All language subtitles for The Last Time You Had Fun 2014 HDRip XviD AC3-EVO

MOM, AUNT IDA'S HERE!

WHAT'S WRONG?

NOTHING.
I WAS JUST WONDERING

WHY, WHEN WE GET OLDER,
DOES JUST--

EVERYTHING
JUST TURNS TO SHIT.

- THANK YOU.
- MM-HMM.

SO WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

YOU-- WELL, YOU TOLD ME
TO COME FOR THE WEEKEND.

NEXT WEEKEND.

NO.

- YEAH.
- REALLY? NEXT WEEKEND?

- MM-HMM.
- OH, GOD, ALI.
I'M SO SORRY.

I WROTE IT DOWN.
I PUT IT WITH

ALL MY APPOINTMENTS,
AND THEN I--

LOST YOUR PHONE AGAIN?

NO, DON'T BE
SO JUDGMENTAL.

I JUST-- I LEFT IT
AT THE LOFT

WHEN JAKE AND I
HAD THE MAKEUP,
BREAKUP,

WHATEVER SEX.

YOU KNOW, I WOULD
LOVE FOR YOU STAY.

I WOULD LOVE
NOTHING MORE THAN THAT,

BUT SIMON HAS
THIS WORK THING,

AND HE'S
PREPARING FOR IT,

AND I'M-- I'M ON SARA DUTY
JUST ALL WEEKEND.

YEAH. NO,
I GET IT TOTALLY.

WE'LL BE LIKE--
WE'LL BE LIKE
THE THREE MUSKETEERS.

THIS IS GOING TO BE
REALLY GOOD FOR ME
RIGHT NOW,

AND SHE IS SUCH
A LITTLE ANGEL.

- GET IT, BOY.

OKAY,
I KNOW THAT I--

I SCARE HER
A LITTLE BIT LATELY.

I KNOW THAT, BUT--

BUT YOU CAN'T
MAKE ME DRIVE BACK
TO PALM DESERT.

I CAN'T DO THAT
RIGHT NOW.

YOU CAN STAY IN A HOTEL.

FINE. FINE.

BUT I CAN'T
PROMISE ANYTHING.

OKAY.

NO. WE TALKED
ABOUT THIS.

IF GUYS HAVE
A BACHELOR PARTY

WHEN THEY
TIE THE KNOT,

THEY SHOULD HAVE
AN EVEN BIGGER PARTY

WHEN THEY
CUT THE CORD.

YOU WANT TO THROW ME
A DIVORCE PARTY.

- MM-HMM.
- COOL.

AND AS YOUR
FORMER BEST MAN,

I TOOK IT
UPON MYSELF.
IT'S ALL SET UP.

TONIGHT?

NO.

THANK YOU,
BUT I'LL PASS.

YOU CAN'T PASS.

I RESERVED
THE PLAYERS ROOM
AT THE DIRTY BIRDIE.

GROSS. YOU AREN'T
ACTUALLY GOING TO
A STRIP CLUB, ARE YOU?

OF COURSE NOT,
HONEY.

I DON'T HAVE
A SITTER LINED UP.

DAD, WE DON'T
NEED A SITTER.

WE'RE NOT BABIES
ANYMORE.

PRECISELY.
NOW GET A MOVE ON, MAN.

THE BOYS ARE WAITING.

WHAT BOYS?

FRED, CARL, SOL,
AND MANNY. THE BOYS.

THOSE ARE
YOUR FRIENDS.

YEAH, THEY'RE
MY FRIENDS,
BUT YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY

A SOCIAL BUTTERFLY,
SO I HAD TO IMPROVISE.

I HOPE YOU'RE
AWARE THAT BESIDES
OBJECTIFYING WOMEN,

STRIP CLUBS ARE CRAWLING
WITH VENEREAL DISEASES.

CAN I COME?

YOU'RE 10 YEARS OLD.

LET'S TAKE THIS
ONE STEP AT A TIME.

FIRST ORDER
OF BUSINESS IS
YOU NEED TO CHANGE

OUT OF THESE
DEPRESSING
SWEATPANTS.

WHAT'S DEPRESSING
ABOUT MY SWEATPANTS?

CHANNEL 11
DID THIS EXPOSE

ON HOW STRIPPER POLES
ARE LIKE A PETRI DISH
FOR VAGINAL FLEAS.

OKAY, DON'T WORRY.
I WOULD NEVER GO
TO A STRIP CLUB,

AND LET'S NOT SAY,
"VAGINAL FLEAS."

ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE
GOING SOMEWHERE,

BECAUSE
THE PARTY MOBILE
IS PAID IN FULL.

- WHOA.
- WHAT?

YOU'RE SUCH A TOOL.

YOU REALLY ARE.

SO WHAT DOES
YOUR PREGNANT WIFE

THINK OF THIS NIGHT
OF DEBAUCHERY
YOU'VE PLANNED?

YOU KNOW WHAT?
SPARE ME

THE MATRIMONY
LECTURE, HALF-PINT.

LAST WEEK,
DIANE FARTED
ON ME IN BED.

SHE WASN'T
EVEN ASLEEP.
SHE WAS READING.

IT WAS
A REAL RIPPER,
TOO.

I SAID TO HER,
"WHY'D YOU
DO THAT TO ME?"

SHE DIDN'T
EVEN APOLOGIZE.

SHE JUST LOOKED
AT ME AND WAS LIKE,

"WELL, I WAS
GONNA ROLL OVER,

BUT IT SEEMED
LIKE TOO MUCH WORK."

MARRIAGE
REALLY SUCKS,
DOESN'T IT?

NOT ALWAYS. THERE ARE
PLENTY OF HAPPILY MARRIED
COUPLES OUT THERE.

AS MUCH
AS I HATE TO ADMIT IT,

MAYBE UNCLE WILL
IS RIGHT.

NOT ABOUT
THE STRIP CLUB,
OBVIOUSLY,

BUT YOU HAVEN'T
BEEN OUT OF THE HOUSE
AFTER SUNSET IN AGES.

YOU'RE LIKE
A REVERSE VAMPIRE.

WE'LL BE FINE HERE
FOR ONE NIGHT.

GO HAVE SOME FUN.

I APPRECIATE IT,

BUT I'M A GROWN-UP,
AND IT ISN'T IMPORTANT

THAT I HAVE FUN ANYMORE.

ONE DRINK
AT A RESPECTABLE PLACE,

AND I'M WEARING
MY SWEATPANTS.

YOU'RE SMART KIDS.

NO.

I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING YET.

I'M SAVING YOU THE TIME.

I'M AWARE WE AGREED
ON FAMILY DINNERS,

BUT I'M
UNDER THE GUN HERE.

THAT'S NOT
ACTUALLY WHAT I WANTED
TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

IT'S NOT?

I NEED TO ASK YOU A FAVOR.

CAN IT WAIT
TILL AFTER MONDAY?

IDA'S HERE.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

SHE GOT THE DATE WRONG,
DIDN'T SHE?

DON'T BE SO JUDGMENTAL.
YOU KNOW SHE'S
GOING THROUGH

A REALLY HARD TIME
RIGHT NOW.

WELL, YOU'RE NOT
SERIOUSLY THINKING
OF LETTING HER STAY.

I KNOW IT'S NOT
THE MOST CONVENIENT TIME
FOR A VISIT,

BUT THINK OF IT
FROM HER PERSPECTIVE.

OKAY.

I QUIT MY JOB.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE.

AND I MOVED IN
WITH MY MOTHER.

EVERYBODY MAKES
A BAD JUDGMENT CALL
NOW AND THEN.

AND I SQUANDER MY DAYS
READING E-MAILS FROM
MY ESTRANGED HUSBAND,

SEARCHING
FOR SECRET MEANING

LIKE SOME SORT
OF DEMENTED SCHOLAR.

OKAY, I-- YOU'RE RIGHT.

THERE'S NO WONDER
SHE'S SUCH A MESS.

IT COULD JUST BE
FOR ONE NIGHT.

YOU PUT SARA TO BED.
I'LL TAKE MY SISTER

OUT FOR A DRINK.
SHE'LL TALK MY EAR OFF.

YOU CAN HAVE
THE REST OF THE WEEKEND
TO GET YOUR WORK DONE.

BABE, YOU KNOW
I'D LIKE TO HELP, BUT--

I'LL PUT SARA DOWN
EVERY NIGHT THIS WEEK.

AND I'LL GIVE HER
HER BATH TIMES

ALL NEXT WEEK, TOO.

AND I'LL GIVE YOU
A BLOW JOB.

WHAT?

REALLY? RIGHT NOW?

NO, NOT RIGHT NOW.

I MEAN, MY SISTER'S OUTSIDE
WATCHING OUR DAUGHTER.

I THOUGHT YOU
COULDN'T SPARE A MINUTE.

WON'T TAKE LONG.

HI. I AM BETTY,

AND I WILL
BE YOUR DRIVER
THIS EVENING.

JUST TO SET OUT
A FEW GROUND RULES
FOR YOU GENTLEMEN,

NO SMOKING
IN THE LIMO,
AND NO DRUG USE.

GOT IT.

AND REMEMBER
OUR MOTTO,

"WHATEVER HAPPENS
IN THE PARTY MOBILE

STAYS IN
THE PARTY MOBILE."

ALL RIGHT.

UNLESS YOU
NEED TO SHIT,
PISS, OR PUKE.

IN THAT CASE,
PLEASE ASK ME
TO PULL OVER

OR AT LEAST DO IT
OUT THE WINDOW.

OKAY. WE STRIKE YOU
AS THE KIND OF PEOPLE
WHO WOULD...

SHIT OUT
A LIMOUSINE WINDOW?

I'M NOT CASTING
ASPERSIONS, SIR,

BUT I HAVE NOTICED
WHEN PEOPLE GO OUT
TO HAVE A GOOD TIME,

THEY AREN'T
NECESSARILY THINKING

ABOUT WHO
HAS TO CLEAN UP
THE MESS.

THAT PERSON IS ME.

- OKAY.
- OKAY.

THANK YOU.

THIS IS
PRETTY SWEET, HUH?

SMELLS LIKE
DRAKKAR NOIR AND
MINT LOLLIPOPS IN HERE.

I THINK THAT'S
PEPPERMINT SCHNAPPS.

SO IS THIS, LIKE,
COMPLIMENTARY,

OR IS IT THE WAY
THEY DO IT
IN THE HOTEL,

WHERE EVERYTHING'S
EXORBITANTLY
MARKED UP?

NO WAY, MAN.
THIS IS A DELUXE PACKAGE.

YOU CAN DRINK
YOURSELF SENSELESS.

I KNOW I PLAN TO.

NO, THANK YOU.

I DON'T WANT TO RISK
CAR SICKNESS.

SUIT YOURSELF.

WHAT ARE THESE?

OH. NICE.

OH, WILL YOU STOP
BEING SUCH A PRUDE?

- THEY ALL HAVE THOSE.
- REALLY?

EVERY LIMOUSINE
IN THE WORLD

HAS A CONCEALED
PROPHYLACTIC
REPOSITORY

AND APPARENTLY-- GREAT--
A LUBE COMPARTMENT.

YOU KNOW, YOU MIGHT
FIND THIS HARD TO BELIEVE,

BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE
LIKE TO CUT LOOSE
EVERY NOW AND THEN.

I'M JUST A LITTLE
WORRIED THAT THEY

CUT LOOSE
ON THIS UPHOLSTERY
LAST NIGHT.

BETTY, WE'D LIKE TO GO
TO THE DIRTY BIRDIE,
PLEASE.

- CLASSY.
- STOP, PLEASE.

- WHAT?
- I'M NOT GOING
TO A STRIP CLUB.

SERIOUSLY?
I THOUGHT THAT WAS
JUST FOR THE KIDS.

NO.

- REALLY?
- YES! I'M NOT GOING.

OKAY. ROGER THAT.

GOTTA LET THE BOYS
KNOW THAT THEY CAN
RAGE ON WITHOUT US.

SO WHERE DO YOU
WANT TO GO?

THIS NIGHT
WAS YOUR IDEA.

OKAY.

MAKE THAT THE ROOSEVELT.

MUCH BETTER CHOICE.

THANK YOU. NOT THAT
I NEED YOUR APPROVAL,

BUT THANK YOU.

GOOD TO KNOW.

SORRY.
CAN YOU STOP AGAIN?

ARE YOU GENTLEMEN
OKAY BACK THERE?

WE JUST NEED A MINUTE.

I KNOW WHAT
THE ROOSEVELT HOTEL IS,

AND IT'S--
IT'S HIP, AND I--

IT'S A HOTEL BAR.

IT'S A HIP HOTEL BAR
WITH JET-SETTERS
AND FILM PEOPLE.

WELL, I WARNED YOU NOT
TO WEAR THE SWEATPANTS.

HEY, NO MORE
SWEATPANT COMMENTS.

I WILL GO RIGHT HOME
AND GO TO BED.

YOU GOT IT.

BY THE WAY,
IT'S NOT EVEN 8:00.

GONE TO BED
A LOT EARLIER
THAN 8:00.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOUR CHOICE.
YOU PICK THE BAR,

MAYBE
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD HERE,

- ANYWHERE YOU WANT TO GO.
- I DON'T KNOW.

THIS PLACE HAS GOTTEN
SO GENTRIFIED LATELY.

IT'S LIKE NOTHING
BUT YOUNG PEOPLE.

- OH, NO, NOT YOUNG PEOPLE.
- THE OTHER DAY,

I WENT TO A COFFEE SHOP
JUST AROUND THE CORNER,

AND I JUST WANTED TO SIT
AND HAVE A CAPPUCCINO,
GRADE SOME PAPERS.

GREAT STORY, BY THE WAY.

THEY HAD THIS--
THEY HAD ONE OF THOSE
OLD-STYLE PHOTO BOOTHS,

AND INSTEAD OF IT TAKING
PORTRAITS, IT WAS--

THE CAMERA WAS AIMED
LOWER AT CROTCHES,

SO KIDS WERE JUST
GOING IN AND OUT...

- WHY?
- TAKING PICTURES
OF THEIR CROTCH.

'CAUSE THAT'S
WHAT THEY DO.

I DON'T GET IT.
THEY SHOULD
POST SIGNS.

THE KIDS TAKING PICTURES
OF THEIR CROTCHES

- SHOULD POST A SIGN--
- NO, LIKE BARS
AND RESTAURANTS.

THE WAY THEY, YOU KNOW,
PUT A SIGN THAT SAYS

YOU HAVE TO BE 21
AND OVER TO DRINK HERE,

THEY NEED TO PUT A SIGN
THAT SAYS IF YOU'RE
OVER A CERTAIN AGE,

YOU'RE GOING
TO BE FEELING
OUT OF TOUCH AND--

HAVE YOU HONESTLY
NEVER HEARD

OF ANTIDISCRIMINATION
LAWSUITS?

BETTY,
YOU OBVIOUSLY FREQUENT
A LOT OF WATERING HOLES.

- EXCUSE ME?
- "WATERING HOLES"?

WOULD YOU
RECOMMEND A PLACE

WHERE WE COULD
JUST SIT AND HAVE
A NICE DRINK

WITH PEOPLE
OUR OWN AGE?

I ONCE HAD
A GROUP OF LADIES FROM
THE RED HAT SOCIETY.

I THINK THEY WENT
TO A WINE BAR.

PERFECT. THANK YOU.

THE ANSWER IS NO.

I AM NOT TAKING YOU
TO A WINE BAR

FOR YOUR ONE-AND-ONLY
DIVORCE PARTY. NO WAY.

YOU TOLD ME TO PICK.

YOU CAN'T-- THERE'S--
YOU'RE NOT GONNA FIND IT.

I ALREADY LOOKED
ON YOUR BEHALF.

- YOU'RE NOT GONNA FIND IT.
- I'LL USE YOURS.

THEY NEVER MATCH--
DO THESE ACTUALLY

HAVE TO MATCH UP
WITH THE PERSON'S THING?
I NEVER KNOW.

OH, NO, IT WORKS.

YOU SURE THEY DON'T
HAVE ANYTHING STRONGER
THAN WINE HERE?

HERE AT THIS WINE BAR?

NOT EVERYONE
IN THE WORLD IS
A WINE DRINKER.

NO NEED TO GET
SNIPPY ABOUT IT.

YEAH, WELL,
CLEARLY YOU'RE
NOT A WINE DRINKER.

YOU KNOW
THE BEST THING ABOUT
HANGING OUT WITH MOM

IS THAT NOTHING
THIS GIRLIE

COULD EVEN GET ME
BUZZED ANYMORE.

I SAID WE COULD GO
SOMEWHERE ELSE.

- DO YOU WANT TO?
- IT'S NOT THE BAR.

IT'S JUST THAT
READING THIS CRAP

IS DRIVING ME CRAZY.

THEN WHY DON'T
YOU STOP, HONEY?

BECAUSE IF I COULD
JUST FIGURE OUT
WHAT JAKE WANTED,

THEN, YOU KNOW,
I'D KNOW WHAT TO DO.

WHO CARES WHAT HE WANTS?
WHAT DO YOU WANT?

WHAT I WANT IS
FOR JAKE TO FEEL BAD
FOR HURTING ME.

THEN I WANT HIM TO BEG
FOR MY FORGIVENESS,

AND THEN I WANT HIM
TO DIE IN A GRISLY AND
EMBARRASSING ACCIDENT

INVOLVING, I DON'T KNOW,

LIKE, FARM ANIMALS
AND MASTURBATING.

IT COULD HAPPEN,
I THINK...

- I KNOW. I KNOW.
- FROM THE E-MAILS.

JESUS, WHY ARE MEN
SUCH DIPSHITS?

WELL, THEY AREN'T
ALL DIPSHITS.

SO IT'S JUST
A COINCIDENCE

THAT YOU AND I BOTH
MARRIED DIPSHITS?

- SIMON'S NOT A DIPSHIT.
- OF COURSE NOT. NO.

I MEAN, YOU JUST
HAD TO BLOW HIM...

I SHOULD NEVER
HAVE TOLD YOU THAT.

TO LET YOU
OUT OF THE HOUSE

- FOR ONE NIGHT.
- COME ON.

JUST FACE IT.
MEN ARE SCUM.

LOOK AT SWEATPANTS
OVER THERE.

AWW.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE
AGAINST THAT GUY?

NOTHING.

IT'S JUST THAT HE
HONESTLY BELIEVES

THAT ONE OF US
WOULD REACH OUR HANDS

INTO HIS CRUSTY
GYM ATTIRE

AND MAKE SWEET LOVE
TO HIS PENIS.

OH, MY GOD.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

SERIOUSLY.
LOOK AT HIM.

HE'S BUILDING UP
THE COURAGE

TO COME OVER HERE
AND BUY ONE OF US
A DRINK.

LOOKS LIKE HE'S
TRYING TO FIND
WHERE HE LOST HIS KEYS.

NO, THAT'S ALL
PART OF HIS MOVE.

HE STUNS HIS PREY
INTO A FALSE SENSE
OF STABILITY,

AND THEN, BAMMO,
"GET YOUR HANDS DOWN
MY PANTS, BITCH."

- IDA!
- HI.

DO YOU THINK I COULD
BUY YOU A DRINK?

TOLD YOU.

BAMMO.

ALL RIGHT.
WAS THAT FUNNY OR...?

I'M SORRY.

NO. THANK YOU VERY MUCH,

BUT WE'RE GOOD ON WINE.
THANKS.

- OKAY.
- WHAT MY SISTER MEANS

IS THAT SHE'S MARRIED,

ALBEIT TO
A WORKAHOLIC DIPSHIT,

AND THE ONLY WAY
I'D SCREW A GUY TONIGHT

WOULD BE TO MAKE
MY SCUMBAG HUSBAND
JEALOUS,

AND YOU DON'T REALLY
CUT THE MUSTARD
IN THAT DEPARTMENT.

OKAY, WHAT MY SISTER
IS SAYING...

YOU DON'T HAVE TO--

IS THAT SHE KIND OF
HATES MEN RIGHT NOW,

AND SHE'S EXPRESSING THAT
VIA A MORTIFYINGLY

EMBARRASSING
SENSE OF HUMOR
WHICH ISN'T FUNNY.

I'M NOT JOKING.

WHO BUYS
A WOMAN A DRINK,

EVEN IN A NEW-AGE
ESTROGEN SHACK
LIKE THIS,

IF THEY'RE
NOT TRYING TO GET
INTO HER PANTS?

THAT WASN'T WHAT I WAS--

YOU'RE NOT EVEN
WEARING PANTS.

OH, I BET YOU
LOVE THAT, DON'T YOU?

YOU KNOW WHAT?
JUST SO YOU KNOW,

THIS WASN'T MY IDEA.

I GOT DIVORCED TODAY,

AND MY FRIEND'S KIND OF
FORCING ME TO HAVE FUN.

AND I TOLD HIM
THAT I NEVER

BOUGHT A WOMAN
A DRINK AT A BAR,
AND HE SAID

IF I DID THAT, THAT HE
WOULD LET ME GO HOME.

JUST WANT TO BE ASLEEP.

I MEAN, AS FAR
AS PICKUP LINES GO,

YOU GET POINTS
FOR CREATIVITY,
SWEATPANTS.

WASN'T A PICKUP LINE.
MY NAME'S CLARK.

SORRY.

- CLARK, I'M ALISON...
- NICE TO MEET YOU.

AND MY LUNATIC SISTER
IS IDA.

WHAT'S
YOUR FRIEND'S NAME?

WILL.

OH. IS HE
DIVORCED, TOO?

HE'S MARRIED.

- HAPPILY?
- IDA!

DON'T KNOW
IF I'D GO THAT FAR.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH...
- YEAH.

FOR OFFERING THE DRINK.
WE SHOULD GO.

WHAT? DON'T BE SILLY.
WILL JUST GOT HERE.

HEY.

HI.

SO WE COULD REALLY USE
A MALE PERSPECTIVE

ON ALL OF THIS,

SO WHY DON'T YOU GUYS
TAKE A LOAD OFF

AND BUY US THOSE DRINKS?

OH, YEAH.

WAITRESS.
BAR LADY.

JUST ANOTHER BOTTLE OF
YOUR GIRLIEST WHATEVER.

SO YOU PRINT OUT
ALL YOUR E-MAILS?

- YEAH.
- OKAY,

JUST TO GET THIS STRAIGHT,
THOUGH, I'M SORRY.

YOU STILL HAVE NOT FILED
FOR DIVORCE AFTER THIS?

I'M NOT SURE THAT
I WANT TO THROW AWAY

FOUR YEARS OF MARRIAGE
OVER ONE LITTLE MISTAKE.

THIS SEEMS LIKE
MORE THAN ONE MISTAKE.

THIS READS
LIKE A COPY
OF PENTHOUSE FORUM.

- THIS IS CRAZY.
- NO, IT DOESN'T COUNT,

'CAUSE WE WERE
ALREADY SEPARATED,

AND HE DOES THAT STUFF
TO MAKE ME JEALOUS.

I MEAN, MOST OF IT
ISN'T EVEN TRUE.

COME ON. YOU DON'T
ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT.

I MEAN, THE GUY
HIT ON ME ONE TIME.

WHAT GUY HASN'T
DRUNKENLY HIT
ON HIS WIFE'S SISTER?

OH.

SO THAT WAS THE MISTAKE?

NO, IT WASN'T
THAT EITHER,

BUT IT'S NOT
ALL JAKE'S FAULT.

I MEAN, HE HAS REASONS.

THE MAN IS
A WALKING ERECTION.

SO WAIT A MINUTE.
THIS HAS GOT TO BE

THE ONE MISTAKE IF
YOU LOOK AT THIS.

THIS IS ACTUALLY
JUST IMPRESSIVE. I MEAN,

HE MIGHT BE A SCUMBAG,
BUT THIS IS IMPRESSIVE.

IS THAT
EVEN PHYSICALLY
POSSIBLE?

- WHAT ABOUT--
- YOU COULD DO THIS.

I HAVEN'T
SEEN THIS IN PERSON,
BUT YOU COULD DO THIS.

NO, I HAD
A MISCARRIAGE,

AND THEN HE SLEPT
WITH MY BOSS.

- WHAT?
- THAT IS TERRIBLE.

- I AM SO SORRY ABOUT THAT.
- SO SORRY. JEEZ.

I KNOW.
SHE'S NOT EVEN HOT.

SHE HAS THESE
REALLY WEIRD,

LIKE, FLABBY ARMS.
THEY'RE VERY--

RIGHT, BECAUSE
THAT'S THE IMPORTANT PART
OF THE STORY.

AND THEN AFTER
SCREWING MY HUSBAND,

FLABBY ARMS CALLS ME
INTO HER OFFICE
AND IS, LIKE,

"YOU SHOULD
MAYBE CONSIDERING
TRANSFERRING OUT,

BECAUSE WE DON'T WANT
ANY UNNECESSARY TENSION
IN THE WORKPLACE."

WHAT A BITCH.

NO OFFENSE.

- SORRY, LADIES.
- OH, PLEASE.

WE'VE CALLED HER
WAY WORSE THINGS THAN THAT.

SO THEN
WHAT'D YOU DO?

DID YOU
DRAG HER ASS
TO COURT?

- DID I HAVE
A CASE FOR THAT?
- PROBABLY NOT.

HE JUST LIKES TO REMIND
EVERYONE HE'S AN ATTORNEY
EVERY FIVE MINUTES.

SHE DIDN'T TRY
TO DO ANYTHING.

SHE JUST QUIT HER JOB,
LEFT THE CONDO,

DROVE TO OUR ALCOHOLIC
MOTHER'S HOUSE
IN PALM DESERT,

AND STARTED DRINKING.

I NEEDED TIME
TO FIGURE OUT
MY NEXT MOVE.

WHY DIDN'T YOU
JUST THROW HIS ASS OUT?

THAT'S WHAT I SAID,

ESPECIALLY BECAUSE
SHE IS THE ONE

WHO PUT THE DOWN PAYMENT
ON THE PLACE,

AND HE DOESN'T EVEN
HAVE A REAL JOB.

OKAY, HE HAS A JOB.

SO HE'S A WRITER.

HE'S AN ACTOR.

HE'S AN ACTOR. AH.

CLARK'S EX
IS A THESPIAN.

WELL, THEATER STUFF
MOSTLY.

MM, PEANUT BUTTER
COMMERCIALS MOSTLY.

COMMUNITY THEATER
ONCE. I MEAN...

WAIT, NOT
THE PEANUT BUTTER
COMMERCIAL--

- YES.
- THE RED HAIR?

- THE SERIES OF-- YEAH.
- YES.

CAN I ASK YOU
HOW YOU KNEW?

LIKE, WHEN IT WAS
COMPLETELY OVER,

THAT THERE WAS
NO CHANCE OF GETTING
BACK TOGETHER

AND THAT YOU HAD
TO FILE FOR DIVORCE?

WELL, IN MY CASE,
THERE WAS NEVER
REALLY A QUESTION.

SHE CAME OUT AND
TOLD ME SHE WAS IN LOVE
WITH SOMEONE ELSE

AND THEY'VE MOVING
TO A BED-AND-BREAKFAST
IN MENDOCINO.

AND YOU DIDN'T TRY
TO CHANGE HER MIND?

NO, I TOLD YOU YOU ALWAYS
TELL THE STORY WRONG.

SHE CAME OUT AND TOLD HIM
SHE WAS IN LOVE
WITH SOMEONE.

OKAY.

- OH.
- OH.

SOMEONE
WITH A VAGINA...

ALL RIGHT,
THEY GET THE POINT.

BECAUSE SHE
IS A LESBIAN.

- OKAY.
- YEAH, YOU'RE A JERK.

YOU KIND OF
ARE A JERK.

WHAT I WASN'T EXPECTING
IS THAT SHE

DOESN'T WANT
TO SEE THE KIDS.
THAT'S BEEN--

SHE'S PRETENDING
THEY DON'T EXIST.

BITCH.
NO OFFENSE.

WE'VE CALLED HER WORSE.

I HAVEN'T. I MEAN,

SHE'S OBVIOUSLY
GOING THROUGH SOMETHING.

SHE'S TRYING
TO FIND HERSELF.

WAIT. IS ANYONE ELSE
REALIZING JUST
HOW WEIRD THIS IS?

WHAT?

MARRIED. MARRIED.

DIVORCED.

- SOON TO BE DIVORCED.
- MAYBE.

CHEATING ACTRESS WIFE.
CHEATING ACTOR HUSBAND.

YOGA PANTS.
SWEATPANTS.

LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS.

ALL RIGHT,
LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS.

LAME TASTE IN BARS.

LAME TASTE IN BARS.

STILL SHOPS
AT FOREVER 21.

HAS SHOPPED AT
ABERCROMBIE & FITCH
EVER SINCE COLLEGE.

OH, GOD,
I HATE THAT
PERFUME MIST

THEY JUST
SPRAY IN THERE.

HE LOVES IT.
HE PUTS THAT ON.

- MARRIED A LESBIAN.
- WHAT DOES THAT HAVE
TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

I WAS JUMPING--

OOH, I KNOW.
MARRIED A LESBIAN.

PROBABLY A LESBIAN.

I AM NOT A LESBIAN.

ALWAYS HAD
MY DOUBTS.

OKAY, JUST BECAUSE
I AM NOT DRIVEN
BY GETTING LAID,

THAT DOES NOT
MAKE ME A LESBIAN.

MAYBE YOU'RE
JUST FRIGID.

- WHOA.
- WOW. OKAY,

GUY THAT I JUST MET
AT A BAR WHO DOESN'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT ME,

I AM NOT FRIGID.

NO, IT'S OKAY.
I MEAN, HE'S THE SAME WAY.

- NO. NO.
- YOU SAID YOU WOULD RATHER

EAT A CLUB SANDWICH
THAN SLEEP WITH
A VICTORIA SECRET MODEL.

YOU'VE TAKEN
THIS COMPLETELY
OUT OF CONTEXT.

I DON'T THINK
THAT THAT'S
A WEIRD THING TO SAY.

I THINK I UNDERSTAND
WHERE YOU'RE COMING FROM.

ALL RIGHT,
YOU'RE RIGHT.

THIS IS
A LITTLE EERIE.

I THINK IT'S
MORE THAN EERIE.

I THINK YOU GUYS
ARE LIKE THE BIZARRO
VERSION OF US.

MAYBE YOU'RE LIKE...

THE BIZARRO VERSION OF US.

WHAT KIND OF BAR
CLOSES AT 10:00?

FINE. I ADMIT IT.
MY BAR SUCKS.

AH, WE COULD ALWAYS
GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.

SAYS THE PERSON
WHO DOESN'T

HAVE TO
GET UP AT 6:00
IN THE MORNING.

OH, JUST ONE MORE DRINK.

I THINK ONE MORE DRINK
SOUNDS GOOD.

YEAH?

- YEAH?
- ALL RIGHT.

IT'S RIGHT
OVER HERE.

MAYBE WE SHOULD
JUST TAKE MY CAR.

DOES YOUR CAR
HAVE FREE GASOLINE

AND ALL THE BOOZE
YOU CAN DRINK?

OH, WHEN YOU
PUT IT THAT WAY,

THAT PHALLIC MONSTROSITY
KIND OF SOUNDS MAGICAL.

- ALI?
- YEAH.

OW. OW.

- I'M SORRY.
- OW.

IT ALWAYS LOOKS
SO FUN IN THE MOVIES.

I'M PRETTY SURE
I JUST ATE A FLY.

MAYBE WE'RE TOO OLD
TO HAVE FUN.

WHO YOU CALLING OLD, BUDDY?

OH, I'M SORRY.
MATURE.

MM...

WOULD YOU RATHER ME
CALL YOU IMMATURE?

YOU MIGHT WANT
TO JUST STOP TALKING.

- MM. MM-HMM.
- AND I HAVE TO SAY

I TAKE OFFENSE AT THIS
WHOLE LINE OF REASONING.
I'M STILL FUN,

AND I'M YOUNG. OKAY, WELL,
AT LEAST I'M NOT OLD.

"AND YOU LADIES,
YOU SEEM LIKE YOU'RE FUN,"

HE SAID IN THE LEAST
CREEPY WAY POSSIBLE.

I AM FUN.

YEAH, IF BY FUN,

YOU MEAN
A BITTER, WEEPY MESS.

ALL RIGHT, WELL,
I USED TO BE
FUN, RIGHT?

SO MUCH FUN.

BUT EVEN I
USED TO BE FUN.

HEY, NOT AS RECENTLY
AS YOU,

BUT BACK IN MY HEYDAY.
I WAS--

- I WAS NEVER FUN.
- THAT'S NOT TRUE.

YOU USED TO HAVE
THIS WEIRD, FREAKISH LAUGH

WHENEVER YOU HAD FUN.

USED TO DRIVE ME CRAZY.

- ME?
- YEAH.

I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT YOU'RE

- TALKING ABOUT.
- I'M SERIOUS.

THINK OF A TIME
IN YOUR LIFE

WHEN YOU
HAD A LOT OF FUN.

I'LL GIVE YOU
AN EXAMPLE.

FOR ME, I'D SAY...

WHEN I GRADUATED
FROM LAW SCHOOL.

I SHOULD MENTION
AT THIS POINT THAT
HE'S A LAWYER.

I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU GUYS
PICKED THAT UP.

NO, I'M SERIOUS.
I'M SERIOUS. I'M UP THERE

IN THIS GOOFY PURPLE,
YOU KNOW, CAP AND GOWN,

AND I JUST-- I REMEMBER
STANDING UP THERE,

FEELING, LIKE, REALLY FULL
OF HOPE, YOU KNOW?

AND DIDN'T LAST, BUT--

BUT YEAH.

FELT GOOD.

MINE'S A CLICHE,

BUT IT'S TRUE.

WHEN MY--
WHEN MY DAUGHTER WAS BORN.

THE FIRST TIME I SAW HER.

OUR DAUGHTER'S BIRTH

WAS A VERY UNPLEASANT
EXPERIENCE FOR ME.

HE VOMITED ALL OVER
THE DELIVERY ROOM.

I WAS NOT TOLD
THAT THE WOMAN
DEFECATES

WHILE THE BABY'S
COMING OUT.

REALLY?

YEAH.

MINE WAS DEFINITELY
LOSING MY VIRGINITY.

- NOT ME.
- ME NEITHER.

I DON'T THINK SHE HAD
A GREAT TIME EITHER.

I THREW UP
ON THE POOR,
UNFORTUNATE WOMAN

ABOUT HALFWAY
THROUGH.

WE'D BEEN DRINKING,
AND-- YEAH.

SO YOU DO A LOT
OF HURLING.

OH, YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

DO NOT SIT NEXT
TO THIS MAN ON A BOAT
OR A CARNIVAL RIDE.

YEAH,
A REGULAR SEAT, EVEN.

I HAVE
A VERY WEAK STOMACH.

HE ONCE BARFED...

IN SCUBA GEAR.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

YEAH, I'VE HAD FUN,
I GUESS.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW--
WELL, YOU REMEMBER
HIGH SCHOOL,

WHEN WE SKIPPED
CLASSES THAT TIME

AND YOU GOT REEFER.

- REEFER?
- WE GOT REEFER?

NOBODY CALLS IT THAT.

I DON'T KNOW.
IT WAS YOU,

ME, AND RHONDA

AND THE GIRL
WITH THE LEG BRACES,

SUE, I THINK
HER NAME WAS.

OH, YEAH. I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

- REALLY?
- WHO THE HELL IS RHONDA?

MAYBE IT WAS
MEMORABLE TO ME
AND NOT YOU.

I MEAN,
WE DIDN'T DO MUCH,

I GUESS, NOW THAT
I THINK ABOUT IT.

WE DIDN'T, LIKE,
KISS THE GIRLS
OR ANYTHING.

WE JUST HUNG OUT,

AND WE
SMOKED MARIJUANA

AND JUST SWAM
IN THE OCEAN,

AND IT WAS...

YEAH.

THAT WAS PROBABLY
THE MOST FUN

I'VE EVER HAD
IN MY LIFE.

WOW, MAN,
THAT'S REALLY SAD.

YEAH, IT IS
REALLY SAD.

I WANT TO DO IT.

YOU WANT
TO SMOKE POT?

- MM-HMM.
- SWIM IN THE OCEAN?

OH, IT'S NOT--

YOU CAN'T
EVER RECREATE
THOSE THINGS.

IT'S NOT GONNA BE
THE WAY IT WAS.

OF COURSE IT'S NOT
GONNA BE THE SAME,

IT BEATS DRIVING AROUND
IN THIS THING
ALL NIGHT.

- I'M IN.
- OKAY, ME, TOO.

OKAY.

LET'S DO IT.

OKAY.

YOU KNOW, WE COULD HAVE
GONE TO A GAS STATION.

NO.

GAS STATION
BATHROOMS ARE
SO SKANKY.

HEY, CAN I BUM
ONE OF THOSE?

- ME, TOO?
- REALLY?

YEAH, REALLY?
YOU CAN'T AFFORD
YOUR OWN?

I'LL BUY YOU A PACK
AT THE NEXT GAS STATION.

YEP. JUST DON'T
SMOKE IN THE CAR.

- YOU WANT--
- YOU WANT A LIGHTER?

- THAT IS SO GOOD.
- SO GOOD.

THAT'S NOT WHAT
YOUR LUNGS ARE SAYING.

NO, THEY'RE SAYING,
"WHEN DID

THE SURGEON GENERAL
START WEARING
SWEATPANTS?"

SO WHERE ARE WE
GETTING THE POT?

WHY ARE YOU
LOOKING AT ME?

'CAUSE YOU
ALWAYS USED TO HAVE
THAT LITTLE STASH.

I THREW IT OUT
WHEN SARA WAS BORN.

WHAT ABOUT
THAT KID IN YOUR CLASS

USED TO OFFER YOU POT
IN EXCHANGE FOR
A BETTER GRADE?

WANT ME TO CALL UP
A STUDENT AT 11:00
AT NIGHT

AND BARTER HIGHER GRADES
FOR MARIJUANA?

YOU COULD TEXT HIM.

ARE YOU
A TEACHER?

YEAH,
HIGH SCHOOL ENGLISH.

OH, WHERE?

WESTSIDE PREPARATORY
ACADEMY.

- PRESTIGIOUS.
- AH.

I USED TO-- I USED
TO TEACH HISTORY
AT COOLIDGE.

OH, I KNOW THAT
VERY WELL.

THEY HAVE
AN EXCELLENT A.P. PROGRAM.

YEAH, IT IS
A REALLY GOOD
A.P. PROGRAM.

WHERE ARE WE
GETTING THE POT?

WHY DON'T WE
ASK JAKE?

ONE OF HIS
MANY FANTASTIC
CHARACTERISTICS,

HER SOON-TO-BE
EX-HUSBAND

IS ALSO A PART-TIME
DRUG DEALER.

NO, HE'S NOT
A DRUG DEALER.

HE SOLD A LITTLE BIT
OF POT TO SOME

ACTING CLASS BUDDIES,
LIKE, YEARS AGO.

HE ALWAYS
HAS DRUGS AROUND.

- THAT'S A CATCH.
- ...PART OF HIS
COOL-GUY SHTICK.

IT'S NOT A SHTICK.
HE'S GENUINELY VERY COOL.

GREAT. WELL,
THEN, MAYBE HE'LL
GIVE DRUGS TO US.

NO, WE'RE NOT
GETTING DRUGS
FROM THAT LOSER, OKAY?

AND I THINK
WE'RE BEING A LITTLE
CONVOLUTED ABOUT THIS.

THERE ARE TONS
OF MARIJUANA DISPENSARIES

ALL OVER THE CITY.

WE NEED A PRESCRIPTION
FOR THAT, THOUGH.

OKAY. GREAT.

- GOT IT.
- YOU'RE A DOCTOR?

PEDIATRIC SURGEON.

OH, YOU THOUGHT I WAS
JUST SOME DUMB BLONDE?

- NO.
- DON'T WORRY.

IT'S WHAT SHE'S
GOING FOR.

CAN WE NOT RIGHT NOW?

SHE THINKS THAT MEN

ARE INTIMIDATED BY
INTELLIGENT WOMEN,

AND SO SHE
PLAYS DUMB,

AND SHE'S DONE IT
OUR WHOLE LIVES,

EVER SINCE
WE WERE KIDS.

OKAY, WHAT MY SISTER
CAN'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND

IS THAT I LIKE
TO DRESS SEXY.

I LIKE MY BODY.
I FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT.

I DON'T DO IT TO SEEK
THE APPROVAL OF MEN.

- WHAT?

- NOTHING.
- CAN WE ALL JUST BE QUIET,

- SO I CAN FOCUS, PLEASE?
- WAIT.

CAN A PEDIATRICIAN
EVEN WRITE

A PRESCRIPTION
FOR MARIJUANA?

IT'S A POT SHOP.
I MEAN...

HOW RIGOROUS
ARE THEY GONNA BE?

- YEAH.
- I ACTUALLY HAVE NO IDEA

HOW POT SHOPS WORK,
SO I DON'T KNOW.

I.D.

YEAH.

TAKE IT OUT?

YEAH, I'D PREFER IF YOU
TOOK IT OUT. THANKS.

THE GENERIC OKAY?

YEAH.

OKAY.

ONE QUICK QUESTION.

DID A REAL DOCTOR
WRITE THIS?

OF COURSE A REAL DOCTOR
WROTE THAT.

BECAUSE THE HANDWRITING
IS TERRIBLE.

WELL, EVERYONE KNOWS
THAT A PHYSICIAN'S SKILLS

ARE INVERSELY
PROPORTIONAL TO HOW BAD
HER HANDWRITING IS,

- SO...
- THAT'S RIGHT.

SHE MUST BE
AN AMAZING
PHYSICIAN.

SHE'S THE BEST.

THE BEST.

SPELLED YOUR NAME WRONG,
THOUGH.

OH, NO, SHE-- SEE,
SHE CROSSED IT OUT,

AND THEN SHE GOT IT
RIGHT UNDER THERE.

SHE GOT IT RIGHT
THE SECOND TIME.

WEIRD THING.
DON'T PEDIATRICIANS

USUALLY ONLY
TREAT CHILDREN?

MM, PEDIATRIC SURGEON.

SAME THING.

NO, IT'S NOT REALLY
THE SAME THING.

SHE'S MY DOCTOR.
SHE'S TREATING ME

BECAUSE I'M
EMOTIONALLY
A CHILD.

AN INFANT.
HE'S EMOTIONALLY
AN INFANT.

- I'M STUNTED.
- IS VERY STUNTED.

SOUNDS COMPLEX.

LOOK, I'M NOT
TRYING TO BE A DICK
HERE, GUYS,

BUT WE'VE BEEN
INVESTIGATED LATELY
BY THE STATE.

THEY'VE BEEN
SENDING IN A LOT

OF UNDERCOVER COPS
TO HARASS US.

THAT'S TERRIBLE.

YEAH, IT'S TERRIBLE.

YOU DON'T-- YOU DON'T
THINK WE'RE COPS, DO YOU?

NO. WE'RE NOT--
WE'RE NOT POLICE
OFFICERS.

LOOK, MAYBE YOU ARE,
MAYBE YOU AREN'T,

BUT ANY LAW OFFICER
WOULD UNDERSTAND

THAT WE'RE
A LICENSED DISPENSARY,
A MEDICAL FACILITY,

THAT CANNOT SELL TO SOMEONE
WHO HAS BEEN DRINKING.

NO, HE'S NOT DRUNK.
HE'S JUST ACTING THIS WAY
BECAUSE OF THE PAIN.

- WHAT--
- IN HIS BACK,

WHICH IS WHY HE NEEDS
A MARIJUANA PRESCRIPTION.

I'VE GOT PAIN
IN MY BACK,

AND I GOT
A PRESCRIPTION

FROM
MY PEDIATRIC SURGEON
TO TREAT THE PAIN.

I'M LOVING
THE SHOW HERE, OFFICERS,

BUT AS YOU CAN SEE,
WE'RE VERY BUSY, SO I'D LIKE
TO GET BACK TO WORK.

- WE'RE NOT COPS.
- DENYING THAT YOU'RE A COP

IS THE FIRST THING
THAT COPS DO, OKAY?
I KNOW MY RIGHTS, SO...

- WOULD A COP DO THIS?
- OH.

NOT--
MAYBE IN A PORNO.

- I DON'T THINK
THAT'S REALLY--
- YEAH, I KNOW.

SO WHY DON'T WE JUST
FILL THE PRESCRIPTION?

- CAN YOU DO THAT AGAIN?
- YEAH, NO.

I COULD MAYBE--
I COULD KICK YOU
IN THE TESTICLES.

COULD DO THAT.

I'LL CALL IT IN.

YEAH. THAT'S
A GOOD CHOICE.

WHAT ARE YOU--

- I MEAN--
- GETTING YOU
A PRESCRIPTION.

YOU'RE GONNA
GET ME ARRESTED.

- OH, REALLY?
- HE'S GOT MY I.D.

THAT'S GONNA
GET YOU ARRESTED?

- HE'S SEEN MY I.D.
- YOU'RE FINE.

AND THEY'RE CLOSED.

YOU WANT TO CALL
HER EMERGENCY NUMBER?

NO. IT'S VERY LATE.

I TOLD YOU SHE'S
REALLY COMMITTED
TO HER PATIENTS.

OKAY. SURE.

I-I DON'T EVEN
KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD.

- I'M GONNA GO OUTSIDE.
- YOU'RE GONNA--

I THINK YOU'LL
BE OKAY, LAWYER.

- YOU'RE GONNA GO OUTSIDE?
- YOU'RE A LAWYER,
AREN'T YOU?

IT'S A SERVICE.

THEY'RE PATCHING ME
THOUGH.

YOU FROM THE AREA?

FROM RIGHT-- OKAY.

HI. YEAH, THIS--

OKAY, YOU WERE
JUST IN HERE.

YOU DON'T NEED
TO DISGUISE YOUR VOICE.

YEAH. OKAY, BOOB LADY,
I KNOW IT'S YOU.

OKAY, I CAN SEE YOU
STANDING OUTSIDE.

YEAH, THAT'S A CAMERA.

OKAY. THANKS.

SHE WANTS YOU
TO GO OUTSIDE.

- I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU
- FLASHED A TOTAL STRANGER.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU FLASHED HIM

AND THEN HE STILL
WOULDN'T GIVE US
THE POT.

I THINK I'M
LOSING MY TOUCH.

NOT FROM WHERE
I WAS STANDING.

HMM.

- THANK YOU.
- OH, RIGHT,

BUT YOU'RE NOT SEEKING
ANY MALE ATTENTION, RIGHT?

ENOUGH, ALISON.

I FLASHED A GUY.

IT'S NOT LIKE
I BLEW HIM.

DON'T. DO NOT
START THAT RIGHT NOW.

START WHAT?

IS THERE
A BLOW JOB STORY HERE

THAT NEEDS TO BE TOLD?
YOU KNOW?

I'M, YOU KNOW,
JUST ASKING
FOR A FRIEND, BUT...

HE LOVES A GOOD
BLOW JOB STORY.

YOU'RE NOT CURIOUS?

OKAY, OKAY.

FINE. YOU WANT TO KNOW
THE SHOCKING TRUTH?

I GAVE MY HUSBAND
A BLOW JOB.

OH, MY GOD.
ISN'T THAT CRAZY?

WHEN IN THE HISTORY
OF THE WORLD

HAS A WIFE EVER GIVEN
HER HUSBAND A BLOW JOB?

IN MY CASE,
IT'S BEEN, I THINK,

SINCE THERE
WAS A REPUBLICAN
IN THE WHITE HOUSE.

IT WASN'T
A VERY FREQUENT
OCCURRENCE

AT OUR
HOUSEHOLD EITHER,
SHOCKINGLY ENOUGH.

- I BLEW JAKE ALL THE TIME.
- OF COURSE YOU DID.

SPEAK OF THE DIPSHIT.

DON'T. PLEASE STOP
CALLING HIM THAT.

OKAY.

HELLO.

YEAH, EVERYTHING'S GREAT.

IDA AND I ARE
JUST AT A WINE BAR.

NO, I'M NOT COMING HOME

JUST 'CAUSE OUR DAUGHT--

WELL, I'M NOT COMING HOME
BECAUSE OF THAT.

I'M SURE
SHE WANTS YOU TO S--

NO, I'M IN A PUBLIC PLACE
RIGHT NOW.

DON'T PUT ME ON SPEAKER.
HI, SWEETIE.

HI.

I KNOW.
I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.

GOOD JOB.

SHH. OF COURSE I WILL.

I LOVE YOU,
TOO, SWEETIE.

GOOD NIGHT.

SO WHAT THE HELL
WAS THAT?

JUST SOMETHING
MY DAUGHTER LIKES.

SHE LIKES YOU
TO SERENADE HER CRAP?

DID-- I DID
SOMETHING LIKE THAT

WHEN MY KIDS
WERE LITTLE, TOO.

- THANK YOU.
- I MEAN, NOT EXACTLY
LIKE THAT.

- THAT WAS A LITTLE--
BUT I MEAN--
- SHE'S FIVE.

SHE'LL TIRE
OF IT SOON.

MAYBE. MAYBE.
OR MAYBE YOU'LL BE

SKYPING WITH HER
WHEN SHE'S
IN COLLEGE

AND SINGING HER
ROCK OPERAS
TO HER BEER SHITS.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DON'T FEEL LIKE I HAVE

TO EXPLAIN MYSELF
WITH THIS, AND I FEEL--

I FEEL LIKE THIS NIGHT
WAS A BAD IDEA,

- AND I'D LIKE TO GO HOME NOW.
- NO WAY.

- OH, COME ON.
- IF ANYBODY

IN THE HISTORY
OF THE PLANET

NEEDS A NIGHT OUT,

IT'S THE FOUR OF US,
SO YOU KNOW WHAT?

ACTUALLY, HEY,
CAN YOU TAKE US

TO 1455 MOLINO
DOWNTOWN?

ARE YOU SURE?

YEAH. SCREW IT.

YEAH, SCREW IT.

WHAT'S--
WHAT IS IT?

SO YOU'RE GONNA WANT
TO TAKE THE STAIRS,

BECAUSE A CAT LADY
DIED IN THE ELEVATOR,

AND THEY NEVER REALLY
GOT THE SMELL OUT.

HE'S NOT GONNA
BE HERE, RIGHT?

NO, GOD, NO.
HE'S AT, LIKE, YOGA
OR THE BAR.

AH, A RENAISSANCE MAN.

NO, IT'S ONLY
FOR THE PUSSY.

THE DRUGS ARE
IN A SHOEBOX

- UNDER THE BED.
- RIGHT, AND YOU'RE SURE

YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THIS?
IT'D BE FASTER.

I CAN'T.
IF I GO UP THERE,

IT'LL REALLY MESS
WITH MY HEAD. PLUS,
WHAT IF HE'S HOME?

EH, YOU SAID HE
WASN'T GONNA BE HOME.

I CAN'T RISK IT.
THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM,

MY CLOTHES WERE OFF IN,
LIKE, 10 SECONDS FLAT.

- DON'T SAY IT.
- SAY WHAT?

JUST WHATEVER
YOU'RE THINKING,
JUST DON'T SAY IT.

OKAY.

OKAY.

SORRY.

LET'S GO.

- YOU COMING?
- THIS IT? YEAH.

YOU KNOW, I WOULDN'T
BE TRYING SO HARD
OUT THERE WITH THEM.

- IT'S A LITTLE BIT--
- WHO?

WELL, WHO DO
YOU THINK?

IT DOESN'T MATTER
WHAT YOU DO.

IT'S NOT LIKE
THEY'RE GONNA,

YOU KNOW,
SCREW YOU TONIGHT.

EASY, TIGER.
I'VE NEVER CHEATED
ON MY WIFE

OR ANY OTHER WOMAN
FOR THAT MATTER.

I'M NOT ABOUT
TO START NOW.

- I KNOW. I'M JUST--
- I JUST LIKE TO TALK BIG.

WELL, I KNOW THAT,
TOO.

MMM.

MOM'S REALLY STARTING
TO WEAR OFF ON YOU.

SHE'S NOT THAT BAD.

SHE'S NOT
A ROLE MODEL EITHER.

I KNOW THAT.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD SLOW DOWN
JUST A LITTLE BIT,

YOU KNOW, SO YOU'RE
STILL SEMICONSCIOUS

WHEN OUR NEW FRIENDS
GET BACK.

WHY DON'T YOU WORRY
ABOUT YOURSELF?

'CAUSE I'M--
I'M NOT HERE
TO IMPRESS ANYONE.

BUT YOU MIGHT
HAVE A CHANCE.

WITH IDA?

I DON'T THINK
YOU'VE BEEN
LISTENING TO HER.

SHE'S REALLY
NOT INTO ME.

NO, NO, NO. ALISON.

ONCE YOU GET PAST

ALL THAT REPRESSED
SOCCER MOM CRAP,

SHE'S KIND OF
A KNOCKOUT.

SHE'S KIND OF MARRIED.
HERE.

YEAH.
SOUNDS PRETTY MISERABLE.

YOU KNOW, THERE'S BEEN
A LOT OF BLOW-JOB TALK.

I'D SAY YOU HAVE
BETTER THAN AVERAGE ODDS

OF GETTING AT LEAST
SOME OF THAT ACTION
TONIGHT.

I COULD NEVER MESS AROUND
WITH A MARRIED WOMAN.

YEAH. I KNOW
WHAT YOU MEAN.

OH.

WOW.

YOU DON'T THINK
WE GAVE THEM

THE IMPRESSION THAT...

ANYTHING WAS GONNA
HAPPEN TONIGHT, RIGHT?

WHAT, LIKE SEXUALLY?

NO.

I MEAN, UNLESS YOU
WANT SOMETHING
TO HAPPEN.

IDA, I'M MARRIED.

SO AM I.

WELL, YEAH,
TECHNICALLY, BUT...

I TOOK MY WEDDING VOWS
JUST LIKE YOU DID,

AND UNTIL
I FILE FOR DIVORCE,

I PLAN TO KEEP 'EM.

I MEAN,
IF I WAS GONNA CHEAT,

I THINK I COULD DO
A LITTLE BETTER
THAN A LAWYER.

WHAT ABOUT SWEATPANTS?

HE'S KINDA CUTE...

IN, LIKE,
A DROWNING PUPPY
KIND OF WAY.

YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?

YOU KNOW,
THE GREAT THING
ABOUT TONIGHT

IS THAT NO MATTER
WHAT HAPPENS,

IT'S NOT
GONNA BE ANY SEX.

THERE'S A STEP THERE.

ANOTHER ONE.
HOW MANY STEPS
THIS PLACE HAVE?

- OH.

SHIT. WHO ARE YOU GUYS?

I'M SO SORRY.
WE'RE JUST, UH--

I'M CLARK,
AND THIS IS WILL.

HEY. WE'RE JUST LEAVING.

THAT DOES NOT RING
ANY BELLS WITH ME.

WHOA. WHOA, WHOA.
EASY, EASY. HEY,
I'M AN ATTORNEY.

THIS IS OBVIOUSLY
AN INCONVENIENT TIME
FOR YOU GUYS.

- LET'S GO. LET'S GO.
- WE WILL GET GOING.

OKAY, BUT BEFORE
YOU GET GOING,

WILL YOU TELL ME
WHY YOU'RE IN MY LOFT?

YOUR WIFE IDA
SENT US UP.

- IT'S A WHOLE-- YEAH.
- WE'RE GONNA GO.

- YOU'RE MARRIED?
- SEPARATED.

YEAH, ME, TOO.

IT'S AN EMOTIONAL
ROLLER COASTER.

- IT REALLY IS, ISN'T IT?
- SO SORRY.

WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE.

HOW'S IDA DOING
THESE DAYS?

UM...

HOW IS--
WELL, TRUTHFULLY,

SHE'S BURYING A LOT
OF STUFF. I THINK SHE'S
COVERING A LOT UP...

I DON'T THINK HE NEEDS
A WHOLE PSYCHOLOGICAL
BREAKDOWN.

NO, NO, IT'S COOL.
I WANT TO KNOW.

HEY, GUY, HI.
CAN WE MAYBE

HAVE THIS DISCUSSION
ANOTHER TIME?

THIS IS JUST GONNA
TAKE A FEW MINUTES.

IDA'S NOT RETURNING
MY E-MAILS ANYMORE.

DO YOU KNOW IF
SHE'S GETTING THEM--

I WOULD NOT GET
INTO THE WHOLE E-MAIL
SITUATION WITH YOU...

WE REALLY HAVEN'T
KNOWN HER THAT LONG,

AND I THINK WE PROBABLY
NEED TO GET GOING.

YOU'VE KNOWN HER
LONG ENOUGH TO GET
THE KEYS TO OUR LOFT.

SHE WANTED
MARIJUANA FROM YOU,

- AND SHE SENT US UP--
- WHY DON'T WE
JUST GET GOING?

OKAY. OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.

THAT MAKES
MORE SENSE.

SHE WON'T
RETURN MY LETTERS,

BUT SHE'LL SEND
2 RANDOM DUDES...

- CLARK,
- YOU DON'T--

I DON'T KNOW IF
WE'RE RANDOM DUDES.

OH, NO OFFENSE.

YOU GUYS JUST SEEM TO BE
RANDOM TO ME. GIRLS?

- RANDOM.
- DEFINITELY.

GIVE IDA MY REGARDS,
WILL YOU?

OH. OKAY. I GUESS--
THIS IS A LOT.

I DON'T KNOW IF
WE NEED ALL THIS.

DO YOU WANT ME
TO TAKE IT BACK?

NO. THIS IS GOOD.
THANKS.

OKAY. ALTHOUGH,
DO YOU HAVE,

LIKE, SOMETHING
TO SMOKE-- PAPE--

- A BONG.
- A BOWL.

- SMALL BONG OR SOMETHING.
- YEAH.

A SMOKING THING.
HERE'S A VARIETY

OF THEM ON MY TABLE.
WOULD YOU LIKE ONE?

NOT THAT.

THAT'S
A FAMILY HEIRLOOM,
YOU JACKASS.

JUST GRAB THIS.
THANKS.

SORRY FOR
INTERRUPTING
YOUR ORGY.

- READY?
- YOU GUYS LOOK SO--

ACTUALLY, WHILE I'M HERE,
CAN I ASK YOU...

- NO.
- A QUICK QUESTION?

YOU GUYS ARE
BOTH BISEXUAL?

STOP ASKING
QUESTIONS.

CAN YOU JUST TELL ME

WHEN DID YOU DISCOVER

THAT YOU WERE...

YOU KNOW,
GOOD WITH WOMEN
OR THAT YOU LIKED WOMEN?

HE'S NOT TRYING
TO BE SLEAZY.

HIS WIFE LEFT HIM
FOR A WOMAN.

- REALLY?
- OHH.

OH, SHIT.
BUMMER, DUDE.

DO YOU WANT
TO SIT DOWN?

- REALLY?
- OKAY...

THANK YOU.

IT'S THE NOT KNOWING
THAT'S THE HARDEST PART.

DID SHE KNOW
THE WHOLE TIME?

DID IT JUST HAPPEN
ONE DAY, OR WHAT?

WAS SHE PRETENDING
I WAS A WOMAN
THE WHOLE TIME?

YOU SHOULD ASK HER.

YOU KNOW,
SPEAKING FOR MYSELF,

I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT
THAT WOMEN'S BODIES

WERE BEAUTIFUL,
BUT I DIDN'T
REALLY KNOW

HOW I FELT ABOUT IT
UNTIL I TRIED IT.

ME NEITHER. I'M SURE
YOUR WIFE THOUGHT
SHE WAS STRAIGHT,

BUT ONCE SHE LET
HERSELF GO THERE,
SHE REALIZED SHE WASN'T.

YEAH. I MEAN,
NO ONE'S REALLY
STRAIGHT, ANYWAY.

- THAT'S TRUE.
- IT'S TRUE.

NO, I'M PRETTY SURE
I'M DEFINITELY
STRAIGHT.

OH, DON'T BE SILLY.

SEXUALITY IS LIKE
A COLOR SPECTRUM.

NO ONE'S REALLY
ON ONE SIDE
OR THE OTHER.

EVERYONE'S
SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN,
LIKE DIFFERENT SHADES.

GUESS THAT MAKES ME
100% SHADE
OF STRAIGHT.

WOW, MAN.
HAVE YOU EVER TRIED IT?

BEING WITH A GUY?

NO. HAVE YOU?

SURE, FEW TIMES.

IT'S HOW I TOTES
KNOW I'M STRAIGHT.

- AFTER A FEW TIMES?
- YEAH.

THAT'S THE THING.
GUYS THINK IT'S
TOTALLY NORMAL,

EVEN HOT FOR WOMEN
TO EXPERIMENT WITH
THEIR BISEXUALITY,

- IN HIGH SCHOOL, COLLEGE...
- RIGHT, RIGHT.

OR IN YOUR SITUATION.

AFTER 13 YEARS
OF MARRIAGE?

THEY'RE ALL
IN THAT MARRIAGE.

BUT THEN THOSE SAME GUYS
ARE SO ARROGANT

THAT THEY TURN AROUND,
SAY, "NO, NO, NO.

I KNOW I'M
TOTALLY STRAIGHT,"
WITHOUT CHECKING.

- YEAH.
- IT'S BULLSHIT.

YEAH. LIKE IT
COULD HAVE BEEN ME

AS MUCH AS IT COULD
HAVE BEEN HER, RIGHT?

LIKE THERE'S--
THERE'S A WORLD

WHERE I'M THE ONE
THAT FINDS OUT HE'S GAY

LATER IN LIFE, RIGHT?
IF-- YOU KNOW?

BUT YOU'RE NOT GAY.

NO, I'M JUST SAYING
HOW CAN WE BE SURE?

OK, YOUR FASHION SENSE
FOR STARTERS.

OH, GOD,
THAT'S SUCH A STEREOTYPE.

THEY'RE IN DENIAL.

I WAS THINKING
THE SAME THING.

YOU CAN'T REALLY KNOW
UNTIL YOU TRIED IT, MAN.

I'M THINKING YOU GUYS
SHOULD MAKE OUT.

- NO.
- THAT'S...

WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER
FOR A LONG TIME.
IT'D BE WEIRD.

- YEAH.
- I MEAN,

EVEN IF I WAS GAY,
HE WOULDN'T BE MY TYPE.

EXCUSE ME. WHAT IS THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

AND...

I'LL MAKE OUT WITH YOU
IF YOU WANT.

REALLY?

YEAH.

Y-YOU'RE GONNA
KISS THIS GUY?

YOU BEING SERIOUS
RIGHT NOW?

NO, THIS IS A GOOD--
THIS IS...

JUST LET IT HAPPEN.

CLARK.

- WOW.
- OKAY.

SO...?

OH, SHIT.

OH, GOD.

- OHH.
- THAT'S NOT COOL, MAN.

YOU SURE WE SHOULDN'T WAIT

TILL WE GET OUT THERE
WITH THEM?

NAH,
THEY'LL BE FINE.

BESIDES, DO YOU
REALLY WANT
TO BE SOBER

WHEN YOU TELL IDA
THAT YOU MADE OUT
WITH HER HUSBAND?

I'M NOT TELLING HER.

HE'S PROBABLY
E-MAILING HER

THE JUICY DETAILS
RIGHT NOW.

YOU MIGHT WANT
TO TELL HER.

YOU THINK I'M HOMOPHOBIC?

BECAUSE YOU
MADE OUT WITH A GUY?

NO, 'CAUSE I MADE OUT
WITH A GUY...

FUCK.
AND THEN THREW UP.

THAT'S REALLY RUDE.

THIS GUY WAS
GOING OUT OF HIS WAY

TO DO SOMETHING NICE
FOR ME,

AND I FEEL BAD,
'CAUSE HE WAS ACTUALLY--

THAT GUY WAS AWESOME.

HE WAS COOL,
AND IT DID...

I SHOULD APOLOGIZE
TO HIM A LITTLE.

LISTEN.
TAKE MY WORD. NO ONE
IN THAT APARTMENT

EVER WANTS TO SEE
YOUR FACE AGAIN.

IT'S NOT
A GOOD MEMORY
FOR THEM,

WHAT WE DID
IN THERE.

I TEND TO HAVE
THAT EFFECT ON PEOPLE.

LITTLE BIT.

CAN I ASK YOU
SOMETHING?

I REALLY DON'T
WANT TO TALK ABOUT
KISSING THAT GUY.

NO, IT'S ACTUALLY
ABOUT THE OTHER TIME
YOU THREW UP.

YOU GOTTA BE
MORE SPECIFIC.

CHILDBIRTH...

IS IT REALLY
THAT HORRIBLE?

THE GOOD NEWS IS

YOU'RE NOT THE ONE
THAT HAS TO DO IT.

AND JUST DON'T LET HER
SEE THAT YOU'RE SCARED,

AND THAT'S
ABOUT ALL YOU CAN DO.

OH, AND DON'T LET ANYONE
CONVINCE YOU TO EAT
THE PLACENTA AFTERWARDS.

I'M BEING SERIOUS, MAN.
I MEAN,

I JUST-- LOOK, I GUESS
IT'S JUST, LIKE,
AFTER THE BIRTH,

YOU KNOW, OKAY,
SHE HAS THE KID,

BUT THEN THEY GIVE YOU
THIS SOFT-SKULLED,

SLIPPERY, SLIMY,
LITTLE MUTANT,

- KIND OF HAND IT TO YOU.
- A BABY.

YEAH, THAT'S
WHAT I SAID.

WELL, ARE YOU ASKING
FOR PARENTING ADVICE?

YES, I AM. I GUESS, YES,

I AM ASKING YOU
FOR PARENTING ADVICE.

WELL, THE FIRST THING
YOU SHOULD KNOW

IS THAT YOUR LIFE,
AS YOU KNOW IT, IS--
YOU KNOW, IS DONE.

FANTASTIC.

I'M SERIOUS,

AND IT WON'T MATTER
TO YOU,

BECAUSE EVERYTHING THAT YOU
FELT WAS IMPORTANT

WILL NO LONGER
BE IMPORTANT.

FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN YOUR LIFE,

YOU WILL KNOW
WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO REALLY LOVE SOMEONE.

SOUNDS
PRETTY SPECIAL.

YEAH. IT HAS ITS MOMENTS.

I HOPE SO.

AND, YOU KNOW,
I TOTALLY GET WHAT
YOU'RE SAYING

ABOUT HIM BEING
GENUINELY COOL.

- DEFINITELY.
- I FELT COOL

JUST BEING
NEXT TO THE GUY.

- AND THE TWO WOMEN
HE WAS WITH...
- RADIANT GODDESSES.

I THINK WE'VE GOTTEN
THE POINT. THANKS.

NOBODY COVERED UP.
NOBODY COVERED UP.

I KEPT EXPECTING SOMEBODY
TO PUT SOMETHING ON.

THEY WERE JUST
TOTALLY COMFORTABLE NAKED.

I THINK WHEN YOU'RE
THAT PERFECT...

- NUDE.
- YEAH, YOU DON'T EVEN

CARE ABOUT NUDITY.
YOU'RE NEVER
EMBARRASSED,

AND YOU'RE
SO COMFORTABLE
WITH YOUR BODY.

- IF ONLY I COULD--
- OKAY!

JESUS.

SOMETHING WRONG?

NO, NOTHING IS WRONG.
YOU JUST--

YOU JUST WATCHED
MY HUSBAND

HAVE A RADIANT GODDESS
THREESOME.

THEN YOU
FRENCH-KISSED HIM,

LEFT US IN THE CAR
WHILE YOU SMOKED
YOURSELVES BRAIN-DEAD.

NO, N-NOTHING'S WRONG.

WHOA, HOLD UP.
IN CLARK'S DEFENSE,

THERE WAS NOT NEARLY
ENOUGH TONGUE

FOR THAT TO BE CONSIDERED
A BONA FIDE FRENCH KISS.

- THAT WAS--
- YEAH, THANK YOU.

- THAT WAS...
- EXPERIMENTAL.

I MEAN, IT WAS LIKE
A LITTLE BIT...

- AT BEST...
- A PECK.

YEAH,
BUT WE HONESTLY

DIDN'T THINK THAT
YOU WOULD THINK
ANYTHING OF THIS.

I MEAN,
AFTER READING
ALL THOSE E-MAILS,

THIS IS TAME
IN COMPARISON.

OKAY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M CALLING
FOR CHINESE FOOD.

WHAT'S IT LOOK
LIKE I'M DOING?

HONEY, DON'T DO THAT.
JUST TAKE A SECOND.

SERIOUSLY, TAKE--
JUST TAKE A BIG BREATH.

HE'S PROBABLY
NOT GONNA PICK UP.

YEAH, HE'S PROBABLY
BUSY UP THERE.

HE'S GOT HIS HANDS FULL,
I'D SAY, WITH--

OH, MY GOD.
CAN YOU STOP
THE CAR, PLEASE?

I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR
THE ANSWERING MACHINE.

SO I'M JUST
GONNA KEEP CALLING
UNTIL YOU PICK UP.

HI.

NO, LET ME JUST START
THE CONVERSATION

BY SAYING FUCK YOU.

CAN'T BELIEVE
HE PICKED UP.

I BET HE'S
REGRETTING IT NOW.

YOU ARE SUCH AN INFANT.

IF YOU'RE TRYING
TO GET BACK AT ME,

LIKE, WOW, WOW, JAKE,
YOU REALLY SHOWED ME.

WAIT. WHY IS HE
GETTING BACK AT HER?

- I THOUGHT--
- EXCUSE ME.

LITTLE LESS EAVESDROPPING,
MAYBE, WOULD BE NICE.

YEAH, BUT SHE LEFT
THE DOOR OPEN, SO I MEAN...

...HE LOVES ME SO MUCH

THAT HIS TINY,
LITTLE MAN-BRAIN

CAN'T FIGURE OUT
HOW TO COPE
WITH IT ALL.

NO, BUT I WAS
SO WRONG, WASN'T I?

ALISON WAS RIGHT.

YOU ARE JUST A WALKING,
TALKING ERECTION.

NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?

NO, YOU'RE NOT
THE ONLY ONE

WHO CAN DEAL WITH
THEIR PROBLEMS BY
SCREWING RANDOM STRANGERS.

NO, IT'S NOT A THREAT.

I AM GOING TO HAVE
SEXUAL INTERCOURSE
WITH SOMEONE TONIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE ONE
OF THOSE TWO LOSERS
I SENT UP TO SEE YOU.

WHO CARES? I'LL PROBABLY
JUST FLIP A COIN

OR PLAY EENY, MEENY,
MINEY, MOE.

LET'S GO.

WHAT?

OH, YOU-- YOU HEARD
ALL THAT OUT THERE?

WHAT THEY
DON'T UNDERSTAND

IS THAT YOU WERE
JUST TRYING

TO MAKE
YOUR HUSBAND JEALOUS.

SOON-TO-BE EX-HUSBAND,

AND I DON'T REALLY CARE
IF I MAKE HIM JEALOUS.

IN FACT, I DON'T CARE

WHAT THAT DIPSHIT THINKS
ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE.

RIGHT,
BUT WHAT THESE GUYS

DON'T UNDERSTAND,
BECAUSE THEY DON'T
KNOW YOU LIKE I DO,

IS THAT YOU WOULD NEVER
ACTUALLY HAVE...

HAVE MEANINGLESS
REBOUND SEX?

WHO DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE TALKING TO?

OKAY, WELL, MAYBE
WHEN YOU WERE IN YOUR...

20s, BUT...

EENY, MEENY, MINEY...

YOU'RE GONNA PICK
ONE OF US?

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE THAT'S
DISGUSTING AND
DEGRADING AND VILE.

WELL, I WAS GOING
TO SAY, ACTUALLY,

IT'S JUST KIND OF
LAME THAT YOU WOULD
LEAVE IT TO CHANCE.

WHY NOT STEP UP AND...

- YOU KNOW, DO YOU
HAVE A PREFERENCE?
- MAKE A CHOICE.

WE'RE TWO DIFFERENT
PEOPLE HERE.

YOU GOT FREE WILL.

YOU'RE KIND OF BOTH
THE SAME TO ME.

I MEAN, I'VE NEVER
SLEPT WITH A NICE GUY

AND NEVER SLEPT
WITH A LAWYER,

SO EITHER WAY,
THIS IS GOING TO BE
A NEW EXPERIENCE FOR ME.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS JOKE IS OVER.

NOBODY'S LAUGHING.
I THINK WE CAN
DROP IT NOW.

I, FOR ONE,
AM OFFENDED.

I DON'T APPRECIATE
BEING TREATED LIKE
A SEX OBJECT.

I'M OFFENDED FOR YOU.
IT'S A LITTLE
PRESUMPTUOUS

TO THINK JUST BECAUSE
YOU MIGHT DECIDE

TO DO THAT, THAT WE WOULD
JUST GO ALONG WITH IT.

OH? IS THAT RIGHT?

IT IS RIGHT.
THIS IS A MARRIED MAN,

AND MY FRIEND HAS NEVER
CHEATED ON HIS WIFE.

HE'S NOT ABOUT
TO START TONIGHT.

RIGHT.
YEAH, PROBABLY NOT.

AND THIS GUY'S GOT
THE STOMACH OF A NEWBORN,

SO, WELL, YOU KNOW,
HE MIGHT THROW UP ON YOU.

I WOULD NOT.

OKAY, OBVIOUSLY
WE ALL KNOW

MY SISTER'S
NOT SLEEPING
WITH ANYONE TONIGHT,

SO THAT'S THE END
OF THAT.

I AM GLAD
THAT YOU ARE SO SURE.

I MEAN, I HAVE
NO IDEA WHAT I'M
GONNA DO ANY NIGHT.

NONE OF US DO.
ISN'T THAT KIND OF

WHAT MAKES LIFE
INTERESTING?

HMM?

LET'S GET WASTED.

ACTUALLY, I DON'T
KNOW IF YOU WERE IN HERE

WHEN BETTY SAID
THAT WE'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO SMOKE

- INSIDE THE LIMO.
- OH, YEAH.

HEY, BETTY, IF WE GIVE YOU
AN EXTRA 200 BUCKS,

CAN WE SMOKE IN THE LIMO?

YEP. JUST ROLL DOWN
THE WINDOWS.

THANK YOU.

PACK IT.

I FEEL LIKE DRUGS
ARE STRONGER NOW

THAN WHEN
WE WERE YOUNGER.

I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS.

THAT'S GREAT.

YOU KNOW, IT'S BAD
ENOUGH YOU GUYS LEFT
THE WINDOWS ROLLED UP,

BUT YOU GUYS CAN'T
GO OUT THERE LIKE THIS.

YOU'RE SUCH
A STICK-IN-THE-MUD.

WE'RE JUST GOING
FOR A SWIM.

A SWIM? I CAN'T PARK
AT THIS HOUR.

CAN'T REALLY
CLOSE THE OCEAN.

YEAH.

- THAT WOULD BE LIKE
CLOSING THE SKY.
- AND THE SUN.

LIKE A BLADE
OF GRASS.

OKAY, HIPPIES,

LISTEN
VERY CLOSELY.

THIS ISN'T
WOODSTOCK.

THIS IS MY JOB,

SO PLEASE GET
BACK IN THE CAR,

BEFORE WE ALL
GET IN TROUBLE.

SORRY.

THAT IS
A REALLY WEIRD LAUGH.

THAT SOUNDS WORSE
THAN I REMEMBER.

- RACE ME TO THE OCEAN.

WHAT IS SHE SCARED OF,
THE BEACH POLICE?

THEY'RE GONNA GET US?

THEY'RE GONNA
GET YOU!

FREEZE! FREEZE!
IT'S THE BEACH POLICE!

FEEL.

YOU KNOW THE FEEL.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

GET OUT OF THERE!

COME OUT OF THERE.

WHAT, YOU CAN'T READ?

WE CLOSE AT SUNSET.

YOU CAN'T
CLOSE THE OCEAN.

THAT'S
TOTALLY ABSURD.

WELL, UNFORTUNATELY
IT'S ALSO MY JOB.

BUT WE'RE HAVING FUN.

I CAN SEE THAT.

- WE'RE SO HIGH.
- OH, NO.

- PARDON ME?
- SHH.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA
ARREST US, ARE YOU?

IS THAT WHAT'S
HAPPENING HERE?
ARE YOU ARRESTING--

I CAN'T GO TO JAIL.
I HAVE KIDS, SIR.

I HAVE KIDS.
I HAVE A KID.

I HAVE ONLY ONE,
BUT SHE'S SO
ATTACHED TO ME.

CALM DOWN. I DON'T
HAVE THE AUTHORITY
TO ARREST ANYBODY,

BUT IF YOU PEOPLE
DON'T MAKE IT
TO YOUR VEHICLES

IN THE NEXT
FIVE SECONDS,

THEN I'M GOING TO CALL
SOMEONE WHO CAN.

- THANK YOU.
- AND PUT ON SOME CLOTHES!

OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

UM...

WHERE'S THE CAR?

THE CAR?
WHERE ARE
OUR CLOTHES?

- DO YOU THINK
- SOMEONE STOLE THEM?

YEAH, PEOPLE JUST LURK
AROUND PARKING LOTS

LOOKING
TO STEAL CLOTHES.

WELL, OBVIOUSLY
SOMEONE TOOK THEM.

MAYBE WE'RE JUST
IN THE WRONG LOT.

ARE THERE OTHER LOTS?

SURE, ALL UP
AND DOWN THE BEACH.

WHAT ARE YOU TALK--
IT'S OBVIOUS
WHAT HAPPENED.

YOUR SCREWY DRIVER
LEFT US.

MY DRIVER?

THE DRIVER THAT YOU HIRED
LEFT US HERE, YEAH.

OH, SO IT'S
MY FAULT?

CATEGORICALLY
YOUR FAULT.

YOU KNOW, EXCUSE ME
FOR TRYING TO GIVE YOU
A TIME-OUT

FROM THE BORING
BLACK HOLE
YOU CALL A LIFE.

THIS WAS NEVER ABOUT ME.

DON'T ACT LIKE YOU
DID THIS ALL FOR ME.

THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN
AN EXCUSE FOR YOU

TO TAKE A BREAK
FROM YOUR PROBLEMS.

NOTHING'S WRONG
WITH MY LIFE.

I'M NOT THE ONE
WHO WISHES HE DIDN'T
DROP OUT OF GRAD SCHOOL

TO BECOME
A PREP SCHOOL TEACHER.

YOU'RE THE ONE THAT
GOT A WOMAN PREGNANT

THAT YOU HATE,
THEN MARRIED HER.

AT LEAST
SHE'S STRAIGHT.

CAN WE GET BACK
TO THE FACT

THAT WE'RE STRANDED
IN THE MIDDLE
OF NOWHERE

WITHOUT ANY CLOTHES ON?

YEAH, ONLY, SOME OF US
MANAGED TO RETAIN
OUR BRASSIERES.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT, OKAY.

IF YOU WANT TO MAKE
A FEDERAL CASE
ABOUT THIS,

I'M SORRY THAT I'M NOT
ASHAMED ABOUT MY BODY

AND THAT I DON'T
ROLL OUT OF BED

AND JUST THROW ON
THE OLD YOGA PANTS,

THROW MY SPLIT ENDS
IN A PONYTAIL,

AND WALK OUT THE DOOR.

WELL, I HAVE BETTER
THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT
THAN MY APPEARANCE.

OF COURSE.
THE PRESSING ISSUE
OF GETTING TO KINDER BALLET

AND SWIM LESSONS WITHOUT
LOSING THE STRING CHEESE.
RIGHT. I FORGOT.

OH, IS THAT
WHAT THIS IS ABOUT?

YOU'RE JEALOUS
THAT I'M A MOM.

WELL, I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY THAT YOU
CAN'T HAVE A BABY.

I AM SORRY.

I'M SO SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.

NO, DON'T BE.

I ACTUALLY--
I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.

'CAUSE YOU THINK
IT'S EVERY WOMAN'S GOAL
IN LIFE TO BE A MOTHER.

JAKE FEELS THE SAME WAY,
AND HE ALMOST
CONVINCED ME.

BUT YOU KNOW
THE FIRST THOUGHT I HAD
WHEN I GOT PREGNANT

WAS, "NO,

I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP
MY AMBITIONS

AND MY HOPE
AND MY IDENTITY

THE WAY ALISON DID,"

SO I GOT RID OF IT.

WHAT?

I HAD AN ABORTION,
ALISON.

NO, YOU DIDN'T.

I DID, AND THEN
I HID IT FROM YOU,

BECAUSE I KNEW YOU
WOULD NEVER UNDERSTAND.

AND I DIDN'T WANT
TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS.

YOU HAD AN ABORTION,

YOU RUINED
YOUR MARRIAGE,

AND YOU MOVED
BACK IN WITH OUR MOM

SO YOU WOULDN'T
HAVE TO BE LIKE ME?

WELL, AT LEAST
YOU DIDN'T HURT
MY FEELINGS.

- WAIT.
- WHAT DID--

WHERE'S
SHE GOING?

YOU CAN'T GO UP THERE
DRESSED LIKE THAT! WAIT!

NO, YOU'RE GONNA END UP
ON A MILK CARTON!

IT'S COMING!

GO ON. GET IN.

WHY'D YOU DRIVE AWAY?

TOLD YOU THERE WAS
NO PARKING.

COP WAS GONNA
GIVE ME A TICKET.

WHERE ARE OUR CLOTHES?

WHAT CLOTHES?

PSYCH.

HONESTLY, I WOULD HAVE
LEFT YOU GUYS HERE,

BUT AFTER ALL THAT,
I DIDN'T WANT TO FOREGO

THE ENORMOUS TIP
YOU WERE GONNA GIVE ME.

I'M SUPPOSED
TO GIVE YOU A TIP?

I'M GONNA PRETEND
I DIDN'T HEAR THAT.

JUST SO YOU KNOW,
NEXT TANK OF GAS
IS ON YOU GUYS.

I GOT THE ALL-INCLUSIVE
DELUXE PACKAGE.

OKAY, FINE.
I'LL BUY THE GAS.

FINE. I'LL SAY IT.

YOU WERE RIGHT.

THIS WHOLE NIGHT
WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA.

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY, TOO.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY

ALL THAT STUFF
I SAID BACK THERE.

I KNOW YOU ARE.

I AM, TOO.

I'M NOT SORRY.

WELL, THAT'S
VERY BIG OF YOU.

YEAH. I WAS HAVING
FUN OUT THERE.

BEFORE ALL
THE SAVAGE HONESTY
BEGAN, RIGHT,

THAT WAS--
THAT WAS FUN.

SURE.

I GUESS.

AND THE NIGHT'S
NOT OVER YET.

YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?

I'M DONE.

DITTO.

STICK A FORK IN ME.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOTTA DO,

GO HOME,
GET INTO BED,

PICK DIANE'S
LONG, BRISTLY HAIRS
OFF THE PILLOW,

WAIT FOR HER
TO GET HOME TOMORROW,

BUG YOU ABOUT CLEANING
THE LITTER BOX.

THAT'S THE FIRST THING
SHE'S GONNA DO
WHEN SHE WAKES UP.

WHY DON'T YOU CLEAN IT
BEFORE SHE GETS UP?

NOT A CHANCE.

ARE YOU DESPERATE
TO GET BACK TO YOUR MOM'S

RETIREMENT COMMUNITY
IN RANCHO MIRAGE?

OKAY, IT'S PALM DESERT,
SWEATPANTS,

AND YOU KIND OF HAVE
A VALID POINT.

WHEN'S THE LAST TIME
THAT YOU WERE OUT

WITHOUT YOUR HUSBAND
OR DAUGHTER?

LET'S FACE IT.
YOUR SOCIAL LIFE

ISN'T THAT MUCH
DIFFERENT THAN MINE.

OKAY, THAT'S
JUST PLAIN MEAN.

SO WHAT ARE YOU
SUGGESTING?

BETTY, HI.

WHEN YOU'RE
DONE REFUELING,

COULD YOU TAKE US
SOMEPLACE BEAUTIFUL?

IT'S A STRANGE CITY,
ISN'T IT?

ALWAYS LOOKS
SO MUCH BETTER AT NIGHT.

AND FROM FAR AWAY.

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHY PEOPLE WOULD WANT
TO LIVE IN A CITY

THAT'S SO CLEARLY UNSUITED
TO SUSTAIN LIFE.

WE SHOULD
SLEEP TOGETHER.

- EXCUSE ME?
- I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

YOU HAD MENTIONED IT
EARLIER,

AND I THINK YOU
MIGHT HAVE BEEN
ONTO SOMETHING.

I'M CONFUSED
AND UNHAPPY,

AND YOU'RE CONFUSED
AND UNHAPPY,

AND YOU THINK
I'M NICE,

AND I THINK
YOU'RE STUNNING
AND INTERESTING

AND QUITE POSSIBLY

THE MOST TERRIFYING
WOMAN I'VE EVER MET.

OKAY, I CAN'T TELL IF
YOU'RE BEING SERIOUS
RIGHT NOW.

- HE'S NOT.
- I AM.

WHY SHOULDN'T WE?

MIGHT DO US
SOME GOOD.

STOP EMBARRASSING
YOURSELF.

SHE WAS JUST MAKING FUN
OF US BEFORE.

WERE YOU?

NO, NOT-- NOT ENTIRELY.

OH, COME ON.
ADMIT IT.

YOU'D NEVER SLEEP
WITH A GUY LIKE HIM.

OKAY, YOU DON'T
EVEN KNOW ME,

AND YOU DON'T
GIVE YOUR FRIEND
ENOUGH CREDIT HERE.

HE'S A REALLY
UNIQUE PERSON.

IDA.

YOU KNOW WILL'S RIGHT.

YOU TWO CAN ARGUE
AND JOKE AROUND

AND EVEN FLIRT
ALL NIGHT LONG,

BUT THE HARD TRUTH
IS PEOPLE WHO
LOOK LIKE YOU

DON'T SLEEP
WITH GUYS LIKE HIM.

UNLESS MAYBE HE HAD
A PRIVATE JET
OR SOMETHING.

WOW, THAT'S REALLY
A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY.

'CAUSE IT'S THE TRUTH?

OKAY, YOU TWO
HAVE NO RIGHT

TO GIVE ANYONE
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE.

COME ON, LOVER BOY.

SHE'S BLUFFING.

I KNOW.

IT'S RIDICULOUS.

- WHERE YOU GOING?
- I DON'T KNOW,

BUT I'M NOT GONNA
STAND AROUND
LIKE A FOOL

WHILE THEY ARE DOING
WHATEVER THEY'RE
DOING IN THERE.

WAIT.

WAS THAT ALL
FOR THEIR BENEFIT?

I DON'T KNOW.

GUESS YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO FIND OUT.

HMM.

I LIKE THIS
DECISIVE NEW YOU.

YEAH. IT'S WORKING
PRETTY WELL SO FAR.

ALTHOUGH,
BETTY CAN YOU SEE US?

THERE ARE SOME
SECURITY CAMERAS.

ARE YOU ALLOWED
TO TURN THEM OFF?

NOT A CHANCE.

WAIT. ARE YOU GUYS

PLANNING ON HAVING SEX
IN THE CAR?

MAYBE.

NO WORRIES.
I'D RATHER

CLAW MY OWN EYES OUT
THAN WATCH YOU.

THANK YOU?

ALSO THERE'S
A TRASH BIN.

USE IT.

PRETEND I DIDN'T HEAR THAT.

THAT'S SO-- YEAH.

PROBABLY HAVING SEX
RIGHT NOW.

CAN YOU IMAGINE?

I'D RATHER NOT.

I DON'T KNOW
HOW SHE DOES IT.

I COULD NEVER
SLEEP WITH SOMEONE
I JUST MET,

NO MATTER HOW ATTRACTED
TO HIM I WAS.

GOOD FOR YOU.

DON'T BE A JERK.

MAYBE YOU AND IDA
ARE RIGHT.

MAYBE I'M FRIGID.

YOU ARE NOT FRIGID.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

JUST A FEELING.

ARE YOU
IMPLYING SOMETHING?

OF COURSE NOT.

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW

WHAT YOU WERE
FEELING BACK THERE
AT THE BEACH.

ME? I WASN'T
FEELING ANYTHING.

WHAT COULD I HAVE
POSSIBLY BEEN FEELING?

I WOULDN'T KNOW.

NEITHER WOULD I.

GOOD, BECAUSE I WASN'T
FEELING ANYTHING,

AND I THINK
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT.

OBVIOUSLY.
NEITHER WAS I.

OBVIOUSLY.

BUT EVEN IF I WAS...

FEELING
SOMETHING?

WHICH I WASN'T.

OF COURSE NOT.

I WOULD NEVER
ACT ON IT.

BECAUSE
YOU'RE FRIGID?

BECAUSE I'M MARRIED.

OH, YEAH. THAT, TOO.

OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE BEING ABSURD.

- SORRY. I'M NOT--
- JUST KISS ME.

- I'M NOT GONNA BITE YOU.
- SORRY.

- DID I-- WHAT?
- NO. I DON'T KNOW.

- I DON'T KNOW.
- OKAY.

I DON'T KNOW.
THAT WAS WEIRD. SORRY.

OKAY.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, NOW YOU'RE
MAKING ME ALL WEIRD.

- NOW I'M THINKING ABOUT IT.
- SORRY.

I'VE KISSED, LIKE,
HUNDREDS OF GUYS.

SO WHY IS THIS
SO WEIRD?

- I DON'T KNOW.
- OKAY.

HUNDREDS? OH.

BUT, OK, SO HOW ABOUT...

COUNT OF THREE?

- ALL RIGHT.
- OKAY.

- OKAY.
- 1, 2, 3.

YOU OKAY?

UM...

NO, I'M GOOD.
I'M GOOD.

THIS ISN'T--
THIS ISN'T
'CAUSE OF YOU.

- UM...
- IDA.

YOU DON'T
HAVE TO DO THI--

WE DON'T--
THIS IS SILLY FOR--

I WANT--
I WANT TO DO THIS.

YOU OBVIOUSLY STILL
LOVE YOUR HUSBAND, AND...

IT'S OBVIOUS?

YEAH.

LOOK...

GOD, LOVE IS
THE WORST, ISN'T IT?

YEAH, IT REALLY IS.

I'M SO SORRY.

NO, DON'T, PLEASE.

DON'T SAY THAT.
THIS WAS WONDERFUL.

THIS REALLY--
THIS WAS ENOUGH FOR ME.

AH, SEX IS THE WORST.

- YOU DON'T MEAN THAT.
- YES, I DO.

IF YOU ARE FRIGID,

YOU SHOULD BE THANKFUL.

WITH MY SEXLESS EXISTENCE?

EXACTLY.

MY WIFE AND I
WERE HAVING SEX

HALFWAY THROUGH OUR
FIRST CONVERSATION.

- AND THAT'S BAD?
- YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

WE USED TO DO IT
ALL THE TIME,

NOT JUST
ORDINARY SEX.

IT WAS GREAT.

GREAT SEX?

SOUNDS TERRIBLE.

WELL, UNTIL WE
STOPPED TO CATCH
OUR BREATH

AND REALIZED
THAT EXCEPT
FOR IN BED,

WE ARE COMPLETELY
INCOMPATIBLE.

AT LEAST YOU'RE
COMPATIBLE IN BED.

YEAH, WELL, THOSE YEARS
ARE LONG GONE.

YEAH, I KNOW
WHAT YOU MEAN.

YEAH?

SIMON AND I USED
TO JUST BE INSATIABLE,

AND NOW--

NEVER MIND.

I DON'T KNOW WHY
I'M TELLING YOU THIS.

- WHAT?
- YOU WON'T UNDERSTAND.

WHAT? I'M SMARTER
THAN I LOOK.

YEAH, YOU'D HAVE TO BE.

THANK YOU.

YOU OLD CHARMER.

I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS...

HE USED TO TOUCH ME,
AND I...

I LOVED IT.

I MEAN, IT REALLY
TURNED ME ON,

AND THEN...

SOMETHING HAPPENED
AFTER SARA WAS BORN.

WE WERE HAVING SEX,

AND HE WAS KISSING
MY BREASTS, AND I...

MY DAUGHTER HAD
JUST BEEN BREAST-FEEDING

30 MINUTES BEFORE,

AND SHE WAS GONNA BE
BREAST-FEEDING AGAIN
IN TWO HOURS,

AND I LOOKED DOWN AT MY...

I LOOKED AT MY VAGINA,
AND IT JUST LOOKED SAD,

JUST LOOKED SO TIRED,
LIKE I'M DONE,

LIKE I'VE DONE THIS
BEFORE, AND I--

I DON'T-- I'M--
I DON'T KNOW.

THAT WAS IT.

IT WAS LIKE...

THE PASSIONATE PART
OF MY LIFE WAS OVER,

AND THAT WAS OKAY,

'CAUSE I LOVE
MY DAUGHTER,

AND I LOVE MY HUSBAND.

THAT'S-- I DON'T KNOW.
THAT'S ENOUGH.

HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN
SINCE YOU'VE HAD SEX?

LIKE NINE MONTHS.

YOU DON'T MISS IT?

HOW LONG FOR YOU?

WELL, FOR ME,
IT'S, I GUESS,
FOUR MONTHS,

THREE DAYS,
AND ABOUT SIX HOURS.

- SIX HOURS?
- YEAH.

WELL, WHO NEEDS SEX,
ANYWAY?

THERE YOU GO.

THAT'S--
THAT'S THE SPIRIT.

I DON'T NEED IT.

DEFINITELY NOT.

YEAH, NOT US.

IS THIS A GOOD IDEA?

I REALLY DON'T THINK SO.

YEAH, PROBABLY NOT.

SHIT.

- SHIT.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER?

OH, NOTHING. I ONLY
JUST MADE THE BIGGEST
MISTAKE OF MY LIFE.

YOU MEAN ME.

I DON'T MEAN YOU.

I JUST MEAN THE WHOLE--

NAH, IT'S OKAY.
I GET IT.

I FEEL EXACTLY
THE SAME WAY.

THEY'LL BE BACK SOON.

ALISON'S JUST TRYING
TO MAKE A POINT.

WHAT POINT?

WHO KNOWS?

ARE YOU WORRIED YOUR KIDS
ARE ALREADY UP?

NO, BUT I SHOULD
BE GETTING HOME.

I DON'T WANT THEM
TO KNOW THAT I'M
A PARTY ANIMAL

WHO STAYS UP ALL NIGHT
SMOKING REEFER

AND BEDDING
STRANGE WOMEN.

SECRET'S SAFE WITH ME,
SWEATPANTS.

THANK YOU.

OKAY, JUST TO WARN YOU,

MY SISTER'S
GOING TO GIVE US

A MONUMENTALLY HARD TIME
ABOUT SLEEPING TOGETHER.

WELL-- WE DIDN'T
SLEEP TOGETHER.

TRY TELLING HER THAT.
YOU KNOW HOW SHE IS.

SHE GETS
A VICARIOUS THRILL

OUT OF PEOPLE
BEHAVING BADLY,

ESPECIALLY WHEN ONE
OF THOSE PEOPLE IS ME.

SURE WILL'S GONNA
THROW A FEW BARBS
MY WAY, TOO.

I-- I KIND OF
DON'T CARE. SCREW HIM.

WHAT?

WE HAVE NOTHING
TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT,

AND EVEN IF SOMETHING
HAD HAPPENED,

I WOULDN'T BE
EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT.

THANKS.

- HEY.
- HEY.

MORNING.

IS IT?

YOU DON'T THINK
THAT THEY...?

THAT WASN'T
A VERY GOOD IDEA.

IT REALLY WASN'T.

HEY. WAIT UP.

YOU GONNA BE OKAY?

ARE YOU?

I DON'T KNOW.

THANK YOU
FOR TONIGHT, ALI.

- IDA.
- YEAH?

WHAT DO I DO?

ABOUT WHAT?

ABOUT MY LIFE.

ARE YOU...

ARE YOU ASKING ME
FOR ADVICE RIGHT NOW?

YOU GO HOME, AND YOU
JUST TELL SIMON THE TRUTH

ABOUT EVERYTHING,
NOT JUST ABOUT TONIGHT.

AND THEN YOU JUST...

SEE HOW IT PLAYS OUT.

THAT SOUNDS HORRIBLE.

YEAH.

IS THAT WHAT
YOU'RE GONNA DO?

MM-HMM.

CALL ME LATER.

REPEATEDLY.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU.

OKAY, BE SAFE.

YOU BE SAFE.

WE'LL BE GOOD.

YOU SLEEP OFF
THOSE WINE COOLERS.

WHERE TO NOW, GENTLEMEN?

WOULD IT BE OKAY
IF I CRASH

AT YOUR HOUSE
FOR A FEW DAYS?

YEAH.

HOME, PLEASE.

PLEASURE.

THANKS FOR TONIGHT,
WILL.

NO PROBLEM.

WE SHOULD DO IT
AGAIN SOMETIME.

YEAH.

MAYBE
COUPLE OF YEARS?

SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.

YEAH.