

I'll be able to pick him up when he gets released. I'll bring him home.

But after that we all gotta pitch in.

Who's the emergency contact?

No one's gonna die.

There's a risk of death in every surgery. All right?

How do we find out who the emergency contact is?

Just promise me you'll be home when he gets out.

Yeah, yeah. I'll be there. Sponge in hand.

But I'm not riding your scooter. I hate that thing.

What's wrong with your car? It's dead. Died.

Anyway, if I'm gonna be the emergency contact, I should take the car.

Just take the damn bike, mate. I'm gonna find out.

Dad, can we go now? Just a sec, honey. Okay?

Excuse me.

You've hardly said a word.

Please don't ask me to.

Look, I can't. Like, I just-- I really can't do it.

Okay. She's gonna be out of action for a while. All right?

I can't be the only one holding this family together.

Why am I the only one that James can rely on here?

Trust me, you're not holding anything together.

Give me the goddamn scooter key.

I'm the emergency contact? Nope.

Lisa.

Would you put that out? You're disgusting.

That's no way to speak to your nurse.

I do have other stuff I normally do, you know.

Will you put it out?

Make me.

It's probably seeping into my wounds, poisoning me.

It's right here, so you can just reach out and grab it.

You really are horrible.

God, this is so boring.

I need a break.

Where's your girlfriend?

Busy.

"Busy."

Trouble in paradise?

Shouldn't Billie be here?

What time is she getting here on this particularly special Tuesday?

** **

Light breeze.

* I'm faceless in the crowd

* But he faces

* He faces me

* Don't take what's taken down *

* Just be with

* Just be with me *

**

How come you're not at your mum's?

I thought I was grounded.

Not to help your debilitated mother, you're not.

James doesn't need me.

No, I'm sure he's doing just fine over there with Harry.

There are others. Plenty of others.

And don't try and trick me again,

picking me up after school and-- and taking me there.

Hijacking me or something.

Scooter chef man.

Are you high?

Jesus, Billie.

Come on.

Okay, look.

I'm just doing what he's always wanted.

You know, I'm-- I'm staying away.

Don't test my patience on this, Bill.

You really wanna do this?

What are you gonna do, Pops?

Double

Yeah, well, she should be here. You guys have got a responsibility to each other.

What, like you with Frida?

What do you mean? We get along great.

Yeah, because you only see her once a month.

Yeah, and we still get along great.

Because you get to come and go as you like...

and she treats it like she should be grateful...

that you've graced her with your presence.

I need a cigarette. Okay?

Just sort your shit out with Billie and save us all a lot of trouble.

Great.

Oh, Harry!

It wasn't me.

Must be the fuse again.

Very funny. Ha-ha.

Oh, pipe down, sport.

**

Great.

Yep.

No, 3:00's great.

Before I come in,

did you know I go by the name James these days?

Yeah. I shouldn't be surprised.

Word gets out.

Okay. See you then.

Cheers.

**

How are you?

Okay.

Billie.

No offense,

but your dad's a scary dude.

I don't want to cross him.

Who cares? We don't have to do what he says.

Yeah.

Have you heard from Jas?

Uh, no. She's not answering my phone calls.

Yeah. I think she blocked you.

If I gave you a message, would you pass it on?

You know, like, just something to apologize or something?

Look--

I don't know.

You said you needed it tonight.

Yes.

How many of these are there?

Just that one.

Well, I can see why Harry took it off you.

He wasn't protecting me.

This is...

something.

Why record this?

Why record your transition?

Your trip to America?

To be able to go back.

To see things I couldn't see at the time--

the small changes.

To show you.

You look exactly the same.

Do I?

This whole year...

was about becoming a man.

I know.

You said you'd take testosterone.

You said you'd get a male chest.

Well, I got surgery and it feels great,

but without testosterone it's gonna take a while.

I agreed to this...

because I thought you were going to become a man.

I was. I am.

So when the fuck do you change?

It's not just about the physical.

- It never ends. - No, it doesn't.

That's why I still need to sort some stuff out.

Where have I heard that before?

Do you need another year?

What could you possibly have to sort out?

You.

I need to sort things out with you.

Can I just have it back?

You want this for school, right? This art project.

Does it matter?

It's dangerous.

Look, it's not what you think.

Doesn't matter what I think. You shouldn't have what's on there.

You know what I should do?

I should burn this.

I should go through everything you own and burn it all.

If you do anything to that tape,

I will walk out that door...

and happily not speak to you ever again.

If this gets out--

Please.

Don't you dare. I'm sorry.

When we were here,

this place,

things made sense.

This is my mum.

This is what his back looks like.

There are so many things that I should have said before now.

You know, that I should've told you about, but...

I felt stuck or something and I didn't feel like I could talk.

Fuck.

It is a really big thing to keep from your daughter.

And then Tuesdays became our special time.

All this stuff happened-- you know, important stuff.

It happens all the time.

Jasmin?

There's food left if you want it.

This year Earth's population reached seven billion,

and then in Antarctica a glacier the size of New York split off.

Or it nearly split off.

You know, there was all that Arab spring stuff.

And Occupy Wall Street and, I don't know, everything in Egypt.

I mean, you became a year-12, Josh grew three different beards...

and my mum became a man.

All this stuff happened--

you know, important stuff.

And it happens all the time.

You know, how do-- how do you know what bits really matter?

Back at the start, I-- I didn't know how to be.

You know, how supportive, how angry, how worried.

And you--

you just seemed so clear.

I mean, you both did.

You know, clear about what you liked and what you felt.

I wasn't.

And sex still didn't make sense,

but-- but it did feel great and weird and--

at least I didn't feel like the Billie that James is trying to get away from.

I felt like myself.

I just-- I didn't want to talk about my mum...

and how it would be easier for him if I wasn't around or--

or probably even better for him if I didn't even exist.

I wanted to know about you and Josh.

You know, clear about what you liked and what you felt.

This section here, it's really obvious that they are having sex.

It's incredibly graphic. And how much other footage is out there?

This is supposed to be a school project. What the hell is going on?

Okay, I agree that this thing's--

At least I didn't feel like the Billie that James is trying to get away from.

I felt like myself.

Get rid of it. If this got out online-- Why would it get online?

You're having sex on camera.

It wasn't meant for anyone else.

I can't believe you did this.

But you do understand why you need to get rid of it.

No!

We can take this to the police.

But that'll get them all in trouble. Billie was under the age of consent.

- Not at all.

I'm saying that bringing the police in is going to ruin all their lives.

So we need to convince Billie to destroy the footage herself.

Even if she agrees to it, how can we take her word for it?

I'll make sure she does it.

Maybe we can be there, so we can make sure.

But my point is that we can never be sure.

So, you're basically saying you can't trust me.

I am trying to explain the impossible position we're in.

Look.

After this, you won't have to listen to me anymore, I swear.

You won't even have to have me in your life, if that's what you want.

But if you keep going like this, you're not going to have much else.

You just had to give it to Jasmin.

How could you watch it?

Because I showed her.

What am I supposed to do with all this?

I didn't know what to do, so I showed Mum.

And then she called us, eventually.

There are worse things in the world than having a mum that wants to be someone.

Trust me.

I wanted to hang out with you.

I liked the camera.

But now...

I don't want anyone else to see this.

Hit it. Hit it. Hit it. Hit it.

Again.

Hit it.

Hit it. Hit it.

Keep going. Hit it. Hit it.

So, you got your fuck buddies back then?

I got rid of everything.

Kiddie porn-free now, are we?

Am I?

You think that I've still got something.

Frida!

Just tell me.

Come on. Why worry?

You're in the clear now. No more games, Harry. Please.

Later, when all this is over, right,

wouldn't it be great to just have one tiny piece left?

You know? Fuck 'em. No one's gonna know.

Why are you doing this?

Frida, will you stop that!

- How about you say you don't have anything?

Well, how about anything I say you won't believe. How about that?

Yeah. You're right.

That's why we need to go right now, so you can show me you don't have anything.

I can't even if I wanted to.

I was lumped with Frida. Then I've got sound check, and then I've got the gig.

Go to the house yourself and check. I don't care.

You know James will be there.

So?

I'm not going on my own.

You're just going to avoid him for the rest of your life now, are you?

Why

Well, do you?

Well, you're gonna have to go and look for yourself.

I can't go over there.

I-I'm not going over there.

Dude, I gotta go to work.

Do you have to go? Fuck yeah, I gotta go to work, Bill!

They're dying over there without me.

I've wasted too much time on all this shit.

Sorry. I'm tired. All right?

Look, I'll go.

I'll go right after work.

In the meantime, don't wait up, kid.

Watch a movie or read a book.

Just take care of yourself, eh?

[ TV: Announcer, Indistinct ]

**

Billie.

You came.

I wasn't sure.

Oh, God. Of course I came.

It's Tuesday.

Can't stay here forever.

I'll keep it quick so I don't embarrass myself too much.

Or cry.

You watch your child grow older and know they've changed,

but don't know...

how or what...

or exactly when it happened.

It's hard to pinpoint the "when," isn't it?

But you're actually pretty good at it--

knowing the how or what or when.

Much better than I ever was.

So...

I hope you're around a lot longer to keep me up to date.

It's all right.

With the cheese it kind of, like, counterbalances it.

Balances out so it's like the creaminess and then the rough base.

Sid, order up!

Sid, order up.

What can I get you? White wine.

Yep. Great.

How was school?

James visited earlier.

He looks good.

He's slow, you know, but he-- he gets there.

He just put it off for so long.

Please don't tell me it was all for my benefit. Come on, man.

You loved Jane. Unconditionally.

You idolized her.

What mother would want to change that?

You certainly didn't.

Most people do things with the best intentions,

and sometimes it just doesn't work out.

Things happen. You make a stupid decision.

You get lazy.

You crash your scooter.

That's life, Bill.

It still hurts.

Sure.

You don't want what you had before,

knowing only a few pieces of someone.

James has shown you, Bill. He's not hiding anything.

You have a chance to know who your mother really is.

And that's when you can choose to love him...

or not.

You can make that choice every day, if you like.

But there's no other way.

Okay.

I'm ready.

**

* I am dreaming, dear, of you

* Day by day

* Dreamin' when the skies are blue *

* And when they're gray

* 'Cause when the silver moon it gleams *

* Still I wander on in dreams *

* In a land of love, it seems *

* Just with you

* Let me call you sweetheart

* I'm in love with you

* Let me hear you whisper

* That you love me too

* Keep the love light glowing

* In your eyes so true

* And let me call you sweetheart, babe *

* 'Cause I'm in love with you

* Longing for you all the while *

* More and more

* Longing for your sunny smile *

* I'll adore

* Birds are singing far and near *

* Roses blooming everywhere

* You alone my heart can cheer *

* You, just you

* Let me call you sweetheart

* I'm in love with you

* Let me hear you whisper

* That you love me too

* And keep the love light glowing *

* In your eyes so true

* And let me call you sweetheart, babe *

* 'Cause I'm in love with you **