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Todd OS: What the hell have you done?

Bruce: I know what you're thinking. This looks pretty bad.

Todd: You're damn right!

Bruce: But you gotta trust me. It wasn't my fault, I swear.

Todd! Hold up! Todd!

(gibberish yoga chant)

Yoga Master OS: And breathe.

Todd: This is a waste of time.

Yoga Master OS: Remember it takes total

Yoga Master: consciousness to achieve unconsciousness.

(Bruce chanting OS)

(Todd chanting OS)

Dude, fuck this. We should be writing

our screenplay right now.

Bruce OS: Thank you for accepting my invitation, Todd...

and for giving my class your full attention.

I'm sorry. It's just not what I had in mind.

Bruce (OS): You did manage to meditate for all of 35 seconds.

I don't suppose I could ask for more

commitment from you than that.

We only have 10 pages written, and the meeting is tonight.

Yoga Master OS: I sense discontent.

Please, people, time to commune.

Bring your circles together.

Yes complete your circle

I'm completeing my frickin' circle for you.

You!

What? What did I do?

It is because of you that this group will suffer

4 weeks of bitter harvest! (groans from others)

Oh great. Thanks a lot, Todd.

Yoga master OS: You have brought doom upon all of us.

Well good. I could use a little more doom in my writing.

Oh you shall have it, friend. You shall have it.

Bruce: Master Sha-Rin?

Todd OS: Sharon.

Bruce OS: Young Todd is but a neophyte to our ways.

Might he repent?

Hmm no.

Please, sir, I beg you.

Yoga master OS: There's only one way to break the curse.

You both must sign up for my aggressive Shamyaki class.

Four weeks minimum.

I've heard enough.

Todd, come on. Dude we're cursed because of you.

Don't you care about the bitter harvest?

Finish your circles without me.

Go in peace and calm, my space beaver.

Bruce: Where were we?

Todd: Bethany and her friends are in a cabin in the woods.

Okay, Bethany and her friends are in a cabin in the woods...

Bruce OS: playing strip poker...

Bruce OS: A mysterious figure watches from outside the house.

Bruce OS: Like one of those nasty peeping tom dudes.

Bruce OS So then Bethany takes her boyfriend to the bedroom.

Todd OS: Uh oh...

Bruce OS: Yeah, they gonna get their freak on.

Bruce OS: She like wiggles out of some super-tight booty shorts.

Bruce OS: No, no wait. She's topless.

Todd OS: No, let's keep the bra. She'll get naked later.

Bruce OS: Alright. Good idea. She's in a black lace bra.

Bruce OS: A mysterious figure approaches the house

Bruce OS: as the oblivious boy and girl make out

Bruce OS: and then out comes the machete and...

Todd OS: And what?

Bruce: And scene.

Todd: And scene?

You wanna end on that?

Dude, totally suspenseful.

That's enough for today. Print it out.

(paper rustling)

Whoa.

Sonya: Everybody else finished?

I read enough to get the general idea.

Bloody hell. What are your thoughts?

I think I wrote this screenplay in like 8th grade.

Screenwriter OS: 4th grade.

Ouch.

Let's try to be a little productive here, okay?

Okay, but I mean this is total derivative trash.

Bruce: It's horror of course it's derivative.

Bruce makes a good point.

Actually, I kind of liked it.

Just because you chose a forgiving genre doesn't make it

okay to ignore all of the elements of screenwriting.

Like character.

Plot.

It's got a plot.

Todd: And characters.

And gratuitous tit shots.

I thought we took those out.

Oops.

Actually, I didn't mind the tits.

Sorry. Boobs. I mean, breasts.

Besides the breasts, how do you guys feel that Bruce and Todd can build on their idea.

Well, that's just it. I can't really say this is their idea.

I mean, it's total cliche' just like every other crap horror piece out there.

Yeah, it's like we've seen this a million times.

But our killer uses a machete.

Any suggestions for a better murder weapon?

How about a butter knife?

Oh thats cool, or how about something a little bit more clever like a wine bottle?

Screenwriter OS: Or a book?

Haven't seen that before.

Good. These are all good ideas.

You're missing the point, Sonya.

You can't just change the murder weapon when rest of the story around it is trash.

They need to start over.

Come up with a better more clever concept.

Yeah I mean as it is this would never sell.

Unless your uncle produces it.

Not believable. Sorry.

So, Bruce and Todd, the consensus is not believable.

But I... Perhaps you should write

something more akin to what you experience everyday.

These fantastical horror stories are maybe not your forte.

Maybe you should write about your own lives.

Good luck. I hope you guys don't give up.

Oh, don't worry about that. We're more focused than ever.

Yeah.

Bruce: Fucking neo-fascist hippies.

I bet half the chicks in that class are rug-munchers.

What's that?

Todd: Our rent is past due.

We owe $1,200.

Did you not give them the checks?

Sure. I gave them your check.

What about yours?

Bruce OS: We used my unemployment on food, dude.

What the hell, Bruce? There's no way food costs that much.

I have special needs.

You wasted all that money at the Buddhist co-op?

Jesus! That's our fucking rent, man!

My digestive system is sensitive...

and it requires non-synthesized, grass-fed,

hydro-aggravated, non-multi-ethno-fermented foods.

Well that's it.

We're screwed.

We officially need jobs.

Duh. We have a job.

I don't know what world you live in, but in my world you need money.

Todd: Our job doesn't pay.

So what do you wanna be? A waiter?

Or, no, no no, you could be one of those landscape guys

in Beverly Hills that like never wears a shirt...

and he's always covered in sweat,

and he's working for some 80 year old sleazebag...

who's husband just died, and she makes you prune her bush...

Just so you can get you paycheck.

I'm not going back to that life!

We are getting evicted!

Dude, trust me. Evictions take time.

Trust you?

Yeah.

They don't want to evict us any more than we want to move.

So what do we do?

Just talk to Sarge. He'll come through.

Sarge: Garbage.

Todd: Shit.

Total garbage. This took you two weeks?

Well...

Bruce: Not exactly two weeks.

but this is the prime cut of the best of the fruits of the labor!

Sarge: I don't know, Todd.

I'm not seeing much progress here.

We know it has problems.

Yes, but it's more than that.

Our screenwriting group had reservations too.

As well they should. What you have here is amateur.

It's like you've never written a screenplay before.

(Bruce giggles nervously)

Your mother tells me you're so creative but this... I think

you're spending too time with that freeloader, Bruce.

He's right here.

Hi. I'm right here.

What's a freeloader?

It's not my best work. I can improve.

Well, you better, because you now have competition.

What?

My other nephew back in Madison... he's in a band.

He wants money for the recording studio.

(Todd scoffs)

Sarge OS: He shaved his head, and now he wears a hammer-

and-sickle neck tattoo. But he's family.

He's gonna take our money?

It's MY money.

And I'd still rather invest in a film.

But it has to be good.

This isn't charity, Todd.

It'll sell, sir. I guarantee it.

May I talk to Todd, please?

Yeah sure I'll just wait over here.

Sarge OS: I like that you're going with horror. It'll always

sell. But it needs to bleed! To strike fear in me!

Or at least overwhelm me with gory, bloody hell.

Yes, sir.

Watch some of the masters. Study what they've done.

I tried to tell him to do that.

But don't take forever. I want to see something in 2 weeks.

If it's anything like this, POOF goes your investor.

I understand. We'll get cracking, and you won't be disappointed.

I hope not.

Good night, Todd.

Good night, Sarge. Thanks again.

Bruce.

Night, sir.

Waiter: You guys good? Still nursing those?

Bruce: Yeah, and we're in severe need of nipples.

Todd: We're good we're lightweights.

Bruce OS: Thanks, Jake.

Okay, cool.

A metal band in Wisconsin.

Maybe cod pieces are still big there.

Bruce OS: Hey man, buck up. Sarge actually gave us good news.

We still got two weeks.

Todd OS: Yeah but we gotta start from scratch.

Everybody hates our script.

Bruce OS: We knew it wasn't Hamlet, and I said we should've

nixed that cabin-in-the-woods thing anyway.

What?

They should be in tents.

Tents?

Yeah! See the killer's shadow inside the tent. Ramps up anticipation!

Anyway, whatever. Start from scratch, not a problem.

Bruce OS: Got the perfect solution.

What's that?

Shangri-La, baby.

Bruce OS: It's perfect. Go up there, spend a few days.

They guarantee creative bliss. Says so right there.

Oh man, if only.

I'm serious.

You're serious about what?

About going. We need this.

We can't afford our rent. How can we afford a vacation?

This is no vacation. This is work.

But instead of creating our genius in your cramped little

office, we surround ourselves with beauty.

We need to surround ourselves with death and blood.

And cash.

I think this may help. [Todd:] What's this?

Shangri-La fund.

This is your goddamned unemployment check.

This is our fucking rent money!

I will not waste this precious cash on a slum lord.

We need to spend it on us.

Look, man, Shangri-La is no spring break at Cancun.

It's a place for serious artists, dude.

No. Take that money. March straight up to Cindy-

Fine, you want to take the easy road?

Pay the rent? Write in your cramped little office?

Be my guest.

Bruce OS: But ask yourself - has that worked? Hm?

Isn't it time for a change?

We'll come home, and all our stuff will be on the side of the road.

Who cares, dude. We'll have a genius script in our hands.

Isn't that what we came here for?

Todd, I believe in us. I believe in your ability.

I'm, willing to risk my livelihood on it.

And my livelihood too.

Let's load up your mom's minivan with all our possessions

and start our Hollywood adventure.

It's MY minivan.

Dude, seriously? Don't ever say that around chicks.

Todd OS: I don't know if we can go with Bloody Hell...

I checked on IMDB. There are like 12 Bloody Hells already out there so...

Bruce: Dude, that's why you go with Bloodier Than Hell.

Because it's like we're 2 steps better than those.

Todd: Yeah, but I don't think it's interesting enough.

I was thinking of something like more of a play on The Shining.

So that we have some sort of word that normally doesn't have 'ing' at the end of it

but we add it to the word, so like The Happening or the... something 'ing'.

Bruce: Yeah, we could do something with worms,

and call it, The Slithering.

Todd: Worms? I don't want to shut that idea down.

right off the bat, but I don't think it's good.

Bruce: Oh, dude, instead we go with snakes. Snakes.

(big thump on side of car)

Todd: What the hell?

[Bruce:] Oh, I think you hit something. [Todd:] What was that?

Bruce: You mean WHO was it?

Todd: Oh, it was a person? Jesus!

Do you think we should just keep going?

Bruce: Come on, dude, let's check it out.

Besides, trust me, you don't want a hit-and-run.

Todd OS: Can you see what it is?

Bruce: Oh, shit, dude. I think you killed somebody.

Todd OS: Oh God.

Bruce: Yeah, he ain't moving, and he's kind of missing an arm.

Todd: Is he breathing?

Bruce: Holy shit.

Todd: What? What is it?

Bruce: Our boy here has no face.

(rustling sound back at minivan)

Todd: We're being robbed.

Hey!

Bruce: Damn.

Bruce: Missing anything?

Todd: Yeah they took my suitcase and my phone.

I have no clothes.

Oh, that's not a problem. You can just wear mine.

My stuff's right here.

(loud rock music)

Todd: Where the hell is this place?

Bruce: What?

Todd: Turn that shit down.

Bruce: Huh?

Todd: Where are we?

Bruce: Oh. we're looking for Springfield street.

Todd: I haven't seen a single street sign in the last 15 miles.

Bruce: Dude, it's the country. What did you expect?

Todd: Are we lost?

Bruce: There it is right there!

Todd: What? Where?

Bruce: Just kidding. Keep going.

(Bruce laughs)

Bruce: There. There.

Todd: Where?

(Bruce laughs)

Todd: How about you drive for a while?

Bruce: No, man. You're doing fine.

Todd: It's an oasis.

Bruce: I hear music.

Bruce: Shit the bed.

Todd: Dammit, Bruce!

Monroe: Welcome to Shangri-La!

I trust you had no difficulty finding us?

No. No problem at all. You are Bruce and...

He is Bruce.

And Todd. Yes.

I am Monroe, your host.

And this is my assistant, Lacey.

I'll take your bags.

I got robbed.

Okay.

Come. I'll introduce you to the others.

Allow me to introduce the writing team, Todd and Bruce.

Hey, how you doing? Name's Bruce.

I see Bruce has already made himself at home.

(Mindy clears her throat)

This is Mindy, our celebrated writer and humorist.

Mindy: Not so celebrated actually. I'm working on a

collection of short stories, but I'm having some problems.

You're too humble. Your writing is brilliant.

Mindy: That's the wine talking.

And most eloquently. (laughing)

And Larson.

This is his third excursion here at Shangri-La. He's a musician.

Larson: Uh, singer-songwriter.

Monroe: He's working on a new collection of songs.

I've had some success overseas.

Cool. Where?

You know. Overseas.

Places like that.

Monroe: And Celeste.

She studied at Beaux Arts.

She works in all mediums.

You can talk to ghosts?

Celeste: Well, currently I'm, fascinated with clay.

Sculpting. Molding. Fashioning.

Such a tactile experience.

Have you ever tried it?

Sculpting? No. Not since 4th grade.

I have. I love it.

[Celeste:]Do you? [Bruce:]I do.

It's been too long since my last piece.

Monroe OS: Her parents are from Burgundry.

That's France.

Oh. You mean overseas.

So is this everybody?

Monroe OS: There's also Jasper.

(gasps)

Jasper: Monroe, have you got any industrial strength glue?

I checked the cellar. Nothing down there.

I'll put it on the list.

Jasper is not our most social guest, but he has a brilliant mind.

You sure he's not sniffing the glue?

He's a genius with found art.

What kind of art can you find in the middle of the woods?

I think you'll find that your only limitations

here at Shangri-La are your own imaginations.

Well said.

You two could use something to drink.

Well, I didn't want to be rude.

Monroe OS: I'll get a couple glasses, and Lacey will take you to your room.

Lacey: Make yourselves at home.

Todd: Thanks.

Bruce: I'll take that.

The name's Bruce.

Todd: I guess I'll take the top bunk.

Alright. So listen, dude, if you're into the Celeste chick

I'll totally respect that. Move right on in.

What? Who's Celeste?

If you are into her, I'm going after the nerdy chick

with glasses, because I'm telling you right now...

repressed chicks will fuck your balls off, ok?

And then there's the naughty secretary are you freaking kidding me?

Oh my god, that skirt. I just want peel it off of her like a banana.

I'm sorry Bruce my mind is elsewhere like the reason we are here.

Either way, dude, we got to get downstairs before

choad-boy starts melting hearts with the acoustic!

Come on! Get your head in the game!

Hey!

Bruce OS: So what the hell is Beaux Arts?

Celeste: The 't' is silent.

It's Beaux Arts.

It's the art school in Paris.

Wow, surprised they only have one.

I'm surprised you haven't heard of it.

Well, my background is mostly experiential.

So you didn't go to school?

No. Not for screenwriting, but I'm an avid movie watcher.

Have you ever written before?

Celeste OS: Prose?

Poetry?

A journal?

A blog?

No. I'm more of an observer.

An observer of the human condition.

Interesting. I'm going to have another drink.

Oh no. Please, allow me. have another drink.

Mindy: Did you ever read any F. Scott Fitzgerald?

Todd: I don't remember. He did what? 'Grapes of Wrath'?

That's Steinbeck.

Come on, you had to have read The Great Gatsby at some point. Thats Fitzgerald.

Sounds familiar. I'm really more of a movie fan than a book fan.

Ah, you and the rest of the world.

But I do enjoy books.

Well, Fitzgerald wrote these brilliant short

stories full of satire and sharp wit.

I'm just devouring them. [laughs]

I see a lot of satire, just not much sharp wit.

I think I'm going to take a walk around the place. Check it out.

Let me show you the lake. It's really beautiful in the evening.

Okay.

Bruce: Here you go.

Thank you.

Bruce: Nice, dude, nice.

Larson: Like I was saying, Robert Johnson...

he's my inspiration...

So, where were we?

Larson: We were just discussing Robert Johnson.

Oh, yeah. I love his work.

Really? You're a fan of round-breaking blues guitarists?

I find the blues so dark and longing.

(Bruce whimpering)

So heartbreaking.

Everything okay?

I was just thinking of my mother. She's passed, but not gone.

I keep her right here.

Mindy: So the through-line is the character Dasiy.

She plays a role in all the short stories.

Otherwise, they can all stand alone.

Todd: Cool.

Mindy OS: Well, what do you think?

About what?

My short story collection.

Oh, I can't really say. It sounds cool.

It's not really my area of expertise.

I thought you said you were writers? You and Bruce?

Hold this?

Todd OS: Yeah but what we do is so different.

screenwriting just seems a lot more...

Formulaic. [Todd:] I was gonna say structured,

but yeah I guess it does tend to be formulaic.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be insulting.

I'm sure that there are great scripts out there, it's just

It's not my area of expetise either so...

It's really pretty out here. It's just a little windy.

Pretty...and windy. I'm just gonna head back I think.

Wait a second. Maybe you could help us.

How so?

You're like a serious writer. Like an actual person who makes a living writing.

Yeah I'm an actual person, who writes.

Whatever. You know the craft.

Please, help us. We're stuck. We desperately need to finish

the screenplay while we're here.

What would you want me to do?

Maybe we could bounce ideas off you?

Sure. I guess.

It would really, really help. We're having a hard time.

What's your story called?

Bloody Hell.

Oh, so it's a...

Horror.

Right.

Sounds cool.

(giggling OS)

Maybe we should give them some privacy.

Good idea.

(crack sound)

Oh! Uh...

Sorry. Didn't see you there.

He does that.

So how long do you think you'll stay?

We can only afford a few days. How about you?

I'm not sure. I think I'll stay until my work's complete.

Cool.

Wanna see what the others are up to?

Yeah.

Let's go.

(loud rock music)

Bruce: Come on, join us!

Bruce: Todd? Dude, wake up.

Todd: What? What is it?

You got any condoms?

Todd OS: What? Jesus, let me sleep.

Bruce: Just kidding man. I got a whole bag full.

Then why did you wake me up?

To talk. Thats what friends do ya know. Thought you'd wanna hear about my night.

(Todd groans)

Sorry. Sorry for living.

Just shut up, man. I'm trying to sleep.

I need sleep for our inspiration. You're not helping matters.

Okay, okay, chill.

Bruce OS: You know I thought we were supposed

to have fun up here too. Fun inspires.

Bruce OS: Did I tell youCeleste has a tramp stamp?

Goddamn you.

I know I know. You need your beauty sleep.

Bruce OS: It's a kanji. It's like right above her butt crack.

It's supposed to mean passion, but I mean, you know it's

kind of freaky with it being right above her ass.

What kind of message is that trying to send?

And it's a little faded, but she got it like 10 years ago at a Lilith Fair concert. It's like

remember that shit? Lilith Fair? [Todd:] If you don't fucking shut up.

[Bruce:] Sorry.

Bruce: Did you bring your white noise machine?

Cause these rustic environments...

I told you to shut the fuck up!

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

Bruce OS: Cool, isn't it?

I've had Denny for years. He was one of my halloween decorations.

Well, when I had a house.

Todd: What the...

Thought he'd be inspirational. He's inspiring, right?

Yes, Denny will help set the mood.

In fact, I just had an idea for a dream sequence.

Todd: Morning.

Mindy: Morning.

So Monroe why are you waiting the tables? Is it Lacey's day off?

Monroe: No she should be here. But I don't mind.

Bruce: Well the Belgian waffles are to die for.

Give my compliments to the chef.

I'll do that.

You know there's no chef, right? [Bruce:] But I thought that...

Monroe is the chef. He just likes to talk

about 'the chef' because it sounds glamorous.

Great grub, Monroe.

Thank you again, master Bruce.

Celeste: Bonjour.

Did you go for a run?

No.

Tai chi.

Ohh.. Tai Chi Chaun. I know it well.

Celeste OS: Do you?

You should've let me know. I could've shown you my 'pushing hands.

Maybe tomorrow morning. [Bruce:] Looking forward to that.

You didn't see Lacey yet this morning, did you?

No but I spotted Jasper skulking around.

Where is that girl?

[Todd:] A group of college students go on a fishing trip...

No, no, no.

Newlyweds take their honeymoon at a secluded resort...

no, a cabin in the woods.

Shit.

An older woman, a writer...

and her kept man go to a cottage. They bring their,

loquacious, plump servant.

Good, good. Eyes on the prize.

[Bruce:] Paddle-boat?

Hmm...

You seem to be making good headway up there. What you got?

All the setups seem so cliche.

A couple in the woods. Sexy coeds getting hacked to pieces.

Mass killer with mom issues.

Bruce?

What?

Det. Berwyn: That was the last time you saw her until this morning?

Lacey's boyfriend: That's right.

Okay, did you move her, did you touch her?

I didn't get near her.

Did you have a fight last night?

No!

Did you push her?

I didn't touch my Lacey.

Oh my God, I can't watch.

We should leave them to their work.

Do you think they'll mind if we sneak out to the paddle-boat?

What? What did I say?

I wanted to go on a paddle- boat ride.

Dude, what are you doing?

What do you mean?

We're not leaving.

I don't think we have a choice.

Dude, Monroe said we could stay if we want, We could grieve together, were his words.

When the cops come the party is over.

Dude...

Don't you see? This is exactly what we need.

What?

We needed more realism in our writing.The class told us that.

And this is our chance to live it. Breath it. Hell, if I'd been

thinking clearly, I'd taken photos of Lacy before the

cops came...

You're sick.

No, I'm just an observer.

Isn't that the trait of a good writer?

You wanted death and blood? Welcome to Shangri-La!

I meant that figuratively.

Dude, Give this place a few more days.

Oh, and speaking of figures that Mindy chick?

Uhh Mmmm.

Dude, she's got the hots for you.

Maybe you could get her to write this thing for us.

And thanks to you we have nothing to go back to.

Hey, thank me later.

[Mindy:] What are they still doing out there?

Looking for clues, I imagine.

Clues to what? Cause of death?

[Celeste:] Cause of death is pretty obvious.

[Mindy:] Wait, do they think that boy killed her?

[Larson:] I don't know.

[Todd:] So, uh.

Are you guys sticking around?

I've seen worse.

Death doesn't affect me.

Me either.

I think the melancholy helps my music, actually.

What about you?

We might stay for a few days.

Know that, if you do decide to leave, I'll be happy to refund all your money.

I know that this isn't what you'd hoped it would be.

On the contrary, Jeeves...

We needed inspiration.

And young Lacey made the ultimate sacrifice for our art.

I think we're all feeling quite inspired right now.

Yeah.

[Mindy:] I can't believe you just said that.

I think that's in terrible taste.

Agreed.

I don't know about you people, but I wrote 10 pages today.

I don't think thats ever happened before.

He's right.

Well, Todd wrote them, but I was in the room.

[Mindy:] Really?

It's true.

You need me to read them?

Sorry for the intrusion folks.

No intrusion, Detective.

How can we help you?

I thought you folks would like to know we found the cause of death.

Monroe (OS): Cause of death... You mean it wasn't her

splitting her head open on the treestump?

She slipped.

Here's your cause of death.

[Monroe OS]: Banana peel.

[Bruce OS]: Ain't that some shit.

[Detective Berwyn:] We found it a few feet from her.

She still had some remnants of it on her back heel.

[Monroe:] Poor dear.

[Celeste:] Seriously? Banana?

Don't you think that boy was involved?

I can't talk to you about that.

But if you pressed me on it...

I'd have to say no, because he doesn't fit the profile.

What profile?

The profile of a girlfriend killer.

They're usually the loner types.

Quiet. Avoid crowds.

(metal clanking)

But in this case it was just an accident.

Well then, thank you, detective.

You folks have a good evening.

[Mindy:] You too.

Oh, the beach is now open.

Because one of you were asking questions about it earlier.

Yeah, uh, thanks, sir.

Goodnight.

Banana peel.

Here, you can't be so obvious about what's going to happen

next. Keep the audience guessing. Throw them a curve.

So when I get big like you, do I get fancy pens too?

[Mindy:] I'm far from big.

Umm here, you've got to add more detail.

Really describe the death.

Was the blood oozing from the head?

Was the skin crumpled and withered like old newspaper?

Oh, that's good.

The details really bring life to the scene?

Anyone for a dip in the hot spring?

No thanks.

[Mindy:] I know screenwriting is different from prose...

but you still need a modicum of description.

Especially with horror. You're not going to wow anyone with plot.

Unless it's Hitchcock.

I can't shoot for Hitchcock. I'll settle for straight-to-DVD.

Well, if that's your goal, then you are on the right path.

Orange juice?

No thanks.

How's it going?

I've read worse, I think.

Todd:] She's helping quite a bit.

Todd has a very active imagination It's just...

doesn't all this feel a bit rushed?

You can't always force it.

No choice. It's all about deadlines in Hollywood, baby.

Oh no. You have to hone characters and develop back-story...

Oh, did you hear about Larson?

What about him?

Gone.

Yeah. Bolted out last night.

Said he had a meeting with an A&R rep.

So basically he freaked out.

He won't be missed.

You know what?

I think I'm gonna go check out those hot springs.

So, marathon writing session when I get back? Cool?

Actually, I'm gonna take a break to go for a hike.

Awesome! Can't wait to read it!

Do you want some company?

[Bruce:] Sorry for your loss. Heard you pushed her.

[Bruce:] Let's go.

Not much training.

It's not like my school fostered creative writing.

Well, that's too bad.

I wrote a few stories just for fun. Haven't read them in forever.

I'm sure they are all junk.

Well, you were young.

My mom liked them.

How about you?

Have you always been a writer?

Actually, it started at an early age.

Writing in a journal. I had time to kill.

I wasn't exactly the most popular kid growing up.

Who was?

You mean you weren't the popular jock?

No my mom would not let me play football.

I don't blame her, but there are other sports.

Not in my town.

So what did you do after school? did you write your little stories?

I wasn't popular but wasn't that kid.

Videogames, mostly.

You and Bruce are big gamers?

I take it you don't approve?

Hey, it's not my place to approve or disapprove.

But you don't like videogames?

I play solitaire.

(animal growl)

Maybe we ventured too far.

Yeah, let's go back.

I'll work on that second act.

(animal crying out)

What the hell?

Oh, I didn't see you there.

[Todd:] Watch it with that thing!

[Mindy:] Jasper, why did you kill a raccoon?

Please don't tell anyone. It's not hunting season.

Alright.

I snared him. I need his tail for my new piece.

[Todd:] It's eyes are still open.

Jasper, if you set a trap for it, how is it 'found art'?

I still found it. It counts.

Alright lets just head back.

Oh, I also found this.

(Mindy gasps)

(police radio chatter)

I found this over there. I thought you'd like to have it.

No. Don't come over here.

Stay there.

Hey, beautiful.

Smells like cloves.

Yeah Mindy said it would help calm me down.

Seriously? Is it working?

What did you find out? What the hell happened to Larson?

He lost his head.

Yeah. But how?

He didn't really say much. The guitar kind speaks for itself, don't you think?

You think they are going to clear out soon? It's a beautiful day out.

Exactly.

What?

It's beautiful out, man. Autumn in the country...

beautiful women around...

How are you so cavalier? People are dying all

all around us! Don't you find that a little bit alarming?

Alarming is frogs falling from the sky, dude.

People die every day.

Besides, we're stuck here. Cops blocked off the road.

What? Why?

They're investigating, dude.

Who's doing this?

I don't know but this is some good shit.

Poor Lacey. She died like a unicorn.

Poor Lacey. She died like a unicorn.

Wow. Homemade chocolate turtles.

(speaking French) delicious.

With the world falling around us, at least we can eat well.

I don't know about the turtle part, but chocolate is an

aphrodesiac my friend. Are you trying to get cozy with me?

Only the best for my...

remaining guests.

I'm sorry.

Shangri-La has always been a sanctuary.

A haven from the outside world.

Poor Larson.

It's okay Monroe. You're not responsible.

Come on, though. What the hell is going on here? And where is Jasper?

What are you saying? That you think Jasper is involved?

Hmm he's a bit suspicious I'm just saying.

The dude does look the part, you know?

He looks what part?

Murderer, serial killer, animal torturer.

You know, stuff like that.

My friends, I can assure you that Jasper wouldn't hurt a fly.

He lopped off a racoon's tail yesterday.

You said you wouldn't tell!

No one gives a damn about the racoon, it's the looped off head you had in your bag.

I just found it on the side of the road.

Along your travels.

Yes.

To check the snares you've set for small game?

You ever eat raccoon?

Actually, yes.

This is all guilt by suspicion, and I will not have it!

Tastes like possum.

Jasper is a respected guest.

And friend.

[Bruce:] But gamier.

Paradise Found - Uncovering Beauty in the Ordinary' by The Phonos.

The Phonos. This is Jasper.

It's a pseudonym.

Why Phonos?

This collection will raise your soul.

I suggest that you peruse it before thrusting accusations!

Phonos, Greek spirit of murder and killing.

Oh, and slaughter!

Jesus, Jasp...

You see what you've done?

This is what happens when you sow the seeds of discontent.

I suggest that you find him and make your peace!

[Mindy:] I don't think so.

He creeps me out.

(speaking French)

Hey, babe, wait up. I'll help you find the freakazoid.

Unbelievable.

Jasper has quite the talent.

It's not my thing.

Anybody can weld a dozen tuna cans together and call it art.

Hey, you stole my pen.

I'm borrowing it. You'll get it back, I promise.

(sliding door opens)

Where's Monroe?

I don't know.

Where's Jasper?

He's gone too.

I have to ask him some questions. I don't want you two to go anywhere!

Where are we gonna go? You're blocking the road.

Something to help pass the time?

Sure.

[Celeste:] Jasper!

[Bruce:] Jasper?

[Bruce:] Phonos?

Maybe he doesn't want to be found.

They called him a murderer. Of course he doesn't want to be found.

So you don't think he had anything do with Lacey getting killed?

I believe it was an accident, like the policeman said.

Oh, yeah, and that whole severed head thing?

I don't know, Bruce.

Right.

Hey.

Out of curiosity, you and Larson weren't like close, right?

Not particularly.

Good.

I did find him charming, in an awkward sort of way.

Yeah.

He was awkward.

That blend of charming and very, very awkward.

But his music I won't miss.

Nor will I miss the man himself.

You don't have to be here.

I'm happy to search by myself.

I know you don't care about Jasper.

I want to be here to protect you.

To protect me? From what?

The dark?

Yeah, that. Wolves. Bears. I hear tree squirrels are kind of mean.

Jasper!

So what's up with this new piece you're working on?

Not now.

Come on. Please?

Well, if you must know...

when I was a girl, my best friend drowned.

I was the one who found her dead, bloated body.

I didn't recognize her. her dead, bloated body.

All of this is a kind of deja vu.

It inspired my next work.

(speaking French)

Pushing what?

No.

The souls of the dead follow you through life.

Oh.

That's deep.

(speaking French)

Why do I bother? You're no artist.

Well, that's true.

I'm just the id to Todd's ego.

I think you've got it wrong.

How so?

You're no id, Bruce.

You're the superego.

Yeah.

Maybe we both are.

You know, I don't even really know what the means.

All I know is you make Freud sound so hot.

We've got Jasper to find.

[Celeste:] Jasper!

Where in the hell have you led me? What is this place?

What? Is this like his hangout?

[Celeste:] Jasper?

You know John Wayne Gacy had a place just like this.

[Celeste:] Jasper?

Yeah this is some serious serial killer bullshit here.

Our boy's got a chainsaw!

Hey, don't touch!

He's not here.

Closepins? Whats he doing his laundry?

Hey, babe, wait up! Don't leave me in here. It smells funny.

So tell me more about our egos. What's so super about them?

(metal slicing and scream)

(wolf howl) and scream)

(jazzy music)

Need a refill?

Yeah.

(sliding door opens)

No Monroe or Jasper.

He hasn't returned here?

[Todd:] No.

Just us.

Tell me, did Larson like to drink?

[Mindy:] Sure.

To extremes?

I can't say. When he was here, he would drink regularly.

But I never saw him fall-on-the-ground stupid.

Did he have anything to drink before he left?

I didn't see him.

Yeah, I doubt it.

Why? What did you find?

It was a car accident.

What? Larson's death?

Car accident?

But he got his head chopped off. - Yeah.

Car accident.

Wait.

Detective?

[Mindy:] How is that possible?

[Todd:]That doesn't make any sense.

[Mindy:] His head was lopped off!

Well, we better drink up.

Bruce? Bruce, can you hear me?

Hey, who are you?

You hit your head. Let me help you up.

Oww!

Easy.

What happened?

You were snared.

[Bruce:] Goddamn that guy!

Then you tripped over the trunk.

Was I at least graceful?

You were La Camargo.

La who?

Just get up.

I think I sprained my ankle.

Ow, ow. That hurt.

Hold on.... Bruce: hurt.

Yep, definitely sprained.

[Bruce:] Can you make me some hot cocoa when we get back?

My back! You're heavy.

[Todd:] All I ever hear about is how I need an agent.

Be careful what you wish for.

[Todd:] Do you have one?

[Mindy:] Mmm hmm.

How'd you find him?

[Mindy:] Her.

She found me.

You see? That's always the case. There's no help for the little guy.

Shh why don't you just shut up about agents, hmm?

But how am I gonna get ahead? How am I gonna find work?

You know, get my scripts out there?

Maybe you could have your agent read something.

Just relax.

(sliding door opens)

You said I look like Margo.

Is that a friend of yours? ...Ow...

[Celeste]: It's a painting of a dancer.

What Now?

Bruce OS: Oh mother of heaven. Todd: What happened?

He ran into a tree.

It came out of nowhere.

But first was the raccoon snare.

...there was that. It was dark.

[Celeste:] And somehow he sprained his ankle.

Both ankles. Somehow

Did you find Jasper?

No, brother. I didn't.

He disappeared, along with my pride.

Would you like some wine?

Oh yes. More please.

Make it 2.

The cop was here.

He said he couldn't find Monroe either. So it's just the 4 of us?

No chaperone?

Where's mine?

Get your own.

So what should we do now? Should we all go look for Jasper?

Cop said we should stay here. I say we stay put. We have

plenty of food and drink in case we need to hole up for a while.

What about your sprained ankles?

No time to play the victim.

We need to rock some south beach grooves.

I'm gonna get changed first.

Less is more. Panties are optional.

(Hip-hop music)

Come on. You know you want to.

Come on, baby, you want to.

(music halts)

[Bruce:] Yeah, I like it.

(girls laughing)

My friends.

Monroe, where the hell have you been.

The cops want to talk to you.

I have of late... but where for...I know not...

lost all my mirth.

[Brruce:] Yeah, I love Shakespeare. Oh, shit.

[Bruce:] Monroe?

[Mindy:] Is he okay?

Monroe? Buddy? Hey, you in there.

It can't be.

I think it can.

Dude, does this mean we're off the hook for the bill?

What's this in his hand?

Bruce, are those your pills?

Yep. Looks like it.

Why does he have your pills?

Triazolam.

Ain't for the faint of heart.

Bruce, answer the question. Why does Monroe have your pills?

I gave them to him to help him sleep.

There's only one left.

Why would you do that?

Look around. Dude's world is falling apart. He's stressed.

Don't point a finger at me. I was helping the dude.

Helping him? You killed him!

Whoa, whoa. I gave him something to help him snooze.

He doesn't read the directions? Not my problem.

May interact with alcohol and other drugs.

Bruce, this is not good.

You should've known better. That's a prescription drug.

He's a grown man. He knows the risks.

But you enabled him. You enabled a lot of this.

It was your idea to come up here, and ever since

we've arrived everything has gone to hell.

That's true.

You wanted this to be a weekend of inspiration, and you guaranteed it!

Are you saying I orchestrated this?

Maybe.

That's crazy even for me.

We needed more realism in our horror story, we needed

to live it. To breath it!

And I was right, wasn't I?

Did you write a few pages yesterday

Jesus.

I'm all for realism here, but I'm no murderer.

What would you do?

Monroe comes to you with that puppy-dog pout on his face.

Bruce, friend, you seem so at ease with the world. A bon vivant.

The 't' is fucking silent!

What's your secret?

So you gave him your pills?

Eight hours of sleep works wonders, dude.

What would you do? Come on, man, you've known

me a while. Would I intentionally hurt the guy?

He' s not really the malicious type.

[Bruce OS]: Damn right. I love people.

And might I also add that there is a guest missing.

One that's been known to set small animal traps...

wield a machete, find severed heads... if anyone is

suspicious here, it's Phonos.

The fact remains that we have a dead body in the room,

holding your pills.

Yeah.

[Bruce:] Dude, thank you for helping me with this.

[Todd:] You may be an idiot, but I don't want you in jail.

[Todd:] Where are we going?

[Bruce:] I've got a plan.

[Todd:] Great. What is it?

[Bruce:] I found one of Jasper's bear traps.

[Todd:] A bear trap?

[Bruce:] Yeah, it's pretty gruesome. We'll make it

look like Monroe got caught in it and broke his neck

or something...

[Todd:] You're gonna break his neck?

[Bruce:] No the trap will break his neck.

[Todd:] How?

[Bruce:] I don't know. Maybe a log fell and broke his

neck or something. Don't bother me with details. Come on!

[Todd:] Where the hell is this bear trap?

[Bruce:] It's around here somewhere. Just watch

out - you don't want to find it accidentally.

[Todd:] How'd you find it?

[Bruce:] I was tracking Jasper.

[Todd:] When? You've been worshipping at the

altar of Celeste since we arrived...

[Bruce:] You know, I've got more on my mind than

her beautiful body, chestnut hair and ...oh here it is!

What the hell?

It's the cop.

He... uh... mmm. Appears to be dead.

So it looks like Jasper rigged log to drop when the trap set.

And broke his neck. And uh... [mumbles]

Fuck me. This is a dead cop.

Yeah.

We're really fucked!

Yeah, well, we're uh...

wonder if there's room for two?

I'm out of here!

Todd? Wait! Wait!

Come on, this isn't my fault! It had to be Jasper! Jasper!

And where are you from?

Umm... Burgundy.

Illinois?

[Celeste:] No, that's France.

And who are you?

Todd.

Why are you sweating?

I'm a little freaked out.

Why's that?

Dead bodies.

I hear that.

So you haven't seen Mr. Monroe?

[Mindy:] Like we told the other guy, not for hours.

No. Haven't seen him.

And this Jasper guy, he's a guest here too, right?

Yeah, I believe so. We rarely see him. When you know, people aren't dying.

Bit of a recluse then?

Well, This is an artist's retreat.

Yeah, we get all types.

I've noticed.

What about you?

Yeah?

Have you seen Jasper or Monroe?

No...No, Not since we all last saw them.

When was that?

When um...

When he uh...

Brought out the chocolates?

[Todd:]Yes, oh, those were so good.

Oh yeah, mmm.

Yeah, homemade.

Mmm. I'll bet.

Well, if you see either of those two, go ahead and give me a call.

And how about for the time being we stay inside?

Okay, It's not safe out there. I want to make sure...

(gasps)

Bruce, what the hell's your problem?

[Bruce:] What?

Oh.

Relax.

Umm...Todd. I found your baseball mitt.

Good. Thank you.

Didn't bring it in. Needs more weathering...

Oh, That's fine.

Who are you?

Bruce, Sorry about the whole door thing...

Right. Um, Have you seen...

Haven't seen 'em.

Okay. Well you guys stay inside. Be safe. I'll be back.

[Mindy:] Thank you.

What?

[Mindy:] What the hell happened, and where is Monroe?

What did you do with him?

Left him there.

Where?

Near the trap.

Near what trap?

What did you do?

We got a problem.

Big problem.

What now?

The cop.

What cop?

The one you just bowled over?

No, the other one.

The tall one?

The cute one?

He's cute?

Man in uniform.

Not cute anymore.

Why?

He's dead.

What?

Dead.

[Celeste:] Fuck me. [Mindy:] Fucke me.

How?

Got caught in one of Jasper's bear traps...

Jasper's bear traps?

[Jasper:] Which one?

Uh oh. Not the one with the...

The log? [Bruce:] Oh yeah.

You have more than one?

[Jasper:] He must be in pain.

Not anymore.

Jasper, where the hell have you been?

Working.

On what?

My new piece.

Is that a bumper?

I found a car. It was pinned against a tree.

Larson.

Where's Monroe?

Haven't seen him.

Jasper, why would you have a bear trap?

To catch bears.

I'm out of here.

[Bruce:] Babe, when you say cute, you mean like

father figure type, because if you need protection...

This will work.

God, you're so hot.

(typing)

Holy shit.

You wrote this?

What?

You did this last night?

Oh. Yeah, most of it.

Wow.

Yeah. Bloody Hell is dead. This new one is The Cabining.

I love it.

Really?

Yeah! You really did find some inspiration up here.

Damn, I'm kinda frightened right now. It's scary.

Good.

Yeah, I'm not so sure abou the scene in the bedroom.

You think the dialogue flows?

It's 15 pages of genius.

And the characters?

As real as my third testicle.

Hot damn.

Hot damn. Indeed.

[Celeste:] Why'd you leave?

Sorry, baby. I was just checking our little Hemingway here.

It's cold. Come back to bed.

Oh, I can't sweetie, we're gonna do a marathon writing session.

It's a special moment.

No. Go ahead. I'm tired.

How about I take a turn at the keys?

Fine, my big teddy bear.

Yeah, You know what?

I'm gonna go hit that.

And I'll hit this first thing in the morning.

We're gonna play cowboy tonight, and I get to be the pony!

(yawn)

More yawning... clears throat as he sits...

[Mindy:] Hey.

Hey. Wake up.

I'm leaving. I gotta get out of here.

Why?

Oh, yeah.

So... good luck with your story.

I mean, it's got potential, I guess.

You know, I had a bit of inspiration last night.

You wrote last night? After all that shit happened?

Yeah. It was incredible.

I haven't had that surge in a long time.

Good for you.

I was thinking about what you were saying about like details

and back-story...

Yeah?

[Todd:] And it really helped.

I could really visualize the characters and motivations.

So thank you.

You're welcome.

[Todd:] And I've got a new title.

So you're dumping Bloody Hell?

The new one is The Cabining.

Clever.

[Todd:] Sort of a take off on...

Yeah, yeah, I get it.

Kissing sounds...

[Jasper:] Monroe's dead.

[Mindy:] Get some fucking privacy...

What are you doing here?

Monroe. I found him.

What? Where?

He was attacked.

[Todd:] Yeah? By who?

Coyotes!

I think.

There wasn't much left.

You're hands are cover in blood. Again.

[Mindy:] Go check on Bruce and Celeste.

I salvaged Monroe's knee.

We could bury it I guess.

[Jasper:] Hold a service.

What the hell have you done?

I know what you're thinking. This looks pretty bad.

You're damn right!

But you gotta trust me. It wasn't my fault, I swear!

[Bruce:] God, you're fine. Todd?

Hold up! Todd!

Whoops.

[Mindy:] Todd, baby, you gotta believe me. You

left, and he got violent. Then he attacked me.

[Bruce:] Celeste wanted to play caveman...

She grabbed the knife, because she wanted to be the

hunter. - [Mindy:] And his gloves were just covered in

blood! [Bruce:] But you gotta trust me!

[Bruce:] Dude, you're freaking out!

[Mindy:] Stop it. [Bruce:] Come on.

[Mindy]: Here Toddy...Toddy... Toddy.... Come out,

Come out, wherever you. We just want to talk.

[Bruce:] Don't do anything stupid.

[Mindy:] Where the fuck did he go?

Little dude is fast, man.

[Mindy:] You know this is your fault, right?

[Bruce:] Shut up. Let's go check the beach.

(plastic tray opens)

How the fuck do you do this?

You killed my Lacey! You killed her!

I'm gonna make you pay! You're gonna pay!

You're gonna pay! (OS)

(door slamming sounds)

(Grunting from his effort...)

[Mindy:] Todd, baby?

[Mindy:] You know this is all for you, right?

To help with your preparation.

To help inspire you.

[Mindy:] Killing you was never part of the plan.

You were just supposed to write a killer screenplay!

But now, Bruce wants to get all the credit...

[Mindy screaming: AAAHhhhh!

(penn hitting skull sound)

(knife hitting flesh sound) [Todd:] mmm....

You just tied up all my loose ends.

I knew I could count on you.

Dude, when I told you to stick her, I didn't mean in the eye.

[Bruce:] I can't believe it... You're a fucking genius!

Dude, this is us? I love it!

Wait - am I Michael or Walter?

Oh, um...

Walter.

(British accent) Walter.

Hey, sure. Whatever.

So you read it?

A few pages, yeah. You wrote this all last night?

What can I say? I was inspired.

Nice.

[Celeste:] I'm cold. Come back to bed.

Oh, I'm sorry, baby. I was just checking on our little

Hemingway here... I'll be right there.

(speaking French)

My big teddy bear.

(She makes a shooting sound) Spur sounds jingling...

Dude, quick, how does this thing end?

I think it just came to me.

Nice work. I gotta go.

Oh, mama!

(yawn)

(choking sound)

(muffled scream) [Todd muffled]: It was you!

[Todd:] It was you!

[Bruce:] Ahhhh, ya!

[Todd:] Bruce...

[Todd:] Moaning and incoherent...

[Celeste:] Are you okay?

Yeah.

I got your back, brother.

Thanks.

Told you that you'd thank me later.

Well, it would appear that my work here is done.

My work with you on the other hand...

That's just starting.

[Celeste:] Hey, watch it...

[Bruce:] I love it when you're violent.

Hey, guys?

What am I supposed to do with him?

I almost just died. Can someone please stay with me?

(sound of handcuffs)

(police radio chatter)

But, I can't believe you.

Bruce and I are the bad guys? What about Phonos?

He's just a red herring.

You killed me.

It's just a story.

[Bruce:] He didn't just kill you. He rammed a pen

through your eye!

Yeah, what the hell, asshole? I'm the one trying to help you.

I know. I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry. It's bad-ass!

[Mindy:] Easy for you say. You live.

True. It's quite ironical.

You think Sarge will like it?

Hard to say. It does have blood.

And tits.

[Celeste:] Hey! I'm not showing my tits.

l'll wear a bikini, but that's it.

No problem. We'll just get an Italian girl...

(laughing can be heard)

(sudden needle scratch heard)

(followed by gusty wind)

(A drumstick is heard...)

[singing] Rotten corpses, brutal forces, bring me to you.

[singing] Fall on your knees when I shout please...

Shit - this is still not working, man.

What's not working?

These cans are dropping my low end.

I gotta hear that kick drum fill my head, you know,

like fill my brain, man.

Okay.

I can't, like, get to the right place without it.

I gotta have my fucking thumping beat pounding

in there, you know?

Yeah, yeah. I feel ya.

[Drummer:] You want me to kick harder?

Always, bro.

Look I'll get you another

set of phones...

[Lead singer:] Thank you.

Can you believe this shit?

You guys need to be tighter too, man.

Especially you.

I'm just following his kick drum.

So follow it, then. Don't lag.

It's just a reference track, man.

So that's an excuse to suck?

Jesus Christ! You know, you can all thank me when

Mother Acid is playing in front of 20,000 in Minsk.

Now, count it off, dude.

From the fucking chorus part.

[singing] Nuclear baby!

[singing] An underground dwelling is what you're selling

[singing] My pants are swelling, it's so telling

[singing] I want my baby back, back from Pripyat

[singing] We'll wander the waste, I need her taste

[singing] Nuclear baby!

So, did we get it?

We got it....All the way to Minsk babe.

Thank you, Sarge.