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Previously on
"Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce"...
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00:00:02,563 --> 00:00:06,042
I just think it's time to
take control of my message.
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00:00:06,105 --> 00:00:07,805
So you're ditching your entire brand?
4
00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:09,941
No, I'm not ditching my brand.
5
00:00:09,976 --> 00:00:11,709
I'm expanding it.
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00:00:11,744 --> 00:00:14,245
Do you have any idea
how much time and money
7
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:16,747
SheShe spend building you as the sexy,
8
00:00:16,783 --> 00:00:18,849
fun face of divorce?
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I can't live in a world that
doesn't have both of us in it.
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00:00:22,422 --> 00:00:24,722
That's the sweetest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
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We got married at the
courthouse yesterday.
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00:00:31,664 --> 00:00:34,365
I received an envelope with photos.
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00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:35,783
You and Albert?
14
00:00:35,808 --> 00:00:39,443
You are gonna pretend to be
a perfectly respectable bride.
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God help me, I am in love with you.
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You're insane, you know that?
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I married that woman.
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00:00:47,436 --> 00:00:50,437
But no, no, no, Jo. I need to say this.
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- Okay.
- Nothing can live up to this.
20
00:00:54,042 --> 00:00:55,475
Want to meet your son?
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Oh, you're beautiful.
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Can you take him for a little bit?
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00:01:01,149 --> 00:01:02,054
No, Becca.
24
00:01:02,079 --> 00:01:04,895
Just to the park or Magic Mountain.
25
00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:06,753
Becca.
26
00:01:06,788 --> 00:01:08,622
She's not here, Dad.
27
00:01:08,657 --> 00:01:09,823
She's gone.
28
00:01:10,814 --> 00:01:13,157
_
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So we're back with Abby McCarthy,
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00:01:14,663 --> 00:01:16,496
the author of the
nationwide best seller,
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"The Art of Artful Living."
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- Beautiful book...
- Oh, my gosh, I got to say,
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- I love, love, love this book, Abby.
- Yeah.
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Thank you so much. I
just thought, you know,
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00:01:24,572 --> 00:01:26,372
if people would just take the time
36
00:01:26,397 --> 00:01:27,941
to beautify the simple things...
37
00:01:27,976 --> 00:01:30,977
You mean, like, a toilet paper
holder or something like that?
38
00:01:31,013 --> 00:01:33,179
Yeah, exactly, like
their toilet paper holder.
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00:01:33,204 --> 00:01:35,348
It would just make their
lives all that much richer.
40
00:01:35,384 --> 00:01:36,850
- I did that, remember?
- It was weird.
41
00:01:36,885 --> 00:01:38,685
Uh-huh. I made mine
look like a mustache.
42
00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:40,453
- Everyone was talking about it.
- I used duct tape.
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It was a thing of beauty.
44
00:01:42,424 --> 00:01:45,346
But didn't you used to write
about just more serious things,
45
00:01:45,371 --> 00:01:48,305
like your kids and relationships
and that sort of thing?
46
00:01:48,333 --> 00:01:50,233
- Yeah, I did, a long time ago.
- Oh.
47
00:01:50,268 --> 00:01:51,634
- Why'd you quit doing that?
- That sounds like
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a different "Abby McCarthy," Kath,
49
00:01:53,870 --> 00:01:54,670
- doesn't it?
- It does.
50
00:01:54,706 --> 00:01:56,472
Yeah, it was a little bit different.
51
00:01:56,508 --> 00:01:58,975
Really, you should change
your name because that woman,
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00:01:59,010 --> 00:02:01,677
whew, she made a colossal
mess of her career, her life.
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00:02:01,713 --> 00:02:03,413
Do you remember? Wait,
that was the woman.
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00:02:03,448 --> 00:02:05,281
Her marriage fell apart,
55
00:02:05,316 --> 00:02:07,450
and she was the one who got busted
56
00:02:07,485 --> 00:02:08,718
with that male hooker,
57
00:02:08,743 --> 00:02:10,404
- sleeping with that guy.
- I've forgotten about that.
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00:02:10,429 --> 00:02:12,699
Well, she had reasons to sleep with him.
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00:02:12,724 --> 00:02:14,223
What could the reasons have been?
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00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:16,059
Maybe she hated credibility.
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00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:17,927
Yeah, maybe she doesn't like money.
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00:02:17,962 --> 00:02:19,328
How's she gonna pay her bills?
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- Money.
- Hooker.
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00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:24,033
- Career.
- Bills.
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00:02:24,069 --> 00:02:26,602
Duct tape. Career.
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00:02:26,638 --> 00:02:28,538
- Bills.
- Duct tape. Hooker.
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00:02:28,573 --> 00:02:29,839
So what about the royals? Aren't they...
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00:02:29,874 --> 00:02:31,674
I mean, how cute is that little George?
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00:02:31,709 --> 00:02:33,309
I love him, I love him.
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00:02:33,344 --> 00:02:35,178
Here's the great thing about him.
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Little George, you just want
to grab his feet and go...
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Feet, feet.
73
00:02:40,598 --> 00:02:42,452
- And then the little thighs.
- I know.
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00:02:42,487 --> 00:02:44,487
- And Charlotte.
- I love...
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00:02:44,522 --> 00:02:45,555
She had a boo-boo on her.
76
00:02:48,593 --> 00:02:50,233
- Hey.
- Hey.
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00:02:50,258 --> 00:02:51,734
You look like you need some coffee.
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00:02:51,759 --> 00:02:52,662
Yeah. I mean, no.
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00:02:52,697 --> 00:02:55,256
I've had a lot, but I
dropped the kids off,
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00:02:55,281 --> 00:02:57,480
and I just thought I would stop by here
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00:02:57,505 --> 00:02:59,602
before I took this
baby to the firehouse.
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00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:01,137
- The firehouse?
- I can't do this.
83
00:03:01,172 --> 00:03:03,454
I maybe got to close my eyes
for ten minutes last night,
84
00:03:03,479 --> 00:03:04,410
and I can't get in touch with Becca,
85
00:03:04,435 --> 00:03:06,676
who's this baby's, you
know, actual parent.
86
00:03:06,711 --> 00:03:08,411
- She's been missing for days.
- Yeah, four days.
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00:03:08,446 --> 00:03:09,745
So I gathered up all the baby stuff,
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00:03:09,781 --> 00:03:11,848
and I'm gonna take him over
to safe surrender today.
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00:03:11,883 --> 00:03:13,049
- No.
- Yeah, I'm gonna give him
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00:03:13,084 --> 00:03:14,717
to a fireman.
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00:03:14,752 --> 00:03:16,085
Firemen are so capable.
92
00:03:16,121 --> 00:03:17,523
- No.
- Abby, I'm gonna leave
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00:03:17,548 --> 00:03:18,821
this baby in a hot car by accident,
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00:03:18,857 --> 00:03:20,223
or I'm gonna feed him solids.
95
00:03:20,258 --> 00:03:21,958
I mean, look at me. I
have a huge meeting today.
96
00:03:21,993 --> 00:03:23,593
I look like I've been
in Vegas with a baby
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00:03:23,628 --> 00:03:26,062
and Johnny Depp for three days.
98
00:03:26,097 --> 00:03:28,349
Okay, give me the
baby. Give me the baby.
99
00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:29,699
- Are you sure?
- You just got back from Latvia.
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00:03:29,734 --> 00:03:32,635
- Yes.
- You need some sleep.
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00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:36,072
And you need to have maybe some tea,
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00:03:36,107 --> 00:03:38,665
not coffee and maybe a shave
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00:03:38,690 --> 00:03:41,488
- and maybe a Valium or three.
- Okay, I just... I should just...
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00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:43,279
Okay. I mean, don't you have to work?
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00:03:43,314 --> 00:03:44,480
- Are you sure?
- I do.
106
00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:46,215
My to-do list is getting out of hand,
107
00:03:46,251 --> 00:03:48,050
but I am still waiting
for the call to find out
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00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:49,527
when I face the SheShe tribunal.
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00:03:49,554 --> 00:03:51,660
It's all right. Wait.
Hold on one second.
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I brought the stuff,
though, just in case.
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00:03:53,791 --> 00:03:57,260
You sure? You can, yeah, take the baby?
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00:03:57,295 --> 00:03:59,729
Yeah? You know, I mean,
just do a quick load.
113
00:03:59,764 --> 00:04:01,197
- One load.
- No, no, no problem.
114
00:04:01,232 --> 00:04:02,398
- I got it, I got it.
- You sure?
115
00:04:02,433 --> 00:04:04,500
Listen, you need to get some sleep,
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00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:05,868
and I need some sweet,
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00:04:05,904 --> 00:04:08,504
Taye Diggs-flavored
baby head in my life.
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00:04:09,522 --> 00:04:12,367
- Okay.
- Safe surrender to me.
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00:04:26,687 --> 00:04:29,020
Whoa. Did we finish that whole case?
120
00:04:29,056 --> 00:04:31,823
Consider it a liquid honeymoon.
121
00:04:31,858 --> 00:04:35,026
- Speaking of honeymoon.
- No, no.
122
00:04:35,062 --> 00:04:37,629
- Do we have time?
- Mm-mm, no.
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00:04:37,654 --> 00:04:40,422
Ralf is gonna be here
any minute with the kids.
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00:04:44,905 --> 00:04:47,305
- Need some help?
- You okay?
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00:04:47,341 --> 00:04:49,874
I'm just so mad at myself,
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00:04:49,910 --> 00:04:52,944
and now this is frozen, like my heart.
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00:04:52,980 --> 00:04:54,972
No, sweetie. No.
128
00:04:54,997 --> 00:04:57,692
- Let me just get out of your hair.
- No, no, no.
129
00:04:57,717 --> 00:04:58,750
The kids are gonna be here soon.
130
00:04:58,785 --> 00:05:00,304
Stay. There's plenty
of room for all of us.
131
00:05:00,329 --> 00:05:01,862
No, you guys should have your space.
132
00:05:01,887 --> 00:05:03,599
I mean, this is the first
time you've been together,
133
00:05:03,624 --> 00:05:06,091
right, since you told them?
134
00:05:06,126 --> 00:05:08,927
You got real married.
135
00:05:08,962 --> 00:05:12,311
- But, yeah.
- Unlike Aunt Delia,
136
00:05:12,336 --> 00:05:14,476
who made a mockery of
the whole institution.
137
00:05:14,501 --> 00:05:15,667
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
138
00:05:15,702 --> 00:05:19,004
Well, we didn't say
it like that, but yeah.
139
00:05:19,039 --> 00:05:22,073
- Hey, hey, it's fine.
- God.
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00:05:22,109 --> 00:05:25,844
We're all fine. I
mean, the kids adore JD.
141
00:05:28,315 --> 00:05:31,750
No, I really just don't need
any of your newlywed juice
142
00:05:31,785 --> 00:05:35,086
just spewing all over me.
143
00:05:35,122 --> 00:05:36,287
No offense.
144
00:05:40,460 --> 00:05:45,597
I'd like to say on
this romantic, poetic,
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00:05:45,632 --> 00:05:47,832
sacred occasion
146
00:05:47,868 --> 00:05:52,003
that love is a fraud.
147
00:05:52,039 --> 00:05:55,273
- Oh, Jo.
- You hear yourself?
148
00:05:55,308 --> 00:05:56,841
- Not again.
- You shitfaced,
149
00:05:56,877 --> 00:05:58,343
stupid son of a bitch.
150
00:05:58,378 --> 00:06:01,713
Oh, yeah. You've been
reminding me about it every day.
151
00:06:01,748 --> 00:06:04,015
Oh, I will keep reminding
you every single day
152
00:06:04,051 --> 00:06:05,483
until the end of time.
153
00:06:05,519 --> 00:06:07,185
I don't want you to forget
for one second what you did.
154
00:06:07,220 --> 00:06:09,254
Jo, you are shooting the messenger.
155
00:06:09,289 --> 00:06:11,156
The me... you're not a messenger.
156
00:06:11,191 --> 00:06:12,290
You're a miserable lush.
157
00:06:12,325 --> 00:06:14,159
You don't think I feel bad enough?
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00:06:14,194 --> 00:06:15,493
As long as you're on my couch,
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00:06:15,529 --> 00:06:16,728
you live by my rules,
160
00:06:16,763 --> 00:06:18,263
and if I want to force
you to watch this video
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00:06:18,298 --> 00:06:20,665
every single day like goddamn
"Clockwork Orange," I will.
162
00:06:20,701 --> 00:06:23,418
It is never going to happen again.
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00:06:23,443 --> 00:06:24,285
Oh, God.
164
00:06:24,310 --> 00:06:27,849
I swear on our kid's life, never again.
165
00:06:27,874 --> 00:06:29,808
He's just so full of shit.
166
00:06:29,843 --> 00:06:33,141
How many times has he promised
me he's gonna clean up?
167
00:06:33,251 --> 00:06:35,218
How did I get into this mess?
168
00:06:35,253 --> 00:06:38,655
Come to New York with me,
just get away from it all.
169
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:40,631
I really wish you would reconsider.
170
00:06:40,656 --> 00:06:41,567
I have a plan.
171
00:06:41,592 --> 00:06:43,203
I'm gonna go back east for six months,
172
00:06:43,228 --> 00:06:47,430
let the dust settle here,
and then my triumphant return.
173
00:06:47,465 --> 00:06:49,829
- Hello, everyone.
- Hello.
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00:06:49,854 --> 00:06:51,487
My name is Quinna.
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00:06:51,636 --> 00:06:53,102
Now, let's all think of something
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00:06:53,138 --> 00:06:56,873
that we're grateful for today.
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00:06:56,908 --> 00:06:59,475
I am grateful for the convergence
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00:06:59,511 --> 00:07:01,944
of the summer solstice
and the full moon tonight.
179
00:07:01,980 --> 00:07:03,546
- That's tonight?
- Yeah,
180
00:07:03,581 --> 00:07:05,481
a true celestial blessing.
181
00:07:05,517 --> 00:07:08,263
I will be back in just
a few to take your order.
182
00:07:09,049 --> 00:07:10,486
Okay.
183
00:07:10,522 --> 00:07:12,522
Thank you.
184
00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:14,891
The food here is good, but I
kind of want to set her on fire.
185
00:07:14,926 --> 00:07:17,026
No, she is right.
186
00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:18,470
The convergence of the solstice
187
00:07:18,495 --> 00:07:20,872
and full moon is incredibly rare.
188
00:07:20,897 --> 00:07:24,467
It's a powerful opportunity
to access our sacral chakras.
189
00:07:24,502 --> 00:07:26,803
- No to whatever that is.
- Yes.
190
00:07:26,838 --> 00:07:30,306
We should have a goddess ceremony.
191
00:07:30,341 --> 00:07:31,841
- Will there be wine?
- No.
192
00:07:31,876 --> 00:07:34,343
No, it is not like that. It's spiritual.
193
00:07:34,379 --> 00:07:37,013
Come on, let me do
something nice for you guys.
194
00:07:37,048 --> 00:07:39,982
I mean, my life feels
so bountiful right now.
195
00:07:40,018 --> 00:07:43,286
Things with JD are great
and with the kids and Ralf.
196
00:07:43,321 --> 00:07:45,788
They're just adapting
to us being married.
197
00:07:45,824 --> 00:07:48,591
- Everything's great.
- Hi. Sorry I'm late, you guys.
198
00:07:48,626 --> 00:07:50,560
Please tell me that you ordered.
199
00:07:52,063 --> 00:07:54,644
- Is that what I think it is?
- Yeah, Jake was about
200
00:07:54,669 --> 00:07:57,066
to safe surrender him, so I intervened,
201
00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:58,731
and he finally settled down.
202
00:07:58,756 --> 00:07:59,836
He's so cute.
203
00:07:59,871 --> 00:08:01,804
Hella cute, but can I just
tell you how screwed up it
204
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:03,773
is that you are actually
co-looking after this kid.
205
00:08:03,808 --> 00:08:05,875
Agreed. You should
dump it at the firehouse
206
00:08:05,910 --> 00:08:09,278
with Taye and Becca's
headshots pinned to its blanket.
207
00:08:09,314 --> 00:08:10,438
- Wow.
- Come on, you guys,
208
00:08:10,463 --> 00:08:12,559
this whole free-floating baby thing
209
00:08:12,584 --> 00:08:14,984
and all the work stuff, it
has me very, very anxious.
210
00:08:15,019 --> 00:08:18,389
I'm just happy to be able to do
something about something, so...
211
00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:21,023
Okay, what can I get for you beauties?
212
00:08:21,059 --> 00:08:22,325
I am gonna go receptive.
213
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:24,994
Ah, ah. You are?
214
00:08:26,731 --> 00:08:27,964
You have to say it like a statement,
215
00:08:27,999 --> 00:08:30,807
so I am receptive.
216
00:08:31,065 --> 00:08:32,401
I'm not gonna do that.
217
00:08:32,437 --> 00:08:34,070
I'm not a bowl of seed
with nature grains.
218
00:08:34,105 --> 00:08:37,373
I'm gonna have the
coffee 'cause I am tired.
219
00:08:37,408 --> 00:08:38,508
I am hopeful.
220
00:08:38,543 --> 00:08:39,860
I am persuasive.
221
00:08:40,879 --> 00:08:42,345
Sorry.
222
00:08:44,249 --> 00:08:45,848
Abby here.
223
00:08:45,884 --> 00:08:49,619
Yes. Uh, today?
224
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:52,388
Well, that's very soon.
225
00:08:52,423 --> 00:08:53,689
That's okay.
226
00:08:53,725 --> 00:08:57,160
Yes, yes, I will absolutely be there.
227
00:08:57,195 --> 00:08:59,495
Okay. Bye.
228
00:08:59,708 --> 00:09:00,707
Ah...
229
00:09:00,809 --> 00:09:03,372
Okay, you're okay, you're okay.
230
00:09:03,401 --> 00:09:05,902
- What's going on?
- Two hours.
231
00:09:05,937 --> 00:09:08,026
I have two hours to pull myself together
232
00:09:08,051 --> 00:09:11,274
and go save the only
paying job that I have left.
233
00:09:11,309 --> 00:09:13,833
Why did I say that I
would take care of you,
234
00:09:13,858 --> 00:09:15,945
you beautiful bastard?
235
00:09:15,980 --> 00:09:17,246
Who can help me?
236
00:09:17,282 --> 00:09:19,615
I would love to help you with the baby,
237
00:09:19,651 --> 00:09:22,985
but I have to prep for
the goddess ceremony.
238
00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,997
I have to get to the bakery, honey.
239
00:09:25,022 --> 00:09:27,289
I'll take him.
240
00:09:27,425 --> 00:09:30,126
Delia, you loathe children
241
00:09:30,161 --> 00:09:31,661
more than you loathe New York.
242
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:33,563
Yeah, and I'm going to New York.
243
00:09:33,598 --> 00:09:34,901
Pain is transformational.
244
00:09:34,926 --> 00:09:36,046
Isn't that what Phoebe always says?
245
00:09:36,071 --> 00:09:37,310
- Don't put that on me.
- Anyway, it doesn't seem
246
00:09:37,335 --> 00:09:38,906
like you have a choice.
247
00:09:38,931 --> 00:09:41,866
Hey, little baby, want to
watch Auntie Delia drink?
248
00:09:44,142 --> 00:09:45,941
Just kidding.
249
00:09:51,464 --> 00:09:52,675
All right.
250
00:09:53,524 --> 00:09:56,491
You got this. You are woman.
251
00:09:56,526 --> 00:09:57,854
Roar.
252
00:09:57,901 --> 00:09:59,500
And that is why my time
253
00:09:59,536 --> 00:10:01,302
with the gigolo is
nothing to be afraid of.
254
00:10:01,337 --> 00:10:04,405
In fact, it is an asset.
255
00:10:04,441 --> 00:10:08,976
When Carl accused me of
loneliness, of desperation,
256
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,079
that's just what men do when they meet
257
00:10:11,114 --> 00:10:12,780
an independent woman of a certain age.
258
00:10:12,816 --> 00:10:16,184
That is the story they want to tell.
259
00:10:16,219 --> 00:10:20,521
But don't we become more
human because of our mistakes?
260
00:10:20,557 --> 00:10:25,993
My brand becomes more valuable
as I become more authentic.
261
00:10:28,665 --> 00:10:30,765
Is that it?
262
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:32,967
Uh, well, I could go on.
263
00:10:33,002 --> 00:10:34,702
I mean, I'm a talker.
264
00:10:34,737 --> 00:10:36,104
No, here's the thing.
265
00:10:36,139 --> 00:10:38,005
You were trying to get
back with your husband
266
00:10:38,041 --> 00:10:41,876
while writing about the
wild, sexy freedom of divorce.
267
00:10:41,911 --> 00:10:43,478
A little, yes. We tried a little.
268
00:10:43,513 --> 00:10:45,546
And that was something your
readers felt betrayed by.
269
00:10:45,582 --> 00:10:48,015
Again, we've done the optics.
270
00:10:48,051 --> 00:10:49,884
- The optics?
- Yeah, research is over.
271
00:10:49,919 --> 00:10:52,587
It's all about optics
now, and yours aren't good.
272
00:10:52,622 --> 00:10:54,088
How is sleeping with your ex
273
00:10:54,124 --> 00:10:57,892
and then lying about it
part of a healthy divorce?
274
00:10:57,927 --> 00:11:00,795
- Well, it's not unhealthy.
- It wasn't divorce.
275
00:11:00,830 --> 00:11:02,890
- It is now.
- Abby, let me explain.
276
00:11:02,915 --> 00:11:04,227
No, okay, I get it.
277
00:11:04,252 --> 00:11:06,518
My story got a little confused lately,
278
00:11:06,803 --> 00:11:08,503
but that's divorce.
279
00:11:08,538 --> 00:11:09,702
That's life.
280
00:11:09,727 --> 00:11:12,119
You're the guy that wanted
to slap an always sexy,
281
00:11:12,144 --> 00:11:13,877
always happy face on this,
282
00:11:13,943 --> 00:11:16,911
but if I embrace everything
that has happened to me,
283
00:11:16,946 --> 00:11:19,914
and I am ready to,
284
00:11:19,949 --> 00:11:23,417
I think that we have
something really exciting here.
285
00:11:23,453 --> 00:11:26,654
Women in midlife, they just
want to be reflected with honesty
286
00:11:26,689 --> 00:11:30,075
and compassion, and, dare I say it,
287
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:32,727
they are looking for a leader.
288
00:11:32,762 --> 00:11:39,066
I am going to be that
leader for my generation.
289
00:12:05,988 --> 00:12:08,322
How'd it go with Frumpkis?
290
00:12:08,384 --> 00:12:10,227
Oh, Jesus. Really?
291
00:12:10,252 --> 00:12:13,514
I know that in addition to
some spectacular shagging,
292
00:12:13,539 --> 00:12:16,337
we might also speak in words
293
00:12:16,372 --> 00:12:19,006
about matters of mild
to actual importance.
294
00:12:19,042 --> 00:12:20,408
If I wanted to talk, I'd go home.
295
00:12:20,443 --> 00:12:21,576
I have a daughter for that.
296
00:12:24,147 --> 00:12:25,900
Got it.
297
00:12:25,932 --> 00:12:28,233
- Oh, come on.
- You know, you have
298
00:12:28,258 --> 00:12:29,112
a unique way
299
00:12:29,137 --> 00:12:31,829
of making me feel like a
dildo with a person attached.
300
00:12:31,854 --> 00:12:34,388
I mean, have you even told
your friends about this,
301
00:12:34,424 --> 00:12:35,923
about whatever this is?
302
00:12:35,959 --> 00:12:37,858
You're acting like such a chick.
303
00:12:37,894 --> 00:12:39,527
- Really?
- Yeah.
304
00:12:39,562 --> 00:12:42,382
God, it's as if... as soon as you...
305
00:12:43,933 --> 00:12:45,600
What? As soon as I what?
306
00:12:45,635 --> 00:12:48,002
As soon as you open your legs
to me, you close your heart.
307
00:12:48,037 --> 00:12:50,471
That is very pretty. Did
you just come up with that?
308
00:12:52,075 --> 00:12:53,140
Unbelievable.
309
00:12:58,047 --> 00:13:00,848
Hey, Mitchell. I just heard.
310
00:13:00,883 --> 00:13:02,717
You fired Abby?
311
00:13:02,752 --> 00:13:07,088
- I let her make her case.
- And then you fired her.
312
00:13:07,123 --> 00:13:09,757
We went in a different direction, yes.
313
00:13:09,792 --> 00:13:10,858
Why?
314
00:13:10,883 --> 00:13:13,877
The Carl thing doubled traffic
to her page. I saw the research.
315
00:13:13,902 --> 00:13:17,070
- Ah, ah. Optics.
- Don't optics me.
316
00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:18,966
Her work was connecting.
317
00:13:19,002 --> 00:13:20,768
She spoke to our readers.
318
00:13:20,803 --> 00:13:22,436
Maybe not the 24-year-old idiots
319
00:13:22,472 --> 00:13:23,971
in search of the perfect spray tan.
320
00:13:24,007 --> 00:13:26,007
Those 24-year-olds spend good money.
321
00:13:26,042 --> 00:13:27,742
Okay, but your idea
322
00:13:27,777 --> 00:13:30,378
for the column was inspired, Mitchell.
323
00:13:30,413 --> 00:13:32,179
Divorce is hard.
324
00:13:32,215 --> 00:13:35,082
Ladies like me need a sexy,
fun face to give us hope.
325
00:13:36,819 --> 00:13:39,118
- It was a good idea, wasn't it?
- So good.
326
00:13:41,824 --> 00:13:47,161
Okay. 750 words twice a week.
327
00:13:47,196 --> 00:13:49,063
Excuse me?
328
00:13:49,098 --> 00:13:51,632
You write it. Clearly, you
are passionate about it.
329
00:13:51,668 --> 00:13:53,334
You are in touch with the zeitgeist,
330
00:13:53,369 --> 00:13:56,337
and you're already on
the payroll, so why not?
331
00:13:56,372 --> 00:13:58,606
Well, first of all, Abby's face and mine
332
00:13:58,641 --> 00:14:00,297
aren't exactly interchangeable,
333
00:14:00,322 --> 00:14:02,143
and secondly, I'm an editor.
334
00:14:02,178 --> 00:14:04,645
With your very own byline.
335
00:14:04,681 --> 00:14:09,350
I hereby dub ye SheShe's
new merry divorcee.
336
00:14:09,385 --> 00:14:10,685
# Da, da-da-da #
337
00:14:13,156 --> 00:14:14,388
Jesus.
338
00:14:14,424 --> 00:14:15,423
I don't know what to do.
339
00:14:15,458 --> 00:14:16,624
Oh, my God, okay.
340
00:14:16,659 --> 00:14:18,125
Hey, look at that.
341
00:14:18,161 --> 00:14:19,460
That's a doll. Look.
342
00:14:19,495 --> 00:14:22,463
All right, I'm running
out of ideas here, baby.
343
00:14:22,498 --> 00:14:27,935
Okay, hold on. Hold on,
Auntie Delia needs her ba-ba.
344
00:14:27,970 --> 00:14:30,271
Okay, here we go.
345
00:14:30,306 --> 00:14:32,039
Okay, okay. Here we go.
346
00:14:32,075 --> 00:14:33,407
Okay.
347
00:14:33,443 --> 00:14:35,242
Oh, good boy. That's good.
348
00:14:35,278 --> 00:14:38,012
That's good, right? Okay, hold on.
349
00:14:38,047 --> 00:14:40,748
All right. Oh, God.
350
00:14:41,095 --> 00:14:42,791
- Delia?
- Hi.
351
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:44,285
Yes, yes.
352
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,120
We are good. He is good.
353
00:14:46,155 --> 00:14:50,439
He is just a little tyrant
who just hates brownish people.
354
00:14:50,464 --> 00:14:52,660
He is a brownish people.
355
00:14:52,695 --> 00:14:54,061
Oi.
356
00:14:54,097 --> 00:14:57,131
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
357
00:14:57,166 --> 00:14:59,567
I'm... is there a word for sad,
358
00:14:59,602 --> 00:15:02,970
lost, terrified, and humiliated?
359
00:15:03,005 --> 00:15:05,906
Oh, D, I'm so sorry.
360
00:15:05,942 --> 00:15:07,575
Pre-drunk again.
361
00:15:07,610 --> 00:15:10,945
Are you really sure it's a
good idea to be moving away?
362
00:15:10,980 --> 00:15:13,447
I mean, if you need
a break from the firm,
363
00:15:13,483 --> 00:15:15,516
shouldn't you take a break
here where people love you?
364
00:15:15,551 --> 00:15:18,986
Thank you. I think I need a fresh start.
365
00:15:19,021 --> 00:15:21,188
Okay, but do you even know
366
00:15:21,224 --> 00:15:25,593
that Albert is the one that sent
the pictures of you to Gordon?
367
00:15:25,628 --> 00:15:26,827
It had to be him.
368
00:15:26,863 --> 00:15:29,663
- Or his wife or Gordon's ex.
- Yeah.
369
00:15:29,699 --> 00:15:32,299
Or anyone who wanted to hurt you.
370
00:15:32,335 --> 00:15:33,601
Did you even ask?
371
00:15:33,636 --> 00:15:37,705
I would rather move 3,000 miles.
372
00:15:37,740 --> 00:15:40,007
Anyway. Ugh.
373
00:15:40,042 --> 00:15:41,642
How was your meeting?
374
00:15:41,677 --> 00:15:45,112
- I got fired?
- What?
375
00:15:45,148 --> 00:15:49,984
I'm sorry, I don't know why
that came out as a question.
376
00:15:50,019 --> 00:15:52,887
- I got fired.
- What? No. Really?
377
00:15:52,922 --> 00:15:56,056
The news is still sort of hitting me,
378
00:15:56,092 --> 00:15:58,759
but I went in, and I fought for it,
379
00:15:58,795 --> 00:16:01,330
and clearly, Mitchell
was happy to see me go,
380
00:16:01,355 --> 00:16:04,865
so now I am officially unemployed
381
00:16:04,901 --> 00:16:07,835
with no prospects on the horizon.
382
00:16:07,870 --> 00:16:09,581
- So...
- Okay. You do have prospects.
383
00:16:09,606 --> 00:16:11,006
Okay? Tons,
384
00:16:11,007 --> 00:16:12,589
and those guys, they're idiots.
385
00:16:12,614 --> 00:16:14,051
Christopher is hot.
386
00:16:14,076 --> 00:16:15,509
Didn't he feel hot to you?
387
00:16:15,545 --> 00:16:18,073
- What?
- He's burning up.
388
00:16:18,098 --> 00:16:19,547
Got to get him to the doctor.
389
00:16:19,582 --> 00:16:21,182
I mean, I didn't... don't think so.
390
00:16:21,217 --> 00:16:23,684
- He seemed regular.
- He's radiating heat.
391
00:16:23,719 --> 00:16:25,019
If he were a cartoon baby,
392
00:16:25,054 --> 00:16:27,588
there would be heat
lines coming off of him.
393
00:16:27,623 --> 00:16:30,291
When an infant gets a fever,
it can be very serious.
394
00:16:30,326 --> 00:16:31,992
- I didn't know.
- No, not your fault.
395
00:16:32,028 --> 00:16:33,394
I need to get him to the doctor.
396
00:16:33,429 --> 00:16:34,728
I need to text Jake.
397
00:16:34,764 --> 00:16:36,130
I'll text Jake. Just go.
398
00:16:36,165 --> 00:16:37,365
Just... you take him.
399
00:16:44,479 --> 00:16:47,313
And I felt him, and
he was just burning up,
400
00:16:47,348 --> 00:16:50,783
and I know that a fever
can be super dangerous,
401
00:16:50,818 --> 00:16:52,551
right, so Jake and I,
402
00:16:52,587 --> 00:16:54,787
we've been sort of switching
off taking care of him,
403
00:16:54,822 --> 00:16:56,355
so he's been going back and forth a lot,
404
00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:59,166
which is no surprise that
he's come down with something.
405
00:16:59,191 --> 00:17:02,228
And I have no idea if he's
even had his shots, so...
406
00:17:02,263 --> 00:17:04,090
'cause obviously he's not my baby.
407
00:17:04,115 --> 00:17:06,182
- 98.5.
- Oh.
408
00:17:07,268 --> 00:17:09,835
So how long is this
baby staying with you?
409
00:17:09,871 --> 00:17:11,737
I really have no idea.
410
00:17:11,772 --> 00:17:14,373
His mother's MIA, and
his father is Taye Diggs.
411
00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:16,041
- Love Taye Diggs.
- Yeah, well,
412
00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:20,204
obviously so did his mother,
for one night at least.
413
00:17:22,283 --> 00:17:24,717
Uh, may I?
414
00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:26,952
The baby is completely fine,
415
00:17:26,988 --> 00:17:30,356
but you are very, very warm.
416
00:17:30,391 --> 00:17:32,424
Oh.
417
00:17:32,449 --> 00:17:34,249
Of course.
418
00:17:34,395 --> 00:17:35,861
I'm having a hot flash.
419
00:17:40,395 --> 00:17:43,173
- Sorry.
- Have you seen anyone about that?
420
00:17:44,472 --> 00:17:46,772
No, because it is normal.
421
00:17:46,807 --> 00:17:49,642
But you might want to
consider hormone replacement.
422
00:17:49,677 --> 00:17:54,580
Estrogen patches can really
help with the symptoms.
423
00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:55,748
- Estrogen patches.
- Yeah.
424
00:18:01,889 --> 00:18:03,289
Come on now. Don't look so grim.
425
00:18:03,324 --> 00:18:05,925
People just weren't
meant to live this long.
426
00:18:32,086 --> 00:18:33,652
Hey.
427
00:18:33,688 --> 00:18:34,887
I thought you'd left already.
428
00:18:34,922 --> 00:18:36,288
Did you send Gordon those pictures?
429
00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:38,524
Tell me the truth.
430
00:18:38,559 --> 00:18:40,292
- Hello to you too.
- Answer me.
431
00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:44,663
I thought he had a right to know.
432
00:18:44,699 --> 00:18:45,698
Oh, my God.
433
00:18:45,733 --> 00:18:47,299
So you had to return a few gifts.
434
00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:49,112
You want a Nambe bowl?
I will buy you a bowl.
435
00:18:49,137 --> 00:18:52,137
- You petty, little shit.
- You would've made
436
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,834
a tragic trophy wife, and you know it.
437
00:18:53,859 --> 00:18:56,452
You arrogant, petty, little shit.
438
00:18:56,477 --> 00:19:00,679
- Someday you're gonna thank me.
- You ruined my life, Albert.
439
00:19:00,715 --> 00:19:02,781
You ruined Gordon's life.
440
00:19:02,817 --> 00:19:04,149
So you screwed me silly
441
00:19:04,185 --> 00:19:05,833
- because you were so in love with him?
- I...
442
00:19:05,858 --> 00:19:08,492
- You did not want to get married, Delia.
- No.
443
00:19:08,723 --> 00:19:10,889
The sooner you admit that, the better.
444
00:19:10,925 --> 00:19:12,356
I can't wait for you forever.
445
00:19:12,389 --> 00:19:13,467
Wait for me?
446
00:19:13,494 --> 00:19:16,028
What we have comes
along once in a lifetime.
447
00:19:16,063 --> 00:19:17,663
I could burn my life down for it.
448
00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:21,000
No, you would burn my life down for it,
449
00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:22,701
which is far less noble,
450
00:19:22,737 --> 00:19:25,771
and may I remind you that
you are still married.
451
00:19:25,806 --> 00:19:28,874
You of all people should
know that is negotiable.
452
00:19:28,909 --> 00:19:29,908
Wha?
453
00:19:31,484 --> 00:19:32,413
What?
454
00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:35,781
You're deluded.
455
00:19:35,816 --> 00:19:36,782
You'll be back.
456
00:19:36,817 --> 00:19:39,418
I give New York a month, tops.
457
00:19:47,328 --> 00:19:49,728
Is he okay?
458
00:19:49,764 --> 00:19:51,597
Baby's fine.
459
00:19:51,632 --> 00:19:53,565
I'm the one with the
temperature problem.
460
00:19:53,601 --> 00:19:55,301
What do you mean?
461
00:19:55,336 --> 00:19:57,303
I had a hot flash.
462
00:19:57,338 --> 00:19:59,905
Abby, I ran, like,
14 lights to get here.
463
00:19:59,940 --> 00:20:01,407
Well, this is somebody else's baby.
464
00:20:01,442 --> 00:20:03,709
We can't afford to break
him, and I panicked,
465
00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:05,878
and then Dr. Efron told
me that essentially,
466
00:20:05,913 --> 00:20:08,414
I have outlived my usefulness.
467
00:20:08,449 --> 00:20:10,949
- What?
- He said that people
468
00:20:10,985 --> 00:20:12,718
weren't supposed to live this long,
469
00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:14,720
so now that this kid-making factory
470
00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:17,589
is closed, I may as well just
shuffle on off to Buffalo.
471
00:20:17,625 --> 00:20:19,458
Yes, I'm sure that's
exactly how he phrased it.
472
00:20:19,493 --> 00:20:21,293
That is exactly how he phrased it,
473
00:20:21,329 --> 00:20:25,130
and then he gave me this prescription
474
00:20:25,166 --> 00:20:26,598
for an estrogen patch.
475
00:20:26,634 --> 00:20:29,335
I don't even know where
to put an estrogen patch.
476
00:20:29,370 --> 00:20:32,971
Oh, I think they go
over your mouth, right?
477
00:20:33,007 --> 00:20:34,707
Too soon? Sorry.
478
00:20:34,742 --> 00:20:36,400
I'm just a dried-up, old skin pod.
479
00:20:36,425 --> 00:20:37,543
I don't have a sense of humor.
480
00:20:37,578 --> 00:20:39,845
Come on.
481
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:44,049
You may as well just put me
on an ice floe like a Viking.
482
00:20:44,085 --> 00:20:46,418
I think the Vikings were
actually the fire raft guys,
483
00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:48,253
- but that doesn't matter.
- No, that was the Eskimos.
484
00:20:48,289 --> 00:20:49,688
- No.
- I mean, the Inuits.
485
00:20:49,724 --> 00:20:50,723
I don't even... whatever.
486
00:20:50,758 --> 00:20:52,124
Just give me a dignified send-off.
487
00:20:52,159 --> 00:20:53,726
Abby, look at me.
488
00:20:53,761 --> 00:20:55,928
Hey, hey.
489
00:20:55,963 --> 00:20:58,097
You're still pretty
hot for a dead chick.
490
00:20:58,132 --> 00:20:59,098
I'd do you.
491
00:20:59,366 --> 00:21:01,111
Aw. Really?
492
00:21:01,136 --> 00:21:04,269
And if it didn't cause
severe marital confusion,
493
00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:05,804
I would do you right here
in front of this baby.
494
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:06,872
I don't even care.
495
00:21:10,878 --> 00:21:12,911
- I ruined your meeting, huh?
- Oh, no.
496
00:21:12,947 --> 00:21:14,258
I managed that all by myself.
497
00:21:14,283 --> 00:21:16,705
The guy just seemed to
hate the way I breathed air.
498
00:21:16,730 --> 00:21:18,433
Well, were you mouth breathing?
499
00:21:22,523 --> 00:21:23,555
How'd yours go?
500
00:21:23,591 --> 00:21:25,322
- Fired.
- Okay.
501
00:21:27,161 --> 00:21:29,895
So between the two of
us, we have exactly...
502
00:21:29,930 --> 00:21:31,029
- None jobs.
- Zero jobs, yeah.
503
00:21:33,072 --> 00:21:34,204
I did get a line on Becca.
504
00:21:34,229 --> 00:21:36,730
- Oh, really? She's around?
- Florida.
505
00:21:36,837 --> 00:21:39,138
She's staying with a
cousin in St. Augustine.
506
00:21:39,173 --> 00:21:40,739
She really is in crisis.
507
00:21:40,775 --> 00:21:43,041
Yeah, and I heard back
from Taye's people.
508
00:21:43,077 --> 00:21:46,145
They are reaching out to
him, whatever that means.
509
00:21:46,180 --> 00:21:47,512
Oh, I'll tell you what that means.
510
00:21:47,537 --> 00:21:51,673
Taye, babe, looks like your
super sperm met a magic egg.
511
00:21:51,752 --> 00:21:53,419
Give us a jizzle jangle.
512
00:21:55,189 --> 00:21:57,856
One way or another, this
little guy's off our hands soon.
513
00:22:07,268 --> 00:22:10,169
- Hello?
- Hello, sister.
514
00:22:10,204 --> 00:22:11,804
Ready to get my goddess on.
515
00:22:11,839 --> 00:22:15,474
Oh, did you not get the
text about wearing white?
516
00:22:15,509 --> 00:22:17,843
Oh, I'm taking care of an infant.
517
00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:19,311
Everything I have
that's white is soaking
518
00:22:19,346 --> 00:22:22,181
in a vat of bleach and my ancient tears.
519
00:22:22,216 --> 00:22:23,849
Oh, wow, never mind. Just come in.
520
00:22:23,884 --> 00:22:27,085
Come in and enter with an open heart.
521
00:22:27,121 --> 00:22:28,120
I shall.
522
00:22:30,791 --> 00:22:33,384
Wow, it is very
transformational out here.
523
00:22:33,409 --> 00:22:34,692
Thank you.
524
00:22:34,739 --> 00:22:35,738
Sorry, one sec.
525
00:22:35,774 --> 00:22:37,907
Yeah, take it.
526
00:22:37,942 --> 00:22:40,510
Hey. You're kidding me.
527
00:22:40,545 --> 00:22:43,146
Yeah, yeah.
528
00:22:43,181 --> 00:22:44,881
Okay, I'll see you there.
529
00:22:44,916 --> 00:22:48,384
Hey, moon sister.
530
00:22:48,420 --> 00:22:50,394
- You okay?
- Yeah.
531
00:22:50,419 --> 00:22:51,854
Jake finally reached Becca.
532
00:22:51,890 --> 00:22:54,157
She's gonna pick up the baby tomorrow.
533
00:22:54,192 --> 00:22:56,859
- Well, that's good. Isn't it?
- I hope so.
534
00:22:56,895 --> 00:22:59,061
I mean, she's hardly
seemed up to the task.
535
00:22:59,097 --> 00:23:01,497
Well, what that is, is not your problem,
536
00:23:01,533 --> 00:23:04,500
and hey, it is really
shitty that they fired you.
537
00:23:04,536 --> 00:23:05,802
Totally uncalled for.
538
00:23:05,837 --> 00:23:08,838
- Thank you.
- And two, maybe shittier,
539
00:23:08,873 --> 00:23:10,406
Mitchell asked me to
take over your column.
540
00:23:14,879 --> 00:23:17,380
That is not at all what I
thought you were gonna say.
541
00:23:17,415 --> 00:23:18,187
Me neither.
542
00:23:18,212 --> 00:23:19,872
I told him how important your work was.
543
00:23:19,897 --> 00:23:22,162
No, no. Hey, it's
great. Are you excited?
544
00:23:22,187 --> 00:23:23,478
Not if it's gonna cause stuff with us.
545
00:23:23,503 --> 00:23:26,128
It won't. This is not a zero-sum game.
546
00:23:26,153 --> 00:23:28,985
I mean, it is an
interesting opportunity.
547
00:23:29,010 --> 00:23:31,192
Totally and you should totally do it,
548
00:23:31,217 --> 00:23:33,117
and there's not gonna be
any weird stuff with us,
549
00:23:33,152 --> 00:23:34,452
and I know you came to my defense.
550
00:23:34,487 --> 00:23:35,720
You've always been my champion.
551
00:23:35,755 --> 00:23:38,322
- I was, and I am.
- Although, according to you,
552
00:23:38,358 --> 00:23:40,191
you don't date, and
that's kind of the column.
553
00:23:44,631 --> 00:23:47,265
I mean, I did make out with that DJ,
554
00:23:47,300 --> 00:23:49,800
and I am here, ready to expand.
555
00:23:49,836 --> 00:23:52,937
Yes, you are, so let us
make a toast to new horizons.
556
00:23:52,972 --> 00:23:54,643
Yeah, there is no wine.
557
00:23:54,668 --> 00:23:56,240
- Are you serious?
- What do you mean, there's no wine?
558
00:23:56,265 --> 00:23:59,467
- There's no wine, yeah.
- Well, I mean, come on.
559
00:24:01,814 --> 00:24:04,382
When a full moon falls on the solstice,
560
00:24:04,417 --> 00:24:06,851
it's a powerful chance
for renewal in our lives.
561
00:24:06,886 --> 00:24:08,502
Whatever we're ready to let go of,
562
00:24:08,527 --> 00:24:10,760
anything new, we are ready for.
563
00:24:10,857 --> 00:24:15,078
This is a perfect chance to
call down on our goddess energy.
564
00:24:15,103 --> 00:24:17,128
Okay, so everyone has a symbol
565
00:24:17,163 --> 00:24:18,796
of a different element in front of them.
566
00:24:18,831 --> 00:24:20,240
Let's go around and describe
567
00:24:20,265 --> 00:24:23,601
how our element contributes
to our personhood.
568
00:24:23,636 --> 00:24:24,936
Abby McCarthy, will you start?
569
00:24:24,971 --> 00:24:29,941
My element is stone,
which comes from the Earth,
570
00:24:29,976 --> 00:24:33,247
- which makes me feel grounded.
- Good.
571
00:24:33,272 --> 00:24:38,041
So I am grateful for good Earth stuff,
572
00:24:38,217 --> 00:24:42,842
- like vegetables and, uh, mud masks.
- Good.
573
00:24:42,867 --> 00:24:45,720
- Yes, mud masks. Good, thank you.
- Yeah, thank you.
574
00:24:45,745 --> 00:24:47,525
Barbara, your turn.
575
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:50,332
My element is en fuego.
576
00:24:51,329 --> 00:24:52,828
It is fire,
577
00:24:52,940 --> 00:24:55,076
and as you all know,
it is perfect for me
578
00:24:55,101 --> 00:24:58,235
because I am both hot and dangerous.
579
00:24:58,286 --> 00:25:00,233
- Oh.
- Yes. Yes.
580
00:25:00,258 --> 00:25:03,053
- Yeah!
- Barbara.
581
00:25:03,078 --> 00:25:05,710
- Jo.
- My element is ice,
582
00:25:05,745 --> 00:25:07,144
which would contribute
583
00:25:07,180 --> 00:25:09,587
to my personhood by keeping my cocktails
584
00:25:09,612 --> 00:25:11,478
nice and cold, if I had one.
585
00:25:11,551 --> 00:25:13,751
I'm sorry. I like my yoni
as much as the next gal,
586
00:25:13,786 --> 00:25:16,153
but this is kind of goofy.
587
00:25:16,189 --> 00:25:20,057
My element is water, which
represents the tears I cried
588
00:25:20,093 --> 00:25:22,418
when I canceled my
reservations at Bestia tonight.
589
00:25:22,443 --> 00:25:24,095
Okay, all right, but you're here now,
590
00:25:24,130 --> 00:25:27,064
so can you just try to take
things seriously, please?
591
00:25:27,100 --> 00:25:28,265
Okay, okay.
592
00:25:28,301 --> 00:25:32,303
Okay, everyone, close our eyes.
593
00:25:32,338 --> 00:25:33,571
I want us to take a moment
594
00:25:33,606 --> 00:25:34,972
and think about anything in our life
595
00:25:35,008 --> 00:25:36,374
that's troubling us right now,
596
00:25:36,409 --> 00:25:40,311
conflict, unresolved issues, pain,
597
00:25:40,346 --> 00:25:42,346
and I want you to thank them
598
00:25:42,382 --> 00:25:44,882
because everything in this
life happens for a reason,
599
00:25:44,917 --> 00:25:49,186
and every issue presents itself
to serve a higher purpose.
600
00:25:54,193 --> 00:25:55,159
Abby?
601
00:25:55,194 --> 00:25:56,894
- Sorry. Jesus.
- Are you okay?
602
00:25:59,966 --> 00:26:01,123
Abby?
603
00:26:02,802 --> 00:26:04,702
I am just not really an
604
00:26:04,737 --> 00:26:06,337
"everything happens for
a reason" kind of gal.
605
00:26:06,372 --> 00:26:08,873
It's just, all that talk
is a little bit insane.
606
00:26:09,857 --> 00:26:10,548
No offense.
607
00:26:10,576 --> 00:26:15,279
- No. It's okay.
- By that logic,
608
00:26:15,314 --> 00:26:17,515
genocide happens for what?
609
00:26:17,550 --> 00:26:19,650
Or when a kid dies of cancer,
what is the lesson there,
610
00:26:19,686 --> 00:26:21,986
that watching a kid suffering is awful?
611
00:26:22,021 --> 00:26:22,871
Wow, bad day, Abbs?
612
00:26:22,896 --> 00:26:26,460
Oh, it's just what we want to believe,
613
00:26:26,759 --> 00:26:28,025
when the truth is,
614
00:26:28,061 --> 00:26:32,163
we are all just blobs of sentient plasma
615
00:26:32,198 --> 00:26:36,567
sharing time on a big, cold space rock.
616
00:26:36,602 --> 00:26:40,171
We are born, we age,
617
00:26:40,206 --> 00:26:43,192
we outlive our usefulness,
618
00:26:43,217 --> 00:26:44,475
and then we die,
619
00:26:44,510 --> 00:26:46,977
and there's no little patch of estrogen
620
00:26:47,013 --> 00:26:48,546
that is going to save us
621
00:26:48,581 --> 00:26:50,981
from the ultimate
futility of our existence.
622
00:26:56,589 --> 00:26:58,656
Might want to bust out the wine, Phoebs.
623
00:27:02,396 --> 00:27:03,152
Yeah.
624
00:27:03,177 --> 00:27:04,843
We weren't meant to live that long?
625
00:27:05,406 --> 00:27:07,339
- What's wrong with people?
- It's ridiculous.
626
00:27:07,374 --> 00:27:10,153
- 50 is the new 30.
- Well, 30 is pushing it.
627
00:27:10,178 --> 00:27:12,694
And after what happened at
SheShe, that is rough day.
628
00:27:12,719 --> 00:27:14,146
Not to sound like a drunken record.
629
00:27:14,181 --> 00:27:15,547
- But...
- Oh, that's funny.
630
00:27:15,582 --> 00:27:19,651
the solstice convergence
is an amazing opportunity
631
00:27:19,690 --> 00:27:21,957
to create major life shifts.
632
00:27:21,992 --> 00:27:24,726
Do we have to? Do we?
633
00:27:24,762 --> 00:27:26,261
Obviously not, no.
634
00:27:26,297 --> 00:27:28,463
Okay, we really appreciate
what you're trying to do,
635
00:27:28,499 --> 00:27:29,831
- and we really love you for it.
- Yeah.
636
00:27:29,867 --> 00:27:31,800
Just, you know, burning
a list of my fears
637
00:27:31,835 --> 00:27:34,903
is not gonna get me my job back
638
00:27:34,939 --> 00:27:36,438
or reboot my ovaries.
639
00:27:36,473 --> 00:27:38,574
No, no, but there's
real power in examining
640
00:27:38,609 --> 00:27:40,075
what you want and
setting intentions for it.
641
00:27:40,100 --> 00:27:40,685
That's all I'm saying.
642
00:27:40,710 --> 00:27:42,219
Add in just a sprinkle of space juice.
643
00:27:45,210 --> 00:27:48,611
Okay, I'm gonna go
get some cashew cheese.
644
00:27:48,686 --> 00:27:51,286
What?
645
00:27:51,322 --> 00:27:53,722
We may need to ease up on the teasing.
646
00:27:53,757 --> 00:27:56,425
Oh, I'm sorry, you guys,
but this touchy-feely crap
647
00:27:56,460 --> 00:27:57,893
just brings out my inner asshole,
648
00:27:57,928 --> 00:27:59,494
and I've been a little wiped out lately
649
00:27:59,530 --> 00:28:02,531
with all the sex I've
been having with Scott.
650
00:28:02,566 --> 00:28:04,684
- What?
- I knew it.
651
00:28:04,719 --> 00:28:06,942
It's ridiculous. I mean, the
boy's had a lot of practice,
652
00:28:06,967 --> 00:28:10,872
and now he wants to have a
talk, and before you know it,
653
00:28:10,908 --> 00:28:12,574
he is gonna want to do it in a bed.
654
00:28:12,610 --> 00:28:14,643
- Whores.
- Mm-hmm.
655
00:28:14,678 --> 00:28:17,112
I just wanted an escape, you know.
656
00:28:17,147 --> 00:28:20,482
I get it, but there's another
human involved, you know,
657
00:28:20,517 --> 00:28:23,652
and his needs are real too.
658
00:28:23,687 --> 00:28:25,420
Well, I find that inconvenient.
659
00:28:25,456 --> 00:28:27,489
Until you clear up
your stuff with Frump,
660
00:28:27,524 --> 00:28:29,825
you're not gonna have
the bandwidth for Scott.
661
00:28:29,860 --> 00:28:31,159
Just my humble.
662
00:28:34,465 --> 00:28:38,066
Phoebe? Phoebe?
663
00:28:39,236 --> 00:28:41,637
- Can I help you?
- No. Nobody needs help.
664
00:28:41,672 --> 00:28:46,141
Apparently you guys
have it all figured out.
665
00:28:46,176 --> 00:28:49,077
You're the most giving person
I know, and this is lovely.
666
00:28:49,113 --> 00:28:52,280
Then why are you all
being such dickholes?
667
00:28:52,316 --> 00:28:53,915
That is an image.
668
00:28:53,951 --> 00:28:56,551
Maybe it's just, even
amongst your closest friends,
669
00:28:56,587 --> 00:28:59,187
hard to be so out, warts and all.
670
00:28:59,223 --> 00:29:00,856
I don't know, especially
when the context
671
00:29:00,891 --> 00:29:02,290
is how perfect your life is.
672
00:29:02,315 --> 00:29:03,747
I'm just happy.
673
00:29:03,861 --> 00:29:07,629
Right now I'm happy, and I
just want you guys to be happy.
674
00:29:07,665 --> 00:29:11,366
I'm trying to help
you decide about things
675
00:29:11,402 --> 00:29:14,236
instead of letting
them just happen to you.
676
00:29:19,743 --> 00:29:22,112
And you know I hate when
people say that, right,
677
00:29:22,137 --> 00:29:23,050
all that nonsense?
678
00:29:23,075 --> 00:29:25,991
Like, everything happens for
a reason, 'cause it doesn't.
679
00:29:26,016 --> 00:29:28,950
But then Phoebe said something
so simple about being happy,
680
00:29:28,986 --> 00:29:31,853
about making decisions
instead of letting life
681
00:29:31,889 --> 00:29:35,957
just sort of sucker-punch
you into the next situation,
682
00:29:35,993 --> 00:29:37,426
and then I got so clear,
683
00:29:37,461 --> 00:29:39,494
and I swear this isn't
my low hormones talking.
684
00:29:39,530 --> 00:29:41,396
Okay.
685
00:29:41,432 --> 00:29:43,665
Becca is not ready to be a mom.
686
00:29:43,701 --> 00:29:46,635
I am. Christopher should stay with me,
687
00:29:46,670 --> 00:29:48,704
and even though we're
not married anymore,
688
00:29:48,739 --> 00:29:51,206
we have never been better together,
689
00:29:51,241 --> 00:29:53,041
and we kick ass at the whole baby thing.
690
00:29:53,077 --> 00:29:54,943
We do, but for, like, nine more years,
691
00:29:54,978 --> 00:29:56,178
and then Charlie's out of the house.
692
00:29:56,213 --> 00:29:57,512
We don't have to talk
to each other again,
693
00:29:57,548 --> 00:30:00,348
ever, if we don't want to.
694
00:30:00,384 --> 00:30:01,917
- What?
- I mean, not that,
695
00:30:01,952 --> 00:30:03,092
you know, that's gonna happen,
696
00:30:03,117 --> 00:30:05,317
but the idea of us raising
another kid together,
697
00:30:05,342 --> 00:30:06,608
a kid that's not even ours,
698
00:30:06,633 --> 00:30:08,466
that literally sounds insane.
699
00:30:09,708 --> 00:30:10,726
Is that your plan?
700
00:30:10,761 --> 00:30:12,961
Nine more years and then "see
you, wouldn't want to be you"?
701
00:30:12,996 --> 00:30:15,797
- No, of course not. I...
- Well, it certainly
702
00:30:15,833 --> 00:30:17,032
sounds like you're counting the days
703
00:30:17,067 --> 00:30:18,533
until you can put me
in your rearview mirror.
704
00:30:18,569 --> 00:30:20,736
I very pointedly said no such thing,
705
00:30:20,771 --> 00:30:22,604
but do I want to have
another kid with you?
706
00:30:22,639 --> 00:30:23,714
No.
707
00:30:25,609 --> 00:30:27,375
Okay, what's this now? What
is this, Hot Flash City?
708
00:30:27,411 --> 00:30:29,038
What's happening? Is it over?
709
00:30:29,063 --> 00:30:30,296
Do you need a patch?
710
00:30:31,077 --> 00:30:32,774
Do you... are you okay?
711
00:30:33,751 --> 00:30:34,962
Flash?
712
00:30:36,620 --> 00:30:39,187
No. You're right.
713
00:30:41,258 --> 00:30:43,692
This is about us committing
less to each other, not more.
714
00:30:43,727 --> 00:30:45,088
Exactly. You know how
much I care about...
715
00:30:45,113 --> 00:30:46,661
No, no, no, no, no. I get it, I get it.
716
00:30:46,697 --> 00:30:48,263
This is what divorce looks like.
717
00:30:48,298 --> 00:30:50,265
- Abby, I just think that...
- No, this is good.
718
00:30:50,300 --> 00:30:53,535
This is good. I need to
wrap my head around it.
719
00:30:53,570 --> 00:30:56,571
I'm pretty much on my own from here.
720
00:30:56,607 --> 00:30:58,406
Okay, well, that's kind of happening
721
00:30:58,442 --> 00:30:59,841
whether we like it or not
722
00:31:00,439 --> 00:31:04,246
because they offered me that job.
723
00:31:04,281 --> 00:31:06,081
Shoot's in Vancouver.
724
00:31:06,116 --> 00:31:07,598
- I thought that guy hated you.
- So did I.
725
00:31:07,623 --> 00:31:08,232
Like, apparently
726
00:31:08,257 --> 00:31:09,650
that's what they're looking
for in a producing director.
727
00:31:09,745 --> 00:31:11,062
- Mouth breathing?
- A mouth breather
728
00:31:11,087 --> 00:31:12,453
that they hate.
729
00:31:12,523 --> 00:31:14,051
I'm the man for the job.
730
00:31:15,192 --> 00:31:19,561
- Okay, so you're leaving again.
- Yeah. I am.
731
00:31:19,596 --> 00:31:20,762
If there's another plan,
732
00:31:20,798 --> 00:31:22,954
I would love to hear it, but it's a job.
733
00:31:30,693 --> 00:31:32,459
Rise and shine.
734
00:31:32,668 --> 00:31:36,169
Huh. And I was just getting used
735
00:31:36,194 --> 00:31:39,876
to waking up to the dulcet
tones of my slurred speech.
736
00:31:41,902 --> 00:31:43,501
You don't look so good.
737
00:31:44,688 --> 00:31:45,997
Morning to you too.
738
00:31:48,074 --> 00:31:51,376
- Thanks.
- Mmhmm.
739
00:31:51,411 --> 00:31:53,678
Where's Zo-Zo?
740
00:31:53,713 --> 00:31:57,081
She spent the night at a
friend's house, remember?
741
00:31:57,320 --> 00:31:58,953
Oh, yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm.
742
00:32:03,211 --> 00:32:05,211
I found your empties in
the trash can outside.
743
00:32:08,459 --> 00:32:13,228
Look, you... you can't
just quit cold turkey, Jo.
744
00:32:13,263 --> 00:32:15,580
I mean, I Googled it.
You'll get seizures.
745
00:32:17,601 --> 00:32:19,301
You just give me one week.
746
00:32:19,336 --> 00:32:22,971
One week. I will be 100% clean.
747
00:32:23,006 --> 00:32:25,307
- I can't do that.
- Jo.
748
00:32:25,342 --> 00:32:28,543
I need you to leave.
This is not a negotiation.
749
00:32:28,579 --> 00:32:31,446
Find another place to stay and
until you get some sober time
750
00:32:31,482 --> 00:32:32,922
under your belt,
751
00:32:34,318 --> 00:32:36,184
please don't come back.
752
00:32:41,391 --> 00:32:44,092
You tell Zoe about this plan, huh,
753
00:32:44,128 --> 00:32:45,794
that you're giving up on me?
754
00:32:45,829 --> 00:32:48,430
I haven't talked to her about it yet,
755
00:32:48,465 --> 00:32:50,799
but I'm not letting you see
her again until you're clean.
756
00:32:53,170 --> 00:32:54,321
For real.
757
00:32:55,439 --> 00:32:57,172
- Oh, no, you can't do that.
- Yeah, I can,
758
00:32:57,207 --> 00:33:00,475
and if you don't stop,
you're gonna die like this,
759
00:33:00,511 --> 00:33:04,846
and I cannot stand here
and watch you do that,
760
00:33:04,882 --> 00:33:07,282
and I refuse to let Zoe watch that.
761
00:33:07,317 --> 00:33:08,618
- Jo.
- I'm serious.
762
00:33:08,643 --> 00:33:11,729
Don't call, don't come around,
763
00:33:12,856 --> 00:33:15,457
until you do right by your kid.
764
00:33:24,668 --> 00:33:25,767
We got more presents.
765
00:33:29,066 --> 00:33:30,141
I thought when you eloped,
766
00:33:30,166 --> 00:33:32,669
- you had to forgo the free stuff.
- No, not with my friends.
767
00:33:32,694 --> 00:33:34,409
That's not how they roll.
768
00:33:34,444 --> 00:33:35,935
Wow.
769
00:33:37,648 --> 00:33:39,214
It's from Ralf.
770
00:33:39,249 --> 00:33:41,016
This is what I'm talking about.
771
00:33:41,051 --> 00:33:44,052
You put love out. You get love in.
772
00:33:44,087 --> 00:33:46,922
I just wish my friends weren't
so closed off to it, that's all.
773
00:33:46,957 --> 00:33:49,391
You tried. That's what... oh.
774
00:33:49,426 --> 00:33:52,828
It's the painting he bought of you.
775
00:33:56,934 --> 00:33:57,933
Huh.
776
00:34:01,939 --> 00:34:06,141
"To the victor go the spoils."
777
00:34:06,176 --> 00:34:09,010
Do you think that's roguishly
charming or just hostile?
778
00:34:12,082 --> 00:34:13,315
Hostile.
779
00:34:17,576 --> 00:34:19,376
What is that?
780
00:34:19,489 --> 00:34:22,941
My last alimony payment.
781
00:34:23,125 --> 00:34:24,124
Ever.
782
00:34:26,663 --> 00:34:30,298
I did not think this
through when we got married.
783
00:34:30,334 --> 00:34:32,088
You didn't? Oh.
784
00:34:32,113 --> 00:34:35,615
I just thought you were
okay without his money.
785
00:34:38,075 --> 00:34:39,808
You're okay, right?
786
00:34:39,843 --> 00:34:40,842
Yeah.
787
00:34:51,671 --> 00:34:54,563
I am so, so sorry, little man.
788
00:34:55,459 --> 00:34:56,996
Mama kind of freaked out.
789
00:34:58,996 --> 00:35:01,142
I can't thank you guys enough.
790
00:35:02,099 --> 00:35:04,332
You two are gonna be okay, right?
791
00:35:04,368 --> 00:35:06,568
We're gonna be great.
792
00:35:06,603 --> 00:35:08,466
My cousin came back with me.
793
00:35:08,491 --> 00:35:10,143
She's gonna move in
for a while and help,
794
00:35:10,168 --> 00:35:12,593
and then I'm gonna go back to work
795
00:35:12,618 --> 00:35:14,284
'cause it turns out
796
00:35:14,309 --> 00:35:16,811
I'm not really stay-at-home material.
797
00:35:16,847 --> 00:35:18,578
More like run-away from-home material.
798
00:35:18,603 --> 00:35:21,116
Sorry. I'm sorry. This is a little hard.
799
00:35:21,151 --> 00:35:22,484
I'm a little attached.
800
00:35:22,519 --> 00:35:26,054
Of course. You were with
us through all of it, Abby.
801
00:35:26,089 --> 00:35:29,529
I think that's why I
was a part of all this,
802
00:35:29,554 --> 00:35:32,861
and then I was... I felt alone.
803
00:35:32,896 --> 00:35:35,196
- You can always call.
- Always.
804
00:35:35,232 --> 00:35:39,834
I mean, we're, you know, framily.
805
00:35:39,870 --> 00:35:41,136
Friends and family.
806
00:35:41,171 --> 00:35:43,571
Whatever. I just... I'm
gonna see you, right?
807
00:35:43,607 --> 00:35:45,740
Yes. Promise.
808
00:35:45,776 --> 00:35:47,375
We love you guys. Right?
809
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,321
- Do you mind if I just?
- Yeah, of course.
810
00:36:14,671 --> 00:36:15,837
Okay.
811
00:36:18,418 --> 00:36:20,799
- Hey. Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
812
00:36:25,415 --> 00:36:27,615
Bye-bye, Auntie Abby.
813
00:36:27,834 --> 00:36:29,021
Bye-bye.
814
00:36:30,187 --> 00:36:31,853
Bye-bye.
815
00:36:38,295 --> 00:36:40,595
Bye-bye.
816
00:36:43,780 --> 00:36:46,489
# Wake me tomorrow #
817
00:36:46,514 --> 00:36:47,747
- Hey.
- Hey.
818
00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:53,519
Grabbing a coffee. You want one?
819
00:36:53,555 --> 00:36:55,630
I can, you know, help
myself whenever, so...
820
00:36:55,655 --> 00:36:57,955
Great. Get me one and come sit down.
821
00:36:58,281 --> 00:36:59,748
- Sit down?
- Yeah.
822
00:36:59,773 --> 00:37:01,456
Jesus, come sit with me.
823
00:37:02,619 --> 00:37:04,477
You want an engraved invitation?
824
00:37:16,898 --> 00:37:17,864
Thank you.
825
00:37:17,899 --> 00:37:18,898
Mm-hmm.
826
00:37:22,018 --> 00:37:23,154
Go ahead.
827
00:37:24,839 --> 00:37:26,505
- With?
- Didn't you have some things
828
00:37:26,530 --> 00:37:32,445
to say to me on subjects of
mild to actual importance?
829
00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:36,149
My goodness. Is this you
making an effort, Josephine?
830
00:37:36,184 --> 00:37:38,952
Well, I didn't come here
to bang you and take off.
831
00:37:38,987 --> 00:37:39,953
That would be tacky.
832
00:37:39,988 --> 00:37:42,388
I came here to talk to you
833
00:37:42,424 --> 00:37:45,591
and then bang you and then take off.
834
00:37:47,829 --> 00:37:49,495
I'll accept that.
835
00:38:00,375 --> 00:38:02,208
Well, I'd say I was surprised but...
836
00:38:02,243 --> 00:38:03,409
Hello, Albert.
837
00:38:05,413 --> 00:38:07,413
So what brought about
this change of heart?
838
00:38:07,449 --> 00:38:09,048
So quickly, no less.
839
00:38:09,084 --> 00:38:13,419
I did some thinking, and
I realized you're right.
840
00:38:13,455 --> 00:38:15,076
- Am I?
- Mm. Why?
841
00:38:15,101 --> 00:38:17,824
Why am I running away to New York,
842
00:38:17,859 --> 00:38:21,160
when everything I want is here?
843
00:38:21,196 --> 00:38:22,495
This, this is my life now,
844
00:38:22,530 --> 00:38:26,432
and the truth is, I think about you.
845
00:38:26,468 --> 00:38:29,806
I think about you all the time,
846
00:38:31,339 --> 00:38:32,905
your brilliance,
847
00:38:32,941 --> 00:38:36,308
your power, your confidence,
848
00:38:37,612 --> 00:38:40,179
and how I can destroy it all.
849
00:38:40,215 --> 00:38:42,949
More than anything, I
want to make you suffer.
850
00:38:42,984 --> 00:38:44,917
If you're trying to make
me hard, it's working.
851
00:38:45,067 --> 00:38:46,199
Let's see if you feel that way
852
00:38:46,224 --> 00:38:48,488
when my lawn decor is
your head on a spike.
853
00:38:48,523 --> 00:38:51,524
Someday I'm gonna tell our
kids about this conversation.
854
00:38:51,731 --> 00:38:53,826
"That was the moment I
knew your mom loved me."
855
00:38:53,862 --> 00:38:56,396
Except you won't be able to talk
856
00:38:56,431 --> 00:38:57,930
because you're head's
gonna be on a spike.
857
00:38:57,966 --> 00:39:00,400
Did you not register the spike?
858
00:39:00,673 --> 00:39:02,751
Damn, it's good to have you back.
859
00:39:05,340 --> 00:39:06,839
The firm missed you.
860
00:39:21,790 --> 00:39:22,992
Uh-oh.
861
00:39:23,017 --> 00:39:25,277
I thought we might be having
a photo album emergency.
862
00:39:25,302 --> 00:39:26,926
It's two photo albums.
863
00:39:26,961 --> 00:39:29,429
- It's a two-photo-album alarm.
- Okay.
864
00:39:29,464 --> 00:39:32,765
Well, I think I'm
gonna confiscate these.
865
00:39:32,801 --> 00:39:35,765
Please. Thank you.
866
00:39:37,038 --> 00:39:40,540
Remember how you used to
hold Charlie like a football?
867
00:39:40,575 --> 00:39:42,035
Yeah. Time happens,
868
00:39:42,060 --> 00:39:43,960
and it's happening to us.
869
00:39:48,416 --> 00:39:50,132
Okay, look.
870
00:39:52,087 --> 00:39:55,955
This whole "let's adopt
Christopher" thing...
871
00:39:55,990 --> 00:39:57,924
Okay, it just sounded like
a good idea at the moment.
872
00:39:57,959 --> 00:39:59,325
I get it, I get it.
873
00:39:59,730 --> 00:40:01,992
All I'm saying is, that
during my Vancouver deal
874
00:40:02,017 --> 00:40:04,964
it's gonna be good. I'm gonna
be able to fly home a bunch.
875
00:40:04,999 --> 00:40:06,351
You're gonna be able to
have more help with the kids
876
00:40:06,376 --> 00:40:07,775
if you want, but I really think
877
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:11,034
that it's a good time for
you to maybe take a break.
878
00:40:12,974 --> 00:40:15,508
- A break?
- Yeah, a break.
879
00:40:15,543 --> 00:40:18,657
Abby, anything good that's
happening to me is happening
880
00:40:18,682 --> 00:40:22,048
because you supported both of
us while I figured my shit out.
881
00:40:22,083 --> 00:40:24,281
When's the last time
you didn't have to work?
882
00:40:24,306 --> 00:40:27,673
Uh, I don't know.
883
00:40:27,698 --> 00:40:29,688
Okay, then let me take over for a while,
884
00:40:29,713 --> 00:40:31,991
financially. You get to breathe.
885
00:40:32,026 --> 00:40:34,127
You get to figure out
what you want to do next,
886
00:40:34,162 --> 00:40:37,245
because I don't think what
you want to do next is raise
887
00:40:37,270 --> 00:40:39,788
someone else's kid with your un-husband.
888
00:40:41,369 --> 00:40:43,169
- Really?
- Yes, really.
889
00:40:43,204 --> 00:40:44,704
I owe you.
890
00:40:44,739 --> 00:40:46,706
I mean, I literally owe you,
891
00:40:46,741 --> 00:40:49,008
and I'm also supposed to take
the kids for a couple of weeks,
892
00:40:49,043 --> 00:40:50,243
and now I'm going away.
893
00:40:50,278 --> 00:40:53,546
Just... just let me help.
894
00:40:55,617 --> 00:40:58,384
You're the greatest un-husband ever.
895
00:40:58,419 --> 00:40:59,719
Well, you're an amazing un-wife.
896
00:41:05,894 --> 00:41:07,705
So what do you think you're
gonna do with yourself?
897
00:41:10,265 --> 00:41:11,432
I have no idea.
898
00:41:44,657 --> 00:41:49,657
Synced and corrected by Octavia
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