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1
00:03:13,491 --> 00:03:15,691
I have decided
to keep a journal.
2
00:03:15,693 --> 00:03:17,993
Not in a word program
or digital file,
3
00:03:17,995 --> 00:03:19,931
but in longhand,
4
00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:22,465
writing every word out
5
00:03:22,467 --> 00:03:24,468
so that every inflection
of penmanship,
6
00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:25,868
every word chosen,
7
00:03:25,870 --> 00:03:28,573
scratched out, revised,
is recorded.
8
00:03:29,140 --> 00:03:30,906
To set down all my thoughts
9
00:03:30,908 --> 00:03:32,975
and the simple events
of my day factually
10
00:03:32,977 --> 00:03:34,680
and without hiding anything.
11
00:03:36,448 --> 00:03:39,352
When writing about oneself,
one should show no mercy.
12
00:03:40,918 --> 00:03:45,054
I will keep this diary
for one year, 12 months.
13
00:03:45,056 --> 00:03:48,424
And at the end of that time,
it will be destroyed.
14
00:03:48,426 --> 00:03:51,964
Shredded, then burnt.
The experiment will be over.
15
00:04:10,649 --> 00:04:11,950
Please rise.
16
00:04:17,022 --> 00:04:20,626
What is thy only comfort
in life and death?
17
00:04:20,992 --> 00:04:22,559
That I
with body and soul,
18
00:04:22,561 --> 00:04:24,593
both in life and death,
19
00:04:24,595 --> 00:04:26,129
am not my own,
20
00:04:26,131 --> 00:04:28,900
but belong unto my faithful
Savior Jesus Christ,
21
00:04:29,867 --> 00:04:31,867
who with his precious blood...
22
00:04:31,869 --> 00:04:33,035
These thoughts
and recollections
23
00:04:33,037 --> 00:04:34,737
are not so different
24
00:04:34,739 --> 00:04:36,508
from those I confide to God
every morning.
25
00:04:38,143 --> 00:04:41,414
When it is possible.
When he is listening.
26
00:04:46,585 --> 00:04:49,489
Bread of life.
The cup of salvation.
27
00:04:55,227 --> 00:04:57,597
Bread of life.
The cup of salvation.
28
00:05:00,866 --> 00:05:03,033
Bread of life.
The cup of salvation.
29
00:05:03,035 --> 00:05:06,169
This journal
is a form of speaking,
30
00:05:06,171 --> 00:05:09,509
of communication
from one to the other.
31
00:05:10,174 --> 00:05:13,109
A communication
which can be achieved simply
32
00:05:13,111 --> 00:05:16,616
and in repose without
prostration or abnegation.
33
00:05:18,616 --> 00:05:19,919
It is a form of prayer.
34
00:05:20,886 --> 00:05:23,890
Bread of life.
The cup of salvation.
35
00:05:33,799 --> 00:05:36,232
There, uh, is a leak
in the men's restroom.
36
00:05:36,234 --> 00:05:37,867
No, I fixed it.
37
00:05:37,869 --> 00:05:39,735
No. I was just there.
It's still leaking.
38
00:05:39,737 --> 00:05:41,838
Same place.
Under the hot faucet.
39
00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:43,540
What about
the women's room?
40
00:05:43,542 --> 00:05:45,242
The women's is fine.
Uh, do you want me to call
41
00:05:45,244 --> 00:05:46,742
the plumber
from Abundant Life?
42
00:05:46,744 --> 00:05:48,244
No, I'll have
another crack at it.
43
00:05:48,246 --> 00:05:50,513
I hate always bugging them
for extra little costs.
44
00:05:50,515 --> 00:05:52,081
They don't mind.
That's what they're there for.
45
00:05:52,083 --> 00:05:53,549
And you're totally
within your budget.
46
00:05:53,551 --> 00:05:54,787
Still, I don't want to.
47
00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:57,557
Have you posted the sermon?
48
00:05:58,756 --> 00:05:59,991
Yes. I did it this morning.
49
00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:02,691
- Oh, hi...
- Reverend?
50
00:06:02,693 --> 00:06:04,528
Yes, uh... Mary, right?
51
00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:06,732
- Mary Mansana.
- Yeah. Nice to see you again.
52
00:06:07,099 --> 00:06:09,068
I wanted to talk,
if that's okay.
53
00:06:10,099 --> 00:06:10,600
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on in, Mary.
54
00:06:10,602 --> 00:06:11,968
I'll be right back.
55
00:06:11,970 --> 00:06:13,302
Mary, how can I help you?
56
00:06:13,304 --> 00:06:14,771
Um, I was wondering if
you would talk
57
00:06:14,773 --> 00:06:16,306
- to my husband, Michael.
- Oh, sure. I...
58
00:06:16,308 --> 00:06:17,607
Actually, not now.
He has to...
59
00:06:17,609 --> 00:06:18,807
He has to go to work.
60
00:06:18,809 --> 00:06:20,011
He has to fill in
at Home Depot.
61
00:06:22,614 --> 00:06:25,785
Mary? What is it?
62
00:06:26,184 --> 00:06:27,850
I'm worried about him.
63
00:06:27,852 --> 00:06:29,785
He's involved
in the Green Planet movement.
64
00:06:29,787 --> 00:06:31,554
- It's an activist group.
- Mmm-hmm.
65
00:06:31,556 --> 00:06:33,889
And he was in jail in Canada.
66
00:06:33,891 --> 00:06:35,759
And he just got out
two weeks ago.
67
00:06:35,761 --> 00:06:37,193
He just sits around at home.
68
00:06:37,195 --> 00:06:38,795
He doesn't...
He doesn't go out.
69
00:06:38,797 --> 00:06:40,597
I got him
to fill out a temp form
70
00:06:40,599 --> 00:06:42,165
for Home... For Home Depot.
71
00:06:42,167 --> 00:06:44,100
- Okay.
- Um, so that's good.
72
00:06:44,102 --> 00:06:45,968
Are you sure you don't want
to go to Abundant Life?
73
00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:47,703
They have a whole team
of counselors over there,
74
00:06:47,705 --> 00:06:48,838
who are trained and...
75
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:50,273
I know,
but he doesn't want to.
76
00:06:50,275 --> 00:06:52,107
He thinks it's more of
a company than a church.
77
00:06:52,109 --> 00:06:54,045
And so, he said
he would talk to you.
78
00:06:56,181 --> 00:06:58,885
Uh, all right. Tomorrow?
79
00:07:00,085 --> 00:07:01,785
- After lunch?
- Great. Great.
80
00:07:01,787 --> 00:07:04,220
I'll just need the, uh...
I just need an address.
81
00:07:04,222 --> 00:07:05,591
And, uh, can you tell me
a little more?
82
00:07:06,792 --> 00:07:08,792
Oh, he applied for
Compassionate Release
83
00:07:08,794 --> 00:07:10,292
when he found out.
84
00:07:10,294 --> 00:07:12,028
He was at Fort Providence.
They let him out early.
85
00:07:12,030 --> 00:07:13,797
Wait, now. Um, found out what?
86
00:07:13,799 --> 00:07:14,900
That I... I was pregnant.
87
00:07:15,299 --> 00:07:18,103
Oh. Hmm. Congratulations.
88
00:07:18,703 --> 00:07:20,239
Thanks.
89
00:07:21,205 --> 00:07:24,876
He... He thinks it's wrong to
bring a child into this world.
90
00:07:28,046 --> 00:07:30,583
He wants to kill our baby.
91
00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:36,987
I assisted Sunday
92
00:07:36,989 --> 00:07:38,821
the youth group
at Abundant Life.
93
00:07:38,823 --> 00:07:41,790
The young people were
so excited, so full of life.
94
00:07:41,792 --> 00:07:43,962
They were open.
They welcomed communion.
95
00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:50,636
Maybe I shouldn't care
about whether people like me.
96
00:07:52,337 --> 00:07:54,707
Did Jesus worry
about being liked?
97
00:07:58,710 --> 00:08:01,280
I look at the last lines
I wrote with disdain.
98
00:08:04,782 --> 00:08:06,285
Twelve months.
99
00:08:06,984 --> 00:08:09,187
Can I keep up an exercise
that long?
100
00:08:23,367 --> 00:08:26,304
When I read these words,
I see not truth, but pride.
101
00:08:32,411 --> 00:08:34,780
I wish I had not used
the word pride.
102
00:08:35,413 --> 00:08:38,016
But I cannot cross it out.
103
00:08:42,354 --> 00:08:44,223
If only I could pray.
104
00:09:40,878 --> 00:09:42,277
Hi, Reverend.
105
00:09:42,279 --> 00:09:45,448
- Hi. Is Michael home?
- Yeah. Come on in.
106
00:09:45,450 --> 00:09:46,852
Okay. Yeah.
107
00:09:50,855 --> 00:09:53,124
- Hey. Good to see you.
- Nice to see you.
108
00:09:53,457 --> 00:09:55,160
Um, would you like
some coffee?
109
00:09:56,128 --> 00:09:57,526
Yes. But, um...
110
00:09:57,528 --> 00:09:59,194
We're... I...
I think we have some tea.
111
00:09:59,196 --> 00:10:00,262
Yes. That would be better.
112
00:10:00,264 --> 00:10:01,433
- Okay.
- Thanks.
113
00:10:03,869 --> 00:10:05,470
Let me take your coat?
114
00:10:05,970 --> 00:10:07,840
Um, no, it's okay.
I got it.
115
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,309
Come on in.
116
00:10:15,446 --> 00:10:16,880
Yeah. I don't know why Mary...
117
00:10:16,882 --> 00:10:18,781
There's no need to apologize.
118
00:10:18,783 --> 00:10:21,419
No, uh... She told me
that you've been up in Canada.
119
00:10:22,454 --> 00:10:25,391
Uh, yeah. Uh, Fort Providence.
120
00:10:26,557 --> 00:10:28,257
It's, uh,
in the Mackenzie Delta.
121
00:10:28,259 --> 00:10:29,958
It's way in the north.
122
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,461
Yeah. Beautiful country,
I imagine.
123
00:10:31,463 --> 00:10:33,099
Yeah, it is.
124
00:10:36,868 --> 00:10:38,871
Mary said things have been
getting you down?
125
00:10:41,273 --> 00:10:43,573
Uh, yeah, things.
126
00:10:43,575 --> 00:10:45,244
Yeah, you could say that.
Yeah.
127
00:10:46,411 --> 00:10:48,013
Oh! Thank you very much.
128
00:10:48,547 --> 00:10:49,981
- It's hot.
- Perfect.
129
00:10:50,581 --> 00:10:51,917
Thank you.
130
00:11:01,426 --> 00:11:03,329
- Well, Mary is pregnant.
- Hmm.
131
00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:06,496
Yeah. How far along is she?
132
00:11:06,498 --> 00:11:07,967
Uh, 20 weeks.
133
00:11:08,233 --> 00:11:10,301
- Congratulations.
- Thanks.
134
00:11:18,243 --> 00:11:21,180
Hey, how old are you,
Reverend?
135
00:11:23,348 --> 00:11:24,917
I'm 46.
136
00:11:28,186 --> 00:11:29,821
Uh, 33.
137
00:11:31,322 --> 00:11:34,556
That's... That's how old
our child will be in 2050.
138
00:11:34,558 --> 00:11:37,227
- Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
- You know, that's...
139
00:11:37,229 --> 00:11:39,127
That's two years older
than I am right now.
140
00:11:39,129 --> 00:11:40,231
Mmm-hmm.
141
00:11:41,465 --> 00:11:44,537
- You'll be 81.
- Yeah.
142
00:11:45,003 --> 00:11:48,972
Hey, you know what the world
will be like in 2050?
143
00:11:48,974 --> 00:11:51,006
Hmm. Hard to imagine.
144
00:11:51,008 --> 00:11:52,878
Yeah, you think?
145
00:11:53,411 --> 00:11:55,511
I mean, Reverend...
146
00:11:55,513 --> 00:11:59,350
Uh, the world
is changing so fast.
147
00:12:00,252 --> 00:12:01,950
And right in front of us.
148
00:12:01,952 --> 00:12:04,286
I mean, one third
of the natural world
149
00:12:04,288 --> 00:12:06,225
has been destroyed
in your lifetime.
150
00:12:07,325 --> 00:12:08,924
You know,
the earth's temperature
151
00:12:08,926 --> 00:12:10,995
will be three degrees
centigrade higher.
152
00:12:12,029 --> 00:12:13,832
Four is the threshold.
153
00:12:14,532 --> 00:12:18,901
You know? "Severe, widespread,
and irreversible impacts."
154
00:12:18,903 --> 00:12:22,505
And when scientists say
stuff like that, you know?
155
00:12:22,507 --> 00:12:25,444
And National Center for
Atmospheric Research,
156
00:12:27,311 --> 00:12:28,611
Lawrence Livermore,
157
00:12:28,613 --> 00:12:30,579
the Potsdam Institute.
Uh, Reverend...
158
00:12:30,581 --> 00:12:33,282
He went on like that
for some time.
159
00:12:33,284 --> 00:12:36,920
By 2050, sea levels two feet
higher on the East Coast.
160
00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:39,988
Low lying areas underwater
across the world.
161
00:12:39,990 --> 00:12:42,492
Bangladesh, 20% loss
of landmass.
162
00:12:42,494 --> 00:12:45,929
Central Africa, 50% reduction
in crops due to drought.
163
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,664
The Western reservoirs
dried up.
164
00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:51,266
Climate change refugees.
Epidemics. Extreme weather.
165
00:12:51,268 --> 00:12:52,937
You know, the...
166
00:12:54,104 --> 00:12:56,072
The bad times,
they will begin.
167
00:12:56,074 --> 00:12:58,210
And from that point,
everything moves very quickly.
168
00:13:00,045 --> 00:13:01,544
You know,
this social structure
169
00:13:01,546 --> 00:13:04,350
can't bear the stress
of multiple crises.
170
00:13:05,683 --> 00:13:07,382
Opportunistic diseases,
171
00:13:07,384 --> 00:13:09,484
anarchy, martial law,
the tipping point.
172
00:13:09,486 --> 00:13:11,587
And this isn't in some,
like, distant future.
173
00:13:11,589 --> 00:13:13,559
You will live to see this.
174
00:13:14,058 --> 00:13:18,126
You know, my children will
experience this unliveability.
175
00:13:18,128 --> 00:13:19,498
This, uh...
176
00:13:20,065 --> 00:13:22,732
Damn. I'm sorry. I just...
You know, I...
177
00:13:22,734 --> 00:13:25,001
I thought things could change,
you know?
178
00:13:25,003 --> 00:13:27,205
I thought... I thought
people would listen.
179
00:13:27,404 --> 00:13:29,908
Do you have thoughts
of harming yourself?
180
00:13:31,308 --> 00:13:32,944
No.
181
00:13:33,478 --> 00:13:35,645
Why? Did... Did Mary say
something like that?
182
00:13:35,647 --> 00:13:37,280
No. No.
183
00:13:37,282 --> 00:13:40,016
No, I'm not worried
for myself. I just...
184
00:13:40,018 --> 00:13:43,553
This world is gonna be
what it is.
185
00:13:43,555 --> 00:13:46,088
Um... But can I ask you
a question, Reverend?
186
00:13:46,090 --> 00:13:47,225
Mmm-hmm.
187
00:13:48,593 --> 00:13:52,127
How do you sanction
bringing in a little girl,
188
00:13:52,129 --> 00:13:56,165
uh, for argument's sake,
let's just say that, uh,
189
00:13:56,167 --> 00:13:59,238
Mary and I's, uh, child,
it's a little girl.
190
00:14:04,508 --> 00:14:06,946
You know,
a child that's so full of hope
191
00:14:08,513 --> 00:14:10,612
and naive beliefs,
192
00:14:10,614 --> 00:14:13,652
into a world
where that little girl, uh...
193
00:14:15,286 --> 00:14:17,453
She grows up
to be a young woman
194
00:14:17,455 --> 00:14:19,354
and she looks you in the eyes
195
00:14:19,356 --> 00:14:22,226
and she says that you knew
this all along, didn't you?
196
00:14:26,797 --> 00:14:28,700
You see, that...
197
00:14:30,134 --> 00:14:32,705
I mean, what? What are you
supposed to say then?
198
00:14:36,106 --> 00:14:38,507
There's something
growing inside Mary.
199
00:14:38,509 --> 00:14:43,349
Something as alive
as a tree, surely.
200
00:14:43,580 --> 00:14:46,018
As an endangered species.
201
00:14:46,651 --> 00:14:51,190
Something full of the beauty
and mystery of nature.
202
00:14:53,425 --> 00:14:55,494
You said sanction?
203
00:14:57,729 --> 00:15:00,295
You think Mary should have
an abortion?
204
00:15:00,297 --> 00:15:01,697
This birth,
is that your right?
205
00:15:01,699 --> 00:15:03,299
Is that your decision?
206
00:15:03,301 --> 00:15:05,436
Have you asked Mary
what she thinks?
207
00:15:11,209 --> 00:15:13,476
Look, this... This isn't...
208
00:15:13,478 --> 00:15:15,247
It's not about your baby.
209
00:15:16,181 --> 00:15:17,549
It's not about Mary.
210
00:15:19,450 --> 00:15:22,651
It's about you
and your despair.
211
00:15:22,653 --> 00:15:24,222
Your lack of hope.
212
00:15:25,523 --> 00:15:28,357
Look, people have,
throughout history,
213
00:15:28,359 --> 00:15:30,492
have woken up
in the dead of the night,
214
00:15:30,494 --> 00:15:32,694
confronted by blackness.
215
00:15:32,696 --> 00:15:35,267
The sense that our lives
are without meaning.
216
00:15:36,401 --> 00:15:37,766
The Sickness Unto Death.
217
00:15:37,768 --> 00:15:39,635
Yeah, but this is
something different.
218
00:15:39,637 --> 00:15:41,636
Yeah, no.
Man's great achievements
219
00:15:41,638 --> 00:15:45,373
have brought him to the place
where life as we know it
220
00:15:45,375 --> 00:15:47,209
may cease
in the foreseeable future.
221
00:15:47,211 --> 00:15:48,614
Yes, that's new.
222
00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:50,715
But the blackness
223
00:15:52,783 --> 00:15:54,483
that's not.
224
00:15:54,485 --> 00:15:56,551
We are scientific people.
We want to solve things.
225
00:15:56,553 --> 00:15:58,453
We want rational answers.
226
00:15:58,455 --> 00:16:00,189
Right? And if...
227
00:16:00,191 --> 00:16:04,459
If humankind can't overcome
its immediate interests
228
00:16:04,461 --> 00:16:06,429
enough to ensure its own
survival, then you're right.
229
00:16:06,431 --> 00:16:09,334
The only rational response
is despair.
230
00:16:10,301 --> 00:16:11,833
But do you think that, that...
231
00:16:11,835 --> 00:16:15,137
That there's any existence
apart from this?
232
00:16:15,139 --> 00:16:16,372
This here, right now?
233
00:16:16,374 --> 00:16:17,506
- Uh, yes.
- Yeah, right.
234
00:16:17,508 --> 00:16:19,275
- Before us. After us.
- Yeah.
235
00:16:19,277 --> 00:16:20,675
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Wait a second.
236
00:16:20,677 --> 00:16:22,878
You're talking about
the next lifetime? Huh?
237
00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:24,479
You really... You just, uh...
238
00:16:24,481 --> 00:16:26,214
I felt like
I was Jacob
239
00:16:26,216 --> 00:16:28,184
wrestling all night long
with the angel.
240
00:16:28,186 --> 00:16:29,588
Fighting in the grasp.
241
00:16:30,488 --> 00:16:32,255
Every sentence,
every question,
242
00:16:32,257 --> 00:16:35,257
every response
a mortal struggle.
243
00:16:35,259 --> 00:16:37,193
It was exhilarating.
244
00:16:37,195 --> 00:16:39,295
You believe
in martyrdom, Reverend?
245
00:16:39,297 --> 00:16:40,630
I'm not sure I know
what you mean.
246
00:16:40,632 --> 00:16:42,464
You know, the Saints of God,
247
00:16:42,466 --> 00:16:45,934
the early Christians who
wouldn't renounce their faith?
248
00:16:45,936 --> 00:16:47,636
The missionaries
who were attacked
249
00:16:47,638 --> 00:16:49,237
in the fields of the Lord.
250
00:16:49,239 --> 00:16:50,640
Do you believe
that they died for a purpose?
251
00:16:50,642 --> 00:16:52,507
- I do.
- Well, every week,
252
00:16:52,509 --> 00:16:56,215
activists are killed trying
to protect the environment.
253
00:16:57,749 --> 00:17:00,248
A hundred-and-seventeen were
killed last year
254
00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:01,252
for their beliefs.
255
00:17:03,354 --> 00:17:04,720
All right, right there.
256
00:17:04,722 --> 00:17:07,626
Uh, this is José Claudio
Ribeiro da Silva.
257
00:17:08,458 --> 00:17:11,562
Huh? And that's his wife,
Maria.
258
00:17:13,430 --> 00:17:16,232
They were
gunned down
259
00:17:16,234 --> 00:17:19,338
in 2011 in the Amazon.
260
00:17:20,571 --> 00:17:22,437
You know, they were protesting
261
00:17:22,439 --> 00:17:23,973
free cutting
of the rain forest
262
00:17:25,542 --> 00:17:29,377
Hey, uh... This is
Dorothy Stang, 2005.
263
00:17:29,379 --> 00:17:32,350
She was, um, a nun from Ohio.
264
00:17:34,586 --> 00:17:37,156
And what, what was the purpose
of their deaths?
265
00:17:44,395 --> 00:17:45,595
You know, in, uh...
266
00:17:45,597 --> 00:17:48,364
In 2010, the IPCC predicted
267
00:17:48,366 --> 00:17:51,637
that if drastic action
wasn't taken by 2015,
268
00:17:52,704 --> 00:17:55,541
environmental collapse
would be irreversible.
269
00:17:57,375 --> 00:17:58,810
And nothing was done.
270
00:18:01,646 --> 00:18:03,682
And now it's 2017.
271
00:18:04,782 --> 00:18:06,014
You said
you respected me.
272
00:18:06,016 --> 00:18:07,852
What I...
What I've been through.
273
00:18:09,553 --> 00:18:10,555
Yes.
274
00:18:10,888 --> 00:18:13,324
So, you know my story.
275
00:18:15,426 --> 00:18:17,559
- Yeah, you were a chaplain.
- Uh-huh.
276
00:18:17,561 --> 00:18:20,363
My father taught at VMI.
277
00:18:20,365 --> 00:18:21,763
I encouraged my son to enlist.
278
00:18:21,765 --> 00:18:23,366
It was the family tradition.
279
00:18:23,368 --> 00:18:26,938
Uh, like his father,
my father before me.
280
00:18:28,606 --> 00:18:30,542
A patriotic tradition.
281
00:18:33,811 --> 00:18:37,381
My wife, uh, was very opposed.
282
00:18:37,982 --> 00:18:40,915
My son enlisted anyway.
And, uh...
283
00:18:40,917 --> 00:18:43,888
Six months later
he was dead in Iraq. Right?
284
00:18:45,423 --> 00:18:48,023
I talked my son into a war
285
00:18:48,025 --> 00:18:49,961
that had
no moral justification.
286
00:18:52,463 --> 00:18:54,896
My wife could no longer
live with me.
287
00:18:54,898 --> 00:18:56,435
I left the military.
288
00:18:57,901 --> 00:18:59,337
I was lost.
289
00:19:01,839 --> 00:19:05,607
And Reverend Jeffers
from Abundant Life,
290
00:19:05,609 --> 00:19:06,809
he gave me this position
291
00:19:06,811 --> 00:19:08,411
at First Reformed
and here I am.
292
00:19:08,413 --> 00:19:11,316
Now Michael, I can promise you
293
00:19:11,849 --> 00:19:14,817
that whatever despair you feel
294
00:19:14,819 --> 00:19:17,653
about bringing a child
into this world
295
00:19:17,655 --> 00:19:22,027
cannot equal the despair
of taking a child from it.
296
00:19:34,438 --> 00:19:38,276
Hey, what... What was his,
his name? Your son?
297
00:19:40,878 --> 00:19:42,281
Joseph.
298
00:19:43,613 --> 00:19:45,013
The boy thrown down the well.
299
00:19:45,015 --> 00:19:46,816
- Yeah. I remember.
- Mmm-hmm.
300
00:19:46,818 --> 00:19:48,017
The dreamer.
301
00:19:48,019 --> 00:19:49,617
The dreamer, yeah. Yeah.
302
00:19:54,524 --> 00:19:56,959
And you were able
to just go on?
303
00:19:56,961 --> 00:20:01,463
Courage is the solution
to despair.
304
00:20:01,465 --> 00:20:05,503
Reason provides no answers.
305
00:20:07,138 --> 00:20:09,437
I can't know
what the future will bring.
306
00:20:09,439 --> 00:20:12,543
We have to choose
despite uncertainty.
307
00:20:13,144 --> 00:20:17,812
Wisdom is holding
two contradictory truths
308
00:20:17,814 --> 00:20:20,982
in our mind, simultaneously.
309
00:20:20,984 --> 00:20:23,018
Hope and despair.
310
00:20:23,020 --> 00:20:25,453
A life without despair
is a life without hope.
311
00:20:25,455 --> 00:20:29,061
Holding these two ideas
in our head is life itself.
312
00:20:44,442 --> 00:20:45,977
Are you a drinking man,
Reverend?
313
00:20:47,110 --> 00:20:48,778
It doesn't help.
314
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:50,415
No, I suppose not.
315
00:20:57,754 --> 00:20:59,491
Can God forgive us?
316
00:21:04,061 --> 00:21:06,130
For what we've, uh,
done to this world?
317
00:21:08,032 --> 00:21:09,368
I don't know.
318
00:21:11,869 --> 00:21:13,972
Who can know the mind of God?
319
00:21:15,907 --> 00:21:17,676
But we can choose
320
00:21:19,709 --> 00:21:21,045
a righteous life.
321
00:21:21,913 --> 00:21:23,014
Belief...
322
00:21:23,981 --> 00:21:25,650
Forgiveness...
323
00:21:27,484 --> 00:21:30,455
Grace covers us all.
324
00:21:32,689 --> 00:21:34,058
I believe that.
325
00:21:42,733 --> 00:21:44,799
Let's... Let's meet again.
326
00:21:44,801 --> 00:21:46,135
Want to?
327
00:21:46,137 --> 00:21:48,639
Tomorrow after lunch,
same time.
328
00:21:49,506 --> 00:21:51,609
Okay yeah. It's a...
It's a plan.
329
00:21:54,911 --> 00:21:56,912
I went over everything
that was said,
330
00:21:56,914 --> 00:21:58,614
what should have been said,
331
00:21:58,616 --> 00:22:00,014
what could have been
said differently,
332
00:22:00,016 --> 00:22:01,786
what could have been
said better.
333
00:22:03,620 --> 00:22:05,488
"I know that
nothing can change
334
00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:07,459
"and I know there is no hope."
335
00:22:08,693 --> 00:22:10,628
Thomas Merton wrote this.
336
00:22:12,996 --> 00:22:16,065
Despair is a development
of pride so great
337
00:22:16,067 --> 00:22:18,166
that it chooses
one's certitude
338
00:22:18,168 --> 00:22:22,006
rather than admit God is
more creative than we are.
339
00:22:23,139 --> 00:22:25,609
Perhaps it's better
I didn't say that to him.
340
00:23:03,781 --> 00:23:05,750
Who am I to talk about pride?
341
00:23:25,802 --> 00:23:30,306
Well, to begin, the church
was constructed in 1767
342
00:23:30,308 --> 00:23:32,774
in a style we now call
Dutch Colonial.
343
00:23:32,776 --> 00:23:35,109
It was made by settlers...
Follow me.
344
00:23:35,111 --> 00:23:36,912
Using local timber.
345
00:23:36,914 --> 00:23:40,081
First Reformed
took seven years to build.
346
00:23:40,083 --> 00:23:41,849
The Vei Plancks.
347
00:23:41,851 --> 00:23:44,986
Uh, Effie here, her tombstone
dates back to 1787.
348
00:23:44,988 --> 00:23:46,688
The church
was partially rebuilt
349
00:23:46,690 --> 00:23:49,724
in 1837 following a fire.
350
00:23:49,726 --> 00:23:53,127
This section
remains preserved.
351
00:23:53,129 --> 00:23:56,764
If you look closely behind
the Continental Army Flag,
352
00:23:56,766 --> 00:23:59,134
you'll find two bullet holes
353
00:23:59,136 --> 00:24:02,874
from shots fired during
the Skirmish of Snowbridge.
354
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:05,307
In two months
we're celebrating
355
00:24:05,309 --> 00:24:08,210
our 250th anniversary.
356
00:24:08,212 --> 00:24:11,146
Here is an example of some
of the church's chinaware
357
00:24:11,148 --> 00:24:12,815
brought over
from the Netherlands.
358
00:24:12,817 --> 00:24:15,384
And the first chalice.
It's beautiful.
359
00:24:15,386 --> 00:24:17,319
And here,
this is the original key
360
00:24:17,321 --> 00:24:19,154
from the front door
before the fire.
361
00:24:19,156 --> 00:24:20,623
Yeah.
362
00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:22,257
And in that cabinet
we have, um,
363
00:24:22,259 --> 00:24:24,158
souvenirs that are for sale.
364
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:28,998
We have mugs, caps, postcards,
key chains, pens, t-shirts.
365
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,232
What size are these?
366
00:24:30,234 --> 00:24:31,634
Unfortunately,
they are all small.
367
00:24:31,636 --> 00:24:32,901
I have some more on order,
368
00:24:32,903 --> 00:24:34,168
but I'm waiting for them
to come in.
369
00:24:34,170 --> 00:24:35,773
The caps are great, though.
370
00:24:36,674 --> 00:24:38,773
It's a one size fits all.
371
00:24:40,311 --> 00:24:44,413
The pulpit was donated in 1879
by William Mercer.
372
00:24:44,415 --> 00:24:46,949
And the church organ,
373
00:24:46,951 --> 00:24:50,653
which unfortunately
isn't working at this time,
374
00:24:50,655 --> 00:24:53,858
uh, was manufactured
in England by A.G. Hill.
375
00:24:54,824 --> 00:24:56,157
Did you hear the one about
376
00:24:56,159 --> 00:24:57,728
the Choir Mistress
and the Minister?
377
00:24:58,829 --> 00:25:00,029
No.
378
00:25:00,031 --> 00:25:01,195
She chased him
around the church
379
00:25:01,197 --> 00:25:02,967
and caught him by the organ.
380
00:25:04,334 --> 00:25:07,301
Oh. No, I, uh...
381
00:25:07,303 --> 00:25:08,936
I hadn't heard that one.
382
00:25:08,938 --> 00:25:10,808
All right. Come on. Follow me.
383
00:25:11,442 --> 00:25:14,276
All right. Thank you all
very much.
384
00:25:14,278 --> 00:25:15,743
- Be well.
- Thank you.
385
00:25:15,745 --> 00:25:16,947
Yeah. Thanks a lot.
386
00:25:20,951 --> 00:25:22,187
Drive safe.
387
00:25:25,089 --> 00:25:26,224
Thanks.
388
00:27:00,317 --> 00:27:01,920
Okay, take five.
389
00:27:05,955 --> 00:27:07,321
Penny for your thoughts?
390
00:27:07,323 --> 00:27:10,893
Oh. Joel wanted to talk to me.
391
00:27:10,895 --> 00:27:13,298
- Nothing serious, I hope.
- Oh, I assume not.
392
00:27:14,497 --> 00:27:16,033
You want to have lunch?
393
00:27:16,833 --> 00:27:19,201
Well, I have something after,
but uh, yeah.
394
00:27:19,203 --> 00:27:20,739
I could sit with you
for a second.
395
00:27:23,907 --> 00:27:25,109
Oh, remember that?
396
00:27:25,542 --> 00:27:26,744
What?
397
00:27:27,311 --> 00:27:29,280
When everything
was ahead of you.
398
00:27:30,481 --> 00:27:34,449
Yeah. But try
telling them that.
399
00:27:34,451 --> 00:27:35,754
See you then.
400
00:27:57,140 --> 00:27:58,272
Hello.
401
00:27:58,274 --> 00:27:59,473
- Reverend Toller.
- Yes.
402
00:27:59,475 --> 00:28:00,908
- Oh. Go right in.
- Okay.
403
00:28:00,910 --> 00:28:02,045
He's expecting you.
404
00:28:09,052 --> 00:28:12,456
Um, this is...
That's my wife's stuff. So.
405
00:28:13,290 --> 00:28:16,094
Go ahead and deal with it.
406
00:28:17,061 --> 00:28:18,594
Oh, good! Reverend Toller.
407
00:28:18,596 --> 00:28:19,998
Come on in.
408
00:28:20,630 --> 00:28:22,231
Roger, make sure
you get back to me
409
00:28:22,233 --> 00:28:23,432
as soon as you can on that.
410
00:28:23,434 --> 00:28:25,166
Hey Reverend.
411
00:28:25,168 --> 00:28:26,370
Good seeing you. Why don't you
have a seat there?
412
00:28:27,437 --> 00:28:29,437
Roger, okay to leave
that door open.
413
00:28:29,439 --> 00:28:30,606
Can I get you a water
or anything?
414
00:28:30,608 --> 00:28:32,340
Oh, no. I'm good. I'm good.
415
00:28:32,342 --> 00:28:35,143
So, how are things
over at First Reformed?
416
00:28:35,145 --> 00:28:36,578
Oh, busy. You know how it is.
417
00:28:36,580 --> 00:28:38,413
You do one thing to the other,
418
00:28:38,415 --> 00:28:40,182
next thing you know
it's Sunday again.
419
00:28:40,184 --> 00:28:42,017
Yeah, tell me about it.
420
00:28:42,019 --> 00:28:43,551
Well, I brought you in,
I wanted to ask you
421
00:28:43,553 --> 00:28:46,120
about the 250th
Reconsecration.
422
00:28:46,122 --> 00:28:48,022
Now, that's just
around the corner.
423
00:28:48,024 --> 00:28:50,392
Yeah, of course.
It's only eight weeks away.
424
00:28:50,394 --> 00:28:52,063
And how's the planning
going on that?
425
00:28:52,596 --> 00:28:55,163
Well, your office
is handling the invitations
426
00:28:55,165 --> 00:28:56,632
and I'm a little worried
about seating.
427
00:28:56,634 --> 00:28:58,232
I mean, because we have
your staff.
428
00:28:58,234 --> 00:28:59,600
We have the Elders.
We have the Deacons.
429
00:28:59,602 --> 00:29:01,435
We have the Governor,
his people.
430
00:29:01,437 --> 00:29:02,971
The Mayor, his people.
431
00:29:02,973 --> 00:29:04,405
We don't have any room
for spillover.
432
00:29:04,407 --> 00:29:06,308
You know, it's the Sanctuary
and that's it.
433
00:29:06,310 --> 00:29:08,076
You know what?
I think we'll simulcast
434
00:29:08,078 --> 00:29:10,111
the ceremony here,
in the main room.
435
00:29:10,113 --> 00:29:11,546
- All right.
- So that's 5,000 seats.
436
00:29:11,548 --> 00:29:13,014
Yeah, okay. Well then...
437
00:29:13,016 --> 00:29:15,549
We can do the reception
in the rotunda.
438
00:29:15,551 --> 00:29:18,153
The, um...
The organ at First Reformed.
439
00:29:18,155 --> 00:29:20,588
- Is that fixed?
- Oh right, yeah. No, it's not.
440
00:29:20,590 --> 00:29:23,424
We're waiting on some pieces.
441
00:29:23,426 --> 00:29:25,359
I don't... It was...
It's just more complicated
442
00:29:25,361 --> 00:29:26,694
than we thought at first.
443
00:29:26,696 --> 00:29:28,530
Well, we can't have
a reconsecration
444
00:29:28,532 --> 00:29:30,031
without an organ.
445
00:29:31,668 --> 00:29:34,001
"A Mighty Fortress
is Our God."
446
00:29:34,003 --> 00:29:35,671
That's all organ.
447
00:29:35,673 --> 00:29:37,271
Did you know that, uh,
448
00:29:37,273 --> 00:29:39,206
Martin Luther wrote
that in an outhouse?
449
00:29:39,208 --> 00:29:40,675
Oh. Yeah.
450
00:29:40,677 --> 00:29:45,414
"A Mighty Fortress..."
451
00:29:46,684 --> 00:29:48,649
I think every seminarian
knows that one.
452
00:29:48,651 --> 00:29:51,953
Oh, man, I cannot get
that image out of my mind.
453
00:29:51,955 --> 00:29:55,089
I mean, whenever I see
that song going
454
00:29:55,091 --> 00:29:56,959
on and I can look around
the congregation
455
00:29:56,961 --> 00:29:58,626
and know everybody's thinking
the same thing.
456
00:29:58,628 --> 00:30:03,165
This man, oh, goodness.
Oh, makes me laugh.
457
00:30:03,167 --> 00:30:06,167
Anyway, have you, uh,
prepared your remarks?
458
00:30:06,169 --> 00:30:09,273
Ugh, no. Not yet. But, I will.
459
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:11,706
So, how are you?
460
00:30:11,708 --> 00:30:13,010
Oh, I'm fine.
461
00:30:13,644 --> 00:30:15,543
No, really.
462
00:30:15,545 --> 00:30:18,146
I mean, it's been a while
since we've talked.
463
00:30:18,148 --> 00:30:21,249
And you know,
even a pastor needs a pastor.
464
00:30:21,251 --> 00:30:23,018
We should do it, okay?
465
00:30:23,020 --> 00:30:24,319
I'd like that.
466
00:30:24,321 --> 00:30:26,454
Good. And come by here
more often.
467
00:30:26,456 --> 00:30:29,558
You should get out. Come on by
and be a part of things.
468
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:31,659
So many activities
you can do. And...
469
00:30:31,661 --> 00:30:33,395
- And the kids like you a lot.
- Mmm.
470
00:30:33,397 --> 00:30:34,663
They always speak
highly of you.
471
00:30:34,665 --> 00:30:36,431
So you can get
out of that, uh...
472
00:30:36,433 --> 00:30:38,265
What is the play? What do they
like to call it,
473
00:30:38,267 --> 00:30:41,636
over where you are? The, uh...
The museum.
474
00:30:41,638 --> 00:30:43,504
The souvenir shop.
475
00:30:43,506 --> 00:30:45,206
They call it
the souvenir shop.
476
00:30:45,208 --> 00:30:47,611
Well, good. Well, good.
You're doing a great job.
477
00:30:48,678 --> 00:30:50,480
I'm grateful
for the opportunity.
478
00:31:21,244 --> 00:31:22,644
How was Jeffers?
479
00:31:22,646 --> 00:31:25,746
Oh. He wants me
to meet Ed Balq.
480
00:31:25,748 --> 00:31:29,384
Balq Industries, Balq Energy,
Balq Paper, Balq Peanuts...
481
00:31:29,386 --> 00:31:30,786
Why?
482
00:31:30,788 --> 00:31:34,522
Well, it's all about
the Reconsecration.
483
00:31:34,524 --> 00:31:37,658
And apparently Mr. Balq wants
to make sure he gets
484
00:31:37,660 --> 00:31:39,761
proper credit for underwriting
the whole thing.
485
00:31:39,763 --> 00:31:41,262
Well, he should.
486
00:31:41,264 --> 00:31:42,530
First Reformed would be
a parking lot
487
00:31:42,532 --> 00:31:44,401
- if it wasn't for him.
- I guess.
488
00:31:46,070 --> 00:31:47,437
Did you see the doctor?
489
00:31:49,173 --> 00:31:50,771
Yes. I made an appointment.
490
00:31:50,773 --> 00:31:52,206
There was a bit of a hang up
491
00:31:52,208 --> 00:31:53,841
with the insurance
company, but...
492
00:31:53,843 --> 00:31:55,580
God, they make it
so difficult.
493
00:31:56,647 --> 00:31:59,181
Yeah, well.
That's what they do.
494
00:31:59,183 --> 00:32:00,251
Mmm-hmm.
495
00:32:00,783 --> 00:32:02,786
You need someone
to take care of you.
496
00:32:05,755 --> 00:32:10,224
Esther, we tried that.
I'm not made for that.
497
00:32:10,226 --> 00:32:14,197
For what? Love?
You're not made for love?
498
00:32:15,698 --> 00:32:17,368
My marriage was a failure.
499
00:32:18,801 --> 00:32:21,606
No marriage can survive
the loss of a child.
500
00:32:28,111 --> 00:32:29,246
It's not right.
501
00:32:33,317 --> 00:32:35,517
Is that what you think?
502
00:32:35,519 --> 00:32:37,251
That what we did together
was a sin?
503
00:32:37,253 --> 00:32:38,419
That we transgressed?
504
00:32:38,421 --> 00:32:40,690
No. That's not what I think.
505
00:32:41,524 --> 00:32:44,126
I've seen enough real sin
to know the difference.
506
00:32:44,128 --> 00:32:45,263
It's just...
507
00:32:46,496 --> 00:32:48,129
Okay?
508
00:32:48,131 --> 00:32:51,234
Okay. I understand, I...
509
00:32:52,336 --> 00:32:54,205
I care about you.
I want you to be happy.
510
00:32:56,907 --> 00:32:58,475
Well, I am happy.
511
00:33:05,482 --> 00:33:08,582
Some are called
for their gregariousness,
512
00:33:08,584 --> 00:33:10,454
some are called
for their suffering.
513
00:33:11,788 --> 00:33:14,155
Others are called
for their loneliness.
514
00:33:15,324 --> 00:33:16,892
They are called by God,
515
00:33:16,894 --> 00:33:18,425
because through the vessel
of communication
516
00:33:18,427 --> 00:33:19,828
they can reach out,
517
00:33:19,830 --> 00:33:21,799
and hold beating hearts
in their hands.
518
00:33:23,833 --> 00:33:26,635
They are called because of
their all-consuming knowledge
519
00:33:26,637 --> 00:33:28,802
of the emptiness of all things
520
00:33:28,804 --> 00:33:31,673
that can only be filled
by the presence of Our Savior.
521
00:33:37,848 --> 00:33:39,647
- Yes?
-
Reverend Toller?
522
00:33:39,649 --> 00:33:41,415
- Oh!
-
It's me.
523
00:33:41,417 --> 00:33:45,220
Yes, Mary? I got your message
about rescheduling.
524
00:33:45,222 --> 00:33:47,758
You must come over. Now.
525
00:33:48,658 --> 00:33:50,424
Is Michael there?
526
00:33:50,426 --> 00:33:53,360
No. He's at work.
You must come over. Now.
527
00:33:53,362 --> 00:33:54,898
Okay. Okay.
528
00:34:19,355 --> 00:34:20,891
Thanks for coming.
529
00:34:24,895 --> 00:34:26,197
Follow me.
530
00:34:43,746 --> 00:34:46,915
I was, uh, looking
for some batteries,
531
00:34:46,917 --> 00:34:49,284
'cause we were out.
And I thought maybe
532
00:34:49,286 --> 00:34:50,719
there'd be some in here,
you know?
533
00:34:50,721 --> 00:34:54,192
And then something
just didn't seem right.
534
00:34:55,792 --> 00:34:57,826
Okay, I put everything back
the way I found it,
535
00:34:57,828 --> 00:35:01,699
'cause I wanted you to see
how it was.
536
00:35:18,014 --> 00:35:19,382
Explosives?
537
00:35:20,583 --> 00:35:22,252
It's a suicide vest.
538
00:35:23,453 --> 00:35:24,819
And there's other elements
in there too.
539
00:35:24,821 --> 00:35:28,456
There's batteries
and, um, detonators
540
00:35:28,458 --> 00:35:29,793
and tubes of jelly.
541
00:35:32,295 --> 00:35:35,529
You know, he'd been working
in the garage lately.
542
00:35:35,531 --> 00:35:39,333
And he said he was
fixing a motor.
543
00:35:39,335 --> 00:35:40,835
And I didn't question him.
544
00:35:40,837 --> 00:35:42,570
Cause I... I was just happy
545
00:35:42,572 --> 00:35:44,375
that he was doing something
that made him happy.
546
00:35:44,708 --> 00:35:46,507
But you had no idea
that he was thinking of...
547
00:35:46,509 --> 00:35:49,744
No. No suspicions.
Nothing like this.
548
00:35:49,746 --> 00:35:52,713
All right. Well. I'm gonna
take this. All right?
549
00:35:52,715 --> 00:35:54,382
This cannot remain here.
550
00:35:54,384 --> 00:35:57,951
I'm gonna take it
and dispose of it. And...
551
00:35:57,953 --> 00:36:00,355
You're not gonna
go to the police?
552
00:36:00,357 --> 00:36:01,922
No, I won't... Do you...
Do you want me to?
553
00:36:01,924 --> 00:36:03,891
No! No, no, no.
554
00:36:03,893 --> 00:36:05,326
I don't think it'd help.
555
00:36:05,328 --> 00:36:06,795
I don't think anything good
556
00:36:06,797 --> 00:36:08,962
will come from him
feeling threatened.
557
00:36:08,964 --> 00:36:11,599
I think I'm gonna
come over tomorrow.
558
00:36:11,601 --> 00:36:13,034
Tomorrow.
559
00:36:13,036 --> 00:36:15,637
Somehow,
through our conversation,
560
00:36:15,639 --> 00:36:17,275
I will address this.
561
00:36:18,741 --> 00:36:20,375
I'm so frightened.
562
00:36:20,377 --> 00:36:22,344
You don't mean that he,
you're afraid of him?
563
00:36:22,346 --> 00:36:23,511
That he's gonna
hurt you, right?
564
00:36:23,513 --> 00:36:24,945
No. No, no, no.
565
00:36:24,947 --> 00:36:26,480
- I'm afraid for him.
- No? Okay. All right.
566
00:36:26,482 --> 00:36:28,049
You know, are there
other activists,
567
00:36:28,051 --> 00:36:29,784
- like coming around, calling?
- No. There's nobody.
568
00:36:29,786 --> 00:36:32,753
He has no friends.
He's barely even sociable, so.
569
00:36:32,755 --> 00:36:33,991
All right, but he has you.
570
00:36:35,125 --> 00:36:36,824
- Yeah.
- You'll stand by him?
571
00:36:36,826 --> 00:36:39,729
- Yeah, absolutely.
- All right. Well, so will I.
572
00:36:54,009 --> 00:36:56,511
Discernment intersects
with Christian life
573
00:36:56,513 --> 00:36:57,581
at every moment.
574
00:36:59,750 --> 00:37:00,818
Discernment.
575
00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:05,853
Listening and waiting
for God's wish
576
00:37:05,855 --> 00:37:07,725
what action must be taken.
577
00:37:23,005 --> 00:37:25,710
My petty ailments
have made me bad-tempered.
578
00:37:26,743 --> 00:37:28,409
I fight the urge
not to write down
579
00:37:28,411 --> 00:37:30,114
the thoughts
which come to my mind.
580
00:37:34,717 --> 00:37:37,485
The desire to pray itself
is a type of prayer.
581
00:37:38,922 --> 00:37:40,855
How often we ask
for genuine experience
582
00:37:40,857 --> 00:37:42,924
when all we really want
is emotion.
583
00:37:48,130 --> 00:37:50,701
My hands shake
as I write these lines.
584
00:38:11,054 --> 00:38:13,157
I wasn't expecting you
for another couple weeks.
585
00:38:13,889 --> 00:38:15,790
Uh, we got a message
from the boss.
586
00:38:15,792 --> 00:38:17,458
He said it was a top priority.
587
00:38:17,460 --> 00:38:19,527
You're having
some kind of big event here?
588
00:38:19,529 --> 00:38:22,931
Yeah, the church is having
its 250th anniversary.
589
00:38:22,933 --> 00:38:26,170
Abundant Life is planning
quite the ceremony.
590
00:38:32,775 --> 00:38:34,411
Hmm. A Mighty Fortress.
591
00:38:35,478 --> 00:38:37,013
Oh.
592
00:41:00,857 --> 00:41:02,757
Yes, sir.
593
00:41:02,759 --> 00:41:04,291
I mean, he had been
fighting with depression.
594
00:41:04,293 --> 00:41:05,996
That's why I was
supposed to meet him.
595
00:41:06,862 --> 00:41:08,765
I never imagined
anything like this.
596
00:41:09,398 --> 00:41:11,398
Were you in touch with
the immediate family?
597
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:13,233
Well, his... His wife, Mary.
598
00:41:13,235 --> 00:41:16,103
She's the one who first
asked me to meet with him.
599
00:41:16,105 --> 00:41:18,038
Did she know about your text?
600
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:21,044
No. But she was concerned.
We... We both were.
601
00:41:23,246 --> 00:41:24,615
Have you notified her?
602
00:41:26,181 --> 00:41:27,317
No.
603
00:41:28,150 --> 00:41:29,784
I guess that's where
I'm headed.
604
00:41:29,786 --> 00:41:31,686
All right. Okay.
605
00:41:31,688 --> 00:41:34,725
All right, do you mind if I
follow behind you? All right.
606
00:41:35,859 --> 00:41:37,094
I knew his father.
607
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:40,128
Really? What's he like?
608
00:41:40,130 --> 00:41:41,929
A businessman.
609
00:41:41,931 --> 00:41:44,098
Morbid son of a bitch.
610
00:41:44,100 --> 00:41:45,768
I guess it runs in the blood.
611
00:41:57,112 --> 00:41:58,948
Thank you, Reverend.
612
00:42:00,984 --> 00:42:03,384
Mrs. Mensana, again
I'm sorry for your loss.
613
00:42:03,386 --> 00:42:05,719
If there's anything else that
we can do, please let us know.
614
00:42:05,721 --> 00:42:07,020
- Thanks.
- Thank you, Officer.
615
00:42:07,022 --> 00:42:08,057
Reverend. Thank you.
616
00:42:22,971 --> 00:42:24,674
You didn't tell
the police, right?
617
00:42:26,141 --> 00:42:27,741
About?
618
00:42:27,743 --> 00:42:30,213
No. No.
619
00:42:32,181 --> 00:42:35,685
If you find anything else
620
00:42:37,052 --> 00:42:40,123
like that, get rid of it.
621
00:42:41,324 --> 00:42:43,793
As long as it's safe, I mean.
Burn it, bury it.
622
00:42:45,027 --> 00:42:47,728
Michael was troubled,
but his cause was just.
623
00:42:47,730 --> 00:42:50,167
There's no reason to bring
disrepute on that cause.
624
00:42:51,366 --> 00:42:52,467
Yeah.
625
00:42:52,469 --> 00:42:54,371
Are you an activist as well?
626
00:42:56,072 --> 00:42:57,975
I share Michael's beliefs.
627
00:43:00,210 --> 00:43:03,411
But not his despair.
I mean, I wanna live.
628
00:43:03,413 --> 00:43:05,445
- I wanna be a mother.
- Right.
629
00:43:05,447 --> 00:43:07,482
I wanna have this child.
630
00:43:07,484 --> 00:43:09,916
Do you have family nearby?
631
00:43:09,918 --> 00:43:11,985
My... Yeah, my sister.
She's in Buffalo.
632
00:43:11,987 --> 00:43:14,223
- You might want to call her.
- I will.
633
00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:27,003
So, he...
He went into the garage?
634
00:43:29,438 --> 00:43:30,473
Yeah.
635
00:43:33,176 --> 00:43:34,210
What did he say?
636
00:43:36,011 --> 00:43:37,080
Nothing.
637
00:43:47,891 --> 00:43:50,291
Well, from a police
point of view,
638
00:43:50,293 --> 00:43:53,795
I imagine this is
a pretty cut-and-dry case.
639
00:43:53,797 --> 00:43:56,833
Still, I'd probably clean up
the office,
640
00:43:57,199 --> 00:43:59,402
maybe get rid of his laptop.
641
00:44:04,507 --> 00:44:05,775
You...
642
00:44:31,234 --> 00:44:32,302
Open it.
643
00:45:05,201 --> 00:45:07,070
I'd sensed it.
644
00:45:07,971 --> 00:45:09,139
What?
645
00:45:10,973 --> 00:45:12,408
He was absent.
646
00:45:15,277 --> 00:45:17,513
He was becoming someone
I didn't know.
647
00:45:21,083 --> 00:45:23,486
Like, before I was
pregnant even.
648
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:28,225
And he was just so full
of anger, you know?
649
00:45:33,496 --> 00:45:37,334
Think I should probably call
my parents. My sister.
650
00:45:40,369 --> 00:45:43,005
They should...
They should know.
651
00:45:45,308 --> 00:45:47,942
I stayed
while she called her sister.
652
00:45:47,944 --> 00:45:50,610
Her sister was going
to drive down.
653
00:45:50,612 --> 00:45:53,216
And her parents would come
for the final rights.
654
00:45:57,520 --> 00:45:59,487
Uh, hey, Bill.
Chicken or beef?
655
00:45:59,489 --> 00:46:01,355
- Uh, beef.
- Beef. Okay, great.
656
00:46:01,357 --> 00:46:02,559
How've you been?
657
00:46:03,259 --> 00:46:05,395
- I'm all right. Yeah.
- You okay?
658
00:46:07,462 --> 00:46:09,130
Is that enough for you?
659
00:46:09,132 --> 00:46:10,334
Thanks a lot, Reverend.
660
00:46:11,534 --> 00:46:13,300
Did you want
the chicken or the beef?
661
00:46:13,302 --> 00:46:14,601
Uh, the beef. Thank you.
662
00:46:14,603 --> 00:46:16,339
Beef? Yeah. Cool.
663
00:46:17,473 --> 00:46:20,043
There you are.
Careful, it's hot.
664
00:46:21,476 --> 00:46:22,944
Reverend,
I wanted to ask you...
665
00:46:22,946 --> 00:46:24,244
- Oh, shit!
- Ow!
666
00:46:24,246 --> 00:46:27,583
Damn. I'm sorry, Joseph!
I'm so sorry.
667
00:46:28,618 --> 00:46:32,052
Terrible night.
No sooner than I shut my eyes,
668
00:46:32,054 --> 00:46:34,190
desolation came upon me.
669
00:46:36,025 --> 00:46:38,528
What is one's last thought
as you pull the trigger?
670
00:46:40,362 --> 00:46:42,395
"There goes my head."
671
00:46:42,397 --> 00:46:46,302
Or, "Jesus, watch over me?"
Or neither?
672
00:46:48,071 --> 00:46:50,371
I'm going to tear
these pages out.
673
00:46:50,373 --> 00:46:53,273
This journal
brings me no peace.
674
00:46:53,275 --> 00:46:55,578
It's self-pity. Nothing more.
675
00:47:32,748 --> 00:47:34,984
I awoke at three with a cry.
676
00:47:35,685 --> 00:47:37,317
It's been five months
677
00:47:37,319 --> 00:47:39,388
since I sensed
the first warning signs.
678
00:47:43,558 --> 00:47:46,529
I went into the church
and fell asleep on a bench.
679
00:47:53,201 --> 00:47:56,036
How easily
they talk about prayer,
680
00:47:56,038 --> 00:47:57,674
those who have never
really prayed.
681
00:48:04,346 --> 00:48:08,685
Excuse me?
Oh, my goodness!
682
00:48:10,786 --> 00:48:13,286
Well, since I made
my commitment, I...
683
00:48:13,288 --> 00:48:15,424
I have felt the Lord
moving in my life.
684
00:48:16,192 --> 00:48:17,724
If happiness
came in pill size,
685
00:48:17,726 --> 00:48:19,492
it would have JC
stamped on it.
686
00:48:21,197 --> 00:48:23,300
Continuous release size.
687
00:48:24,266 --> 00:48:26,766
I wake up feeling better.
688
00:48:26,768 --> 00:48:29,469
My relationships are better.
689
00:48:29,471 --> 00:48:31,674
And I got a raise last week.
690
00:48:32,275 --> 00:48:33,574
I find myself in prayer
691
00:48:33,576 --> 00:48:35,311
without even thinking
about it.
692
00:48:37,346 --> 00:48:41,181
Thank you, Jason.
That is very inspiring.
693
00:48:41,183 --> 00:48:45,121
Praise Jesus.
My every breath is a prayer.
694
00:48:45,554 --> 00:48:50,391
Uh, thoughts? Reactions?
Yes? Cynthia.
695
00:48:50,393 --> 00:48:52,795
Three months ago,
my father got laid off.
696
00:48:53,728 --> 00:48:55,398
He can't find any work.
697
00:48:55,598 --> 00:48:57,831
Nobody loves the Lord
more than my father.
698
00:48:57,833 --> 00:49:00,669
He is always testifying,
he volunteers.
699
00:49:01,703 --> 00:49:03,406
Did he do something wrong?
700
00:49:05,373 --> 00:49:09,143
Um...
You all know Reverend Toller
701
00:49:09,145 --> 00:49:10,380
from First Reformed.
702
00:49:11,147 --> 00:49:13,183
Hey, yeah. Hi. Yeah.
703
00:49:14,217 --> 00:49:17,220
How... How do
you answer this, Reverend?
704
00:49:18,121 --> 00:49:20,855
Well, Cynthia. I'm sorry
that happened to your father.
705
00:49:20,857 --> 00:49:22,655
There's a lot
of church people,
706
00:49:22,657 --> 00:49:26,126
good Christians,
who see, uh, a connection
707
00:49:26,128 --> 00:49:29,762
between godliness
and prosperity.
708
00:49:29,764 --> 00:49:32,266
But that's not
what Jesus teaches.
709
00:49:32,268 --> 00:49:33,601
That's not what Jesus lived.
710
00:49:33,603 --> 00:49:35,703
There's no dollar sign
on His pulpit.
711
00:49:35,705 --> 00:49:38,371
There's no
American flag either.
712
00:49:38,373 --> 00:49:41,808
I think, Cynthia, what your
father is experiencing is...
713
00:49:41,810 --> 00:49:44,411
Christians shouldn't succeed.
714
00:49:44,413 --> 00:49:47,581
That's what he means.
Christianity is for losers?
715
00:49:47,583 --> 00:49:49,215
Jake, Jake!
716
00:49:49,217 --> 00:49:51,451
I just get tired
of turn the other cheek.
717
00:49:51,453 --> 00:49:52,920
Jesus didn't turn
the other cheek.
718
00:49:52,922 --> 00:49:54,889
Why stand for anything?
719
00:49:54,891 --> 00:49:57,157
Take prayer
out of the schools.
720
00:49:57,159 --> 00:49:59,626
Give money to people
too lazy to work for it.
721
00:49:59,628 --> 00:50:01,464
And whatever you do,
don't offend the Muslims.
722
00:50:02,732 --> 00:50:04,732
I mean, no sooner
do I mention the poor,
723
00:50:04,734 --> 00:50:06,733
and this teenager
jumps down my throat
724
00:50:06,735 --> 00:50:09,235
like I just took a shit
on the American flag.
725
00:50:09,237 --> 00:50:12,639
Forgive my language. Oh, God!
726
00:50:12,641 --> 00:50:14,275
Oh, Roger told me.
727
00:50:14,277 --> 00:50:16,509
He was great. He was terrific.
He's a good man.
728
00:50:16,511 --> 00:50:17,777
Well, he said
you kept your cool,
729
00:50:17,779 --> 00:50:18,881
and he admired you for that.
730
00:50:19,915 --> 00:50:21,315
There's just no middle ground
with these kids.
731
00:50:21,317 --> 00:50:23,516
Everything is so extreme.
732
00:50:23,518 --> 00:50:25,886
It's the times. These are
frightening times. These...
733
00:50:25,888 --> 00:50:28,221
These kids,
they grow up in a world
734
00:50:28,223 --> 00:50:30,257
that, you and I,
we wouldn't even recognize.
735
00:50:30,259 --> 00:50:34,228
Global warming,
a sea of pornography,
736
00:50:34,230 --> 00:50:37,831
hyper violent video games.
It's a world without privacy.
737
00:50:37,833 --> 00:50:41,902
Each kid isolated,
communicating on media.
738
00:50:41,904 --> 00:50:43,770
It's a world without hope!
739
00:50:43,772 --> 00:50:45,471
You don't know what it's like
to raise a kid in this...
740
00:50:45,473 --> 00:50:46,842
No, I did raise a kid.
741
00:50:48,643 --> 00:50:50,344
I didn't mean it like that.
742
00:50:50,346 --> 00:50:51,447
I know you didn't.
743
00:50:52,714 --> 00:50:54,648
They're just frightened.
These kids,
744
00:50:54,650 --> 00:50:56,583
- they want certainty.
- Mmm-hmm.
745
00:50:56,585 --> 00:50:58,554
You know, don't think, follow.
746
00:50:59,322 --> 00:51:00,357
Uh...
747
00:51:00,690 --> 00:51:02,792
But they fall prey
to extremism.
748
00:51:03,259 --> 00:51:07,328
Jihadism is everywhere.
Even here.
749
00:51:07,330 --> 00:51:10,230
It's just... That's not
the church that called me.
750
00:51:10,232 --> 00:51:11,665
Nor me.
751
00:51:11,667 --> 00:51:14,802
It's up to us. We have
to listen and guide
752
00:51:14,804 --> 00:51:17,337
and encourage
our young members
753
00:51:17,339 --> 00:51:19,273
to express themselves
754
00:51:19,275 --> 00:51:20,741
without judging them.
755
00:51:20,743 --> 00:51:22,311
We have to lead by example.
756
00:51:22,944 --> 00:51:24,613
We have to be patient.
757
00:51:35,257 --> 00:51:36,556
Oh, this sounds great.
758
00:51:36,558 --> 00:51:37,891
I'm gonna have to sharpen
my chops
759
00:51:37,893 --> 00:51:39,393
for the Reconsecration.
760
00:51:39,395 --> 00:51:41,328
Do you know
what they want to play?
761
00:51:41,330 --> 00:51:42,630
No, I have no idea.
762
00:51:42,632 --> 00:51:44,264
Abundant Life
is handling everything.
763
00:51:44,266 --> 00:51:45,532
Invites, the seating.
764
00:51:45,534 --> 00:51:47,400
Basically,
I just introduce Joel.
765
00:51:47,402 --> 00:51:50,371
And then he does his spiel,
introduces the Governor,
766
00:51:50,373 --> 00:51:51,471
maybe Ed Balq.
767
00:51:51,473 --> 00:51:52,609
Oh, why him?
768
00:51:52,907 --> 00:51:54,708
It's sort of his whole deal.
769
00:51:54,710 --> 00:51:56,509
I mean, he's underwritten
the whole thing,
770
00:51:56,511 --> 00:51:58,478
paid to have the organ fixed.
771
00:51:58,480 --> 00:52:00,413
I do have another
musical question for you...
772
00:52:00,415 --> 00:52:01,514
Oh. Take it from the top.
773
00:52:14,764 --> 00:52:18,998
It's actually
a kind of sad bit of business.
774
00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:21,402
- Hm?
- The Michael Mansana memorial.
775
00:52:21,404 --> 00:52:24,975
The scattering of his ashes.
He's asked me to arrange it.
776
00:52:26,342 --> 00:52:27,544
He's asked you?
777
00:52:28,576 --> 00:52:31,915
Well, he wrote a letter.
He had some requests.
778
00:52:36,886 --> 00:52:41,422
Then the Lord spoke to Job,
stepped from the storm.
779
00:52:41,424 --> 00:52:42,690
He said, "Where were you
780
00:52:42,692 --> 00:52:44,458
"when I laid
the Earth's foundations,
781
00:52:44,460 --> 00:52:47,831
"marked out its dimensions,
laid its cornerstone,
782
00:52:51,032 --> 00:52:54,067
"when the morning stars sang,
783
00:52:54,069 --> 00:52:58,374
"and the angels shouted
with joy? Where were you?"
784
00:53:01,543 --> 00:53:03,576
These surroundings
were chosen by Michael
785
00:53:03,578 --> 00:53:06,380
as the repository
for his physical remains.
786
00:53:06,382 --> 00:53:08,114
I say physical
because his memories
787
00:53:08,116 --> 00:53:10,583
and spirit live on with us,
788
00:53:10,585 --> 00:53:12,753
as does his mission.
789
00:53:12,755 --> 00:53:15,755
Michael cared
about this world.
790
00:53:15,757 --> 00:53:18,491
Perhaps too much.
791
00:53:18,493 --> 00:53:22,429
The Abundant Life Youth Choir
will now sing for us, uh,
792
00:53:22,431 --> 00:53:24,668
a song chosen by Michael.
793
00:53:36,578 --> 00:53:42,116
Protect the wild
tomorrow's child
794
00:53:42,118 --> 00:53:47,788
Protect the land
from the greed of man
795
00:53:47,790 --> 00:53:53,092
Take out the dams
stand up to oil
796
00:53:53,094 --> 00:53:58,465
Protect the plants
and renew the soil
797
00:53:58,467 --> 00:54:03,570
Who's gonna stand up
and save the Earth?
798
00:54:03,572 --> 00:54:08,409
Who's gonna say
that she's had enough?
799
00:54:08,411 --> 00:54:13,079
Who's gonna take on
the big machine?
800
00:54:13,081 --> 00:54:17,683
Who's gonna stand up
and save the Earth?
801
00:54:17,685 --> 00:54:23,125
This all starts
with you and me
802
00:54:25,728 --> 00:54:28,561
End fossil fuels
803
00:54:28,563 --> 00:54:30,764
Draw the line
804
00:54:30,766 --> 00:54:35,701
Before we build
one more pipeline
805
00:54:35,703 --> 00:54:40,474
End fracking now
let's save the water
806
00:54:40,476 --> 00:54:45,478
And build a life
for our sons and daughters
807
00:54:45,480 --> 00:54:50,217
Who's gonna stand up
and save the Earth?
808
00:54:50,219 --> 00:54:54,721
Who's gonna say
that she's had enough?
809
00:54:54,723 --> 00:54:59,992
Who's gonna take on
the big machine?
810
00:54:59,994 --> 00:55:04,598
Who's gonna stand up
and save the Earth?
811
00:55:04,600 --> 00:55:09,938
This all starts
with you and me
812
00:55:32,161 --> 00:55:33,863
- I'm good.
- All right.
813
00:55:47,543 --> 00:55:49,141
- Mr. Balq!
- Hey!
814
00:55:49,143 --> 00:55:50,777
- Hello!
- How are you?
815
00:55:50,779 --> 00:55:53,779
- Very good! Very good.
- Very good. Good, good.
816
00:55:53,781 --> 00:55:57,686
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
I got, uh... I got held up.
817
00:55:58,052 --> 00:55:59,887
Oh, good. You know
Reverend Toller, right?
818
00:55:59,889 --> 00:56:01,255
Well, only by sight. Ed Barq.
819
00:56:01,257 --> 00:56:02,859
- Good to meet you.
- It's nice to meet you.
820
00:56:04,592 --> 00:56:06,125
Just bring me a coffee
821
00:56:06,127 --> 00:56:07,596
- and the apple pie. All right?
- Okay. Thank you.
822
00:56:08,531 --> 00:56:10,898
Uh, the apple pie.
I know it's a cliché,
823
00:56:10,900 --> 00:56:14,067
but they make it right here.
It's organic. It's local.
824
00:56:14,069 --> 00:56:16,570
I have a surprise for you.
825
00:56:16,572 --> 00:56:21,945
I, uh... I stopped by
the printer on the way over.
826
00:56:24,145 --> 00:56:29,315
Oh. Ooh, nice. Nice.
They did a great job.
827
00:56:29,317 --> 00:56:30,951
Yeah. All the guests
828
00:56:30,953 --> 00:56:32,853
at the reconsecration
will get a copy.
829
00:56:32,855 --> 00:56:34,922
And then, uh, there will
also be a mailing.
830
00:56:34,924 --> 00:56:37,123
And... And of course it will
be available at the bookstore.
831
00:56:37,125 --> 00:56:38,991
So how are the plans coming?
832
00:56:38,993 --> 00:56:40,726
Is the organ repaired?
833
00:56:40,728 --> 00:56:42,732
Oh yeah. It sounds beautiful.
Better than ever.
834
00:56:43,331 --> 00:56:48,268
Okay. Um, we drew up
a little seating chart.
835
00:56:48,270 --> 00:56:49,835
Now, Mayor Wilson
will be there,
836
00:56:49,837 --> 00:56:51,137
as well as the Governor.
837
00:56:51,139 --> 00:56:52,838
Well, at least
he's going to try...
838
00:56:52,840 --> 00:56:55,175
All of those
mighty men of God,
839
00:56:55,177 --> 00:56:56,777
servants of the cross.
840
00:56:56,779 --> 00:56:58,712
Years of service, baptisms,
841
00:56:58,714 --> 00:57:01,114
confessions, funerals,
sermons.
842
00:57:01,116 --> 00:57:03,083
The hours in prayer,
843
00:57:03,085 --> 00:57:07,054
the afflictions suffered.
Did God give them strength?
844
00:57:07,056 --> 00:57:09,690
Reverend Toller will
introduce me. I'll go up,
845
00:57:09,692 --> 00:57:11,224
I'll introduce the Governor.
846
00:57:11,226 --> 00:57:13,092
There'll be a song selection.
Now, the main...
847
00:57:13,094 --> 00:57:14,930
There won't be anything
political though, will there?
848
00:57:15,797 --> 00:57:17,966
No. No, why would there be?
849
00:57:18,366 --> 00:57:19,967
Well... Oh. Sorry.
Do you mind?
850
00:57:19,969 --> 00:57:21,233
Here you are.
851
00:57:21,235 --> 00:57:23,036
- Thank you.
- You're welcome. Enjoy.
852
00:57:23,038 --> 00:57:25,105
Well, I... I ask, uh,
853
00:57:25,107 --> 00:57:29,342
only cause, um, this came
to my attention.
854
00:57:29,344 --> 00:57:32,145
It's a printout
from a website.
855
00:57:32,147 --> 00:57:33,980
Well, both First Reformed
and Abundant Life
856
00:57:33,982 --> 00:57:35,849
are mentioned by name.
857
00:57:35,851 --> 00:57:39,789
It was a political event.
And a Neil Young protest song?
858
00:57:40,288 --> 00:57:41,922
I was just respecting
the wishes
859
00:57:41,924 --> 00:57:43,757
of the deceased and... And...
And his widow.
860
00:57:43,759 --> 00:57:46,692
It was their instructions
for the memorial service.
861
00:57:46,694 --> 00:57:49,962
At a toxic waste site
with the press in attendance?
862
00:57:49,964 --> 00:57:51,364
There was no press invited.
863
00:57:51,366 --> 00:57:53,199
No. This is just
Mensana's friends.
864
00:57:53,201 --> 00:57:55,067
It was a political act.
865
00:57:55,069 --> 00:57:57,871
You and the choir represented
the Abundant Life Church.
866
00:57:57,873 --> 00:57:59,139
And the Hanstown site,
867
00:57:59,141 --> 00:58:00,741
by the way,
isn't even polluted.
868
00:58:00,743 --> 00:58:02,275
It was cleaned up
with EPA superfunds.
869
00:58:02,277 --> 00:58:03,976
- Well, Hanstown...
- No, no, of course not,
870
00:58:03,978 --> 00:58:05,945
but just give me some credit,
all right?
871
00:58:05,947 --> 00:58:07,179
I'm in the energy business.
872
00:58:07,181 --> 00:58:09,016
It's my business
to stay informed.
873
00:58:09,018 --> 00:58:10,951
Look, sorry.
874
00:58:10,953 --> 00:58:12,918
Reverend Toller
didn't understand
875
00:58:12,920 --> 00:58:14,189
the implications here.
876
00:58:15,790 --> 00:58:17,824
- May I ask a question?
- Yeah. Go ahead.
877
00:58:17,826 --> 00:58:19,728
Will God forgive us?
878
00:58:22,264 --> 00:58:25,364
Will God forgive us for what
we're doing to his creation?
879
00:58:25,366 --> 00:58:29,001
That's what Mensana asked me
when I visited him.
880
00:58:29,003 --> 00:58:31,204
This... There's been
a lot of loose talk
881
00:58:31,206 --> 00:58:33,206
about environmental change.
882
00:58:33,208 --> 00:58:36,275
There is scientific consensus.
Ninety-seven percent...
883
00:58:36,277 --> 00:58:40,079
The man who says nothing
always seems more intelligent.
884
00:58:40,081 --> 00:58:41,917
Why couldn't I just
keep silent?
885
00:58:43,252 --> 00:58:45,217
It's a complicated subject.
886
00:58:45,219 --> 00:58:48,857
Not really.
I mean, who benefits?
887
00:58:49,157 --> 00:58:50,424
Cui bono? Who profits?
888
00:58:50,426 --> 00:58:51,991
That's what I keep
asking myself.
889
00:58:51,993 --> 00:58:53,927
Besides the Biblical call
to stewardship,
890
00:58:53,929 --> 00:58:55,262
who profits when we soil
891
00:58:55,264 --> 00:58:56,697
our own nest?
What's to be gained...
892
00:58:56,699 --> 00:58:57,931
Can we just agree
to keep politics
893
00:58:57,933 --> 00:58:59,266
out of
the reconsecration service?
894
00:58:59,268 --> 00:59:01,867
- Yes.
- Yes, but this isn't politics.
895
00:59:01,869 --> 00:59:03,469
I mean, what God wants
is for...
896
00:59:03,471 --> 00:59:06,038
Oh, you, you, you, you...
You know the mind of God?
897
00:59:06,040 --> 00:59:08,007
You spoke to him, personally?
898
00:59:08,009 --> 00:59:10,412
He told you His plans
for Earth?
899
00:59:12,880 --> 00:59:16,152
Look, I understand,
you're upset.
900
00:59:18,953 --> 00:59:21,289
I mean, you found the body,
correct?
901
00:59:22,324 --> 00:59:23,359
Yes.
902
00:59:24,893 --> 00:59:25,895
How?
903
00:59:32,101 --> 00:59:35,367
I was supposed to meet him.
904
00:59:35,369 --> 00:59:40,810
And he texted me, and...
A change of location.
905
00:59:41,176 --> 00:59:42,177
And?
906
00:59:44,513 --> 00:59:46,148
And I went there
and he was dead.
907
00:59:50,152 --> 00:59:51,920
So you counseled him,
Reverend?
908
00:59:53,255 --> 00:59:54,257
Yes.
909
00:59:55,190 --> 00:59:58,060
You counseled him,
then he shot himself?
910
00:59:58,793 --> 00:59:59,795
Ed?
911
01:00:01,764 --> 01:00:02,765
Yes.
912
01:00:06,168 --> 01:00:09,168
Well, I think you need
to step back, Reverend,
913
01:00:09,170 --> 01:00:10,804
and take a look
at your own life
914
01:00:10,806 --> 01:00:13,876
before you criticize others.
Hmm?
915
01:00:34,429 --> 01:00:36,898
Mary and I
rode the park trail.
916
01:00:38,467 --> 01:00:42,338
I had not ridden a bicycle,
I think, in 20 years.
917
01:00:47,509 --> 01:00:49,878
I was afraid I would fall.
918
01:00:55,484 --> 01:00:59,388
It's amazing the simple
curative power of exercise.
919
01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:06,262
It's God given.
920
01:01:14,268 --> 01:01:16,469
Thank you again.
921
01:01:16,471 --> 01:01:18,572
Michael and I used to cycle
twice a week,
922
01:01:18,574 --> 01:01:20,172
and I've missed it so much.
923
01:01:20,174 --> 01:01:23,409
No. I enjoyed it.
It's been a long time.
924
01:01:23,411 --> 01:01:25,514
But it was under protest.
925
01:01:26,547 --> 01:01:29,185
- I... I asked my doctor.
- Really? Still.
926
01:01:30,918 --> 01:01:32,585
Um, can I ask you
another favor?
927
01:01:32,587 --> 01:01:34,020
Sure.
928
01:01:34,022 --> 01:01:35,989
Could you box up
Michael's things?
929
01:01:35,991 --> 01:01:37,460
Or find somebody to do it?
930
01:01:39,460 --> 01:01:42,094
You sure you want to give them
away so quickly?
931
01:01:42,096 --> 01:01:43,896
Not, like... Not give it away,
932
01:01:43,898 --> 01:01:45,866
just, you know.
Just box them up.
933
01:01:45,868 --> 01:01:48,567
It just... You know, I feel...
934
01:01:48,569 --> 01:01:50,203
It's just difficult
to be around
935
01:01:50,205 --> 01:01:53,005
so many smells and memories.
936
01:01:53,007 --> 01:01:54,306
You know?
937
01:01:54,308 --> 01:01:55,909
Yeah, I can...
I can do it.
938
01:01:55,911 --> 01:01:57,177
Okay.
939
01:01:57,179 --> 01:01:58,578
Have you decided
what's next?
940
01:01:58,580 --> 01:02:01,081
Um, the rent's paid for
for two months,
941
01:02:01,083 --> 01:02:02,349
so there's no hurry.
942
01:02:02,351 --> 01:02:03,884
But, um, I'm gonna stay
943
01:02:03,886 --> 01:02:05,217
with my sister
and my brother-in-law.
944
01:02:05,219 --> 01:02:07,253
- Hmm. Are you?
- Until the baby is born.
945
01:02:07,255 --> 01:02:08,989
So you'll relocate there?
946
01:02:08,991 --> 01:02:12,829
Yeah. I think so.
She contacted an obstetrician.
947
01:02:14,596 --> 01:02:16,232
Are we talking pink or blue?
948
01:02:17,165 --> 01:02:18,331
- Blue!
- Blue.
949
01:02:18,333 --> 01:02:19,565
Blue!
950
01:02:19,567 --> 01:02:20,900
- Ah! Congratulations.
- Thanks.
951
01:02:20,902 --> 01:02:21,870
- That's wonderful.
- Yeah.
952
01:02:23,471 --> 01:02:26,005
Oh, hey, uh... I have
a question for you,
953
01:02:26,007 --> 01:02:28,844
if, uh... If it's not
too painful.
954
01:02:31,612 --> 01:02:33,980
Do you think he, uh...
955
01:02:33,982 --> 01:02:35,985
He really would have
harmed someone?
956
01:02:39,987 --> 01:02:46,395
Um, he'd been a part of some
non-violent protests.
957
01:02:47,429 --> 01:02:51,364
We both had.
He'd been put in jail.
958
01:02:51,366 --> 01:02:54,601
He had a temper. I mean,
he'd start yelling at police,
959
01:02:54,603 --> 01:02:57,369
but no, I don't
think he was...
960
01:02:57,371 --> 01:02:59,442
No. I don't think
he was violent.
961
01:03:02,344 --> 01:03:04,112
I just, um...
962
01:03:05,047 --> 01:03:07,614
I can't help
but keep wondering
963
01:03:07,616 --> 01:03:10,052
what I should have
done differently.
964
01:03:13,121 --> 01:03:15,258
He didn't want to live.
965
01:03:19,161 --> 01:03:21,931
He was not a religious man,
you know.
966
01:03:23,632 --> 01:03:26,333
He didn't care for the church.
That was me.
967
01:03:26,335 --> 01:03:28,335
I was the one
who asked him to come.
968
01:03:28,337 --> 01:03:29,668
I was raised in the church
969
01:03:29,670 --> 01:03:33,105
and I never
could quite let it go.
970
01:03:33,107 --> 01:03:34,708
I'd be in a strange city,
971
01:03:34,710 --> 01:03:36,241
and I would just go
972
01:03:36,243 --> 01:03:37,309
to a church and sit down,
you know?
973
01:03:37,311 --> 01:03:39,949
I was the spiritual one.
974
01:03:44,752 --> 01:03:46,453
Thanks.
975
01:03:46,455 --> 01:03:49,456
Yeah. I'll, uh... I'm gonna
go get some boxes.
976
01:03:49,458 --> 01:03:51,224
I'll come back
for the clothes.
977
01:03:51,226 --> 01:03:52,561
Okay.
978
01:03:55,297 --> 01:03:57,532
Uh, Reverend? Um,
979
01:04:00,235 --> 01:04:03,406
would you pray with me?
980
01:04:05,306 --> 01:04:07,674
I just... I find it difficult
to do it alone.
981
01:04:07,676 --> 01:04:11,346
Just, the words,
just don't come.
982
01:04:12,214 --> 01:04:14,179
Are you uncomfortable
with me asking you that?
983
01:04:14,181 --> 01:04:15,681
No. No, no, no.
Of course not. Yeah.
984
01:04:15,683 --> 01:04:16,718
Okay.
985
01:04:21,288 --> 01:04:23,158
Dear Heavenly Father,
986
01:04:24,493 --> 01:04:27,559
we invite you into this room,
into our heart...
987
01:04:27,561 --> 01:04:31,530
I held her hand, I spoke,
988
01:04:31,532 --> 01:04:34,199
and the words came
out of my mouth.
989
01:04:34,201 --> 01:04:36,369
"By thy words,
you shall be justified,
990
01:04:36,371 --> 01:04:38,574
"and by thy words,
you shall be condemned."
991
01:05:42,737 --> 01:05:45,838
I can no longer
ignore my health.
992
01:05:45,840 --> 01:05:48,743
I have postponed
my checkup too often.
993
01:05:49,777 --> 01:05:52,348
Yesterday I could literally
barely stand.
994
01:06:50,538 --> 01:06:53,641
No, I have not lost my faith.
995
01:08:12,953 --> 01:08:16,322
"And the rich man said
I will pull down my barns,
996
01:08:16,324 --> 01:08:19,292
"and build greater..."
997
01:08:19,294 --> 01:08:21,394
"And I will say to my soul,
998
01:08:21,396 --> 01:08:25,465
"take thine ease, eat, drink,
and be merry.
999
01:08:25,467 --> 01:08:27,000
"But God said
unto his disciples,
1000
01:08:27,002 --> 01:08:28,835
"take no thought
for your life,
1001
01:08:28,837 --> 01:08:30,371
"what ye shall eat..."
1002
01:08:32,874 --> 01:08:38,443
"Neither for the body,
what ye shall put on.
1003
01:08:38,445 --> 01:08:41,948
"The life is more than meat,
1004
01:08:41,950 --> 01:08:45,585
"and the body
is more than raiment."
1005
01:08:45,587 --> 01:08:48,590
Thus ends the reading
of the Lord. Praise be God.
1006
01:08:48,956 --> 01:08:50,491
When did
he come back?
1007
01:08:50,758 --> 01:08:53,228
Well, he was out
most of Friday.
1008
01:08:53,695 --> 01:08:55,560
So he went to Albany
for his checkup?
1009
01:08:55,562 --> 01:08:57,596
I asked him, buy he didn't
give me any details.
1010
01:08:57,598 --> 01:08:59,267
Uh, you know how he is.
1011
01:09:00,502 --> 01:09:01,801
Perhaps I can check.
1012
01:09:01,803 --> 01:09:02,838
Esther.
1013
01:09:03,038 --> 01:09:04,369
It's just...
1014
01:09:04,371 --> 01:09:07,008
I know. I know.
1015
01:09:10,477 --> 01:09:13,281
- Okay. All right. Bye.
- See ya.
1016
01:09:25,826 --> 01:09:28,661
We'd like to do
a gastroscopic exam.
1017
01:09:28,663 --> 01:09:31,997
We lower a fiber optic camera
down the throat and esophagus,
1018
01:09:31,999 --> 01:09:33,733
and take a look around.
1019
01:09:33,735 --> 01:09:35,400
It's an outpatient procedure,
local anesthetic.
1020
01:09:35,402 --> 01:09:36,969
You should be able
to leave by mid-afternoon.
1021
01:09:36,971 --> 01:09:38,871
Still, that doesn't...
That doesn't sound too good.
1022
01:09:38,873 --> 01:09:41,808
Well, we'd like to check
for evidence of malignancy.
1023
01:09:41,810 --> 01:09:42,945
Cancer.
1024
01:09:44,445 --> 01:09:46,714
Cancer's not the fearsome
medical foe it once was.
1025
01:09:47,115 --> 01:09:48,417
Mmm-hmm.
1026
01:09:50,884 --> 01:09:53,321
What's the...
The treatment for that?
1027
01:09:54,455 --> 01:09:57,493
It depends on how far advanced
the tumor is.
1028
01:09:58,026 --> 01:09:59,658
But...
1029
01:09:59,660 --> 01:10:01,730
You stated you've been
experiencing discomfort.
1030
01:10:01,963 --> 01:10:04,529
Uh-huh. Yeah.
1031
01:10:04,531 --> 01:10:06,599
Six months?
1032
01:10:06,601 --> 01:10:10,769
Well, diet, medication, chemo,
even surgery.
1033
01:10:10,771 --> 01:10:13,439
We have a variety
of diagnostic tools.
1034
01:10:13,441 --> 01:10:15,444
Have you had
any bloody stools?
1035
01:10:20,080 --> 01:10:21,549
Recently?
1036
01:10:23,985 --> 01:10:25,952
Okay. I'd like to schedule
1037
01:10:25,954 --> 01:10:27,720
the gastroscopy
as soon as possible.
1038
01:10:27,722 --> 01:10:31,493
We have an open slot
week after next.
1039
01:10:32,093 --> 01:10:33,062
Okay.
1040
01:10:33,628 --> 01:10:34,630
What's your diet?
1041
01:10:35,029 --> 01:10:38,631
My diet?
Um, I'm hungry, I eat.
1042
01:10:38,633 --> 01:10:40,032
- You smoke?
- No.
1043
01:10:40,034 --> 01:10:41,070
Drink?
1044
01:10:42,504 --> 01:10:44,436
Mmm, in moderation.
1045
01:10:44,438 --> 01:10:45,971
That needs to end.
1046
01:10:45,973 --> 01:10:47,407
I'm gonna call in
a prescription to help
1047
01:10:47,409 --> 01:10:48,841
- with the stomach pain.
- Huh.
1048
01:10:48,843 --> 01:10:50,946
And I want you to take
nutritional supplements.
1049
01:10:51,579 --> 01:10:52,681
Okay.
1050
01:10:53,714 --> 01:10:54,949
Are you in pain now?
1051
01:10:56,183 --> 01:10:57,686
No. No. I feel good.
1052
01:10:59,654 --> 01:11:03,622
We tend to think
that anxiety and worry
1053
01:11:03,624 --> 01:11:07,662
are simply an indication
of how wise we are,
1054
01:11:08,695 --> 01:11:10,061
yet it is
a much better indication
1055
01:11:10,063 --> 01:11:12,631
of how wicked we are.
1056
01:11:12,633 --> 01:11:16,568
Fretting arises
from our determination
1057
01:11:16,570 --> 01:11:18,970
to have our own way.
1058
01:11:18,972 --> 01:11:23,444
Our Lord never worried
and was never anxious.
1059
01:11:24,012 --> 01:11:25,711
I'll be back in a bit.
1060
01:11:25,713 --> 01:11:28,180
Because His purpose
was to accomplish
1061
01:11:28,182 --> 01:11:30,485
not his own plans...
1062
01:11:35,056 --> 01:11:36,058
Reverend?
1063
01:11:36,490 --> 01:11:37,723
Hi Esther.
1064
01:11:37,725 --> 01:11:39,125
I... I didn't know
you were coming.
1065
01:11:39,127 --> 01:11:41,027
Well, Joel's office called.
1066
01:11:41,029 --> 01:11:42,694
They want to talk to me about
the Reconsecration program.
1067
01:11:42,696 --> 01:11:44,463
Did... Did they talk to you?
1068
01:11:44,465 --> 01:11:46,732
Uh, I'll be at First Reformed.
And Stanley will be
1069
01:11:46,734 --> 01:11:48,634
with the full choir here
for the simulcast.
1070
01:11:48,636 --> 01:11:50,002
Mmm-hmm. Nice.
1071
01:11:50,004 --> 01:11:51,136
The acoustics will
be wonderful. I mean...
1072
01:11:51,138 --> 01:11:52,805
Stop.
1073
01:11:52,807 --> 01:11:55,574
Really wonderful.
Did you hear from Albany?
1074
01:11:55,576 --> 01:11:56,641
Yeah. I did.
1075
01:11:56,643 --> 01:11:57,743
Well, what did they say?
1076
01:11:57,745 --> 01:11:59,077
Nothing. Just some more tests.
1077
01:11:59,079 --> 01:12:00,581
A gastroscopy.
1078
01:12:02,484 --> 01:12:03,819
And you know this how?
1079
01:12:04,819 --> 01:12:06,152
I called.
1080
01:12:06,154 --> 01:12:08,790
- I'm worried about you.
- Leave me alone.
1081
01:12:10,491 --> 01:12:12,958
- I just want to try...
- I know what you want!
1082
01:12:12,960 --> 01:12:15,161
All right? And I cannot bear
your concern,
1083
01:12:15,163 --> 01:12:17,229
your constant hovering.
Your neediness.
1084
01:12:17,231 --> 01:12:19,799
You, you're
a constant reminder
1085
01:12:19,801 --> 01:12:22,868
of my own personal
inadequacies and failings.
1086
01:12:22,870 --> 01:12:26,775
You want something that never
was and never will be.
1087
01:12:27,241 --> 01:12:28,608
Don't make me do this,
'cause I...
1088
01:12:28,610 --> 01:12:30,141
Esther. Esther. Esther.
1089
01:12:30,143 --> 01:12:31,777
Pull yourself together. Okay?
Look at yourself.
1090
01:12:31,779 --> 01:12:33,714
You don't take care
of yourself.
1091
01:12:34,682 --> 01:12:36,218
I despise you.
1092
01:12:37,051 --> 01:12:40,219
I despise
what you bring out in me.
1093
01:12:40,221 --> 01:12:42,721
Your concerns are petty.
1094
01:12:42,723 --> 01:12:44,860
You are a stumbling block.
1095
01:12:58,106 --> 01:13:00,238
I suddenly feel
much better.
1096
01:13:00,240 --> 01:13:03,009
I awoke early, clear-headed
1097
01:13:03,011 --> 01:13:05,681
and immediately set about
my daily tasks.
1098
01:16:24,478 --> 01:16:26,345
"The nations raged..."
1099
01:16:28,249 --> 01:16:30,018
"But your wrath came,
1100
01:16:31,084 --> 01:16:33,721
"and the time for the dead
to be judged,
1101
01:16:36,324 --> 01:16:38,090
"and for rewarding
your servants,
1102
01:16:38,092 --> 01:16:39,728
"and prophets and saints,
1103
01:16:40,460 --> 01:16:42,731
"and for those
who fear your name,
1104
01:16:43,130 --> 01:16:45,032
"both small and great,
1105
01:16:47,168 --> 01:16:50,304
"and for destroying
the destroyers of the Earth."
1106
01:16:54,441 --> 01:16:57,044
Revelations 11:18.
1107
01:17:21,968 --> 01:17:24,068
I have removed
the previous pages.
1108
01:17:24,070 --> 01:17:25,940
They were written
in a delirium.
1109
01:17:26,973 --> 01:17:29,143
But I am determined
to continue.
1110
01:17:31,145 --> 01:17:33,915
It's hard to struggle
against torpor.
1111
01:17:34,848 --> 01:17:36,485
I must set pen to paper.
1112
01:17:59,339 --> 01:18:00,342
Shit.
1113
01:18:15,356 --> 01:18:17,922
- Oh, hey Mary.
- Hi. Can I come in?
1114
01:18:17,924 --> 01:18:19,558
Yeah, of course. Come on in.
Come on, come on.
1115
01:18:19,560 --> 01:18:21,894
Come on, come in.
Do you need anything?
1116
01:18:21,896 --> 01:18:24,063
Um, do you want...
Um, can I take your coat?
1117
01:18:24,065 --> 01:18:26,468
- Yeah.
- Hey, are you all right?
1118
01:18:27,101 --> 01:18:29,301
- Um...
- Let me get this.
1119
01:18:29,303 --> 01:18:31,306
Uh, no.
1120
01:18:34,875 --> 01:18:37,176
I'm just,
I'm really frightened.
1121
01:18:37,178 --> 01:18:39,214
I'm like I'm frightened
of everything.
1122
01:18:40,414 --> 01:18:43,882
Uh, I woke up
and my heart was pounding
1123
01:18:43,884 --> 01:18:45,917
and I... I thought,
like, the roof,
1124
01:18:45,919 --> 01:18:48,220
the ceiling,
was just gonna fall in.
1125
01:18:48,222 --> 01:18:51,155
Um, so I... I had to get out.
1126
01:18:51,157 --> 01:18:52,424
Yeah. Mary?
1127
01:18:52,426 --> 01:18:54,359
And I just drove around,
and... And I...
1128
01:18:54,361 --> 01:18:56,961
I didn't put any make-up on.
Sorry.
1129
01:18:56,963 --> 01:19:00,131
I'm glad you came.
Do you want some, uh...
1130
01:19:00,133 --> 01:19:01,567
Some water, some tea...
1131
01:19:01,569 --> 01:19:03,271
Without warning,
1132
01:19:04,972 --> 01:19:07,008
this dark curtain just fell.
1133
01:19:07,642 --> 01:19:10,542
I'm... I'm scared
of everything.
1134
01:19:10,544 --> 01:19:12,344
Well, you did the right thing
coming here.
1135
01:19:12,346 --> 01:19:13,979
I just can't stop my thoughts.
1136
01:19:13,981 --> 01:19:15,948
They just keep
going on and on.
1137
01:19:15,950 --> 01:19:17,586
They repeat and repeat.
1138
01:19:18,386 --> 01:19:20,955
Did this ever happen
before Michael's death?
1139
01:19:22,123 --> 01:19:26,194
A little. Yeah.
Not like this though.
1140
01:19:27,328 --> 01:19:29,994
I read online that, um,
they used to believe
1141
01:19:29,996 --> 01:19:32,297
that pregnancy made you happy,
but now they feel like
1142
01:19:32,299 --> 01:19:34,502
it just makes your feelings
more extreme.
1143
01:19:38,172 --> 01:19:39,473
Michael...
1144
01:19:41,441 --> 01:19:43,477
He was just really strong.
1145
01:19:44,078 --> 01:19:45,280
How so?
1146
01:19:48,415 --> 01:19:51,085
Um, he listened. He was kind.
1147
01:19:53,486 --> 01:19:55,186
We used to do this thing
1148
01:19:55,188 --> 01:19:56,892
called
the Magical Mystery Tour.
1149
01:19:57,691 --> 01:20:00,361
It sounds silly. But, um...
1150
01:20:01,294 --> 01:20:03,297
We would, uh, share a joint
1151
01:20:04,130 --> 01:20:06,901
and lay on top of each other
fully clothed.
1152
01:20:08,436 --> 01:20:10,101
We would try to get as much
1153
01:20:10,103 --> 01:20:11,606
body-to-body contact
as possible.
1154
01:20:12,373 --> 01:20:14,342
We'd have our hands out and...
1155
01:20:15,241 --> 01:20:17,913
We would just look straight
into each other's eyes
1156
01:20:18,512 --> 01:20:20,479
and move them in unison,
1157
01:20:20,481 --> 01:20:22,613
like right, left, right, left.
1158
01:20:22,615 --> 01:20:25,453
And then we would breathe
in rhythm.
1159
01:20:32,325 --> 01:20:33,627
You want me to do this?
1160
01:20:36,329 --> 01:20:39,033
No. I didn't mean that.
1161
01:20:40,468 --> 01:20:41,699
All right.
1162
01:20:41,701 --> 01:20:43,605
I mean, I...
1163
01:20:45,505 --> 01:20:47,739
Yeah. I mean, yeah.
I guess I...
1164
01:20:47,741 --> 01:20:49,244
Yeah. I guess I did.
1165
01:20:50,076 --> 01:20:53,414
Okay. Uh, show me.
1166
01:20:53,780 --> 01:20:57,382
Well, you lay on your back,
1167
01:20:57,384 --> 01:20:59,420
and with your arms
and your legs stretched out.
1168
01:21:00,187 --> 01:21:01,323
Do we need music?
1169
01:21:02,088 --> 01:21:03,958
No, we just listen
to the breaths.
1170
01:21:05,125 --> 01:21:07,661
Just lie down?
1171
01:21:08,629 --> 01:21:11,266
Yeah. And then, yeah.
1172
01:25:25,718 --> 01:25:26,551
Go, go, go, go! Come on,
come on, come on!
1173
01:25:26,553 --> 01:25:27,288
Come on, Benny.
1174
01:25:30,523 --> 01:25:31,325
Hey, guys.
Let's all get seated
1175
01:25:32,360 --> 01:25:33,995
in the first pew right here.
All the way down.
1176
01:25:38,865 --> 01:25:40,000
All right. Good job, guys.
1177
01:25:41,567 --> 01:25:43,404
Okay, so last week,
we read
The Patchwork Path
1178
01:25:43,637 --> 01:25:45,304
about
the Underground Railroad,
1179
01:25:45,306 --> 01:25:48,739
which was not a railroad,
but... Rosa?
1180
01:25:48,741 --> 01:25:50,509
It was a slave trail.
1181
01:25:50,511 --> 01:25:53,478
It was an escape route
from the South to the North.
1182
01:25:53,480 --> 01:25:55,713
And this church,
First Reformed,
1183
01:25:55,715 --> 01:25:58,582
was one of the stops on
that route. Reverend Toller?
1184
01:25:58,584 --> 01:26:01,819
Yeah. Slaves, uh,
fleeing north to Canada
1185
01:26:01,821 --> 01:26:05,724
were often helped, fed, hidden
by homes and churches
1186
01:26:05,726 --> 01:26:07,958
along this route.
Calvin Verlander
1187
01:26:07,960 --> 01:26:10,695
was the dominee, the minister
here at First Reformed.
1188
01:26:10,697 --> 01:26:12,997
And he was very active
in the Abolitionist Movement.
1189
01:26:12,999 --> 01:26:15,000
He assisted in...
1190
01:26:15,002 --> 01:26:16,803
No. Miss Suriya,
let me try this.
1191
01:26:17,070 --> 01:26:18,869
Uh, why don't you all stand up
for a second?
1192
01:26:18,871 --> 01:26:19,938
Take a look right here.
1193
01:26:19,940 --> 01:26:21,739
Do you see one part of wood
that seems different
1194
01:26:21,741 --> 01:26:22,944
than the other part
of the wood?
1195
01:26:23,544 --> 01:26:23,978
Yeah!
1196
01:26:24,844 --> 01:26:25,512
You all see that, don't you?
1197
01:26:26,280 --> 01:26:26,914
But does this seem
a little bit
1198
01:26:27,813 --> 01:26:29,514
- like a secret door? Hmm?
- Yes.
1199
01:26:29,516 --> 01:26:30,881
- Yeah. What's your name?
- Benny.
1200
01:26:30,883 --> 01:26:32,516
Benny, will you give me
a hand?
1201
01:26:32,518 --> 01:26:33,952
- Come on over here.
- Mmm-hmm.
1202
01:26:33,954 --> 01:26:35,987
You see, there used to be
a pew over this.
1203
01:26:35,989 --> 01:26:38,357
And they would move it, and
then they would lift this up.
1204
01:26:38,359 --> 01:26:39,960
Can you do it? Help me.
1205
01:26:40,994 --> 01:26:43,127
Yes! Oh!
1206
01:26:43,129 --> 01:26:44,598
Come around everybody.
1207
01:26:45,432 --> 01:26:47,733
Slaves would hide in here.
Sometimes whole families.
1208
01:26:47,735 --> 01:26:49,504
Be really careful. All right.
1209
01:26:49,937 --> 01:26:51,606
Can you imagine that?
1210
01:26:52,106 --> 01:26:55,543
In the dark. The air hot,
1211
01:26:56,442 --> 01:26:57,477
shaking with fear.
1212
01:26:58,712 --> 01:26:59,946
The sound of the slave
hunter's horses outside.
1213
01:27:00,813 --> 01:27:02,980
On their knees,
holding each other's hands,
1214
01:27:02,982 --> 01:27:04,752
praying for God to save them?
1215
01:27:10,790 --> 01:27:12,090
Do you want me
to pack up
1216
01:27:12,092 --> 01:27:13,591
anything here in the kitchen?
1217
01:27:13,593 --> 01:27:15,962
No. I can get it later.
Thanks.
1218
01:27:19,932 --> 01:27:22,069
I'd love to meet
your sister sometime.
1219
01:27:24,004 --> 01:27:26,003
- You wanna come to Buffalo?
- If I'm invited. I'd love to.
1220
01:27:26,005 --> 01:27:28,105
- You gonna visit me?
- I would, yeah.
1221
01:27:28,107 --> 01:27:30,078
I'd love to meet Michael Jr.
1222
01:27:30,977 --> 01:27:32,879
You've been such a help to me.
1223
01:27:33,746 --> 01:27:35,479
My great-grandfather
1224
01:27:35,481 --> 01:27:37,482
was a pastor
in Muskegon, Michigan.
1225
01:27:37,484 --> 01:27:39,083
The Saint of God.
1226
01:27:39,085 --> 01:27:41,752
And, uh, the bank in town
was a two-story building,
1227
01:27:41,754 --> 01:27:43,123
the first building
to have an elevator.
1228
01:27:43,856 --> 01:27:45,125
And one Monday,
1229
01:27:46,160 --> 01:27:48,793
Granddad, uh,
got the boys all together
1230
01:27:48,795 --> 01:27:51,128
and they went into town
to deposit church funds,
1231
01:27:51,130 --> 01:27:53,030
as they did every Monday.
1232
01:27:53,032 --> 01:27:54,966
And they needed to go talk
to the managers.
1233
01:27:54,968 --> 01:27:56,501
They got on the elevator.
1234
01:27:56,503 --> 01:27:57,905
And he had a heart attack.
1235
01:27:59,205 --> 01:28:01,773
And he... He took off his hat.
1236
01:28:01,775 --> 01:28:03,041
Apparently he always
wore a hat.
1237
01:28:03,043 --> 01:28:04,943
And he took off his hat
and he said,
1238
01:28:04,945 --> 01:28:07,715
"Boys, take off my shoes.
1239
01:28:07,981 --> 01:28:09,951
"I'm standing on Holy Ground."
1240
01:28:10,984 --> 01:28:11,951
And then he died.
1241
01:28:13,719 --> 01:28:16,022
Somewhere between
the first and second floor.
1242
01:28:18,558 --> 01:28:21,995
Um, I think about that story
when I think about Michael.
1243
01:28:24,498 --> 01:28:25,930
'Cause I believe
he was standing
1244
01:28:25,932 --> 01:28:27,801
on Holy Ground when he died.
1245
01:28:39,679 --> 01:28:40,847
Thank you.
1246
01:28:42,115 --> 01:28:43,951
So I'll see you in Buffalo?
1247
01:28:44,517 --> 01:28:47,120
I think I'm gonna go
to the, uh, Reconsecration.
1248
01:28:48,187 --> 01:28:50,590
Oh. No, you...
You don't need to do that.
1249
01:28:50,958 --> 01:28:53,161
- But, I... I want to.
- Yeah, but it's not necessary.
1250
01:28:53,560 --> 01:28:54,993
Yeah, but you've
been there for me,
1251
01:28:54,995 --> 01:28:56,494
and I want to be there
for you.
1252
01:28:56,496 --> 01:28:58,128
It's very nice of you
to offer,
1253
01:28:58,130 --> 01:29:00,064
um, but it's just
a bunch of rich guys
1254
01:29:00,066 --> 01:29:01,867
patting each other
on the back.
1255
01:29:01,869 --> 01:29:03,502
- But you're gonna be there.
- But I have to be there.
1256
01:29:03,504 --> 01:29:05,740
- So I'm gonna go.
- Please don't come.
1257
01:29:06,606 --> 01:29:09,709
Okay? I don't want you
to come. You understand?
1258
01:29:12,111 --> 01:29:13,181
Okay.
1259
01:29:15,648 --> 01:29:17,752
Right. Have a nice evening.
1260
01:29:46,245 --> 01:29:49,249
"Be strong in the Lord
and in His mighty power.
1261
01:29:50,651 --> 01:29:53,721
"Put on the full armor of God,
1262
01:29:54,021 --> 01:29:56,020
"so that you can
take your stand
1263
01:29:56,022 --> 01:29:57,924
"against the devil's schemes.
1264
01:29:58,725 --> 01:30:01,728
"For our struggle is not
against flesh and blood,
1265
01:30:03,730 --> 01:30:05,199
"but against the rulers,
1266
01:30:05,898 --> 01:30:07,802
"against the authorities,
1267
01:30:08,602 --> 01:30:11,839
"against the powers
of this dark world."
1268
01:30:50,677 --> 01:30:52,277
Balq Home Products,
1269
01:30:52,279 --> 01:30:55,850
makers of paper goods,
fertilizers,
1270
01:30:56,850 --> 01:30:59,783
everyday items
for the household,
1271
01:30:59,785 --> 01:31:02,220
was among the first companies
1272
01:31:02,222 --> 01:31:07,061
to realize the need to address
environmental concerns.
1273
01:31:07,393 --> 01:31:10,030
Sir? Are you joining us?
1274
01:31:10,998 --> 01:31:15,966
This unit makes
recyclable plastic markers.
1275
01:31:15,968 --> 01:31:20,270
Balq has facilities
or production arrangements
1276
01:31:20,272 --> 01:31:24,110
with 18 countries
around the world.
1277
01:31:31,151 --> 01:31:34,255
Today, I stopped.
I had Miso and fish.
1278
01:31:38,659 --> 01:31:40,594
Such simple pleasures.
1279
01:31:43,362 --> 01:31:45,231
Why do we deny ourselves?
1280
01:32:39,820 --> 01:32:43,857
Every act of preservation
is an act of creation.
1281
01:32:44,223 --> 01:32:46,860
Everything preserved
renews creation.
1282
01:32:47,960 --> 01:32:50,097
It's how we participate
in creation.
1283
01:33:39,913 --> 01:33:42,183
I have found another form
of prayer.
1284
01:34:02,268 --> 01:34:05,438
Reverend Toller. Come on in.
Close the door.
1285
01:34:06,539 --> 01:34:08,908
Why don't you take a seat?
1286
01:34:12,212 --> 01:34:13,848
We're concerned about you.
1287
01:34:14,880 --> 01:34:15,950
Who is?
1288
01:34:16,215 --> 01:34:17,485
How's your health?
1289
01:34:19,518 --> 01:34:21,387
I'm having some tests.
1290
01:34:22,088 --> 01:34:24,221
Hmm? Have you got any results?
1291
01:34:24,223 --> 01:34:25,258
No. No.
1292
01:34:26,258 --> 01:34:28,158
What about your diet?
1293
01:34:28,160 --> 01:34:30,297
You know, I'm gonna be honest,
you just don't look so good.
1294
01:34:31,597 --> 01:34:35,502
I've had some...
Some stomach issues.
1295
01:34:37,469 --> 01:34:39,507
And I understand
you've been drinking.
1296
01:34:41,173 --> 01:34:46,277
Hm. What? It's just
a little wine with dinner.
1297
01:34:46,279 --> 01:34:47,947
- Wine?
- Yeah. Yeah.
1298
01:34:49,249 --> 01:34:52,884
Well, that's not recommended
1299
01:34:52,886 --> 01:34:54,985
for someone who has
stomach problems.
1300
01:34:54,987 --> 01:34:56,453
I understand, all right?
1301
01:34:56,455 --> 01:34:58,191
I'll... I'll start taking
better care of myself.
1302
01:34:59,124 --> 01:35:01,559
You're always in the Garden.
1303
01:35:01,561 --> 01:35:05,128
Even Jesus wasn't always
in the Garden,
1304
01:35:05,130 --> 01:35:07,101
on his knees, sweating blood.
1305
01:35:07,467 --> 01:35:09,136
He was on the Mount.
1306
01:35:09,369 --> 01:35:12,839
He was in the marketplace.
He was in the temple.
1307
01:35:13,138 --> 01:35:16,109
But you,
you're always in the Garden.
1308
01:35:16,343 --> 01:35:19,513
For you every hour
is the Darkest Hour.
1309
01:35:20,112 --> 01:35:22,816
I wasn't aware
that I had offended.
1310
01:35:23,583 --> 01:35:25,449
Jesus doesn't want
our suffering.
1311
01:35:25,451 --> 01:35:27,353
- He suffered for us.
- Mmm-mmm.
1312
01:35:27,620 --> 01:35:31,154
He wants our commitment
and our obedience.
1313
01:35:31,156 --> 01:35:33,091
And what of His creation?
1314
01:35:33,093 --> 01:35:35,092
The Heavens declare
the glory of God.
1315
01:35:35,094 --> 01:35:37,028
God is present everywhere,
1316
01:35:37,030 --> 01:35:40,665
in every plant, every river,
every tiny insect.
1317
01:35:40,667 --> 01:35:42,199
The whole world
is a manifestation
1318
01:35:42,201 --> 01:35:44,601
of His Holy presence.
1319
01:35:44,603 --> 01:35:46,270
I think this is an issue
1320
01:35:46,272 --> 01:35:48,273
where... Where the church
can lead.
1321
01:35:48,275 --> 01:35:50,241
But... But they say nothing.
1322
01:35:50,243 --> 01:35:51,579
The...
1323
01:35:52,579 --> 01:35:55,349
The U.S. Congress still denies
climate change?
1324
01:35:56,615 --> 01:35:59,185
Where were we when
these people were elected?
1325
01:35:59,919 --> 01:36:01,286
The, the, the...
1326
01:36:01,288 --> 01:36:03,387
We know who spoke
for big business. Right?
1327
01:36:03,389 --> 01:36:05,226
But who spoke for God?
1328
01:36:07,593 --> 01:36:11,028
"The creation waits
in eager expectation
1329
01:36:11,030 --> 01:36:13,299
"of liberation from bondage."
1330
01:36:15,200 --> 01:36:18,004
That's Romans 8:23.
You understand?
1331
01:36:19,239 --> 01:36:22,206
So, we should pollute
so God can restore?
1332
01:36:22,208 --> 01:36:25,009
We should sin
so God can forgive?
1333
01:36:25,011 --> 01:36:27,311
I don't think
that's what the Apostle meant.
1334
01:36:27,313 --> 01:36:28,979
I think we're supposed to look
1335
01:36:28,981 --> 01:36:31,582
with the eyes of Jesus
into every living...
1336
01:36:31,584 --> 01:36:33,650
You don't live
in the real world.
1337
01:36:33,652 --> 01:36:36,520
You don't.
You, you are a minister
1338
01:36:36,522 --> 01:36:38,389
at a tourist church
that no one attends.
1339
01:36:38,391 --> 01:36:41,693
Do you have any idea what
it takes to do God's work?
1340
01:36:41,695 --> 01:36:42,897
I'm trying to...
1341
01:36:43,830 --> 01:36:46,096
To, to maintain a mission
of this size?
1342
01:36:46,098 --> 01:36:48,666
The staffing, the outreach,
1343
01:36:48,668 --> 01:36:51,105
the amount of people
that we touch each day.
1344
01:36:51,370 --> 01:36:54,307
Who's that priest
that you like so much?
1345
01:36:55,307 --> 01:36:57,274
- Thomas Merton?
- Thomas Merton. He didn't live
1346
01:36:57,276 --> 01:36:59,010
- in the real world either!
- Yes, he did! He would...
1347
01:36:59,012 --> 01:37:01,011
No. He was a monk who lived
1348
01:37:01,013 --> 01:37:03,348
in a monastery in Kentucky
and wrote books!
1349
01:37:03,350 --> 01:37:05,582
Well, somebody has
to do something!
1350
01:37:05,584 --> 01:37:07,652
It's the Earth that hangs
in the balance.
1351
01:37:07,654 --> 01:37:11,088
Well what if this is His plan?
What if we just can't see it?
1352
01:37:11,090 --> 01:37:13,457
You think God wants
to destroy his creation?
1353
01:37:13,459 --> 01:37:15,261
He did once.
1354
01:37:15,628 --> 01:37:18,132
For 40 days and 40 nights.
1355
01:37:25,605 --> 01:37:29,573
Look, Abundant Life,
we're with you.
1356
01:37:29,575 --> 01:37:31,775
Okay? We care.
1357
01:37:31,777 --> 01:37:35,449
We do. And I know,
this is a hard time for you.
1358
01:37:36,182 --> 01:37:38,319
But we're gonna help you
with that.
1359
01:37:39,185 --> 01:37:41,752
Once we get through
the reconsecration service,
1360
01:37:41,754 --> 01:37:43,958
you, you need to go to rehab.
1361
01:37:44,356 --> 01:37:47,327
You need to go check yourself
into a medical institution.
1362
01:37:48,194 --> 01:37:50,627
All right?
Maybe go to Nicaragua
1363
01:37:50,629 --> 01:37:53,264
and preach the gospel
or build houses.
1364
01:37:53,266 --> 01:37:56,003
But do something
in the real world.
1365
01:37:56,201 --> 01:37:58,135
And if you can't
do the ceremony,
1366
01:37:58,137 --> 01:37:59,503
I'll understand that.
1367
01:37:59,505 --> 01:38:01,271
You're expected to be there,
but look.
1368
01:38:01,273 --> 01:38:03,041
We can just say that
you were sick, which is true.
1369
01:38:03,043 --> 01:38:04,178
No. No. It's not...
1370
01:38:05,411 --> 01:38:07,211
It's not about the ceremony.
All right? I can... I will...
1371
01:38:07,213 --> 01:38:09,079
I... I want to be there.
I have to be there.
1372
01:38:09,081 --> 01:38:11,416
It's my church.
It's 250 years.
1373
01:38:11,418 --> 01:38:14,355
I want to be there. I want
to introduce you. Please?
1374
01:38:16,556 --> 01:38:19,290
Well, Ed Balq has decided
1375
01:38:19,292 --> 01:38:21,091
that he would like
to make comments,
1376
01:38:21,093 --> 01:38:22,827
so the Governor
will introduce him.
1377
01:38:22,829 --> 01:38:24,295
Will that be a problem?
1378
01:38:24,297 --> 01:38:27,067
Not at all. Not at all.
1379
01:38:27,667 --> 01:38:29,636
Well good. Good.
1380
01:38:31,204 --> 01:38:33,770
Listen. We'll get through
this reconsecration.
1381
01:38:33,772 --> 01:38:35,476
It'll be special.
1382
01:38:35,842 --> 01:38:38,512
And then we'll deal
with these other issues.
1383
01:38:44,284 --> 01:38:45,419
Thank you.
1384
01:39:41,773 --> 01:39:42,776
Thanks.
1385
01:42:41,954 --> 01:42:43,753
Where is, um...
Where is Reverend Toller?
1386
01:42:43,755 --> 01:42:45,491
I'm not sure, ma'am. Inside.
1387
01:44:12,044 --> 01:44:14,014
- Have you seen him?
- No.
1388
01:44:26,892 --> 01:44:28,462
- Where is he?
- I don't know.
1389
01:44:41,507 --> 01:44:42,875
Toller!
1390
01:44:44,910 --> 01:44:47,711
Toller! You in there?
1391
01:45:13,472 --> 01:45:14,807
Begin the service.
1392
01:45:44,603 --> 01:45:47,003
What a fellowship
1393
01:45:47,005 --> 01:45:51,210
What a joy divine
1394
01:45:51,643 --> 01:45:54,577
Leaning on
1395
01:45:54,579 --> 01:45:59,218
The everlasting arms
1396
01:45:59,651 --> 01:46:03,589
What a blessedness
1397
01:46:03,822 --> 01:46:08,058
What a peace is mine
1398
01:46:08,060 --> 01:46:11,060
Leaning on
1399
01:46:11,062 --> 01:46:15,935
The everlasting arms
1400
01:46:16,134 --> 01:46:19,869
Leaning
1401
01:46:19,871 --> 01:46:23,109
Leaning
1402
01:46:23,676 --> 01:46:26,844
Safe and secure
1403
01:46:26,846 --> 01:46:31,250
From all alarms
1404
01:46:31,784 --> 01:46:35,021
Leaning
1405
01:46:35,620 --> 01:46:39,189
Leaning
1406
01:46:39,191 --> 01:46:42,126
Leaning on
1407
01:46:42,128 --> 01:46:46,866
The everlasting arms
1408
01:46:47,232 --> 01:46:51,203
Oh, how sweet to walk
1409
01:46:51,704 --> 01:46:55,706
In this pilgrim way
1410
01:46:55,708 --> 01:46:58,908
Leaning on
1411
01:46:58,910 --> 01:47:03,616
The everlasting arms
1412
01:47:03,883 --> 01:47:07,952
Oh, how bright the path
1413
01:47:07,954 --> 01:47:12,122
Grows from day to day
1414
01:47:12,124 --> 01:47:15,125
Leaning on
1415
01:47:15,127 --> 01:47:19,766
The everlasting arms
1416
01:47:20,098 --> 01:47:23,736
Leaning
1417
01:47:23,936 --> 01:47:27,307
Leaning
1418
01:47:27,807 --> 01:47:30,707
Safe and secure
1419
01:47:30,709 --> 01:47:35,581
From all alarms
1420
01:47:35,815 --> 01:47:39,716
Leaning
1421
01:47:39,718 --> 01:47:43,319
Leaning
1422
01:47:43,321 --> 01:47:46,256
Leaning on
1423
01:47:46,258 --> 01:47:50,964
The everlasting arms
1424
01:47:51,364 --> 01:47:55,399
What have I to dread
1425
01:47:55,401 --> 01:47:59,172
What have I to fear
1426
01:47:59,739 --> 01:48:02,342
Leaning on
1427
01:48:03,142 --> 01:48:04,241
Ernst?
1428
01:48:04,243 --> 01:48:07,144
The everlasting arms
1429
01:48:07,146 --> 01:48:11,015
I have blessed peace
1430
01:48:11,017 --> 01:48:14,854
With my Lord so near
1431
01:48:15,053 --> 01:48:18,055
Leaning on
1432
01:48:18,057 --> 01:48:22,295
The everlasting arms
1433
01:48:23,029 --> 01:48:26,729
Leaning
1434
01:48:26,731 --> 01:48:29,902
Leaning
1435
01:48:30,236 --> 01:48:33,403
Safe and secure
1436
01:48:33,405 --> 01:48:38,175
From all alarms
1437
01:48:38,177 --> 01:48:41,944
Leaning
1438
01:48:41,946 --> 01:48:45,217
Leaning
1439
01:48:45,450 --> 01:48:48,452
Leaning on
1440
01:48:48,454 --> 01:48:53,125
The everlasting arms
1441
01:48:53,325 --> 01:48:56,830
Leaning
1442
01:48:57,163 --> 01:49:00,700
Leaning
1443
01:49:00,965 --> 01:49:03,900
Leaning on
1444
01:49:03,902 --> 01:49:08,307
The everlasting arms
1445
01:49:08,773 --> 01:49:12,178
Leaning
105798