Original subtitles

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

Good morning, Ed.

Morning, Wilbur. What's with the hat?

Oh, I'm barbecuing today.

We're having the Addisons over.

If hb8e's coming over, include me out.

You weren't invited.

In that case, I'm definitely not coming.

Hey, buddy-boy?

What is it, Ed?

Fix me a couple of barbecued carrots to go.

Okay.

A pair of barbecued carrots to go,

hold the hay, heavy on the alfalfa.

Wilbur, I'm serious.

They're for my friend Domino. She's having a baby.

Oh, you mean Domino that horse over at the Tally Ho Stables?

Yep, she's eating for two now.

How did you find out?

Her husband, Chugalug, told me.

Man, he's so nervous,

the vet might have to take care of him first.

[both chuckle]

I think I can slip you a couple of carrots for Domino.

[Carol] Oh, Wilbur?

By the way, next time you bump into the happy couple,

congratulate them for me, huh?

Yeah.

Uh, Wilbur?

Yes?

Do you think I could take Domino

a few apples from Addison's tree?

She gets a craving at night for them.

That tree is Roger's pride and joy.

Well, supposing a few of them were to accidentally fall off?

You mean accidentally like last time?

That's right.

Like that catapult you invented with the rake and the pillow

that knocked them onto the ground?

Yeah, that's the kind of accident I was talking about.

I want you to promise me

you will never use that trick again.

Well? I'm waiting.

Poor little mother. She's waiting, too.

I want that promise.

I can't afford to take her strawberries and ice cream.

Ed.

Uh, okay, I promise.

Aha, you had your legs crossed when you made that promise.

I did? Well, how do you like that?

I must have put my shoes on the wrong feet this morning.

Ed, if you ever pull that trick again,

there's going to be a new horse in that stall.

And there's going to be

a new little horse in Domino's stable.

And a mother loves apples.

I remember when you couldn't take enough pictures of me.

Uh-huh.

Once when we were dating

you shot three whole rolls of me at the beach, remember?

Uh-huh.

I'm leaving you, Addison.

My lawyer will call you in the morning.

Uh-huh.

Oh, Kay, Kay, Kay, you're not serious.

Why not?

I'm suing that tree for alienation of affections.

Why, darling, of course I want to take a picture of you.

Sweetheart, stand right over here by the tree.

- Well, okay, Addison. - That a girl.

- Now, get close to the tree. - All right.

Now, you never looked lovelier. That's the pose I wan@/t.

Just the one. Keep it that way.

Now hold it. Smile.

You look beautiful.

Smile.

Very good. Don't move now.

Smile.

Say cheese.

Cheese.

You moved.

Uh, Kay, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry.

Please say something. Huh?

Cheese, you rat.

[laughs]

Hello, Kay.

Oh, you better not let Addison see you in that chef's hat.

He keeps threatening to leave me for someone who can cook.

Too late. I'm spoken for.

Oh, Wilbur, look.

Kay brought over this electric fire starter for you.

Oh, well, thanks, Kay, but I really don't need it.

[chuckles]

Well, I've got everything set.

I've got the good old tongs here.

I've got my basting brush, my fork, my spatula.

I've got my garlic salt. I've got my little wiping cloth.

I've got my gloves, my matches, and the finest--

What's the matter?

Forgot the charcoal.

Domino's going to love Addison's apples.

Missile on target.

Ed, you did it after I told you not to.

What have you got to say for yourself?

Motherhood comes first.

What am I going to tell Roger?

Old fuzz face always gives us the apples

the wind knocks off his tree.

Do you think Roger is going to believe

the wind blew a heavy cushion into his backyard?

Why not? He isn't very bright, you know.

Roger is as bright as I am.

That's what I said. He's not very bright.

I know. I know.

[Roger] Oh, Wilbur?

Yes, Rog?

Now we're going to get it.

Get into your stall. Come on.

Get in here.

In here, Rog.

Wilbur, would you like some of these apples?

Oh, well, yes. Thank you very much.

The wind blew them off my tree.

Oh, yes, we did have a little wind this morning, didn't we?

Why, it must have been a gale.

It even blew your cushion into my yard.

The c-cushion.

Sometimes I wish I weren't as bright as you, Rog.

Sometimes I wish I knew what you were talking about.

Oh, you want me to help you with the barbecue?

That's right. The barbecue, of course.

Yeah, maybe I should gift wrap these apples for Domino.

♪ Rock-a-bye baby ♪

♪ On the treetop ♪

♪ When the wind blows ♪

♪ Roger's apples will drop ♪

I see you're using

that old-fashioned plain charcoal.

That's the best kind.

I prefer briquettes.

Uh-huh.

Well, plain charcoal gives it a better flavor.

Briquettes.

Plain charcoal.

All right. All right.

Uh-uh, uh-uh, wrong side.

Open the bag on the other side.

It doesn't make any difference.

Oh, yes, it does. You open the bag on the other side,

then all you have to do is pull that little loop across.

It doesn't make a bit of difference.

[sneezes]

Gesundheit.

Thank you.

[coughs]

Oh, whoa, too much.

There's too much something around here,

and it isn't charcoal.

Well, I'm just trying to give you a little advice.

You've got too much charcoal on there, friend.

No, I haven't, friend.

Why don't you just pour the whole bag on?

Any more advice, Rog?

Yeah, now stick a flag in that mountain

and claim it for America.

[laughs]

Ed, when I get this fire lit,

I'll roll some carrots in brown sugar for you.

And then--

Ed?

Ed--

"Dear Wilbur,

"I have gone down to the Tally Ho Stables

"to visit Domino

and find out how soon her baby is expected."

[neighs]

Hey, too much.

It says right on the can here,

"Use generously in order to--"

They tell you that deliberately so you'll use more.

Oh, sucker.

- How are you coming, honey? - Just fine.

In spite of what some sidewalk commentators might have to say.

Would you pass me the matches, please, dear?

Girls, you're just in time for the blastoff.

I have not got too much fuel in there,

nor too much lighter fluid.

Honey, remember what happened last time.

Yes, Wilbur, you better be careful.

I know what I'm doing.

Oh, of course.

Stand back, everybody.

[humming]

There.

[chuckles]

Huh? That's not too much.

I told you so.

Wilbur, are you all right?

I am perfectly all right.

[Addison laughs]

Wilbur. Wilbur.

Oh, I knew it. I knew it.

P...A...T.

Uh-huh.

One of these names ought to be good for Domino's baby.

What are you doing?

Domino ask me to help her think of a name for her baby.

Oh, how about Thunder or Snow Boots? That's good.

Or Dobbin?

Those are all horse's names.

I thought she was having a horse.

To you it's a horse. To her it's a baby.

Oh, pardon me for butting in.

Ed, do you know where my car keys are?

How would I know? You never let me use the car.

Huh, here they are.

Where are you going?

Well, I've got to rush down to the store.

You see, my chef's hat caught fire.

Yeah. I asked you not to play with matches.

Oh, and I've asked you to let me know

when you go visiting instead of just rushing off

and leaving a note.

I meant to tell you, Wilbur,

but you see, it was like this.

Never mind, Alibi Ike.

Hmm, Ike.

Yeah, that might be a nice name for the baby.

Wilbur?

Oh, Oscar of the Waldorf?

Wilbur, I have the recipe here for that barbecue--

Wilbur?

Are you hiding from me

just because I tried to help you?

Of all the childish things I ever heard of in my life.

A baby.

They can't be having a baby.

Why not? It's a free country.

But Carol would've told me.

Well, maybe they're shy about it.

Oh, it can't be true.

Or I'd have heard it from Carol or our hairdresser.

Kay, look, if it's a boy, if it's a girl.

Now, what do you think--

My name is on the list.

Mine isn't.

Oh, don't feel bad, doll.

Suppose it's a girl.

You can't call a girl Roger.

That Wilbur Post will have a boy on purpose

just so as not to name it after me.

Oh, I simply have to find out if it's true.

Now, don't you go snooping around.

As soon as you find out, let me know.

Wilbur, where have you been?

The Addisons will be here any minute.

I had to buy something.

It's the latest thing in chef's hats. Fire proof.

Oh, Wilbur, you have such a wonderful sense of humor.

[both laugh]

Oh, and so pleasant to be around.

[both laugh]

And so nice to be with.

[both laugh]

What have you done wrong?

You know your golf socks?

Oh, very well.

Well, they got mixed up and kind of ended up

in the washing machine with the towels.

My good woolen golf socks?

Mm-hmm.

[phone rings]

Hello?

Doll, I'm over at the Posts' house.

You were right. They are going to have a baby.

I just saw Wilbur holding up the cutest little booties.

Wonderful.

For Wilbur's sake, I hope the baby looks like Carol.

Oh, Wilbur, is there something I can do

before the Addisons come?

Yeah, you can take those steaks out of the refrigerator

before you get them mixed up with your laundry.

Yeah, here it is.

Doctor Sam Jones, veterinarian.

175-64231.

Oh, my.

I wish the phone company

would go back to the old numbers

and cut out these bingo games.

Ed, I asked you to stay off the phone.

But I want to call the vet

and find out about Domino's baby.

Well, you're not going to call--

I still think the baby should be named after me.

If it's a boy.

Naturally.

Oh, doll, won't it be fun having a baby around?

Yeah, after all these years--

What is it? What is it?

The Addisons are expecting a baby.

[Ed laughs]

Oh, go on.

I got to tell Carol.

Carol, I just heard-- Guess.

Guess who's having a baby on the extension.

What?

I just heard on the extension

Kay and Roger are having a baby.

Carol, I'm serious. I heard Kay and Roger talking.

Wilbur, Kay is my best friend.

If she were going to have a baby,

I would've heard it from Kay or our hairdresser.

You know how shy couples are with their first child.

That's true.

Wilbur, are you sure you didn't misunderstand?

Roger sounded so proud,

I thought he was going to put a diaper on the telephone.

Oh, Wilbur, I'm so happy for them.

Well, if it isn't the two proud...

barbecuers.

That's right.

[all laugh]

Anything we can do for you, Kay?

Oh, no, no. I smelled the barbecue

and thought I'd come over and take a closer sniff.

Kay, why don't you get Roger over early,

and we'll all have a drink together before dinner?

That's right. Just the five of us.

The four. The four of us.

I'll go and get Addison.

Oh, why don't you phone him again?

Again?

Well, I noticed you were using

the phone in our living room.

Oh, yes, well, I did use the phone,

but I wanted to ask Addison what time it was.

We have a clock in our living room.

You got a watch on your wrist.

Oh, well, I like to keep in touch with Addison.

He worries about me.

Well, I'll run over and get Addison.

No, no, don't you run. No, that's bad for you.

You might trip in those high heels.

No, no, I'll go get him.

[doorbell]

Hello, Wilbur.

Hi, Rog.

What are you hanging around here for, Rog?

Why don't you come on over for a drink?

A drink? This early?

Yeah, well, I-- I just feel like celebrating.

All right.

Somehow I feel like celebrating, too.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

[chuckles]

I'm glad I'm barbecuing.

It saves Kay the trouble of cooking.

Saves Carol the trouble of cooking, too.

Yeah.

I, uh, hope Kay has a good appetite now.

When Kay isn't doing the cooking

I'm the one who has the good appetite.

Yes.

Well, if anybody ought to be eating a lot,

it should be, uh--

Yeah?

Whoever's hungry.

Come on over, Roger.

Say that again.

What?

What you just said?

Come on over, Roger.

Roger.

My, that name has dignity.

Oh, yes, yes, it certainly does.

Fine name for a man, don't you think?

Not a bad name for a young boy, either.

Uh, yeah, yes.

Of course, now that you mention it,

Wilbur's a pretty great name, too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you happen to look like a Wilbur.

Yeah.

Come on. We'll have that drink.

Worth thinking about anyway, isn't it?

Ah, here-- here we are.

- Oh. - Oh, thank you, darling.

Rog, you'll get the next one.

- There you are. - Now. Thank you very much.

[all laugh]

All right.

- Don't they look great? - Uh-huh.

Kay. There we are.

Thank you.

Wonderful.

What?

Uh, Wilbur, didn't you make a mistake?

No mistake.

There.

Oh, I can't eat all this.

Oh, try and force yourself, dear.

Why?

Well, you're supposed to.

No, no, this is for Kay. I'm sorry.

Here we are.

Yeah, but why should I get so much?

Well, that's-- It's the custom.

Huh?

Yeah, well, you see, after all, you're the guests--

Would you like some salad, Kay?

Would you mind, please, dear?

I'd like a little bowl.

We'll use your bowl here, dear.

- There we are. - Wonderful.

Oh, Kay, you'll manage. You'll manage.

Uh, that's--

Just a little. I mean--

Have some bread, dear.

Well, all right.

Uh, really, no more, Wilbur.

- I feel embarrassed. - You got a little room there.

Well, I... More on there.

Well.

Where you going, honey?

- To clean the barbecue. - Good.

Aren't you going to help your wife?

No. I do the cooking, she does the cleaning up.

You mean you're going to sit there

and let her do all that heavy work?

Well, I'll help her myself.

Come here. Here, here. You just put that down.

- You come right over here and make yourself com-- - Roger--

Now, now, now, now. You just sit here,

and you make your little self comfortable.

Let Uncle Roger take care of that.

Uncle Roger?

Well, just a figure of speech.

There.

Addison, will you give me a hand with this table?

I'm busy. Can't you do it yourself?

Kay!

Don't you touch that table. I'll move that.

- Oh, no, no. I'll help you. - No. No.

You just relax. Come on.

- Over here. - But I--

Just you sit right down.

- Well-- - There you are.

Oh.

There you go.

There we are.

Uh, you just let Uncle Wilbur move the table.

All right.

Yes, this is Dr. Jones, the veterinarian.

Yes, yes, Domino is a patient of mine.

- But who's this? - This is a friend of the family's.

Oh, I see. You're a friend of Domino's owner?

No, a friend of Domino and her husband.

Oh, I-- I see. You work around the stables.

I never worked a day in my life.

What is it you want?

When is that stork gonna lower its landing gear?

Stork?

I want to know about Domino's baby.

Well, why didn't you say so?

I was trying to be delicate.

Look, I don't have time to play games.

[whinnying]

Domino is calling me.

You mean, she's ready to have the baby?

Yes.

Well, take good care of her, Doc.

Good-bye!

[click]

I better get over there.

[sputters]

Don't worry, Mommy.

It won't be long now.

The vet's still in there. Men are lucky.

At least they can smoke at a time like this.

- Thank you for the lovely dinner. - Oh, we enjoyed having you.

But why are you leaving so early?

Well, uh, don't you want to take a little nap?

- What? - Well, we all ate so much, I--

Oh, I'm not tired at all.

I feel like I could go bowling.

- Oh, don't you dare! - What?

- Don't think of going bowling. - Kay, don't get excited.

You mustn't get upset. Don't get her upset, please.

Don't worry. She won't go bowling.

- I won't go bowling. - [phone ringing]

I'll get it. Hello.

It's a boy!

Domino and Chugalug had a boy!

It's a boy!

- A boy! - A boy!

Congratulations, Carol!

- What are you talking about? - I could cry.

- How does it feel to be a father? - How would I know?

Well, you oughta know. Your wife just had a ba--

Huh?

Why, you expecting fathers sure get jumpy.

- How's that? - We know all about it, Kay.

I heard you and Roger talking about your baby on the phone.

Our baby? You mean your baby.

Addison saw the list of baby names you typed up.

I got it out of your typewriter in the barn.

The typewriter in the barn... The baby names...

- Yes. - Wilbur, did you type up a list of baby names?

Yes. That was for a friend of mine.

- What friend? - Domino.

- Who's Domino? - A horse.

A horse?

♪ Rock-a-bye baby ♪

♪ On the treetop ♪

♪ When the wind blows ♪

♪ Roger's apples will drop ♪

♪ Rock-a-bye baby ♪

[humming]

Hey. Hi, Wilbur.

Hi, Ed.

Have a cigar.

A cigar, huh?

Yeah. There.

Well.

I ordered them by phone.

How much is this gonna cost me?

What's the difference?

It's an occasion.

You're really excited about being an uncle, aren't you?

Yeah.

If it was a girl, I'd be an aunt.

[chuckling] Hey, where you going?

Over to the Tally Ho Stables.

- What for? - I've got to babysit.

♪ Rock-a-bye baby ♪

[Mister Ed, Wilbur] ♪ In the treetop ♪

♪ When the wind blows ♪

- [chuckling] - ♪ The cradle will rock ♪

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪

♪ And waste your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he hasóA something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪

Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

[Man] This has been a Filmways presentation.