Original subtitles

[Music]

hello I'm sheriff t-bone

Slim yankem and this is my town Summit

Missouri as a matter of fact there I am

way down at the end of the street waving

at you it's too far away for you to see

me anyway

ours is a peaceful kind of town where

the old and the new get along real

harmonious life look us over

[Music]

it's a it's me again yeah

recently summat went through an

experience we found both interesting and

enlightening now we thought we'd share

this splendid adventure with all of you

so pull up a chair sit back and join us

for a story that we call the Ransom of

Richie

[Music]

[Applause]

feast your eyes upon it William an

ever-changing world 1r anthem with

possibilities this mu L will be shaped

by men of ideas bill they're like us now

that were the proud owners of the

beefsteak mine will accrue power what

and most importantly respect we are men

in the future United a common destiny

remember dignity and stopping Summit

Missouri with their dignity somewhat

bruised Sam and Bill headed into town

and straight for the assayer's office to

determine the true value of their recent

purchase the beefsteak mind ah piace

office right here boom okay we'll see

you next week then what there you sir

okay sir

My partner and I recently ran into some

good fortune and acquired a deed to a

mine in this area we would like to know

both a location and the mines relative

would P offer the deed of beefsteak mine

uh just a moment uh sir I want to

consult with my fellow experts it would

seem that the mine you purchase with the

last three dollars is what what what Wow

how much is that's him oh hi I guess

we'll just have a secret of alternate

source of the father when Agnes Kristina

McCann met Ambrose Dorsett he was what

people politely called a man of

opportunity the others called her a

cheap swindler a conman and no good this

affair but Agnes set out to make an

honest man of him and that she did now

he owns most of the time get a horse mr.

dorsen

[Music]

andrew desist now it wasn't that auntie

Dorset was a bad kid exactly but mr.

Dorset always had his nose in a ledger

somebody else's business being the town

banker and all an Agnes of course was

the county's leading advocate of the

Arts and that took up most of her time

so Andy sort of ran free can't you boys

stay on those horses miss goes it for

Prince to the house please we're framed

that and hang it in your den dear fine

I'm gonna go play Andrew don't be long

hey young Dorset your days coming kid

you're watching step

that was an D picture without the boy

folks oh very nice and he was a talker

people have been known to jump into the

town well rather than engage in a

conversation with Andy I can't talk

right now Andy my pet duck died he

drowned

he'd been ailing anyway I got I gotta go

have my lobster Hooper Charlie o'clock

animal you know I had an early breakfast

up all night what with grieving and all

you say alone your father Sam I got an

idea

oh my art what if we kidnapped the son

of that distinguished family and hid him

in her mind he could ask his father for

a lot of money to get him back his

father would give us a fortune we give

him the boy back and everybody to live

happily ever after

say that again

what if that extinguished family have

little boys fortune could hide it in our

mind and asked his father to give it

back

his father would kidnap the son asked us

for a lot of money in everybody's lived

happily ever in no that's a good idea

come William your fish to fry

Sam Sam when did we go fishing

[Music]

Andrew you stop that skating right now

do you hear me I drew one you take those

skates off and get in here this instant

yes this instant just what do you think

you're doing young man's running a wagon

train Oh what did I tell you about how

you didn't say gonna stay inside now

where's the other skates Justin oh all

right just the piano I know what a

Andrew put that dreadful magazine away

the piano now

[Music]

oh not now Andrew I'm working all the

other kids pops out time to listen them

when they're working what's up Jenny

Haskell's is the undertaker's you can't

really stop working when he's working

this body won't everything about having

a dead body in the house I think it'd be

kind of neat I believe it you know like

right now you're right nap lunch and I

threw up all over Susan make fears at

school that she hit me I didn't think it

was their horses the rotten apples fault

what mother used your key on your dead

body but you're not everything about

having a dead body now I think it's kind

of neat you have a dog but he's that's

it

just lazy okay what is it says you the

Buffalo Bill's Wild West shows pony

playing its capital city next week huh

really yeah and there's gonna be Cowboys

Indian start suit and steer open Annie

Oakley ourselves gonna be there let me

see that Annie Oakley yourself huh yeah

we take new horses carrots we could be

there in an hour

well certainly will not that sort of

entertainment is for hooligans this myth

Ambrose yes indeed hooligans really love

this sort of thing and we wouldn't want

to lower ourselves to that level

exactly Andrew

[Music]

here's your teeth here

oh thank you oughta gay Hardy a hardy a

hard game boon Whitby Magan mourn gay oh

yes miss dupa that'll be fine thank you

Donny Donny Donny you are doing so

beautifully with your English miss dupit

isn't she doing beautifully dear

yes dear beautiful oh boy oh boy oh boy

she's miss Parton [ __ ] [ __ ] can you

believe she's only been speaking English

for three years absolutely unbelievable

it's so music so Bell mic don't you

think amber like a donkey in heat bad

why did you say I said I'm key and sweet

okay oh well that'll be all miss Duke

pasang waka doggy Andrew why am i paying

for lessons when you refused to practice

like a civilized young adult is that

some sort of trick question oh um Rose

will you talk to this boy coming dear

I know you dreads on skates

um so you're hurt oh no dear you won't

mind if I linger here for a moment will

you

the ceilings fascinating from this angle

I've been looking all over the house for

this thanks pop that's alright thank

nothing of it glad to be a service

Ambrose yes little apple blossom hmm

something amiss dear if you didn't know

really have no idea

is it the humidity the barber says we're

due for some rain soon

I feel it in his big toe can you imagine

that what a talented digit he is go

ahead void the subject well we could use

the ring it's your son my son thought we

agreed to share him sometimes I think

people don't like him everyone in town

knows he tells stories you want him to

be cultured don't you yes sir and you

want to be proud of him don't you

yes dear proud as a peacock dear and you

don't want him to grow up the way you

grew up

do you know dear you do remember how

horrible your life was before I was

around to shape it yes dear I'd read it

every day dear what would you call your

life before I met you

fun huh what none I had no life until I

met you my little angel then you'll talk

to the boy mr. Daniels straighten him

out yes sir

there's just one more thing dear the

gypsies are back well we agreed that was

all right they sharpen the knives and

the tools they're very helpful well yes

I know dear but they were wailing and

crying all through the night apparently

they lost something well what did they

lose well I don't know but they were

very upset they were still looking this

morning dearest I shall pray that they

find it

Andrew are you ski

while Agnes and Ambrose wage their

never-ending war with the rambunctious

Andy it actually was more what they call

a holding action Sam was busy setting

his ambitious plan into motion a can you

direct my associate or myself to the

Dorsett domicile

yes see the courthouse right on the

courthouse is the Presbyterian Church Oh

Beth you're strict yeah oh you can't

miss this place

as big as a house Oh their houses as big

as a house

well that's very sweet take him out

there's a perfect knot from oil passed

by for you oh yeah I'm off to see my

sidekick Darris well tell her I send my

best although she probably knows that

already eating Lobby food now ham Rose

miss doofuses your lunch is ready for

goodness sake don't you understand

English I do when I hear it spoken my

little porcupine oh now dear we've been

through this before

all respectable families have European

servants do you know what it's like not

to be able to tell whether your food is

flora or fauna or something in between

ambos it's well known that Romanians

have a way with meat besides she's very

thrifty our grocery bills fallen

considerably since she came to us

II think Ravi fooled now I called all at

miss Cooper hi I'm Emily Dorsett what

cut of meat is this hot meat yes cut of

meat oh no no no no um meat ah me me me

yes what kind of animal is this meat new

move Oh naughty naughty naughty no more

point going going you know when you do

hockey doo-doo-doo I never Oh that'll be

all miss tuba I just hope it wasn't

named Fito or rover boots

[Music]

what is fluffy won't be the cat I think

it's their cat there's a little meal

ticket now

this will be I Cherie monkeys in a bow

[Music]

all right my little pyromaniac I've

reached my limit bad manners I'll

tolerate appalling clamor I'll tolerate

atrocious behavior of all kinds I'll

tolerate I'll even tolerate abominable

and sundry bathroom noises but I draw

the line at conflagration white man

trespasses unread cease land at his own

peril you've gone one step too far this

time little chief run him up you better

not take one step further pop oh really

and what will happen let me go get me

down Oh me upside down give it up give

it down sir get me down this instant hey

pop oh boy that must have hurt landing

on your head like that oh that's

horrible I think we better all my selves

get in the house I won't you can't make

me I'll engage you no further debate

your mother will deal with you look

forward to many months alone in your

room endless hours at the piano

countless weeks conjugating verbs don't

care about me anyway you wouldn't care

if I died if I hadn't jumped in the

ocean you wouldn't care I got a log down

me fun nobody listens anything I say

nobody has son don't play with me

everybody's always busy all I get is no

you can't do this me and you then you're

dreaming all on the round and tough when

I'm in trouble you'll miss me when I get

stolen during a rig I'm running away

I'll probably get kidnapped by mongolian

hordes and then you'll be worried

oh there never is a good Mongolian horde

around when you need one

[Music]

hey put it off

[Music]

Red Rover Red Rover and and be right

over

how can i play Sam I decide

are you doing you said to hide sack

behind your back

[Music]

well my good huh how are we today

who's we fatso what do you guys want oh

we want you to get into this sack okay

what oh we like to hit the sack perhaps

you can direct us to the nearest hotel i

folk don't like me talking to strange

people and he's pretty strange

yes well huh allow me to introduce

myself my name is Samuel Howard and this

is my associate William Driscoll and you

are in a hurry so boy y'all get me the

sack in the sack and there I am Sheriff

t-bone slim my ankle and my trusty but

none too bright deputy Muldoon's come to

talk I can see in his eyes Oh what's up

Andy

nobody talks here no time to talk darn

the luck they're after me

who's after you Vicki Nevers kidnappers

hey but what kind are they today Apache

shoot you guys are after me I'll tell

you what why don't you try and circle

back home and I'll keep an eye out for

from promise

[Music]

Lawson we lost oh yeah I got a update

well why don't you take your shoes off

why would I want to take my Susan well

that's what I do in my feet hurt my feet

don't hurt you said they did no I didn't

Sam he most certainly did you said they

were in agony oh not my feet two feet

feet are gonna have to feet well those

are two feet they're your feet and if

they hurt then that's agony Sam my feet

don't hurt house feet hurt

give me one good reason not to kill him

because they killed right across the

street you go that way I'll go this way

Sam are you leaving me why it's called

heading them off we don't want his head

off and we want to do the ssag oh my

goodness the Shack I forgot the sack

okay

please let me go with you Oh for

heaven's sake come on

[Applause]

[Music]

Sam what do we do it locked up here

[Music]

no tongue fool hello Joe I'm back hello

dear how was the psychic she wasn't

there she was run over by a horse this

morning huh you think she would have

seen that coming

where's Andrew Wow well dear We Need to

Talk

I I didn't see him around oh well you

know how boys are II probably just

wandered off to do a little exploring

well how long has he been gone well

that's what I wanted to talk to you

about

[Music]

Hey kill me avatar drugged me more mana

kill you ah

I'm pooped oh that was quite a chase you

gave us there yeah and it was very fun

so yes her torture me without my dumbest

we don't talk to the law of course not

we just want to give nappy holy for

ransom

what's your answer it's like this we

take you away right your parents say

that we'll give you back if they pay us

for isn't that dishonest well it depends

on how you look at it you don't get hurt

parents have plenty of money all they

have to do share someone else all right

and when the family's as exhausted as

yours everybody lives happily ever HAP

what do I'm kidding

anything you want I can play suddenly

bill here loves to play and we have this

big old abandoned mine all picked out

its way up the hills well I been a long

time I'll always even use my Indians as

a sort of cave really means yep this

one's too I bet

boyars Braves chief Wow sure but now

that you found us out and have escaped

from us I guess we can't take you there

mom

oh I'll be asleep

let me get this straight if I get

kidnapped you'll take me to an Indian

mine where I can play whatever I wanted

to laugh to go home exactly so this is

all just a big game the best game white

man does not speak with forked tongue

Sam speaks the truth bill here well what

does it matter

red chief we'll go with white brothers

stay car speaks well I don't Hank has an

honest face the names bill you're

ruining everything oh that's right all

right we must listen to the great red

chief oh you don't you we will live in

peace unless paleface goes back on work

then red Chiefs will be forced to scalp

white brothers while they sleep this is

gonna be a piece of cake deal

are you a deal honey congratulations

Oh Ambrose I'm worried about Andrew I

think you were entirely too harsh with

him I'm sure he's fine just playing boys

will do that but it's not like Andrew -

mrs. piano practice uh-huh I think we

should go to the sheriff

no dear there's no need to involve the

sheriff on all this I'm sure the boy is

alright then I'm going to look for him

very well goodbye dear

[Music]

well let's Eve

here's your new home you like it looks

well little sprucing up the holy pitfall

mighty chief running water looks better

than that hotel we stayed at and pick

your Peoria Sam

we're in Rockville oh yes very luck old

Hank Oh tools here some some practice

too

oh good I'm starving snakey hey whatever

yeah you hang these like the others are

then you a red chief unpack the drop

while I check to see if you Apollo

[Music]

and

[Music]

okay who's the smart I know bet it's not

me he's hiding oh thank you so much for

that invaluable information

did you follow this Huck's

that's not an axe that's Red Sea's

tomahawk Red chief uses it to hunt and

fight pony-soldiers not anymore

red chief doesn't Sam III mean Snake

Eyes will use it to cut wood for lunch

got it white man speak 12 red she says

okay kids follow better be alone it okay

hmm

do you think there's any ghosts to this

mine you don't say that I hate those

fire you're supposed to be a scab ghost

all covered in slimy gooey sky grab you

and hug you and stab you don't say that

I hate spiders open hate spiders well

that's too bad cuz you count on your

head no no no no no no no it's not a

spider tell me it's not a spider um

maybe it's a cat well what's the cat has

eight legs that's a spider look at it

off making it up me thank you

[Music]

[Music]

what happened he can cussed me what did

you do why tirana [ __ ] oh yeah is it

gone you should say that mrs. Duke guys

away with me

Oh how many fingers February we're close

enough I'll go outside and keep watching

oh look I've tried the kid Frankie yeah

well Rhett she better be good now he's

dealing with snake eye red sheets always

put red chiefs you noble warrior yeah

well just standing who don't think don't

play or breathe just dead can I talk

oh there's a little talk couldn't hurt

now I guess it's sort of unusual for the

town mailman to be the town gossip but

when you think about it he does visit

every house every day so it sort of

makes sense until hosen anyway mailman

Higgins was the town gossip man he loved

his job miss duper party his mail wow

this is Sun house

oh I bumped into mrs. D she said Andy

wandered off huh

oh no sorry bubby he didn't wander off

well what happened something wrong with

him what what oh just constipated okay

starts with letter ah no no no no no big

hardy Ganga Mongolian horse he was

kidnapped by a Mongolian horse and Mungo

Ganga kidnapping he was kidnapped by a

Mongolian horse with a moustache Wow

wait till I tell the guys back at the

office

bye mr. buff Yahoo blossom like I told

you before

Andy Dorsett was a talker rumor has it

he wants talked to pet parrot to death

they found the poor critter hanging by

his claws upside down on his perch blood

trickling from his ears so you can

imagine the poor kidnappers state of

mind after an hour alone with Andy

talking talking talking anybody's ever

ready to go fur I guess not you need

your egg boy into holes I don't like

girls you didn't try get from let's use

a straight round tummy [ __ ]

my dad lets me ride home piano why can't

the arrows play people

I like this fun I never get yell poor

boy oh pretty really bad I never gives

out the war without having fun make your

notes already where you come from

[Music]

ladies have you heard the news the

Dorset boys missing you may have been

kidnapped oh Jesus thank you maybe I'll

never have to hear another spear I'd be

butt naked if I was Berube big hairy

animal that was butt naked

why wouldn't they call me a bear bear

then yeah wretches white man speaking

for me yes he is we need to have a

little talk my grandfather Eddie goes

who's got one for I'm gonna pick choice

words allow me to rephrase I'm all right

No do you like it at home

Richie it's okay I really fun at home I

hate your [ __ ]

I like to camp out I have Brant Sam oh

no no no no no no a brat why do you say

that [ __ ] I get like summer brat

that's why I won't play with me or talk

to me much oh no Richie your dad doesn't

think that he's just busy or not upright

you're just imaginative I don't set it

clever really

oh absolutely but I don't have to go

home right away do I see him snake hi

Joyce snake eyes oh by the way we'll

stay here the cable walk gray and

average what's put in my life why don't

you run along and see if there's any

pony soldiers out there spying on us

don't stray too far from the cave the

woods can be a dangerous place for long

Braves you betcha red chief keeps eyes

peeled for pony-soldiers what an amazing

little fellow well it'll all be worth it

now the mountain will come to a hamat

man will come to my hand huh

how's gonna do that got tiny little

Mountain feet well we did it all heck a

perfectly executed caper down to the

last - detail every tiny contingency

considered every possible angle dealt

with I mean all we have to do now is sit

here wait for the ransom money

[Music]

I didn't do it

[Music]

I can't believe his father didn't send

any money we plan this kidnapping

thoroughly

well maybe the mountain didn't see

Muhammad I mean the mountains are huge

in Muhammad he could be just a little

thing I'm a bit let's reevaluate a plan

we picked a very wealthy land we kidnap

we bring him to a secluded spot we wait

for the ransom money hmm what could be

wrong no plan is so meticulous what

could it possibly be did we write a

ransom I was waiting for you to notice

you learn of course

oh I staged this elaborate is it

congratulations why you've just been

promoted to Kadapa first-class well

yeah mr. Dores

we have kidnapped your son and little

blond-headed no no no the 3d edited boy

we will return him to you unharmed

mate our demands give us money in the

amount of how much you think our support

well is a millionaire isn't in riot give

us money a amount of $50 if he has too

much and as mrs. like how about uh forty

seven dollars and fifty cents only don't

forget don't forget a punctuated and pop

that tastes crosswise oh look if it - a

messenger who will not be me at the old

and strong fridge yours sincerely fierce

and desperate kidnappers period

poetry here boys and you get an A for

him thank you so Oh

cess the assist away

[Music]

the next town over

I want to see if news of the kidnapping

has fed and a higher messenger to bring

the noted or said someone who is totally

ignorant of the crime

what's the matter huh Sam when you need

somebody you usually pick me huh

well you're important for this mission

though you're gonna stay here oh boy the

other horsey

oh no no three oppa round here no

there's no rope no no this is not a good

game to play on one on the ball

[Music]

I don't boy boy whoa whoa the afternoon

my dear Sirs howdy it certainly is good

for a gentleman such as myself find

himself in the heart and again

this five shootings hooliganism

kidnappings I hear those things are on

her yeah well I'm not so sure that oh

yeah in Summit the town down the road

there's quite the commotion going on

there oh don't say little dorset boy he

was kidnapped the way I hear it it was

either a two-headed Mongolian horse or

one Mongolian horse with a mustache

either way it's not a pretty picture

I didn't eat not I shall endeavor to

keep my eyes peeled for the lad as I

wander down my highway you do that dude

sits a mule pretty good though

[Music]

good day sir

what so good about it it's a figure of

speech

one days the same is an X if you ask me

you live through enough of them you die

it's all she wrote

watch the dog he bites that's not a dog

of course it's your dog what's the

matter with

[Music]

oh hey do you know where the town of

summit is of course I do would I look

like an edger to you well some it's

three miles down the road then why don't

you go there right now well I was

wondering if you'd do your favor

not likely yes a dollar in it field ah

now you're talking about

it ain't no dollar no it's a letter I

would like you to deliver do you know an

Ambrose Dorsett everyone knows Dorsett

richest man in the county well I'll pay

you $1 to deliver that letter to him

Jimmy's a dollar now it'll make sure to

deliver it Ambrose all set and nobody

else I ain't deaf you is it thank you

sir

I know I can trust you you have an

honest face I can the ham I said I'd

deliver the letter now deliver it thank

you today

[Music]

let's go Rover

[Music]

he'll Rover I bet he'll roller hail

we're trying to say my dog are you

anyway

I got chip I'm gonna get my money back

from that sucker

so I'm not a two-hours though ma'am he

was playing one of his little games

again you know his tall pills her son

does not fabricate tall tales no ma'am

but he sure does spin a good yarn I

don't think he's been kidnapped well the

town obviously thinks so that's just

wishful thinking ma'am Oh

what exactly did Andrew say when you saw

him that he was being pursued by Indians

out to kidnap Andrew so you see he's

been abducted by savages

the only savages in this town are

picketing the saloon that old mrs.

greevey is the ringleader you know I saw

her punch a horse unconscious once

branded it was an old horse but still it

went down like a ton of bricks to this

day I have nightmares Oh Rose be

constructive yes dear sheriff hmm you'll

keep an eye out for the boy won't you

I'm sure he's just out having fun in his

lost track of time but having a wife

yourself she's dead

ah indeed but you must remember what it

was like having her around don't you

mercifully I put all that behind me well

in any event I'm sure he's just playing

a prank on us how can you be so sure

well I mean let's be logical about this

if he had been kidnapped we would have

gotten a ransom note wouldn't we and if

you carry on no we didn't get what are

you sure let me emphatically state dear

sir that I have received no note I've

traveled to four corners of the globe

and I know what a ransom note looks like

that come in all shapes and sizes you

know I have received no note

big or small triangle or rectangle oval

or octagon well it could be hexagonal

this what do you folks go over to the

restaurant and have a sarsaparilla I'll

send a few men out to sniff around

dear take care that William will do wait

a minute hey Jason will you Tommy

come on back here don't argue with me

boy come on Rover I'm telling you for

the last time

summit is that way now don't argue with

me

I saw your men sniffing around Sheriff

and we found no sign of them Sir well

maybe no I don't mean to tell you your

job but maybe you could try sniffing

around with a dog a dog a dog what a

great idea

dogs smell really good what's your dog

do him he's sleeping in my chair why

well the tillers a dog he can sniff out

and he said probably better than our man

that's a brilliant conclusion well I

thought so too but thanks for saying yep

and we'll need a piece of Andy's

clothing late sir dog

[Music]

where you are whoa whoa did I give you a

letter to deliver

I'm working on it you've been [ __ ] by

letter you never said when you wanted to

deliver young people today they're

always in ha ha ha no give feedback my

dog in your dreams you paid me fair and

square

I paid you to deliver the letter it's

not my fault he came to my boy dollar no

help no right now I'll give thee brover

Seco that's what I paid for the dog is

vicious hello it locked up in the bow

oh alright you trackers watch a real

track for it work

go find Andy honey boy go find Andy what

he's good he's just digesting the facts

go fine

Andy I know I can trust you to deliver

this letter you have an honest that's

not a problem

funny I like your dress and there's this

for a worthy chat it's a sign this is

not a jack folks this is not a queen or

even a king what we have here is an East

[Music]

he's just missing folks see he's got his

ear to the ground

don't disturb let him work

[Music]

holy don't spook him he'll flush him out

just just let him do his job this is a

professional

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

I'm gonna snip

Oh dad

[Music]

penguin lady you mr. Dorsett and this is

for you huh will there be a reply half a

tick half a tick I have to read it first

madam I mean your madness

4750 why that little hangnail

thinks he can pull one over on herself

man does he look at this barbarian

scrawl did he really think anyone would

believe an adult wrote this hooking up

with a flim-flam man oh oh sorry

flim-flam woman hah sending a stooge

with this little nut well I'll teach

that little upstart you can't flim-flam

a flim-flam man and in my day I was the

best you are a reply to end all replies

and you can tell your little cronies I

mean it too I won't back down I'm a man

of courage why in the Civil War I fought

on both sides in fact at the Battle of

chimichanga I actually shot myself so if

you think I'm taken in by this piteous

excuse for a disguise think again sir

Wow

[Music]

there's never an exorcist around when

you need one unless you average five

jungle fahren chief

[Music]

whoa

I don't understand

I know how's this lucky the news broke

no no I mean the kids father what about

him

listen to what he wrote dear fierce and

desperate kidnappers that's us Sam yes I

know it's us I received your letter

today in regard to the ransom you asked

for return of my son I think you are Luo

hai and your demand I told you we were

asking for too much I hereby make you a

counter proposition which I'm inclined

to believe you will accept you bring

Andy home and pay me two hundred and

fifty dollars in cash sure and I agree

to take him off your hands you had

better come at night or the neighbors

believe he is lost and I couldn't be

responsible for what they would do to

anybody they saw bringing him back

respectfully I'm rose Dorsett two

hundred and fifty dollars we've only got

37 cents left Sam must realize what a

spirited soiree the one who fellow red

sheep is well and 268 dollar Sam tisk

tisk Andy right yes is very puzzling oh

why red chief is a diamond in the rough

installments we can pay in installments

by jiminy on behalf of red chief I take

umbrage to his father's toe what would

you all with his umbrella what are you

talking about Sam you just said you were

gonna take his umbrella I did not say I

was quite a take his umbrella well don't

have a hissy fit I am NOT happy I know

you're having a hissy fit about having a

hissy fit if defending the worth of a

young man to an uncaring father is

interpreted as having a hissy fit

then I be accused declare myself guilty

he'll be $20 or 20 days

ice well I didn't know she was married

doc you know ain't you Sam

can we please give red cheese back so

I'm starting to get sore in places I

never even knew it you leave everything

you keep an eye on the kid

I want you to summit and see I came out

this entire miss understand don't leave

me alone with him begin sale honey are

you in Scouting

well don't let him stay cool ha the

tongue will be coming down soon and we

don't want him to hurt himself in the

dark no leave me alone take in the dark

Sam

[Music]

Ritchie's

[Music]

now folks you shouldn't think that

Ambrose didn't care about Andy

he was just convinced that the boy was

pulling a prank but I was about to bring

him some news that would change his mind

ah sheriff still no sign of the boy mr.

Dorsett not beginning to worry you see I

got this telegram I've been meaning to

talk to you about that Sheriff

please sit down Oh Thank You sheriff I

think this whole thing is a sham

come again Andy wanted to go see Buffalo

Bill's Wild West Show and I said no and

I overheard him talking and well I think

he staged his own kidnapping well I

certainly hope you're right

sure would put my mind to ease well I

think I know my own son and enterprising

young lad that he is I think he's hired

an accomplice to help carry out this

sure uh on a certain level you have to

admire the little stinker boy I sure

hope you're right I know he's a clever

little guy and if you say is okay and I

suppose I can't say otherwise

of course he's up moon why why wouldn't

you think he was okay when I just told

you that he was well see I just got this

telegram and it seems that two killers

filthy McNasty and strange pair escaped

from the capital city jail yesterday

they're armed and dangerous killers

they've been known to kidnap a citizen

or two and hold them for ransom they've

been quite successful too even though

their ransom notes are pretty bad filthy

filthy McNasty the guy's got the brains

of a rock but he's built like a mountain

and that strange pier he's a master of

disguise

has he ever dressed as a nun well now I

wouldn't put it past him you know he

wants Russell to circus elephant

disguised as a peanut a nun just brought

me a ransom note probably a friend of

Andy's huh I gave her a note back

believe me I put her in a place good for

you

are you thinking what I'm thinking a

good meal no ransom Oh ransom

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[Music]

[Music]

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who are you guys

why were your pals little man

[Music]

darling it's all my fault

I should have known Andy wasn't capable

of such a despicable deed even he can't

live that well although look out back I

can see just how impressive his

imagination and sense of life really are

he has fun doing anything everything how

I envy the lad his is a life of fun and

frolic and there's never the threat of

jail oh I never told them we couldn't go

see that silly show oh dear I should

have paid more attention miss doing more

nerve solid willies roughhouse with me

it's what my father did with me but no I

had to work all the time put up a good

front for the town well that's all done

with I'm going to go out and I'm going

to find our son and I'm going to bring

him home and when I do he's going to act

like a regular boy and I'm going to act

like a regular dad if that's all right

with you dear I'm Rose hearing you take

charge like this reminds me of the man I

married his name was Ambrose Dorsett -

still is dear it's me

Oh Ambrose I tried to turn you into

something you were never meant to be you

weren't meant to be a banker respectable

citizen someone the entire town look up

to I get the point

I get it I get it

om Brooks I love you so mmm-hmm I love

you too dear and we both love Andy so

let's get him back and show him how we

feel I should go undercover into the

bowels of the dregs of society

I shall delve into my bag of tricks and

slip unnoticed into the town's criminal

element I will pound the soft white

belly of the grapevine for news of these

escaped lunatics whereabouts criminals

always know where the other criminals

stay it's the unwritten code of scum Oh

would that be dangerous nonsense my dear

I shall go back to my old ways I shall

become once again a practicing thespian

Espeon but that's illegal in these parts

in fact I don't see how you can become

one of those at all

oh why actor I'm going to become an

actor again I shall go out into the

night and mingle with those who loiter

in life's back alleys thieves low-lives

lawyers I should go disguised as blind

pew from mr. Robert Louis Stevenson's

Treasure Island a role I once a save two

glowing reviews mr. dorit's blind pew

amounts to petty larceny rave New

Jersey's Newark star-ledger Oh

oh my dear

you might want to cut down on the nerve

tonic a bit dear don't get up

I know where my costumes are stored

[Music]

[Music]

strange Pierre was born and telev Digga

Alabama for some reason he thought he

was French probably the first French

redneck in history nobody knew where

McNasty came from story was he sprang

full-grown from a witch's butt why yes

we're part of the ransom game the other

pals asked us to take over now tell us

more about your rich daddy again

well its richest man in Summit you know

where that is

oh yes this but uh hop to the jump from

here well he's rich man they're probably

the richest man in the county

why don't you tell us more about this

ransom game mr. Richie hey man

[Music]

what your name us Chris Leben changed

her left foot mr. Dossett was mighty

proud of his pirate disguise how he

described it was absolutely beyond

detection ahoy me oh good evening mr.

Dorsett the news about Andrew you know

I'm not a peep but thanks for asking

[Music]

well now I'll tell you what the sun's

about to come up and I'm getting tired

of this why don't you just lead us to

your Papa's small fried bread cheese

doesn't budge for the white man

if red sheep don't budge now he's never

gonna budge again if you so much to me

I'm taking this Indian chief thank you

[Music]

now we all know what Delbert had

actually seen but the story had sort of

grown in his mind it's getting more and

more dangerous around here saw some

pyres in town a whole shipload of them

that's it where you gonna be I'm going

home to get my shotgun this town's going

to Hades in a handbasket and I'm not

just gonna watch it happen I'm

personally gonna kill that little brat

[Applause]

[Applause]

no one will recognize me in this

disguise the New York police can attest

to that fact Oh careful of the helium

cylinder dear you'll turn me into a hot

air balloon I shall be back shortly with

our son now I don't know about the

unwritten code of scum as ambrose

described it or exactly where the bowels

of the dregs of society hang out and

summit but ambrose must have found him

because he wasn't in town two minutes

before he spotted a likely kidnapper

kidnapper if ever i saw one

hey hey hey get out of there

i'm gonna get my gun we go back to bed

[Music]

who was that anyway I don't know some

kind of really bad disguise pretending

it was a cat

what now the rumors were really flying

the town was getting riled up the

mailman had done his job and he pecked

like one-eyed pirate comes around here

he's gonna have no eyes and no legs

[Music]

Oh

[Music]

excuse me pal but I'm looking for a

couple of cons

try the State Penitentiary no you don't

get it

these cons are loose their moles are no

concern of mine

oh excuse me I have an appointment

heading for this big house yes I have to

say not a misunderstanding about a

kidnapping as a matter of fact yeah how

did you know that you come with me what

why use it let's go are you filthy or

strange what's wrong a person kidnapped

my son William dose where is he convict

I'm a convict we'll never Sam home of

course you're a convict there are two

convicts loose in the woods and they

have Andy my friend and I haven't took

convicts dangerous convicts either

ferryman my friend bill you mean strange

Pierre he's strange but his name is Bill

and he's not a convict either

a little boy my buddy you're telling

your story to the sheriff come on going

to see the sheriff the show no we gotta

get me one school car huh I'll get it

it's a horseless carriage just get in

[Music]

all right now listen up folks we've got

us a missing child here

no ship load of pirates no Arabian

Nights no mongolian hordes

let's just get ourselves together Gareth

very much sure Shanna versa listen to

your hunch max calm down there's a lot

of wild rumors flying around here

tonight let's just stay calm until we

can determine the facts

now don't you move

ah sure

it's me look see times for these guys to

work by the middle I steal mr. doe sets

car don't let him get away

oh can you leave me to Andy your son

could have congestion they're shooting

at us

oh no kidding what was your first

claymores

s-stop

now this fight

[Music]

look at my beautiful automobile look at

those guys but guns and bullets putty

putty horsey whining horsey go clapping

- come - go - chasing puppy what the

kidnap I don't know the meaning of the

word defeat now it's a little-known fact

but right there in our tiny town of

Summit Missouri began the world's first

car chase scene God forgive us horses

get the horse

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

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wait I think we lost him

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

okay

[Music]

you

[Music]

Mars up down the ridge or grab on to

something solid and hold on for dear

life

[Music]

[Music]

yeah

crap like fresh high hate rats hike I'd

like you to meet an old friend of mine

pleased to meet you throughout playing

are they uh are we in trouble

uh-huh

don't be such a [ __ ] boy look I'm not

the one we're in the Bray huh

ah spit the old general direction yeah

yeah let's roll a rock in yours

every rock you can find

[Music]

but handiest gizzard on a stick last

good leave

[Music]

no one's there it's deserted Shh that's

Andy spoone hey it's coming down from

there in a ravine let er rip mr. Dorf

[Music]

what are you doing

[Music]

Oh

[Music]

Oh Richie Richie I can't run anymore I'm

gonna stay here and fight him off I want

you to head up toward that crest when

you get to the top of it you run like a

goat boys chasing after you and don't

stop for nothing what about you don't

worry about me I'll be fine

Sam's gonna be here any minute now I'm

feeling my kidneys no red chief we'll

fight to the death by old Hanks I'd

couldn't cuz we just fight to the slight

injury whatever

[Music]

it again oh hey hope right then it's

time to talk Turkey

[Music]

what Kathy

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Oh

Oh

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

Oh dearest

this is mr. Howard and mr. Driscoll we

owe them a great debt alright hold it

right there who are you guys are you all

right mr. Dorsett fine come on stand up

with your hands in the air don't shoot

mr. shunderson where are you going no

where are you going no no your are your

colors mr. chef sir

that's filthy McNasty and strange Pierre

who are you - is he your lowness it all

started back in st. Louis we are both

abandoned by our parents orphans of the

storm yes sir we met at an orphanage

actually the sisters of the dim hope oh

yes exactly that hopes is this gonna be

a long story

well you could tell about Kokomo the

Pope you two are under arrest

[Music]

put the cups away Sheriff these two men

are old friends of mine haven't seen him

in years decided to pave me a surprise

visit okay

yes indeed imagine my astonishment when

they turned up coulda knocked me over

with a feather

well if that's what you want mr. doar

said it's fine with me

good day sir thank you sir everybody

let's go home Andrew that was quite a

defense er tell me all about it chase

just brawn pretty scared me man the bill

was kind of scared and that's the way

our adventure ended folks everyone was

pretty pleased like one big happy family

oh yeah our town of Summit got two new

sterling citizens out of the deal to

come on I'm sorry but were so gallantly

streaming and the Robin's dead stares

bonbons melting in hair game proves to

rat blight that our dragons are bear

holse does that best wrangle hammers lie

bleeding old alarms they are for free

handy bombs in the can and so by the

powers invested in me I now pronounce

you deputy Sam and deputy bill and

because of conspicuous bravery at a time

of grave danger and by the powers

invested in me said that I take great

pride in presenting you with the key to

our city

what's that it's my kid I lost the big

it's a small city for this honor

no no smile congratulations men don't

forget to look in on the old homestead

while we're gone huh

here we come

you'll get the hang of it dear just need

a little practice piggy piggy Nicky beg

your pardon

picky picky it's a picnic for our trip

dear ah indeed Thank You mr. blue and

your English is improving oh well what

culinary delights await us today

Sam pill my stalwart friends a little

token of my esteem thank you good luck

[Music]

the rewards of a day well spent

[Music]

this is oz hat guys

[Music]

you

you

[Music]

Oh

you

[Music]