Original subtitles

OVERLAPPING, INDISTINCT CHATTER

- This programme contains some strong language

Yes, I went to Pam's son's wedding.

The bride was sneezing all the way up the aisle.

Lucky she had the veil, really.

- Trust?

Oh, no, of course I trust you.

DOOR BUZZER

No! Whatever you think is right.

Yes, I'm fine. I'm picking your dad up, he's at the doctor's.

- Half an hour, this'll be fixed. - Oh, lovely!

DOOR BUZZER

Rachel, no... I promise, I'm not trying to get involved.

I just...

I want to make sure it's reasonable.

Yes, well, either way, perhaps we don't need special chocolates.

Oh!

I don't want to make a scene.

I know you've got a lot going on.

DOOR BUZZER

I'm not good on my own.

- Just enjoy it. You're on holiday!

Talk to someone you don't know!

- HE CHUCKLES

Sounds horrific.

No, I've got my books. Er, I'll be fine.

- I'm so sorry.

- Finger food? Yes, of course we can.

But maybe just a couple of types.

It's the cost, Rachel. The...

HORN BLARES

Please don't get at me!

Oh! No, it's all right, I'm driving.

DOOR BUZZER

- Get the windows cleaned, and make sure Finbar does the paperwork

on a Thursday, cos he forgets. Yeah, it's petty cash,

but it's still got to be filed on the system. One sec.

- HE PANTS

- Hey. S...sorry I'm late. I'm Andy.

- Yeah, we met.

Remember?

I'll be in in a minute.

- Right.

- Sorry, what?

No, he was just, erm... Doesn't matter.

Er, petty cash, right...

- Yes! Yes, I know you like them.

But they're so small and so expensive.

HORN BLARES

But I don't know if

it's justifiable.

Argh!

BRAKES SQUEAL

Ah!

- What on Earth do you think you're doing?! - I'm sorry.

- You nearly bloody killed me! - I'm sorry.

I really am. - Why the hell were you driving so fast?

You're lucky I took a step back! - I know, I know.

It's just, I'm on my way to collect my...

Oh, my...!

Dawn?

You're Dawn Mitchell!

Dawn! It's Gail!

Gail Reynolds! - What?

- Well... Oh, you'd know me as Gail Matthews.

We were at school together.

Well, I haven't seen you in 50 years!

- Oh, Gail Matthews!

Well...

- Wha...?

- Look at you.

- Better late than never. - I'm so sorry. It's just, I had a...

- No, it's fine. 20 minutes stood here I'll never get back.

I've had lots of thoughts. - I'm sure, but it's just something happened...

- Mainly that I should arrange a taxi next time.

Oh. Hello.

- Hi. - Oh, this is Dawn.

She was crossing the road, and I nearly hit her.

- You nearly...? - Yes. But it turns out that we know each other!

Haven't seen each other since we were at school.

- I'm sorry. You nearly hit her?!

- Yes, I know. I just didn't see...

- Hello. Henry.

I'm so sorry about my wife.

- Good to meet you. - I said I'd give her a lift home.

Least I can do. - Absolutely, the least.

Look, why don't we take you for a cup of tea somewhere nice?

You two can catch up, have a gossip, whatever ladies do,

and we can all just...

..steady ourselves, yes? What do you think?

- All right. Thank you. - Perfect.

Oh, and, er, don't worry...

..I'll drive.

- How was the trip? - I mean...

- Europe, right? - Yeah, we travelled around all summer.

Sorry. It was booked in advance. - Oh, you're fine. You're here now.

- How's it going? - Good, yeah. Er, just gone on leave,

and there's so much to get ready and buy,

and suddenly our flat's falling apart.

The microwave's broken and the washing machine's got a leak

or something. - But you're with this guy...?

- Liam, yeah. I met him after we... - Yeah, yeah.

Well, erm, clearly you have good taste in men, so...

- Oh, it was very dark at the party.

- Aw, come on. We liked each other.

- We were drunk.

- And it was really good, by the way.

- What was? - Us.

- QUIETLY: - The sex.

Just saying, it was good.

I-I liked it.

- Well, it certainly did the job.

Liam? This is Andy.

He drives a delivery van, got stuck in traffic,

and he's the father of our child.

- Hello, good to meet you. - Yeah, you too.

Oh, these are cool.

- Yeah. Er, we've actually got most of what we need.

- We should probably be heading back.

- We've got an appointment.

- What? Well, I thought we were shopping together?

- Yeah, but you were an hour late, so it...

- Oh. OK.

Well, I'm supposed to be at work anyway, so....

Just text me the details, and I'll pay half for all the stuff.

- Oh, thanks.

- Sorry I was late.

- Yeah, we need to go. - Right.

Bye.

- Bye.

Shit.

- Belle? They're ready for you.

- It's about order, efficiency, communication.

My aim is to make sure that I can take the task off your desk

and leave you to do your job.

Keep tight, efficient control.

- You haven't worked in an office environment for a while.

Are you sure you would enjoy it, being part of a bigger team?

- Oh, yes! I'd enjoy seeing how we could all...

..work together.

- Tell me about you, Belle, your hobbies.

- I'm very much into Pilates.

- That's what you teach, isn't it?

What do you do when you're not working?

When you have a spare moment?

I suppose what I'm getting at...

...where does the joy come in your life?

I like to get a sense of a person.

So, what do you really love?

- Architecture.

- Architecture? - Yep.

Like, buildings, bridges...

- You should see her changing lanes! - Oh, Henry, that's not true...

- Clear the area! Hold on to your hats!

I mean, I don't want to be rude,

but how many times did you take your test? - Oh, can we not?

- Guess. - Sorry? - I mean, two is probably average,

three is a lot. Guess how many?

Nine. Nine times.

- Yes, nine!

- You were never great at following rules.

- Has she invited you to her party? It's tomorrow.

She's 70! - Fantastic.

Let your hair down!

- Bring some old photographs of her. We like a laugh!

What do you think?

- Love to. - Good! Anyway...

A latte? What can I get for you?

- Green tea? - Green tea! Very good.

- So, running your own business?

- Yes. - That's just as I would've imagined.

Doing exactly what you want. You were like that at school.

So much energy. - Well, you were energetic, too.

- Oh, busy, certainly. - And also wild.

- Wild? No!

- We all thought you'd run away to the circus or something.

That you'd go and do something incredible.

- Really? Silly.

- You're all right, are you?

- Yeah. Kids are all grown-up now.

Self-sufficient, mostly.

Henry's fun.

We...we...we go away sometimes.

- Why were you driving so fast?

- Oh, Dawn, I'm sorry.

What a thing! - No, it's fine.

But I'd just love to know why.

- Well...

..to pick Henry up.

He hates waiting.

What?

THUNDER RUMBLES

- My God, by your grace...

- Oh, my God.

I'm sorry!

- SHE LAUGHS

- What happened? - It hit him.

- He was having a moment.

- Distracted by the hot guy on the balcony?

- DOORBELL CLATTERS

Oh...

- What? You've got that look Mum had when I'd eaten her chocolate

or got pregnant or whatever. I guess you didn't get the job?

- No, I didn't. Your doorbell fell off.

You getting out?

- No.

- Are you taking the pill?

- I'm still a loon. If that's what you're asking.

The remote for the TV didn't work yesterday,

so I smashed it to pieces with a chair.

Now I can only watch ITV2.

Which isn't ideal.

I want you to take Maya.

- You w...? - I want her to live with you, in your flat.

You've got a spare room... - You're her mother!

- No! You're her aunt. She wouldn't intrude.

- She would.

And we've made our decisions. You had children and I...

- Waited too long. - Never wanted them.

I help where I can, but...

- Hey.

- DOOR CLOSES

She's supposed to be at school!

- Hi, sweetheart!

Belle's here. - Morning, Maya!

You're home early.

- Don't patronise me. - Oh, for Christ's sake!

- "Morning, Maya! You're home early!" - All right, fine.

Let's just not speak. - Yeah, I'm good with that.

I got sent home for being aggressive. - Well, what did you do?

- Nothing. I was talking with Kat in physics, and when Mr Kingston told

us to stop, I accidentally dropped magnesium in a Bunsen burner and...

- Oh, Maya, why can't you...?

- Actually, I've been trying really hard recently!

Turning up, homework on time - but, no.

Turns out, whatever I do, I'm aggressive.

So I might as well be!

- DOOR SLAMS

See you next week.

I'm not going to help by getting in between you...

- No, you just don't want something in your life you can't control.

- What, you ran her over? - She was fine!

- Talk about Friends Reunited. - Good!

- So she's your age? - Well, we were at school together, yes.

- So 70. - Er, nearly 70, yes.

- She's a pensioner. You hit her with a car, and she went spinning off?

- No, sorry... - I didn't hit her!

- Fucking hell! - Rachel!

- Mum, it's not funny! You could've killed her!

- Well, I agree, it's not funny. - But what we haven't established

is why your mother drove straight round a corner without looking.

- I just wasn't paying attention.

I've got a lot on. - You? Like what?

- You mean the party? You don't have to do anything...

- All right, but if I left it up to you, we'd have to

take out a mortgage. - Rachel's right, leave it to her.

- Actually, the really strange thing... - I don't want to be

controversial, but on the subject of money... - she kept looking at me...

- ..I need to borrow some again. - ..like she'd seen something.

Or, I don't... - Again? What's the problem now? How much?

- Er, five. - Jon! - Just to tide me over!

- Well, a fiver's not so bad.

- 500, Dad.

- 500! Well, that's a different matter.

- Stop it, yeah? I'm not a child. I don't like it either.

- Jon. - Just to tide me over!

- We can't. - You can. - Not again.

- It's exceptional circumstances! - Well, we might be able to,

but your mother's got a point. - Mum doesn't understand money.

- Yes, she does. She might not... - You always say she doesn't know how

bank accounts work, and she hasn't got a card with contactless

cos she can't be bothered to sort it out. You always say

she's hopeless with money. - Maybe, but she's still your mother.

- You should get contactless, Mum.

- She's never developed the skills, but, in fairness,

that's because I've always handled the financial side.

Actually, I've handled as much as I can, leaving your mother to live

a life of luxury. A lady who lunches, isn't that right?

- I used to do things.

- What?

- Seeing Dawn today, she reminded me.

I was head girl. - You... Yes, I know.

Won't shut up about it!

- In a band, too.

- A...a band?

- Yes, I was the singer. I never told you?

Yes, we covered the Rolling Stones, Small Faces.

We were called...Purple Dragon.

Or Purple something.

I smoked pot.

- Pot?!

- THEY LAUGH

- Is this early onset? A concussion?

- No, don't laugh. Seriously, it could be shock.

I mean, come on. Purple Dragon?

- Do you think she's making it up? I mean, she never really sings.

- No, she does, I've heard her.

When you were babies, she used to sing a bit.

- Any good? - "Good" is not exactly the word I'd use.

It certainly didn't put you to sleep.

Cried your eyes out most of the time.

- Is she all right? - Your mum?

- BUZZING

- Oh, you know her. She's fine.

She's always fine.

- FAINT BUZZING

DOOR BUZZER

- Unexpected!

- You...you busy? - No. Come in.

What's that?

- Holiday? - Er, no.

Liam's going away with work tomorrow.

- Right. - He's just in the shower.

He'll be out in a minute.

- Wow. You weren't joking.

So much kit.

- Shit...!

DOOR BUZZER

So good of you to come back.

- Not a problem.

- Thank you for the buzzer! Perfect.

Now, can I get you anything?

Cup of tea?

Glass of wine? - Oh, no, tea's good.

Thanks for the offer, though.

- So, it was this switch here.

SHE FLICKS SWITCH

- Ah. - Stopped working.

- So...so, I bought you something.

It's a microwave. Only cos you said yours didn't work.

I know it's not about the money, but I had some savings and thought,

if I can make things easier... Make up for being late.

- That's really sweet.

- What's that?

- What do you think it is?

- Er...

Gas mask?

- It's a breast pump. - Oh. - Yeah, for the milk.

You have to encourage the flow, apparently.

It's really important.

I've been reading loads of books, and they don't all agree.

- There's books? - Yeah.

Yeah, there's loads of books.

- Must be hard, dating after a divorce.

- It's all different these days. Apps, whatever.

I used to get drunk and end up with someone.

Not supposed to do that now.

- SHE CHUCKLES FORCEDLY

No!

- You said you were divorced?

- That's right.

- Do you date?

- No.

- You with someone, then?

- No.

- You know what? Maybe I will have that glass of wine.

- Good idea!

- I thought maybe you could name her after me.

- Andy?

- There are girls called Andie! - I don't know any...

- Andie MacDowell.

- Well, she's the only one! - Yeah.

Yeah, OK, she's the only one, but she makes good films.

- Ah.

- THEY CHUCKLE

DOOR ENTRY BUZZES

Oh! - Oh. - That's working well!

See?

Excuse me.

Yes? - It's Maya.

- Maya?

- Can I come in?

- Uh...

- OK, fine.

- Yes! Yes, of course you can come in.

This is Dominic. He's doing the light switch.

- Hello.

- Boyfriend? - No.

No. He's an el...electrician.

- You poured him a glass of wine.

- What's going on?

- Had an argument with Mum. She...

...did a few things. - What? What did she do?

- Point is, I went down the list, and, bad luck...

..you're it.

Can I stay?

- Tonight? - You've got a spare room.

- SHE SIGHS

- Christ, it shouldn't be a difficult question! - Yes!

Yes, of course you can stay. - Jesus!

- DOOR SLAMS

- Should be working now. - Oh. Thanks.

- You guys are going to make a good family.

- We all will, right?

- DOOR OPENS

- All right?

- He got us a microwave. - Oh, right.

Erm...

Yeah, I was planning on getting ours fixed, actually, but, er...

No, yeah, it's useful, in case.

The wire was cut on the inside of the switch.

- Really? Cut?

- Yeah, like someone cut it deliberately.

- Why would somebody do that?

- I should leave you to talk to your, er...

- My niece. - Niece, yeah.

- How much do I owe you?

SHE CHUCKLES

- Well, a call-out's £70.

Actually, don't worry about it.

Maybe phone me again.

If, er, anything happens to...

..need attention.

- It's an old flat.

I'd say that's inevitable.

MAYA: - Jesus Christ!

- Bye!

- Bye.

- KNOCK AT DOOR

KNOCKING PERSISTS

- Hiya. - Sorry, but...

...what are you doing?

- Me friends have gone into town cos we ran out of wine,

and I got bored, so I thought I'd go for a swim in the lake,

but it was really cold!

And then I've gone and locked myself out!

But I thought, I'll ask for a towel and somewhere to stay and warm up

until they get back.

- Erm, I was...I was asleep, so...

- No, you weren't. You were too quick to get up.

Nice 'jamas.

So go on, then. As I said, it's cold.

- SHE SHIVERS

- Do you mind?

I need help.

- Yes, of course. Sorry, please...

Please, come in. - I'm Saira, by the way.

- Right, good.

There's a robe in the bathroom.

It's just down there on the left. - Thanks.

Are you on your own?

- Er, my wife's a writer.

She booked it to work on her novel,

but, in the end, she wasn't available,

so she suggested I use it instead.

- Is this your wife?

She looks nice.

So, what do you do?

- I'm an English teacher.

- I love English, me.

Words.

So, what are we going to do while we're waiting?

- Er, well, there's a television.

We could, erm...wait and watch...

- Nah. Come on.

We're on holiday.

Let's get to know each other.

- GLASSES CLINK

- You know, there are apps.

You don't have to destroy the wiring in your house

to get men round and sleep with them.

- What happened, with your mum?

I can't get through to her phone.

- Stuff.

I called the ambulance.

She wouldn't get in it, so she...

The police turned up, as well, and she fought them. She tried to

run away through the door, so, in the end, they sectioned her.

- Sectioned?

- Yeah, and they said that, since you're my next of kin,

I had to come here. They dropped me off.

Yeah, sectioned.

She was cutting herself.

- God. Maya...

- Er, they took her to A&E for her arms,

and then they're going to take her to another hospital for mental...

..people.

There was a lot of blood.

They wrote it all down.

- I should find her.

- Better not to. They said to leave it for tonight.

They'll make her safe and try and get her to sleep.

- We'll see her in the morning, then.

- No point in me going. Make her worse.

- I'll go by myself, then.

Yes, of course. If she's ill, you can stay.

Tonight. Fine.

- Tonight?

- Yes.

- Right.

- DOOR CLOSES

- So, tell me about your wife, then.

She's a writer. Nice.

Where did you meet?

- Er, we...we went to the same school,

and the same church, as well.

- What, since school?

- Yeah.

- Wait, wait.

Are you two the only two people that you've ever, like...?

- SHE LAUGHS

- That is so weird.

Is that, like, um, like a Christian thing, or something?

- No. W-we're just really happy.

- Really? - Mm.

- You look a bit miserable to me.

- Well...

I do have a sense of humour.

- Oh! You have?

- Yeah. - Where?

- Well...

- Ah, there you go!

- So, what about, erm...

What about you?

- What about me, David?

- Are you, you know...

Are you with anyone?

- No, I'm not.

So, your, erm...your wife...

She was meant to be here, was she?

What happened?

You on a break? Split?

- It's...

LIVELY CHATTER OUTSIDE

Oh.

Your friends are back.

- I like you, David.

A bit forward, but... - Nah.

- I do.

So...

You're on a break.

I'm going to kiss you, David.

And you can stop me, if you like, but...

- No.

That wa...isn't, erm...

Can you...can you go and tell your friends to turn it down?

Cos it's...it's late.

- Come on, it's not that late. David, David...

I don't have to go anywhere.

- No, you do. You do.

- Shame.

Have a nice life, yeah?

- DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

SNORING

MUSIC: Born Under A Bad Sign by Cream

# Born under a bad sign

# I've been down since I began to crawl

# If it wasn't for bad luck

# I wouldn't have no luck at all. #

Dawn!

- Oh! Gail?

- I tried you at home but your, er... Harriet said you were...

- You've been waiting? - Er, look, I...

I need to speak to you about yesterday.

- Oh, look, Gail. Forget it, it was just an accident...

- No, after that. From when you first saw me,

you were looking at me in such an odd way.

- No.

- And those questions you were asking...

I didn't sleep... - What questions?

- About what I used to do. You had a thought about me.

My life. That I wasn't what you expected.

- No, Gail...

- I want the truth. That's why I'm here.

- Oh, well, it...

- What?

- Yes, a thought. Just my opinion, but...

- What?

- Honestly, it's only... - No, tell me.

Or I'll shout!

It's been going round in my head.

This is important, and I want you to tell me,

otherwise I might just... Yes, well, shout right here.

- Well, we wouldn't want that.

Come on.

Gail...

..he's awful to you.

- Who?

- The way he treats you, everything he says, mocking you.

- Who?!

- Your husband.

It's been going on so long, you probably can't see it, but...

- That's just not true.

- He does it all the time.

And, really, you know there's a problem.

That's why this was bothering you.

- You see us once! One lunch.

To make a judgment on my whole life, it's quite insulting.

- Exactly, and...

And you can do what you want.

I mean, I would never have said anything if you hadn't asked me

to be honest. - We're happy.

We've had a hugely, very happy marriage.

- You never used to be shy.

- Look, I'm sorry. I've got to go. Lots to do.

Come this afternoon.

And watch. Just watch.

- Yes, all right. I'll... I'll see you later.

- Bye.

- Oh...

- SHE WINCES

- Oh...!

Text Liam.

You'll get this when you land, but contractions are starting early.

Can't believe it! All under control. Kiss.

- Have a good day.

- Morning. All right, then.

New year.

New group, new you.

OK, what do you think, shall we just start at one end and go round

and intro...?

Oh, er...

I-I-I didn't realise that you...

What...? - This is really weird.

- Er, sorry.

Sorry, er, Saira and I have, er...

We've met.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

It's great to have you here.

It's good to have you all here.

HE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY

Erm...

Er, shall we just go round and introduce ourselves?

I'm David Aston, lead on Renaissance literature. I'm your tutor.

And you are...? - Christine.

- I'm Alex. - Kimberley.

- INTRODUCTIONS CONTINUE

- You said English teacher!

- Well, yeah, I, er...

I do teach English.

I thought you were on holiday?

- Yeah, we was.

Left this morning. Came straight here.

How are things with your wife? - Oh, yes, er...

I'm just off to meet her now.

Bit late. - OK.

Well, erm, I'll see you next week.

- Yeah, absolutely. See you, then. - Can I get your number?

It's just in case I've got a question about the course.

Please?

- Er, OK. Erm...

- Just stick it in there.

- Yes.

MUSIC PLAYING

- # Make it complete

# So what's the story?

# Guaranteed accuracy Enhanced CD... #

- PHONE VIBRATES

- # ...Latest technology

# Darts at treble 20... #

- RINGING TONE

How are you?

Maya did the right thing, calling them, so they can help you.

She misses you.

Needs her mother.

She wouldn't go to school today.

- You've thought it, too, haven't you?

She's just like me.

Like I was at her age.

I hate myself and now I hate her, too.

- You should stop saying things like that. Be positive.

I have my bad days, but I-I'm...

- A secret alcoholic?

- You don't hate her.

- "Be positive."

You don't understand mental illness at all...

- I understand that resilience is important... - Resilience!

I fucking hate resilience.

When did it start being about making things better instead?

It implies it's all on you to be "resilient"

when it should be on the people attacking you.

The shits and bastards!

And Tories and men!

- Did they say how long you'll have to stay in here for? - Belle!

I was cutting my arm with a kitchen knife in front of my daughter

because I wanted her to see me die!

See what she did to me?

So she's yours now.

- Well, she can't stay at mine. - She'll have to.

- No! I never agreed to that!

- She's your family.

- I-I can't...

...have someone in the flat.

- You went away for years.

And you've got problems worse than me.

Failed marriage, no real friends, alcohol problems...

- I have helped you...

..for a long time. Done everything...

- No, you've paid for things. That is different to help.

Do you think I'd be here if you'd ACTUALLY done anything?

- You should call her and tell her where she's sleeping tonight.

- Charge your glasses, find a seat. In a minute, we'll have speeches!

- THEY CHEER AND APPLAUD

- Remember, slowly and clearly.

Try to speak to people at the back of the room.

Have you written it down? - Mm-hm.

- Well, make sure you keep your head up.

So, shall we? - Yes.

Hello.

HENRY TINGS GLASS

- Hello, hello!

Now, as you'll all know,

traditionally, I have made the speeches at our wedding,

anniversaries, etc.

This is because Gail insists she has nothing to say!

- LAUGHTER

- But, this time, you are lucky.

She has been persuaded to say a few words!

But it doesn't come naturally, so, please, be generous

and welcome the love of my life,

who's very attractive,

but also now very old!

- LAUGHTER AND CHEERING

- Gail!

- Erm, hi.

Thanks for coming. Erm...

Henry's right.

I don't do speeches as a rule,

but I thought, after 70 years,

maybe I'd...

- Not have many more chances!

- LAUGHTER

Maybe I'd give it a go.

So, erm...

Yes, so thank you to the Red Lion for the food,

which has been wonderful.

I'd also like to thank you all for coming.

- You've done that.

- LAUGHTER

I mean, our friends.

Of so many years.

Er, of course, I would like to thank the family.

Rachel.

Jonathan.

You have been the most wonderful children we could imagine.

A support to us, and...

- Expensive.

- LAUGHTER

And the way you have found your way in the world,

with your own loved ones,

it brings us such joy.

I am a very content mum.

And a very happy granny!

- Sexy granny!

- CHEERING

- Oh, come on! It's your birthday!

- Finally...

..I'd like to talk about Henry.

- Oh, at last!

- LAUGHTER

- Well, come on, this is the best bit! Don't stop now!

- LAUGHTER

Yes, well...

Now we're...

..as you say, old, I suppose...

..I have to say...

..I can't imagine what my life would have been like without you.

ALL: - Aw.

- To Henry.

ALL: - To Henry!

- CHEERING

- Er, no, no. That's, er...

That's not right.

The reason we're here, my...

..beautiful, kind...

..amazing wife.

You're not old, my darling. No, not at all.

You've just got started.

- RIPPLE OF LAUGHTER

- To Gail.

- ALL: - To Gail!

- APPLAUSE

Thank you. Excuse me.

- Well, that's done.

- INDISTINCT CHATTER

CHEERING OUTWITH

- Oh, hi, yeah. It's Hannah Taylor.

Um, I'm calling cos, er...

Agh!

- SHE GROANS

- Oh...!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

- MUFFLED CHATTER

Oh!

Oh, hi! Thanks for coming.

Er, there's free drinks on the bar over there.

- Thanks. Erm...happy birthday.

- Oh, thank you.

Henry!

- Where have you been?

- Er, I... - Cheer up!

Speech wasn't that bad!

Oh, Paul! Excuse me.

- LAUGHTER IN BACKGROUND

SHE GRUNTS

SHE SHOUTS

- Oh!

Help!

- DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

MUFFLED BANGING

- Help!

- SHE TURNS MUSIC OFF

- Help!

- BANGING

- Help!

- BANGING

- Everything all right?

- I'm having my baby! I'm having my baby now, I need help!

- Open the door, yeah? - I'm on the floor, I can't reach!

Oh!

- So you need help right now? - Now!

- And no-one with a key is, like, anywhere around? - No!

- Right, then.

Aggressive...

Cool.

- PAINED PANTING

- Shit.

- Er...we can't go on like this.

- I know.

- HE SIGHS

- Nice to see you, too.

As you know, I'm not talking to your wife.

Nothing to say.

Er, but, unfortunately, you owe me £53

for your share of the painting of the hallway.

- Er, yeah. - I've put a number of notes under your door,

but received no response.

- Well, it's been a difficult few weeks. - We all have issues.

Speaking of which, I can't imagine what problem your wife has with me,

but can you tell her...? - She's dead.

- Er, I beg your pardon?

- She died.

Five weeks ago, she was on an escalator...

..and she fell, a long way, hit her head and...and...

...and...and...and died.

So, no, actually, I can't tell her anything.

- Is this a joke?

- Have you seen her recently?

- I'm...

Er, I didn't... - You didn't what?

Didn't notice?

Right?

- Don't...don't worry about the money.

I'm sorry. I've been... I'm not...I'm not...

I should...get home.

- Here, let me. Let me.

Are you here...? - Hannah Taylor?

- Yes, yes, she's...

HANNAH GROANS

- In here. Her name's Hannah.

- PARAMEDIC: - Hannah? It's all right. - It's coming, it's happening!

- OK, just stay calm.

- I've got a problem with my hip, and there's a plan,

and I can't have the baby here!

- Don't worry. The midwife's on her way. - Andy...I want Andy!

He's the dad. Call him!

- I've tried. - Oh! - All right, all right, Hannah.

Don't worry, we're going to make you as comfortable as we can.

- I want Andy, he's the dad! - All right.

- KNOCK ON WINDOW

I assume you're Andy?

- Yeah.

- Right. Well, the mother of your child is about to give birth

in her flat, just over there.

You want to go and lend a hand?

- Yeah. But...

..she's got two parents already...

..who know, like, everything.

I'm just me.

I've read nothing. Literally, no books.

I thought that maybe, when I got back, I'd have enough time,

but now it's happening...

- HE STAMMERS

- I feel like driving off in the other direction.

Maybe she'd be better off if I do.

- Look, as I'm discovering today,

sometimes life just happens.

It arrives, and you just have to deal with it.

Maybe you haven't read any books,

but I think you will learn a lot fast,

and, in the end, you'll probably make a wonderful father.

So, what do you think?

MIDWIFE: - You're doing wonderfully, Hannah.

We've left a message with the dad, I'm sure he's on his way.

But, right now, I need you to focus on your breathing...

- Hi.

Shit!

- You're here!

- Are you Dad? - Yeah.

- Wonderful. Come on, then.

- What do I do? - Hold her hand or summat.

- Yeah. All right.

- Can you tie my hair back? There's a thing on the side.

That's so much better, thank you!

- No problem.

- HANNAH GROANS

DOOR LOCK CLICKS

Oh!

Er, Henry, I...

I've been thinking.

What?

What's the matter?

- I know what happened.

You met someone.

And now she's got your number.

- It's not like that.

- It is.

You know.

Don't you?

That's why you left suddenly.

My results from the scan.

- But you said it was clear!

- Had a good day?

- Just come to get my stuff.

I'm going. Get out your way.

- You probably haven't eaten anything real in a long time, so...

- I thought... - I saw your mum.

She sends her love.

Says it's a good chance for her to recover, get the time she needs.

So that's good.

And, while she does, until she comes out...

..you can stay here.

HANNAH STRAINS

- That's it.

- Just hold the pushing for a moment.

OK.

You ready?

And now.

- There's so much water!

I didn't think there would be so much water... - Oh, Andy!

- Yeah? - Stop talking for a minute, yeah?

- All right. - And look.

- Oh, my...! There she is.

- She's here! - Good.

This could be the last one.

You ready?

And now! Come on!

- HANNAH STRAINS

- Up to you.

- BABY CRIES

Did they tell you how long?

KNOCK AT DOOR

- Hi. We need towels.

- Boy or a girl?

- Girl. - Congratulations!

- Yeah. Right... She's amazing.

- One second.

- Girls are trouble.

- Anything else, just ask.

- Thanks.

- I got the text at the airport.

Is she...? - She's all fine.

- Is... - Hey, she's good. They're both good.

She's beautiful.

- I was literally on the plane about to take off when I got the message.

I tried to call back, but...

Oh, she's perfect.

- MIDWIFE: - Do we have a name?

- Er, I don't. I'm not actually...

- Evie.

Right?

- Yeah.

- Is that all right with you, Andy?

- Evie's perfect.

- MIDWIFE: - Hello, Evie!

- Andy, where are you going?

- Six months.

At most, probably.

I love you.

What's this?

- Oh!

Oh, nothing.

Would you like a cup of tea?

- Sorry you didn't get to have sex with that man.

- Yes, me, too.

Not to worry.

Maybe next time.