Original subtitles

There was no option of bailing for me at any point.

It was definitely something I had to go through with.

I had my moment of kind of shock

when I realized I had to have sex with this guy.

That whole time, I was just shaking like a leaf.

But I also had to just take a deep breath and be like, okay, this is what this is.

This isn't about me being aroused

or me being... like, wanting to have sex necessarily.

So for me, it was just more of, like, a matter of execution.

I think secrets are hard.

We're social creatures,

and having to lie and having to keep secrets

from people you're close to can be damaging.

It's very isolating.

I realize that if I want intimate relationships,

I'm gonna need to talk about it.

I have always been so grateful for the activism

and the amazing things you did for the women's movement in your time

because I couldn't be doing what I'm doing now

if you hadn't, you know, kicked ass and taken names your whole life.

We did have to do a bit of that.

You did.

I'm officially a pole dance instructor.

Ah! -Yeah.

Pole dancing? -Yes.

Oh, my goodness.

Okay. -It's really cool.

I've been doing it and I got hired.

You keep pushing these edges.

I do.

I want to master everything

and then have stories to tell my grandchildren.

That you're never having.

You know, I will tell other people's grandchildren.

There we go.

I started in the industry when I was 19.

I'm 24 now,

and when I was 19, I was a ballet dancer,

so started there.

Sex work is what gave me enough money to move into school

after an injury retired me from ballet.

That supported me through school and I just graduated this past summer.

So now it's supporting me in my many adventures in life.

I really just wanna spend...

some number of years traveling around and having fun

instead of going to grad school.

No grad school?

I mean, I find...

psychopharm and neuroscience to be fascinating,

but a lot of my motivation would be

go to grad school so I can get a good job

and make good money

so someday I can retire and have fun.

Or... -Or...

Have a job that you love. -Uh-huh.

And not be interested in retiring

because it's so much fun.

But I'm not sure I want to work 40 to 80 hours a week.

The idea of a 40-hour work week is unethical.

That's the majority of my life,

and I don't wanna spend it toward other people's goals.

I want to be free.

My thoughts are that you can always go to grad school.

Mm-hmm.

My degree is not going anywhere. -No.

I've never been motivated

to fit in with society.

If anything, I kind of held my being different

kind of as a badge of honor.

That's why you have to find a job you love.

I have found a job that I am completely fascinated with.

One client books me for days at a time,

spends the entire time insulting my tattoos,

and then, at the end of it, tells me he's in love with me.

Like...

And I find it so sad

that people need to turn intimacy into a power game like that.

And I find it really sweet that I can...

provide that service.

Which I suspect applies to more than one client.

Mm-hmm.

I didn't tell my aunt until maybe a year ago

after the first time I was on the local news

at a protest about sex work rights.

She was upset that I'd lied to her, but she was like, "Yeah.

Do what you wanna do."

Well, and then you're sticking your neck out

in an area that is against the law.

Yep.

Which has its own risks.

I was...

extremely offended

that you had lied to me for a year or two.

Mm-hmm.

If you were not in charge

of your own client list...

Mm-hmm.

I would be concerned.

But I... I would choose to let you go your own way.

Mm-hmm.

Because you'd be aware of the consequences.

Not everyone your age would be.

Yeah.

But I... I know you are,

so, you know, you're kind of stuck with it.

I'll come visit you in jail, but, you know...

Oh, thank you. You're very sweet.

Yeah.

It's like...

Hi! -Hey.

Hi!

Hey, sweetheart. -Oh.

I missed you today.

How was your day? -Good.

I already knew how she was gonna react.

I already know she was gonna be pumped

because she made money.

Work went well? -Oh, my gosh, it was great.

Yeah? -So easy.

Easiest $1.200 I've ever made!

That was kind of a joke. I'm just like, are you serious?

Nice guy, right? -Yeah.

Good. -Super easy, very sweet.

Good.

She was intimate with another man

for work

and she left that there, so...

She didn't cry.

I didn't need to, like, hold her.

It lasted literally, like, 20 seconds.

Yeah.

Literally, it was, like, 20 seconds.

Really? -Yes.

I was so nervous right before.

Like, I walked in

and I just was, like, shaking like a leaf.

Yeah. -Like, when I was walking in.

'Cause I just was like, fuck, I don't know what he looks like,

I don't know where I am, I don't know who...

Like, what every... like, what to expect,

but ten minutes after we, like, walked in his place, it was fine.

Like, once the clothes started coming off, that's when the tables turned

and I was like, okay, I have the upper hand in this situation.

So I think he felt nervous more than I did.

And he was just like, "You're amazing! You're so amazing!

You're so sweet."

I was really afraid that I was gonna feel some kind of,

like, attachment between them two,

but I didn't.

It was very separate.

And she can hold me, give me a kiss,

and tell me she loved me, and...

you know, that was... that was all I needed.

All my tips from this last week.

I'm like, 300!

From, like, working my ass off.

So stupid.

If I see this guy...

He suggested twice a month,

that's an extra $2.400 at least a month.

That's what I make in two weeks busting my ass,

like, 60 hours a week or 70 hours a week.

Going to make a deposit.

I do love her.

I think that if I didn't love her so much,

then maybe I would resent her a little bit for it.

Just a little bit.

But I don't resent her for it.

And I know she loves me so damn much

that the moment she walks out of that hotel room,

that house, whatever, wherever she is,

then first thing she's thinking about is me.

You're my trophy husband.

Aww.

I'll take that. -I love you.

You never understand how much you love someone

until they put you into that... like, that... That thought process.

Like, how... like, oh, I'm...

You know, oh, I'm waiting here

while my partner is, like, sleeping with somebody else.

But...

All right, you ready? -Yes.

Are you gonna... It's pretty temperate out.

I love her.

I'm in love with her and I'm gonna marry this person,

and it doesn't change at all

how I feel about her.

But there's also a little thing that I would like you to do.

What's that?

Just take a shower. -I will take a shower.

God.

I will be there when it breaks her.

'Cause it will.

She's gotta break at some point.

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