Original subtitles

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

[knock on door]

Come in, Rog.

You busy?

No. Come in.

I just returned from luncheon with the Civic Committee.

Congratulate me.

Why? Somebody else pick up the tab?

This is serious. Thanks to me,

there's going to be a statue of Paul Revere in the park.

Good. Now if those Redcoats decide to come back,

we'll be ready for them.

Please. Paul Revere happens to be

one of my illustrious ancestors.

I didn't know you were related to Paul Revere.

Oh, we Addisons are all of Boston Back Bay.

The way you're standing,

I can see a little front bay, too.

I intended to invite you to my house to dinner tonight

to meet Igor Corzack who is going to sculpt the statue.

But since you're bursting with these unwitty witticisms,

you can stay home.

I'll bring a bottle of champagne.

8:00, sharp.

Aye.

Hey, Wilbur, a lot of beautiful fillies

will be walking by that statue in the park, won't they?

Yeah, so what?

Well, if I could pose for Paul Revere's horse,

that would be like leaving my phone number, wouldn't it?

Roger won't let you pose.

Forget fuzz lip.

Ask this Igor Corzack, the sculptor.

Forget it, Ed. You don't stand a chance.

You know Roger doesn't like you.

Why is it so important for you to pose for this statue?

Oh, you know that show-off, Lightning, down at the stables.

Yeah, what about him?

Well, he's been getting all the play from the fillies

since he posed for the County Fair poster.

Ed, you can't have all the fillies.

At least I can try.

Listen, my children, and you shall hear

how Ed's gonna get under Paul Revere.

Paul Revere. Roger Addison.

The family resemblance is there, all right.

Same firm chin, same unflinching eye,

same clean-cut features.

I had no idea men were so attractive in those days.

I had no idea men were so vain.

Roger, is it true that Mr. Corzack is very temperamental?

Well, I'm not concerned with his temperament.

A man of my intellect knows how to deal with artists.

It's all psychology.

I hope so, Sigmund.

You're the one who insisted that the committee

sign that expensive contract with him.

My dear, I assure you when I telephoned Mr. Corzack

to arrange the deal, he was completely business-like,

- calm, unemotional-- - [pounding on door]

Open up. It's Corzack!

How do you do?

[clicks his heels] Igor Corzack.

Hello. I'm Carol Post.

[clicks his heels] Igor Corzack.

[clicks her heels] Kay Addison.

I'm Roger Addison, chairman of the committee.

[clicks his heels]

You are the head of the committee?

Why, yes, I am.

Well, that's America.

Mr. Corzack, I take it you are familiar with American history.

And I suppose you've done

quite a bit of research on our project?

Authenticity is of prime importance, isn't it?

Well, with that in mind, I humbly offer myself

as your model for Paul Revere.

Get me some hot hors d'oeuvres.

Really, Mr. Corzack, I am a direct descendant of Paul Revere,

seven times removed.

Eight.

I just remove you once more.

Really, Mr. Corzack.

You could never be my Paul Revere, Mr. Addison.

You're all wrong.

An artist knows when the right model comes along.

He feels it deep inside.

Why, your chin, your nose, your ears.

You realize, of course,

you are speaking to the man who signed your contract.

Yes.

And because you signed an iron-clad,

non-cancelable contract,

I say to you, get me some hot hors d'oeuvres.

[doorbell rings]

That must be Wilbur.

Hello, Kay. Sorry I'm late.

Hi, Wilbur. Oh, thank you.

Wilbur, this is Mr. Corzack.

Mr. Corzack, this is our neighbor Wilbur Post.

Stop!

I beg you--

Shh! Don't speak!

Turn the head to the right.

Turn the head to the left.

Look down.

Look up.

Look ahead fearlessly.

Place your legs slightly apart.

Place your right hand on your hip.

Extend your right hand as if you're holding a rifle.

Higher, higher, I want higher.

As long as we're in this position,

would you care to dance?

I found him, the perfect model for Paul Revere.

[phone rings]

Hello. Just a minute, please.

Wilbur, it's a Mr. Thompson.

Mr. Thompson?

Excuse me.

Thank you, Kay.

Hello.

It's only me, buddy boy.

When is Igor coming over to look at me?

I'm sorry, Mr. Thompson.

Nothing like that is being contemplated.

And please don't call again.

Mrs. Post, I like that man.

He's got the temper.

Mr. Corzack, Mr. Addison is more the Paul Revere type

than I am.

He's descended from the family.

That's right.

Wilbur isn't related to anybody.

Are you, dear?

Doll?

Doll, snap out of it.

I haven't seen him so green

since I cooked him my first breakfast.

Mr. Corzack, why can't Mr. Addison be your model?

Mr. Addison.

Yes, Mr. Corzack.

Get me some hot hors d'oeuvres.

These got cold again.

I'm sorry.

An artist must be free.

I will choose my own models.

Creative talent must be understood.

It comes from deep within,

and therefore, cannot be ordered about.

That horse!

- What's he talking about? - I don't know.

- Where's he going? - I don't know.

He said something about a horse or something.

[Kay] Mr. Corzack.

I hope these hors d'oeuvres

are hot enough for you, Mr. Corz--

Mr. Corz--

Mr. Corzack, I'm sorry about my horse.

Sometimes he wanders around.

I'll keep him locked up.

Locked up?

That horse is magnificent-- proud, regal eyes.

Now I have both my models,

my horse and my Paul Revere.

I will work right here on my preliminary sketches.

My dear, I want my breakfast at 7 a.m.

Breakfast? What would you like to eat?

- Everything. - Mr. Corzack.

Don't you think that 7 in the morning

is a little early to get here from your hotel?

You're right, Mr. Post. You're right.

I will call my hotel and have them send my things

over to your house right away.

You're coming here to live with us?

It'd be a great honor.

Thank you.

For you. Not for me.

Here are your hors d'oeuvres, Mr. Corzack.

Get me some hot hors d'oeuvres.

These are cold again.

Wilbur, will you please go out there and convince Corzack

that I will make a better Paul Revere than you?

Don't rush me, Rog.

I don't want to tangle with that guy

on an empty stomach.

Carol said she was up at 7:00 this morning

serving both of you breakfast.

She was. He ate mine, too.

He emptied my orange juice in the kitchen.

It's all your fault, Mr. Patron of the Arts,

for signing that contract.

Wilbur and Carol are servants in their own house.

If you are trying to make me feel miserable,

let me congratulate you on a job well done.

Anyone is liable to pick a dud.

That's what Mother told me.

Wilbur, Roger is dying to be Paul Revere.

Please, go out and talk to Mr. Corzack.

Well, all right.

But if I don't get back,

the insurance policies are in the bottom drawer.

Ahem.

Interruptions, interruptions, interruptions.

Well, this is the first time I've been out there.

Then go back in.

Don't you know you shouldn't interrupt an artist

when he's at work?

Well, I was just--

You're just what, what, what?

Well, I was just wondering if it's time for me to pose yet.

When it's time for you to pose,

I'll have your butler call you.

We don't have a butler.

Then get one.

[Corzack] Mr. Post.

Yes, sir.

I expect my lunch in five minutes.

What did he say, Wilbur?

What happened?

He expects his lunch in five minutes.

Well, let's face it.

We sent a boy to do a man's work.

I'll go out there myself.

Mr. Corzack?

Now you interrupt. What is it?

What, what, what, what?

Your lunch will be ready in five minutes.

Well, this is the fourth day.

I don't know how much longer Carol and I can stand him.

Oh, Igor is a nice, sweet guy.

The only trouble is everybody hates him.

He's gonna break me.

You know what he had for breakfast?

What?

Dinner.

I'll be glad when that statue is finished

and in the park.

Ho ho ho! Me, too, Wilbur.

I can't wait till those fillies

get a load of me in bronze.

Why don't you have them put your telephone number

on the bottom of the statue?

Oh, Wilbur, I'll settle for Paul Revere

on his majestic horse.

You know what the inscription is really gonna say?

Paul Revere by Igor Corzack.

You mean, they're not gonna mention the horse?

Not a mention.

Where would Paul Revere have been without his horse?

I don't know.

Oh, why are they always leaving horses

out of American history?

I don't know. I flunked American history.

Who pulled the covered wagons? Horses.

Ah, yes. But men like me were inside those wagons.

That's why they were covered.

It's an old joke.

Well, Custer's last stand.

We were there, too.

That was a disaster, though.

What do you think the Indians were riding?

Rabbits?

Ed, please. I've got work to do.

Look, I would love to see the horses get the credit,

but Igor is the boss,

and the inscription is just gonna read

Paul Revere by Igor Corzack.

Well then, this is what I think of Igor Corzack.

[snort]

Mr. Corzack.

I'm trying to concentrate on a horse,

and I'm looking at a jackass.

I thought if you saw me as Paul Revere,

you might change your mind.

I told you before I could not use you as Paul Revere

and now I am, positively.

Mr. Post, bring out your horse.

I'm ready to work.

Come on, Ed.

Oh, yeah.

Let's go.

You better talk to him first.

Either the horse gets credit or else.

Else what?

You'll see.

Come on.

Oh.

Mr. Corzack, let me point out to you

that you're making a mistake.

I belong on that statue.

I have Revolutionary blood in my veins.

My ancestors were Minutemen.

Good.

I'll give you one minute to join them.

Hi, Mr. Corzack.

Rog, are you--

Your neighbor is a fool.

Yes, he is.

I'm sorry, Rog, he's got me saying yes to everything.

Mr. Corzack, don't you think Paul Revere's horse

should be mentioned on the statue, too?

Why?

Well, after all, he rode a horse,

and horses pulled covered wagons,

and at Custer's last stand,

they didn't ride rabbits.

Your neighbor is a fool, too.

Yes, sir. And I'm not just yessing him.

Oh, stop all this nonsense.

Mr. Post, have your horse assume his pose.

Yes, sir.

Ed, get up.

Come on, Ed.

Up.

Up, horse.

He's just not gonna pose today.

Then get another horse.

Oh, no. I use that horse,

or I don't finish the statue.

Then you're breaking your contract?

After you pay me the full fee.

I may have an accent but I also have a lawyer.

Well, don't just stand there.

Get him up.

Ed, come on up.

Unless this animal comes to his senses,

I will be on a plane tomorrow with your check

for the full amount in my pocket, of course.

I wonder if anybody ever committed hari-kari

in a three-cornered hat.

[Ed grunts]

Why didn't you pose?

You're gonna cost the community a fortune.

You believe a man has a right to stand up

for his principles, don't you?

Oh, of course.

Then a horse has the right to lie down for his.

I'm sorry Roger's so upset

about that silly statue of Mr. Corzack's.

He's always had a sour disposition,

but now it's curdled.

Is Roger still angry with me?

You know that sweater you gave him for his birthday?

Yes.

He's polishing his shoes with it.

I wish he were Paul Revere.

I'll go and have a talk with him.

Don't be surprised if he doesn't answer.

He's turned into a mummy.

Well, maybe I can unwrap him.

Hi, Rog.

Rog?

Oh, come on, Rog, you don't have to go into a state of shock

just because you can't be Paul Revere.

Would you please leave the room?

Come on, Rog. Get a smile on your face.

I can't. It hurts too much.

Rog, it's all in your mind.

Now just keep saying to yourself,

I don't care if I'm not Paul Revere.

I don't care if I'm not Paul Revere.

I don't care if I'm not Paul Revere.

I don't-- I do care.

I want to be Paul Revere.

Rog, my shirt.

The idea of that statue was mine.

Yeah, Rog, this shirt--

Nobody should be Paul Revere but me.

Roger, my shirt, please.

Oh, Wilbur. Oh, I'm sorry, Wilbur.

That's all right.

I always was a casual dresser.

Forgive me for being so emotional.

Well, Roger, it's not your fault.

I wouldn't blame you.

I mean, after all, you should be Paul Revere.

Tell that to Corzack.

I will. I will.

I'll get that chow hound to listen to reason

if I have to put a lock on the refrigerator.

My ancestor and I thank you.

Look, I want Roger Addison to be Paul Revere.

He's a perfect Paul Revere and you know it.

Now what do you have to say?

Pass the salt.

If Roger Addison can't be Paul Revere,

I won't get my horse to pose for the statue.

But I must have that magnificent beast.

No Roger, no horse.

This is blackmail.

Yeah.

Well, that I understand.

Ed.

But Wilbur, that's blackmail.

Ed, if you won't pose with Roger,

I'll get another horse.

I'll get Lightning.

Threats! Threats! Threats!

I mean it. You think I'm kidding?

I'll get Lightning.

I'm not threatening. I mean it.

Get excited, Lightning, come on.

It's all right.

Hello, Ed.

Hello, Wilbur.

You're not mad at me for not posing, are you?

No. It all turned out for the best.

How's that?

We'll discuss it later.

Ed, it's a little stuffy in here.

Why don't you open your door?

Sure.

[Ed] Hey, what gives?

Wilbur!

Wilbur, what's Lightning doing here?

He's gonna pose for the statue.

My rival?

So he'll finish up with all the fillies.

Oh, I see.

So that's how you're gonna get me to pose.

Wilbur, that's blackmail.

It worked with Corzack, and it'll work with you.

All right.

You want me to tell Mr. Corzack

you're gonna pose for the statue?

Is that what you want, Ed?

Yeah.

And, Wilbur, take Lightning back.

He's on his way.

Fine.

Now make sure he stays in that position, Mr. Post.

Yes.

All right. Now, where is my Paul Revere?

My Paul Revere.

Here I am.

Go mount the animal.

I assume you know where the top part is.

Well, you don't have to be snide.

Roger is gonna be Paul Revere?

Yes.

Rog, you look great.

Thank you.

Enough of this small talk. Let us begin.

Oh, no, not again!

Don't worry. I'll call the Tallyho Stables.

They have a magnificent horse called Lightning.

Up and down. Up and down.

What is he? A horse or a yo-yo?

It won't happen again.

He'll stay there. Come on.

Wilbur, how can I ever thank you?

You don't have to. You deserve this.

Why, you're the spirit of Paul Revere, Rog.

You look so brave, so fearless, vibrant, full of vitality.

Yeah. Now help me up.

Yeah.

[applause]

And so, distinguished mayor, my fellow citizens,

I am just as eager as you are to catch my first glimpse

of the statue of my illustrious ancestor and his horse.

And no one deserves more credit

than my good friend and neighbor, Wilbur Post.

[applause]

Mr. Post insisted that I pose for Paul Revere.

[applause]

Oh, boy.

Wait till the fillies see me as a statue.

I'll have to beat them off with a club.

Who is more fitted to unveil this statue

than its distinguished creator, Mr. Igor Corzack.

[applause]

Yes, and now the moment you've all been waiting for.

My work of genius.

I can't believe it.

What is this?

[people laughing]

Ohh!

Mr. Corzack, what have you done?

Silence! This is a masterpiece.

It represents the pure essence of Paul Revere.

Didn't you people know I was an Impressionistic sculptor?

Mr. Corzack, you mind if I make one little suggestion?

Well, yes, of course.

Put the cover back on.

I'm sorry about that statue.

Forget it, Wilbur, it turned out for the best.

It did?

Yeah. I've already started a rumor

that Lightning posed for it.

Give me another bite.

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪

♪ And waste your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪

Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

[Man] This has been a Filmways presentation.