Original subtitles

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

[Mister Ed] 10 minutes to 8. Let's see what's on.

"8:00, Young Dr. Jones. 8:30, &T City Intern.

9:00, Night Nurse."

Oh, this is my night for the clinic.

I'd better make sure I've got the correct time.

Wouldn't want to miss the first incision.

[Kay] I'll never talk to Selma Peterson again.

She's absolutely impossible.

I feel the same way, Kay.

[Carol] Have you ever seen such a copycat?

You can bet she'll show up

at our club wearing the same dress I just bought.

[Carol] And my hat.

And my saddle.

Uh, what did you say, Carol?

Nothing. There must be somebody on the other line.

Would you girls mind hanging up?

This is a private line. Who is this?

Dr. Jones. I'm trying to reach the city hospital.

City hospital?

An emergency. I have to remove an appendix.

Oh, I'm sorry, Doctor.

Our lines must have gotten crossed.

[Carol] I'll talk to you later, Kay.

Ed, I've spoken to you about eavesdropping on Carol.

All my favorite medical shows are on tonight,

and I wanted to get the right time.

I'll fix that.

What were the girls doing?

Tearing Selma Peterson apart again?

Yeah, people are so petty.

Always jealous. Always competing.

What do you mean there's no jealous among animals?

No, even in a horse race.

Those horses don't care who wins.

Now he tells me.

Why can't people love each other, Wilbur?

You know, they've got a Be Kind to Animals Week.

They should have a Be Kind to Humans Week.

Ed, that's a beautiful thought.

This would be a better world

if we each took an enemy and made a friend out of him.

Take an enemy and make a friend.

That's what I like about you, Ed. You're a thinking horse.

[chuckles]

And I don't even smoke.

Wilbur.

Will you do me a favor?

Well, sure, Rog, what is it?

Well, my TV set just blew out.

Could I borrow your portable for a day or two?

[thump]

Oh, no.

I was gonna watch something.

Well, you got the big set in the house.

Well, you see, Carol was gonna watch something on that.

You mean you have his and hers TV sets?

- No, Rog, I didn't mean that. - [heavy clunk]

Hey, hey, hey.

Stop that, you stupid slug.

Ed, you get back in there.

Hey, look, he's bitten through the wire here.

I'm sorry, he was trying to eat the cord.

He'll eat anything.

Well, you should do something about that fat clown.

I wish you wouldn't call him names.

Ed, senses that you don't like him.

Senses?

I'd be glad to put it in writing.

Look, Rog, you should be nicer to Ed.

You can't hold a grudge for the rest of your life.

Look, you should try to make a friend out of an enemy.

You are rapidly making an enemy out of friend.

Would you please step to one side

so I can get this out of here? Thank you very much.

Now I'll miss all my medical programs.

It's just for one night.

Besides, you see enough medical programs

to hang out your own shingle.

- Ah. - Good night.

Ooh, that old fuzz lips declared war.

Even the U.N. couldn't save him now.

Here your oats. Eat up, fella.

Just because Addison borrowed your TV set,

there's no reason to go on a hunger strike.

Now, come on, open your mouth.

Nope. Not one grain of oats is crossing my picket line.

Ed, you'll get your set back.

When? He's had it three days now.

That's 10 doctor shows I've missed.

You can read about them in the Medical Journal.

[Mister Ed] Ha ha ha.

Look, Ed, be patient.

Roger's getting some estimates from TV repairmen.

And as soon as he finds the right price,

he's gonna get his set fixed.

By the time he finds the right price,

radio will be back.

You should be glad to lend Roger your set.

What happened to your philosophy

about being kind to humans?

Who says Addison's human?

Please, get my set back.

A million horses in this country,

and I had to pick on one who's an ambulance chaser.

All right, I'll go over to Addison's,

and I'll drop a gentle hint.

Uh, Wilbur,

start out by saying "Hello, cheapskate."

That's gentle. That's gentle.

- Oh, hi, Wilbur. - Hi, Kay.

Is Rog around?

Oh, he's getting dressed. He'll be right down.

Say, I just put some coffee on. Would you like some?

Yes, thank you.

That's a smart-looking coat. When did you get it?

The coat, yesterday.

The fox will be eligible for Social Security next year.

It's the latest thing, honey.

A lot of the girls are using their old furs like this.

Say, Wilbur, will you hold this up for me

so I can get an idea how it looks?

Sure, sure.

- Like it? - Uh-Huh.

It'll raise a little bit once you get it on.

Here, I'll show you, Kay.

Honey, would you mind slipping it on?

You're kidding.

Oh, come on, please, Wilbur.

You know I only look good in mink.

Oh, just for a second, doll.

[both] Come on, Wilbur.

- All right. - We're all alone.

Plus I won't do justice to it in my flats.

Now, will you walk out for me, Wilbur?

Sure.

Kay, do you think you'd like a little longer hem line?

It's hard to tell. I'll be wearing high heels.

Wilbur, would you mind rising up on your toes?

Okay, if you let me wear this to the ball park on Ladies Day.

Of course, the trim on the hat and bag will really set it off.

- Yeah. - There.

Honey, would you mind holding the bag?

Why not? I feel naked without it.

- Turn around, dear. - All right.

Oh, I really like it.

It looks so chic.

And we know it's an original.

Until Selma Peterson copies it.

If she does, I'll kill myself.

Oh, she won't even see it.

She's not coming to anymore of our meetings.

Why not?

Well, Marie at the beauty parlor told me

that Selma found out how we feel about her.

I wonder who told her.

Marie at the beauty parlor.

Well, that suits me. I can't stand Selma.

She pretty hard to take.

You want to know what I think?

Just between us girls.

[both] What?

I think you're being very unfair to Selma.

I don't think so. Why, she's always copying my hats,

Kay's dresses, Hazel Wilson's recipes--

Even that cold she had last week

she got from Dianne Cooper.

Carol, when you were sick in bed that one time,

wasn't that Selma who came to visit you ever day?

Well, I--

She just wanted to get a look at your bedroom.

And, Kay, when you were wanting to take driving lessons

and Rog wouldn't help you,

wasn't that Selma

who helped you get your driver's license?

How'd you find out all this?

My barber dates Marie at the beauty shop.

Oh, come on, why don't you make up with Selma?

As a friend of mine once said,

"This would be a great world if we each took a enemy

and tired to make a friend out of them."

All right, girls?

Well, I'm not going to make the first move.

I smell the coffee perking.

You can take that off now, honey.

Good, I tell you--

This hook is stuck.

Oh, be careful, honey. You'll rip the lining.

Here, I'll get the scissors.

Kay, where did you leave the scissors?

[doorbell chimes]

Morning, lady. I come to fix the TV set.

- Are you Mrs. Addison? - No, I'm Mr. Post.

I guess I got the wrong house, lady-- sir.

No, no, this is the Addisons'. Come on in.

Well, this is Mrs. Addison's new coat.

I was just trying it on so she could fix the hem.

Sure, mister.

This the one?

No, that's my horse's.

Mine, mine, mine.

This is the broken one. The big one over here.

Good morning, dear.

I was just trying on Kay's coat.

I think you look adorable.

You see it was the hem line first,

then the hook got stuck, and Carol went after the scissors,

and I think I'll get this coat back to Kay.

Forgot my purse.

Well, I mean--

My neighbor.

To each his own.

What's wrong with my set?

Looks like you need a new condenser.

How much?

Oh, I figure 35 bucks.

35 bucks?

I have had a half dozen estimates lower than that.

All those are estimates?

- That's right. - On this set?

Of course.

There weren't that many guys in my graduating class.

Good-bye.

[Kay] Cup of coffee, doll?

[Roger] No, thanks, dear..

How'd you make out, Rog? You're getting the set fixed?

These estimates are ridiculous.

I've got a dozen bids

from $65 all the way down to 12.

Well, why don't you take the $12 one?

Oh, we can't get together on price.

Oh, look, Rog, I don't want you to think

I'm pressing you for the set, but--

You didn't want to lend me that set in the first place.

- Rog-- - I didn't object when you borrowed my wife's fur coat.

I'm only kidding, Rog.

Keep the set as long as you want.

Till tomorrow anyway.

That does it.

If I can't watch my set,

he's not gonna watch it, either.

[grumbling]

Wilbur, only a child could think

of a devious trick like this.

Believe me, Rog, I did not knock down your antenna.

Then who did?

I don't know. Maybe a nearsighted pigeon bumped into it.

Give me one good reason

why I'd pull a trick like this on you.

So the set you lent me wouldn't work

and you'd take it back.

Hey, that's a good reason.

I wished I thought of that.

Uh, Mr. Post, there is a dividing line between our property

and you were on the wrong side of it.

Come on, Rog. Look, we're friends, neighbors.

We shouldn't be having words.

From now on we wouldn't have any.

If I should pass you on the street

it won't be because I'm nearsighted.

What's the matter, buddy-buddy?

Roger accused me of knocking down his antenna.

Swell. Now you hate him, and I hate him.

That's togetherness.

What bothers me, I didn't do it.

If it bothers you,

wait till he puts it up again, then do it.

Go to sleep, Ed.

Yeah, yeah. No TV. Nothing.

Might as well hit the hay before I eat it.

[Ed yawns]

Honey, guess who just dropped in.

- Who? - Selma Peterson.

Oh, good. How did that happen?

Remember that nice thought you had

about making a friend of an enemy?

Yeah.

Well, Kay and I sent a box of candy over to Selma.

She dropped in with a lovely bouquet of flowers

And Kay and I started to cry.

And Selma looked at us and she started to cry.

[chuckles]

Best time to cry is when you're happy, I guess.

Oh, I'm so happy we made up with her.

I'm proud of you, dear.

Coming in?

- Yeah, soon as I put Ed to bed. - Okay.

[Ed yawns]

How do you like that, Ed?

I get other people to make up and be friends,

and then I make an enemy out of my best friend.

Blaming you for knocking down that antenna.

Gee, I hate that man.

Well, Ed, you shouldn't hate anybody.

And I hate him for taking my little TV set.

No, you don't, Ed.

You're soft-hearted.

That's why you like these medical shows.

You see, doctors are humanitarians.

If you were a doctor and Rog came over here for help.

You wouldn't turn him down, would you?

6 feet down.

I can't believe that.

Well, if I were a doctor,

I wouldn't help him.

Never.

A horse being a doctor. Go to sleep, Ed.

That's it. Go to sleep, fella.

[snores]

- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

Uh.

What do you think of Mr. Addison's condition, Doctor?

It looks like an acute hemostosis of the left fibrosis.

What do you think caused it?

His condenser blew out.

Well, what time should we operate?

Would 8:30 be all right, Doctor?

No. I don't want to compete against Perry Mason.

How about tomorrow morning at 7:30?

Impossible. My makeup man doesn't get here till 8.

When do you want to operate, Doctor?

Never.

But, Doctor Ed,

you are the finest brain surgeon in the whole world.

To him, I'm just a fat old clown.

Doctor Ed,

you can't allow your personal hatred of this man

to stand in the way of your duty.

Remember, sir, you are a doctor first

and a horse second.

Yeah.

I've come to a decision.

Are the scalpels sterilized and ready?

- Yes, sir. - Good.

Slice me some carrots.

[snoring continues]

I don't remember operating on this patient.

You didn't, Doctor. I did.

- You? - Well, I couldn't sleep last nCight,

so I got up, and I took out Mr. Hutchins' frontal lebota.

The chart says this patient is Mr. Fenwick.

So that's what he was trying to tell me.

And why didn't you listen?

I thought he was being chicken.

Well. Nurse, why are this man's hands in traction?

- It was either him or me. - Hmm.

This is Mr. Johnson, a television repairman.

What was my diagnosis?

Um, "lumbosis of the channelosis

with complications of the antennaosis."

There's been a lot of it going around.

It'll be a pleasure to operate on him.

He's got the perfect complexion for color TV.

Uh, Dr. Post?

Uh, Dr. Post?

Did they teach you that in medical school?

No, sir. Junior high.

Doctor Ed, we're in love, and we want to be married

just as soon as Wilbur becomes a brain surgeon.

He'll never be a brain surgeon.

Why not, Doctor?

Eé 'Cause I'm a brain surgeon,

and this network isn't big enough for both of us.

Well, what about Mr. Addison?

- Are you gonna operate now? - Never.

I wouldn't touch that man with a 10-foot thermometer.

What do you say, doll?

Shall I beg Doctor Ed to operate?

Never.

But you can't go through life without a condenser.

Would it make any difference to you?

Oh, now, Addison,

you've just got to let Doctor Ed save you.

You know how awful I look in black.

No. Besides, his fee is ridiculous.

$10,000.

But it's only money, and you can't take it with you.

I can. I'll eat it before I go.

Hello, Mr. Addison, Mrs. Addison.

Let me make you more comfortable.

- [humming] - Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

- What's the idea? - What are you doing, Doctor?

Well, this is my first brain operation.

I thought it might bring me luck

if I shaped him like a horseshoe.

You-- You are gonna operate?

- Yeah. - Kay, I'm scared.

You're scared? Look at me.

Ohhhh! [crying]

[snoring continues]

Sponge.

Clamp.

Scalpel.

Huh?

Scalpel.

Crazy little knife.

There was one around here someplace.

[Roger] Here, stupid.

She's gotta give it to me,

or we get in trouble with the union.

[scalpel clangs on floor]

Clumsy me.

Marry me now.

What about the patient?

He's got a wife.

Doctor, look! He's sinking!

Only Doctor Ed can save him now.

Doctor Ed wanted in surgery. Emergency.

Doctor Ed wanted in surgery. Emergency.

♪ [bugle call]

What happened?

He's sinking.

It's too late, Doctor.

Oh, it's not too late.

I can still save him.

It's not too late.

No, it's not too late.

I can still save him. It's not too late.

No! No! It's not too late!

- It's not-- [gasping] - Ed. Ed. Hey. Hey.

- Fella, take it easy. - [sighing]

Take it easy. What happened, old boy?

You have a bad dream?

Oh, Wilbur, I was wrong.

I don't hate Addison. I'd save him if I could.

Of course you would, Ed.

And it's my fault he's angry with you.

I tore down his antenna.

- You? - Yeah.

Tell him I did it, Wilbur. I don't want you to have enemies.

- All right. All right. I'll tell him - [breathing heavily]

if it'll make you feel any better.

Now, look, Ed. Come on. Calm down.

- You go back to sleep. - [breathing slowing]

That's all right. Back-- Back-- Back to sleep.

- Why did I do it? - No, no. Back to sleep.

Why did I do it? Ohh.

- Ah, hi, Wilbur. - Oh, hello, Rog.

Look, you can keep the set a while longer if you want to.

Well, thanks, Wilbur, but I've had mine repaired.

Swell. Look, Rog, I did not knock down your antenna--

Wilbur, I know. I know. And I'm sorry I blamed you.

As you said, it was the wind that blew it down.

Yeah.

Well, look, Rog, if you want to know the truth--

As you said, it was the wind.

Of course.

- Come on, Rog. - All right.

Oh, boy. Oh.

[Man] Bad news, Doctor.

- It's starting to spread through the whole ward. - Ohh.

I'd order immediate inoculation for all the patients.

Gee.

[TV off]

What do you want, Ed?

Wilbur, is TV contagious?

Contagious?

I was watching City Hospital,

and I think I caught chicken pox.

A horse can't get chicken pox.

Well, chickens don't get it.

That's right. People get it.

Ohh. Ohh.

Well, if it's good enough for people,

I guess it's good enough for horses.

Better call the vet, Wilbur.

[scoffs]

Uh, is my head hot?

You're all right, Ed.

- [moaning] - There's nothing wrong with you, Ed.

All you need is exercise.

I receive so many letters from you girls,

and the letters kind of go like this--

Dear Jack LaLanne,

please show us something to firm up the hips.

All right. I want you to lie on your side, face me.

Then I want you to lift your leg up as high as you can...

- Uh-oh. - Ready? Begin.

1 and 2. That's it. And higher. And down.

Up, down. And rest.

1, 2. That was fine. Perfect.

- Mm-hmm. - Now, the next move we're gonna do,

we'll be standing on our feet, so everyone get up.

Come on. Everyone, up on your feet.

That's it. Up, up, up, up, up.

We always have somebody that's kind of a slow one.

- Get up. Up on your feet. - Slow?

Great. That's it.

The next exercise is dedicated to all of you

who want to have a lovelier neck--

- That's for me. - ...and a nice, firm chin.

Let's all begin together. Ready? Go.

1, 2.

That's it. Slowly. And up.

And down. And around. That's it.

And 1. And 2.

- Feel it? And 1. - Great.

- And 2. - That feels good.

The next exercise we're gonna do

is something to firm up the waistline

so you ckúan look much nicer in your clothes.

- Gee. - Here's how it goes.

We go first to the right, then to the left.

Now, you go with me. Ready? Begin.

1, 2.

- 1, 2. Right... - Swing it, Jack.

1, 2.

Way out. And swing.

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪

♪ And waste your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪

Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

[Man] This has been a Filmways presentation.