All language subtitles for Stephen Colbert 2020 09 29 Cory Booker WEB h264 WEBTUBE_track3_eng

>> Announcer: TONIGHT, ON "LATE

NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS,"

COLIN QUINN.

STAR OF "FILTHY RICH," ACTRESS

KIM CATTRALL

MUSIC FROM JEFF ROSENSTOCK

FEATURING THE BAND WITH

JESSICA BURDEAUX

AND NOW, SETH MEYERS

SETH MEYERS, AND THIS IS "LATE

NIGHT.

HOW IS EVERYBODY DOING TONIGHT

ALL RIGHT.

SAME AS ALWAYS, LET'S GET TO THE

NEWS

THE "NEW YORK TIMES" YESTERDAY

PUBLISHED AN INVESTIGATION INTO

PRESIDENT TRUMP'S FINANCES

AND LET'S JUST SAY, MELANIA'S

GOING TO BE PRETTY PISSED WHEN

SHE LEARNS WHAT HALF OF NEGATIVE

431 MILLION IS

THE "NEW YORK TIMES"

INVESTIGATION PUBLISHED

YESTERDAY ALLEGES PRESIDENT

TRUMP HAS PAID ALMOST NOTHING IN

FEDERAL INCOME TAX OVER THE PAST

20 YEARS

WOW.

IF TRUE, THIS BOMBSHELL HAS THE

POTENTIAL TO BE ALMOST AS

DAMAGING TO HIS POLITICAL CAREER

AS THE "ACCESS HOLLYWOOD" TAPE

THE "NEW YORK TIMES"

INVESTIGATION PUBLISHED

YESTERDAY SHOWED TRUMP PAID JUST

$750 IN FEDERAL INCOME TAX IN

BOTH 2016 AND 2017, WHICH I HAVE

TO ADMIT, IS WAY FUNNIER THAN

PAYING $0.

IT'S LIKE GIVING SOMEONE A

STARBUCKS GIFT CARD WITH

68 CENTS ON IT

HEY, CONSIDER IT A DOWN PAYMENT

ON A TALL.

PRESIDENT TRUMP AND FORMER VICE

PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN ARE SET TO

APPEAR TOMORROW IN CLEVELAND FOR

THEIR FIRST PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE.

THE MEDIA'S SETTING THIS UP LIKE

IT'S GOING TO BE A PRIZE FIGHT,

BUT I THINK IT'S GOING TO BE

MORE LIKE ONE OF THOSE SAD

BOXING MATCHES WHERE THE REF

SPENDS THE WHOLE TIME TRYING TO

GET THEM OUT OF THE CLINCH

"COME ON, GUYS

COME ON.

STOP HOLDING EACH OTHER UP

PEOPLE PAID GOOD MONEY."

PRESIDENT TRUMP YESTERDAY CALLED

ON FORMER VICE PRESIDENT

JOE BIDEN TO TAKE A DRUG TEST

BEFORE THE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE,

MAKING IT THE FIRST TIME TRUMP'S

EVER BEEN IN FAVOR OF MORE

TESTING.

PRESIDENT TRUMP REPORTEDLY

PREPARED FOR THE FIRST

PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE YESTERDAY,

BUT NOT FOR VERY LONG.

"NOW, IF I SWEAT, WILL THE

SHARPIE RUN?

BECAUSE THAT'S A PROBLEM

WELL, I'M JUST SAYING.

LET'S TRY TO THINK THIS STUFF

THROUGH, GUYS!

I CAN'T BE -- I CAN'T BE THE

STOPGAP FOR EVERYTHING

I'M NOT SURE STOPGAP'S THE RIGHT

WORD

WHAT'S THE WORD I WAS LOOKING

FOR, BAZE?

>> NO, I THINK THAT WAS FINE

>> Seth: ALL RIGHT

OUR HEAD WRITER, ALEX BAZE IS

HERE FOR THE FIRST TIME AND

THAT'S THE KIND OF BANTER YOU

CAN EXPECT NOW

[ LAUGHTER ]

AFTER PRESIDENT TRUMP ANNOUNCED

THAT HE SELECTED JUDGE

AMY CONEY BARRETT TO BE HIS

SUPREME COURT NOMINEE, SENATE

REPUBLICANS BEGAN SELLING A

"NOTORIOUS ACB" T-SHIRT.

AND IT'S MORE OBNOXIOUS THAN YOU

THINK BECAUSE THEY DON'T EVEN

KNOW ABOUT THE RAPPER.

ACCORDING TO A NEW BOOK BY

PRESIDENT TRUMP'S FORMER DEPUTY

CAMPAIGN MANAGER, TRUMP WANTED

TO SELECT HIS DAUGHTER IVANKA TO

BE HIS VICE --

PRESIDENT.

HIS VICE PRESIDENT

NASA ASTRONAUT, KATE RUBINS IS

REPORTEDLY PLANNING TO VOTE IN

NOVEMBER'S ELECTION FROM THE

INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION.

AND BAD NEWS, GEORGIA, THAT'S

ALSO YOUR POLLING PLACE.

AFTER A SURGE OF CORONAVIRUS

CASES AT THE UNIVERSITY OF

COLORADO, HEALTH OFFICIALS IN

BOULDER HAVE BANNED

18-22-YEAR-OLDS FROM GATHERING

IN GROUPS OF ANY SIZE FOR TWO

WEEKS.

IT'S BEEN ESPECIALLY HARD FOR

THAT ONE FRIEND WHO NEVER PAYS

FOR WEED

"OH, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?"

"JUST BUY IT YOURSELF, COLTON.

YOU GOT A TRUST FUND, BUDDY.

TODAY WAS WORLD RABIES DAY SO IF

YOU SEE SOMEONE FOAMING AT THE

MOUTH, THAT'S PROBABLY JUST RUDY

ON FOX NEWS.

AND FINALLY, KRAFT HAS ANNOUNCED

IT WILL BEGIN SELLING A LIMITED

EDITION PUMPKIN SPICE MAC AND

CHEESE

LOOK FOR IT IN THE CHECKOUT LINE

AT TJ MAXX IN APRIL.

AND THAT WAS THE MONOLOGUE,

EVERYBODY.

WE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU

TONIGHT.

HE'S GOT A GREAT NEW BOOK,

"OVERSTATED: A GUIDE TO --"

SORRY, "A COAST-TO-COAST ROAST

OF THE 50 STATES."

OUR FRIEND COLIN QUINN WILL BE

HERE

SO EXCITED FOR THAT.

ALSO, KIM CATTRALL

THE FANTASTIC KIM CATTRALL WILL

BE HERE TO TALK ABOUT HER NEW

SHOW, "FILTHY RICH."

AND MUSIC FROM ONE OF MY

FAVORITES, JEFF ROSENSTOCK

BUT -- THERE WE GO

JEFF ROSENSTOCK.

BUT BEFORE WE GET TO ALL OF

THAT, ONE OF THE GREATEST TAX

CHEATS IN AMERICAN HISTORY, A

CRIMINALLY NEGLIGENT SOCIOPATH

WHO LOST THE POPULAR VOTE AND

HAS OVERSEEN THE PREVENTABLE

DEATHS OF HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS

OF AMERICANS IS ON THE VERGE OF

PUTTING A THIRD JUSTICE ON THE

SUPREME COURT.

AND REPUBLICANS ARE FULL STEAM

AHEAD.

THIS HAS BEEN "A CLOSER LOOK."

OH, WAIT

I'M SORRY.

I MEANT, IT'S TIME FOR "A CLOSER

LOOK."

>> Seth: EVERY DAY, EVERY SINGLE

DAY, DONALD TRUMP, ONE OF THE

MOST IRRITATING, UNLIKABLE,

OFF-PUTTING INDIVIDUALS IN

AMERICAN HISTORY, INVADES OUR

NATIONAL CONSCIOUSNESS BY

COMMANDEERING THE SPOTLIGHT,

SAYING SOMETHING PSYCHOTIC, AND

FORCING US ALL TO THINK ABOUT

HIM.

ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE THAT

SUCKS ABOUT THE TRUMP ERA, IT'S

EXHAUSTING

WHEN MY HEAD HITS THE PILLOW AT

NIGHT, I THINK, IN HIS VOICE,

"DID I LEAVE THE OVEN ON

I SHOULD GO CHECK.

OF COURSE, IF IT'S ON, THAT'S

NOT MY FAULT."

SERIOUSLY, I HAVE A

FOUR-YEAR-OLD AND A

TWO-YEAR-OLD, AND EVEN THEY

DON'T DEMAND MY ATTENTION THIS

MUCH

BECAUSE EVEN ON THEIR WORST

DAYS, KIDS DON'T [ BLEEP ]

THEMSELVES EVERY FIVE MINUTES.

AGAIN?

I JUST CHANGED YOU

FOR EXAMPLE, TRUMP HAS LEARNED

HE CAN DISTRACT FROM THE NEWS OF

THE DAY AND FORCE THE MEDIA TO

COVER WHATEVER CRAZY NONSENSE HE

FEELS LIKE SAYING BY PRETENDING

TO A HOLD A NEWS CONFERENCE AT

THE WHITE HOUSE THAT ALMOST

ALWAYS ENDS UP TURNING INTO A

CAMPAIGN RALLY/THERAPY SESSION

AND APPARENTLY, I'M NOT THE ONLY

ONE WHO FEELS THIS WAY, BECAUSE,

AS FOX NEWS TUNED INTO TRUMP'S

LATEST GRIPE SESSION LAST NIGHT

AT THE WHITE HOUSE, A HOT MIC

CAUGHT SOMEONE EXPRESSING THEIR

FRUSTRATION, LIVE, ON AIR.

HERE

>> OH, [ BLEEP ]

>> Seth: I HEAR YA, DISEMBODIED

VOICE.

I HEAR YA.

WAIT, WAS THAT THE VOICE OF THE

WHITE HOUSE?

HAS THE WHITE HOUSE RESISTED

USING ITS MAGICAL POWER OF

SPEECH FOR CENTURIES, ONLY TO

FINALLY CAVE AT A TRUMP PRESS

CONFERENCE, TO UTTER AN

EXHAUSTED "OH, [ BLEEP ]"?

LIKE, ARE WE JUST GOING TO START

HEARING THE INTERNAL MONOLOGUE

OF THE BUILDING ITSELF NOW

>> I GUESS WE HAVE THE PRESIDENT

HERE

>> OH, HERE WE GO, AGAIN, WITH

THIS [ BLEEP ] GUY

AND STOP GETTING KETCHUP ON MY

CURTAINS

THEY'RE NOT NAPKINS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Seth: TRUMP USED THE OCCASION

TO SPEW HIS USUAL B.S., FROM HIS

DERANGED CLAIM THAT JOE BIDEN IS

ON PERFORMANCE-ENHANCING DRUGS,

TO THE LIE THAT MAIL BALLOTING

LEADS TO FRAUD

BUT EVEN TRUMP, WITH HIS VAST

POWERS OF DISTRACTION, COULD NOT

PULL FOCUS AWAY FROM SUNDAY

NIGHT'S BOMBSHELL STORY, THE NEW

YORK TIMES" REPORTED ABOUT

TRUMP'S SERIAL TAX CHEATING AND

BUSINESS LOSSES.

AND THIS STORY DIDN'T GO BACK

DECADES TO DIG UP SOME

EMBARRASSING DETAILS ABOUT

TRUMP'S EARLY YEARS IN REAL

ESTATE

THIS WAS ABOUT HOW MUCH HE PAID

IN TAXES AS A CANDIDATE AND THEN

AS PRESIDENT

>> PRESIDENT TRUMP PAID JUST

$750 IN FEDERAL INCOME TAXES IN

BOTH 2016 AND 2017

THAT'S ACCORDING TO A REPORT BY

THE "NEW YORK TIMES," WHICH SAYS

IT OBTAINED MORE THAN TWO

DECADES OF TAX RETURN DATA FOR

THE PRESIDENT AND HIS COMPANIES.

ACCORDING TO "THE TIMES," MR

TRUMP PAID NO INCOME TAXES AT

ALL IN TEN OF THE PREVIOUS 15

YEARS, LARGELY BECAUSE HE

REPORTED LOSING MUCH MORE MONEY

THAN HE MADE

>> Seth: THAT'S SUCH A GREAT

PICTURE FROM THAT "NEW YORK

TIMES" STORY

IT'S LIKE THEY ASKED HIM TO POSE

FOR IT

"YEAH, WE JUST WANT TO GET YOU

THROUGH THE WINDOW OF YOUR CAR

I DON'T KNOW

JUST LOOK LIKE SOMEONE WHO

DOESN'T PAY TAXES.

ALSO, $750

I PAID MORE THAN THAT IN

BLOCKBUSTER LATE FEES.

I'M SERIOUS.

IN 1993, I TOOK OUT A COPY OF

"THE PRINCE OF TIDES."

THEN, I LOANED IT TO MY STONER

FRIEND WHO SOLD IT IN A YARD

SALE

AND WHEN BLOCKBUSTER SHUT DOWN,

I OWED THEM 750 BUCKS.

SO I HOPE YOU ENJOYED NOLTE AND

BABS, SCOOCH

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED 'EM

SERIOUSLY, I'M HAVING TROUBLE

WRAPPING MY HEAD AROUND JUST HOW

CORRUPT THIS IS.

A MAN WHO CLAIMS TO BE ONE OF

THE MOST SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS

MOGULS IN AMERICA, WHO CLAIMS HE

IS WORTH $10 BILLION, WHO'S CAST

HIMSELF AS A PATRIOTIC HERO OF

THE WORKING CLASS, PAID $750 IN

TAXES TO THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT,

WHILE HE WAS PRESIDENT OF THE

UNITED STATES.

JESUS, DUDE.

WE ARE PAYING YOUR ROOM AND

BOARD.

YOU CAN'T EVEN MAKE IT AN EVEN

GRAND?

ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE, IT'S

SO BRAZEN.

I'M SHOCKED WE DON'T HAVE

SURVEILLANCE VIDEO OF TRUMP

SNEAKING OUT OF FORT KNOX WITH

GOLD BARS STUFFED IN HIS

POCKETS.

MAYBE, THAT'S WHY HIS COAT'S

ALWAYS SO BULKY.

HE JUST STOLE A BUNCH OF COINS

FROM THE U.S. MINT

"MR. PRESIDENT, JUST BEFORE

TAKEOFF, WE'RE GOING TO NEED

EVERYBODY'S WEIGHT."

"WELL, LET'S SEE

I'M LIKE A BUCK 80, BUT MELANIA

IS A -- SHE'S LIKE AN

EVEN 1,200

NO, NO, BE COOL, MELANIA

MY COAT'S FULL OF LOOT

JUST BE COOL, FOR ONCE,

MELANIA.

IN FACT, THAT BASICALLY IS WHAT

TRUMP'S BEEN DOING

HE'S BEEN BILKING DONORS AND

TAXPAYERS FOR MILLIONS OF

DOLLARS AT HIS PRIVATE CLUBS AND

GOLF COURSES, WHILE LOBBYISTS

AND FOREIGN OFFICIALS POUR MONEY

INTO HIS HOTELS TO CURRY FAVOR

WITH HIM

AND NOW, WE KNOW WHY

THE DUDE'S BROKE

>> THE "TIMES" REPORTS PRESIDENT

TRUMP'S CORE BUSINESSES, FROM

HIS GOLF COURSES, TO HIS

WASHINGTON, D.C., HOTEL, HAD

BEEN LOSING MILLIONS OF DOLLARS

YEAR AFTER YEAR.

ALSO DANGLING OVER THE

PRESIDENT'S HEAD, A DECADE-LONG

AUDIT BY THE IRS OVER THE

LEGITIMACY OF NEARLY $73 MILLION

TAX REFUND THAT TRUMP RECEIVED

AN ADVERSE RULING IN THAT CASE

COULD COST MR. TRUMP MORE THAN

$100 MILLION

AND HE IS PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE

FOR LOANS AND OTHER DEBTS

TOTALING $421 MILLION.

MOST OF IT COMING DUE WITHIN

FOUR YEARS

>> Seth: SO NOW WE KNOW WHY

TRUMP'S SO DESPERATE TO STAY IN

THE WHITE HOUSE.

HE NEEDS THE FREE HOUSING.

HE NEEDS A PLACE TO CRASH.

HE'S YOUR DEADBEAT FRIEND WHO

REFUSES TO GET A JOB BECAUSE HE

IS STILL WORKING ON HIS IDEA FOR

AN APP THAT TELLS YOU WHICH

CHIPOTLE LOCATIONS HAVE THE

HOTTEST CASHIERS

"I JUST NEED TO CRASH WITH YOU

UNTIL I GET CHIPOTE-BAE OFF THE

GROUND

AND THEN, WE'RE JUST SOARING TO

THE SKIES.

TRUMP'S THE DUPREE OF THE WHITE

HOUSE.

THAT'S ANOTHER ONE I FORGOT TO

RETURN TO BLOCKBUSTER.

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE LAID-BACK

ANTICS OF OWEN WILSON, SCOOCH.

I HOPE YOU DID

SO, TRUMP PAID VIRTUALLY NOTHING

IN TAXES IN 2016 AND 2017.

IT'S ONE THING TO DO THIS WHILE

YOU'RE JUST A NEW YORK REAL

ESTATE GRIFTER

BUT IT'S ESPECIALLY BRAZEN TO DO

IT WHILE YOU'RE A SITTING

PRESIDENT.

THAT MEANS HE WAS IN THE OVAL

OFFICE ON THE PHONE WITH HIS

ACCOUNTANT SAYING, WHAT?

"890 BUCKS SEEMS LIKE A LOT.

CAN WE GET IT DOWN TO 750?

IT WAS 750 LAST YEAR

I FEEL LIKE THAT WAS MORE THAN

FAIR."

BUT BECAUSE OF HIS BUSINESS

ENTANGLEMENTS ACROSS THE WORLD,

WHICH, BY THE WAY, ARE ALMOST

CERTAINLY UNCONSTITUTIONAL, HE

DID PAY A LOT MORE TO FOREIGN

GOVERNMENTS.

2017, THE PRESIDENT'S $750

CONTRIBUTION TO THE OPERATIONS

OF THE U.S. GOVERNMENT WAS

DWARFED BY THE $15,598 HE OR HIS

COMPANIES PAID IN PANAMA, THE

$145,400 IN INDIA, AND THE

$156,824 IN THE PHILIPPINES.

AMAZING.

THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED

STATES PAID MORE IN TAXES TO

PANAMA THAN HE DID TO THE UNITED

STATES

MAYBE, THAT'S WHY TRUMP KEEPS

ASKING OTHER COUNTRIES TO HELP

HIM IN THE ELECTION.

HE THINKS THEY OWE THEM.

"HELLO, PHILIPPINES.

DO YOU HAVE ANY DIRT ON

JOE BIDEN?

IF YOU DO, I WILL PAY MY TAXES,

IN FULL, AGAIN THIS YEAR."

AND BY THE WAY, THIS REPORT IS

NOT ISOLATED

WE ALREADY KNOW TRUMP IS A

PROLIFIC TAX CHEAT, WHO'S

SWINDLED THE AMERICAN PEOPLE FOR

DECADES.

THE "TIMES" PREVIOUSLY REPORTED

THAT TRUMP LOST A BILLION

DOLLARS IN OVER A DECADE IN THE

'80s AND '90s AND AVOIDED PAYING

INCOME TAXES FOR EIGHT OF THOSE

TEN YEARS.

AND IN CONGRESSIONAL TESTIMONY,

HIS EX-FIXER, MICHAEL COHEN,

TOLD CONGRESSWOMAN

ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ THAT

TRUMP MAY WELL HAVE COMMITTED

TAX FRAUD BY LYING ABOUT THE

VALUE OF HIS ASSETS TO SAVE

MONEY.

PRESIDENT INTERESTED IN REDUCING

HIS LOCAL REAL ESTATE BILLS?

TAX BILLS?

>> YES

>> AND HOW DID HE DO THAT?

>> WHAT YOU DO IS YOU DEFLATE

THE VALUE OF THE ASSET

AND THEN YOU PUT IN A REQUEST TO

THE TAX DEPARTMENT FOR A

DEDUCTION.

>> Seth: OF COURSE, WITH TRUMP,

IT WAS PROBABLY HARD TO TELL

THAT HE WAS DEFLATING THE VALUE

OF HIS ASSETS SINCE EVERYTHING

HE OWNS EVENTUALLY TURNS TO

[ BLEEP ] ANYWAY

HE SAYS HIS CASINO IS WORTH

$0, BUT I GUESS THAT MAKES

SENSE.

THE SLOT MACHINE ONLY HAS TWO

REELS.

NOW, WHAT COHEN ALLEGED THERE IS

ILLEGAL.

AND WE KNOW TRUMP IS ALREADY

UNDER INVESTIGATION BY BOTH THE

MANHATTAN D.A. AND THE NEW YORK

STATE ATTORNEY GENERAL, WITH THE

D.A.'S OFFICE EVEN SUGGESTING

TRUMP COULD BE INDICTED FOR TAX

FRAUD.

BUT, TO MY MIND, WHAT'S LEGAL IS

JUST AS MUCH OF A SCANDAL HERE

TRUMP TOOK ADVANTAGE OF A

LABYRINTH TAX SYSTEM DESIGNED TO

PROTECT HIS WEALTH AND SHIELD

HIM FROM CONSEQUENCES.

IN FACT, HE AND HIS ALLIES HAVE

LONG ARGUED THAT RATHER THAN BE

ASHAMED OF THIS BEHAVIOR, HE

SHOULD BE PROUD OF IT.

>> THE REALITY IS THIS IS PART

OF

OUR TAX CODE

THE MAN'S A GENIUS

HE KNOWS HOW TO OPERATE THE TAX

CODE

>> THERE'S NO ONE WHO'S SHOWN

MORE GENIUS IN THEIR WAY TO

MANEUVER AROUND THE TAX CODE, AS

HE RIGHTFULLY USED THE LAWS TO

DO THAT.

>> AS A BUSINESSMAN AND REAL

ESTATE DEVELOPER, I HAVE LEGALLY

USED THE TAX LAWS TO MY BENEFIT.

I HAVE BRILLIANTLY -- I HAVE

BRILLIANTLY USED THOSE LAWS.

>> MAYBE HE DOESN'T WANT THE

AMERICAN PEOPLE, ALL OF YOU

WATCHING TONIGHT, TO KNOW THAT

HE'S PAID NOTHING IN FEDERAL

TAXES, BECAUSE THE ONLY YEARS

THAT ANYBODY'S EVER SEEN WERE A

COUPLE OF YEARS WHEN HE HAD TO

TURN THEM OVER TO STATE

AUTHORITIES WHEN HE WAS TRYING

TO GET A CASINO LICENSE.

AND THEY SHOWED HE DIDN'T PAY

ANY FEDERAL INCOME TAX

SO IF HE'S PAID --

>> THAT MAKES ME SMART

>> Seth: NO ONE WHO'S ACTUALLY

SMART EVER SAYS "THAT MAKES ME

SMART.

WHEN EINSTEIN UNVEILED HIS

THEORY OF RELATIVITY, HE DIDN'T

LEAN IN TO THE MIC AND SAY, "GET

READY, GUYS, IT'S GENIUS

O'CLOCK.

MORE IMPORTANTLY, IT DOESN'T

MAKE YOU SMART

IT MAKES YOU POWERFUL.

THERE ARE PLENTY OF SMART PEOPLE

WHO PAY THEIR TAXES, IN FULL,

EVERY YEAR, BECAUSE THEY DON'T

HAVE THE ARMIES OF ACCOUNTANTS

AND VAMPIRE LAWYERS THAT RICH

PEOPLE LIKE TRUMP OR COMPANIES

LIKE AMAZON HAVE

REGULAR AMERICANS CAN'T GET AWAY

WITH THIS STUFF BECAUSE THE LAW

OR THE IRS WOULD COME DOWN HARD

ON THEM.

A PROPUBLICA INVESTIGATION FOUND

THAT THE FIVE COUNTIES WITH THE

HIGHEST AUDIT RATES ARE ALL

PREDOMINANTLY AFRICAN-AMERICAN,

RURAL COUNTIES IN THE DEEP

SOUTH.

MEANWHILE, THE TRUMPS AND

AMAZONS OF THE WORLD SKATE BY

WITHOUT ANY CONSEQUENCE.

AND THAT'S BECAUSE THE SYSTEM IS

RIGGED TO PROTECT THEM

IF THE IRS FOUND OUT YOU DID

WHAT TRUMP IS ACCUSED OF, YOUR

RESPONSE WOULD BE --

>> OH [ BLEEP ].

>> Seth: THAT'S THE BIG TAKEAWAY

HERE

TRUMP IS NOT UNIQUE.

HE'S THE PRODUCT AND ENABLER OF

A CORRUPT SYSTEM THAT SHIELDS

THE WEALTHIEST AND MOST POWERFUL

IN OUR SOCIETY, WHILE CRUSHING

EVERYONE ELSE.

91 COMPANIES PAID NO FEDERAL

TAXES IN 2018.

COMPANIES LIKE AMAZON, CHEVRON,

OR STARBUCKS

MEANWHILE, TENS OF MILLIONS OF

AMERICANS ARE OUT OF WORK,

FACING EVICTION, STRUGGLING TO

AFFORD HEALTH CARE, AND WAITING

IN LINE AT FOOD BANKS.

TRUMP AND HIS ALLIES DON'T JUST

BENEFIT FROM THAT SYSTEM

THEY ARE TRYING TO PRESERVE IT,

WHICH IS WHY THEY'RE SO DEEPLY

INVESTED IN MAKING SURE HE STAYS

IN POWER ANY WAY THEY CAN.

REMEMBER THE 2017 TAX LAW.

THEY WROTE IN SO MANY OBSCURE

TAX LOOPHOLES TO BENEFIT THE

WEALTHY THEY WERE LITERALLY

SCRAWLING IN THE MARGINS OF THE

BILL AT THE LAST MINUTE.

GOING TO BE VOTING ON THE TAX

BILL

I JUST GOT THE TAX BILL 25

MINUTES AGO.

THIS IS THE TAX BILL

SEE HOW THICK IT IS?

[ THUD ]

THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE

OH, NO, LET'S LOOK AT THE BILL

THIS IS WHAT IT REALLY LOOKS

LIKE

I WANT YOU TO TAKE A LOOK AT

THIS, FOLKS.

THIS IS YOUR GOVERNMENT AT WORK.

HERE'S THE BILL, AS IT'S

WRITTEN.

HERE'S THE MODIFICATIONS THAT

ARE IN IT.

I CAN READ ONE WORD.

IT'S CALLED -- ADD THIS

LANGUAGE

CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT THAT WORD

IS

IF YOU CAN, YOU GOT BETTER EYES

THAN ME.

>> Seth: THEY SCRIBBLED TAX

LOOPHOLES IN THE MARGINS LIKE A

HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR SIGNING A

YEARBOOK

"K.I.T., SEE YOU NEXT YEAR."

TRUMP AND THE PEOPLE LIKE HIM

WERE PROTECTED AND ENRICHED BY A

RIGGED SYSTEM.

THEN, THEY GOT IN OFFICE AND

RIGGED IT EVEN MORE.

AND NOW THEY'RE DESPERATE TO

PRESERVE THAT SYSTEM, WHICH IS

WHY THEY ARE PULLING OUT ALL THE

STOPS TO RACE TO GET A 6-3

CONSERVATIVE SUPERMAJORITY ON

THE SUPREME COURT AFTER PEOPLE

HAVE ALREADY STARTED VOTING.

TRUMP'S NOMINEE,

AMY CONEY BARRETT, HAS A HISTORY

OF RULING AGAINST WORKERS AND

CONSUMERS AND FOR BIG BUSINESS,

WHICH IS WHY RIGHT-WING

BILLIONAIRE CHARLES KOCH HAS

ALREADY LAUNCHED A CAMPAIGN TO

GET HER CONFIRMED.

ON SATURDAY, TRUMP OFFICIALLY

ANNOUNCED HIS NOMINATION OF

BARRETT.

ALTHOUGH I HAVE TO SAY, HE

DIDN'T SOUND QUITE AS EXCITED AS

YOU'D EXPECT

GARDEN TO CONTINUE OUR

NEVER-ENDING TASK OF ENSURING

EQUAL JUSTICE AND PRESERVING THE

IMPARTIAL RULE OF LAW.

[ APPLAUSE ]

THE ENTIRE NOTRE DAME LAW

FACILITY AND FACULTY

EVERYBODY -- EVERYBODY AT THAT

SCHOOL, ALSO -

WE GOT SO MANY LETTERS, ALSO,

WROTE.

LETTERS OF SUPPORT OF AMY'S

NOMINATION TO THE 7th CIRCUIT.

>> Seth: CLASSIC "FACILITY AND

THE FACULTY.

BUDDY, YOU CALL BIDEN LOW

ENERGY

YOU SOUND LIKE A TRANSISTOR

RADIO THAT'S LOW ON BATTERIES.

I'M SURPRISED HE DIDN'T HAVE TO

SLAP HIMSELF IN THE FACE LIKE A

LONG-HAUL TRUCKER TRYING TO STAY

AWAKE.

"ONLY 12 HOURS TILL PHOENIX.

YOU CAN MAKE IT.

THE REALITY IS TRUMP IS BORED

BECAUSE HE COULDN'T CARE LESS

ABOUT THE SUPREME COURT OR THE

CONSTITUTION, OR WHATEVER ELSE

STEPHEN MILLER WROTE FOR HIM TO

SAY ON SATURDAY.

I GUARANTEE YOU HE FLIPPED

THROUGH THAT SPEECH FIVE MINUTES

BEFORE HE GAVE IT THE WAY YOU

FLIP THROUGH A "GOLF DIGEST" AT

A DENTIST'S OFFICE

THIS WAS THE BARGAIN TRUMP MADE

WITH CONSERVATIVES IN THE

INSTITUTIONAL REPUBLICAN PARTY

THEY PUT UP WITH HIS RACISM AND

HIS CORRUPTION, HIS

INCOMPETENCE, AND HIS ABUSES OF

POWER, AS LONG AS HE GAVE THEM

THE TAX CUTS AND THE

CONSERVATIVE SUPREME COURT

MAJORITY THEY'VE LONG WANTED

OVER 200,000 AMERICANS ARE DEAD

FROM AN OUT-OF-CONTROL PANDEMIC,

AND THE PRESIDENT HAS JUST BEEN

EXPOSED AS ONE OF THE GREATEST

TAX CHEATS IN AMERICAN HISTORY

AND THE STRONGEST CONDEMNATION

REPUBLICANS CAN MUSTER IS --

>> OH, [ BLEEP ]

>> Seth: THIS HAS BEEN "A CLOSER

LOOK."

♪

>> Seth: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK

WITH COLIN QUINN, EVERYBODY.

♪

>> Announcer: BE SURE TO WATCH

SETH IN PRIMETIME FOR HIS

"CLOSER LOOK" SPECIAL ON

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 8th, AT

8:30/7:30 PM CENTRAL, RIGHT HERE

ON NBC

>> Seth: SITTING IN WITH US THIS

WEEK, SHE'S AN UP AND COMING

TOURING AND SESSION DRUMMER FROM

CHICAGO WHOSE VIDEOS HAVE

GARNERED MILLIONS OF VIEWS

YOU CAN KEEP UP WITH ALL SHE'S

DOING OVER ON INSTAGRAM

@JBURDSBEATS

JESSICA BURDEAUX IS HERE

WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW,

JESSICA.

OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A

COMEDIAN, ACTOR, AND WRITER YOU

KNOW FROM HIS WORK ON "SATURDAY

NIGHT LIVE" AND FILMS SUCH AS

"GROWNUPS" AND "TRAINWRECK."

HIS LATEST BOOK, "OVERSTATED: A

COAST-TO-COAST ROAST OF THE

50 STATES" IS AVAILABLE NOW.

PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW

ONE OF OUR FAVORITES,

COLIN QUINN.

HOW ARE YOU, COLIN

>> WOO

HI, SETH

HOW ARE YOU?

>> Seth: I MISS HAVING YOUR

ENERGY IN THE STUDIO WITH ME

>> THANK YOU

I MISS BEING THERE

THIS IS GOING TO BE WEIRD, BUT

YOU LIKE THIS LONG, HITCHCOCKIAN

SHOT BEHIND ME, RIGHT?

>> Seth: I VERY -- THE

CINEMATOGRAPHER IN YOU HAS COME

OUT ONCE AGAIN WITH YOUR FRAMING

THERE.

THE WHOLE -- I THINK THE WHOLE

INTERVIEW WILL BE WAITING TO SEE

WHO'S COMING UP BEHIND YOU

>> WELL, I THINK IT'S ALSO

SYMBOLIC, LIKE THE UNCONSCIOUS

AND, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

>> Seth: I THINK WE ALL GET IT

WE ALL GET WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO

DO

>> OH, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT,

BUT GO AHEAD

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Seth: SO YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY A

BORN AND RAISED NEW YORKER, AND

I NEED TO KNOW

DID YOU LEAVE -- HAVE YOU LEFT

AT ALL DURING QUARANTINE

>> JUST LITTLE MINOR TRIPS

BUT NOT REALLY, NO

I'M ONE OF THOSE -- I'M LIKE

THOSE PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, THAT

DON'T LEAVE DURING THE HURRICANE

AND, YOU KNOW, THE TORNADO

THE OLD GUYS LIKE, "I'M NOT

LEAVING MY HOUSE."

AND THEN, THEY DIE

AND YOU'RE LIKE, YOU DIDN'T WANT

TO LEAVE

>> Seth: IT DOES SEEM LIKE THIS

IS -- IT'S LIKE THE SOURCE OF

YOUR POWERS.

IT WOULD SEEM VERY STRANGE TO ME

IF YOU -- IF YOU LEFT NEW YORK

CITY

>> YOU'RE RIGHT.

EVERY TIME I LEAVE, WHEN I COME

BACK, I ALMOST -- MY WHOLE HEART

SWELLS UP IN THE CAB COMING FROM

THE AIRPORT.

LIKE, "OH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I LOVE NEW YORK.

>> Seth: THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL

DRIVE FROM THE AIRPORT

IT SHOULD BE NOTED, FOR THOSE

WHO HAVE NEVER BEEN HERE

>> REALLY IS

YEAH

>> Seth: SO THIS IS BASED ON

YOUR -- THE BOOK IS BASED ON

YOUR SHOW "RED STATE, BLUE

STATE.

AND YOU'RE NOT THAT OPTIMISTIC

ABOUT THE STATE OF THE NATION.

YOU BASICALLY SAY WE'RE LIKE --

IT'S LIKE A MARRIAGE COUPLE

ABOUT TO DESIGN DIVORCE PAPERS

>> YEAH.

I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY, EVERYBODY

KNOWS THIS IS OVER

BUT WE STILL KEEP HANGING ON

LIKE ANY MARRIAGE.

LIKE, "THEY'LL COME AROUND

THEY'LL CHANGE."

YOU KNOW

AND WHAT ARE WE ARGUING OVER

MONEY.

LIKE ANY MARRIED COUPLE.

BUT THE GOOD THING ABOUT MY

BOOK, IF I -- IF I CAN SAY SO,

IS EVERYTHING'S A STATE.

SO IT'S LIKE -- I'M ALL ABOUT

TABLE OF CONTENTS, AT THIS

POINT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU CAN READ THIS BOOK AND JUST,

THERE IT IS.

IT'S LIKE -- YOU EVER SEE "THE

FOUNDER" WITH MICHAEL KEATON

>> Seth: YEAH, OF COURSE

>> AND THEN, HE WALKS IN

McDONALD'S AND EVERYTHING'S

ORGANIZED.

THAT'S HOW PEOPLE ARE GOING TO

FEEL WHEN THEY LOOK AT THIS

BOOK

THEY GO, "OH, LOOK, NEW MEXICO."

INSTEAD OF LIKE, "OH, FRENCH

FRIES.

YOU KNOW, LIKE THAT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER

>> Seth: PEOPLE WILL RESPOND TO

YOUR BOOK THE WAY RAY KROC DID

WHEN HE SAW THE ORIGINAL

McDONALD'S

>> EXACTLY

>> Seth: THE DEDICATION -- I'M

ALWAYS DRAWN TO THE DEDICATION

YOU DEDICATED THIS BOOK TO

SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL

>> YEAH.

I DEDICATED IT TO MYSELF

>> Seth: RIGHT

>> BECAUSE ONE THING I'M GETTING

SICK OF IS THE FALSE HUMILITY.

YOU KNOW, THAT WAS LIKE A 1950s

THING.

AND THEN, EVERYBODY MADE FUN OF

SHOW BUSINESS IN THE '70s AND

'60s

AND DUSTIN HOFFMAN WOULD WEAR

LIKE A CORDUROY JACKET TO THE

OSCARS

AND YOU KNOW, NOW, SUDDENLY,

IT'S BACK TO YOU'RE AMAZING.

YOU'RE THE BEST AND PEOPLE ARE

HUGGING AND OVER-COMPLIMENTING

EACH OTHER

AND DEDICATING, MAKING THESE

PLATITUDES

SO I DEDICATED TO THE PERSON

THAT DID THE LION'S SHARE OF THE

WORK IN THIS COUNTRY, ME

>> Seth: IT IS, IT'S VERY

REFRESHING FOR SOMEONE TO

JUST -- CALL IT -- LOOK.

I THINK WE ALL KNOW YOU DID THE

LION'S SHARE OF THE WORK HERE,

AND YOU DESERVE THE DEDICATION

>> I MEAN, IT WAS A TRUMP MOVE

I GUESS, IT'S THE RIGHT ERA TO

DO THAT, TOO

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Seth: YOU -- WE HAVE A DEBATE

COMING UP, TOMORROW NIGHT.

I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD

LOVE TO SEE COLIN QUINN AS A

MODERATOR FOR PRESIDENTIAL

DEBATE

WHAT WOULD BE A QUESTION YOU

WOULD ASK?

>> I WOULD -- WELL, ONE QUESTION

I WOULD ASK.

I WOULD SAY, "ARE YOU -- ARE YOU

AS FRIGHTENED AS EVERYBODY ELSE

THAT ONE OF YOU WILL ACTUALLY

WILL BE THE PRESIDENT IN

NOVEMBER?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Seth: YEAH.

IT DOES FEEL VERY SURREAL THAT

IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING

LIKE, I KNEW IT WAS COMING

AND NOW, I KIND OF CAN'T WRAP MY

HEAD AROUND THE FACT THAT WE ARE

GOING TO WATCH THOSE TWO

GENTLEMEN, UH -- TALK TOMORROW

>> KIND OF EXCITING, IN A WAY,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]

>> Seth: YOU -- YOU TAKE ISSUE

WITH SOME OF THE THINGS THAT I

FEEL LIKE ARE OBVIOUSLY HELD IN

VERY HIGH REGARD

LIKE, THE BILL OF RIGHTS

YOU HAVE SOME ISSUES WITH THE

BILL OF RIGHTS

>> WELL, I MEAN, THE BILL OF

RIGHTS IS THE WORST.

IT WAS AN ADD-ON, ANYWAY

IT'S NOT PART OF THE

CONSTITUTION

THEY WERE LIKE, "HEY, WE FORGOT

ABOUT THE PEOPLE."

AND THEN THEY WERE LIKE, "OH,

LET'S GIVE THEM THE BILL OF

RIGHTS."

AND FIRST OF ALL, FREEDOM OF

SPEECH, THAT'S A FIGURE OF

SPEECH

THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE

FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

NOW, WE'VE SEEN, SOCIAL MEDIA

HAS EXPOSED HOW HORRIFYING IT

IS

BECAUSE OUR COUNTRY IS NOT MEANT

TO BE A POLITICAL -- WE'RE NOT

SUPPOSED TO BE AN INTELLIGENT

COUNTRY.

WE WERE LIKE AN ENTHUSIASTIC,

LIKE, YOUNG, LIKE, JOCK.

FUN, YOU KNOW?

WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE

FRANCE, DEBATING WITH CHAIN

SMOKING AND, YOU KNOW, SITTING

AT A CAFE TALKING ABOUT THE

NUANCES OF POLITICS.

AND NOW, THAT'S WHAT WE'VE

BECOME

>> Seth: AND I THINK ONE OF THE

THINGS THAT, YOU KNOW, WHENEVER

THIS COMES UP AND THERE IS A

SEAT ON THE SUPREME COURT, WE

REALIZE THAT WE'RE A LOT OF

PEOPLE BUT NOT REALLY A LOT OF

US HAVE THAT MUCH OF A SAY

>> YEAH.

I MEAN, ALL THESE PEOPLE, ALL

THESE SENATORS, CONGRESS, WE

TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING.

SUPREME COURT.

THEY'RE LIKE, "YEAH, LEAVE IT AT

NINE."

IT'S LIKE, "REALLY

ISN'T THAT HOW THE COUNTRY

STARTED?

WITH NINE?

WOULDN'T IT BE LIKE 27 TIMES

MORE PEOPLE?

27 TIMES

IT SHOULD BE LIKE 270 PEOPLE

SINCE THERE'S 300 MILLION

PEOPLE

BUT THEY'RE LIKE, "NO, NINE

PEOPLE, WHO, YOU KNOW, WHO WOULD

RATHER BE SHOWING EACH OTHER

PICTURES OF THEIR GRANDCHILDREN.

LET'S MAKE THAT THE DECIDING

FACTOR ON EVERYTHING."

>> Seth: DECLARATION OF

INDEPENDENCE

SURELY, YOU DON'T HAVE AN ISSUE

WITH THAT.

>> WELL, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,

OBVIOUSLY, ALL MEN ARE CREATED

EQUAL.

IF WE SET EXPECTATIONS -

INSTEAD, IF THEY JUST SAID, "ALL

MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL.

WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO

SAY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND THEN, PEOPLE WOULD HAVE BEEN

LIKE, "OKAY, AS LONG AS YOU KNOW

THAT, GO ON.

>> Seth: AND THE ELECTORAL

COLLEGE.

I THINK THAT PEOPLE, NOW MORE

THAN EVER, ARE MAYBE THINKING

THIS WASN'T THE BEST SITUATION

>> YEAH.

BUT AT THE TIME -- AT THE

TIME -- YOU LOOK AT A SHOW LIKE

"DEADWOOD," WHICH IS WHERE I GET

ALL OF MY RESEARCH FROM.

"DEADWOOD" -- YOU'RE DEALING

WITH, LIKE, PSYCHOTIC GUYS, OIL

BARONS, CATTLE BARONS -- YOU

COULD -- THEY DIDN'T WANT TO BE

STATES

YOU HAD -- THEY NEEDED INCENTIVE

TO BE A STATE.

THEY WERE LIKE, "WELL, I'D

RATHER BE A TERRITORY.

BEING A TERRITORY MEANS YOU

STILL CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY TAXES.

SO TO GET THEM IN, THEY KIND OF

HAD TO GIVE THEM SOMETHING

SO THEY GAVE THEM TWO SENATORS

YOU KNOW

>> Seth: I ALSO -- I BELIEVE I

UNDERSTAND THAT MORE FROM

"DEADWOOD" THAN ANYTHING ELSE.

SO ALL JOKES ASIDE -

>> "DEADWOOD" SAYS A LOT

YOU KNOW

>> Seth: ALTHOUGH, THE PULLING

OF THE STRINGS BEHIND THE SCENES

IN YANKTON -

[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]

HEY.

AS A STAND-UP COMEDIAN, I HAVE

TO ASK

HOW IS THIS ERA?

I MEAN, IT'S OBVIOUSLY

INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT FOR PEOPLE

WHO DO THAT FULL TIME.

AND -- AND WHAT DO YOU THINK THE

FUTURE OF STAND UP'S GOING TO

BE

>> I THINK THE FUTURE OF STANDUP

IS GOING TO BE LIKE -- AND I

HAVE BEEN ACCUSED OF USING THIS

REFERENCE TOO OFTEN --

"DEADWOOD.

NO

[ LAUGHTER ]

I THINK THE FUTURE OF STAND-UP

COMEDY -

I THINK IT COULD BE LIKE

"DEADWOOD.

THOSE OUTDOOR SHOWS, YOU KNOW?

I THINK THE FUTURE OF STAND UP

IS GOING TO BE BELOW THE EQUATOR

BECAUSE ONLY OUTDOOR SHOWS ARE

GOING TO MATTER.

THERE'S NO INDOOR.

INDOOR IS DONE, THIS SOCIETY

NOW.

I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL INDOOR.

IT'S GOING TO BE ALL OUTDOOR,

YOU KNOW

AND SO I THINK THE BIG -- LIKE

BASEBALL, THE DOMINICANS BECAME

THE BEST BASEBALL PLAYERS

BECAUSE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC CAN

PLAY YEAR ROUND.

SO ANYBODY THAT LIVES DOWN SOUTH

IS GOING TO HAVE MORE -- A LOT

MORE SETS.

AND THAT'S GOING TO BE THE BIG

COMEDY BOOM.

>> Seth: OH.

SO, BASICALLY, THE NORTHEAST,

WHICH LET'S BE HONEST, HAS BEEN

A PIPELINE FOR A LONG TIME AS

FAR AS AMERICAN COMEDY, YOU

THINK IT'S GOING TO DRY UP

>> YEAH, UNLESS GLOBAL WARMING

HAPPENS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

>> Seth: AND I KNOW -- LIKE I

REMEMBER IN MY HIGH SCHOOL,

THERE WAS A COUPLE KIDS WHO WERE

GOOD AT BASEBALL

AND THEIR PARENTS SENT THEM DOWN

TO FLORIDA TO LIVE FULL TIME

DO YOU THINK THAT WILL HAPPEN

WHERE LIKE A COMEDIAN HAS A

COUPLE GOOD SETS IN NEW YORK AND

THEY'RE LIKE, "WE GOT TO GET YOU

DOWN SOUTH?"

>> YEAH.

FOR A REALLY FUNNY GUY

THEY'RE LIKE, "WE GOT TO GET YOU

TO PARAGUAY OR SOMETHING LIKE

THAT."

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Seth: THANK YOU

IT'S ALWAYS SO GREAT TO SEE YOU,

COLIN.

THANKS FOR BEING HERE.

>> THANKS FOR HAVING ME ON

>> Seth: "OVERSTATED: A

COAST-TO-COAST ROAST OF THE

50 STATES" IS AVAILABLE NOW.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH

KIM CATTRALL

♪

>> Seth: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A

FIVE-TIME EMMY-NOMINATED AND

GOLDEN GLOBE AWARD-WINNING

ACTRESS YOU KNOW FOR HER

PORTRAYAL OF SAMANTHA JONES IN

"SEX AND THE CITY.

SHE PRODUCES AND STARS IN THE

NEW SHOW "FILTHY RICH," WHICH

AIRS MONDAYS ON FOX.

LET'S TAKE A LOOK.

>> YOU WILL GIVE UP THIS MMMA

THING.

>> MMA

>> YOU ARE JESUS'S ONLY PARENT

AND IF YOU GET HURT, WHO WILL HE

HAVE

BESIDES, I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE

FOR YOU TO JOIN MY SECURITY

TEAM

>> SHE JUST PUT YOU ON STAFF,

BRO.

>> IT IS AN ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION

THAT YOU CAN BUILD ON.

>> JASON, WHEREVER HE IS, HE

WILL CLOSE THAT GANJA FACTORY.

AND GINGER -

>> HERE IT COMES

>> YOU AND YOUR MOTHER, YOU WILL

LEAVE NEW ORLEANS.

YOU WILL CLOSE THAT PORN SITE OF

YOURS, AND YOU WILL NEVER, EVER

SPEAK TO ANY MEMBER OF THE

PRESS, EVER AGAIN.

>> Seth: PLEASE WELCOME TO THE

SHOW, KIM CATTRALL

THANKS FOR BEING HERE, KIM, HOW

ARE YOU?

>> I'M GREAT

NICE TO SEE YOU.

>> Seth: NICE TO SEE YOU AS

WELL

AND CONGRATULATIONS ARE IN

ORDER.

YOU ARE A NEW -- A BRAND NEW

U.S.

CITIZEN.

>> I AM, PROUDLY

AUGUST 17th, I BECAME A CITIZEN.

I TOOK THE TEST AND PASSED

THERE WERE SIX -- THERE WERE TEN

QUESTIONS, AND I GOT THE FIRST

SIX RIGHT.

SO THEY SAID, "OKAY, YOU CAN

BECOME A CITIZEN."

[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]

>> Seth: YOU REALLY -- YOU

JOINED US AT A GREAT TIME, KIM

YOU REALLY GOT IN WHILE THE

GETTING'S GOOD

>> YOU NEED MY VOTE.

>> Seth: THAT'S TRUE

WELCOME ABOARD, AND WE'RE VERY

HAPPY TO HAVE YOU.

BEFORE WE GET TO YOUR SHOW,

WHICH I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO

TALKING ABOUT.

WE HAD A MUTUAL FRIEND -- WE

HAVE TALKED ON THIS SHOW ABOUT

HIS SAD PASSING DUE TO COVID

HAL WILLNER, WHO WAS THE MUSIC

SUPERVISOR AT "SNL," BUT I DID

NOT REALIZE YOU WERE CLOSE WITH

HAL AS WELL.

>> YEAH.

I MET HAL THROUGH LOU REED

THEY WERE DOING THE RADIO SHOW

TOGETHER, AND WE BECAME, YOU

KNOW, REALLY CLOSE WITHIN THAT

CIRCLE OF FRIENDS.

HE WAS THE FIRST PERSON THAT WE

LOST TO COVID, SO IT WAS REALLY

SAD.

MY PARTNER AND I, RUSS, WE WERE

IN NEW YORK 'TIL ABOUT END OF

APRIL.

AND THEN, WE GOT ON A PLANE AND

WENT UP TO VANCOUVER ISLAND

WHERE MY MOM IS TO MAKE SURE

SHE'D BE OKAY.

AND I BROUGHT THIS LITTLE MINI

POD THAT HAL, A FEW BIRTHDAYS

BEFORE, HAD PUT OVER 2,000 SONGS

OF HIS MUSIC ON FOR ME

SO I FELT, YOU KNOW, WE WERE -

WE WERE ALL GRIEVING HAL

BUT EVERY MORNING, EVERY

AFTERNOON, I JUST HAD HIS MUSIC

IN THE ROOM, AND HAL

SO THAT WAS COMFORTING

>> Seth: HE WAS A MAN OF SO MANY

SKILLS BUT THAT ABILITY TO

CURATE A MUSICAL LIST BASED ON

THE TASTE OF HIS FRIENDS WAS

REALLY -

>> YEAH.

>> Seth: IT WAS -- IT WAS

SOMETHING ELSE

HE WILL DEFINITELY BE MISSED

YOU -- YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL, NEW

SHOW

YOU PLAY -- THIS IS ABOUT A VERY

RICH FAMILY IN THE SOUTH, WHO

HAS A CHRISTIAN TV NETWORK

AND WE LEARN PRETTY EARLY ON --

A LOT HAPPENS IN THE PILOT

THAT THE PATRIARCH OF THIS

FAMILY, YOUR HUSBAND, IS MAYBE

NOT LIVING TO THE VALUES THAT HE

ESPOUSES ON TELEVISION

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

>> Seth: ARE YOU ENJOYING THE

SHOW, SO FAR

>> OH, MY GOD, YES

IT'S GREAT TO PLAY A WOMAN, YOU

KNOW, WHO HAS THAT MOST FEMININE

OF QUALITIES -- BALLS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SHE'S VERY BALLSY.

SHE'S VERY STUBBORN.

SHE'S VERY CONTROLLING

AND I REALLY ENJOYED -- YOU

KNOW, I DON'T KNOW THAT MUCH

ABOUT RELIGION, PER SE

I WAS NEVER BROUGHT UP WITH ANY

RELIGION

MY MOTHER WAS AGNOSTIC

MY DAD NEVER REALLY MADE IT TO

CHURCH

SO I WANTED TO SORT OF

UNDERSTAND MORE ABOUT WHAT IT

WOULD BE LIKE TO BE AN

EVANGELICAL.

AND I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THE

TAMMY FAYE ROUTINE

I WANTED TO MAKE HER MUCH MORE

COMPLEX THAN THAT, WHICH I

HOPEFULLY THINK WE HAVE

ACHIEVED

>> Seth: AND I KNOW YOU WERE A

PRODUCER ON THIS AS WELL

IS IT MORE INTERESTING WHEN YOU

GET TO HAVE A SAY IN THE

CHARACTER AND MAKE THOSE CHOICES

FROM BEHIND THE SCENES AS WELL

>> OH, IT IS

I MEAN, I'M -- I'M A WOMAN OF A

CERTAIN AGE.

AND I DIDN'T WANT TO DUMB HER

DOWN, AT ALL

AND I LOVE STRONG, POWERFUL

WOMEN.

SO, I WANTED TO OVERSEE THAT

I WANTED TO HAVE A SAY IN THAT

I PRODUCED ANOTHER SHOW CALLED

"SENSITIVE SKIN.

AND THAT WAS MY FIRST PRODUCING

OUTING

AND I -- I JUST LOVED IT

I REALLY, REALLY ENJOYED THE

CREATIVE ELEMENTS OF IT.

I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO

WITH THE RAISING OF THE MONEY OR

ANYTHING LIKE THAT, WHICH I

DON'T THINK I'D BE AS GOOD AT.

BUT WHAT -- CREATIVELY, IT

WAS -- IT WAS DEFINITELY AN

AVENUE THAT I WANT TO PURSUE

FURTHER.

>> Seth: I'VE HEARD YOU SAY THAT

YOU WERE DRAWN TO THE CHARACTER

BECAUSE IT WASN'T LIKE ANYTHING

YOU'D SEEN BEFORE.

I HAVE TO IMAGINE AS AN ACTOR,

IT'S SO EXCITING WHEN YOU'RE

LOOKING THROUGH A SCRIPT AND YOU

HAVE THAT REALIZATION THAT THIS

IS NOT A VERSION OF SOMETHING

YOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH

>> ABSOLUTELY.

ESPECIALLY IN YOUR 60s

YOU KNOW, I PLAYED MY FIRST

GRANDMOTHER ROLE ABOUT A YEAR

AND A HALF AGO

AND, YOU KNOW, I WANTED VERY

MUCH TO EXPOUND ON THAT BECAUSE

AS YOU KNOW, YOU GET OLDER, YOU

HAVE SO MANY MORE STORIES TO

TELL

YOU HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO GIVE,

AS FAR AS INFORMATION.

NOT JUST ABOUT YOURSELF BUT WHAT

THAT AGE, YOU KNOW, ENTITLES YOU

TO, AND THE CHALLENGES OF IT

BUT FOR ME, I LOVE THE CAMP

ELEMENT OF "FILTHY RICH.

YOU KNOW, I LOVE THE FACT THAT I

COULD BE THAT THEATRICAL, BUT

ALSO BE VERY SUBTLE AT THE SAME

TIME

THIS CHARACTER WAS VERY BROAD

BUT VERY INTRICATELY DRAWN

AND SO, I READ THE SCRIPT THAT

TATE TAYLOR, THE EXECUTIVE

PRODUCER AND CREATOR OF IT, SENT

ME

AND THE FIRST QUESTION THAT I

ASKED HIM WAS, "WHAT HAPPENS

NEXT?"

WHICH IS ALWAYS A REALLY GOOD

SIGN THAT THERE'S -- YOU'RE IN

NEW TERRITORY.

>> Seth: YOU SHOOT THIS SHOW IN

NEW ORLEANS.

AND I WOULD SAY FOOD IS A REALLY

NICE PART OF THE SHOW.

ESPECIALLY, THE IDEA OF, LIKE,

HOW FOOD IS A COMMUNAL

EXPERIENCE WITH FAMILY

>> YES

>> Seth: AND I GUESS FAMILY IS

THE ONLY PLACE LEFT WE'RE HAVING

COMMUNAL FOOD EXPERIENCES,

BUT --

>> OR ANY KIND OF COMMUNAL

EXPERIENCE

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Seth: I KNOW, RIGHT

AND THEN, AT SOME POINT, YOU

REALIZE, "OH, THERE'S A REASON I

WENT OUT WITH PEOPLE THAT

WEREN'T MY FAMILY.

>> YEAH, EXACTLY

>> Seth: YOU SORT OF -

OBVIOUSLY, THIS IS A GREAT CITY

FOR FOOD

AND YOU PULLED IN A BUNCH OF

RESTAURANTS AND CHEFS TO BE

INVOLVED IN THE MAKING OF THE

SHOW

WERE THEY ENTHUSIASTIC TO BE

PART OF IT

>> OH, MY GOD, YES

I MEAN, AND THERE'S -- THERE'S

SO MUCH TO THE CUISINE THAT I --

I HAD NO IDEA WHAT A HAMBURG

CAKE WAS

I NEVER HEARD OF A HAMBURG CAKE

OR ANY OF THOSE THINGS, SO

I'D BEEN TO NEW ORLEANS BUT I

NEVER REALLY EXPERIENCED WHAT

IT'S REALLY LIKE TO LIVE THERE

WE WERE -- IN THE FIRST SEASON,

WE WERE THERE FOR ABOUT SEVEN

MONTHS, ALL IN TOTAL

AND IT'S -- IT'S FRIENDLY.

IT'S WELCOMING

IT'S CRAZY AND ZANY.

BUT IT'S ALSO -- HAS THIS LITTLE

BIT OF DANGER TO IT AND I'M NOT

JUST TALKING SPICES.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Seth: LASTLY, I DID NOT KNOW

THIS ABOUT YOU

THIS WAS A REAL UNKNOWN FACT FOR

ME

THAT YOU ARE A FAN OF THE

PREMIERE LEAGUE.

NOT ONLY THAT, BUT YOU -- A

SECOND CONGRATULATIONS IN

ORDER -- YOU -- YOU SUPPORT

LIVERPOOL WHO WON THE PREMIERE

LEAGUE LAST YEAR

CONGRATULATIONS, AGAIN

>> WE ARE -- WE ARE THE

CHAMPIONS.

THANK YOU.

NOW, I JUST HAVE A QUESTION FOR

YOU.

HOW DID WEST HAM HAPPEN?

>> Seth: YEAH.

>> GOD

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Seth: IT'S A REALLY GOOD

QUESTION

>> YOU CAN RETHINK THAT, YOU

KNOW

>> Seth: I WAS -- THIS IS A TRUE

STORY, THOUGH -- I WAS IN -- I

WAS DOING A SHOW IN LONDON IN

LATE -- IN THE LATE '90s

AND I WANTED TO SEE A PREMIERE

LEAGUE GAME.

AND I WENT TO A TICKET AGENT AND

IT WAS THAT OR ARSENAL

AND YOU COULD ARGUE I MADE A

TERRIBLE CHOICE.

>> WELL, I THINK YOU MADE TWO

TERRIBLE CHOICES

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Seth: BUT I THINK -- I THINK

I DESERVE CREDIT FOR STICKING

WITH MY BAD CHOICE BECAUSE -

>> YOU DO.

YOU DO

THAT'S COMMENDABLE

YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU ARE BORN IN

LIVERPOOL AND BOTH OF YOUR

PARENTS ARE LIVERPUDLIAN, YOU'RE

EITHER FOR EVERTON OR YOU'RE A

RED.

AND MY DAD WAS A RED SO YOU HAVE

NO CHOICE.

>> Seth: YOU HAD NO CHOICE

I HAVE A VERY SIMILAR THING WITH

MY FATHER AND -- AND THE

PITTSBURGH STEELERS.

I WILL SAY THIS.

WEST HAM IS PLAYING EVERTON ON

WEDNESDAY.

SO MAYBE, YOU COULD AT LEAST

ROOT FOR ME, THEN.

>> OKAY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Seth: HOW DARE YOU?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU'RE A BAD WINNER.

YOU'RE THE CHAMPION AND YOU

SHOULD BE NICER TO PEOPLE LIKE

ME

>> WE'VE WAITED A LONG TIME.

>> Seth: YOU -- AND IT'S

WELL-DESERVED.

HEY, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING

HERE

IT'S LOVELY TO TALK TO YOU

>> OH, PLEASURE.

THANKS SO MUCH

>> Seth: "FILTHY RICH" AIRS

MONDAYS AT 9:00 P.M. ON FOX.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MUSIC

FROM JEFF ROSENSTOCK

♪

>> Announcer: FOR MORE "LATE

NIGHT," GO TO LATENIGHTSETH.COM.

FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM AND

TWITTER @LATENIGHTSETH

AND BE SURE TO CHECK US OUT ON

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HEAD OVER TO iTUNES TO SUBSCRIBE

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YOU'LL GET "A CLOSER LOOK" AND

MORE DOWNLOADED RIGHT TO YOUR

PHONE.

♪

>> HI!

I'M AMBER RUFFIN

I'M THE HOST OF "THE AMBER

RUFFIN SHOW," A NEW, HILARIOUS

LATE NIGHT SHOW ON PEACOCK

YOU'RE PROBABLY THINKING, "OOH,

I WANT TO WATCH THAT

BUT HOW DO I GET PEACOCK

IT MUST BE VERY EXPENSIVE AND

COMPLICATED.

WELL, IT'S NOT

PEACOCK IS EASY TO GET, AND IT'S

FREE

THAT'S RIGHT, THE AMBER RUFFIN

SHOW IS TOTALLY FREE

UNLIKE A REAL PEACOCK WHICH

COSTS ABOUT $300

TO GET PEACOCK JUST LIKE THIS

LADY, JUST SEARCH FOR PEACOCK,

AND DOWNLOAD AND WATCH ON YOUR

SMART TV, PHONE, TABLET, LAPTOP,

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PEACOCK FOOD LIKE YOU WOULD WITH

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YOU CAN WATCH "THE AMBER RUFFIN

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[ DOORBELL ]

MY PEACOCK IS HERE

SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

GO SIGN UP FOR PEACOCK RIGHT

NOW.

[ PEACOCK CALL ]

I'M GONNA POKE SOME HOLES IN

THIS

♪

>> Seth: YOU KNOW, THE LEAST WE

DESERVE IN TRYING TIMES LIKE

THIS IS GREAT PUNK MUSIC

PUNK MUSIC THAT STANDS FOR

SOMETHING.

THIS NEXT GUY IS ONE OF MY

FAVORITES.

HE'S ANGRY AND URGENT AND

PRESCIENT.

AND WHILE I'M SUPER BUMMED THAT

HE AND HIS BAND ARE NOT HERE

LIVE TONIGHT, AT LEAST WE WILL

NOT HAVE TO PAY FOR A STUDIO

ROOF THAT THEY SURELY WOULD'VE

RIPPED OFF

PERFORMING "SCRAM" OFF HIS

ALBUM, "NO DREAM," THIS IS

JEFF ROSENSTOCK.

♪

>> HELLO

HELLO!

HI

HI

IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU

YOU LOOK GREAT

YOU LOOK GREAT

I LOVE YOU

LET'S GET THIS -

LET'S GET --

♪

♪ I'VE BEEN TOL

FOR MOST MY LIFE

WAIT UNTIL

THE PERFECT TIME ♪

♪ BY PEOPLE WHO HAV

BEEN DEFINED B

SKIPPING SPOTS IN LINE ♪

♪ DON'T YOU WANNA GO AWAY

DON'T YOU WANNA GO AWA

DON'T YOU WANNA GO AWA

DON'T YOU WANNA SCRAM ♪

♪

♪ I'VE BEEN TOL

FOR MOST MY LIFE

TRY TO SEE

THE OTHER SIDE ♪

♪ BY PEOPLE WHO HAV

NEVER TRIED TO

SEE THE OTHER SIDE ♪

♪ DON'T YOU WANNA GO AWAY

DON'T YOU WANNA GO AWA

DON'T YOU WANNA GO AWA

DON'T YOU WANNA SCRAM ♪

♪ DON'T YOU WANNA HID

DON'T YOU WANN

GET AWAY TONIGHT ♪

♪ DON'T YOU WANNA RUN

DON'T YOU WANNA DI

DON'T YOU WANN

GET AWAY TONIGHT ♪

♪ NOT HEARING ALL YOU

DON'T WASTE MY TIME ♪

♪ DON'T YOU WANNA

GET AWAY TONIGHT

GO KICK ROCKS AND DIE ♪

♪

♪ EVERYTHING YOU SA

IS TO MAKE ME FEEL STUPI

EVERYTHING YOU SAY

IS TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD ♪

♪ EVERYTHING YOU SA

IS A DISTRACTION

SO I'M NOT

LISTENING TO YOU ♪

♪

♪ SO I'M NO

LISTENING TO YOU ♪

♪

♪ DON'T YOU WANNA GO AWAY

DON'T YOU WANNA GO AWA

DON'T YOU WANNA GO AWA

DON'T YOU WANNA GO AWAY ♪

♪ DON'T YOU WANNA RUN

DON'T YOU WANNA HIDE

DON'T YOU WANN

GET AWAY TONIGHT ♪

♪ DON'T YOU WANNA RUN

DON'T YOU WANNA CR

DON'T YOU WANNA SCRA

DON'T YOU WANNA SCRAM ♪

♪

♪

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

>> Seth: MY THANKS TO

JEFF ROSENSTOCK.

HIS ALBUM "NO DREAM" IS OUT NOW.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

♪

>> Seth: I WANT TO THANK MY

GUESTS COLIN QUINN,

KIM CATTRALL, AND

JEFF ROSENSTOCK.

I WANT TO THANK JESSICA BURDEAUX

AND THE 8G BAND.

STAY TUNED FOR "LILLY SINGH.

STAY SAFE.

WASH YOUR HANDS.

WEAR A MASK.

WE LOVE YOU.