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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,095 --> 00:00:11,095 Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org 2 00:01:12,372 --> 00:01:14,008 All right, all right! 3 00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:16,676 I knew she was your sister! 4 00:01:16,711 --> 00:01:21,448 But come on, man, I ain't the only one been ridin' that bus. 5 00:01:23,818 --> 00:01:25,787 You're the forest ranger here. 6 00:01:25,820 --> 00:01:28,622 You swore to protect everything in these woods. 7 00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:30,825 She had to have anal rejuvenation surgery 8 00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:31,759 'cause of you. 9 00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,394 Forest Ranger Billy Teal, 10 00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:38,498 my childhood friend and more recently my nemesis. 11 00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:39,599 What we done... 12 00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:41,002 Fran Andersen. 13 00:01:41,035 --> 00:01:43,905 Without him, this story would be a lot more believable. 14 00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:47,742 Was perfectly legal consensual sexual behavior. 15 00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:53,915 She may be over 21, but she's not all there 16 00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:55,817 and you know it. 17 00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:03,057 Using your glasses was her idea. 18 00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:10,463 I'm gonna shoot you 19 00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:11,866 in your smart mouth Andersen 20 00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:14,367 so you can't tell anyone what you did. 21 00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:15,837 And who the hell am I gonna tell? 22 00:02:15,870 --> 00:02:18,538 I ain't even from around here. 23 00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:19,841 I told you to stay out of these woods. 24 00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:23,845 And I warned you about my sister. 25 00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:32,686 That's my honey. 26 00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:39,392 Dammit, sorry, buddy. 27 00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:45,365 Relax, killer, feel it. 28 00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:53,107 There she is, the only woman I ever loved. 29 00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:54,842 My wife, Carla. 30 00:02:54,876 --> 00:02:56,576 What I can feel, honey, is you rubbing your junk 31 00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:57,410 up against me? 32 00:02:57,444 --> 00:02:58,578 My junk? 33 00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:00,647 Don't you mean my cuddly little kitty? 34 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,583 Shoot those cans, tiger. 35 00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:09,757 You gonna let those cans have their way with me? 36 00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,424 Is that what you want? 37 00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:13,995 The mother of your child passed around and ravaged 38 00:03:14,028 --> 00:03:15,796 by some lecherous cans? 39 00:03:15,830 --> 00:03:16,630 Okay. 40 00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:19,967 All right. 41 00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:25,006 Oh, Professor. 42 00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:26,673 You saved me. 43 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,876 There's nothing out here that'll hurt you now, my love. 44 00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:31,946 I love you. 45 00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:34,749 It's dark. 46 00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:36,851 Left brain wants some wine. 47 00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:43,057 You know right brain's thinking about something else. 48 00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:45,458 Not now, Professor. 49 00:03:45,492 --> 00:03:47,228 The law of survival states 50 00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:49,063 that if I don't get me some every day 51 00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:51,665 right about this time, I will die. 52 00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:52,900 No, no, no. 53 00:03:52,934 --> 00:03:55,002 You're not going to die. 54 00:03:55,036 --> 00:03:56,137 You know the woods brings out 55 00:03:56,170 --> 00:03:58,672 the beast in me. 56 00:03:58,706 --> 00:03:59,740 Stop. 57 00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:01,574 You go get some wine. 58 00:04:01,608 --> 00:04:02,542 Go. 59 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:03,778 How did you ever turn into a grown ass man 60 00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:06,747 with your shit together with that thing calling the shots? 61 00:04:06,781 --> 00:04:09,150 Go! 62 00:04:57,231 --> 00:04:58,733 Cory, is that you? 63 00:05:03,838 --> 00:05:04,739 Who's there? 64 00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:07,742 Hello? 65 00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:12,246 Oh, damn, I knew you were gonna do that. 66 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:13,314 Where have you been? 67 00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:15,049 I was out communing with nature. 68 00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:16,250 What is that? 69 00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:17,985 It's a turd. 70 00:05:18,019 --> 00:05:19,686 Gross, why didn't you just leave it in the woods 71 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:22,655 like the rest of the forest creatures? 72 00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:24,325 Why is it so big? 73 00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:25,760 Honey, it didn't come out of me. 74 00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:26,861 Oh. 75 00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:28,062 It also didn't come out of a bear. 76 00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:29,629 I wanna know what made this. 77 00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:32,565 Did you taste it, Professor? 78 00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:35,002 Sweetie, you know I taste everything out here 79 00:05:35,036 --> 00:05:36,170 except for my own pee. 80 00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:37,004 Take the turd. 81 00:05:37,038 --> 00:05:38,105 I don't really wanna take turd. 82 00:05:38,139 --> 00:05:38,638 No, take the turd, it goes with the Merlot. 83 00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,041 But I think you... 84 00:05:40,074 --> 00:05:40,941 Take the turd. 85 00:05:40,975 --> 00:05:41,909 Honey, honey, take the turd. 86 00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,177 Thanks, you know the drill. 87 00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:44,045 I'm gonna get some firewood. 88 00:05:44,078 --> 00:05:45,012 - Mmm hmm. - Love you. 89 00:05:45,046 --> 00:05:45,846 - Mmm hmm. - Love you. 90 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:46,646 Mmm hmm. 91 00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:59,894 You're not gonna scare me again. 92 00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:03,297 I'm gonna beat you with this turd! 93 00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:04,965 Stop messin' around! 94 00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:03,858 Carla! 95 00:07:08,062 --> 00:07:08,863 Carla! 96 00:07:19,140 --> 00:07:19,940 Carla, no! 97 00:07:29,083 --> 00:07:30,384 No! 98 00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:31,352 You bastard! 99 00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:58,145 No, you fucking bastard! 100 00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:18,365 ♪ They say I'm gonna have to do ♪ 101 00:08:18,399 --> 00:08:20,901 ♪ And you know it's sad but true ♪ 102 00:08:20,935 --> 00:08:22,736 ♪ But there's worst things somebody ♪ 103 00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:25,973 ♪ Mighty love, already know it's true ♪ 104 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:26,840 ♪ We said work ♪ 105 00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:28,108 ♪ I do believe in ♪ 106 00:08:28,142 --> 00:08:29,310 ♪ Work work ♪ 107 00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:30,511 ♪ Doesn't believe in ♪ 108 00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:31,845 ♪ Now I don't believe ♪ 109 00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,480 ♪ Said I believe ♪ 110 00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:37,885 ♪ Bigfoot doesn't believe ♪ 111 00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:42,523 Gotta get your stuff there anyways. 112 00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:43,991 Hey, Gloria! 113 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:46,026 Let me get you home. 114 00:08:46,060 --> 00:08:48,062 - It's not your fault! - Hello! 115 00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:51,465 - Bye girls. - Bitch, gimme back my wig! 116 00:08:51,498 --> 00:08:53,267 Bitch, gimme back my wig. 117 00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:54,435 ♪ Baby ♪ 118 00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:55,536 I need my wig back. ♪ How you sing ♪ 119 00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:57,371 Gimme this damn thing! 120 00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:00,140 You be nice, huh? 121 00:09:00,174 --> 00:09:01,408 Larry. 122 00:09:01,442 --> 00:09:03,877 - How are ya? - Oh no you don't. 123 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,382 It's time to go. 124 00:09:12,253 --> 00:09:13,420 Gloria Teal, 125 00:09:13,454 --> 00:09:15,055 my best research assistant 126 00:09:15,089 --> 00:09:17,524 and the daughter I never had. 127 00:09:17,558 --> 00:09:20,394 And that's her daughter, Cassie. 128 00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:23,230 Come on, Cassie, help Mommy. 129 00:09:23,264 --> 00:09:26,133 ♪ I like to swing, wear my boots ♪ 130 00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,936 ♪ High heel cowboy boots ♪ 131 00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:33,007 ♪ There's nothing you can do that I can't ♪ 132 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,409 ♪ And I believe in sleeping man ♪ 133 00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:37,878 ♪ And crazy plans ♪ 134 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:48,522 Pastor Evans, you're a mess. 135 00:09:48,555 --> 00:09:50,391 Yes, I am. 136 00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:53,093 And you peed your pants. 137 00:09:53,127 --> 00:09:54,161 Yes, I did. 138 00:09:56,363 --> 00:10:00,501 You don't need any more of that. 139 00:10:00,534 --> 00:10:04,104 Did I tell you Casey's coming home? 140 00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:07,941 I guess he'll be staying at the house? 141 00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:09,109 He can sleep with the interns. 142 00:10:09,143 --> 00:10:10,110 You sure he's not gonna mind 143 00:10:10,144 --> 00:10:11,445 us being there? 144 00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:12,346 You guys are the best damn assistants 145 00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:16,016 I ever had next to Carla. 146 00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:17,318 I have something really important 147 00:10:17,351 --> 00:10:19,386 I need to talk to you about, okay? 148 00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:20,521 Okay. 149 00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:22,189 Oh. 150 00:10:23,324 --> 00:10:24,591 There you go. 151 00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:27,928 Yep, right there, let it out. 152 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,163 There you go. 153 00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:31,298 Oh, you want me to hold your hair for you? 154 00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:33,367 Easy, Grandpa. 155 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,635 You're gonna break a hip or something. 156 00:10:35,536 --> 00:10:37,905 Hey, Professor Mathis. 157 00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:39,506 I have something really important to talk to you about. 158 00:10:39,540 --> 00:10:40,207 Just let me sit. 159 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,241 - Let me sit. - You can sit. 160 00:10:41,275 --> 00:10:42,609 Just sit. 161 00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:44,278 Come on, just tell me. 162 00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:46,880 That little girl in there. 163 00:10:46,914 --> 00:10:48,515 I love that little girl. 164 00:10:48,549 --> 00:10:50,084 That little girl in there 165 00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:52,252 might be your granddaughter. 166 00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:59,660 I knew it! 167 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:00,494 Woo hoo! 168 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,464 - I'm not 100% for sure - I knew it! 169 00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:04,465 - but I'm pretty positive. - You hear that now? 170 00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:05,299 What's happening? 171 00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,200 What's going on? 172 00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:07,968 This is so freakin' great. 173 00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:12,339 You are my granddaughter. 174 00:11:12,373 --> 00:11:14,007 I knew it all along, honey. 175 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,676 Come here and give grandpa a hug. 176 00:11:15,710 --> 00:11:17,144 Professor, you smell! 177 00:11:18,479 --> 00:11:21,949 The first Bigfoot sighting was awful fantastic 178 00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:25,586 made by Leif Ericson, upon reaching the new world. 179 00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:27,554 But I guess we'll never really know the truth. 180 00:11:27,588 --> 00:11:29,990 Certainly not this time, my friends. 181 00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:33,260 So buckle your seatbelt, our story's about to unfold. 182 00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:36,630 I'll tell you a tale what's never been told. 183 00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:49,276 I am Professor Cory Mathis 184 00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:50,244 and I was completely unprepared 185 00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:52,980 for the public spectacle my life would become 186 00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:54,181 after the event. 187 00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:59,520 We're never prepared for the things we expect to happen, 188 00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:02,523 let alone the things we can't explain. 189 00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:24,545 ♪ Heaven is when I get back with my baby ♪ 190 00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:26,413 Your a-hole ex was just here. 191 00:12:26,447 --> 00:12:28,315 He said he'd never come back to this shit hole. 192 00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:32,653 We had to remind him why this shit hole hates him. 193 00:12:32,686 --> 00:12:35,155 This whole town is insane. 194 00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:36,724 ♪ Be online with ♪ 195 00:12:36,758 --> 00:12:39,092 Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. 196 00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:41,595 You better step away from me, you sad sack of shit. 197 00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:43,263 Have you even considered shit. 198 00:12:43,297 --> 00:12:44,732 I may have let it slip to your homo ex 199 00:12:44,766 --> 00:12:47,434 about me an' you hookin' up... 200 00:12:55,142 --> 00:12:57,644 Uncle Billy. 201 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:06,153 ♪ It's no sin and no lie that I have done ♪ 202 00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:07,521 Somebody needs to fix that rug. 203 00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:09,423 ♪ Though we shoot in Hollywood ♪ 204 00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:12,493 ♪ I always stay ♪ 205 00:13:12,526 --> 00:13:14,461 Cleanup on aisle three. 206 00:13:16,697 --> 00:13:17,564 Jean. 207 00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:20,534 Coffee please, okay? 208 00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:22,770 I warned you about that Mathis. 209 00:13:22,804 --> 00:13:25,072 Well, hi, nice to see you, too, Uncle Billy. 210 00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:26,573 Some guy almost got caught in one of his traps 211 00:13:26,607 --> 00:13:28,375 in the woods, just last week. 212 00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:30,277 Damn near ripped his leg off. 213 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,246 Someone gets really hurt out there, 214 00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:33,547 you'll be heading to jail. 215 00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,215 Why aren't you wearing your glasses? 216 00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:37,518 I got into a rub with that skunk Fran Andersen 217 00:13:37,551 --> 00:13:40,420 and I shoved 'em up his ass. 218 00:13:40,454 --> 00:13:42,122 You have been after him for a year. 219 00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,457 Right up in his freakin' ass. 220 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,192 Can you just leave him alone? 221 00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:46,593 You want me to leave him alone? 222 00:13:46,627 --> 00:13:51,164 He's been sneaking into my house, molesting my sister. 223 00:13:51,198 --> 00:13:52,332 Auntie Sissy? 224 00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:57,604 No one's doing anything to her that she doesn't want. 225 00:13:59,707 --> 00:14:01,408 He gave her the crabs. 226 00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:04,077 She didn't want that. 227 00:14:04,111 --> 00:14:05,212 Then I got 'em. 228 00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:10,083 Well, maybe you should stop taking her dirty clothes 229 00:14:10,117 --> 00:14:11,585 out of the laundry hamper. 230 00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:13,287 Yeah well, what do you want me to do? 231 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,589 She keeps the clean stuff locked up. 232 00:14:15,622 --> 00:14:17,792 Do you need anything else, Billy? 233 00:14:17,825 --> 00:14:19,259 Maybe later. 234 00:14:21,295 --> 00:14:23,664 Aren't you gonna say hi to your daddy? 235 00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:24,665 Hey, Frank. 236 00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:30,504 Jeanie, we're ready to order. 237 00:14:31,605 --> 00:14:33,373 Okay, so, what about the Professor? 238 00:14:33,407 --> 00:14:35,108 Can't you at least leave him alone? 239 00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:36,010 You guys used to be friends. 240 00:14:36,044 --> 00:14:38,378 Look, Gloria, you're my favorite niece 241 00:14:38,412 --> 00:14:42,282 and I know you work for the Professor. 242 00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:45,820 But I'm sworn to protect everything in that forest. 243 00:14:45,853 --> 00:14:47,521 Every bird, squirrel, 244 00:14:48,589 --> 00:14:50,123 tree, rock, gerbil. 245 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,860 - Okay, Uncle Billy. - Lion, tiger... 246 00:14:52,894 --> 00:14:54,595 I understand. 247 00:14:54,628 --> 00:14:56,229 Mexican. 248 00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:57,799 The Professor and Fran are not gonna stop 249 00:14:57,832 --> 00:14:58,800 until they find the creature 250 00:14:58,833 --> 00:15:00,334 and clear the Professor's name. 251 00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:03,470 There's no monster in those woods, period. 252 00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:05,238 Jeez, this whole town is crazy. 253 00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:08,743 ♪ I'm working till whatever's on ♪ 254 00:15:08,776 --> 00:15:11,244 Crud, there's Andersen now. 255 00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:17,819 Andersen! 256 00:16:02,362 --> 00:16:03,765 I haven't seen you since the funeral. 257 00:16:03,798 --> 00:16:05,432 And you're not gonna talk? 258 00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:09,971 No one cares about your stupid monster hunt, Dad. 259 00:16:10,004 --> 00:16:12,606 Look, I need your help. 260 00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,876 I'm that close to proving my side of the story. 261 00:16:14,909 --> 00:16:15,777 Story? 262 00:16:15,810 --> 00:16:17,511 There is no story. 263 00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:18,545 It's just people thinking that you're crazy 264 00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:22,416 when you start talking about monsters or UFOs. 265 00:16:23,718 --> 00:16:24,919 Well, they can think I'm crazy. 266 00:16:24,952 --> 00:16:26,386 I know the truth. 267 00:16:27,621 --> 00:16:29,289 I just don't understand why you couldn't have just said 268 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,524 it was a bear or something. 269 00:16:30,557 --> 00:16:32,827 It wasn't a bear. 270 00:16:32,860 --> 00:16:34,361 Want some of this? 271 00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:36,964 Yeah. 272 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,468 It doesn't matter what people think anyway. 273 00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:42,269 No, actually, you're wrong. 274 00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:43,537 'Cause around here it does matter 275 00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:45,707 what people think about you. 276 00:16:45,740 --> 00:16:47,474 You know what I think? 277 00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,309 I think you take yourself way too seriously. 278 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,677 It's always, me, me, me, with you. 279 00:16:50,712 --> 00:16:53,881 And it's always you, you, you, with me. 280 00:16:56,416 --> 00:17:00,855 Look, I loved your mother with my whole heart. 281 00:17:00,888 --> 00:17:04,424 You know I never once made her cry. 282 00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:06,326 She was an amazing woman. 283 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,829 No one believed me. 284 00:17:07,862 --> 00:17:11,298 All the evidence just washed away. 285 00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:14,434 So, you shot a squirrel's tail off? 286 00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:17,839 It's out there right now. 287 00:17:17,872 --> 00:17:18,906 The monster? 288 00:17:20,074 --> 00:17:22,844 No, the tailless squirrel. 289 00:17:25,512 --> 00:17:28,850 You can't take anything seriously. 290 00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:31,451 That'll give 'em something to talk about. 291 00:17:51,773 --> 00:17:53,841 People think people like us are wacko. 292 00:17:53,875 --> 00:17:54,842 Hell, until it happened to me, 293 00:17:54,876 --> 00:17:55,642 I thought people 294 00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:56,343 - like us are wacko. - We're not just 295 00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:58,012 some lazy trailer trash claiming 296 00:17:58,045 --> 00:17:59,814 - to see it, okay. - Lilly, how do you know 297 00:17:59,847 --> 00:18:00,680 it's just not 298 00:18:00,715 --> 00:18:02,884 a frickin' hunter that didn't shave? 299 00:18:02,917 --> 00:18:04,684 No, I know a hunter when I see one. 300 00:18:04,719 --> 00:18:06,419 Went to go get a pizza when this big thing 301 00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:08,055 crossed the road in front of us. 302 00:18:08,089 --> 00:18:10,624 It was reddish and way too big for a bear or a dog. 303 00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:11,324 - It was walking on two legs. - When our headlights hit it, 304 00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:12,927 it just dove into the bushes. 305 00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:13,928 I was like, oh my God! 306 00:18:13,961 --> 00:18:15,830 I want a picture for my page. 307 00:18:15,863 --> 00:18:17,497 I want a picture for my page. 308 00:18:17,531 --> 00:18:18,866 So, I move forward 309 00:18:18,900 --> 00:18:20,534 thinking I could get a back shot of whatever 310 00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:21,535 - it was running off. - And all of the sudden, 311 00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:22,602 - the thing jumps forward. - But it wasn't running. 312 00:18:22,636 --> 00:18:23,470 - It was just hiding - And then hit the doorknob 313 00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:24,604 - In the bushes. - And knocked my phone 314 00:18:24,638 --> 00:18:27,074 right out of my hands. 315 00:18:27,108 --> 00:18:28,810 LI slammed the truck into gear, 316 00:18:28,843 --> 00:18:31,378 but it had hold of the truck. 317 00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:34,115 I took one of the pizza boxes, tried beatin' it. 318 00:18:34,148 --> 00:18:35,582 You beat it with a pizza box? 319 00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:36,650 That's when he finally let go. 320 00:18:40,888 --> 00:18:42,924 When we drove off, I could see him standing there 321 00:18:42,957 --> 00:18:43,991 banging on his chest 322 00:18:44,025 --> 00:18:45,726 and screaming like a wild man. 323 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:47,028 Hey, did we tell you 324 00:18:47,061 --> 00:18:48,695 about the orange jumpsuit? 325 00:18:48,729 --> 00:18:52,867 Yeah, it was wearin' a big ol' orange jumpsuit. 326 00:19:06,113 --> 00:19:07,480 Let's do it right here. 327 00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:08,783 That's the one. 328 00:19:08,816 --> 00:19:09,984 Thanks. 329 00:19:10,017 --> 00:19:10,918 Now stay right there. 330 00:19:16,690 --> 00:19:17,892 There we go. 331 00:19:17,925 --> 00:19:18,793 Okay. 332 00:19:18,826 --> 00:19:19,693 Good? 333 00:19:19,727 --> 00:19:20,627 How's that, is that good? 334 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,964 - Yeah, yeah, it looks good. - All right. 335 00:19:23,898 --> 00:19:25,632 Hey, whatcha doing? 336 00:19:29,904 --> 00:19:31,638 We're setting up game cameras. 337 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,174 You're not gonna shoot a poor little animal, are you? 338 00:19:33,207 --> 00:19:35,442 Oh no, no. 339 00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:38,045 I'm Professor Cory Mathis from the university. 340 00:19:38,079 --> 00:19:41,015 I'm Professor Cory Mathis with the university. 341 00:19:41,048 --> 00:19:42,415 I'm researching. 342 00:19:43,818 --> 00:19:45,152 Is that your daughter? 343 00:19:45,186 --> 00:19:47,154 Cassie, no, no, that's, 344 00:19:47,188 --> 00:19:49,857 no, that's not my daughter, no. 345 00:19:49,891 --> 00:19:53,426 Grandpa, can I have a word with you, like now? 346 00:19:53,460 --> 00:19:55,897 Just um, it's good to meet you. 347 00:19:58,565 --> 00:20:00,835 Seriously, kiddo, you're cramping my style, okay? 348 00:20:00,868 --> 00:20:02,602 Can't you see she's pretty cool? 349 00:20:02,636 --> 00:20:03,771 Oh, yeah, she's cool all right. 350 00:20:03,804 --> 00:20:05,572 What color are her eyes? 351 00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:06,741 Her eyes? 352 00:20:06,774 --> 00:20:08,009 Can't you see what she's trying to do? 353 00:20:08,042 --> 00:20:08,876 She's distracting you. 354 00:20:08,910 --> 00:20:12,179 She's trying to dig for information. 355 00:20:12,213 --> 00:20:16,516 She's probably some, like, government spy lady. 356 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,119 What? 357 00:20:18,152 --> 00:20:21,822 Sure, she's out here all alone, not lost, 358 00:20:21,856 --> 00:20:22,990 hiking with a wardrobe malfunction. 359 00:20:23,024 --> 00:20:24,959 Yeah, that's real easy to believe. 360 00:20:24,992 --> 00:20:27,128 It's not a wardrobe malfunction, okay? 361 00:20:27,161 --> 00:20:29,764 She's out here hiking, it's super hot, 362 00:20:29,797 --> 00:20:32,833 she bent down to unbutton and cool off a little bit. 363 00:20:32,867 --> 00:20:33,768 A bit? 364 00:20:33,801 --> 00:20:34,668 If she loses another button 365 00:20:34,702 --> 00:20:36,804 something is gonna start nesting in there. 366 00:20:36,837 --> 00:20:37,872 Get rid of her. 367 00:20:37,905 --> 00:20:38,873 Now! 368 00:20:40,074 --> 00:20:42,877 Sissy, I hate to ask you this and all 369 00:20:42,910 --> 00:20:45,046 but I really need that sack. 370 00:20:47,148 --> 00:20:49,150 You know I can't do that sack. I mean... 371 00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:51,484 Billy would kill me. 372 00:20:51,518 --> 00:20:52,954 That's his prize possession. 373 00:20:52,987 --> 00:20:54,188 This is Sissy Teal, 374 00:20:54,221 --> 00:20:57,524 Gloria's aunt and Ranger Teal's sister. 375 00:20:57,557 --> 00:20:59,961 The sack they're talking about once belonged to a Sasquatch. 376 00:20:59,994 --> 00:21:01,996 That's scientific evidence. 377 00:21:02,029 --> 00:21:03,764 It deserves to be in a lab gettin' tested, 378 00:21:03,798 --> 00:21:06,767 not sittin' on some weirdo's shelf. 379 00:21:06,801 --> 00:21:08,869 Now, it really means a lot to me, Sissy. 380 00:21:08,903 --> 00:21:11,072 Please, I'll do anything. 381 00:21:11,105 --> 00:21:12,239 Anything? 382 00:21:12,273 --> 00:21:13,708 Anything, just name it. 383 00:21:13,741 --> 00:21:14,607 Marry me? 384 00:21:16,844 --> 00:21:18,112 Hold this. 385 00:21:26,787 --> 00:21:30,958 Now listen, as soon as you gimme that sack, 386 00:21:30,992 --> 00:21:33,995 I'll call Pastor Evans and I will marry you. 387 00:21:34,028 --> 00:21:35,196 Yes, yes, yes. 388 00:22:03,690 --> 00:22:05,026 In the dishwasher? 389 00:22:05,059 --> 00:22:06,761 That's gross. 390 00:22:06,794 --> 00:22:08,996 I am sure we gotta go this way. 391 00:22:09,030 --> 00:22:09,897 You positive? 392 00:22:09,930 --> 00:22:10,865 - Yeah. - You're sure. 393 00:22:10,898 --> 00:22:12,199 Yeah, positive. 394 00:22:12,233 --> 00:22:14,001 All right, let's go. 395 00:22:21,842 --> 00:22:22,642 I think it might work. 396 00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:23,444 Stop. 397 00:22:23,477 --> 00:22:24,278 I mean it feels dangerous. 398 00:22:24,311 --> 00:22:24,945 Everything you're thinking 399 00:22:24,979 --> 00:22:26,747 and feeling right now, stop. 400 00:22:26,781 --> 00:22:27,415 You know how they do that on TV 401 00:22:27,448 --> 00:22:28,315 when they light their farts? 402 00:22:28,349 --> 00:22:29,116 No. 403 00:22:29,150 --> 00:22:30,051 Do you think that works? 404 00:22:30,084 --> 00:22:31,118 No. 405 00:22:31,152 --> 00:22:31,986 - I wanna try it. - No. 406 00:22:32,019 --> 00:22:32,853 It's just gonna be, 407 00:22:32,887 --> 00:22:33,287 it's just gonna be, it's gonna be cool. 408 00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:34,321 Lexi! 409 00:22:34,355 --> 00:22:35,723 Where's your scientific curiosity? 410 00:22:35,756 --> 00:22:36,991 Come on. 411 00:22:37,024 --> 00:22:37,992 There is no scientific curiosity. 412 00:22:38,025 --> 00:22:38,759 - I know what happens. - I'm gonna check it out. 413 00:22:38,793 --> 00:22:39,193 - Check it out. - Now quit, Lexi. 414 00:22:40,194 --> 00:22:42,096 Please stop before you kill us. 415 00:22:42,129 --> 00:22:44,231 No, it'll be fine, just see. 416 00:22:44,265 --> 00:22:45,099 Knock it off. 417 00:22:45,132 --> 00:22:46,267 Don't do it again! 418 00:22:46,300 --> 00:22:47,700 I feel a really big one coming. 419 00:22:47,735 --> 00:22:49,103 Jesus, it stinks! 420 00:22:49,970 --> 00:22:50,771 One more time. 421 00:22:50,805 --> 00:22:52,039 Lexi, don't do it again! 422 00:22:54,775 --> 00:22:56,010 Oh my God, get out! 423 00:22:56,043 --> 00:22:57,644 Get out, get out, get out! 424 00:22:57,677 --> 00:22:58,813 Now! 425 00:22:58,846 --> 00:23:00,181 Lexi! 426 00:23:00,214 --> 00:23:02,983 I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! 427 00:23:03,017 --> 00:23:03,818 What did I tell you? 428 00:23:03,851 --> 00:23:05,886 - I'm sorry! - What did I tell you! 429 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,122 - I'm sorry! - You never listen! 430 00:23:08,155 --> 00:23:10,958 Oh my God, I didn't know it was gonna do that! 431 00:23:10,991 --> 00:23:11,859 Let's see. 432 00:23:11,892 --> 00:23:12,726 What did I say? 433 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:14,195 What did I say? 434 00:23:14,228 --> 00:23:16,730 Just 'cause it's on TV doesn't mean it's always right! 435 00:23:18,365 --> 00:23:19,233 The hell? 436 00:23:29,210 --> 00:23:31,011 ♪ Ah ♪ 437 00:23:32,413 --> 00:23:34,248 Are you sure these are the right coordinates? 438 00:23:36,851 --> 00:23:38,385 ♪ Ah ♪ 439 00:23:40,687 --> 00:23:41,654 Okay, yeah. 440 00:23:42,689 --> 00:23:43,390 Wow, yeah. 441 00:23:43,424 --> 00:23:44,859 Lexi, look! 442 00:23:44,892 --> 00:23:45,559 Oh my God, look. 443 00:23:45,593 --> 00:23:48,295 It's tracks, it's everywhere. 444 00:23:49,330 --> 00:23:51,866 Some sort of Sasquatch patch. 445 00:23:52,900 --> 00:23:53,934 Ah. 446 00:23:57,371 --> 00:24:01,876 ♪ Ah ♪ 447 00:24:03,277 --> 00:24:06,113 I were you, I would hold off on making those casts. 448 00:24:06,147 --> 00:24:07,248 Why? 449 00:24:08,782 --> 00:24:10,751 What is that? 450 00:24:10,784 --> 00:24:15,122 That is what's been making all of your tracks! 451 00:24:15,156 --> 00:24:16,857 We've been hoaxed! 452 00:24:18,225 --> 00:24:20,127 It's not funny, come on. 453 00:24:21,495 --> 00:24:23,864 It's really good! 454 00:24:23,898 --> 00:24:24,732 Come on! 455 00:24:24,765 --> 00:24:25,933 It looks real! 456 00:24:33,507 --> 00:24:35,376 Kill that alarm. 457 00:24:35,409 --> 00:24:36,710 Gimme some room. 458 00:24:36,744 --> 00:24:37,945 You heard the Professor, back on up. 459 00:24:37,978 --> 00:24:39,079 What is that? 460 00:24:40,948 --> 00:24:42,883 It moves like a skunk ape. 461 00:24:42,917 --> 00:24:44,418 What's it carrying? 462 00:24:44,451 --> 00:24:47,321 Everybody knows Sasquatch use tools now, Professor. 463 00:24:47,354 --> 00:24:49,290 It's a sledge hammer. 464 00:24:49,323 --> 00:24:50,157 Oh, shit. 465 00:24:51,425 --> 00:24:52,793 It's the ranger. 466 00:24:54,128 --> 00:24:56,897 There's no monster, you assholes. 467 00:25:05,005 --> 00:25:06,073 Anybody want a martini? 468 00:25:06,106 --> 00:25:06,974 Shit! 469 00:25:07,007 --> 00:25:11,946 ♪ Ah ♪ 470 00:25:11,979 --> 00:25:13,314 Hello? 471 00:25:13,347 --> 00:25:16,984 Uh, hey, it's Gloria. 472 00:25:17,017 --> 00:25:19,286 I heard you were back in town. 473 00:25:22,122 --> 00:25:22,957 Are you there? 474 00:25:22,990 --> 00:25:23,857 ♪ Ah ♪ 475 00:25:23,891 --> 00:25:26,093 How'd you know I was back? 476 00:25:26,126 --> 00:25:28,262 Look, I, can I come by and see you? 477 00:25:28,295 --> 00:25:29,396 I have something I need to tell you. 478 00:25:29,430 --> 00:25:30,397 What? 479 00:25:30,431 --> 00:25:31,365 Just tell me now. 480 00:25:32,299 --> 00:25:33,067 How much is this again? 481 00:25:33,100 --> 00:25:33,901 37.50. 482 00:25:34,868 --> 00:25:37,504 Look I'll come by there around noon, okay? 483 00:25:37,538 --> 00:25:39,473 Listen, I'm really busy right now. 484 00:25:39,506 --> 00:25:41,141 I'm elbow deep in work. 485 00:25:41,175 --> 00:25:42,943 Can we talk about this later? 486 00:25:44,044 --> 00:25:45,946 Hold on and don't move. 487 00:25:45,980 --> 00:25:47,314 This is gonna hurt. 488 00:25:54,388 --> 00:25:55,189 Oh my God! 489 00:25:57,124 --> 00:25:58,459 Look at this thing! 490 00:25:59,593 --> 00:26:01,795 Do you see the face? 491 00:26:01,829 --> 00:26:04,331 Bigfoot would be jealous. 492 00:26:16,277 --> 00:26:18,245 I mean, what about George Shinehuff? 493 00:26:18,279 --> 00:26:19,580 I mean it coulda been him. 494 00:26:19,613 --> 00:26:22,816 Uh, your father did a home DNA test a month ago. 495 00:26:22,850 --> 00:26:24,251 They have home DNA tests now? 496 00:26:24,285 --> 00:26:26,887 Yeah, it's kinda like a pregnancy test. 497 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:29,256 It's called Who's Your Daddy? 498 00:26:29,290 --> 00:26:30,257 You the daddy. 499 00:26:31,425 --> 00:26:32,459 You the daddy. 500 00:26:33,927 --> 00:26:35,396 And if you have anything else to ask about it, 501 00:26:35,429 --> 00:26:36,597 why don't you go ahead and ask her yourself? 502 00:26:36,630 --> 00:26:40,100 She's been following your page for a month. 503 00:26:41,635 --> 00:26:44,905 If you and Mommy hook up, I could be the Maid of Honor. 504 00:26:44,938 --> 00:26:46,940 I mean, maybe. 505 00:26:46,974 --> 00:26:47,574 I guess. 506 00:26:54,148 --> 00:26:56,917 I hear you been creepin' on my page. 507 00:26:56,950 --> 00:26:58,485 Yeah, we all do. 508 00:26:58,519 --> 00:27:00,154 You're funny, Daddy. 509 00:27:00,187 --> 00:27:03,857 But some of the stuff your friends say is kinda nasty. 510 00:27:03,891 --> 00:27:07,127 Oh, and sorry you broke up with your girlfriend. 511 00:27:07,161 --> 00:27:10,497 I really don't think she likes you anymore. 512 00:27:33,020 --> 00:27:36,123 But you don't look "limp as a noodle". 513 00:27:36,156 --> 00:27:38,092 Kind of in shape I guess. 514 00:27:40,461 --> 00:27:41,328 - Knock it off you two. - Quit strugglin'. 515 00:27:41,362 --> 00:27:42,229 Lexi let him go. 516 00:27:43,630 --> 00:27:45,432 You know your hair smells like Bigfoot's dick. 517 00:27:47,634 --> 00:27:49,136 It's a damn lie. 518 00:27:50,170 --> 00:27:52,206 You're lucky I got manners 519 00:27:52,239 --> 00:27:55,142 otherwise I'd whoop the shit outta you right now. 520 00:27:55,175 --> 00:27:57,044 With that tiny winky? 521 00:27:57,077 --> 00:27:58,345 I ain't scared. 522 00:27:58,379 --> 00:27:59,880 Keep on talkin'. 523 00:28:00,948 --> 00:28:03,050 ♪ Ah ♪ 524 00:28:03,083 --> 00:28:03,884 Woo ooh. 525 00:28:07,054 --> 00:28:07,654 Woo ooh. 526 00:28:08,689 --> 00:28:10,057 Shut up! ♪ Ah ♪ 527 00:28:10,090 --> 00:28:11,625 You're gonna scare everything away. 528 00:28:11,658 --> 00:28:13,427 I swear to God, you are so dumb you would fall 529 00:28:13,460 --> 00:28:17,131 into a barrel of titties and come out sucking your thumb. 530 00:28:17,164 --> 00:28:17,965 Hoo ooh! ♪ Ah ♪ 531 00:28:17,998 --> 00:28:19,533 God! 532 00:28:21,135 --> 00:28:22,069 That's what you get! 533 00:28:22,102 --> 00:28:24,972 Come on, just stay focused. 534 00:28:25,005 --> 00:28:26,673 Fuckin' swamp cracker. 535 00:28:29,744 --> 00:28:32,513 Holy shit, that's a big foot. 536 00:28:32,546 --> 00:28:33,981 Let's start with this one. 537 00:28:34,014 --> 00:28:37,151 It's the best one I've seen in a while. 538 00:28:37,184 --> 00:28:39,253 Oh my God, they go all the way up the hill. 539 00:28:39,286 --> 00:28:41,021 Imagine that. 540 00:28:49,731 --> 00:28:51,632 One time, back in 1967 541 00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:55,402 a man named Patterson shot some film 542 00:28:55,436 --> 00:28:57,404 of a hairy beast. 543 00:28:57,438 --> 00:29:00,040 He fooled experts and scholars alike. 544 00:29:00,073 --> 00:29:02,142 But did he really fool anyone? 545 00:29:02,176 --> 00:29:05,245 And what about our hero, is he just telling a tale? 546 00:29:05,279 --> 00:29:08,449 There's more story that needs to be spun. 547 00:29:13,654 --> 00:29:16,256 Where in the hell she go? 548 00:29:16,290 --> 00:29:19,059 Lexi, Lexi, where are you? 549 00:29:20,027 --> 00:29:20,627 Lexi! 550 00:29:21,729 --> 00:29:22,963 Lexi! 551 00:29:25,332 --> 00:29:26,600 Hey there. 552 00:29:26,633 --> 00:29:27,434 Oh. 553 00:29:30,170 --> 00:29:31,004 Hey, who the hell is that? 554 00:29:31,038 --> 00:29:34,107 Was that you making all that noise? 555 00:29:35,108 --> 00:29:37,678 Why you grab your gun for? 556 00:29:37,712 --> 00:29:39,112 I don't know. 557 00:29:39,146 --> 00:29:40,681 I just ain't too keen on people sneakin' up on me 558 00:29:40,715 --> 00:29:41,648 with a damn rifle. 559 00:29:41,682 --> 00:29:44,719 That's mighty fine work right there, buddy. 560 00:29:44,752 --> 00:29:46,053 Seen my assistant? 561 00:29:46,086 --> 00:29:47,221 Female, blonde hair. 562 00:29:47,254 --> 00:29:48,355 She's out here somewhere. 563 00:29:48,388 --> 00:29:49,289 She's got a camera in her hand. 564 00:29:49,323 --> 00:29:50,090 - Runnin' around in the woods. - Hey y'all. 565 00:29:50,123 --> 00:29:52,693 I know every inch of this forest. 566 00:29:52,727 --> 00:29:55,596 I can help you find her if you want me to. 567 00:29:55,629 --> 00:29:57,231 Yeah, thanks. 568 00:29:57,264 --> 00:29:59,099 We would appreciate your help. 569 00:29:59,132 --> 00:30:00,334 What you doin' out here? 570 00:30:00,367 --> 00:30:01,401 I'm a Bigfoot hunter. 571 00:30:01,435 --> 00:30:02,436 No shit! 572 00:30:02,469 --> 00:30:03,403 No shit. 573 00:30:03,437 --> 00:30:04,438 We doin' the same. 574 00:30:04,471 --> 00:30:05,339 Fran Andersen. 575 00:30:05,372 --> 00:30:07,107 Rick Dyer. 576 00:30:07,140 --> 00:30:08,242 This here is Professor Cory Mathis out of Missouri. 577 00:30:08,275 --> 00:30:09,109 Hey, how you doin'? 578 00:30:09,142 --> 00:30:09,777 I like that hat. 579 00:30:09,811 --> 00:30:11,645 Thanks. 580 00:30:11,678 --> 00:30:14,081 Well, so, you ever find anything out here? 581 00:30:14,114 --> 00:30:15,182 All the time, man. 582 00:30:15,215 --> 00:30:16,149 That's why I stay out here. 583 00:30:16,183 --> 00:30:17,785 I been out here a long time. 584 00:30:17,819 --> 00:30:19,386 Anyway, I love that beard. 585 00:30:19,419 --> 00:30:21,789 Oh, it's a cum catcher. 586 00:30:27,494 --> 00:30:28,529 Lexi! 587 00:30:29,764 --> 00:30:31,532 Lexi! 588 00:30:31,565 --> 00:30:32,366 Lexi! 589 00:30:32,399 --> 00:30:33,200 Lexi! 590 00:30:42,609 --> 00:30:45,512 Fran, go up there and check the outhouse for Lexi. 591 00:30:45,546 --> 00:30:48,081 I'm gonna take the Professor in here to show him the radios. 592 00:30:48,115 --> 00:30:49,616 Maybe we can get in contact with a ranger. 593 00:30:49,650 --> 00:30:51,418 She can't be too far away. 594 00:30:51,451 --> 00:30:53,420 Sounds good. 595 00:30:53,453 --> 00:30:55,455 Fran, hurry back. 596 00:30:59,861 --> 00:31:02,864 After you, Professor. 597 00:31:02,897 --> 00:31:05,098 You live in here? 598 00:31:10,237 --> 00:31:10,838 Lexi. 599 00:31:12,639 --> 00:31:14,141 Lexi you in there? 600 00:31:23,684 --> 00:31:24,484 Professor. 601 00:31:25,753 --> 00:31:26,553 Rick. 602 00:31:31,191 --> 00:31:31,793 Professor! 603 00:31:38,766 --> 00:31:40,567 Professor, you in here? 604 00:31:58,218 --> 00:31:59,787 I knew it! 605 00:32:08,562 --> 00:32:09,630 Fran, shut the hell up. 606 00:32:10,965 --> 00:32:13,233 Professor, that you? 607 00:32:13,266 --> 00:32:15,369 Who the hell you think it is, you dumb hillbilly? 608 00:32:15,402 --> 00:32:17,872 How in the hell we keep getting caught 609 00:32:17,905 --> 00:32:19,874 in these situations? 610 00:32:19,907 --> 00:32:21,776 Mornin' fellas. 611 00:32:25,412 --> 00:32:26,380 Here's what I need you to do. 612 00:32:26,413 --> 00:32:27,815 You're gonna take those duds off 613 00:32:27,849 --> 00:32:30,317 and glue this fur all over your body. 614 00:32:30,350 --> 00:32:32,754 Serial hoaxer, Rick Dyer. 615 00:32:32,787 --> 00:32:36,356 I should've let Fran shoot his ass back in the woods. 616 00:32:36,390 --> 00:32:38,425 Now you don't need to use too much glue. 617 00:32:38,458 --> 00:32:40,828 That stuff works pretty good. 618 00:32:40,862 --> 00:32:42,696 We're not gonna glue this shit all over us. 619 00:32:42,730 --> 00:32:44,464 Have you lost your fuckin' mind? 620 00:32:44,498 --> 00:32:46,199 How 'bout no! 621 00:32:46,233 --> 00:32:48,201 If you don't start gluin' in the next 10 seconds, 622 00:32:48,235 --> 00:32:50,270 I'm gonna have my way with her and blow 623 00:32:50,303 --> 00:32:53,273 - her pretty little brains out. - Help me, Professor. 624 00:32:53,306 --> 00:32:55,542 All right, all right. 625 00:32:55,575 --> 00:32:56,510 We'll do it. 626 00:32:57,678 --> 00:32:58,946 Now start superin'. 627 00:32:58,980 --> 00:33:00,247 Please. 628 00:33:00,948 --> 00:33:02,416 Do a good job. 629 00:33:02,449 --> 00:33:04,317 Cover it all nice and even. 630 00:33:04,351 --> 00:33:07,387 Think teddy bear, nice and cuddly. 631 00:33:07,421 --> 00:33:10,457 He's got a fake-ass Bigfoot in that damn freezer. 632 00:33:10,490 --> 00:33:12,359 And trust me, he ain't got no plans 633 00:33:12,392 --> 00:33:15,863 on letting us tell anybody about nothin'. 634 00:33:17,330 --> 00:33:18,766 Pull them sacks off. 635 00:33:23,004 --> 00:33:24,772 Pastor Evans? 636 00:33:24,806 --> 00:33:26,573 Who the hell are you? 637 00:33:26,606 --> 00:33:27,674 You crazy bastard. 638 00:33:27,709 --> 00:33:29,342 You pissed your fur. 639 00:33:30,610 --> 00:33:32,279 Get your ass outta here. 640 00:33:32,312 --> 00:33:32,914 Go, go! 641 00:33:35,282 --> 00:33:37,551 Beware of the border patrol. 642 00:33:37,584 --> 00:33:39,286 Come on, get out! 643 00:33:39,319 --> 00:33:41,488 All right, godammit, I'm coming. 644 00:33:41,521 --> 00:33:43,925 Get your ass over there, go on. 645 00:33:43,958 --> 00:33:47,527 Lexi, Fran, is that you? 646 00:33:47,561 --> 00:33:48,930 No one's gonna believe we're real Sasquatch 647 00:33:48,963 --> 00:33:51,431 with this bullshit glued all over us. 648 00:33:51,465 --> 00:33:53,735 You think I wanna kill you to have bodies to show? 649 00:33:55,368 --> 00:33:57,304 That's messed up, man. 650 00:33:57,337 --> 00:33:59,506 We're broadcasting a Bigfoot snuff film. 651 00:33:59,539 --> 00:34:02,476 We have it live all over the planet. 652 00:34:02,509 --> 00:34:04,045 Snuff film? 653 00:34:04,078 --> 00:34:05,780 I ain't doin' anything with that nasty cracker down there! 654 00:34:05,813 --> 00:34:07,280 He's probably got 655 00:34:07,314 --> 00:34:08,348 some kinda saber tooth crotch crickets goin' on. 656 00:34:08,381 --> 00:34:10,417 I see him scratchin' all the time! 657 00:34:10,450 --> 00:34:12,586 I'd rather do the cameraman. 658 00:34:13,955 --> 00:34:17,390 Snuff films are about murder not sex, you dumb skank! 659 00:34:17,424 --> 00:34:18,558 We're using our all new 660 00:34:18,592 --> 00:34:21,628 double NOT-76 video encryption system. 661 00:34:21,661 --> 00:34:23,663 Ain't no one gonna be able to track us with this shit! 662 00:34:23,697 --> 00:34:26,033 We're gettin' 850 a pop! 663 00:34:26,067 --> 00:34:27,969 Huh, it's at 238 right now. 664 00:34:28,002 --> 00:34:30,004 238, that's only $2,023. 665 00:34:31,638 --> 00:34:34,008 This fucking fur and glue probably cost that much. 666 00:34:34,041 --> 00:34:37,477 A snuff film with this kinda production value? 667 00:34:37,511 --> 00:34:39,646 We're gonna make a killin' on DVD sales. 668 00:34:39,679 --> 00:34:41,414 Ain't that right, fat boy? 669 00:34:41,448 --> 00:34:42,083 Damn, boy, we're gonna be rich! 670 00:34:42,116 --> 00:34:45,485 Yeah, ooh, woo! 671 00:34:46,721 --> 00:34:49,056 I'll be gettin' payback on your ass, Dyer, 672 00:34:49,090 --> 00:34:50,590 I guarantee that. 673 00:34:50,624 --> 00:34:52,459 Whatever you say, Andersen. 674 00:34:52,492 --> 00:34:54,762 Now, get your ass going, dickweed! 675 00:34:56,429 --> 00:34:58,032 Y'all got 15 minutes 676 00:34:58,065 --> 00:35:00,001 then I'm comin' after ya. 677 00:35:01,535 --> 00:35:02,870 We're gonna be rich! 678 00:35:02,904 --> 00:35:06,673 Hold up, I twisted my ankle. 679 00:35:10,978 --> 00:35:12,880 I thought they'd find us by now. 680 00:35:12,914 --> 00:35:15,382 Those two dumbasses couldn't find a safe space 681 00:35:15,415 --> 00:35:17,919 on campus at UC Berkeley. 682 00:35:52,519 --> 00:35:53,721 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 683 00:35:53,754 --> 00:35:54,588 You hear that? 684 00:35:54,621 --> 00:35:55,723 Come on, come on. 685 00:35:55,756 --> 00:35:56,791 Whoa! 686 00:36:01,996 --> 00:36:02,797 Hey! 687 00:36:05,532 --> 00:36:07,367 Help, help us! 688 00:36:42,669 --> 00:36:45,940 There's no monster, you assholes. 689 00:36:50,644 --> 00:36:53,047 Was you injuns that stole the land from the Sasquatch 690 00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:53,881 when you brought your asses 691 00:36:53,915 --> 00:36:57,151 over from Russia 10,000 years ago. 692 00:36:57,184 --> 00:37:00,087 You killed all of 'em off and you killed them mammoths 693 00:37:00,121 --> 00:37:01,989 and saber toothed tigers, too. 694 00:37:02,023 --> 00:37:03,824 And that's a fact. 695 00:37:03,858 --> 00:37:05,126 You're an idiot. 696 00:37:05,159 --> 00:37:09,130 Got them little bitty titties. 697 00:37:09,163 --> 00:37:10,765 Yours is still little bitty. 698 00:37:10,798 --> 00:37:13,533 I know somebody that likes my problem. 699 00:37:13,566 --> 00:37:17,138 I ain't gotta force it in or spit on it as much. 700 00:37:17,171 --> 00:37:18,773 What, do you think you could just run around my town 701 00:37:18,806 --> 00:37:20,808 intoxicated and naked? 702 00:37:20,841 --> 00:37:22,977 We got decency laws around here. 703 00:37:23,010 --> 00:37:24,812 Some freak in a green suit darted us 704 00:37:24,845 --> 00:37:26,513 and threw us in that dumpster. 705 00:37:26,546 --> 00:37:27,815 I figured it was some type 706 00:37:27,848 --> 00:37:29,582 of clandestine government agency 707 00:37:29,616 --> 00:37:31,185 trying to cover this shit up. 708 00:37:31,218 --> 00:37:32,987 Now, why would the government wanna cover up 709 00:37:33,020 --> 00:37:34,956 your dumpster orgy? 710 00:37:34,989 --> 00:37:36,791 We talking about a damn Bigfoot. 711 00:37:36,824 --> 00:37:38,192 Those Men in Green make the creatures 712 00:37:38,225 --> 00:37:40,127 wear orange jumpsuits so people think 713 00:37:40,161 --> 00:37:44,131 they just hunters. 714 00:37:50,838 --> 00:37:55,508 Baby, baby, baby. 715 00:37:55,542 --> 00:37:57,144 Where are you, you hairy freak? 716 00:37:57,178 --> 00:37:59,113 I can smell ya from here. 717 00:38:03,650 --> 00:38:05,152 You lookin' for me? 718 00:38:09,757 --> 00:38:11,926 You sure got some purdy lips. 719 00:38:13,928 --> 00:38:16,097 Okay, I'm gonna turn you in for the $10 million reward, 720 00:38:16,130 --> 00:38:17,131 how you like that, huh? 721 00:38:21,035 --> 00:38:23,938 You just as cute as a baby bunny. 722 00:38:23,971 --> 00:38:26,040 Now, let's you turn around, 723 00:38:28,776 --> 00:38:30,510 drop them draws, baby. 724 00:38:32,679 --> 00:38:34,882 I'll be gentle, just for you. 725 00:38:37,184 --> 00:38:40,021 Nah, I'm just messin' with ya. 726 00:38:40,054 --> 00:38:42,189 What the fuck is... 727 00:38:43,824 --> 00:38:46,626 Why ain't you been takin' my calls? 728 00:38:46,659 --> 00:38:47,660 I thought we may be able 729 00:38:47,694 --> 00:38:49,930 to get to know each other better. 730 00:38:49,964 --> 00:38:51,664 Maybe go over to Stevie's Burgers, 731 00:38:51,698 --> 00:38:53,167 you know, hook up. 732 00:38:56,636 --> 00:38:59,206 I, Ranger Billy Teal, have been harassed 733 00:38:59,240 --> 00:39:00,941 on several occasions, 734 00:39:02,143 --> 00:39:04,712 both mentally and sexually, in the workplace 735 00:39:04,745 --> 00:39:07,580 by a monster in the woods. 736 00:39:07,614 --> 00:39:10,184 In my section of the forest, in the past few months, 737 00:39:10,217 --> 00:39:12,720 I have been stalked, terrorized, 738 00:39:12,753 --> 00:39:15,289 and humiliated without provocation. 739 00:39:15,322 --> 00:39:16,589 Um, yeah. 740 00:39:16,623 --> 00:39:18,025 My big brother keeps getting beat up 741 00:39:18,059 --> 00:39:18,793 - in the woods by something - Are you gonna 742 00:39:18,826 --> 00:39:19,592 help me or not? 743 00:39:19,626 --> 00:39:20,995 that technically doesn't exist. 744 00:39:21,028 --> 00:39:22,730 You're a ranger. 745 00:39:22,763 --> 00:39:24,331 You can't go around talking about monsters in the forest. 746 00:39:24,365 --> 00:39:25,966 They're gonna fire you, bro. 747 00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:26,867 I have to do something. 748 00:39:26,901 --> 00:39:28,269 He can't get away with this. 749 00:39:28,302 --> 00:39:31,038 Look, I rarely ask you for anything. 750 00:39:31,072 --> 00:39:33,007 Just listen and tell me 751 00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:35,843 if it sounds official, okay? 752 00:39:35,876 --> 00:39:36,944 What do you want me to do? 753 00:39:36,977 --> 00:39:39,080 I want you to listen and tell me 754 00:39:39,113 --> 00:39:41,148 if it sounds official! 755 00:39:43,084 --> 00:39:43,951 If you want me to help you, 756 00:39:43,984 --> 00:39:45,886 you gotta tear up this piece of paper. 757 00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:47,388 Okay fine. 758 00:39:47,421 --> 00:39:48,756 But if it happens again, I'm going straight to headquarters 759 00:39:48,789 --> 00:39:50,791 and I'm filing an official report. 760 00:39:50,825 --> 00:39:51,725 There he is. 761 00:39:53,127 --> 00:39:55,863 Why can't we let the city guys take care of this? 762 00:39:55,896 --> 00:39:57,298 We have to take care of it. 763 00:39:57,331 --> 00:39:58,232 Scoop him up! 764 00:39:58,265 --> 00:39:59,867 No, that's a city raccoon. 765 00:39:59,900 --> 00:40:00,768 It's a forest creature. 766 00:40:00,801 --> 00:40:04,205 It's our responsibility to scoop him up. 767 00:40:04,238 --> 00:40:06,941 I'm pretty sure that's a city raccoon. 768 00:40:06,974 --> 00:40:08,242 Scoop him up. 769 00:40:08,275 --> 00:40:09,110 All right. 770 00:40:09,143 --> 00:40:10,643 Forest creature. 771 00:40:13,948 --> 00:40:14,748 Andersen! 772 00:40:25,126 --> 00:40:25,926 Andersen! 773 00:40:32,099 --> 00:40:33,200 Stop! 774 00:40:46,347 --> 00:40:47,882 How the hell are you doing that, Andersen? 775 00:40:47,915 --> 00:40:49,083 I got a big bladder. 776 00:40:49,116 --> 00:40:50,918 I can go all day. 777 00:40:50,951 --> 00:40:52,086 You better stay back. 778 00:40:52,119 --> 00:40:53,921 I'm more than just a ranger now, okay? 779 00:40:53,954 --> 00:40:55,723 You don't even know who you're messin', 780 00:40:55,756 --> 00:40:56,857 fuck you, fuck. 781 00:40:58,192 --> 00:41:00,194 Oh, God, God, it stinks. 782 00:41:00,227 --> 00:41:02,029 What the fuck have you been eating? 783 00:41:10,471 --> 00:41:11,372 What the hell? 784 00:41:11,405 --> 00:41:12,740 I told you coffee and cream. 785 00:41:12,773 --> 00:41:15,075 We don't need no coffee or cream, man. 786 00:41:15,109 --> 00:41:16,911 We're both gettin' fat. 787 00:41:16,944 --> 00:41:18,746 Now, come on let's get the hell outta here. 788 00:41:18,779 --> 00:41:19,679 - That little bastard - Oh shit! 789 00:41:19,713 --> 00:41:20,548 stole something from my room last night 790 00:41:20,581 --> 00:41:22,416 and I want it back. 791 00:41:22,449 --> 00:41:24,985 Fran, if you took something of his, just give it. 792 00:41:25,019 --> 00:41:26,287 What were you doing at his house anyway? 793 00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:27,288 His sister. 794 00:41:27,321 --> 00:41:28,422 He's got my sack. 795 00:41:28,455 --> 00:41:29,290 Sack? 796 00:41:29,323 --> 00:41:31,225 My Bigfoot balls. 797 00:41:31,258 --> 00:41:32,092 You heard him right, 798 00:41:32,126 --> 00:41:33,194 Bigfoot balls. 799 00:41:33,227 --> 00:41:35,462 When we were kids, Billy claimed that he cut the sack 800 00:41:35,496 --> 00:41:38,999 off of a dead Bigfoot and now Fran has them. 801 00:41:39,033 --> 00:41:40,434 Those are scientific evidence. 802 00:41:40,467 --> 00:41:42,303 They don't need to be sittin' on some freak's shelf. 803 00:41:42,336 --> 00:41:44,305 They need to be in a lab gettin' analyzed. 804 00:41:44,338 --> 00:41:45,306 Aw, come on, Billy. 805 00:41:45,339 --> 00:41:48,409 You still have the nut sack? 806 00:41:50,344 --> 00:41:54,315 Yeah, it's right around here somewhere. 807 00:41:54,348 --> 00:41:57,818 Man, Billy, what the hell's wrong with you? 808 00:41:57,851 --> 00:41:59,353 Why'd you take its balls? 809 00:41:59,386 --> 00:42:01,388 I had to get some proof. 810 00:42:09,029 --> 00:42:12,399 Dude, are those your underwear? 811 00:42:12,433 --> 00:42:15,135 Yeah, I had to hang them up so I could find my way back. 812 00:42:15,169 --> 00:42:17,471 Those are girl's underwear. 813 00:42:17,504 --> 00:42:21,408 Wait, you wear your sister's underwear, don't you? 814 00:42:22,343 --> 00:42:25,179 Girls' underwear is more comfortable. 815 00:42:25,212 --> 00:42:27,915 All right, whatever, where the hell is it anyway? 816 00:42:27,948 --> 00:42:30,384 I swear, it was right here. 817 00:42:30,417 --> 00:42:32,453 It was laying here dead as shit. 818 00:42:32,486 --> 00:42:35,322 I cut his balls off with this knife. 819 00:42:36,490 --> 00:42:37,925 Just like the one that attacked my mom 820 00:42:37,958 --> 00:42:39,493 when I was a kid. 821 00:42:49,203 --> 00:42:54,008 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ooh. 822 00:42:57,278 --> 00:42:58,545 - Billy, no, no. - No, Mommy, we gottta 823 00:42:58,579 --> 00:43:01,482 - kill the monster. - No, Billy, no! 824 00:43:03,550 --> 00:43:04,518 Are you okay? 825 00:43:06,287 --> 00:43:07,588 It's okay, Billy. 826 00:43:07,621 --> 00:43:09,323 I know you won't understand this right now, 827 00:43:09,356 --> 00:43:12,059 but that was your father. 828 00:43:12,092 --> 00:43:13,260 You're 1/4 Bigfoot, 829 00:43:13,294 --> 00:43:15,829 - Bigfoot, Bigfoot, Bigfoot. - Hey, dipshit, 830 00:43:15,863 --> 00:43:18,098 what the hell's wrong with you? 831 00:43:18,132 --> 00:43:19,433 Hey, what the hell's wrong with you, dipshit? 832 00:43:19,466 --> 00:43:23,103 Dipshit! 833 00:43:23,137 --> 00:43:24,104 Hey, dipshit! 834 00:43:26,173 --> 00:43:29,076 Fran would you give him back his Bigfoot balls? 835 00:43:29,109 --> 00:43:31,245 They better both be in there. 836 00:43:31,278 --> 00:43:32,880 Oh, let me see. 837 00:43:32,913 --> 00:43:34,848 Oh, gross! 838 00:43:34,882 --> 00:43:36,917 Touched my lips. 839 00:43:36,950 --> 00:43:39,253 Here take this shit, you freak. 840 00:43:42,256 --> 00:43:43,891 And if I catch you around my sister again 841 00:43:43,924 --> 00:43:44,925 you're gonna be sorry. 842 00:43:45,993 --> 00:43:49,096 In 1924, a man was taken captive. 843 00:43:49,129 --> 00:43:51,598 The creature carried him some 30 miles 844 00:43:51,632 --> 00:43:53,567 before he was let go. 845 00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:55,302 They did unspeakable things, 846 00:43:55,336 --> 00:43:57,037 too ugly to be told. 847 00:43:57,071 --> 00:44:00,374 Maybe the same for our forest ranger Billy Teal? 848 00:44:00,407 --> 00:44:02,509 And when there's none in the forest to hear, 849 00:44:02,543 --> 00:44:06,080 do we keep it quiet or squirm and squeal? 850 00:44:16,190 --> 00:44:17,124 Yes, I'm here. 851 00:44:17,157 --> 00:44:18,292 Hello, my little doe. 852 00:44:18,325 --> 00:44:19,293 How you been? 853 00:44:20,627 --> 00:44:22,229 Hey, who the hell is this? 854 00:44:22,262 --> 00:44:25,065 This is a government phone line. 855 00:44:25,099 --> 00:44:26,300 It's me, baby. 856 00:44:27,368 --> 00:44:28,936 Your friend from the forest below. 857 00:44:28,969 --> 00:44:30,070 I heard you been talking about me 858 00:44:30,104 --> 00:44:32,339 even though you promised you wouldn't. 859 00:44:32,373 --> 00:44:35,542 Got me feeling all hurt and betrayed inside. 860 00:44:35,576 --> 00:44:38,979 I thought I could trust you with our little secret. 861 00:44:39,012 --> 00:44:40,147 I didn't tell anyone. 862 00:44:40,180 --> 00:44:41,382 Don't go lyin'. 863 00:44:41,415 --> 00:44:43,183 I know right where you live. 864 00:44:43,217 --> 00:44:46,120 You don't wannna get on my ugly side. 865 00:44:47,254 --> 00:44:49,022 Ranger Teal here. 866 00:44:49,056 --> 00:44:50,324 I'm trapped in a tree. 867 00:44:50,357 --> 00:44:51,658 My rifle's out of reach and my sidearm's 868 00:44:51,692 --> 00:44:52,693 in the truck. 869 00:44:52,727 --> 00:44:54,128 I need help here. 870 00:44:54,161 --> 00:44:55,028 You want your rifle? 871 00:44:55,062 --> 00:44:56,463 I'm gonna turn you in for that reward. 872 00:44:56,497 --> 00:44:57,297 They're not gonna believe you. 873 00:44:57,331 --> 00:44:58,165 Tell the commander I need help. 874 00:44:58,198 --> 00:44:59,400 And I'm just gonna come after you. 875 00:44:59,433 --> 00:45:00,534 Ranger Teal. 876 00:45:00,567 --> 00:45:01,935 Let's talk about how you gonna keep 877 00:45:01,969 --> 00:45:03,303 - all these people - Billy Teal. 878 00:45:03,337 --> 00:45:05,072 outta my side of the forest. 879 00:45:05,105 --> 00:45:05,807 What is it with you people? 880 00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:07,007 I've told you a thousand times. 881 00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:08,442 You know who I am. 882 00:45:08,475 --> 00:45:09,410 As soon as that thing 883 00:45:09,443 --> 00:45:11,612 caught my scent. 884 00:45:11,645 --> 00:45:13,715 His thing stuck out from under his fur full sail. 885 00:45:13,748 --> 00:45:15,315 She always has this problem 886 00:45:15,349 --> 00:45:16,583 with the males. 887 00:45:16,617 --> 00:45:19,153 You know she has the oversized lady mounds 888 00:45:19,186 --> 00:45:20,120 or the EECT. 889 00:45:21,688 --> 00:45:25,025 You know, extremely enlarged camel toe. 890 00:45:25,058 --> 00:45:26,326 We think this has something to do 891 00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:28,629 with all this male attraction. 892 00:45:30,397 --> 00:45:33,467 I mean, it transmits some sorta sex signal 893 00:45:34,769 --> 00:45:37,471 all these male creatures just find irresistible. 894 00:45:37,504 --> 00:45:39,473 I mean, we can't hardly go anywhere. 895 00:45:39,506 --> 00:45:43,010 When we go to the park and there's dogs following her around 896 00:45:43,043 --> 00:45:45,446 trying to hump her leg and I'll see women 897 00:45:45,479 --> 00:45:47,749 shielding their children's eyes, 898 00:45:47,782 --> 00:45:52,019 and a homeless guy tried to grab at it one day. 899 00:45:52,052 --> 00:45:53,755 Here's another true story. 900 00:45:53,788 --> 00:45:55,422 We were out at that park that day 901 00:45:55,456 --> 00:45:58,992 and we had our blanket all out, havin' a nice picnic, 902 00:45:59,026 --> 00:46:02,129 eatin' our chicken, everything's going just fine. 903 00:46:02,162 --> 00:46:05,599 And outta nowhere comes this tailless squirrel 904 00:46:05,632 --> 00:46:09,236 and just runs right up and just starts humpin' it. 905 00:46:09,269 --> 00:46:11,271 I didn't know what to do! 906 00:46:11,305 --> 00:46:12,740 I couldn't do anything about it. 907 00:46:12,774 --> 00:46:14,608 I mean, it was, it was just there, and it was goin' at it. 908 00:46:14,641 --> 00:46:17,578 And it, I couldn't, there was nothing for me to grab onto. 909 00:46:17,611 --> 00:46:19,179 It had no tail! 910 00:46:19,213 --> 00:46:21,014 I, I couldn't even fling it off of me. 911 00:46:21,048 --> 00:46:23,250 I just, it kept trying to bite me 912 00:46:23,283 --> 00:46:24,251 every time I tried to grab it 913 00:46:24,284 --> 00:46:26,053 and I, I just had to wait until it was done. 914 00:46:26,086 --> 00:46:29,456 I mean that was my favorite pair of jeans, 915 00:46:29,490 --> 00:46:30,657 I had to throw them away. 916 00:46:30,691 --> 00:46:31,525 I mean, I, they were ruined. 917 00:46:31,558 --> 00:46:33,560 I'm gonna fall. 918 00:46:36,597 --> 00:46:39,199 Wow, you really are strong for a banana. 919 00:46:39,233 --> 00:46:40,133 Just walk! 920 00:46:40,167 --> 00:46:41,502 Ow! 921 00:46:41,535 --> 00:46:43,270 You wanna come and help us or something? 922 00:46:43,303 --> 00:46:44,104 - No. - Gods sakes, somebody's 923 00:46:44,137 --> 00:46:45,239 gotta show you dumbasses 924 00:46:45,272 --> 00:46:47,074 how to put it together. 925 00:46:48,175 --> 00:46:49,576 Fran's mom is so hairy, 926 00:46:49,610 --> 00:46:51,378 he almost died of rug burns at birth. 927 00:46:53,514 --> 00:46:54,816 Don't mind Fran. 928 00:46:54,849 --> 00:46:57,819 He's just mad 'cause his mama's so hairy 929 00:46:57,852 --> 00:46:59,119 her titties look like coconuts. 930 00:47:01,255 --> 00:47:03,825 Fran's mama is so hairy that Bigfoot went down on her, 931 00:47:03,858 --> 00:47:04,658 had to be cut out! 932 00:47:06,126 --> 00:47:07,494 You need more C4. 933 00:47:08,595 --> 00:47:10,497 Hell'd you learn to make a bomb at? 934 00:47:10,531 --> 00:47:11,665 A drive-thru in Libya? 935 00:47:11,698 --> 00:47:13,634 Are they gonna blow us all up? 936 00:47:13,667 --> 00:47:16,069 Oh, I'm sorry, darlin', I didn't mean to offend. 937 00:47:16,103 --> 00:47:17,271 Keep touchin' me, keep touchin' me I'm gonna detonate 938 00:47:17,304 --> 00:47:18,539 the sumbitch right now. 939 00:47:18,572 --> 00:47:19,774 Oh, all right. 940 00:47:19,807 --> 00:47:20,474 - You see these? - Do what you fuckin' want. 941 00:47:20,507 --> 00:47:22,476 Those are motion detectors. 942 00:47:22,509 --> 00:47:24,411 Now, when it comes into the capture zone, 943 00:47:24,444 --> 00:47:25,412 it's gonna trigger the charges 944 00:47:25,445 --> 00:47:26,580 that makes the cage drop down. 945 00:47:26,613 --> 00:47:28,816 Like the ACME Cage Company? 946 00:47:28,850 --> 00:47:31,485 Now, when that happens, it's going to immobilize the beast 947 00:47:31,518 --> 00:47:33,587 by throwing its tasers out. 948 00:47:35,355 --> 00:47:36,490 What the hell is that? 949 00:47:36,523 --> 00:47:37,691 This right here? 950 00:47:37,725 --> 00:47:41,161 This is dirty gym socks, bloody menstruation, 951 00:47:41,194 --> 00:47:43,463 and the sweat of a woman. 952 00:47:43,497 --> 00:47:45,699 Sasquatch finds it uber sexy. 953 00:47:46,901 --> 00:47:48,335 Hell, we get it all from Gloria. 954 00:47:53,775 --> 00:47:56,778 Oh, ow, godammit! 955 00:47:59,580 --> 00:48:00,414 Crazy bastards. 956 00:48:00,447 --> 00:48:02,316 - Get this shit outta me! - Hey guys, 957 00:48:02,349 --> 00:48:03,183 it's not funny. 958 00:48:03,216 --> 00:48:04,018 What? 959 00:48:04,052 --> 00:48:05,319 You know those are barbed tips. 960 00:48:05,352 --> 00:48:06,653 Oh fuck! 961 00:48:06,687 --> 00:48:08,188 I'm gonna have to cut 'em out. 962 00:48:08,221 --> 00:48:09,857 Hey, can we get just a little more focus here guys? 963 00:48:09,891 --> 00:48:11,826 She's right, skankasaurus. 964 00:48:11,859 --> 00:48:14,294 I told you not be bringing these damn retards around here. 965 00:48:14,328 --> 00:48:16,496 Somebody was gonna get hurt! 966 00:48:16,530 --> 00:48:18,900 You have personal space issues. 967 00:48:18,933 --> 00:48:21,335 Okay, knock it off. 968 00:48:21,368 --> 00:48:22,603 Get you some of that bitch! Can we please 969 00:48:22,636 --> 00:48:24,404 get the barbs out of Casey's leg? 970 00:48:25,339 --> 00:48:25,974 - Maybe? - All right. 971 00:48:26,007 --> 00:48:27,140 I want to do this. 972 00:48:27,174 --> 00:48:28,743 This is gonna hurt. 973 00:48:28,776 --> 00:48:29,777 You want something to bite on? 974 00:48:29,811 --> 00:48:31,445 Are you insane? 975 00:48:31,478 --> 00:48:32,346 You're insane! 976 00:48:32,379 --> 00:48:33,246 You're crazy! 977 00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:35,282 Everybody's fucking crazy! 978 00:48:41,355 --> 00:48:42,322 Go ahead. 979 00:48:42,356 --> 00:48:43,725 Check, Grandpa. 980 00:48:43,758 --> 00:48:44,759 Not this time, kiddo. 981 00:48:44,792 --> 00:48:46,226 No way. 982 00:48:46,259 --> 00:48:49,764 Casey get me a martini, nice and dry, no olives. 983 00:48:49,797 --> 00:48:52,900 Actually, hold the vermouth, too. 984 00:48:52,934 --> 00:48:53,768 I'll get it. 985 00:48:53,801 --> 00:48:55,335 Go. 986 00:49:02,844 --> 00:49:04,678 I like it here. 987 00:49:04,712 --> 00:49:05,780 I wanna live here. 988 00:49:05,813 --> 00:49:07,414 I wanna raise my babies here. 989 00:49:07,447 --> 00:49:08,582 Why didn't you tell me about the kid? 990 00:49:08,615 --> 00:49:09,583 The kid? 991 00:49:09,616 --> 00:49:11,284 Your daughter? 992 00:49:11,318 --> 00:49:13,353 Her name's Cassie. 993 00:49:13,387 --> 00:49:15,255 And I don't know, I was 19. 994 00:49:15,288 --> 00:49:16,323 You wanna know the truth? 995 00:49:16,356 --> 00:49:18,659 I didn't know if she was yours. 996 00:49:18,692 --> 00:49:21,662 But your father knew as soon as he looked at her. 997 00:49:21,695 --> 00:49:23,664 And I wanted to tell him, 998 00:49:23,697 --> 00:49:26,366 and I wanted to tell your mom, 999 00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:27,769 but I was scared, and I didn't wanna ruin 1000 00:49:27,802 --> 00:49:29,336 your precious life. 1001 00:49:31,338 --> 00:49:32,673 You fucking happy? 1002 00:49:32,707 --> 00:49:35,777 Maybe you need to give me another chance? 1003 00:49:52,894 --> 00:49:57,431 ♪ Bought me a blue boutonniere ♪ 1004 00:49:57,464 --> 00:50:02,335 ♪ Wore a pretty pink gown ♪ 1005 00:50:03,370 --> 00:50:06,506 ♪ And you promised me pearls ♪ 1006 00:50:06,540 --> 00:50:11,411 ♪ Match my prom queen crown ♪ 1007 00:50:12,814 --> 00:50:14,514 ♪ You're a real big man ♪ 1008 00:50:14,548 --> 00:50:17,752 ♪ In your mama's minivan ♪ 1009 00:50:17,785 --> 00:50:21,823 ♪ Slipped off my shoes ♪ 1010 00:50:21,856 --> 00:50:23,725 ♪ Ruined my dress ♪ 1011 00:50:23,758 --> 00:50:26,259 ♪ Excited I guess ♪ 1012 00:50:26,293 --> 00:50:27,829 ♪ Still can hold your booze ♪ 1013 00:50:27,862 --> 00:50:28,695 Hey! 1014 00:50:28,730 --> 00:50:29,629 Do you mind? 1015 00:50:29,663 --> 00:50:31,298 I am trying to sing a song here! 1016 00:50:31,331 --> 00:50:35,469 ♪ 10 years, you still can't get it right ♪ 1017 00:50:35,502 --> 00:50:39,539 ♪ We ain't makin' love, we fight ♪ 1018 00:50:39,573 --> 00:50:44,411 ♪ So, don't you get the wrong idea about us ♪ 1019 00:50:44,444 --> 00:50:47,048 ♪ Don't you get the wrong idea ♪ 1020 00:50:47,081 --> 00:50:51,585 ♪ 'Bout what's going on here ♪ 1021 00:50:51,618 --> 00:50:56,456 ♪ Just because we're doing this ♪ 1022 00:50:57,759 --> 00:50:59,659 ♪ Doesn't not make you ♪ 1023 00:50:59,693 --> 00:51:03,330 ♪ An asshole or make me care ♪ 1024 00:51:06,033 --> 00:51:08,770 Gloria, what the hell are you doing? 1025 00:51:08,803 --> 00:51:10,772 What time is it? 1026 00:51:10,805 --> 00:51:11,873 You said you wanted a chance. 1027 00:51:13,340 --> 00:51:16,911 ♪ Doesn't not make you an asshole ♪ 1028 00:51:16,944 --> 00:51:20,514 ♪ Or make me care ♪ 1029 00:51:21,548 --> 00:51:22,049 That's for making me fall in love with you 1030 00:51:22,083 --> 00:51:24,351 in the first place. 1031 00:51:25,619 --> 00:51:26,921 And that's for running off and not coming back. 1032 00:51:28,388 --> 00:51:29,456 That is for leaving right after the funeral 1033 00:51:29,489 --> 00:51:30,323 - when your father... - I swear to God, 1034 00:51:30,357 --> 00:51:33,493 if you slap me one... 1035 00:51:33,527 --> 00:51:36,329 Okay, so what is all this? 1036 00:51:36,363 --> 00:51:39,633 Is this you giving me a chance now? 1037 00:51:39,666 --> 00:51:42,569 Well, you want some of this or not? 1038 00:51:44,806 --> 00:51:49,877 ♪ At night passing first the fool ♪ 1039 00:51:49,911 --> 00:51:54,581 ♪ You ain't even hear that beat ♪ 1040 00:51:54,614 --> 00:51:56,851 While Gloria and Casey were getting reacquainted, 1041 00:51:56,884 --> 00:52:01,555 Fran and I slipped off to a Florida swamp for an interview. 1042 00:52:10,965 --> 00:52:11,766 Woo ooh! 1043 00:52:14,035 --> 00:52:14,836 Woo ooh! 1044 00:52:23,577 --> 00:52:25,612 Man, I remember that waterfall right there. 1045 00:52:25,645 --> 00:52:26,646 We gettin' close. 1046 00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:30,517 The same waterfall we passed two hours ago. 1047 00:52:30,550 --> 00:52:32,086 No, Professor, it's a different waterfall, 1048 00:52:32,119 --> 00:52:32,954 I promise you. 1049 00:52:32,987 --> 00:52:35,156 No, that's the same waterfall, Fran. 1050 00:52:35,189 --> 00:52:35,957 I'm telling you I know 1051 00:52:35,990 --> 00:52:37,024 - what I'm talking about. - Look. 1052 00:52:37,058 --> 00:52:37,859 Why don't you ever... 1053 00:52:37,892 --> 00:52:38,692 Look. 1054 00:52:41,528 --> 00:52:43,630 Doesn't that belong to you? 1055 00:52:43,663 --> 00:52:45,800 I guess it does. 1056 00:52:45,833 --> 00:52:46,734 Dammit. 1057 00:52:46,767 --> 00:52:49,436 Why couldn't you bury it? 1058 00:52:49,469 --> 00:52:51,438 Hey, Professor, if that old witch catches us 1059 00:52:51,471 --> 00:52:53,774 trying to ambush one of her swamp apes, 1060 00:52:53,808 --> 00:52:55,877 she gonna put the whammy on us. 1061 00:52:55,910 --> 00:52:56,844 (rifle clacking 1062 00:52:56,878 --> 00:52:57,712 Get them hands 1063 00:52:57,745 --> 00:52:59,579 up in the air. 1064 00:52:59,613 --> 00:53:01,949 Drop them packs and rifles. 1065 00:53:01,983 --> 00:53:04,584 Francois Andersen, is that you, boy? 1066 00:53:04,618 --> 00:53:05,953 Hey now listen... 1067 00:53:05,987 --> 00:53:08,622 I told you not to be coming back here, boy. 1068 00:53:08,655 --> 00:53:11,192 This here is Professor Cory Mathis out of Missouri. 1069 00:53:11,225 --> 00:53:13,027 He's a Sasquatch researcher 1070 00:53:13,060 --> 00:53:14,628 and he's just got a few questions for you. 1071 00:53:14,661 --> 00:53:15,462 - That is all. - I oughta shoot 1072 00:53:15,495 --> 00:53:16,964 your ass right now. 1073 00:53:16,998 --> 00:53:19,967 We don't want any trouble at all. 1074 00:53:20,001 --> 00:53:22,469 Now, I am a real Sasquatch researcher. 1075 00:53:22,502 --> 00:53:24,772 I know you call them skunk ape down here. 1076 00:53:24,805 --> 00:53:27,641 All I really wanna do is come inside and meet you, 1077 00:53:27,674 --> 00:53:29,710 talk about your pets, that's all. 1078 00:53:29,744 --> 00:53:31,145 All right then. 1079 00:53:31,178 --> 00:53:32,479 You come on in. 1080 00:53:34,514 --> 00:53:36,984 But don't you do anything stupid. 1081 00:53:37,018 --> 00:53:39,153 How's that for southern hospitality? 1082 00:53:39,186 --> 00:53:40,620 I think something died up inside you. 1083 00:53:41,554 --> 00:53:42,924 Lactose. 1084 00:53:42,957 --> 00:53:44,825 Oh man. 1085 00:53:44,859 --> 00:53:47,161 Hey, can I ask you a question? 1086 00:53:47,194 --> 00:53:50,798 Why not go after the 10 million bucks bounty? 1087 00:53:52,033 --> 00:53:52,967 You could stay out here forever, 1088 00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:55,903 fix this place up and buy a ton of grapes. 1089 00:53:55,937 --> 00:53:57,705 Is that why you're here? 1090 00:53:57,738 --> 00:53:59,673 No, ma'am, that's not why I'm here. 1091 00:53:59,707 --> 00:54:01,541 All I really wanna do is expose the truth. 1092 00:54:01,574 --> 00:54:03,110 That's why he's here. 1093 00:54:03,144 --> 00:54:04,712 Oh, come on now. 1094 00:54:04,745 --> 00:54:05,813 I thought we was past all that. 1095 00:54:05,846 --> 00:54:07,148 Dude, dude, come on. 1096 00:54:07,181 --> 00:54:08,916 Ma'am, no I don't, I don't need the money. 1097 00:54:08,950 --> 00:54:11,953 I'm, I just wanna show the truth. 1098 00:54:11,986 --> 00:54:14,722 You just enjoy this tea and eat your chicken. 1099 00:54:14,755 --> 00:54:15,522 Thank you. 1100 00:54:15,555 --> 00:54:17,691 My babies will be around shortly. 1101 00:54:17,725 --> 00:54:18,426 Here's to Sasquatch. 1102 00:54:18,458 --> 00:54:19,626 Yes, sir. 1103 00:54:30,171 --> 00:54:31,939 Man, this tea is good! 1104 00:55:13,580 --> 00:55:15,515 - Shh. - What do you want? 1105 00:55:34,068 --> 00:55:36,337 It's got my arm again! 1106 00:55:36,370 --> 00:55:37,905 Come on. 1107 00:55:37,938 --> 00:55:39,106 Come on, Fran! 1108 00:55:39,140 --> 00:55:39,940 Fran! 1109 00:55:41,976 --> 00:55:44,045 The creature almost tore Fran's arm off again 1110 00:55:44,078 --> 00:55:45,645 and we lost all our supplies. 1111 00:55:45,678 --> 00:55:46,579 Come out when 1112 00:55:46,613 --> 00:55:47,281 - they wanna time. - It was time to limp back 1113 00:55:47,314 --> 00:55:48,149 the the Ozarks. 1114 00:55:48,182 --> 00:55:49,016 Real nice lady. 1115 00:55:49,050 --> 00:55:50,151 Her husband was 1116 00:55:50,184 --> 00:55:52,186 a double agent. 1117 00:55:52,219 --> 00:55:54,088 He worked for the CIA 1118 00:55:54,121 --> 00:55:57,058 but he was really working for the KGB. 1119 00:55:59,026 --> 00:55:59,794 They're here, they're here! 1120 00:55:59,827 --> 00:56:00,627 Come on! 1121 00:56:02,229 --> 00:56:03,297 Grandpa. 1122 00:56:03,330 --> 00:56:04,932 Something's in the trap, we saw it. 1123 00:56:04,965 --> 00:56:06,167 Oh yeah? 1124 00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:07,802 You sure it wasn't a bear? 1125 00:56:07,835 --> 00:56:10,204 It's in the trap! 1126 00:56:10,237 --> 00:56:11,872 I'm bushed. 1127 00:56:11,906 --> 00:56:14,041 Dad and I both saw it before we lost the video feed. 1128 00:56:14,075 --> 00:56:17,244 It's bipedal but definitely not a bear. 1129 00:56:17,278 --> 00:56:18,045 You didn't see it did you? 1130 00:56:18,079 --> 00:56:19,180 Yeah, I saw it! 1131 00:56:19,213 --> 00:56:20,815 And I can't believe it. 1132 00:56:20,848 --> 00:56:21,916 It's in there and it's trapped 1133 00:56:21,949 --> 00:56:23,884 - and it's getting shocked. - Okay. 1134 00:56:23,918 --> 00:56:26,653 Fran, I need you to organize the crew. 1135 00:56:26,686 --> 00:56:27,988 Get the entrapment equipment together. 1136 00:56:28,022 --> 00:56:30,157 Cassie, call your mom. 1137 00:56:30,191 --> 00:56:32,692 Tell her to prepare the containment unit. 1138 00:56:32,726 --> 00:56:33,327 Let's go. 1139 00:56:35,062 --> 00:56:38,332 You guys have no idea what you're going to face. 1140 00:56:38,365 --> 00:56:39,967 This thing has been trapped and getting shocked 1141 00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:41,969 for the last 20 hours. 1142 00:56:42,002 --> 00:56:44,705 It's gonna be pissed. 1143 00:56:44,738 --> 00:56:48,042 If it's anything like what Fran and I just encountered, 1144 00:56:48,075 --> 00:56:49,642 we have to be careful. 1145 00:56:49,676 --> 00:56:52,645 I'm here to capture it, not kill it. 1146 00:56:52,679 --> 00:56:53,747 What are you guys standing around for? 1147 00:56:53,781 --> 00:56:54,815 Let's go! 1148 00:57:02,289 --> 00:57:03,124 Cory. 1149 00:57:06,727 --> 00:57:09,830 Uncle Billy, hold still so we can get you disconnected. 1150 00:57:09,864 --> 00:57:12,399 Stop calling me Uncle Billy, godammit. 1151 00:57:12,433 --> 00:57:14,667 No family of mine is stupid enough to hang out 1152 00:57:14,701 --> 00:57:17,705 with a bunch of quacks and hoaxers. 1153 00:57:17,738 --> 00:57:19,840 Billy Teal, what the hell you doin' in my cage? 1154 00:57:42,730 --> 00:57:45,966 No one is going anywhere except jail. 1155 00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:47,468 I'm throwing all the books at you. 1156 00:57:47,501 --> 00:57:49,203 Like taking 'em all off the shelves. 1157 00:57:49,236 --> 00:57:50,838 Every single book at the library 1158 00:57:50,871 --> 00:57:54,008 and I'm just chucking 'em right at ya! 1159 00:57:54,041 --> 00:57:57,945 Well, we're all gonna need prison names. 1160 00:57:57,978 --> 00:57:59,480 We can call Fran Tossed Salad. 1161 00:58:01,115 --> 00:58:03,150 We can use the prison bitch name generator online. 1162 00:58:05,219 --> 00:58:06,921 I'm gonna kill you. 1163 00:58:06,954 --> 00:58:10,357 Will you hold still so I can frame this up? 1164 00:58:11,358 --> 00:58:12,193 Wait a minute. 1165 00:58:13,294 --> 00:58:14,495 Looks like we got us another one. 1166 00:58:14,528 --> 00:58:15,296 How the hell'd 1167 00:58:15,329 --> 00:58:17,198 you get in there anyway? 1168 00:58:18,866 --> 00:58:20,434 I think he peed on me. 1169 00:58:21,035 --> 00:58:22,803 Take it off and take... 1170 00:58:22,836 --> 00:58:24,438 Billy, hold still and we'll get you disconnected. 1171 00:58:24,471 --> 00:58:27,741 No, no, I love it! 1172 00:58:31,812 --> 00:58:34,481 I'm covered with electrical burns and bug bites. 1173 00:58:36,483 --> 00:58:38,285 I'm severely dehydrated. 1174 00:58:38,319 --> 00:58:40,821 They've had me off my meds for two days. 1175 00:58:48,195 --> 00:58:51,966 You're supposed to be a professional, a scholar. 1176 00:58:57,104 --> 00:58:59,506 I'm putting you on the U.S. Forest Service no-use list 1177 00:58:59,540 --> 00:59:01,475 of Mark Twain Forest. 1178 00:59:01,508 --> 00:59:04,511 You brought all this on yourself, Cory. 1179 00:59:13,053 --> 00:59:14,421 Professor Mathis, 1180 00:59:14,455 --> 00:59:16,523 as you know, Ranger Teal was seriously injured 1181 00:59:16,557 --> 00:59:17,424 while you were conducting 1182 00:59:17,458 --> 00:59:19,560 your university-sanctioned experiments 1183 00:59:19,593 --> 00:59:21,528 in the Mark Twain Forest. 1184 00:59:21,562 --> 00:59:24,498 You should be careful what you say right now. 1185 00:59:24,531 --> 00:59:26,367 You know how I got hurt. 1186 00:59:26,400 --> 00:59:28,535 Gentlemen, please. 1187 00:59:28,569 --> 00:59:32,006 This board hasn't sanctioned anything in the forest. 1188 00:59:32,039 --> 00:59:35,376 Billy, you've really taken it too far this time. 1189 00:59:35,409 --> 00:59:37,511 Professor, please. 1190 00:59:37,544 --> 00:59:40,981 You are being indicted on assault, conspiracy, 1191 00:59:41,015 --> 00:59:43,851 and poaching on federal property. 1192 00:59:43,884 --> 00:59:45,319 The university has no reason to believe 1193 00:59:45,352 --> 00:59:47,488 the work you are doing in the woods 1194 00:59:47,521 --> 00:59:50,124 is for your modified corn research 1195 00:59:50,157 --> 00:59:52,293 and we are assuming that you haven't been using 1196 00:59:52,326 --> 00:59:54,561 your funding for that. 1197 00:59:54,595 --> 00:59:56,096 You don't understand. 1198 00:59:56,130 --> 00:59:58,866 Why is a professor of agricultural genetics 1199 00:59:58,899 --> 01:00:01,035 wasting university funding to search for turds 1200 01:00:01,068 --> 01:00:02,269 in the forest? 1201 01:00:06,340 --> 01:00:09,076 But it sure as hell don't belong to Bigfoot. 1202 01:00:09,109 --> 01:00:11,078 Okay, all right, Burns. 1203 01:00:11,111 --> 01:00:13,414 The most compelling evidence of all involves 1204 01:00:13,447 --> 01:00:18,218 the sequencing of mitochondrial DNA which proved 100% human. 1205 01:00:18,919 --> 01:00:22,189 My neck was nearly broken in two. 1206 01:00:22,222 --> 01:00:23,957 My hands are burnt up. 1207 01:00:31,332 --> 01:00:32,499 President Burns, can you do something 1208 01:00:32,533 --> 01:00:34,435 about the projector please? 1209 01:00:34,468 --> 01:00:36,203 We have no alternative. 1210 01:00:36,236 --> 01:00:38,005 To what? 1211 01:00:38,038 --> 01:00:42,109 We are asking for your resignation, effective immediately. 1212 01:00:43,110 --> 01:00:44,345 And fire me? 1213 01:00:44,378 --> 01:00:45,479 Just like that? 1214 01:00:47,081 --> 01:00:47,881 Yep. 1215 01:00:54,154 --> 01:00:55,089 How'd I do? 1216 01:00:55,122 --> 01:00:56,657 Perfect. 1217 01:00:56,690 --> 01:00:58,992 Blanket the town with these. 1218 01:00:59,026 --> 01:01:02,296 We need to shut the forest down. 1219 01:01:02,329 --> 01:01:03,497 Yes, sir. 1220 01:01:07,267 --> 01:01:09,370 Uncle Billy, you stop right there! 1221 01:01:09,403 --> 01:01:10,404 What do you want, little boy? 1222 01:01:10,437 --> 01:01:12,039 I would like to speak to you about the charges 1223 01:01:12,072 --> 01:01:14,508 brought against Professor Mathis. 1224 01:01:14,541 --> 01:01:16,110 Wait, who are you? 1225 01:01:16,143 --> 01:01:17,144 Are we related? 1226 01:01:17,177 --> 01:01:19,279 Don't act like you don't know me, Billy Teal. 1227 01:01:19,313 --> 01:01:20,614 I'm here to demand that you drop the charges 1228 01:01:20,647 --> 01:01:22,583 against my grandfather, Professor Mathis. 1229 01:01:22,616 --> 01:01:25,452 Mathis is a dangerous lawbreaker. 1230 01:01:25,486 --> 01:01:27,388 I spent nearly 20 hours in one of his traps. 1231 01:01:27,421 --> 01:01:29,990 No food, no water, no sandwiches. 1232 01:01:30,023 --> 01:01:30,759 That was unfortunate. 1233 01:01:30,792 --> 01:01:31,726 He coulda brought me a sandwich. 1234 01:01:31,760 --> 01:01:33,427 But I know you trapped yourself on purpose. 1235 01:01:33,460 --> 01:01:35,062 I saw you in the video. 1236 01:01:35,095 --> 01:01:37,364 You're just trying to sabotage us for no reason. 1237 01:01:37,398 --> 01:01:39,500 I'm a certified agent of the U.S. government. 1238 01:01:39,533 --> 01:01:41,568 You can't speak to me like that, all right, kid. 1239 01:01:41,602 --> 01:01:43,337 Now stay out of my forest. 1240 01:01:43,370 --> 01:01:44,338 Missouri Fish 1241 01:01:44,371 --> 01:01:46,640 and Ornithology, just a glorified Girl Scout 1242 01:01:46,673 --> 01:01:49,143 out littering the forest with no littering signs. 1243 01:01:49,176 --> 01:01:51,044 Do you even have a permit to post those flyers? 1244 01:01:51,078 --> 01:01:53,180 You are something else! 1245 01:01:53,213 --> 01:01:55,048 Think you know everything, don't ya? 1246 01:01:55,082 --> 01:01:58,152 Guess what, you don't know diddly squat! 1247 01:02:01,321 --> 01:02:03,023 Well, I know things about you, Billy Teal, 1248 01:02:03,056 --> 01:02:04,191 like you do nasty things 1249 01:02:04,224 --> 01:02:06,326 - online, weird things. - What, what? 1250 01:02:06,360 --> 01:02:07,327 How would you like it 1251 01:02:07,361 --> 01:02:09,062 if I sent this hacked material to Wikileaks? 1252 01:02:09,096 --> 01:02:10,397 You can't blackmail me. 1253 01:02:10,431 --> 01:02:11,665 I can and I will unless you drop those charges, 1254 01:02:11,698 --> 01:02:13,467 Billy Teal, and start acting like family. 1255 01:02:13,500 --> 01:02:15,002 Man, you got a smart mouth. 1256 01:02:15,035 --> 01:02:17,037 What I do in my free time is my business. 1257 01:02:17,070 --> 01:02:19,106 I'm an adult, K? 1258 01:02:19,139 --> 01:02:21,341 Adults do what they wanna do. 1259 01:02:24,077 --> 01:02:25,446 Smart mouth? 1260 01:02:25,479 --> 01:02:27,147 Yes, I may have a smart mouth only because I think 1261 01:02:27,181 --> 01:02:28,282 before I speak. 1262 01:02:29,784 --> 01:02:33,120 You do whatever you like, little fella. 1263 01:02:34,455 --> 01:02:35,289 Hey! 1264 01:02:38,158 --> 01:02:39,393 That's littering! 1265 01:02:44,164 --> 01:02:47,034 I could give you a citation for that. 1266 01:02:49,236 --> 01:02:51,773 In 2001, I was a firefighter. 1267 01:02:51,806 --> 01:02:52,774 There was a terrible fire 1268 01:02:52,807 --> 01:02:55,075 on the Arkansas-Missouri border. 1269 01:02:55,108 --> 01:02:55,710 We found an animal 1270 01:02:55,743 --> 01:02:57,244 that was badly burned. 1271 01:02:57,277 --> 01:02:58,312 It was big like a bear 1272 01:02:58,345 --> 01:03:00,013 but it wasn't a bear. 1273 01:03:01,716 --> 01:03:03,183 We wrapped it in wet towels. 1274 01:03:03,217 --> 01:03:04,651 We did everything we could to try and save it 1275 01:03:04,685 --> 01:03:06,453 but it didn't make it. 1276 01:03:08,555 --> 01:03:10,524 The vet got all freaked out working on it 1277 01:03:10,557 --> 01:03:12,359 like it was just way too human. 1278 01:03:12,392 --> 01:03:14,695 He demanded a doctor to come in. 1279 01:03:14,729 --> 01:03:17,464 He said, "This ain't no animal." 1280 01:03:17,498 --> 01:03:19,533 Was it wearing orange? 1281 01:03:19,566 --> 01:03:21,101 It was nothin' like that Patterson film. 1282 01:03:22,336 --> 01:03:24,638 And then they took me to this room where a medical panel 1283 01:03:24,671 --> 01:03:27,608 tried to explain to me how burns could disfigure a bear 1284 01:03:27,641 --> 01:03:29,309 to look like a human. 1285 01:03:33,580 --> 01:03:36,617 And then these guys in green showed up 1286 01:03:38,318 --> 01:03:39,721 and forced me to sign paperwork 1287 01:03:39,754 --> 01:03:43,090 that said what I saw indeed a fried bear. 1288 01:03:44,424 --> 01:03:48,028 You know, kinda like those Men in Black guys. 1289 01:03:51,098 --> 01:03:53,534 Why is your car so loud? 1290 01:03:53,567 --> 01:03:57,170 Driver, shut the vehicle off and step out now! 1291 01:03:57,204 --> 01:03:58,405 After a while, they started accusing me 1292 01:03:58,438 --> 01:04:00,140 of starting the fire. 1293 01:04:00,173 --> 01:04:01,843 Do you need me to call the cops? 1294 01:04:01,876 --> 01:04:03,677 After interrogating me for two days, 1295 01:04:03,711 --> 01:04:05,178 they finally let me go. 1296 01:04:05,212 --> 01:04:07,180 Driver, shut it off! 1297 01:04:07,214 --> 01:04:09,683 It was a classic coverup. 1298 01:04:23,831 --> 01:04:25,632 There's an urgent top secret mission 1299 01:04:25,666 --> 01:04:27,568 and I think you're ready for it. 1300 01:04:27,601 --> 01:04:30,137 The report here shows that you deal pretty regularly 1301 01:04:30,170 --> 01:04:32,272 with a special resident in your forest. 1302 01:04:32,306 --> 01:04:33,340 Resident? 1303 01:04:33,373 --> 01:04:34,876 A special resident. 1304 01:04:34,909 --> 01:04:38,111 Oh, yeah, you mean Bigfoot. 1305 01:04:38,145 --> 01:04:40,280 I can tell I can count on you to handle this. 1306 01:04:40,314 --> 01:04:42,349 Anything to be part of the team. 1307 01:04:42,382 --> 01:04:43,851 Billy, have you seen my blue underwear? 1308 01:04:43,885 --> 01:04:45,552 Sis, I'm on the phone. 1309 01:04:47,688 --> 01:04:50,190 According to our intel there are two more residents 1310 01:04:50,223 --> 01:04:51,826 expanding their territory. 1311 01:04:51,859 --> 01:04:53,327 I haven't seen... 1312 01:04:53,360 --> 01:04:55,897 For the safety of the public and the program, 1313 01:04:55,930 --> 01:04:58,298 we need you to take them out. 1314 01:04:58,332 --> 01:04:59,232 Take them out? 1315 01:04:59,266 --> 01:05:02,770 We need you to liquidate the residents. 1316 01:05:02,804 --> 01:05:05,505 You do this and I'll put a recommendation 1317 01:05:05,539 --> 01:05:07,307 to bring you into MIG. 1318 01:05:08,475 --> 01:05:11,211 Now, how does that sound, Agent Teal? 1319 01:05:11,244 --> 01:05:13,513 Did you say agent? 1320 01:05:13,547 --> 01:05:15,182 Don't let me down. 1321 01:05:23,858 --> 01:05:24,792 Hey, dipshit. 1322 01:05:24,826 --> 01:05:27,260 We got a text you needed You-Ber. 1323 01:05:27,294 --> 01:05:29,797 No, don't need a You-Ber. 1324 01:05:29,831 --> 01:05:30,631 Go away. 1325 01:05:32,265 --> 01:05:34,368 You're still paying for us driving out here. 1326 01:05:34,401 --> 01:05:36,703 Yeah, and I gave your service a one-star rating. 1327 01:05:36,738 --> 01:05:39,139 Oh, and driver arrived drunk. 1328 01:05:41,375 --> 01:05:42,609 - Drunk? - Drunk, my ass! 1329 01:05:42,643 --> 01:05:43,610 I don't like you. 1330 01:05:43,644 --> 01:05:45,612 I don't like you. 1331 01:05:45,646 --> 01:05:48,682 Soon as you go back to Chicago, me and your girlfriend 1332 01:05:48,716 --> 01:05:49,683 will be laying down together. 1333 01:05:49,717 --> 01:05:51,385 You know that, big boy? 1334 01:05:51,418 --> 01:05:52,787 Leave Gloria out of this. 1335 01:05:52,820 --> 01:05:53,788 Make me. 1336 01:05:54,822 --> 01:05:57,624 What the hell did you do that for? 1337 01:05:57,658 --> 01:06:00,594 That was really, really, cold, man. 1338 01:06:00,627 --> 01:06:01,662 A sucker punch. 1339 01:06:01,695 --> 01:06:03,831 Never saw that shit comin'. 1340 01:06:03,865 --> 01:06:06,199 I think I just got a chubby. 1341 01:06:06,233 --> 01:06:07,969 I think we just saw you grow into a man 1342 01:06:08,002 --> 01:06:10,637 right here before our eyes. 1343 01:06:10,671 --> 01:06:12,372 Okay, I'm sorry. 1344 01:06:12,406 --> 01:06:13,908 I just need a ride. 1345 01:06:13,941 --> 01:06:14,909 I gotta find my dad 1346 01:06:14,942 --> 01:06:17,779 and I said some really crappy shit to Gloria. 1347 01:06:17,812 --> 01:06:20,213 Well, get in, bro. 1348 01:06:20,247 --> 01:06:20,848 Really? 1349 01:06:22,349 --> 01:06:24,986 Oh, we're all friends now and shit. 1350 01:06:25,019 --> 01:06:26,687 You know, you gotta be careful 1351 01:06:26,721 --> 01:06:27,922 not to hurt the ones you love. 1352 01:06:27,955 --> 01:06:30,691 See, we're not bad people. 1353 01:06:30,725 --> 01:06:35,562 We're happy to give you a ride. 1354 01:06:35,997 --> 01:06:37,698 Good luck, dipshit! 1355 01:06:37,732 --> 01:06:39,666 And we better get a good review or we're gonna take a dump 1356 01:06:39,700 --> 01:06:41,301 on your front porch. 1357 01:06:43,503 --> 01:06:44,604 Wait, my bag! 1358 01:06:47,374 --> 01:06:49,309 I'm gonna take a dump on your porch! 1359 01:06:49,342 --> 01:06:54,381 This whole town's crazy. 1360 01:06:54,414 --> 01:06:55,315 Get over it. 1361 01:06:56,583 --> 01:06:57,484 #Dipshit. 1362 01:06:58,652 --> 01:07:03,690 ♪ When I get back in my baby's arms ♪ 1363 01:07:03,725 --> 01:07:06,593 ♪ Hell, that's when I have to shake the time ♪ 1364 01:07:08,963 --> 01:07:12,033 ♪ In my years and neon lights ♪ 1365 01:07:12,066 --> 01:07:14,334 ♪ And all night bars ♪ 1366 01:07:14,367 --> 01:07:15,335 What are you doing? 1367 01:07:15,368 --> 01:07:19,372 ♪ I will get a little heaven's on my mind ♪ 1368 01:07:19,406 --> 01:07:21,475 Feeling sorry for myself. 1369 01:07:28,682 --> 01:07:30,517 Look at those assholes. 1370 01:07:32,652 --> 01:07:34,588 They're talking about me. 1371 01:07:36,456 --> 01:07:38,826 Who gives a shit about them? 1372 01:07:38,860 --> 01:07:41,929 They don't understand what you're doin'. 1373 01:07:46,600 --> 01:07:47,969 ♪ Well I couldn't ♪ 1374 01:07:48,002 --> 01:07:49,469 ♪ I couldn't wait there ♪ 1375 01:07:49,503 --> 01:07:51,706 This isn't about proving some creature 1376 01:07:51,739 --> 01:07:53,440 walks around in the woods, all right? 1377 01:07:53,473 --> 01:07:56,443 ♪ This has been the life that I've chosen ♪ 1378 01:07:56,476 --> 01:07:58,478 This is about the people that are around you, 1379 01:07:58,512 --> 01:08:01,381 who understand you, and believe in you. 1380 01:08:01,414 --> 01:08:03,683 I believe in what you're doin'. 1381 01:08:05,720 --> 01:08:07,487 I believe in you, Dad. 1382 01:08:11,424 --> 01:08:13,728 Screw those jealous bastards. 1383 01:08:15,428 --> 01:08:17,064 ♪ Well, I know, I couldn't ♪ 1384 01:08:17,098 --> 01:08:19,066 You know what? 1385 01:08:19,100 --> 01:08:21,568 I'm gonna find that creature and I'm gonna kill it. 1386 01:08:21,601 --> 01:08:22,502 Come on. 1387 01:08:22,536 --> 01:08:23,738 ♪ This has been the life ♪ 1388 01:08:23,771 --> 01:08:26,774 - ♪ That I have chosen ♪ - Go get 'em, Cory. 1389 01:08:38,853 --> 01:08:43,523 This ignorant no good piece of fuckin' shit! 1390 01:08:43,557 --> 01:08:47,028 We just bought this thing like two days ago! 1391 01:08:49,897 --> 01:08:50,697 Mom, I told you 1392 01:08:50,731 --> 01:08:53,968 a hundred times, it's not my baby. 1393 01:08:54,001 --> 01:08:56,436 Yeah, all right. 1394 01:08:56,469 --> 01:08:57,537 Love you, bye. 1395 01:09:07,414 --> 01:09:09,917 Dammit, Simon, dammit, Simon. 1396 01:09:11,018 --> 01:09:13,453 Goddammit, look what the hell you did! 1397 01:09:13,486 --> 01:09:13,988 Damn, you got blood 1398 01:09:14,021 --> 01:09:14,989 on my shirt. 1399 01:09:15,022 --> 01:09:15,857 On your shirt! 1400 01:09:15,890 --> 01:09:17,524 You cut off my thumb! 1401 01:09:17,557 --> 01:09:19,392 Go to the truck, some duct tape, and some super glue. 1402 01:09:19,426 --> 01:09:20,761 It's not the first time you cut something off. 1403 01:09:20,795 --> 01:09:21,628 I'll cut something 1404 01:09:21,661 --> 01:09:22,129 - of yours off! - And it sure as hell 1405 01:09:22,163 --> 01:09:24,431 won't be the last. 1406 01:09:24,464 --> 01:09:25,532 And you forgot your thumb. 1407 01:09:25,565 --> 01:09:26,700 Kiss my ass. 1408 01:09:26,734 --> 01:09:28,769 Don't be such a pussy about it. 1409 01:09:28,803 --> 01:09:30,570 Gimme the tape, tape. 1410 01:09:30,604 --> 01:09:32,606 Gimme the damn tape! 1411 01:09:32,639 --> 01:09:34,008 More tape, come on. 1412 01:09:39,013 --> 01:09:40,447 Gimme a damn wipe. 1413 01:09:40,480 --> 01:09:41,082 Hurry up! 1414 01:09:43,117 --> 01:09:45,753 There he is with our money. 1415 01:09:45,786 --> 01:09:47,722 Now I maybe get some stitches. 1416 01:09:47,755 --> 01:09:49,489 Well, well, well. 1417 01:09:49,522 --> 01:09:51,792 If it isn't douche and bag. 1418 01:09:51,826 --> 01:09:52,793 'Bout time you got here. 1419 01:09:52,827 --> 01:09:54,427 What'd you do to your thumb? 1420 01:09:54,461 --> 01:09:56,596 Well, you cut it off, you glue it back on. 1421 01:09:56,630 --> 01:09:57,732 Same shit, different day. 1422 01:10:01,869 --> 01:10:03,771 Here you go. 1423 01:10:03,804 --> 01:10:05,538 What the hell is this? 1424 01:10:05,572 --> 01:10:07,607 You said a thousand dollars. 1425 01:10:07,641 --> 01:10:10,677 It's in the bear, asshole. 1426 01:10:10,711 --> 01:10:13,014 Ah. 1427 01:10:15,649 --> 01:10:17,785 Do you think this is gonna be big enough? 1428 01:10:17,818 --> 01:10:19,053 Why do you think that green suit guy 1429 01:10:19,086 --> 01:10:21,722 is so secretive about all this? 1430 01:10:21,756 --> 01:10:23,690 Damn, look what you made me do. 1431 01:10:23,724 --> 01:10:25,625 You made me sew my fingers together. 1432 01:10:25,659 --> 01:10:26,660 I didn't do anything. 1433 01:10:26,693 --> 01:10:27,962 You're the one 1434 01:10:27,995 --> 01:10:29,030 - that cut my thumb off! - You sure as hell did. 1435 01:10:29,063 --> 01:10:31,232 You made me lose my concentration, that's what! 1436 01:10:31,265 --> 01:10:32,532 The only thing you can concentrate on 1437 01:10:32,565 --> 01:10:34,135 is pushin' a fart out. 1438 01:10:35,970 --> 01:10:40,607 I don't know why I signed on on this frickin' job. 1439 01:10:40,640 --> 01:10:43,911 Could be back at home watching football. 1440 01:10:43,945 --> 01:10:47,081 Instead I'm tramping around the fuckin' woods 1441 01:10:47,114 --> 01:10:49,250 looking for a goddamn Bigfoot. 1442 01:10:50,818 --> 01:10:51,786 What's up, little fella? 1443 01:10:52,720 --> 01:10:53,921 What happened to your tail? 1444 01:10:53,955 --> 01:10:54,822 Bigfoot get it? 1445 01:11:02,096 --> 01:11:03,998 Oh shit, that MIG was right. 1446 01:11:04,031 --> 01:11:05,099 There's two of them. 1447 01:11:05,132 --> 01:11:07,534 I shoulda brought my glasses. 1448 01:11:28,222 --> 01:11:29,757 Oh, fuck. 1449 01:11:29,790 --> 01:11:30,590 Oh fuck. 1450 01:11:34,061 --> 01:11:34,829 Oh fuck. 1451 01:11:47,041 --> 01:11:48,709 He never smiles. 1452 01:11:48,743 --> 01:11:49,777 Ranger Teal's saying one of you 1453 01:11:49,810 --> 01:11:51,045 put the Shinehuff's up to it. 1454 01:11:51,078 --> 01:11:52,146 To what, getting shot? 1455 01:11:52,179 --> 01:11:55,149 He said you claim there's a human-like creature 1456 01:11:55,182 --> 01:11:57,184 living in the woods and you had the Shinehuffs 1457 01:11:57,218 --> 01:11:59,552 dress up like Bigfoot 1458 01:11:59,586 --> 01:12:02,689 to collect the $10-million bounty. 1459 01:12:02,723 --> 01:12:04,091 And you're in a big pile of bear shit 1460 01:12:04,125 --> 01:12:05,926 unless you start answering our questions. 1461 01:12:05,960 --> 01:12:07,328 Nobody's accusing you of anything. 1462 01:12:07,361 --> 01:12:08,829 We're just trying to find out what happened. 1463 01:12:08,863 --> 01:12:11,799 Someone reported seeing Fran Andersen 1464 01:12:11,832 --> 01:12:13,566 hand the Shinehuff brothers an envelope 1465 01:12:13,600 --> 01:12:14,902 filled with cash the other day. 1466 01:12:14,935 --> 01:12:16,737 That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. 1467 01:12:16,771 --> 01:12:18,605 An envelope full of cash? 1468 01:12:18,638 --> 01:12:20,741 How 'bout an envelope full of $23, 1469 01:12:20,775 --> 01:12:24,577 payment for them fools mowing my lawn. 1470 01:12:24,611 --> 01:12:27,982 You could be headed to federal prison. 1471 01:12:28,015 --> 01:12:29,884 You know what happens to a guy like you in prison 1472 01:12:29,917 --> 01:12:31,651 on the first day? 1473 01:12:31,684 --> 01:12:35,790 10 Bigfoot-sized, unshaven convicts do you up the ass 1474 01:12:37,958 --> 01:12:39,994 just to see the look on your face. 1475 01:12:40,027 --> 01:12:42,629 Okay, I think we're done here. 1476 01:12:42,662 --> 01:12:45,632 If you hear anything just let us know. 1477 01:12:53,140 --> 01:12:55,042 Fuckin' weasel. 1478 01:13:03,784 --> 01:13:04,885 You know he's crazy, right? 1479 01:13:06,287 --> 01:13:09,023 Where do you find these people? 1480 01:13:09,056 --> 01:13:10,024 Next thing you know 1481 01:13:10,057 --> 01:13:11,358 you start hearing fucking stick butts and shit 1482 01:13:11,392 --> 01:13:12,059 and you can see his eyes 1483 01:13:12,093 --> 01:13:13,394 and I'm sitting under the tree 1484 01:13:13,427 --> 01:13:16,363 waiting on a Bigfoot to come out. 1485 01:13:16,397 --> 01:13:17,765 Don't shoot this motherfucker. 1486 01:13:19,699 --> 01:13:20,968 God! 1487 01:13:32,246 --> 01:13:33,414 Ow! 1488 01:13:45,993 --> 01:13:48,762 Police showed up in time to stop the bleeding 1489 01:13:48,796 --> 01:13:49,597 and they rushed me 1490 01:13:49,629 --> 01:13:50,598 to the hospital where them doctors 1491 01:13:50,630 --> 01:13:54,235 down there, they sewed my arm back on and such. 1492 01:13:54,268 --> 01:13:55,736 I mean I even got a little bit of movement 1493 01:13:55,769 --> 01:13:57,738 in my fingers right now. 1494 01:13:57,771 --> 01:13:59,039 Dude, there's nothin' wrong with this footage. 1495 01:13:59,073 --> 01:14:01,075 All we need is to hire three actors, 1496 01:14:01,108 --> 01:14:02,409 fur 'em up, and shoot the reverse. 1497 01:14:02,443 --> 01:14:03,077 How you figure that? 1498 01:14:03,110 --> 01:14:04,011 We don't even have anything. 1499 01:14:04,044 --> 01:14:06,714 All we have is stuff of them running off. 1500 01:14:06,747 --> 01:14:07,915 How we gonna pay back our investor. 1501 01:14:07,948 --> 01:14:09,383 My uncle's pissed! 1502 01:14:09,416 --> 01:14:12,019 You two have to be the dumbest idiots on the planet. 1503 01:14:12,052 --> 01:14:14,255 A Bigfoot snuff film, really? 1504 01:14:15,990 --> 01:14:18,292 I'm Agent Jones with the U.S. Secret Forest Service. 1505 01:14:18,325 --> 01:14:19,226 I'm going to give you a chance 1506 01:14:19,260 --> 01:14:21,462 to work for us and avoid going to prison. 1507 01:14:21,495 --> 01:14:23,864 You don't wanna go to prison do you? 1508 01:14:23,898 --> 01:14:26,167 Our first target will be Cory Mathis. 1509 01:14:26,200 --> 01:14:29,069 Some people call him the Professor. 1510 01:14:29,103 --> 01:14:30,171 Have I told you 1511 01:14:30,204 --> 01:14:31,972 about my plan B? 1512 01:14:32,006 --> 01:14:34,241 If my show doesn't blow up, I will begin production 1513 01:14:34,275 --> 01:14:37,044 of my flatulence filtered underwear. 1514 01:14:37,077 --> 01:14:39,046 You're gonna make fart filtering underwear? 1515 01:14:39,079 --> 01:14:40,881 Yeah, just for women. 1516 01:14:42,249 --> 01:14:43,984 Normal lace panties 1517 01:14:44,018 --> 01:14:48,155 with my patented built-in carbon filtered insert. 1518 01:14:48,189 --> 01:14:50,891 There'll be three flavors to choose from: 1519 01:14:50,925 --> 01:14:53,994 lavender, lilac, and French vanilla. 1520 01:14:54,028 --> 01:14:57,865 And who doesn't like French vanilla? 1521 01:14:57,898 --> 01:14:59,900 Chocolate wouldn't be good, buddy. 1522 01:15:01,168 --> 01:15:03,370 I'm calling it Dior-deizer. 1523 01:15:04,805 --> 01:15:06,840 I already have the name trademarked 1524 01:15:06,874 --> 01:15:09,143 and the website secured. 1525 01:15:09,176 --> 01:15:10,744 Here's my tagline. 1526 01:15:10,778 --> 01:15:14,448 Dior-deizer, putting your best scent out there. 1527 01:15:14,481 --> 01:15:17,284 He did what with the rabbit? 1528 01:15:17,318 --> 01:15:19,787 I think I see our target. 1529 01:15:19,820 --> 01:15:20,421 Get ready. 1530 01:15:22,056 --> 01:15:23,023 Holy Jesus. 1531 01:15:25,392 --> 01:15:26,827 Ya fuckin' lunatic! 1532 01:15:36,837 --> 01:15:37,671 What the hell's going on? 1533 01:15:37,706 --> 01:15:39,873 My name is Director Loretta Best. 1534 01:15:39,907 --> 01:15:42,109 You double crossing weasel. 1535 01:15:43,110 --> 01:15:45,012 He's the one that set me up. 1536 01:15:45,045 --> 01:15:46,447 No one set you up. 1537 01:15:46,480 --> 01:15:48,215 You eliminated the wrong target. 1538 01:15:48,249 --> 01:15:50,117 What the hell is this all about? 1539 01:15:50,150 --> 01:15:51,318 I'm not a killer. 1540 01:15:51,352 --> 01:15:52,853 We can clean this whole mess up for you. 1541 01:15:52,886 --> 01:15:55,289 We just need you to be on board. 1542 01:15:55,322 --> 01:15:58,092 We're gonna give you a clean record, promotion to MIG, 1543 01:15:58,125 --> 01:16:00,094 and a $5-million bonus. 1544 01:16:00,127 --> 01:16:01,262 We still believe in you. 1545 01:16:01,295 --> 01:16:02,796 We're putting in motion a plan 1546 01:16:02,830 --> 01:16:05,266 that will end their monster hunt. 1547 01:16:05,299 --> 01:16:06,133 What about my brother? 1548 01:16:06,166 --> 01:16:07,468 Same deal for him. 1549 01:16:07,501 --> 01:16:09,436 Mr. Smith here will fill you in on the details. 1550 01:16:09,470 --> 01:16:11,572 Do you have any questions for me? 1551 01:16:11,605 --> 01:16:14,308 You're makin' me a Man in Green? 1552 01:16:15,276 --> 01:16:16,877 Awesome! 1553 01:16:16,910 --> 01:16:18,912 Okay, so if we're the Men in Green, 1554 01:16:18,946 --> 01:16:21,849 and you're the Woman in Green, W-I-G, 1555 01:16:21,882 --> 01:16:24,051 that makes you the big wig? 1556 01:16:24,084 --> 01:16:25,586 You're the big wig. 1557 01:16:25,619 --> 01:16:27,488 Get to work, gentlemen. 1558 01:16:27,521 --> 01:16:29,790 She's the big wig, right? 1559 01:16:32,226 --> 01:16:34,461 Is that a poly blend? 1560 01:16:34,495 --> 01:16:35,429 What? 1561 01:16:35,462 --> 01:16:37,831 I just met with the MIG guys. 1562 01:16:37,865 --> 01:16:41,302 We have their guarantee for full agent status. 1563 01:16:42,303 --> 01:16:43,871 That's $10 million, 1564 01:16:45,372 --> 01:16:47,908 five million each. 1565 01:16:47,941 --> 01:16:51,045 All right, there's no frickin' way I'm wearing this thing. 1566 01:16:51,078 --> 01:16:53,080 You just need to draw them out. 1567 01:16:53,113 --> 01:16:55,582 I'll take care of Andersen. 1568 01:16:55,616 --> 01:16:59,420 And MIG, they'll create a hoax, bump off Mathis, 1569 01:17:00,487 --> 01:17:02,389 take care of the rest. 1570 01:17:02,423 --> 01:17:03,590 What do you mean a hoax? 1571 01:17:03,624 --> 01:17:04,558 That's what they do. 1572 01:17:04,591 --> 01:17:07,594 They cover up everything by creating hoaxes. 1573 01:17:07,628 --> 01:17:09,596 They create a fake UFO sighting, 1574 01:17:09,630 --> 01:17:11,332 then they cover up the real one. 1575 01:17:11,365 --> 01:17:13,434 It's freakin' brilliant. 1576 01:17:13,467 --> 01:17:14,902 What about Gloria? 1577 01:17:14,935 --> 01:17:16,303 No harm can come to her. 1578 01:17:16,337 --> 01:17:18,572 Hmm, they've guaranteed immunity for her. 1579 01:17:18,605 --> 01:17:20,607 It's Andersen they want. 1580 01:17:20,641 --> 01:17:22,876 All right, Billy, I'll do it, but if I get shot, 1581 01:17:22,910 --> 01:17:25,612 you're gonna have to live with it the rest of your life. 1582 01:17:25,646 --> 01:17:28,115 You wanna get ice cream? 1583 01:17:28,148 --> 01:17:29,950 You're payin' this time. 1584 01:17:29,983 --> 01:17:31,085 Can I borrow five bucks? 1585 01:17:31,118 --> 01:17:31,919 Funny. 1586 01:17:34,121 --> 01:17:37,224 I've got a video on my phone of a creature in the forest. 1587 01:17:37,257 --> 01:17:40,227 It is most certainly Bigfoot. 1588 01:17:44,064 --> 01:17:44,799 Well, why don't you go ahead 1589 01:17:44,833 --> 01:17:45,366 - and let me take a look - Yeah? 1590 01:17:45,399 --> 01:17:46,200 at what you got there? 1591 01:17:46,233 --> 01:17:47,968 You see this? 1592 01:17:48,669 --> 01:17:50,270 What is this, boy? 1593 01:17:50,304 --> 01:17:52,005 You mean to tell me you got footage 1594 01:17:52,039 --> 01:17:54,274 of a Bigfoot takin' a dump? 1595 01:17:54,308 --> 01:17:55,576 What's the deal with that rabbit? 1596 01:17:55,609 --> 01:17:57,444 Let me guess. 1597 01:17:57,478 --> 01:17:59,380 Bigfoot used that bunny to wipe his ass with? 1598 01:17:59,413 --> 01:18:02,316 That's exactly what he did. 1599 01:18:02,349 --> 01:18:06,019 And I know footage like this is worth a lotta money. 1600 01:18:06,053 --> 01:18:07,454 So, I need to make sure that I'm sharing it 1601 01:18:07,488 --> 01:18:09,089 with somebody that I can trust. 1602 01:18:09,123 --> 01:18:11,392 Uh, you ever had Missouri Boiled Beef? 1603 01:18:11,425 --> 01:18:12,459 No, I haven't. 1604 01:18:12,493 --> 01:18:13,360 You in for a treat, boy. 1605 01:18:13,394 --> 01:18:14,328 Right this way. 1606 01:18:14,361 --> 01:18:16,663 All right, all right. 1607 01:18:23,103 --> 01:18:26,240 Why don't you go ahead and give it a stir. 1608 01:18:26,273 --> 01:18:30,511 There's enough meat in there to feed an army. 1609 01:18:30,544 --> 01:18:31,412 Almost. 1610 01:18:43,323 --> 01:18:44,558 Pastor Evans, Pastor Evans! 1611 01:18:44,591 --> 01:18:45,727 What's going on here? 1612 01:18:45,760 --> 01:18:46,460 - Step aside. - What is going on? 1613 01:18:46,493 --> 01:18:47,561 What is going on, Pastor Evans? 1614 01:18:47,594 --> 01:18:48,629 Step aside. 1615 01:18:48,662 --> 01:18:49,463 I'm only gonna tell you one time! 1616 01:18:49,496 --> 01:18:51,165 Pastor Evans, are you all right? 1617 01:18:51,198 --> 01:18:51,999 Pastor Evans! 1618 01:18:52,032 --> 01:18:52,734 Comment. 1619 01:18:52,767 --> 01:18:54,568 It's racism is what it is. 1620 01:18:54,601 --> 01:18:56,537 - It's religious profiling. - You get over here! 1621 01:18:56,570 --> 01:18:57,337 The first amendment of the Bible 1622 01:18:57,371 --> 01:18:59,673 says that a man of God shouldn't be 1623 01:18:59,707 --> 01:19:01,175 - treated like this. - Shut your ass up! 1624 01:19:06,815 --> 01:19:09,550 I don't need no fake news reported on me. 1625 01:19:09,583 --> 01:19:10,984 I'll tell you my story. 1626 01:19:11,018 --> 01:19:12,352 Your story. 1627 01:19:12,386 --> 01:19:13,454 Pastor Evans! 1628 01:19:13,487 --> 01:19:14,254 You let me out of here! 1629 01:19:14,288 --> 01:19:15,456 Let me outta here! 1630 01:19:15,489 --> 01:19:16,490 Pastor Evans! 1631 01:19:18,192 --> 01:19:19,026 Let me out. 1632 01:19:21,595 --> 01:19:23,330 Pastor Evans! 1633 01:19:23,363 --> 01:19:26,333 Pastor Evans, you let me outta here, Pastor Evans. 1634 01:19:30,370 --> 01:19:31,505 Well, that's not good. 1635 01:19:31,538 --> 01:19:35,409 He's goin' to jail. 1636 01:19:35,442 --> 01:19:38,979 Ranger Bobby, make sure you wear the suit. 1637 01:19:40,380 --> 01:19:43,718 I want this to be our best hoax coverup yet. 1638 01:19:46,386 --> 01:19:48,622 I want you to take Mathis out. 1639 01:19:50,691 --> 01:19:52,727 You read me, Dryer? 1640 01:19:52,760 --> 01:19:55,395 We need some of that tracer ammo. 1641 01:19:56,396 --> 01:19:57,164 Yeah. 1642 01:19:57,197 --> 01:19:59,366 That scares the pee outta people. 1643 01:19:59,399 --> 01:20:02,402 Hey, Don, tell Melania it's gonna be fine. 1644 01:20:02,436 --> 01:20:05,138 Nothing to worry about. 1645 01:20:05,172 --> 01:20:07,574 Yeah, we'll get the kids together sometime. 1646 01:20:07,608 --> 01:20:08,442 Make it great. 1647 01:20:09,343 --> 01:20:10,177 Talk to you later. 1648 01:20:25,559 --> 01:20:27,561 Gotcha, you bastard! 1649 01:20:27,594 --> 01:20:30,197 Yes, I'm comin' to get your ass! 1650 01:20:38,305 --> 01:20:39,172 Fran? 1651 01:20:39,206 --> 01:20:40,808 What's goin' on? 1652 01:20:40,842 --> 01:20:42,276 Fran took off alone. 1653 01:20:42,309 --> 01:20:43,210 The camera is down at the trap. 1654 01:20:43,243 --> 01:20:45,145 Jesus. 1655 01:20:47,214 --> 01:20:49,216 I think my balls got fused together. 1656 01:20:49,249 --> 01:20:51,652 Suppose you want out of there? 1657 01:20:52,820 --> 01:20:54,187 This better work. 1658 01:20:54,221 --> 01:20:56,089 I got burns all over me. 1659 01:20:56,858 --> 01:20:57,792 Dad's in town. 1660 01:20:57,825 --> 01:20:59,259 We need to act fast! 1661 01:20:59,293 --> 01:21:00,394 Grandpa needs our help! 1662 01:21:00,427 --> 01:21:01,628 Cassie, you are gonna stay here 1663 01:21:01,662 --> 01:21:02,596 and you're gonna man the monitors. 1664 01:21:02,629 --> 01:21:03,530 Do you understand? 1665 01:21:03,564 --> 01:21:04,866 Get up here now! 1666 01:21:04,899 --> 01:21:06,700 Thank you, very much. 1667 01:21:06,734 --> 01:21:09,236 - I love you, go. - We are wasting time here. 1668 01:21:09,269 --> 01:21:11,672 You know what, James, why don't you shut up 1669 01:21:11,706 --> 01:21:13,640 and make sure this time you don't get trigger happy 1670 01:21:13,674 --> 01:21:16,310 and shoot something you're not supposed to. 1671 01:21:16,343 --> 01:21:18,178 Hey, we're not stupid, you know. 1672 01:21:20,314 --> 01:21:21,448 Who is that? 1673 01:21:21,481 --> 01:21:22,282 This? 1674 01:21:22,316 --> 01:21:23,383 Yeah. 1675 01:21:23,417 --> 01:21:24,052 This is my boyfriend Jamal. 1676 01:21:24,084 --> 01:21:25,686 Bring it in, baby. 1677 01:21:25,720 --> 01:21:27,722 His grandmother made it with a Bigfoot in 1960. 1678 01:21:27,755 --> 01:21:28,555 Nevermind, nevermind. 1679 01:21:28,589 --> 01:21:29,423 Jesus Christ. 1680 01:21:29,456 --> 01:21:30,290 Get in the woods. 1681 01:21:30,324 --> 01:21:31,658 Let's go, come on! 1682 01:21:31,692 --> 01:21:32,659 Let's find the Professor 1683 01:21:32,693 --> 01:21:36,363 and see what the hell is going on out there. 1684 01:21:40,334 --> 01:21:41,803 Go, go, go! 1685 01:21:44,638 --> 01:21:46,506 Don't you influence... 1686 01:21:47,875 --> 01:21:49,176 Jesus, get in the truck! 1687 01:21:51,913 --> 01:21:52,814 Watch the gun! 1688 01:21:52,847 --> 01:21:53,881 Where's James? 1689 01:21:57,184 --> 01:21:58,251 Are you looking down my, 1690 01:21:58,285 --> 01:21:59,219 are you looking down my shirt? 1691 01:21:59,252 --> 01:22:00,253 Jamal! 1692 01:22:00,287 --> 01:22:00,888 - Jamal! - I just turned my, 1693 01:22:00,922 --> 01:22:02,322 but she's lyin'. 1694 01:22:02,356 --> 01:22:03,758 This perve was looking down my shirt! 1695 01:22:03,791 --> 01:22:04,625 Control your man. 1696 01:22:06,360 --> 01:22:07,260 Go! 1697 01:22:07,294 --> 01:22:09,296 Hey, hey, I didn't do shit! 1698 01:22:09,329 --> 01:22:10,230 No fighting. 1699 01:22:10,263 --> 01:22:10,932 Y'all are some racist shit. 1700 01:22:10,965 --> 01:22:12,399 - That's what it is. - Really? 1701 01:22:12,432 --> 01:22:14,802 Yeah. 1702 01:22:16,336 --> 01:22:18,806 At this point, they're just a band of renegades. 1703 01:22:18,840 --> 01:22:20,440 This sort of thing happens all the time 1704 01:22:20,474 --> 01:22:22,442 in the forest around here. 1705 01:22:22,476 --> 01:22:24,378 But there's no time for chillin' 1706 01:22:24,411 --> 01:22:26,580 with that wild animal so near. 1707 01:22:26,613 --> 01:22:29,349 So lock those loads and cock that nine. 1708 01:22:29,383 --> 01:22:32,619 As I see it there's only two ways this all plays out. 1709 01:22:32,653 --> 01:22:35,757 That's all I got for now, you know what I'm sayin'. 1710 01:22:45,699 --> 01:22:47,467 Green light, green light. 1711 01:22:47,501 --> 01:22:48,970 Proceed with Operation Peek-A-Boo. 1712 01:22:49,003 --> 01:22:51,505 I repeat, proceed with Peek-A-Boo. 1713 01:22:52,406 --> 01:22:53,507 Roger that. 1714 01:22:53,540 --> 01:22:54,876 Peek-A-Boo's a go. 1715 01:22:56,376 --> 01:22:58,311 I need you to stay here with the tracking dart. 1716 01:22:59,212 --> 01:23:01,548 Damn, bro, what the fuck? 1717 01:23:04,018 --> 01:23:06,353 Put the mask back on. 1718 01:23:06,386 --> 01:23:09,456 When they show up, I'll take Andersen out 1719 01:23:09,489 --> 01:23:11,893 then radio the MIG. 1720 01:23:11,926 --> 01:23:15,395 They'll bring in the hazmat to clean up the carcass. 1721 01:23:19,801 --> 01:23:21,234 Shh, shh. 1722 01:23:21,268 --> 01:23:24,271 Come on, I'm getting it tonight. 1723 01:23:24,304 --> 01:23:25,707 Professor. 1724 01:23:25,740 --> 01:23:26,573 Professor come on. 1725 01:23:26,606 --> 01:23:28,508 The GPS says this-a-way. 1726 01:23:29,711 --> 01:23:31,578 Goddammit, nothing. 1727 01:23:31,611 --> 01:23:32,679 Was that necessary? 1728 01:23:32,714 --> 01:23:33,680 I'm bleeding. 1729 01:23:34,916 --> 01:23:36,751 202 this is... 1730 01:23:36,784 --> 01:23:38,251 Light it up, boys. 1731 01:23:41,588 --> 01:23:43,356 Hold on, hold on, hold on. 1732 01:23:43,390 --> 01:23:45,325 Before we go any further, everyone, 1733 01:23:45,358 --> 01:23:46,894 we should go ahead and split up. 1734 01:23:46,928 --> 01:23:48,930 Make sure to keep your safety's on though. 1735 01:23:48,963 --> 01:23:50,865 We don't want anybody getting hurt. 1736 01:23:53,500 --> 01:23:54,367 That was me. 1737 01:23:54,401 --> 01:23:55,435 My bad. 1738 01:23:55,469 --> 01:23:56,871 Geez, golldangit! 1739 01:23:56,904 --> 01:23:58,405 This is Little Boy Blue calling. 1740 01:23:58,438 --> 01:24:00,307 We're taking live fire at our POZ here. 1741 01:24:00,340 --> 01:24:00,942 What the hell do we do? 1742 01:24:00,975 --> 01:24:02,275 Little Boy Blue, 1743 01:24:02,309 --> 01:24:04,344 you are to proceed with the operation. 1744 01:24:04,377 --> 01:24:06,313 They are almost on your POZ. 1745 01:24:06,346 --> 01:24:08,415 When you see the Professor, take him out. 1746 01:24:09,349 --> 01:24:10,684 Geez, golldangit! 1747 01:24:15,790 --> 01:24:18,658 You no good low down skunk of a man. 1748 01:24:18,692 --> 01:24:20,694 Sissy, what the hell are you doing? 1749 01:24:20,728 --> 01:24:22,764 Oh, did you forget your promise? 1750 01:24:22,797 --> 01:24:24,331 "Oh, I'll go call Pastor Evans 1751 01:24:24,364 --> 01:24:25,665 "as soon as you give me Billy's sack." 1752 01:24:26,433 --> 01:24:27,135 Oh, come on I didn't actually 1753 01:24:27,168 --> 01:24:28,335 say it like, oh! 1754 01:24:28,368 --> 01:24:29,771 Oh God! 1755 01:24:29,804 --> 01:24:30,872 Okay, okay. 1756 01:24:30,905 --> 01:24:32,439 I'm gonna hurt you like you hurt me. 1757 01:24:32,472 --> 01:24:34,842 Sissy, please just let me, ow! 1758 01:24:35,777 --> 01:24:36,676 All right, all right! 1759 01:24:36,711 --> 01:24:37,677 Just let me go. 1760 01:24:37,712 --> 01:24:39,312 I'll call Pastor Evans. 1761 01:24:39,346 --> 01:24:40,815 He's somewhere in these woods. 1762 01:24:40,848 --> 01:24:41,716 Just let me go. 1763 01:24:41,749 --> 01:24:44,752 I promise, I promise, Sissy! 1764 01:24:44,786 --> 01:24:45,753 All right. 1765 01:24:49,356 --> 01:24:52,994 All right, but you better not be messing with me. 1766 01:24:54,461 --> 01:24:55,462 Fooled ya, heffer! 1767 01:25:19,954 --> 01:25:21,454 I am shit balled. 1768 01:25:25,559 --> 01:25:26,928 Hell do? 1769 01:25:26,961 --> 01:25:27,862 Oh shit. 1770 01:25:27,895 --> 01:25:28,963 Rick. 1771 01:25:37,470 --> 01:25:38,572 What? 1772 01:25:39,506 --> 01:25:41,709 It's the creature, Billy! 1773 01:25:41,742 --> 01:25:43,077 Shoot him! 1774 01:25:43,110 --> 01:25:45,612 - Shoot him! - Bobby! 1775 01:25:45,645 --> 01:25:47,849 We can't, we can't shoot him. 1776 01:25:52,787 --> 01:25:54,088 Right there, Billy. 1777 01:25:54,121 --> 01:25:55,422 Shoot him. 1778 01:25:55,455 --> 01:25:56,791 Bobby, watch out! 1779 01:25:58,625 --> 01:25:59,794 Billy! 1780 01:26:13,007 --> 01:26:13,841 It's an ambush. 1781 01:26:13,875 --> 01:26:15,109 Come on this way. 1782 01:26:22,216 --> 01:26:22,950 They got us surrounded. 1783 01:26:22,984 --> 01:26:23,784 Stay low! 1784 01:26:25,685 --> 01:26:28,122 You coulda just said something, Lexi! 1785 01:26:28,155 --> 01:26:30,057 Hey bunny, don't get shot. 1786 01:26:30,091 --> 01:26:31,691 Mom, can you hear me? 1787 01:26:31,726 --> 01:26:33,027 Gloria, get the hell outta there! 1788 01:26:35,595 --> 01:26:37,430 I'm gonna kill you, Andersen. 1789 01:26:38,431 --> 01:26:40,433 I ain't dyin' by no serial hoaxer. 1790 01:26:41,936 --> 01:26:43,738 I got karma on my side. 1791 01:26:44,805 --> 01:26:45,940 Leave God out of it. 1792 01:26:45,973 --> 01:26:47,174 This is between me and you. 1793 01:26:48,175 --> 01:26:50,610 Fuck you! 1794 01:26:50,644 --> 01:26:53,748 Fuck you three times and plus five! 1795 01:26:58,719 --> 01:27:00,721 What the hell? 1796 01:27:00,755 --> 01:27:01,789 It's racism. 1797 01:27:03,556 --> 01:27:04,158 It's... 1798 01:27:05,592 --> 01:27:06,994 Get the hell outta here, you drunk bastard. 1799 01:27:07,028 --> 01:27:08,528 You pissed all over yourself. 1800 01:27:08,561 --> 01:27:10,064 Get behind me. 1801 01:27:10,097 --> 01:27:11,631 I'm trying to kill this man! 1802 01:27:13,700 --> 01:27:15,970 You shot me, asshole! 1803 01:27:16,003 --> 01:27:18,638 You get what you get, you damn hoaxer. 1804 01:27:18,672 --> 01:27:20,074 I'm not a hoaxer. 1805 01:27:20,107 --> 01:27:22,209 I'm a entrepreneur. 1806 01:27:22,243 --> 01:27:23,811 I'll give you hoaxer, Andersen. 1807 01:27:26,714 --> 01:27:28,015 Let's get the hell outta here. 1808 01:27:28,049 --> 01:27:30,885 Gimme the rifle with the night scope. 1809 01:27:30,918 --> 01:27:32,686 It's Andersen. 1810 01:27:32,720 --> 01:27:34,587 Holy shit, he's running. 1811 01:27:39,727 --> 01:27:40,660 Professor. 1812 01:27:41,996 --> 01:27:42,830 What are you doing out here? 1813 01:27:42,863 --> 01:27:46,233 What the hell we gonna do now, Fran? 1814 01:27:46,267 --> 01:27:50,237 It's like we're lost or something out here. 1815 01:27:51,671 --> 01:27:52,840 Ow, goddammit. 1816 01:27:54,842 --> 01:27:56,210 Holy shit. 1817 01:27:56,243 --> 01:27:57,878 Someone shot Mathis. 1818 01:27:57,912 --> 01:27:59,512 Shot me in the ass. 1819 01:27:59,546 --> 01:28:00,815 Ahh! 1820 01:28:00,848 --> 01:28:02,183 Jesus, Fran. 1821 01:28:09,924 --> 01:28:11,792 You were always my favorite son. 1822 01:28:11,826 --> 01:28:12,692 What? 1823 01:28:12,727 --> 01:28:13,894 You can't die on me. 1824 01:28:13,928 --> 01:28:14,795 No, no, no, no. 1825 01:28:14,829 --> 01:28:15,763 You gotta keep his legs up. 1826 01:28:16,897 --> 01:28:18,565 You idiot! 1827 01:28:18,598 --> 01:28:19,266 Lilly! 1828 01:28:19,300 --> 01:28:20,101 What? 1829 01:28:20,134 --> 01:28:20,968 What is wrong with you? 1830 01:28:21,002 --> 01:28:21,902 Call 9-1-1! 1831 01:28:21,936 --> 01:28:23,871 What is 9-1-1 gonna do? 1832 01:28:23,904 --> 01:28:25,172 Give the man some morphine. 1833 01:28:25,206 --> 01:28:27,742 Keep pressure on it! 1834 01:28:28,776 --> 01:28:31,145 You want some of this? 1835 01:28:31,178 --> 01:28:33,080 It's the Men in Green. 1836 01:28:37,718 --> 01:28:38,986 The whole point of the suicide vest 1837 01:28:39,020 --> 01:28:41,055 is getting a pile of virgins at the end. 1838 01:28:43,924 --> 01:28:46,260 I'm ending this right now. 1839 01:28:46,293 --> 01:28:48,329 Well, what are we gonna do now? 1840 01:28:48,362 --> 01:28:50,865 Let's head back to the command post. 1841 01:28:50,898 --> 01:28:53,633 Keep the mask on in case we come across Andersen. 1842 01:28:53,666 --> 01:28:55,269 What if someone shoots me? 1843 01:28:55,302 --> 01:28:57,104 You have the vest on. 1844 01:28:57,138 --> 01:28:59,940 Just don't take one to the head. 1845 01:28:59,974 --> 01:29:01,574 Fucking family. 1846 01:29:01,608 --> 01:29:02,710 Look, I'll be right behind you. 1847 01:29:02,743 --> 01:29:03,576 Go, go, go! 1848 01:29:10,650 --> 01:29:11,651 Somebody gimme a bandaid. 1849 01:29:12,853 --> 01:29:14,121 What the hell are you people doing? 1850 01:29:14,155 --> 01:29:16,689 Have you lost your mind? 1851 01:29:16,724 --> 01:29:17,624 Are we still in control here? 1852 01:29:21,896 --> 01:29:25,766 He got shot! 1853 01:29:33,707 --> 01:29:35,176 Why'd you shoot me? 1854 01:29:37,011 --> 01:29:37,812 He was the one that did it. 1855 01:29:37,845 --> 01:29:39,679 You people, stay calm. 1856 01:29:53,894 --> 01:29:55,863 Let's not lose our heads. 1857 01:29:57,064 --> 01:29:57,898 Oh shit! 1858 01:30:09,243 --> 01:30:10,377 Did we get 'em? 1859 01:30:10,411 --> 01:30:12,413 Yeah, man, we got 'em. 1860 01:30:12,446 --> 01:30:13,380 Cool. 1861 01:30:13,414 --> 01:30:15,316 Maybe we can pay back my uncle. 1862 01:30:15,349 --> 01:30:17,751 Hey, bro, I don't think you're going the right way. 1863 01:30:17,785 --> 01:30:18,651 As long as we're heading 1864 01:30:18,685 --> 01:30:20,721 in the opposite direction we're good. 1865 01:30:20,754 --> 01:30:22,323 Hey man, what is that smell? 1866 01:30:22,356 --> 01:30:23,290 Check the GPS. 1867 01:30:23,324 --> 01:30:24,191 Find out where we're goin'. 1868 01:30:24,225 --> 01:30:24,859 All right, man I gotta get my phone. 1869 01:30:24,892 --> 01:30:26,994 It's in the back in my bag. 1870 01:30:27,027 --> 01:30:28,796 Go, fat boy! 1871 01:30:30,464 --> 01:30:31,932 What is that? 1872 01:30:31,966 --> 01:30:32,833 What the hell's that smell? 1873 01:30:32,867 --> 01:30:35,903 French vanilla filtered underwear, baby. 1874 01:30:35,936 --> 01:30:39,206 Smells like shit and rotten milk! 1875 01:30:40,708 --> 01:30:42,843 I think I can see a clearing ahead. 1876 01:30:42,877 --> 01:30:43,744 You're right. 1877 01:30:43,777 --> 01:30:44,778 It's big, black thing. 1878 01:30:44,812 --> 01:30:45,713 It's like a void. 1879 01:30:45,746 --> 01:30:46,413 It's a quarry! 1880 01:30:54,922 --> 01:30:56,290 Don't move an inch. 1881 01:30:59,727 --> 01:31:02,129 Your ass filter is making this shit unbearable, man! 1882 01:31:02,163 --> 01:31:04,465 Just give it a minute to let the filter do it's work. 1883 01:31:04,498 --> 01:31:05,332 I gotta open up 1884 01:31:05,366 --> 01:31:05,733 - the fuckin' door, bro. - No, you don't. 1885 01:31:05,766 --> 01:31:07,368 Don't do it. 1886 01:31:07,401 --> 01:31:08,469 I gotta get the fuck outta here! 1887 01:31:08,502 --> 01:31:09,904 No, let me come back there. 1888 01:31:09,937 --> 01:31:11,338 We can jump out together. 1889 01:31:11,372 --> 01:31:12,173 I'm outta here. 1890 01:31:12,206 --> 01:31:13,040 Fuck you. 1891 01:31:14,241 --> 01:31:16,143 You can forget about our partnership! 1892 01:31:39,433 --> 01:31:42,803 I can't believe I survived that. 1893 01:32:13,801 --> 01:32:14,335 Well, I guess 1894 01:32:14,368 --> 01:32:16,070 this is the end. 1895 01:32:16,103 --> 01:32:17,171 The bad guy's dead 1896 01:32:17,204 --> 01:32:19,540 and our story's done folded. 1897 01:32:19,573 --> 01:32:22,042 But is there ever really an end to good and evil? 1898 01:32:22,076 --> 01:32:24,812 Certainly not this time, my friends. 1899 01:32:24,845 --> 01:32:25,813 So ignore the credits. 1900 01:32:25,846 --> 01:32:28,482 'Cause our story's got more secrets to tell. 1901 01:32:28,515 --> 01:32:31,418 The fat lady's got more song as well. 1902 01:32:36,557 --> 01:32:37,891 Casey, stop it. 1903 01:32:37,925 --> 01:32:38,525 Daddy? 1904 01:32:41,895 --> 01:32:44,164 None of you get it, do you? 1905 01:32:44,198 --> 01:32:45,466 Grandpa was right. 1906 01:32:45,499 --> 01:32:48,135 The creature's out there and it might still be. 1907 01:32:48,168 --> 01:32:52,039 If we quit now all of Grandpa's hard work is just lost. 1908 01:32:52,072 --> 01:32:53,440 You're all just selfish! 1909 01:32:54,308 --> 01:32:55,109 Cassie! 1910 01:33:08,589 --> 01:33:09,523 Ah. 1911 01:33:10,891 --> 01:33:12,826 We gonna be rich, baby? 1912 01:33:14,161 --> 01:33:15,829 I'm sick of Missouri. 1913 01:33:15,863 --> 01:33:17,164 You and me both. 1914 01:33:24,538 --> 01:33:28,542 Girl, you gonna have me harder than a fresh cut 2x4. 1915 01:33:28,575 --> 01:33:30,878 Why don't you go find Gloria and I'll take care of Casey. 1916 01:33:30,911 --> 01:33:32,079 All right now. 1917 01:33:40,621 --> 01:33:41,422 Lexi? 1918 01:33:43,157 --> 01:33:45,426 What the hell are you doing? 1919 01:33:48,028 --> 01:33:51,365 What the hell is wrong with you? 1920 01:33:52,399 --> 01:33:53,200 No! 1921 01:33:54,234 --> 01:33:55,069 I said get up. 1922 01:33:55,936 --> 01:33:57,037 Why Lexi? 1923 01:33:57,071 --> 01:33:57,971 No! 1924 01:34:06,513 --> 01:34:08,148 No, fuck! 1925 01:34:11,352 --> 01:34:14,955 ♪ Out of every problem ♪ 1926 01:34:14,988 --> 01:34:19,293 ♪ Comes a way to make it right ♪ 1927 01:34:19,326 --> 01:34:20,094 Fuck you! 1928 01:34:20,127 --> 01:34:22,262 ♪ Reach down deep into your soul ♪ 1929 01:34:23,030 --> 01:34:26,200 ♪ And stand up to the fight ♪ 1930 01:34:27,167 --> 01:34:27,968 - ♪ You are strong ♪ - No! 1931 01:34:29,236 --> 01:34:30,904 Ah! 1932 01:34:30,938 --> 01:34:32,473 ♪ And she came out long ♪ 1933 01:34:35,209 --> 01:34:39,246 ♪ If you feel you're heart is breaking ♪ 1934 01:34:39,279 --> 01:34:40,681 I trusted you! 1935 01:34:40,715 --> 01:34:42,383 You're supposed to be my friend! 1936 01:34:43,984 --> 01:34:45,486 ♪ When the world is ♪ 1937 01:34:48,055 --> 01:34:50,424 ♪ It feels so hard ♪ 1938 01:34:50,457 --> 01:34:52,226 I'm tired of being bullied. 1939 01:34:52,259 --> 01:34:53,961 ♪ If you believe that you can make it ♪ 1940 01:34:53,994 --> 01:34:55,996 Just die already. 1941 01:34:57,197 --> 01:34:59,032 My titty! 1942 01:35:02,102 --> 01:35:04,037 ♪ Dance ♪ 1943 01:35:06,340 --> 01:35:09,676 I'm gonna give you something to fuckin' remember me by! 1944 01:35:10,644 --> 01:35:12,446 No, no! 1945 01:35:12,479 --> 01:35:15,516 By the way I always hated that dress. 1946 01:35:56,323 --> 01:35:58,225 Help! 1947 01:35:58,258 --> 01:35:59,092 Cassie! 1948 01:35:59,126 --> 01:35:59,960 I'm down here. 1949 01:35:59,993 --> 01:36:02,529 Do not move, do not move a muscle. 1950 01:36:02,563 --> 01:36:05,999 I'll be down there in just a second, okay? 1951 01:36:06,033 --> 01:36:07,201 Help. 1952 01:36:08,268 --> 01:36:10,170 Gimme your hand. 1953 01:36:10,204 --> 01:36:12,473 Help me down and we'll go get her. 1954 01:36:17,812 --> 01:36:20,147 Cassie, hold on, I'm coming. 1955 01:36:28,121 --> 01:36:30,224 Fran, what the hell are you doing? 1956 01:36:30,257 --> 01:36:33,393 What the hell does it look like I'm doing, boy? 1957 01:36:33,427 --> 01:36:35,362 Tying up some loose ends. 1958 01:36:36,630 --> 01:36:38,565 With you out of the way, I'll be able to collect 1959 01:36:38,599 --> 01:36:40,501 that $10 million all for myself. 1960 01:36:40,534 --> 01:36:41,435 I don't wanna fall. 1961 01:36:45,272 --> 01:36:47,241 Fran, stop! 1962 01:36:50,377 --> 01:36:52,513 Oh, you want some of this? 1963 01:36:53,580 --> 01:36:55,048 Well, come on and get you some. 1964 01:37:35,823 --> 01:37:38,826 Pastor Evans, what the hell are you doing here? 1965 01:37:38,860 --> 01:37:40,394 Aw, man, these pants are wet. 1966 01:37:40,427 --> 01:37:41,428 Is this piss? 1967 01:37:41,461 --> 01:37:43,230 I am on vacation. 1968 01:37:43,263 --> 01:37:46,533 I can't find the gerbil anywhere. 1969 01:37:46,567 --> 01:37:48,502 Aw, you two are freaks! 1970 01:37:59,613 --> 01:38:01,849 I think Bigfoot just stole our four-wheeler. 1971 01:38:20,768 --> 01:38:21,836 Stop! 1972 01:38:23,170 --> 01:38:24,671 What happened to you, boy? 1973 01:38:24,705 --> 01:38:26,841 Man, I just need to get outta here. 1974 01:40:50,852 --> 01:40:51,853 Cassie, are you okay? 1975 01:40:51,886 --> 01:40:52,754 Yes. 1976 01:40:52,787 --> 01:40:54,756 Okay. 1977 01:40:54,789 --> 01:40:58,425 - My fingers are slipping. - Hold on, hold on tight. 1978 01:41:01,461 --> 01:41:03,865 All right. 1979 01:41:06,666 --> 01:41:07,634 All right, grab on. 1980 01:41:07,667 --> 01:41:08,870 Okay. 1981 01:41:11,072 --> 01:41:13,507 You mean you ain't fell yet? 1982 01:41:15,777 --> 01:41:17,377 Let me help you out. 1983 01:41:21,749 --> 01:41:22,549 Fran! 1984 01:41:25,585 --> 01:41:26,921 All right, Ernie. 1985 01:41:26,954 --> 01:41:28,522 It's what you want. 1986 01:41:35,897 --> 01:41:37,330 Yeah! 1987 01:41:37,364 --> 01:41:40,567 That is how Fran Andersen messes with Bigfoot! 1988 01:42:02,023 --> 01:42:02,824 Come on. 1989 01:42:04,959 --> 01:42:06,593 Come on, sir. 1990 01:42:06,626 --> 01:42:07,494 Come on. 1991 01:42:14,701 --> 01:42:15,870 Yeah, ha! 1992 01:42:15,903 --> 01:42:17,704 Fooled ya, heffer! 1993 01:42:17,738 --> 01:42:18,906 Yeah. 1994 01:42:18,940 --> 01:42:20,875 You wanna get you some of that, son? 1995 01:42:21,742 --> 01:42:22,542 Come on. 1996 01:43:13,526 --> 01:43:14,762 Oh my gosh, I wanna go home, Dad. 1997 01:43:14,795 --> 01:43:17,164 It's over all right. 1998 01:43:17,198 --> 01:43:19,599 I'm gonna get you outta here. 1999 01:43:21,102 --> 01:43:23,070 Hold on tight, all right? 2000 01:43:42,123 --> 01:43:43,690 No, Daddy, don't! 2001 01:43:44,926 --> 01:43:46,593 He's here to help us. 2002 01:44:14,587 --> 01:44:15,923 Seriously? 2003 01:44:15,957 --> 01:44:19,693 By the power executed in me, I now pronounce you... 2004 01:44:29,136 --> 01:44:29,937 Oh, you guys, aw. 2005 01:44:29,971 --> 01:44:30,938 Ow! 2006 01:44:44,018 --> 01:44:47,788 This is a hospital, not a monster truck rally. 2007 01:44:47,822 --> 01:44:50,124 Can someone please pull that plug out? 2008 01:44:50,157 --> 01:44:51,192 Unplug me? 2009 01:44:51,225 --> 01:44:52,625 Screw you, Cory. 2010 01:44:52,659 --> 01:44:53,593 You still wearing your sister's underwear 2011 01:44:53,626 --> 01:44:54,996 under those sheets. 2012 01:44:55,029 --> 01:44:57,530 Well, what if I was wearing my sister's underwear? 2013 01:44:57,564 --> 01:44:58,498 They feel better. 2014 01:44:58,531 --> 01:45:00,267 Pastor Evans just reach down there and... 2015 01:45:00,301 --> 01:45:01,268 Pastor, don't you dare, unplug... 2016 01:45:01,302 --> 01:45:02,669 My best bottle if you just... 2017 01:45:02,702 --> 01:45:03,771 - Pastor! - Just reach down. 2018 01:45:03,804 --> 01:45:04,905 Don't you dare. 2019 01:45:04,939 --> 01:45:06,140 Pastor. 2020 01:45:06,173 --> 01:45:07,875 Don't you dare. 2021 01:45:09,710 --> 01:45:11,979 Here's the Bigfoot... 2022 01:45:12,013 --> 01:45:13,613 Oh, ah! 2023 01:45:14,681 --> 01:45:15,916 Stop it, stop it! 2024 01:45:15,950 --> 01:45:17,184 It's coming on. 2025 01:45:17,218 --> 01:45:19,552 What are you going on about, little boy? 2026 01:45:19,586 --> 01:45:20,154 I'm not a boy! 2027 01:45:20,187 --> 01:45:21,554 Bigfoot's on TV. 2028 01:45:21,588 --> 01:45:22,689 There's no such thing as Bigfoot, you... 2029 01:45:22,723 --> 01:45:23,590 Hey! 2030 01:45:23,623 --> 01:45:24,657 Uncle Billy! 2031 01:45:24,691 --> 01:45:25,826 Language! 2032 01:45:25,860 --> 01:45:26,659 Please! 2033 01:45:31,799 --> 01:45:35,736 Here's a frickin' Bigfoot nutsack for you, Billy. 2034 01:45:41,375 --> 01:45:42,810 Larry, Larry, 2035 01:45:42,843 --> 01:45:43,711 - Larry, Larry, Larry. - Let me introduce 2036 01:45:43,744 --> 01:45:44,779 - our next guest. - Larry, Larry, Larry, 2037 01:45:44,812 --> 01:45:46,247 Larry, Larry, Larry. 2038 01:45:49,150 --> 01:45:50,151 Ho ho. 2039 01:45:50,184 --> 01:45:51,318 Hey. 2040 01:45:51,352 --> 01:45:53,020 How good to see you. 2041 01:45:53,054 --> 01:45:53,954 Have a seat. 2042 01:45:53,988 --> 01:45:57,925 Larry, Larry, Larry, Larry, 2043 01:45:57,958 --> 01:46:01,628 Larry, Larry, Larry, Larry, Larry, 2044 01:46:01,661 --> 01:46:04,165 Larry, Larry, Larry, Larry, Larry. 2045 01:46:05,266 --> 01:46:06,400 - Okay, okay, okay. - Larry, Larry. 2046 01:46:06,434 --> 01:46:09,602 - Calm down, calm down. - Larry, Larry, Larry, Larry. 2047 01:46:09,636 --> 01:46:10,438 So, tell me what it's like 2048 01:46:10,471 --> 01:46:12,740 having so many people chasing you. 2049 01:46:12,773 --> 01:46:14,809 Hey Bigfoot! 2050 01:46:14,842 --> 01:46:15,675 Squatch these! 2051 01:46:17,878 --> 01:46:21,148 Well, that's a topic for another show. 2052 01:46:21,182 --> 01:46:22,950 How do you manage to stay so hidden? 2053 01:46:22,983 --> 01:46:25,953 Actually, people find solid evidence all the time 2054 01:46:25,986 --> 01:46:27,188 but the government swoops in. 2055 01:46:27,221 --> 01:46:30,858 Did you always manage to get away? 2056 01:46:30,891 --> 01:46:33,160 My mother was regular human. 2057 01:46:34,395 --> 01:46:36,063 My father's, like me. 2058 01:46:37,798 --> 01:46:39,400 And what about your kids? 2059 01:46:39,433 --> 01:46:40,868 Boo! 2060 01:46:45,139 --> 01:46:47,108 Okay, okay, okay. 2061 01:46:47,141 --> 01:46:49,243 Let's give him a chance to speak. 2062 01:46:49,276 --> 01:46:50,911 Go on, Jackson. 2063 01:46:50,945 --> 01:46:54,014 Yeah, they don't want people to know 2064 01:46:54,048 --> 01:46:58,953 there's another line of humans out there living wild. 2065 01:46:58,986 --> 01:46:59,920 What do you mean? 2066 01:46:59,954 --> 01:47:01,021 Who are they? 2067 01:47:01,055 --> 01:47:03,124 The Government. 2068 01:47:03,157 --> 01:47:05,126 They keep all this covered up. 2069 01:47:05,159 --> 01:47:05,993 I bet this show never... 2070 01:47:24,401 --> 01:47:27,773 Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org 2071 01:47:27,848 --> 01:47:31,152 ♪ Would you recognize a monster by his eyes ♪ 2072 01:47:31,185 --> 01:47:33,454 ♪ Thought I would, too ♪ 2073 01:47:33,487 --> 01:47:37,791 ♪ And I spent all this time a-runnin' every lap ♪ 2074 01:47:37,825 --> 01:47:40,127 ♪ To what I would do ♪ 2075 01:47:40,161 --> 01:47:41,929 ♪ Hell, I'd take him by the tail ♪ 2076 01:47:41,962 --> 01:47:44,231 ♪ He would holler, he would wail ♪ 2077 01:47:44,265 --> 01:47:46,901 ♪ Till he called a truce ♪ 2078 01:47:46,934 --> 01:47:48,335 ♪ And I told him you were made ♪ 2079 01:47:48,369 --> 01:47:50,871 ♪ Taking you away ♪ 2080 01:47:50,905 --> 01:47:53,174 ♪ Now I know it's true ♪ 2081 01:47:53,207 --> 01:47:54,975 ♪ I was blind ♪ 2082 01:47:55,009 --> 01:47:59,880 ♪ Then I saw the human unkind come to call ♪ 2083 01:47:59,914 --> 01:48:04,718 ♪ If I had a dime for all man's many faults ♪ 2084 01:48:06,487 --> 01:48:09,757 ♪ I admit that I was wrong ♪ 2085 01:48:09,790 --> 01:48:11,325 ♪ Such a shame ♪ 2086 01:48:11,358 --> 01:48:12,960 Goin' on here? 2087 01:48:12,993 --> 01:48:14,261 ♪ Interviewing monsters ♪ 2088 01:48:14,295 --> 01:48:15,930 ♪ Monsters ♪ 2089 01:48:15,963 --> 01:48:18,866 ♪ All along ♪ 2090 01:48:33,280 --> 01:48:35,849 What are you smilin' at? 2091 01:48:45,926 --> 01:48:47,428 ♪ I was blind ♪ 2092 01:48:47,461 --> 01:48:52,166 ♪ Then I saw the human unkind come to call ♪ 2093 01:48:52,199 --> 01:48:56,971 ♪ If I had a dime for all man's many faults ♪ 2094 01:48:59,073 --> 01:49:02,309 ♪ I admit that I was wrong ♪ 2095 01:49:02,343 --> 01:49:05,279 ♪ Such a shame that you're gone ♪ 2096 01:49:05,312 --> 01:49:06,914 ♪ Interviewing monsters ♪ 2097 01:49:06,947 --> 01:49:08,382 ♪ Monsters ♪ 2098 01:49:08,415 --> 01:49:11,852 ♪ All along ♪ 2099 01:49:11,885 --> 01:49:13,387 ♪ Interviewing monsters ♪ 2100 01:49:13,420 --> 01:49:15,122 ♪ Monsters ♪ 2101 01:49:15,155 --> 01:49:18,359 ♪ All along ♪ 2102 01:49:18,392 --> 01:49:19,994 ♪ Interviewing monsters ♪ 2103 01:49:20,027 --> 01:49:21,562 ♪ Monsters ♪ 2104 01:49:21,595 --> 01:49:24,031 ♪ All along ♪ 144192