Original subtitles

God will punish you, Jelly Roll. You scared the bejesus out of me.

Well, it ain't smart to live alone, Tom.

You start seeing scary shadows. Red shadows.

God will fry those savages in hell.

I see them dragging their beasts and belongings through the valley.

And I think, "What a waste of the Promised Land."

You see here.

These little flags are us. All this nothing is them.

- Does it make sense to you? - It's Indian territory.

Back in the olden days of the Spanish Conquest, every friday,

they used to kill off 12 savages, in memory of the 12 Holy Apostles.

Those religious traditions ought to be kept up.

Hundreds of fine Christian souls, ready and waiting for this land to be opened up.

And willing to pay good prices for it.

Not everybody's as good a Christian as you are, Tom.

Nowadays you gotta have a practical excuse for killing Indians.

Like Major Cabot had.

when he found all them wells poisoned.

We know, sure, in some way the major did a bit of poisoning himself.

But he found lots of Indian beads gathered round those wells, didn't he?

All we need is an excuse! Why don't we cook one up for ourselves what I say?

We get undressed like those savages and get rid of some no account white trash living off by hisself

'Fess up, Tom.

You've been chewing the fat with Major Cabot.

No I ain't. Why?

You're saying exactly the same what he's been saying.

That's cause him and me are practical people.

- Pioneers of the old frontier. - No.

It's cause you're both made of the same clay.

You both got the evil genius in you.

Good ol' Cabot!

Tell me, you fellas decided yet who you're gonna scalp?

Hey, Frank! Bring the gent a cup of coffee.

"Oh, look at my body."

Stop it, man. You're hurtin' the fleas.

Looked like a rooster dance, didn't it? Like a rooster

You're smart to grease that barrel.

If you want some good advice, file down the sight too.

- Why's that? - Why?

Coz, sooner or later, strangers around here get their guns

shoved up their...

- And you don't want to get scratched, do you? - Thanks.

Thanks? Thanks for what?

That's my name, Joe Thanks.

I'm impressed. I really am.

Hey!

- I know you. - Do you now?

Yeah. You're the village idiot!

There's always somebody in every town who gives me that welcome.

You wouldn't talk like that if I had a gun on me.

I'm looking for a man who can shoot fast.

How fast?

Well let's say, not a man who shoots first but if somebody else shoots at him

he sure as hell a man who doesn't shoot second.

You sound like a hard fella to please.

But you might give

Doc Foster a try.

Doc, one of these days you're gonna to have to get up from this table

and go on out and see what's going on out there.

Not a thing goin on there, never will be.

This town's one long Sunday afternoon.

Careful, it's very hot.

Last time I saw my missus she was nine months heavy.

For all I know I got a family to take care of now. Let me go home, Doc.

I'm waiting for somebody.

Looks like somebody's already here.

- He ain't somebody. - Nobody at all.

- Sorry, Doc. - For what? Keep going.

Two. Three

One.

- Pass. - Same here.

- Ten just to keep things going. - Ten.

Up to a 100.

What happens in this game when a fella's got four cards alike?

What happens is, I'm out.

Same here.

Four aces in the same hand.

Never saw the like in all my born days.

Even when I cheated.

Give this a try, Doc. Colt Navy, model 86.

All these nice folks are gathering around on account they want to see a duel.

- What duel? - You know how it is in the West.

Two fellas come out of the saloon

and stand opposite each other.

One of em's usually got his legs spread apart.

Folks in the town get scared, and edge backward to a safe distance.

Somebody starts playing a funeral march on a bugle in the background.

And then nothing.

Not a sound.

Only the whistling wind from the desert.

Let me tell you the rest.

In a couple of minutes you're gonna be one of the deadest men that ever lived.

- Outside! My time's precious. - I know, I know. You're waiting for somebody.

Hey. Come on, Come On, everyone! Hey, they're gonna shoot it out

Doc Foster and the big guy Come On, Come On.

They're gonna shoot it out, everyone! Let's go.

When you're ready, Doc.

- Your horse Doc? - Stand up and stop acting like a booby.

Mighty pretty animal.

Don't play the clown.

Nobody takes care of you, huh?

- Poor critter was thirsty. - Next shot's for you.

You hear me?

Sorry, Doc. You shoot when you feel like it.

No, Doc. Uh-uh.

Did you like the show? Good. That makes me happy.

If you'd be so kind, folks Whatever you can afford.

Seems fair to me.

Anything you want to give, folks. For the fastest gun on the face of the earth.

- Thanks. - There you go, folks.

See! Even the wind is on our side.

Watch your head, watch your head.

Thanks. Thank you.

Thanks. Remember, folks. You've just seen a risky show.

I mean, that is, for Doc Foster.

Whatever you can afford.

I really appreciate it.

Aw thanks.

Thank you.

- Hey, there's people a coming! - This is for your collaboration.

A cavalry coach!

Free the horses and take them to the stables.

Give them water. After they're rested they'll need fodder.

The Wild West.

Forgive the reception Sir, we've been expecting a group of young ladies to work in the boarding house.

- The boys made a mistake. - The mistake was made when you were elected Sheriff.

Don't you see that I'm a colonel.

For your information, my man, we're on our way to Fort Christabel.

Major Cabot might have atleast sent someone to meet me.

Oh, my darling, oh, my darling Oh, my darling Clementine...

Hey, Doc. You'd better pick it up.

Doc, why don't you just go home?

You've been lucky, friend. I've got a job to do.

So have I.

Come in.

She was just a child. You hear me? Only a child.

- Who are you? - My sister!

You raped her, you never waited, you promised to marry her.

- Her? - Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Yeah, let them hear you!

I want you to get yours in front of everybody.

You ravished my only little sister, do ya hear?

- The man is a maniac! - You broke her heart!

- He's not a maniac, he's an ass. - What's it to you?

That beard!

That beard!

Yeah, that's the key to it all.

What key?

- The key to the perfect plan. - Hey you listen now, this ain't none of your business!

Thanks for the good idea, Doc. But this ain't none of your business.

- Hey what are you doing, why are you pushing me? - Go on home like a good boy.

- Out! Just go. - Don't do that!

My balls!

That's a fascinating hand you got on you. I never saw such a deep life line.

That's not a lifeline, it's a scar. I disarmed a man once by grabbing his knife blade.

Oops life line interrupted. Oh you're going from bad to worse Colonel.

Death lies in ambush decked out as an Injun. Don't try to join Major Cabot, you'll never get there alive.

You're a maniac too, aren't you boy?

A friend of mine's got red whiskers like yours Colonel.

Fake, but you can't never tell.

We can send him ahead to reconnoitre in your uniform on.

But don't try to go to the fort yourself. Coz, you'll get killed.

Lieutenant!

Men! Men!

Soldiers! Men!

- Keep on washing, I'm just being followed. - Are you a bandit?

Stop!

You don't look the least little fit like those ruffians on the wanted posters.

Do they make you look ugly on purpose to frighten the public?

Well.

They're trying to show the evil that's inside us.

Stop!

- Kiss me! - What?

Papa says the west is too wild for me. He's sending me back to Washington. I've never kissed an outlaw.

When I tell my girlfriends they'll die of envy. Kiss me or I'll scream!

Sure.

There was a madman in my room and another, a maniac a fortune-teller who pulled my beard.

They both pulled it.

I don't want them to escape. Take them, men!

- There's a man in her bed! - There's a man in her bed?

There's a man in her bed!

- Where? - Right here.

Hey.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Save me.

Just this once and I swear I'll never do it again.

He's over there.

Get out of here, you dogs. Come on!

Now leave me alone. Get out of here!

Oh my chickens!

My poor little chickens. Hey, hey, come on now.

Leave me alone! Oh, my poor chickens.

What are you, a priest or a chicken thief? Ah you horrible wild beasts.

Go on, get!

You Catholics keep chickens in church?

- My God! We caught the wrong man. - We caught the right chicken, though.

You Chicken thieves, you'll pay for this. God will damn you!

He can't. We're working for him.

You thieves. Chicken thieves. Oh, my poor chickens.

Come, my sons. Let's look for the real one.

- What kind of a place is this? - A place of worship. Come on.

Climb aboard, kids. Get going.

Come on.

They're all beautiful girls. As you can see.

- Where you going, friend? - I'm just going over there to see the madam.

Now you just wait here and behave yourself.

- Hi Mike, how you doing? - Get a move on.

- Hey. - You'll miss your connection.

200.

You want to take a better look? It's solid silver and blessed by a priest.

They used to cut the hands off church robbers.

200 is my offer. Bag included.

Carousel's off to paradise right now.

What better way to spend your money?

Vamos, Maricones.

Are you, for a change, trying to screw me, madam?

- Lucy? - The offer stays at 200.

Take it or leave it.

Lucy!

Lucy, come back. It's an order.

Climb aboard gents. The girls are ready and waiting.

Howdy Steam Engine! I been looking for you.

Well, now that you've found me, we're buddies forever and I'll see you around.

Cmon let's empty the hall.

Come on!

Now wait Bill. I haven't seen him for ages.

- We've hardly said hello. - You call that saying hello.

- One more time around and you'll be expecting. - What's wrong with that?

- Don't tease him Lucy. He gets jealous. - Jealous! Ha Ha Ha

I've got more important things on my mind. I pulled this little snipe out of the gutter.

She was a flea hive. I washed her, hired her and combed her hair.

I made a lady out of her. I surrounded her with luxury.

I catered to her every whim. She's cost me an eye and an ear.

But I already told you. If you want her, name your price.

I can't do it.

- She's priceless. - Name your price, Joe.

Please, name your price.

Don't be surprised.

And above all do not jump to the wrong conclusions.

I'm only here to perform an act of justice.

There he is. That's him.

- Thou art the man. - You've come a long way. Now you're an informer huh?

You've been touched by the grace of God. Is that not so, my son?

- Admit it, Bill. You've been touched. - I've been touched.

Is it in here, my son?

Check it carefully, Padre.

- When I found you half dead in the desert, why didnt I leave you there? - Because you'd never doublecross a friend.

It's all there.

- Thanks be to God. - Thanks be to Joe.

Just think of it. The man before you was already far away.

Free and clear.

When, like Paul on the road to Damascus,

he was struck by God's heavenly light.

Burdened with remorse, he returned.

His heart heavy with despair for his vicious misspent life

in sin and shame.

- Who's he talking about? - You.

Me? Why, you...

And his noble gesture would have remained unknown

had it not been for the testimony of this good Christian soul.

Padre, I only did my duty as a faithful son of the Church.

Son of a bitch!

But when the prodigal returns there's rejoicing in the heavens above.

Glory, glory, glory.

On our knees we're bending.

Now the erring prodigal

Turns to the righteous way.

Glory, glory, glory.

Praying for thy blessing.

Our hearts in repentance

Pledge to Christ today.

Glory, glory, glory.

No hymns! This is an honest house.

- We don't make fun of the Church. - Joe!

- Where the hell's he taking us? - Keep counting!

Where was I? 315, 320.

$325 in charity.

That old bag only offered me 200, ya know.

You see, Bill. Honesty is the best policy.

You're richer and you been kissed by a priest.

Disgusting!

Aww, why do you always have to act worse than you already are?

Yeah sure, Twinkle-Toes here never pukes, does he?

Yes he does, he doesn't do it in his hat.

He knows enough to do what he has to do where decent folks do it. In the privy.

That's where you're wrong, Lucy.

If you'd spent less time walking the streets like a gypsy

and more time sitting with decent folk on the privy,

you'd have met Joe before me.

Hey! I've been dreaming a weird kinda dream.

The red of the rising sun touches the tops of the highest mountains

so they seem to be bathed in blood.

The peaks throw long shadows down into the bottomless valley.

And in the clear blue sky

a hawk glides, wide and easy.

- The whistling wind? - No.

The wings cleaving the air.

- What's that? - Shh.

That's horses' hooves.

And now...

from behind the rocks appears the fabled figure of a man on a white horse.

He's the ancient ruler of these lands.

The shadow of a dead king reaches out for a fleeing man.

His silhouette is dark against the red circle sun.

Ringed with a halo of eagle feathers.

- Like rays of light. - Oh, yeah?

It's your ol' man. And he's looking for you.

My ol' man never had feathers. I'm a white man.

I got a sunburnt face. But you can always tell a white man by the color of his ass.

Look!

What's wrong with being an Injun? So your father's got feathers, and your mother was white.

So what? Black, white, red. What difference does it make?

- We're all somebody's children. - As it happens, I am the child of a white woman

She was so white the other girls in the whorehouse called her The Ghost.

I'm not bragging. I'm just getting the facts straight. and what I've told you is all I know.

I'm a lone wolf. I don't run with the pack.

And you know why they call me Steam Engine?

Coz one day I got fed up with city society and I jumped a train and ditched the whole crowd

That's right, ditched the whole tribe. The man who gallops on an iron horse.

- You've gone far enough. C'mon. - Yeah, you've reached the end of the road Steam Engine.

- You crazy? You gonna fight? - Not me, you're at the end of the tracks.

- What's happening? - Jump! Jump!

Bill!

Bill. You all right?

Did you get hurt?

Yeah, Yeah. I'm all right, I'm all right, Lucy. Hey, whoever planned this railway to end here?

Maybe they're gonna build a bridge across the valley with a big town around it

I remember this place when it was nothing.

- Is this where the rails stop? - This here is the end of the Western Railroad Company.

Those are all the tracks we got left. And where's the Pacific, heh?

- Answer me that. - He's right. Where is it?

Listen to what I'm gonna tell you.

There's no future for railroads in this country.

- And now where are you going? - We're looking for a new job.

The company left us high and dry and we're skedaddling out of here right now.

Joe, Bill, come on. There's still some hot coffee.

Come on, Bill.

Take it easy, Bill. Don't go getting yourself plastered.

I don't get plastered. I just get happy.

Oh come on. You call that happy?

Injuns are gloomy by nature.

Hang on to yourself Bill, the son of a chief shouldn't fly off the handle like that.

Oh, yeah?

If I had a handful of men, men, who really knew where their balls are,

I'd screw this whole goddamn country.

Loneliness.

That's what it is.

The loneliness of genius.

Listen to me lonely genius, will ya?

I've got a proposition to make for you. You wanna go into partnership with me?

Aw! Let's make it a threeway partnership

Not that kind of partnership, Lucy

You interested?

Oh! And who are we suppossed to screw this time?

- Man called Major Cabot. - That bastard Injun killer?

A man who deserves our respect? No dice!

Look Bill. If you can make $300 all by yourself with a little help,

you'd be able to make $300,000.

How much is that again?

That's the amount the major kept instead of turning it over to the Injun Agency.

What do I have to do?

- You've been in the army. - That's right. Like all white men.

What rank?

Deserter.

- How'd you like to be a colonel? - That could be nice for a change.

What do you say, Lucy?

I say, where you gonna get the uniform?

The uniform's on its way but you're also gonna need whiskers.

Whiskers? Uh huh.

Like these?

The colonel you're standing in for has a set. Only his are real.

Then I'll grow my own. Just give me time.

I can give you all the time you want and you still wouldn't have whiskers.

They don't grow on Injuns.

On me they do! Because I'm not an Indian!

- What is it? - Shh!

Someone's coming. A wagon or a stage...

I was just showing you what the stupid redskins do to hear far-off sounds. They still do.

Here we are in the age of the telegraph and they still throw themselves on the ground.

- Coming this way? - Who?

How do I know?

Cause you really believe that you can just put your ear to the ground and hear if there's a stagecoach coming?

- With an escort? - No. But it's being followed.

- How many riders? Injuns? - Four. No, the horses are shod.

- There's gunfire Joe, they're shooting! - Yeah, I know.

How the Christ can you know if you dont put your ear to the ground? Tell me that, how the hell can you know?

They're shooting at a colonel with a red beard.

Ya see? When you're not an Indian you get it wrong.

Where are you? There's the coach and there's the idiot.

But where are the four riders?

Here we are, Steam Engine.

Mortimer!

What are you doing with the beads on?

It's the fashion Bill.

But what ain't never the fashion is witnesses.

Throw down your gun.

I'm sorry Bill. You shouldn't have seen what you just saw.

Why? What did I just see?

You saw the colonel.

You saw us made up in beads.

Oh, you got beads on, huh? I swear to God I never even noticed.

- In any case, you noticed us, didn't ya? - Me?

No! No!

- So who the hell are you talking to? - Myself.

I always talk to myself.

You know what prairie folk are like. I talk and I listen.

Hopin that someone somewhere

will hear and answer me.

For God's sake, Mortimer, for the sake of the old days when we worked together side by side.

Remember?

Mortimer.

Jelly Roll will hate you for even thinking about such an idea.

Why don't you answer me?

- Let's cut it short. - No! It's a joke.

No!

Stop!

Don't shoot.

He's my brother.

Well, Steam Engine, where did you get a hold of a sister like her?

Come on. Let's have a better look.

Be a good girl. Bring up the curtains.

Say, if you wanna save your brother's life and make us all happy you're gonna have to split yourself into four.

Stop!

Don't you lay a hand on my girl.

Christ! How many are you back there?

Leaving out the women and unarmed men, there's just me.

But I'll split myself into four if that'll make yall happy.

Cool off, buster.

We only meant to have a little fun with your girl.

Why not, Joe?

Let em have a little fun. Let's all have fun.

What's wrong with that?

Why take chances, darlin? There are too many of them.

Throw down your gun.

Throw it down, darling.

- Dammit I missed! - Yeah naturally. He moved.

- What do you mean, naturally? - You learnt to shoot in a circus. You can't hit anything but a sitting target.

Yeah, throw it away. You'd be better off with a bow and arrow.

I was so scared.

- Ya know Lucy, keep it up and I'll name my price. - Name it!

Oh, Bill!

How come you go call him darling and me brother?

The true fact is I can't make up my mind.

I don't know which one of you I love most.

I told you. But you had to have it your own way.

I'm... going to die.

Well, we're sorry as we can be.

- Yeah! It's real! - Please!

Don't let me die like this. Not knowing.

- What, Colonel? - Why do you all keep pulling...

my beard?

Too bad, didn't have time to tell him.

And in a little while Major Cabot will know that the Colonel is dead.

- Back to square one. - Yeah.

- Aw! He's beginning to ger the hang of it. - Jesus! Is he moving!

He's not heading for Cabot.

He's going to Jelly Roll.

What's this Jelly Roll like?

Believes in an eye for an eye.

Well, we didn't get them all, did we? One got away.

Yeah. But three of them are dead.

So? Everything depends on how you tell it.

He did it. He killed the three of them, shot them right between the eyes.

But he threw me the gun, Jelly Roll. I'd never let myself shoot your men.

Hey, keep moving! Come on!

Yeah and you caught their attention with your creamy thighs.

- I didn't force them to look, did I? - Too bad you can't hit a moving target.

- Poor Steam Engine. - That's right. But I was wise to them.

And I got out of the way.

- You see? - I can hit six out of six!

But you didn't know that Mortimer was...

wise to you.

No, I didn't. Where did you go to?

To my right.

And that's what you should've done.

It's easy to hit a moving target.

Ok. Now there's only four of us that know that Colonel Pembroke is dead.

It's a pleasure to do business with a man who catches on so fast.

What are we gonna do with Mortimer?

Bury him in a Mexican cemetery. Your friend's a wise guy, huh?

- You can trust him, Jolly Roll. He's with me. - Looks to me like you're with him.

Now let's see if we can raise the colonel from the dead.

Steam Engine, we're not ordinary people.

We're not ordinary people, Major Cabot, we're Americans.

The western prairies must be firmly anchored to our great country

if we're gonna realize our lofty ideals.

- How's that? - That'll do.

Now the beard.

Jesus!

Oh, well. With the proper...

trousers and boots,

shoulders,

a little spit and polish here and there...

Well, what do you think?

- I think he's fine. - Uhh, so do I.

Then... there's no doubt about it.

They'll shoot you.

Say it again Bill, keep saying it.

We're not ordinary people, Major Cabot, we're Americans...

Yeah, I know you know that. You've been saying it over all night long. The instructions.

Goddammit! I'm fed up to the teeth with this clown act!

You get to the fort, you pass yourself off as Pembroke.

- And confiscate the $300,000. Then what? - Then what?

Then if they haven't strung me up, I head due east as fast as a jack rabbit to where you're gonna meet me.

If Cabot gives me an escort, you're gonna stop the coach

shove your gun into my Adam's apple and say "Don't anybody move or I'll shoot."

- Go on. - But if there's no escort, ya don't shove anything at me,

We beat it the hell out of there

and live happily forever after on a beach in the Sandwich Islands.

- That's fine. - Perfect. What are you so sore about?

That'll do, Michelangelo.

What am I so sore about? Look at him. Ya think for a minute he's gonna pass for a cavalryman?

- And you think for a minute you're gonna pass for a colonel? - That's what I'm saying!

They won't even let us into the fort. They'll eat us alive.

- Too bad for them. Let's go. - Giddy up, there!

Whoa!

A wagon without a driver.

Who the hell are you talking to? Me? A colonel in the United States Army?

Keep on croaking. Can't understand a word you say.

If what you're saying is words.

Well before it withers, you know what you can do with it.

Hey! Let's have a little respect here.

- This is the man that sees beyond the mountains. - And I'm a man that sees right in front of his nose.

And if an old redskin can see it too, I'm screwed.

- What the hell was that? - The Western Railroad Company.

Back on its relentless march through the mountains to the sea. Bill, this is where I get off.

- Good luck, Colonel Pembrook. - I'm afraid that branch is too big for that old Indian.

Hey, Joe.

Give old Dry Branch there a hand, will ya.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Attention!

Whoa!

Colonel.

Welcome to Fort Christabel, Colonel. I'm Major Cabot.

- We're not ordinary people, Major Cabot. - Later, Daddy.

And this young lady I presume, is Miss Pembroke?

- Yes, presumably she's my daughter. - Many a flower's born to blush unseen.

And waste its sweetness on the desert air.

Shall we go inside?

- Major, who did you build the gallows for? - Oh. That Indian, Sir.

A horse thief. Follow me.

This way.

As you will see I've had the very best quarters in the fort prepared especially for you.

I'm genuinely astonished, Major Cabot.

Because frankly, I never expected to meet up with such a polished gentleman.

- And this makes it worth it. - Compliments on the set-up.

Beneath these rough uniforms lurk hearts of purest gold.

Take Sergeant Milton for instance. He looks like a great bear but really he's just a child who's grown too fast.

In here. As for the rest of us, we're just ordinary people.

We're not ordinary people, Major Cabot, we're Americans.

Colonel, would you care for a cigar? I think it's a flavor you might enjoy.

The western prairies...

Yes, indeed.

Daddy, you're smoking!

Of course I'm smoking.

As I was saying the western prairies must be firmly anchored...

And if that's too firmly anchored you'll burn to death. Why don't you take it off.

Well there you are.

The best quarters in the fort prepared especially for you extrordinary people.

And wastes its sweetness on the desert air.

I'm gonna waste your sweetness, little girl, just you wait.

Let's go, Sergeant.

It's all over, Bill. They got you by the short hairs.

- Son of a bitch! - What do you mean, you and me plan to get you dressed up like a colonel and you go right ahead and do it.

Hey fella, what the hell's the matter with you? Why do you suddenly trust me?

Poor Bill baby. That takes all the fun out of it.

Now then we just have the third member of this little group to think about

And we gotta think hard because he's a sly one. Uh what did Jelly Roll say he called himself?

- Joe Thanks. - What?

- Joe Thanks. - The names that these people have.

Well, you'd better send some of your men after him.

Where, sir? Jelly Roll said you can't get your hands on him.

He's here, he's there. In front of you, back of you. Slippery as an eel.

- Where we gonna look? - That's your own problem, my boy.

- Just get him, will you? - Yes, sir.

I want him in my office immediately.

What are you doing here? Who are you?

What do you want?

An egg.

An egg as small as this. A pale green egg speckled with dark brown like a

You would call the color of buffalo shit.

A baby buzzard with a hooked beak.

He sticks out his pink-green neck then his bare big toe.

Majestic Mama buzzard, like any lovely kid's mother,

swoops down from the heavens with a nice, fat piece of carrion.

Young man, I know that the desert sun sometimes affects the brain.

Shh! High above...

Papa buzzard, his wings steady in the sunlight,

watches over his babies and nothing will disturb the little one while he's munching on the tender, rotten meat.

All of a sudden, boom!

A clap of thunder shakes the mountain. The rocks are burst asunder by a resounding blast

And the dust of death rises up, up, up into the sky.

Papa buzzard weeps in the heavens.

Weeps for his murdered mate, weeps for his murdered baby. "Make them stop before they kill every little thing."

Who?

They're here with their dynamite. They're blowing up the mountains. They drill holes in the rock and then boom!

All dead. Papas, mamas, the helpless little ones.

And what's worse, they make it hard for a fella to relax.

I sleep in a cave right under Red Rock. You've got to tell them to stop, Major.

- Get out of here. - My mistake.

They told me in town you're interested in protecting buzzards.

But I am, I am.

I feed them the flesh of people

who come into my office and bother me for their own ammusement.

Now get out of here!

Stop!

Just a minute.

Did you talk to anyone else about...

I mean, did you mention your admirable concern for the buzzards to anyone else before coming to see me?

No, No, I came straight here.

You did the right thing, my boy.

Guard!

This Cabot runs a lousy prison. Not a match in the place.

He's out to break me with slow torture.

He said he'd waste my sweetness on the desert air.

This'll learn you to listen to that baby-blue-eyed wise guy.

What's Joe got to do with us being here?

Jelly Roll's the one that double crossed us, not Joe.

You got a noose around your neck and still you stand up for him.

- Answer me! - No!

I'm only standing up for him because he's a friend of mine.

A friend I can count on him.

Well, if you're still counting on him to name his price, forget it!

Because it's too late.

Say what you will.

The only thing I regret

in my whole life is Joe.

Me too.

$300,000!

He's the one who has everything worked out. Never makes a slip. A genius!

You know what I'd do to him if I had him here right now? I'd tear off his head and eat it like this.

Go right ahead just don't ruin your dentures.

Oh, Joe!

- Joe! Joe! - Lucy!

I knew he'd get us out of here.

Oh, sure.

Am I making a mistake or are you also a guest of the management?

He couldn't be more right.

Oh, that quietens my heart. I can't tell ya.

This situation's beginning to be a pleasure. They're gonna string us up in the morning.

Now at least we're gonna swing together.

- Are we, Joe? - The Injuns are always pessimistic.

- Can't you see the whole thing's working out just the way we planned? - Oh is it?

It's like playing pool, Bill.

The ball banks off the third cushion, hits another ball and drives it right into the hole.

What's happening, where are you going?

No power on this Earth is gonna persuade us to go forward with this goddamn rotten railroad.

So you can save your breath. We're not going forward we're going back.

We're through.

Ya think it's worth blowing up a whole mountain just to get into the Pacific Ocean?

I tell you, it's full of stones hard as metal, they are.

Never seen anything like it, in all my born days.

Milton!

This is all alluvial rock.

Those railroad men have been working here and they didn't even see what was before their eyes.

This is quartz. Pure quartz.

Just scratch it and you'll have an avalanche of nuggets.

Touch of a pickaxe and you'll find pure gold.

The same as I found on that chair. I had it tested.

Pure gold!

Gold!

As for me. I've been saying there's gold up here for 15 years but nobody...

Nobody believed me.

Seems as though we've lost our horses.

You are the linguist, Sergeant. It's all yours.

- Yeah, I'll try - Don't overdo it.

Tell them I'll trade a wide tract of grazing land with plenty of good water and buffalo

in exchange for

this useless piece of sand and rock.

And to show that I mean business I'll even sign a treaty.

- What did he say? - He says he will only deal with the colonel

who just came to the fort

and not with a son of a bitch like you.

- That screws us. - That depends.

Ask him if he's ever met the colonel.

He says he's never met him, he knows him only by reputation.

In that case, tell him the good colonel will be delighted to shake his hand

and strike a bargain.

- But Colonel Pembroke... - Is enjoying the hospitality of Fort Christabel

You're only hanging the two of us?

Get goin.

Come on.

This way.

I think he's fine.

Just fine.

This way, Colonel.

Get moving. On the double.

- Come on. - Colonel Pembroke, Sir

My fellow officers and I hope

that you'll accept the simple hospitality of Fort Christabel.

Miss Pembroke, you come to us like a desert flower.

- How charming of you - Not at all, Miss Pembroke.

- I hope you won't pick my petals. - Precious petals must be plucked, not picked.

May I have the honor of accompanying you to the table?

You remember Colonel when we were surrounded by Indians in the Black Mountains?

Just imagine it, a bedraggled squad of cavalry trapped on a hilltop

encircled by a swarm of Indians.

I was a, I was just a mere lieutenant at that time

And you, Colonel.

Were you a Major or a Captain?

I was a General.

I never met a more amusing man than your father.

Yes. Me neither.

Realising there was no way out the colonel said to me, "Dismount.

Let us make a stand Lieutenant. We shall die together." It was a massacre.

Oh, you mean they got us?

- I'll get you if you come to bail on us. - What am I suppossed to do anyhow?

- Tomorrow you're going to have a talk with an old Indian. - Is it about the $300,000?

- Huh, Trifles! - What trifles are those?

Your father was just asking my dear why I wasn't decorated

for the deeds that I did that day.

And as I said to him, the joy of serving my country

has been satisfaction enough.

We are not ordinary people.

We are Americans.

Shit!

- No fun playing with yourself, is it? - I need a queen, I got a jack.

- That's easy. Just turn it into a queen. - You acting crazy or were you born that way?

Let me see it.

- What? - Let me see it.

Jack.

Queen.

- See? It's Easy. - If I could do that at a poker game!

You can do better than that at a poker game. Watch this.

Now...

One,

two,

three.

- Kids' stuff. - Let me try.

I understand the trick is to open the cards.

The trick is to get the door open.

There it is. Yeah!

Gee you got bad cavities. Shut your mouth or I'll fill em for a year.

I can shut you up and open thi lock with one shot. The keys, cmon!

Halt!

Left face!

Attention!

- Where do you come from? - El Paso.

- Don't we know each other? - No Sir, I don't think we come from the same part of the country.

- I come from a different place. - What kind of place is that?

A place where men are men, sir.

I'll teach all of you what a real man is.

That's my job here.

Now, I'm gonna hit this fella and he's gonna smile and say,

"I didn't feel a thing, because I'm a soldier of the 5th Cavalry."

- Now we'll have a try. - This is your way, sir.

- Did it hurt? - No, sir.

- Why not? - Coz I'm a soldier of the 5th Cavalry.

- Did it hurt? - No, sir.

- Why not? - Coz I'm a soldier of the 5th Cavalry.

- Did it hurt? - No Sir. - Why Not? - Coz that wasn't my foot, it was his.

Silence!

Left...

face!

To the quartermaster's store. Forward...

march!

Hey, you!

Stop!

Stop him.

I know him.

He's crazy.

Grab him!

That guy insulted our major.

- Come down here. - No. I wanna be free.

Listen.

- Come down here. - I'm afraid you're gonna beat me.

Go back to your cell.

- The major doesn't like prisoners to escape - No. I wanna be free. I don't care about the 5th Cavalry.

- Saw down that pole. - Sergeant! What are you doing?

No. Stop it. Make them stop, Sergeant.

- Make them stop, Sergeant! Sergeant! - Are you gonna come down, then?

Yes, sir.

No. No, Sergeant. I wanna be free like a buzzard.

- I wanna to be free! - He's crazy! Saw it down.

Make them stop, Sergeant. That's dangerous. I wanna live.

I wanna live. No. Don't. No. No.

No!

Get him out of that wagon.

Open wide.

And now?

Now it's solitary confinement for you.

You! Bring me the keys.

- Back inside? - Sir.

Give them a hand.

Come on.

Look at the sun, Sergeant.

Bye bye!

Hurry Up, Shoot him down!

Shut the doors!

Stop, you fool.

That cannon's loaded.

Don't shoot, you stupid... Don't you see that cannon is pointing at the ammunition wagon.

- What do you want? - I'm sorry, I forgot my hat.

If you don't mind, Sergeant.

I'm afraid I have a very bad habit.

Pass the hat, Sergeant, pass it around.

Come on.

Whatever you can afford, boys. Just put it in the hat.

Come on.

- Come on, men. - Thanks.

Hurry up, Sergeant. Go on.

Hey, you.

My gun.

Take it to him.

- Give, men. - Thanks. Hurry up. Not too tight huh.

Thanks.

Thank you.

You're doing fine, Sergeant. Your turn now.

Thanks.

Careful with that cigar.

Don't forget, you're a soldier of the 5th Cavalry.

Whoa! Take over, Major.

- Those stupid Indians are falling for our plot. - Sergeant.

You owe the United States Cavalry two horses and one cannon and you let that madmen get away.

Who's stupid?

Colonel. I think we should take positions.

Now remember, don't try anything or I'll send Sergeant Milton back to the fort

and he'll do awful things to your charming daughter.

- Yeah, you told me. - Right.

Cmon look happy, look happy. All you have to do to sign your name.

It'd be easier if I had to kill 20 of your men with my left hand.

I can't write.

Is this the Indian? But this old man knows me very well.

I'm telling you, this old man's known me since I was a kid.

- You've grown up now and you have a beard. - Yeah but he's the man who sees beyond the mountains.

He's probably recognized me.

- The chief says... - I heard him I'm not deaf.

- You can understand him? How's that? - I'm a lip-reader.

- The chief says... - I heard him, I'm not deaf.

- I heard him too, I'm not deaf either. What did he say? - The chief says he's willing to sign.

As long as Colonel Pembroke's here to witness.

Okay, I'll watch you sign.

Let's get on with it.

- Everything all set here? - Yes Major, All ready. You just need to sign.

What's he want? A little extra bonus? A bottle of whiskey or something?

- You better tell him, Sergeant. - No! You better tell him, Colonel.

Well, the chief is very satisfied with the treaty

but he wants to know why you're giving him all this nice hunting ground full of water and buffalo

for a hole in the rock full of nothing but fool's gold.

Fool's gold?

Sure, it's gold. But what the hell? Anybody can buy a little gold dust.

And that Joe Thanks, he was the other partner. The one you sent the boys looking for.

And all the time you had him locked up in the next room.

- I just can't figure out why he did it. - I'll tell you why.

Because he was in cahoots with that old Indian, trying to cheat me out of that territory.

and he succeded. But to do so he had to use you.

and force me to present you in public as Colonel Pembroke.

Those 300,000 greenies were only an excuse to get you working for him.

All he wanted to do was to give the land back to the Indians.

Indians! You're right! That fella's got a thing about Indians.

Hear what they're saying? He was in cahoots with that decrepit redskin.

That's why he got me into this mess. He wanted to screw me.

And now you're gonna screw him.

Yeah. But how.

Major, Joe may have scr... done us wrong

but Bill would never double-cross a friend.

- Does he prefer to hang? - Bill has Indian blood.

and Indians never double-cross anyone not even people who double-cross them.

Indians, no. Me, yes. I'll double-cross anyone.

- You, my ma, my pa, my grandfather - Don't you let them drag you down!

If Joe did what he did, he must have had some good reason.

I got a thousand reasons just as good to give him right back what I got.

Genius! I'll show that son of a bitch!

Now you're talking like I like to hear.

- When do you want me to betray, Major? - Oh, we're going to split the $300,000 are we not?

All we have to do is to follow your friend's plan to the letter.

Um, with one tiny variation.

Ah, Colonel Pembroke, Sir.

I hereby consign to you $300,000 to be returned to the U.S. Government.

Colonel, may I have your signature, please?

Now is the time to make your mark. Captain.

- Major. - The escort is assembled?

- Yes, Major. Assembled and awaiting your orders. - Good, the coach will be leaving shortly.

- The sooner it's underway, the less chance of it getting lost. - Oh Yes, Major.

Thank you. Thank you, Colonel.

Escort!

Attention!

Will you grant me the privellege of escorting you as far as Albuquerque, Sir?

- And if I don't? - Ah that's very kind of you, Sir.

- May I assist you? - Thank you.

Here's the variation that I told you about.

When our friend holds up the coach

he's not gonna get the money.

Excuse me, my dear, would you mind showing the little surprise to your papa?

He is going to...

get this.

I'd like to see Joe's face.

I'd really like to see his face.

Oh yes. You'll see it. Because you'll be there when he opens it.

Stop!

He's riding slap bang into it.

Stop!

Stop! They wanna kill...

Colonel Pembroke!

They wanna kill Colonel Pembroke!

- Hey didn't you see a man in black on a black horse? - No.

I see a man in white on a white horse.

- But it comes to the same. - It's Joe!

They wanna kill Colonel Pembroke. They wanna kill Colonel Pembroke.

- They want Colonel Pembroke's life. - Who? Who?

Who wants to kill me?

I do.

Major, order your men to drop their guns over there.

He is an assassin. Do what he says.

Out of the way.

I will give that order.

Our colonel's life is at stake.

Do what this man says.

Escort! Throw down your guns. Over there.

Escort! Follow me!

Now you mind handing me that box of money?

Major! As your superior I order you to give him that box.

Very well, Colonel.

Excuse me.

Thanks.

Thanks.

You're the most pretty daughter of an army officer I've ever seen.

Thank you. But please... don't hurt my father.

Very well then I'll take you as a hostage instead.

Come on, Major.

I think you're a little confused. I'm only a major.

He's a... He's a colonel.

We got a long trip. Move!

- So long, Colonel. Miss. - Hey, Hey Hey!

Hurry up! Save the major! Let's get moving!

Hurry up! Everybody this way! Come on!

And if you can't save Major Cabot,

at least save the money!

What am I supposed to do now, Colonel?

- You just stay put and guard the pass. - Yes, sir, Colonel.

Now you realize who the real genius of this situation turns out to be.

Surprised?

Your partner double-crossed you.

He and I planned this together.

And here's Jelly Roll and his boys to settle accounts.

The money, where's the money?

It's quite safe. On the stagecoach.

Safe? With Steam Engine?

Don't shoot! It's Major Cabot!

He's gaining!

I found his driver's gun.

- I don't see him any longer. - We made it!

- Are you hurt? - No. He hit the shaft.

Give me the chest. The chest!

- What are you gonna do? - I'm getting off this merry-go-round.

And putting the money where it's safe.

See you in St. Louis, Missouri, honey.

Joe!

Faster, damn you!

Hey! You got just what I want.

Now.

- Where's she going? Stop her. - Hold her.

Oh, please! Please, mister.

- Now! - Let me go. Let me go, I tell you!

Blast!

Don't. There's gonna be an explosion.

Stop it!

Stop!

There's two men down there!

$300,000

gone up in smoke!

Come on, you dope.

Joe! Bill!

- Bill, are you okay? - No.

- What's the matter? You hurt? - Yes.

- Where? - Here.

There's something I wanna know and I wanna know right now.

- What the hell's going on? - The whole's thing working out just the way we planned.

Hey! Is this the head pay office?

Sure. This is it. Get in line, boys.

- Come on, boys. - There's something for everybody, right here.

- Come on. - Hey, mister.

I wanna thank you for giving us the job of blasting a hole through that rock.

- I hope it suited you. - It's a very good job.

- Almost smothered us to death though. - Beautiful piece of work, Joe.

Don't thank me. The credit goes to my partner.

Thanks, boys.

- That's it. Thanks. - Thank you.

There you are, Jelly Roll.

So I've been crossed but not double-crossed.

That's about it.

There are times in life

when you think money's the most important thing that there is.

But once you get it maybe you wish you didn't have it

- Hey, where are you going with the money? - Hush, now.

Remember?

A ray of the dying sun touches the tops of the highest mountains.

They seem bathed in blood.

And then the peaks throw long shadows down to the bottomless valley.

In the blue sky a hawk glides, wide and easy.

- Wings cleaving the air? - Yeah.

Not that horse again.

Here's the money, Grandpa.

Why are the hell are they all dressed up like this?

Isn't that the way you wanted it?

- Goodbye, Joe. - Why? Where are we going?

Now you know why I'm going with him.

We're gonna screw America.

Bringing Grandpa too?

He stays. He represents the past.

The son of a bitch had it all figured out.

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?