Original subtitles

>> THE COMMISSION ON PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES IS

CONSIDERING MAKING SOME CHANGES NOW TO THE REMAINING DEBATES.

>> SOUNDS LIKE THEY REALLY ARE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING THE IDEA

OF POSSIBLY CONTROLLING THE CANDIDATES' MICROPHONE SAYING

WHY:YOU JUST HIT THE MUTE BUTTON ON THESE GUYS?

>> AND NOW A PREVIEW OF THE REMAINING PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES.

>> THESE ARE VERY FINE PEOPLE ON BOTH SIDES, NO PESIDENT'S EVER

SAID ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

>> FINISH -- NO, SECOND.

HE CAME OUT OF HIS BUNKER, HAD THE MILITARY USE TEAR GAS ON

THEM SO HE COULD WALK ACROSS TO A CHURCH AND HOLD UP A BIBLE

( SPEAKING IN SPANISH ) ♪

♪ ♪

>> TEXAS, OHIO,UPLE -- STAND BACK AND STAND BY,

SOMEBODY'S GOT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT ANTIFA -- BARK, BARK --

AND WHITE SUPREMACY.

( BOING ) >> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE

SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT.

STEPHEN WELCOMES ETHAN HAWKE AND MUELLER INVESTIGATION PROSECUTOR

AROUND AROUND, FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY HOMIN."

NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OF THIS

BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY.

STEPHEN COLBERT!

>> Stephen: HI, EVERYBODY.

NICE TO SEE YOU.

WE'VE GOT A LITTLE CAMERA PUSH TONIGHT.

WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

I'M YOUR SHOWS STEPHEN COLBERT LET'S GET RIGHT TO THE BREAKING

NEWS: THERE WAS A DEBATE TWO DAYS AGO.

IT'S BEEN 48 HOURS, AND I'VE RINSED ALMOST ALL THE BLOOD OUT

OF MY MOUTH.

TUESDAY'S DEBATE WAS A COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME THAT DIMINISHED

EVERYONE UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH TO HAVE WATCHED IT, JUST ASK

MODERATOR AND MAN DEMONSTRATING HOW MUCH CONTROL HE HAD OVER THE

DEBATE, CHRIS WALLACE.

YESTERDAY, WALLACE DESCRIBED THE EXPERIENCE AS "A TERRIBLE MISSED

OPPORTUNITY."

KIND OF A TAME WAY TO DESCRIBE AN UNMITIGATED DISASTER.

I'D LOVE TO SEE YOU COVER THE HINDENBURG.

>> AND THE FRAME IS CRASHING TO THE GROUND NOT QUITE TO THE

MORNING MAST.

OH THE MISSED OPPORTUNITY!

( LAUGHTER ) EVEN TRUMP'S INNER CIRCLE WAS

SHAKEN BY THE PRESIDENT'S AWFUL PERFORMANCE.

AS CNN'S DANA BASH REPORTS: >> I WILL TELL YOU ONE PERSON

WHO IS FAMILIAR WITH HIS DEBATE PREP, ANDERSON, SAID THEY

PREPARED HIM "TO BE AGGRESSIVE BUT NOT TO BE JASON FROM 'FRIDAY

THE 13TH'."

>> STEPHEN: OKAY, NOT FAIR.

THEY MIGHT BOTH BE GIANT LUMBERING MANIACS WHO HAVE A LOT

OF BLOOD ON THEIR HANDS, BUT AT LEAST JASON WEARS A MASK!

AND THE REACTIONS IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY AT LARGE AREN'T

ANY BETTER.

G.O.P. SENATORS DESCRIBED THE DEBATE AS "AWFUL" AND AN

"EMBARRASSMENT" AND APPARENTLY TRUMP'S PERFORMANCE STOKES FEARS

AMONG REPUBLICANS ABOUT NOVEMBER.

OH, NOW THEY'RE WORRIED?

(AS SENATOR) "I DUNNO.

WHEN HE IGNORED A PANDEMIC AND PAID NO TAXES AND CALLED DEAD

SOLDIERS 'SUCKERS' AND 'LOSERS,' AND ASKED UKRAINE TO INTERFERE

IN OUR ELECTIONS AND WAS CREDIBLY ACCUSED OF MULTIPLE

SEXUAL ASSAULTS, I THOUGHT, 'THAT'S MY GUY!'

BUT THEN HE INTERRUPTED CHRIS WALLACE, AND I'M STARTING TO

WORRY WE'RE BACKING THE WRONG HORSE.

ALSO, DID YOU HEAR WHAT HE DID TO THAT HORSE?"

TUESDAY NIGHT WAS SO BAD THAT YESTERDAY, THE COMMISSION ON

PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES ANNOUNCED IT WILL BE MAKING CHANGES TO THE

FORMAT OF THE REMAINING TWO DEBATES.

OH, CAN I SUGGEST A SMALL TWEAK TO THE FORMAT WHERE WE NEVER

HAVE THEM AGAIN?

BUT INSTEAD, THE COMMISSION SUGGESTS CUTTING OFF THE

MICROPHONES OF PRESIDENT TRUMP AND JOE BIDEN IF THEY BREAK THE

RULES.

OKAY, BUT IF YOU DO, TRUMP'S JUST GONNA USE SEMAPHORE!

AND COME ON, WHY ARE THEY PRETENDING THESE CHANGES ARE

AIMED AT BOTH CANDIDATES?

(AS MODERATOR) "OKAY, I'M GONNA CUT THE MIC, IF

EITHER OF YOU GOES OFF ON A DERANGED TANGENT ABOUT SHOWER

PRESSURE OR HOW HOT YOU FIND YOUR DAUGHTER, IVANKA."

EITHER OF YOU!

BIDEN HOPED THAT SOMETHING WOULD CHANGE, BUT HE WASN'T

OPTIMISTIC: >> I HOPE THAT THIS NEXT DEBATE

WILL BE IN FRONT OF REAL-LIFE PEOPLE.

IT'S GOING TO BE A TOWN HALL.

I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO IT, I HOPE WE ARE ABLE TO GET A

CHANCE TO ANSWER THE QUESTIONS THAT ARE ASKED BY THE PERSONS IN

THE ROOM.

BUT GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT HE WILL DO.

>> STEPHEN: IS THAT TRUE, GOD?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT TRUMP'S GONNA DO?

>> HELL IF I KNOW, STEPHEN.

I'VE HAD YOUR COUNTRY ON MUTE FOR THE LAST YEAR.

IS IT STILL INFRASTRUCTURE WEEK?

(DING) GOTTA GO, THAT'S MY SOURDOUGH.

>> STEPHEN: GOD, EVERYBODY.

BUT DONALD TRUMP'S DEBATE PERFORMANCE POLLED REALLY WELL

WITH ONE DEMO: NARCISSISTS AGE 74-74 WHO ARE HIM.

'CAUSE HERE'S WHAT HE SAID LAST NIGHT IN MINNESOTA.

>> I REALLY ENJOYED LAST NIGHT'S DEBATE WITH SLEEPY JOE.

THE VERDICT IS IN AND THEY SAY THAT WE, WE, ALL OF US WON BIG

LAST NIGHT.

>> STEPHEN: (AS TRUMP) "YES, IT WAS 'WE' UP ON THAT

DEBATE STAGE, ALL OF US WERE DISGRACING OUR DEMOCRACY.

AND IF WE DON'T WIN IN NOVEMBER, WE ALL GOING TO JAIL.

BECAUSE WE CHEATED ON OUR TAXES.

REMEMBER, THERE'S NO "I" IN 'ERIC IS THE FALL GUY.'"

DESPITE TRUMP'S CLAIMS, POLLS SHOW THAT SIX IN TEN SAY THAT

BIDEN WON THE DEBATE.

THE OTHER FOUR SAID THE WINNER WAS "SLEEVE OF OREO'S DUNKED IN

ATAVAN."

YOU CAN SEE WHY TRUMP'S NERVOUS, BECAUSE RIGHT NOW, "THE NEW YORK

TIMES" POLL OF POLLS HAS BIDEN UP BY EIGHT POINTS.

NO SURPRISE.

TUESDAY HE GAVE VOICE TO THE MESSAGE ALL AMERICANS HAVE BEEN

LONGING TO HEAR: >> WILL YOU SHUT UP, MAN?!

>> STEPHEN: SO TODAY HIS CAMPAIGN RELEASED THIS AD:

>> SHUT UP.

!

SHUT UP!

SHUT UP!

SHUT THE ( BLEEP ) UP, DONNY!

>> I'M JOE BIDEN AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE.

>> STEPHEN: OF COURSE, WHAT REALLY MATTERS IS THE SWING

STATES.

AND RIGHT NOW, BIDEN LEADS IN MICHIGAN, PENNSYLVANIA,

WISCONSIN, MINNESOTA, NEVADA, NEW HAMPSHIRE, ARIZONA, OHIO,

NORTH CAROLINA, AND IOWA.

♪ FROM THE REDWOOD FOREST TO THE GULF STREAM WATERS ♪

♪ THIS LAND IS SICK OF D.J.T. ♪ YEAH, I TOOK GUITAR FOR A MONTH.

EVIDENTLY, TRUMP ACTUALLY READS THE POLLS, AND THAT'S WHAT MADE

HIM LOSE WHAT WAS LEFT OF HIS MIND AT THE DEBATE.

MAGGIE HABERMAN TWEETED, "PEOPLE CLOSE TO HIM ARE BLUNT THAT THE

PRESIDENT KNOWS HE'S LOSING AND IS SCARED OF IT.

SO HE DID WHAT HE DOES WHEN AFRAID OR ANXIOUS AND TRIED TO

IMPOSE HIS WILL ON THE NIGHT."

YES, TRUMP JUST REACTED LIKE A CORNERED ANIMAL:

(AS TRUMP) "GOOD QUESTION, CHRIS, BUT

BEFORE I ANSWER IT, I'M GOING TO EXPRESS MY MUSK SAC ALL OVER

THIS PODIUM."

IT'S A GLAND.

WANT TO GUESS WHERE IT IS?

I'LL NEED A MIRROR.

I NEVER SAID ANAL.

I NEVER SAID ANAL.

( LAUGHTER ) PLUS, THIS WEEK BIDEN GOT

ANOTHER HUGE ENDORSEMENT: MIRACLE ON THE HUDSON PILOT AND

A.A.R.P. MAGAZINE'S SEXIEST MAN STILL ALIVE, CAPTAIN SULLY

SULLENBERGER.

ON TUESDAY, SULLY LANDED THIS AD RIGHT ON TRUMP'S FACE.

>> LEADERSHIP IS NOT JUST ABOUT SITTING IN THE PILOT'S SEAT,

IT'S ABOUT KNOWING WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND TAKING

RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT.

IT'S IN THAT HIGHEST CALLING OF LEADERSHIP THAT DONALD TRUMP HAS

FAILED US SO MISERABLY.

NEARLY A QUARTER MILLION AMERICANS WON'T HAVE A VOICE

CASUALTIES OF HIS LETHAL LIES AND INCOMPETENCE.

ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS VOTE.

HIM.

OUT.

>> STEPHEN: MAN, SULLY BROUGHT IT!

THAT'S GONNA GET BIDEN THE SUBURBAN DAD VOTE.

IT'S AS GOOD AS GETTING ENDORSED BY SELF-LOCKING GRILL TONGS.

TO TURN THE BRATS.

I'M NOT SAYING TRUMP'S GOOSE IS COOKED, BUT IT'S DEFINITELY

SUCKED INTO THE STARBOARD ENGINE.

WITH THE THINGS LOOKING BAD, TRUMP'S STOPPED RUNNING AGAINST

BIDEN AND TURNED HIS ATTENTION TO A NEW OPPONENT, DEMOCRACY:

>> WE'RE NOT GOING TO LOSE THIS, EXCEPT IF THEY CHEAT.

I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU, THIS WHOLE BALLOT SCAM IS GOING TO

CAUSE A LOT OF PROBLEMS FOR OUR COUNTRY.

THEY'RE GOING TO TRY AND STEAL THE ELECTION.

WE HAVE A BIG PROBLEM AND YOU SEE IT EVERY DAY, YOU SEE IT

HAPPENING EVERY DAY WITH BALLOTS.

WHEN THE BALLOTS AND WHEN THE SYSTEM IS RIGGED, WHICH

OBVIOUSLY IT IS, AND THE ONLY ONE THAT KNOWS THAT BETTER THAN

ME ARE THE DEMOCRATS.

THEY GO INTO CLOSED ROOMS AND THEY MUST LAUGH LIKE HELL.

>> STEPHEN: (LAUGHING NERVOUSLY) YEAH, I'M SURE THEY'RE ALL

LAUGHING.

REMINDS ME OF A JOKE: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

TO ESCAPE TO CANADA.

I HEAR BILL BARR IS TURNING DISSIDENTS INTO MCNUGGETS.

NOW, THERE'S NO PROOF THAT WIDE SCALE ELECTION FRAUD EVER

HAPPENS.

IT'S SO RARE THAT EVEN TRUMP'S VOTER FRAUD COMMISSION COULDN'T

FIND EVIDENCE.

BUT THAT HASN'T STOPPED TRUMP FROM ALREADY FILING LAWSUITS IN

NORTH CAROLINA, PENNSYLVANIA AND ELSEWHERE TO RESTRICT VOTING BY

MAIL.

IT'S ALL PART OF HIS PUBLIC SERVICE CAMPAIGN: "(BLEEP) THE

VOTE."

AND DURING THE DEBATE, TRUMP URGED HIS FOLLOWERS TO

INTIMIDATE OTHER VOTERS BY BEING A SO-CALLED "POLL

WATCHER."

AND NOW DON JR.'S SAYING, "I'M HELPING, DAD!"

>> THE RADICAL LEFT ARE LAYING THE GROUNDWORK TO STEAL THIS

ELECTION FROM MY FATHER, PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP.

WE CANNOT LET THAT HAPPEN.

WE NEED EVERY ABLE BODIED MAN, WOMAN, TO JOIN ARMY FOR TRUMP'S

ELECTION SECURITY OPERATION.

>> STEPHEN: YES, EVERY ABLE BODIED MAN AND WOMAN, WHICH DOES

NOT INCLUDE DONALD TRUMP JR. BECAUSE HE IS CLEARLY HAMMERED.

(AS DRUNK DONALD TRUMP JR) "THE RACKAL LEFT IS TRYN TO

STEAL THE ELECTION, BUT I'M NOT GONNA LET 'EM!

'CAUSE I WILL FIGHT THE RACKAL LEFT-- LIKE I FOUGHT THE STORE

GUY WHEN WOULDN'T LET ME PUT MY MOUTH ON THE SLUSHIE MACHINE.

AND I DON'T KNOW HOW THOSE WHITE CLAWS GOT DOWN MY PANTS,

OFFICER.

BABE!

C'MERE!

I WANT YOU GUYS TO MEET SCREAMY KIMMY.

SAY THE BEST IS YET TO COME THING!

SAY IT!" ( LAUGHTER )

HELLO.

BUT THERE ARE SOME HEROES OUT THERE FIGHTING TO MAKE SURE ALL

AMERICANS' VOICES ARE HEARD.

FOR INSTANCE, WITH JUST A MONTH UNTIL THE ELECTION, SNAPCHAT

SAYS IT'S HELPED OVER ONE MILLION PEOPLE REGISTER TO VOTE.

BUT THE REGISTRATION ONLY LASTS 24 HOURS, SO BE SURE TO TAKE A

SCREENSHOT.

OF COURSE, IF YOU REGISTER THROUGH SNAPCHAT, YOU NEED TWO

FORMS OF I.D.: ONE WHERE YOU'RE A DOG, AND ONE WHERE YOU'RE

PUKING RAINBOWS.

THERE'S A NEW GET OUT THE VOTE DRIVE CALLED, "GET YOUR BOOTY TO

THE POLL," ORGANIZED BY EXOTIC DANCERS.

(AS TRUMP) "HOW COULD YOU, CINNAMON,

CHEYENNE, CANDI WITH AN I?

ET TU, BOOTAY?" THE DANCERS EXPLAIN THE

IMPORTANCE OF VOTING IN THIS ONLINE VIDEO:

>> WANT TRADE AND CODING TAUGHT IN OUR SCHOOLS?

THEN VOTE FOR THE SCHOOL BOARD THAT WILL PREPARE US FOR THE JOB

MARKET.

>> WANT TO END CASH BAIL?

WELL, THEN VOTE FOR THE SHERIFF AND COUNTY OFFICIALS THAT FEEL

THE SAME WAY YOU DO.

>> DON'T LET OTHER PEOPLE DECIDE WHO'S GONNA RUN YOUR

COMMUNITY.

>> GET YOUR BOOTY TO THE POLLS.

>> GET YOUR BOOTY TO THE POLLS.

>> GET YOUR BOOTY TO THE POLLS.

>> STEPHEN: THAT IS DEMOCRACY AT TWERK.

THE P.S.A. ENDS WITH THIS CALL TO ACTION:

>> FOR INFORMATION AS WELL AS INFORMATION TO FIND OUT WHO'S

RUNNING IN YOUR AREA GETYOURBOOTYTOTHEPOLL.COM.

>> Stephen: WE HAD TO BLUR SO MUCH OF THE BOOTY THAT YOU CAN'T

EVEN READ THE URL.

THERE'S GOT TO BE A LINE HERE.

I UNDERSTAND THIS IS CBS AND WE CANNOT SHOW EVERYTHING THAT GOD

GAVE HER, BUT A URL!

NO?

>> NOPE.

>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M NOT SURPRISED THE DANCERS DID

THIS.

I'M ONLY SURPRISED THAT THE WEBSITE "GET YOUR BOOTY TO THE

POLL" WAS SOMEHOW NOT TAKEN.

GOOD FOR YOU LADIES, BUT I'LL SAY THIS: IT SEEMS LIKE THEY'RE

TRYING TO HORN IN ON MY TURF!

OF COURSE, THAT'S "THE LATE SHOW" WEBSITE "BETTER KNOW A

BALLOT" WHICH HAS VOTER INFORMATION FOR ALL 50 STATES

AND THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA.

JOIN THE MILLIONS WHO HAVE ALREADY CHECKED OUT OUR HELPFUL

VIDEOS.

BUT NOW THAT I'VE SEEN "GET YOUR BOOTY TO THE POLL," I REALIZE

THAT "BETTER KNOW A BALLOT" NEEDS MORE SEX APPEAL.

BUT I'M NOT AN EXOTIC DANCER.

I'M A MIDDLE-AGED WHITE GUY.

SO I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA-- ♪

♪ ♪

♪ TAKE YOUR BUTTOCKS OUT AND VOTE ♪

♪ YOU CAN TAKE YOUR POWERBOAT, IF IT'S CHILLY WEAR A COAT ♪

♪ PULL THE LEAVER SHAKE THAT RUMP ♪

♪ YOU CAN VOTE OUT DONALD TRUMP ♪

YOU'VE GOT THE IDEA.

WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

ETHAN HAWKE IS HERE.

WHEN WE COME BACK -- I MIGHT HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT I

JUST DID.

AND MEANWHILE -- >> "A LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN

COLBERT, SPONSORED BY NISSAN, INNOVATION THAT EXCITES.

♪ >> STEPHEN: WELCOME BACK.

LET'S SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE!

>> Jon: HELLO.

YOU GOT THE INK ON THE SHIRT.

WHAT'S THAT?

>> Stephen: I THREW A PEN AT CHRIS JUST NOW BECAUSE HE WASN'T

LOOKING AT ME.

I'M NOT A FRAGILE PERFORMER BUT I WILL NOT, NOT BE LOOKED AT, SO

I THREW A PEN AT HIM AND GOT INK ON HIS SHIRT SO I THINK I HAVE A

DRY-CLEANING BILL.

DO YOU KNOW WHY I'M IN A GOOD MOOD?

>> Jon: WHY IS THAT?

>> Stephen: OVER THE WEEKEND I GOT MY MAIL-IN BALLOT.

I'M REALLY EXCITED.

I CAN'T WAIT.

>> Jon: IT'S TIME.

LET'S GO.

>> Stephen: LOOKING AT THE BALLOT GAVE ME A FEELING OF

AGENCY, LIKE I COULD ACTUALLY HAVE SOME SAY OVER THE FUTURE OF

THIS COUNTRY.

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT.

>> OH, YEAH, YOU LOOK AT THAT BALLOT YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU

WANT TO DO.

>> Stephen: VOTE.

>> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT.

>> Stephen: JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.

YOU KNOW, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME RESEARCHING THE MOST TOPICAL

TRADITIONAL MAORI TATTOO DESIGNS OF THE DAY, DEVELOPING A VISUAL

METAPHOR FOR A MEANINGFUL PERSONAL STORY, CRAFTING NEEDLES

OUT OF ALBATROSS BONES AND METICULOUSLY APPLYING A PIGMENT

MADE OF BURNT TIMBER TO CREATE THE ELEGANT BODY ART THAT IS MY

MONOLOGUE.

BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES I LIKE TO GO TO THE PART OF THE

PLAYGROUND WHERE THE TEACHERS CAN'T SEE ME, TAKE THE PENKNIFE

MY FRIEND TOMMY STOLE FROM HIS DAD'S GLOVE COMPARTMENT, CARVE

HALF A PORTRAIT OF SPEED RACER IN MY ARM BECAUSE IT HURTS TOO

MUCH TO KEEP GOING, AND THEN RUB SOME BIC PEN INK IN THERE TO

FORM THE ADOLESCENT D.I.Y.

MISTAKE OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:

"QUARANTINE-WHILE!" QUARANTINE-WHILE, "A MELBOURNE,

AUSTRALIA PILOT TOOK TO THE SKIES WITH THREE CHICKENS TO

CARRY OUT A PREYOM KIPPUR RITUAL."

IT'S THE SACRED JEWISH TRADITION OF CONFUSING THE HELL OUT OF

LIVESTOCK.

DUE TO THE BAN ON LARGE GATHERINGS, MANY ORTHODOX JEWS

WERE UNABLE TO PERFORM THE RITUAL OF "KAPPAROT," WHICH

"INVOLVES SWINGING A LIVE CHICKEN OVER ONE'S HEAD THREE

TIMES AND RECITING A PRAYER TO TRANSFER SINS TO THE BIRD."

SEEMS REALLY UNFAIR TO THE BIRD.

"NO, HONEY, THIS EXTREMELY DIZZY CHICKEN IS THE ONE WHO CHEATED

ON YOU."

QUARANTINE-WHILE, WE HERE AT "MEANWHILE FAMILY ENTERTAINMENTS

AND WEAPONS SYSTEMS INCORPORATED" SOMETIMES COME

ACROSS SO MANY FAST-FOOD RELATED STORIES THAT WE HAD TO CREATE

OUR NEW QUARANTINE-WHILE SUB SEGMENT "CUISINE-WHILE."

CUISINE-WHILE, AS A FUN WAY TO SOOTHE PEOPLE UNDER LOCKDOWN "A

BROOKLYN PIZZERIA IS OFFERING "COMFORTING WORDS" AS A DELIVERY

MENU ITEM."

I DON'T THINK THEY GET HOW PIZZA WORKS.

MELTED CHEESE ON BREAD IS THE COMFORT.

WORDS ARE AN UNNECESSARY TOPPING, LIKE VEGETABLES.

YOU SAY YOU WANT THEM, BUT COME ON.

ACCORDING TO THE PIZZERIA, "FOR $1, OUR DELIVERY DRIVER WILL

LOOK YOU STRAIGHT IN THE EYES AND TELL YOU 'EVERYTHING'S GONNA

BE OKAY AND YOU'RE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN.'"

AND FOR $2, THEY WON'T.

BY THE WAY, EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OKAY AND YOU'RE DOING THE

BEST YOU CAN.

CUISINE-WHILE, IN IRELAND, THEIR HIGHEST COURT HAS RULED THAT

SUBWAY SANDWICHES ARE TOO SUGARY TO MEET THE LEGAL DEFINITION OF

"BREAD."

SAID SUBWAY IN A STATEMENT, "YES, THIS IS THE MOST

CONTROVERSIAL BRUSH WITH THE LAW SUBWAY HAS EVER HAD.

THIS SUGAR BREAD THING.

NOTHING ELSE."

SO IRELAND IS CONCERNED THAT SUBWAY'S BREAD IS TOO SUGARY.

IRELAND, YOU'RE ADORABLE.

AMERICA LITERALLY HAS A SANDWICH THAT IS FRIED CHICKEN BETWEEN

TWO DONUTS.

YOU CAN GET IT WITH A SIDE OF FRIES AND A DEFIBRILLATOR.

AND THE DEFIBRILLATOR IS BETWEEN TWO DONUTS!

'CAUSE THESE COLORS DON'T RUN!

CUISINE-WHILE, "A MCDONALD'S FANATIC IN NORTH DAKOTA IS

ENJOYING WIDESPREAD INTERNET MCFAME AFTER SHE WAS SPOTTED IN

THE MCDONALD'S DRIVETHRU WITH HER 'HMBRGLR' LICENSE PLATE."

WHAT A FUN COINCIDENCE.

JUST LIKE THAT TIME I WENT THROUGH THE TACO BELL

DRIVE-THROUGH WITH MY LICENSE PLATE THAT SAYS "RE-GRET."

QUARANTINE-WHILE, RESEARCHERS ARE NOW ASKING, "COULD CATS HOLD

THE KEY TO A COVID-19 VACCINE?" I HOPE NOT.

I DO NOT WANT HUMANITY'S FATE IN THE HANDS OF CREATURES THAT

CLEARLY DON'T CARE IF WE LIVE OR DIE.

SCIENTISTS SAY "CATS DEVELOP A PROTECTIVE IMMUNE RESPONSE TO

COVID-19, LEADING RESEARCHERS TO WONDER WHETHER IT'S WORTH

STUDYING PETS TO AID IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF A HUMAN VACCINE."

SOUNDS GOOD.

BECAUSE MINGLING HUMAN AND CAT D.N.A. HAS NEVER GONE WRONG.

RELEASE THE BUTTHOLE CUT.

( LAUGHTER ) QUARANTINE-WHILE, COLOR EXPERTS

PANTONE, IN AN EFFORT TO END THE STIGMA ASSOCIATED WITH

MENSTRUATION, HAVE UNVEILED "A NEW SHADE OF RED INSPIRED BY THE

COLOR OF WOMEN'S PERIODS."

WHICH IS JUST WRONG.

ANYONE WHO'S WATCHED A MAXI PAD COMMERCIAL KNOWS THE COLOR OF

WOMEN'S PERIODS IS ELECTRIC BLUE.

I THINK THEY WOULD KNOW.

QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN ENGLAND, DURING A TEST RUN OF THE FUTURE

OF EMERGENCY MEDICAL SERVICES, A JETPACK-EQUIPPED PARAMEDIC WAS

ABLE TO COVER A NORMALLY 25-MINUTE TREK UP A MOUNTAINSIDE

TO A SIMULATED EMERGENCY IN ONLY 90 SECONDS.

NOW UNFORTUNATELY, THE JET PACK ISN'T POWERFUL ENOUGH TO

TRANSPORT YOU TO A HOSPITAL, SO IN MANY CASES THEY CAN'T SAVE

YOUR LIFE.

BUT THE LAST THING YOU SEE WILL BE SO COOL!

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ETHAN HAWKE.

I WANT TO SEE THAT JET PACK.

♪ ♪

♪

>> Stephen: I'LL GET IT DOWN EVENTUALLY.

HEY, WELCOME BACK, EBBED.

HE HAS ACTED IN OVER 80 MOVIES, INCLUDING "TRAINING DAY,"

"BOYHOOD," AND "FIRST REFORMED."

HE NOW STARS IN A SERIES HE CREATED AND EXECUTIVE PRODUCES

CALLED "THE GOOD LORD BIRD."

PLEASE WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW," ETHAN HAWKE!

ETHAN, THANKS FOR BEING HERE!

>> THANKS FOR HAVING ME.

IT'S A PLEASURE.

>> Stephen: WE'LL GET INTO THIS A LITTLE LATER IN THE

INTERVIEW.

I JUST WANTED TO START OFF BY SAYING HOW MUCH I'M LOVING "THE

GOOD LORD BIRD."

IT'S BASED ON A TRUE MAN, IT'S CRAZY AT THE SAME TIME, IT'S

TARAJI, FUNNY, A LOT TO TALK ABOUT.

FIRST, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THEATER BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE A

THEATER GUY.

TOBY NOMINATED, DIRECTED BROADWAY.

WHAT DID YOU MAKE TO HAVE THE THEATER OF THE DEBATE THE --

WHAT DID YOU MAKE OF THE THEATER OF THE DEBATE THE OTHER NIGHT?

HOW WOULD YOU DECONSTRUCT THAT AS A DIRECTOR?

>> THAT'S A GREAT QUESTION.

MY FIRST RESPONSE IS IT KIND OF SEEMED LIKE THE MOMENT IN "STAR

WARS" AT THE GENERALLY REVIEWLS HE'S A CENTHOR .

SO THAT'S MY FIRST THOUGHT.

YOU'RE ASKING ABOUT CINEMA.

IF IT WAS THEATER, IF DAVID MAMMOTH DID 14 LINES OF CRYSTAL

METH, STAYED UP ALL NIGHT AND WROTE A SHORT PLAY ABOUT THE

DOWNFALL OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA BUT COULDN'T GET DINERO

AND PACINO SO HAD TO GET TWO UNDERSTUDIES FROM BURT REYNOLDS

DINNER THEATER AND SHOVE THEM ON AND SAID, GO!

THAT'S THE THEATER I THOUGHT IT WAS.

>> Stephen: THERE ARE STILL UNDECIDED VOTERS OUT THERE.

AND I'M FROM SOUTH CAROLINA.

I'VE GOT FRIENDS BACK HOME WHO ARE FANS OF THE PRESIDENT.

DO YOU STILL STAY IN TOUCH?

YOU HAVE ROOTS IN TEXAS.

DO YOU HAVE FRIENDS BACK HOME WHO SUPPORTED THE SNPT.

>> -- SUPPORTED THE PRESIDENT?

OF COURSE.

MY FAMILY'S FROM TEXAS AND WHENEVER WE GET INTO THIS THING

THAT WE THINK SOMEBODY ELSE IS EVIL, WE'VE LOST OUR PATH,

REALLY.

THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS WHAT I HEAR FROM MY FAMILY IS IMMENSE

SADNESS, EVEN FROM THE FAMILIAR MEMBERS THAT VOTED FOR TRUMP,

ABOUT THE LEVEL OF MISINFORMATION AND HOW MUCH THEY

ARE PREYING ON PEOPLE'S FEAR AND GREED, AND THERE'S A KIND OF

SADNESS COMING FROM MY FAMILY THAT HE'S NOT WHO THEY HAD HOPED

HE WAS.

AND IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT THEY LIKE THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY, BUT

IT'S -- IF NOTHING ELSE, I HATE TO SAY IT, THERE'S AN OVERRIDING

SADNESS.

>> Stephen: I AGREE.

THERE'S A SENSE OF GRIEF AND LOSS FOR A LOT OF AMERICANS EVEN

FOR PEOPLE WHO SUPPORTED THE PRESIDENT BECAUSE THEY SEE HIM

AS SOMEONE WHO'S PRECIOUS TO THEM BEING ATTACKED.

>> YEAH, YOU CAN'T BE A SERIOUS CHRISTIAN AND RESPOND TO SOME OF

THE THINGS THAT HE SAYS, NOT REALLY.

YOU CAN'T.

YOU CAN'T ACCEPT THAT KIND OF LEADERSHIP.

HE'S BROKEN DOWN POLITICAL PARTIES.

YOU KNOW, MY FAMILY MEMBERS -- YOU KNOW, GEORGE H.W. BUSH WAS A

VERY SERIOUS PERSON.

THAT'S A FORMIDABLE HUMAN BEING WHO'S EDUCATED AND DEDICATED HIS

LIFE FOR WHAT HE BELIEVED WAS THE BETTERMENT TO HAVE THE

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA AND HE DID A LOT OF GREAT THINGS.

SEE, THAT'S WHEN YOU'RE TALKING ABOUTRABOUT REPUBLICANS AND DEMO

WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SOMEONE FANNING THE FLAMES OF OUR

INABILITY TO SEE EACH OTHER.

TAKE THE PANDEMIC FOR EXAMPLE, WE'RE KIND OF GIVEN THIS FALSE

ARGUMENT LIKE WE HAVE TO DECIDE BETWEEN THE ECONOMY AND OUR

HEALTH, AS IF -- WE'RE GROWNUPS.

WE'RE RESPONSIBLE ADULTS AND PARENTS AND WE HAVE TO DO BOTH.

WE HAVE TO KEEP PEOPLE HEALTHY AND KEEP THE ECONOMY GOING.

IT'S A FALSE ARGUMENT THAT ONE SIDE OF THE TEAM IS FOR

SOMETHING, AND IT CREATES THIS CHAOS OF, YOU KNOW, DUALISTIC

THINKING THAT MAKES EVERYBODY SMALLER THAN WHAT WE REALLY ARE.

>> Stephen: ALL OF THAT IS A PER FECK LEADUP SO THE SHOW THAT

YOU'RE ON HERE TO TALK ABOUT, THE GOOD LORD BIRD, WHERE YOU

PLAY JOHN BROWN.

HERE IS A PHOTO OF YOU PLAYING JOHN BROWN.

I HAVEN'T GOTTEN THIS FAR IN THE SHOW YET BUT YOU WILL EVENTUALLY

LOOK LIKE THIS IN IT, RIGHT?

SO HERE'S A GUY WHO IS IN A TIME OF CHAOS, TOOK HIS BIBLE VERY

SERIOUSLY, WAS FINE WITH DIVIDING PEOPLE.

FOR THE PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW, WHO WAS JOHN BROWN?

>> OKAY.

WELL, THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.

JOHN BROWN WAS A NONVIOLENT ABOLITIONIST UNTIL HE WAS ABOUT

51 YEARS OLD.

HIS GRANDFATHER FOUGHT WITH GEORGE WASHINGTON.

HE HAD A BIG PROBLEM WITH THE CONSTITUTION AND ITS

RELATIONSHIP TO THE EQUALITY OF MAN KIND.

SO HE BECAME A STAUNCH ABOLITIONEST.

SO JOHN BROWN WAS THIS MAN'S GRANDSON.

HIS FATHER AND HE WAS AN ABOLITIONIST.

WHEN HIS SONS WENT DOWN TO SETTLE IN KANSAS, BECAUSE KANSAS

WAS A TERRITORY, RIGHT, AND THIS IS A BRIEF HISTORY, BUT KANSAS

WAS A TERRITORY, AND IT WAS ABOUT TO BECOME A STATE, AND IF

IT WENT PRO-SLAVE THAT WOULD THROW THE SENATE ONE WAY, AND IF

IT WAS A FREE STATE IT WOULD THROW THE SENATE ANOTHER WAY.

THE ABOLITIONISTS WERE MOVING TO KANSAS TO VOTE FOR SLAVERY.

AND POOR PEOPLE IN MISSOURI, THEY'RE SETTLING THEM TO KANSAS

TO VOTE FOR SLAVERY.

THIS TURNED INTO BLOODY KANSAS.

PEOPLE STARTED ATTACKING JOHN BROWN'S SON.

AFTER A LIFETIME OF BEING A NONVIOLENT ABOLITIONIST,

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO FORCE PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND THE TRUTH.

HE WAS A CALVINIST AND A VERY SERIOUS CHRISTIAN WHO TOOK THE

IDEA WE WERE MADE BY THE SAME MAKE TORE HEART AND HE WENT TO

REMIND EVERYBODY AND WAS WILLING TO GET INTO A FIGHT.

TO HE'S GREAT SURPRISE -- I PLAYED THE MAN, I THOUGHT HE WAS

GOING TO GET KILLED QUICKLY.

TO HIS GREAT SURPRISE, HE WAS GREAT ADD GUNFIGHTING.

HE LED A RAID.

HE TOOK OVER THE NATION'S LARGEST ARMORY, HARPER'S FERRY,

WITH A BUNCH OF BLACK AND WHITE FOLKS WORKING TOGETHER, THEY

TOOK IT OVER HOPING TO INCITE A REVOLUTION.

HE FAILED AT THAT BUT WHAT HE SUCCEEDED TO DO WAS TO WAKE UP

AND SHAME THE WHITE CHRISTIAN NORTH AMERICANS, YOU KNOW THE

AMERICANS OF THE NORTH.

AND ABOUT 16 MONTHS AFTER HE WAS HUNG, THE CIVIL WAR STARTED.

>> Stephen: THIS IS AN INCREDIBLY IN SOME WAYS A VERY

DARK STORY, INCREDIBLY DRAMATIC STORY.

IT'S ALSO FUNNY AT THE SAME TIME.

HOW DID YOU -- WHAT DID YOU INTEND -- I KNOW YOU INTENDED.

WHAT I MEANT TO SAY IS DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU COULD GET AWAY

WITH THIS TO MAKE JOHN BROWN NOT ONLY A DRAMATIC SORT OF PROFECK

FIGURE BUT ALSO AN EXTREMELY FLAWED AND FUNNY ONE AT THE SAME

TIME.

>> YOU KNOW THIS BETTER THAN ANYBODY.

IF YOU TALK -- IF YOU YELL AT PEOPLE AND PREACH AT THEM AND

TELL THEM THEY'RE WRONG AND TRY TO TEACH THEM WHAT'S THE RIGHT

THING TO DO, NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR THAT.

IF YOU MAKE THEM LAUGH, THEY CAN SEE THE TRUTH OFT WHAT YOU'RE

SAYING AND DON'T FEEL ATTACKED.

AND THE GENIUS MAGIC TRICK OF JAMES McBRIDE, THE AUTHOR OF

THIS STORY, HE WON THE NATIONAL BOOK AWARD IN 2013, IS HE MAKES

YOU LAUGH AND MAKES YOUR HEART THROB WITH LOVE AND HEALING OVER

OUR CON'S GREATEST -- OUR COUNTRY'S GREATEST WOUND.

>> Stephen: IT HAS BEEN SO LONG SINCE JOHN BROWN WAS HANGED

IN 1859, BUT WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS STORY SPEAKS TO IN OUR

PRESENT TIME OF RACIAL RECKONING IN 2020?

>> WELL, WHAT I HOPE IS THAT PEOPLE CAN SEE IS THAT OUR

COUNTRY HAS BEEN HERE BEFORE.

THE BLOOD HAS ALREADY BEEN SHED.

WE KNOCKED DOWN THIS DOORWAY.

THERE'S A LINE IN THE SHOW THAT McBRIDE WRITES ABOUT HARRIET

TUBMAN SAYS, THE DOORSTEP OF CHANGE IS OPEN, YOU KNOW,

FREEDOM IS THERE, WE JUST HAVE TO WALK THROUGH IT.

AND I THINK PEOPLE LIKE HARRIET TUBMAN AND JOHN BROWN AND

FREDERIC DOUGLAS AND SOJOURNER TRUTH, THESE PEOPLE WOULD BE

HEART BROKEN TO SEE THAT YOUNG PEOPLE TODAY HAVE TO MARCH, AND

THEY HAVE TO.

WE HAVE TO.

WE HAVE TO DEMAND SOCIAL JUSTICE.

WE HAVE TO WALK THROUGH THIS DOOR, YOU KNOW.

AND I THINK THEY WOULD BE SHOCKED.

NONE OF THESE PEOPLE WANTED THAT BLOODSHED ANYMORE THAN YOU OR I

DOSM NONE OF THESE PEOPLE WANTED VIOLENCE.

BUT WE ALREADY DID THIS, YOU KNOW, AND THE JOHN BROWN STORY

PUTS A MICROSCOPE -- YOU KNOW, THIS EXPRESSION EVERYBODY

THROWING AROUND, SYSTEMIC RACISM, JOHN BROWN, IF YOU LOOKT

AT HIS STORY, IT TURNS THE MICROSCOPE TO THE DNA WITH WHICH

THIS COUNTRY WAS BUILT, AND IT'S GOT SOME DESIGN FLAWS, YOU KNOW,

FROM THE ZONING OF OUR CITIES TO OUR SCHOOL SYSTEM TO OUR POLICE

FORCE TO THE WAYTT THAT WE THINK AND TREAT EACH OTHER.

YOU KNOW, IT'S GOT SOME FUNDAMENTAL DESIGN FLAWS, AND IF

WE CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT AND LAUGH ABOUT IT AND SAY THE WRONG THING

AND FORGIVE EACH OTHER AND WORK TOWARDS IT, THEN THE DIALOGUE

KEEPS SHUTTING DOWN AND WHEN THE DIALOGUE SHUTS DOWN, NOTHING'S

GOING TO GET BETTER.

THAT'S MY THOUGHT.

THAT'S MY SOAPBOX.

>> Stephen: WELL DONE.

WELL DONE.

"THE GOOD LORD BIRD" PREMIERES SUNDAY NIGHT ON SHOWTIME.

ETHAN HAWKE, EVERYBODY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH FORMER LEAD PROSECUTOR FOR THE MUELLER

INVESTIGATION, ANDREW WEISSMANN.

♪ ♪

♪ >> STEPHEN: WELCOME BACK.

JOINING ME TONIGHT IS AN N.Y.U.

LAW PROFESSOR AND FORMER LEAD PROSECUTOR IN THE OFFICE OF

SPECIAL COUNSEL ROBERT MUELLER.

HE HAS JUST WRITTEN A BOOK ABOUT THE INVESTIGATION CALLED "WHERE

LAW ENDS."

PLEASE WELCOME, ANDREW WEISSMANN.

MR. WEISSMANN, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.

>> NICE TO BE HERE.

>> Stephen: WELL, WHERE DOES THE LAW END?

( LAUGHTER ) >> OKAY, HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU

HAVE?

SO THAT TILE COMES FROM A JOHN LAW QUOTE, ENGLISH PHILOSOPHER.

>> Stephen: SURE.

BUT THE MAIN REASON FOR IT SEX PERSONSING WHAT I

EXPERIENCED FOR 22 MONTHS -- WHAT I EXPERIENCED FOR 22 MONTHS

INVESTIGATING THE PRESIDENT AND ATTORNEY GENERAL BARR.

>> Stephen: THIS IS ABWHERE THE LAW ENDS.

IS THE WHITE HOUSE ONE OF THEM?

>> THE WHITE HOUSE AND ATTORNEY GENERAL BARR PRESENTED A NUMBER

OF OBSTACLES TO OUR INVESTIGATION, ABSOLUTELY.

>> Stephen: A RECAP FOR THE PEOPLE WHO MAY NOT KNOW WHO YOU

ARE.

YOU WERE ONE TO HAVE THE LEAD PROSECUTORS FOR THE MUELLER

INVESTIGATION.

FOR ALMOST TWO YEARS WE HEARD MUELLER'S NAME JUST ABOUT EVERY

DAY.

NOT ALWAYS YOURS BUT SOMETIMES YOURS.

A COUPLE OF YEARS LATER, MUELLER, MUELLER, THE GUY WITH

THE RUSSIA THING.

RIGHT?

WHAT JOB W WERE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO.

>> ROD ROSENSTEIN APPOINTED ROBERT MUELLER AS SPECIAL

COUNSEL AND HE WAS SUPPOSED TO INVESTIGATE WHAT RUSSIA DID IN

TERMS OF INTERFERING WITH OUR ELECTION AND WHETHER THERE WAS

ANYBODY IN THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN WHO PARTICIPATED IN THAT AND

ALSO WHETHER THE PRESIDENT OBSTRUCTED JUSTICE.

>> Stephen: OKAY.

NOW, EARLY IN TE BOOK, YOU WRITE, QUOTE, AS PROUD AS I AM

OF THE WORK OUR TEAM DID, WE COULD HAVE DONE MORE.

WHAT MORE COULD YOU HAVE DONE, AND IF YOU COULD HAVE DONE IT,

WHY DIDN'T YOU DO IT?

>> TIMELY QUESTION BECAUSE WE ALL ARE READING THE "NEW YORK

TIMES" AND HEARING ABOUT FINISH NANCE -- ABOUT FINANCES OF THE

PRESIDENT, AND THAT'S AN AREA WHERE IT'S A LONG, COMPLICATED

STORY, BUT IT WIL -- BUT ULTIMAT WE DID NOT DO A FULL

INVESTIGATION OF THE PRESIDENT'S FINANCES AND THERE ARE A LOT OF

UNANSWERED QUESTIONS THERE.

>> Stephen: WHO DID HE OWE $420 MILLION TO?

WOULDN'T THAT HAVE BEEN HANDY, TO ASK THAT QUESTION?

>> THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.

BUT HERE'S PARTLY THE REASON THERE WAS A DECISION NOT TO GO

THERE, AND THIS IS PRETTY TELLING, WHICH IS THE WHITE

HOUSE CALLED UP AND SAID ARE YOU LOOKING INTO THE FINANCES?

THAT'S A RED LINE.

AND THE DECISION THE SPECIAL COUNSEL HAD TO MADE EARLY IN THE

INVESTIGATION WAS DO YOU PUT THAT ASIDE FOR NOW AND PURSUE

THE INVESTIGATION INTO OTHER THINGS, WHICH WAS INCREDIBLY

SUCCESSFUL, OR DO YOU JUST RISK GETTING FIRED RIGHT AT THE

OUTSET?

>> Stephen: BUT, LISTEN, I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HOW TO

RUN A CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION OR A NATIONAL SECURITY

INVESTIGATION, BUT IF A GUY IS ACCUSED OF MURDER AND SAYS, HEY,

DON'T LOOK IN THE CRAWL SPACE, THAT IS CROSSING A RED LINE,

DOESN'T THAT TELL YOU THAT THAT'S WHERE THE BODY IS BURIED?

>> SO HUGE RED FLAG, AND WHERE WE ARE RIGHT NOW IS YOU KNOW

FROM THE "NEW YORK TIMES" THAT THERE'S A HUGE AMOUNT OF

UNEXPLAINED DEBT, AND YOU KNOW THAT THE WHITE HOUSE HAS SAID I

DON'T WANT ANYONE INVESTIGATING IT.

AND YOU KNOW ONE MORE THING WHICH IS THEY'RE FIGHTING LIKE

CRAZY NOT TO TURN OVER ACCOUNTING RECORDS.

SO THIS SEEMS TO BE AS AN INVESTIGATOR, YOU KNOW, MY MY AN

ANTENNAE ARE UP.

>> Stephen: I ASSUME THEY MUST HAVE BEEN UP WHEN THEY SAID

THAT'S A RED LINE.

DID YOU GUYS BUTT HEADS OVER WHETHER YOU SHOULD, A, GO FOR

THE FINANCES AND, B, AS RESPECTABLY AS POSSIBLE HAUL THE

PRESIDENT IN BY THE SCRUFF OF THE NECK AND PUT HIS HAND ON A

LITTLE BLACK BOOK AND SAY DO YOU SWEAR TO TELL THE TRUTH?

>> ONE OF BOB MUELLER'S LINES IS WE'RE HERE TO DEFEND DEMOCRACY,

NOT TO PRACTICE IT.

HE WOULD HEAR FROM EVERYBODY BUT THEN HE MADE THE JUDGMENT CALLS

ABOUT WHAT TO DO.

>> Stephen: OH, OKAY.

S THE DEMOCRACY THAT THEY'RE NOT PRACTICING IS THAT THE

SPECIAL COUNSEL'S OFFICE IS NOT A DEBATING SOCIETY, HE ACTUALLY

JUST GETS TO MAKE THE DECISION AT THE END OF THE DAY.

>> EXACTLY.

>> Stephen: WAS IT ALL JUST IF WE PUSH TOO FAR HE'LL KILL THE

INVESTIGATION?

>> THERE WAS THAT.

THAT WAS A PIECE OF IT.

THERE WAS A CONCERN -- I THINK THAT'S PROBABLY THE MAIN PIECE

OF IT IS DOING THAT, AND THEN THERE'S A CONCERN OF NO GETTING

INTO -- NOT GETTING INTO A PROTRACTED LEGAL FIGHT THAT

COULD TAKE YEARS BECAUSE, AS YOU'VE SEEN, THE PRESIDENT IS

QUITE LITIGIOUS.

>> Stephen: RIGHT.

IN RETROSPECT, HOW MUCH DID THAT TAKE THE TEETH OUT OF THE

INVESTIGATION IF, AS YOU GOT CLOSER TO THINGS THAT YOU

THOUGHT PERHAPS HAD SOME INFORMATION THAT YOU NEEDED, YOU

HAD TO BACK AWAY BECAUSE THE GUY YOU WERE INVESTIGATING COULD

STOP YOU FROM DOING SO?

IT JUST SEEMS LIKE AN ODD INVESTIGATION, THOUGH, DOESN'T

GET TO FOLLOW THE FACTS.

>> SO I TOTALLY AGREE.

TWO THINGS THAT ARE REALLY WORTH NOTING THAT MAKE THIS SO

DIFFERENT THAN WHEN I INVESTIGATED ENRON OR EVEN

ORGANIZED CRIME WHICH IS THAT THE PERSON THAT WE WERE

INVESTIGATING HAD THE POWER TO FIRE US, AND THEY ALSO HAVE THE

POWER TO PARDON PEOPLE, MEANING THAT IT WAS VERY HARD TO GET

PEOPLE TO COOPERATE BECAUSE HE COULD JUST DANGLE A PARDON THAT

WOULD DETER THEM.

BUT THE REASON I WROTE THE BOOK IS TO SORT OF LAY OUT THE ISSUES

AND ALSO THE DISAGREEMENTS INTERNALLY AS TO WHAT WE DID SO

THAT PEOPLE WOULD HAVE A SORT OF CANDID DISCUSSION ABOUT THE

INVESTIGATION AND ALSO THINK ABOUT IS THIS THE WAY WE WANT

THINGS TO WORK IN THE FUTURE.

>> Stephen: NOW, BOB MUELLER HAS RECENTLY PUSHED BACK NOT

VIOLENTLY, BUT HE HAS SAID -- I DON'T THINK HE CALLED YOU UP BY

NAME, BUT I THINK HE SAID THAT YOU WERE, QUOTE -- HMM, HMM,

HMM, HMM, HMM -- INCOMPLETE INFORMATION?

IS THAT WHAT HE DESCRIBED AS INCOMPLETE INFORMATION?

>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT?

WHAT YOU PERHAPS WERE NOT PRIVY TO?

>> WELL, OBVIOUSLY, IF IT'S SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW, BY

DEFINITION, I CAN'T SAY WHAT IT IS THAT I DON'T KNOW.

BUT IT'S CERTAINLY THE CASE THAT I CAN'T SAY THAT I KNOW

EVERYTHING.

BUT, YOU KNOW, I TRIED TO GIVE A TRUTHFUL, CANDID RECITATION OF

THE FACTS I DID KNOW.

>> Stephen: WHEN WE COME BACK, ANDREW WEISSMANN AND HIS TEAM'S

REACTION TO BILL BARR'S FOUR-PAGE SUMMARY OF THEIR

REPORT.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

♪ ♪

♪

♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.

WE'RE BACK WITH ONE OF THE LEAD PROSECUTORS FOR THE MUELLER

INVESTIGATION AND AUTHOR OF "WHERE LAW ENDS," ANDREW

WEISSMANN.

THE FINAL REPORT DID NOT CONCLUDE THAT THE PRESIDENT

BROKE NEW LAWS, BUT IT ALSO SPECIFICALLY DID NOT CONCLUDE

THE PRESIDENT HADN'T BROKEN ANY LAWS.

>> ISN'T THAT CLEAR TO YOU?

>> Stephen: YES.

( LAUGHTER ) YOU WERE ON THE INSIDE.

YOU KNOW, THIS ISN'T AN OFFICIAL REPORT.

THIS IS JUST US SITTING ON TWO BAR STOOLS.

DID THE PRESIDENT COMMIT ANY CRIMES?

>> THERE WAS A LOT OF DISCUSSION ABOUT WHETHER WE SHOULD JUST

COME OUT AND SAY IT IN THE REPORT AS OPPOSED TO SAYING THE

PHRASE THAT YOU JUST SAID, WHICH IS VERY CONVOLUTED.

MY VIEW, MY PERSONAL VIEW IS THAT ANY PROSECUTOR WORTH THEIR

SALT -- HOPEFULLY I'M ONE OF THEM -- WOULD SAY THAT THE

PRESIDENT OBSTRUCTED JUSTICE.

>> Stephen: SO WHEN BARR WENT OUT THERE WITH HIS FOUR-PAGE

SUMMARY OF YOUR VOLUMINOUS REPORT, DID YOU KNOW THAT HE WAS

GOING TO ABSOLUTELY SANDBAG THE AMERICAN PEOPLE?

BECAUSE I READ A LOT OF YOUR REPORT AND YOU DO STATE IN THERE

TEAM STATES IN THERE IN THE NAME OF MR. MUELLER -- THAT IF HE

WASN'T PRESIDENT, HE WOULD HAVE BEEN PROSECUTED, NOT SO MANY

WORDS BUT DEFINITELY IN THAT MEANING.

WHAT DID IT FEEL LIKE TO HEAR YOU GET SOLD UP THE RIVER BY

BARR?

>> GOING BACK TO YOUR FIRST QUESTION, THAT'S WHERE LAW

ENDED.

>> Stephen: WHEN BARR STEPPED OUT THERE.

>> YEP.

THAT WAS REALLY SOUL CRUSHING.

>> Stephen: WELL, IF THE PRESIDENT LOSES IN NOVEMBER,

WOULD IT BE REASONABLE FOR HIM TO BE PROSECUTED?

>> COMPLICATED QUESTION.

IT WOULD BE REASONABLE, BUT, ON THE ONE HAND, YOU DON'T WANT TO

BE A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY WHERE WE'RE JUST PROSECUTING THE NEXT

PRESIDENT, YOUR POLITICAL OPPONENT.

ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE SORT OF A LICENSE

FOR SOMEBODY TO COMMIT A CRIME WHILE THEY'RE IN OFFICE OR

PREVIOUSLY AND FEEL LIKE THEY WILL NEVER BE HELD TO ACCOUNT

JUST BECAUSE THEY BECAME PRESIDENT.

SO THE NEXT ATTORNEY GENERAL, HE'S GOING TO HAVE A HARD

DECISION.

>> Stephen: WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.

"WHERE LAW ENDS" IS AVAILABLE NOW.

ANDREW WEISSMANN, EVERYBODY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

♪ ♪

♪

>> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR "A LATE SHOW."

JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT, BUT FIRST, LET'S SAY GOOD NIGHT WITH SOME

MUSIC FROM JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.

♪ ♪

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