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1
00:00:03,170 --> 00:00:06,131
There was no option of bailing
for me at any point.
2
00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:09,218
It was definitely something
I had to go through with.
3
00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:13,430
I had my moment of kind of shock
4
00:00:13,472 --> 00:00:16,934
when I realized I had to have sex
with this guy.
5
00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:20,646
That whole time,
I was just shaking like a leaf.
6
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:25,317
But I also had to just take a deep breath
and be like, okay, this is what this is.
7
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:28,654
This isn't about me being aroused
8
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:33,450
or me being... like, wanting
to have sex necessarily.
9
00:00:33,492 --> 00:00:36,954
So for me, it was just more of,
like, a matter of execution.
10
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:54,847
I think secrets are hard.
11
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,223
We're social creatures,
12
00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:59,142
and having to lie
and having to keep secrets
13
00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:02,646
from people you're close to
can be damaging.
14
00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:04,898
It's very isolating.
15
00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:07,526
I realize that if I want
intimate relationships,
16
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,194
I'm gonna need to talk about it.
17
00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:13,365
I have always been so grateful
for the activism
18
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:16,910
and the amazing things you did
for the women's movement in your time
19
00:01:16,952 --> 00:01:19,538
because I couldn't be doing
what I'm doing now
20
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:23,458
if you hadn't, you know, kicked ass
and taken names your whole life.
21
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:24,960
We did have to do a bit of that.
22
00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:26,670
You did.
23
00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:29,089
I'm officially a pole dance instructor.
24
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:30,716
Ah!
-Yeah.
25
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:33,552
Pole dancing?
-Yes.
26
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:34,553
Oh, my goodness.
27
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:35,804
Okay.
-It's really cool.
28
00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:37,472
I've been doing it and I got hired.
29
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:39,141
You keep pushing these edges.
30
00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:40,350
I do.
31
00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:42,644
I want to master everything
32
00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:45,981
and then have stories
to tell my grandchildren.
33
00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:47,316
That you're never having.
34
00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:49,943
You know, I will tell
other people's grandchildren.
35
00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:50,861
There we go.
36
00:01:50,903 --> 00:01:52,529
I started in the industry
when I was 19.
37
00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:53,947
I'm 24 now,
38
00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:57,451
and when I was 19, I was a ballet dancer,
39
00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:58,911
so started there.
40
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:02,789
Sex work is what gave me enough money
to move into school
41
00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:05,375
after an injury retired me from ballet.
42
00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:09,087
That supported me through school
and I just graduated this past summer.
43
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:12,466
So now it's supporting me
in my many adventures in life.
44
00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:15,302
I really just wanna spend...
45
00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:17,804
some number of years traveling around
and having fun
46
00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:19,515
instead of going to grad school.
47
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:20,849
No grad school?
48
00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:22,935
I mean, I find...
49
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:25,938
psychopharm and neuroscience
to be fascinating,
50
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:28,023
but a lot of my motivation would be
51
00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:31,026
go to grad school
so I can get a good job
52
00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:33,779
and make good money
53
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:36,281
so someday I can retire and have fun.
54
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:37,199
Or...
-Or...
55
00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:39,660
Have a job that you love.
-Uh-huh.
56
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:42,538
And not be interested in retiring
57
00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:43,914
because it's so much fun.
58
00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:48,544
But I'm not sure I want to work
40 to 80 hours a week.
59
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:52,214
The idea of a 40-hour work week
is unethical.
60
00:02:52,256 --> 00:02:53,632
That's the majority of my life,
61
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:56,468
and I don't wanna spend it
toward other people's goals.
62
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:57,553
I want to be free.
63
00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:00,472
My thoughts are
that you can always go to grad school.
64
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:01,431
Mm-hmm.
65
00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:03,976
My degree is not going anywhere.
-No.
66
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,812
I've never been motivated
67
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:09,439
to fit in with society.
68
00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:12,651
If anything, I kind of held
my being different
69
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,486
kind of as a badge of honor.
70
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,947
That's why you have to find a job
you love.
71
00:03:16,989 --> 00:03:20,492
I have found a job
that I am completely fascinated with.
72
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:23,912
One client books me for days at a time,
73
00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:26,623
spends the entire time
insulting my tattoos,
74
00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:29,418
and then, at the end of it,
tells me he's in love with me.
75
00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:31,962
Like...
76
00:03:32,004 --> 00:03:33,422
And I find it so sad
77
00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:37,176
that people need to turn intimacy
into a power game like that.
78
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,678
And I find it really sweet that I can...
79
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,723
provide that service.
80
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:45,601
Which I suspect applies
to more than one client.
81
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:46,602
Mm-hmm.
82
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:49,855
I didn't tell my aunt
until maybe a year ago
83
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,940
after the first time
I was on the local news
84
00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:54,860
at a protest about sex work rights.
85
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:58,488
She was upset that I'd lied to her,
but she was like, "Yeah.
86
00:03:58,530 --> 00:04:00,699
Do what you wanna do."
87
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,160
Well, and then
you're sticking your neck out
88
00:04:03,202 --> 00:04:06,830
in an area that is against the law.
89
00:04:06,872 --> 00:04:07,998
Yep.
90
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,459
Which has its own risks.
91
00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:12,461
I was...
92
00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:15,422
extremely offended
93
00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:17,174
that you had lied to me for a year or two.
94
00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:18,050
Mm-hmm.
95
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,427
If you were not in charge
96
00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:22,846
of your own client list...
97
00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:23,972
Mm-hmm.
98
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:27,017
I would be concerned.
99
00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:30,562
But I... I would choose to let you go
your own way.
100
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:31,605
Mm-hmm.
101
00:04:31,647 --> 00:04:33,732
Because you'd be aware
of the consequences.
102
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,484
Not everyone your age would be.
103
00:04:35,526 --> 00:04:36,902
Yeah.
104
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,488
But I... I know you are,
105
00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:42,074
so, you know, you're kind of stuck
with it.
106
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,843
I'll come visit you in jail,
but, you know...
107
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,136
Oh, thank you.
You're very sweet.
108
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,453
Yeah.
109
00:04:46,495 --> 00:04:47,579
It's like...
110
00:04:50,374 --> 00:04:53,043
Hi!
-Hey.
111
00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:55,462
Hi!
112
00:04:57,756 --> 00:04:59,550
Hey, sweetheart.
-Oh.
113
00:04:59,591 --> 00:05:01,134
I missed you today.
114
00:05:01,176 --> 00:05:04,721
How was your day?
-Good.
115
00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:06,473
I already knew how she was gonna react.
116
00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:08,725
I already know she was gonna be pumped
117
00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:10,978
because she made money.
118
00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:13,021
Work went well?
-Oh, my gosh, it was great.
119
00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:14,690
Yeah?
-So easy.
120
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:17,818
Easiest $1.200 I've ever made!
121
00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:20,654
That was kind of a joke.
I'm just like, are you serious?
122
00:05:20,696 --> 00:05:21,905
Nice guy, right?
-Yeah.
123
00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:24,491
Good.
-Super easy, very sweet.
124
00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:25,367
Good.
125
00:05:25,409 --> 00:05:29,454
She was intimate with another man
126
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:30,455
for work
127
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:33,083
and she left that there, so...
128
00:05:33,125 --> 00:05:34,418
She didn't cry.
129
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:35,961
I didn't need to, like, hold her.
130
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:39,339
It lasted literally, like, 20 seconds.
131
00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:40,424
Yeah.
132
00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:44,052
Literally, it was, like, 20 seconds.
133
00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:45,721
Really?
-Yes.
134
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,681
I was so nervous right before.
135
00:05:47,723 --> 00:05:49,016
Like, I walked in
136
00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:51,768
and I just was, like, shaking like a leaf.
137
00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:53,353
Yeah.
-Like, when I was walking in.
138
00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:55,540
'Cause I just was like, fuck,
I don't know what he looks like,
139
00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:57,733
I don't know where I am,
I don't know who...
140
00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:01,236
Like, what every... like, what to expect,
141
00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:05,240
but ten minutes after we, like,
walked in his place, it was fine.
142
00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:08,619
Like, once the clothes started coming off,
that's when the tables turned
143
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:12,456
and I was like, okay,
I have the upper hand in this situation.
144
00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:15,626
So I think he felt nervous
more than I did.
145
00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:18,462
And he was just like, "You're amazing!
You're so amazing!
146
00:06:18,504 --> 00:06:19,505
You're so sweet."
147
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:23,133
I was really afraid
that I was gonna feel some kind of,
148
00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:25,093
like, attachment between them two,
149
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:26,637
but I didn't.
150
00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:28,555
It was very separate.
151
00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:31,767
And she can hold me, give me a kiss,
152
00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:36,146
and tell me she loved me, and...
153
00:06:36,188 --> 00:06:38,649
you know,
that was... that was all I needed.
154
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:40,526
All my tips from this last week.
155
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,611
I'm like, 300!
156
00:06:42,653 --> 00:06:45,364
From, like, working my ass off.
157
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,074
So stupid.
158
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:49,952
If I see this guy...
159
00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:51,537
He suggested twice a month,
160
00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:55,874
that's an extra $2.400 at least a month.
161
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:59,711
That's what I make in two weeks
busting my ass,
162
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:02,798
like, 60 hours a week or 70 hours a week.
163
00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:05,300
Going to make a deposit.
164
00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:08,428
I do love her.
165
00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:12,516
I think that if I didn't love her so much,
166
00:07:12,558 --> 00:07:17,396
then maybe I would resent her a little bit
for it.
167
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:18,397
Just a little bit.
168
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,274
But I don't resent her for it.
169
00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:23,026
And I know she loves me so damn much
170
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:26,738
that the moment she walks
out of that hotel room,
171
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,700
that house, whatever, wherever she is,
172
00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:32,327
then first thing she's thinking about
is me.
173
00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:36,665
You're my trophy husband.
174
00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:39,001
Aww.
175
00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:40,252
I'll take that.
-I love you.
176
00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:42,212
You never understand
how much you love someone
177
00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:45,340
until they put you into that... like,
that... That thought process.
178
00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:48,051
Like, how... like, oh, I'm...
179
00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:49,803
You know, oh, I'm waiting here
180
00:07:49,845 --> 00:07:53,265
while my partner is, like,
sleeping with somebody else.
181
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:55,934
But...
182
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,436
All right, you ready?
-Yes.
183
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,271
Are you gonna...
It's pretty temperate out.
184
00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:01,064
I love her.
185
00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:04,026
I'm in love with her
and I'm gonna marry this person,
186
00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:08,030
and it doesn't change at all
187
00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:10,073
how I feel about her.
188
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:18,582
But there's also a little thing
that I would like you to do.
189
00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:19,791
What's that?
190
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,544
Just take a shower.
-I will take a shower.
191
00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:23,420
God.
192
00:08:23,462 --> 00:08:27,257
I will be there when it breaks her.
193
00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:29,259
'Cause it will.
194
00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:31,178
She's gotta break at some point.
195
00:08:34,178 --> 00:08:38,178
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