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♪ ♪
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BART: Mm. Hmm.
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So lonic.
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(yawns)
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If I wanted to be bored
on a Saturday, I would have
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signed up for that management
training program at work.
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At least there I know
where the good toilets are.
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Wait, what training program?
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Oh, it's some dumb
career development thing
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at the plant,
so you can become a manager
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and have more responsibility.
(laughs)
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Who needs that trap?
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But we could really
use more money.
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You've had the same entry-level
job your whole career.
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Hey, don't knock
entry level, Marge.
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At least I don't have
to wear long-sleeve shirts,
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go to webinars
and supervise a bunch
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of entry-level losers,
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with their short-sleeve shirts.
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Homer, I can't be
the only one in this family
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who wants more for us.
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(gasps) I want more.
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I just don't want
to do anything to earn it.
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For once in your life,
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would it kill you
to show a little ambition?
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- (huffs)
- (huffs)
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Ah, ambition is indeed
a timeless source of conflict.
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(gasps) A lost senior.
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(enunciating):
Where is your family?
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As a matter of fact,
I just curated
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an exhibit about a Roman family
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torn asunder
by the hunger for more.
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The Life of Obeseus the Wide.
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Ooh, maybe
an historical allegory
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could help us
work out our issues.
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Once again, bickering in public
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gets us free therapy
from strangers.
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Bickering most tragic.
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For ambition was the force
that built the Roman Empire
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and that which tore it apart.
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Obeseus was born
to a poor farmer
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with much land,
but no ox to plow it.
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So he improvised.
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Life on the farm was cruel.
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But it chiseled
young Obeseus into quite
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the Italian beefcake.
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Good news, plow son.
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We finally got enough money
to buy us an ox.
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Woo-hoo!
How'd you do that, father?
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I sold you into slavery.
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- Arrivederci, sucker.
- (grunts)
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CURATOR:
A frightened Obeseus
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and his new work friends
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were taken to Rome.
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The boys had never seen
anything like it... the crowds,
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the noise, the grand scale
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of the pornographic graffiti.
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But the worst was yet to come.
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Gentlemen,
today you have the honor
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of being hacked to death
on the field of battle.
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Us? But we're not gladiators.
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Not with that attitude.
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Remember, there are
no small wounds,
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only small victims.
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(whimpering)
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(crowd cheering)
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Hailing from Germania,
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he's the Saxon
who's always axe-in'...
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Wolfus Rein!
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(cheering)
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And in the shaking tunic,
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hailing from who knows,
nobody cares...
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That guy.
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(booing)
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- (whimpering)
- (growling)
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Someone's in here.
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(grunts)
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Aah!
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CURATOR:
Obeseus didn't know much,
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but he knew how to be an ox.
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(Obeseus bellows)
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- (grunting)
- (groaning)
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Juno, Mother of Apollo.
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All right, pal,
should we call it a tie?
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A-Aah!
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(cheering)
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All hail our new champion,
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Mr. Plow himself,
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Obeseus!
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- Yeah!
- (cheering)
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Oh...
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That chiseled bumpkin
just killed
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my prized psychopath.
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Feed him to the hippos.
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No, Father, look how
the crowd loves him.
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That hunky rube could put
a lot of togas in the seats.
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Majora, you have quite the mind
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for the family business.
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The man-ox will live
to fight another day.
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(lowing)
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Mm.
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CURATOR:
Obeseus' fame grew
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as he rose through
the gladiatorial ranks.
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Women wanted him
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and men wanted
to be killed by him.
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(cheering)
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But still he yearned for that
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which he longed for.
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MAJORA:
Eye... heart... U!
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Oh...
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(sighs) You guys think
we'll ever be free again?
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(scoffs) The only way
we're leaving this place
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is carried out in chunks.
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Uh, don't mind me, fellas.
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Another clog in the chunk chute.
(chuckles)
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They got to start cutting
you guys into smaller pieces.
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Let us make a sacred pact
before the gods.
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If one of us ever gets free,
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he'll do everything he can
to free the rest of us.
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To freedom.
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ALL:
To freedom!
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Yeah, to freedom.
(chuckles)
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Eh, you chunks are no fun.
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Well, if it isn't
the champion of Rome himself.
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(gasps)
Lady Majora.
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What are you doing here?
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I have to keep an eye
on my father's investments.
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Plus, I like the way
your pecs dance
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after you kill a guy.
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(giggles)
These old things?
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Blip, blip, bla-bla, blip,
Blip, bla-bla, blip.
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(growls, laughs)
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Mm-hmm.
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(sing-songy): Swish and slash
and spin and kick
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00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:39,729
and slice that belly
and hello, guts.
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It would appear that one
of you lowly gladiators
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has impregnated my daughter.
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Tell me who laid with her,
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and the rest of you
will be spared the lash.
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Mm...
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I had sexicus.
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- I had sexicus.
- I had sexicus.
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I had sexicus.
144
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- I had sexicus.
- I had sexicus.
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I had sexicus.
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You jerks!
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You knew I liked her.
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We were covering
for you, jackass.
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Oh, right.
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Sir, I'm in love
with your daughter.
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If you must punish someone,
punish me.
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Place his head
on the beheading block.
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(gasps)
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Which is also
the unlocking block.
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Rise, for you are now free...
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Woo-hoo!
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- To marry my daughter.
- D'oh!
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(chuckling):
I-I mean, great.
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What could be more
liberating than marriage?
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CURATOR:
The young lovers were wed
for all the gods to see.
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And plans were made
for their future.
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So that you may
build a life together,
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I give you the deed
to one of my many businesses.
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Oh, thank you, Daddy.
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I have so many great ideas.
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Oh, my little vestal non-virgin,
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leave the business talk
to the men.
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(sighs)
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Now, Obeseus,
to get things started,
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please, take some slaves
on the house.
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Aw, slaves?
You shouldn't ha...
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(gasps)
I can't own my friends.
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I swore a sacred oath
to free them.
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CURATOR:
Majora then understood:
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for a woman to have
any voice in this world,
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it would have to come out
of her husband's stupid mouth.
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My love, you are so noble
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to take on the backbreaking work
of four men,
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day in, day out,
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no matter how poor and hungry
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- it shall leave you.
- (weak chuckle)
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Look, fellas, no one honors
oaths more than me.
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No one.
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Just give me a little time
till we get on our feet,
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then I'll totally free you.
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00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:46,523
Management thanks you
for your patience.
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CURATOR:
And, so, in choosing
greed over loyalty,
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the young couple
began their rise to power...
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and their fall from grace.
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Well, now I feel stupid
getting them a wedding gift.
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(whines)
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CURATOR: Obeseus entered
the second act of his life
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running the dirty,
bloody business
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given to him
by his father-in-law...
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00:08:12,275 --> 00:08:14,217
A laundromat.
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(yawns)
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00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:18,905
CURATOR:
Fun fact: in Ancient Rome,
clothes were washed
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00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:22,817
with ammonia, which
is derived from human urine.
199
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:23,920
What's up, Dad?
200
00:08:24,062 --> 00:08:25,245
How's the whiz biz?
201
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:28,732
- Mellow and yellow.
- (laughs)
202
00:08:28,792 --> 00:08:30,324
Why is the store closed?
203
00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:31,584
It's only noon.
204
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,920
Me and the fellas
are all peed out.
205
00:08:34,056 --> 00:08:37,182
How am I supposed to make things
clean without human waste?
206
00:08:37,375 --> 00:08:39,092
This business has been
failing for years
207
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,502
because you've been
phoning it in.
208
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:43,170
Figure it out.
209
00:08:43,232 --> 00:08:46,007
Hey, uh, "boss"?
(groans)
210
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,267
We came up with an idea that
211
00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:49,586
could increase ammonia
production.
212
00:08:49,604 --> 00:08:52,105
All you got to do is put
these jugs outside of taverns,
213
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:54,199
and you'll get
your urinus gratis.
214
00:08:54,392 --> 00:08:57,594
Crowdsourcing
a streaming service, eh?
215
00:08:57,654 --> 00:08:59,704
- I'm a genius!
- (all huff)
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♪ ♪
217
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CURATOR:
Stealing the idea
of his indentured friends,
218
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:07,270
Obeseus was soon flush
219
00:09:07,289 --> 00:09:08,730
- in liquid assets.
- (sloshing)
220
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:10,440
And he was able
to move his family
221
00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:13,534
to the more prosperous
side of town.
222
00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:15,637
("Movin' on Up"
playing in Latin)
223
00:09:41,105 --> 00:09:43,415
Lennus, I'm fatigued.
224
00:09:43,608 --> 00:09:44,949
Yawn for me?
225
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,752
(yawns loudly)
226
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:50,738
Obeseus, we gave you
the idea that made you rich.
227
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,924
How about making good
on your promise,
228
00:09:53,117 --> 00:09:54,818
and freeing us now?
229
00:09:54,836 --> 00:09:56,836
Guys, guys, guys,
thank you so much
230
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,338
for bringing this up.
231
00:09:58,490 --> 00:10:00,657
I'm really lucky
to own friends like you.
232
00:10:00,759 --> 00:10:02,767
Tell you what,
I'll have my accountant
233
00:10:02,919 --> 00:10:04,769
crunch the letters,
and we'll circle back.
234
00:10:04,962 --> 00:10:06,104
The important thing is
235
00:10:06,255 --> 00:10:08,589
we started a conversation.
236
00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:09,849
(all grumble)
237
00:10:10,001 --> 00:10:11,443
♪ ♪
238
00:10:12,804 --> 00:10:15,429
And now let us
thank Lord Jupiter
239
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:19,008
for a bountiful harvest
by draining the blood
240
00:10:19,069 --> 00:10:22,178
of this baby goat.
241
00:10:22,197 --> 00:10:23,197
- (bleats)
- (grunts)
242
00:10:23,314 --> 00:10:25,181
Aw, these seats suck.
243
00:10:25,241 --> 00:10:27,292
Can't even see
the entrails from here.
244
00:10:27,443 --> 00:10:30,569
Well, they save all
the best seats for the senators.
245
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:31,963
(Homer whines)
246
00:10:32,156 --> 00:10:34,023
Hmm.
247
00:10:34,125 --> 00:10:36,784
What if you became a senator?
248
00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:39,286
Think about how much
more respected we'd be.
249
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:42,198
I don't know.
It sounds like a lot of work.
250
00:10:42,258 --> 00:10:44,033
Sitting there all day,
251
00:10:44,052 --> 00:10:46,552
listening, voting on stuff
with my thumb.
252
00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:47,979
But think of the perks.
253
00:10:48,172 --> 00:10:50,723
You'll get invited
to fancier orgies.
254
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:53,710
- The kinds with women.
- They have those?
255
00:10:53,770 --> 00:10:57,489
CURATOR:
And with that, Obeseus
marched down the Appian Way
256
00:10:57,682 --> 00:10:59,716
to plead his case
to the emperor,
257
00:10:59,734 --> 00:11:03,052
confident that he would be
welcomed into the senate.
258
00:11:03,154 --> 00:11:06,647
(laughs)
The pee guy, a senator?
259
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:09,058
That would be an insult
to the dignity of this office.
260
00:11:09,119 --> 00:11:12,153
Now if you'll excuse me,
Senator Horse and I
261
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,422
are going shopping
for lewd pottery.
262
00:11:15,458 --> 00:11:17,550
Oh...
263
00:11:18,403 --> 00:11:19,903
Stupid emperor.
264
00:11:19,921 --> 00:11:23,264
Thinks he's great
'cause his bangs are so curly.
265
00:11:24,259 --> 00:11:26,351
Oh, Majora's gonna be so mad.
266
00:11:26,544 --> 00:11:29,412
I'd do anything to be a senator.
267
00:11:29,431 --> 00:11:30,855
Anything, eh?
268
00:11:31,048 --> 00:11:33,750
You know, as the emperor's
politically adopted son,
269
00:11:33,810 --> 00:11:37,195
I am next in line to the throne
should anything happen to...
270
00:11:37,388 --> 00:11:39,030
(chuckles) Daddy.
271
00:11:39,223 --> 00:11:41,925
Like, say, him slipping
and falling back-first
272
00:11:41,943 --> 00:11:43,184
onto a knife.
273
00:11:43,245 --> 00:11:45,704
Oh, that happened to me once.
Sucked.
274
00:11:45,855 --> 00:11:48,431
(groans) Kill the emperor
and I'll make you a senator.
275
00:11:48,491 --> 00:11:51,267
(gasps) Kill the emperor
to become senator?
276
00:11:51,327 --> 00:11:53,378
But what's in it for me?
277
00:11:53,529 --> 00:11:55,121
CURATOR:
Jacta alea est.
278
00:11:55,257 --> 00:11:57,457
The die was cast.
279
00:11:57,609 --> 00:12:00,534
♪ When in Rome you do
as the Romans do ♪
280
00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:03,963
♪ You play as the Romans
play together. ♪
281
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,965
Hey, get out of here, you.
282
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,784
This is my private vomitorium
283
00:12:07,886 --> 00:12:11,045
and I've got a belly
full of hot figs. (heaves)
284
00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:13,973
- (groans)
- Come on, you figs. (heaves)
285
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,317
(grunting)
286
00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:21,114
Et... tu... pee guy?
287
00:12:22,266 --> 00:12:24,650
- (grunts)
- (whimpers)
288
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:26,652
(laughs)
History rules!
289
00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:27,820
(grunts)
290
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,430
Poor Majora.
291
00:12:29,458 --> 00:12:31,899
She wanted her husband
to be more ambitious,
292
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,659
but not like this.
293
00:12:33,812 --> 00:12:35,828
Well, actually...
294
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,255
Mm-hmm.
(exclaims)
295
00:12:37,406 --> 00:12:40,925
Give me a kiss,
you big, stabby go-getter.
296
00:12:41,118 --> 00:12:42,318
- Ooh.
- (moaning)
297
00:12:42,378 --> 00:12:43,836
(Majora chuckles)
298
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,555
I love my job.
299
00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:52,678
CURATOR:
Over the next ten years,
300
00:12:52,831 --> 00:12:53,830
Senator Obeseus' power
grew vastly,
301
00:12:53,848 --> 00:12:55,273
as did his toga size.
302
00:12:55,466 --> 00:12:57,758
And Majora reveled
in the high status,
303
00:12:57,819 --> 00:12:59,185
hosting the town's elite
304
00:12:59,321 --> 00:13:01,854
at her lavish Saturnalia party.
305
00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:05,766
(laughs)
I love your holiday decorations.
306
00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:08,177
It lets those pesky Christians
know they aren't going to win
307
00:13:08,238 --> 00:13:10,104
the war on Saturnalia.
308
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,623
So, noble slaves,
309
00:13:11,816 --> 00:13:15,184
what gift do you desire
from your benevolent master?
310
00:13:15,245 --> 00:13:17,778
Uh... our friggin' freedom.
311
00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:20,298
Yeah, well,
the thing about that is...
312
00:13:20,491 --> 00:13:22,375
Why do we even bother
asking anymore?
313
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,027
He's never gonna free us.
314
00:13:24,087 --> 00:13:26,620
This has been
building up for a while:
315
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,289
you give slave owners
a bad name.
316
00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:30,049
(gasps)
What?
317
00:13:30,201 --> 00:13:32,811
- (sighs) What a giant jerk.
- Ugh, he's the worst.
318
00:13:33,004 --> 00:13:35,721
Dad, Bartigula's out of control.
319
00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:38,391
Look what he's doing
to Ptolemaic Book Guy.
320
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,985
- Ow.
- Why are you flaying yourself?
321
00:13:41,178 --> 00:13:43,154
- Ow!
- Why are you flaying yourself?
322
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,064
An interesting paradox.
323
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:48,401
For does free will
truly exist or... Ow!
324
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,236
Growing up rich and spoiled
325
00:13:50,388 --> 00:13:52,980
has turned your son
into a monster.
326
00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:54,148
It's not my fault.
327
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,892
I never spend any time with him.
328
00:13:55,952 --> 00:13:56,984
(grumbles)
329
00:13:57,087 --> 00:13:58,561
Aw.
330
00:13:58,580 --> 00:14:00,897
My son's a maniac.
My daughter's not a son.
331
00:14:00,957 --> 00:14:03,157
My slaves hate me
for some reason.
332
00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:05,343
(sighs)
Heavy lies the head
333
00:14:05,536 --> 00:14:08,754
that wears the wig
of curly bangs.
334
00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:09,906
Mm.
335
00:14:10,008 --> 00:14:11,741
I'm spent.
336
00:14:11,759 --> 00:14:15,669
Just gonna take a bath in warm
donkey milk and go to sleep.
337
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:18,523
I can't believe the emperor
didn't even come to my party.
338
00:14:18,674 --> 00:14:21,417
He wouldn't even be emperor
if not for you.
339
00:14:21,477 --> 00:14:23,005
Yeah, well, what do you want me
to do about it...
340
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:24,845
Kill the emperor?
341
00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:27,590
Well, if that's what you want.
342
00:14:27,650 --> 00:14:29,942
You can even
use the present I got you.
343
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:31,944
Sweet jumpin' Jupiter!
344
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,204
What more do you want?
345
00:14:33,397 --> 00:14:34,722
We started at the bottom
346
00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:37,208
and now we're
one rung from the top.
347
00:14:37,401 --> 00:14:39,785
It's a natural stopping point.
348
00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:41,954
Will you never be satisfied?
349
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,215
Pardon me, Senator.
350
00:14:44,408 --> 00:14:47,719
I'm sorry you find my ambition
so distasteful.
351
00:14:47,870 --> 00:14:49,036
Just remember:
352
00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:52,557
power comes to those
who take it.
353
00:14:54,844 --> 00:14:56,394
Mmm.
(chuckles)
354
00:14:56,587 --> 00:14:58,955
Aw, yeah. Yeah.
355
00:14:59,015 --> 00:15:00,899
Milk, milk, milk.
356
00:15:01,092 --> 00:15:03,234
- ♪ ♪
- (cheering)
357
00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:05,403
To the Roman Empire.
358
00:15:05,554 --> 00:15:08,889
May it last forever,
in some strange form or another.
359
00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:10,724
Ooh.
360
00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:12,559
Can't be too careful these days.
361
00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:14,120
Oh, taster.
362
00:15:16,866 --> 00:15:18,399
- (grunting)
- Poison.
363
00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:20,401
Some has tried to kill me.
364
00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:22,069
(gasps)
You didn't?
365
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:23,829
You wouldn't.
366
00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:26,832
When I find whoever did this,
I will crush them like a...
367
00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:28,551
(grunts)
368
00:15:29,954 --> 00:15:31,304
(sniffs)
369
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:36,100
- (all gasp)
- The emperor is dead!
370
00:15:36,252 --> 00:15:38,752
Who will nominate his successor?
371
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:41,847
Friends, Romans, countrymen.
372
00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:43,441
That's me.
373
00:15:43,634 --> 00:15:45,109
We deserve an emperor who can
374
00:15:45,302 --> 00:15:47,687
boldly lead us into the future.
375
00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:49,855
My son, Bartigula.
376
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:51,532
Wha?!
377
00:15:53,027 --> 00:15:54,193
He was born rich,
378
00:15:54,345 --> 00:15:56,788
so he got to be good
at business.
379
00:15:56,939 --> 00:15:58,698
(chanting):
Bartigula!
380
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:02,443
Bartigula! Bartigula!
381
00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:05,354
Bartigula!
382
00:16:05,373 --> 00:16:08,691
CURATOR:
And so began the reign
of Bartigula the Jerk.
383
00:16:08,793 --> 00:16:11,469
Eager to expand the empire,
he declared war
384
00:16:11,662 --> 00:16:14,472
on Neptune, God of the sea.
385
00:16:14,665 --> 00:16:16,716
Despite some early victories,
386
00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:19,644
thousands drowned.
387
00:16:19,837 --> 00:16:22,722
Bartigula blamed
the troubles of Rome
388
00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:25,316
on foreign invaders.
389
00:16:25,509 --> 00:16:29,212
So he built a large and
expensive wall to keep them out.
390
00:16:29,272 --> 00:16:30,655
Awk, who needs ya?
391
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,490
Ya Carthage-sacking
392
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,975
aqueduct guzzlers.
393
00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:37,220
CURATOR:
And finally,
to silence his critics,
394
00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:40,665
Bartigula dissolved the senate.
395
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:43,317
Aah!
396
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:46,170
CURATOR:
The young emperor
had gone mad with power.
397
00:16:46,322 --> 00:16:47,988
And syphilis.
398
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,507
Listen up, Rome-wads.
399
00:16:49,700 --> 00:16:50,842
The empire's in crisis,
400
00:16:50,993 --> 00:16:52,510
the economy's
in the crapatorium,
401
00:16:52,703 --> 00:16:54,754
and Neptune's
kicking our butts, somehow.
402
00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,756
I now realize...
403
00:16:56,850 --> 00:17:00,000
I can no longer be your emperor.
404
00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:01,061
Oh. Phew.
405
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,913
Because I am now your god!
406
00:17:03,973 --> 00:17:05,189
(crowd clamoring)
407
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,358
That's it.
I'm taking a stand.
408
00:17:07,551 --> 00:17:08,751
(grunting)
409
00:17:08,853 --> 00:17:11,254
My son isn't a god.
410
00:17:11,272 --> 00:17:13,272
He's just
an entitled little psycho.
411
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,700
Society must come to its senses
412
00:17:15,893 --> 00:17:18,018
and overthrow this madman!
413
00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:20,354
- Uh... uh...
- Hmm. I don't know.
414
00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:22,615
Blasphemy!
Seize him!
415
00:17:23,752 --> 00:17:26,044
For your heresy, Father,
I sentence you
416
00:17:26,237 --> 00:17:28,437
to be eaten by the lions.
417
00:17:28,456 --> 00:17:29,622
(gasps)
418
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:32,608
Hmm.
We're gonna need more lions.
419
00:17:32,668 --> 00:17:34,368
Why are we here?
420
00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:36,612
They said I could bring
a couple of belongings.
421
00:17:36,672 --> 00:17:40,040
Hey, this is where we made
our freedom pact, remember?
422
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:43,135
The one you refused to honor
for 20 years.
423
00:17:43,288 --> 00:17:45,288
(sighs)
Not freeing you guys
424
00:17:45,389 --> 00:17:47,881
was the first worst thing
I ever did,
425
00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:51,069
but I hereby decree you
to be emancipated.
426
00:17:51,262 --> 00:17:53,571
Now face the dawn as free men.
427
00:17:53,764 --> 00:17:56,991
- We're in a jail cell, you dope.
- (whines)
428
00:17:58,936 --> 00:18:01,470
Father, we have
to get you out of the city.
429
00:18:01,531 --> 00:18:03,247
Hurry, and you can still escape.
430
00:18:03,399 --> 00:18:04,990
No, I'm not going to run.
431
00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:06,751
Because you physically can't?
432
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,811
Yes, mostly, but also
433
00:18:08,830 --> 00:18:12,239
because we have to stop
Bartigula and save the republic.
434
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:14,741
Are you fellas with me?
435
00:18:14,803 --> 00:18:16,669
Uh... no.
436
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:19,263
(groans)
437
00:18:19,456 --> 00:18:21,432
Oh.
438
00:18:21,625 --> 00:18:23,417
CURATOR:
Though he had lost everything,
439
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:27,563
Obeseus still had the heart
of a warrior.
440
00:18:31,227 --> 00:18:32,610
(laughing)
441
00:18:32,761 --> 00:18:34,761
Looks like Hannibal's
missing an elephant.
442
00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:36,172
- (laughter)
- Oh, yeah.
443
00:18:36,232 --> 00:18:39,692
All hail the living god.
444
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,602
We who are about to die
445
00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:43,788
salute you.
446
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:45,531
- Oh!
- (crowd laughing)
447
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,183
(groans)
448
00:18:47,243 --> 00:18:50,277
You dare show me
your moon flaps?
449
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:54,023
I will teach this old fool
who is the true gluteus maximus.
450
00:18:54,125 --> 00:18:56,525
Bartigula, no!
451
00:18:56,586 --> 00:18:58,785
CURATOR:
There, in front of all Rome,
452
00:18:58,847 --> 00:19:02,557
father and son
engaged in bloody battle.
453
00:19:03,593 --> 00:19:05,368
(whimpers)
454
00:19:05,386 --> 00:19:06,978
CURATOR:
Bartigula was fast,
455
00:19:07,171 --> 00:19:09,630
but Obeseus was fatter.
456
00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:11,649
(grunts)
457
00:19:11,842 --> 00:19:14,485
(growling)
458
00:19:14,678 --> 00:19:18,214
CROWD (chanting):
Kill the god! Kill the god!
459
00:19:18,274 --> 00:19:21,642
Obe, please spare our boy.
460
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,143
What?
461
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:26,622
(chuckles)
Sic semper this, you fat load.
462
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,650
Why, you littleus....
463
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,669
(both grunting)
464
00:19:34,457 --> 00:19:36,415
No!
465
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,901
(panting)
My life is over.
466
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:42,680
I failed Rome,
was a less-than-perfect father.
467
00:19:42,873 --> 00:19:44,256
Worst of all,
468
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:47,185
I really
screwed over my friends.
469
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:49,353
May the... gods...
470
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,338
forgive me.
471
00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:53,782
(grunts)
472
00:19:53,851 --> 00:19:55,842
I poisoned everything I loved
473
00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,844
with my boundless ambition.
474
00:19:57,906 --> 00:20:00,656
My family is no more.
475
00:20:01,817 --> 00:20:03,034
(sighs)
476
00:20:03,227 --> 00:20:05,036
Mom, what about me?
477
00:20:05,229 --> 00:20:08,113
We never really... clicked.
478
00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:11,358
CURATOR:
With that, the match was lit
479
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,786
that would burn Rome
to the ground...
480
00:20:13,922 --> 00:20:15,788
400 years later.
481
00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:18,049
Haw-haw!
482
00:20:19,201 --> 00:20:21,961
Who knew
history could be so sad?
483
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:24,222
The moral
of that story is clear:
484
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:26,891
Marge is wrong
and ambition is terrible.
485
00:20:27,084 --> 00:20:30,453
No, no, no. The lesson
is that the unchecked lust
486
00:20:30,513 --> 00:20:31,954
for money and power can bring
487
00:20:32,014 --> 00:20:34,473
a once-great nation to ruin.
488
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,293
Does anyone think it was weird
that Dad killed me?
489
00:20:37,353 --> 00:20:39,478
Don't blame me.
Blame your mother.
490
00:20:39,630 --> 00:20:42,298
I just wanted you to go to
one lousy training seminar.
491
00:20:42,358 --> 00:20:44,518
Did you not even listen
to the old guy's story about...
492
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,652
- (overlapping chatter)
- (Curator groans)
493
00:20:46,788 --> 00:20:49,154
When will humanity ever learn...
494
00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:53,084
to stop letting stupid people
into museums?
495
00:21:00,710 --> 00:21:02,629
-(overlapping chatter)
-They're missing
the whole point.
496
00:21:02,653 --> 00:21:03,964
If Rome had kept worshipping us,
everything would have been fine.
497
00:21:03,988 --> 00:21:05,654
Get over it, Dad.
498
00:21:05,756 --> 00:21:08,915
You always get so worked up
whenever you watch the mortals.
499
00:21:08,977 --> 00:21:10,326
Can we change the channel?
500
00:21:10,386 --> 00:21:11,918
This show sucks now.
501
00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:15,664
Yeah, it's totally gone
off the rails since season 2016.
502
00:21:15,683 --> 00:21:17,608
I know, but I want
to see how it ends.
503
00:21:17,801 --> 00:21:20,019
Definitely feels
like they're wrapping it up.
504
00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:22,471
Any day now.
505
00:21:30,072 --> 00:21:32,848
♪ When in Rome
you do like the Romans do ♪
506
00:21:32,908 --> 00:21:36,460
♪ You play like
the Romans play together ♪
507
00:21:36,612 --> 00:21:39,021
♪ You're all invited,
so right this way ♪
508
00:21:39,081 --> 00:21:42,717
♪ You're gonna
meet the Roman holidays. ♪
35432
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