All language subtitles for Mr..Angel.2013.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

Downloaded from
YTS.MX

♪♪

Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

I could say the only thing
I really ever fantasized about

was being like GI Joe.

- Tom of Finland type

- macho has always
been my fantasy.

You know we grew up riding
motorcycles in the desert.

My dad would always wear
Levis and these lace up tall

motorcycle boots and a white
t-shirt to ride his motorcycle

in and like that's become
my fantasy sort of

outfit of masculinity.

This very masculine look
that I guess I always

fantasized about achieving.

My mom would never
buy me Levis,

"No, no boys would
wear those things."

And I'm thinking,
yah aren't I a boy?

I used to get very
nervous around my father.

My dad would only know how to
react through anger cause I

think that's what he
was taught from his dad.

And I don't blame what my
parents did to me cause they

didn't know how to deal with it.

They didn't understand why
I was so out of control.

They didn't understand why
I was so angry.

You know maybe they are going
to tell you something different,

I don't know.

This is what I remember;
this is my feelings of

those particular times.

- You guys are so hot.
- I know.

From the states?

Yes, actually I moved out
of the United States to

Mexico now, I don't live
in the US anymore.

Yah I like it here, there's much
more freedom here to do things.

I work in the sex industry so
people are much more open about

sexuality here and sex.

Not in the US.

No they are
very closed-minded.

Yah I don't know it's always
been like that in the US

- they are very scared
of naked people.

[laughter].

- Why?
- I don't know, it's weird.

They are basically
just going to eat me up here.

I have no doubt in my mind
that they are just ready for

something like Buck Angel.

I mean they are perverts in
Europe - and they are proud
of it.

I am lost.

Today I am at the Venus show -
and I just signed a contract

with Shots video, which is
probably one of the largest

distribution companies in all of
Europe to distribute my videos.

So I am here kind of making
an appearance and a

presence to meet me, cause
they don't necessarily

understand who and what I am.

Here you go.

Thank you very much.

I think my favorite
thing is that it's a

nude photo because I think
before they were talking

about maybe just putting a photo
of me I had some leather pants

on and my cigar, but I think
that the fact that they actually

put a full nude photo of me
is awesome because

it's just in your face.

I guess they kinda
had to make me naked,

or you wouldn't really get
it - cause with pants on I just

look like a dude.

I am trying to change that
it has nothing to do with my

genitals - just because I have a
pussy doesn't make me not a man.

Buck Angel!

What's going on
with Buck Angel?

When I gave them
the whole low down,

they were like oh - oh I got it.

And they are just
cool about it?

When I first
heard Buck Angel,

I saw him and I saw Buck
Angel, man with a pussy

- and I thought, oh shit.

This is a guy who
has gone there,

there he is - and there's
the word pussy and it's in

really big letters - and
man does he have balls

for doing that.

I felt like that it was
important for me to show the

world that it's okay not to
fit in the box and it was very

important for me to represent
myself in a positive healthy,

sexual way.

Hey I'm Buck - Buck Angel.

Enus, Enus what?

Delwood.

Enus Delwood? That's
a fucked up name.

Basically you can
see anything in porn right?

And there was nobody like me
in the whole adult business.

I know, I know you did.

You were like...

You have to look.

Oh my god. Look at that!

Are you kidding me? Is
that photo shopped?

I thought he had
a small penis

- but that's really a vagina.

A lot of people get their
basic sex education from porn

- not that they
necessarily should,

and it's because we don't
have decent or really any sex

education in most of
the United States.

Most porn is
not designed to be sex ed.

It's designed to be a fantasy.

Learning about sex from most
porn is like learning about the

laws of physics from
a Michael Bay movie.

However porn that is
intended to be sex educational,

I think can be
incredibly powerful.

You see that in
work that Buck does,

you see it in work that
Tristan Taormino does.

My opinion is that when
you do things like he with a

question mark, and she with a
question mark - it's just like

what the fuck, you know
own it - you are a woman,

you just happen to have a cock.

People just can't
seem to get around that.

But I am exploiting it, and
that's my prerogative cause it's

mine and I own it.

But I'm not an it.

Want a picture?

Can I have a
picture with you two please,

Thank you!

I get this email
saying I just started a website,

I want to exchange banners so I
went to the website and I was

like - now me being a
transsexual I get people all
the time

saying that's odd---and
I said to myself - now
that's pretty odd.

I didn't know how to like - you
know what I am saying?

I was like does he identify
himself as a transsexual.

I was doing all the
things that make me mad.

Like people would say he
when they spoke about me

- I kept saying she.

I didn't know I had
never been around it.

I'm just a little nervous
but I'm excited to be here.

I've been wanting to get
you in one of my videos for a

long time because I
think you are so beautiful.

It's incredible.

We did a video together.

He was really cool.

He knew that this was the first
time I ever had sex with how can

I say this, but not a female,
first time I ever had

sex with a vagina.

That's the best way to put it.

So what I think is really
amazing is when Buck does a

scene with a trans-woman who
hasn't had bottom surgery.

When you really think about it
- any way you slice it you

have a man having sex with
a woman, you have a penis

going into a vagina.

That penis is on the woman
and the vagina is on a man,

and it's a total mind
fuck cause it's not how

it's supposed to be.

So I don't really know if we
step back if we really consider

heterosexual - but I don't care
cause it's awesome regardless.

When I see him in
a film with these tightened

contract stars -
that's gay porn.

At the moment when these
categories of - lesbian gay

bisexual straight - their
meaning is really in flux.

He's really got that
zeitgeist - he's like clutching

that moment and taking it
to this whole other place.

[Introduces Buck Angel]

You are kidding me right, this
is such a confusing night for me

tonight, Buck.

Because that's true,
you look like a man,

and you transformed yourself
to a man - but not entirely,

you are still half woman right?

Well no - I mean,
that's your opinion.

For me I'm totally male.
Just because I don't

have a cock, doesn't
mean I'm not a man.

Yes that's the hardest part
of me explaining that to the
world.

As Borat would say
you still have a "virgine"?

Yes and it's working.

Your vagina is
still working?

It works 100 percent.

I use it - that's
how I do my porn.

That's like sort
of weird universe.

You and everybody
else...I'm sure everybody in the

world is like.

I'm sure some would
call you a shemale then?

I chose not to
have bottom surgery,

because I personally don't
feel that that surgery

is good enough for me.

I don't want to say
that it's a bad surgery.

My own choice is that I don't
think it's a good surgery and I

don't understand why somebody
would want to have a penis that

bad - a penis that doesn't
operate like a genetic man's

penis opeerates. The amount
of money you spend on it,

the amount of recovery time...

He'd rather buy a new truck.

For 50,000 dollars I
can think of a lot

of things I'd rather buy.

And he also takes testosterone
injections that have

masculinized him and he works
out at the gym really hard to

build those hunky hot muscles.

Purposely made it not
nude so you can hang it.

Family friendly
Family friendly.

I think I've been lucky to get
to this point - not just in this

transition but in my life.

Being so free with myself,
and not giving a shit...

I forget...

It's a place a lot of
trans people try to get to,

I think.

Ya not even just
trans - just people in general.

We are very, very excited
and privileged to welcome
Mr. Buck Angel.

When puberty hit, and I hit
puberty at a very late stage.

I think most girls hit
puberty at like 13-14.

But I went at like 16.

Which I think is pretty late for
a girl to go through puberty.

I remember the first thing that
happened when I got my period

and I was playing football
on the street with a bunch of

guys - at 16, as a girl, is a
little weird - I know that.

And I understand that.

Most 16 year old girls are
hanging out with other girls -

and whatever they do,
I don't even know what

16 year old girls do -
cause I wasn't doing it.

I specifically remember catching
the ball and then feeling

wetness between my legs, and I
am like what - I thought I peed

myself, I had no
clue what was going on.

And I go home - I was like I
gotta go and I go home to go to

the bathroom---and there's
blood in my underwear.

And I'm like holy
shit - did you know,

I didn't even
know what that was?

My parents didn't even
bring up the whole talk of

menstruation - or the whole
talk of what you're going to go

through, because I think
they really raised me as a boy.

Growing up, when we would
play army - we would be the

nurses and the guys would be
the army guys and my brother,

my sister though, cause it's
weird for me to even say my

brother - because
thinking back then,

that is my sister.

My sister would be one
of the army soldiers.

That's just how it was.

Because he was a tomboy.

He was the one that was
always with Bill - getting the

bikes ready, loading them up,
doing all the things that a boy

would do with the father.

He was never with the
woman, getting stuff

- he was always
with the guys.

We were going to
go to church one time,

I recall, and she at that point,
wanted to wear a cowboy outfit,

this is a girl
wearing a cowboy outfit,

including boots and
I wouldn't allow it.

The line was drawn, I wasn't
going to take her unless she

dressed like a girl - and she
wasn't going to go unless she

dressed like a boy.

Very, very stubborn.

Those situations
were like,

okay something's wrong
with this picture

and it became a
big thing.

This big thing in our family - I
was only being kind of pushed

back and forth,
pushed back and forth,

and I think that's
honestly why my dad ,

or he feels like h fucked me up
in that way - cause he would

want me to be a boy, but
then he realized oh gosh,

she's really a girl, we
have to put the dress on her.

One time I remember he
was over by the water fountain

and two boys road up and
just started giving me,

just hassling me
and picking on me.

My brother comes out of nowhere,
I didn't even know he was around

and just beats the crap out of
the two boys - and doesn't just

beat the crap out of them, but
takes their notebooks and pulls

all their schoolwork out - and
because we were at the water

fountain and it was all muddy
and watery - shoves all their

paper in there... And you
ever pick on my sister again,

blah, blah blah - the boys are
crying and I'm like and I am

just standing back in
awe of who is this?

And this is my sister kicking
these two boys ass - and they

deserved it, I mean
they absolutely did,

but I was like that's
just somebody you

don't wan to mess with.

Like playing soccer,
it was like get out of my way,

I am coming.

She kick that ball
right into you or wherever.

So there was a lot of
anger issues in her,

I'm sure.

Back then, you don't know,
what doctor do I call

- where do I take him,
what I'd find out.

You don't.

I think with my sisters,
we always wanted to achieve this

approval with our dad - cause
that's sort of the way he was,

he was sort of like god
of the family.

You know we didn't say I love
you - it was sort of like hey

meat head or hey asshole - that
was the way we said I love you

- it was a smack on the
head or a bleh,

that was a hug!

And then when we
got in trouble,

he did hit us -
physically hit us,

which I have
mixed feelings about.

He did cross the boundaries of
sort of discipline and beating.

I was never academic,
like I just couldn't get school.

I was flunking out.

D's and F's - in every class,
except physical education.

I was really a gifted runner -
and that was my passion and

that was my thing, I
was having people

from all kinds of
schools scouting me

- and as a girl
that's a big deal.

I got invited to this amazing
invitational event called the

Sunkist invitational, which
is like a really high ranking,

indoor running event.

I kept telling him, get
your grades up cause you know if

you don't you aren't gonna
be able to go to Sunkist.

It's impossible for me
to make my grades up

- it's just not
going to happen.

Then you are not
going to run the event.

And I just remember being
devastated and my coach

coming over, and begging
my dad, please,

please, we've worked so hard.

That was a big
thing, telling him,

he couldn't run the Sunkist

- cause that was a big race.

Well that was what you
did - you held things back from

them if they weren't performing.

You know you just did as your
parents would do to you

- you follow their guidance.

My dad just said no.

He said no, I don't care and I
remember just like breaking down

and crying and being like
how is it possible?

Like it still makes me
get really emotional

cause I didn't get to run.

And there was like a bottle of
pills in the bathroom and then I

just took them all.

My mom found me in the bedroom
and she freaked out and was like

ah - and my dad was like just
take him to the hospital

What did he do?

And then they had to pump
my stomach - and then that

night they had to put
me in the psych ward.

So my mom would come
and visit me - my dad wouldn't.

♪♪

I don't have
distribution in the states,

I have distribution in Europe,
which is doing extremely well,

that's where I am cashing in,
is Europe.

I am doing so amazing in Europe.

I pulled out of the market
in the states cause they are

horrible for me here - it's not
even worth my time for me to

replicate my
movies - it's so out of control.

They just - no one.

So right now, I am in
New York doing business,

and I am talking to a
couple companies to take

me on to distribute.

How we doing?

It's really
great to meet you.

Great to meet you.

Awesome.

I really appreciate you seeing
me you know it's like a lot of

people in this
business want to talk to me.

They do and they ...

I'm controversial.

I'm very controversial.

I mean through
this computer,

I receive the whole day long

"ever think about the
gay man desires?"

Weird requests.

But there's never ever - this
request came to this company

that someone would say
I want a masculine man

- a butch man with a vagina.

I never have that.

Because it's your
company - because I think that

people don't know
that I exist.

Now people know
that I exist

- you see with fetishes or
whatever you wanna call it

people want to call it - once
people are introduced to

something different,
they say - oooh,

I never really thought
of that, maybe I could

be attracted to that.

Who would be sexually
attracted to you?

Gay men, gay men - it's
amazing, I think so too.

Really, when I
started doing the work,

I didn't know who my client
base or my customer

base was going to be.

It ended up being mostly gay
men - I found something that I

felt was important to show to
the world cause I like sex and I

like porn and what I do is
not freaky-it's totally normal.

Well you wouldn't
convince people that it's

totally normal, because
people don't want it...

But I am.

I think you will
convince a lot of people who are

in your situation.

I think you are a
role model for them.

And you will convince them that
you are not a freak and that

they are not freaks, but I don't
think you will convince the

world, cause the world is ,
can hardly except that gays and

lesbians are not freaks.

Okay let's go.

♪♪

[trainer speaking]
I want every movement that you
do to have purpose.

I want every movement
that you do in my workout
to have meaning.

You're not just rolling
through it.

Three, two, hold it up.
Beautiful. Breathe.

We met on the Internet,
and I can certainly say that I

fell in love with him
before we ever met in person.

And we actually discussed the
possibility of marriage that if

things were as good in person
as they were at this great

distance, where he was in
California and I was in

New Orleans, and if the feeling
remained once we touched and saw

each other - then we would marry
and spend our lives together.

After a breakup - I said, I am
never going to find

anybody that's right for me.

A friend said, well make a wish
list - write everything down

that you can think of that
you would want in a partner.

Five pages later, I had
the impossible dream of

my dream partner.

And I asked for some
very unusual things,

you must understand.

Somebody who has
their own identity,

somebody who is into
fitness and health.

Born female but likes
to be called he and him.

Somebody who didn't
drink and do drugs.

Has hygiene habits, um
with teeth brushing

and nail trimming.

Who likes using sex toys - the
biggest to the smallest.

I mean I had a lot of stuff
on that list - and it's him.

When I tell buck he is
the man of my dreams

- he knows that I mean it.

[indistinct conversation,
dogs barking]

Stop it!

You wait. You just wait!

Our life together is
extremely wonderful

- more than wonderful.
It's like a dream.

Sit, sit, good girl.
Good girl.

Elayne and I were living in New
Orleans - I loved living in

New Orleans. It was a
really great city,

but a lot of things were
happening with Bush in office.

And just the whole
political climate was very

uncomfortable for us.

We really weren't happy with
the direction of the country,

and they were starting to crack
down on the adult entertainment

industry, in a way that
made us really uncomfortable.

I had this internal imperative,
I can't really describe where

it may have come from - but
something in my gut was

screaming, move out of the US
now - we put the condo up for

sale and we were preparing
to have a yard sale

and then that was
the day we ended up

evacuating for
hurricane Katrina,

we bought our home about two
weeks before the storm came.

We were planning to move anyway
and of course the New Orleans we

ended up leaving isn't
the one we had lived in.

Never have we looked back.

We can't.

it was just too
smooth and weird.

It was just supposed to be.

Just everything about
it has been brilliant.

And then of course, I got to
write my book which I probably

wouldn't have been
able to complete.

I had started it but
getting it done and

published probably
would not have

happened if I had
stayed in new Orleans.

I got the first tongue piercing,
that was known to be a permanent

tongue piercing worn in the
united states and I got the

first multiple tongue piercing
and I actually wear five of

them - and they are
in there right now.

And I have nipple piercings, and
I have pierced navel and I have

9 fancy genital piercings
including my actual clitoris,

which is quite rare.

I have about 40
piercings personally.

But far more impressive is the
fact that I have pierced about

40,000 other people in my
career since the 1980s.

Okay is that about
as flat as your nipples get,

or do they get even flatter.

I feel like they
can get a little flatter,

but that's about it.

I'll tell you that some
people vary in what it's like to

get their nipple pierced.

Some people actually enjoy
it, and there is no extra

charge if you do.

And some people not so much, but
they pretty much agree that it's

tolerable because it's so brief.

So, give me a nice little deep
breath in...

And then exhale.
[woman exhales]

You're pierced.
It's done.

If I were going to
charge anybody extra,

it might be you.

Alright your jewelry is in -
and that's all there is to it.

♪♪

We are in Vegas for
the AEE which is the

Adult Entertainment Expo - and
we are here to hopefully to get

some buyers who want to want
to buy my videos for their

stores and see my fans.

People think it's
just all fun and games,

like we get to
fuck all the time,

and we get to go to these cool
conventions and be around porn

stars, and we
work our asses off.

It's non stop
smiley, smiley - hi, hi,

buy my videos, what
do you need from me?

Constantly, go, go, go, go.

Would be nice - would be
nice if I made some sales.

That's for sure.

Honey can you
grab the other side?

Can you go back and see?

A big part of what
I've done is just put my support

behind it, both emotionally and
as a partner and financially in
every way to

say this is a
fantastic thing to be doing.

And it really is important work
I think in many ways.

He welcomes my input and I
get to put my finger in it

everywhere as it...[laughter].

I love to watch him have
sex with other people.

It's his job.

The boundaries are very
clear, it's not an interpersonal

thing - although he can get
friendly with other talent.

It's not a date.

And I pierce genitals on a
regular basis and he knows that

I am not flirting or
purposely stimulating someone.

It's my job.

So we are very comfortable
with those boundaries

and those roles.

We come first.

Bottom line is - we come first.

If my porn interfered with
my relationship with her,

I would stop today.

Okay how's it going?

Good to see you.

This is Elayne my wife.

We pass as a straight couple.

Maybe we will go somewhere
where it's clothing optional,

so we will get naked and run
around and people will be like

why is she so happy, he's got
the smallest dick in the world.

Like sometimes they just
think I have a small dick.

They don't even realize that
it's actually a pussy.

It takes a lot of educating
cause people look at

him and they don't
immediately know what he is.

A hermaphrodite?

A hermaphrodite is
someone who has characteristics

of both genders at birth,
but he was female at birth,

and through taking testosterone
and working out and having

surgery to remove his
breasts, he's a man.

So he's legally... That's
not a small cock.

It's a huge clit.

Sometimes I will have to
go over it time and time again

because he's
incredibly masculine.

It's boobs and it's upper
bodies and if you want to talk

about gender, it's the penis
that we are all obsessed with so

you have this masculine body
with a vagina that kind of blows

everybody's minds, because it's
not supposed to be that way.

It's the parts of the body that
don't automatically sexualize.

He's presenting
himself as a sexual object,

and wasn't even born this
way, so when all of that comes

together, it's just an
incredible mix of confusion

for a lot people.

You have to be passionate about
your work and you have to have a

very strong sense of self.

And it sort of makes me
in awe of him sometimes that he

can just continue to be out
there and be so public and do so

many public events.

It's like there's no
stopping him or something.

I have a lot more fans than
I kind of thought I did

- especially women.

In the business, I think I
am a lot more respected

than I thought I was.

What are you up to today?

Just running around,
all like crazy...

It makes me feel like all the
hard work I have really been

doing is paying off,
finally.

A lot of these
tattoos were before my change.

My arms were very, very skinny.

It's really interesting because
this tattoo here is from me and

my best friend at the time - it
says best friends in Japanese.

Because of the
growth of my arms,

it literally stretched like
three times the size of the

original tattoo.

I have a tattoo of
pervert on my back.

Some people think
it says perfect,

which is quite embarrassing.

And then Irish boy, for
when I used to be a boy

and now I am a man.

Let's see.

I just got a new
tattoo here.

And this is the
Buck Angel tattoo

It's a buck's head, with
angel wings and a crown

cause I will be
the king.

So that's that.

♪♪

I became a model because
somebody saw me who was a

photographer and I let them take
photos of me and somehow those

photos got into a
modeling agency.

One of those stories, where I
was discovered on the street and

brought into the agency and
became a model - just a totally

crazy story like that.

People comment on it, why
would he became such an ugly

man when he was such
a beautiful woman?

Why wouldn't he just want
to be a beautiful woman

and be a
super model?

Because it's not
what's inside my body.

But modeling was just a fluke.

I was making money doing it
and wow lots of drugs and

alcohol-ALRIGHT,
where do I sign?

I think she was living a
lifestyle we weren't even really

truly aware of.

She would come around
for holidays or whatever,

maybe pop in once in a while.

I was missing all my
modeling jobs because I was

doing coke and
drinking, and out of my mind.

They just gave up on me.

That's when everything
really started coming

to head with him.

I thought I am going to be going
to a cemetery one day if things

don't get changed around.

I would just take
a razor blade and cut,

cut, cut, cut, cut.

Like just cut.

I would do it when I was
sober or between getting high.

I would cut my
skin down like this.

It was totally purely out of
hatred for my physical self.

When you cut the balloon
it's sort of like shoo

That's what it
felt like for me.

It was like a release.

It would literally
release tension from my body.

♪♪

She kind of even pulls
away from the family and it's

almost like a relief because
deal with your issues.

We didn't know.

We didn't know what to do.

I would get calls, Mom I need
some money for rent. I'm low and

all this, and I knew in my mind,
it wasn't really going there,

or I have to pay a phone bill.

Uh I need 100
dollars for my phone bill.

I didn't need 100 dollars
for my phone bill.

I needed 100 dollars
to buy crack.

♪♪

One time my parents went
away for two weeks and I knew

they went away .

I didn't even live
at their house.

And I remember calling
all my friends,

my parents are out of
town - come over.

We broke into the
house and had a party.

Well guess what, my
parents came home early.

WOAH, my parents came home early
and then I remember everyone

saying, oh my god
- Buck's parents

are home, jump!

Everybody jumped over the
railing and like ran

but my dad snatched me.

He beat the crap out
of me, and said

"I never want to see you again.

You are lucky I
don't call the police."

I was a bad person, you
know, I was out on the streets.

I was prostituting
as a little boy.

So then one day I got a call
and he was in the halfway

house and it was awful.

That's when I knew you better
start thinking and accepting

that way or trying to
pushing back to where...

And I swear it wasn't two weeks
later after this whole thing was

over, back out there with
that same group of people

and into it again.

So it was like,
what do we do now?

But you just keep going?

Then I don't know how
I ended up in the gutter,

literally
physically in the gutter,

and the police driving by
telling me that either I get out

of the street right now or
they are going to arrest me.

I remember getting on the phone
to my ex girlfriend at the time,

and sayingI need
help I am going to kill myself.

And she's like the only way
I am going to help you

is if you get sober.

And I had stayed sober
from that moment on.

♪♪

I think it
looks good open.

It looks you cause you
usually have some skin showing.

Honey, it's the porn awards.

I am up for what?

Transsexual performer
of the year and two different

scenes for most
outrageous sex scene.

Ok does my ass look big?

I think it would really be a
huge thing if I win that award.

It's just gonna
blow everybody away,

not just the transsexuals,
but I think the whole industry

together will be
pretty amazed by that.

♪♪ [cheering]

[indistinct woman speaker
on microphone]

[cheering]

I fucking won transsexual
performer of the year.

Holy shit dude, I saw my picture
and I couldn't believe it.

Like I almost started to cry.

I was screaming for myself.

I feel like a star.

You are a star.
You busted in.

Dude I won the fucking award,
dude.

He's again surpassed
everyone's expectations.

I am so proud,
I am so proud of you.

He has paved the way
for an entire new

generation of trans masculine
gender queer, gender variant,

trans male sex performers..

My mission I think is
really honestly it sounds so

cheesy, but to change the world.

It was not my mission
in the beginning,

it was to make porn and to
change the porn business.

I do enjoy making porn, but
I also feel like I did it,

and I need to do something else
now and I need to reach a larger

audience of people.

People often talk about how
pornography is like the defacto

sex ad. What are ways that it
can educate people in a good way

rather than just in the negative
way that people generally mean

when they talk about that?

My work is really I
think helping people to feel

comfortable in their body.

I didn't really purposely
do that in the beginning.

I just wanted to make hot sex,
but I think because it was so

new, and it was so out there,
and no one had ever done it

before, it kind
of became sex ed.

That's been really
the most amazing

and strong part of
doing my work.

I mean that's a great
point because not

all guys want to see the
stereotypical porn star,

the idea of what a porn star is.

All of us can relate.

It's totally
weird being here.

Because I didn't even
graduate high school.

I am really excited
that Buck is moving more toward

education and public speaking
because he has such an important

message and there's so
many people who need to

hear what he
has to say.

The one thing that I
think that takes away from who

he is I think the fact that
he got involved in the porn

industry, that I
think is just a bummer.

It hasn't' been easy for me to
get booked to speak.

It hasn't been easy for people
to take me serious as someone

who has something
important to say because

of being a porn star.

I know it's easier for
me to deal with the transgender

side than it is to
deal with the porn side,

so I almost think it's like
you hit people once being

transgender, now you
just smacked them again,

cause you're in porn.

There's a limit of
how big a spotlight a porn star

can attract cause porn is
stigmatized and even though that

everybody knows that porn is
this big multi-billionaire

dollar industry, and that
everybody is watching porn,

everybody is in
polite denial about it,

wants to pretend that porn isn't
important doesn't really have

the cultural influence
or impact that it has,

and so there's this desire
when we are horny to really

appreciate the work
that porn stars do,

and when we aren't horny to
really demograte porn stars.

Oh yeah, that's a
good beanie actually.

- Oh good.
- I don't want to give a
message that I

feel bad about doing porn.

Because I don't.

I do not feel bad
about it and I never will.

It's a positive thing for me and
it's a positive thing for many

other people who
have had body issues.

But at the same time I would
like to move into other avenues

and it's just been...

I am going to break through.

I will.

I promise you I
will break through.

[phone ringing]

I am okay.
How are you doing?

Ya, so he said that's
fine, totally cool,

so I'll come back
rest, and do the show,

and do the show, and that's it.

Hello listeners and welcome
back to Here with Josh

and Sarah.

We are so thrilled to have here
with us today in the studio,

the self-proclaimed
man with a pussy,

- I love that title
by the way.
- It's trademarked.

I might actually put it on a
t-shirt if you don't mind.

And he's also the AEE
Transsexual performer

of the year for 2007.

Is there some sort of mourning
process that your

parents and your family had to
go through to let go of this

girl that they knew
and bring this boy in.

It's almost a
re-birth if you will.

When I came out
to them as a gay woman,

they were like - duh.

You know what I mean, I think
everybody has dealt with that

with the coming out process.

Parents know,
they aren't stupid.

But they weren't happy for me.

They weren't happy
dealing with me as a gay woman.

It was very
uncomfortable for them.

They didn't like for me
to go to family functions.

I was very dikey.

They were not in to that.

And then I think
they were sort of like,

this is not okay.

This is a picture of
a man named Buck

- Buck's face is very rugged.

He's got a shaved head
and he's got a goatee...

Buck is a man's man, but
Buck also has a vagina.

Everybody in the studio audience
is looking at full frontal Buck

from the waist down.

Really, they
are showing you naked?

We just looked at photos of you
nude - and you really are,

I mean I am looking at you
now you are a masculine,

a man, manly,
like thick man neck,

thick facial hair.

So you are a man with a vagina.

Yes I was born female,
but I had a sex change to a man,

but I did not
have bottom surgery.

I like my vagina.

You like your vagina?

I love my vagina. Yes

-Do you love your vagina?
-No!

I was asked to come on the
show cause she was going to do a

whole show about Buck Angel.

And it wasn't?

No it wasn't.

So when I got there
and I am going on stage,

is when they decided to
tell me, they didn't' tell me.

Elayne looks up and it says
Buck next for sexual oddities

and I'm like huh?

And there was three people
ahead of me already.

I was the 4th person
going on the show.

To be honest with
you it came out okay.

I think it did
too, you're more upset.

It's the
subject of the show,

and the subject of the show was
sexual oddities or something,

I am not a sexual oddity.

You don't think so?

No I don't think so
but you are - if you look at

masses, I mean oddity means
that you're not with the norm.

I don't fit into the norm,
but that's the whole point.

I am trying to change that.

And there are a lot
of people like me.

I consider myself very normal.

And so it's okay for you to
think that I don't fit in,

but for me I do fit in,
and I am a normal person,

and so I don't want the world to
go around thinking that people

like us aren't normal.

♪♪

What is a
woman, you ask?

Simple answer: a vagina.

If you are born with a
vagina, you are a woman.

End of story.

You are one mixed
up individual,

you need help and bad.

Killercrew23: You are
one sick son of a bitch.

Well I can't really be nasty
to you because you are a girl.

People like you
should be put to death.

I hope you die of AIDS,
you freak of society.

You are so arrogant and
disgusting that you have to

change your sex
trying to play god,

I swear if I ever
cross paths with you,

I will have a gun and
it's going in your face.

You know, he has the appearance
of it rolling off him,

oh you know these crazy
people, but it has

to hurt on some level.

I don't spend a lot of
time worrying about it,

but every once in a while and
especially when I read things

like this, I can't help but
think about it and the fact that

he is potentially in some sort
of danger just by being a public

figure who he is.

Ya that smells
good - that's a beaut.

Uh it's funny .

I just totally keep
getting emails from these kids,

from these young trans kids.

A lot of times they ask me
for certain monetary help,

which I don't know,
well I guess I do know,

they think I am butt ass
rich, and I can afford to get

everybody their
surgery, but honestly,

even if I was, I wouldn't
because I think part of the

transformation is doing it on
your own and sort of coming up

with the money on your own
- makes you independent

and it's like I did this all
on my own, nobody's help,

so like I didn't
have to ask somebody.

I worked two jobs, I
did this I did that,

and I think it's important for
these guys to understand that

maybe you can't have your chest
surgery today but you can have

it in two years, if you put 20
bucks a week away or whatever.

I didn't get mine right away.

It took me years
before I got mine.

Wow do I have a
lot of stuff in here.

I put it somewhere safe.

Here it is.

So how are you feeling
today?

A little bit nervous

Understandable ya.

It's that time.

How are you doing?

Giving you a little more
medicine through the iv.

Start to get nice and sleepy.

Sometimes this might sting a
little bit in the left arm just

for a minute...

When I told my dad at one
time that I felt more like a guy

than a girl, he blamed himself.

He said it's my fault.

I said no it isn't your fault.

I feel like a man
because I am a man.

They didn't get it at the time.

There you
go, you with us?

Okay you doing alright there?

Okay My chest
surgery was my sex change.

That was the whole turning point
of my life when I did that.

That was it.

It was like that's
what I needed to do.

♪♪

I was not in touch
with my family for many,

many years because
of my situation.

I think after about a year or
two of my sobriety when I was

changing, I had called them
up and decided to tell them.

They said, your
voice sounds weird,

what's wrong with you?

I said okay, I need to tell you
I started the hormone treatments

and it was changing my
voice, and my mother was like,

you know what, if that's
what's going to make you happy,

I was like, is this my mother?

So it took a lot.

But I'm glad we did.

Because now he's the happiest
I've ever seen him.

And we get along fine.

No- I don't, you know...

There's people that can probably
never deal with it.

But I can now and
I'm happy for it.

The process continues by the
way. For me...

Patty was much much more
acceptable than I was.

I wrote Buck out of my life.

As a man, it's
tough to accept it.

Can we stop for a minute?

♪♪

[sirens]

I got really sick one day.

I had to be rushed to
the emergency hospital.

Thank god we have amazing
health care.

It's like 5 minutes away.

Rush into the emergency room
cause they can't figure out

what's wrong with me.

I am throwing up, I am sick,
they bring a specialist in.

They start poking
around down here,

it's really sore...they say oh
I think your appendix burst.

So I have to go have
exploratory surgery,

they go in, they find out that
my uterus is totally infected

and my fallopian tube
is infected because

I haven't had a hysterectomy.

Many years of testosterone
atrophied the inside of my

vagina, my cervix and my
uterus atrophied together.

So your uterus is like this
and you know everything

comes out this way.

It wasn't letting it...basically
my uterus became a petri dish

and it started to
become infected,

so he said it was time for
me to have a hysterectomy.

She doesn't understand why I
am going to the gynecologist.

It's always an issue when you go
to the gynecologist cause people

don't understand why a man
is going to the gynecologist,

but they are very good
about having poker face here.

I've been asking for years about
having a hysterectomy.

They didn't say over the
years of testosterone use,

the walls could atrophy.

They never told me that.

I do have concerns about
his health overall because I

don't think they have a whole
lot information about long term

use of testosterone and
what it does to the body,

and I am aware that it is
hard on certain organs like

the liver, heart, and
potentially kidneys.

It's a medical
necessity as he sees it,

and I accept that.

I mean he has told me flat out,
if they told me that I had to

stop taking
testosterone or I die sooner,

or something of that nature, he
said I'm sorry I'd keep taking

it and I said I know that
about you and I accept that,

it's more important to you
than anything to maintain your

masculinity, because if
you didn't have that,

you wouldn't be you anymore, and
I accept that and I respect his

decision and it concerns me
because I want him to be

healthy and to live a long
healthy happy life with me.

Okay, so say your surgery
is this week,

uhm...well we
really gotta wait...

[speaking Spanish]
12:00 today?

Okay.

Gracias.

Okay.

And that's how it works.

You can get a
doctor's appointment.

It's 10.

Got to love it.

One day for the exams...

One day for [indistinct].

One day to talk, etc.

Next week I think we
can make it without problems.

The rest...

[speaking Spanish]

Okay I am going to touch.

A little press.

More press, more
press, more press.

It's really better
than the last time.

You are making ....

Relax.

And it's okay, I am
going to make a cold...

Oh wow.

This white are may be a lesion,
pre-malignant.

All this white lesion.
And this is another cause
to make surgery.

My vagina hasn't
always been high maintenance,

now I have to put estrogen cream
like every three days to keep it

moist, and I saw it
completely sort of rejuvenate.

It was incredible,
even the doctor saw it.

He's like "wow,
that's a new vagina."

♪♪

Oh this is
a great picture.

Let's see, it's you and dad.

Oh it says Bill pinched Pat

That's what it
says on the back.

Bill pinched Pat, 1961.

Oh, I was pregnant
with you.

That was at nanny's house.
And it's a cool picture.

♪♪

Thanks Doc. Hi I'm Buck Angel,

and for men like me,
gynecological problems

are still a reality. Early
detection is critical,

and having your plumbing
checked regularly

is a simple thing
to do.

Be proud and be smart.

You know when you shoot

testosterone; it just
puts weight on you.

And sometimes it's
not healthy weight,

If you don't watch what you are
eating and work out and make an

effort, you are not
going to get muscle mass.

With my advocacy
work, my education work,

the internet was an amazing tool
for me to figure out how can I

reach a wider audience.

For more information on
my nutrition and body building,

please take a look at
BuckAngelbodybuilding.com

I do four egg whites
and one whole egg.

I just started wow I have
such a tool here to educate.

I was isolated ,
didn't know who to reach out to.

I tried to commit
suicide a couple times.

I would cut my arms.

I get emotional
because I made it.

I made it and you
can make it too.

My trans man project
which is probably never ending.

So many guys interested in
talking to me about their

change, and how their hormones
have effected their sexuality

and just
themselves and their body.

I never felt
like I could say my vagina,

like that just felt
like such a weird thing,

and also in the beginning too, I
couldn't say my cock or my penis

cause that was just weird too,
so I would just say my junk.

Seeing a billboard and a
dude in his underwear and

I'm like god I want his body.

This is very recent too, that I
have kind of come to terms with

the fact that I want to, I know
at least be sexual with men.

So brilliant.

I like these - these
are fucking awesome.

These are the kind of shit
that get people all crazy.

It's weird.

My dad came back into my life.

My brother was like just try.

And so I talked to him.

He came up in November, spent
a couple days at the house,

We had a fantastic time. We
just talked the whole time.

It was amazing.

That's awesome dude.

The fact that you
own your vagina,

to me, has probably been one of
the most amazing things for me

to discover as a trans
person - because I never felt

connected to it, and now I
do, and I love my little dick.

I fucking, I
actually love my body now.

And sexually when
I am having sex,

I feel so there, and because I
started getting into porn and

really exploring
that side of myself,

all of a sudden, I was...I
used to be like a lights off,

under the blankets kind
of like you know sex guy,

and now I am like let's go.

I am like I am
there, I want, I want it,

put lights on it.

I want to see everything.

I want to right in there.

So I got a
huge variety of people,

not just trans men, but
like lovers of trans men or

biological women who only
ever dated biological men.

[dog barking]

Lola!

Our house is a zoo.

Our house is a zoo.

That is the most annoying bark.

[dogs barking]

So this word gratitude
is the best word ever.

Cause really Elayne actually
taught me about gratitude.

And you have to have gratitude,
and when you have gratitude,

that's when
everything comes to you.

Even though he
lives out of the country,

we are always in touch.

It's not like you go 6 months
at a time without talking... no.

- I think Buck
knows we love him.
- Of course he does.

Whether it be a man or a woman.

Doesn't really
make any difference.

That's not the issue.

But he treats us well.

He's respectful and I mean
there's certainly a lot worse

things that have
happened to people.

My father thinks of
me as an oddity.

It does hurt my feelings,
but it doesn't make me upset.

It only makes me know that
my work is that much more

important, and that will I
ever change my dad's idea,

that no dad, I am not an
oddity, you don't understand.

I am not.

There is still an emotional
issue within the family.

We don't discuss it.

We just accept it and move on.

I mean there's no conversations
around the table saying well

what do you think?

We just accept and move on
and just live our lives.

What he's doing with
himself and how

he's treating people and...

and he's going out
and talking about this,

all over the world.

Let's talk about
going to the bathroom.

Duh you of course you
go to the male side,

Go In the stall...

Well I can stand
up. It's not a problem.

You can stand up
and pee?

So dumb...

That made me
remember something.

When you were about 5 or 6,
and I walked in the bathroom,

and you were standing,
straddling the toilet,

you said I am peeing like dad.

That's awesome.

- I said you can't
pee like that.
- That should have been

your first clue, Mom.

♪♪

It was like a light
bulb went on in my head,

and I said like why do I
care so much what you tell

me I have to be.

Why? Why do we all care what
other people think about us?

When I realize I
don't care anymore,

that was it, it was
like I don't care.

I have a vagina.

You know what, my
vagina is awesome.

[cheering, applause]

The fact that I had to waste 28
years of my life worrying about

what the world thought of me
and that I was never going to be

happy is never
going to happen again.

And I really want the world and
people to understand that you

don't have to conform to the way
society tells you to conform.

Tell them screw you, I am who I
am whether you like it or not.