Original subtitles

- What time is it? - You've had two hours sleep.

But what time is it?

Please tell me what time it is.

I'll grab a shower here and nick one of your shirts,

who cares what I look like.

- Eight o'clock? - No, nine o'clock!

Nine o'clock?

Why didn't you wake me?

- Look at your face! - Who cares! It's nine o'clock!

Have you got a bath towel or shall I use your bathrobe?

It's nine, I've been asleep three hours!

Why didn't you wake me up?

Aren't you having a shower?

Is that how you take a shower?

A WOMAN FOR A FRIEND

Claudia!

- Hey, Luca... - Hi.

I won't be a minute.

- What are you doing here? - I managed to get a transfer.

I told them I didn't give a damn about my career.

- You look even cuter. - Thanks.

She looks after me.

Hi.

I'll go back to my friend.

- I'll come and say goodbye later. - Okay.

Hey, Claudia...

you're looking good too.

Sorry.

So that's the famous Luca!

May I say you have strange tastes. Not strange, just rather ordinary.

He's good-looking, of course,

but the kind you get bored of. How long did it last?

A year being faithful, and a year not.

The sex was good, but...

Thank goodness, otherwise...

- What happened? - It's been attacked.

By what?

- A shark, it seems. - A shark, here?

Yes, it's happened before, they leave the ships' wake,

and come to the shallower waters swarming with fish.

We've sedated it, but it's lost a lot of blood.

You did well.

I want to know why I'm locked up in here like a criminal,

while he's happy and free out there. It's not fair.

To start with, Cecilia, your husband isn't happy and free,

he's in an intensive care unit, because you, if you recall...

tried to emasculate him, or rather, you succeeded.

- Don't you see how serious that is? - They stuck it back on!

After three operations, and with a risk of rejection.

He wouldn't have missed it for all the times he used it!

And do you know what? I'm the one with the rejection!

I'm disgusted with the world!

You friend me on Facebook, you don't, I like, I don't like...

We're all friends now, are we?

And he tells me he's found his classmate from 3B again,

and they're having a class reunion?

He could've said he was screwing her, I'd have understood!

But if you tell me you've met a friend who you like talking to,

I'll go nuts, I won't believe you...

and I'll cut it off.

Have you got that off your chest now?

We have ascertained that they were classmates, they did meet the others.

They were organizing orgies then!

So I'll have to claim you're not of a sound mind, it's our only defence.

What do you mean?

What does that mean? Not of a sound mind.

Crazy.

Yes, but you'll only spend a year in a psychiatric hospital, then go home.

Otherwise you risk a six to seven-year sentence in jail, okay?

I am the victim here, I was betrayed,

he castrated me, of my dignity as a woman and a wife.

What will they give him?

180 stitches, Cecilia, in his prick!

- Good morning. - Good morning.

Can you free up the lift, please?

Vittoria!

I'm comin'!

Don't shout! What's the matter?

How come there's always somebody in the lift?

No, it'll be someone who didn't close the door properly.

Everyone knows that door works on and off.

By the way, the next time you bump into him,

tell that man about the main door, he takes no notice of me.

He's from Rome, those from the north don't listen to people from the south.

What the fuck are you doing?

You'll be the death of me!

Stop letting yourself into my home, give me back my keys.

I promise I won't do it again!

Don't promise, give me back my keys!

Give me my keys!

How will Poldino eat?

Poldino's a stray, he'll manage.

Give me back my keys, now!

Sir is very angry.

- All right. - I don't feel like messing around.

People have died after pranks like that.

Idiot!

What when you lock yourself out?

What will you do?

Thanks.

- Don't laugh. - I'm not.

Adrenalin keeps you young!

Don't talk, I'm having a pee, I can't do both.

Can I at least...

I haven't finished yet.

May I?

- Go ahead. - I want to invite you out to dinner.

- Out to dinner. - Out to dinner?

- Yes. - Tonight of all nights?

- No. - Come on!

- The match is on TV. - Go on, come with me.

The park guides invited me, I have to go.

Park guides versus the match...

it's a difficult decision, I'm hesitant.

- No. - Record it and watch it tomorrow.

No, because at parties like those, you always meet someone drunk

who tells you they're not football fans, but Inter has lost,

and they ruin your evening. Forget it.

- I don't want to go on my own. - We'll be late, drunken guides...

I want to watch the match. I said no, and that's final.

Come on... don't insist.

It means a lot to me.

The people from the clinic want to hire me, I have to go.

Please.

Come on.

Please...

That's enough!

I'm thinking, let me think.

Okay.

No, don't laugh, it's not funny.

Listen, we'll go on my terms. We come home when I say.

- All right. - I'm in charge.

Okay.

Home.

Sorry.

Do you know what it means?

It means...

"little...

..prick".

Tell me how you say it again.

It sounds so nice, who would've thought it?

I thought she was in love, she sat on that wall every morning...

watching me, she was blonde, and looked so French...

Have you found it?

I dropped my fork, it's dirty now, I can't use it.

Goodness, how disgusting!

You're not from these parts, are you? Neither am I.

I've lived here a year, I fell in love with the place.

It's gorgeous... I have a house on the beach, down there.

- There's a beach down there. - A beach.

I have a little house, a tiny one...

I get the gist, but I didn't catch everything...

Forgive me, it sounds... but...

Are you an only child? I have a brother, I live with my brother...

- Brothers? I have two. - I have a brother too.

- A brother and sister. - He's lived with us for a year.

He lives with us in the house, he's really...

What's up? Sorry, I saw something moving!

He likes being with other people, so he could come out,

but he didn't come out tonight because he's pissed off.

He stayed home. And why? Why?

Because Inter lost 3 - 0.

No!

Why? Why did you have to tell me that right now?

You were talking about other topics that made no sense...

Why did you say that? It was the only thing I shouldn't have heard.

3 - 0? That's madness!

You've ruined my evening! Why? Why?

There was no need.

Where are you going?

Thank goodness, we can go home now.

Good night, enjoy the rest of the party.

Sorry.

Are we going?

Say goodbye.

We've finished eating...

I knew it was going to be a terrible evening.

- What is it? - Come on, have some fun!

Fun? I'm full of local produce, I'm as bloated as a dinghy!

Come on, let's go home. We had an agreement... Claudia!

What are you doing? Cut that out!

Home!

Well?

No, it's just...

Calm down.

That's enough.

No, no...

No, not that!

Don't take your skirt off, no!

Not your skirt.

Mister lawyer!

Tequila Headshake!

- It's tequila time! - I'm not with you!

Time for a Tequila Headshake!

Hold it all in your mouth.

Hold it in your mouth.

There, now swallow it, come on...

All I caught of that was "whore".

There we are.

Thanks, it's been great. Bye.

Right.

I don't...

I'll try, I'll let you know. Bye.

Thanks for everything, it was great...

All I caught was "cesenasta" what does that mean?

But thanks anyway, it's been wonderful.

"Cesenasta" to you too.

Sorry.

"Cesenasta", a wonderful "cesenasta".

Claudia!

Where are you?

Where the fuck are you?

- What's up? - What do you mean? It's dawn.

It's dawn.

Let's go home.

I'm going home, what about you?

Do you mind if I stay a bit longer? I'll get Gio to give me a lift.

Gio?

Oh yes, Gio!

Of course not.

It's just that I've had a lot to drink, I'm not sure I can drive.

- Wait, I'll get dressed then... - No.

What happened?

Has the ranger tamed the filly?

- No. - I think so.

Yes, it was wonderful.

- Shut up! - Yes, okay.

Hoof down.

Hooves down, filly!

Filly, your hooves!

"Cesenasta"... what the...

What the fuck does it mean?

Oh damn!

Dammit, no!

Good morning.

Driving licence and registration, please.

Logbook...

- And my driving licence? - Of course.

Here.

- Would you blow into the PBT? - P...?

PBT.

No, I'll hold it. You just blow on it.

Not that close, blow.

- Here? - Blow.

- Red. - Good.

- Thank you, goodbye. - No, it's not good, it's bad.

Come with me, please.

You know what the funny thing is?

I thought the red meant "stop the alcohol"

and green "go with the alcohol" but it's the opposite.

You've been drinking, eh?

To be honest, a bit.

I want to be honest with you, you do a very precious job.

- Run a check. - But I'm feeling much better.

You're here for hours, so I'll thank you and wish you a good day.

Not again?

You have to blow into the mouthpiece.

Again?

This is the breathalyzer, you have to blow into the mouthpiece.

- I'll collaborate, it's only right. - Blow.

- There. - No, put it in your mouth.

- A long and continuous breath. - Continuous.

Blow into it.

Long, blow, blow, blow...

- 2,20! - Okay.

- This is serious. - What?

Over 1,50, it's a criminal offence, and we seize your vehicle.

I didn't want it to come to this, but it's only right I tell you.

I am a highly respected lawyer,

well-known in the centre too, and this is...

- Even better. - The facts, pure and simple.

I went to the farm

with my friend Claudia Casal...

It doesn't matter right now...

relevant to...

It was full of park guides.

I defy anyone, ladies and gentlemen...

to leave that farm...

in a sober condition.

But considering it was a...

"commemmomorative" dinner...

A what?

"Conmenorative"...

"Conmenormora..."

- He's stoned. - No, I'm not stoned.

"Conmemonorative"...

It's a difficult word, a very difficult word.

How much did it show?

Behave... 2,20. I can't help you.

You'll lose your licence and your vehicle.

Don't waste my time, is there anyone who can pick you up?

I appreciate your work, it's a very important job...

I don't have anyone who... Commemorative!

There, I said it! Write that down...

- Take it easy. - "The suspect pronounced..."

Let's turn a blind eye, and give each other a hug.

You of all people should set a good example to people!

- I don't know what came over me. - Don't worry if no one can come out.

I'll get the tow truck to take you home.

Now sit down and take it easy.

We'll sort things out.

Is he crying?

Don't be like that.

Damn, it's just that I need my fucking car.

- Yes, but don't be like that. - Send for the tow truck.

Headquarters...

Com...

memora...

tive.

There.

We go now to the second item on today's agenda,

concerning the placing of cycle paths along the state road.

I will now call on Francesco De Biase, the lawyer

from the Environment and Freedom civic list.

Over to you.

Mister Mayor, colleagues...

- What's up? - I'm losing my voice.

Where we want to create cycle paths,

you want to build street level parking.

Don't force your voice, shall we postpone it?

No, because we have fought hard...

De Blasi, we can't hear you, it's hard work.

De Biase. My name's De Biase.

Let your colleague do the talking then.

I could... honestly.

- Perhaps it's better, sit down. - Do you feel up to it?

Right, I will reluctantly let my colleague take over.

Mister Mayor, we have fought hard and long on this project.

Cycle paths along the state road,

are, first of all, a sign of progress.

And the EU has requested it.

The EU has requested it.

Yes, and The EU has requested it!

It happens occasionally, it only lasts a couple of days.

It must be psychosomatic.

Psychosomatic!

Don't force it.

He said it could be due to a trauma, even a minor one.

But I haven't had any traumas recently.

- Perhaps it was losing your licence. - No, not that.

That's not a minor trauma, it's a huge pain in the arse trauma!

Happy birthday!

Dad!

Happy birthday!

This man is a hundred years old!

Today we are joined by Francesco De Biase,

to congratulate you on behalf of the mayor and the townspeople.

You should be proud of yourself. Happy birthday, Dad!

Signor Leo, this plaque brings you best wishes from the Mayor,

and from all the townspeople.

- Shall I? - Yes.

I'll put it here.

Happy birthday.

Forgive me.

What is it?

I've shit my pants, you asshole.

You're hurting me, let go.

Right, signor Leo,

in a rather rough manner, but we will forgive him for that,

asks to be taken back to his room as he has a little problem.

He's very tired,

so if you'll quickly...

- Go on, Federica. - Hurry up, he's very tired.

He's very tired, go on.

Let's have some applause.

Where's Claudia? How come she's not here yet?

- I don't know. - Try her mobile.

Come on, let's cut the cake.

Hi, this is Claudia, leave me a message.

If the message box is full, it means you've got here too late.

It's full of my messages, you bitch! Listen... never mind.

- Isn't she coming? - I got her voicemail.

Perhaps that means she's run off.

- Or she's problems with her sister. - Yes, maybe.

That's enough.

Can you free up the lift? Vittoria!

Vittoria!

What's up?

How come there's always somebody in the lift?

Let's get it looked at.

Do you know why the lift is always busy?

Because someone on your floor doesn't close the door.

Understand?

I'll go up and take a look.

And it's not your neighbour!

You must stop giving your keys to just anybody,

it's like a circus here.

Here we are. This is my home, Loredana.

Wait, Loredana, not right now...

What are you saying?

Not so fast, Loredana!

Loredana...

Come here, Loredana. Stand here.

In the bathroom, right now.

Here?

Are you ready, Loredana?

Yes, but I wanted to go to the bathroom.

I'm sorry, Francesco. I'm sorry, forgive me.

Who's that? Who's that in my home?

Again!

That's enough!

Sorry, it's only me, forgive me.

I came to water the plants.

Tell me when I can come out.

All right, come out.

Forgive me, I'm sorry.

You're an idiot!

That's enough, you're hurting me!

Where did you get to?

I've thought it over carefully.

Okay, but give me my keys, what if I'd really brought a girl home?

It would have looked bad.

I need you, Francesco.

Tell me.

It's not easy.

Go on, I'm listening.

You might think I'm crazy.

I'm used to that, go on.

Marry me.

When you realise the man at your side...

you either take him or lose him...

It's like a train going past.

I know, it might not make any sense,

but...

marry me, I beg you.

You're a... a town councillor, right?

Yes, so...

- Can you do it? - Of course.

I'm a town councillor, yes.

"Marry me"... of course.

Who to?

- The park guide? Gio? - Yes, Gio.

Claudia, Claudia...

Are you sure? You've only known him three days!

- Don't worry. - I do worry about you.

Let's marry this Gio then.

My sister's a bit strange.

She lives in her own little world.

In short, she's a little weird.

Yes, weird.

Don't pay her any compliments, because she hates them,

she'll tell you to piss off.

Don't worry, I've have experience with these people.

I worked with the disabled for years.

She's not disabled, she's a junkie.

- Former junkie. - Sorry, former junkie.

- Just junkie. - Okay, I heard.

Anna...

Giovanni and I...

we've not known each other long, but...

- Let me. - No.

- What do you mean? - It's not a good idea.

There must be no secrets between us, we're about to become a family.

Don't say that because...

Stop it, it's too rhetorical, family... trust me.

No, I feel a need to say something to Anna,

then she can get to know me, I owe it to her.

- Isn't that what we came for? - No, we didn't come for that.

It's just a normal visit...

Anna, I was a rebel when I was 18.

I told my parents to go to hell and I ran off with Greenpeace

to go and save whales all over the world.

I was convinced that was what life was for,

but then I realised I was fighting battles that weren't my own.

Everyone has their own battle to fight, you just have to find it.

And that goes for you too, Anna.

That's enough.

Enough.

You are a beautiful girl,

I hear you're clever too, you can do anything you want.

And you're young, you have your whole life in front of you.

He came out with that bullshit! See: "your whole life in front of you".

I'd written it down, you're my witnesses.

Claudia, Francesco, get this clown out of here,

or I'll start shooting up again.

- But listen... - Finish your jam tart, Giovanni.

She called me a clown, I'm trying to help her.

- Come on. - No...

Claudia, you've held out this far,

you've always said getting married was like buying a house,

like putting down roots, that you've always been for rent, single,

without anyone busting your balls,

and now you want to get married, and to that guy too?

- Has your mother been to see you? - Don't be silly...

- Dad then? - I don't give a damn about Dad.

He was never around before, never mind now!

Claudia, you're about to screw up, and screw up good and proper.

And I'm the expert at screwing up.

Why are you getting married?

I came to introduce you to Giovanni and invite you to my wedding

but you were an absolute bitch to him.

So now it's your decision.

I want you to be my witness.

Is it yes or no?

A witness?

You want me to be your witness?

Claudia, for two grams of dope,

right now I could testify to anything.

I'm not trustworthy.

All right.

Come on, Claudia!

- Come on, let's go. - I'll just say goodbye to Anna.

Well?

What did you say to her?

Listen, Franceschino... have you got anything for me?

No, you know I can't give you any money, Claudia would kill me.

- Come on, 100 euros will do. - 100 euros?

I don't have 100 euros on me.

- 20. - That'll do, thanks.

She should marry you, not him.

Thanks, Franceschino.

- Thanks. - Be good.

Bye.

Here I am.

In my official role, I am obliged to say something about marriage.

Though I am hardly the ideal person,

seeing my own marriage only lasted two long, endless years.

But at least it brought me to live here,

because one thing is certain: love moves you.

My friend, on the other hand, my best friend,

has done the exact opposite, as she always does,

she fell in love in seven days, she did like God with the world,

and she didn't even rest after it.

So I wish her all the best and hope her marriage lasts a lifetime.

And it comes from the heart.

That's enough now, or my lawyer self will take over

and I'll end up doing a summing up.

Now for the reason I am standing here.

Please stand.

Take a step forward.

Do you, Giovanni Orlando,

take Claudine Casamacchia Morel...

Sorry...

To be your lawful wife?

I do.

Do you, Claudine Casamacchia Morel,

take Giovanni Orlando to be your lawful husband?

I do, of course I do.

- I do. - Once is enough.

I then declare you husband and...

I declare you husband and wife. Forgive me.

Exchange rings.

You put his ring on...

I don't believe it, today of all days...

You may kiss the bride.

You didn't have to, but... you may kiss the bride.

That's enough, long live the newlyweds!

We are all our own planet and a satellite to someone else.

There is always a force that pulls you towards another planet

and that's where you can assess your strength.

For example, right now, for the stars...

you are ready to be a satellite, a human satellite.

Now we have to find out who you're orbiting around.

What's your planet?

Perhaps after all this time I do fancy someone.

Her name's Lia, she works with me.

She's kind,

sweet...

and I think she likes me too.

By the way, what time is it? Fancy a vodka?

Yes, a nice glass, on the rocks!

Yesterday she slapped a cellmate.

Yes, well, we know what she's like.

She can't just start slapping people like that!

It's her character, but she's a nice person really.

She always speaks highly of you, you know?

She says you do a very important job.

I want you to tell me something.

Why do I have to insist so much to get you to trust me?

If I tell you that man deserved all he got,

you have to believe me, because he did deserve it,

he deceived me, and men like him must be punished.

And who takes on this role?

Women, courageous women,

who have the right and duty to rebel, because he lied.

Making wishes on shooting stars is a load of bullshit.

Shooting stars are the result of a celestial tragedy

and the light trail we see is merely a sign of their death.

So could they ever bring us luck?

Observe and admire this wonderful phenomenon...

Signor Leo, how are you doing?

No.

Come here.

I can hear you from here. Talk and I will listen.

Come on.

Signor Leo, no.

You talk, I can hear you from here.

No, come here.

- Why do I have to come closer? - Come here.

Come here.

What did you want to tell me?

I knew it! You're hurting me!

You're hurting me! I'll squeeze tight!

Shit!

Shit.

- There's one! - I saw it!

Hold it, everyone, don't make any wishes,

especially not you two.

Actually, I...

- I've already made one. - You're crazy.

You're not supposed to.

You made one?

Please don't say anything, and don't light a cigarette.

I don't smoke anyway.

Where are you going?

I wrote this when I was 16 years old.

"The man I want must have kind eyes and a nice smile.

He mustn't like sports and play five-a-side football

or he'll be unfaithful every Wednesday evening."

- Do you play five-a-side football? - No.

Good.

And he mustn't be too poor, or we'll argue about money,

or too rich, or we'll argue about money.

So a medium-rich man

or a wealthy poor man, with a decent salary.

You're crazy!

I feel good when I'm with you, Lia.

Very good.

Extremely good.

Very extremely good.

Mr President, Mr Councillor, look out of the window!

Listen to the words of the man who has worked so hard on this project,

the lawyer, Francesco De Biase!

The project of a cycle path is the result of a common desire...

Good morning, Vittoria.

- Good mornin', miss. - Good morning.

Good mornin', Mr Lawya.

IT'S BROKE

- I just can't take anymore. - It can't be helped.

After complainin' about it all the time, it's finally broke.

You see?

See what? I don't understand, I understand everyone except her.

All I can work out is "Mr Lawya".

Mr Lawya!

Who's gonna tell the building administrator?

Or it'll still be broke next year.

I need subtitles to understand her.

Well, what are we doing? Where's this cake?

- It's wonderful! - It's gorgeous.

I haven't put any candles on it, because I hate these things.

- Why? - They're pointless.

Don't worry, anyway we're not just celebrating my birthday.

Shall I make it official?

Listen, everybody, may I have your attention?

I'm moving in with Francesco as of tomorrow.

Hooray!

- You'll be living together? - Yes.

Nice.

- Shall I open it? - Don't bother!

They're going to live together, it's no longer a birthday party.

- I'll wait. - No, cut the cake.

- No, we'll wait for him. - Claudia! What's up?

Why are you crying?

Francesco, we're waiting for you!

Can you get her to call you back?

Yes, just a minute, start serving...

- Just a minute. - You see? Cut it.

Lia, darling!

Wait!

Wait, tell me what I'm supposed to do.

My best friend calls me in tears, she's desperate.

She's outside my door and I don't go there?

- Tell her to join us here. - She's distraught, this is a party.

It's better if I go and try and find out what's wrong,

then, if I can...

If you can... what?

I'll come back.

With or without her... we'll see.

I'm worried, you don't know Claudia.

All right, you're right. I'm sorry, it's your birthday too.

Come on, I'll come straight back.

I have to go.

If you have to go, go then. Don't waste your time with me.

- I can't... - But let me say something.

You're ridiculous with this best friend business at your age.

Go on.

Go fuck yourself!

I thought he was only joking the first time it happened.

He grabbed my ear and wouldn't let go.

I said: "Stop it, you're hurting me."

But he just carried on.

I kicked him and he slapped me.

He made my nose bleed.

Can you put me up for a few days?

Yes, of course. From today?

- Tell me if it's a problem. - No, of course it's no problem.

Don't worry.

Francesco, in your opinion,

is there something wrong with me?

Honestly?

Completely.

Come on, what do you really think of me?

- What do I think? - I should never have got married.

Right, I think the half of you that's Italian stitched you up.

Family, kids, then the Pope saying: "Go out and procreate!"

The house filling with people at Christmas...

fat people eating Christmas cake, tortellini...

Santa Claus...

This country puts pressure on feelings.

You're the only person who could put it that way.

This country puts pressure on feelings.

- Is that not how you say it? - Of course.

You're right.

Come here.

Hello?

- Elga! - Francesco!

- What happened? Where's Lia? - They've put her leg in traction.

It's my fault, I should never have let her drive in that state.

Don't worry, just tell me where she is.

Lia...

darling.

What have I done?

I don't know,

it looks like you've broken a leg,

at least.

- Why didn't you come back? - I'm sorry, darling.

Everything's sorted out, Claudia will be leaving tomorrow.

- Don't go. - No.

- Promise me. - No, I'll stay here.

I'll stay here.

- Give me a hand, grab those. - These?

Yes, all of them.

What are you doing? Sneaking into your home like a thief?

I told you, you knew about it.

- Can you leave us a minute? - No, that's why I brought him.

Can you wait in there while I talk to Claudia?

Don't go.

- Get out. - No!

I tell you what,

I'll stand outside, but I'll leave the door open.

Okay?

No, we said with the door open.

- Can you leave us a minute? - Okay, don't worry.

- Close the door. - I'll be out here.

Leave it open, and he closes it...

Don't go, give me another chance.

I'm not very good with words... let's have some kids.

Cut that out, please.

That's enough.

What's wrong with that? You get married to have kids.

Let go of me!

Let me go! I never want to see you again!

No, you're not to slap her!

I'm not having it!

Let's go.

That hurt!

No slaps. You can say what you want, but you're not to touch her.

I'm going to the police, I'm a witness.

What the fuck do you mean? She hit me.

It looks like they've deformed your face in Photoshop.

- Don't laugh. - It hurts when I laugh.

The car door... how did you manage that?

- And which car? - What do you mean, which car?

Darling, mine is a write-off, yours was seized.

- Which car? - Claudia's car.

Sorry, I forgot... Claudia...

She lent it to me for... the jail...

No, turn round, please.

You're so ugly!

Do you know what Dad's last wish was before he died?

"I want to be buried in the little cemetery near home".

- Nice. - But I'm going to have him cremated.

Listen, Elga...

shouldn't we come back when the wind's blowing out to sea?

We're scattering your dad on the beach umbrellas, he might not be too happy.

I think he will be, he was happy living here.

Claudia, Francesco, Anna needs to put herself to the test now,

that means leaving here and getting herself a job,

taking on some responsibility.

I knew it, I'd written it down: "taking on some responsibility".

You talk a load of crap too, father.

Anna, we won't get anywhere if you talk like that.

No, I just meant that... Okay, carry on.

What would you like to do?

What would I like to do?

Fuck all. You know I'm hopeless at everything.

No, I think you're good at organizing things,

you just have to bring it out...

You write in your diary...

The judge said the same thing when he sent me down:

drug pushing, prostitution and criminal association.

A true manager.

Guys, I'm not easy to place.

I need a girl in the office.

A secretary's job, nothing special, I'll pay 800 euros a month.

- Do you mean that? - Of course.

Come with me, Cinderella.

The wicked sister wants to talk to you.

You do know he's doing it for you?

You're ruining him.

He's madly in love.

Do you want to ruin him for good with the arrival of a junkie sister?

What the fuck are you saying?

Francesco's my friend. Do you know what the word "friend" means?

No, you're not stupid.

You know very well how things stand.

Friend? What friend? What are you talking about?

You're only saying that because you've always used men.

There's another way of living, being together, communicating.

- You can be just friends! - Stop it, you're ridiculous.

I feel sorry for you, because you soil everything.

You can't see the beautiful things in life.

You're worse than me, at least I know I'm an asshole,

whereas you pretend you're not, you don't give a damn about him.

That's the truth of it.

I wrote that down too.

Quick!

What are you doing?

- Stealing a beer? - Let me do something stupid too.

At 33?

- The old guy. - What?

With the bicycle.

- One, two, three! - No, come back!

Let go, old man!

Good evening. I'm a highly respected lawyer, I'll leave you my card.

Pick your bicycle up tomorrow. What's your name?

- Fabrizio Corallo. - Lovely name!

Laugh, it's funny! Claudia!

You disgust me!

Don't be a pain!

You disgust me, you assholes!

Go fuck yourselves!

I'm a highly respected lawyer,

the girl's French, it's just a little French prank because...

Damn it!

Careful, that's dangerous.

Put that weapon down!

Drop that wok!

Holy shit!

Where are you?

Get off that sofa!

Let go of me!

Let go or I'll spit in your face.

You wouldn't dare.

No, don't cough it up! That's disgusting!

My poor back! No, don't lick me!

Do you surrender?

You're hurting me.

I'll spit at you.

- Sorry, I couldn't help it. - Don't...

I'm drunk.

My head's...

spinning.

Did we just kiss?

After four years.

We like to think things over.

I'm tired.

I don't feel very well.

Come on.

Lia, I lied to you.

I've lied about everything.

Claudia never went home, she's still at my place.

- And yesterday something... - Hold it.

Wait.

These things coming from you are too hurtful.

I'll do the talking, I knew anyway.

You've realised...

you're in love with her,

that you've always been in love with her,

and you made up this story about her being your friend

because it was the only way to be with her.

What do you want from me now? For us to remain friends?

Lia...

Please don't, wait, Lia!

No, don't worry.

I'll be there in ten minutes.

Okay? I'll be right there.

Mr De Biase...

Take the stand.

Ladies and gentlemen, this trial is pointless.

Cecilia Costante was defending her dignity as woman and wife

which was doubly wounded by a man

who came out with the biggest load of bullshit he could think up,

that is, that men and women can be friends.

Your Honour, men and women... No one falls for that any more!

That's enough, please!

This is a court of law, watch your language!

Enough, I am adjourning the case!

- That's enough! - I'll bust your ass!

Why can't things remain as they are?

Am I the bitch because I believed in it?

What's wrong in being just friends?

I don't want to ruin your life,

but I don't want to lose you either,

so what do I do?

Tell me.

Do you want me to go away, is that it?

Tell me.

There's a girl here, she says she's your secretary.

- Who is she? - She says you hired her.

- I did? - Come and see.

She's got a big dog with her too.

I'm sorry, I don't know whether I've been disrespectful...

- Perhaps I can dress younger. - No, it'll be some misunderstanding.

- I have a niece too. - That's enough.

Anna, hi!

You may go.

- Who's this? - This is Willy, I think.

- I can't get here any earlier. - Don't worry about it.

Well? Do you want me to make some photocopies?

We'll ask Clara, she's in charge of the office.

- Clara! - Yes, sir.

Nothing, close the door, please.

- You may go. - Go on.

I already have a job, as a dog sitter!

- Nice... - Yes, animals, in the park...

This arrived, it's from Claudia, she's in Paris,

with her mother.

Well done.

I fell for it this time too.

The blackmail worked, here's 100 euros,

but you can keep this, I don't want the address.

Apart from the fact that there's no address on it,

you've got no fucking idea.

I came to tell you something much more important.

- Here. - Anna, please!

- Anna! - What is it?

Go ahead, I'm listening.

I'm not sure you've realised,

but you're a free man now,

make the most of it, go to the beach, have an ice-cream,

make a few photocopies...

Start afresh.

Listen, I wanted to act superior, but I could do with 100 euros.

It's nice being single, isn't it?

That's right,

but people always get worked up about finding the right person,

and then they want kids, or they feel useless.

What a pain!

Do you know what I like most about having kids?

The most important thing?

The way you make them.

Elga!

Come here a minute!

The guy with the gas cylinder wants the invoice!

- Don't we pay him under the counter? - Quiet! Of course not.

- Come here! - Okay!

But I want kids.

Of course, two of them.

A boy and a girl to bring up...

and protect from the dangers of life...

Did I hurt you?

- Sorry, I didn't see you! - Damn it!

No, it's the lawyer!

- Sorry... - Put that down.

- Put it down... - I'm so happy to see you.

- You're always so... - You're all dirty.

- Yes, I was eating... - I haven't introduced you.

Giulia, this is the lawyer. Have you met?

- Giulia? - Yes, Mr...?

- Francesco. - Hello.

- Pleased to meet you. - Are you coming surfing?

..a fuck, that's all I'm saying.

- The only word I caught was "fuck". - We're going surfing.

- Two of us might understand her. - You're good, eh?

- You can translate. - Come and join us then.

No, I'm not dressed for it...

- She says wear your underpants. - You must be joking!

I'm a respected lawyer, I can't do that...

- Tomorrow maybe. - Today!

Come on!

Like this.

- What does she mean? - I don't know.

I giving him a lesson.

- No, I'm fully dressed. - Strip to your underpants.

Come on!

- Are you going? - Yes, it's really cool.

- Take your pants off. - I feel...

Anyway, pleased to meet you, I'm a lawyer, Francesco De Biase.

- Are you on holiday? - Yes, I've been here two days.

You've got a nice tan.

- Put it down here. - If a client sees me...

Take off.

Get down!

It's like the 100 mts starting line.

When the wave arrives, do this!

Do this...

- I caught the word "knee". - I heard "take your glasses off".

When did she say that? You were doing so well!

It's not my fault!

Can you feel the wave?

- What? The sea's calm. - Precisely, you can't feel it.

When it arrives...

Shall I turn this way? I thought it was only this way!

Stop messing around now, do what I tell you!

Seven years later

Why are you filming my daddy?

- Is this your daddy? - Yes.

Let's leave him to sleep then.

- What's your name? - I'm not telling you.

What's your name?

I'm not telling you either.

Bye.

Daddy...

that lady was making a video of you, that one over there.

Come here.

You're always making things up, like daddy.

- Where's Mummy? - She says to go under the thingy.

Thingy? What thingy?

- The thingy you go through. - "The thingy you go through"...

The metal detector, it's called a metal detector.

Come on, let's go.

Or Mummy will leave us here.

Give me your hand.

Francesco!

Let's go or we'll miss our flight.

Hurry up, it's late!

Sorry, darling, I fell asleep, you have to wake me up.

- Sorry, we'll miss our flight. - It's your fault.

A WOMAN FOR A FRIEND.

See you at the gate. You go ahead, I'll join you.

Hurry up or we'll miss our flight.

Here I am.

Your jacket.

- Take your shoes off too. - You can tell it's not metal.

- Your wedding ring. - It's gold!

It's set it off, what do we do now?

You want me to unbutton my shirt? Because then...

- Step forward. - It's beeping.

- Any pins? - Yeah, safety pins!

- Any tools... - I don't have any tools!

I fell off my Vespa back in 1984,

and they put a metal pin in my knee...

Try going through with just that leg.

Now the other one.

You're setting it off because you have a metal pin in your leg.

Really? Well done! It took him 20 minutes to work that one out!

Now we can all go home because an honest citizen

does this and sets off...

- We'll call the captain. - No, an orthopaedic doctor!

Then he can take my knee apart, put it on here...

Have you ever seen a plane hijacked by a knee?

Have you ever heard the threat:

"Hands up, I'm armed with a pin in the knee!"

What are you thinking of?

- Have you finished? - No!