All language subtitles for S3E17-UnemploymentShow_Subttulos01.ENG

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you
the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always
on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

Good morning, Ed.

- Come on, little lazy bones.
- [snores]

Time to wake up. It's 10:00.

Kitchy-kitchy.

[laughs]

Cut it out, Geraldine.
I'm ticklish.

I know how to wake you up,
lazy bones.

We'll let a little light
in here.

[snores]

- [loud bang]
- [mumbles]

Where am I?

You're in the steam room
at the Y.

Yeah, very funny.

What time is it?

It's 10:00, and do you have
to sleep so late every morning?

Yeah, I got tired blood.

I don't know why.
It never moves.

Some joke.

- Wilbur--
- Hi, how are you?

May I borrow your car, please?

Kay wants me
to do some shopping.

Sure, what happened
to your car?

That scavenger brother-in-law
of mine drove it down

to the unemployment office
to pick up his check.

Why didn't he take a bus?

He could,
but he has too much pride.

He wants them to think
he really doesn't need the money.

How long is Ralph going
to be staying with you?

Maybe some time?

This morning he painted
his name on our mailbox.

Well, cheer up, Rog.
It could be worse.

How?

He could be my brother-in-law.

Boy, I wish
he would get a job.

So I can get him off my back.

He's a press agent, isn't he?

So he claims, but so far,

the only thing he's pressing
is me.

How long he's been out of work?

He's been collecting
unemployment insurance so long,

they named a branch office
after him.

Well...

the way I look at it,

when you marry a woman,
you marry her family.

And if she happens to have
a brother, you love him, too.

And you enjoy helping him.

How many brothers
does your wife have?

None. That's why I'm able
to make this beautiful speech.

[Mister Ed yawns]

His brother-in-law
ought to find a job.

I hate lazy people.

Look who's talking.

If I can find another horse
like you, I'd have bookends.

Ed,

do you know why
you sleep so late?

Well, it's because you have
no purpose in life.

Now, you would be a healthier,
happier horse if you had some

work to look forward
to each day.

Okay, send me
to medical school

and make me a brain surgeon.

All right, Rip Van Winkle,
sleep your life away.

Wilbur,

I resent being called
a lazy bum.

Look, Ed,
I did not call you a bum.

That's okay. Find me a job.

I'll pay my way.

Now, you're talking.

I'll put an ad
in the paper right away.

What're you gonna say?

Uh, horse for hire.

Want short working hours
and plenty of carrot breaks.

Now, that's my boy.

- Wilbur, have you seen
my cook book around? - No, honey.

Kay wants to bake
strawberry shortcake for her brother.

Carol, how does this sound?

"Horse for hire."

I still say
you're wasting your time.

Ed's not the working type.

Must be something he can do.

I doubt it.

He's too slow
for the race track

and too nervous
to pull a wagon.

Golf caddy?

Oh, here it is.

Deliver groceries?

Let's see.
Strawberry shortcake.

Gardner?

Do you think Kay's brother
is a good press agent.

Wilbur?

- A good what?
- Press agent.

Oh, no,
Ed's had no experience--

Press agent?

I'm talking about Ralph.

Do you think he's good
press agent?

Last I heard,
he was back at UI.

Universal International?

Unemployment insurance.

I say, they still got
mounted police.

I wonder if they take Ed
on the police force.

Why not?
He's got flat feet.

If you weigh 800 pounds,
you'd have flat feet, too.

Oh, honey.

Piano tutor?

Oh.

Don't slam the door.

Your brother taking a nap?

No, I have a cake in the oven.
That's why I sent you

for strawberries
and whipped cream.

Fine.
Strawberry shortcake for him.

Girl Scout cookies for me.

Oh, honestly, Addison,
I wish you'd be nice to Ralph.

He likes you.

He'd give you
the shirt off his back.

And it would fit me.
It's mine.

Did he bring my car back yet,
or did he sell it?

Doll, I wish you wouldn't
say those thing.

Ralph has had
a lot of tough breaks,

and he needs us now.

You know, what his trouble is?

He isn't cut out
to be a press agent.

He should take any job
he can get

as long as
he's gainfully employed.

I don't agree with you.

Some day he'll come up with
a real big publicity stunt,

and he'll be on his way.

Out of my house, I hope.

Hi, kids.

Oh, careful, Ralph.

I got your favorite cake
in the oven.

Swell, sis.

How about that, Rog?
Strawberry shortcake.

Strawberries give me hives.

Well, then you can eat
and scratch.

Aw, she's a great kid.

You got yourself a real winner.

Oh, you must be famished,
sweetie.

Did you have your lunch?

No, I had to skip lunch.
You know, it's outrageous

how long that unemployment
office makes you stand in line.

Oh, they should have
curb service.

Have a car hop bring your
check out to you.

That's what I told them.

Oh, I forgot.

We got a traffic ticket.

We?

What happened, sweetie?

Well, I doubled parked
next to a police car.

Naturally.

Explain to the officers

that you were new
in the neighborhood?

No, they got sore
because they couldn't get out to answer a call.

Pretty narrow minded of them.

I am not paying this ticket.

Well, brother-in-law,
you wouldn't want me to go to jail, would you?

- You bet your sw--
- Doll.

Kay, I am not paying
this ticket.

Let him pay himself
out of his unemployment check.

Absolutely not.
You heard the poor boy say

how long he'd been in line
to get it.

You are incredible.

Both of you.

I'm going out to play golf.

But you can't, doll.

Why not?

I promised Ralph that he
could borrow your clubs this afternoon.

You can have them
tomorrow, Rog.

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.

My cake.

Poor sis.

He must be very hard
to live with.

Well, he seems to be
in fine shape, Mr. Post.

My riding stable could
use a nice palomino.

Oh, yes, Mr. Kramer,
Ed is very bright, energetic, and loves to work.

[Mister Ed snores]

Now, you say you're willing
to bring him out

to the stable every morning
and pick him up every night?

Yeah, Well, like I said.

Ed doesn't sleep well
away from his home.

Oh, that's very important.
I believe in horses getting plenty of sleep.

So does Ed.

Well, I mean he's
a fanatic about that.

Well, I'll have him over
at your place first thing in morning, Mr. Kramer.

Yeah, 7:00 sharp.

I'll set his alarm.

[mumbles]

- Good night, honey.
- Night, Carol.

Just think tomorrow
is Ed's first day on the job.

Uh-huh.

Life's funny, you know?

Get a young horse like Ed,

you coddle him.
play with him.

You spoil him a little bit.

Hoping he'll never grow up.

First thing you know,
he's punching a time clock.

It's tough.

Good for him, though.

Work's good. Builds character.

I wouldn't want him
drifting through life like Kay's brother.

A horse has got learn to stand
on his own four feet.

Go to sleep, honey.

I think I'll make him
a nice lunch tomorrow.

Something that'll
give him energy.

What should I fix for him,
Carol?

How about a triple decker
hay sandwich?

You should have seen him
when I said good night to him.

I polished
his little horse shoes.

Shined up his saddle
and brushed him all down.

He may not be the fastest horse
in the stables,

but he'll be the neatest.

Uh-huh.

First day on the job.

He'd be nervous.
Oh, he'll be nervous.

Maybe I should rent a horse
tomorrow and follow him.

Nah.

Other horses will think
he's a sissy.

Hope he gets nice clients.

Some of those fellas
can be rough, you know?

Ride him hard.
Might even use a whip on him.

Might even dig him with spurs.

I better phone the stables
and warn them.

Wilbur, would you please
stop worrying about

that precious horse of yours
and go to sleep?

Sorry, honey.

[clock rings]

I'm sorry, honey.
I just wanted to make sure the alarm was working.

[alarm rings again]

Didn't want Ed to be late
his first day on the job.

[alarm rings]

Oh, Mr. Kramer.

Gee, now they're coming
in pairs.

Morning, Mrs. Webster.

Ready to go riding with your
mother again today, Peter?

Sure, Mr. Kramer.

Oh, yes, he loves to ride
with his mommy.

There he is.

Oh, thank you.

Come along, Peter.

Oh, isn't he lovely?

There we are.

Now, you hang onto that.

And up we go.

Hang on, honey,
while Mommy fixes the saddle.

[Mister Ed sputters]

Peter, stop pulling
the horse's hair.

And take your finger
out of his eye.

What happened
to your ice-cream cone?

I dropped it.

Now, look what you've done.

I'll get a cloth
and clean this up.

[Peter]
Mommy!

Peter, what in the world
happened?

Oh, honey, come along with me.

Fool around with me, will he?

Congratulations, Ed.

You are now a working horse.

Swell.

And now let's write
to Washington.

What for?

My Social Security card.

You're a funny guy.

I mean it, Wilbur.

I'm a worker, and I'm entitled
to Social Security.

Oh, Ed, forget it.

No horse ever had
a Social Security card.

Because no horse
ever asked f÷1or it.

Ed, there is a law.

I know, I read the law.

It's right here
in this pamphlet.

Page 2, paragraph 2.

Page what?

Page 2, paragraph 2.

- Give it here.
- I can read it.

Let's see the, um--

"The Social Security Act
is designed to protect wage loss

through involuntary
unemployment."

Show me where it says
no horses allowed.

Oh, forget it, Ed.
You're being ridiculous.

Why?

Hey, it says wage earners
and I'm a wage earner.

Look, Ed, if some day a horse
happens to be elected president,

then you'll get
Social Security.

And until then, forget it.

I'll send away for it myself.

Have a nice ride,
Mr. Ambruster?

Fine, nothing like riding
for losing a little weight.

He's right.
I bet I've lost 10 pounds.

Aah, what that fat guy
did to my arches.

Really, big, huh?

He didn't need a horse.
He needed a tow truck.

I'm proud of you, Ed.

You could have just slept your
life away here in the barn,

but instead you were willing
to go out into the world

and become a useful member
of society.

You're not just a horse, Ed.

You are an American worker.

Well, thank you.

- Uh, Wilbur.
- Yeah.

You think I should organize
the horses into a union?

That's a pretty good idea.

And if you have
to carry fat people

you can demand time and half
for overweight.

You can also fight
for two weeks vacation with hay.

I got a feeling
you're putting me on.

Be sensible, Ed.

First you wanted
Social Security.

Now, you want to start
a union for horses.

These things are impossible,

Well, don't be too sure.

Get that envelope
out of my feed bag.

"Edward Post,
Social Security number

054-22-5457."

You actually sent away
for this.

Yep. Today a number.
Tomorrow the world.

Kay, did you send
my smoking jacket to the cleaners?

Uh, no, doll.

Wait.

What's this?

Ralph's breakfast.

At 1 in the afternoon?

Well, he didn't sleep well.
He was up most of the night.

Yeah, chasing back and forth
to the refrigerator.

Ralph's a compulsive eater
when he's not working.

If he doesn't get a job,

pretty soon he's going
to be a compulsive starver.

And that lazy old horse
next door

has had a job
for over a month now.

Are you comparing my brother
to a horse?

Why not? He eats like one.

Please, his eggs
are getting cold.

[Ralph]
Hi, kids.

Good morning, Ralph.

Oh, here, let me take that.
I'll eat in the kitchen.

Oh, roughing it today, eh?

How are you this morning,
smiley?

It's afternoon, and I trust
my smoking jacket fits you.

It does now.

Now?

I had to take
the sleeves up a little.

That does it.
That does it!

Ralph, I have had it.

You don't have
to be a press agent.

There are lots
of other jobs around

and you better start looking,
if you know what I mean?

Here, sis.
He's killed my appetite.

You just don't like
my brother, do you?

Why, sweetheart,
whatever gave you that idea?

I don't understand it,
Mr. Post.

All of a sudden, he went lame.

Well, I'll have the vet
take a look at him.

Thanks for brining him around,
Mr. Kramer.

That's okay.
I'll mail you a check at the end of the week.

Fine, thank you.

So you sprained your leg, huh?

Uh, yeah.

Wilbur, am I covered
by workman's compensation?

How did it happen?

Well, don't I get disability?
Veteran's compensation?

Uh, something?

Ed, you're a gold brick.

When did you decide
to quit your job?

When I found out I was eligible
for unemployment insurance.

Welcome home, lazy Mary.

Go on in. Go on.

[Mister Ed hums]

[Mister Ed hums]

Are you sore at me
for quitting, Wilbur?

No, Ed, to tell you the truth,

I kind of missed you
around here.

Will you stand
in the unemployment line

with me, Wilbur.

You kidding? Think I'm silly?

You know, what would happen
if I did that?

Why, there'd be riots.
There'd be people laughing.

There'd be phone calls
to the police.

Newspaper reporters.

And a picture of me
with my first check.

Yeah, and another one of me

with a butterfly net
over my head.

Go to sleep, Ed.
You must be tired.

No unemployment check, huh?

No, Ed.

Gee, four weeks' work
down the drain.

- Oh, hi, Ralph.
- Hi, neighbor.

Uh, come on in.

Oh, thanks.

You going somewhere?

Oh, I decided to leave.

I got the feeling
I wasn't wanted.

Oh, whatever gave you
that idea?

Addison packing my suitcase.

He's not a very good packer,
is he?

He was in a hurry.

Look, Ralph, do you want me
to talk to Roger for you?

Oh, no, no. No, thanks.

It's better this way.

You know, he's not a bad guy.

His smoking jacket
is a little large.

And his golf clubs
are a little old,

but he's been good
to my sister.

What're you gonna do now,
Ralph?

I'd like to go
back into publicity. It's in my blood.

It's not easy to get a job
at the movie studio.

Got to come up
with some big stunt

that'll hit
all the front pages.

Like a man going over
Niagara Falls in a bongo drum?

Yeah.

Or an elephant parachuting
out of an airplane?

Yeah.

Or...

a horse collecting
unemployment insurance?

What?

[crowd laughs]

I'm sorry, sir, but you'll
have to leave him outside.

Only claimants
are allowed in here.

Well, then I better
go outside.

You see, he's the claimant.

I beg your pardon?

My horse just lost his job.

Well, I'm sorry, sir,
but he doesn't belong in here.

Why?
This is the unemployment office

and he's unemployed.

Well, sir, the unemployment law
does not cover animals.

Well, I think you're mistaken,
ma'am.

It says wage earners
and workers,

but you show me where it says
no horses allowed.

Sir, the unemployment law
specifically says--

I better call the manager.

Mr. Halsted, would you
come here, please?

We never had a case
like this before.

No animal has ever applied
for unemployment insurance.

Could be false pride.

The way I feel,
if it's coming to them, they should get it.

What's going on here?

Ms. Pringle, you know we don't
allow animals in the building.

That's just what I've been
trying to tell him.

But he insists
that his horse has a claim.

Ridiculous.

No animal is entitled
to unemployment insurance.

Is he entitled
to Social Security?

Of course not.

This is Edward Post?

Social Security card number
054-22-5457.

And let's hear
that cash register ring.

How do I know
this is Mr. Post?

Uh, well, you can check
with his last employer.

I wish Washington
would work closer with us.

Where does he get his check?

- Not so fast.
- He's entitled.

He happens to be
in the wrong line.

Ms. Pringle, you better
go back to you window.

I'll check out his claim form.

Now, single, married, widower,
separated, or divorced?

Bachelor.

Oh, he's running around
with a lot of fillies, but nothing serious.

Education, grade school,
high school, college?

Self-taught.

Ready?

Wilbur, this is gonna hit
the front page

of every paper in the country.

Now, hold it.

Smile, Ed.

Ed, we made the front page.

Oh, swell.

[both laugh]

- And you know something?
- Uh, what?

This story of Ralph's
got so much space that he got a job

as publicity director
of a studio.

That's nice.
Let me see my picture.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

There you are.

[Mister Ed chuckles]

Gee, they would shoot
my bad profile.

Oh, don't be so vain.

Look, if it bothers you,
I'll get you a nose job.

[Ed laughs]

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you
the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always
on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak
a streak ♪

♪ And waste
your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed]
♪ I am Mister Ed ♪

Closed-Captioned By
J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

[Man]
This has been a Filmways presentation.