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Dre: In America,
anyone can serve their country
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00:00:03,170 --> 00:00:04,272
at the highest levels,
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00:00:04,296 --> 00:00:06,816
no matter where
you started from.
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00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,110
Blanche Bruce was born a slave,
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00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:11,237
but became a U. S. Senator
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00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:14,240
just 10 years
after the Civil War.
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Honest Abe's first house
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00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:18,411
was smaller
than my sneaker closet,
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00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:21,873
but his last house
was a little bit bigger.
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00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:24,667
Jimmy Carter
was a peanut farmer.
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I'm gonna say it again --
peanut farmer!
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00:00:27,611 --> 00:00:29,422
And he became President.
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00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:30,757
And more recently,
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00:00:30,781 --> 00:00:33,927
someone went from making
margaritas in Manhattan
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00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:36,429
to making history in Congress.
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00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:40,099
Anyone can go from the outhouse
to the White House,
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00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:42,227
no matter their background.
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You just have to have
what it takes.
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00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:45,939
Great news, guys!
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00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:47,524
I'm running for Congress!
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00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,734
You mean you're running
from Congress.
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At first, I wasn't sure
I had what it takes,
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00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:53,279
but it turns out
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00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:55,281
a painting I won in a poker game
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00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:57,575
was by Jean-Michel
Basqui-something.
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So I sold that,
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00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:01,120
and now I definitely
have what it takes...
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00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:04,249
millions and millions
of dollars.
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00:01:04,273 --> 00:01:07,877
Ahh, I love the smell of
democracy in the morning.
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00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,672
Yep, anyone can run...
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damn it.
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What's your angle with this?
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Tax scam?
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Trying to launch your
own TV network? What?
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00:01:20,872 --> 00:01:22,392
There's no angle.
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I just feel like this country's
given me so much.
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00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,188
It seems like
I can take a little more.
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00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:29,482
Boss, I'd trust anyone
whose ancestors
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00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:31,025
pushed someone
off the Mayflower.
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00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:33,278
You already have
great name recognition.
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Your name's on the wall,
my checks,
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all my business cards.
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You support this, Charlie?
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00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,492
There's always room
for one Black guy
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in a campaign like this.
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Bush had Powell,
Trump had Carson,
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Obama had... Obama.
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How did you even get
on the ballot?
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I'm a rich White man. I asked.
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Gentlemen [Sighs]
I believe it's time
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for me to go get photographed
with an eagle.
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[ Eagle cries ]
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Careful with that bird.
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He was a Christmas present
from Ted Nugent.
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00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:01,723
[ Dog barks, eagle cries ] Aah!
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Run, Ginger!
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[ Dog barking ]
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[ Dog squeals ]
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00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:08,604
Well, you're never
going to believe
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00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,648
what Stevens says he's gonna do.
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00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:11,858
Hunt Josh for sport?
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Fund a South American coup?
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00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,652
De-integrate baseball?
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00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:16,779
Stop calling Inglewood
a "basketball neighborhood"?
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00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,949
No, he's gonna run for Congress!
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00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,743
Oh. Well, that makes sense.
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00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:23,745
How does that make sense?
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It's normal behavior
for guys like him --
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00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,749
when the wiener pills
stop working,
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they try to screw the country.
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00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,753
Problem is White men
don't know how to be bored.
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That's why they're always
opening up vineyards.
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Well, he's wasting his time.
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00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:38,718
As soon as Ronan Farrow
gets ahold of that folder
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00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:41,346
labeled "Do not show
Ronan Farrow,"
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00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:42,222
it's over.
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00:02:42,246 --> 00:02:43,223
Well, I'm for it.
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00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:44,432
I'm in favor of anything
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that brings us closer
to society breaking down.
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00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:47,894
Don't get too excited.
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00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:49,395
Stevens doesn't stand a chance.
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I wouldn't be so sure.
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A tall White man with
all his original hair?
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[ Laughs ]
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00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:57,528
He's already got my vote.
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00:02:57,552 --> 00:02:59,197
Mm-hmm. Mine too.
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00:02:59,221 --> 00:03:01,199
I like that he's a bad person.
88
00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:04,786
A politician should be willing
to get his hands dirty.
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00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:06,871
Marion Barry bought crack.
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00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:09,916
You tellin' me he can't handle
the parks department?
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00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:13,127
Guys, you really think Stevens
can get elected?
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00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:14,962
Dad, I am totally with you.
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00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:16,547
What are his chances?
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He's sexist, out of touch,
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00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:20,593
completely amoral --
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Oh, God.
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He's gonna win.
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00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:24,597
You're probably right, Jack.
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I'm Junior.
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Uh, sorry.
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00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:28,184
Kind of been on my own show.
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00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,936
Anyway, money talks,
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and there's never been
more of it in politics.
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Thank you, Citizens United.
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That's a soccer team.
No, it's not.
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Oh, sorry, "football" team.
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Aww, buddy.
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Citizens United was a court case
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that removed limits
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on how much corporations
can spend on elections.
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Mm-hmm.
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Makes it harder for
regular folks to win.
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Sure, it's harder,
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but grassroots candidates
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00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:53,042
are running
all across the country.
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People are energized.
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When you have ideas
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and the support of the people,
no opponent --
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00:03:57,779 --> 00:04:00,007
no matter how much money
they have -- can stop you.
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00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:01,801
An inspirational candidate
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00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:04,011
can ignite the will
of the voters,
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00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:06,764
fulfilling the true promise
of democracy.
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[ Laughs ]
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You almost had me there.
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"True promise of democracy."
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That's good, Bow.
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00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:17,442
Alright. Who else wants pizza?
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00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:20,695
You know Stevens has settled
eight paternity suits?
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00:04:20,719 --> 00:04:22,113
I didn't even have to dig.
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00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:23,698
He's on Twitter
bragging about it.
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00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:27,493
Guys, we're dropping McDonald's,
Coca-Cola, and Disney.
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00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,412
We've got a new,
bigger client...
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00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,436
moi.
134
00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:35,543
We are gonna make
so much money off of me.
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00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:36,544
First things first.
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00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:38,421
Josh, purchase me
some blue jeans
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00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,673
so I look approachable
to the lower classes.
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00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:42,133
I will order something
139
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:43,843
from the Brett Favre
collection, sir.
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00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,762
Okay, this is too much.
141
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,430
What do you mean?
142
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,223
I don't know what he stands for,
143
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:51,058
and I don't think
it should be my job
144
00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:52,518
to support his ego trip.
145
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,437
I'm starting to get
uncomfortable with all of this.
146
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:55,688
Stevens: Alright, everybody.
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00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:57,899
I'm gonna need you all
to come with me,
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00:04:57,923 --> 00:05:00,443
especially Dre and Charlie.
149
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:01,861
Why?
150
00:05:01,885 --> 00:05:03,821
[ Crowd cheering ]
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00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,490
Okay.
152
00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:07,533
I'm definitely
uncomfortable with this.
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00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:09,160
Come on, Dre.
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00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:10,828
We got the best seats
in the house.
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00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:12,538
The camera can see us
and everything.
156
00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:14,624
Stevens: I'm a tough
business leader.
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00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,001
My opponents are asking,
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00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:19,962
"What does a wealthy man
know about the common man?"
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00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:22,215
See for yourselves!
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00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:24,509
Man: [ Gasps ]
Those are the new Favres!
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00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:26,260
I'm very accustomed
to dungaree trousers.
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00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:28,429
Why are these people clapping?
163
00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:30,056
He doesn't believe in anything.
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00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,934
This is just a joke to him!
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The right person can fulfill
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00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:37,522
the true promise of democracy.
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00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:39,357
Do you think
I'm the right person?
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00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:41,067
No, Taylor Swift is.
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00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:43,194
Of course it's you, Negro!
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Do something!
Stevens: ...first order of business
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00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,239
will be to eliminate taxes
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00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:47,657
on privately owned submarines.
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00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,242
Yo, Stevens! [ Crowd murmuring ]
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00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:50,785
You know,
I'm really happy for you.
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00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:53,246
I'mma let you finish,
but I'm running.
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00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:56,207
Andre Johnson
is running for Congress!
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00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:57,500
[ Crowd booing ]
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Lock him up!
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00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:00,753
Lock him up!
180
00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:01,777
Lock him up!
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00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:06,425
You're running for Congress?
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00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:07,593
You said it yourself --
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00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:08,970
the right person can win.
184
00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:11,389
Yeah, but I was talking
about a teacher or a nurse
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00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:14,600
or a stunning anesthesiologist.
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00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:17,144
What made you think
you were the man for the job?
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00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:18,646
Because I'm looking at you
right now,
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00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:19,897
and you are not.
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00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:21,065
Jack: Yeah.
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00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:22,400
You always say the news
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00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:24,110
should be replaced
with another ESPN.
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00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:25,695
And I stand by that.
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00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:28,322
But I still understand
how real people live
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better than somebody
who's never known
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what it's like to pay rent.
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00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:33,703
Isn't that what we want
from politicians?
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00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,414
Politicians should also
read up on what the job is.
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00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:39,667
Like, um, what district
are you running for, Dad?
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00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:40,960
This one?
200
00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:43,045
Look, I've been thinking.
201
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,840
All Americans want
the same things, right?
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00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,216
A life of dignity,
203
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,886
where they can provide
a future for their children.
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00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,346
There may be different ways
to achieve that,
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00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:54,599
but if we hold on to an idea
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00:06:54,623 --> 00:06:57,435
that unites us
more than divides us,
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00:06:57,459 --> 00:07:00,563
then we can really start
to solve problems.
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00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,231
Now, I've had
a little bit to drink,
209
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,733
but if I had my eyes closed,
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00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,568
I'd have thought
that was Obama speaking.
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00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:08,237
Yeah, a better-looking,
smarter Obama.
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00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,031
Ain't that right, baby?
213
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:11,532
I don't know about this, Dre.
214
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,034
Bow, I'm serious.
215
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,869
This is important.
216
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:16,787
Without honest people in D. C.,
217
00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:19,332
how can we expect things
to get better?
218
00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:22,418
And I can't do this on my own.
219
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,693
Be my Michelle.
220
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:30,092
??
221
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,927
Tell us who you're wearing!
222
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:33,095
Who am I wearing?
223
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:36,182
My own label, of course.
224
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:38,309
Hey, Jay and Bey!
225
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:39,810
Aw, you guys left Blue Ivy
at my house,
226
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,145
and now she doesn't
want to leave.
227
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:42,064
[ Laughs ]
228
00:07:42,088 --> 00:07:43,397
Can we get a comment
229
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:44,982
on the tragic death
of your husband
230
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,692
by barbecue-induced
heart explosion?
231
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:49,195
It's a sad day for our family,
232
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:51,364
but a bright day for America
233
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,407
because I am now president.
234
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,785
And I'll also be
my own Surgeon General.
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00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:56,994
Let's do this!
236
00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:59,747
Yes, we can, Dre.
237
00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:02,416
Oh, yes, we can.
238
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,418
Great! Can I be
your campaign manager?
239
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:07,046
I know all about
the election process.
240
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:08,798
I even read
"No Stoppin' the Populace"
241
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,800
by George Stephanopoulos.
242
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,010
Just hire him.
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00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:14,845
Fine.
244
00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:16,764
My family had my back,
245
00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:18,974
and I was ready to get to work.
246
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:20,601
Junior surprised everybody
247
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:23,646
by setting up a call
with Stacey Abrams.
248
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:24,523
[ Computer beeps ]
249
00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:25,731
Hello, Dre.
250
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:26,816
I'm so happy to be
talking to you today
251
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,693
about mail-in voting.
252
00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:31,278
What? I thought we were
talking about my campaign.
253
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,614
I may have lied to both of you,
254
00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:35,991
but since we're here
and the data's free,
255
00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:38,119
I don't see why we both
can't get
256
00:08:38,143 --> 00:08:39,453
what we want out of this call.
257
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:42,915
Okay, look, Stacey Abrams,
I'm running for Congress.
258
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,375
I want to change the system,
259
00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:46,252
but I'm not sure where to start.
260
00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:47,878
Running for office
is a lot of work,
261
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,171
mostly fundraising.
262
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:50,923
To beat the big money
you're up against,
263
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:52,341
you'll need community support.
264
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:53,592
Knock on doors, talk at churches
265
00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:54,677
and union meetings.
266
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:55,845
And that'll be enough?
267
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,054
Oh, definitely not.
268
00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:58,931
So I can't imagine you
pulling it off.
269
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:01,183
I was looking
for more of a pep talk.
270
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,477
Um... you've lost weight?
271
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:05,730
Well, thank you, Stacey Abrams.
272
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:06,981
Wait a second.
273
00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:08,733
How would you know? We just met.
274
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:10,067
I don't need to know you
275
00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:12,611
to tell you that we need
everyone to vote early.
276
00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:14,280
The important thing
is making sure
277
00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:16,198
your voice is heard
this November.
278
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:18,784
Oh, that is not
a problem for him.
279
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,953
He is a very loud man.
280
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,121
Don't you embarrass me
281
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:23,813
in front of Stacey Abrams, boy!
282
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:28,002
Hey, Stacey Abrams,
can I get an endorsement?
283
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,670
Sorry, Georgia earthquake.
284
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:30,880
Rumble, rumble, rumble, rumble.
285
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,298
B-Best of luck.
286
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:33,924
[ Sam & Dave's "Hold on,
I'm Comin'" plays ]
287
00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:37,636
After getting Stacey Abrams'
implicit endorsement,
288
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:40,306
I decided to follow her advice
and hit the streets.
289
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:41,682
? Now, don't you ever feel sad ?
290
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:44,852
Aww, look at the cute little,
wittle baby with the...
291
00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:45,936
? Lean on me ?
Ow!
292
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,314
? When times get bad ?
293
00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,608
? When the day come ?
[ Gasps ]
294
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,777
? And you're down ?
[ Locks clicking ]
295
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:53,861
? In a river of trouble ?
296
00:09:53,885 --> 00:09:55,488
[ Doorbell rings ]
297
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:56,572
? You about to drown ?
Hi, neighbor.
298
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,157
I'm Janine Greenstein.
299
00:09:58,181 --> 00:09:59,283
I just wanted to talk
to you about --
300
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:00,576
[ Both grunt ] Ohh!
301
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,119
Dre Johnson for Congress.
302
00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:04,246
? Hold on ?
Huh.
303
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:05,873
? I'm comin' ?
That kind of worked.
304
00:10:05,897 --> 00:10:07,333
Get up, Janine.
305
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,543
We've got 30 more houses to hit.
306
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,545
Janine: [ Weakly ]
I landed on a cactus.
307
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:13,589
Look, I'm not afraid
308
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,299
to answer that question,
Desus and Mero.
309
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:17,134
When I'm in office,
310
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:20,179
my term is going to be about
making the tough calls.
311
00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:22,014
So here we go --
312
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:23,516
garlic Parmesan, Cajun,
313
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:24,558
and number one is lemon pepper.
314
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:26,227
Hold up, my guy!
315
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:27,394
Buffalo doesn't even crack
the top three
316
00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:28,646
in your wing ranking?
317
00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:29,855
Are you serious?
318
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:31,273
Nope. Not for me.
319
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:32,525
I'm losing my mind right now.
320
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:33,776
I respect that. That's bold.
321
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:34,736
But are you a ranch
322
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:35,903
or are you a bleu cheese
kind of dude?
323
00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:37,988
Um...
324
00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:40,574
Say bleu cheese,
you'll look like an elitist.
325
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:41,742
If you say ranch,
326
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:43,619
the voters will know
you're pandering.
327
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,663
How are you gonna
get out of this one, Dad?
328
00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:47,540
You know, I get both.
329
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:49,834
I like to dip the drumettes
in the ranch
330
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:51,752
and the flats in the bleu.
331
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:53,254
Much like America,
332
00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:55,881
I believe in
a blending of flavors.
333
00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:56,716
Yes!
334
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:58,175
? Hold on ?
335
00:10:58,199 --> 00:10:59,802
Spoken like a true
man of the people, Dre.
336
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,095
You got my vote, man.
337
00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:02,304
I got to vote for him, as well.
338
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:03,347
[ Audience cheers ]
339
00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:05,766
Then the hologram of Biggie
340
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:07,685
hugs the hologram of Tupac.
341
00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:09,979
Then they both introduce
Kendrick Lamar,
342
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,605
who introduces me.
343
00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:13,149
Do we have the budget for that?
344
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,943
We have the budget for...
345
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:17,778
a poster! [ Chuckles ]
346
00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:19,864
Well, well, well...
347
00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:22,449
if it isn't my enemy.
348
00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:23,784
I notice you've been making
some headway,
349
00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:25,995
but I've got just the thing
for that.
350
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:29,623
Announcer:
Andre Johnson has over a hundred pairs of shoes.
351
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:31,375
What's he running from?
352
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:32,793
Can we trust a man
353
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:35,379
who still lives
with his parents?
354
00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:38,215
Face it -- Andre Johnson
is out of his depth.
355
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:40,384
And he can't even swim.
356
00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:41,760
Paid for by the powerful friends
357
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:42,803
of Leslie Stevens.
358
00:11:42,827 --> 00:11:43,763
[ Eagle cries ]
359
00:11:43,787 --> 00:11:46,098
Outstanding!
360
00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:47,183
Notes, anybody?
361
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,351
Can we make it race-baitier?
362
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:50,228
We'll save
the race-baiting stuff
363
00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:51,729
for social-media pudding.
364
00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:53,564
You can't air that. Thank you.
365
00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:55,316
Not until you switch
the last photo
366
00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:56,734
to black and white
367
00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:59,320
and slow-zoom on his mouth
to make him look scarier.
368
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:00,738
Whose side are you on?
369
00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:04,325
I'm on the side of becoming
Secretary of Transportation.
370
00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:06,660
Gonna finally get my Celica
out the pound.
371
00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:07,870
You know what?
372
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,455
I refuse to respond to this.
373
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:10,748
I've got integrity.
374
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:12,833
When you go low, I go high.
375
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,126
Great.
376
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:15,544
While you go high,
377
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,504
we'll be going to
my $20,000-a-plate
378
00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:18,714
fundraising dinner.
379
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,634
My campaign will have made
enough money to crush you
380
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,594
by the time they serve
the koala steaks.
381
00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:26,138
??
382
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:27,348
Junior: Okay.
383
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,350
So, the next time I get you
a radio interview,
384
00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:30,559
try not to say,
385
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,102
"Does anyone still
listen to this?"
386
00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:34,813
Man: Psst! Yo, bro.
387
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:37,191
Charlie? Is that you?
388
00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:38,192
Look, man, they told you,
389
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:39,193
if you're gonna sleep
in the car,
390
00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:40,945
it has to be your own.
391
00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:42,863
Hey, man.
You're Dre Johnson, right?
392
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:44,949
I'm a huge fan.
393
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:46,283
Look, I heard
through the grapevine --
394
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:47,493
and I have not been
bugging your phone --
395
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,411
that your campaign
could use some funding,
396
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,288
and it just so happens
I've got a check
397
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:52,748
with your name written
all over it, dogg.
398
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:53,999
Who are you? Come on, man.
399
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,251
Why does that matter?
I'm just a friend --
400
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,460
a friend with some money.
401
00:12:56,484 --> 00:12:58,295
Where's this money coming from?
402
00:12:58,319 --> 00:12:59,421
[ Chuckling ] Where's
this money coming from?
403
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:00,798
C'mon, Dre, you got
so many questions.
404
00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:01,799
It's all good, baby.
405
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:03,259
This is just one stranger
406
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,052
speaking to another stranger
in a garage
407
00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:06,971
about funding his campaign
with a bunch of money.
408
00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:09,556
Why you gotta be
so weird about this?
409
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,100
Unh-unh.
410
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,394
No one ever gives you
something for nothing.
411
00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:14,478
Learned that the hard way
412
00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:16,021
when I took a couch off the curb
413
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:17,690
and it was full of earwigs.
414
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:18,732
So, what's the catch?
415
00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:20,818
There's no catch.
I just want to help.
416
00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:22,444
You take some money,
do some evil,
417
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,071
next thing you know,
you're in Congress.
418
00:13:24,095 --> 00:13:26,115
Did you just say "do some evil"?
419
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,616
Why would I say "do some evil"
420
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,243
if I really wanted you
to do some evil, dogg?
421
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:30,494
I do want you
to do evil, though.
422
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:31,454
But why would I say that?
423
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:32,997
That's weird. C'mon, man.
424
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:34,498
I'm good.
Alright, alright, alright.
425
00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:36,834
Here, take my card.
426
00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:39,178
Give me a call if
you change your mind. We can do some evil.
427
00:13:40,194 --> 00:13:42,381
Guy didn't even get into a car.
428
00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:44,883
Just went right back
into the shadows.
429
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:46,260
Hello. I'm calling from
430
00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:48,721
the Andre Johnson
for Congress campa--
431
00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:51,974
Uh, well, that's not a very nice
thing to say to a child.
432
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:53,267
I have your phone number.
433
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:55,019
You think I don't have
your address?
434
00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:56,478
My dad's running for Congress.
435
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:57,980
Can we have some money?
436
00:13:58,004 --> 00:13:59,898
Oh, so if I send you 50 bucks,
437
00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:01,442
you'll send back 100?
438
00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:02,693
That's a great deal.
439
00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:04,987
And how is the fish prepared?
440
00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:08,240
Yum. Let me get two orders.
441
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:10,409
Yeah, you can charge it
to the campaign.
442
00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:12,661
There he is!
443
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,246
Good news, Dre.
444
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:15,414
Well, I need it.
445
00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:17,374
Some shady dude
just tried to bribe me.
446
00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:19,585
Well, you're not gonna
need his money
447
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,712
'cause -- drum roll, please --
448
00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:25,758
today, we raised almost $600.
449
00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:27,259
$600?
450
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,219
That's not even enough
for our campaign mailers.
451
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:30,637
And, actually,
that was the good news.
452
00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:32,347
Because there's bad news, too.
453
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:34,457
Stevens just dropped this.
454
00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:37,811
Andre Johnson's
running for Congress?
455
00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:41,440
[ Laughs ]
456
00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:43,192
Andre Johnson, not I,
457
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,818
crashed my Toyota Celica
458
00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:46,445
through the window
of a doughnut shop.
459
00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:49,073
He does not follow
the five-second rule.
460
00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:51,200
You sold me out, son?
461
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,952
So if I dropped
a hot dog right now,
462
00:14:53,976 --> 00:14:55,370
you're not gonna eat it?
463
00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:57,414
I probably would.
464
00:14:57,438 --> 00:14:59,041
Look, maybe a lot of people
465
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,918
won't see that Stevens ad.
466
00:15:00,942 --> 00:15:03,182
[ Plane engine whirring ]
Well, they'll probably see this.
467
00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:07,716
Smart.
468
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,176
It's not technically slander
469
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,636
if it's written as a question.
470
00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:12,012
??
471
00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:13,639
Dre: I was starting to realize
472
00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:15,265
it was going to take
more than my beliefs
473
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:16,683
to get into Washington.
474
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:19,436
Without money, I was in trouble.
475
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,396
Stevens: ...preserve, protect,
476
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:24,274
and defend the Constitution
of the United States,
477
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:26,068
so help me God.
478
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:28,237
Time's up, Canada.
479
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:29,155
[ Alarm blaring ]
480
00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:30,489
[ Gasps ]
481
00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:31,573
[ Laughs evilly ]
482
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:32,574
[ Gasping ]
483
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:33,867
[ Laughs evilly ]
484
00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:36,745
Nooooooo!
485
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,497
[ Gasps ]
486
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:39,873
[ Whimpering ]
487
00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:41,708
[ Cellphone beeps ]
488
00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:44,128
Hey, I've thought about
your offer,
489
00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:45,629
and I'm in.
490
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:47,589
Ooh, this is Dre Johnson.
491
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:48,739
Please give me dirty money.
492
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,138
If I'd learned anything,
493
00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:56,348
it's that I needed to go all-in
to beat Stevens.
494
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:57,432
Here it is.
495
00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:59,143
Junior: Leslie Stevens thinks
496
00:15:59,167 --> 00:16:01,937
you're too old to vote.
497
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:05,482
Why else hasn't he come out
against a maximum voting age?
498
00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:07,776
Maybe it's because
he supports them.
499
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,820
Leslie Stevens --
500
00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:13,782
wrong for Grandpa, Grandma,
and America.
501
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:16,577
I'm Andre Johnson,
and I approve this message.
502
00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:20,080
Riling up the elderly
for personal gain?!
503
00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:21,999
I've never been more proud, son.
504
00:16:22,023 --> 00:16:24,710
It's running during
every local news broadcast.
505
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:27,671
What happened to
"When they go low, we go high"?
506
00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:29,798
That attitude is for losers.
507
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,425
Michelle Obama said it.
508
00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:33,510
And how many elections
has she won?
509
00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:35,637
What about the issues
you said you cared about?
510
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,890
I haven't forgotten dignity
and all that crap.
511
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,349
It's just first things first.
512
00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:40,601
Ugh.
513
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:42,227
I can call him a sellout, right?
514
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:44,396
Guys, I know
it's not a good look,
515
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:45,522
but you've got to trust me.
516
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,774
This money is just
a means to an end,
517
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:49,359
and it'll all be worth it
518
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,737
when I beat Stevens
and save a grateful nation.
519
00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:53,655
Next up, is your home toxic?
520
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:56,950
Unh-unh!
Put that local news back on.
521
00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:59,203
I want to know
what the silent killer is
522
00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:00,704
lurking under my sink.
523
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:02,039
??
524
00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:03,498
Odin: Drizzy Dre.
525
00:17:03,522 --> 00:17:07,502
Looking like $9,457.78
in that suit we bought you.
526
00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:09,296
That's very specific.
527
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:10,505
I got a speech
for you to read, my man.
528
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:12,090
I've already got a speech.
529
00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:14,218
Does it begin
"My fellow Americans"? Yeah.
530
00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:15,385
Well, then it's basically
the same speech.
531
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,429
Trust me, it's the least
you could do for us, Dre,
532
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:19,223
after we paid for your ads,
this rally.
533
00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:20,557
Come on, baby,
we're looking out for you.
534
00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:23,018
Now, look, the new speech
will be up on the teleprompter.
535
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,270
You can read, right?
Of course I can.
536
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:27,231
Look at you,
just breaking down stereotypes.
537
00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:28,357
I told you he could read.
538
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,067
C'mon, Dre, let's get
out there and kill 'em.
539
00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:31,693
Announcer:
Your next congressperson,
540
00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:34,196
Andre Johnson!
541
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,448
? Hold on ?
542
00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:38,242
? I'm comin' ?
[ Cheers and applause ]
543
00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:39,368
? I'm on my way ?
544
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,245
My fellow Americans,
545
00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:43,914
I stand before you today
to promise
546
00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:45,582
that when I'm elected,
547
00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:47,626
I will sponsor legislation
548
00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:50,462
to help the working people
of this country,
549
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:53,507
everyday people like you.
550
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:58,428
Thus I promise to vote
to slash taxes on business,
551
00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:01,306
provide subsidies
to clean tobacco...
552
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:02,558
[ Crowd murmuring ]
553
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:05,519
Teleprompter man, can you
scroll down a little?
554
00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:07,896
I, Andre Johnson,
555
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:11,358
will end the tyranny
of national parks,
556
00:18:11,382 --> 00:18:13,694
militarize the fire department?
557
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:15,279
What is this?
558
00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:18,574
[ Crowd murmuring ]
559
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:19,658
[ Sighs ]
560
00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:21,827
I can't do this.
561
00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:25,622
Look, when you have to take
millions from private interests
562
00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:27,332
just to run,
563
00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:30,085
there's no way principles
can come first.
564
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,004
Even an honest man
doesn't stand a chance. Damn. His integrity's back.
565
00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:33,380
Let's shut it down, guys.
566
00:18:33,404 --> 00:18:34,631
The system is set up so that...
567
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:35,882
Could have had it all, Dre.
568
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:36,925
Do you know how hard it was
569
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,719
for me to find a jacket
in a 48 Short?
570
00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:40,387
That was made by children,
571
00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:42,723
working all night -- maskless.
572
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:43,932
And it's not about
573
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:46,268
whether you're a Democrat
or a Republican.
574
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,687
Money corrupts the best of us.
575
00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:50,105
I know.
576
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,482
I'm the best,
and it corrupted me.
577
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:53,734
It did!
578
00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:54,943
Huh?
579
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,112
People, we need to reduce
580
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,197
corporate influence on politics,
581
00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:01,950
stop unlimited money
in campaigns,
582
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:05,287
and keep track of where
funds are coming from.
583
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:07,623
You can take my stage.
584
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,207
[ Crowd gasping ] Mm.
585
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:12,586
You can take the clothes
off my back.
586
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:14,921
But you will never
take my voice.
587
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:16,882
[ Feedback ]
588
00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,008
Hmm.
589
00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:19,801
[ All gasp ]
590
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:21,511
-Mm. -Aah!
591
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,162
[ Giggles ]
592
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:28,268
I'm sorry you all
had to see me in my shame.
593
00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:31,271
And people wonder why
I never come home anymore.
594
00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:33,440
Guess I blew my chances
at Congress,
595
00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:35,859
but at least I stood up
for what I believe in.
596
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:37,527
Oh, babe.
597
00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:39,071
You didn't do that at all.
598
00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:41,031
[ Whispering ]
It's Stacey Abrams.
599
00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:42,491
Just checking in
to see how it went.
600
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,117
Great, great.
601
00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:46,411
I mean, I stood up
for what I believed in,
602
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:48,705
and then everyone saw
my nuggets,
603
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:50,290
but otherwise great.
604
00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:52,209
What? [ Sighs ]
605
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:53,835
An average guy like me
606
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,671
doesn't stand a shot
against big money.
607
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,005
It's true.
608
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,340
The campaign with the most money
609
00:19:58,364 --> 00:19:59,675
wins most of the time.
610
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,468
But there are passionate people
611
00:20:01,492 --> 00:20:03,720
who have dedicated their lives
to making change.
612
00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:05,222
They're the ones
who are gonna break through
613
00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:06,348
and beat the system.
614
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,350
It's David versus Goliath.
615
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:11,228
But never forget,
in that story, David wins.
616
00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:13,855
Dre: Stacey Abrams was right.
617
00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:15,524
The odds may seem long,
618
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:18,402
but with regular folks
like teachers and activists
619
00:20:18,426 --> 00:20:21,238
and mechanics and librarians
getting into politics
620
00:20:21,262 --> 00:20:23,407
and fighting
for the common person,
621
00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:25,742
we can look forward to a future
622
00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:28,537
where our government
actually looks like America.
623
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:31,206
Should I keep up the fight
like Stacey Abrams?
624
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,083
Uh, it hasn't been great.
625
00:20:33,107 --> 00:20:34,626
You're wearing a trash bag.
626
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:35,919
Half a trash bag.
627
00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:38,797
I... can't turn around.
628
00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:40,101
My God, please don't
turn around.
629
00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:44,970
And it appears
business owner Leslie Stevens
630
00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:46,346
loses by one point
631
00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:48,724
to unhinged billionaire
Thad Hearst-Kennedy,
632
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:51,059
who outspent Stevens 10 to 1.
633
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,436
We did it.
634
00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:56,148
Together, we will rise up
and reinforce the system.
635
00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:59,025
It's disgraceful
that someone with more money
636
00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:02,696
can just waltz in on a lark
and buy his way into power.
637
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,782
What kind of country
is this anymore?
638
00:21:05,806 --> 00:21:07,659
If we hadn't just renounced
our citizenship
639
00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:10,871
for tax purposes,
I would be horrified.
640
00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:12,104
Hmm!
641
00:21:12,128 --> 00:21:15,128
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