Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

♪♪

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

I could say the only thing I really ever fantasized about

was being like GI Joe.

- Tom of Finland type

- macho has always been my fantasy.

You know we grew up riding motorcycles in the desert.

My dad would always wear Levis and these lace up tall

motorcycle boots and a white t-shirt to ride his motorcycle

in and like that's become my fantasy sort of

outfit of masculinity.

This very masculine look that I guess I always

fantasized about achieving.

My mom would never buy me Levis,

"No, no boys would wear those things."

And I'm thinking, yah aren't I a boy?

I used to get very nervous around my father.

My dad would only know how to react through anger cause I

think that's what he was taught from his dad.

And I don't blame what my parents did to me cause they

didn't know how to deal with it.

They didn't understand why I was so out of control.

They didn't understand why I was so angry.

You know maybe they are going to tell you something different,

I don't know.

This is what I remember; this is my feelings of

those particular times.

- You guys are so hot. - I know.

From the states?

Yes, actually I moved out of the United States to

Mexico now, I don't live in the US anymore.

Yah I like it here, there's much more freedom here to do things.

I work in the sex industry so people are much more open about

sexuality here and sex.

Not in the US.

No they are very closed-minded.

Yah I don't know it's always been like that in the US

- they are very scared of naked people.

[laughter].

- Why? - I don't know, it's weird.

They are basically just going to eat me up here.

I have no doubt in my mind that they are just ready for

something like Buck Angel.

I mean they are perverts in Europe - and they are proud of it.

I am lost.

Today I am at the Venus show - and I just signed a contract

with Shots video, which is probably one of the largest

distribution companies in all of Europe to distribute my videos.

So I am here kind of making an appearance and a

presence to meet me, cause they don't necessarily

understand who and what I am.

Here you go.

Thank you very much.

I think my favorite thing is that it's a

nude photo because I think before they were talking

about maybe just putting a photo of me I had some leather pants

on and my cigar, but I think that the fact that they actually

put a full nude photo of me is awesome because

it's just in your face.

I guess they kinda had to make me naked,

or you wouldn't really get it - cause with pants on I just

look like a dude.

I am trying to change that it has nothing to do with my

genitals - just because I have a pussy doesn't make me not a man.

Buck Angel!

What's going on with Buck Angel?

When I gave them the whole low down,

they were like oh - oh I got it.

And they are just cool about it?

When I first heard Buck Angel,

I saw him and I saw Buck Angel, man with a pussy

- and I thought, oh shit.

This is a guy who has gone there,

there he is - and there's the word pussy and it's in

really big letters - and man does he have balls

for doing that.

I felt like that it was important for me to show the

world that it's okay not to fit in the box and it was very

important for me to represent myself in a positive healthy,

sexual way.

Hey I'm Buck - Buck Angel.

Enus, Enus what?

Delwood.

Enus Delwood? That's a fucked up name.

Basically you can see anything in porn right?

And there was nobody like me in the whole adult business.

I know, I know you did.

You were like...

You have to look.

Oh my god. Look at that!

Are you kidding me? Is that photo shopped?

I thought he had a small penis

- but that's really a vagina.

A lot of people get their basic sex education from porn

- not that they necessarily should,

and it's because we don't have decent or really any sex

education in most of the United States.

Most porn is not designed to be sex ed.

It's designed to be a fantasy.

Learning about sex from most porn is like learning about the

laws of physics from a Michael Bay movie.

However porn that is intended to be sex educational,

I think can be incredibly powerful.

You see that in work that Buck does,

you see it in work that Tristan Taormino does.

My opinion is that when you do things like he with a

question mark, and she with a question mark - it's just like

what the fuck, you know own it - you are a woman,

you just happen to have a cock.

People just can't seem to get around that.

But I am exploiting it, and that's my prerogative cause it's

mine and I own it.

But I'm not an it.

Want a picture?

Can I have a picture with you two please,

Thank you!

I get this email saying I just started a website,

I want to exchange banners so I went to the website and I was

like - now me being a transsexual I get people all the time

saying that's odd---and I said to myself - now that's pretty odd.

I didn't know how to like - you know what I am saying?

I was like does he identify himself as a transsexual.

I was doing all the things that make me mad.

Like people would say he when they spoke about me

- I kept saying she.

I didn't know I had never been around it.

I'm just a little nervous but I'm excited to be here.

I've been wanting to get you in one of my videos for a

long time because I think you are so beautiful.

It's incredible.

We did a video together.

He was really cool.

He knew that this was the first time I ever had sex with how can

I say this, but not a female, first time I ever had

sex with a vagina.

That's the best way to put it.

So what I think is really amazing is when Buck does a

scene with a trans-woman who hasn't had bottom surgery.

When you really think about it - any way you slice it you

have a man having sex with a woman, you have a penis

going into a vagina.

That penis is on the woman and the vagina is on a man,

and it's a total mind fuck cause it's not how

it's supposed to be.

So I don't really know if we step back if we really consider

heterosexual - but I don't care cause it's awesome regardless.

When I see him in a film with these tightened

contract stars - that's gay porn.

At the moment when these categories of - lesbian gay

bisexual straight - their meaning is really in flux.

He's really got that zeitgeist - he's like clutching

that moment and taking it to this whole other place.

[Introduces Buck Angel]

You are kidding me right, this is such a confusing night for me

tonight, Buck.

Because that's true, you look like a man,

and you transformed yourself to a man - but not entirely,

you are still half woman right?

Well no - I mean, that's your opinion.

For me I'm totally male. Just because I don't

have a cock, doesn't mean I'm not a man.

Yes that's the hardest part of me explaining that to the world.

As Borat would say you still have a "virgine"?

Yes and it's working.

Your vagina is still working?

It works 100 percent.

I use it - that's how I do my porn.

That's like sort of weird universe.

You and everybody else...I'm sure everybody in the

world is like.

I'm sure some would call you a shemale then?

I chose not to have bottom surgery,

because I personally don't feel that that surgery

is good enough for me.

I don't want to say that it's a bad surgery.

My own choice is that I don't think it's a good surgery and I

don't understand why somebody would want to have a penis that

bad - a penis that doesn't operate like a genetic man's

penis opeerates. The amount of money you spend on it,

the amount of recovery time...

He'd rather buy a new truck.

For 50,000 dollars I can think of a lot

of things I'd rather buy.

And he also takes testosterone injections that have

masculinized him and he works out at the gym really hard to

build those hunky hot muscles.

Purposely made it not nude so you can hang it.

Family friendly Family friendly.

I think I've been lucky to get to this point - not just in this

transition but in my life.

Being so free with myself, and not giving a shit...

I forget...

It's a place a lot of trans people try to get to,

I think.

Ya not even just trans - just people in general.

We are very, very excited and privileged to welcome Mr. Buck Angel.

When puberty hit, and I hit puberty at a very late stage.

I think most girls hit puberty at like 13-14.

But I went at like 16.

Which I think is pretty late for a girl to go through puberty.

I remember the first thing that happened when I got my period

and I was playing football on the street with a bunch of

guys - at 16, as a girl, is a little weird - I know that.

And I understand that.

Most 16 year old girls are hanging out with other girls -

and whatever they do, I don't even know what

16 year old girls do - cause I wasn't doing it.

I specifically remember catching the ball and then feeling

wetness between my legs, and I am like what - I thought I peed

myself, I had no clue what was going on.

And I go home - I was like I gotta go and I go home to go to

the bathroom---and there's blood in my underwear.

And I'm like holy shit - did you know,

I didn't even know what that was?

My parents didn't even bring up the whole talk of

menstruation - or the whole talk of what you're going to go

through, because I think they really raised me as a boy.

Growing up, when we would play army - we would be the

nurses and the guys would be the army guys and my brother,

my sister though, cause it's weird for me to even say my

brother - because thinking back then,

that is my sister.

My sister would be one of the army soldiers.

That's just how it was.

Because he was a tomboy.

He was the one that was always with Bill - getting the

bikes ready, loading them up, doing all the things that a boy

would do with the father.

He was never with the woman, getting stuff

- he was always with the guys.

We were going to go to church one time,

I recall, and she at that point, wanted to wear a cowboy outfit,

this is a girl wearing a cowboy outfit,

including boots and I wouldn't allow it.

The line was drawn, I wasn't going to take her unless she

dressed like a girl - and she wasn't going to go unless she

dressed like a boy.

Very, very stubborn.

Those situations were like,

okay something's wrong with this picture

and it became a big thing.

This big thing in our family - I was only being kind of pushed

back and forth, pushed back and forth,

and I think that's honestly why my dad ,

or he feels like h fucked me up in that way - cause he would

want me to be a boy, but then he realized oh gosh,

she's really a girl, we have to put the dress on her.

One time I remember he was over by the water fountain

and two boys road up and just started giving me,

just hassling me and picking on me.

My brother comes out of nowhere, I didn't even know he was around

and just beats the crap out of the two boys - and doesn't just

beat the crap out of them, but takes their notebooks and pulls

all their schoolwork out - and because we were at the water

fountain and it was all muddy and watery - shoves all their

paper in there... And you ever pick on my sister again,

blah, blah blah - the boys are crying and I'm like and I am

just standing back in awe of who is this?

And this is my sister kicking these two boys ass - and they

deserved it, I mean they absolutely did,

but I was like that's just somebody you

don't wan to mess with.

Like playing soccer, it was like get out of my way,

I am coming.

She kick that ball right into you or wherever.

So there was a lot of anger issues in her,

I'm sure.

Back then, you don't know, what doctor do I call

- where do I take him, what I'd find out.

You don't.

I think with my sisters, we always wanted to achieve this

approval with our dad - cause that's sort of the way he was,

he was sort of like god of the family.

You know we didn't say I love you - it was sort of like hey

meat head or hey asshole - that was the way we said I love you

- it was a smack on the head or a bleh,

that was a hug!

And then when we got in trouble,

he did hit us - physically hit us,

which I have mixed feelings about.

He did cross the boundaries of sort of discipline and beating.

I was never academic, like I just couldn't get school.

I was flunking out.

D's and F's - in every class, except physical education.

I was really a gifted runner - and that was my passion and

that was my thing, I was having people

from all kinds of schools scouting me

- and as a girl that's a big deal.

I got invited to this amazing invitational event called the

Sunkist invitational, which is like a really high ranking,

indoor running event.

I kept telling him, get your grades up cause you know if

you don't you aren't gonna be able to go to Sunkist.

It's impossible for me to make my grades up

- it's just not going to happen.

Then you are not going to run the event.

And I just remember being devastated and my coach

coming over, and begging my dad, please,

please, we've worked so hard.

That was a big thing, telling him,

he couldn't run the Sunkist

- cause that was a big race.

Well that was what you did - you held things back from

them if they weren't performing.

You know you just did as your parents would do to you

- you follow their guidance.

My dad just said no.

He said no, I don't care and I remember just like breaking down

and crying and being like how is it possible?

Like it still makes me get really emotional

cause I didn't get to run.

And there was like a bottle of pills in the bathroom and then I

just took them all.

My mom found me in the bedroom and she freaked out and was like

ah - and my dad was like just take him to the hospital

What did he do?

And then they had to pump my stomach - and then that

night they had to put me in the psych ward.

So my mom would come and visit me - my dad wouldn't.

♪♪

I don't have distribution in the states,

I have distribution in Europe, which is doing extremely well,

that's where I am cashing in, is Europe.

I am doing so amazing in Europe.

I pulled out of the market in the states cause they are

horrible for me here - it's not even worth my time for me to

replicate my movies - it's so out of control.

They just - no one.

So right now, I am in New York doing business,

and I am talking to a couple companies to take

me on to distribute.

How we doing?

It's really great to meet you.

Great to meet you.

Awesome.

I really appreciate you seeing me you know it's like a lot of

people in this business want to talk to me.

They do and they ...

I'm controversial.

I'm very controversial.

I mean through this computer,

I receive the whole day long

"ever think about the gay man desires?"

Weird requests.

But there's never ever - this request came to this company

that someone would say I want a masculine man

- a butch man with a vagina.

I never have that.

Because it's your company - because I think that

people don't know that I exist.

Now people know that I exist

- you see with fetishes or whatever you wanna call it

people want to call it - once people are introduced to

something different, they say - oooh,

I never really thought of that, maybe I could

be attracted to that.

Who would be sexually attracted to you?

Gay men, gay men - it's amazing, I think so too.

Really, when I started doing the work,

I didn't know who my client base or my customer

base was going to be.

It ended up being mostly gay men - I found something that I

felt was important to show to the world cause I like sex and I

like porn and what I do is not freaky-it's totally normal.

Well you wouldn't convince people that it's

totally normal, because people don't want it...

But I am.

I think you will convince a lot of people who are

in your situation.

I think you are a role model for them.

And you will convince them that you are not a freak and that

they are not freaks, but I don't think you will convince the

world, cause the world is , can hardly except that gays and

lesbians are not freaks.

Okay let's go.

♪♪

[trainer speaking] I want every movement that you do to have purpose.

I want every movement that you do in my workout to have meaning.

You're not just rolling through it.

Three, two, hold it up. Beautiful. Breathe.

We met on the Internet, and I can certainly say that I

fell in love with him before we ever met in person.

And we actually discussed the possibility of marriage that if

things were as good in person as they were at this great

distance, where he was in California and I was in

New Orleans, and if the feeling remained once we touched and saw

each other - then we would marry and spend our lives together.

After a breakup - I said, I am never going to find

anybody that's right for me.

A friend said, well make a wish list - write everything down

that you can think of that you would want in a partner.

Five pages later, I had the impossible dream of

my dream partner.

And I asked for some very unusual things,

you must understand.

Somebody who has their own identity,

somebody who is into fitness and health.

Born female but likes to be called he and him.

Somebody who didn't drink and do drugs.

Has hygiene habits, um with teeth brushing

and nail trimming.

Who likes using sex toys - the biggest to the smallest.

I mean I had a lot of stuff on that list - and it's him.

When I tell buck he is the man of my dreams

- he knows that I mean it.

[indistinct conversation, dogs barking]

Stop it!

You wait. You just wait!

Our life together is extremely wonderful

- more than wonderful. It's like a dream.

Sit, sit, good girl. Good girl.

Elayne and I were living in New Orleans - I loved living in

New Orleans. It was a really great city,

but a lot of things were happening with Bush in office.

And just the whole political climate was very

uncomfortable for us.

We really weren't happy with the direction of the country,

and they were starting to crack down on the adult entertainment

industry, in a way that made us really uncomfortable.

I had this internal imperative, I can't really describe where

it may have come from - but something in my gut was

screaming, move out of the US now - we put the condo up for

sale and we were preparing to have a yard sale

and then that was the day we ended up

evacuating for hurricane Katrina,

we bought our home about two weeks before the storm came.

We were planning to move anyway and of course the New Orleans we

ended up leaving isn't the one we had lived in.

Never have we looked back.

We can't.

it was just too smooth and weird.

It was just supposed to be.

Just everything about it has been brilliant.

And then of course, I got to write my book which I probably

wouldn't have been able to complete.

I had started it but getting it done and

published probably would not have

happened if I had stayed in new Orleans.

I got the first tongue piercing, that was known to be a permanent

tongue piercing worn in the united states and I got the

first multiple tongue piercing and I actually wear five of

them - and they are in there right now.

And I have nipple piercings, and I have pierced navel and I have

9 fancy genital piercings including my actual clitoris,

which is quite rare.

I have about 40 piercings personally.

But far more impressive is the fact that I have pierced about

40,000 other people in my career since the 1980s.

Okay is that about as flat as your nipples get,

or do they get even flatter.

I feel like they can get a little flatter,

but that's about it.

I'll tell you that some people vary in what it's like to

get their nipple pierced.

Some people actually enjoy it, and there is no extra

charge if you do.

And some people not so much, but they pretty much agree that it's

tolerable because it's so brief.

So, give me a nice little deep breath in...

And then exhale. [woman exhales]

You're pierced. It's done.

If I were going to charge anybody extra,

it might be you.

Alright your jewelry is in - and that's all there is to it.

♪♪

We are in Vegas for the AEE which is the

Adult Entertainment Expo - and we are here to hopefully to get

some buyers who want to want to buy my videos for their

stores and see my fans.

People think it's just all fun and games,

like we get to fuck all the time,

and we get to go to these cool conventions and be around porn

stars, and we work our asses off.

It's non stop smiley, smiley - hi, hi,

buy my videos, what do you need from me?

Constantly, go, go, go, go.

Would be nice - would be nice if I made some sales.

That's for sure.

Honey can you grab the other side?

Can you go back and see?

A big part of what I've done is just put my support

behind it, both emotionally and as a partner and financially in every way to

say this is a fantastic thing to be doing.

And it really is important work I think in many ways.

He welcomes my input and I get to put my finger in it

everywhere as it...[laughter].

I love to watch him have sex with other people.

It's his job.

The boundaries are very clear, it's not an interpersonal

thing - although he can get friendly with other talent.

It's not a date.

And I pierce genitals on a regular basis and he knows that

I am not flirting or purposely stimulating someone.

It's my job.

So we are very comfortable with those boundaries

and those roles.

We come first.

Bottom line is - we come first.

If my porn interfered with my relationship with her,

I would stop today.

Okay how's it going?

Good to see you.

This is Elayne my wife.

We pass as a straight couple.

Maybe we will go somewhere where it's clothing optional,

so we will get naked and run around and people will be like

why is she so happy, he's got the smallest dick in the world.

Like sometimes they just think I have a small dick.

They don't even realize that it's actually a pussy.

It takes a lot of educating cause people look at

him and they don't immediately know what he is.

A hermaphrodite?

A hermaphrodite is someone who has characteristics

of both genders at birth, but he was female at birth,

and through taking testosterone and working out and having

surgery to remove his breasts, he's a man.

So he's legally... That's not a small cock.

It's a huge clit.

Sometimes I will have to go over it time and time again

because he's incredibly masculine.

It's boobs and it's upper bodies and if you want to talk

about gender, it's the penis that we are all obsessed with so

you have this masculine body with a vagina that kind of blows

everybody's minds, because it's not supposed to be that way.

It's the parts of the body that don't automatically sexualize.

He's presenting himself as a sexual object,

and wasn't even born this way, so when all of that comes

together, it's just an incredible mix of confusion

for a lot people.

You have to be passionate about your work and you have to have a

very strong sense of self.

And it sort of makes me in awe of him sometimes that he

can just continue to be out there and be so public and do so

many public events.

It's like there's no stopping him or something.

I have a lot more fans than I kind of thought I did

- especially women.

In the business, I think I am a lot more respected

than I thought I was.

What are you up to today?

Just running around, all like crazy...

It makes me feel like all the hard work I have really been

doing is paying off, finally.

A lot of these tattoos were before my change.

My arms were very, very skinny.

It's really interesting because this tattoo here is from me and

my best friend at the time - it says best friends in Japanese.

Because of the growth of my arms,

it literally stretched like three times the size of the

original tattoo.

I have a tattoo of pervert on my back.

Some people think it says perfect,

which is quite embarrassing.

And then Irish boy, for when I used to be a boy

and now I am a man.

Let's see.

I just got a new tattoo here.

And this is the Buck Angel tattoo

It's a buck's head, with angel wings and a crown

cause I will be the king.

So that's that.

♪♪

I became a model because somebody saw me who was a

photographer and I let them take photos of me and somehow those

photos got into a modeling agency.

One of those stories, where I was discovered on the street and

brought into the agency and became a model - just a totally

crazy story like that.

People comment on it, why would he became such an ugly

man when he was such a beautiful woman?

Why wouldn't he just want to be a beautiful woman

and be a super model?

Because it's not what's inside my body.

But modeling was just a fluke.

I was making money doing it and wow lots of drugs and

alcohol-ALRIGHT, where do I sign?

I think she was living a lifestyle we weren't even really

truly aware of.

She would come around for holidays or whatever,

maybe pop in once in a while.

I was missing all my modeling jobs because I was

doing coke and drinking, and out of my mind.

They just gave up on me.

That's when everything really started coming

to head with him.

I thought I am going to be going to a cemetery one day if things

don't get changed around.

I would just take a razor blade and cut,

cut, cut, cut, cut.

Like just cut.

I would do it when I was sober or between getting high.

I would cut my skin down like this.

It was totally purely out of hatred for my physical self.

When you cut the balloon it's sort of like shoo

That's what it felt like for me.

It was like a release.

It would literally release tension from my body.

♪♪

She kind of even pulls away from the family and it's

almost like a relief because deal with your issues.

We didn't know.

We didn't know what to do.

I would get calls, Mom I need some money for rent. I'm low and

all this, and I knew in my mind, it wasn't really going there,

or I have to pay a phone bill.

Uh I need 100 dollars for my phone bill.

I didn't need 100 dollars for my phone bill.

I needed 100 dollars to buy crack.

♪♪

One time my parents went away for two weeks and I knew

they went away .

I didn't even live at their house.

And I remember calling all my friends,

my parents are out of town - come over.

We broke into the house and had a party.

Well guess what, my parents came home early.

WOAH, my parents came home early and then I remember everyone

saying, oh my god - Buck's parents

are home, jump!

Everybody jumped over the railing and like ran

but my dad snatched me.

He beat the crap out of me, and said

"I never want to see you again.

You are lucky I don't call the police."

I was a bad person, you know, I was out on the streets.

I was prostituting as a little boy.

So then one day I got a call and he was in the halfway

house and it was awful.

That's when I knew you better start thinking and accepting

that way or trying to pushing back to where...

And I swear it wasn't two weeks later after this whole thing was

over, back out there with that same group of people

and into it again.

So it was like, what do we do now?

But you just keep going?

Then I don't know how I ended up in the gutter,

literally physically in the gutter,

and the police driving by telling me that either I get out

of the street right now or they are going to arrest me.

I remember getting on the phone to my ex girlfriend at the time,

and sayingI need help I am going to kill myself.

And she's like the only way I am going to help you

is if you get sober.

And I had stayed sober from that moment on.

♪♪

I think it looks good open.

It looks you cause you usually have some skin showing.

Honey, it's the porn awards.

I am up for what?

Transsexual performer of the year and two different

scenes for most outrageous sex scene.

Ok does my ass look big?

I think it would really be a huge thing if I win that award.

It's just gonna blow everybody away,

not just the transsexuals, but I think the whole industry

together will be pretty amazed by that.

♪♪ [cheering]

[indistinct woman speaker on microphone]

[cheering]

I fucking won transsexual performer of the year.

Holy shit dude, I saw my picture and I couldn't believe it.

Like I almost started to cry.

I was screaming for myself.

I feel like a star.

You are a star. You busted in.

Dude I won the fucking award, dude.

He's again surpassed everyone's expectations.

I am so proud, I am so proud of you.

He has paved the way for an entire new

generation of trans masculine gender queer, gender variant,

trans male sex performers..

My mission I think is really honestly it sounds so

cheesy, but to change the world.

It was not my mission in the beginning,

it was to make porn and to change the porn business.

I do enjoy making porn, but I also feel like I did it,

and I need to do something else now and I need to reach a larger

audience of people.

People often talk about how pornography is like the defacto

sex ad. What are ways that it can educate people in a good way

rather than just in the negative way that people generally mean

when they talk about that?

My work is really I think helping people to feel

comfortable in their body.

I didn't really purposely do that in the beginning.

I just wanted to make hot sex, but I think because it was so

new, and it was so out there, and no one had ever done it

before, it kind of became sex ed.

That's been really the most amazing

and strong part of doing my work.

I mean that's a great point because not

all guys want to see the stereotypical porn star,

the idea of what a porn star is.

All of us can relate.

It's totally weird being here.

Because I didn't even graduate high school.

I am really excited that Buck is moving more toward

education and public speaking because he has such an important

message and there's so many people who need to

hear what he has to say.

The one thing that I think that takes away from who

he is I think the fact that he got involved in the porn

industry, that I think is just a bummer.

It hasn't' been easy for me to get booked to speak.

It hasn't been easy for people to take me serious as someone

who has something important to say because

of being a porn star.

I know it's easier for me to deal with the transgender

side than it is to deal with the porn side,

so I almost think it's like you hit people once being

transgender, now you just smacked them again,

cause you're in porn.

There's a limit of how big a spotlight a porn star

can attract cause porn is stigmatized and even though that

everybody knows that porn is this big multi-billionaire

dollar industry, and that everybody is watching porn,

everybody is in polite denial about it,

wants to pretend that porn isn't important doesn't really have

the cultural influence or impact that it has,

and so there's this desire when we are horny to really

appreciate the work that porn stars do,

and when we aren't horny to really demograte porn stars.

Oh yeah, that's a good beanie actually.

- Oh good. - I don't want to give a message that I

feel bad about doing porn.

Because I don't.

I do not feel bad about it and I never will.

It's a positive thing for me and it's a positive thing for many

other people who have had body issues.

But at the same time I would like to move into other avenues

and it's just been...

I am going to break through.

I will.

I promise you I will break through.

[phone ringing]

I am okay. How are you doing?

Ya, so he said that's fine, totally cool,

so I'll come back rest, and do the show,

and do the show, and that's it.

Hello listeners and welcome back to Here with Josh

and Sarah.

We are so thrilled to have here with us today in the studio,

the self-proclaimed man with a pussy,

- I love that title by the way. - It's trademarked.

I might actually put it on a t-shirt if you don't mind.

And he's also the AEE Transsexual performer

of the year for 2007.

Is there some sort of mourning process that your

parents and your family had to go through to let go of this

girl that they knew and bring this boy in.

It's almost a re-birth if you will.

When I came out to them as a gay woman,

they were like - duh.

You know what I mean, I think everybody has dealt with that

with the coming out process.

Parents know, they aren't stupid.

But they weren't happy for me.

They weren't happy dealing with me as a gay woman.

It was very uncomfortable for them.

They didn't like for me to go to family functions.

I was very dikey.

They were not in to that.

And then I think they were sort of like,

this is not okay.

This is a picture of a man named Buck

- Buck's face is very rugged.

He's got a shaved head and he's got a goatee...

Buck is a man's man, but Buck also has a vagina.

Everybody in the studio audience is looking at full frontal Buck

from the waist down.

Really, they are showing you naked?

We just looked at photos of you nude - and you really are,

I mean I am looking at you now you are a masculine,

a man, manly, like thick man neck,

thick facial hair.

So you are a man with a vagina.

Yes I was born female, but I had a sex change to a man,

but I did not have bottom surgery.

I like my vagina.

You like your vagina?

I love my vagina. Yes

-Do you love your vagina? -No!

I was asked to come on the show cause she was going to do a

whole show about Buck Angel.

And it wasn't?

No it wasn't.

So when I got there and I am going on stage,

is when they decided to tell me, they didn't' tell me.

Elayne looks up and it says Buck next for sexual oddities

and I'm like huh?

And there was three people ahead of me already.

I was the 4th person going on the show.

To be honest with you it came out okay.

I think it did too, you're more upset.

It's the subject of the show,

and the subject of the show was sexual oddities or something,

I am not a sexual oddity.

You don't think so?

No I don't think so but you are - if you look at

masses, I mean oddity means that you're not with the norm.

I don't fit into the norm, but that's the whole point.

I am trying to change that.

And there are a lot of people like me.

I consider myself very normal.

And so it's okay for you to think that I don't fit in,

but for me I do fit in, and I am a normal person,

and so I don't want the world to go around thinking that people

like us aren't normal.

♪♪

What is a woman, you ask?

Simple answer: a vagina.

If you are born with a vagina, you are a woman.

End of story.

You are one mixed up individual,

you need help and bad.

Killercrew23: You are one sick son of a bitch.

Well I can't really be nasty to you because you are a girl.

People like you should be put to death.

I hope you die of AIDS, you freak of society.

You are so arrogant and disgusting that you have to

change your sex trying to play god,

I swear if I ever cross paths with you,

I will have a gun and it's going in your face.

You know, he has the appearance of it rolling off him,

oh you know these crazy people, but it has

to hurt on some level.

I don't spend a lot of time worrying about it,

but every once in a while and especially when I read things

like this, I can't help but think about it and the fact that

he is potentially in some sort of danger just by being a public

figure who he is.

Ya that smells good - that's a beaut.

Uh it's funny .

I just totally keep getting emails from these kids,

from these young trans kids.

A lot of times they ask me for certain monetary help,

which I don't know, well I guess I do know,

they think I am butt ass rich, and I can afford to get

everybody their surgery, but honestly,

even if I was, I wouldn't because I think part of the

transformation is doing it on your own and sort of coming up

with the money on your own - makes you independent

and it's like I did this all on my own, nobody's help,

so like I didn't have to ask somebody.

I worked two jobs, I did this I did that,

and I think it's important for these guys to understand that

maybe you can't have your chest surgery today but you can have

it in two years, if you put 20 bucks a week away or whatever.

I didn't get mine right away.

It took me years before I got mine.

Wow do I have a lot of stuff in here.

I put it somewhere safe.

Here it is.

So how are you feeling today?

A little bit nervous

Understandable ya.

It's that time.

How are you doing?

Giving you a little more medicine through the iv.

Start to get nice and sleepy.

Sometimes this might sting a little bit in the left arm just

for a minute...

When I told my dad at one time that I felt more like a guy

than a girl, he blamed himself.

He said it's my fault.

I said no it isn't your fault.

I feel like a man because I am a man.

They didn't get it at the time.

There you go, you with us?

Okay you doing alright there?

Okay My chest surgery was my sex change.

That was the whole turning point of my life when I did that.

That was it.

It was like that's what I needed to do.

♪♪

I was not in touch with my family for many,

many years because of my situation.

I think after about a year or two of my sobriety when I was

changing, I had called them up and decided to tell them.

They said, your voice sounds weird,

what's wrong with you?

I said okay, I need to tell you I started the hormone treatments

and it was changing my voice, and my mother was like,

you know what, if that's what's going to make you happy,

I was like, is this my mother?

So it took a lot.

But I'm glad we did.

Because now he's the happiest I've ever seen him.

And we get along fine.

No- I don't, you know...

There's people that can probably never deal with it.

But I can now and I'm happy for it.

The process continues by the way. For me...

Patty was much much more acceptable than I was.

I wrote Buck out of my life.

As a man, it's tough to accept it.

Can we stop for a minute?

♪♪

[sirens]

I got really sick one day.

I had to be rushed to the emergency hospital.

Thank god we have amazing health care.

It's like 5 minutes away.

Rush into the emergency room cause they can't figure out

what's wrong with me.

I am throwing up, I am sick, they bring a specialist in.

They start poking around down here,

it's really sore...they say oh I think your appendix burst.

So I have to go have exploratory surgery,

they go in, they find out that my uterus is totally infected

and my fallopian tube is infected because

I haven't had a hysterectomy.

Many years of testosterone atrophied the inside of my

vagina, my cervix and my uterus atrophied together.

So your uterus is like this and you know everything

comes out this way.

It wasn't letting it...basically my uterus became a petri dish

and it started to become infected,

so he said it was time for me to have a hysterectomy.

She doesn't understand why I am going to the gynecologist.

It's always an issue when you go to the gynecologist cause people

don't understand why a man is going to the gynecologist,

but they are very good about having poker face here.

I've been asking for years about having a hysterectomy.

They didn't say over the years of testosterone use,

the walls could atrophy.

They never told me that.

I do have concerns about his health overall because I

don't think they have a whole lot information about long term

use of testosterone and what it does to the body,

and I am aware that it is hard on certain organs like

the liver, heart, and potentially kidneys.

It's a medical necessity as he sees it,

and I accept that.

I mean he has told me flat out, if they told me that I had to

stop taking testosterone or I die sooner,

or something of that nature, he said I'm sorry I'd keep taking

it and I said I know that about you and I accept that,

it's more important to you than anything to maintain your

masculinity, because if you didn't have that,

you wouldn't be you anymore, and I accept that and I respect his

decision and it concerns me because I want him to be

healthy and to live a long healthy happy life with me.

Okay, so say your surgery is this week,

uhm...well we really gotta wait...

[speaking Spanish] 12:00 today?

Okay.

Gracias.

Okay.

And that's how it works.

You can get a doctor's appointment.

It's 10.

Got to love it.

One day for the exams...

One day for [indistinct].

One day to talk, etc.

Next week I think we can make it without problems.

The rest...

[speaking Spanish]

Okay I am going to touch.

A little press.

More press, more press, more press.

It's really better than the last time.

You are making ....

Relax.

And it's okay, I am going to make a cold...

Oh wow.

This white are may be a lesion, pre-malignant.

All this white lesion. And this is another cause to make surgery.

My vagina hasn't always been high maintenance,

now I have to put estrogen cream like every three days to keep it

moist, and I saw it completely sort of rejuvenate.

It was incredible, even the doctor saw it.

He's like "wow, that's a new vagina."

♪♪

Oh this is a great picture.

Let's see, it's you and dad.

Oh it says Bill pinched Pat

That's what it says on the back.

Bill pinched Pat, 1961.

Oh, I was pregnant with you.

That was at nanny's house. And it's a cool picture.

♪♪

Thanks Doc. Hi I'm Buck Angel,

and for men like me, gynecological problems

are still a reality. Early detection is critical,

and having your plumbing checked regularly

is a simple thing to do.

Be proud and be smart.

You know when you shoot

testosterone; it just puts weight on you.

And sometimes it's not healthy weight,

If you don't watch what you are eating and work out and make an

effort, you are not going to get muscle mass.

With my advocacy work, my education work,

the internet was an amazing tool for me to figure out how can I

reach a wider audience.

For more information on my nutrition and body building,

please take a look at BuckAngelbodybuilding.com

I do four egg whites and one whole egg.

I just started wow I have such a tool here to educate.

I was isolated , didn't know who to reach out to.

I tried to commit suicide a couple times.

I would cut my arms.

I get emotional because I made it.

I made it and you can make it too.

My trans man project which is probably never ending.

So many guys interested in talking to me about their

change, and how their hormones have effected their sexuality

and just themselves and their body.

I never felt like I could say my vagina,

like that just felt like such a weird thing,

and also in the beginning too, I couldn't say my cock or my penis

cause that was just weird too, so I would just say my junk.

Seeing a billboard and a dude in his underwear and

I'm like god I want his body.

This is very recent too, that I have kind of come to terms with

the fact that I want to, I know at least be sexual with men.

So brilliant.

I like these - these are fucking awesome.

These are the kind of shit that get people all crazy.

It's weird.

My dad came back into my life.

My brother was like just try.

And so I talked to him.

He came up in November, spent a couple days at the house,

We had a fantastic time. We just talked the whole time.

It was amazing.

That's awesome dude.

The fact that you own your vagina,

to me, has probably been one of the most amazing things for me

to discover as a trans person - because I never felt

connected to it, and now I do, and I love my little dick.

I fucking, I actually love my body now.

And sexually when I am having sex,

I feel so there, and because I started getting into porn and

really exploring that side of myself,

all of a sudden, I was...I used to be like a lights off,

under the blankets kind of like you know sex guy,

and now I am like let's go.

I am like I am there, I want, I want it,

put lights on it.

I want to see everything.

I want to right in there.

So I got a huge variety of people,

not just trans men, but like lovers of trans men or

biological women who only ever dated biological men.

[dog barking]

Lola!

Our house is a zoo.

Our house is a zoo.

That is the most annoying bark.

[dogs barking]

So this word gratitude is the best word ever.

Cause really Elayne actually taught me about gratitude.

And you have to have gratitude, and when you have gratitude,

that's when everything comes to you.

Even though he lives out of the country,

we are always in touch.

It's not like you go 6 months at a time without talking... no.

- I think Buck knows we love him. - Of course he does.

Whether it be a man or a woman.

Doesn't really make any difference.

That's not the issue.

But he treats us well.

He's respectful and I mean there's certainly a lot worse

things that have happened to people.

My father thinks of me as an oddity.

It does hurt my feelings, but it doesn't make me upset.

It only makes me know that my work is that much more

important, and that will I ever change my dad's idea,

that no dad, I am not an oddity, you don't understand.

I am not.

There is still an emotional issue within the family.

We don't discuss it.

We just accept it and move on.

I mean there's no conversations around the table saying well

what do you think?

We just accept and move on and just live our lives.

What he's doing with himself and how

he's treating people and...

and he's going out and talking about this,

all over the world.

Let's talk about going to the bathroom.

Duh you of course you go to the male side,

Go In the stall...

Well I can stand up. It's not a problem.

You can stand up and pee?

So dumb...

That made me remember something.

When you were about 5 or 6, and I walked in the bathroom,

and you were standing, straddling the toilet,

you said I am peeing like dad.

That's awesome.

- I said you can't pee like that. - That should have been

your first clue, Mom.

♪♪

It was like a light bulb went on in my head,

and I said like why do I care so much what you tell

me I have to be.

Why? Why do we all care what other people think about us?

When I realize I don't care anymore,

that was it, it was like I don't care.

I have a vagina.

You know what, my vagina is awesome.

[cheering, applause]

The fact that I had to waste 28 years of my life worrying about

what the world thought of me and that I was never going to be

happy is never going to happen again.

And I really want the world and people to understand that you

don't have to conform to the way society tells you to conform.

Tell them screw you, I am who I am whether you like it or not.