Original subtitles

Previously on "Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce"...

- Welcome to the launch of... - Lady Parts.

We should have seen

exponential growth at this point.

They want us to hire an influencer.

At the first bump, you go and find yourself a Gemma Sacco

who makes you feel safe again.

He made me choose between him and my career,

which we all know is ridiculous.

I wanna have a party. I need you to art direct it.

I am in.

I was doing some digging in the Moran case.

The building is owned by the Christede family,

I wanna bring 'em in and depose 'em.

I'm guessing you never served a subpoena in your life?

I'm feeling really zen.

I'm just a no-drama mama right now.

The Tao of Rex. I'm here because I need this.

- As does everyone else. - I'll fight her.

- Is that Temple Hampton? - That guy she's with is my ex.

- Abby, that's our in. - We just need a celeb

to Tweet about our site.

I happen to have her phone.

- Uh, Lilly, oh, my God. - Mom, get out!

_

You guys, thank you for helping.

Moving day.

Jesus these computer boxes are heavy.

- What's in here, Steve Jobs? - Oh, I wish.

Although ever since he's died,

- he gives such bad weather advice. - Wow, you guys,

your own offices.

I mean, it is Modahaus, but...

Hey, don't downplay it. We're killing it.

Ooh, someone sent you an office warming present.

No, no, no, don't eat that, please.

That's for Will for the influencer Tweet.

The reason why we're killing it.

Although maybe this is sending the wrong message.

It's like, "Here's a basket of tasty phallic treats, Will.

Oh, everyone loves biscotti. You just think it's sexual

'cause you wanna have sex with him.

I do not.

And I have way too much history with that one.

Hey, sex with an ex can be fun.

I mean, they know how to work the machinery.

You know what I'm saying?

Please stop with the vagina talk.

It's completely contaminated now

ever since I walked in on Lilly and Ethan.

- Oh, my God, I have PTSD. - I still cannot believe

that Lilly is porking my baby baker...

Not porking. Nice Jewish girl.

And she swears she's only doing "other stuff,"

- which is horrifying enough. - Oh, well that's so good.

- She's talking to you about it. - Mm-hmm.

I wouldn't exactly call it talking.

I mean, our last conversation was when I blocked her

on the stairway and she was like,

"Back off. We're not doing anything stupid."

Oh, it's not like she's gonna have

some prom baby in the bathroom.

- That's not her destiny. - I'm disappointed.

I was hoping that this would be one of those things

- that we could share. - Ew.

Ew. No, talking, God.

-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com --

- Okay, whole wheat or rye? - You know what, never mind.

Let me get the bacon frittata on the cheddar biscuit.

You know what, scratch everything.

Let me just get another latte

and hold the milk. Thank you.

What's with the bipolar ordering?

I don't know if I'm carb-loading or not.

You know, I might go away to this retreat

over Miramar Grove with my boxing class,

but then that means spending two days in the woods

with Bald Eagle, but if I say no,

then it means that the douchebag wins,

which pisses me off even more.

Go.

Tell Bald Eagle how you feel in a non-punching manner.

I mean, isn't that what meditative boxing is all about?

Okay, I gotta jam, ladies.

I have a battle of my own this morning with Albert.

Speaking of irredeemable a-holes.

Ugh, I hope not.

I have to convince him to let the firm partner

on my class action.

It's too big a case for Legal Aid.

We need the big guns to win.

Go Delia.

Fighting the One Percent in Prada.

Yeah, well, I embrace irony.

- Ciao. - Buh-bye.

- Bye, hon. - Okay, so Lilly just texted me

and told me she's joining Chess Club.

Do we believe we believe or is that code

for wanting to be naughty under the bleachers?

Which is... yeah.

Okay, you know what? Stop monitoring her movements,

and find a way to talk to her.

About things she wants to hear.

- Such as? - Offer to take her to the gyno.

Remember the terrifying

German gyno that Phoebe used to go to?

- Yeah. - Oh, my God.

One visit to that doctor and Lilly's gonna be

- checking herself into a nunnery. - Yeah.

That's the kind of sex-positive feminist advice

you can expect more of from Lady Parts.

That'd be a really good excuse to call Phoebe.

No, I'm just gonna take her to my own gynecologist,

and we should probably still give Phoebe some space.

She kind of reminds me of a cat I once had.

Can't chase her down. Gotta let her come to you.

So perfect.

It's not an Eco-crime, right?

Sustainable-organic from the Pampas of Argentina.

It's gonna look savage in my living room

if those guys ever get done refinishing the floors.

Hey, thank you for keeping all this stuff here

and not whinging that I'm using your house like a storage unit.

Oh, yeah, no whinge. It's fine.

Oh, my God, you got everything.

Even the suit of armor. Phoebe, you're magic.

You said Punk Medici. I didn't want to disappoint.

What?

What is so funny?

- Okay, so what if... - Mm-hmm.

Sir Cocksalot enters the castle

with his dick in his hands?

Right?

We take out the sword,

and we replace it with a giant dildo.

That's punk.

That would definitely put a twist on things.

Gentle Phoebe, I task you with finding

the biggest dildo in all the land.

- Seriously? - Yes.

I think dick shopping is stretching the definition

- of cultural attach�. - Trust, girlie-girl.

We're realizing an artistic vision here.

We're gonna commission a major work of art.

- A ceiling fresco. - Of what?

- See it. - Mm-Kay.

Me, Dragon Priestess. All scales and wings and fire,

looking out over a decadent Middle Earth orgy.

That is trippy.

Only we need to find the right artist.

Richard Prince or maybe John Currin.

I have a juicier idea.

- Your ex. - JD?

He's not technically my ex. We're just taking a breather.

But it's wearing on you. I can see it more and more

- in that frowny face. - Really?

- I thought I... - No, no, that's just because

you and I are connected.

So when you're sad, it makes me sad.

For, like, two months, wench.

The limbo is killing you.

- And me. - I know,

I just haven't seen or spoken to him

since the whole cabin debacle,

and I don't know how open he's gonna be to seeing me.

Well, this isn't about hanging with my posse.

This is about a real job,

which is good for him and for you.

Are you really sending me to see JD?

You're my girl, P.

I want you to get your happy back.

Yeah.

Good Lord. Are you still debating biscotti?

No, I'm good.

Are you sure?

- Kimmy, wrap it up. - McCarthy, check this out.

- What? - It is a media request

for Lady Parts from KRWW

to appear on their "Buzzworthy" segment tomorrow.

Ooh, "Buzzworthy," I love that.

Wow. Where's KRWW?

San Luis Obispo.

Oh, no, that's a drive.

Hey, snobby. It's TV exposure.

I know, but tomorrow is Lilly's gyno appointment.

The most important doctor's appointment

of her entire life,

and I can't miss it just so Mommy can be on TV.

True.

But... the station'll just find someone else.

Why don't you do it solo?

Me? Uh, reminder,

you're the face and TV virgin here.

Yeah, but we're partners.

You know, we need to share the load and the glory.

We can pop your TV cherry.

It'll be amazing. I can hire a media coach.

I know a really good one. She's pricey, but good.

You're sweet, but it's not worth the money.

I'm just nervous. That's all.

Okay, well, what are you gonna wear?

Uh, my clothes?

We can go shopping?

That would be so much fun.

I will ta...

Okay, I'll stop.

- You got this. - Uh-huh.

Kimmy, hold. Let's use the biscotti.

No, I think we rescheduled it for... oh, tomorrow, I believe.

Yes, that's true. They did.

- Albert, I need a minute. - Can it wait?

I'm trying to get out of town for a couple of days.

No. No, we have a situation,

and you can't worm your way out of this.

- What are you gonna do? - I'm gonna round up a list

of 25 plaintiffs,

I'm gonna build a class action lawsuit

against Christede Holdings,

and I'm gonna kick their ass to the tune of $15 million

with our firm as full partner.

This is about partnering in your Legal Aid lawsuit?

Don't you dare laugh.

Albert, these slumlord scumbags

have broken every tenant code in California,

and, ultimately, it's gonna make us more money

than any divorce case I could bring in.

I'm sorry. I was just surprised.

Yes.

- Yes, what? - Yes, run with it.

- Okay, what's the catch? - No catch.

Whatever you need.

Thank you.

Can I just say I think this divorce has been

really good for you. I mean, you're like a new man.

- Me? - Yeah.

You're the one who's changed.

This Legal Aid thing, it is very impressive.

- Oh. - You should have your own

- social action action figure. - Oh...

Well, thank you.

- Hey, where you going? - Me?

Oh, yeah, uh...

surf camp. La Jolla.

Getting out of the city helps me keep my perspective.

Uh-huh, okay.

Well, whatever it is, keep doing it

'cause it's working.

Any heartburn? Hemorrhoids?

Oh, look at that.

That looks very informative.

Sex with one partner can still be group sex.

What does that even mean?

That means HPV

and all the other types of STDs you can catch

without even knowing it. There you go.

- Mom, c... - "Chlamydia, gonorrhea... "

Mom, you're making me really uncomfortable.

No, uncomfortable is you coming home and saying,

"Mom, what's this weird blue bump inside my labia?"

Abby, stop talking.

Okay.

- Lilly Novak? - Right here.

- Okay, take that. - No.

- Take it. - No.

Yeah, here. Turn around like this.

- Be careful with that one. - I'll help you with that.

Hey. How's it going?

Good, good. Just looking forward to

a weekend of getting high off mountain air.

- Yeah, me too. - Mm-hmm, yeah,

because it's so much better

than all that pissed off pollution in my head

since you ran off after sex.

- I panicked. - Mm-hmm.

I haven't been with anyone since my ex.

Oh, my God, just spare me all that.

"I can't trust again" divorce bullshit.

I liked you, you douchebag.

You seemed like someone that could actually

stand up to me.

Tell me the real reason why you left.

Hit me with it. I can take it.

Come on. Come on.

And let's get ready to circle!

Saved by the bell, pussy.

So, for the next 48 hours,

we will engage in the ultimate inner battle.

'Cause our real fight

is with the demons within, right?

And in order to hear them,

we need quiet.

That's why you're all gonna spend the next two days

in total silence.

What do you mean "silence"?

No talking, Puma.

I know it's your drug of choice,

but when I ring this bell,

there will be just listening.

You've gotta be kidding me.

I drove all the way out here be...

Hey. Come... uh, come in.

Thanks.

Thanks for letting me come over on such short notice.

How are you?

- Good. - Yeah.

I'm fine. I'm good.

Uh, can you get you something to drink?

Uh, no, I'm fine. Thanks.

It's not the glamor digs you're used to.

It's transitional.

I'm working on something permanent.

That's nice. It's...

a real artists atelier.

Mm.

Well, you've been working a lot.

Yeah, pretty much all the time.

So...

what did you wanna talk about?

Yeah, I wanted to...

I wanted to discuss an idea that...

- This is so weird. - What?

I don't know, its just so formal.

I mean, you're standing there and we're not... I don't know.

I am having trouble forming the words.

Thought that was my department.

I miss you.

- Phoebe... - JD, I miss you so much.

- Barbara Sawyer? - That's me.

Hi. So I have visual to cue up

and for the graphics, I think we can probably...

I'm not your producer.

- I'm your media coach. - What media coach?

Abby McCarthy hired me to come down to the station

- to work with you. - Oh, well, that was thoughtful,

but I'm not sure we're gonna have time

because we have to do my hair and makeup,

and that's gonna take a little while.

You're a gesticulator.

That's not a problem. We can clean that up right away.

Don't worry. I work with people in that chair

all the time.

So, Lilly, you're considering becoming sexually active.

- Yes. - In the future.

Not yet. We're just getting prepared.

You know, it's like buying gas masks

in case of a deadly sarin attack.

So... you've got a boyfriend?

Yes.

And, uh, is he a junior also?

- No, he's graduated. - Oh.

_

- Where did you meet? - _

Uh, he works at a bakery that my mom's friend...

I'm so sorry. I just have to take this.

It's gonna be quick.

You got this.

- Okay. - Hey, Barb.

- Are you still at the studio? - Yeah, I'm here

with the media consultant you hired.

Oh, yay. Surprise. Isn't she nice?

I wish you would have consulted me first.

I told you I didn't want to do that.

No, you said you didn't want to pay for it,

so I'm paying for it myself.

You are gonna crush it, Babs.

Just let Brooke help you crush it.

- I'll give her a shot. - Okay, well, I...

It's inserted into your vagina...

Really have to get back inside there

because Dr. Beaver over there

is about to get Lilly a summer job at a brothel.

I'm going to call you when it's done, okay.

Good luck.

There are just so many birth control options.

Have you and your partner discussed any...

"Partner." Yeah, well,

that's a little bit of an overstatement.

They're not gay dads. They're dating.

My boyfriend mentioned the chip.

He said it lasts for a while.

Oh, the chip is a great option.

- It releases progestin, which... - Okay, uh, no.

She's not getting the chip.

It's, like, "totally safe" today and then three years later,

recalled. Oops, she's infertile.

Skip. Next.

There's always the pill.

I worry I wouldn't remember it every day.

Exactly. I mean, what about the whole

HPV epidemic?

Shouldn't we be talking about that?

It's true, none of the controls that we are considering

will prevent STDs.

So always use a condom.

Oh, my God. These are the cutest.

Can I have the one that says "road trip" on it?

- That's hilarious. - Okay, two is plenty.

That...

I'm so sorry.

I'll get that. Just excuse me.

- Hey, Banai. - Hey.

Collator broke. It's gonna be a few minutes

before we can head downtown and collect names.

Well, let me save you some grunt work.

How's that?

My firm committed to partner with us on the Christede case.

God, you are gonna love the sweet sound

of paralegals making copy machines hum.

Okay, this is the part where you wanna hug me

but you high-five me instead. What... why aren't you excited?

Because I don't wanna bring in a big firm.

- It's our case. - Yeah, it's still our case.

I'm just bringing the big guns in

to help beat their legal team.

But if we bring in a big firm,

the best we can hope for is a settlement.

Yeah, a really big, juicy settlement.

What's wrong with that?

Because I wanna take this to trial.

If we settle, then Christede can buy his way out

like he's paying a parking ticket.

Yes, a really big, expensive parking ticket

that could help a lot of people.

Hey, why are you pushing back on this?

A case like this launches careers.

What are you talking about?

There's a seat coming up in City Council.

- Gracias. - Is that what this is about?

Your career in politics?

What, like you don't have any skin in this game?

Last I checked, you were a partner at Wilcox,

which means, if we settle, you get a two-comma payday.

Our clients could really use that money.

Yeah, what are you gonna use the fee for?

Are you gonna build wells in Malaysia for UNICEF?

That's a really shitty thing to say.

No, no, no, what's shitty is that

I thought you were here to do some good,

not to bring red meat back to your firm.

- That is not why I'm here. - Really?

Yeah, was here.

- What, you're storming out now? - Oh, God.

Way to read a room, Paul.

You're gonna have a really bright future in politics.

Superman is sweet.

Superman is sweet.

You see how you

purse your lips on your S's?

We call this Duck Face.

Superman is sweet. Huh.

Never noticed that before.

Superman is sweet. Superman is sweet.

Whenever in doubt. Just smile and nod.

But don't nod without a smile. Let's see.

Whoa. Overkill.

We don't need all the teeth.

A little... little more.

A little less.

And lock that.

That's your camera smile. You're a natural.

Superman is sweet.

Superman is sweet.

I haven't had sex on a futon in, like, 100 years.

I haven't had sex on a futon ever.

Makes me want Chinese food.

Except they're Japanese.

Oh, I believe mine was made in China.

My futon is a cultural appropriator.

Let's... let's have Chinese food

- and then have sex again... - Mm.

- And then eat again. - Mm.

I did have something I wanted to talk to you about.

Mm-hmm, I'm totally listening.

Yeah?

So Gemma wants a painting.

A fresco on the ceiling of her living room.

Kind of a garden of earthly delights

on 'shrooms. I don't know.

It's post-ironic.

Anyway, we need a painter,

so we thought of you.

Gemma? That's why you came here?

For Gemma?

No, that's not... Hey, don't be like that.

She's gonna pay you a ton of money.

It's a great opportunity. I mean, do you know

how many people are gonna walk through those doors?

The only opportunity that I wanted...

I just wanted to be with you.

You left.

Because you chose Gemma.

No, it doesn't have to be that way, either/or.

Yes, it does. You know how I felt about her.

Yeah, well, how do you feel about me?

- I found something I really love. - Like you loved me?

Because then you just wanted me to be something different.

Tell me, were you happy living under Joaquin's shadow?

Of course not, but...

Yeah, well, if you want something,

you have to work at it, JD.

I looked at you and you looked at me,

it was like there was this light.

I don't know, you got bored or restless

or things got real.

I don't believe that you know what you want, Phoebe,

but whatever it is, leave me out of it from now on.

- I want you to go. - No, JD...

Leave.

Well, I'm glad you still wanted

your apres-doctor ice cream.

Even after my little...

moment in there.

I'm not gonna break tradition just because you had a meltdown.

If anything,

after today I earned this double-scoop.

_

Ethan's asking if I can come over tonight,

watch a movie.

Um, no.

It's a school night.

- I can do homework there. - _

Um, that's not the point.

It is a school night.

Here.

Use a napkin.

You're worried I'll have sex.

I'm not. Are you going to?

- I don't know. - You don't know?

- No, I don't know. - Here's what I know.

You are not ready, and maybe you think you're ready

because you don't wanna lose him,

I... but you are rushing this. Trust me.

- You just met Ethan. - It's my body.

You taught me that.

I get to decide when I'm ready.

Yes, that is true.

So I'm going.

Well, if that is your decision.

Yeah, it is.

Compost.

Sink into it. Feel it.

Let it overwhelm you.

This is your muck you're soaking in.

The shame.

The bad decisions.

The weakness.

The crap.

But we're not gonna run from it,

or be disgusted by it.

We are going to sit in it.

You're crap.

Puma. Shh.

Sorry.

Yes, it smells, but it's not gonna kill you.

No matter how disappointing or rotten,

all experience leads to growth.

- Hmm. - What's going on with you?

- This is the apex of our... - What do you wanna know?

Why did you leave?

Even our senses are free of judgment.

We spend so much time trying to rid ourselves

of our failings and pain,

but here we can start to accept that some of that shit,

we can carry with us.

Even our worst selves are a part of us,

and they can be a source of strength

and renewal.

You're Albert?

- Puma. - You...

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa - Mother...

I have 2,000 channels.

One of them has to be KRWW.

Well, when is Barbara going on?

In, like, a half an hour, and I really wanna record it

so she can see herself.

Oh, I wish I could stay.

I gotta get to Boyle Heights. I'm canvassing solo now.

What happened to your Legal Aid guy, Paul?

Paul, is a hot-headed prick who,

no matter how hard I work or how many hours I donate,

is convinced that I am a corporate lackey

and a sellout.

Eh, we got in an argument

about bringing my firm onto the case.

Why do you need your firm?

'Cause I like to win.

Okay, but I thought the whole reason why you loved Legal Aid

was because it got you away from the toxic corporate stuff.

I mean, maybe Paul's making you angry

because he's pushing you in a different direction.

Somebody just clamp my mouth shut, please, 'cause I'm...

Lilly.

Oh, my gosh, I love that color. Look at that blouse.

It really brings out your eyes.

- Thanks. - Doesn't it, Abs?

Oh, her eyes are definitely out.

- Have fun. - Have a plan.

To come home by 11:00.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

Oh, my God, is it just me or does she look slutty?

You mean how we all looked when we were her age?

When did I become an over-protective prude?

I don't know, maybe you're all up in Lilly's business

because it's easier than thinking about

what's happening in yours.

There's nothing happening in mine,

- and that's good. - Is it?

You know you don't have to close up shop

because she's opening up hers.

Ew. Icky verbs.

The best thing that you can do for Lilly

is to get your head out of her vagina.

Okay, that's worse.

Bye-bye.

- Hey, sweets. - Oh, hi.

How did the meeting go with JD?

He passed.

Is he allergic to lottery tickets?

He's angry that I stayed with you.

It was awful.

He kicked me out.

Let's bright side. Now we get to make a list

of super hot artists to go to.

How about Hirst? Or is he has-been?

Can we do this tomorrow?

I, uh... I think I'm tapped out.

Yeah, that's fine. Go.

Hey, before you come in, can you go to Just for Dogs

and get the venison-and-squash?

- It's on your way. - Yeah, of course.

Oh, and can you pop across the street to the Pleasure Chest

and get my knight's member?

Just make sure it's, like, seriously big.

- The dildo? - Right, for the knight.

- Remember? - No, I do.

I just told you that my marriage is screwed

and you want me to pick you up dog food and dildos?

I'm trying to lighten things up.

There's just a lot of emotional stuff

with you at the moment.

I mean, maybe it's time to move on, let go.

For both our sakes.

I'm not gonna get your dildo.

Um, Phoebe, it's your job, okay.

Wow.

Yeah, you do remember that I pay you, right?

So be a doll and get my shit, please.

I'm not getting your shit.

Because I quit, Gemma.

No, wai... okay, Phoebe.

You can't quit.

All right, there's too much we haven't done yet.

I made a huge mistake.

I thought I wanted to be more like you,

but it turns out,

I already am.

You surround yourself with bullshit

to make you feel loved,

and if I don't stop,

I'm gonna end up alone.

Like you.

Good-bye, Gemma.

So excited to have you on the show today, Barbara.

- Great to be here. - Now, I am fascinated

by a story on Lady Parts.

Tell me about the everyday boob job.

Yes, well, people still associate breast implants

with exotic dancers and Playboy models...

Can we say that?

But statistics show that most women

who undergo breast augmentation are in fact stay-at-home moms.

That's amazing,

but isn't it something that most women

would prefer to keep a secret?

So tru... true.

So there's a stigma to it then?

Excuse me. I'm sorry.

Uh, can you repeat the question?

Can you talk about the issue of what to tell the kids

about why Mommy had to go to the hospital for three days?

Absolute... ly.

Is it better to tell the truth or to lie?

Excu... excuse me.

Excuse me.

At Lady Parts,

we tackle the questions

on women's minds.

Okay, that was Barbara Sawyer.

She is the editor-in-chief of Lady Parts.

We are gonna taken a short break and be back with more

right after this.

That was great, Barbara.

I come bearing bourbon.

Well, that sounds not good.

No, it was not good. She tele-froze.

It's like, that is the kind of thing

that really gets my crazy going, you know?

It makes me feel like I need to do everything

or it's gonna get screwed up.

Look, the first time I was on TV...

"The first time I was on TV."

- That is what you just said. - Crazy, right?

Yeah, anyway, listen,

- I couldn't put words together. - Mm.

Give Barbara a chance.

- Can I get you something? - No.

- I remember where the ice is. - Good.

Okay, well, thank you for bringing your whole bar.

I do have a ton of wine, by the way.

Well, your text vibes seem like you need

- something with more bite. - Mm.

- And I'm into bourbon these days. - Oh.

- Oh. - No, thank you.

No, no, no, listen. These are not your grandmother's

fake-neon cherries.

Okay, no I see cherry and I think about Lilly,

- Oh. - And... I know.

- Yeah, yeah. - Never mind that.

Um, cheers.

Cheers.

To Temple Hampton

and her phenomenal social media following.

Wow.

How's it going with her, by the way?

Eh, good.

I mean, she's pretty down to earth for someone

that's been famous since she was nine.

- Mm. - Even if she doesn't know

what a fuse box is.

Or how a library works.

So she won't be your first-round draft pick

for the zombie apocalypse?

Well, that's more a future than I've contemplated with her,

but I'm kind of enjoying the no-strings mode

- and just dating. - Right.

What so you guys can sleep with other people or... ?

Yeah.

There's no once-a-week obligation or... ?

- Well, I mean... - Birthday's optional,

- holidays off the table. - Okay, I'm sorry

because I know that's not your thing, but...

No, no, no, that's actually something

that I've been toying with lately.

- That idea. - You know, this is very rare.

You and me same date space at the same time.

- Chemistry and history and all. - Mm.

I mean, it's not uncomplicated.

No, and yet...

And yet...

I don't care.

Yeah.

You good?

Yeah, go, go. You g...

Mm.

Hey, Banai.

I didn't know you were here. I just left my phone.

- So, how many names you get? - Huh?

Uh, three. Maybe two.

Not sure if the one guy really lived there

or if he was just making a deal.

It's not funny, Paul.

No one opened a door. I hope that made your night.

Oh, come on.

I am sorry about earlier.

All right? I'm stubborn.

And when I get excited about something,

I dig in. But I realized you're right.

We get a chunk of change from the Christede coffers

and into the hands of abuelita and all the other families,

we'll make a big difference in their lives.

So, I'm in.

However you want to play it.

I think that we make a great team.

You're fierce, Delia.

I mean, you went canvassing in Boyle Heights

with "Sex and the City" shoes.

- They're Valentino. - I don't care.

Look...

Paul, you obviously have a gift

for negotiating across the aisle.

I'm just not feeling it.

We cannot go in with a plan to settle.

It's way too cynical. We should go for the whole pie.

We should go for criminal charges

and a civil suit.

Your firm gonna be okay with that?

Screw them.

You were right. This is our thing.

Are you sure? 'Cause I think your firm has

- a lot more staplers than we do. - Let's go for it.

Then if we decide to settle, it'll be our decision.

Ugh, Abby.

I can't believe she did that.

Well, Abby is Abby, right?

She oversteps, but she means well.

You could have turned Abby's gift down, you know.

You could have told Brooke Kim, "Woman, take a hike."

You're supposed to be on my side.

I am on your side.

And why the hell are you yelling at me?

Because a boyfriend is supposed to listen and agree

and let me vent.

And why are you smiling at me?

"Boyfriend," huh?

Yeah. So?

Sounds kind of nice.

Lord.

You're such a sap.

- Yeah. - I am a sap?

- Uh-huh. - You... I'm a...

Picture the ring.

It's vast and empty.

Who's left?

What shadow flickers past?

Catch it.

Hold onto it.

These are the toughest bastards to beat,

and make a decision.

Who is gonna win?

And how are you going to win?

Sorry for the rush.

I just really wanna clear the decks

before Lilly gets back.

Yeah, no worries. That's part of the bargain.

Yeah.

You okay?

Oh, yeah. Just, um...

well, probably overdoing it.

You know, Abby, the nice thing is that we're friends.

We can talk.

Did we enter complicated?

No, this was nice.

This was nice and hot.

Yeah, yeah, it was.

I'm gonna go.

Okay.

Wh... thank you for the gift basket.

Oh.

Yeah, is that what the kids are calling it these days?

Good night.

Night, Will.

You are Albert. You are the Albert.

- I don't believe it. - You're Jo, right?

I'm guessing that you're not Abby,

- and I know Delia, so... - Oh, you think this is funny?

You are the a-hole that ruined Delia's wedding.

You are the Napoleon-complexed emotional midget

that I hate from a distance. Oh, my gosh!

Of course, I got involved with you.

- I am an asshole magnet. - It is true.

I have done a lot of shitty, selfish things that hurt people.

- Scarred the mo... - Okay, fine!

Scarred people!

But that's why I'm here.

I am trying to do the work and make amends.

So you pump-and-dump the friend

of the woman you humiliated.

Your growth chart has plateaued, buddy.

Well, I didn't know who you were!

I know that doesn't excuse it,

and I shouldn't have run off after our incredibly sexy night,

but I saw that photograph of you and Delia and...

Oh, you got nostalgic?

For a three-way in a motel room with a hooker?

I had a front row seat to that shit show.

I admit that does not look good.

But you and me... am I wrong?

This is something unique.

You think I don't know that?

Why do you think I showed up here?

Jo, let's just give it a shot.

I'm separated now, and you're divorced.

There'd be no cheating, no lying.

I am done with all that.

I wanna be with you. Only you.

But it's your call.

Yeah, I know.

You know what sucks?

You could have been a really good one.

Lill.

Did I wake you?

No. You need something?

Would you French braid my hair for me?

Of course.

Come here, sit down.

So...

Ethan and I did it last night.

Oh.

Okay.

How are you feeling?

Kind of weird.

Well, it's always weird the first time.

Weird is normal.

My first time was so awkward...

Never mind.

Oh, baby... I mean, not a baby.

Uh, you're gonna have all kinds of experiences.

Some are gonna be great,

and some are gonna be not-so-great.

No, it was amazing.

I mean, Ethan said my smile was gonna crack my face.

We were crazy connected.

Yeah.

That's nice.

So what's wrong?

I think I like him too much.

I might love him.

I just don't wanna get hurt.

Ah, well, getting hurt kind of comes with the territory.

I mean, even if you guys were together

for the rest of your lives, which is unlikely,

it's still worth it.

Feeling the way you're feeling is magical.

And if you don't feel like that...

it's not the same.

It's better to love,

get hurt,

repeat.

Like you and Dad?

Right. Just like that.

But you know what I can promise you?

I'll always be here for you.

No matter what.

With ice cream?

With a gallon tub.

What's up?

I slept on it.

Hey, Eden. When is Albert getting in?

Oh, he said it depended on traffic on the 210

coming back from Miramar Grove.

Oh. Miramar Grove?

Yeah, a boxing retreat for the class he's obsessed with.

The Tao of Rex.

He's such a weirdo lately.

- Phoebe, what... - I quit Gemma.

You were right about her.

About me.

It wasn't me that brought the light,

it was you.

I guess I just didn't feel like I could make it on my own

and other people's money makes me feel...

safe.

But you believed in me,

and no one's ever treated me that way,

and I...

I blew it.

But I-I know that you...

That us is what I've been looking for.

Please come home.

JD?

Morning.

Oh.

Okay. I will drink 'em both.

You're mad at me, aren't you?

- Nope. - Really?

Not for overstepping?

Or for hiring that media coach

that turned you into a human Popsicle?

Since you put it like that, yes.

But I could have told Brooke Kim no.

Okay.

So, you're not mad at me?

Why would I be mad at you?

For tanking our first interview.

No.

- Maybe a little at first. - You can do the next one.

You'll be the face of Lady Parts.

Lady Parts has two faces.

It doesn't work if it's just mine.

You want me to do it again?

That is how you get better.

It's always rough the first time.

- Okay. - Okay.

- Phebes, are you okay? - Phoebe, what's happening?

It's over.

- Oh, no. - Oh, honeybunch.

Oh, my gosh.

-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com --