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00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:10,976
This programme contains some violent
scenes and some strong language.
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00:00:32,910 --> 00:00:35,085
INTERVIEWER:OK, Mr Ryland.
Would you like to take a seat?
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00:00:35,086 --> 00:00:37,586
Thank you.Just raise the microphone
up a little.
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00:00:40,654 --> 00:00:42,915
Hello, my name's Bill Ryland.
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00:00:42,916 --> 00:00:45,075
I'm 65 years young
6
00:00:45,076 --> 00:00:47,117
and I'm looking to meet someone
special
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00:00:47,118 --> 00:00:49,618
for long walks, nice chats,
cosy nights in,
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00:00:49,934 --> 00:00:52,275
and sexual intercourse.
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00:00:52,276 --> 00:00:54,195
I can say that, can't I?
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00:00:54,196 --> 00:00:56,205
Er, you have to be a woman,
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00:00:56,206 --> 00:00:58,637
just to make that clear.
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00:00:58,638 --> 00:01:01,138
I've had quite enough of male
company, thank you very much.
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00:01:02,734 --> 00:01:05,234
Apart from that,
I don't have too many requirements,
14
00:01:05,998 --> 00:01:08,498
although I did write a few things
down, just to...narrow the search.
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00:01:10,542 --> 00:01:13,042
Um...
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00:01:14,126 --> 00:01:15,555
No big girls,
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00:01:15,556 --> 00:01:18,056
no Eastern Europeans, no pensioners,
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00:01:18,196 --> 00:01:20,013
no loonies, no lefties,
19
00:01:20,014 --> 00:01:22,514
no Liverpudlians and no lady-boys.
20
00:01:24,494 --> 00:01:26,994
Anyone else, feel free to contact me
via the website thingy.
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00:01:28,718 --> 00:01:31,218
So what can I tell you about me?
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00:01:31,470 --> 00:01:33,970
I was married a few years ago,
but my wife passed away, sadly.
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00:01:37,678 --> 00:01:40,178
And I've found it difficult to be
with another woman ever since.
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00:01:43,516 --> 00:01:45,613
I think about her a lot.
25
00:01:45,614 --> 00:01:48,114
Her name was Doreen.
26
00:01:48,494 --> 00:01:50,994
That sounds like an old woman's name
now, but it wasn't then.
27
00:01:52,910 --> 00:01:55,410
She had blonde hair, blue eyes...
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00:01:56,174 --> 00:01:58,157
She reminded me of Twiggy.
29
00:01:58,158 --> 00:02:00,397
Not the early years
when she looked like a fella -
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00:02:00,398 --> 00:02:02,637
'70s Twiggy.
31
00:02:02,638 --> 00:02:05,138
Like in the Marks & Spencer's
adverts.
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00:02:06,094 --> 00:02:08,594
We courted for six months,
then we got married...
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00:02:10,574 --> 00:02:13,074
...and then, a little while
after the baby come...
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00:02:14,798 --> 00:02:17,298
...things went downhill.
35
00:02:18,916 --> 00:02:20,365
There were complications,
36
00:02:20,366 --> 00:02:22,349
visits to the hospital.
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00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:24,269
I don't want to dwell on that,
but it happened
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00:02:24,270 --> 00:02:26,770
and it's part of who I am,
so you ought to know.
39
00:02:28,238 --> 00:02:30,285
I'm not looking for a medal,
I just got through it,
40
00:02:30,286 --> 00:02:32,786
that's the main thing, and now
I'm back.
41
00:02:33,358 --> 00:02:35,789
Looking to start a new chapter.
42
00:02:35,790 --> 00:02:37,395
I joined a gym recently,
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00:02:37,396 --> 00:02:39,896
got myself a personal trainer -
Nooh.
44
00:02:40,398 --> 00:02:42,445
He's Muslim...
but we have a laugh about it.
45
00:02:42,446 --> 00:02:44,946
We were just finishing Seniorcise
and he says to me,
46
00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:46,755
"You got any plans for the weekend,
Bill?"
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00:02:46,756 --> 00:02:48,141
And I said "No, not really, no,
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00:02:48,142 --> 00:02:50,642
"but I might have a run out
to the RAF Museum in Hendon."
49
00:02:51,854 --> 00:02:53,837
He says "Oh, I've never heard
of that."
50
00:02:53,838 --> 00:02:56,338
HE CHUCKLES
Well, 45 minutes later, we're still
51
00:02:56,476 --> 00:02:58,125
stood there talking about it,
52
00:02:58,126 --> 00:03:00,626
and he chimes in,
"Bill, Bill, let me stop you there.
53
00:03:01,326 --> 00:03:03,826
"You need to get yourself a
lady-friend.
54
00:03:04,334 --> 00:03:06,834
"Someone to look after you
and listen to all your stories."
55
00:03:07,534 --> 00:03:10,034
I said, "Where am I gonna meet
anyone? I'm not going on Twinder."
56
00:03:10,606 --> 00:03:12,555
And he says, "Bill, you're in luck,"
57
00:03:12,556 --> 00:03:15,056
and he's heading back
into the locker room at this point.
58
00:03:15,214 --> 00:03:17,714
He says, "Video dating's
coming back, like in the '80s.
59
00:03:19,118 --> 00:03:21,618
"I'll write all the links down for
you, it's dead easy.
60
00:03:22,516 --> 00:03:25,016
"All you've got to do is keep it
brief."
61
00:03:26,236 --> 00:03:28,013
So here I am.
62
00:03:28,014 --> 00:03:30,514
Like I say,
looking to turn a new leaf.
63
00:03:33,326 --> 00:03:35,826
So why not contact me?
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00:03:37,038 --> 00:03:39,538
Please.
65
00:03:39,918 --> 00:03:42,418
Was that longer than 30 seconds?
66
00:03:52,334 --> 00:03:54,834
We had some good news this week.
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00:03:55,214 --> 00:03:57,714
Kelly's best friend, Sophie,
who she goes to school with,
68
00:03:58,036 --> 00:04:00,536
well, her parents
are both really well-educated,
69
00:04:01,486 --> 00:04:03,986
really attractive and really
sociable...
70
00:04:05,134 --> 00:04:07,395
...and they're getting divorced!
71
00:04:07,396 --> 00:04:09,613
I said to Tim, "You'll never
guess what -
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00:04:09,614 --> 00:04:11,789
"the Smugs are splitting up!"
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00:04:11,790 --> 00:04:13,875
He said, "Oh, my God,
that's brilliant news!"
74
00:04:13,876 --> 00:04:16,376
And he gave me a hug.
75
00:04:17,166 --> 00:04:19,666
We actually high-fived
in the kitchen.
76
00:04:21,198 --> 00:04:23,437
They'd invited us
to a dinner party last year.
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00:04:23,438 --> 00:04:25,938
She said, "Text me any Saturday
that works for you
78
00:04:26,596 --> 00:04:29,096
"between now and Easter."
79
00:04:29,134 --> 00:04:31,437
This was in November.
80
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:33,938
Tim said, "Oh, tell them
to fuck off,"
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00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:36,435
but I said we couldn't, you know.
82
00:04:36,436 --> 00:04:38,936
I wanted to do it for Kelly's sake.
83
00:04:39,076 --> 00:04:41,576
And she said, "Mum, you can't just
air them forever."
84
00:04:41,934 --> 00:04:44,429
I said, "What does that mean?"
85
00:04:44,430 --> 00:04:46,930
You air clothes or bedsheets,
you don't air people!
86
00:04:48,846 --> 00:04:51,346
It means blanking someone,
apparently. Anyway, we went.
87
00:04:54,478 --> 00:04:56,978
Their house was like a show-home,
of course.
88
00:04:57,742 --> 00:05:00,173
Not a thing out of place.
I mean, not like ours.
89
00:05:00,174 --> 00:05:02,674
Ours is all wonky pictures
and muddy shoes
90
00:05:04,276 --> 00:05:06,776
and crap on every surface.
91
00:05:07,086 --> 00:05:09,586
I said to Tim,
"I know where I'd rather live.
92
00:05:10,516 --> 00:05:13,016
"Our house may be chaotic...
93
00:05:13,934 --> 00:05:16,434
"...but at least we're living
in the real world."
94
00:05:18,316 --> 00:05:20,816
He didn't say anything.
95
00:05:21,316 --> 00:05:22,573
Then one of the women,
96
00:05:22,574 --> 00:05:25,074
some big streak of piss
who works high-up in Asda,
97
00:05:26,158 --> 00:05:28,658
she said, "Ooh,
let's do our porn names!"
98
00:05:29,422 --> 00:05:31,922
And we all had to go round the
table.
99
00:05:32,046 --> 00:05:33,581
"I'm Lady Minchkin,"
100
00:05:33,582 --> 00:05:35,117
"I'm Pumpkin McAllister,"
101
00:05:35,118 --> 00:05:37,101
"Ooh, I'm Blackie Gough!"
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00:05:37,102 --> 00:05:39,602
Hilarious.
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00:05:40,814 --> 00:05:43,314
And then they turned to the au pair
who'd just come in from the kitchen
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00:05:44,718 --> 00:05:47,218
and said, "Alessia,
what's YOUR porn star name?"
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00:05:50,606 --> 00:05:52,333
She went bright red
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00:05:52,334 --> 00:05:54,834
and said, "It's Connie Lingus...
107
00:05:56,174 --> 00:05:58,541
"...but how did you know?"
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00:05:58,542 --> 00:06:01,042
And then she ran out of the room
crying.
109
00:06:01,678 --> 00:06:04,178
QUIETLY:Well, she's Italian.
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00:06:05,070 --> 00:06:07,570
Porn's like Bake-Off to them.
111
00:06:08,236 --> 00:06:10,736
The husband laughed
and the wife, ooh,
112
00:06:11,214 --> 00:06:13,709
she gave him such evils.
113
00:06:13,710 --> 00:06:15,915
I should have known then
there were trouble at t'mill.
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00:06:15,916 --> 00:06:18,195
CHUCKLES
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00:06:18,196 --> 00:06:20,696
And then she said, "Nadia,
what's yours?"
116
00:06:21,198 --> 00:06:22,875
I said, "Jaws."
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00:06:22,876 --> 00:06:24,653
She said "Jaws what?
118
00:06:24,654 --> 00:06:26,765
"It's your first pet followed
by your mother's maiden name."
119
00:06:26,766 --> 00:06:28,173
I said, "I know that.
120
00:06:28,174 --> 00:06:30,674
"My goldfish was called Jaws
and I never knew who my mother was,
121
00:06:30,862 --> 00:06:33,362
"so it'll just have to be
Jaws Blank."
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00:06:36,238 --> 00:06:38,738
Everyone looked down at their
plates.
123
00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:41,816
I might have sworn,
I can't remember now.
124
00:06:43,406 --> 00:06:45,906
And then the husband says,
"Ooh, who fancies some Eton mess?"
125
00:06:45,966 --> 00:06:48,466
And Tim, bless him...
126
00:06:49,550 --> 00:06:52,050
...said, "How did you guess
my porn name?"
127
00:06:54,734 --> 00:06:56,781
And then everyone started laughing
again
128
00:06:56,782 --> 00:06:59,282
and talking about fucking
house prices.
129
00:07:00,436 --> 00:07:02,413
So, anyway, yeah,
130
00:07:02,414 --> 00:07:04,653
they're splitting up now, so...
131
00:07:04,654 --> 00:07:07,154
...happy ending.
132
00:07:10,606 --> 00:07:13,106
THERAPIST: How did it feel,
talking about your mother?
133
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:23,021
Sorry, what did you say?
134
00:07:23,022 --> 00:07:25,522
How did it feel,
talking about your mother,
135
00:07:25,838 --> 00:07:28,077
the fact that you can't remember
her?
136
00:07:28,078 --> 00:07:30,578
Oh, it's not
that I can't remember her, I...
137
00:07:30,916 --> 00:07:33,389
...I never knew her.
138
00:07:33,390 --> 00:07:35,890
See, I...I was an orphan.
139
00:07:36,796 --> 00:07:38,253
Both my parents died.
140
00:07:38,254 --> 00:07:40,754
Nobody knows what happened.
141
00:07:41,646 --> 00:07:44,146
It's just a mystery.
142
00:07:47,406 --> 00:07:49,906
PRISON DOOR BUZZES
143
00:07:49,996 --> 00:07:52,496
Is this thing on?
144
00:07:54,254 --> 00:07:56,754
Hello, this is Galen J Landry
coming to you live
145
00:07:57,134 --> 00:07:59,634
from the Jefferson Parish
Correctional Facility in L'isiana,
146
00:08:00,398 --> 00:08:02,898
the Sugar State, mm-mm!
147
00:08:05,390 --> 00:08:07,437
Ma'am, you know how long
this gon' take?
148
00:08:07,438 --> 00:08:09,938
I already told you
I killed a whole bunch of people.
149
00:08:10,516 --> 00:08:13,016
Y'all want me to tell you their
names? I can't tell you their names.
150
00:08:14,158 --> 00:08:16,658
It ain't a kinda
"howdy doody" situation,
151
00:08:16,846 --> 00:08:19,346
sticking a knife in someone's belly.
152
00:08:20,116 --> 00:08:22,616
I can tell you the first lady
I killed.
153
00:08:22,926 --> 00:08:25,426
Doreen Grace Landry.
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00:08:25,486 --> 00:08:27,981
She was my momma.
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00:08:27,982 --> 00:08:30,482
I was just a young'un, maybe 14, 15,
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00:08:31,396 --> 00:08:33,805
and I was in the house skinning
a little rabbit
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00:08:33,806 --> 00:08:35,533
that my daddy done shot,
158
00:08:35,534 --> 00:08:38,034
when she comes marching in,
all ornery like.
159
00:08:38,158 --> 00:08:40,333
"What you doin' in the kitchen,
Galen?
160
00:08:40,334 --> 00:08:42,834
"Get that God-dang varmint
off my table!"
161
00:08:42,958 --> 00:08:45,458
I said, "I ain't doing nothing
wrong, Momma. We gotta eat."
162
00:08:48,206 --> 00:08:50,706
Then she starts striking me
about the head,
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00:08:51,150 --> 00:08:53,389
madder than a mule
chewin' on a bumblebee -
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00:08:53,390 --> 00:08:55,890
what you folks might nowadays
call "domestic abuse".
165
00:08:58,396 --> 00:09:00,896
And something in my brain just
snapped.
166
00:09:02,990 --> 00:09:05,490
I turned around, I held up my knife,
167
00:09:05,806 --> 00:09:07,917
a big old L'isiana toothpick,
168
00:09:07,918 --> 00:09:10,418
and I stuck her right in the bread
basket.
169
00:09:12,846 --> 00:09:15,346
My, my, the look on her face.
170
00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:20,850
When my daddy come home,
he was not best pleased.
171
00:09:21,316 --> 00:09:23,816
I'd skinned the rabbit
and a little bit of Momma, too.
172
00:09:24,686 --> 00:09:27,186
Kitchen was a mess,
Daddy starts boo-hooing,
173
00:09:27,758 --> 00:09:30,125
talking about calling the po-lice
174
00:09:30,126 --> 00:09:32,595
and being about as much use
as tits on a bull,
175
00:09:32,596 --> 00:09:35,096
so I bashed his brains in
with the griddling iron.
176
00:09:36,462 --> 00:09:38,962
Seemed the kindest thing to do.
177
00:09:40,366 --> 00:09:42,866
The pigs did not go hungry
that winter, no siree.
178
00:09:46,766 --> 00:09:48,813
When I went into town to get
supplies,
179
00:09:48,814 --> 00:09:51,314
folks'd holler,
"Hey, Galen, where's your daddy at?"
180
00:09:51,316 --> 00:09:53,816
And I'd just say, "Oh, you know,
he's working the land."
181
00:09:54,796 --> 00:09:57,296
And then I laughed
cos it was kinda true,
182
00:09:58,158 --> 00:10:00,658
seeing as he was now pig poop.
183
00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:06,354
You ever eaten human brains, ma'am?
184
00:10:06,734 --> 00:10:09,234
Kinda mushy, like scrambled eggs.
185
00:10:09,934 --> 00:10:12,434
See, I like to get
into other folks' heads,
186
00:10:13,876 --> 00:10:15,885
know a bit of what they know.
187
00:10:15,886 --> 00:10:18,386
And that's why I'm smarter than
you...
188
00:10:19,156 --> 00:10:21,325
...even though I'm sitting here in
chains
189
00:10:21,326 --> 00:10:23,826
and you're the one
with the fancy video camera,
190
00:10:24,718 --> 00:10:27,218
the nice husband,
the perfect daughter.
191
00:10:29,326 --> 00:10:31,826
Oh, yeah, I know you.
192
00:10:32,526 --> 00:10:35,026
And when I get outta this hellhole,
which I know I will,
193
00:10:36,238 --> 00:10:38,738
I'm gonna come pay y'all a visit.
194
00:10:39,246 --> 00:10:41,746
Treat you to some of that
Southern hospitality.
195
00:10:42,254 --> 00:10:44,754
HE CLICKS TONGUE
196
00:10:45,710 --> 00:10:48,210
HE GROWLS
Galen...
197
00:10:50,958 --> 00:10:53,458
Hi, blogging angels!
Hi, vlogging angels!
198
00:10:54,350 --> 00:10:56,717
This video is for any vloggy-virgins
out there
199
00:10:56,718 --> 00:10:58,893
that want to pop their cherry.
POPPING
200
00:10:58,894 --> 00:11:00,557
OK, so...
201
00:11:00,558 --> 00:11:03,058
...for those of who you don't know -
hi, my name's Angel.
202
00:11:03,566 --> 00:11:04,995
I am a social media influencer,
203
00:11:04,996 --> 00:11:07,496
which basically means I get to share
things with you, my Angel Army.
204
00:11:08,116 --> 00:11:09,453
Angel Army!
205
00:11:09,454 --> 00:11:11,885
And the more followers I get,
the more influence I have.
206
00:11:11,886 --> 00:11:14,386
Does that make sense? Anyway,
some of my favourite videos -
207
00:11:14,638 --> 00:11:17,138
and judging by your comments,
some of your favourites as well -
208
00:11:17,838 --> 00:11:19,821
are the Storytimes where I just...
209
00:11:19,822 --> 00:11:22,322
Yeah, I get to tell you about my
life and what's been happening.
210
00:11:23,022 --> 00:11:25,522
So grab yourselves a cup of tea,
put your phone on silent,
211
00:11:25,838 --> 00:11:28,155
put your onesie on
if you want to feel all shnuggly,
212
00:11:28,156 --> 00:11:30,656
because I have got the mother,
the mama,
213
00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:33,837
the madre of all Storytimes for you.
214
00:11:33,838 --> 00:11:36,338
Here goes.
SHE SIGHS
215
00:11:36,916 --> 00:11:39,416
So, last Tuesday, I'd done
a three-hour social media blackout
216
00:11:40,396 --> 00:11:42,896
as a fundraiser for...charity.
217
00:11:44,014 --> 00:11:46,514
So I hadn't looked at my phone,
Insta, Twitter,
218
00:11:47,598 --> 00:11:50,098
nothing at all, since 10am.
219
00:11:50,734 --> 00:11:51,915
I know, right?!
220
00:11:51,916 --> 00:11:54,195
When I put my phone back on,
all hell breaks loose.
221
00:11:54,196 --> 00:11:55,853
I had so many notifications -
222
00:11:55,854 --> 00:11:57,645
it was buzzing away
like my mother's Rabbit.
223
00:11:57,646 --> 00:11:59,475
Don't tell her I said that, boo!
224
00:11:59,476 --> 00:12:01,976
LAUGHING: Do not tell her
I said that!
225
00:12:03,406 --> 00:12:04,941
I'm crying!
226
00:12:04,942 --> 00:12:06,925
But first of all,
I need to rewind a little bit.
227
00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:09,426
Rewind!
CLICKS AND POPS
228
00:12:09,806 --> 00:12:12,306
I'd been given a T-shirt
from dragtrade.com -
229
00:12:12,494 --> 00:12:14,994
bit like this one,
but with the word "babe" on it.
230
00:12:16,014 --> 00:12:17,485
Then, when I see my comments,
231
00:12:17,486 --> 00:12:19,986
the first one was from a new
follower called GalenLandryFan -
232
00:12:21,916 --> 00:12:24,013
which was not at all creepy,
given the fact
233
00:12:24,014 --> 00:12:26,514
that he's that serial killer dude
in America - not cool -
234
00:12:27,316 --> 00:12:29,816
and it said, "Hi, Angel,
love the T-shirt.
235
00:12:30,478 --> 00:12:31,885
"You are a Babe -
236
00:12:31,886 --> 00:12:34,061
"what a great film that was."
237
00:12:34,062 --> 00:12:36,562
Well, I didn't know this,
but apparently
238
00:12:36,878 --> 00:12:39,378
Babe was a film from years ago
about a pig.
239
00:12:39,886 --> 00:12:42,386
A pig that talks.
240
00:12:42,916 --> 00:12:45,416
Can you believe this guy?
Can you believe this guy?!
241
00:12:46,876 --> 00:12:49,376
So I'm reading this and feeling
all these different emojis,
242
00:12:49,806 --> 00:12:52,045
and somewhere, from my
sub-sub-conscience,
243
00:12:52,046 --> 00:12:54,546
I get a voice telling me,
"This is someone you know,
244
00:12:54,926 --> 00:12:56,717
"someone you've already met."
245
00:12:56,718 --> 00:12:59,218
Oh, my God, I can literally,
like, feel the hairs going up
246
00:12:59,406 --> 00:13:01,133
on the back of my arms!
247
00:13:01,134 --> 00:13:03,053
Anyway, I'd posted a response
saying,
248
00:13:03,054 --> 00:13:04,973
"I don't know what film
you're referring to,
249
00:13:04,974 --> 00:13:07,474
"but I would advise you
not to mess with Angel's Army.
250
00:13:08,558 --> 00:13:11,058
"You might think I look like a pig,
but let's see how you like spam."
251
00:13:11,836 --> 00:13:13,613
So I'd screen-shotted it to Twitter,
252
00:13:13,614 --> 00:13:16,114
asked all my followers
to repost it with...
253
00:13:19,156 --> 00:13:21,656
He must have gotten, like,
5,000 retweets within the hour.
254
00:13:22,276 --> 00:13:24,776
Thank you, guys, LUSMs...
BLOWS KISSES
255
00:13:25,774 --> 00:13:28,274
So I just thought,
"You know what? Serves you right."
256
00:13:29,038 --> 00:13:31,538
You can't go making jokes on social
media,
257
00:13:31,598 --> 00:13:34,098
not when you don't know the person
and you've only just started
258
00:13:34,286 --> 00:13:36,786
following them, like,
the day before.
259
00:13:40,430 --> 00:13:41,965
So, anyway, upshot is
260
00:13:41,966 --> 00:13:44,466
Galen got spammed, whammed,
thank-you-ma'amed,
261
00:13:45,166 --> 00:13:47,115
and I think no more of it
and I go shopping!
262
00:13:47,116 --> 00:13:49,517
If you wanna see my haul,
there's a "What's In My Bag?" video
263
00:13:49,518 --> 00:13:52,018
with links to all the products down
below, so you can get the same look.
264
00:13:52,276 --> 00:13:54,776
But when I get in my Uber
and I check my Story,
265
00:13:55,086 --> 00:13:57,555
there's a DM from GalenLandryFan.
266
00:13:57,556 --> 00:14:00,056
And it just says,
"I know where you live."
267
00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:02,957
WTAF?
268
00:14:02,958 --> 00:14:04,813
So, do you know what I'm going to
do?
269
00:14:04,814 --> 00:14:07,314
I'm going to give him a piece of my
mind.
270
00:14:07,566 --> 00:14:10,066
POPS
271
00:14:13,198 --> 00:14:15,245
CLOCK TICKS
272
00:14:15,246 --> 00:14:17,746
Your mother brought me breakfast
in bed this morning.
273
00:14:17,806 --> 00:14:20,237
I said, "I should be doing this
for you."
274
00:14:20,238 --> 00:14:22,477
She said, "Well, I was up early.
275
00:14:22,478 --> 00:14:24,978
"Next door's dog was howling again,
probably the milkman."
276
00:14:26,318 --> 00:14:28,045
I said, "For your information,
darling,
277
00:14:28,046 --> 00:14:30,546
"the milkman comes at midnight,
not first thing.
278
00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:33,490
"He wants it over and done with
so he can have a lie-in."
279
00:14:35,086 --> 00:14:37,586
When I was little, it used
to be half-six in the morning.
280
00:14:38,286 --> 00:14:39,565
You'd hear the chink of the bottles,
281
00:14:39,566 --> 00:14:41,357
the whir and hiss
of the little buggy thing
282
00:14:41,358 --> 00:14:43,405
as it headed off down the next
street,
283
00:14:43,406 --> 00:14:45,906
and you knew then
you had to get up for school.
284
00:14:46,798 --> 00:14:49,101
It's funny how some sounds
or bits of music
285
00:14:49,102 --> 00:14:51,602
have certain connotations.
286
00:14:51,918 --> 00:14:54,418
Like Sunday morning radio
with Dave Lee Travis.
287
00:14:56,398 --> 00:14:58,898
My parents always had it on -
I could hear it through the walls.
288
00:14:59,236 --> 00:15:00,877
He'd do a quiz-type thing,
289
00:15:00,878 --> 00:15:02,989
and whenever anyone got a question
wrong,
290
00:15:02,990 --> 00:15:05,115
you would hear,
"Quack, quack, oops."
291
00:15:05,116 --> 00:15:06,637
HE LAUGHS
292
00:15:06,638 --> 00:15:09,138
And I don't know why, but that sound
used to really depress me.
293
00:15:10,414 --> 00:15:12,914
It was the Sunday-ness of it,
I suppose.
294
00:15:13,516 --> 00:15:15,085
Big arguments with my brothers
295
00:15:15,086 --> 00:15:17,586
about whose turn it was
to tape songs from the Top 40.
296
00:15:19,374 --> 00:15:21,869
You'd get a C-90, put it in the
stereo,
297
00:15:21,870 --> 00:15:24,370
and you'd hover with your finger
over the pause button,
298
00:15:25,454 --> 00:15:27,954
ready to cut out all the bits
of Gary Davies or Peter Powell,
299
00:15:28,334 --> 00:15:30,834
or whoever it was.
300
00:15:32,558 --> 00:15:35,058
Anyway, none of this
will mean anything to you, will it?
301
00:15:36,556 --> 00:15:39,056
I just...I want you to have
some sense of who I was.
302
00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:43,570
After breakfast in bed, we went to
the hospital for your 18-week scan.
303
00:15:44,398 --> 00:15:46,898
It was the miserable
Norwegian woman again.
304
00:15:46,958 --> 00:15:49,458
The Valkyrie.
305
00:15:49,774 --> 00:15:52,274
We asked if we could find out
whether you were...a boy or a girl,
306
00:15:53,294 --> 00:15:55,794
and she didn't want to tell us at
first, but...
307
00:15:57,134 --> 00:15:59,634
...after we explained...
308
00:16:03,726 --> 00:16:06,226
...it turns out...
309
00:16:07,694 --> 00:16:10,194
...you're a girl.
310
00:16:16,590 --> 00:16:19,090
My beautiful angel.
311
00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:23,314
As we came out of antenatal,
we bumped into Dr Wesley,
312
00:16:23,502 --> 00:16:24,845
who did my last biopsy.
313
00:16:24,846 --> 00:16:27,346
We told him...the good news.
314
00:16:28,396 --> 00:16:30,896
"Congratulations," he said,
"do you have a name?"
315
00:16:32,270 --> 00:16:34,770
"Yes," said your mum.
"It's Doreen, after Aidan's mother."
316
00:16:37,134 --> 00:16:39,634
"That's a very fine name," he said.
317
00:16:40,206 --> 00:16:42,706
"When's the big day?"
318
00:16:42,830 --> 00:16:45,330
I said, "Hers or mine?"
319
00:16:46,414 --> 00:16:48,914
And he didn't laugh.
320
00:16:49,934 --> 00:16:52,434
Quack, quack, oops.
321
00:16:55,246 --> 00:16:57,746
"She's due at the end of May,
and I'm due in the middle of March."
322
00:17:00,174 --> 00:17:02,477
"Ah," he said.
323
00:17:02,478 --> 00:17:04,978
"Rotten luck."
324
00:17:05,166 --> 00:17:07,666
SIGHS
325
00:17:08,686 --> 00:17:11,186
♪ Amazing grace
326
00:17:13,934 --> 00:17:16,434
♪ How sweet the sound
327
00:17:18,556 --> 00:17:21,056
♪ That saved a wretch
328
00:17:23,406 --> 00:17:25,906
♪ Like me
329
00:17:28,078 --> 00:17:30,578
♪ I once was lost
330
00:17:32,836 --> 00:17:35,336
♪ But now I'm found
331
00:17:37,876 --> 00:17:40,376
♪ Was blind
332
00:17:40,516 --> 00:17:43,016
♪ But now I see
333
00:17:47,214 --> 00:17:49,714
♪ 'Twas grace that taught
334
00:17:52,276 --> 00:17:54,776
♪ My heart to fear
335
00:17:56,622 --> 00:17:59,053
♪ And grace
336
00:17:59,054 --> 00:18:01,554
♪ My fears relieved
337
00:18:05,476 --> 00:18:07,976
♪ How precious did
338
00:18:09,678 --> 00:18:12,178
♪ That grace appear
339
00:18:14,158 --> 00:18:16,658
♪ The hour I first believed
340
00:18:23,758 --> 00:18:26,258
♪ Amazing grace
341
00:18:28,494 --> 00:18:30,994
♪ How sweet the sound
342
00:18:32,846 --> 00:18:35,346
♪ That saved a wretch
343
00:18:37,396 --> 00:18:39,896
♪ Like me
344
00:18:42,676 --> 00:18:45,176
♪ I once was lost
345
00:18:47,374 --> 00:18:49,874
♪ But now I'm found
346
00:18:51,982 --> 00:18:54,315
♪ Was blind
347
00:18:54,316 --> 00:18:56,816
♪ But now I see. ♪
348
00:19:08,238 --> 00:19:10,738
I hope that's what you were looking
for.
349
00:19:12,334 --> 00:19:14,834
CLOCK TICKS
350
00:19:15,726 --> 00:19:18,226
We've found a nice girl
to sing at the funeral.
351
00:19:19,054 --> 00:19:20,525
If she's available, that is.
352
00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:23,026
You can't book one in
like you can a Caesarean.
353
00:19:25,326 --> 00:19:27,826
I've already lasted a lot longer
than they said I would.
354
00:19:28,526 --> 00:19:31,026
It's the thought of you.
355
00:19:31,406 --> 00:19:33,906
The tiny chance
of seeing your arrival in the world
356
00:19:34,478 --> 00:19:36,978
is keeping me going.
357
00:19:37,294 --> 00:19:39,794
Your mum is being a rock, as always.
358
00:19:42,094 --> 00:19:43,565
I've been trying to persuade her
359
00:19:43,566 --> 00:19:46,035
to sign up to one
of these dating sites, but she...
360
00:19:46,036 --> 00:19:48,536
...she won't hear of it.
361
00:19:49,454 --> 00:19:51,954
You know, I...
362
00:19:52,334 --> 00:19:54,834
...I said in my first video...
363
00:19:56,174 --> 00:19:58,674
Second video?
364
00:19:59,956 --> 00:20:01,485
I can't remember.
365
00:20:01,486 --> 00:20:03,986
...er, that I would die for you.
366
00:20:05,006 --> 00:20:07,506
Well, it looks like I'm going
to make good on that promise.
367
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:10,573
But what I...
368
00:20:10,574 --> 00:20:13,074
...what I really meant was I...
369
00:20:13,396 --> 00:20:15,896
...I would kill for you.
370
00:20:16,910 --> 00:20:19,410
If it were necessary,
if it meant keeping you safe.
371
00:20:23,374 --> 00:20:25,874
SNIFFLES
372
00:20:26,716 --> 00:20:29,216
There are so many good people
in the world...
373
00:20:31,566 --> 00:20:34,066
...protecting you, wishing you well.
374
00:20:34,254 --> 00:20:36,045
But there are some bad ones, too.
375
00:20:36,046 --> 00:20:37,453
And, er,
376
00:20:37,454 --> 00:20:39,954
when you look back on these
messages, if you do...
377
00:20:46,606 --> 00:20:48,795
...then know this.
378
00:20:48,796 --> 00:20:51,296
I'm...here.
379
00:20:53,070 --> 00:20:55,570
Inside here.
LAUGHS
380
00:20:58,318 --> 00:21:00,818
I...always will be.
381
00:21:03,694 --> 00:21:06,194
Goodnight, my angel.
382
00:21:10,734 --> 00:21:13,234
Hi, guys, it's Angel here
383
00:21:13,396 --> 00:21:15,896
with a live - get this - live
AMA vlog,
384
00:21:16,878 --> 00:21:19,275
which means you get to ask me
any burning questions
385
00:21:19,276 --> 00:21:21,776
and I will do my best
to give you honest answers.
386
00:21:21,998 --> 00:21:23,725
So let's dive straight in
387
00:21:23,726 --> 00:21:25,995
and see if anyone's been quick
off the mark.
388
00:21:25,996 --> 00:21:28,496
Yes! Briony Watkins -
hi, Briony! - asks,
389
00:21:30,076 --> 00:21:32,576
"Harry Potter, Ron Weasley,
Draco Malfoy - snog, marry, avoid."
390
00:21:35,054 --> 00:21:37,554
Oh, my days, I love these! OK, so...
391
00:21:38,766 --> 00:21:41,266
Snog Draco, because we all know
I love a bad boy!
392
00:21:42,556 --> 00:21:43,885
Marry -
393
00:21:43,886 --> 00:21:46,189
Harry, because he's steady and
sensible,
394
00:21:46,190 --> 00:21:48,690
and let's face it, girls,
he's head of the company,
395
00:21:49,198 --> 00:21:50,733
which means avoid Ron.
396
00:21:50,734 --> 00:21:52,781
Soz, Ron, babes.
I'm not ginge-ist or anything
397
00:21:52,782 --> 00:21:54,637
and I would have an affair with you
on the side
398
00:21:54,638 --> 00:21:56,813
as long as
Harry and Hermione never found out,
399
00:21:56,814 --> 00:21:57,915
obvs!
400
00:21:57,916 --> 00:22:00,416
Maddiepops - hi! - asks,
401
00:22:00,718 --> 00:22:03,218
"How do you keep such a positive
attitude all the time?
402
00:22:04,174 --> 00:22:06,674
"You're awesome."
Aw, thank you, Mads!
403
00:22:08,116 --> 00:22:10,616
Well, as you lot know,
my attitude is #YOLO,
404
00:22:12,494 --> 00:22:14,994
#KYHIG - Keep Your Head In The Game.
405
00:22:16,334 --> 00:22:18,834
And that last one is so important
406
00:22:18,958 --> 00:22:21,458
because, being an influencer,
especially in here,
407
00:22:22,094 --> 00:22:23,693
can mess with your head so much
408
00:22:23,694 --> 00:22:26,194
that you just have to drown out
all the negative shit
409
00:22:26,318 --> 00:22:28,557
and tune into the positive, yeah?
410
00:22:28,558 --> 00:22:29,965
One love.
411
00:22:29,966 --> 00:22:32,466
Right, I have got to skip
to the loo, my darlings,
412
00:22:33,230 --> 00:22:35,149
but please, please keep firing
all your Qs at me
413
00:22:35,150 --> 00:22:37,517
and I will get my As in gear
as soon as I get back!
414
00:22:37,518 --> 00:22:40,018
You get me? See you in a bit!
415
00:22:42,702 --> 00:22:45,202
OMINOUS MUSIC
416
00:22:48,556 --> 00:22:50,893
Well, now...
SNIFFS
417
00:22:50,894 --> 00:22:53,394
...would you at look what we got
here?
418
00:22:53,774 --> 00:22:56,274
A whole bunch of people asking
questions.
419
00:22:56,718 --> 00:22:59,218
Kinda puts me
in mind of being back on trial.
420
00:22:59,854 --> 00:23:02,354
"Why'd you kill them people, Galen?
Why, why, why?"
421
00:23:03,566 --> 00:23:05,805
You know what I said?
422
00:23:05,806 --> 00:23:07,155
HIGH-PITCHED: "It wasn't me,
423
00:23:07,156 --> 00:23:09,656
"it was the voices in my head
done told me to do it."
424
00:23:09,966 --> 00:23:12,435
LAUGHS
425
00:23:12,436 --> 00:23:14,936
Yeah, I played the crazy card,
and they believed it.
426
00:23:16,302 --> 00:23:18,802
I sat in my prison cell
playing with my own poop
427
00:23:18,926 --> 00:23:20,909
like a big dumbass retard
428
00:23:20,910 --> 00:23:23,410
till they said I could go
to a mental institution.
429
00:23:24,814 --> 00:23:27,117
The judge said I was as much
a victim
430
00:23:27,118 --> 00:23:29,618
as those poor folks I'd slaughtered.
431
00:23:30,510 --> 00:23:33,010
Ain't that a kick in the head?
432
00:23:33,774 --> 00:23:36,274
So I thought I'd take advantage
of the somewhat lax security
433
00:23:36,676 --> 00:23:39,176
in my place of incarceration...
434
00:23:39,556 --> 00:23:42,056
...and come and visit my Angel.
435
00:23:43,566 --> 00:23:46,066
She promised to give me
a piece of her mind...
436
00:23:47,956 --> 00:23:49,773
...and I'm here to collect.
437
00:23:49,774 --> 00:23:52,077
THERAPIST:Do you recognise
this man, Galen?
438
00:23:52,078 --> 00:23:53,357
Huh?
439
00:23:53,358 --> 00:23:55,858
The man in the photograph?
440
00:24:01,230 --> 00:24:03,730
WOMAN, AS GALEN: No, I do not.
441
00:24:04,046 --> 00:24:06,029
He look like
he done fell out the ugly tree
442
00:24:06,030 --> 00:24:08,530
and hit every branch on the way
down.
443
00:24:09,102 --> 00:24:11,533
THERAPIST:Look again.
444
00:24:11,534 --> 00:24:14,034
Do you think Nadia knows who it is?
445
00:24:17,236 --> 00:24:19,405
IN HER OWN VOICE: Sorry, what...
446
00:24:19,406 --> 00:24:20,749
...what did you say?
447
00:24:20,750 --> 00:24:23,250
THERAPIST:The man in the
photograph. Do you recognise him?
448
00:24:31,054 --> 00:24:33,554
♪ Amazing Grace
449
00:24:35,214 --> 00:24:37,714
♪ How sweet the sound... ♪
Nadia...
450
00:24:37,774 --> 00:24:39,757
Diana...
451
00:24:39,758 --> 00:24:41,293
♪ That saved... ♪
452
00:24:41,294 --> 00:24:43,794
Diana, have you realised that your
name
453
00:24:44,116 --> 00:24:46,477
has the same letters as Nadia's?
454
00:24:46,478 --> 00:24:48,978
And the same as Aidan?
455
00:24:49,166 --> 00:24:51,435
Nadia, Diana, Aidan,
456
00:24:51,436 --> 00:24:53,645
they're all anagrams of each other.
457
00:24:53,646 --> 00:24:56,146
Like Angel and Galen,
two sides of the same coin.
458
00:24:57,436 --> 00:24:59,853
They're all part of you, Nadia.
459
00:24:59,854 --> 00:25:02,354
And the man in the photograph,
William Ryland, is your father.
460
00:25:04,654 --> 00:25:06,195
When you were four years old,
461
00:25:06,196 --> 00:25:08,696
you repeatedly witnessed your father
beat your mother in a drunken rage.
462
00:25:11,118 --> 00:25:13,618
When he found out
she was going to leave him,
463
00:25:13,876 --> 00:25:16,376
he attacked her so savagely
that she later died in hospital.
464
00:25:18,926 --> 00:25:21,195
This severe trauma created
465
00:25:21,196 --> 00:25:23,696
a subconscious psychological
defence mechanism
466
00:25:23,854 --> 00:25:26,354
we call dissociative identity
disorder.
467
00:25:27,118 --> 00:25:29,618
Your mind split
into these different personalities.
468
00:25:30,958 --> 00:25:33,458
Diana is the child who remembers,
469
00:25:33,676 --> 00:25:35,437
but who was repeatedly told...
470
00:25:35,438 --> 00:25:37,485
BILL: You haven't seen anything,
right?
471
00:25:37,486 --> 00:25:39,986
Singing to herself
to drown out her mother's screams.
472
00:25:41,716 --> 00:25:44,216
Galen is the persecutor,
an introject of the abuser
473
00:25:45,294 --> 00:25:47,794
who holds all the self-hatred
and negativity
474
00:25:48,046 --> 00:25:50,546
so the other parts of the personal
system are not aware of them.
475
00:25:51,694 --> 00:25:54,194
And what thanks do I get? None.
476
00:25:55,214 --> 00:25:57,714
Angel and Aidan are the protectors,
477
00:25:58,222 --> 00:26:00,722
Angel tries to influence the system
to fight back against the abuse.
478
00:26:03,470 --> 00:26:05,645
Aidan acts as a caretaker,
479
00:26:05,646 --> 00:26:08,146
a constant source of love and
reassurance.
480
00:26:09,294 --> 00:26:11,021
My beautiful angel.
481
00:26:11,022 --> 00:26:13,005
There may be other fragments
of personalities
482
00:26:13,006 --> 00:26:14,955
living in the same system.
483
00:26:14,956 --> 00:26:17,456
This is why I asked you
to use the video recorder,
484
00:26:17,614 --> 00:26:19,725
to help bring them all out.
485
00:26:19,726 --> 00:26:21,965
And you.
486
00:26:21,966 --> 00:26:23,373
You're part of the system.
487
00:26:23,374 --> 00:26:25,165
I am the gatekeeper.
488
00:26:25,166 --> 00:26:27,666
I try to control the switching
of the personalities
489
00:26:27,982 --> 00:26:30,482
so you can function
without breaking down completely.
490
00:26:30,990 --> 00:26:33,357
So that's why I have the
memory loss.
491
00:26:33,358 --> 00:26:34,573
Indeed.
492
00:26:34,574 --> 00:26:37,074
But when you discovered your father
was coming out of prison,
493
00:26:37,198 --> 00:26:39,117
the trauma resurfaced.
494
00:26:39,118 --> 00:26:41,618
AS ANGEL: And when we found him
online, I was like...
495
00:26:41,998 --> 00:26:44,498
..."#Amazeballs! Let's contact him
and invite him over."
496
00:26:48,916 --> 00:26:51,416
AS AIDAN: Are you sure
this is a good idea, my angel?
497
00:26:53,838 --> 00:26:56,338
DOORBELL RINGS
498
00:26:56,910 --> 00:26:59,115
What are we gonna do?
499
00:26:59,116 --> 00:27:01,616
DIANA:♪ O mio babbino caro
500
00:27:06,254 --> 00:27:08,754
♪ Mi piace, e bello, bello
501
00:27:13,550 --> 00:27:16,050
♪ Vo' andare in Porta Rossa... ♪
502
00:27:17,390 --> 00:27:18,797
DOOR OPENS
503
00:27:18,798 --> 00:27:20,397
Hello, pleased to meet you,
I'm Bill.
504
00:27:20,398 --> 00:27:22,061
Oh, come in.
505
00:27:22,062 --> 00:27:24,562
Thanks. Bit parky out there today.
506
00:27:27,118 --> 00:27:28,973
Through there?
Yeah, just through there.
507
00:27:28,974 --> 00:27:30,573
♪ Si, si... ♪
508
00:27:30,574 --> 00:27:33,074
Have you come far?
Wandsworth, not too bad.
509
00:27:33,774 --> 00:27:35,475
It's a nice place.
510
00:27:35,476 --> 00:27:36,675
You live here on your own?
511
00:27:36,676 --> 00:27:38,637
No, with my husband and daughter.
512
00:27:38,638 --> 00:27:39,981
Can I take your coat?
513
00:27:39,982 --> 00:27:42,482
Um, yeah, sure.
514
00:27:44,014 --> 00:27:46,514
Thanks.
515
00:27:47,150 --> 00:27:49,650
Er... You didn't say in your e-mail
you were married.
516
00:27:51,374 --> 00:27:53,549
It's, er...
517
00:27:53,550 --> 00:27:55,085
...well,
518
00:27:55,086 --> 00:27:57,586
not what I expected, that's all.
519
00:27:58,478 --> 00:28:00,555
But still, if you're comfortable
with it.
520
00:28:00,556 --> 00:28:01,549
Ah!
521
00:28:01,550 --> 00:28:04,050
♪ Mi struggo e mi tormento! ♪
522
00:28:08,398 --> 00:28:10,898
SHE PANTS HEAVILY
♪ O Dio
523
00:28:12,436 --> 00:28:14,936
♪ Vorrei morir
524
00:28:20,956 --> 00:28:23,456
♪ Babbo, pieta
525
00:28:24,654 --> 00:28:27,154
♪ Pieta!
526
00:28:31,182 --> 00:28:33,682
♪ Babbo, pieta
527
00:28:36,436 --> 00:28:38,936
♪ Pieta. ♪
528
00:29:30,958 --> 00:29:32,493
Camden calling.
529
00:29:32,494 --> 00:29:34,285
We're taking over
its legendary venues
530
00:29:34,286 --> 00:29:36,786
for this year's 6 Music Festival.
40408
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