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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:29,631 --> 00:00:34,631 Subtitles by explosiveskull 2 00:02:12,984 --> 00:02:16,349 Fuck Wolverine. 3 00:02:16,351 --> 00:02:19,149 First, he rides my coattails with the R rating. 4 00:02:19,151 --> 00:02:23,682 Then the hairy motherfucker ups the ante by dying. 5 00:02:23,684 --> 00:02:25,849 What a dick. 6 00:02:25,851 --> 00:02:28,249 Well, guess what, Wolvie? 7 00:02:28,251 --> 00:02:30,748 I'm dying in this one, too. 8 00:02:33,917 --> 00:02:35,949 To understand why I took a cat-nap 9 00:02:35,951 --> 00:02:38,349 on 1,200 gallons of high-test fuel... 10 00:02:38,351 --> 00:02:39,583 I need to take you back 11 00:02:39,585 --> 00:02:42,149 to the dewy slopes of six weeks ago. 12 00:02:42,151 --> 00:02:43,549 I'd gone international, 13 00:02:43,551 --> 00:02:45,449 taking out mass murderers, gangsters, 14 00:02:45,451 --> 00:02:47,050 unspeakable monsters. 15 00:02:47,052 --> 00:02:49,983 People nobody would touch. Except me. 16 00:02:49,985 --> 00:02:52,849 I'm gonna touch them all over. 17 00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:57,682 Hey, it's Gail calling. 18 00:02:57,684 --> 00:02:59,083 Love the shiny suit. 19 00:02:59,085 --> 00:02:59,950 Really brings out 20 00:02:59,952 --> 00:03:01,615 the sex trafficker in your eyes. 21 00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:07,915 I don't speak Cantonese, Mister... 22 00:03:07,917 --> 00:03:09,983 Well, I'm not even gonna attempt that. 23 00:03:09,985 --> 00:03:12,815 But I did take 8th grade Spanish, so... 24 00:03:14,884 --> 00:03:17,882 Which literally translates to... 25 00:03:17,884 --> 00:03:21,149 I don't bargain, pumpkin fucker. 26 00:03:30,218 --> 00:03:31,449 Uno, dos, tres, cuatro... 27 00:03:44,052 --> 00:03:46,715 I'll take a cranberry-grapefruit vodka. 28 00:03:46,717 --> 00:03:48,182 I know it's called a Sea Breeze. 29 00:03:48,184 --> 00:03:49,648 Don't make me say it. 30 00:03:49,650 --> 00:03:51,249 Hit it, Dolly. 31 00:04:08,184 --> 00:04:11,051 Taking the hands out of the guns of the criminals! 32 00:04:19,184 --> 00:04:20,384 Whoo! Do not go in there! 33 00:04:30,650 --> 00:04:33,748 Oh, God! Oh, God, time out! Time out! 34 00:04:33,750 --> 00:04:37,449 Cut. Got bad guy blood, right in my open eye. 35 00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:39,382 Oh, that's so gross. 36 00:04:40,451 --> 00:04:42,017 Fuck. 37 00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:44,852 Scoutmaster Kevin? 38 00:04:51,051 --> 00:04:52,750 Too exotic? 39 00:04:55,118 --> 00:04:56,850 My world tour brought me home 40 00:04:56,852 --> 00:04:59,483 to this guy, Sergei Valishnikov. 41 00:04:59,485 --> 00:05:00,916 But we'll get to him in a moment. 42 00:05:00,918 --> 00:05:02,216 'Cause I know what you're thinking. 43 00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:05,449 "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home." 44 00:05:05,451 --> 00:05:06,850 But that's where you'd be wrong. 45 00:05:06,852 --> 00:05:09,850 That babysitter of yours is high as fuck right now... 46 00:05:09,852 --> 00:05:14,316 and, believe it or not, Deadpool 2 is a family film. 47 00:05:14,318 --> 00:05:15,583 True story. 48 00:05:15,585 --> 00:05:19,349 And every good family film starts with a vicious murder. 49 00:05:19,351 --> 00:05:22,216 Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7. 50 00:05:22,218 --> 00:05:25,682 Holy shit pickles! That guy's on fire. 51 00:05:25,684 --> 00:05:28,416 That's not CGI, folks. He's actually on fire. 52 00:05:28,418 --> 00:05:32,116 Yeah. You know I get paid to take out bad guys, right? 53 00:05:32,118 --> 00:05:33,116 But this guy? 54 00:05:33,118 --> 00:05:35,684 He was one of the worst of 'em. 55 00:05:37,918 --> 00:05:39,648 Hurry up and open this fucking door, 56 00:05:39,650 --> 00:05:40,930 and let's kill this motherfucker! 57 00:05:48,184 --> 00:05:50,249 Ugh. So gross. 58 00:05:50,251 --> 00:05:52,949 A panic room? Really? 59 00:05:52,951 --> 00:05:55,149 Can you come out? 60 00:05:55,151 --> 00:05:58,617 I really have to go. It's my anniversary. 61 00:06:03,984 --> 00:06:05,483 Over and over, I hear people say, 62 00:06:05,485 --> 00:06:06,982 "I just don't have enough confidence." 63 00:06:06,984 --> 00:06:09,116 Listen, confidence is not something you have. 64 00:06:09,118 --> 00:06:10,648 It's something you create. 65 00:06:10,650 --> 00:06:12,749 And you can create it at any moment in time. 66 00:06:12,751 --> 00:06:14,549 A sense of confidence is nothing 67 00:06:14,551 --> 00:06:15,982 but a sense of power within yourself... 68 00:06:15,984 --> 00:06:17,982 a sense of certainty that you can pull something off. 69 00:06:17,984 --> 00:06:19,915 Start the car! Start the fucking car! 70 00:06:19,917 --> 00:06:20,783 Dopinder! 71 00:06:20,785 --> 00:06:22,785 Start the fucking car! 72 00:06:29,818 --> 00:06:31,549 - Whoo! - Oh, I shit my pants. 73 00:06:31,551 --> 00:06:33,816 Actually, that may have been me. 74 00:06:33,818 --> 00:06:35,282 Oh, mission accomplished? 75 00:06:35,284 --> 00:06:36,982 Well, in a George W. Sort of way. 76 00:06:36,984 --> 00:06:38,982 Fucker can't stay in a panic room forever. 77 00:06:38,984 --> 00:06:40,615 Oh, you're living the dreams, DP. 78 00:06:40,617 --> 00:06:42,516 It has been quite the run, Dopinder, 79 00:06:42,518 --> 00:06:43,783 and who'da thought? 80 00:06:43,785 --> 00:06:46,516 Now I'm talked about in the same sentence as Jesus. 81 00:06:46,518 --> 00:06:48,449 Passion of the Christ, then me. 82 00:06:48,451 --> 00:06:49,682 At least domestically. 83 00:06:49,684 --> 00:06:50,882 We beat them overseas, 84 00:06:50,884 --> 00:06:52,949 where there's no such thing as religion. 85 00:06:52,951 --> 00:06:55,116 I do want to live the dreams, Pool Boy. 86 00:06:55,118 --> 00:06:57,615 Taxiing is not as sexy as it looks. 87 00:06:57,617 --> 00:06:59,282 - I want to fill my... - Pockets? 88 00:06:59,284 --> 00:07:02,583 What's your poison? A little, uh, cokey cokey? 89 00:07:02,585 --> 00:07:04,015 Can't maintain an erection 90 00:07:04,017 --> 00:07:05,682 without buying shoes online? 91 00:07:05,684 --> 00:07:07,682 I've never experienced that last one. 92 00:07:07,684 --> 00:07:08,982 Talk to me, Goose. 93 00:07:08,984 --> 00:07:11,783 I was going to say "soul". I want to fill my soul. 94 00:07:11,785 --> 00:07:15,182 I want to belong to something, like you, Pool, sir. 95 00:07:15,184 --> 00:07:16,783 - Dopinder... - Hmm? 96 00:07:16,785 --> 00:07:18,851 You never cease to surprise me. 97 00:07:20,051 --> 00:07:22,982 You know, the depth of your heart is extraordinary. 98 00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:24,749 We all need a sense of belonging. 99 00:07:24,751 --> 00:07:26,615 We all need a genuine sense of home. 100 00:07:26,617 --> 00:07:27,683 A place in this world. 101 00:07:27,685 --> 00:07:29,049 I want to become a contract killer. 102 00:07:29,051 --> 00:07:30,749 I'm sorry. What did you say? 103 00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:32,783 Remember when I kidnapped Bandhu 104 00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:34,349 and threatened him with great violence? 105 00:07:34,351 --> 00:07:35,749 You kind of killed him. 106 00:07:35,751 --> 00:07:37,716 And then remember the movie Interview with the Vampire? 107 00:07:37,718 --> 00:07:38,849 Don't want to. 108 00:07:38,851 --> 00:07:39,915 When Tom Cruise fed 109 00:07:39,917 --> 00:07:41,815 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst blood 110 00:07:41,817 --> 00:07:43,049 for the first time... 111 00:07:43,051 --> 00:07:45,583 and she looked up at his smooth, 112 00:07:45,585 --> 00:07:48,051 handsome face and said... 113 00:07:48,518 --> 00:07:50,216 "I want some more." 114 00:07:50,218 --> 00:07:54,251 Oh, Pool, picture me, a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst. 115 00:07:55,184 --> 00:07:57,716 I'll never not picture that. 116 00:07:57,718 --> 00:07:59,549 But I can't wait to never speak of this, 117 00:07:59,551 --> 00:08:01,449 as soon as possible. 118 00:08:01,451 --> 00:08:04,118 We're here. 119 00:08:06,251 --> 00:08:07,149 You're my Tom Cruise! 120 00:08:07,151 --> 00:08:09,116 And you're my Kristen Dunst! 121 00:08:09,118 --> 00:08:10,685 Kristen? Kirsten? 122 00:08:15,551 --> 00:08:17,249 Sorry I'm late. 123 00:08:17,251 --> 00:08:18,749 There was a bunch of 124 00:08:18,751 --> 00:08:20,849 handicapable children stuck in a tree... 125 00:08:20,851 --> 00:08:22,316 - and I had to, uh... - Uh-uh. 126 00:08:22,318 --> 00:08:25,149 You're right. I was fighting a caped badass. 127 00:08:25,151 --> 00:08:27,915 But then we discovered his mom is named Martha, too. 128 00:08:27,917 --> 00:08:29,216 No. 129 00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:30,218 Traffic? 130 00:08:30,917 --> 00:08:31,951 Hmm? 131 00:08:32,817 --> 00:08:34,416 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 132 00:08:34,418 --> 00:08:35,718 Well, come here. 133 00:08:47,184 --> 00:08:49,782 I'm gonna shower and get out of this suit. 134 00:08:49,784 --> 00:08:50,949 Don't you want your surprise? 135 00:08:50,951 --> 00:08:53,017 Do I look like a patient burn victim? 136 00:08:53,651 --> 00:08:55,051 I got one for you, too. 137 00:08:56,184 --> 00:08:57,616 Happy anniversary, baby. 138 00:08:57,618 --> 00:08:59,284 Open, open, open. 139 00:09:01,284 --> 00:09:03,116 Skee-Ball token. 140 00:09:03,118 --> 00:09:04,449 Our first date. 141 00:09:04,451 --> 00:09:05,782 Yup. 142 00:09:05,784 --> 00:09:08,884 That's genuine, high-grade lead. 143 00:09:11,586 --> 00:09:14,082 I'll keep it forever. 144 00:09:14,084 --> 00:09:15,618 Thank you, baby. 145 00:09:16,884 --> 00:09:18,851 - Open yours. - All right, all right. 146 00:09:19,551 --> 00:09:21,017 Oh... 147 00:09:22,118 --> 00:09:24,249 That's just the most beautiful thing that I've... 148 00:09:24,251 --> 00:09:25,649 I don't know what this is. 149 00:09:25,651 --> 00:09:27,483 My IUD. 150 00:09:27,485 --> 00:09:28,683 A bomb? 151 00:09:28,685 --> 00:09:31,782 No, dick for brains. My birth control device. 152 00:09:31,784 --> 00:09:32,849 What, you mean that your... 153 00:09:32,851 --> 00:09:34,715 Baby factory's open for business. 154 00:09:34,717 --> 00:09:35,982 Oh, my God! 155 00:09:35,984 --> 00:09:39,249 Oh, my God! I want a boy! 156 00:09:39,251 --> 00:09:42,316 Or a little girl! Definitely one or the other! 157 00:09:42,318 --> 00:09:45,384 Oh! And I want our kid to have only one name. 158 00:09:46,051 --> 00:09:49,082 Like Cher or Todd. 159 00:09:49,084 --> 00:09:51,049 You gotta pump a baby in me first, cowboy. 160 00:09:51,051 --> 00:09:52,116 Yes, I do. 161 00:09:52,118 --> 00:09:54,082 Let's watch some porn and show that bed who's boss. 162 00:09:54,084 --> 00:09:55,084 Let's do that. 163 00:09:56,184 --> 00:09:58,249 ♪ Papa... ♪ 164 00:09:58,251 --> 00:10:00,351 ♪ Can you hear me? ♪ 165 00:10:01,984 --> 00:10:04,584 ♪ Papa, can you see me? ♪ 166 00:10:04,586 --> 00:10:06,984 Does this song sound familiar to you? 167 00:10:09,218 --> 00:10:11,182 May. 168 00:10:11,184 --> 00:10:15,151 Connor, if it's a boy. May, if it's a girl. 169 00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:20,049 So weird. 170 00:10:20,051 --> 00:10:22,784 Family was always an F-word to me. 171 00:10:23,984 --> 00:10:28,382 My pile of shit father took off and bailed. 172 00:10:28,384 --> 00:10:30,782 I mean, it's not like I have a lot of strong role models 173 00:10:30,784 --> 00:10:33,084 to draw off of for Todd. 174 00:10:34,118 --> 00:10:36,817 Hey. Look at me. 175 00:10:37,750 --> 00:10:40,084 You are not your father. 176 00:10:41,618 --> 00:10:42,915 Besides... 177 00:10:42,917 --> 00:10:47,984 I will never, ever let our child be named Todd. 178 00:10:48,784 --> 00:10:49,849 But here's the thing, 179 00:10:49,851 --> 00:10:51,251 isn't that how it always works? 180 00:10:51,784 --> 00:10:53,216 Like in Star Wars, 181 00:10:53,218 --> 00:10:56,015 men are destined to become their father... 182 00:10:56,017 --> 00:10:59,116 and then have consensual sex with their sister? 183 00:10:59,118 --> 00:11:02,615 I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie. 184 00:11:02,617 --> 00:11:04,882 No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her. 185 00:11:04,884 --> 00:11:07,149 Baby, that's Empire. 186 00:11:07,151 --> 00:11:09,817 The point is, kids... 187 00:11:11,017 --> 00:11:13,917 they give us a chance to be better than we are. 188 00:11:14,586 --> 00:11:17,349 Better than we used to be. 189 00:11:17,351 --> 00:11:19,851 You're a lot smarter than I look. 190 00:11:20,684 --> 00:11:22,517 I'm gonna go make dessert. 191 00:11:22,519 --> 00:11:26,882 You get the strap-on. Let's make a super baby. 192 00:11:26,884 --> 00:11:29,351 Pretty sure it doesn't work that way, but we can try. 193 00:11:30,585 --> 00:11:34,015 What about Krystal? But with a "K"? 194 00:11:34,017 --> 00:11:36,082 It's too stripper-y. 195 00:11:36,084 --> 00:11:37,517 Kevin with a "K"! 196 00:11:37,519 --> 00:11:39,784 No, too stripper-y, too. 197 00:11:40,251 --> 00:11:42,015 Uh, Earl! 198 00:11:42,017 --> 00:11:44,517 He's gonna go straight to jail 199 00:11:44,519 --> 00:11:46,715 if we name him Earl. 200 00:11:46,717 --> 00:11:48,817 What about Bruce? 201 00:11:49,817 --> 00:11:51,149 No. 202 00:11:51,151 --> 00:11:52,382 Get down. 203 00:11:52,384 --> 00:11:53,784 What? 204 00:12:22,318 --> 00:12:24,417 Baby? Baby? 205 00:12:27,585 --> 00:12:29,182 I'm okay. 206 00:12:29,184 --> 00:12:31,982 Thank God I didn't have to use the cream cheese spreader. 207 00:13:06,518 --> 00:13:07,951 Please. 208 00:13:13,017 --> 00:13:14,715 Please. Please. 209 00:13:14,717 --> 00:13:18,082 Baby, I'm so sorry. 210 00:13:18,084 --> 00:13:21,951 No! 211 00:16:26,918 --> 00:16:29,851 ♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪ 212 00:16:30,985 --> 00:16:32,149 Is it just me, or does 213 00:16:32,151 --> 00:16:34,283 Do You Want to Build a Snowman? from Frozen... 214 00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:35,682 sound suspiciously like 215 00:16:35,684 --> 00:16:37,882 Papa, Can You Hear Me? From Yentl? 216 00:16:38,784 --> 00:16:41,450 ♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪ 217 00:16:42,784 --> 00:16:45,182 And nobody fucking realizes it. 218 00:16:45,184 --> 00:16:48,415 Go home. You've been here for three days, okay? 219 00:16:48,417 --> 00:16:50,649 You smell like somebody shit in a Civil War wound... 220 00:16:50,651 --> 00:16:52,149 after it had become gangrenous. 221 00:16:52,151 --> 00:16:54,482 They should've just amputated it. Why shit in it? 222 00:16:54,484 --> 00:16:56,116 Doesn't make any sense. 223 00:16:56,118 --> 00:16:57,715 I love Frozen. 224 00:16:57,717 --> 00:17:01,249 I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water. 225 00:17:01,251 --> 00:17:02,649 An ocean is water. 226 00:17:02,651 --> 00:17:07,682 More importantly, I liked her. I really liked her, you know? 227 00:17:07,684 --> 00:17:08,849 George Michael was right. 228 00:17:08,851 --> 00:17:11,316 I'm never gonna dance again. Fuck! 229 00:17:11,318 --> 00:17:12,517 He's dead, too. 230 00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:15,615 At least we still have Bowie. 231 00:17:15,617 --> 00:17:19,684 Yeah. We still have Bowie. 232 00:17:20,151 --> 00:17:21,415 I'm sorry. 233 00:17:21,417 --> 00:17:22,749 Shot after shot, 234 00:17:22,751 --> 00:17:24,749 it's not gonna change the fact that I think you're... 235 00:17:24,751 --> 00:17:26,149 Are you pissing? Are you urinating right now? 236 00:17:26,151 --> 00:17:29,182 You're making the face that you make when you urinate. 237 00:17:29,184 --> 00:17:31,082 - Is he pissing? - I'm on it! 238 00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:32,415 There you go, Dopinder. 239 00:17:32,417 --> 00:17:34,383 If you want to be a contract killer... 240 00:17:34,385 --> 00:17:36,849 you gotta handle a mop before you handle a gun. 241 00:17:36,851 --> 00:17:38,116 Although I don't quite understand 242 00:17:38,118 --> 00:17:39,415 how they are at all similar. 243 00:17:39,417 --> 00:17:41,851 Well, they both have handles. Now, leave me. 244 00:17:42,885 --> 00:17:44,448 Go home, Wade. 245 00:17:44,450 --> 00:17:47,349 I don't have a home, Weas, you know. I got a... 246 00:17:47,351 --> 00:17:49,850 Fuck! Okay, I'm fine. 247 00:17:49,852 --> 00:17:50,715 I'm fine. 248 00:17:50,717 --> 00:17:52,615 You know what "fine" stands for, Wade? 249 00:17:52,617 --> 00:17:56,415 Fucked up, insecure, needy, and emotional. 250 00:17:56,417 --> 00:17:57,817 According to the... 251 00:17:59,084 --> 00:18:00,482 - Kubler-Ross. - Yeah. 252 00:18:00,484 --> 00:18:02,448 According to the Kubler-Ross model... 253 00:18:02,450 --> 00:18:05,283 denial is just one of the five stages of grief. 254 00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:07,582 Jesus Christ, Buck! 255 00:18:07,584 --> 00:18:09,717 No more speaking lines for you. 256 00:18:45,684 --> 00:18:47,182 "I'm thinking it over!" 257 00:18:47,184 --> 00:18:48,649 Motherfuck! 258 00:18:48,651 --> 00:18:49,651 Fuck! 259 00:18:52,450 --> 00:18:54,149 The hell you doin' here? 260 00:18:54,151 --> 00:18:56,016 Don't you know how to knock? 261 00:18:56,018 --> 00:18:58,049 I thought you saw me... 262 00:18:58,051 --> 00:18:59,448 with your ears. 263 00:18:59,450 --> 00:19:00,816 You're lucky I didn't shoot you in the... 264 00:19:00,818 --> 00:19:01,749 The wall? 265 00:19:01,751 --> 00:19:05,450 The refrigerator? I'm in so much pain. 266 00:19:07,852 --> 00:19:09,649 I heard the news, sweetie. 267 00:19:09,651 --> 00:19:11,949 I'm very sorry. I am. 268 00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:13,749 What am I gonna do, Al? 269 00:19:13,751 --> 00:19:15,684 Probably something terrible. 270 00:19:16,818 --> 00:19:18,149 Knowing you. 271 00:19:18,151 --> 00:19:19,785 It was my fault. 272 00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:23,548 I fucking did this. 273 00:19:23,550 --> 00:19:25,615 And all I wanna do is grab her and see her 274 00:19:25,617 --> 00:19:27,651 and tell her that I'm sorry, and I can't. 275 00:19:29,818 --> 00:19:31,548 She's gone. 276 00:19:31,550 --> 00:19:35,249 Sweetheart, can you speak up? 277 00:19:35,251 --> 00:19:36,649 It's a little hard to hear you 278 00:19:36,651 --> 00:19:38,116 with that pity dick in your mouth. 279 00:19:38,118 --> 00:19:41,316 Now, look, sugar. You need to just keep living. 280 00:19:41,318 --> 00:19:42,548 Thank you... 281 00:19:42,550 --> 00:19:45,615 Matthew McConaughey, your words are a treasure. 282 00:19:45,617 --> 00:19:47,715 Listen to the pain. 283 00:19:47,717 --> 00:19:50,548 It's both history teacher and fortune teller. 284 00:19:50,550 --> 00:19:54,082 Pain teaches us who we are, Wade. 285 00:19:54,084 --> 00:19:58,016 Sometimes, it's so bad, we feel like we're dying. 286 00:19:58,018 --> 00:20:00,984 But we can't really live till we've died a little, can we? 287 00:20:03,385 --> 00:20:04,752 Wade? 288 00:20:07,118 --> 00:20:09,182 - Wade? - I'm right here, Althea. 289 00:20:09,184 --> 00:20:12,016 And that is the most beautiful thing 290 00:20:12,018 --> 00:20:13,916 I've ever heard. 291 00:20:13,918 --> 00:20:15,550 You're absolutely right. 292 00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:21,785 I'm about to do something terrible. 293 00:20:25,484 --> 00:20:27,783 There. All caught up. 294 00:20:27,785 --> 00:20:30,716 You can't really live until you've died a little. 295 00:20:30,718 --> 00:20:32,684 Let's test that theory, shall we? 296 00:20:44,951 --> 00:20:47,515 Baby factory's open for business. 297 00:20:50,951 --> 00:20:53,116 Your crazy matches my crazy. 298 00:20:53,118 --> 00:20:55,383 I will never, ever let our child be named Todd. 299 00:20:55,385 --> 00:20:57,149 Skee-Ball token. 300 00:20:58,752 --> 00:21:01,882 Happy International Women's Day. 301 00:21:01,884 --> 00:21:03,216 Listen, I've been thinking a lot. 302 00:21:03,218 --> 00:21:04,383 Really? 303 00:21:04,385 --> 00:21:05,448 About why we're so good together. 304 00:21:05,450 --> 00:21:06,882 I love you, Wade Wilson. 305 00:21:09,218 --> 00:21:10,752 Ness? 306 00:21:12,151 --> 00:21:13,417 Ness? 307 00:21:14,084 --> 00:21:15,650 Ness. 308 00:21:15,652 --> 00:21:18,517 Ness, there's something here. I can't get to you. 309 00:21:19,951 --> 00:21:22,615 Your heart's not in the right place. 310 00:21:22,617 --> 00:21:25,349 Wait, hold on. What? 311 00:21:25,351 --> 00:21:27,415 Your heart's not in the right place. 312 00:21:27,417 --> 00:21:28,650 Wait. What do you mean 313 00:21:28,652 --> 00:21:30,612 my heart's not in the right place? What does it... 314 00:21:49,817 --> 00:21:52,515 I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Wade. 315 00:21:52,517 --> 00:21:54,216 You're broken. 316 00:21:54,218 --> 00:21:57,685 Oh, God. I know that voice. 317 00:22:01,351 --> 00:22:02,849 "Heart's in the right place." 318 00:22:02,851 --> 00:22:04,448 "Heart's in the right..." What does that mean? 319 00:22:04,450 --> 00:22:06,316 You've been sleep for three days. 320 00:22:06,318 --> 00:22:08,182 I took the liberty of dressing you. 321 00:22:08,184 --> 00:22:09,448 No shit. 322 00:22:09,450 --> 00:22:11,415 Why can't I fucking die? 323 00:22:11,417 --> 00:22:13,049 Take your mask off, Wade. 324 00:22:13,051 --> 00:22:14,616 We must talk. 325 00:22:14,618 --> 00:22:17,149 You need fresh start. 326 00:22:17,151 --> 00:22:19,548 With training, you can be X-Man. 327 00:22:19,550 --> 00:22:21,683 You're wasting your time, Shiny Jesus. 328 00:22:21,685 --> 00:22:23,149 I'm not X-Man material. 329 00:22:23,151 --> 00:22:24,817 Understatement of the year. 330 00:22:25,184 --> 00:22:26,184 Wade, Yukio. 331 00:22:26,751 --> 00:22:28,515 Yukio, Wade. 332 00:22:28,517 --> 00:22:30,749 What in the fuck knuckles is this? 333 00:22:30,751 --> 00:22:33,383 She's my girlfriend, you intolerant shit. 334 00:22:33,385 --> 00:22:35,349 Whoa! Pump the hate brakes, Fox & Friends. 335 00:22:35,351 --> 00:22:37,349 I'm just surprised anyone would date you. 336 00:22:37,351 --> 00:22:40,082 Especially Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony. 337 00:22:40,084 --> 00:22:41,982 I like this guy. 338 00:22:41,984 --> 00:22:43,882 Give him a chance. 339 00:22:43,884 --> 00:22:45,182 It's great seeing you like this. 340 00:22:45,184 --> 00:22:47,517 Yeah. 341 00:22:47,884 --> 00:22:48,982 Bye, Wade! 342 00:22:48,984 --> 00:22:51,583 Now, some ground rules while under our roof. 343 00:22:51,585 --> 00:22:54,448 "Rule number one. No killing... 344 00:22:54,450 --> 00:22:57,815 "anyone ever, no matter how bad. 345 00:22:57,817 --> 00:23:00,749 "Rule two. Label everything in refrigerator." 346 00:23:00,751 --> 00:23:01,751 Wade? 347 00:23:02,652 --> 00:23:03,815 Wade? 348 00:23:03,817 --> 00:23:04,982 Wade! 349 00:23:04,984 --> 00:23:06,616 Don't try to chase me. 350 00:23:06,618 --> 00:23:08,982 I'm not ready to be touched again. 351 00:23:08,984 --> 00:23:11,316 All these elderly white men on the walls... 352 00:23:11,318 --> 00:23:13,149 Should have brought my rape whistle. 353 00:23:13,151 --> 00:23:14,415 Hi. 354 00:23:14,417 --> 00:23:17,082 Those were already damaged after they fell there! 355 00:23:17,084 --> 00:23:19,016 What am I supposed to do around here, anyway? 356 00:23:19,018 --> 00:23:21,415 Sit in a share circle, talk about my feelings? 357 00:23:21,417 --> 00:23:24,216 And how would I do that exactly? 358 00:23:24,218 --> 00:23:26,982 'Cause where the fuck is everyone? 359 00:23:26,984 --> 00:23:27,982 It's always just you 360 00:23:27,984 --> 00:23:30,015 and Negasonic Teenage Longest Name Ever... 361 00:23:30,017 --> 00:23:31,282 Enough! 362 00:23:31,284 --> 00:23:33,317 I said no touching! 363 00:23:34,918 --> 00:23:38,183 What the fuck? 364 00:23:38,185 --> 00:23:40,549 You'd think the studio would throw us a bone. 365 00:23:40,551 --> 00:23:43,048 They can't just dust off one of the famous X-Men? 366 00:23:43,050 --> 00:23:45,183 How 'bout that putz with the giant pigeon wings? 367 00:23:45,185 --> 00:23:46,349 What do those do anyway, huh? 368 00:23:46,351 --> 00:23:47,883 Carry him three feet off the ground 369 00:23:47,885 --> 00:23:49,949 to snatch up the nearest muffin crumb? 370 00:23:49,951 --> 00:23:52,116 No, no, no! 371 00:23:52,118 --> 00:23:55,083 I am not X-Man material at all. 372 00:23:55,085 --> 00:23:57,482 First off... 373 00:23:57,484 --> 00:23:59,751 I'm not even a virgin. Second and more... 374 00:24:01,885 --> 00:24:02,983 I should have left you 375 00:24:02,985 --> 00:24:04,849 in the self-pitying mess I found you in. 376 00:24:04,851 --> 00:24:07,883 But this is what friends do. They show up! 377 00:24:07,885 --> 00:24:09,916 Not when convenient or easy. 378 00:24:09,918 --> 00:24:14,249 When hard, and you always make it hard. 379 00:24:14,251 --> 00:24:16,682 You are unwell. 380 00:24:16,684 --> 00:24:18,983 I'm sticking my neck out bringing you here. 381 00:24:18,985 --> 00:24:20,849 Wait. One of the assholes 382 00:24:20,851 --> 00:24:22,451 who killed Vanessa got away. 383 00:24:24,918 --> 00:24:27,282 Oh, Jesus Christ! 384 00:24:27,284 --> 00:24:29,449 Wade, whoever they are... 385 00:24:29,451 --> 00:24:32,484 we track them down and bring them to justice. 386 00:24:32,818 --> 00:24:34,284 It was me. 387 00:24:37,151 --> 00:24:39,716 I'm the asshole who got away. 388 00:24:39,718 --> 00:24:42,916 I killed every last one of them, except me. 389 00:24:42,918 --> 00:24:44,684 Couldn't kill me. 390 00:24:47,918 --> 00:24:50,118 We were gonna start a family. 391 00:24:51,751 --> 00:24:53,749 We were, uh... 392 00:24:54,918 --> 00:24:57,516 We were gonna be a family. 393 00:24:57,518 --> 00:24:58,449 Wade... 394 00:24:58,451 --> 00:25:01,451 Vanessa is gone. She's not coming back. 395 00:25:02,918 --> 00:25:05,215 This may not be family you want... 396 00:25:05,217 --> 00:25:07,782 but it's family you need. 397 00:25:07,784 --> 00:25:09,049 You have a good heart. 398 00:25:09,051 --> 00:25:10,684 It belongs here where it can grow. 399 00:25:12,518 --> 00:25:13,551 What did you say? 400 00:25:15,551 --> 00:25:17,018 About my heart? 401 00:25:22,217 --> 00:25:24,417 I think I'm in the right place. 402 00:26:38,718 --> 00:26:39,718 Wade. 403 00:26:40,317 --> 00:26:41,716 Wade! 404 00:26:41,718 --> 00:26:44,849 Hey, I was just taking Cerebro for a spin here... 405 00:26:44,851 --> 00:26:46,649 looking deep into the future. 406 00:26:46,651 --> 00:26:47,950 Phew. This thing... 407 00:26:47,952 --> 00:26:49,849 - That's not how Cerebro works. - That's not how Cerebro works. 408 00:26:49,851 --> 00:26:51,849 Yes. Yes, it is. 409 00:26:51,851 --> 00:26:53,616 - We have mission. - We have mission. 410 00:26:53,618 --> 00:26:55,582 We do. You do. 411 00:26:55,584 --> 00:26:56,682 You guys be safe out there. 412 00:26:56,684 --> 00:26:59,651 - No, I want you to join. - No, you want me to join. 413 00:27:01,150 --> 00:27:02,582 I'm sorry, what? 414 00:27:02,584 --> 00:27:04,049 You are ready. 415 00:27:04,051 --> 00:27:05,582 That's a terrible idea, and it's gonna end badly. 416 00:27:05,584 --> 00:27:07,849 You wanna know how I know? I'll give you a hint. 417 00:27:07,851 --> 00:27:08,984 It's on my head 418 00:27:08,986 --> 00:27:11,082 and smells like Patrick Stewart. 419 00:27:11,084 --> 00:27:12,984 Be at the X-Jet in five. 420 00:27:15,952 --> 00:27:18,482 Irene Merryweather, WHIT News. 421 00:27:18,484 --> 00:27:20,449 Live here at a breaking news situation 422 00:27:20,451 --> 00:27:23,249 at the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation. 423 00:27:23,251 --> 00:27:25,215 A mutant boy is appearing to have 424 00:27:25,217 --> 00:27:26,582 some sort of an incident... 425 00:27:26,584 --> 00:27:28,349 - with police here behind me. - Get away from me! 426 00:27:28,351 --> 00:27:30,884 There are two police vehicles that are overturned. 427 00:27:30,886 --> 00:27:32,249 - There are open fires. - Fuck off! Stay back! 428 00:27:32,251 --> 00:27:33,516 A scene of absolute chaos here. 429 00:27:33,518 --> 00:27:34,415 Calm down. 430 00:27:34,417 --> 00:27:37,384 I'll burn you! You stay back! 431 00:27:37,952 --> 00:27:39,616 Get away from me! 432 00:27:39,618 --> 00:27:42,384 You wanna fucking die? 433 00:27:57,117 --> 00:28:00,516 And it appears as if the X-Men are arriving... 434 00:28:00,518 --> 00:28:01,984 Scatter! 435 00:28:01,986 --> 00:28:03,816 With what appears to be a trainee. 436 00:28:03,818 --> 00:28:07,048 Everyone, calm down! The pros are here. I... 437 00:28:07,050 --> 00:28:08,315 We're the X-Men! 438 00:28:08,317 --> 00:28:10,884 A dated metaphor for racism in the '60s. 439 00:28:10,886 --> 00:28:12,784 So, respect. 440 00:28:13,551 --> 00:28:14,751 At ease, Officer. 441 00:28:16,217 --> 00:28:18,050 What are you doing? 442 00:28:18,417 --> 00:28:19,482 My job! 443 00:28:19,484 --> 00:28:21,048 You're the one who said I was ready, 444 00:28:21,050 --> 00:28:22,482 and I frankly disagreed with you. 445 00:28:22,484 --> 00:28:25,048 But here we are, trying to overcome our differences. 446 00:28:25,050 --> 00:28:27,584 Like Beyonce says, "Please... 447 00:28:28,251 --> 00:28:29,749 "Please, stop cheating on me." 448 00:28:29,751 --> 00:28:30,884 Hey! 449 00:28:30,886 --> 00:28:32,215 This is the fifth incident. 450 00:28:32,217 --> 00:28:34,616 This kid needs to be in the Ice Box, not here. 451 00:28:34,618 --> 00:28:36,249 Russell belongs in our care. 452 00:28:36,251 --> 00:28:38,048 Not in prison. I assure you... 453 00:28:38,050 --> 00:28:39,182 we have everything under control. 454 00:28:39,184 --> 00:28:40,482 Stay back! I'll burn you! 455 00:28:40,484 --> 00:28:41,516 Not getting a real 456 00:28:41,518 --> 00:28:43,782 "under control" vibe here, Marty. 457 00:28:43,784 --> 00:28:45,649 - It is Glen, isn't it? - Daniel. 458 00:28:45,651 --> 00:28:48,182 I'll ask the questions. Let me talk to the kid. 459 00:28:48,184 --> 00:28:52,518 You stay here with your weird, secret sex lips. 460 00:28:54,584 --> 00:28:55,716 You wanna die? 461 00:28:55,718 --> 00:28:56,649 This kid's adorable. 462 00:28:56,651 --> 00:28:57,917 I don't know why I packed the hollow points. 463 00:28:57,919 --> 00:28:59,315 I'll burn your balls off! 464 00:28:59,317 --> 00:29:02,817 First day. I'm so nervous! 465 00:29:02,819 --> 00:29:04,616 Did you just say "hollow points"? 466 00:29:04,618 --> 00:29:05,817 Yeah, probably should've 467 00:29:05,819 --> 00:29:08,050 brought a Super Soaker. 468 00:29:08,551 --> 00:29:09,551 Hi, there! 469 00:29:10,751 --> 00:29:13,182 Stay back or Justin Bieber dies! 470 00:29:13,184 --> 00:29:16,751 Justin Bieber. He called you Justin Bieber. 471 00:29:18,017 --> 00:29:19,850 Hold on! Wait, wait, wait! 472 00:29:19,852 --> 00:29:22,949 Okay, let's not do whatever that is. 473 00:29:22,951 --> 00:29:24,549 Okay? Let's just talk! 474 00:29:24,551 --> 00:29:26,115 It's Russell, right? 475 00:29:26,117 --> 00:29:28,349 - Firefist. - Firefist. 476 00:29:28,351 --> 00:29:30,582 Ooh, that's a great name. Where does it burn? 477 00:29:30,584 --> 00:29:32,384 Just the fist, or all the way up to the elbow? 478 00:29:37,284 --> 00:29:39,916 Definitely all the way up to the elbow. 479 00:29:39,918 --> 00:29:42,582 Come quietly, or there will be trouble. 480 00:29:42,584 --> 00:29:45,649 - You stole that from Robocop! - That's from Robocop! 481 00:29:45,651 --> 00:29:47,182 Just stand down! 482 00:29:47,184 --> 00:29:49,482 You're embarrassing me. Look, Fire... 483 00:29:50,551 --> 00:29:53,349 Oh, my God! I can't say it! I'm so sorry! 484 00:29:57,752 --> 00:30:01,783 Oh, shit! That fucking does it! 485 00:30:01,785 --> 00:30:03,115 Put your hands behind your knees 486 00:30:03,117 --> 00:30:04,817 and get down on your head! Now! 487 00:30:04,819 --> 00:30:07,015 Wade! What was first rule? 488 00:30:07,017 --> 00:30:08,817 Label everything in the refrigerator! 489 00:30:08,819 --> 00:30:11,582 - Do not escalate! - Rules are meant to be broken! 490 00:30:11,584 --> 00:30:13,148 That's the exact opposite 491 00:30:13,150 --> 00:30:14,651 of what they're meant for! 492 00:30:15,584 --> 00:30:17,382 Fuck! Fine! 493 00:30:17,384 --> 00:30:19,115 I'll start from the beginning. 494 00:30:19,117 --> 00:30:21,682 My name is Deadpool, and I'm an X-Man. 495 00:30:21,684 --> 00:30:23,618 - Trainee! - Shut it! 496 00:30:24,551 --> 00:30:26,785 Look, I get it. 497 00:30:27,918 --> 00:30:29,618 All right, you're scared. 498 00:30:30,251 --> 00:30:31,148 Alone. 499 00:30:31,150 --> 00:30:32,249 You got no family. 500 00:30:32,251 --> 00:30:33,315 I didn't have a family, either. 501 00:30:33,317 --> 00:30:35,115 You live in this dump. Guess what? 502 00:30:35,117 --> 00:30:37,616 I used to live in a shithole just like it. 503 00:30:37,618 --> 00:30:40,349 But you know something? To make matters worse... 504 00:30:40,351 --> 00:30:42,215 it's a confusing time in your life right now. 505 00:30:42,217 --> 00:30:45,949 Your body is going through some fiery changes. 506 00:30:45,951 --> 00:30:47,916 Too far? I went too far, didn't I? 507 00:30:55,084 --> 00:30:57,115 That was effervescent. 508 00:30:57,117 --> 00:30:59,549 Stay in school, kid. 509 00:30:59,551 --> 00:31:01,349 Or don't. I didn't. 510 00:31:01,351 --> 00:31:03,249 And I'm an X-Man. 511 00:31:03,251 --> 00:31:04,382 Trainee. 512 00:31:04,384 --> 00:31:05,616 Fuck it! 513 00:31:05,618 --> 00:31:07,417 Superhero landing coming up! 514 00:31:11,050 --> 00:31:12,717 Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck! 515 00:31:12,719 --> 00:31:14,750 That is so not practical. 516 00:31:35,317 --> 00:31:37,315 I could get used to this X-Man shit. 517 00:31:37,317 --> 00:31:38,616 Trainee! 518 00:31:38,618 --> 00:31:39,582 Trainee! 519 00:31:39,584 --> 00:31:41,516 Get a power restraint on him. Now! 520 00:31:41,518 --> 00:31:44,784 Calm down, squirt. It's over. We got ya. 521 00:31:46,719 --> 00:31:48,182 What's that do? 522 00:31:48,184 --> 00:31:49,816 Power-dampening collar. 523 00:31:49,818 --> 00:31:51,115 Shuts down all mutant abilities. 524 00:31:51,117 --> 00:31:53,750 You can't get it off. Unless you've got a grenade. 525 00:31:53,752 --> 00:31:57,048 Huh. Could've used one of those in the first act. 526 00:31:57,050 --> 00:31:58,417 Thank you! 527 00:32:00,017 --> 00:32:02,516 That was absolutely thrilling. 528 00:32:02,518 --> 00:32:04,650 True heroism in action. 529 00:32:04,652 --> 00:32:06,384 We are in your debt. 530 00:32:07,017 --> 00:32:08,816 We can take it from here. 531 00:32:08,818 --> 00:32:11,015 Take me to the Ice Box, please! 532 00:32:11,017 --> 00:32:12,282 Anywhere's better than here. 533 00:32:12,284 --> 00:32:13,449 Believe me, son, 534 00:32:13,451 --> 00:32:15,115 you do not wanna go to the Ice Box. 535 00:32:15,117 --> 00:32:17,148 Let's get you inside, young man. 536 00:32:17,150 --> 00:32:19,148 No, wait, wait. Wait. 537 00:32:19,150 --> 00:32:20,751 You guys stay there. 538 00:32:30,751 --> 00:32:32,451 Those guys hurt you? 539 00:32:33,784 --> 00:32:35,017 Who? 540 00:32:36,851 --> 00:32:39,585 Baldilocks? Jared Kushner? 541 00:32:40,951 --> 00:32:42,551 Both of 'em? 542 00:32:46,652 --> 00:32:47,916 Oh, fuck it. 543 00:32:47,918 --> 00:32:49,583 Four or five moments! 544 00:32:49,585 --> 00:32:50,650 I'm sorry? 545 00:32:50,652 --> 00:32:54,017 Four or five moments! 546 00:32:55,017 --> 00:32:58,017 That's all it takes to be a hero. 547 00:32:58,851 --> 00:33:01,115 People think you wake up a hero... 548 00:33:01,117 --> 00:33:03,282 brush your teeth a hero... 549 00:33:03,284 --> 00:33:06,449 ejaculate into a soap dispenser a hero. 550 00:33:07,518 --> 00:33:11,518 But, no, being a hero takes only a few moments! 551 00:33:12,784 --> 00:33:14,415 A few moments... 552 00:33:14,417 --> 00:33:17,315 doing the ugly stuff no one else will do. 553 00:33:20,652 --> 00:33:21,751 No! 554 00:33:24,284 --> 00:33:25,782 Stand down! Hold your fire! 555 00:33:25,784 --> 00:33:28,015 - Wade, what did you do? - Colossus, no! 556 00:33:28,017 --> 00:33:29,449 That kid was abused! You can tell. 557 00:33:29,451 --> 00:33:31,148 - You can always tell! - We have rules! 558 00:33:31,150 --> 00:33:34,015 You are not judge, jury or executioner! 559 00:33:34,017 --> 00:33:37,015 Fuck your rules! I fight for what's right! 560 00:33:37,017 --> 00:33:38,617 And sometimes you gotta fight dirty! 561 00:33:38,619 --> 00:33:42,150 You let me down for the last time, Wade. 562 00:33:45,050 --> 00:33:47,315 Okay, get these guys in the pod. 563 00:33:47,317 --> 00:33:49,916 Take them to the Ice Box. 564 00:34:11,119 --> 00:34:12,119 Hey, baby! 565 00:34:12,984 --> 00:34:15,416 I wonder what gang I'll be in. 566 00:34:15,418 --> 00:34:16,815 Yeah! 567 00:34:16,817 --> 00:34:19,218 - Is there, like, a Sorting Hat? - Hi. 568 00:34:21,119 --> 00:34:22,119 Go! 569 00:34:25,284 --> 00:34:26,684 Hard left, douchebag. 570 00:34:30,817 --> 00:34:33,050 Please, after you. 571 00:34:33,052 --> 00:34:35,449 Another disgusting mutant off the streets. 572 00:34:35,451 --> 00:34:36,583 God bless America. 573 00:34:36,585 --> 00:34:37,849 Let's get a taco. 574 00:34:41,451 --> 00:34:44,119 Nighty-night, you annoying prick! 575 00:35:16,119 --> 00:35:19,382 I'mma tell you what the big lie is. 576 00:35:19,384 --> 00:35:21,050 Toilet paper. 577 00:35:21,052 --> 00:35:24,449 Toilet paper is a plenty fine appetizer. 578 00:35:24,451 --> 00:35:26,648 But, then... 579 00:35:26,650 --> 00:35:29,216 Huggies Natural Care wet wipes. 580 00:35:29,218 --> 00:35:30,615 That's your main course. 581 00:35:30,617 --> 00:35:34,249 They're soft, they're moist. They're for babies. 582 00:35:34,251 --> 00:35:37,549 Finally, one more pass with the toilet paper, 583 00:35:37,551 --> 00:35:39,149 maybe clear out that excess moisture. 584 00:35:39,151 --> 00:35:40,849 Maybe treat yourself to a blow and go, 585 00:35:40,851 --> 00:35:42,117 if you can get you a hair dryer. 586 00:35:42,119 --> 00:35:44,784 Just about 30 seconds will do you good. 587 00:35:48,351 --> 00:35:49,351 The fuck? 588 00:35:50,551 --> 00:35:51,784 Year? 589 00:35:52,585 --> 00:35:53,784 What? 590 00:35:54,717 --> 00:35:56,549 What year is it? 591 00:35:56,551 --> 00:35:58,615 What kind of dumb-ass question is that to ask? 592 00:36:17,817 --> 00:36:20,316 You're a long way from your superpowers. 593 00:36:20,318 --> 00:36:21,483 Yeah. 594 00:36:25,151 --> 00:36:26,282 Fuck! 595 00:36:26,284 --> 00:36:28,050 I wanted to be a superhero. 596 00:36:28,052 --> 00:36:30,316 Always wanted a real super suit. 597 00:36:30,318 --> 00:36:31,983 What happened? 598 00:36:31,985 --> 00:36:34,105 When was the last time you saw a plus-sized superhero? 599 00:36:34,617 --> 00:36:36,249 Never. 600 00:36:36,251 --> 00:36:38,648 The industry discriminates. 601 00:36:38,650 --> 00:36:40,384 Fuck superheroes. 602 00:36:41,052 --> 00:36:42,249 Fuck everyone. 603 00:36:42,251 --> 00:36:45,349 The first thing I wanna do when I get out of here... 604 00:36:45,351 --> 00:36:47,416 burn the headmaster alive... 605 00:36:47,418 --> 00:36:50,916 and then take a selfie with his smoldering corpse. 606 00:36:50,918 --> 00:36:53,182 Who says prison isn't reformative? 607 00:36:53,184 --> 00:36:54,985 Fucker hates mutants. 608 00:36:55,784 --> 00:36:57,349 Blessed are the wicked 609 00:36:57,351 --> 00:36:59,617 who are healed by my hand. 610 00:37:00,052 --> 00:37:01,284 Your abilities. 611 00:37:02,684 --> 00:37:05,082 I know how seductive they are. 612 00:37:07,284 --> 00:37:08,615 Now, please don't cry. 613 00:37:15,318 --> 00:37:19,218 Tomorrow, we'll find the biggest guy in here... 614 00:37:19,817 --> 00:37:21,149 and we'll make him our... 615 00:37:24,918 --> 00:37:26,416 What was that? 616 00:37:26,418 --> 00:37:28,916 That is the biggest guy in here. 617 00:37:28,918 --> 00:37:31,216 Fun fact about the Ice Box... 618 00:37:31,218 --> 00:37:32,916 though no one's ever seen it, 619 00:37:32,918 --> 00:37:35,316 they keep a monster in the basement. 620 00:37:35,318 --> 00:37:36,950 Right next to a huge, 621 00:37:36,952 --> 00:37:38,784 steaming bowl of foreshadowing. 622 00:37:39,284 --> 00:37:40,284 Look. 623 00:37:41,284 --> 00:37:43,516 I can't protect you. 624 00:37:43,518 --> 00:37:44,682 With this collar on, 625 00:37:44,684 --> 00:37:47,815 my superpower is just unbridled cancer. 626 00:37:47,817 --> 00:37:51,416 Give me a bow and arrow, I'm basically Hawkeye. 627 00:37:51,418 --> 00:37:53,516 Now, if you'll excuse me... 628 00:37:53,518 --> 00:37:56,782 I've got tumors to grow. Vanessa awaits. 629 00:37:56,784 --> 00:37:59,082 I'll start by making us a shank. 630 00:37:59,084 --> 00:38:01,082 - Good listening. - I stole that guard's pen... 631 00:38:01,084 --> 00:38:03,349 and stashed it in the old prison wallet, 632 00:38:03,351 --> 00:38:05,382 if you know what I'm saying. 633 00:38:05,384 --> 00:38:07,883 Prison wallet? 634 00:38:07,885 --> 00:38:10,318 I really hope I don't know what you're saying. 635 00:38:12,551 --> 00:38:15,449 I can hear you rummaging around in there. 636 00:38:19,817 --> 00:38:21,349 And to update you 637 00:38:21,351 --> 00:38:22,748 on the story reported earlier, 638 00:38:22,750 --> 00:38:24,182 after a lengthy standoff 639 00:38:24,184 --> 00:38:26,982 outside the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation... 640 00:38:26,984 --> 00:38:28,483 two mutants were arrested 641 00:38:28,485 --> 00:38:30,116 and transported to the Ice Box... 642 00:38:30,118 --> 00:38:31,818 Entering repair mode. 643 00:38:35,984 --> 00:38:37,316 Several police cars were destroyed 644 00:38:37,318 --> 00:38:39,717 and the X-Men were called in to restore order. 645 00:39:00,650 --> 00:39:02,682 Cells seven and nine 646 00:39:02,684 --> 00:39:06,216 now off-limits for medical personnel. 647 00:39:06,218 --> 00:39:07,648 Cells seven and nine 648 00:39:07,650 --> 00:39:10,284 now off-limits for medical personnel. 649 00:39:12,251 --> 00:39:13,750 Psst! 650 00:39:16,118 --> 00:39:18,082 Don't do that. 651 00:39:18,084 --> 00:39:21,249 What? Why are you winking at me? 652 00:39:25,118 --> 00:39:26,416 I got your back. 653 00:39:26,418 --> 00:39:27,615 Oh, my God. 654 00:39:27,617 --> 00:39:29,116 You're sick, I gotta protect you. 655 00:39:29,118 --> 00:39:31,218 Just leave me alone, kid. 656 00:39:32,218 --> 00:39:33,284 Oh, great. 657 00:39:34,951 --> 00:39:37,615 Well, hello there, new fish. 658 00:39:37,617 --> 00:39:40,682 It's nice to see some fresh faces around here. 659 00:39:40,684 --> 00:39:42,915 I've done some light catalog work... 660 00:39:42,917 --> 00:39:45,549 but, really, modeling is just a stepping stone to acting. 661 00:39:45,551 --> 00:39:48,216 - I was talking to him. - Oh. 662 00:39:48,218 --> 00:39:51,749 Have we met? I can't place your mustache. 663 00:39:51,751 --> 00:39:54,316 - Black Tom Cassidy. - White Wade Wilson. 664 00:39:54,318 --> 00:39:57,850 What's your superpower? Cultural appropriation? 665 00:39:57,852 --> 00:40:00,583 You're supposed to be the toughest cunt in here. 666 00:40:00,585 --> 00:40:02,982 You don't look like much to me. 667 00:40:02,984 --> 00:40:05,682 First rule of the yard, fuckface... 668 00:40:05,684 --> 00:40:07,682 find the biggest guy and make him your... 669 00:40:11,617 --> 00:40:13,816 Second biggest guy. 670 00:40:13,818 --> 00:40:16,116 The last thing I need is more hepatitis. 671 00:40:16,118 --> 00:40:19,682 Oh, it's slippery, too. This table needs a wipe down! 672 00:40:19,684 --> 00:40:21,682 Can we get a wipe down on the table? 673 00:40:22,852 --> 00:40:25,049 Kid, I think you picked the wrong side. 674 00:40:25,051 --> 00:40:27,648 No, I didn't! He's my friend! 675 00:40:27,650 --> 00:40:29,951 Zip it. We're not friends. 676 00:40:31,518 --> 00:40:32,798 You're about to get dick-slapped. 677 00:40:45,151 --> 00:40:47,049 I had so much fun! You were like... 678 00:40:47,051 --> 00:40:49,282 And I was like, "Take a seat, shit dick." 679 00:40:49,284 --> 00:40:50,915 Just let me die in peace. 680 00:40:50,917 --> 00:40:53,149 We make a great team! 681 00:40:53,151 --> 00:40:55,783 Oh, God! We're not a team. 682 00:40:55,785 --> 00:40:59,949 Why'd you say that back there? We're friends, partners. 683 00:40:59,951 --> 00:41:02,785 We're not partners or friends. 684 00:41:03,917 --> 00:41:06,116 This doesn't end with us riding into the sunset. 685 00:41:06,118 --> 00:41:08,282 It ends with me dying of cancer... 686 00:41:08,284 --> 00:41:12,316 and you winning the Ice Box award for softest mouth. 687 00:41:13,651 --> 00:41:15,416 There's only one person in this world 688 00:41:15,418 --> 00:41:17,184 that I care about, and she's gone. 689 00:41:18,817 --> 00:41:21,982 You wanna survive? 690 00:41:21,984 --> 00:41:25,349 Stop trying to shank the biggest guys in here... 691 00:41:25,351 --> 00:41:27,351 and make friends with them. 692 00:41:28,585 --> 00:41:30,251 Make friends with someone. 693 00:41:31,218 --> 00:41:33,384 Anyone but me. 694 00:41:34,251 --> 00:41:36,718 Maybe even Black Tim. 695 00:41:37,451 --> 00:41:38,949 Black Evan, I don't know. 696 00:41:38,951 --> 00:41:41,751 All I remember is he was African-American. 697 00:42:27,651 --> 00:42:29,949 System malfunctioning. 698 00:42:29,951 --> 00:42:32,982 Cells 7, 12, 14, 27. 699 00:42:32,984 --> 00:42:35,582 Back in your cells, you filthy mutants! Get in there! 700 00:42:35,584 --> 00:42:38,951 Cells 1, 3, 7, 8. 701 00:42:39,918 --> 00:42:41,617 Searching. 702 00:42:42,984 --> 00:42:45,584 Cell 04 located. 703 00:42:46,851 --> 00:42:48,782 Door won't open! 704 00:42:48,784 --> 00:42:50,684 On your fucking knees! 705 00:43:27,386 --> 00:43:29,151 That was our cell. 706 00:43:31,051 --> 00:43:33,482 What did I do to piss off a grumpy old fucker 707 00:43:33,484 --> 00:43:34,817 with a Winter Soldier arm? 708 00:43:44,386 --> 00:43:45,984 Get away from me, kid! 709 00:43:53,352 --> 00:43:54,817 Listen to me! Go! 710 00:44:00,051 --> 00:44:01,651 Hello, Russell. 711 00:45:25,084 --> 00:45:26,550 Hello, superpowers. 712 00:45:44,450 --> 00:45:45,651 Who are you? 713 00:45:46,385 --> 00:45:47,751 I'm Batman. 714 00:45:59,018 --> 00:46:00,018 Ooh! 715 00:46:04,651 --> 00:46:07,751 Oh. That's got some zip. 716 00:46:15,684 --> 00:46:19,250 Don't feel bad. Even I can't kill me. 717 00:46:19,252 --> 00:46:20,715 Talk! 718 00:46:20,717 --> 00:46:22,582 What kind of spineless shit stick 719 00:46:22,584 --> 00:46:24,417 tries to kill a 14-year-old boy? 720 00:46:25,318 --> 00:46:26,649 You might wanna start talking! 721 00:46:26,651 --> 00:46:29,517 'Cause I got a long history of firing at times like this! 722 00:46:30,584 --> 00:46:32,582 The name's Cable. 723 00:46:32,584 --> 00:46:36,049 I'm from the future. Just walk away. 724 00:46:36,051 --> 00:46:37,349 Oh! 725 00:46:37,351 --> 00:46:39,349 So, you're from the future. 726 00:46:39,351 --> 00:46:41,349 I have three questions then. 727 00:46:41,351 --> 00:46:44,849 One, is dubstep still a thing? 728 00:46:44,851 --> 00:46:47,882 Two, which Sharknado are we on? 729 00:46:47,884 --> 00:46:50,849 And three, at what point do audiences say... 730 00:46:50,851 --> 00:46:52,185 "Enough with the robotic arms"? 731 00:47:35,484 --> 00:47:37,548 Dubstep's for pussies. 732 00:47:37,550 --> 00:47:38,815 You're so dark! 733 00:47:38,817 --> 00:47:40,984 Are you sure you're not from the DC universe? 734 00:47:41,884 --> 00:47:43,383 I love dubstep! 735 00:48:09,385 --> 00:48:10,815 Is that a fanny pack? 736 00:48:10,817 --> 00:48:14,482 I used to have one of those in 1990-never. 737 00:48:14,484 --> 00:48:16,615 Something to remember you by. 738 00:48:16,617 --> 00:48:20,448 Give me that back! That goes with me everywhere. 739 00:48:20,450 --> 00:48:22,951 Like the memory of your fucking fanny pack! 740 00:48:32,484 --> 00:48:34,815 Why are you protecting the kid? 741 00:48:35,817 --> 00:48:38,283 I don't give a fuck about him... 742 00:48:38,285 --> 00:48:40,817 and his Are You My Mother? Complex! 743 00:48:43,285 --> 00:48:44,684 What's this one do? 744 00:48:58,417 --> 00:48:59,949 In every film, there's a moment 745 00:48:59,951 --> 00:49:02,482 when the hero hits rock bottom. 746 00:49:02,484 --> 00:49:04,482 In Cool Runnings, it was when John Candy's 747 00:49:04,484 --> 00:49:06,182 prized bobsled broke. 748 00:49:06,184 --> 00:49:09,448 In Human Centipede, it was when those people... 749 00:49:09,450 --> 00:49:11,249 signed on to be in that movie. 750 00:49:11,251 --> 00:49:13,283 But in this film, well... 751 00:49:13,285 --> 00:49:14,615 you're looking at it. 752 00:49:14,617 --> 00:49:16,617 On your fucking knees, mutant. 753 00:49:19,285 --> 00:49:20,484 Rock... 754 00:49:24,318 --> 00:49:25,918 meet bottom. 755 00:49:36,385 --> 00:49:37,782 I love you, Wade Wilson. 756 00:49:37,784 --> 00:49:38,985 Ness? 757 00:49:39,985 --> 00:49:41,550 Hey, Ness! 758 00:49:42,251 --> 00:49:44,083 Ness, can you let me in? 759 00:49:44,085 --> 00:49:46,417 Please! Please. 760 00:49:48,251 --> 00:49:49,383 Jesus. 761 00:49:52,285 --> 00:49:54,116 You're not giving me a lot of direction here. 762 00:49:54,118 --> 00:49:56,017 I'm at the end of my rope. 763 00:49:58,351 --> 00:50:00,682 Then I joined the X-Men. 764 00:50:00,684 --> 00:50:02,751 I went to prison. I, uh... 765 00:50:06,817 --> 00:50:08,417 Is it the kid? 766 00:50:10,052 --> 00:50:13,184 Kids give us a chance to be better than we used to be. 767 00:50:14,517 --> 00:50:15,717 The kid! 768 00:50:29,218 --> 00:50:30,782 That's exactly what she meant. 769 00:50:30,784 --> 00:50:32,316 Your heart needs to be in the right place. 770 00:50:32,318 --> 00:50:34,116 I'm not gonna abandon this kid. 771 00:50:34,118 --> 00:50:36,917 He's never had anyone, ever. 772 00:50:36,919 --> 00:50:38,216 I need to be selfless. 773 00:50:38,218 --> 00:50:40,216 Yeah, but what does that mean? 774 00:50:40,218 --> 00:50:43,515 It means I'm gonna save Russell. 775 00:50:43,517 --> 00:50:44,983 Maybe I couldn't save Vanessa... 776 00:50:44,985 --> 00:50:48,082 but maybe I can save a robust teenager from New Zealand. 777 00:50:48,084 --> 00:50:50,283 Yeah, but what I mean is, like, the world "selfless." 778 00:50:50,285 --> 00:50:51,950 I literally don't know what that means. 779 00:50:51,952 --> 00:50:52,917 Jesus Christ. 780 00:50:52,919 --> 00:50:55,749 Okay, look. According to my guy, okay... 781 00:50:55,751 --> 00:50:57,849 those muties are being transferred 782 00:50:57,851 --> 00:50:59,515 to a supermax, 80 miles away. 783 00:50:59,517 --> 00:51:01,415 Great, I'll pick 'em off along the way. 784 00:51:01,417 --> 00:51:03,582 Hold your testicles there, buddy, okay? 785 00:51:03,584 --> 00:51:05,615 We're talking about an armored convoy... 786 00:51:05,617 --> 00:51:07,815 and a vicious super soldier from the future... 787 00:51:07,817 --> 00:51:10,682 that is looking to turn your skull into a fuckable ashtray. 788 00:51:10,684 --> 00:51:12,249 You know what we need to do? 789 00:51:12,251 --> 00:51:14,182 We need to build a fucking team. 790 00:51:14,184 --> 00:51:16,349 We need 'em tough, morally flexible... 791 00:51:16,351 --> 00:51:17,649 and young enough so they can carry 792 00:51:17,651 --> 00:51:19,116 this franchise 10 to 12 years. 793 00:51:19,118 --> 00:51:20,852 My body is an instrument of death. 794 00:51:22,018 --> 00:51:23,515 Not now, Dopinder. 795 00:51:23,517 --> 00:51:25,582 I could be of great use. 796 00:51:25,584 --> 00:51:27,450 What's your superpower? 797 00:51:28,717 --> 00:51:30,515 - Courage. - That's adorable. 798 00:51:30,517 --> 00:51:32,116 Do you have the courage to check and see... 799 00:51:32,118 --> 00:51:34,850 if there are enough sanitary napkins in the dispenser? 800 00:51:34,852 --> 00:51:35,715 Yes, sir. 801 00:51:35,717 --> 00:51:37,182 I'm sorry you had to see that, 802 00:51:37,184 --> 00:51:39,482 although I'm glad you heard it. 803 00:51:39,484 --> 00:51:41,448 All right, I'll put out a call for resumes. 804 00:51:41,450 --> 00:51:43,682 But we're not paying medical or dental. 805 00:51:43,684 --> 00:51:45,919 It's time to get back on Linkedln. 806 00:52:23,717 --> 00:52:27,249 Transport will begin at 0800 hours... 807 00:52:27,251 --> 00:52:28,349 Oi. 808 00:52:28,351 --> 00:52:29,749 What the fuck do you want? 809 00:52:29,751 --> 00:52:31,715 That's my fucking pudding. 810 00:52:31,717 --> 00:52:33,615 - Fuck your pudding! - You like pudding? 811 00:52:54,984 --> 00:52:55,984 Hello? 812 00:52:58,218 --> 00:53:00,684 I know you're in there. 813 00:53:16,151 --> 00:53:18,752 Must be hard being the biggest guy in here. 814 00:53:19,651 --> 00:53:22,116 Lonely at the top, eh? 815 00:53:22,118 --> 00:53:24,084 They're moving us tomorrow. 816 00:53:26,450 --> 00:53:29,448 Maybe I can get you out of here. 817 00:53:29,450 --> 00:53:32,785 And we can make the whole world our bitch. 818 00:53:34,450 --> 00:53:36,450 We need a secret code. 819 00:53:39,318 --> 00:53:42,118 No, that's stupid, Russell. Idiot. 820 00:53:49,184 --> 00:53:50,649 We're a team. 821 00:53:50,651 --> 00:53:52,649 We're like thugs, we're like gangsters. 822 00:53:52,651 --> 00:53:56,615 I'm like Tupac, and you're like Ice Cube. 823 00:53:56,617 --> 00:53:59,049 Supposedly, she can rap, too. 824 00:53:59,051 --> 00:53:59,916 I like that. 825 00:53:59,918 --> 00:54:01,783 Terrific, these are all terrific. 826 00:54:01,785 --> 00:54:03,415 Meet Bedlam. 827 00:54:03,417 --> 00:54:05,882 Cool name! Superpowers? 828 00:54:05,884 --> 00:54:06,916 I can distort 829 00:54:06,918 --> 00:54:08,448 electrical fields. 830 00:54:08,450 --> 00:54:10,649 Including the one inside your brain... 831 00:54:10,651 --> 00:54:13,349 causing anxiety, confusion... 832 00:54:13,351 --> 00:54:14,651 pain. 833 00:54:15,484 --> 00:54:17,615 So, basically, you're Dave Matthews. 834 00:54:17,617 --> 00:54:18,918 We can use him. 835 00:54:20,517 --> 00:54:22,283 I'm Zeitgeist. 836 00:54:22,285 --> 00:54:23,548 Cool. I like it. 837 00:54:23,550 --> 00:54:24,815 So you have the power 838 00:54:24,817 --> 00:54:27,450 to put your finger on the pulse of society? 839 00:54:28,285 --> 00:54:29,448 No. 840 00:54:29,450 --> 00:54:31,149 No, I spit acidic vomit. 841 00:54:31,151 --> 00:54:32,283 - Oh. - Do you want me 842 00:54:32,285 --> 00:54:33,615 - to demonstrate? - No! 843 00:54:33,617 --> 00:54:34,982 We'll take your word for it. 844 00:54:34,984 --> 00:54:37,224 Thank you. Yeah. Listen, we've all eaten at Arby's, okay? 845 00:54:37,385 --> 00:54:40,084 And this is the Vanisher. 846 00:54:43,351 --> 00:54:44,550 But... 847 00:54:45,484 --> 00:54:47,116 Vanisher! 848 00:54:49,484 --> 00:54:51,417 Nice! Right? 849 00:54:52,450 --> 00:54:53,582 He's not here, is he? 850 00:54:53,584 --> 00:54:55,417 He may be running late. 851 00:54:56,584 --> 00:54:59,482 My name's Rusty, but I go by Shatterstar. 852 00:54:59,484 --> 00:55:00,782 That's good, yeah. 853 00:55:00,784 --> 00:55:02,849 - "Rusty" is terrible. - Toughie. 854 00:55:02,851 --> 00:55:05,750 - So, uh, where are you from? - The planet Mojo World. 855 00:55:05,752 --> 00:55:07,982 - So you're an alien, I guess. - Bad name. 856 00:55:07,984 --> 00:55:09,548 How does that, uh, help us? 857 00:55:09,550 --> 00:55:12,515 I'm basically better than you at everything. 858 00:55:12,517 --> 00:55:14,316 Just once, I'm gonna find a planet of people 859 00:55:14,318 --> 00:55:15,815 that are worse than me at everything. 860 00:55:15,817 --> 00:55:18,016 A whole bunch of functional idiots. 861 00:55:18,018 --> 00:55:20,249 I'm gonna go there, and I'm gonna be their Superman. 862 00:55:20,251 --> 00:55:21,316 Isn't that Canada? 863 00:55:21,318 --> 00:55:23,851 You shut your goddamn trash mouth! 864 00:55:25,184 --> 00:55:26,616 - Meet... - Domino. 865 00:55:26,618 --> 00:55:28,849 - What's your shtick? - I'm lucky. 866 00:55:28,851 --> 00:55:30,982 If you're so lucky, then what are you doing here with us? 867 00:55:30,984 --> 00:55:32,182 I don't know yet. 868 00:55:32,184 --> 00:55:33,316 What's that supposed to mean? 869 00:55:33,318 --> 00:55:34,782 It means that I don't know yet. 870 00:55:34,784 --> 00:55:36,383 But there's a reason why I'm here, 871 00:55:36,385 --> 00:55:37,515 and I'll know when I know. 872 00:55:37,517 --> 00:55:39,149 Everything usually works out for me. 873 00:55:39,151 --> 00:55:40,849 Luck isn't a superpower. 874 00:55:40,851 --> 00:55:42,383 - Yes, it is. - No, it isn't. 875 00:55:42,385 --> 00:55:43,650 - Yes, it is. - No, ma'am. 876 00:55:43,652 --> 00:55:45,082 - Mmm-hmm. - Mario No-pez. 877 00:55:45,084 --> 00:55:46,216 - Yeah. - Nacho cheese. 878 00:55:46,218 --> 00:55:47,316 No, it definitely is. I really... 879 00:55:47,318 --> 00:55:48,383 There's no way that it... 880 00:55:48,385 --> 00:55:49,916 Sorry, I was interrupting you. 881 00:55:49,918 --> 00:55:51,448 - Sorry. No, I interrupted you. - No, no, no. You can go first. 882 00:55:51,450 --> 00:55:52,916 Oh, I was just gonna say, "No, it isn't." 883 00:55:52,918 --> 00:55:55,683 I was gonna just bring it back to that yes, it is. 884 00:55:55,685 --> 00:55:57,448 Let's meet in the middle and say, "No, it isn't." 885 00:55:57,450 --> 00:56:00,583 - But it is. - Okay. 886 00:56:00,585 --> 00:56:02,316 - You're hired! - You're hired. 887 00:56:02,318 --> 00:56:03,650 Oh, lucky me. 888 00:56:03,652 --> 00:56:04,851 She's great. 889 00:56:06,118 --> 00:56:07,683 And last, but not least... 890 00:56:07,685 --> 00:56:08,784 Peter. 891 00:56:09,817 --> 00:56:12,482 Am I getting catfished here or...? 892 00:56:12,484 --> 00:56:14,316 Any powers you wanna tell us about? 893 00:56:14,318 --> 00:56:16,149 No. 894 00:56:16,151 --> 00:56:17,749 I don't have one. 895 00:56:17,751 --> 00:56:21,018 Um, I just saw the ad and thought it looked fun. 896 00:56:21,951 --> 00:56:23,116 You're in. 897 00:56:23,118 --> 00:56:24,784 - Yeah. - Fuck! 898 00:56:27,318 --> 00:56:29,051 It's fulfilling work. 899 00:56:33,385 --> 00:56:34,817 Let's go! 900 00:56:49,018 --> 00:56:52,116 This is Convoy 17 departing the Ice Box. 901 00:56:52,118 --> 00:56:53,618 We are en route. 902 00:57:00,684 --> 00:57:03,385 Peacetime makes people soft. 903 00:57:04,851 --> 00:57:06,684 I was born into war. 904 00:57:08,118 --> 00:57:09,451 Bred into it. 905 00:57:10,185 --> 00:57:11,282 Okay. 906 00:57:11,284 --> 00:57:12,984 People think they understand pain. 907 00:57:14,185 --> 00:57:16,551 What's the most pain you've ever felt? 908 00:57:18,517 --> 00:57:19,782 These restraints are pretty... 909 00:57:19,784 --> 00:57:20,784 I've got a list. 910 00:57:22,118 --> 00:57:24,285 We're gonna work down it. 911 00:57:24,851 --> 00:57:25,851 Together. 912 00:57:26,984 --> 00:57:30,049 Number one, I'm gonna bend something. 913 00:57:30,051 --> 00:57:32,349 Something that was not meant to bend. 914 00:57:32,351 --> 00:57:33,449 I'm gonna stop you right there 915 00:57:33,451 --> 00:57:34,816 because I'm not gonna make it to two. 916 00:57:34,818 --> 00:57:36,149 I won't even make it to one. 917 00:57:36,151 --> 00:57:37,582 I don't do well with pain, you know. 918 00:57:37,584 --> 00:57:40,383 If I stub my toe, I'm done for the day. 919 00:57:40,385 --> 00:57:42,982 I cried when they canceled Felicity. 920 00:57:42,984 --> 00:57:44,482 When I get really scared, I get nervous erections. 921 00:57:44,484 --> 00:57:46,083 I have one right now. 922 00:57:46,085 --> 00:57:47,882 Don't look. It'll only make it worse. 923 00:57:47,884 --> 00:57:48,782 I don't want you to hurt me, 924 00:57:48,784 --> 00:57:51,351 and I'll tell you anything you wanna know. 925 00:57:52,118 --> 00:57:54,415 Except for where they are. 926 00:57:54,417 --> 00:57:55,816 Russell's in a convoy heading southbound 927 00:57:55,818 --> 00:57:56,949 on Gerry Duggan Parkway. 928 00:57:56,951 --> 00:57:58,682 The monster's with them. I wouldn't fuck with him. 929 00:57:58,684 --> 00:58:00,049 You all know the plan. 930 00:58:00,051 --> 00:58:01,682 Intercept the convoy, 931 00:58:01,684 --> 00:58:03,982 grab the boy. But not inappropriately! 932 00:58:03,984 --> 00:58:05,116 You know what, 933 00:58:05,118 --> 00:58:06,383 I wouldn't fuck with Deadpool either. 934 00:58:06,385 --> 00:58:08,816 Because he's built a team. He's unstoppable. 935 00:58:08,818 --> 00:58:11,515 He has an ass pen. He'll stab you with it. 936 00:58:11,517 --> 00:58:14,215 Watch out for this guy, Cable! 937 00:58:14,217 --> 00:58:17,449 He's very short, 5'11". Not like in the comics. 938 00:58:17,451 --> 00:58:20,482 And if we succeed, we all go home early. 939 00:58:20,484 --> 00:58:22,517 So if you go after them, Cable, I warn you... 940 00:58:23,384 --> 00:58:25,351 there's a wind advisory in effect. 941 00:58:36,285 --> 00:58:37,951 A little turbulent up here. 942 00:58:45,318 --> 00:58:47,216 I don't know much about this Cable fella... 943 00:58:47,218 --> 00:58:48,482 but I guarantee he hasn't killed 944 00:58:48,484 --> 00:58:50,484 as many people as melanoma has. 945 00:58:51,784 --> 00:58:53,149 We're getting close! 946 00:58:53,151 --> 00:58:54,916 As a former X-Man... 947 00:58:54,918 --> 00:58:56,749 - Trainee. - Thank you, Bedlam. 948 00:58:56,751 --> 00:58:59,216 I was always appalled by the blatant sexism 949 00:58:59,218 --> 00:59:00,916 in the group's name. 950 00:59:00,918 --> 00:59:02,782 X-Men! Men! 951 00:59:02,784 --> 00:59:06,016 The point is, our group will be forward thinking. 952 00:59:06,018 --> 00:59:07,382 Gender neutral. 953 00:59:07,384 --> 00:59:09,718 From now on, we'll be known as... 954 00:59:11,951 --> 00:59:13,382 X-Force. 955 00:59:13,384 --> 00:59:15,116 Isn't that a little derivative? 956 00:59:15,118 --> 00:59:17,651 I don't recall asking your opinion, Peter! 957 00:59:18,818 --> 00:59:20,384 That wasn't me. 958 00:59:27,218 --> 00:59:29,582 Hang the laundry out at 1,300 feet... 959 00:59:29,584 --> 00:59:31,415 intercept the convoy, and grab the boy. 960 00:59:31,417 --> 00:59:32,582 Let's bring on the carnage, baby! 961 00:59:32,584 --> 00:59:34,582 Get me on the ground, watch me go! 962 00:59:34,584 --> 00:59:35,649 Yeah! 963 00:59:35,651 --> 00:59:37,582 I can't wait to kill! 964 00:59:37,584 --> 00:59:40,216 Hey! Hey! Hey! 965 00:59:40,218 --> 00:59:42,982 I just wanna say how proud I am of this team. 966 00:59:42,984 --> 00:59:45,716 You know, you guys look amazing! 967 00:59:45,718 --> 00:59:48,849 Vanisher, I have no doubt you look amazing too. 968 00:59:48,851 --> 00:59:49,749 This is the family 969 00:59:49,751 --> 00:59:51,517 that I've always dreamed of having and I... 970 00:59:52,551 --> 00:59:53,649 Ah, shit. 971 00:59:55,085 --> 00:59:56,649 I just get a little choked up sometimes. 972 00:59:56,651 --> 00:59:58,749 I hate to interrupt, but is anybody nervous 973 00:59:58,751 --> 01:00:00,083 about the high winds? 974 01:00:00,085 --> 01:00:01,449 - Gary. - My name's Peter. 975 01:00:01,451 --> 01:00:03,348 I realize that you're new to this, but relax. 976 01:00:03,350 --> 01:00:04,916 You've been chosen by a higher power. 977 01:00:04,918 --> 01:00:07,382 - Did he just call himself God? - I think he did. 978 01:00:07,384 --> 01:00:09,150 - I'd like to go home. - And I'd like... 979 01:00:09,152 --> 01:00:11,515 the McRib to be available year round, 980 01:00:11,517 --> 01:00:13,482 but sometimes dreams don't come true. 981 01:00:13,484 --> 01:00:15,582 I spent 10 years in Special Forces. 982 01:00:15,584 --> 01:00:16,916 You think we didn't jump out of the plane 983 01:00:16,918 --> 01:00:18,348 because of a light breeze? 984 01:00:18,350 --> 01:00:20,982 You're in this shit now, Mustache! 985 01:00:20,984 --> 01:00:23,184 I'm only yelling to impress the other guys. 986 01:00:23,186 --> 01:00:25,716 I'd never let anything happen to you, Sugarbear. 987 01:00:25,718 --> 01:00:27,882 Leonard, hit it! 988 01:00:36,584 --> 01:00:38,617 Go! Go! Go! 989 01:01:14,119 --> 01:01:15,682 Let's get some! 990 01:01:15,684 --> 01:01:16,849 Whoo! 991 01:01:16,851 --> 01:01:18,084 Oh, yeah! 992 01:01:18,086 --> 01:01:20,951 Convoy, 12 o'clock! On my command! 993 01:01:21,918 --> 01:01:23,582 Deploy! Oh, hey now! 994 01:01:23,584 --> 01:01:24,718 Whoa! 995 01:01:29,918 --> 01:01:31,851 Little off course here. 996 01:01:34,086 --> 01:01:36,584 Holy mommy fucking shit! 997 01:01:37,751 --> 01:01:38,882 Ah, there they are. 998 01:01:38,884 --> 01:01:42,549 Look at these gorgeous sons of bitches. 999 01:01:42,551 --> 01:01:44,684 Oh, yeah! That's right, Bedlam! 1000 01:01:49,551 --> 01:01:54,017 No! Tripping motherfucking billies! 1001 01:01:54,019 --> 01:01:56,884 Shatterstar. Okay, you got this. 1002 01:01:57,818 --> 01:01:58,916 Left! 1003 01:01:58,918 --> 01:02:00,248 Left! 1004 01:02:00,250 --> 01:02:02,617 No, stage left, you idiot! 1005 01:02:06,317 --> 01:02:07,982 Well, I guess we found something 1006 01:02:07,984 --> 01:02:09,250 you're not better at. 1007 01:02:11,086 --> 01:02:12,515 Vanisher. 1008 01:02:12,517 --> 01:02:14,517 Maybe the wind can't blow what it can't see. 1009 01:02:17,617 --> 01:02:18,816 Oh! Really? 1010 01:02:18,818 --> 01:02:21,315 All right, we could do this with four. 1011 01:02:21,317 --> 01:02:24,348 Sugarbear. You got this, buddy! 1012 01:02:24,350 --> 01:02:26,651 That's the stuff! That's the X-Force spirit! 1013 01:02:27,617 --> 01:02:29,983 Never underestimate a man with a mustache! 1014 01:02:29,985 --> 01:02:31,716 Just ask anyone in Brooklyn. 1015 01:02:31,718 --> 01:02:32,882 We did it! 1016 01:02:32,884 --> 01:02:34,615 You're a goddamn superhero, you! 1017 01:02:34,617 --> 01:02:35,651 X-Force! 1018 01:02:36,119 --> 01:02:37,317 X-Force. 1019 01:02:41,684 --> 01:02:43,584 Oh! 1020 01:02:47,118 --> 01:02:48,248 Peter. 1021 01:02:48,250 --> 01:02:49,515 I got you, buddy! 1022 01:02:49,517 --> 01:02:50,649 - You're gonna be fine! - This is not good, man! 1023 01:02:50,651 --> 01:02:53,116 You got this, big guy! Here we go, Peter! 1024 01:02:53,118 --> 01:02:54,582 Look at me. We're X-Force, right? 1025 01:02:54,584 --> 01:02:56,884 - Yeah, we're X-Force. - We're X-Force. 1026 01:03:00,851 --> 01:03:02,716 Oh, my God! What the fuck? 1027 01:03:02,718 --> 01:03:04,282 Fucking acidic vomit! 1028 01:03:06,417 --> 01:03:09,215 Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up in my mask. 1029 01:03:12,284 --> 01:03:14,615 Okay, I'm over the convoy. 1030 01:03:14,617 --> 01:03:16,684 Where did the rest of the team land? 1031 01:03:17,350 --> 01:03:19,116 Good news and bad news. 1032 01:03:19,118 --> 01:03:22,315 Bad news is the whole team is dead. 1033 01:03:22,317 --> 01:03:23,549 The good news is, 1034 01:03:23,551 --> 01:03:25,482 I don't think anyone's gonna miss Shatterstar. 1035 01:03:25,484 --> 01:03:28,882 He was a bit of a prick. Oh, but Paul! 1036 01:03:28,884 --> 01:03:29,950 Peter! 1037 01:03:29,952 --> 01:03:31,348 Peter, I'm gonna miss him most. 1038 01:03:31,350 --> 01:03:32,482 But there is a slight chance 1039 01:03:32,484 --> 01:03:33,917 Vanisher could make it. 1040 01:03:33,919 --> 01:03:36,749 - -Nope, no chance. He's dead. 1041 01:03:36,751 --> 01:03:37,716 The whole team? 1042 01:03:37,718 --> 01:03:39,950 Only the main ones. We're still good. 1043 01:03:39,952 --> 01:03:41,248 Fuck, you are dumb. 1044 01:03:41,250 --> 01:03:43,649 Even after all this time, I still can't talk about it. 1045 01:03:43,651 --> 01:03:45,782 Who knew these winds would be so strong? 1046 01:03:45,784 --> 01:03:48,482 Everyone! Everyone on the helicopter! 1047 01:03:48,484 --> 01:03:50,284 And everyone not on the helicopter! 1048 01:03:59,350 --> 01:04:01,451 They're headed into the tunnel. 1049 01:04:02,250 --> 01:04:03,649 I'm that kid's only hope, 1050 01:04:03,651 --> 01:04:05,751 so sit tight and wait for my word. 1051 01:04:06,350 --> 01:04:07,449 Whatever. 1052 01:04:07,451 --> 01:04:08,749 We're gonna lose 'em. I'm dropping in. 1053 01:04:08,751 --> 01:04:11,582 Uh, that's a negative, sole survivor. 1054 01:04:11,584 --> 01:04:14,248 Luck is not a superpower! We are so fucked! 1055 01:04:14,250 --> 01:04:17,348 No, we most certainly are not fucked. 1056 01:04:20,384 --> 01:04:22,950 Seriously, I don't get it! 1057 01:04:22,952 --> 01:04:25,718 What, you shoot luck lasers out of your eyes? 1058 01:04:27,651 --> 01:04:29,549 It's just it's hard to picture. 1059 01:04:29,551 --> 01:04:31,852 And certainly not very cinematic. 1060 01:04:34,384 --> 01:04:36,116 I mean, luck? 1061 01:04:36,118 --> 01:04:38,582 What coked out, glass pipe-sucking 1062 01:04:38,584 --> 01:04:40,116 freakshow comic book artist... 1063 01:04:40,118 --> 01:04:41,716 came up with that little chestnut? 1064 01:04:41,718 --> 01:04:44,284 Probably a guy who can't draw feet! 1065 01:04:54,919 --> 01:04:58,382 Once again, it all falls on my shoulders. 1066 01:04:58,384 --> 01:04:59,582 It's why I'm cursed to be a solo act. 1067 01:04:59,584 --> 01:05:00,850 - Wander the Earth... - I'm in. 1068 01:05:00,852 --> 01:05:02,549 I'm sorry, what did you say? 1069 01:05:02,551 --> 01:05:03,415 I'm in. 1070 01:05:03,417 --> 01:05:05,517 How in the fuck are you in already? 1071 01:05:05,885 --> 01:05:07,749 Oh, shit. 1072 01:05:07,751 --> 01:05:08,982 It's Cable. 12 o'clock. 1073 01:05:08,984 --> 01:05:10,083 Okay. 1074 01:05:10,085 --> 01:05:12,482 New plan. Use all of your imaginary powers 1075 01:05:12,484 --> 01:05:15,315 to stop Cable from killing that kid. 1076 01:05:15,317 --> 01:05:17,217 I'm coming up on your six. 1077 01:05:25,250 --> 01:05:27,282 That gun is amazing! 1078 01:05:36,317 --> 01:05:38,382 Hey! Asshole! 1079 01:05:38,384 --> 01:05:40,116 Where is he? I can't see him. 1080 01:05:40,118 --> 01:05:41,718 He's on top of you. 1081 01:05:43,684 --> 01:05:45,850 He's going in through the back! 1082 01:05:45,852 --> 01:05:47,049 Oh, God, he's inside! 1083 01:05:47,051 --> 01:05:48,315 You hear yourself, right? 1084 01:05:48,317 --> 01:05:49,949 Accidental double entendres! 1085 01:05:49,951 --> 01:05:52,282 Russell! Russell Collins! 1086 01:05:52,284 --> 01:05:54,417 Hands off that kid, John Connor! 1087 01:05:59,718 --> 01:06:00,918 No, no, no! 1088 01:06:04,684 --> 01:06:05,785 Shit! 1089 01:06:27,484 --> 01:06:29,617 Two can play that game! 1090 01:06:31,718 --> 01:06:33,584 Got it! No, I don't. 1091 01:06:34,384 --> 01:06:35,449 Showtime, mama! 1092 01:06:35,451 --> 01:06:37,350 Lady Luck, take the wheel. 1093 01:07:14,684 --> 01:07:16,817 I'd ask who you are, but you'll be dead in a second. 1094 01:07:16,819 --> 01:07:18,916 I'm Domino, and doubtful. 1095 01:07:35,317 --> 01:07:36,517 Hang in there, Doms! 1096 01:07:37,785 --> 01:07:39,348 Oh, this is really hard. 1097 01:07:52,051 --> 01:07:53,584 And give me back my Skee-Ball token. 1098 01:07:57,017 --> 01:07:58,850 - You're doing great. - X-Force. 1099 01:08:00,618 --> 01:08:02,683 I guess dubstep never dies. 1100 01:08:07,051 --> 01:08:08,084 Whoo! 1101 01:08:14,984 --> 01:08:17,817 You killed Black Tom, you racist son of a bitch! 1102 01:08:20,418 --> 01:08:21,518 That's unfortunate. 1103 01:08:24,785 --> 01:08:26,115 We got no brakes! 1104 01:08:26,117 --> 01:08:27,518 Figure it out! 1105 01:08:31,817 --> 01:08:33,451 There's nothing I can't kill. 1106 01:08:35,685 --> 01:08:36,948 Ooh. 1107 01:08:36,950 --> 01:08:40,384 Somebody knows karate. 1108 01:08:42,785 --> 01:08:44,451 Give me your best shot, One-Eyed Willy. 1109 01:08:59,685 --> 01:09:00,884 Ow. 1110 01:09:01,718 --> 01:09:02,917 Here we go. 1111 01:09:03,751 --> 01:09:06,049 Domino, mind slowing us down? 1112 01:09:06,051 --> 01:09:08,349 Here goes nothing. 1113 01:09:39,017 --> 01:09:41,185 Knock, knock. 1114 01:09:47,584 --> 01:09:48,683 That's my boy. 1115 01:09:55,117 --> 01:09:56,316 Holy... 1116 01:10:06,384 --> 01:10:08,116 I'll be first to admit... 1117 01:10:08,118 --> 01:10:10,518 this did not go according to plan. 1118 01:10:11,884 --> 01:10:13,382 I'll also be the first to admit that 1119 01:10:13,384 --> 01:10:15,316 that plan was written in crayon. 1120 01:10:15,318 --> 01:10:18,449 Looks like Russell found a new friend. Jelly. 1121 01:10:18,451 --> 01:10:20,250 Turns out Domino's a bit of a badass, 1122 01:10:20,252 --> 01:10:23,382 and maybe, possibly mildly lucky. 1123 01:10:23,384 --> 01:10:26,783 But Cable? Ugh. That guy's in a mood. 1124 01:10:26,785 --> 01:10:27,848 A mood that is 1125 01:10:27,850 --> 01:10:29,884 about to get significantly worse. 1126 01:10:53,284 --> 01:10:55,817 Something is so terribly, terribly wrong. 1127 01:10:58,785 --> 01:11:00,351 Oh. 1128 01:11:01,984 --> 01:11:03,584 Oh, God, that hurt. 1129 01:11:08,850 --> 01:11:10,118 Russell. 1130 01:11:12,685 --> 01:11:13,950 Russell! 1131 01:11:14,451 --> 01:11:16,518 Russ, where are ya? 1132 01:11:20,017 --> 01:11:22,215 Russell. Russell, you're okay! 1133 01:11:22,217 --> 01:11:25,783 Oh, thank God. Oh, my God! 1134 01:11:25,785 --> 01:11:27,215 Juggernaut! 1135 01:11:28,351 --> 01:11:30,215 I thought that was you! 1136 01:11:30,217 --> 01:11:33,116 I should've worn my white pants. 1137 01:11:33,118 --> 01:11:36,982 You probably get this a lot, but I am a huge fan. 1138 01:11:36,984 --> 01:11:40,482 Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 411. 1139 01:11:40,484 --> 01:11:41,749 X-Men Unlimited 12. 1140 01:11:41,751 --> 01:11:43,915 You know, it has always been a dream of mine... 1141 01:11:43,917 --> 01:11:45,848 to see my face reflected in your helmet... 1142 01:11:45,850 --> 01:11:47,948 as you charge at me with murderous intent. 1143 01:11:47,950 --> 01:11:49,815 I don't mean right now. 1144 01:11:49,817 --> 01:11:51,882 I'm gonna rip you in half now. 1145 01:11:51,884 --> 01:11:54,683 That is such a Juggernaut thing to say. 1146 01:11:58,118 --> 01:12:02,382 Oh, my God! I can't feel my legs. 1147 01:12:02,384 --> 01:12:03,817 I can't feel... 1148 01:12:04,618 --> 01:12:06,683 Oh, no, they're right here. 1149 01:12:06,685 --> 01:12:08,549 Got 'em. God, Russell. 1150 01:12:08,551 --> 01:12:10,418 I have a mission. 1151 01:12:11,018 --> 01:12:12,815 To get my revenge. 1152 01:12:12,817 --> 01:12:15,083 I'm going to burn that headmaster alive. 1153 01:12:15,085 --> 01:12:17,416 You're not the revenge type. 1154 01:12:17,418 --> 01:12:18,948 Take it from a friend. 1155 01:12:18,950 --> 01:12:22,848 Friend? You were sick, and I protected you. 1156 01:12:22,850 --> 01:12:25,016 You said it yourself. 1157 01:12:25,018 --> 01:12:27,815 "I'm not your friend. Find someone stronger." 1158 01:12:27,817 --> 01:12:29,382 So I did. 1159 01:12:30,718 --> 01:12:32,882 Russell, I couldn't protect you back then. 1160 01:12:32,884 --> 01:12:36,915 But I can now. What do you want me to say, huh? 1161 01:12:36,917 --> 01:12:38,848 "I care about you"? 'Cause goddamn it, 1162 01:12:38,850 --> 01:12:41,215 I care about you, Russell. 1163 01:12:41,217 --> 01:12:43,349 What's Juggernaut got that I don't have? 1164 01:12:43,351 --> 01:12:47,115 Don't you say legs! I know you're gonna say legs! 1165 01:12:47,117 --> 01:12:50,151 - Legs! - Still hurts to hear out loud! 1166 01:12:52,085 --> 01:12:55,083 What is that? That's not a real rope! 1167 01:12:55,085 --> 01:12:57,484 You get back here, young man! 1168 01:12:58,518 --> 01:12:59,915 Doms! 1169 01:12:59,917 --> 01:13:02,115 Doms, get me out of here, please. 1170 01:13:02,117 --> 01:13:05,251 Use my arms as backpack straps. 1171 01:13:07,418 --> 01:13:08,349 I think we may have found 1172 01:13:08,351 --> 01:13:10,716 your cosmic reason for being here. 1173 01:13:10,718 --> 01:13:12,616 I'm pretty sure this isn't it. 1174 01:13:12,618 --> 01:13:14,018 X-Force. 1175 01:13:27,151 --> 01:13:29,016 No child is hopeless. 1176 01:13:29,018 --> 01:13:30,416 Don't give up on the boy. 1177 01:13:30,418 --> 01:13:32,683 How could he just walk away? 1178 01:13:32,685 --> 01:13:35,482 It was the coldness in his eyes. 1179 01:13:35,484 --> 01:13:37,151 You should've heard it. 1180 01:13:38,884 --> 01:13:41,284 I guess family really is an F-word. 1181 01:13:42,018 --> 01:13:44,215 Rub my legs, Mama. 1182 01:13:44,217 --> 01:13:45,783 Why would I rub your legs? 1183 01:13:45,785 --> 01:13:48,749 Please, they hurt. I have growing pains. 1184 01:13:51,817 --> 01:13:53,582 What in the... 1185 01:13:53,584 --> 01:13:56,382 Why is your hand so tiny again? 1186 01:13:56,384 --> 01:13:58,082 That's not my hand. 1187 01:13:58,084 --> 01:14:00,416 Oh! Mary, mother of Joseph! 1188 01:14:00,418 --> 01:14:02,382 That was nice for me. 1189 01:14:02,384 --> 01:14:05,449 Wade! I heard what happened with the convoy and... 1190 01:14:09,785 --> 01:14:12,049 Why wouldn't you cover that up? 1191 01:14:12,051 --> 01:14:14,249 A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of. 1192 01:14:14,251 --> 01:14:16,249 Yeah, but you do. Look at you. 1193 01:14:16,251 --> 01:14:18,516 You're just straight shirt-cocking it, 1194 01:14:18,518 --> 01:14:19,949 toddler-style. 1195 01:14:19,951 --> 01:14:21,883 Oh, yeah. Full Winnie the Pooh. 1196 01:14:21,885 --> 01:14:23,916 The hell's happening? Describe it. 1197 01:14:23,918 --> 01:14:25,215 I wouldn't ask him to do that, if I were you. 1198 01:14:25,217 --> 01:14:26,883 - It's like, um... - Here we go. 1199 01:14:26,885 --> 01:14:28,115 It's like he was giving birth anally, 1200 01:14:28,117 --> 01:14:29,783 but they quit halfway through. 1201 01:14:29,785 --> 01:14:30,916 They got the legs out, and they said, 1202 01:14:30,918 --> 01:14:32,282 "You know what, I'm done." 1203 01:14:32,284 --> 01:14:33,282 Happy? 1204 01:14:33,284 --> 01:14:34,549 It's like he's a Muppet from the waist down. 1205 01:14:34,551 --> 01:14:35,883 But this time, you can see 1206 01:14:35,885 --> 01:14:37,282 the Muppet's dick. 1207 01:14:37,284 --> 01:14:38,683 Grover's got a cock the size of a twig. 1208 01:14:38,685 --> 01:14:40,015 Mr. Weasel, I can no longer be double-parked. 1209 01:14:40,017 --> 01:14:41,951 I've had three tickets already. 1210 01:14:43,184 --> 01:14:46,015 No, no, no, DP, not again! 1211 01:14:46,017 --> 01:14:48,549 This has happened before? 1212 01:14:48,551 --> 01:14:50,149 - -Jesus! Either vomit or don't. 1213 01:14:50,151 --> 01:14:51,649 The indecision is killing me. 1214 01:14:51,651 --> 01:14:53,551 Why couldn't God take my hearing? 1215 01:14:55,217 --> 01:14:57,215 Oh. Wow! 1216 01:14:57,217 --> 01:14:58,982 Cool your pits. They're growing back. 1217 01:14:58,984 --> 01:15:00,982 I'm talking about your face. 1218 01:15:00,984 --> 01:15:02,916 I've never seen you without your mask before. 1219 01:15:02,918 --> 01:15:05,115 - Jesus Christ! - Looks like an avocado. 1220 01:15:05,117 --> 01:15:07,082 Your legs, though, they're cute. 1221 01:15:07,084 --> 01:15:09,117 You wanna borrow a pair of pants? 1222 01:15:10,584 --> 01:15:12,082 I'm glad everybody dropped by. 1223 01:15:12,084 --> 01:15:14,982 You must be wondering why I didn't call you here. 1224 01:15:14,984 --> 01:15:16,716 I'll tell you why I'm here. 1225 01:15:16,718 --> 01:15:19,082 "The Time Traveler's Wife's" husband... 1226 01:15:19,084 --> 01:15:20,416 beat me within an inch of my life. 1227 01:15:20,418 --> 01:15:21,549 He was torturing me! 1228 01:15:21,551 --> 01:15:24,683 But all I told him was everything he wanted to know. 1229 01:15:24,685 --> 01:15:27,249 So, I'm here to help us gear up. 1230 01:15:27,251 --> 01:15:28,582 So we can go after him without me. 1231 01:15:28,584 --> 01:15:29,916 No! 1232 01:15:29,918 --> 01:15:31,516 I'm doing this alone. 1233 01:15:31,518 --> 01:15:32,582 The Juggernaut 1234 01:15:32,584 --> 01:15:33,916 - will kill you all. - Fair enough. 1235 01:15:33,918 --> 01:15:35,883 I just need a couple of hours to get some legs 1236 01:15:35,885 --> 01:15:37,015 - under me. - What will you do? 1237 01:15:37,017 --> 01:15:38,582 I don't care what the kid did to me. 1238 01:15:38,584 --> 01:15:39,816 I ain't letting Cable get to him, 1239 01:15:39,818 --> 01:15:41,182 even if I have to teabag him to death. 1240 01:15:41,184 --> 01:15:43,182 It's really just a sip of tea at this point. 1241 01:15:43,184 --> 01:15:45,015 Zip it, black Black Widow! I'm flowing. 1242 01:15:45,017 --> 01:15:46,082 The first order of business is 1243 01:15:46,084 --> 01:15:47,382 to get me in front of Cable... 1244 01:15:47,384 --> 01:15:49,049 so I can pull all the fucking blood out of his body... 1245 01:15:49,051 --> 01:15:51,516 and fashion his bones into holiday jewelry. 1246 01:15:51,518 --> 01:15:53,182 Then, I'm gonna take his skin... 1247 01:15:53,184 --> 01:15:56,451 and stretch it out over a homemade mating drum. 1248 01:15:57,918 --> 01:15:59,584 He's standing right behind you, isn't he? 1249 01:16:08,318 --> 01:16:10,149 What in the ass? 1250 01:16:10,151 --> 01:16:13,449 Is this apartment listed on Tinder? Grindr? 1251 01:16:13,451 --> 01:16:15,851 You picked the wrong shithole to fuck, future boy. 1252 01:16:16,718 --> 01:16:19,351 Ugh. Is that really necessary? 1253 01:16:21,551 --> 01:16:24,449 No. It's his "Basic Instinct." 1254 01:16:24,451 --> 01:16:26,015 What can we help you with? 1255 01:16:26,017 --> 01:16:27,917 I'm here to proposition you. 1256 01:16:29,318 --> 01:16:30,249 Oh, boy! 1257 01:16:30,251 --> 01:16:31,582 He's really teeing it up, isn't he? 1258 01:16:31,584 --> 01:16:33,482 Who gets to make the first joke? 1259 01:16:33,484 --> 01:16:35,149 I think we should all do it at the same time. 1260 01:16:35,151 --> 01:16:36,049 Good call. 1261 01:16:36,051 --> 01:16:37,516 For $45, you get sucky-suck. 1262 01:16:37,518 --> 01:16:39,115 I only do over the pants, mouth stuff. 1263 01:16:39,117 --> 01:16:40,049 Fuck! 1264 01:16:40,051 --> 01:16:41,349 The Proposition has a wonderful 1265 01:16:41,351 --> 01:16:42,382 Guy Pearce performance. 1266 01:16:42,384 --> 01:16:44,282 Wait, wait, wait! I wanna do mine over. 1267 01:16:44,284 --> 01:16:46,982 - Give us the line again. - I need your help! 1268 01:16:46,984 --> 01:16:49,282 Trust me, I'm even less happy about this than you are... 1269 01:16:49,284 --> 01:16:52,616 but you unleashed the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt! 1270 01:16:52,618 --> 01:16:54,948 I can't bring him down alone. 1271 01:16:54,950 --> 01:16:56,584 So here we are. 1272 01:16:57,851 --> 01:16:59,717 We're no longer accepting applications 1273 01:16:59,719 --> 01:17:01,282 for X-Force, unfortunately. 1274 01:17:01,284 --> 01:17:02,482 Even if we were... 1275 01:17:02,484 --> 01:17:04,249 there's a wind advisory in effect until at least... 1276 01:17:04,251 --> 01:17:05,449 We don't have a lot of time. 1277 01:17:05,451 --> 01:17:07,416 Your friend's about to make his first kill. 1278 01:17:07,418 --> 01:17:08,982 No offense, but if you know so much... 1279 01:17:08,984 --> 01:17:11,915 why not travel back to when he was a baby, kill him then? 1280 01:17:11,917 --> 01:17:12,982 Or better yet, head back a little further, 1281 01:17:12,984 --> 01:17:14,049 kill baby Hitler. 1282 01:17:14,051 --> 01:17:16,082 I use a device to slide through time. 1283 01:17:16,084 --> 01:17:18,848 The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. 1284 01:17:18,850 --> 01:17:21,582 I got two charges: one to get me here, 1285 01:17:21,584 --> 01:17:22,750 one to get me home. 1286 01:17:22,752 --> 01:17:23,915 Well. 1287 01:17:23,917 --> 01:17:25,882 That's just lazy writing. 1288 01:17:25,884 --> 01:17:27,115 Your boy's gonna kill the headmaster 1289 01:17:27,117 --> 01:17:28,816 of the orphanage tonight. 1290 01:17:28,818 --> 01:17:30,948 After that, he gets a real taste for it. 1291 01:17:30,950 --> 01:17:33,784 Like 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker! 1292 01:17:33,786 --> 01:17:35,750 So he keeps killing... 1293 01:17:35,752 --> 01:17:37,182 and killing, and killing, 1294 01:17:37,184 --> 01:17:38,616 and killing. 1295 01:17:38,618 --> 01:17:42,184 Until one day, he kills the wrong fucking people. 1296 01:17:44,651 --> 01:17:46,151 My people. 1297 01:17:50,051 --> 01:17:51,049 Relax. 1298 01:17:51,051 --> 01:17:53,650 I'm retrieving something from my utility bag. 1299 01:17:53,652 --> 01:17:56,149 It's a goddamn fanny pack... 1300 01:17:56,151 --> 01:17:58,848 and you know it, you sick son of a bitch! 1301 01:17:58,850 --> 01:18:00,584 The difference is night and day. 1302 01:18:02,451 --> 01:18:04,684 You remind me of my wife. 1303 01:18:04,686 --> 01:18:06,115 I'm sorry. 1304 01:18:06,117 --> 01:18:07,215 I said, "You remind me of my wife." 1305 01:18:07,217 --> 01:18:08,516 No, I'm sorry that you said that... 1306 01:18:08,518 --> 01:18:11,582 while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm. 1307 01:18:11,584 --> 01:18:12,917 She always struggled. 1308 01:18:13,850 --> 01:18:15,282 But she was funny... 1309 01:18:15,284 --> 01:18:18,717 and filtered her pain through the prism of humor. 1310 01:18:18,719 --> 01:18:21,084 Something I could never master. 1311 01:18:21,817 --> 01:18:24,184 It was my fault she died. 1312 01:18:25,686 --> 01:18:29,249 It was my job to stop people like him. 1313 01:18:29,251 --> 01:18:31,384 I came close a few times. 1314 01:18:35,351 --> 01:18:37,284 He wasn't too happy about that. 1315 01:18:38,850 --> 01:18:40,182 He was trying to hurt me... 1316 01:18:40,184 --> 01:18:42,484 and he knew exactly how to do it. 1317 01:18:46,619 --> 01:18:48,416 Blessed are the wicked 1318 01:18:48,418 --> 01:18:50,084 who are healed by my hand. 1319 01:18:52,751 --> 01:18:55,149 He came into my home... 1320 01:18:55,151 --> 01:18:58,251 and took the only thing that made it a home. 1321 01:19:02,318 --> 01:19:03,817 Sound familiar? 1322 01:19:04,751 --> 01:19:06,482 - I'm sorry. - Uh-huh. 1323 01:19:06,484 --> 01:19:08,217 No, I'm really sorry. 1324 01:19:10,384 --> 01:19:12,349 But that isn't Russell. 1325 01:19:12,351 --> 01:19:14,516 - It doesn't have to be him. - If you knew what I knew... 1326 01:19:14,518 --> 01:19:16,316 Yeah, he's got anger issues... 1327 01:19:16,318 --> 01:19:17,982 maybe a small learning disability... 1328 01:19:17,984 --> 01:19:19,549 splash of diabetes... 1329 01:19:19,551 --> 01:19:20,848 but nothing that can't be fixed. 1330 01:19:20,850 --> 01:19:22,416 If you could go back... 1331 01:19:22,418 --> 01:19:25,482 and stop the people that took your girl, would you? 1332 01:19:25,484 --> 01:19:27,284 Of course I fucking would! 1333 01:19:27,884 --> 01:19:29,749 But I wouldn't kill a kid. 1334 01:19:29,751 --> 01:19:31,282 I'm not asking you to kill a kid! 1335 01:19:31,284 --> 01:19:32,449 I'll kill the kid. 1336 01:19:32,451 --> 01:19:36,082 I'm asking you to save hundreds of other kids. 1337 01:19:36,084 --> 01:19:38,382 Russell's gonna burn down that orphanage. 1338 01:19:38,384 --> 01:19:40,449 And I can imagine your dead girlfriend... 1339 01:19:40,451 --> 01:19:43,848 would want you to do the right thing, wouldn't she? 1340 01:19:43,850 --> 01:19:47,049 So, what's it gonna be, handsome? 1341 01:19:47,051 --> 01:19:48,848 Give me a chance to save him. 1342 01:19:48,850 --> 01:19:50,249 - What? - You said... 1343 01:19:50,251 --> 01:19:51,982 once he kills someone, he gets a taste for it. 1344 01:19:51,984 --> 01:19:54,516 If we can get to him before that happens... 1345 01:19:54,518 --> 01:19:56,049 promise you'll give me a chance 1346 01:19:56,051 --> 01:19:57,948 to put him on a different path. 1347 01:19:57,950 --> 01:19:59,215 Define "chance." 1348 01:19:59,217 --> 01:20:00,349 I don't know. How long does it take 1349 01:20:00,351 --> 01:20:01,848 to save someone's soul? That's not... 1350 01:20:01,850 --> 01:20:03,182 I'll give you 30 seconds. 1351 01:20:03,184 --> 01:20:05,382 - What? No! - Best I can do. 1352 01:20:05,384 --> 01:20:06,817 Take it or leave it. 1353 01:20:16,984 --> 01:20:18,449 He's doing it! 1354 01:20:18,451 --> 01:20:20,115 Look at the little fella. He's doing it. 1355 01:20:20,117 --> 01:20:22,316 There he goes. 1356 01:20:22,318 --> 01:20:23,783 Jesus Christ! 1357 01:20:23,785 --> 01:20:25,349 Just shirt-cocking it. 1358 01:20:25,351 --> 01:20:27,149 Ugh. 1359 01:20:27,151 --> 01:20:28,585 There you go, little fella. 1360 01:20:29,384 --> 01:20:30,982 Go on, you're doing it! 1361 01:20:30,984 --> 01:20:34,051 My beautiful, hairless, Twizzler-legged baby boy. 1362 01:20:36,217 --> 01:20:37,382 Christ! 1363 01:20:37,384 --> 01:20:39,149 That's disturbing. 1364 01:20:39,151 --> 01:20:40,418 30 seconds. 1365 01:20:45,718 --> 01:20:47,318 - Deal. - Deal. 1366 01:20:50,585 --> 01:20:53,082 I have no idea what's happening. 1367 01:20:53,084 --> 01:20:56,350 Probably for the best. 1368 01:20:56,352 --> 01:21:00,116 And that is why you never eat a raw starfish. 1369 01:21:00,118 --> 01:21:02,350 It's just common sense. 1370 01:21:02,352 --> 01:21:03,748 Where the hell are we going? 1371 01:21:03,750 --> 01:21:05,082 You said it yourself. 1372 01:21:05,084 --> 01:21:08,015 Nothing can stop the Juggernaut. We need backup. 1373 01:21:08,017 --> 01:21:11,015 I will bathe in the blood of your enemies. 1374 01:21:15,285 --> 01:21:16,984 Can you turn off the music? 1375 01:21:17,784 --> 01:21:19,882 You'll do no such thing. 1376 01:21:19,884 --> 01:21:22,250 Why don't you just say it in an Indian accent? 1377 01:21:22,252 --> 01:21:23,216 What the hell are you...? 1378 01:21:23,218 --> 01:21:25,416 Once again, intolerance rears its ugly head. 1379 01:21:25,418 --> 01:21:27,015 I am so sorry. It gets better. 1380 01:21:27,017 --> 01:21:28,915 I'm not a fucking racist, moron! 1381 01:21:28,917 --> 01:21:31,949 Tell that to Black Tom. He was like a brother to me. 1382 01:21:31,951 --> 01:21:33,715 I'm with the old white guy on this one. 1383 01:21:33,717 --> 01:21:35,416 And that's a twist. 1384 01:21:35,418 --> 01:21:36,583 So what exactly do you 1385 01:21:36,585 --> 01:21:37,648 do in the future, anyway, huh? 1386 01:21:37,650 --> 01:21:39,382 Some kind of soldier? 1387 01:21:39,384 --> 01:21:41,082 Yeah, something like that. 1388 01:21:41,084 --> 01:21:43,516 I was a soldier. Special Forces. 1389 01:21:43,518 --> 01:21:45,982 I bet 50 years from now, we're bestest buddies. 1390 01:21:45,984 --> 01:21:48,082 50 years from now, you're very dead. 1391 01:21:48,084 --> 01:21:50,882 Your entire generation fucked this planet into a coma. 1392 01:21:50,884 --> 01:21:52,350 Boom! 1393 01:21:52,352 --> 01:21:53,615 Spoiler alert. 1394 01:21:55,118 --> 01:21:56,250 Planets. 1395 01:21:56,252 --> 01:21:57,682 Next time, Uber. 1396 01:21:57,684 --> 01:21:59,184 Here's a spoiler alert. 1397 01:22:00,319 --> 01:22:02,217 You're not a fucking hero. 1398 01:22:02,219 --> 01:22:06,349 You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy. 1399 01:22:06,351 --> 01:22:07,549 Well, I got news for you. 1400 01:22:07,551 --> 01:22:08,849 My heart is in the right place. 1401 01:22:08,851 --> 01:22:10,317 Russell's not gonna kill anyone. 1402 01:22:10,319 --> 01:22:12,815 Because of me, he's gonna know what real love looks like. 1403 01:22:12,817 --> 01:22:14,250 Because of you, I'll always know 1404 01:22:14,252 --> 01:22:16,583 what a grown man with baby balls looks like. 1405 01:22:16,585 --> 01:22:19,015 I'm a grower, not a shower. 1406 01:22:19,017 --> 01:22:20,483 I should've finished college. 1407 01:22:20,485 --> 01:22:21,715 Right here! 1408 01:22:39,750 --> 01:22:41,782 I made mistakes! 1409 01:22:41,784 --> 01:22:43,682 I wanna take them back! 1410 01:22:43,684 --> 01:22:46,682 You trusted me. I took that trust... 1411 01:22:46,684 --> 01:22:48,217 and turned it into a glory hole 1412 01:22:48,219 --> 01:22:49,615 in an airport bathroom. 1413 01:22:49,617 --> 01:22:52,384 The one in Minneapolis. You know the one. 1414 01:22:53,351 --> 01:22:54,682 Colossus! 1415 01:22:54,684 --> 01:22:56,782 I wouldn't ask for your help unless it was life or death! 1416 01:22:56,784 --> 01:22:58,849 That kid needs our help! 1417 01:22:58,851 --> 01:23:01,015 I know you're listening! 1418 01:23:01,017 --> 01:23:02,416 He's teamed up with the Juggernaut! 1419 01:23:02,418 --> 01:23:03,715 The Juggernaut! 1420 01:23:03,717 --> 01:23:05,183 That's like my favorite Marvel character ever, 1421 01:23:05,185 --> 01:23:06,849 but you should never meet your heroes... 1422 01:23:06,851 --> 01:23:09,815 because, honestly, he's a bit of a dick! 1423 01:23:09,817 --> 01:23:12,449 And like a lot of dicks, he's as hard as a rock... 1424 01:23:12,451 --> 01:23:14,250 and causes nothing but problems! 1425 01:23:14,252 --> 01:23:15,982 - Hi, Wade! - Hi, Yukio! 1426 01:23:15,984 --> 01:23:16,849 Please don't. 1427 01:23:16,851 --> 01:23:18,217 You guys make a super cute couple. 1428 01:23:18,219 --> 01:23:20,116 Yeah. Where was I? Oh, yeah! 1429 01:23:20,118 --> 01:23:22,282 Colossus! Look, I don't deserve 1430 01:23:22,284 --> 01:23:24,416 your friendship or your help. 1431 01:23:24,418 --> 01:23:26,117 But this kid does. 1432 01:23:26,119 --> 01:23:29,084 And I'm not gonna bail on him like everyone else. 1433 01:23:30,684 --> 01:23:32,851 Oh, come on! 1434 01:23:36,817 --> 01:23:39,915 Any chance Pigeon Wings is available? 1435 01:23:39,917 --> 01:23:42,483 That's just fine! That's fine! 1436 01:23:42,485 --> 01:23:43,949 No! You know what? 1437 01:23:43,951 --> 01:23:46,849 Doing the right thing is sometimes messy... 1438 01:23:46,851 --> 01:23:50,117 and fucked up, and not particularly convenient! 1439 01:23:50,119 --> 01:23:53,583 So stay here in Chateau de Virgin... 1440 01:23:53,585 --> 01:23:55,884 while we go get our fuck on! 1441 01:23:58,684 --> 01:24:00,185 You're doing great. 1442 01:24:05,650 --> 01:24:07,083 So you wear that helmet because 1443 01:24:07,085 --> 01:24:08,915 your brother tries to read your mind? 1444 01:24:08,917 --> 01:24:12,150 Yeah, but he's in a wheelchair, so even-steven. 1445 01:24:12,152 --> 01:24:14,748 Someone's coming. It's Russell, sir. 1446 01:24:14,750 --> 01:24:16,748 He's not alone. 1447 01:24:16,750 --> 01:24:18,717 Secure the children. 1448 01:24:22,951 --> 01:24:25,815 What do you say we go fuck some shit up? 1449 01:24:25,817 --> 01:24:29,884 "Let's fuck some shit up" is my legal middle name. 1450 01:24:32,951 --> 01:24:35,682 Watch my back. I've got the old man. 1451 01:24:35,684 --> 01:24:38,119 Amen, brother. 1452 01:24:43,750 --> 01:24:45,483 Time to make the chimichangas. 1453 01:24:45,485 --> 01:24:47,648 30 seconds. 1454 01:24:47,650 --> 01:24:50,282 I finally know why I'm here. 1455 01:24:50,284 --> 01:24:52,083 I was raised in this place. 1456 01:24:52,085 --> 01:24:54,516 Well, not raised. I was tortured. 1457 01:24:54,518 --> 01:24:57,449 Wow! It's your cosmic reason for being here. 1458 01:24:57,451 --> 01:24:58,748 - Shall we? - This is gonna be fun. 1459 01:24:58,750 --> 01:24:59,915 Yeah! 1460 01:24:59,917 --> 01:25:01,549 Hey! Been meaning to ask you... 1461 01:25:01,551 --> 01:25:05,117 what's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear? 1462 01:25:05,119 --> 01:25:08,784 It's not dirt. It's the blood of my dead daughter. 1463 01:25:10,851 --> 01:25:12,782 I have a gluten sensitivity. 1464 01:25:12,784 --> 01:25:14,449 So one glass of wine, I just... 1465 01:25:15,884 --> 01:25:16,884 Yeah. 1466 01:25:20,418 --> 01:25:21,583 Wish we could head back in time, 1467 01:25:21,585 --> 01:25:23,416 and I could take all that back. 1468 01:25:23,418 --> 01:25:25,316 We should just cue the music. 1469 01:25:49,784 --> 01:25:52,750 Welcome home, Russell. We missed you. 1470 01:25:53,917 --> 01:25:54,849 Russell! 1471 01:25:54,851 --> 01:25:57,318 You don't need to do this! Let's talk! 1472 01:25:58,151 --> 01:25:59,915 Why are you dressed like the Unabomber? 1473 01:26:04,184 --> 01:26:05,182 That's why! 1474 01:26:05,184 --> 01:26:06,682 Told you this little fucker's too far gone. 1475 01:26:06,684 --> 01:26:08,516 Zip it, Thanos! We have a deal and you fuck... 1476 01:26:08,518 --> 01:26:10,882 Hey! 1477 01:26:10,884 --> 01:26:14,184 I'm gonna shove that cab driver right up your ass. 1478 01:26:15,284 --> 01:26:17,549 My body and my hands are so soft. 1479 01:26:17,551 --> 01:26:18,682 You should probably head back to the car. 1480 01:26:18,684 --> 01:26:20,650 I think I'll head back to the car. 1481 01:26:21,585 --> 01:26:24,318 It works best when you pull the trigger. 1482 01:26:27,251 --> 01:26:28,684 That gun is amazing! 1483 01:26:29,750 --> 01:26:31,118 Say it! 1484 01:26:33,251 --> 01:26:36,316 You are an abomination! 1485 01:26:43,318 --> 01:26:46,782 Now, I'm gonna shove the red guy up the old guy. 1486 01:26:46,784 --> 01:26:49,318 I believe him! Every man for themselves! 1487 01:26:53,650 --> 01:26:55,483 Gotcha! 1488 01:26:55,485 --> 01:26:56,817 Beat it, midget! 1489 01:26:59,617 --> 01:27:02,715 Hey, big guy, the sun's getting real low! 1490 01:27:02,717 --> 01:27:03,985 Oh, shit fuck! 1491 01:27:17,684 --> 01:27:19,351 Come here, beautiful. 1492 01:27:21,451 --> 01:27:22,717 Say it! 1493 01:28:22,017 --> 01:28:23,282 You came for me. 1494 01:28:23,284 --> 01:28:24,682 I'm not giving up on you, 1495 01:28:24,684 --> 01:28:26,883 and you are not giving up on that boy. 1496 01:28:26,885 --> 01:28:28,883 Who says that rules aren't meant to be broken? 1497 01:28:28,885 --> 01:28:31,416 It's time to fight dirty. 1498 01:28:31,418 --> 01:28:32,816 Time to sweep the leg, Johnny. 1499 01:28:32,818 --> 01:28:35,615 Hey! Pick on someone your own size! 1500 01:28:35,617 --> 01:28:37,715 That's such a you thing to say! 1501 01:28:37,717 --> 01:28:39,715 Go get him, tiger! 1502 01:28:39,717 --> 01:28:41,617 Big CGI fight coming up! 1503 01:29:04,617 --> 01:29:06,149 He's doing great. 1504 01:29:06,151 --> 01:29:07,318 Say it! 1505 01:29:11,451 --> 01:29:12,984 - Russell. - Bingo! 1506 01:29:24,785 --> 01:29:26,951 That's right! I'm fighting dirty! 1507 01:29:27,684 --> 01:29:28,748 Oh, great! 1508 01:29:28,750 --> 01:29:30,049 There they are! Those freaks! 1509 01:29:30,051 --> 01:29:32,449 A bunch of armed pedophiles in nursing shoes. 1510 01:29:32,451 --> 01:29:34,549 Can I have one of those guns? 1511 01:29:34,551 --> 01:29:36,416 - No. - That's fine. 1512 01:29:36,418 --> 01:29:38,349 Get off this property, mutant scum! 1513 01:29:38,351 --> 01:29:39,551 I'm just gonna use this brick. 1514 01:29:40,184 --> 01:29:41,282 Maximum effort. 1515 01:29:47,084 --> 01:29:49,084 Who says you can't go home again? 1516 01:29:57,717 --> 01:29:59,251 Oh! 1517 01:30:06,184 --> 01:30:07,184 Yeah! 1518 01:30:09,351 --> 01:30:10,915 Say it. 1519 01:30:10,917 --> 01:30:14,151 Say what you said every time you tortured me! 1520 01:30:14,585 --> 01:30:15,850 Say it! 1521 01:30:15,852 --> 01:30:18,852 Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand! 1522 01:30:19,818 --> 01:30:22,116 Blessed are the wicked... 1523 01:30:22,118 --> 01:30:23,284 who are healed... 1524 01:30:23,684 --> 01:30:25,284 by my hand. 1525 01:30:43,318 --> 01:30:45,718 You commie motherfucker! 1526 01:31:11,884 --> 01:31:14,549 Oh, my God. Did you feel that, too? 1527 01:31:14,551 --> 01:31:16,917 Only best buddies execute pedophiles together. 1528 01:31:19,751 --> 01:31:22,382 You got 30 seconds, you jabbering butt plug! 1529 01:31:22,384 --> 01:31:23,751 Now we're getting it. 1530 01:31:28,118 --> 01:31:30,516 I need a bus to get you all out of here. 1531 01:31:35,917 --> 01:31:36,951 Orphans. 1532 01:31:38,084 --> 01:31:39,251 Oh, geez. 1533 01:31:40,585 --> 01:31:43,182 It's time to burn for what you've done! 1534 01:31:43,184 --> 01:31:45,984 A child should not be burdened with such power! 1535 01:31:54,551 --> 01:31:55,817 Russell! Wait! 1536 01:32:01,685 --> 01:32:03,017 Oh! 1537 01:32:10,084 --> 01:32:12,182 Wait! He hasn't killed anyone yet! 1538 01:32:12,184 --> 01:32:14,416 - What more do you need to see? - Don't you fucking dare! 1539 01:32:14,418 --> 01:32:15,616 He's just a kid! 1540 01:32:15,618 --> 01:32:17,718 Tick, tock. Meter's running! 1541 01:32:30,051 --> 01:32:33,284 I'm gonna melt you down and make a cock ring. 1542 01:32:53,552 --> 01:32:56,316 - I told you! Leave me alone! - Come on! 1543 01:32:56,318 --> 01:32:57,618 Listen to me! 1544 01:33:20,750 --> 01:33:22,715 That's how we do it 1545 01:33:22,717 --> 01:33:24,284 in Mother Russia. 1546 01:33:26,118 --> 01:33:28,951 They say millennials are the hardest to reach. 1547 01:33:30,184 --> 01:33:33,616 Oh, no. You're doing amazing. 1548 01:33:34,784 --> 01:33:37,715 Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta! 1549 01:33:37,717 --> 01:33:39,616 Go home, Wade! 1550 01:33:39,618 --> 01:33:41,684 You're ruining everything! 1551 01:33:46,750 --> 01:33:48,249 I'm getting good at this shit. 1552 01:33:48,251 --> 01:33:49,284 Go, go, go! 1553 01:33:52,717 --> 01:33:54,715 He dies tonight, Wade. 1554 01:33:54,717 --> 01:33:57,082 You can't stop me! 1555 01:33:57,084 --> 01:33:59,015 He even runs like a fucking pervert. 1556 01:33:59,017 --> 01:34:02,017 Like an online predator who lost his laptop. 1557 01:34:03,151 --> 01:34:04,782 There's one bullet left in that gun. 1558 01:34:04,784 --> 01:34:07,015 Wait, wait, wait! Please, just give me a second! 1559 01:34:07,017 --> 01:34:08,416 I got this. 1560 01:34:08,418 --> 01:34:10,648 - Russell! - Stay back! Go home, Wade! 1561 01:34:10,650 --> 01:34:13,416 Let's talk. It doesn't have to go this way! 1562 01:34:13,418 --> 01:34:14,982 That piece of shit... 1563 01:34:14,984 --> 01:34:16,782 he deserves to die for what he did to you. 1564 01:34:16,784 --> 01:34:20,284 He hurt you badly. Makes you wanna hurt others. 1565 01:34:20,984 --> 01:34:22,849 But if you kill him, he wins. 1566 01:34:22,851 --> 01:34:26,782 You become everything he says you are, but worse. 1567 01:34:26,784 --> 01:34:28,815 You're just a kid. 1568 01:34:28,817 --> 01:34:30,648 You don't wanna hurt anyone. 1569 01:34:30,650 --> 01:34:31,882 How do you know what I want? 1570 01:34:31,884 --> 01:34:33,784 Because I've been inside you. 1571 01:34:34,318 --> 01:34:36,249 That came out wrong. 1572 01:34:36,251 --> 01:34:37,849 I've been inside your shoes. 1573 01:34:37,851 --> 01:34:39,782 Which is also off-putting. 1574 01:34:39,784 --> 01:34:41,382 It's not a great analogy. 1575 01:34:41,384 --> 01:34:43,282 The point is... 1576 01:34:43,284 --> 01:34:44,882 there are people... 1577 01:34:44,884 --> 01:34:47,949 There are people in this fucking world... 1578 01:34:47,951 --> 01:34:50,748 besides him, who will treat you right. 1579 01:34:50,750 --> 01:34:53,650 It isn't too late. Don't do it. 1580 01:34:58,851 --> 01:35:01,351 I never should've left you there. 1581 01:35:02,951 --> 01:35:05,051 I never should've left you in that prison. 1582 01:35:12,118 --> 01:35:13,351 I can't trust you. 1583 01:35:15,118 --> 01:35:17,617 I can't trust anybody! 1584 01:35:26,585 --> 01:35:27,882 Wonderful kid. 1585 01:35:27,884 --> 01:35:29,682 You can't stop me, Wade! 1586 01:35:31,817 --> 01:35:34,049 I got one more idea. 1587 01:35:34,051 --> 01:35:37,216 It's just a really bad one, even for me. 1588 01:35:37,218 --> 01:35:38,216 Wade, what are you doing? 1589 01:35:38,218 --> 01:35:40,715 All right. This is for all the marbles, kid! 1590 01:35:40,717 --> 01:35:42,815 You're gonna kill someone today... 1591 01:35:42,817 --> 01:35:44,383 Blessed are the wicked... 1592 01:35:44,385 --> 01:35:46,318 then it's gotta be me. 1593 01:35:47,385 --> 01:35:49,318 Who are healed by my hand! 1594 01:35:52,419 --> 01:35:54,951 Fuck this! 1595 01:35:58,984 --> 01:36:02,648 ♪ The sun will come out tomorrow ♪ 1596 01:36:02,650 --> 01:36:07,249 ♪ Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow ♪ 1597 01:36:07,251 --> 01:36:10,249 ♪ There'll be sun ♪ 1598 01:36:10,251 --> 01:36:17,082 ♪ When I'm stuck with a day that's gray and lonely ♪ 1599 01:36:17,084 --> 01:36:24,118 ♪ I just stick out my chin and grin and say ♪ 1600 01:36:29,851 --> 01:36:33,249 ♪ The sun will come out tomorrow ♪ 1601 01:36:33,251 --> 01:36:38,216 ♪ So you gotta hang on till tomorrow ♪ 1602 01:36:38,218 --> 01:36:41,615 ♪ Come what may ♪ 1603 01:36:41,617 --> 01:36:46,915 ♪ Tomorrow, tomorrow I love ya, tomorrow ♪ 1604 01:36:46,917 --> 01:36:51,750 ♪ You're always a day away ♪ 1605 01:36:56,252 --> 01:36:59,417 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 1606 01:37:04,385 --> 01:37:05,784 Oh, that's not good. 1607 01:37:07,251 --> 01:37:08,984 No, sir. 1608 01:37:16,285 --> 01:37:19,417 You sacrificed yourself for me. 1609 01:37:19,751 --> 01:37:20,715 Yeah. 1610 01:37:20,717 --> 01:37:23,217 And it was the best thing I ever did. 1611 01:37:24,851 --> 01:37:27,183 I told you I care about you. 1612 01:37:27,185 --> 01:37:28,984 You're a good kid, Russell. 1613 01:37:30,751 --> 01:37:31,817 Hey. 1614 01:37:33,051 --> 01:37:34,349 The bear. 1615 01:37:34,351 --> 01:37:35,784 It worked. 1616 01:37:42,351 --> 01:37:44,283 Because of you. 1617 01:37:44,285 --> 01:37:46,684 No, Wade, because of you. 1618 01:37:47,385 --> 01:37:49,682 Stop, stop, stop! 1619 01:37:49,684 --> 01:37:50,817 Stop! 1620 01:37:51,751 --> 01:37:54,749 Just let it happen, okay? 1621 01:37:54,751 --> 01:37:58,548 I guess my heart was finally in the right place. 1622 01:37:58,550 --> 01:38:01,085 That riddle is so fucked up. 1623 01:38:05,984 --> 01:38:08,515 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 1624 01:38:08,517 --> 01:38:09,715 Don't be. Don't be. 1625 01:38:09,717 --> 01:38:12,216 I've been trying to make this happen for a while. 1626 01:38:12,218 --> 01:38:13,782 Please, just don't leave me. 1627 01:38:13,784 --> 01:38:15,515 I don't wanna die without an audience. 1628 01:38:15,517 --> 01:38:17,083 We are not going anywhere. 1629 01:38:17,085 --> 01:38:19,448 Oh, God, I hope the Academy is watching. 1630 01:38:19,450 --> 01:38:20,684 Just rest, okay? 1631 01:38:22,351 --> 01:38:23,617 Papa. 1632 01:38:25,584 --> 01:38:27,717 ♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪ 1633 01:38:29,717 --> 01:38:35,918 ♪ Papa, can you find me in the night? ♪ 1634 01:38:57,119 --> 01:38:58,749 Before I go... 1635 01:38:58,751 --> 01:39:00,717 Sorry, I got a bit more in me. 1636 01:39:01,184 --> 01:39:02,415 Domino. 1637 01:39:02,417 --> 01:39:07,283 I want you to have my Adventure Time watch. 1638 01:39:09,450 --> 01:39:12,550 Turns out that I'm the lucky one. 1639 01:39:13,151 --> 01:39:14,450 Thank you. 1640 01:39:15,517 --> 01:39:19,149 Hey, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. 1641 01:39:19,151 --> 01:39:21,417 It has been a pleasure. 1642 01:39:22,751 --> 01:39:25,882 - Hi, Yukio. - Hi, Wade! 1643 01:39:27,417 --> 01:39:28,784 And you... 1644 01:39:29,218 --> 01:39:31,050 Chrome Bone. 1645 01:39:31,052 --> 01:39:34,216 I haven't always been the best friend to you. 1646 01:39:34,218 --> 01:39:36,548 But you've always been that to me. 1647 01:39:36,550 --> 01:39:37,985 So thank you. 1648 01:39:40,118 --> 01:39:41,784 Say "fuck" for me. 1649 01:39:42,450 --> 01:39:43,715 Just once. Come on, 1650 01:39:43,717 --> 01:39:45,448 we'll do it together. It's no big deal. 1651 01:39:45,450 --> 01:39:48,715 Here we go. One, two, three. F... F... F... 1652 01:39:48,717 --> 01:39:49,649 Fuck. 1653 01:39:49,651 --> 01:39:53,084 Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth. 1654 01:39:54,351 --> 01:39:57,448 And you, Cable. 1655 01:39:57,450 --> 01:40:01,882 You get back to your family. You tell 'em Wade says hi. 1656 01:40:01,884 --> 01:40:05,615 And promise me. Promise me one thing. 1657 01:40:05,617 --> 01:40:07,182 That you'll start judging people... 1658 01:40:07,184 --> 01:40:08,515 not by the color of their skin, 1659 01:40:08,517 --> 01:40:10,617 but by the content of their character. 1660 01:40:11,218 --> 01:40:12,884 - Jesus. - R-Dog? 1661 01:40:14,052 --> 01:40:16,448 There you are. Hey! 1662 01:40:16,450 --> 01:40:18,450 You're a superhero now, bubba. 1663 01:40:19,851 --> 01:40:21,149 Look. 1664 01:40:21,151 --> 01:40:23,851 Family is not an F-word. 1665 01:40:24,450 --> 01:40:25,749 All right? 1666 01:40:25,751 --> 01:40:28,316 There's one out there for you. 1667 01:40:28,318 --> 01:40:30,084 Just keep looking, okay? 1668 01:40:33,450 --> 01:40:36,450 Guys, for a second there... 1669 01:40:37,118 --> 01:40:39,851 we made a pretty good team. 1670 01:40:54,251 --> 01:40:56,450 Oh, it's so hard to go. 1671 01:40:57,684 --> 01:41:00,151 I just love being around you guys so much. 1672 01:41:01,218 --> 01:41:02,617 So, so much. 1673 01:41:03,184 --> 01:41:04,515 Mmm. 1674 01:41:04,517 --> 01:41:07,415 No, I can feel it now. Here it comes, yeah. 1675 01:41:07,417 --> 01:41:11,349 I feel the soul exiting the husk. 1676 01:41:11,351 --> 01:41:12,550 Yeah. 1677 01:41:14,151 --> 01:41:16,582 Can you see it? 1678 01:41:16,584 --> 01:41:18,919 Do you see that beautiful bright light? 1679 01:41:20,285 --> 01:41:21,617 There it is. 1680 01:41:27,617 --> 01:41:28,850 Oh, that's the sun. 1681 01:41:28,852 --> 01:41:31,116 Don't stare directly into that. 1682 01:41:31,118 --> 01:41:32,448 I just have a few final words. 1683 01:41:34,784 --> 01:41:36,084 Woodpecker. 1684 01:41:36,919 --> 01:41:38,184 Gingivitis. 1685 01:41:40,218 --> 01:41:41,717 Codswallop. 1686 01:41:45,784 --> 01:41:47,952 Do You Want to Build a Snowman? 1687 01:42:26,617 --> 01:42:29,417 ♪ We're talking away ♪ 1688 01:42:30,852 --> 01:42:33,783 ♪ I don't know what I'm to say ♪ 1689 01:42:33,785 --> 01:42:36,417 ♪ I'll say it anyway ♪ 1690 01:42:37,517 --> 01:42:42,182 ♪ Today's another day to find you ♪ 1691 01:42:42,184 --> 01:42:44,018 ♪ Shying away ♪ 1692 01:42:45,151 --> 01:42:48,118 ♪ I'll be coming for your love, okay? ♪ 1693 01:42:48,984 --> 01:42:53,617 ♪ Take on me ♪ 1694 01:42:56,351 --> 01:43:01,550 ♪ Take me on ♪ 1695 01:43:02,818 --> 01:43:04,149 Sorry I'm late. 1696 01:43:04,151 --> 01:43:05,615 There was a bunch 1697 01:43:05,617 --> 01:43:07,116 of handicapable children who were stuck in a tree. 1698 01:43:07,118 --> 01:43:08,484 - No. - No. 1699 01:43:09,351 --> 01:43:12,448 - But I did have to help a kid. - Yeah. 1700 01:43:12,450 --> 01:43:14,415 - He's got a terrible name. - It's just awful. 1701 01:43:14,417 --> 01:43:15,617 - Ugh. - I tried to tell him. 1702 01:43:17,884 --> 01:43:19,184 Is this heaven? 1703 01:43:20,084 --> 01:43:21,450 It is now. 1704 01:43:24,818 --> 01:43:26,718 I am so sorry. 1705 01:43:27,385 --> 01:43:29,615 It's okay. 1706 01:43:29,617 --> 01:43:32,884 ♪ Slowly learning that life is okay ♪ 1707 01:43:33,550 --> 01:43:35,852 ♪ Say after me ♪ 1708 01:43:36,984 --> 01:43:40,617 ♪ It's no better to be safe than sorry ♪ 1709 01:43:41,251 --> 01:43:45,651 ♪ Take on me ♪ 1710 01:43:48,517 --> 01:43:50,617 I missed you so much. 1711 01:43:56,084 --> 01:43:57,818 What is it? What's wrong? 1712 01:43:59,550 --> 01:44:01,615 It's not time. 1713 01:44:01,617 --> 01:44:03,649 What do you mean it's not time? 1714 01:44:03,651 --> 01:44:05,383 I'm here, I made it. 1715 01:44:05,385 --> 01:44:06,982 - You can't stay. - No, no, no. 1716 01:44:06,984 --> 01:44:09,949 I'm staying. I'm not going anywhere without you. 1717 01:44:09,951 --> 01:44:11,349 It's okay. 1718 01:44:11,351 --> 01:44:14,417 There's a time for us. It's just not now. 1719 01:44:15,218 --> 01:44:17,785 - They need you. - Who? 1720 01:44:19,617 --> 01:44:21,051 Your F-word. 1721 01:44:22,251 --> 01:44:23,582 Why? 1722 01:44:23,584 --> 01:44:25,584 You'll find out. 1723 01:44:26,351 --> 01:44:28,484 It's all right. I'll be here. 1724 01:44:29,517 --> 01:44:30,918 I love you. 1725 01:44:33,318 --> 01:44:35,851 I know. I love you, too. 1726 01:44:36,450 --> 01:44:37,652 Now, go. 1727 01:44:38,685 --> 01:44:40,884 Go on. Go, get out of here. 1728 01:44:41,918 --> 01:44:42,918 Go. 1729 01:44:45,984 --> 01:44:46,984 Hey! 1730 01:44:49,785 --> 01:44:52,118 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 1731 01:44:52,817 --> 01:44:53,918 Well, come here. 1732 01:44:56,184 --> 01:45:01,517 ♪ Take me on ♪ 1733 01:45:03,484 --> 01:45:08,550 ♪ I'll be gone ♪ 1734 01:45:09,618 --> 01:45:12,718 ♪ In a day or two ♪ 1735 01:45:13,218 --> 01:45:14,616 Don't fuck Elvis. 1736 01:45:14,618 --> 01:45:16,784 - Don't fuck Colossus. - What? 1737 01:45:26,484 --> 01:45:27,916 Time to make the chimichangas. 1738 01:45:27,918 --> 01:45:28,849 30 seconds. 1739 01:45:28,851 --> 01:45:30,283 Hey. Been meaning to ask you... 1740 01:45:30,285 --> 01:45:32,716 what's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear? 1741 01:45:32,718 --> 01:45:34,582 It's my daughter's teddy bear. 1742 01:45:34,584 --> 01:45:36,016 Her name's Hope. 1743 01:45:36,018 --> 01:45:37,118 Well... 1744 01:45:38,285 --> 01:45:40,216 What are you doing? 1745 01:45:40,218 --> 01:45:42,082 Somebody swiped right. 1746 01:45:54,385 --> 01:45:57,182 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 1747 01:45:59,918 --> 01:46:02,049 You sacrificed yourself for me. 1748 01:46:02,051 --> 01:46:03,652 It would seem I... 1749 01:46:05,685 --> 01:46:06,918 Huh? 1750 01:46:08,018 --> 01:46:10,484 Genuine, high-grade lead. 1751 01:46:12,218 --> 01:46:15,283 You time-sliding son of a bitch! 1752 01:46:15,285 --> 01:46:16,951 You did this for me? 1753 01:46:18,652 --> 01:46:21,749 Wait. You can't go back. 1754 01:46:21,751 --> 01:46:23,216 You used the last of your fuel. 1755 01:46:23,218 --> 01:46:24,849 What about your girl, your wife? 1756 01:46:24,851 --> 01:46:28,450 Now, my family's safe. And I didn't do it for you. 1757 01:46:29,618 --> 01:46:32,216 No, I'm gonna stick around for a while... 1758 01:46:32,218 --> 01:46:33,448 and make sure the world 1759 01:46:33,450 --> 01:46:35,417 doesn't shit itself into oblivion. 1760 01:46:35,984 --> 01:46:38,884 No. You did it for me. 1761 01:46:39,484 --> 01:46:41,082 No, I didn't. 1762 01:46:41,084 --> 01:46:42,448 - You did. - I really didn't. 1763 01:46:42,450 --> 01:46:44,349 - Pretty sure you did. - No, I'm positive I didn't. 1764 01:46:44,351 --> 01:46:46,016 Fine. All right, let's flip a coin. Okay? 1765 01:46:46,018 --> 01:46:48,782 Heads, you did it for me. Tails, you did it for me. 1766 01:46:48,784 --> 01:46:51,551 I'm not even gonna look, because you did it for me. 1767 01:46:51,951 --> 01:46:52,815 Say it again. 1768 01:46:52,817 --> 01:46:54,583 - He did it for me. - Jesus. 1769 01:46:54,585 --> 01:46:56,549 - We must get the collar off. - Forget it. It's no use. 1770 01:46:56,551 --> 01:46:58,616 These collars don't just come off. 1771 01:46:58,618 --> 01:46:59,618 Wade. 1772 01:47:00,051 --> 01:47:01,815 I have an idea. 1773 01:47:01,817 --> 01:47:03,949 No, no, no! Let's not do that. Please! 1774 01:47:03,951 --> 01:47:06,516 I'd rather die of cancer. Let's just... 1775 01:47:06,518 --> 01:47:09,782 Oh, God! They do say the pen is grosser than the sword. 1776 01:47:09,784 --> 01:47:12,149 We need the code. 1777 01:47:12,151 --> 01:47:13,916 Try, uh, seven? 1778 01:47:13,918 --> 01:47:15,616 Settle down, Captain Lucky. 1779 01:47:15,618 --> 01:47:17,216 It's not gonna be one number. 1780 01:47:17,218 --> 01:47:18,484 Oh, God, that's lazy writing. 1781 01:47:19,285 --> 01:47:20,751 I still got it. 1782 01:47:23,585 --> 01:47:25,751 Put that back in your prison wallet. 1783 01:47:27,318 --> 01:47:29,249 I don't know how to thank you. 1784 01:47:29,251 --> 01:47:31,216 But I do know how to hug you. 1785 01:47:31,218 --> 01:47:32,483 - No. - Yes. 1786 01:47:32,485 --> 01:47:34,116 Here we go. Bring it in. 1787 01:47:34,118 --> 01:47:35,216 Come on. 1788 01:47:35,218 --> 01:47:36,583 Pelvis to pelvis. 1789 01:47:36,585 --> 01:47:37,916 Let's go tip to tip. 1790 01:47:37,918 --> 01:47:40,849 There we go. The kids call this docking. 1791 01:47:42,318 --> 01:47:43,849 Is there a knife in my dick? 1792 01:47:43,851 --> 01:47:45,749 - There's a knife in your dick. - I'm just gonna back up now. 1793 01:47:45,751 --> 01:47:47,615 - Yeah, yeah. - No need to go full Yentl. 1794 01:47:47,617 --> 01:47:50,483 Gonna pretend like that never happened. 1795 01:47:50,485 --> 01:47:52,617 Let's go home, Russell. 1796 01:47:56,151 --> 01:47:58,383 All you dirty mutants 1797 01:47:58,385 --> 01:48:00,483 are gonna rot in hell with the boy! 1798 01:48:00,485 --> 01:48:03,583 Your souls are beyond redemption! 1799 01:48:03,585 --> 01:48:04,849 Let's see your soul, perv! 1800 01:48:04,851 --> 01:48:07,949 No, no! No! No more! We're better than that! 1801 01:48:07,951 --> 01:48:08,982 We're better than him! 1802 01:48:08,984 --> 01:48:11,715 No more senseless violence! No more bloodshed! 1803 01:48:11,717 --> 01:48:13,415 We'll let karma take care of him. 1804 01:48:13,417 --> 01:48:16,617 The day of reckoning is here! 1805 01:48:25,684 --> 01:48:27,982 I'm gonna miss him. He seemed great. 1806 01:48:27,984 --> 01:48:29,182 Whoo! 1807 01:48:29,184 --> 01:48:30,916 Courage, motherfuckers! 1808 01:48:30,918 --> 01:48:32,082 And karma, motherfucker. 1809 01:48:32,084 --> 01:48:33,749 I could hear you coming the last 30 seconds. 1810 01:48:33,751 --> 01:48:35,982 I could barely keep a straight face. 1811 01:48:35,984 --> 01:48:37,682 I want some more. 1812 01:48:37,684 --> 01:48:39,483 I bet you do, Brown Panther. 1813 01:48:39,485 --> 01:48:42,949 We should leave before Fuckernaut wakes up. 1814 01:48:42,951 --> 01:48:45,383 Good call. You guys coming with us? 1815 01:48:45,385 --> 01:48:47,383 No, we'll get the kids back to the mansion. 1816 01:48:47,385 --> 01:48:49,049 Besides, we're X-Men. 1817 01:48:49,051 --> 01:48:51,615 No, you're X-People. 1818 01:48:51,617 --> 01:48:52,882 You're exhausting. 1819 01:48:52,884 --> 01:48:55,483 I see what you did there. Puns. 1820 01:48:55,485 --> 01:48:57,982 - Bye, Wade! - Bye, Yukio! 1821 01:49:00,285 --> 01:49:01,384 What do you get 1822 01:49:01,386 --> 01:49:02,516 when you take eight feet of chrome... 1823 01:49:02,518 --> 01:49:03,682 one pinch of courage... 1824 01:49:03,684 --> 01:49:05,116 a cup of good luck... 1825 01:49:05,118 --> 01:49:06,582 a dab of racism... 1826 01:49:06,584 --> 01:49:07,849 a splash of diabetes... 1827 01:49:07,851 --> 01:49:10,582 and a wheelbarrow full of stage four cancer? 1828 01:49:10,584 --> 01:49:13,182 Answer: a family. 1829 01:49:13,184 --> 01:49:16,516 See? I didn't lie what kind of film this was. 1830 01:49:16,518 --> 01:49:17,916 If there's anything you take away today... 1831 01:49:17,918 --> 01:49:20,982 other than the need to Google, "What the fuck is dubstep?"... 1832 01:49:20,984 --> 01:49:24,018 it's that we all need to belong to someone. 1833 01:49:26,708 --> 01:49:31,708 Subtitles by explosiveskull 1834 01:51:21,451 --> 01:51:23,315 How something so small generates 1835 01:51:23,317 --> 01:51:25,315 enough energy to reverse time is... 1836 01:51:25,317 --> 01:51:27,348 Oh, just fix it, Eleven, 1837 01:51:27,350 --> 01:51:29,515 or I'll take it to the Genius Bar. 1838 01:51:29,517 --> 01:51:30,916 Cable's gonna kill you when he finds out. 1839 01:51:30,918 --> 01:51:31,982 Never heard of him. 1840 01:51:31,984 --> 01:51:33,551 Why do you think I'm helping him? 1841 01:51:34,584 --> 01:51:37,016 The Lord works in mysterious ways, 1842 01:51:37,018 --> 01:51:39,217 don't I? A good day. 1843 01:51:39,984 --> 01:51:40,984 Bye, Wade! 1844 01:51:41,584 --> 01:51:42,584 Bye, Yukio! 1845 01:51:43,851 --> 01:51:46,282 That was probably a bad idea. 1846 01:51:46,284 --> 01:51:48,215 What have we done? 1847 01:52:06,217 --> 01:52:08,183 I hope we sharpened the cream cheese spreader. 1848 01:52:18,317 --> 01:52:19,884 I'll be right back! 1849 01:52:21,651 --> 01:52:24,484 We're definitely naming our kid Cher! 1850 01:52:24,784 --> 01:52:25,784 Whoo! 1851 01:52:27,651 --> 01:52:28,983 Peter! 1852 01:52:28,985 --> 01:52:30,415 Whoo! X-Force! 1853 01:52:30,417 --> 01:52:32,784 Walk away! Just walk away! 1854 01:52:33,684 --> 01:52:34,782 But we're X-Force! 1855 01:52:34,784 --> 01:52:36,482 Nope! We're not, there's no X-Force! 1856 01:52:36,484 --> 01:52:39,983 All right, well, this has been pretty scary! 1857 01:52:39,985 --> 01:52:42,649 Go home, Sugarbear. Go home. 1858 01:52:42,651 --> 01:52:45,551 Okay. Will you give Domino my email? 1859 01:52:54,751 --> 01:52:56,584 Wade, is that you? 1860 01:52:58,851 --> 01:53:00,183 I guess Stryker finally 1861 01:53:00,185 --> 01:53:01,617 figured out how to shut you up. 1862 01:53:08,151 --> 01:53:11,282 Hey! It's me! Don't scratch! 1863 01:53:11,284 --> 01:53:13,716 Just cleaning up the timelines! 1864 01:53:18,250 --> 01:53:19,651 Love you! 1865 01:53:22,019 --> 01:53:23,451 Welcome to the big leagues, kid. 1866 01:53:30,851 --> 01:53:32,718 You're welcome, Canada. 130833