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1
00:00:11,027 --> 00:00:13,479
Xena... Wake up...
2
00:00:14,345 --> 00:00:15,393
What is it?
3
00:00:15,922 --> 00:00:17,165
Foot rot!
4
00:00:18,813 --> 00:00:20,532
Yeah, that's foot rot, all right!
5
00:00:23,255 --> 00:00:25,122
It itches like crazy.
6
00:00:26,454 --> 00:00:28,735
Well, there's nothing
I can do for you now.
7
00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:30,899
Maybe if you had 'a kept it
dry like I told you...
8
00:00:30,924 --> 00:00:34,161
No, no, no! It was your idea
to traipse through a dozen swamps
9
00:00:34,186 --> 00:00:36,175
to get to this
god-forsaken place!
10
00:00:36,965 --> 00:00:40,512
Why couldn't you just leave your horse
in a barn like a normal person?
11
00:00:40,537 --> 00:00:42,545
Argo doesn't like
being couped up.
12
00:00:42,973 --> 00:00:44,724
Besides, this valley's her home.
13
00:00:45,004 --> 00:00:47,848
It's got plenty of space to run...
Lots of grass to eat...
14
00:00:48,029 --> 00:00:50,662
Plenty of bugs...
Lots of infestation...
15
00:00:50,687 --> 00:00:55,031
Hey, I didn't stop looking for you,
and the same goes for Argo.
16
00:00:56,468 --> 00:00:57,804
What was that?
17
00:00:58,431 --> 00:00:59,447
What?
18
00:00:59,540 --> 00:01:01,575
Something just hopped out
of your bedroll.
19
00:01:06,457 --> 00:01:07,449
Hold still.
20
00:01:08,347 --> 00:01:10,113
What is it?
A bald spot?
21
00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:12,640
No, it's lice.
22
00:01:14,261 --> 00:01:18,169
I have not got lice. You think
I wouldn't know if I had lice?
23
00:01:19,969 --> 00:01:22,079
Lice...
I don't think so.
24
00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:25,378
Maybe if we put your
bedroll in the river...
25
00:01:25,403 --> 00:01:26,081
This way.
26
00:01:26,106 --> 00:01:28,941
Let it soak there, then slap it up
against a rock or two.
27
00:01:29,113 --> 00:01:31,379
That would probably get rid
of the little buggers.
28
00:01:31,769 --> 00:01:34,274
- This is Argo's trail. I'm sure of it.
- Then again...
29
00:01:34,408 --> 00:01:35,806
It could be too late.
30
00:01:35,968 --> 00:01:38,413
There might be a family of badgers
living in there by now.
31
00:01:38,438 --> 00:01:39,827
Give it a rest, Gabrielle.
32
00:01:40,169 --> 00:01:42,388
No, not till you clean up
your act, Xena.
33
00:01:42,413 --> 00:01:45,007
Hey! I'm not the one
with a fungus among us.
34
00:01:45,032 --> 00:01:46,727
Oh, yeah, that's poetic...
35
00:01:46,752 --> 00:01:49,072
Did one of your bug friends
whisper that in your ear?
36
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,050
Did you hear that?
37
00:01:53,467 --> 00:01:54,701
There she is.
38
00:02:03,961 --> 00:02:05,204
She ran away.
39
00:02:05,696 --> 00:02:07,102
Maybe it wasn't Argo.
40
00:02:07,322 --> 00:02:09,229
It was Argo.
I know my own horse.
41
00:02:10,190 --> 00:02:12,206
She didn't seem to know you.
42
00:02:12,231 --> 00:02:14,201
Maybe she heard us
talking about the lice
43
00:02:14,226 --> 00:02:15,873
and then she...
she was scared away.
44
00:02:16,215 --> 00:02:17,606
All right, that's enough.
45
00:02:17,968 --> 00:02:20,163
Oh, you wanna piece of me, huh?
46
00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:24,134
Fine, I'll give ya a piece of me!
Come and get it. Come on.
47
00:02:24,159 --> 00:02:27,315
I'm blind!
I'm blind!
48
00:02:27,727 --> 00:02:29,165
I'm blind!
49
00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:31,830
I'm blind!
I'm blind!
50
00:02:32,188 --> 00:02:33,727
I'm blind!
51
00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:39,382
Oh, I can see.
It's a miracle!
52
00:02:41,399 --> 00:02:42,313
Hi.
53
00:02:43,443 --> 00:02:45,030
I figured I'd find you guys here.
54
00:02:45,287 --> 00:02:46,959
The trail was too easy to follow.
55
00:02:47,097 --> 00:02:48,534
Any idiot could find ya.
56
00:02:48,740 --> 00:02:49,879
Evidently.
57
00:02:50,686 --> 00:02:53,324
- What brings you here, Joxer?
- Well, I'm on a mission.
58
00:02:53,587 --> 00:02:55,478
There's a band of marauders
that's raiding a village...
59
00:02:55,503 --> 00:02:56,987
and they vowed to come back
and finish the job.
60
00:02:57,012 --> 00:02:59,543
But the villagers paid me
to protect them.
61
00:03:00,290 --> 00:03:03,087
So, let me guess.
You want our help?
62
00:03:04,813 --> 00:03:06,422
No... No... No...
63
00:03:06,997 --> 00:03:08,975
I've got things
completely under control.
64
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,289
- When do you want us to start?
- How's now sound?
65
00:03:11,322 --> 00:03:12,830
- Fine.
- What about Argo?
66
00:03:13,634 --> 00:03:16,309
She saw me.
She knows I'm here.
67
00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:18,528
Ah, she'll probably
meet up with us later.
68
00:03:18,919 --> 00:03:21,263
Ok.
Then, it's settled.
69
00:03:21,922 --> 00:03:22,875
We're a team!
70
00:03:23,239 --> 00:03:26,512
Joxer, the Mighty, and his
mighty band of mighty men...
71
00:03:26,654 --> 00:03:28,265
Girls...
Uh... Mighty...
72
00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:32,282
Joxer, the Mighty, and his fighting,
mighty, women fighters...
73
00:03:32,307 --> 00:03:34,456
Fighting...
Mighty...
74
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:44,942
In a time of ancient gods...
75
00:03:47,289 --> 00:03:48,802
...warlords...
76
00:03:48,837 --> 00:03:50,334
...and kings...
77
00:03:50,402 --> 00:03:53,903
A land in turmoil
cried out for a hero...
78
00:04:03,108 --> 00:04:04,941
She was Xena...
79
00:04:05,614 --> 00:04:09,410
a mighty princess,
forged in the heat of battle...
80
00:04:13,782 --> 00:04:14,964
...The power...
81
00:04:16,806 --> 00:04:17,970
...The passion...
82
00:04:21,379 --> 00:04:22,557
...The danger...
83
00:04:28,082 --> 00:04:30,651
Her courage will
change the world...
84
00:04:31,675 --> 00:04:35,175
In Sickness And In Hell
85
00:04:40,099 --> 00:04:41,303
That's strange...
86
00:04:41,801 --> 00:04:44,215
Argo seems to be
deliberately avoiding me.
87
00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:48,007
- Something's wrong.
- Yeah, you're telling me...
88
00:04:48,476 --> 00:04:49,229
Xena...
89
00:04:49,608 --> 00:04:52,756
It's green. It's red.
It's on the move.
90
00:04:53,019 --> 00:04:57,308
- Something's bothering Argo.
- Hey! Hey! Human suffering here.
91
00:04:57,448 --> 00:05:00,089
Xena, my fungus is
spreading like wildfire.
92
00:05:00,199 --> 00:05:02,480
Gabrielle, just take your mind
off the itching.
93
00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:04,157
What about breakfast?
94
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:06,166
We're out of food.
95
00:05:07,754 --> 00:05:09,059
Ah, hang on.
96
00:05:10,673 --> 00:05:11,728
Here's some berries.
97
00:05:11,969 --> 00:05:13,883
No! Don't eat those.
98
00:05:14,142 --> 00:05:15,665
They can play tricks on the mind.
99
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:18,363
Wait a minute.
100
00:05:19,210 --> 00:05:21,335
There's a rabbit over there.
101
00:05:21,896 --> 00:05:23,308
I'll catch the rabbit.
102
00:05:23,333 --> 00:05:25,239
What? You're gonna
catch the rabbit?
103
00:05:25,708 --> 00:05:26,489
Yeah!
104
00:05:26,514 --> 00:05:29,428
After all these years of watching you
slaughter nature's creatures...
105
00:05:29,453 --> 00:05:30,601
I can do this.
106
00:05:31,448 --> 00:05:33,283
Look, I don't want you
near the food.
107
00:05:33,308 --> 00:05:35,548
A lice-infested rabbit
is not on my diet.
108
00:05:35,573 --> 00:05:37,268
I don't have lice!
109
00:05:37,527 --> 00:05:38,722
It's dandruff!
110
00:05:38,747 --> 00:05:40,950
It's a minor scalp irritation,
that's all.
111
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:44,409
Whatever.
I'll catch the rabbit.
112
00:05:45,070 --> 00:05:46,211
Well, go ahead.
113
00:05:46,497 --> 00:05:49,677
- No skin off my back.
- Hardy-har-har.
114
00:05:51,696 --> 00:05:53,493
Joxer, tell me about
these marauders.
115
00:05:53,518 --> 00:05:55,049
Oh, yeah. Well...
116
00:05:55,074 --> 00:05:56,669
They thundered into
town on horseback
117
00:05:56,694 --> 00:05:58,499
cutting down everything
in their path.
118
00:06:00,304 --> 00:06:02,397
I tried to stop 'em, but,
of course, I was outnumbered.
119
00:06:02,621 --> 00:06:06,113
- How many did you see?
- Up close and personal? One.
120
00:06:06,463 --> 00:06:07,556
One man?
121
00:06:07,752 --> 00:06:09,908
One fist... but it was headed
for my face at the time.
122
00:06:11,330 --> 00:06:12,499
I did get this.
123
00:06:14,602 --> 00:06:15,993
It's Scythian knife.
124
00:06:16,173 --> 00:06:17,259
Is that bad?
125
00:06:17,835 --> 00:06:19,023
Well, it ain't good.
126
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:22,498
Scythians are pure evil.
127
00:06:35,824 --> 00:06:36,910
Look...
128
00:06:48,945 --> 00:06:50,734
What a magnificent beast!
129
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:55,351
What are you waitin' for?
Get me that horse!
130
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,891
With a horse like that under me...
131
00:07:07,222 --> 00:07:08,667
I'd be unstoppable.
132
00:07:09,037 --> 00:07:10,810
And evil will rule the world!
133
00:07:21,938 --> 00:07:22,946
Bunny?
134
00:07:26,598 --> 00:07:29,723
Here, bunny, bunny, bunny,
bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny.
135
00:07:40,593 --> 00:07:41,905
Are ya hungry?
136
00:07:47,058 --> 00:07:48,409
Come here, bunny.
137
00:07:52,892 --> 00:07:53,796
Yeah.
138
00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:57,427
It's good.
139
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:05,776
You're such a cute little rabbit.
140
00:08:14,340 --> 00:08:16,007
Hey, don't scratch me!
141
00:08:17,123 --> 00:08:19,654
So, those Scythians are
pretty good horsemen, huh?
142
00:08:19,679 --> 00:08:20,663
The best.
143
00:08:21,037 --> 00:08:24,225
Their warriors will stop at nothing.
They're tough and ruthless.
144
00:08:24,562 --> 00:08:26,992
Oh, and their women
are rough and toothless.
145
00:08:28,018 --> 00:08:29,604
How many roads
into that village?
146
00:08:29,863 --> 00:08:31,871
One, but it's
pretty treacherous.
147
00:08:31,896 --> 00:08:33,138
Well, that's good.
148
00:08:33,163 --> 00:08:36,718
I'll have to work quickly but,
if I can block off that road...
149
00:08:36,977 --> 00:08:38,649
Wait a minute, Xena,
wait a minute.
150
00:08:38,674 --> 00:08:41,783
I know, I appreciate what you're tryin'
to do, but those villagers hired me.
151
00:08:42,084 --> 00:08:45,048
And only Joxer, the Mighty,
is gonna stop those Scythians.
152
00:08:45,073 --> 00:08:47,698
Joxer, I once knew a warrior
who tried to stop them.
153
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,432
They buried him in Sparta,
Athens and Carthage.
154
00:08:51,730 --> 00:08:52,723
Whaddya mean?
155
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:56,917
They buried him in Sparta,
Athens and Carthage.
156
00:08:57,440 --> 00:08:58,706
Think about it, Joxer.
157
00:08:59,354 --> 00:09:00,424
Oh, it's a riddle!
158
00:09:00,449 --> 00:09:03,734
Ok, can I do one?
A monkey, a rat and a beaver...
159
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:28,135
- Joxer...
- What?
160
00:09:29,143 --> 00:09:31,440
Have you noticed
anything about my hair?
161
00:09:32,110 --> 00:09:34,040
Oh... Yeah.
162
00:09:34,065 --> 00:09:36,112
- Looks lovely!
- No!
163
00:09:36,538 --> 00:09:39,468
Gabrielle...
She had this crazy idea about...
164
00:09:39,768 --> 00:09:41,447
bugs or something.
165
00:09:41,484 --> 00:09:44,250
Oh, your lice...
Yeah, I can see 'em from here.
166
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,042
I don't have lice.
167
00:09:52,578 --> 00:09:54,766
Hey, listen. I just thought
ya liked bein' filthy.
168
00:09:54,791 --> 00:09:57,135
Made ya look...
tough, or something.
169
00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:59,285
- I'm not filthy!
- Hey...
170
00:09:59,634 --> 00:10:01,564
I'm not the one who has the lice.
171
00:10:01,929 --> 00:10:03,625
I don't have lice!
172
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:15,821
Well, girls, anyone want
some more radish stew?
173
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:20,449
You know... It's not my
favorite thing to eat, either.
174
00:10:20,474 --> 00:10:23,185
But somebody let
the wittle wabbit get away.
175
00:10:24,593 --> 00:10:25,557
Joxer...
176
00:10:26,539 --> 00:10:28,383
You're lucky it was
me back there.
177
00:10:28,824 --> 00:10:31,769
That little bunny would have
ripped your head off.
178
00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:37,392
Well, I'm serious!
That was one tough rabbit.
179
00:10:37,697 --> 00:10:38,916
Yeah, sure it was.
180
00:10:39,284 --> 00:10:41,084
Real man-killer.
181
00:10:41,772 --> 00:10:42,490
Xena...
182
00:10:42,737 --> 00:10:45,385
If it'll make ya feel better,
I'll go look for Argo.
183
00:10:45,796 --> 00:10:46,835
Oh, yeah.
184
00:10:48,591 --> 00:10:50,130
Yeah, that'd take a load off.
185
00:10:51,994 --> 00:10:54,588
She can smell me from miles away.
Here, Argo!
186
00:10:54,613 --> 00:10:56,496
- Maybe she's enjoying her freedom.
- Argo!
187
00:10:56,643 --> 00:10:58,557
No, she's angry.
188
00:10:59,103 --> 00:11:00,034
Why?
189
00:11:00,547 --> 00:11:02,469
I've never left her
alone for this long.
190
00:11:03,501 --> 00:11:04,649
I know what it is.
191
00:11:04,986 --> 00:11:07,556
She saw me ride off
on another horse!
192
00:11:08,594 --> 00:11:10,336
Are you saying
that she's jealous?
193
00:11:10,977 --> 00:11:13,141
She's hurt!
She's gotta be hurt by that!
194
00:11:14,398 --> 00:11:15,256
Xena...
195
00:11:15,411 --> 00:11:17,778
Maybe she's just visiting
her old haunts.
196
00:11:17,875 --> 00:11:20,078
I mean, this is where
you found her, right?
197
00:11:20,684 --> 00:11:21,745
Yeah...
198
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,843
Yeah, I thought she was the most
beautiful horse I'd ever seen.
199
00:11:26,189 --> 00:11:27,570
We bonded immediately.
200
00:11:27,595 --> 00:11:28,776
It was like we were
made for one another.
201
00:11:28,808 --> 00:11:30,426
We even knew what
each other was...
202
00:11:35,380 --> 00:11:36,295
Ah, yeah, that's it...
203
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:39,382
That's not my chakram that you're
scratching your fungus on, is it?
204
00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:42,723
Yeah. Yeah.
It is your chakram.
205
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:49,080
Xena... Come on.
I just need relief!
206
00:11:49,105 --> 00:11:50,152
Gabrielle!
207
00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:53,781
Look, my fingernails are worn
to the nubs! I need to scratch!
208
00:11:55,287 --> 00:11:56,826
No, you shouldn't be
scratching, anyway.
209
00:11:56,851 --> 00:11:58,279
It'll only make things worse.
210
00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:01,162
I'm not gonna give it to you.
211
00:12:01,834 --> 00:12:04,670
Don't make me hurt you,
"Scabrielle"...
212
00:12:05,310 --> 00:12:07,474
All right, "Eczema",
what're you gonna do?
213
00:12:08,038 --> 00:12:09,350
You're gonna use your
pressure points...
214
00:12:09,375 --> 00:12:10,852
Go on. Go ahead.
Go for it.
215
00:12:10,877 --> 00:12:13,244
You can't touch me.
Come on, come on!
216
00:12:13,528 --> 00:12:15,356
You're really tough now,
Warrior Princess?
217
00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:21,332
I couldn't find Argo anywhere.
218
00:12:22,217 --> 00:12:23,670
And we had such hopes...
219
00:12:24,141 --> 00:12:25,813
Hey, your hands are tied!
220
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:30,317
You see, this was
Xena's idea of a joke.
221
00:12:31,437 --> 00:12:33,187
Funny, huh?
You can untie me.
222
00:12:33,212 --> 00:12:35,150
Ok.
Hey, where is Xena?
223
00:12:36,316 --> 00:12:39,316
She went to start a rockslide
to block the path to the village.
224
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:43,174
Well, how are we
gonna get there?
225
00:12:43,798 --> 00:12:45,423
She's starting it behind us.
226
00:12:47,712 --> 00:12:51,266
Our path will be clear?
Anyone following us will be blocked?
227
00:12:53,161 --> 00:12:54,466
Don't be such a...
228
00:12:55,827 --> 00:12:57,038
A what?
229
00:12:58,560 --> 00:12:59,716
Never mind!
230
00:13:01,244 --> 00:13:02,939
Untie me... Please.
231
00:13:03,256 --> 00:13:05,131
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
232
00:13:05,156 --> 00:13:08,242
You were just gonna
call me an idiot or a...
233
00:13:08,267 --> 00:13:10,517
a dork or something,
weren't you?
234
00:13:11,229 --> 00:13:13,838
Joxer, I just need a scratch!
235
00:13:16,208 --> 00:13:17,124
Please!
236
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:19,183
All right!
237
00:13:19,975 --> 00:13:21,017
I'm sorry.
238
00:13:21,042 --> 00:13:22,808
I didn't mean to snap
your head off.
239
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,925
It's my fungus talking!
240
00:13:25,207 --> 00:13:27,855
Joxer, come on,
you know how I feel about you!
241
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:30,970
How do you feel about me?
242
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:36,272
Well, you know...
243
00:13:37,356 --> 00:13:38,770
I value your...
244
00:13:40,545 --> 00:13:41,522
My what?
245
00:13:43,939 --> 00:13:44,986
What?
246
00:13:45,748 --> 00:13:46,748
What'd you say?
247
00:13:48,288 --> 00:13:51,726
I don't think this is a really
good time... right now.
248
00:13:51,888 --> 00:13:55,208
Oh, sure it is, Gabrielle.
Go on, spit it out!
249
00:14:09,264 --> 00:14:10,311
Come on!
250
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:30,797
I don't ask for much.
I just want my pony back.
251
00:14:31,617 --> 00:14:33,789
- Where's Gabrielle?
- Nature called.
252
00:14:34,172 --> 00:14:36,266
No, it screamed
like a wild banshee!
253
00:14:36,291 --> 00:14:37,502
You know...
Argo's a nice horse.
254
00:14:37,527 --> 00:14:39,627
I'm sure a lot of people
would like to have her.
255
00:14:40,346 --> 00:14:42,080
Are you out of your mind?
256
00:14:42,609 --> 00:14:45,015
Argo wouldn't go to anybody else.
She'd die first!
257
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:46,610
Argo... Argo... Argo...
258
00:14:46,904 --> 00:14:49,510
Someone walked by with an apple
and she followed him home.
259
00:14:50,042 --> 00:14:51,456
That's what horses do!
260
00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:54,163
What did you put
in my breakfast?
261
00:14:54,188 --> 00:14:55,922
Just radishes and water.
Why?
262
00:14:56,178 --> 00:14:58,241
My stomach feels like
monday morning in Tartarus.
263
00:14:58,266 --> 00:15:01,211
You know... I just think you're feeling
a little puffy, irritable, and bloated today.
264
00:15:02,514 --> 00:15:03,920
Give me the scroll.
265
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:08,276
Next time, find your own bush!
266
00:15:08,626 --> 00:15:11,399
Girls, please, there's bushes
enough for everybody.
267
00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:22,860
Watch behind you.
268
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:41,736
A landslide has
blocked the route that
269
00:15:41,761 --> 00:15:43,678
the rest of the men
were to use to join us.
270
00:15:43,703 --> 00:15:46,125
They'll have to take a detour
and that could take a while.
271
00:15:46,381 --> 00:15:48,326
- Shall we proceed without them?
- No.
272
00:15:48,351 --> 00:15:49,984
We'll wait here
till they get through.
273
00:15:54,170 --> 00:15:55,842
Give me more time to break her.
274
00:15:58,863 --> 00:16:00,348
You think that'll work?
275
00:16:00,619 --> 00:16:01,682
I hope so.
276
00:16:02,985 --> 00:16:05,235
I'd hate to have to kill
such a beautiful animal.
277
00:16:22,409 --> 00:16:26,082
Fear not!
Joxer, the Mighty, has returned!
278
00:16:34,425 --> 00:16:36,386
Here's the guy that ran out on us!
279
00:16:36,411 --> 00:16:37,926
- Get him!
- Wait. Wait.
280
00:16:37,951 --> 00:16:40,420
Wait, wait.
I'm Joxer, the Mighty, remember?
281
00:16:41,388 --> 00:16:42,794
♪ Joxer, the Mighty ♪
282
00:16:42,819 --> 00:16:44,930
♪ He roams through
the countryside... ♪
283
00:16:44,955 --> 00:16:47,813
Oh, not that song again!
I can't get it out of my head!
284
00:16:47,838 --> 00:16:50,038
The meter is awful!
Kill him!
285
00:16:50,063 --> 00:16:52,219
Now, wait a minute.
Hold on, hold on, hold it, hold it.
286
00:16:52,244 --> 00:16:55,049
Look, I realize you haven't been
real happy with my services, so...
287
00:16:56,082 --> 00:16:58,637
I've recruited two
great warriors for you.
288
00:16:59,022 --> 00:17:01,969
Meet Xena,
the Warrior Princess...
289
00:17:01,994 --> 00:17:04,494
and her sidekick, Gabrielle!
290
00:17:08,007 --> 00:17:09,992
They're gonna
defend our village?
291
00:17:11,007 --> 00:17:14,062
Yeah, but we're gonna
need a little help!
292
00:17:16,183 --> 00:17:17,968
Go to your houses and
collect together
293
00:17:17,993 --> 00:17:20,778
all your your tools
and your weapons.
294
00:17:21,327 --> 00:17:24,577
Give Joxer a list of
every able-bodied villager...
295
00:17:24,832 --> 00:17:27,306
- and secure the outhouse.
- The outhouse?
296
00:17:27,331 --> 00:17:29,808
- Is that important?
- It is to me!
297
00:17:31,410 --> 00:17:32,714
Get out of my way!
298
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:42,597
Don't look, children.
299
00:17:42,622 --> 00:17:44,898
- Oh, yeah.
- That'll teach ya.
300
00:17:47,164 --> 00:17:48,468
What are you? Crazy?
301
00:17:48,898 --> 00:17:51,093
The Scythians will wipe
the floor with these two.
302
00:17:51,439 --> 00:17:54,711
Relax!
Everything's under control!
303
00:17:57,427 --> 00:17:58,349
Listen, would you guys stop
304
00:17:58,374 --> 00:17:59,826
scratching and picking
for a minute?
305
00:17:59,851 --> 00:18:01,427
Everyone's gettin' nervous!
306
00:18:01,452 --> 00:18:02,812
Would you go out there
and flex a little
307
00:18:02,837 --> 00:18:04,491
warrior muscle,
please, and maybe...
308
00:18:04,516 --> 00:18:06,446
kill something?
309
00:18:11,377 --> 00:18:15,181
We're doing all we can to avert
an all-out war with the Scythians.
310
00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:19,592
But in the unlikely event that
you will be called upon to act...
311
00:18:19,981 --> 00:18:22,840
you'll need to use one of these.
312
00:18:24,498 --> 00:18:26,256
I need a volunteer.
313
00:18:27,244 --> 00:18:28,385
I pick you.
314
00:18:29,281 --> 00:18:30,734
Yeah. Come on, come on, come on.
315
00:18:30,759 --> 00:18:32,556
Don't be shy, your mother wasn't.
316
00:18:32,836 --> 00:18:34,961
- All right, hold that. Got it firm?
- Yeah.
317
00:18:35,417 --> 00:18:36,667
All right, you got it?
318
00:18:37,889 --> 00:18:39,467
Oh, yeah, you got it!
319
00:18:41,262 --> 00:18:45,160
Hold it. Even if everyone in
the village learns to use a sword...
320
00:18:45,185 --> 00:18:46,799
we're still in trouble.
321
00:18:46,824 --> 00:18:49,220
The Scythians have horses...
And lots of 'em!
322
00:18:49,245 --> 00:18:51,745
Good point.
I'm glad you brought that up.
323
00:18:52,228 --> 00:18:54,025
See, I'm lookin' for a horse....
324
00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:55,120
My horse.
325
00:18:55,839 --> 00:18:58,395
It's gold, with a white mane...
326
00:18:58,420 --> 00:19:01,506
One horse? Doesn't sound
like much of a plan to me.
327
00:19:01,809 --> 00:19:03,895
The Scythians could be
back at any moment.
328
00:19:04,097 --> 00:19:05,464
What are you
gonna do about it?
329
00:19:05,489 --> 00:19:07,012
Now, you listen to me!
330
00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:09,777
We have already blocked the roads
so they won't be here for a while.
331
00:19:09,802 --> 00:19:11,450
And that'll give us
time to prepare.
332
00:19:12,588 --> 00:19:13,908
Here's what we'll need.
333
00:19:16,701 --> 00:19:18,232
What is it?
A list of weapons?
334
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:21,675
Linseed root?
335
00:19:22,293 --> 00:19:23,646
Willow bark?
336
00:19:23,671 --> 00:19:24,788
Uh, yeah.
337
00:19:25,124 --> 00:19:27,201
We'll also need
a room and a bath.
338
00:19:27,226 --> 00:19:28,530
You can stay here.
339
00:19:28,977 --> 00:19:31,711
And you're welcome to use
the town's natural mineral bath.
340
00:19:32,314 --> 00:19:33,266
Good.
341
00:19:34,063 --> 00:19:35,097
Gabrielle?
342
00:19:36,263 --> 00:19:37,434
Let's go.
343
00:19:40,366 --> 00:19:41,256
Hey...
344
00:19:45,433 --> 00:19:47,089
You get used to the smell.
345
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:53,176
Are you sure this is necessary?
346
00:19:53,545 --> 00:19:55,678
Only if you wanna
get rid of your fungus?
347
00:19:57,047 --> 00:19:59,125
What do the Scythians want
with these people?
348
00:20:00,269 --> 00:20:03,011
They're just poor...
They have nothing but mineral baths.
349
00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:04,622
And greek fire.
350
00:20:05,613 --> 00:20:06,910
What's greek fire?
351
00:20:07,722 --> 00:20:08,886
See over there?
352
00:20:11,705 --> 00:20:13,799
That's oil that's been heated
deep in the ground...
353
00:20:13,824 --> 00:20:16,363
In the wrong hands
it can be very dangerous.
354
00:20:17,226 --> 00:20:18,648
Guys! Guys!
355
00:20:19,441 --> 00:20:21,267
Great news.
I talked to the villagers...
356
00:20:21,292 --> 00:20:23,065
They've decided not to stone you...
357
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:25,977
Us.
358
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:30,239
Decided not to stone... me.
359
00:20:33,656 --> 00:20:35,874
Xena, here's that
medicine you wanted.
360
00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:38,920
You were right. All the villagers
are having stomach problems.
361
00:20:39,225 --> 00:20:41,913
- How'd ya know?
- Just a wild guess.
362
00:20:42,460 --> 00:20:44,202
Oh, well...
I got that list you wanted.
363
00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:48,704
I've arranged all the villagers by
height, weight, and fighting ability.
364
00:20:49,091 --> 00:20:51,763
So, I'm gonna go
marshal the troops.
365
00:20:51,932 --> 00:20:54,495
Let's hope we feel better
before it comes to that.
366
00:20:56,208 --> 00:20:57,966
This stuff stinks!
367
00:21:00,009 --> 00:21:01,533
What is this?
Sheep dung?
368
00:21:01,912 --> 00:21:03,021
Goat poo.
369
00:21:07,401 --> 00:21:08,816
He's kidding, right?
370
00:21:11,409 --> 00:21:12,354
Just...
371
00:21:16,601 --> 00:21:18,265
Well, it's working, isn't it?
372
00:21:35,310 --> 00:21:36,873
Why, I oughtta...
373
00:21:40,930 --> 00:21:44,029
No, lady!
No, no, lady, lady! No!
374
00:21:44,054 --> 00:21:46,695
Oh my god, she killed Kenny!
You Bastard!
375
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:48,322
You thinking about Argo?
376
00:21:49,319 --> 00:21:50,608
It's hard not to.
377
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:52,964
Xena, I know how
close you too are.
378
00:21:52,988 --> 00:21:55,090
But I don't think she's holding
a grudge against you.
379
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:58,107
You don't know how
moody she can be.
380
00:21:58,889 --> 00:22:00,304
She doesn't open up to you.
381
00:22:01,713 --> 00:22:03,455
She doesn't like me, does she?
382
00:22:04,438 --> 00:22:07,336
What is it? Is it my personality?
What? My hair color?
383
00:22:08,481 --> 00:22:10,958
The fact that I talk about her
like she's a real person?
384
00:22:12,723 --> 00:22:14,762
You know... We gotta watch
for that innkeeper.
385
00:22:15,432 --> 00:22:18,784
Why? What does he have?
What? What? Ringworm?
386
00:22:19,425 --> 00:22:21,363
No, he's in with the Scythians.
387
00:22:21,710 --> 00:22:22,882
How do you know that?
388
00:22:23,237 --> 00:22:25,932
His place is the only one
in town that isn't damaged.
389
00:22:25,957 --> 00:22:28,014
My guess is he's already
sent out a messenger
390
00:22:28,039 --> 00:22:29,996
and a Scythian assassin
is on his way.
391
00:22:30,519 --> 00:22:32,175
Maybe he'll put me
out of my misery.
392
00:22:32,513 --> 00:22:34,794
- What are you drinkin'?
- Linseed root.
393
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:37,798
You said it was good for my skin.
394
00:22:38,083 --> 00:22:40,255
On your skin.
You're not supposed to drink it.
395
00:22:41,471 --> 00:22:43,377
Well, so...
I mean, what could happen?
396
00:22:46,338 --> 00:22:48,189
Your mouth could go numb.
397
00:22:50,611 --> 00:22:52,259
I can't feel my tongue.
398
00:22:53,005 --> 00:22:54,450
Xena, I can't feel my tongue.
399
00:22:54,973 --> 00:22:57,090
The numbness should
go away in a few days.
400
00:22:57,376 --> 00:22:58,384
What?
401
00:23:01,256 --> 00:23:02,936
It's not true.
402
00:23:50,829 --> 00:23:51,829
What the...?
403
00:24:04,721 --> 00:24:05,697
Gabrielle...
404
00:24:06,941 --> 00:24:07,941
Wake up.
405
00:24:08,975 --> 00:24:10,131
Stomach...
406
00:24:10,312 --> 00:24:12,714
I did it.
Find out what you can.
407
00:24:21,377 --> 00:24:24,487
Xena had just cut off the flow
of blood to your brain.
408
00:24:24,512 --> 00:24:27,115
What?
What did you say?
409
00:24:27,571 --> 00:24:32,033
I said that Xena had just cut off
the flow of blood to your brain.
410
00:24:34,069 --> 00:24:35,163
Talk.
411
00:24:37,355 --> 00:24:38,371
Talk!
412
00:24:39,032 --> 00:24:40,720
Tell us what you know.
413
00:24:41,046 --> 00:24:43,745
Help! Somebody!
414
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:47,551
Keep her away from me.
415
00:24:48,008 --> 00:24:49,084
Keep talkin'.
416
00:24:49,781 --> 00:24:50,609
All right...
417
00:24:51,225 --> 00:24:52,403
I'm Euryalus.
418
00:24:52,867 --> 00:24:56,297
My brother's is Acestus,
the leader of the Scythian army.
419
00:24:56,585 --> 00:24:58,029
What's he got up his sleeve?
420
00:24:58,054 --> 00:25:00,024
I'm not tellin' you
what he's got planned.
421
00:25:00,162 --> 00:25:01,123
All right.
422
00:25:01,397 --> 00:25:03,770
Gabrielle, go in there and
give him a nice, big kiss.
423
00:25:04,441 --> 00:25:05,410
All right!
424
00:25:07,277 --> 00:25:08,808
As soon as the rest of our men
arrive...
425
00:25:08,984 --> 00:25:11,149
he plans to attack the town
from both ends at once.
426
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:13,958
He'll lead his elite guard
from the south.
427
00:25:14,333 --> 00:25:16,248
I'll bring in the rest of
the army from the north.
428
00:25:16,834 --> 00:25:19,204
I think the last part of
that plan's just changed.
429
00:25:19,229 --> 00:25:20,634
You don't know my brother.
430
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:23,417
He's not gonna leave me
here in this jail cell to rot.
431
00:25:23,442 --> 00:25:25,473
Don't tell us about rot!
432
00:25:31,617 --> 00:25:33,789
It'd be easier if we had Argo.
433
00:25:34,371 --> 00:25:36,774
- What?
- Argo!
434
00:25:37,410 --> 00:25:38,590
Yeah...
435
00:25:39,238 --> 00:25:41,597
It'd be a lot easier
if we had Argo.
436
00:25:59,114 --> 00:26:00,951
Xena, what is it?
437
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:05,993
It's Argo!
438
00:26:33,724 --> 00:26:35,147
What's wrong with you?
439
00:26:36,872 --> 00:26:38,193
What's wrong with you?
440
00:26:39,512 --> 00:26:40,692
That's it, girl!
441
00:26:42,650 --> 00:26:44,025
Come on, it's me!
442
00:26:57,786 --> 00:26:59,653
Here!
Tie this to the bars!
443
00:27:02,172 --> 00:27:03,281
Come on!
444
00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:58,122
We'll be back!
445
00:27:58,856 --> 00:28:01,981
Greek fire, it will be ours!
And we will rule the world!
446
00:28:02,006 --> 00:28:03,246
Come on!
447
00:28:17,475 --> 00:28:20,538
I just can't believe that Argo
would let someone else ride her.
448
00:28:21,724 --> 00:28:24,317
What we had was
such a beautiful thing...
449
00:28:25,672 --> 00:28:27,388
I ruined it!
450
00:28:27,913 --> 00:28:31,015
Boy, did you see that horse
that Scythian was ridin' on?
451
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:32,438
- What a beauty!
- Joxer!
452
00:28:32,782 --> 00:28:34,290
Joxer, it was Argo.
453
00:28:34,315 --> 00:28:36,979
It looked a little like Argo too.
He was kickin' her real hard.
454
00:28:37,004 --> 00:28:37,830
No, no, no.
455
00:28:37,831 --> 00:28:38,753
What?
456
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:41,160
Xena...
457
00:28:41,708 --> 00:28:43,575
Maybe Argo didn't hear you.
458
00:28:43,872 --> 00:28:45,432
Oh, she heard me all right.
459
00:28:45,457 --> 00:28:47,248
So why was she lettin'
that bad guy ride her?
460
00:28:47,273 --> 00:28:48,796
I don't know!
461
00:28:50,466 --> 00:28:52,037
But I'm gonna get her back.
462
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:55,558
- Joxer...
- What?
463
00:28:55,583 --> 00:28:57,755
- You're the secret weapon!
- Me?
464
00:28:58,426 --> 00:29:02,176
You're going to neutralize the rest of
the army, while I get my horse back.
465
00:29:02,373 --> 00:29:03,350
I am?
466
00:29:03,825 --> 00:29:05,505
I mean, I am.
467
00:29:05,712 --> 00:29:07,188
The whole amy?
468
00:29:14,506 --> 00:29:17,952
I don't know if my lice has fungus
or my fungus have lice.
469
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:21,892
Who is that?
470
00:29:22,338 --> 00:29:23,346
This...
471
00:29:23,537 --> 00:29:25,357
is the cook from Acestus' army...
472
00:29:25,382 --> 00:29:27,523
who will ensure that
Joxer's made welcome.
473
00:29:27,738 --> 00:29:29,566
Do you really think
that Joxer can do it?
474
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:32,273
Gabrielle, he gave the villagers
a stomach virus.
475
00:29:32,298 --> 00:29:34,009
He gave us a stomach virus.
476
00:29:34,034 --> 00:29:36,401
With any luck, he'll do the same
for the Scythian army.
477
00:29:36,426 --> 00:29:38,597
- Did you see Argo?
- No, I didn't...
478
00:29:38,622 --> 00:29:40,052
No, I didn't.
479
00:29:41,442 --> 00:29:43,208
The Scythians treat
their horses really well.
480
00:29:43,233 --> 00:29:46,180
The commander's horse'll have
her own tent... That one.
481
00:29:49,041 --> 00:29:50,307
You keep an eye out.
482
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:52,482
Any sign of trouble,
just whistle.
483
00:29:53,464 --> 00:29:54,550
Ok.
484
00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:03,033
Remember now, Joxer,
you're the secret weapon.
485
00:30:03,034 --> 00:30:06,198
Oh, Joxer, the...
M-m-m-mommy!
486
00:30:06,223 --> 00:30:08,114
What did you want?
487
00:30:09,346 --> 00:30:10,903
Anyone hungry?
488
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:24,564
Hey, girl!
489
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:28,581
It's me.
490
00:30:31,928 --> 00:30:35,381
I know I smell funny,
but I had kind of a tough week.
491
00:30:36,198 --> 00:30:36,988
Look...
492
00:30:38,666 --> 00:30:40,096
I know you've been mad.
493
00:30:40,455 --> 00:30:42,299
I know that you've
been avoiding me.
494
00:30:42,672 --> 00:30:45,194
But I've come back, and I'm never
gonna let you go again.
495
00:30:45,321 --> 00:30:47,180
So let's get out of here, huh?
496
00:30:54,996 --> 00:30:56,019
Thank you.
497
00:30:57,003 --> 00:31:00,338
You know... I'm a graduate of
the Royal Athenian Academy of Cooking.
498
00:31:00,363 --> 00:31:02,947
I cooked for the king...
before he died.
499
00:31:03,047 --> 00:31:04,289
Here you go.
500
00:31:04,994 --> 00:31:07,158
A little for you.
A little for you.
501
00:31:08,756 --> 00:31:11,052
A little more for you, big fella.
502
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:16,958
I was the cook for
the Royal Trojan Army.
503
00:31:16,983 --> 00:31:19,756
Their legendary flatulence had
nothing to do with me, of course.
504
00:31:20,547 --> 00:31:21,656
Ok.
505
00:31:23,334 --> 00:31:24,202
Hey...
506
00:31:33,147 --> 00:31:34,640
Now, you keep that
up and everybody's
507
00:31:34,665 --> 00:31:36,038
gonna know that
we're here.
508
00:31:37,103 --> 00:31:37,978
Let's go.
509
00:31:38,156 --> 00:31:39,759
Gabrielle, you can whistle.
510
00:31:43,018 --> 00:31:45,447
I am not leaving without you.
511
00:31:48,538 --> 00:31:50,272
What else could go wrong?
512
00:32:47,050 --> 00:32:49,018
I'm not givin' up on you, girl!
513
00:32:57,020 --> 00:32:57,753
Xena!
514
00:32:58,679 --> 00:33:00,570
This means the village
is unprotected.
515
00:33:01,365 --> 00:33:03,732
Take the rest of the men.
Go strike the village at once.
516
00:33:03,757 --> 00:33:06,429
- Right.
- I'll take care of her.
517
00:33:11,572 --> 00:33:12,993
That oughtta do it.
518
00:33:21,770 --> 00:33:23,763
Quick!
All you men, prepare to...
519
00:34:03,931 --> 00:34:05,517
All right, Acestus...
520
00:34:13,859 --> 00:34:14,765
Xena!
521
00:34:17,683 --> 00:34:19,573
All right, girl, you want me?
522
00:34:22,714 --> 00:34:23,862
You got me.
523
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:29,217
What are you doing?
524
00:34:30,162 --> 00:34:31,521
Defend yourself!
525
00:34:50,290 --> 00:34:51,383
Argo...
526
00:34:51,835 --> 00:34:54,442
Here, let's get this
off you, huh?
527
00:34:55,368 --> 00:34:56,698
Ok...
528
00:34:57,794 --> 00:34:58,623
There...
529
00:34:59,602 --> 00:35:00,441
There...
530
00:35:01,602 --> 00:35:03,469
I knew you couldn't
do it to me, girl.
531
00:35:03,757 --> 00:35:05,673
We've been through
too much together, huh?
532
00:35:06,545 --> 00:35:08,326
You came pretty close, though.
533
00:35:14,032 --> 00:35:15,135
Look out!
534
00:35:28,678 --> 00:35:29,819
Wait there.
535
00:35:39,643 --> 00:35:42,362
You need a lesson... in loyalty!
536
00:35:53,240 --> 00:35:55,193
Nobody touches my horse!
537
00:35:57,257 --> 00:35:59,346
- Come on! Come on!
- Get on it!
538
00:36:51,338 --> 00:36:52,737
Are you all right, Xena?
539
00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:54,487
I've never been better.
540
00:36:55,055 --> 00:36:56,094
Come on.
541
00:37:02,875 --> 00:37:04,883
Look...
I missed ya.
542
00:37:05,128 --> 00:37:06,559
I missed ya so much...
543
00:37:06,773 --> 00:37:07,648
Look...
544
00:37:07,673 --> 00:37:10,392
I promise I will never leave you
alone for that long again.
545
00:37:10,995 --> 00:37:12,949
I thought I was never
gonna get you back.
546
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:17,528
Just one thing...
547
00:37:18,348 --> 00:37:20,426
How did Acestus win you over?
548
00:37:20,953 --> 00:37:22,141
What did it?
549
00:37:24,192 --> 00:37:25,676
Apples?
550
00:37:27,116 --> 00:37:28,749
You left me for apples?
551
00:37:30,887 --> 00:37:32,340
Well, thanks, pal!
552
00:37:43,403 --> 00:37:45,543
Thank you, Joxer,
for saving our village.
553
00:37:47,067 --> 00:37:49,708
Here's the five hundred
dinars we promised you.
554
00:37:50,304 --> 00:37:52,953
Five hundred dinars?
That's a lot of dough!
555
00:37:53,857 --> 00:37:56,114
With this kind of dough
I'm gonna buy...
556
00:38:00,237 --> 00:38:02,714
buy you a new village.
Here, take this!
557
00:38:02,739 --> 00:38:05,231
I can't accept it.
Grow. Prosper!
558
00:38:05,820 --> 00:38:07,687
How can we ever repay you?
559
00:38:08,437 --> 00:38:09,413
Well...
560
00:38:09,849 --> 00:38:11,739
If you ever thought of
renaming your village...
561
00:38:11,764 --> 00:38:13,912
Joxonia or Joxopolis...
562
00:38:14,179 --> 00:38:15,663
I wouldn't object.
563
00:38:27,815 --> 00:38:29,580
That was a nice thing you did.
564
00:38:30,704 --> 00:38:31,752
You know, Gabrielle...
565
00:38:31,777 --> 00:38:34,855
It's moment like that make
a warrior's life worthwhile.
566
00:38:35,432 --> 00:38:36,791
If you think about it,
you brought down
567
00:38:36,816 --> 00:38:40,113
the entire Scythian army without
spilling a single drop of blood.
568
00:38:40,874 --> 00:38:43,015
- True.
- Yeah, you have talent.
569
00:38:43,866 --> 00:38:45,093
It's contagious.
570
00:38:45,118 --> 00:38:46,157
Yeah.
571
00:38:46,385 --> 00:38:49,057
Joxer, the Mighty,
immune to all diseases.
572
00:38:51,340 --> 00:38:53,221
♪ Joxer, the Mighty ♪
573
00:38:53,246 --> 00:38:56,533
♪ Never gets a fever, ♪
♪ he's eager as a beaver. ♪
574
00:38:56,534 --> 00:38:59,159
♪ He's Joxer, Joxer, the... ♪
575
00:39:04,240 --> 00:39:05,498
How are you feeling?
576
00:39:05,822 --> 00:39:07,022
I'll live.
577
00:39:08,316 --> 00:39:10,980
This week's been kind of
tough on everyone, I guess.
578
00:39:12,154 --> 00:39:14,842
But... You know...
I'm always there for you and...
579
00:39:15,180 --> 00:39:16,985
you're always there for me.
580
00:39:20,669 --> 00:39:21,833
Friends...
581
00:39:23,500 --> 00:39:25,860
Ooh, I got all
the friends I need!
41426
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