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1
00:00:32,792 --> 00:00:34,875
(RANDY NEWMAN'S
HEAVEN IS MY HOME PLAYING)
2
00:03:15,083 --> 00:03:16,792
(DISTANT THUNDER)
3
00:03:31,959 --> 00:03:33,166
Good night now.
4
00:03:33,166 --> 00:03:34,458
Good night.
5
00:03:42,458 --> 00:03:44,250
(THUNDER)
6
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:16,166
(ROCK VERSION OF
WINTER WONDERLAND PLAYING)
7
00:04:29,417 --> 00:04:31,166
Right here is fine.
8
00:04:31,166 --> 00:04:32,834
Think this is
bleak enough?
9
00:04:32,834 --> 00:04:36,417
My ears are frozen,
my feet are frozen.
10
00:04:36,417 --> 00:04:38,458
This is as far
as it goes.
11
00:04:38,458 --> 00:04:40,709
Malt's not going
to like this.
12
00:04:40,709 --> 00:04:42,458
What's he not
going to like?
13
00:04:42,458 --> 00:04:44,208
He'll find something
not to like.
14
00:04:44,208 --> 00:04:45,834
Besides us, you mean?
15
00:04:45,834 --> 00:04:47,667
Yes, besides us.
16
00:04:47,667 --> 00:04:49,000
Huey...
17
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:50,834
You sit in the sled.
18
00:04:54,041 --> 00:04:57,208
Santa, Sparky, presents...
19
00:04:57,208 --> 00:04:58,417
Reindeer...
20
00:04:58,417 --> 00:05:00,709
Fake snow...
What are we missing?
21
00:05:00,709 --> 00:05:01,917
Children.
22
00:05:01,917 --> 00:05:03,917
Oh, yeah.
23
00:05:03,917 --> 00:05:04,959
Let them out!
24
00:05:04,959 --> 00:05:06,583
Let them out!
25
00:05:09,834 --> 00:05:12,041
(KIDS SHOUTING)
26
00:05:12,041 --> 00:05:13,333
Now what do I do?
27
00:05:13,333 --> 00:05:15,709
You know what to do.
28
00:05:15,709 --> 00:05:19,166
When they
handed out the parts,
you got the heart.
29
00:05:19,166 --> 00:05:21,709
That's right,
I got the heart.
30
00:05:21,709 --> 00:05:22,959
You got the brain.
Is that what
you're saying?
31
00:05:22,959 --> 00:05:26,709
I'm saying that
between the two of us,
you've got the heart.
32
00:05:26,709 --> 00:05:30,041
I'm saying that together,
we make a person.
33
00:05:30,041 --> 00:05:31,250
CHILDREN: It's Santa!
34
00:05:31,250 --> 00:05:32,917
It's Sparky!
35
00:05:32,917 --> 00:05:33,750
(SPARKY BARKING)
36
00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:35,917
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
37
00:05:46,291 --> 00:05:48,625
What is this,
Craddock, a joke?
38
00:05:48,625 --> 00:05:50,750
No.
Who was in charge here?
39
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:52,375
Me. I was.
40
00:05:52,375 --> 00:05:54,250
CRADDOCK: That's right,
Mr. Malt.
This was Quinlan's baby.
41
00:05:54,250 --> 00:05:56,166
Quinlan...
42
00:05:56,166 --> 00:05:58,542
Let me ask you
a question.
43
00:05:58,542 --> 00:06:00,667
You was a big-shot
investigative reporter
44
00:06:00,667 --> 00:06:02,125
for the Chicago Tribune.
45
00:06:02,125 --> 00:06:03,917
Won some prizes.
46
00:06:03,917 --> 00:06:05,709
(DOG BARKING)
47
00:06:05,709 --> 00:06:07,000
(GROWLING)
48
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,625
Give him a biscuit.
49
00:06:08,625 --> 00:06:12,250
Now, what do these
look like to you?
50
00:06:12,250 --> 00:06:14,792
They're Indians
dressed up as Eskimos.
51
00:06:14,792 --> 00:06:17,250
Indians, Eskimos...
What's the difference?
52
00:06:17,250 --> 00:06:18,625
That's what we thought.
53
00:06:18,625 --> 00:06:20,709
MALT: Shut up, Driscoll.
54
00:06:20,709 --> 00:06:23,083
You know the only prize
I ever got, Quinlan?
55
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:25,333
It's out there
on the walls.
56
00:06:25,333 --> 00:06:28,750
I got 4 and a half
million people
57
00:06:28,750 --> 00:06:31,458
who buy the National Mirror
every week.
58
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:35,125
Do you know how
many of those
4 and a half million readers
59
00:06:35,125 --> 00:06:38,000
are Indians or Eskimos
or Eskimo-Indians?
60
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,750
CRADDOCK: I told him.
American children.
61
00:06:39,750 --> 00:06:43,291
Americans want to see
pictures of Americans.
62
00:06:43,291 --> 00:06:44,917
FRANK:
They are Americans.
63
00:06:44,917 --> 00:06:48,500
Americans!
Is that too much to ask
for Christmas?
64
00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:51,834
No, sir, and I will
get someone right on it.
65
00:06:53,458 --> 00:06:55,583
Aw, did you
do that again?
66
00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:57,625
(GROWLING)
67
00:06:57,625 --> 00:07:01,291
If you don't teach
that dog some manners soon,
68
00:07:01,291 --> 00:07:03,208
somebody else
is going to have to,
69
00:07:03,208 --> 00:07:05,500
won't they, hmm?
70
00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:07,500
How long were you in
Elizabeth Taylor's pool,
ma'am?
71
00:07:07,500 --> 00:07:10,500
Reincarnation.
Miss Uffler speaking.
72
00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:13,000
Were you on the bed
when it levitated?
73
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,792
So you're saying
he's living in
your refrigerator?
74
00:07:15,792 --> 00:07:17,333
Uh-huh.
75
00:07:17,333 --> 00:07:19,208
Uh-huh.
You know what?
76
00:07:19,208 --> 00:07:21,458
Can I put you on
hold for a second?
77
00:07:21,458 --> 00:07:24,000
I'm going to go
to my desk and take
this call there.
78
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:25,041
Yes. Now,
don't let him out.
79
00:07:25,041 --> 00:07:26,667
Okay. Hold on.
80
00:07:43,792 --> 00:07:45,083
Oh.
81
00:07:45,083 --> 00:07:46,542
Oh, no, no, no.
82
00:07:46,542 --> 00:07:48,542
Here's something
interesting.
83
00:07:51,208 --> 00:07:53,375
Ay yi yi.
84
00:07:57,709 --> 00:08:01,417
FRANK: Malt sent you
for the tree this year,
didn't he? I forgot.
85
00:08:01,417 --> 00:08:03,166
HUEY: I found it in Montana.
86
00:08:03,166 --> 00:08:05,166
Now, the second
I see this tree,
87
00:08:05,166 --> 00:08:08,041
I know that it's too big
to fit on the truck.
88
00:08:08,041 --> 00:08:10,417
Then I think,
what if someone else
sees the same tree
89
00:08:10,417 --> 00:08:12,375
while I'm out trying
to find something
90
00:08:12,375 --> 00:08:14,417
that will fit
on the truck?
91
00:08:14,417 --> 00:08:16,083
Then Malt...
92
00:08:16,083 --> 00:08:19,083
Gets the second
biggest Christmas tree
in America,
93
00:08:19,083 --> 00:08:20,750
and I'm screwed.
94
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,667
Yeah, well,
that's good thinking.
95
00:08:22,667 --> 00:08:24,417
So I cut the top off.
96
00:08:24,417 --> 00:08:26,291
You did that?
97
00:08:26,291 --> 00:08:28,542
How was I supposed to
know it was going to be
such a major problem
98
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:30,750
to put the top part
of the tree
back on the bottom?
99
00:08:30,750 --> 00:08:32,875
He is never going
to fire you, Huey.
100
00:08:32,875 --> 00:08:37,250
Look at the walls.
Look, look at the walls.
101
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:40,250
He's got
millions of dollars
tied up in that dog,
102
00:08:40,250 --> 00:08:43,208
and the dog
belongs to you.
103
00:08:43,208 --> 00:08:45,583
Hold on to that dog,
Huey.
104
00:08:51,625 --> 00:08:53,000
(CRASH)
105
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,667
What?
106
00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:56,250
MALT: Driscoll?
Driscoll!
107
00:08:56,250 --> 00:08:58,417
Driscoll!
Come in here!
108
00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:03,291
We're going
together, Sparky.
109
00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:10,208
"Dear, Mr. Quinlan,
I'm a great admirer
of your... Prose
110
00:09:10,208 --> 00:09:12,750
"and can tell you have
a sensitive nature.
111
00:09:12,750 --> 00:09:17,291
"I have had an angel
named... Michael...
112
00:09:19,250 --> 00:09:21,959
"Living with me
for almost 6 months now.
113
00:09:21,959 --> 00:09:24,291
"He's extremely polite.
114
00:09:24,291 --> 00:09:26,917
"I have enclosed
a photograph to prove to you
115
00:09:26,917 --> 00:09:30,625
"that I have not
lost my wits.
116
00:09:30,625 --> 00:09:33,458
"I know that you and Sparky
travel all over
117
00:09:33,458 --> 00:09:35,291
"reporting on your stories.
118
00:09:35,291 --> 00:09:37,291
"That one about the coconut
with the wedding ring inside
119
00:09:37,291 --> 00:09:40,458
"was very, very nice,
120
00:09:40,458 --> 00:09:43,166
"and I think you should
visit Iowa...
121
00:09:45,667 --> 00:09:48,542
"And see us for yourself.
122
00:09:48,542 --> 00:09:52,291
"Sincerely,
Pansy Milbank."
123
00:09:53,834 --> 00:09:55,500
Mmm-hmm.
124
00:09:55,500 --> 00:09:57,291
Yeah.
125
00:09:57,291 --> 00:09:59,834
MALT: Did your mother
drop you?
126
00:09:59,834 --> 00:10:03,834
What was going on
in that pea brain
127
00:10:03,834 --> 00:10:08,375
that lets you take
this superb creation
of the Lord almighty
128
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:10,959
and chop it in half?
129
00:10:10,959 --> 00:10:13,000
Whatever I'm paying you,
it's too much!
130
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,208
How much
does Fred make?
131
00:10:14,208 --> 00:10:16,375
What, the janitor?
Oh, Mr. Malt,
132
00:10:16,375 --> 00:10:18,834
I cannot survive
on a janitor's
salary--
133
00:10:18,834 --> 00:10:20,208
Kill the dog.
134
00:10:20,208 --> 00:10:21,667
Quinlan, did someone
invite you to this meeting?
135
00:10:21,667 --> 00:10:23,834
Take him outside
and let him go
on the highway.
136
00:10:23,834 --> 00:10:26,041
MALT: Wait a minute--
What kind of person are you?
137
00:10:26,041 --> 00:10:27,417
Who is this?
138
00:10:27,417 --> 00:10:29,583
This is
Miss Dorothy Winters.
She works here.
139
00:10:29,583 --> 00:10:31,375
I do?
I got the job?
140
00:10:31,375 --> 00:10:33,875
Yes!
You won't regret this,
Mr. Malt.
141
00:10:33,875 --> 00:10:38,250
Do you know
what that is?
142
00:10:38,250 --> 00:10:42,542
That is an angel.
143
00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:44,709
That is
a genuine angel.
144
00:10:44,709 --> 00:10:47,750
Huey discovered it.
145
00:10:47,750 --> 00:10:49,041
Is this for real?
146
00:10:49,041 --> 00:10:50,500
Absolutely.
147
00:10:51,834 --> 00:10:53,792
You're going to go
get me this angel.
148
00:10:53,792 --> 00:10:55,709
That's exactly
what we're going to do.
149
00:10:56,417 --> 00:10:58,041
(CHUCKLING)
150
00:10:58,041 --> 00:11:01,208
We'll put it on
the front page, bold.
151
00:11:01,208 --> 00:11:03,750
Some white fluffy clouds...
FRANK: There you go.
152
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,542
A drift of sky...
153
00:11:05,542 --> 00:11:06,959
FRANK: You got it.
154
00:11:06,959 --> 00:11:09,125
And some musical notes!
FRANK: Yeah. Yeah.
155
00:11:09,125 --> 00:11:10,333
Yeah!
156
00:11:10,333 --> 00:11:12,834
Poetry.
Don't play with me,
Quinlan.
157
00:11:12,834 --> 00:11:17,458
You really are going to go
and fetch me this angel
for Christmas,
158
00:11:17,458 --> 00:11:21,166
or... I fire
the two of you,
159
00:11:21,166 --> 00:11:24,667
and I keep the dog.
Yeah?
160
00:11:24,667 --> 00:11:28,291
Deal.
A little conference
with my colleague.
161
00:11:28,291 --> 00:11:30,709
You cannot live
on Fred's salary.
162
00:11:30,709 --> 00:11:32,750
You cannot.
That's a deal.
163
00:11:32,750 --> 00:11:35,083
HUEY: Don't you
worry about a thing,
Mr. Malt.
164
00:11:35,083 --> 00:11:37,208
We'll leave
tomorrow.
165
00:11:37,208 --> 00:11:40,250
We're taking
Sparky with us.
166
00:11:40,250 --> 00:11:42,083
And you're taking
Miss Winters.
167
00:11:42,083 --> 00:11:43,291
They are?
168
00:11:43,291 --> 00:11:44,250
Why are we
taking her?
169
00:11:44,250 --> 00:11:45,458
She's an expert.
170
00:11:45,458 --> 00:11:46,667
In what?
171
00:11:46,667 --> 00:11:48,291
MALT: Angels.
172
00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:51,792
Miss Winters is
an expert in angels.
173
00:11:51,792 --> 00:11:53,834
(SEAGULLS CAWING)
174
00:11:53,834 --> 00:11:56,792
I have something
to tell you.
175
00:11:56,792 --> 00:11:58,792
I won't be taking care
of you anymore.
176
00:11:58,792 --> 00:12:03,000
Your parents will find
someone else and...
177
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,083
Stop looking at me like that.
(WHINING)
178
00:12:05,083 --> 00:12:07,083
I have this wonderful
new job.
179
00:12:07,083 --> 00:12:09,417
The only problem is,
I have to pretend
to be an angel expert
180
00:12:09,417 --> 00:12:11,333
for a few days
on this trip.
181
00:12:11,333 --> 00:12:13,458
It'll be fine.
182
00:12:13,458 --> 00:12:15,875
I'll be fine.
183
00:12:15,875 --> 00:12:17,792
And so will you.
184
00:12:17,792 --> 00:12:19,792
Good dogs.
185
00:12:19,792 --> 00:12:21,250
Good dogs.
186
00:12:28,792 --> 00:12:32,000
(SHUTTERS BANGING)
187
00:12:40,834 --> 00:12:43,000
(COUGHS)
188
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:48,834
(SNORING)
189
00:13:16,125 --> 00:13:17,834
FRANK: Have you ever
had an encounter
with an angel?
190
00:13:17,834 --> 00:13:19,625
DOROTHY: No. Yes.
191
00:13:19,625 --> 00:13:21,250
Maybe.
192
00:13:21,250 --> 00:13:22,542
Have you ever
met an angel?
193
00:13:22,542 --> 00:13:23,792
Yeah, once.
194
00:13:23,792 --> 00:13:25,250
I got a flat tire
195
00:13:25,250 --> 00:13:27,083
on the side
of a deserted
country road.
196
00:13:27,083 --> 00:13:28,792
There was
no food, no water,
197
00:13:28,792 --> 00:13:30,208
108 degrees
temperature,
198
00:13:30,208 --> 00:13:33,083
and a man
in a white robe
199
00:13:33,083 --> 00:13:34,417
suddenly appeared
on the horizon
200
00:13:34,417 --> 00:13:36,834
with a spare and a jack.
201
00:13:36,834 --> 00:13:38,041
DOROTHY: You're kidding.
202
00:13:38,041 --> 00:13:39,750
Yes, I am.
203
00:13:39,750 --> 00:13:41,583
Bradley used to tease.
204
00:13:41,583 --> 00:13:42,959
Who is Bradley?
205
00:13:42,959 --> 00:13:44,709
My ex-husband.
206
00:13:44,709 --> 00:13:46,709
Oh, ho.
You better watch it,
Quinlan.
207
00:13:48,291 --> 00:13:49,917
DOROTHY: I think
we should start over.
208
00:13:49,917 --> 00:13:51,375
You know, when something
isn't going well,
209
00:13:51,375 --> 00:13:53,875
it's best just to start over.
I'll go first.
210
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,083
Okay.
211
00:13:55,083 --> 00:13:56,583
Where'd you get Sparky?
212
00:13:56,583 --> 00:13:57,583
HUEY: Oh, no.
213
00:13:57,583 --> 00:14:00,166
He comes up to Huey
in a parking lot
one day.
214
00:14:00,166 --> 00:14:02,083
Huey was eating
a donut,
215
00:14:02,083 --> 00:14:03,917
and he's trying
to kick the-- Trying
to kick him away.
216
00:14:03,917 --> 00:14:05,083
You were trying
to kick the dog?
217
00:14:07,959 --> 00:14:09,375
I wasn't trying
to kick him.
218
00:14:09,375 --> 00:14:12,667
I was trying
to shoo him away
very gently.
219
00:14:12,667 --> 00:14:15,959
When Malt
comes out the door,
he looks at the dog,
220
00:14:15,959 --> 00:14:17,250
he stops dead
in his tracks.
221
00:14:17,250 --> 00:14:19,625
It turns out
that Malt was
once a child
222
00:14:19,625 --> 00:14:21,917
who had had a dog
just like that one.
223
00:14:21,917 --> 00:14:23,875
Oh, that's so sweet.
224
00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:28,208
Anyway, Malt's eyes
get all teary,
225
00:14:28,208 --> 00:14:31,709
and he pours out
this story all about
his dog, Sparky,
226
00:14:31,709 --> 00:14:35,166
which ended up
underneath a tractor tire!
227
00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:36,792
Ha ha ha!
228
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:38,667
And you know
what Huey did?
229
00:14:38,667 --> 00:14:39,792
Huey turns to Malt,
and he says,
230
00:14:39,792 --> 00:14:41,917
"Mr. Malt,
that is amazing!
231
00:14:41,917 --> 00:14:44,458
"This dog's name
is Sparky, too!"
232
00:14:44,458 --> 00:14:47,000
Ha ha ha!
233
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:50,291
In no time at all,
the dog is famous.
234
00:14:50,291 --> 00:14:51,625
He's got his own column.
235
00:14:51,625 --> 00:14:54,500
He must've saved Huey's neck
a hundred times.
236
00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:56,750
HUEY: Milk Bottle Hotel.
Here, here, here!
237
00:14:56,750 --> 00:14:57,458
Milk Bottle Hotel!
238
00:15:54,333 --> 00:15:56,667
(WIND CHIMES TINKLING)
239
00:16:09,583 --> 00:16:10,583
(JINGLE)
240
00:16:13,375 --> 00:16:15,667
DOROTHY: Looks like
your angel checked out.
241
00:16:20,875 --> 00:16:22,208
FRANK: Somebody's here.
242
00:16:28,208 --> 00:16:29,583
(RATTLE)
243
00:16:36,458 --> 00:16:37,917
Mrs. Milbank?
244
00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:42,750
Mrs. Milbank,
I'm Frank Quinlan
245
00:16:42,750 --> 00:16:45,792
from the National Mirror.
246
00:16:45,792 --> 00:16:48,417
About your letter?
247
00:16:48,417 --> 00:16:49,917
Um...
248
00:16:49,917 --> 00:16:52,792
This is my associate
Mr. Hugh Driscoll.
249
00:16:52,792 --> 00:16:53,875
How are you?
250
00:16:53,875 --> 00:16:56,083
And this is
Dorothy Winters,
251
00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:59,917
who is an expert
in... Various things.
252
00:17:00,750 --> 00:17:02,583
And this is...
253
00:17:02,583 --> 00:17:03,792
Sparky.
254
00:17:05,583 --> 00:17:08,583
Oh! Oh!
255
00:17:08,583 --> 00:17:13,583
Oh, you're just as handsome
as in the pictures!
256
00:17:13,583 --> 00:17:15,250
Aww...
257
00:17:15,250 --> 00:17:17,083
Oh, I think he's cold.
258
00:17:17,083 --> 00:17:18,291
I wouldn't know
why not.
259
00:17:18,291 --> 00:17:21,458
We better get him
inside. Oh...
260
00:17:26,166 --> 00:17:29,542
Sparky, here you are.
261
00:17:29,542 --> 00:17:31,625
Oh, ha ha!
262
00:17:31,625 --> 00:17:34,458
Mmm. What's that
wonderful smell?
263
00:17:34,458 --> 00:17:36,333
FRANK:
You must be baking.
264
00:17:36,333 --> 00:17:37,458
(CHUCKLING)
265
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:45,000
Well, it was nice
of you to come.
266
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,792
(COUGHING)
267
00:18:02,417 --> 00:18:03,250
Oh!
268
00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:07,000
Mrs. Milbank?
269
00:18:10,333 --> 00:18:13,000
Don't shake me,
Mr. Quinlan!
270
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,583
I'm contemplating
my death.
271
00:18:15,583 --> 00:18:18,166
Are you
with the angel?
272
00:18:23,375 --> 00:18:25,625
Do you see an angel?
273
00:18:26,792 --> 00:18:28,500
I don't think I do.
274
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:30,875
Then how could I be
with him?
275
00:18:30,875 --> 00:18:35,125
Well, we don't know exactly
how it works with angels.
276
00:18:35,125 --> 00:18:36,208
"How it works"?
277
00:18:38,500 --> 00:18:42,166
If he's in the room,
then you're with him.
278
00:18:42,166 --> 00:18:43,667
If he's somewhere else,
279
00:18:43,667 --> 00:18:45,166
then you're not.
280
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:48,208
And that's why we
can't see him now.
281
00:18:48,208 --> 00:18:50,250
He's not here.
282
00:18:50,250 --> 00:18:55,375
Are you impaired in some way
that I haven't noticed, Miss?
283
00:18:55,375 --> 00:18:57,750
Miss Winters has
probably never heard
284
00:18:57,750 --> 00:19:00,375
of an angel
living in a motel.
285
00:19:00,375 --> 00:19:02,333
(PANSY LAUGHING)
286
00:19:02,333 --> 00:19:04,208
You think
I'm full of shit.
287
00:19:04,208 --> 00:19:06,250
No, no,
nothing like that.
288
00:19:06,250 --> 00:19:08,709
I don't judge
these things,
Mrs. Milbank.
289
00:19:08,709 --> 00:19:10,959
It's not for me
to decide what's real
and what's not.
290
00:19:10,959 --> 00:19:13,208
I've seen
too many things
myself.
291
00:19:13,208 --> 00:19:16,166
We once heard
there was a werewolf
in South Jersey.
292
00:19:16,166 --> 00:19:19,500
We went there.
To locate the werewolf.
293
00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:23,875
Yeah. In that
particular case,
that person was...
294
00:19:23,875 --> 00:19:27,250
Utterly convinced
that the werewolf was
in the room with us.
295
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:30,250
They could see it,
although Mr. Quinlan
and myself...
296
00:19:30,250 --> 00:19:31,583
We couldn't see
the werewolf,
297
00:19:31,583 --> 00:19:33,625
but that doesn't mean
it wasn't there.
298
00:19:33,625 --> 00:19:35,417
Michael!
299
00:19:35,417 --> 00:19:40,542
Michael? Are you
coming down, dear?
300
00:19:40,542 --> 00:19:42,875
MICHAEL: Yeah...
(FLOORBOARDS CREAKING)
301
00:19:42,875 --> 00:19:44,625
MICHAEL: Be right down.
302
00:19:44,625 --> 00:19:46,834
Just gotta find my smokes.
303
00:19:46,834 --> 00:19:50,458
PANSY: They're beside the bed,
next to my cortisone.
304
00:19:50,458 --> 00:19:53,041
Did you find them?
305
00:19:53,041 --> 00:19:55,750
He'll be down directly.
306
00:19:55,750 --> 00:19:57,291
(FLOORBOARDS CONTINUE
CREAKING)
307
00:19:57,291 --> 00:19:59,875
That smell is so familiar.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
308
00:19:59,875 --> 00:20:01,083
It's like something
from childhood.
309
00:20:01,792 --> 00:20:04,583
(FOOTSTEPS)
310
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:10,792
(GRUNTS)
311
00:20:28,667 --> 00:20:29,959
Oh...
312
00:20:42,125 --> 00:20:44,792
PANSY: Michael, look
who's come to visit us.
313
00:20:44,792 --> 00:20:46,125
It's Sparky.
314
00:21:00,125 --> 00:21:02,166
How do you do?
315
00:21:20,667 --> 00:21:23,625
You'll have
to excuse Michael.
316
00:21:23,625 --> 00:21:25,875
He's not good
at suffering fools,
317
00:21:25,875 --> 00:21:27,875
but he'll be better
in the morning.
318
00:21:27,875 --> 00:21:28,875
(SNICKERS)
319
00:21:51,166 --> 00:21:52,333
It's freezing!
320
00:21:55,667 --> 00:21:56,875
Whoa!
321
00:21:56,875 --> 00:21:57,917
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
322
00:21:59,208 --> 00:22:01,542
Where's the thermostat
in here?
323
00:22:01,542 --> 00:22:03,542
Are we talking
about an angel here?
324
00:22:03,542 --> 00:22:05,458
We can't be talking
about an angel.
325
00:22:05,458 --> 00:22:07,250
There is no
such thing as an...
326
00:22:07,250 --> 00:22:09,041
Such thing
as an angel.
327
00:22:09,041 --> 00:22:11,417
That is definitely
the weirdest thing
I have ever seen.
328
00:22:11,417 --> 00:22:13,333
It's like
some great big bird
329
00:22:13,333 --> 00:22:14,583
made love to
that guy's mother.
330
00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:17,583
Yes! And we...
We reap the benefits!
331
00:22:17,583 --> 00:22:19,583
(STAMMERS) I'm set for life!
332
00:22:19,583 --> 00:22:21,166
I mean, I could
even get a raise!
333
00:22:21,166 --> 00:22:23,291
(LAUGHS) I... Thank you!
Thank you, Jesus!
334
00:22:23,291 --> 00:22:25,208
(SINGING I THANK YOU, JESUS)
335
00:22:29,083 --> 00:22:31,583
(SINGING CONTINUES)
336
00:22:31,583 --> 00:22:33,083
(SNAPPING FINGERS)
337
00:22:35,291 --> 00:22:36,583
FRANK: What?
338
00:22:36,583 --> 00:22:38,250
That is not an angel.
339
00:22:38,250 --> 00:22:40,083
It is too!
It is not!
340
00:22:43,083 --> 00:22:44,750
I will handle this.
341
00:22:46,917 --> 00:22:48,917
Where has he been?
342
00:22:48,917 --> 00:22:50,417
Meaning what?
343
00:22:50,417 --> 00:22:52,458
Meaning if he were
a man with wings,
344
00:22:52,458 --> 00:22:54,250
which is
the alternative here,
345
00:22:54,250 --> 00:22:55,583
we would've heard
about him.
346
00:22:55,583 --> 00:22:57,458
He didn't just show up
at his age with wings.
347
00:22:57,458 --> 00:23:00,417
There would've been
a story about him
in the papers.
348
00:23:00,417 --> 00:23:01,333
In the National Mirror.
349
00:23:01,333 --> 00:23:04,125
Exactly.
"Baby Born with Wings."
350
00:23:04,125 --> 00:23:06,458
Yeah, "Birdman of Iowa."
351
00:23:06,458 --> 00:23:08,375
It is not angel
versus man with wings.
352
00:23:08,375 --> 00:23:10,000
There are
other possibilities.
353
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:12,333
Like what?
354
00:23:12,333 --> 00:23:14,291
It's fairly obvious,
isn't it?
355
00:23:15,625 --> 00:23:18,166
He's a younger man.
She's an older woman.
356
00:23:18,166 --> 00:23:20,041
He's after her money.
357
00:23:20,041 --> 00:23:22,625
A gigolo with wings?
358
00:23:22,625 --> 00:23:23,792
A gigolo!
359
00:23:23,792 --> 00:23:25,250
What money is he after?
360
00:23:25,250 --> 00:23:28,083
The Milk Bottle
Motel fortune?
361
00:23:28,083 --> 00:23:30,125
You don't have
to have money
362
00:23:30,125 --> 00:23:32,333
to have someone try
to take it away from you.
(FRANK SCOFFS)
363
00:23:32,333 --> 00:23:34,959
Lord! Oh, Lord.
364
00:23:34,959 --> 00:23:36,625
Is it so hard
for you to imagine
365
00:23:36,625 --> 00:23:40,000
that a man would be
after a woman's money?
366
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,166
FRANK: Is this, uh...
367
00:23:42,166 --> 00:23:44,125
Is this Britely
or Brinkley or whatever,
what's his name?
368
00:23:44,125 --> 00:23:46,000
Bradley.
Is this Bradley we're
talking about here?
369
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,166
Actually, no. It's Myles.
Who's Myles?
370
00:23:48,166 --> 00:23:49,375
My second husband.
371
00:23:49,375 --> 00:23:51,166
Ah.
372
00:23:51,166 --> 00:23:52,166
Myles was a wild man.
373
00:23:52,166 --> 00:23:53,500
It only lasted
a week.
374
00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:54,792
You left him?
375
00:23:54,792 --> 00:23:57,333
No. He left me
in my Camaro.
376
00:23:57,333 --> 00:23:58,500
Ah!
377
00:24:00,166 --> 00:24:01,500
FRANK: I see.
378
00:24:01,500 --> 00:24:03,166
I'll bet he racked up $5,000
379
00:24:03,166 --> 00:24:05,000
on your Visa bill,
too, didn't he?
380
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:06,333
(CHUCKLES) Didn't he?
381
00:24:06,333 --> 00:24:08,125
Oh, you just know
everything, don't you?
382
00:24:10,291 --> 00:24:11,959
Angels don't smoke!
383
00:24:14,208 --> 00:24:15,333
HUEY: I'm going to sleep.
384
00:24:15,333 --> 00:24:16,458
(WHISPERS) Good night.
385
00:24:17,041 --> 00:24:18,792
(SPARKY BARKING)
386
00:24:18,792 --> 00:24:19,375
(SIGHS)
387
00:24:20,542 --> 00:24:23,000
Don't let
the bedbugs bite.
388
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,083
DOROTHY: That is
a horrible expression.
389
00:24:25,083 --> 00:24:26,083
(BARKING)
390
00:24:26,083 --> 00:24:29,500
It is not an expression.
391
00:24:39,417 --> 00:24:41,709
(SNORING)
392
00:25:02,625 --> 00:25:04,792
PANSY: Ooh, is that good?
393
00:25:04,792 --> 00:25:06,917
Oh! (CHUCKLES)
394
00:25:06,917 --> 00:25:09,041
Ooh, you're so hungry.
(LAUGHS)
395
00:25:09,041 --> 00:25:10,709
Oh, boy!
396
00:25:12,125 --> 00:25:13,250
(PANSY CHUCKLES)
397
00:25:14,542 --> 00:25:17,250
Aw! (LAUGHS)
398
00:25:17,250 --> 00:25:18,792
Good boy.
399
00:25:18,792 --> 00:25:22,291
Oh, what a sweet doggy!
400
00:25:22,291 --> 00:25:25,959
Oh! (LAUGHS)
401
00:25:25,959 --> 00:25:28,041
How would you
like your eggs, Mr. Quinlan?
402
00:25:28,917 --> 00:25:30,458
Oh, Sparky's look good.
403
00:25:30,458 --> 00:25:32,250
Over easy!
404
00:25:47,542 --> 00:25:50,709
You know, last night
we were discussing
your wings.
405
00:25:50,709 --> 00:25:52,625
Would you mind
if I took a closer look?
406
00:25:54,041 --> 00:25:56,792
Let them look
at your wings, Michael.
407
00:25:56,792 --> 00:25:58,792
They're from
the National Mirror.
408
00:25:58,792 --> 00:25:59,959
Thank you.
409
00:26:01,959 --> 00:26:04,041
They're not bad.
Compared to what?
410
00:26:04,041 --> 00:26:05,458
Well, I've...
I've seen birds.
411
00:26:05,458 --> 00:26:07,166
Would you mind
if I touched...
412
00:26:07,166 --> 00:26:08,250
(FLUTTERING)
Oh.
413
00:26:09,166 --> 00:26:10,625
I'd rather you didn't.
414
00:26:10,625 --> 00:26:12,166
Hey, well...
415
00:26:12,166 --> 00:26:13,583
(CHUCKLES)
416
00:26:13,583 --> 00:26:14,542
We'd just like...
Like to take a look
417
00:26:14,542 --> 00:26:17,792
to see how you have
these things attached.
418
00:26:17,792 --> 00:26:19,583
Why don't you pull
on your pecker
419
00:26:19,583 --> 00:26:20,792
and see how
that's attached?
420
00:26:20,792 --> 00:26:23,125
Watch your language, mister.
421
00:26:23,125 --> 00:26:24,333
Pecker.
422
00:26:24,333 --> 00:26:26,375
An angel
that says "pecker."
423
00:26:26,375 --> 00:26:30,000
Language, gentlemen!
424
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:31,667
And how would you like
your eggs, miss?
425
00:26:31,667 --> 00:26:33,333
Is there something
in the oven
426
00:26:33,333 --> 00:26:35,000
(CHUCKLES) The smells is
so delicious.
427
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,625
We are serving eggs
this morning,
and that's that.
428
00:26:37,625 --> 00:26:39,667
Over easy
would be just fine.
429
00:26:40,291 --> 00:26:41,625
Over easy!
430
00:26:42,458 --> 00:26:43,625
(DOROTHY SIGHS)
431
00:26:43,625 --> 00:26:45,000
I thought angels
were...
432
00:26:46,166 --> 00:26:47,166
Cleaner.
433
00:26:47,166 --> 00:26:48,667
(COUGHS)
434
00:26:48,667 --> 00:26:49,750
She doesn't mean
to offend.
Yeah.
435
00:26:49,750 --> 00:26:51,333
It's... It's...
Yeah.
436
00:26:51,333 --> 00:26:53,583
Miss Winters is
an angel expert,
437
00:26:53,583 --> 00:26:56,041
and she gets
kind of literal.
438
00:26:56,041 --> 00:26:58,208
What she probably
wants to know is...
439
00:26:58,208 --> 00:26:59,208
(CHUCKLES)
440
00:27:00,333 --> 00:27:02,291
Can you fly?
441
00:27:02,291 --> 00:27:04,417
I do not want to know
if he can fly.
I know he can't fly.
442
00:27:04,417 --> 00:27:06,500
Only little angels can fly
because their wingspan...
Stop. Stop.
443
00:27:06,500 --> 00:27:08,041
Says who?
444
00:27:08,041 --> 00:27:09,917
I just thought...
445
00:27:09,917 --> 00:27:11,458
Halos?
DOROTHY: Yes.
446
00:27:11,458 --> 00:27:13,875
Inner light?
Yes.
447
00:27:13,875 --> 00:27:15,667
I'm not that kind
of angel.
448
00:27:15,667 --> 00:27:17,000
What kind of angel
are you?
449
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:20,083
Michael is an archangel.
450
00:27:20,083 --> 00:27:21,834
He battled Lucifer
451
00:27:21,834 --> 00:27:24,083
and threw him out of heaven.
452
00:27:24,083 --> 00:27:26,667
Revelation 12, verse seven.
453
00:27:26,667 --> 00:27:28,417
Well, that was
a long time ago.
(CHUCKLES)
454
00:27:28,417 --> 00:27:32,041
He smote a bank for me!
455
00:27:32,041 --> 00:27:34,542
A bank?
I knew it. Money was
involved, wasn't it?
456
00:27:34,542 --> 00:27:37,583
(CHUCKLES)
I should say so.
457
00:27:37,583 --> 00:27:39,417
After Elmer died...
Who's Elmer?
458
00:27:39,417 --> 00:27:40,917
My husband.
459
00:27:40,917 --> 00:27:43,375
After he died,
they built the highway
460
00:27:43,375 --> 00:27:46,166
and stole all my truckers.
461
00:27:46,166 --> 00:27:51,750
And then the bank came
to take the Milk Bottle,
462
00:27:51,750 --> 00:27:55,083
and I prayed for help
463
00:27:55,083 --> 00:27:58,083
until God sent me Michael.
464
00:27:58,083 --> 00:27:59,750
Well, she was persistent.
465
00:27:59,750 --> 00:28:01,834
You came down
466
00:28:01,834 --> 00:28:03,208
and smote the bank?
467
00:28:03,208 --> 00:28:04,500
Eh, a branch.
468
00:28:04,500 --> 00:28:06,291
First Iowa
Bank of Commerce.
469
00:28:06,291 --> 00:28:07,333
It was lovely.
470
00:28:07,333 --> 00:28:09,959
He walked into the manager's
office and said...
471
00:28:09,959 --> 00:28:11,583
What was that you said?
472
00:28:11,583 --> 00:28:13,000
Money-changer!
473
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,583
(MIMICKING) "Money-changer!
474
00:28:15,583 --> 00:28:17,542
"I shall turneth
this earthly den
475
00:28:17,542 --> 00:28:19,291
"into a parking lot!"
476
00:28:19,291 --> 00:28:20,500
(BOTH LAUGHING)
477
00:28:20,500 --> 00:28:21,750
Come on, I'd say that?
478
00:28:21,750 --> 00:28:23,083
I didn't say that.
479
00:28:23,083 --> 00:28:24,583
They didn't believe us,
480
00:28:24,583 --> 00:28:26,458
so Michael flattened it.
481
00:28:26,458 --> 00:28:28,792
HUEY: You did that?
Had to.
482
00:28:28,792 --> 00:28:30,291
FRANK: Into a parking lot?
Mmm.
483
00:28:30,291 --> 00:28:33,458
(CHUCKLING) Well, they said
it was a tornado.
484
00:28:35,083 --> 00:28:37,291
This town doesn't really
need a parking lot,
485
00:28:37,291 --> 00:28:41,125
but it's, uh, more, uh...
Mmm, cosmopolitan.
486
00:28:41,125 --> 00:28:41,834
(CHUCKLES)
487
00:28:43,291 --> 00:28:44,834
And what about
the money?
488
00:28:44,834 --> 00:28:47,125
We never heard another
word about it, did we?
489
00:28:47,125 --> 00:28:49,333
Nope. (LAUGHS)
490
00:28:49,333 --> 00:28:52,792
You look like you must eat
a robust breakfast.
491
00:28:52,792 --> 00:28:54,500
How would you
like your eggs?
492
00:28:58,375 --> 00:29:00,959
Poached?
493
00:29:00,959 --> 00:29:03,083
Uh, that's... Poached...
Poached is fine.
494
00:29:03,083 --> 00:29:04,750
Poached.
495
00:29:08,750 --> 00:29:10,291
(COUGHING)
496
00:29:14,875 --> 00:29:16,500
(COUGHING CONTINUES)
497
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:25,834
"The lord is my shepherd.
498
00:29:25,834 --> 00:29:27,250
"I shall not want.
499
00:29:27,250 --> 00:29:30,542
"He maketh me to lie down
in green pastures.
500
00:29:30,542 --> 00:29:33,208
"He leadeth me beside
the still waters..."
501
00:29:33,875 --> 00:29:35,166
Look, she's...
502
00:29:35,166 --> 00:29:36,834
She's happier
where she is, right?
503
00:29:38,375 --> 00:29:39,333
Heaven?
504
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:42,834
She's happier
up there, right?
505
00:29:43,500 --> 00:29:45,667
It isn't my area.
506
00:29:45,667 --> 00:29:46,667
(DOROTHY CRYING)
507
00:29:49,917 --> 00:29:50,667
(SIGHS)
508
00:29:52,792 --> 00:29:55,041
You hardly knew her.
509
00:29:55,041 --> 00:29:56,875
(WHISPERING) She died
cooking us breakfast.
510
00:29:59,792 --> 00:30:02,250
She died
making breakfast.
511
00:30:09,583 --> 00:30:13,083
What is it that you keep
writing in that book?
512
00:30:13,083 --> 00:30:14,166
Lyrics.
513
00:30:15,375 --> 00:30:16,709
To what?
514
00:30:16,709 --> 00:30:19,083
I write country-western songs.
515
00:30:19,083 --> 00:30:20,750
(SNIFFLES) It's my hobby.
516
00:30:22,542 --> 00:30:23,834
"Earth to earth,
517
00:30:23,834 --> 00:30:26,041
"ashes to ashes,
518
00:30:26,041 --> 00:30:28,834
"and dust to dust.
519
00:30:28,834 --> 00:30:30,709
"The lord bless
and keep you
520
00:30:30,709 --> 00:30:32,500
"and give you peace."
521
00:30:33,709 --> 00:30:35,291
Justine? It's Quinlan.
522
00:30:35,291 --> 00:30:36,750
Put me straight through.
523
00:30:36,750 --> 00:30:38,458
What you got?
524
00:30:38,458 --> 00:30:39,792
FRANK: (ON PHONE) Wings.
525
00:30:39,792 --> 00:30:41,917
Real wings...
526
00:30:41,917 --> 00:30:43,625
Don't play
with me, Quinlan.
527
00:30:43,625 --> 00:30:46,917
This guy is
about six feet tall,
528
00:30:46,917 --> 00:30:51,959
and his wingsreach from
his shoulders to his knees.
He's filthy, though.
529
00:30:51,959 --> 00:30:53,959
We're gonna have
to clean him up
and put him in a white robe.
530
00:30:53,959 --> 00:30:56,583
Get Craddock to dig up
some of those sandals.
531
00:30:56,583 --> 00:30:58,667
You know, the ones
with those straps
that go up your legs.
532
00:30:58,667 --> 00:31:00,834
It's too bad he's not
blond, though, right?
533
00:31:00,834 --> 00:31:02,583
Angels is supposed
to be blond.
534
00:31:02,583 --> 00:31:04,750
But Oprah, Barbara,
535
00:31:04,750 --> 00:31:06,417
the Today Show, Hard Copy,
536
00:31:06,417 --> 00:31:08,125
book the works.
537
00:31:08,125 --> 00:31:09,583
MALT: (ON PHONE) Then let's...
Don't mess this one up.
538
00:31:09,583 --> 00:31:11,792
I want that guy
on the first plane to Chicago.
539
00:31:13,083 --> 00:31:15,083
Or does the birdman
fly himself?
540
00:31:15,083 --> 00:31:18,458
I don't know
if he actually uses the wings,
541
00:31:18,458 --> 00:31:20,500
(CHUCKLES) but, God,
wouldn't that be a draw?
542
00:31:20,500 --> 00:31:22,750
Oh...
Anyway, don't worry,
he's in safe hands.
543
00:31:22,750 --> 00:31:24,875
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, and I'm
the queen of England.
544
00:31:24,875 --> 00:31:26,959
Don't fret, Malt.
545
00:31:26,959 --> 00:31:28,250
(HANGS UP)
546
00:31:30,125 --> 00:31:31,458
"He's in safe hands."
547
00:31:31,458 --> 00:31:32,875
In view of
this development,
548
00:31:32,875 --> 00:31:34,917
should we call
the girl off?
549
00:31:34,917 --> 00:31:37,542
No, no. Leave her
where she is.
550
00:31:37,542 --> 00:31:39,291
I'm in a no-lose
situation.
551
00:31:39,291 --> 00:31:41,125
(LAUGHS)
552
00:31:49,709 --> 00:31:51,583
Heya, Mike.
553
00:31:51,583 --> 00:31:52,625
Michael.
554
00:31:57,333 --> 00:31:59,542
Have you, um...
555
00:31:59,542 --> 00:32:01,834
Have you ever seen
the world's biggest
ball of twine?
556
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:04,875
No.
557
00:32:04,875 --> 00:32:06,125
Listen, we have
to get back...
558
00:32:06,125 --> 00:32:08,667
I once saw the world's
biggest cannonball.
559
00:32:08,667 --> 00:32:10,041
Mesopotamia.
560
00:32:10,041 --> 00:32:11,542
I wonder if it's
still there.
561
00:32:11,542 --> 00:32:14,458
Mesopotamia
isn't still there.
562
00:32:14,458 --> 00:32:16,333
Ugh. Nothing lasts.
563
00:32:16,333 --> 00:32:18,917
Listen, I have
to ask a favor.
564
00:32:18,917 --> 00:32:21,125
(CLEARS THROAT) Huey and I,
565
00:32:21,125 --> 00:32:23,875
we're on a little bit
of a losing streak.
566
00:32:23,875 --> 00:32:25,000
Quit.
567
00:32:25,667 --> 00:32:28,083
We can't quit.
568
00:32:28,083 --> 00:32:30,333
He's got a mortgage.
He's got three kids
in a soccer camp.
569
00:32:30,333 --> 00:32:31,500
He's got a wife.
570
00:32:31,500 --> 00:32:33,166
God knows he loves her,
571
00:32:33,166 --> 00:32:34,375
but she's burning
a hole in his pocket.
572
00:32:34,375 --> 00:32:35,500
And I...
573
00:32:37,583 --> 00:32:39,041
Well...
574
00:32:39,041 --> 00:32:41,709
Love to fight. Like me.
We'll drive.
575
00:32:41,709 --> 00:32:43,375
Where?
576
00:32:43,375 --> 00:32:45,000
Chicago. That's where you want
to go, isn't it?
577
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:46,208
Yes!
578
00:32:46,208 --> 00:32:48,542
Yeah. I know.
That's why I wrote you.
579
00:32:48,542 --> 00:32:50,208
You wrote? I thought...
580
00:32:50,208 --> 00:32:51,709
Yeah. My idea.
581
00:32:51,709 --> 00:32:52,917
Ah.
582
00:32:52,917 --> 00:32:54,709
Why are we driving?
583
00:32:56,041 --> 00:32:57,750
I mean,
why don't we fly?
584
00:32:57,750 --> 00:33:00,083
I mean, all of us,
together, in a plane.
585
00:33:00,083 --> 00:33:01,750
Ho! Hey!
586
00:33:01,750 --> 00:33:03,667
It's safer,
much safer.
587
00:33:03,667 --> 00:33:07,709
Nobody believes it,
but, statistically, it's true.
588
00:33:07,709 --> 00:33:09,583
And the paper will pay.
589
00:33:09,583 --> 00:33:11,208
Nope. We need time.
590
00:33:11,208 --> 00:33:12,542
Time for what?
591
00:33:12,542 --> 00:33:14,834
Smokes? Smokes? Ah.
592
00:33:14,834 --> 00:33:17,041
Besides, I will get to see
593
00:33:17,041 --> 00:33:19,000
the world's largest
ball of twine.
594
00:33:19,667 --> 00:33:20,875
It's on the way.
595
00:33:20,875 --> 00:33:22,208
Great. Great.
596
00:33:22,208 --> 00:33:23,917
One condition.
You will owe me something.
597
00:33:23,917 --> 00:33:26,417
Money. Yeah. I can't
quote a figure,
598
00:33:26,417 --> 00:33:27,709
but there will be
plenty of money,
599
00:33:27,709 --> 00:33:29,625
I promise you that,
600
00:33:29,625 --> 00:33:31,583
(CHUCKLES) once the world sees
pictures of these babies.
601
00:33:31,583 --> 00:33:32,792
No.
602
00:33:32,792 --> 00:33:35,083
You will owe me an apology.
603
00:33:35,083 --> 00:33:37,083
An apology for what?
604
00:33:37,083 --> 00:33:39,291
Oh, then, yeah, sure.
I apologize. Whatever.
605
00:33:39,291 --> 00:33:40,583
Not now. When I say so.
606
00:33:41,709 --> 00:33:43,083
And no pictures.
607
00:33:43,083 --> 00:33:45,583
No pictures?
Are you kidding me?
608
00:33:45,583 --> 00:33:47,458
Not until we get
to Chicago.
609
00:33:47,458 --> 00:33:48,417
(SCOFFS)
610
00:33:48,417 --> 00:33:49,959
Deal?
611
00:33:49,959 --> 00:33:51,250
Deal.
612
00:33:51,250 --> 00:33:52,750
Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.
613
00:33:55,250 --> 00:33:56,041
Hmm.
614
00:33:59,709 --> 00:34:01,667
I like your coat
better.
615
00:34:01,667 --> 00:34:03,083
It's yours.
616
00:34:17,041 --> 00:34:18,083
(CHUCKLES)
617
00:34:27,250 --> 00:34:28,625
The world's biggest
ball of twine
618
00:34:28,625 --> 00:34:30,333
is less than two
hours from here.
619
00:34:30,333 --> 00:34:32,291
I would like to see it
before the sun sets.
620
00:34:32,291 --> 00:34:34,834
Michael, they are
going to exploit you.
621
00:34:34,834 --> 00:34:36,000
You have to know that.
622
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:37,583
I'm going.
623
00:34:37,583 --> 00:34:40,083
Well, I'm not,
for your sake.
624
00:34:40,083 --> 00:34:41,500
Yes, you are,
625
00:34:41,500 --> 00:34:43,625
or I'll have to tell them
the truth about you.
626
00:34:43,625 --> 00:34:44,834
What?
627
00:34:44,834 --> 00:34:47,041
I know why you're here,
628
00:34:47,041 --> 00:34:50,000
and it has nothing
to do with angels.
629
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:51,041
How do you know?
630
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,542
(WHISPERS) I pay attention.
631
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:04,667
Also,
632
00:35:04,667 --> 00:35:06,166
I would like you
to sing.
633
00:35:06,166 --> 00:35:07,000
A song?
Of course.
634
00:35:08,250 --> 00:35:10,667
Fine. I'll sing.
635
00:35:11,417 --> 00:35:13,500
Now?
No.
636
00:35:13,500 --> 00:35:14,667
When I tell you to.
637
00:36:19,959 --> 00:36:21,875
ANNOUNCER: (ON RADIO)
In financial news,
638
00:36:21,875 --> 00:36:24,583
hog futures are down
a quarter in Chicago
639
00:36:24,583 --> 00:36:26,917
and selling down
an eighth in Sioux City.
640
00:36:26,917 --> 00:36:28,875
"Hog futures." (LAUGHS)
641
00:36:28,875 --> 00:36:30,083
What?
642
00:36:30,083 --> 00:36:31,458
(RADIO CLICKS OFF)
643
00:36:35,250 --> 00:36:37,250
(LAUGHING) "Hog futures are
down a quarter."
644
00:36:40,083 --> 00:36:42,083
Hey. What's
the opposite of white?
Black.
645
00:36:42,083 --> 00:36:43,417
Wrong. Yolk.
646
00:36:43,417 --> 00:36:44,750
(LAUGHS)
647
00:36:46,208 --> 00:36:47,709
(LAUGHING INTENSIFIES)
648
00:36:48,458 --> 00:36:49,917
What?
649
00:36:49,917 --> 00:36:52,583
What is that,
like, an egg joke?
650
00:36:52,583 --> 00:36:54,291
Hey, Michael,
when we stop to eat,
651
00:36:54,291 --> 00:36:56,125
are you going
to put your coat back on?
652
00:36:56,125 --> 00:36:58,417
Why?
Your wings, Michael.
653
00:36:58,417 --> 00:37:00,000
People are going
to see your wings.
654
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:01,750
Are you afraid they'll
think less of you?
655
00:37:01,750 --> 00:37:02,750
(LAUGHS)
656
00:37:03,667 --> 00:37:05,500
No.
657
00:37:05,500 --> 00:37:07,291
Just they won't know
what to think, you know?
658
00:37:07,291 --> 00:37:09,792
A lot of people aren't
as sophisticated
as me and Huey.
659
00:37:09,792 --> 00:37:11,000
Oh.
660
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:12,959
You know, we don't
want any trouble.
661
00:37:12,959 --> 00:37:15,667
We just want
to get to Chicago.
Mmm-hmm.
662
00:37:15,667 --> 00:37:17,250
He's worried that
somebody will see you
663
00:37:17,250 --> 00:37:18,166
and try to steal his story.
664
00:37:18,166 --> 00:37:19,375
I am not worried.
665
00:37:19,375 --> 00:37:20,625
Yes, you are worried.
666
00:37:20,625 --> 00:37:23,083
Hey! Hey!
Look what pansy left us.
667
00:37:23,083 --> 00:37:25,291
Car Bingo.
668
00:37:25,291 --> 00:37:27,333
Oh. Dig the propaganda.
669
00:37:27,333 --> 00:37:29,583
(READING) "The miles will fly,
670
00:37:29,583 --> 00:37:31,458
"and your children won't cry
671
00:37:31,458 --> 00:37:34,291
"if you play Car Bingo."
672
00:37:34,291 --> 00:37:36,583
All right.
Everybody gets one.
673
00:37:36,583 --> 00:37:38,000
Here we go.
Hand them out.
674
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:39,208
So, what do we do?
675
00:37:39,208 --> 00:37:41,375
Here are the pencils.
676
00:37:41,375 --> 00:37:42,834
Instead of writing
down a number,
677
00:37:42,834 --> 00:37:44,208
you write down
what you see on your trip.
HUEY: Yeah.
678
00:37:44,208 --> 00:37:45,208
Okay.
679
00:37:46,291 --> 00:37:48,208
Dog. One point for me.
680
00:37:48,208 --> 00:37:50,583
Oh, no! That's not fair.
You've played this before.
681
00:37:50,583 --> 00:37:52,041
It's not fair to me.
I'm driving.
682
00:37:52,041 --> 00:37:54,000
Deal with it.
Bird on a wire.
683
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:55,625
Picket fence.
Policeman.
684
00:37:55,625 --> 00:37:56,834
ALL THREE: Where?
685
00:37:56,834 --> 00:37:58,000
(LAUGHS)
686
00:38:04,166 --> 00:38:05,667
Ah, that was good.
687
00:38:05,667 --> 00:38:06,959
(CHUCKLING) Oh!
688
00:38:06,959 --> 00:38:09,834
Oh. You gotta
learn to laugh.
689
00:38:09,834 --> 00:38:11,166
It's the way to true love.
690
00:38:12,750 --> 00:38:14,041
(SMACKS LIPS)
691
00:38:30,959 --> 00:38:33,250
(SPARKY BARKING)
692
00:38:40,542 --> 00:38:42,792
(READING) "The world's largest
ball of twine
693
00:38:42,792 --> 00:38:44,542
"has a circumference
of 45 feet..."
694
00:38:44,542 --> 00:38:46,750
MALT: (ON PHONE)
What's the excuse?
695
00:38:46,750 --> 00:38:48,083
Well, it's just going to
take a little longer
than we thought
696
00:38:48,083 --> 00:38:49,250
because we have to stay
off the main highway.
697
00:38:49,250 --> 00:38:50,542
Fly.
698
00:38:50,542 --> 00:38:52,834
Well, he won't fly.
Why?
699
00:38:52,834 --> 00:38:54,458
'Cause he can't fit
in coach seats.
700
00:38:54,458 --> 00:38:56,250
His wings take
too much space.
701
00:38:56,250 --> 00:38:57,583
Wanna pay first-class?
702
00:38:57,583 --> 00:38:58,917
Drive.
703
00:38:58,917 --> 00:39:00,792
"Eventually, it was
transported here.
704
00:39:00,792 --> 00:39:02,417
"There is enough twine
705
00:39:02,417 --> 00:39:04,750
"to stock 5,000
hardware stores..."
706
00:39:07,959 --> 00:39:09,750
(INHALES DEEPLY)
707
00:39:09,750 --> 00:39:11,417
Battle.
708
00:39:17,959 --> 00:39:20,041
We'll be there. Don't worry.
What can happen, you know?
709
00:39:20,041 --> 00:39:21,250
Trust me. Nothing.
710
00:39:21,250 --> 00:39:22,750
Michael?
711
00:39:22,750 --> 00:39:24,291
Don't fret, Malt.
712
00:39:25,709 --> 00:39:27,375
Quinlan!
Michael!
713
00:39:28,750 --> 00:39:30,458
Michael!
714
00:39:30,458 --> 00:39:32,709
(SHOUTING)
What are you doing?
715
00:39:33,917 --> 00:39:35,208
(BARKING)
716
00:39:40,875 --> 00:39:42,166
Battle!
717
00:39:43,125 --> 00:39:44,417
(SNORTS)
718
00:39:54,458 --> 00:39:55,959
Michael.
719
00:39:55,959 --> 00:39:57,750
Michael.
720
00:39:57,750 --> 00:39:59,458
Michael, you know
what that is?
721
00:40:00,917 --> 00:40:02,417
Battle!
722
00:40:03,125 --> 00:40:04,291
(MOOS)
723
00:40:11,125 --> 00:40:12,625
Michael. Don't.
724
00:40:12,625 --> 00:40:13,959
(SNORTS)
(SNORTS)
725
00:40:16,959 --> 00:40:18,000
(GRUNTS)
726
00:40:19,417 --> 00:40:20,625
(MOOING)
727
00:40:30,750 --> 00:40:31,959
Michael.
728
00:40:31,959 --> 00:40:33,667
(GROANING)
729
00:40:38,667 --> 00:40:40,041
Michael.
730
00:40:40,041 --> 00:40:41,500
(CHUCKLES)
731
00:40:41,500 --> 00:40:44,125
I am completely happy.
732
00:40:44,125 --> 00:40:45,458
Are you all right?
733
00:40:45,458 --> 00:40:47,000
Ooh...
Can you feel your legs?
734
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:48,166
Whoo.
735
00:40:48,166 --> 00:40:50,667
(LAUGHS)
736
00:40:50,667 --> 00:40:53,125
No injuries.
6,360 battles.
737
00:40:53,125 --> 00:40:54,542
(LAUGHS)
738
00:40:54,542 --> 00:40:55,750
FRANK: Can you sit up?
739
00:40:55,750 --> 00:40:57,959
Of course I can sit up.
740
00:41:01,709 --> 00:41:03,834
Ah. Now that...
741
00:41:03,834 --> 00:41:06,542
That is my nature. Yes.
742
00:41:06,542 --> 00:41:08,542
(STRAINING)
I am a grass roller,
743
00:41:08,542 --> 00:41:10,375
but I'm doomed
to live in one place
744
00:41:10,375 --> 00:41:11,875
and crave
the pleasures of another.
745
00:41:11,875 --> 00:41:13,750
But don't you
feel sorry for me, no.
746
00:41:13,750 --> 00:41:15,417
Why would we feel
sorry for you?
747
00:41:15,417 --> 00:41:16,834
Because this is
my last blast.
748
00:41:16,834 --> 00:41:18,333
26. That's all we get.
749
00:41:18,333 --> 00:41:19,834
Thank you, Quinlan.
750
00:41:19,834 --> 00:41:21,583
For what?
751
00:41:21,583 --> 00:41:23,667
I think he's saying
there's no sex in heaven.
752
00:41:23,667 --> 00:41:25,250
Is... Is that
what he's saying?
753
00:41:25,250 --> 00:41:27,875
You know, uh,
it's really not polite
754
00:41:27,875 --> 00:41:30,208
to talk about someone
in the third person
when that person is here.
755
00:41:30,208 --> 00:41:32,166
I know. I'm very sorry.
Sparky!
756
00:41:32,166 --> 00:41:33,500
What do you mean,
757
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:36,375
"Last blast"?
758
00:41:37,375 --> 00:41:39,250
Only so many visits
allowed.
759
00:41:42,875 --> 00:41:45,375
I'm going to miss
everything so much.
760
00:41:46,125 --> 00:41:47,709
Ah!
761
00:41:47,709 --> 00:41:48,792
(INHALES DEEPLY)
762
00:41:49,917 --> 00:41:51,083
Mmm!
763
00:41:57,583 --> 00:42:00,750
FRANK:
Why are you here?
764
00:42:00,750 --> 00:42:03,291
Why are you saying
it has anything
to do with me?
765
00:42:08,625 --> 00:42:10,583
Hmm. The sun was
having an argument
with the north wind.
766
00:42:10,583 --> 00:42:12,583
Who was smarter,
who was stronger.
767
00:42:12,583 --> 00:42:15,417
The north wind
pointed out a man
walking down the street,
768
00:42:15,417 --> 00:42:17,959
"I bet I can make
that man take off his coat,
and you can't."
769
00:42:17,959 --> 00:42:19,959
"I'll take that bet,"
said the sun.
770
00:42:19,959 --> 00:42:21,875
The north wind blew
and blew and blew,
771
00:42:21,875 --> 00:42:23,000
and the more
that wind blew,
772
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,500
the tighter that man
held that coat
around himself.
773
00:42:25,500 --> 00:42:28,792
And then the sun
came out and smiled,
774
00:42:28,792 --> 00:42:30,458
and it became warmer.
775
00:42:30,458 --> 00:42:32,125
The man took
off his coat.
776
00:42:37,625 --> 00:42:40,917
What is that
supposed to mean?
777
00:42:40,917 --> 00:42:42,500
Did you make
a bet about me?
778
00:42:42,500 --> 00:42:44,959
Well, I had to get
back here somehow.
779
00:42:44,959 --> 00:42:46,583
(BARKS)
Hey, watch the wings
there, buddy.
780
00:42:48,917 --> 00:42:50,166
(GRUNTS)
781
00:42:57,166 --> 00:42:59,500
(JUKEBOX PLAYING EASY ROCK)
782
00:43:08,667 --> 00:43:11,000
That's not how
you eat a lemon.
783
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:12,333
(CHUCKLES)
How do you
eat a lemon?
784
00:43:14,583 --> 00:43:15,500
You cut it in half.
785
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:20,166
Put salt on it.
That is how you
eat a lemon.
786
00:43:20,166 --> 00:43:21,291
That's how you
eat a lemon.
787
00:43:21,291 --> 00:43:22,500
Oh, is this
a rule?
788
00:43:24,375 --> 00:43:27,000
(INHALES)
Hey.
789
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:28,500
Hey to you, too.
790
00:43:32,875 --> 00:43:34,125
Thank you.
791
00:43:34,125 --> 00:43:35,208
Do you have pie?
792
00:43:39,125 --> 00:43:40,667
Do you have pie?
793
00:43:41,291 --> 00:43:42,333
No.
794
00:43:49,709 --> 00:43:50,709
(CLICKS TONGUE)
795
00:43:52,333 --> 00:43:53,667
I'm a writer, too.
796
00:43:53,667 --> 00:43:55,583
Oh, really?
What did you write?
797
00:43:55,583 --> 00:43:56,542
Psalm 85.
798
00:43:58,917 --> 00:44:01,542
It wasn't called
Psalm 85 when
I wrote it.
799
00:44:01,542 --> 00:44:04,166
I had no idea
they were going to be
collected and numbered.
800
00:44:09,458 --> 00:44:10,500
Mmm.
801
00:44:11,542 --> 00:44:13,709
MICHAEL: Yeah. Yeah.
802
00:44:13,709 --> 00:44:16,458
It was right around
the time I invented
standing in line.
803
00:44:16,458 --> 00:44:18,333
You invented
standing in line?
Mmm-hmm.
804
00:44:18,333 --> 00:44:21,542
Before then everybody
just milled around.
It was a mess.
805
00:44:21,542 --> 00:44:23,375
So one day I said,
"Why not make a line?"
806
00:44:23,375 --> 00:44:24,583
A line for what?
807
00:44:25,875 --> 00:44:27,375
To get in.
808
00:44:27,375 --> 00:44:29,333
Why don't you ask him
what you want to know?
809
00:44:29,333 --> 00:44:31,417
What do I
want to know?
810
00:44:31,417 --> 00:44:33,250
He wants to know
why angels don't
solve big problems.
811
00:44:33,250 --> 00:44:35,125
That is what
I want to know.
812
00:44:35,125 --> 00:44:37,125
Why don't angels
solve big problems?
813
00:44:39,417 --> 00:44:41,917
You can't change
the nature of the world.
814
00:44:41,917 --> 00:44:43,583
What can you do?
815
00:44:43,583 --> 00:44:45,583
Small miracles.
Only so many.
816
00:44:46,625 --> 00:44:48,875
Some angels
aren't so smart.
817
00:44:48,875 --> 00:44:50,792
They use them up
in stupid ways.
818
00:44:50,792 --> 00:44:54,166
Like the parking
space angel? (LAUGHS)
(MICHAEL SIGHS)
819
00:44:54,166 --> 00:44:55,750
I don't like to
criticize other angels.
820
00:45:00,083 --> 00:45:01,750
I'll, uh, be with you
in a minute.
821
00:45:02,583 --> 00:45:03,625
Yup.
822
00:45:06,375 --> 00:45:09,417
This is how
you eat a lemon.
823
00:45:09,417 --> 00:45:10,417
FRANK: Hey.
824
00:45:12,834 --> 00:45:14,333
Excuse me.
825
00:45:14,333 --> 00:45:16,166
They want me.
826
00:45:16,166 --> 00:45:18,625
Now, remember what
John and Paul said.
827
00:45:18,625 --> 00:45:20,667
The apostles?
No. The Beatles.
828
00:45:20,667 --> 00:45:21,917
All you need is love.
829
00:45:23,333 --> 00:45:24,667
Hello, ladies.
830
00:45:25,250 --> 00:45:26,250
(CLAPS)
831
00:45:32,959 --> 00:45:34,667
Do you believe
in angels?
832
00:45:34,667 --> 00:45:36,500
Absolutely.
833
00:45:36,500 --> 00:45:38,875
Have you ever,
ever heard of an angel
that was interested in sex?
834
00:45:38,875 --> 00:45:40,458
Of course not.
835
00:45:40,458 --> 00:45:42,083
Angels do not
have sex.
836
00:45:42,083 --> 00:45:43,625
But is there one?
837
00:45:43,625 --> 00:45:46,959
And I suppose he
invented standing in line.
838
00:45:46,959 --> 00:45:49,709
Sparky, I'm going
to take you for a walk.
839
00:45:49,709 --> 00:45:51,500
(BARKS)
840
00:45:51,500 --> 00:45:52,417
Let's go. (BLOWS KISSES)
841
00:45:54,542 --> 00:45:55,542
(BUTTON CLICKS)
842
00:45:59,500 --> 00:46:01,166
(MUSIC STOPS)
843
00:46:01,166 --> 00:46:03,041
(ARETHA FRANKLIN'S
CHAIN OF FOOLS PLAYING)
844
00:46:05,542 --> 00:46:06,333
Suzanne, what's going on?
845
00:46:09,667 --> 00:46:10,709
Hey. Suzanne.
846
00:47:38,041 --> 00:47:39,375
Follow me, ladies.
847
00:47:40,417 --> 00:47:41,291
Follow me.
848
00:48:01,834 --> 00:48:02,834
(CHEERS)
849
00:48:04,709 --> 00:48:06,750
I invented the hole in
the coffee cup, you know.
850
00:48:08,083 --> 00:48:09,333
When you get
coffee to go.
851
00:48:11,333 --> 00:48:14,458
I was the first person
to rip that little
hole in the lid
852
00:48:14,458 --> 00:48:17,250
so you could
drink it in the car.
853
00:48:17,250 --> 00:48:19,125
Could've made
a fortune.
It's weird.
854
00:48:19,125 --> 00:48:20,333
What?
855
00:48:20,333 --> 00:48:23,000
She's an angel
expert, but...
What?
856
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:24,250
(CRASHING)
857
00:48:26,083 --> 00:48:27,333
MICHAEL: Battle!
858
00:48:30,834 --> 00:48:32,458
MAN: Come on!
Ha! Ah! Ha!
859
00:48:33,959 --> 00:48:34,959
(JEERING)
860
00:48:36,166 --> 00:48:38,166
For God's sake,
Michael.
861
00:48:38,166 --> 00:48:38,959
HUEY: Stop.
862
00:48:43,333 --> 00:48:44,333
(YELLS)
863
00:48:45,542 --> 00:48:46,834
Hey. You.
864
00:48:48,166 --> 00:48:48,875
(GRUNTS)
865
00:48:54,250 --> 00:48:55,000
(SIGHS)
866
00:48:56,750 --> 00:48:58,000
MICHAEL: Battle.
867
00:48:58,000 --> 00:48:59,458
FRANK: You'd better
believe it.
868
00:48:59,458 --> 00:49:00,166
MAN: Over here!
869
00:49:01,959 --> 00:49:03,000
(GRUNTING)
870
00:49:04,417 --> 00:49:06,333
(SLAMMING)
(ALL GASPING)
871
00:49:06,333 --> 00:49:07,041
(YELPS)
872
00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:13,000
(GRUNTS)
873
00:49:21,208 --> 00:49:22,375
(STRAINING)
874
00:49:26,583 --> 00:49:28,542
(SCREAMS)
875
00:49:28,542 --> 00:49:30,208
It's caramels.
He smells like caramels.
876
00:49:30,208 --> 00:49:32,166
It's cotton candy.
877
00:49:32,166 --> 00:49:34,625
It's cookies.
He smells like cookies,
878
00:49:34,625 --> 00:49:36,709
and the smell
gets stronger
when he's in heat.
879
00:49:36,709 --> 00:49:38,333
(LID CRASHING)
880
00:49:42,917 --> 00:49:43,917
(YELLS)
881
00:49:45,709 --> 00:49:46,709
Ha!
882
00:49:54,375 --> 00:49:55,166
(EXCLAIMS)
883
00:49:57,750 --> 00:49:59,542
(SIRENS WAILING)
884
00:50:02,291 --> 00:50:03,583
(BARKS)
885
00:50:03,583 --> 00:50:05,083
(EXCLAIMS)
886
00:50:05,083 --> 00:50:08,083
(HUFFING)
887
00:50:11,834 --> 00:50:13,083
You're a great
fighter.
888
00:50:13,750 --> 00:50:15,125
I certainly am.
889
00:50:15,125 --> 00:50:18,291
I'm cold.
HUEY: My head hurts.
890
00:50:18,291 --> 00:50:20,542
You folks from
the National Mirror?
891
00:50:20,542 --> 00:50:23,458
I got a two-headed
chicken in my yard,
if you're interested.
892
00:50:23,458 --> 00:50:26,041
What are we
being held for?
893
00:50:26,041 --> 00:50:30,041
Destruction of property,
assault, battery,
and disturbing the peace.
894
00:50:30,041 --> 00:50:31,750
Magistrate
will be here
in the morning.
895
00:50:31,750 --> 00:50:33,417
Your honor, I didn't
have anything
to do with this.
896
00:50:33,417 --> 00:50:35,000
Good night.
897
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:38,083
Hey. Hey, hey.
We have a phone
call coming to us.
898
00:50:40,208 --> 00:50:41,125
Hey.
(DOOR SHUTS)
899
00:50:42,917 --> 00:50:45,750
(EXCLAIMING)
900
00:50:45,750 --> 00:50:47,458
Whoo, whoo, whoo.
901
00:50:54,250 --> 00:50:56,041
Ralph got
thrown in jail,
902
00:50:56,041 --> 00:50:58,834
but at least
he had the decency
to keep me out of it.
903
00:50:58,834 --> 00:51:00,125
I don't want to
spend the night here.
904
00:51:00,959 --> 00:51:02,500
I hate you.
905
00:51:02,500 --> 00:51:04,917
What? You hate me?
Not you.
906
00:51:04,917 --> 00:51:06,542
You hate me?
Not you.
907
00:51:06,542 --> 00:51:08,291
The process
of elimination.
908
00:51:08,291 --> 00:51:10,000
HUEY: Who is Ralph?
909
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:12,625
Another husband
910
00:51:13,458 --> 00:51:15,291
has popped up.
911
00:51:15,291 --> 00:51:17,500
Maybe Sparky
can get us out.
912
00:51:17,500 --> 00:51:20,625
Hey.
Sparky?
913
00:51:20,625 --> 00:51:21,959
HUEY: Go in the drawer
and get the key.
914
00:51:24,291 --> 00:51:25,792
Sparky.
915
00:51:25,792 --> 00:51:26,583
(WHINES)
(HUEY CHUCKLES)
916
00:51:27,792 --> 00:51:29,667
Go in the drawer
917
00:51:29,667 --> 00:51:31,458
and get the key.
918
00:51:32,458 --> 00:51:34,000
(GROANS)
919
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:36,625
Dorothy can
make him do it.
920
00:51:36,625 --> 00:51:39,667
FRANK: Dorothy's
good with dogs.
I have noticed this.
921
00:51:39,667 --> 00:51:41,333
Dogs don't talk.
922
00:51:42,917 --> 00:51:45,375
They don't shave.
923
00:51:45,375 --> 00:51:49,333
They don't run off
in your Camaro. (CHUCKLES)
924
00:51:49,333 --> 00:51:53,166
When you want them to take
a bath you just make
an appointment, you know?
925
00:51:53,166 --> 00:51:56,625
Sit. Stay.
Roll over.
926
00:51:56,625 --> 00:51:58,500
No. (CHUCKLES)
927
00:52:00,208 --> 00:52:01,166
Now.
928
00:52:03,834 --> 00:52:04,834
What?
929
00:52:04,834 --> 00:52:06,000
Apologize.
930
00:52:06,709 --> 00:52:08,208
Say you're sorry.
931
00:52:08,208 --> 00:52:09,208
(LAUGHS)
To her?
932
00:52:10,041 --> 00:52:12,083
Be serious.
933
00:52:12,083 --> 00:52:16,083
(SIGHS)
Or I'm not going to...
934
00:52:16,083 --> 00:52:18,542
(SINGING TONY BENNET
SONG CHICAGO)
935
00:52:32,625 --> 00:52:34,083
Sorry.
(INHALES)
936
00:52:36,875 --> 00:52:38,542
(DOROTHY CRYING)
937
00:52:43,709 --> 00:52:44,500
(SNIFFLING)
938
00:52:54,500 --> 00:52:55,417
I'm sorry.
939
00:52:59,542 --> 00:53:00,417
I'm sorry.
940
00:53:02,458 --> 00:53:03,917
(BREATH TREMBLING)
941
00:53:05,291 --> 00:53:07,917
I didn't mean it. Okay?
942
00:53:10,417 --> 00:53:11,750
(SNIFFS)
Dorothy.
943
00:53:14,917 --> 00:53:16,458
(WHIMPERING)
944
00:53:22,917 --> 00:53:23,959
You cold?
945
00:53:28,166 --> 00:53:29,625
Here. Take my blanket, okay?
946
00:53:49,583 --> 00:53:50,667
I'm going to sleep.
947
00:53:52,125 --> 00:53:54,291
(SIGHS)
Me, too.
948
00:54:07,458 --> 00:54:08,166
(SIGHS)
949
00:54:18,125 --> 00:54:20,166
(MICHAEL SNORING)
950
00:54:43,500 --> 00:54:45,166
(SNORING CONTINUES)
951
00:54:49,750 --> 00:54:52,333
All rise, all rise.
952
00:54:52,333 --> 00:54:54,000
The court of Bickle County
is now in session.
953
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:56,041
The honorable Judge
Esther Newberg presiding.
954
00:54:56,041 --> 00:54:57,208
Please rise.
955
00:55:01,959 --> 00:55:02,750
(CLEARS THROAT)
956
00:55:03,500 --> 00:55:04,500
Be seated.
957
00:55:07,709 --> 00:55:09,166
Now.
958
00:55:09,166 --> 00:55:11,583
You are charged with
959
00:55:11,583 --> 00:55:13,375
disturbing the peace,
960
00:55:13,375 --> 00:55:15,583
destruction of property--
$1,200 worth.
961
00:55:15,583 --> 00:55:17,041
I know.
I spoke to Jenny.
962
00:55:17,041 --> 00:55:19,875
Who's, uh, Jenny?
963
00:55:19,875 --> 00:55:23,083
That's his wife. She told me
that sweet little painting
above the bar...
964
00:55:23,083 --> 00:55:25,041
Uh, two moose
hunters in a canoe.
965
00:55:25,041 --> 00:55:27,041
Smashed to smithereens.
966
00:55:27,041 --> 00:55:29,208
That is so sad.
967
00:55:29,208 --> 00:55:31,250
Yep.
Isn't this a
conflict of interest?
968
00:55:31,250 --> 00:55:32,542
Did I say
you could speak?
969
00:55:35,709 --> 00:55:37,583
I know someone who
can restore paintings.
970
00:55:37,583 --> 00:55:41,041
I told Jenny,
"Stop crying.
I will take care of it."
971
00:55:41,041 --> 00:55:44,083
Now, who can tell me
exactly what happened...
972
00:55:44,834 --> 00:55:45,917
Last night?
973
00:55:45,917 --> 00:55:46,917
I can.
974
00:55:47,792 --> 00:55:49,041
Anyone else?
975
00:55:49,041 --> 00:55:50,417
FRANK: We were having dinner.
976
00:55:50,417 --> 00:55:52,250
JUDGE: Not you.
If I may.
977
00:55:52,250 --> 00:55:53,375
JUDGE: Put your hand down.
978
00:55:54,625 --> 00:55:56,750
You. Please.
979
00:55:58,750 --> 00:55:59,542
In chambers.
980
00:56:01,208 --> 00:56:03,750
BAILIFF:
All rise, all rise.
981
00:56:03,750 --> 00:56:07,709
The court of Bickle County,
Judge Esther Newberg
presiding, is now in recess.
982
00:56:07,709 --> 00:56:08,917
Please rise.
983
00:56:08,917 --> 00:56:09,709
(INHALES)
984
00:56:24,959 --> 00:56:28,125
(SINGING THE BEATLES SONG
LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED)
985
00:56:41,083 --> 00:56:42,583
(CONTINUES SINGING)
986
00:57:04,333 --> 00:57:06,041
(HUEY JOINS SINGING)
987
00:57:14,500 --> 00:57:16,667
Come on, sing!
988
00:57:16,667 --> 00:57:18,333
(SINGING)
MICHAEL: Not you, not yet.
989
00:57:21,250 --> 00:57:23,166
Just the guys.
Come on, fellas.
990
00:57:23,166 --> 00:57:24,333
(SINGING CONTINUES)
991
00:57:26,000 --> 00:57:26,792
Bring it down.
992
00:57:28,542 --> 00:57:29,792
(ALL SINGING)
993
00:57:39,917 --> 00:57:40,667
(DOROTHY SINGING)
994
00:57:42,875 --> 00:57:45,417
MICHAEL:
Hey! Wait a minute.
Wait, wait.
995
00:57:45,417 --> 00:57:46,542
Meadsboro, one mile.
996
00:57:46,542 --> 00:57:48,250
FRANK: So?
997
00:57:48,250 --> 00:57:51,166
So that's where
the world's largest
non-stick frying pan is.
998
00:57:51,166 --> 00:57:53,291
Oh, no, Michael.
999
00:57:53,291 --> 00:57:56,542
We are not stopping
to see the world's
largest non-stick frying pan.
1000
00:57:56,542 --> 00:57:57,834
Why not?
1001
00:57:57,834 --> 00:57:59,375
Because we have
to get back.
1002
00:57:59,375 --> 00:58:01,917
Well, me too,
but before that happens,
1003
00:58:01,917 --> 00:58:04,583
I would like to see
the world's largest
non-stick frying pan.
1004
00:58:04,583 --> 00:58:06,208
It is on the way.
1005
00:58:06,208 --> 00:58:08,250
Every time we
stop somewhere,
he gets us in trouble.
1006
00:58:08,250 --> 00:58:10,417
Yes, but he also
gets us out of trouble.
(LIGHTER CLICKS)
1007
00:58:10,417 --> 00:58:12,250
(BOTH) Huey!
What?
1008
00:58:12,250 --> 00:58:14,208
Well, he does!
1009
00:58:14,208 --> 00:58:16,875
I mean, look,
that judge just took
one look at him and...
1010
00:58:16,875 --> 00:58:19,709
(STAMMERING) What is that?
What is it about you?
1011
00:58:19,709 --> 00:58:22,000
What?
1012
00:58:22,000 --> 00:58:24,250
As a woman, could you...
Could you explain that to me?
1013
00:58:24,250 --> 00:58:26,667
How should I know?
I'm not the least bit
attracted to him.
1014
00:58:26,667 --> 00:58:28,750
No offense, Michael,
but I'm not.
1015
00:58:28,750 --> 00:58:30,291
I put a block on you.
1016
00:58:30,291 --> 00:58:32,875
Oh, sure. (SIGHS)
I did.
1017
00:58:32,875 --> 00:58:35,917
All right, to continue,
1018
00:58:35,917 --> 00:58:39,875
"Presumably this frying pan
was coated with Teflon
1019
00:58:39,875 --> 00:58:42,417
"to save a wee bit on
the amount of cholesterol
1020
00:58:42,417 --> 00:58:46,083
"ingested by the town
of Meadsboro every year
when they get together
1021
00:58:46,083 --> 00:58:48,291
"to honor the egg."
Michael, we're not stopping.
1022
00:58:48,291 --> 00:58:49,917
You have 10 seconds
to change your mind.
1023
00:58:51,667 --> 00:58:53,291
Ten hippopotamus.
1024
00:58:53,291 --> 00:58:54,917
Nine hippopotamus.
1025
00:58:54,917 --> 00:58:56,417
Eight hippopotamus.
1026
00:58:56,417 --> 00:58:58,375
How much more attractive
is he than I am?
1027
00:58:58,375 --> 00:58:59,959
Seven hippopotamus.
Be honest with me.
1028
00:58:59,959 --> 00:59:01,500
Six hippopotamus.
Huey, this is not healthy.
1029
00:59:01,500 --> 00:59:03,417
MICHAEL: Five hippopotamus.
1030
00:59:03,417 --> 00:59:05,291
Four hippopotamus.
1031
00:59:05,291 --> 00:59:06,542
Three, two, one!
1032
00:59:06,542 --> 00:59:07,792
(LOUD POPPING)
1033
00:59:07,792 --> 00:59:09,500
(HISSING)
1034
00:59:09,500 --> 00:59:10,959
(TIRE FLAPPING)
1035
00:59:23,375 --> 00:59:24,417
(ENGINE STOPS)
1036
00:59:27,792 --> 00:59:28,583
Oh, no.
1037
00:59:36,667 --> 00:59:39,959
There's no jack!
Of course there is no jack!
1038
00:59:39,959 --> 00:59:44,208
Just ask him to fix it.
He blew it, he can fix it!
1039
00:59:44,208 --> 00:59:48,083
Fix this tire!
Come back here this instant
and fix this tire!
1040
00:59:48,083 --> 00:59:49,625
No can do.
1041
01:00:03,709 --> 01:00:04,875
I miss my wife.
1042
01:00:06,458 --> 01:00:07,792
I don't miss
any of my husbands.
1043
01:00:09,333 --> 01:00:11,417
Although Bradley
was handy with a jack.
1044
01:00:11,417 --> 01:00:12,458
He had to be.
1045
01:00:13,500 --> 01:00:15,834
I don't want to ask why.
1046
01:00:15,834 --> 01:00:17,458
His tires were bald.
1047
01:00:24,667 --> 01:00:27,667
His tires were bald.
So was his head.
1048
01:00:29,875 --> 01:00:32,208
I wish he'd call,
but now he's dead.
1049
01:00:32,208 --> 01:00:33,208
(ALL CHUCKLING)
1050
01:00:35,125 --> 01:00:37,000
He's not dead,
and he wasn't bald.
1051
01:00:38,333 --> 01:00:39,166
Poetic license.
1052
01:00:40,542 --> 01:00:41,709
♪ His tires were bald
1053
01:00:42,875 --> 01:00:44,083
♪ And they went flat
1054
01:00:45,583 --> 01:00:49,542
♪ So did our love,
and that was that ♪
1055
01:00:51,250 --> 01:00:52,250
FRANK: Heh.
1056
01:00:53,917 --> 01:00:56,375
Maybe you could write
a song about my wife.
1057
01:00:56,375 --> 01:00:57,375
Do you love her?
1058
01:00:58,667 --> 01:01:01,041
(SCOFFS)
1059
01:01:01,041 --> 01:01:03,375
Hey, she drives me wild.
Mmm.
1060
01:01:03,375 --> 01:01:04,417
What about her?
1061
01:01:05,583 --> 01:01:06,583
(SIGHS)
1062
01:01:08,208 --> 01:01:10,709
She had her
lips done. (CHUCKLES)
1063
01:01:10,709 --> 01:01:13,583
Had little bits of fat
squeezed into them.
1064
01:01:15,250 --> 01:01:17,458
Now my wife has
lips like a blowfish.
1065
01:01:18,917 --> 01:01:19,959
But in a good way.
Mmm.
1066
01:01:23,250 --> 01:01:27,083
♪ My wife has lips
like a blowfish ♪
1067
01:01:30,083 --> 01:01:32,792
I don't see it.
But you know,
I could be wrong.
1068
01:01:32,792 --> 01:01:34,792
If I had any talent
as a country singer,
1069
01:01:34,792 --> 01:01:36,625
I wouldn't be sitting
on the side of the road
in the middle of nowhere.
1070
01:01:45,250 --> 01:01:48,291
♪ Sitting on
the side of the road
In the middle of nowhere ♪
1071
01:01:51,583 --> 01:01:53,166
Sounds awfully familiar.
1072
01:01:54,125 --> 01:01:54,959
Mmm. But it's good, though.
1073
01:02:01,959 --> 01:02:05,792
This is one god-forsaken road.
I'll bet you no one
ever comes down it.
1074
01:02:18,959 --> 01:02:20,458
Yeah, well,
they won't stop though.
1075
01:02:29,041 --> 01:02:30,750
WOMAN: Hi there.
1076
01:02:30,750 --> 01:02:31,792
Bet you need a jack.
1077
01:02:35,542 --> 01:02:38,333
I spun around,
and the next thing
that happened was
1078
01:02:38,333 --> 01:02:42,000
he came as 100 mouths,
open and stinking with decay,
1079
01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:45,333
and he tore at my flesh
from every angle of heaven.
1080
01:02:45,333 --> 01:02:47,333
So I grabbed Beelzebub's
blue tongue in my fist.
1081
01:02:47,333 --> 01:02:48,583
Whoa, man.
1082
01:02:48,583 --> 01:02:50,166
Who's Beelzebub?
1083
01:02:50,917 --> 01:02:52,166
Beelzebub is Satan.
1084
01:02:53,250 --> 01:02:54,834
Oh. Satan.
1085
01:02:55,959 --> 01:02:57,333
FRANK: Michael,
get in the car.
1086
01:03:04,667 --> 01:03:06,792
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)
1087
01:03:21,583 --> 01:03:22,709
What'll it be, folks?
1088
01:03:22,709 --> 01:03:25,208
Do you have pie?
1089
01:03:25,208 --> 01:03:27,208
Do we have pie?
1090
01:03:27,208 --> 01:03:29,208
Buddy, you're in
the pie capital
of America.
1091
01:03:30,250 --> 01:03:32,500
Well, we want pie.
1092
01:03:33,250 --> 01:03:34,583
What have you got?
1093
01:03:34,583 --> 01:03:36,625
I got them memorized.
Okay, ready?
1094
01:03:36,625 --> 01:03:38,709
We got apple, of course,
1095
01:03:38,709 --> 01:03:40,208
banana cream,
coconut cream,
1096
01:03:40,208 --> 01:03:41,959
sour cream raisin.
1097
01:03:41,959 --> 01:03:43,709
We got--
Chocolate cream?
1098
01:03:43,709 --> 01:03:45,875
Definitely
chocolate cream.
1099
01:03:47,375 --> 01:03:51,375
And strawberry
rhubarb pie, and
1100
01:03:51,375 --> 01:03:53,333
cherry, and lemon meringue.
1101
01:03:56,750 --> 01:03:59,583
We want two slices
of everything.
1102
01:03:59,583 --> 01:04:01,250
And vanilla ice cream
on the side.
1103
01:04:01,250 --> 01:04:04,166
You got it.
DOROTHY: Thank you.
1104
01:04:04,166 --> 01:04:06,083
(BAND PLAYS RAY PRICE
SONG CRAZY ARMS)
1105
01:04:19,917 --> 01:04:22,250
DOROTHY: Mmm. Chocolate. Oh.
1106
01:04:22,250 --> 01:04:24,208
FRANK: Ah. Bliss. Bliss.
1107
01:04:24,208 --> 01:04:26,667
ANITA:
That's banana cream
and that's coconut.
1108
01:04:26,667 --> 01:04:28,750
Everybody get out of
my banana cream pie.
1109
01:04:29,667 --> 01:04:31,750
That, that's the pie.
1110
01:04:31,750 --> 01:04:33,625
What is this?
What is this pie?
1111
01:04:33,625 --> 01:04:35,709
That's the sour cream raisin.
Very underrated pie.
1112
01:04:35,709 --> 01:04:37,250
FRANK:
Lemon meringue pie.
1113
01:04:37,250 --> 01:04:38,750
HUEY:
This isn't key lime.
1114
01:04:38,750 --> 01:04:40,750
ANITA: Mmm-mmm.
Lemon meringue.
1115
01:04:40,750 --> 01:04:42,625
What is it
about pie?
1116
01:04:42,625 --> 01:04:45,166
It's pretty, you know?
There's nothing
prettier than pie,
1117
01:04:45,166 --> 01:04:47,166
with the little
scalloped edges
around the sides
1118
01:04:47,166 --> 01:04:49,125
and those slits in the top
for the heat to escape.
1119
01:04:49,125 --> 01:04:52,166
Pie gives you the sense that
you're a four-square person
1120
01:04:52,166 --> 01:04:54,625
living in a
four-square country.
1121
01:04:54,625 --> 01:04:55,792
Well, pie says home.
1122
01:04:55,792 --> 01:04:57,125
As American
as apple pie.
1123
01:04:57,125 --> 01:04:58,917
I wish I invented pie.
1124
01:04:58,917 --> 01:05:00,250
I did.
1125
01:05:03,834 --> 01:05:05,291
(LAUGHS) I'm just kidding.
1126
01:05:05,291 --> 01:05:06,792
(ALL LAUGHING)
1127
01:05:06,792 --> 01:05:08,125
That was a good one.
1128
01:05:10,625 --> 01:05:13,083
God's in his heaven,
and all's right
with the world.
1129
01:05:13,083 --> 01:05:15,792
Mmm. My mother
made a great--
1130
01:05:15,792 --> 01:05:16,834
Blueberry pie.
1131
01:05:19,291 --> 01:05:20,750
Yes.
1132
01:05:21,333 --> 01:05:23,834
So do I.
1133
01:05:23,834 --> 01:05:26,667
I have to say,
I like cream pie
more than fruit pie.
1134
01:05:26,667 --> 01:05:28,291
Me too.
1135
01:05:28,291 --> 01:05:30,083
That is so wrong.
1136
01:05:30,083 --> 01:05:31,625
I like them all.
1137
01:05:31,625 --> 01:05:33,667
I like you.
Mmm.
1138
01:05:33,667 --> 01:05:35,834
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1139
01:05:35,834 --> 01:05:37,291
Dorothy.
1140
01:05:37,291 --> 01:05:38,834
Sing your song
about pie.
1141
01:05:40,834 --> 01:05:43,000
You have a song
about pie?
1142
01:05:44,458 --> 01:05:45,709
Actually, I do.
1143
01:05:47,208 --> 01:05:48,166
MICHAEL: Sing, Dorothy.
1144
01:05:48,750 --> 01:05:49,834
Now.
1145
01:05:52,208 --> 01:05:53,583
♪ Pie, pie
1146
01:05:53,583 --> 01:05:55,417
♪ Me, oh, my
1147
01:05:55,417 --> 01:05:58,041
♪ Nothing tastes sweet,
wet, salty, and dry
1148
01:05:58,041 --> 01:06:01,166
♪ All at once
so well as pie
1149
01:06:01,166 --> 01:06:04,166
♪ Apple, pumpkin,
mince and black bottom
1150
01:06:04,166 --> 01:06:07,166
♪ I'll come to your place
every day if you've got 'em
1151
01:06:07,166 --> 01:06:09,333
♪ Pie, me, oh, my
1152
01:06:09,333 --> 01:06:10,875
♪ I love pie ♪
1153
01:06:11,709 --> 01:06:13,834
(LAUGHING AND APPLAUSE)
1154
01:06:15,041 --> 01:06:16,041
That's great.
1155
01:06:17,709 --> 01:06:18,917
Sing another song.
1156
01:06:20,542 --> 01:06:21,750
Oh.
1157
01:06:23,375 --> 01:06:25,959
It's in b-flat.
It's pretty basic,
1158
01:06:25,959 --> 01:06:28,000
but watch out
for the guitar
down there, okay?
1159
01:06:31,875 --> 01:06:33,667
(CLEARS THROAT)
1160
01:06:33,667 --> 01:06:35,834
Oh.
(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)
1161
01:06:35,834 --> 01:06:39,041
(CLEARS THROAT)
Hi. I'm nervous.
1162
01:06:39,041 --> 01:06:43,041
Oh, this is, um--
You'll have to forgive me.
It's a work in progress.
1163
01:06:43,041 --> 01:06:44,834
Don't apologize,
Dorothy. Okay.
1164
01:06:45,709 --> 01:06:46,792
(SIGHS) Okay.
1165
01:06:47,792 --> 01:06:49,083
BAND MEMBER: One, two.
1166
01:06:52,542 --> 01:06:54,750
(SINGING SITTIN'
BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD)
1167
01:09:04,375 --> 01:09:06,250
(CROWD CHEERING)
1168
01:09:07,333 --> 01:09:08,667
Yeah!
1169
01:09:08,667 --> 01:09:10,166
Whoo!
1170
01:09:10,166 --> 01:09:12,709
(CROWD WHISTLING AND CHEERING)
1171
01:09:27,458 --> 01:09:30,041
And then when
I went to college
I was published.
1172
01:09:30,041 --> 01:09:33,250
You were published?
Yeah, I was published.
I mean, well, kind of.
1173
01:09:33,250 --> 01:09:36,083
You know, it's
like a yearly thing.
Poems, you know?
1174
01:09:36,083 --> 01:09:37,542
Yeah, that's great.
That's great.
1175
01:09:38,583 --> 01:09:39,792
Uh, it's really great.
1176
01:09:41,083 --> 01:09:43,542
(EXHALES) It's cold.
Yeah.
1177
01:09:43,542 --> 01:09:45,250
I'm in there.
This is Huey's room, so...
1178
01:09:47,083 --> 01:09:48,083
Where are you?
1179
01:09:48,917 --> 01:09:50,792
I'm in four.
1180
01:09:50,792 --> 01:09:52,125
Where is that?
1181
01:09:52,125 --> 01:09:53,250
It's up there.
1182
01:09:55,083 --> 01:09:57,583
Where exactly?
On the corner.
1183
01:09:57,583 --> 01:09:59,083
On the corner
right there?
Mmm-hmm.
1184
01:09:59,083 --> 01:10:00,583
Directly over
my room?
1185
01:10:00,583 --> 01:10:01,917
(LAUGHS)
1186
01:10:05,125 --> 01:10:07,083
Um...
1187
01:10:07,083 --> 01:10:09,625
You were great.
Really great.
1188
01:10:09,625 --> 01:10:11,125
Um...
1189
01:10:11,125 --> 01:10:14,166
(CLEARS THROAT)
It was...
1190
01:10:14,166 --> 01:10:16,291
Good night.
Yeah. Good night.
1191
01:10:19,917 --> 01:10:21,583
(LAUGHS) It was...
1192
01:10:46,625 --> 01:10:48,667
What are, uh, what are
you doing tonight?
1193
01:10:48,667 --> 01:10:50,542
Not much.
1194
01:10:50,542 --> 01:10:53,000
You wanna
come to my room?
1195
01:10:53,000 --> 01:10:55,000
Why don't you
come to mine?
1196
01:10:55,000 --> 01:10:57,333
That's...
That's a good idea.
1197
01:11:13,208 --> 01:11:14,333
(FRANK EXHALES)
1198
01:11:34,667 --> 01:11:36,583
I have to tell
you something.
I know.
1199
01:11:36,583 --> 01:11:39,083
I'm not--
Ever falling in love
with anyone again.
1200
01:11:39,083 --> 01:11:40,208
I know.
1201
01:12:30,458 --> 01:12:31,959
(BARKS)
Okay, okay.
1202
01:12:31,959 --> 01:12:33,709
Okay, oh, okay.
1203
01:12:35,375 --> 01:12:37,417
(BLUEGRASS MUSIC PLAYING)
1204
01:13:17,834 --> 01:13:19,959
(ANITA GIGGLING)
1205
01:13:27,166 --> 01:13:29,333
(SIGHS) Come on,
Sparky. Come on.
1206
01:13:29,333 --> 01:13:30,625
Come on.
(GIGGLING CONTINUES)
1207
01:13:31,792 --> 01:13:33,291
Yes.
1208
01:13:33,291 --> 01:13:34,458
ANITA: Wings?
1209
01:13:35,333 --> 01:13:36,834
Far out!
1210
01:13:36,834 --> 01:13:38,458
(ANITA GIGGLING)
1211
01:13:38,458 --> 01:13:39,959
Some angel.
1212
01:14:58,417 --> 01:14:59,500
I needed the job.
1213
01:15:06,458 --> 01:15:08,792
Good morning.
1214
01:15:08,792 --> 01:15:11,208
What exactly are we
talking about here?
1215
01:15:12,875 --> 01:15:14,000
At the paper.
1216
01:15:14,000 --> 01:15:15,250
That's what I was trying to
tell you last night.
1217
01:15:15,250 --> 01:15:17,709
That's why I'm here.
1218
01:15:17,709 --> 01:15:20,667
I don't make excuses
for working there.
1219
01:15:20,667 --> 01:15:21,917
There's no reason
for you to.
1220
01:15:27,291 --> 01:15:28,458
Here's a confession.
1221
01:15:29,750 --> 01:15:31,083
You wanna hear
a confession?
1222
01:15:31,083 --> 01:15:32,750
Yours?
1223
01:15:32,750 --> 01:15:36,750
I needed the job, too.
1224
01:15:36,750 --> 01:15:39,583
(SCOFFS) No one would
go near me after what
happened at the Tribune.
1225
01:15:40,625 --> 01:15:41,709
What did happen?
1226
01:15:43,083 --> 01:15:44,083
Oh.
1227
01:15:45,250 --> 01:15:47,458
I hit the managing editor.
1228
01:15:48,250 --> 01:15:49,875
Why?
1229
01:15:49,875 --> 01:15:51,875
He fired this really
sweet old guy
1230
01:15:51,875 --> 01:15:54,458
who'd been there
for, like, 27 years.
1231
01:15:56,333 --> 01:15:57,792
Really?
1232
01:15:58,458 --> 01:15:59,625
Nope.
1233
01:16:01,500 --> 01:16:04,125
He changed my lead.
1234
01:16:04,125 --> 01:16:05,625
You hit him
1235
01:16:05,625 --> 01:16:07,834
because he changed
your lead?
1236
01:16:09,291 --> 01:16:10,625
FRANK: No.
1237
01:16:13,291 --> 01:16:15,083
It was late.
I was drunk.
1238
01:16:18,583 --> 01:16:20,750
How I see it,
it makes no difference
where I work.
1239
01:16:20,750 --> 01:16:23,583
Now that's what I call
a lie. I bet you have
a half-finished novel
1240
01:16:23,583 --> 01:16:24,792
in the second drawer
of your desk.
1241
01:16:26,166 --> 01:16:27,417
She got the desk.
1242
01:16:30,959 --> 01:16:32,709
Are you keeping
something from me?
1243
01:16:37,375 --> 01:16:39,166
I'm not ethical.
1244
01:16:39,166 --> 01:16:41,333
Just because you
write about angels
1245
01:16:41,333 --> 01:16:43,500
for a supermarket
tabloid?
1246
01:16:49,333 --> 01:16:52,834
Are you keeping
some angel experience
from me? (LAUGHS)
1247
01:16:55,250 --> 01:16:56,959
If you are,
I forgive you.
1248
01:16:59,000 --> 01:17:00,542
I think I could
forgive you anything.
1249
01:17:05,500 --> 01:17:08,834
This was not a mistake.
Don't say that you think
this was a mistake.
1250
01:17:08,834 --> 01:17:10,208
I couldn't bear it.
1251
01:17:35,333 --> 01:17:37,250
(SIGHS) It's going well.
1252
01:17:40,709 --> 01:17:42,542
It's a difficult
case, though,
1253
01:17:43,959 --> 01:17:45,667
to give a man
back his heart.
1254
01:17:51,041 --> 01:17:53,000
Mmm.
1255
01:17:53,000 --> 01:17:53,625
(SOFTLY) Listen.
1256
01:17:56,750 --> 01:17:59,417
(EXHALES) Listen to the earth.
1257
01:18:07,917 --> 01:18:11,083
Mmm. I'm gonna miss
everything so much.
1258
01:18:19,291 --> 01:18:20,625
(SPARKY WHIMPERS)
1259
01:18:22,250 --> 01:18:23,792
You gotta
remember, Sparky,
1260
01:18:23,792 --> 01:18:26,250
no matter what
they tell you,
1261
01:18:26,250 --> 01:18:27,625
you can never
have too much sugar.
1262
01:18:42,625 --> 01:18:43,959
Dorothy.
1263
01:18:43,959 --> 01:18:45,083
Quinlan.
1264
01:18:47,458 --> 01:18:48,750
Good morning, Michael.
1265
01:18:50,083 --> 01:18:51,125
Good morning, Sparky.
1266
01:18:53,041 --> 01:18:54,792
(BARKING)
1267
01:18:58,750 --> 01:18:59,625
Sparky, no!
1268
01:19:02,083 --> 01:19:04,291
No!
1269
01:19:04,291 --> 01:19:05,583
(THUD)
(SCREAMS)
1270
01:19:15,375 --> 01:19:16,834
Oh, he's all right.
He's all right.
1271
01:19:17,750 --> 01:19:19,208
(GASPS)
1272
01:19:22,125 --> 01:19:23,125
He's all right.
1273
01:19:24,000 --> 01:19:25,041
No.
1274
01:19:26,125 --> 01:19:28,000
(GROANS)
1275
01:19:28,000 --> 01:19:30,500
(CRYING) Oh, I killed him.
1276
01:19:30,500 --> 01:19:32,792
It's not your fault.
It's all my fault.
1277
01:19:32,792 --> 01:19:34,458
I'm so sorry, Huey.
1278
01:19:40,291 --> 01:19:41,834
DOROTHY:
I'm so sorry.
1279
01:19:47,291 --> 01:19:49,000
(DOROTHY CRYING)
1280
01:19:53,792 --> 01:19:55,500
You didn't
do anything wrong.
1281
01:20:08,709 --> 01:20:10,041
Do something.
1282
01:20:11,208 --> 01:20:12,917
It isn't my area.
1283
01:20:12,917 --> 01:20:14,917
What is your area?
Explain it to me.
1284
01:20:16,709 --> 01:20:22,250
Would somebody tell me
exactly what is his area?
1285
01:20:22,250 --> 01:20:24,166
I don't know anything
about his area.
1286
01:20:24,166 --> 01:20:25,667
That's what I've been
trying to tell you.
1287
01:20:26,083 --> 01:20:27,583
What?
1288
01:20:27,583 --> 01:20:29,834
(CRYING) I don't know
anything about angels.
1289
01:20:31,834 --> 01:20:34,250
I'm a dog trainer.
That's why I was hired.
1290
01:20:36,583 --> 01:20:38,709
To train Sparky?
1291
01:20:38,709 --> 01:20:40,125
And then--
Then after...
1292
01:20:42,250 --> 01:20:44,917
We screw up with the angel,
and Malt gets the dog...
1293
01:20:47,333 --> 01:20:48,792
I get Huey's job.
1294
01:20:51,542 --> 01:20:53,208
I didn't know you.
1295
01:20:58,000 --> 01:20:59,417
I'm sorry.
1296
01:21:01,333 --> 01:21:02,917
I'm sorry, too.
1297
01:21:07,250 --> 01:21:08,792
Now bring him
back to life.
1298
01:21:11,250 --> 01:21:13,458
And don't give me
any of that "it isn't
my area" stuff.
1299
01:21:13,458 --> 01:21:15,750
Bring him back to life,
1300
01:21:15,750 --> 01:21:17,458
or go back
where you came from.
1301
01:21:19,583 --> 01:21:20,834
Bring him back.
1302
01:21:25,333 --> 01:21:26,417
Angel.
1303
01:23:23,500 --> 01:23:25,834
(WHIMPERING)
1304
01:23:32,834 --> 01:23:35,291
(BARKING)
1305
01:23:57,291 --> 01:23:59,083
I don't
have much longer.
1306
01:24:33,125 --> 01:24:34,750
Ohh.
1307
01:24:35,792 --> 01:24:37,583
Ohh.
1308
01:24:48,375 --> 01:24:49,583
(SPARKY WHIMPERS)
1309
01:24:49,583 --> 01:24:51,250
Ohh.
1310
01:24:51,250 --> 01:24:55,125
(WHMPERS)
1311
01:24:55,125 --> 01:24:57,291
Ohh.
(WHIMPERS)
1312
01:25:14,625 --> 01:25:16,959
We're here, Michael.
We're here.
1313
01:25:27,166 --> 01:25:29,959
Michael, look up.
1314
01:25:33,041 --> 01:25:36,792
HUEY: The Sears Tower in
Chicago is the world's
tallest building.
1315
01:25:36,792 --> 01:25:40,208
It stands 1,454 feet
above street level,
1316
01:25:40,208 --> 01:25:44,667
contains enough concrete
for an eight lane highway.
1317
01:25:47,542 --> 01:25:48,792
Ohh.
1318
01:25:48,792 --> 01:25:50,542
Ohh.
1319
01:25:52,041 --> 01:25:53,250
Ahh.
1320
01:25:54,667 --> 01:25:57,375
Quinlan,
I'm so sorry.
1321
01:25:57,375 --> 01:25:59,333
I didn't do
what I came for.
1322
01:26:01,583 --> 01:26:04,583
I didn't finish.
1323
01:26:04,583 --> 01:26:07,709
(SIGHS)
I'm so sorry.
1324
01:26:10,250 --> 01:26:11,542
Um...
1325
01:26:14,166 --> 01:26:16,583
Good-bye.
1326
01:26:16,583 --> 01:26:18,291
Good-bye, Michael.
1327
01:26:18,291 --> 01:26:21,083
Thank you for everything.
1328
01:26:21,083 --> 01:26:22,625
Thank you for letting me
have a little fun.
1329
01:26:23,875 --> 01:26:26,583
Good-bye,
my battling friend.
1330
01:26:26,583 --> 01:26:28,417
Good-bye,
world's biggest
angel.
1331
01:26:29,166 --> 01:26:30,917
Godspeed.
1332
01:26:31,417 --> 01:26:33,375
Ohh.
1333
01:27:14,792 --> 01:27:17,166
(FEATHERS RUSTLING)
1334
01:27:54,000 --> 01:27:55,208
You're late.
1335
01:27:55,208 --> 01:27:56,750
We know.
1336
01:27:56,750 --> 01:27:57,959
Where's the angel?
1337
01:27:57,959 --> 01:28:00,375
Yeah,
it was a hoax.
1338
01:28:00,375 --> 01:28:01,500
A hoax?
1339
01:28:01,500 --> 01:28:03,750
DOROTHY: A hoax.
HUEY: Definitely a hoax.
1340
01:28:03,750 --> 01:28:06,208
He had detachable wings.
And a halo made out
of pipe cleaners.
1341
01:28:06,208 --> 01:28:08,375
And he smelled
of cookies.
1342
01:28:08,375 --> 01:28:09,709
Just kidding.
1343
01:28:09,709 --> 01:28:12,834
So, I win.
1344
01:28:12,834 --> 01:28:16,667
You're fired,
and I get the dog.
(LAUGHS)
1345
01:28:16,667 --> 01:28:17,917
(GROWLS)
Come here, Sparky.
1346
01:28:17,917 --> 01:28:18,750
Come on,
my little sausage.
1347
01:28:20,166 --> 01:28:21,875
You come
to your daddy.
1348
01:28:21,875 --> 01:28:22,875
Come on--ow!
(GROWLS)
1349
01:28:22,875 --> 01:28:24,000
Bastard!
1350
01:28:25,000 --> 01:28:26,542
Sparky, come on.
1351
01:28:26,542 --> 01:28:27,709
Listen, Sparky--
1352
01:28:27,709 --> 01:28:29,083
(BARKS)
Sparky!
1353
01:28:29,083 --> 01:28:31,792
Don't hate me.
I love you--ow!
(BARKS)
1354
01:28:31,792 --> 01:28:33,375
Gee!
1355
01:28:33,375 --> 01:28:35,250
Hey, listen,
get the mutt out,
will you?
1356
01:28:35,250 --> 01:28:37,250
Oh, right. Like that dog
could be gotten out,
1357
01:28:37,250 --> 01:28:38,750
like that dog
can do anything.
1358
01:28:38,750 --> 01:28:40,375
That is the worst dog
I think I've ever met.
1359
01:28:40,375 --> 01:28:42,208
I thought you said
you could train
any dog.
1360
01:28:42,208 --> 01:28:44,583
She was wrong.
1361
01:28:44,583 --> 01:28:46,709
Are you saying I'm
stuck with these two
because of a dog?
1362
01:28:46,709 --> 01:28:49,709
You're stuck
with Mr. Driscoll,
not with me.
1363
01:28:49,709 --> 01:28:52,709
We met a guy with
a two-headed chicken
outside of Cedar Rapids.
1364
01:28:52,709 --> 01:28:54,959
Yeah. Okay.
1365
01:28:54,959 --> 01:28:56,542
MALT: Hey, where
are you going?
1366
01:28:56,542 --> 01:28:58,458
Hey! Quinlan!
1367
01:28:58,458 --> 01:29:00,417
Hey!
Hey, Quinlan!
1368
01:29:00,417 --> 01:29:02,375
(BARKING)
Where
are you going?
1369
01:29:02,375 --> 01:29:04,542
Hey! Get off of me!
1370
01:29:04,542 --> 01:29:06,959
Get--get back!
1371
01:29:06,959 --> 01:29:08,875
Listen, Quinlan,
whatever I said. Don't--
1372
01:29:08,875 --> 01:29:11,083
Don't take it
personally.
1373
01:29:11,083 --> 01:29:13,417
You're the best
reporter I have.
I'm out of here.
1374
01:29:14,792 --> 01:29:16,208
MALT: Hey!
1375
01:29:21,792 --> 01:29:24,208
So you're just
gonna leave?
Yup.
1376
01:29:24,208 --> 01:29:26,542
You don't wanna
talk about it?
Nope.
1377
01:29:26,542 --> 01:29:29,417
Hey, come on,
talk to me, eh?
1378
01:29:29,417 --> 01:29:32,291
Well, disagree with me.
Argue me out of it.
(LAUGHS)
1379
01:29:32,291 --> 01:29:34,041
All right,
let's have a fight.
1380
01:29:34,041 --> 01:29:35,917
Come on, fight me, eh?
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
1381
01:29:35,917 --> 01:29:39,959
Hey, Quinlan, you're
the only one that ever
fought with me here.
1382
01:29:39,959 --> 01:29:42,083
(LAUGHS)
Who am I going to fight with?
1383
01:29:42,083 --> 01:29:45,125
You got to
help me out here.
It isn't my area.
1384
01:29:45,125 --> 01:29:46,458
Wait!
1385
01:29:55,375 --> 01:29:56,583
I'm sorry.
1386
01:29:57,125 --> 01:29:58,417
Please stop.
1387
01:29:59,792 --> 01:30:01,125
Please stop
and talk to me.
1388
01:30:03,291 --> 01:30:06,542
I appreciate what
you said up there.
I thank you.
1389
01:30:06,542 --> 01:30:09,792
I'll see you around.
You said--
1390
01:30:09,792 --> 01:30:11,291
You said you could
forgive me anything.
1391
01:30:12,208 --> 01:30:13,291
I forgive you.
1392
01:30:14,375 --> 01:30:16,291
We had a good time.
1393
01:30:16,291 --> 01:30:17,792
What are you
so upset about?
1394
01:30:17,792 --> 01:30:19,125
Oh.
1395
01:30:20,542 --> 01:30:22,417
It's you.
1396
01:30:24,458 --> 01:30:26,291
I remember you.
1397
01:30:26,291 --> 01:30:28,500
I thought
you were gone.
1398
01:30:41,834 --> 01:30:43,792
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
1399
01:30:51,959 --> 01:30:52,959
(TV CHARACTERS TALKING)
1400
01:31:07,667 --> 01:31:09,709
(TALKING IN ITALIAN ACCENT)
Uh, good evening. Buona sera.
1401
01:31:09,709 --> 01:31:14,208
For our specialties
tonight, we have
angel hair pasta
1402
01:31:14,208 --> 01:31:17,417
with a pomodoro sauce,
1403
01:31:17,417 --> 01:31:21,208
cappellini primavera,
a melange of vegetables
1404
01:31:21,208 --> 01:31:24,125
over angel hair pasta,
1405
01:31:24,125 --> 01:31:28,709
and finally, a light sauce
with lemon and parsley
1406
01:31:28,709 --> 01:31:32,083
tossed with
angel hair pasta.
1407
01:31:32,083 --> 01:31:36,250
Anything else?
Yes, we want one
pumpkin nut muffin,
1408
01:31:36,250 --> 01:31:38,083
and?
1409
01:31:38,083 --> 01:31:41,375
A piece of
angel food cake.
1410
01:31:41,375 --> 01:31:43,667
They don't have
angel food cake,
do you?
1411
01:31:43,667 --> 01:31:44,417
No.
1412
01:33:04,625 --> 01:33:08,333
So, did you ever
tell anyone about...
1413
01:33:11,375 --> 01:33:13,333
I was going to.
1414
01:33:13,333 --> 01:33:15,000
Oh, I couldn't
wait to get home
to tell Valerie.
1415
01:33:17,041 --> 01:33:20,542
And then I
opened my mouth,
1416
01:33:20,542 --> 01:33:24,041
and the words
wouldn't come out.
1417
01:33:24,041 --> 01:33:26,959
I'd take a breath,
I even opened
my mouth a second time.
1418
01:33:27,834 --> 01:33:29,125
Nothing.
1419
01:33:30,959 --> 01:33:34,000
As far as I'm concerned,
it never happened.
1420
01:33:34,000 --> 01:33:35,291
Oh, but we saw it.
1421
01:33:35,291 --> 01:33:36,542
We were there.
1422
01:33:36,542 --> 01:33:37,834
It never happened.
1423
01:33:39,083 --> 01:33:41,166
So what
are you up to?
1424
01:33:41,166 --> 01:33:42,667
I'm back on the novel.
1425
01:33:45,542 --> 01:33:47,667
If it didn't happen,
where's your raincoat?
1426
01:33:47,667 --> 01:33:49,166
"If it."
What is this?
"If it happened?"
1427
01:33:49,166 --> 01:33:51,000
If it happened,
you know what?
1428
01:33:51,000 --> 01:33:52,375
Then I've got to
believe that someday
1429
01:33:52,375 --> 01:33:54,917
I'm going to be
walking down the street
1430
01:33:54,917 --> 01:33:59,542
and some unknown force is
going to make me turn right
1431
01:33:59,542 --> 01:34:01,750
instead of turning left,
1432
01:34:01,750 --> 01:34:06,792
and, at that moment,
a car is going to come
around the corner
1433
01:34:06,792 --> 01:34:08,875
with the woman
of my dreams in it
1434
01:34:08,875 --> 01:34:10,083
and blow a flat.
1435
01:34:10,083 --> 01:34:11,291
(POP)
1436
01:34:11,291 --> 01:34:12,041
(HISSING)
1437
01:34:13,542 --> 01:34:16,333
Right there,
next to where I'm standing.
1438
01:34:18,875 --> 01:34:20,041
No.
1439
01:34:24,709 --> 01:34:25,875
It never happened.
1440
01:34:38,875 --> 01:34:40,083
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1441
01:34:46,000 --> 01:34:47,000
(POP)
1442
01:34:47,000 --> 01:34:48,125
(HISSING)
1443
01:34:58,333 --> 01:34:59,208
(CHUCKLING)
1444
01:35:00,750 --> 01:35:02,041
FRANK: Need any help?
1445
01:35:02,041 --> 01:35:04,083
No, thanks.
No, we're cool.
1446
01:35:04,875 --> 01:35:05,875
(CHUCKLES)
1447
01:35:15,709 --> 01:35:17,625
(WIND CHIMES TINKLING)
1448
01:36:44,333 --> 01:36:45,750
FRANK: Michael!
1449
01:36:59,709 --> 01:37:00,709
Michael, wait!
1450
01:37:09,709 --> 01:37:10,875
Ohh!
1451
01:37:20,083 --> 01:37:21,709
What are you
doing here?
1452
01:37:21,709 --> 01:37:26,208
I live here. I live
two blocks from here.
1453
01:37:26,208 --> 01:37:27,750
I was on
my way home and,
1454
01:37:28,500 --> 01:37:30,750
I thought I saw--
1455
01:37:30,750 --> 01:37:31,875
He came around
this corner.
1456
01:37:32,375 --> 01:37:33,875
That corner.
1457
01:37:44,458 --> 01:37:46,333
(WIND CHIMES TINKLING)
1458
01:37:46,333 --> 01:37:47,875
I love you, Dorothy.
1459
01:37:50,417 --> 01:37:52,250
I love you.
1460
01:37:53,625 --> 01:37:54,750
(WIND CHIMES TINKLING)
1461
01:37:56,250 --> 01:37:57,750
Marry me.
1462
01:37:59,083 --> 01:38:00,375
No.
1463
01:38:01,792 --> 01:38:05,125
Marry me, please?
No.
1464
01:38:05,125 --> 01:38:08,959
Marry me, Dorothy.
No.
1465
01:38:08,959 --> 01:38:11,125
(LAUGHING)
1466
01:38:11,125 --> 01:38:13,333
Oh, my darling Dorothy,
will you marry me?
1467
01:38:13,333 --> 01:38:15,792
Yes. Yes.
1468
01:38:18,125 --> 01:38:20,125
(BELLS RINGING)
1469
01:38:25,583 --> 01:38:26,959
Let's go home.
1470
01:38:45,125 --> 01:38:46,834
You know, Pansy,
I invented marriage.
1471
01:38:47,709 --> 01:38:48,959
Michael.
1472
01:38:48,959 --> 01:38:50,917
Well, I did.
1473
01:38:50,917 --> 01:38:53,250
Before that,
you should have seen it.
1474
01:38:53,250 --> 01:38:55,750
Everybody was so mixed up,
they didn't know what to do.
1475
01:38:55,750 --> 01:38:58,834
So I said,
"Have a ceremony."
1476
01:38:58,834 --> 01:39:00,834
Hmm.
1477
01:39:00,834 --> 01:39:02,792
Let's go home.
1478
01:39:18,625 --> 01:39:20,583
FRANK: Do you
smell something?
1479
01:39:20,583 --> 01:39:21,625
DOROTHY: There's
a bakery near here.
93195
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