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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,137 --> 00:00:10,967 ANNOUNCER: Fosse/Verdon. All new, Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX. 2 00:00:12,229 --> 00:00:15,319 ANNOUNCER: FX presents What We Do in the Shadows. 3 00:00:21,934 --> 00:00:23,719 It's nightfall. 4 00:00:26,330 --> 00:00:28,463 The job of a vampire's familiar 5 00:00:28,506 --> 00:00:30,465 is not an easy one. 6 00:00:30,508 --> 00:00:31,901 It's very dangerous. 7 00:00:31,944 --> 00:00:34,164 I mean, they are vampires, after all. 8 00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:36,514 We can go in now. 9 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,305 Good evening, Master. 10 00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:46,220 MAN : Guillermo? 11 00:00:46,263 --> 00:00:47,656 Yes, sir? 12 00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:49,745 -Is that you? -Yes, Master. 13 00:00:49,788 --> 00:00:51,573 -Okay. -Okay, Master. 14 00:00:51,616 --> 00:00:54,141 It's time to... rise. 15 00:00:54,184 --> 00:00:56,230 MAN: The... Okay. 16 00:01:00,234 --> 00:01:02,149 MAN: Guillermo, it is stuck. 17 00:01:02,192 --> 00:01:03,715 I think it is the latch. 18 00:01:03,759 --> 00:01:05,326 GUILLERMO: Being a vampire's familiar 19 00:01:05,369 --> 00:01:07,763 is like being a best friend. 20 00:01:07,806 --> 00:01:10,113 Who-Who's also a slave. 21 00:01:10,157 --> 00:01:12,115 -MAN: Guillermo, it's too loud.-What? 22 00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:13,464 GUILLERMO: Tomorrow night marks 23 00:01:13,508 --> 00:01:15,771 the ten-year anniversary since 24 00:01:15,814 --> 00:01:17,120 I started working for my Master. 25 00:01:17,164 --> 00:01:20,950 I think he's planning something pretty special. 26 00:01:20,993 --> 00:01:24,040 : I think he's gonna make me a vampire. 27 00:01:25,563 --> 00:01:27,304 MAN: This is very embarrassing. 28 00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:29,698 Okay, Master. 29 00:01:29,741 --> 00:01:31,700 He awakens. 30 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,495 Very cool, Master. 31 00:01:44,539 --> 00:01:45,714 Very scary. 32 00:01:45,757 --> 00:01:46,932 Thank you. 33 00:01:50,458 --> 00:01:53,722 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long♪ 34 00:01:53,765 --> 00:01:55,854 ♪ They have no use for your song♪ 35 00:01:55,898 --> 00:01:59,380 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead♪ 36 00:01:59,423 --> 00:02:01,556 ♪ You're dead and out of this world♪ 37 00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:06,300 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone♪ 38 00:02:06,343 --> 00:02:09,259 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world♪ 39 00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:11,566 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead♪ 40 00:02:11,609 --> 00:02:14,786 ♪ You're dead and out of this world.♪ 41 00:02:24,709 --> 00:02:26,450 NANDOR: Everyone? 42 00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:28,409 Nadja, Laszlo. 43 00:02:28,452 --> 00:02:30,324 -Yeah? -Yes? -Can you come downstairs 44 00:02:30,367 --> 00:02:32,195 for a second, please? 45 00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:34,458 Thank you, Laszlo. 46 00:02:34,502 --> 00:02:36,547 In your own time, Nadja. 47 00:02:36,591 --> 00:02:38,114 Yes, good, excellent. 48 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,246 So, listen. 49 00:02:39,289 --> 00:02:41,422 We have received a letter 50 00:02:41,465 --> 00:02:44,251 and I would like very much to read it to you. 51 00:02:44,294 --> 00:02:47,341 -But not here, we want to go into the library. -Why not here? 52 00:02:47,384 --> 00:02:49,343 I'd like to read it in there. It's just a formality. 53 00:02:49,386 --> 00:02:50,431 It'll sound exactly the same if you 54 00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:52,259 read it here than if you read it in there. 55 00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:54,304 I'm not going to disagree with you, but that's not the point. 56 00:02:54,348 --> 00:02:55,392 NANDOR: I was a very ferocious soldier 57 00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:57,133 in the Ottoman Empire. 58 00:02:57,177 --> 00:03:01,006 Which meant a lot of killing, lot of pillaging. 59 00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:04,706 People would say, "Please, don't pillage me." 60 00:03:04,749 --> 00:03:06,447 And I would say, "No. 61 00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:10,233 I'm pillaging everyone, you included." 62 00:03:10,277 --> 00:03:12,148 I was relentless. 63 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,237 They would call me Nandor 64 00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:16,892 the Relentless. 65 00:03:16,935 --> 00:03:19,677 Because I just never relent. 66 00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:20,939 So I'd like very much for us to go into there, please. 67 00:03:20,983 --> 00:03:22,245 Just a formality. 68 00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:24,160 Come on, please, it's just a formality. 69 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,683 -You could have read it by now.-Hmm. 70 00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:27,294 Just a formality, okay? Look, it's not even that far. 71 00:03:27,337 --> 00:03:28,904 -Oh, fuck this, fine. -Thank you, Laszlo. 72 00:03:28,947 --> 00:03:30,384 It's just a formality, please, Nadja. 73 00:03:30,427 --> 00:03:33,300 -Just a formality, thank you. 74 00:03:33,343 --> 00:03:35,476 Guillermo, the door. 75 00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,260 -That wasn't so bad, was it? 76 00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:41,482 Now before we go into the reading of the letter, 77 00:03:41,525 --> 00:03:44,354 I wanted to talk about general hygiene in the cell. 78 00:03:44,398 --> 00:03:45,747 -Last night, 79 00:03:45,790 --> 00:03:47,618 there were all these people down there, 80 00:03:47,662 --> 00:03:50,317 shouting and screaming, half-drunk. 81 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,275 Where did they find the alcohol? 82 00:03:52,319 --> 00:03:55,191 No, they were half-drunk. They'd been half drunk. 83 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,193 -Oh. -Please, finish a whole victim 84 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,413 before moving on to a next one, okay? 85 00:03:59,456 --> 00:04:01,284 It's very unhygienic. 86 00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:03,286 I think I know who's leaving them down there, 87 00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:05,288 -but I don't want to say.-If you've got something to say, 88 00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:07,943 -then damn well say it. -It's not hygienic. 89 00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:09,858 How dare you. 90 00:04:14,906 --> 00:04:17,344 The problems with living with other vampires 91 00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:19,128 are the vampires I have chosen to stay with. 92 00:04:20,608 --> 00:04:22,305 Nandor is like 93 00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:24,568 a big turkey just walking around 94 00:04:24,612 --> 00:04:26,483 trying to control everything on the farm. 95 00:04:26,527 --> 00:04:28,093 -Hyah! 96 00:04:28,137 --> 00:04:30,139 NADJA: And Laszlo is my big, crazy, 97 00:04:30,182 --> 00:04:32,663 wild bear and we love to chase each other around the house. 98 00:04:32,707 --> 00:04:35,013 -I ought to fucking kill you! 99 00:04:35,057 --> 00:04:37,799 We have a great time together. 100 00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:41,368 LASZLO: I was the most handsome man 101 00:04:41,411 --> 00:04:42,325 in our village. 102 00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:44,240 His village was very badly affected 103 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,329 by leprosy and the plague. 104 00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:47,548 That's true. 105 00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:50,333 And I, myself, did contract leprosy, 106 00:04:50,377 --> 00:04:52,553 but I was quite lucky 'cause it couldn't be seen. 107 00:04:52,596 --> 00:04:54,511 It was only one part of my anatomy. 108 00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:56,165 Well, I can see it. 109 00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:58,428 Anyway, one night, 110 00:04:58,472 --> 00:05:00,822 I was awoken by this... 111 00:05:00,865 --> 00:05:03,477 horrible clawing at the window. 112 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,043 And I thought, "Who the hell is that? 113 00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:06,828 'Cause I live on the third floor." 114 00:05:06,871 --> 00:05:10,179 So I went to investigate it, I threw back the curtain... 115 00:05:10,222 --> 00:05:13,748 Well, I saw the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. 116 00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:16,359 But she was gripping the window 117 00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:18,361 and she was clawing at the glass. 118 00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:19,710 I was hypnotized. 119 00:05:19,754 --> 00:05:21,582 I used hypnosis on him. 120 00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:23,366 Which I found out later. 121 00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,586 Anyway, obviously I invited her in. 122 00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:27,544 We were about to make love 123 00:05:27,588 --> 00:05:30,504 when she turned into this hideous, leathery bat thing. 124 00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:33,376 She drained me of my blood, 125 00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:35,987 giving me the curse of eternal life 126 00:05:36,031 --> 00:05:38,076 and thus making me a bloodthirsty 127 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,469 creature of the night. 128 00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:48,739 Why don't we just write on them with marker pen? 129 00:05:48,783 --> 00:05:50,611 Put our names and the date? 130 00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:51,612 LASZLO: Oh, that's a good suggestion. 131 00:05:51,655 --> 00:05:53,048 -NADJA: Yeah. -Good idea, Nadja. 132 00:05:53,091 --> 00:05:54,658 Marker pens, Guillermo. 133 00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:56,312 Make sure they're permanent. 134 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,574 -Sharpie. -LASZLO: Genius. 135 00:05:57,618 --> 00:06:00,882 -NADJA: With date, as well. -Yes, great thinking, Nadja. 136 00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:03,232 -And yes, this... yes. -The name of the month, day, year. 137 00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:05,408 Okay. 138 00:06:05,452 --> 00:06:07,671 And now we come... 139 00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:09,456 to the reading... of the letter. 140 00:06:09,499 --> 00:06:11,458 -At last. 141 00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:12,807 Guillermo? Close the door. 142 00:06:12,850 --> 00:06:15,940 -The door's closed, Master. -Close it more. 143 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:20,075 More. 144 00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:21,468 Good. 145 00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:23,426 -Now that we are gathered here... 146 00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:25,428 together as one, finally, 147 00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:26,995 in accordance with the protocols... 148 00:06:27,038 --> 00:06:28,300 Which you made up. 149 00:06:28,344 --> 00:06:30,346 Yes. 150 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,827 We have received this letter. 151 00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:36,396 From Baron... Afanas. 152 00:06:40,704 --> 00:06:41,618 Really? 153 00:06:41,662 --> 00:06:44,316 Yes. 154 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:45,666 NANDOR: How do you... 155 00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:48,103 -GUILLERMO: Like that. -Shh. 156 00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:49,583 The Baron... 157 00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:53,891 ...is coming to visit us. 158 00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:55,719 Holy shit. 159 00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:56,938 Silence, Guillermo. 160 00:06:56,981 --> 00:06:58,461 Vampire comments only. 161 00:06:58,505 --> 00:07:00,028 The Baron never leaves the old country. 162 00:07:00,071 --> 00:07:02,639 Has he told us what the purposeof his visit is? 163 00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:06,034 Uh... 164 00:07:06,077 --> 00:07:07,688 No. 165 00:07:07,731 --> 00:07:09,298 LASZLO: The Baron is a firm believer 166 00:07:09,341 --> 00:07:11,300 that vampires should rule the world. 167 00:07:11,343 --> 00:07:13,911 I think the main purpose for the Baron's visit 168 00:07:13,955 --> 00:07:16,305 is to find out whether we as vampires 169 00:07:16,348 --> 00:07:17,611 have populated America. 170 00:07:17,654 --> 00:07:19,743 But as you can see, 171 00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:21,745 the place is fucking massive. 172 00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:23,617 When is he coming, exactly? 173 00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,575 -Tomorrow. -Shit. 174 00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:26,750 NANDOR: Why didn't you give this to me earlier? 175 00:07:26,794 --> 00:07:28,491 It arrived this morning, Master. 176 00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:30,972 NADJA: Baron Afanas is... 177 00:07:31,015 --> 00:07:34,758 a very charming member of the vampire royalty. 178 00:07:34,802 --> 00:07:36,368 A few hundred years ago, 179 00:07:36,412 --> 00:07:39,371 we enjoyed a very intense, very long sexual affair. 180 00:07:39,415 --> 00:07:40,503 It was pretty wild. 181 00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:42,592 Lots of acrobatic stuff. 182 00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:43,941 This could make it awkward, 183 00:07:43,985 --> 00:07:46,901 to see him with Laszlo... 184 00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:48,729 present. 185 00:07:48,772 --> 00:07:50,774 LASZLO: Just between you and I, 186 00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:52,776 a while back, the Baron and I 187 00:07:52,820 --> 00:07:55,431 enjoyed a very intense sex affair. 188 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,651 Very animalistic. 189 00:07:57,694 --> 00:07:59,304 Acrobatic stuff, you might say. 190 00:07:59,348 --> 00:08:00,567 So I, personally, 191 00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:04,005 am very much looking forward to reconnecting. 192 00:08:04,048 --> 00:08:06,398 We should get a chariot led by 193 00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:08,923 12 black alligators. 194 00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:10,881 -I like that. -That's a lot of alligators, 195 00:08:10,925 --> 00:08:11,969 a lot of paint. 196 00:08:12,013 --> 00:08:13,580 What about a van? 197 00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:15,669 A van? 198 00:08:15,712 --> 00:08:16,583 That's not the same, is it? 199 00:08:16,626 --> 00:08:18,323 Can you at least make sure it's black? 200 00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:21,370 Yeah. Black van for tomorrow? 201 00:08:21,413 --> 00:08:24,678 Excellent. Uh, what about the Baron's bloodlust? 202 00:08:24,721 --> 00:08:26,549 -Virgins. -Oh, yes, let's do that. 203 00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:28,551 Guillermo, two virgins by tomorrow evening. 204 00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,597 -Yes, when the Baron arrives 205 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,599 we shall feast on virgin blood. 206 00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:42,260 Vampire only laughing. 207 00:08:42,304 --> 00:08:43,784 -Should we tell Colin Robinson?-Laszlo, 208 00:08:43,827 --> 00:08:45,699 -that is a terrible idea. 209 00:08:45,742 --> 00:08:47,701 He'll ruin the evening. 210 00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:48,963 Uh, what would ruin the evening? 211 00:08:49,006 --> 00:08:51,574 I told you-- didn't close the door properly. 212 00:08:53,445 --> 00:08:54,882 Are we having a house meeting? 213 00:08:56,797 --> 00:08:58,973 -No. -No. 214 00:08:59,016 --> 00:09:01,410 So, your gathering here... 215 00:09:01,453 --> 00:09:03,586 is just a coincidence? 216 00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:05,457 Yes. 217 00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:08,678 COLIN: My name is Colin Robinson. 218 00:09:08,722 --> 00:09:10,680 And I am what's known as 219 00:09:10,724 --> 00:09:12,595 a psychic vampire. 220 00:09:12,639 --> 00:09:14,379 Or energy vampire. 221 00:09:14,423 --> 00:09:16,033 This is my office. 222 00:09:16,077 --> 00:09:18,470 Also known as the hunting ground. 223 00:09:18,514 --> 00:09:20,516 Hi, Deb. 224 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,040 Energy vampires drain people's energy 225 00:09:23,084 --> 00:09:24,651 merely by talking to them. 226 00:09:24,694 --> 00:09:27,741 Actual v. Budget, year-to-date, no thanks. 227 00:09:27,784 --> 00:09:28,959 You're gonna be at that all day. 228 00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:30,961 We either bore you 229 00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:32,963 with a long conversation... 230 00:09:33,007 --> 00:09:35,531 Feeling better now, I was a little sick this weekend. 231 00:09:37,315 --> 00:09:38,969 Hey, Don. 232 00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:40,405 Don? 233 00:09:40,449 --> 00:09:42,016 I have to pee, too. 234 00:09:42,059 --> 00:09:43,278 Or... 235 00:09:43,321 --> 00:09:44,322 Hey. 236 00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:45,323 ...we enrage you. 237 00:09:47,369 --> 00:09:50,633 In fact, you probably know an energy vampire. 238 00:09:50,677 --> 00:09:52,504 We're the most common kind... 239 00:09:52,548 --> 00:09:54,289 of vampire. 240 00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:58,467 We are day-walkers, not affected by the sun. 241 00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:03,690 And we are the only kind of vampire 242 00:10:03,733 --> 00:10:06,693 that can drain another vampire's energy. 243 00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:09,478 It's very cool. 244 00:10:11,959 --> 00:10:14,875 The power grows stronger in him by the night. 245 00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:23,710 GUILLERMO: There's different kinds of jobs that I have to do. 246 00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:26,930 Keep the house tidy. 247 00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:28,149 Make sure there's no sunlight. 248 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,284 Sunlight! Why, Guillermo, 249 00:10:33,328 --> 00:10:37,114 why?! 250 00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:40,683 Not on my watch. 251 00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:42,685 Getting rid of carcasses, 252 00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:44,774 I feel, is a big one. 253 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,347 So, we are under the stairs and this is my bedroom. 254 00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:56,612 This is a picture of me as Armand 255 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,570 from Interview with the Vampire. 256 00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:00,572 Played by Antonio Banderas. 257 00:11:00,616 --> 00:11:02,966 That was the first time I've ever seen 258 00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:04,838 an Hispanic vampire 259 00:11:04,881 --> 00:11:08,145 in mainstream, like, movies. 260 00:11:08,189 --> 00:11:11,105 And I said, "If he can do it, I-I... 261 00:11:11,148 --> 00:11:12,715 I can do it." 262 00:11:12,759 --> 00:11:14,848 Guillermo... boarded this whole window up, 263 00:11:14,891 --> 00:11:16,719 it's a huge sunlight risk. 264 00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:18,329 We wouldn't want the Baron waking up to sunlight 265 00:11:18,373 --> 00:11:20,331 and being turned into barbecue meat. 266 00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:22,333 Yeah, really cover it. 267 00:11:22,377 --> 00:11:23,944 He's made a lot of comments recently, like, 268 00:11:23,987 --> 00:11:26,381 "I'm going to make you a vampire." 269 00:11:26,424 --> 00:11:29,210 This is a little coffin toy that, uh... 270 00:11:29,253 --> 00:11:31,865 I hope to be in one of these one day. 271 00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:33,910 What ho, good friends. 272 00:11:33,954 --> 00:11:35,607 LARPERS: What ho! 273 00:11:35,651 --> 00:11:38,915 There's still a few places to find virgins. 274 00:11:38,959 --> 00:11:41,875 LARPing stands for Live Action Role Playing. 275 00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:44,616 In regular life, I'm just Jonathan. 276 00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:47,968 But here, I am a very high-level paladin. 277 00:11:48,011 --> 00:11:49,012 GUILLERMO: I'm not a killer. 278 00:11:49,056 --> 00:11:52,015 I find people who are easy... 279 00:11:52,059 --> 00:11:54,539 to... kill. 280 00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:56,019 Is that a 14th-century battle-ax? 281 00:11:56,063 --> 00:11:57,804 Oh, it's so exciting. 282 00:11:57,847 --> 00:11:59,675 Uh, will we be able to touch the swords? 283 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,809 Oh, you'll touch the swords. 284 00:12:04,985 --> 00:12:06,943 NADJA: We moved here from Europe 285 00:12:06,987 --> 00:12:09,337 about 200 years ago because there was 286 00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:12,906 a lot of prejudice against vampires at that time. 287 00:12:17,649 --> 00:12:19,260 They don't like the color of our skin. 288 00:12:19,303 --> 00:12:21,784 Or the fact that we killed and ate people. 289 00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:24,787 Probably more that. 290 00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:27,834 LASZLO: We're being very careful not to stand out, 291 00:12:27,877 --> 00:12:29,836 which is why we're both dressed down. 292 00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:32,839 -Uh, good evening. -Go back to your own country. 293 00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:34,797 What the fuck did you just say? 294 00:12:34,841 --> 00:12:36,625 You heard me, Ghost of Christmas Past bitch. 295 00:12:36,668 --> 00:12:37,974 Oh, Mike, shut up. 296 00:12:38,018 --> 00:12:40,890 Silence to you. We've been here since 1861. 297 00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:44,198 At least, our families have. 298 00:12:44,241 --> 00:12:45,982 Begone. 299 00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:48,289 We should just suck their blood,I'm absolutely starving. 300 00:12:48,332 --> 00:12:49,899 -They're perfect. -No, I'm furious. 301 00:12:49,943 --> 00:12:51,509 He just insulted me, I'm in fifth gear. 302 00:12:51,553 --> 00:12:53,511 -We should kill them. -Yes, that's what I'm saying. 303 00:12:53,555 --> 00:12:55,905 -We should suck their blood. -Yes. 304 00:12:57,298 --> 00:12:58,821 -LASZLO: Now? -NADJA: Wait. Wait, darling. 305 00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:01,476 -Now? -Now! 306 00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:03,695 What? 307 00:13:03,739 --> 00:13:05,523 -Mike? 308 00:13:05,567 --> 00:13:06,960 Where the fuck are you? 309 00:13:08,439 --> 00:13:09,701 What the fuck? 310 00:13:13,488 --> 00:13:15,751 Yum, yum, yum. He was delicious. 311 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,622 Now, listen, I don't know about you, 312 00:13:17,666 --> 00:13:20,103 but I'm very much in the mood for some sexual intercourse. 313 00:13:22,018 --> 00:13:24,325 Darling. Right next to the public toilet? 314 00:13:24,368 --> 00:13:26,327 Yes. But why don't I get home, 315 00:13:26,370 --> 00:13:28,982 get cleaned up, then we can carry on with our love-making. 316 00:13:29,025 --> 00:13:31,245 Um, I'm going to walk home. 317 00:13:31,288 --> 00:13:33,203 --Why the hell would you do that? 318 00:13:33,247 --> 00:13:34,683 Why would you walk home? 319 00:13:34,726 --> 00:13:36,685 When you could turn into a bat? 320 00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:38,513 Bat! 321 00:13:43,953 --> 00:13:46,347 NANDOR: I would like some of that, uh, 322 00:13:46,390 --> 00:13:49,002 colorful dust that sparkles. 323 00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:51,265 -Glitter? -Yes. 324 00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:52,657 Get me some glitter. 325 00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:54,311 Whatever for, Master? 326 00:13:54,355 --> 00:13:56,139 Oh, I want to do something special 327 00:13:56,183 --> 00:13:57,924 for the Immortal One's arrival. 328 00:13:57,967 --> 00:14:01,275 I'm going to sprinkle it on my face and on my body. 329 00:14:01,318 --> 00:14:03,364 Like Twilight. 330 00:14:05,279 --> 00:14:08,151 So deliciously macabre. 331 00:14:08,195 --> 00:14:11,111 -Creepy paper. -It's crepe paper. 332 00:14:11,154 --> 00:14:13,765 -Creepy paper. -It's crepe paper, Master. 333 00:14:13,809 --> 00:14:16,812 Creepy... Oh, multipack. 334 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,510 Master, this is pretty "macarbre." 335 00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:28,171 NANDOR: Guillermo is my familiar, 336 00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:30,608 but sometimes he's a little toofamiliar, you know what I mean? 337 00:14:30,652 --> 00:14:32,262 I mean, he's always just there. 338 00:14:32,306 --> 00:14:34,047 I think it's good, Master. 339 00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:35,787 NANDOR: I mean, he works really hard, 340 00:14:35,831 --> 00:14:37,267 he's just not great at it. 341 00:14:37,311 --> 00:14:39,182 Guillermo, my cape is stuck. 342 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,185 I don't like saying this kind of thing 343 00:14:42,229 --> 00:14:43,926 in front of him, of course. 344 00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,320 Sorry, Guillermo. 345 00:14:46,363 --> 00:14:48,713 I don't like saying this kind of thing in front of you. 346 00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:50,846 That's okay, Master. 347 00:14:57,070 --> 00:14:58,201 Lot of glitter. 348 00:15:00,551 --> 00:15:02,510 -Cash or card? -Credit. 349 00:15:02,553 --> 00:15:04,077 You cannot pay with that. 350 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:05,817 GUILLERMO: I'm so sorry. 351 00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:08,081 -Did you just throw a coin at me? -Yes. 352 00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:10,126 Sir, you can't be throwing ancient coins at me. 353 00:15:10,170 --> 00:15:11,954 -Just... Credit card's fine. -Guillermo, stab this man. 354 00:15:11,998 --> 00:15:14,043 -He's joking. -Stab him. 355 00:15:14,087 --> 00:15:15,610 -Ahh... -Thank you. 356 00:15:15,653 --> 00:15:17,525 -I tried, and... -Here you go, man. 357 00:15:17,568 --> 00:15:19,744 -Thank you so much. -You kind of disobeyed me just now. 358 00:15:19,788 --> 00:15:20,789 And I'm noting it. 359 00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:29,102 NADJA: Recently I have been seeing another man. 360 00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:35,847 He doesn't see me, though, because I sneak behind him. 361 00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:43,333 I watch him in the night, 362 00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:44,726 in secret. 363 00:15:59,262 --> 00:16:01,090 In the old country, centuries ago, 364 00:16:01,134 --> 00:16:03,353 I was in a very passionate love affair 365 00:16:03,397 --> 00:16:05,138 with a human man called Gregor. 366 00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:07,575 He was a knight. 367 00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:10,186 He got decapitated in battle. 368 00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:13,276 I don't think I ever really got over Gregor. 369 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,061 Even when I met Laszlo. 370 00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:16,888 June, I've lost my boot. 371 00:16:16,932 --> 00:16:19,630 June? 372 00:16:19,674 --> 00:16:21,067 Come on, June. 373 00:16:21,110 --> 00:16:22,807 The man I saw last night, 374 00:16:22,851 --> 00:16:24,635 I think it is him. 375 00:16:24,679 --> 00:16:28,161 I think it is my reincarnated ex-boyfriend Gregor, 376 00:16:28,204 --> 00:16:29,814 with his head. 377 00:16:29,858 --> 00:16:30,859 LASZLO: Put it on, June. 378 00:16:30,902 --> 00:16:33,166 -Shut up, Laszlo! -Yes, there we are. 379 00:16:33,209 --> 00:16:34,863 Boot on. 380 00:16:38,127 --> 00:16:40,303 Okay, it's just down here somewhere. 381 00:16:40,347 --> 00:16:42,436 Why haven't I been to this part of the house before? 382 00:16:42,479 --> 00:16:44,090 It's so lovely. 383 00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:45,961 -No one has for 80 years. - Gorgeous. 384 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,310 What are we doing down here? 385 00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:49,051 There is a chamber, okay? 386 00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:51,053 It's going to be perfect for the bloodfeast. 387 00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:52,837 If we have the ceremony in here, 388 00:16:52,881 --> 00:16:55,275 then you-know-who won't even need to know. 389 00:16:55,318 --> 00:16:57,146 I mean Colin. 390 00:16:57,190 --> 00:17:00,149 -Colin, what are you doing in here? -Oh... 391 00:17:00,193 --> 00:17:03,065 This is my bedroom. I'm resting. 392 00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:06,199 -You idiot. 393 00:17:06,242 --> 00:17:07,635 I didn't know he was gonna be in there. 394 00:17:07,678 --> 00:17:09,506 -Why didn't you check? 395 00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:11,987 It's fine, we're gonna have the ceremony in the attic. 396 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,771 We can't, the StairMaster's in there. 397 00:17:13,815 --> 00:17:15,686 Well, we're going to move the StairMaster. 398 00:17:18,385 --> 00:17:21,475 LASZLO: Is it definitely this boat? 399 00:17:21,518 --> 00:17:22,998 NANDOR: There he is. 400 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,434 NADJA: I knew he'd have a big box. 401 00:17:24,478 --> 00:17:27,350 June, you need to go and fetch him. 402 00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:32,138 WHARFINGER: Sir, I just need someone to sign for it. 403 00:17:32,181 --> 00:17:35,010 -Where's the pen? -So, the tablet is the paper. 404 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,143 Your finger is the pen. 405 00:17:37,186 --> 00:17:39,536 Okay, that's weird. 406 00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:41,451 Okay, that's nothing. 407 00:17:41,495 --> 00:17:43,497 Both of you, for some reason, aren't registering here. 408 00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:44,976 You got long nails maybe or something? 409 00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:46,108 Would you like a go, Laszlo? 410 00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:48,154 -Do you have a quill? -No, it's all digital. 411 00:17:48,197 --> 00:17:49,894 Then I'm not signing that. 412 00:17:49,938 --> 00:17:51,592 Guillermo, give me your hand. 413 00:17:51,635 --> 00:17:54,247 -Ah. -Okay! 414 00:17:55,987 --> 00:17:57,554 GUILLERMO: I think the baron might be here 415 00:17:57,598 --> 00:17:59,687 to see me become a vampire. 416 00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:02,690 That would be really cool. 417 00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:06,041 I'm ready. 418 00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:11,351 NADJA: I should be preparing for the bloodfeast, 419 00:18:11,394 --> 00:18:14,702 but I can't seem to stay away from new Gregor. 420 00:18:14,745 --> 00:18:18,227 Man. Human man. Man! 421 00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:22,579 -S-Sorry, what did you say? -Gregor, 422 00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:23,798 it is you. 423 00:18:23,841 --> 00:18:25,365 Oh, my name is Jeff. 424 00:18:25,408 --> 00:18:28,803 -Jeff? -J-Jeff Suckler. 425 00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:31,762 My sweet Greg... Jeff S... 426 00:18:31,806 --> 00:18:33,590 Really-- J-Jeff Suckler? 427 00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:36,419 -Yeah. -Ew. 428 00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:45,080 I call that "Nadja's Theme." 429 00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:54,742 Guillermo, are the virgins arriving soon? 430 00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:57,223 They should be any minute now, Master. 431 00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:58,354 -Fingers crossed. 432 00:18:58,398 --> 00:18:59,660 Sorry. 433 00:18:59,703 --> 00:19:02,097 Don't do that. 434 00:19:03,403 --> 00:19:06,101 Ah. Dinner is served. 435 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,407 Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.... 436 00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:11,062 Hello. So glad you could make it. 437 00:19:11,106 --> 00:19:12,368 Please come in, quickly. 438 00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:18,331 Everyone, this is Jenna and Jonathan. 439 00:19:18,374 --> 00:19:19,767 -Hi. -Hi. 440 00:19:19,810 --> 00:19:20,811 Are you virgins? 441 00:19:20,855 --> 00:19:22,073 LASZLO: Mm. 442 00:19:22,117 --> 00:19:23,466 I don't see how that's relevant. 443 00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:24,685 -Mm. -I'm actually 444 00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:26,426 in a relationship online, 445 00:19:26,469 --> 00:19:29,037 but we've yet to meet IRL. 446 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,648 Well done, Guillermo. 447 00:19:31,692 --> 00:19:32,867 Yeah. 448 00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:34,260 JONATHAN: All right, okay, let's do it. 449 00:19:37,306 --> 00:19:39,221 Are they a vampire LARP group? 450 00:19:39,265 --> 00:19:40,788 Yeah, well, why don't we wait in here? 451 00:19:40,831 --> 00:19:42,485 The party's gonna start in a few minutes, 452 00:19:42,529 --> 00:19:45,227 so we can just hang out, and I'll come get you when... 453 00:19:47,490 --> 00:19:49,013 GUILLERMO: No. No, no, no! No, no, no, no. 454 00:19:49,057 --> 00:19:51,146 No, no, no. I said no! 455 00:19:54,758 --> 00:19:57,587 We take our LARPing very seriously. 456 00:19:57,631 --> 00:20:01,374 And that was just an example. I wanted you to see that. 457 00:20:01,417 --> 00:20:03,506 I'm inspired. 458 00:20:03,550 --> 00:20:05,639 So, are you a knight? 459 00:20:05,682 --> 00:20:07,902 Yeah, I'm... Well, no, uh, sorry. 460 00:20:07,945 --> 00:20:09,947 I thought you were gonna say "night watchman." 461 00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:11,471 I'm a-I'm a night watchman 462 00:20:11,514 --> 00:20:13,473 Mmm. 463 00:20:13,516 --> 00:20:15,866 Protector of the people. 464 00:20:15,910 --> 00:20:17,477 Oh, no, not-not really. 465 00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:26,181 Oh, my sweet Gregor-Jeff, 466 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:29,532 I forgot how much ofa fantastic raconteur you were. 467 00:20:29,576 --> 00:20:30,533 -Oh, yeah. 468 00:20:30,577 --> 00:20:31,752 Oh, yeah, yeah. 469 00:20:31,795 --> 00:20:33,449 Ooh, do you remember that first time 470 00:20:33,493 --> 00:20:36,147 that we made love, and it was so passionate 471 00:20:36,191 --> 00:20:37,888 that I accidentally cut off your head? 472 00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:39,499 -No. What? -Mm! 473 00:20:39,542 --> 00:20:42,284 But then I kept going, squeezing 474 00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:44,504 until my needs were met. Hmm. 475 00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:46,375 We should do that again. 476 00:20:46,419 --> 00:20:49,073 But I mustn't. But I want to. 477 00:20:49,117 --> 00:20:50,423 But you can't. 478 00:20:50,466 --> 00:20:52,686 But I have been married for such a long time. 479 00:20:52,729 --> 00:20:54,427 -Oh. 480 00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,215 -I must go. -Okay. 481 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,521 -Let me just get your number before you go... 482 00:21:01,564 --> 00:21:03,523 ...so we can... I can... we can do that again. 483 00:21:03,566 --> 00:21:06,134 Uh... 484 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:11,574 -You're late. -NANDOR: Throw it. 485 00:21:11,618 --> 00:21:13,489 That's it. 486 00:21:13,533 --> 00:21:15,752 Okay, Guillermo. 487 00:21:15,796 --> 00:21:20,670 We three... not counting Guillermo... or June... 488 00:21:20,714 --> 00:21:22,759 or you... 489 00:21:22,803 --> 00:21:25,501 are gathered here in accordancewith the ancient... 490 00:21:25,545 --> 00:21:26,763 Get on with it. 491 00:21:26,807 --> 00:21:28,156 -NADJA: Get on with it. -Guys. 492 00:21:28,199 --> 00:21:30,376 -In bearings with the ordinance- 493 00:21:30,419 --> 00:21:33,466 of the nine generations that have surpassed us 494 00:21:33,509 --> 00:21:36,338 before this historic and memorable moment. 495 00:21:37,948 --> 00:21:41,212 Guillermo, open the casket 496 00:21:41,256 --> 00:21:43,606 of Baron Afanas. 497 00:21:44,825 --> 00:21:46,609 -Oh... 498 00:21:46,653 --> 00:21:48,437 Oh, it opens all by itself. 499 00:21:48,481 --> 00:21:50,483 It's so cool. 500 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:55,183 ♪ In nomine Patris♪ 501 00:21:55,226 --> 00:21:59,274 ♪ Et Filii♪ 502 00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:02,451 ♪ Et Spiritus Sancti...♪ 503 00:22:06,803 --> 00:22:08,762 LASZLO: Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa... 504 00:22:08,805 --> 00:22:11,547 I say, old chap, that's our familiar. 505 00:22:18,859 --> 00:22:20,077 Good God. 506 00:22:20,121 --> 00:22:21,644 Guillermo, did you see? 507 00:22:21,688 --> 00:22:23,298 He ate the familiar. 508 00:22:26,127 --> 00:22:28,172 That's scary. 509 00:22:28,216 --> 00:22:30,653 Ne la materia 510 00:22:30,697 --> 00:22:33,395 che mai non dorme 511 00:22:33,439 --> 00:22:38,269 re de le forme. 512 00:22:38,313 --> 00:22:42,578 I have risen again. 513 00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:45,755 Hello, Nadja. 514 00:22:45,799 --> 00:22:47,496 Hello. 515 00:22:47,540 --> 00:22:49,585 He's so hilarious. 516 00:22:49,629 --> 00:22:51,631 -Laszlo. -LASZLO: Yes. 517 00:22:51,674 --> 00:22:54,285 I seem to remember him having genitals. 518 00:22:54,329 --> 00:22:56,592 NADJA: No, never. That is why he was such a good lover. 519 00:22:56,636 --> 00:22:59,334 Guillermo, fetch the virgins. 520 00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:01,858 As an advocate of the old ways, 521 00:23:01,902 --> 00:23:04,644 -can I just apologize for the crepe paper? -NANDOR: Hey... 522 00:23:04,687 --> 00:23:06,689 It should have been human skin, obviously. 523 00:23:06,733 --> 00:23:09,605 And I deeply apologize for the StairMaster. 524 00:23:09,649 --> 00:23:12,216 -It's all his fault. -I go through all this effort, I get the creepy paper. 525 00:23:12,260 --> 00:23:14,305 -I get Guillermo to... -LASZLO: It's not "creepy." 526 00:23:14,349 --> 00:23:15,829 It's crepepaper, crepe. 527 00:23:15,872 --> 00:23:19,049 Silence! 528 00:23:19,093 --> 00:23:23,532 I come with a proclamation. 529 00:23:24,707 --> 00:23:26,840 The old ways... 530 00:23:26,883 --> 00:23:29,451 are over. 531 00:23:29,495 --> 00:23:30,844 Which is what I just said. 532 00:23:30,887 --> 00:23:33,847 The New World, as you call it, 533 00:23:33,890 --> 00:23:35,892 is our lifeline 534 00:23:35,936 --> 00:23:39,243 to an eternal future. 535 00:23:39,287 --> 00:23:40,549 Si... 536 00:23:42,595 --> 00:23:44,727 It's a documentary crew. They're cameras. 537 00:23:44,771 --> 00:23:46,163 It's like they're not even here. 538 00:23:46,207 --> 00:23:47,817 -They are filming me? -Yes. 539 00:23:47,861 --> 00:23:49,471 NANDOR: Just pretend like they're not there. 540 00:23:49,515 --> 00:23:51,038 It's kind of a natural piece. 541 00:23:51,081 --> 00:23:52,735 You were saying, Baron? 542 00:23:52,779 --> 00:23:55,129 Centuries have passed, 543 00:23:55,172 --> 00:23:59,525 and you have not conquered the New World. 544 00:23:59,568 --> 00:24:02,484 You hide in the shadows. 545 00:24:02,528 --> 00:24:04,530 Bah. You are weak. 546 00:24:04,573 --> 00:24:05,705 JONATHAN: Oh, God. Oh... 547 00:24:05,748 --> 00:24:07,489 NANDOR: Not now, Guillermo. 548 00:24:07,533 --> 00:24:09,491 GUILLERMO: Go, go, go. Go, go, go. 549 00:24:09,535 --> 00:24:11,188 -Go. -BARON: Oh, by now, 550 00:24:11,232 --> 00:24:14,540 you should rule this, this, uh... 551 00:24:14,583 --> 00:24:17,717 -what is this place again? -Staten Island. 552 00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:19,762 This Staten Island. 553 00:24:22,025 --> 00:24:24,680 Is this Staten Island the seat of power 554 00:24:24,724 --> 00:24:26,639 in the New World? 555 00:24:26,682 --> 00:24:29,293 It is where the boat dropped us off. 556 00:24:29,337 --> 00:24:32,645 Down with the old ways. Up with t-the New World. 557 00:24:32,688 --> 00:24:35,517 I've been saying it for centuries, and he would never 558 00:24:35,561 --> 00:24:37,780 -listen... -Shh. 559 00:24:37,824 --> 00:24:41,697 Mm. I must slumber. 560 00:24:41,741 --> 00:24:43,699 But when I awaken, 561 00:24:43,743 --> 00:24:46,746 we will rule this... 562 00:24:46,789 --> 00:24:48,791 Staten Island. 563 00:24:48,835 --> 00:24:51,228 Y-Yes. 564 00:24:51,272 --> 00:24:52,665 -Yes! -Yes. 565 00:24:52,708 --> 00:24:53,883 Nadja? 566 00:24:53,927 --> 00:24:56,930 Baron. 567 00:24:56,973 --> 00:25:00,760 -Laszlo. -Baron. 568 00:25:00,803 --> 00:25:01,848 It's Nandor. 569 00:25:07,810 --> 00:25:09,203 LASZLO: Thank God. 570 00:25:09,246 --> 00:25:10,596 NANDOR: The Baron is furious with us. 571 00:25:10,639 --> 00:25:13,555 It's so dumb that I wore glitter. 572 00:25:13,599 --> 00:25:14,774 Let's get rid of this shit. 573 00:25:14,817 --> 00:25:16,340 If we don't conquer the New World, 574 00:25:16,384 --> 00:25:17,690 he's going to kill us. 575 00:25:17,733 --> 00:25:19,605 Again. 576 00:25:19,648 --> 00:25:22,433 -Basically, we're fucked. -Fucked. 577 00:25:24,827 --> 00:25:26,786 NANDOR: Well, that was a complete disaster. 578 00:25:26,829 --> 00:25:28,831 At least we have the virgins. 579 00:25:30,311 --> 00:25:32,835 -Uh, yes. 580 00:25:36,709 --> 00:25:38,406 ...for an economy car. 581 00:25:38,449 --> 00:25:40,626 -NANDOR: Oh, great. -GUILLERMO: We're too late. 582 00:25:40,669 --> 00:25:43,585 Colin Robinson has drained themof all their energy. 583 00:25:43,629 --> 00:25:45,979 COLIN: "How are you gonna wash this car?" 584 00:25:46,022 --> 00:25:48,285 NANDOR: They have no nutritional value now. 585 00:25:48,329 --> 00:25:49,722 COLIN: And I know you two said you don't drive, 586 00:25:49,765 --> 00:25:51,637 and don't have driver's licenses, 587 00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:53,726 but are you gonna do a... 588 00:25:53,769 --> 00:25:55,075 a-a different type of car wash, 589 00:25:55,118 --> 00:25:57,643 maybe having detailing done? 590 00:25:57,686 --> 00:26:00,210 Now, detailing, they go into your car 591 00:26:00,254 --> 00:26:02,735 and they get into the nooks and crannies, so... 592 00:26:02,778 --> 00:26:05,302 Anyway, you take care, okay? 593 00:26:11,787 --> 00:26:13,746 You are glum, Guillermo. 594 00:26:13,789 --> 00:26:15,399 -: No. -Yes. 595 00:26:15,443 --> 00:26:17,401 You think that I've forgotten that tonight 596 00:26:17,445 --> 00:26:20,230 is a special occasion for you as well, haven't you? 597 00:26:26,062 --> 00:26:28,543 Does not an anniversary deserve a reward 598 00:26:28,587 --> 00:26:31,720 recognizing your years of service? 599 00:26:33,026 --> 00:26:34,897 I'm ready, Master. 600 00:26:34,941 --> 00:26:36,507 Good. 601 00:26:36,551 --> 00:26:39,075 Prepare yourself. 602 00:26:43,689 --> 00:26:46,692 Happy anniversary, Guillermo. 603 00:26:50,957 --> 00:26:54,656 -Wow... -It's a glitter portrait. 604 00:26:54,700 --> 00:26:58,921 It's a portrait made from glitter. 605 00:26:58,965 --> 00:27:00,706 Look, it's you. 606 00:27:00,749 --> 00:27:03,099 I made you a vampire. 607 00:27:03,143 --> 00:27:04,710 And look who's next to you. 608 00:27:04,753 --> 00:27:06,102 It's me. 609 00:27:06,146 --> 00:27:08,801 -Wow. -Enjoy it. 610 00:27:08,844 --> 00:27:11,934 You can put it in your depressing room. 611 00:27:11,978 --> 00:27:16,156 And you deserve it. Two years of service. 612 00:27:16,199 --> 00:27:17,853 T-Ten. 613 00:27:17,897 --> 00:27:19,725 Ten years of service. 614 00:27:19,768 --> 00:27:22,902 -Ten. -Ten years of service? 615 00:27:25,644 --> 00:27:27,820 Okay. 616 00:27:50,886 --> 00:27:52,888 NANDOR: Night, Guillermo. 617 00:27:57,806 --> 00:28:00,766 ♪ Tonight in the moonlight♪ 618 00:28:00,809 --> 00:28:04,160 ♪ When I'm alone with you♪ 619 00:28:04,204 --> 00:28:07,990 ♪ Tonight in the moonlight♪ 620 00:28:08,034 --> 00:28:10,732 ♪ With you.♪ 621 00:28:17,478 --> 00:28:20,220 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long♪ 622 00:28:20,263 --> 00:28:23,223 ♪ They have no use for your song♪ 623 00:28:23,266 --> 00:28:26,313 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead♪ 624 00:28:26,356 --> 00:28:28,837 ♪ You're dead and out of this world.♪ 625 00:28:45,593 --> 00:28:47,508 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 626 00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:13,490 -Oh! -Aaah! 627 00:29:13,534 --> 00:29:16,189 ANNOUNCER: What We Do in the Shadows. 628 00:29:16,232 --> 00:29:19,018 All new Wednesdays at 10:00 on FX. 629 00:29:20,889 --> 00:29:23,979 -We're not having a wedding. -We're eloping, suckas! 630 00:29:24,023 --> 00:29:26,852 It's like Inceptionfor pooping. 631 00:29:30,856 --> 00:29:32,858 ANNOUNCER: You're the Worst. The final season. 632 00:29:32,901 --> 00:29:35,034 All new. Wednesdays at 10:00 only on FXX. 633 00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:38,994 How did this happen? Uh! 634 00:29:40,866 --> 00:29:42,302 Have you been under a lot of stress lately? 635 00:29:42,345 --> 00:29:44,652 There's mean-girl issues with my youngest, 636 00:29:44,695 --> 00:29:46,219 and birth control with my oldest. 637 00:29:46,262 --> 00:29:48,047 My boyfriend broke up with me. 638 00:29:48,090 --> 00:29:49,744 -Which one? -Um... 639 00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:52,007 -And some mornings, I just...-Oh, my God. 640 00:29:53,226 --> 00:29:55,532 Fun mom! Hey! 641 00:29:55,576 --> 00:29:57,839 Can you please arrange for a pleasant dream while I'm under? 642 00:29:57,883 --> 00:30:00,755 -It's my specialty, dear. -Guess what my specialty is. 643 00:30:01,887 --> 00:30:03,540 ANNOUNCER: Better Things. 644 00:30:03,584 --> 00:30:06,152 All new Thursdays at 10:00 on FX. 645 00:30:16,771 --> 00:30:18,860 -Again. 646 00:30:18,904 --> 00:30:22,733 ANNOUNCER: Fosse/Verdon. All new, Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX. 44934

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