All language subtitles for S3E22-ThePriceOfApples_Subttulos01.ENG

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you
the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always
on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

Ah, I gotta swipe me

a few apples
from Addison's tree.

[sighs]

Those big ones on top
look nice and juicy.

[laughs]

The perfect crime.

No fingerprints.

Good morning, Ed.

Hi, buddy-boy, buddy-buddy.

What's new?

What can be new with a horse?

I'm just standing around,
eating, sleeping,

and swatting flies.

Ed, don't you sometimes wish
you were a human being?

Never.

How can you beat standing
around, eating, sleeping,

and swatting flies?

Well, it sure beats working,
worrying, and paying taxes.

Naturally.

- Hello, Wilbur.
- Hi, Rog.

I have an apple here
for Mr. Ed.

Is it all right
if I give it to him?

- Well, yes, but--
- But what?

Well, I always thought
you didn't care for Ed.

[laughs]
Whatever gave you that idea?

Here, nice horsey.

[sputters]

Hey.

What was the idea of
giving my horse a wax apple?

If that plug steals
any more of my apples,

you're going to have
a wax horse.

- Now, just a minute.
- Don't tell me he's innocent.

There are a dozen apples
missing from my tree

and horseshoe prints
all over the yard.

Don't tell me it was
a large rabbit.

Now, that is just
circumstantial evidence.

You could be hanging
an innocent horse.

Oh, stop.
That fat clown has eaten so many of my apples,

he's got cider coming
out of his ears.

Now, Rog, don't get excited.

I'm perfectly happy
to pay for the apples.

Pay? Money could never replace
the blood, sweat, and tears

I put into that tree.

Do you think that you can buy
everything in life with money?

No offense, Rog.

I was willing to pay
a dollar an apple.

I'll take it.

Well, I didn't think
you would be mean enough to take it.

I didn't think you'd be
fool enough to offer it,

but I warn you.

The next time it's going to
cost you $5.00 an apple.

[groans]

You heard the man.
From now on he's charging me $5.00 an apple.

I can't help it, Wilbur.

I just love that man's apples.

Why does it have to be his?

If you want apples,
just tell me.

I'll get you a whole sack full
from the store.

But they won't be the same.

Addison's apples
are different.

Different? How?

Well, it's hard to explain,
Wilbur,

but once you've tasted one,
you're hooked.

You just gotta have more.

Ed, be reasonable.

Try to see this
from Addison's point of view.

Here's a man who spends
hundreds of hours

trying to develop an apple

that has all the qualities

of the McIntosh,
the Winesap, and the Pippin.

Oh, when you talk like that,

you make my mouth water.

Still at it, huh?

Uh-huh, woman's work.

Hey, look at these apples
I picked up at the market.

Fifteen cents apiece.

- Aren't they beautiful?
- Oh, yes.

Sorry, they're not for us.

Then who are they for?

Uh, Ed.

Ed?

You mean, every time
I want an apple,

I've got to go
out to the barn?

Here, be Ed's guest.

You think he can spare it?

I'm sorry, Carol,

but you know the problem
we have,

Ed stealing Roger's apples.

I've got a problem
stealing Ed's apples.

Carol, listen.

15 cents an apple?

Why, you can get
a whole barrel full down at the feed store

for a couple of dollars.

Feed store apples--
they're for horses.

Then who is that big,
fat man out in the barn

with the four legs
and the tail?

Carol, try to understand.

Once and for all,
we've got to cure Ed

of stealing Roger's apples.

Do you have to cure him
with 15-cent apples?

There's a reason for that.

You see, if he keeps
stealing Roger's apples,

they're going to cost us
$5.00 a piece,

so actually we are
saving money.

[chuckles]

Come on, Ed.
These are good apples.

They cost 15 cents apiece.

Ed, these are
wonderful apples.

They're Jonathans.

I want Addison's.

What's the difference?

An apple is an apple. Here.

You don't satisfy a craving
for caviar with herring.

Look, do you want
these apples or don't you?

They don't do a thing for me.

Oh, please, Wilbur,

I've got to have
an Addison apple real bad.

Ed, you have got to fight
this craving for his apples.

Okay, but when I'm fighting,

can you get me one to chew on?

- No.
- Please.

Please, Wilbur, please.

Please, Wilbur,
just one Addison apple,

one for the road.

Ed, I am going to have
to cure you the hard way.

I'm going to lock you in here

so you won't be tempted

to sneak into Addison's yard.

But you can't cut me off
cold.

Can't I taper off?

Taper off?

Yeah, cut me down
to ten apples a day,

then five a day,

then three,

then one,

then back to ten.

- No.
- Oh, I love Addison's apples.

Ed, there's only one way
to break a habit,

and that's to stop it cold.

- [Ed groans]
- Get in there.

What are you doing, doll?

Baking a cake.

Well,
as long as you're baking,

how about taking
a cheesecake picture?

Make sure you get my legs.

Kay, the only limbs
I'm interested in

are those with apples on them.

You are getting older.

I'm taking an inventory

of every apple on this tree.

If that horse of Wilbur's
steals any more of these,

it's going to cost him
$5.00 apiece.

Uh-huh.

Kay, you're hiding the tree.

Well, wouldn't you like
at least one shot of me?

No, the horse steals
only apples, not wives.

Kay, please, huh?

[Ed chewing]

What have you got
in your mouth?

- What mouth?
- Your mouth.

What are you chewing?

Ch-Chewing?

Let me smell your breath.

Uh-huh.

That smells like apple.

Eh, it does, huh?

Probably one of Addison's.
Where did you get it?

It's from this morning.

I had it stashed
for a nightcap.

Oh, you did.

How many more have you got
hidden around here?

Uh, how many more what?

Oh, never mind.

[clears throat]

Excuse me.

Uh-huh.

False bottom
in the feed bag, huh?

I've been framed.

We've got three in here.

Oh, Ed.

Drawers are too easy for you.

So that's where my tape
disappeared to, huh?

Where else
have you hidden them?

This is America.

You can't make a horse
testify against himself.

Why are you standing
over here by the window?

Uh-Uh-Uh,
just cooling off a little.

Uh-huh. Step aside, please.

Stand back.

Mm-hm.

Ed, you need help.

Tomorrow I'm going to take you
to see an animal psychiatrist.

Uh, to a head shrinker?

For a few measly apples?

Look, it isn't just
a few measly apples, Ed.

Do you realize
what's happened?

You've become a--

an apple-holic.

Excuse me,
do you have the time?

Sorry, I don't have my watch.

Excuse me.

Do you have the time?

Oh, certainly.

It's exactly 12:04.

Oh, better make that 12:05.

Oh, it's past Jacques'
lunchtime,

and he's getting fidgety.

He's very cute.

He's very disturbed.

Oh, what seems to be wrong?

He keeps biting my husband.

Oh, that's too bad.

Do you know why?

Oh, Dr. Griffith said

it's just because he's
trying to get attention.

Oh.

What is your husband doing
about it?

He's taking tetanus shots.

Well,
I think he'll outgrow it.

I'm not so sure.

If he hasn't gotten over
the fear of dogs by now,

I'm afraid he never will.

I wouldn't worry, my dear.

Dr. Griffith is wonderful
with animals.

He says a few more treatments,

and Agnes will overcome
her fear of mice.

A cat afraid of mice?

Faints.

Doctor says she was probably
frightened by a mouse

when she was a little kitten,

and you know how these
childhood phobias hang on.

Oh, yes.

My horse was perfectly normal
until now.

Oh, what's wrong with him?

Split personality.

He thinks he's Apple Annie.

So, you see, Mr. Cesano,

there's really nothing wrong
with your parrot.

[Italian accent]
But I don't understand it, doctor.

She's born right here
in this-a country.

Why does she talk
with an accent?

Yes.

[Dr. Griffith]
Mr. Post, I believe you're next.

Thank you, Doctor.

Is, uh, this the patient?

Yes, I hope he's not too big
for your couch.

[mock chuckles]

Just have him wait here.
Will you step in, please?

Yes.

Uh.

Hold that, huh?

Won't be too long.

Now, what was the problem,
Mr. Post?

Well, it's rather unusual,
doctor.

Unusual?

Yes.

They say an apple a day
keeps the doctor away,

but here I am.

I don't understand.

Well, it's about my horse.

You see,
he's a compulsive apple eater.

There's nothing unusual
about that, Mr. Post.

All horses love apples.

Well, he doesn't love
all apples,

just the ones
off my neighbor's tree.

Oh, I see.

Have you tried loading some
of the apples with pepper?

That ought to discourage him.

Pepper?

No, I couldn't do that to Ed.

You see, he hates
practical jokes.

Once--

...as a gag,

I took his television set
out of the barn.

When he came back, he was--

J-Just a moment, Mr. Post.

You say your horse
has a television set?

Yeah. Well, he spent so much
time alone in the barn

that he got tired
of his record player.

Record player.

You did say your horse
had the problem.

Yeah.

He steals
my neighbor's apples.

Mr. Post, I think that you're
needlessly concerned.

You see, a horse has
no sense of right or wrong.

It's not unusual
for him to take an apple

off a branch that's
within easy reach.

Oh, well, they're not
all within easy reach.

He gets the good ones
off the top.

Mr. Post,
are you trying to tell me

that your horse climbs trees?

Of course not.

A horse can't climb trees.

What kind of animals
do climb trees, Mr. Post?

A cat?

Good. Good.

Thank you.

This is an obsession with him,
this apple stealing,

and you know what he does
with them after he swipes them?

No, what?

Hides them
all around the barn.

Yesterday I found one
under a picture frame,

another -one was taped
under a table,

and he fixed up
a secret compartment

in the bottom of his feed bag.

Mr. Post, let's be honest
with each other.

Your horse doesn't have
a problem.

You're just using him
as a front.

Front?

You're a compulsive drinker,

and you're too embarrassed
to go to a people psychiatrist.

You don't believe me.

I certainly do not.

All right, doctor.

Have it your way,

but when my horse ends up
on skid row,

I hope you can sleep nights.

I still don't like the idea

of putting pepper
in that apple.

If Roger finds out,
he'll be furious.

I'm just fixing
this juicy beauty

that I know Ed will go for.

Hand me the funnel, dear.

Thank you.

Now the pepper, please.

- Here.
- Thank you.

[chuckles]

The psychiatrist said
this would be a sure cure.

I hate to do this to Ed,

but he's got to learn
once and for all

that crime does not pay.

Pepper in apples.

How naive.

Thank you.

Now we'll just put this
little piece of apple back,

and Ed will never know
the difference.

Honey, the Addisons
will be back any minute.

I'm getting nervous.

Carol, if I ever pull
a bank job,

remind me to leave you
at home.

Maybe I just wasn't cut out
to be a gun moll.

Here. I'll be at the house.

Chicken.

[sneezing]

I still think it's ridiculous

running all over town

for some dried-up old leaves.

These are not just
dried-up old leaves.

This happens to be
scientifically prepared peat moss,

and you can't find
a better fertilizer.

Well, and maybe if I dabbed
a little behind my ears,

I'd get some attention
around here, too.

Kay, you have no idea
what a tremendous feeling of satisfaction it is

creating a beautiful
fruit tree

out of just a handful of seed,

a little mulching,
a little love.

Well, I have need for love.

How about
a little mulching for me?

Darling, uh...

What are you doing, Addison?

Uh-oh.

For you, my dear.

Why don't you give it to me
for my birthday?

Darling, you don't know
what you're missing.

[gasping]

Oh, what's the matter,
Addison?

Oh--

What's the matter?

Oh, what happened, doll?

[Wilbur]
Roger, what's wrong?

[stammers]

- That apple.
- Apple?

I think his tree
turned on him.

What-- Oh.

Oh-- Roger, I'm sorry.

- That's all my fault.
- Your fault?

- Well, the psychiatrist's.
- What psychiatrist?

Ed's.

Your horse has a psychiatrist?

No, no, no, you see,

we were trying to discourage
Ed from swiping your apples, Dr. Griffith and I,

and the thought
suddenly came up-- why not put a lot of pepper

into one of Mr. Addison's
apples so when the horse comes over--

Out.

Well, theoretically
it was a great idea.

Out!

Maybe you better go home
till he cools off.

Roger--

- Out?
- Out.

Be back in a year or two.

Oh, he meant well, doll.

Kay, it's that horse of his.

I have had it. I'm going to
call my lawyer right now.

Oh, now, Addison.

I am going to take legal steps

and make him get rid of
that four-legged Jesse James.

Well, looks as though
Addison means business.

I have a subpoena
charging you with trespassing

and being a public nuisance.

We'd better ask
for a mixed jury, Wilbur.

Half horses.

I know what you mean.

I'm back to eating
plain old apples, Wilbur.

Did you tell him?

I tried to,
but he won't talk to me.

Well, uh, maybe if you invited
him over for dinner tonight.

No, that wouldn't be
a smart idea.

Why not?

Carol's serving pepper steak.

Oh. Well, maybe if you got him
some little gift.

He doesn't want a little gift.

All he's interested in

is his apple tree.

Wait a minute.

You just gave me a great idea.

A great idea.

Uh, swell.

I give him a great idea,

and he don't even tell me
what it is.

[booming]

[alarm blaring]

[Addison]
What is this? What's going on here?

[Kay] It's Wilbur.

[sighs] Wilbur,
I told you not to do it.

Not to do what?

I told you to keep off
my property.

What are you trying to do,
steal my whole tree?

No, I did not come here
to steal a tree, Roger.

I came here to give you
a tree.

What?

Well, why--

Hey, this is
from the malus baccata family.

Oh, and a healthy little fella.

Well, I certainly do
appreciate this, Wilbur,

but why didn't you bring it
around to the front door?

Well,
I thought I'd plant it here

and surprise you.

Then when you came out
in the morning,

it would be kind of, well,

as if your tree had a baby.

Well, thank you, Wilbur.
Thank you very m--

Why, it's beautiful.
It-- It's just beautiful.

That's all I needed
around here--

another tree full of
tempting Addison apples.

Oh, my,

a horse just never wins.

Ed, it's been a week now

since you gave up eating
Addison's apples.

That shows great character.

I'm proud of you.

Well, I knew if I didn't
go on the wagon,

I'd wind up pulling one.

I admire your will power.

Tell me, what do you do now

when you get a craving
for one of Addison's apples?

Oh, I just reach for a pear.

- A pear?
- Yeah.

Wait a minute.
Where'd you get a pear around here?

[clears throat]

The only pear tree is in
Mr. Simon's house behind us,

and he--

Oh, no.

Well, I guess
I'm back to hay again.

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you
the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always
on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak
a streak ♪

♪ And waste
your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed]
♪ I am Mister Ed ♪

Closed-Captioned By
J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

[Man]
This has been a Filmways presentation.