Original subtitles

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

[Ed singing]

Ed, would you hold it down a little?

I'm trying to concentrate.

Sorry, Wilbur.

[chuckles]

[dials phone]

Ed, what are you doing?

Just calling to find out the correct time.

Why don't you just ask me?

I didn't want to bother you.

Would you please hang up that phone?

Okay.

Ed, I've got to finish these plans.

If you keep distracting me, I'll never get through.

I'm bored. I've got nothing to do.

Well, find something to do.

Read one of your comic books.

They depress me.

Then read a magazine.

Okay.

[object crashes]

Ed, I have never seen you so restless.

What's the matter with you, anyway?

I'm bored.

There's nothing for a horse to do around here.

You can talk.

Why don't you go out and exchange gossip

with the postman or the neighbors or somebody?

You know I talk only to you.

All right, gabby.

Look, be a good fella.

Go back in your stall, have a little snack, huh?

Okay, okay.

Eat, sleep, eat, sleep.

I lead a dog's life.

[chewing sounds]

Ed, must you chew your food like a cow?

Sorry, Wilbur.

Wilbur.

I told you to be quiet.

I beg your pardon?

Oh, Rog, hi.

I'm sorry, Rog. We were...

What's new?

Wilbur, I have just had the most wonderful break.

You know those 12 acres I own near the railroad track--

that lemon I've been trying to get rid of for years?

You mean that property you've been trying to sell me?

I've had a wonderful break.

Armstrong Circus is in town,

and I've leased them the property for eight weeks on a percentage basis.

Wow. I bet you stand to make quite a profit.

With the deal I've made,

I'll need one of their elephants

to help me carry the money to the bank.

You know, with my luck, if I'd been in on the deal,

a mouse could do the job.

I do have the knack, don't I?

Oh, you do.

Anyway, I'd like to have you and Carol as my guests

at the opening performance tonight.

I haven't been to a circus since I was--

Well, about--

I was there last year.

Well, see you under the big top.

All right.

Under the big top.

He's real circus folk, huh?

What time are we leaving tonight, Wilbur?

We? I can't take you.

Oh, why not?

I'd look pretty stupid buying a ticket for a horse.

I'm only 9.

You could get me in for half price.

You just stay here, and I'll bring you home some nice cotton candy.

You and your cotton-pickin' cotton candy.

Gee.

Would you hurry it up, honey?

The circus starts in an hour.

Oh, darling, will you help me?

My zipper is stuck.

One zipper-upper, coming up.

Let's see.

Isn't it nice of Roger to take us to the circus?

He can afford it.

He stands to make a lot of money leasing this land out.

I'm glad you don't regret not buying that land from Roger.

What do you mean by that?

- Nothing. - Nothing, huh?

I don't remember you advising me

when he offered me the deal.

Sweetheart, I didn't think--

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking that I'm a terrible businessman.

- Oh, Wilbur. - Oh, yes.

You've been carrying this thing on your chest for months,

and you just had to get it off, didn't you?

I'm awful sorry, dear.

Oh, it's all right, honey.

I'll slip into something else.

Well, let's get going.

Hi. How are you?

I'll be right down. Won't be a minute.

You just entertain yourselves.

I tore her dress.

Isn't that sweet?

Well, what actually happened--

Wilbur, please. I know it makes a very spicy story,

but I'd like to get to the circus on time.

Relax, Rog. They don't start counting the money

till everybody leaves.

I'm not worried about getting my share of the take.

Then why did you pack that adding machine

in the trunk of the car?

You have an adorable little mouth, my dear.

Of course, I use the word "little" advisedly.

I'll be right back. I've got to tuck Ed in for the night.

Keep slugging, kids.

I got you ahead by two rounds, Kay.

[humming]

Good night, Ed. We'll be leaving in--

What's your feedbag doing here?

You want me to eat hot dogs at the circus?

Ed, I told you. We can't take you with us to the circus.

They don't sell seats for horses.

So I'll stand.

I can't take you. Now, please, try to understand, huh?

But I'm so bored.

All I do all day is look at these four bare walls.

Okay, I'll try to get Picasso to come in and paint you a mural.

Why can't I go?

Got to be leaving now, Ed.

I'll call you when I get back from the circus. Sorry.

[Ed groans]

You may see me there.

Oh?

I hate to do this, Ed,

but you are asking for it.

Please take your horsey to the circus, Wilbur.

Horsey threatens to go over the wall,

horsey is going to be locked in his stall.

That ought to keep you from getting any wild ideas.

How will you open the lock?

I thought you lost the key.

I did, yeah.

But, uh...

[chuckles]

- I had another one made. - [Ed groans]

Good night, Ed.

Pleasant dreams.

We'll see.

Well, well, the lost key. Ha ha ha!

They haven't made the jail that can hold this horsey.

Buttered popcorn.

Hot peanuts.

Fresh buttered popcorn.

Wilbur, you're worse than a child.

You eat any more, you'll explode.

You better start the countdown.

Popcorn.

Oh, doll, isn't this exciting?

Addison, must you count the house now?

But the place is almost a sell-out.

With attendance like this, I may be able to take you

on that European trip you've always wanted.

Keep counting.

And now, that death-defying act

never before seen in this country.

The daredevil horse Galahad,

leaping through the ring of fire.

Here he comes now.

Hi, Ed.

Hi, Wilbur. How was the circus?

Same old acts. Believe me, you didn't miss a thing.

You can say that again.

- Huh? - Nothing.

Just making small talk.

I'm sorry I had to chain you up like that, Ed.

I'll take the lock off now.

Take your time. No hurry.

Okay.

Ed, before I left, I put that lock on your left foot.

Now it's on your right foot. How come?

Maybe I crossed my legs in my sleep.

And maybe you crossed me.

Ed-, you were at that circus.

Impossible. You got the key.

You called a locksmith and got him to open it.

That wouldn't be smart of me, Wilbur.

He'd send you a bill.

You're right, Ed. I'm sorry.

It's my mistake. Will you forgive me?

Sure, buddy. You're only human.

I'll give you some oats before you hit the sack.

No, Wilbur, don't bother.

It's no bother.

How did this circus program get in here?

In where?

You know where. Into your feedbag.

I'm waiting for an answer.

And I'm working on one.

I don't know how you got loose, but you disobeyed me.

If you ever do that again, you're going to be in--

Look at me when I'm talking to you.

I'm running away and joining the circus.

That's a laugh.

What are you going to do? You only talk to me.

- I have other talents. - Like what?

Well, I'm an escape artist.

I'll take that circus life any time.

Traveling all over the world, top billing.

Yeah, Mister Ed.

The horse on the flying trapeze.

[hums "Man On The Flying Trapeze"]

[hums "Man On The Flying Trapeze"]

Let's see-- 2,800 attendance last night.

Figure the same for tonight.

Are we really going to take me to Europe, doll?

My dear, if business continues like this,

I may take you to the moon.

Mother's little financial genius.

Kay, let's face it.

Either you've got it or you haven't.

I've got it, and I'm getting more.

When you talk to me like this, I get goose pimples all over.

I'm hungry. I wonder what's keeping Carol and Wilbur.

It was sweet of you to invite them over for breakfast, doll.

You know that when I offered to sell that property

to Wilbur last year, he turned it down.

You want to make him feel good.

No. I want to rub it in.

I wonder how much money Addison made last night.

Think I'll mosey over and nosy around.

- Hi, Kay. - Hello, sweetie.

+e

- Hi, Wilbur. - Hello, Kay.

It's nice of you to invite us for breakfast.

- My pleasure. - Roger.

- Hi, Wilbur. - Don't get up.

I won't.

I was just figuring out your share of the profits for last night.

My share of the profits?

Oh, I forgot. We're not partners.

You turned down that property, didn't you?

Addison, don't rub it in.

Oh, let him rub.

For my goof, I deserve a massage.

Don't worry, honey. There'll be other opportunities.

- And other massages. - [phone rings]

- Excuse me. - Certainly.

Don't pay any attention to what he says.

Wilbur, I fixed your favorite kippers.

I don't like kippers.

He does so.

Good morning, Mr. Armstrong.

Bad news.

What happened?

It's Galahad. He's come down with a cold.

No, he won't be able to perform the next week or so.

Haven't you got another horse that can make the jump?

No, huh?

Of course I'm worried about the gate receipts.

For what that will cost us tonight,

I'd jump through that flaming hoop myself.

[groans]

[groans louder]

Can I do something for you, Rog?

Maybe give you a massage?

Oh, Wilbur, please. Don't rub it in.

Oh, come on, Rog. It's only money.

[groans]

Someday, we'll all look back on this and laugh.

I know I will.

Just trying to cheer him up.

I have a feeling you're cheering him down.

What Wilbur means, doll, it's only money.

You still have me.

[groans]

[phone rings]

Hello.

Oh, Mr. Armstrong.

Yes, he's here.

For you, Addison.

[groans]

Don't tell me the tent burned down.

We just got a lucky break.

A man called and claims he's got a horse

that can jump through the flaming hoop.

He says it's the spitting image of Galahad.

We won't even have to change the publicity.

Wonderful. That's marvelous.

What time are you going to see this horse?

7:00? Fine. I'll meet you there.

Oh, boy, what a wonderful break.

Mr. Armstrong says he has a replacement for Galahad.

We won't lose any money tonight.

Doll, it's nice to have the color back in your face.

You looked like you were out of this world.

I did?

Yeah, and we were plenty worried during your reentry period.

You still thinking about running away from home and joining the circus?

Yep. I guess it's the gypsy in my blood.

Let me tell you about the uncertainty of circus life.

You take Galahad the wonder horse.

Yesterday, a big star.

I happen to know today, he is being replaced.

That's right. By me.

If you would just use your head...

You?

Who do you think called Armstrong?

You.

Ed, whatever made you do a thing like that?

I want to be in the circus.

Even if it means leaping through a flaming hoop?

I guess I'm just a big ham.

Go on and jump, and you'll wind up a smoked ham.

Oh?

Ed, believe me.

This whole thing is just a passing fancy.

You know, every kid at some time in his life

wants to run away from home and join a circus.

So it's my turn now.

This is impossible.

You could never pass for Galahad.

You got the same coloring, but you have different markings.

Ever hear of a dye job?

You want to dye your hair?

Why not?

So I'll be a horse of a different color.

You really want to run away from home and join the circus?

I never wanted anything more.

Okay.

If that's what you want, I won't stand in your way, Ed.

Please. The name is Galahad.

While you're down there, Wilbur,

do my toenails.

Next, you'll be wanting open-toed horseshoes.

Ed, I think it would be easier if I bought you a wig.

The first windy day, I'd be blowing my top.

Put a touch of gray in my tail, Wilbur.

Give me that distinguished look.

You'll get gray soon enough,

when you're out in the world on your own.

Does he or doesn't he?

We'll just let you cool off a little

before we go down to the circus.

Do you think I should have my hooves manicured while I'm waiting?

No, but I think you should have your head examined.

Hey, Wilbur, how about driving down to the circus with me

to take a look at that horse that Mr. Armstrong is--

What's all this?

This is Ed. He's going to take Galahad's place.

What?

Rog, what difference does it make

which horse jumps through the hoop

as long as the horse is willing to jump, and he looks like Galahad?

I think I'm going to cry.

He sure looks like Galahad, doesn't he?

Sure does.

I still say he won't jump.

He'll jump, all right.

There's only one thing, Mr. Armstrong.

I don't want any money for Ed.

No money?

No. I'll take Galahad instead,

if it's okay with you.

But I'd much rather pay cash.

Then it's no deal.

You see, I'm used to having a horse around the place,

and Ed looks so much like Galahad

it would make me feel less lonesome.

This whole thing is ridiculous.

That old nag will never jump.

He's chicken clear down to his pin feathers.

All right. You've got a deal.

If your horse will jump through the ring,

we'll make the swap.

Come on, come on. It's getting close to show time.

Make him jump.

Come on.

Okay, Joe, kill the house lights.

Hit the follow spot.

Light the ring.

You're all set.

All right, Ed. Go ahead. Jump.

Go on, Ed.

Jump.

I knew it. Look at him.

He's shaking so much, he could mix a martini.

Ed, don't jump.

Don't jump, Ed. Don't jump.

Don't jump. Don't jump, Ed.

Don't jump. Come on, Ed.

Well, I guess we'd better announce Galahad won't appear tonight.

What? We'll lose money.

Can't we get one of the other animals to jump?

How about the kangaroo?

Monkeys?

The zebra. Zebras jump, don't they?

You must have some animal. This is a big circFus.

You were really going to jump, Ed.

What was that bit about Galahad coming to live with you?

Well, Ed, you'd be gone,

and I wanted another horse to love

and to go riding with in the park,

and camping and fishing,

and all the things we used to do together.

You could hardly wait to get rid of me.

[Ed cries]

It was your idea to join the circus, not mine.

The body isn't even cold,

and you wanted another horse.

No, Ed, I didn't want another horse.

There's nobody could take your place, Ed.

This is what you wanted.

Why'd you listen to me?

I'm just a crazy mixed-up kid.

You won't be bored back in the barn?

No, and if I ever talk about running away again,

you know what I want you to do?

What?

Put that lock on me and throw away both keys.

All right, Ed.

Both keys?

I should've figured there was another key.

Where are you hiding it?

You come back and tell me where you're hiding that key.

Ed, can I come in?

Yeah. Come in.

I saw your light on. What are you doing up so late?

Just standing around thinking.

What are you thinking about?

About what a nut I am.

Forget it, Ed.

Everybody gets bored with his life now and again

and feels like running away.

Want to hear a poem I just made up?

- A poem? - Yeah.

All right.

Blessings on thee, Wilbur Post.

As a buddy, you're the most.

I promise you I'll never roam,

'cause where you are is home sweet home.

Oh, Ed.

You want to hear it again?

Sure.

Blessings on thee, Wilbur Post.

As a buddy...

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪

♪ And waste your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪

Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

[Man] This has been a Filmways presentation.