Original subtitles

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

[Ed snoring]

[alarm clock ringing]

Oh, ah, ah.

[sighing] Ah!

Ah! What a beautiful morning!

It's great to be a horse on a day like this.

Ah, ah. Now for a little breakfast.

I wonder if he hid my carrots in here this time.

No, not under C.

Uh, let's see.

Where would I hide carrots if I were a human being?

Nope.

Now, where would I hide them if I was Wilbur?

Yep!

That figures for Wilbur.

Well, while Wilbur's having his breakfast,

I'll have mine.

Carol!

Oh, good morning, folks. Hi, Kay.

Guess what I read in the paper this morning.

There's a Rabinski piano recital tonight.

Why don't we all go?

Wonderful idea, Kay.

Yeah.

Uh, not for me, Carol.

Oh.

Well, look what happened

the last time you dragged me to a concert.

He snored so loud, they asked us to leave.

That must have been very embarrassing.

It was. The music hadn't started yet.

- Count me out, girls. - Oh, but, Wilbur,

Rabinski is the world's finest pianist.

There'll be fighting to get in tonight.

Good. When you get home, let me know who won.

Hey, Wilbur! Why so grouchy?

The girls are trying to set it up

to take us to some dull concert.

I've got it all figured out, though, see.

I'll go in the barn and pretend to be working, see,

and then I'll pretend to hurt my back.

I'll start moaning and groaning.

When the girls come in,

you offer to stay home tonight and take care of me.

[laughing] That way, we won't have to go to the--

you're staring at me. Why, why is that?

I never miss a symphony concert in my life.

You're kidding.

You not only lack culture. You even lack lack.

You're kidding.

However, don't construe anything I've said

as a reflection on your character.

I still think you're a fine fellow

- and a good neighbor. - Oh, you mean that, Rog?

I'm kidding.

Wilbur, I ask you, as a friend,

go to that coníPcert, as a friend.

Oh! All right, I'll go to the concert.

Ed, what are you doing?

I'm emptying the wastebasket.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, you found the carrots, huh?

Naturally, right where you hid them.

Well, I'm going to put these carrots in a place

where you can't reach them.

You can't keep eating carrots.

Why don't you eat your hay once in a while

like any other horse?

'Cause carrots are good for my eyes.

Oh, that's a legend.

Yeah, did you ever see a rabbit wearing glasses?

Oh, very funny.

Now, no more complaints about those carrots.

I've got a lot of work to finish up here

before I go to the concert.

Now, you get in that stall and be quiet.

Yes, master.

Yeah, can't reach them. Ha!

[loud crash] Oh!

[Mister Ed moaning]

Ed, Ed, what, what are you--

[moaning]

Oh, that pail hit you on the head, huh?

Well, Ed, you shouldn't have been coming in here and-- Ed.

[moaning]

Ed! Hey, come, come on, Ed.

Get up, boy! That's it!

[grunting]

Ed, come on! That's it.

[grunting]

There. Are you all right, Ed?

Who's Ed?

Your eyes look funny.

I feel fine, stranger.

Stranger? Ed, what's going on?

Why do you keep calling me Ed, stranger?

Oh, that, that bump on the head--

Ed, what happened to your memory?

Look, I don't know who you are,

so would you mind getting out of my bedroom, please?

Ed, I'm Wilbur. Look, here.

Here are the carrots you wanted.

Carrots? Carrots are for horses.

But you're a horse.

Now, whatever gave you that idea?

You're Ed. I'm Wilbur.

Don't you recognize me?

I've never seen you before in my life, stranger.

I'm your owner. You're my horse.

Will you please stop calling me a horse?

I'm not a stranger! I--oh, this is awful!

I know what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna get some pictures and prove who you are.

Poor fella. I think he's got amnesia.

Wilbur, what are you doing?

I'm looking for the picture album.

What's your big rush?

I want to show it to Ed.

You what?

I'm showing some pictures to Ed.

Uh, uh, to Roger.

Why would Roger be interested

in seeing pictures of Mister Ed?

[chuckling] That's a good question.

Oh, Wilbur, try on the jacket.

Hm?

I want to see if it still fits.

Yeah, well. Honey, I've got to go.

Oh, stop fidgeting.

Wilbur, try on your trousers.

I'm in a hurry! You try them on!

[Kay] Did you see what I saw?

I saw it, but I don't believe it.

He was wearing half a tuxedo.

Well, maybe he's only going to stay

for half the concert.

How are you feeling, Ed?

Pretty good, Sam.

Sam? Why are you calling me Sam?

Why are you calling me Ed?

You are sick, aren't you, Ed?

I'm sick?

And you're wearing half a tuxedo.

Well, look, when you see these photographs,

this will help you to remember who you are.

Sure, stranger.

There you are, Ed.

That's not me. That's a horse.

You are a horse.

Oh, oh, oh no. You're the horse.

How can you say that?

I can't be a horse. Horses don't talk.

I'm talking. How can I be a horse?

That's your problem.

Look, here. This one will help you.

You see?

This is something I got you for your birthday.

Wilbur, uh, about that concert tonight--

Oh, we were just looking at some pictures.

We?

Oh, of course, you have a guest.

Why don't you buy him a tuxedo,

and take him to the concert tonight?

Uh, dinner at 7.

Hey, who's that?

That's our next door neighbor, Roger Addison.

I like him.

You like-- but you've always hated him.

Him I hate, and you I like?

You're in bad shape.

I'm gonna have to get you to the vet.

Vet? Vets are for animals.

Why are you taking me?

You poor guy.

You don't know what you're saying.

Now, just take it easy.

I'll see Dr. Baker and get his advice.

Hey, don't tell the doc

you show photo albums to people you think are horses.

He might throw a net over you.

I don't know who I am, but whoever I am,

I'm glad I'm not him.

[veterinarian humming]

[knocking]

[veterinarian humming]

[dog whining]

[knocking]

Oh, Mr. Post.

Dr. Baker, I need your help.

Something wrong with your horse?

Yeah, well, I hope you won't think I'm eccentric

for what I'm about to say,

but you know how close I am to my horse.

I mean, I, I think of him as a person.

Oh, now, you don't have to be ashamed

of your affection for your horse.

Animals are just like little people.

Well, now, you take Prince here, for instance.

Just this morning, his owner brought in a birthday cake

made out of a hamburger.

That's a little ridiculous, isn't it?

And then there's Puddy Tat.

Do you know that her owner, twice a week,

gives me $5.00 extra to give her a massage?

- Oh, that's silly. - [cat meowing]

And then, Mrs. Cassidy lets her canary stay up

just late enough to sing along with Mitch.

So, you see, you don't have to feel self conscious.

Now, what's wrong with your horse?

He has amnesia.

Oh, well, that--

Amnesia? Oh, now, really.

I, I, I knew you wouldn't believe me.

Yeah, you don't mean amnesia.

What you mean-- what do you mean?

Look, if Puddy Tat can have a birthday cake

and Prince can have a massage,

why can't my horse have amnesia?

Oh, no, no, no. Prince had the birthday cake,

and Puddy Tat had the massage.

You're mixed up.

I'm the-- my horse is mixed up!

All right. Uh, let's have a look at him.

Well, I couldn't get him to come down here.

Why not?

He doesn't think he's a horse.

How do you know?

Because he thinks I'm a horse.

Mr. Post, suppose we begin at the beginning?

Well, it all began when this pail fell on his head.

How did that happen?

Well, because I hid the carrots.

Look, doctor, I know what you're thinking,

and I don't blame you, but believe me,

the horse has lost his memory.

He keeps calling me Sam and Charley.

Mr. Post, I think you should see a doctor.

You're a doctor.

No, you need a people doctor.

I don't. Oh, but maybe Ed does.

I mean, after all, he thinks he's a people--

he's a person.

Yeah, yeah, I'll get a real doctor to examine him.

Thank you very much, Dr. Baker.

Bye, Puddy Tat.

Happy Birthday, Prince.

Sing along.

Some people are around animals too much.

[cat meowing]

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

Happy Birthday!

[laughing]

I'm glad you finally admit I'm not a horse.

That's right, so I thought I'd get a real doctor

to come over and take care of you.

Get one with a pretty nurse.

I'm starting with the A's here.

[Ed clearing his throat]

Hello. Is Dr. Able in, please?

Well, nurse, this is Mr. Post.

Yeah, I wonder if the doctor

could come over to my house right away.

Well, no, I'm fine. It's my horse.

He's got amnesia.

[click]

Hello? Uh, hello?

[humming]

Hello. Dr. Adams, please.

Oh, doctor, my horse has amnesia,

- and I was thinking-- - [click]

Hello? Doc, Doc. Hello?

[humming]

Hello, Doctor, uh, Dr. Miller?

Dr. Miller, I want to talk to you about an amnesia victim.

Yes.

No, not me. It's my horse.

- [click] - Hello?

[Ed yawning]

Hello? Uh, Dr. Zelenka?

Dr. Zelenka, before I tell you my problem,

you've got to believe me.

You're the last doctor in the book,

so, promise you won't hang up on me.

I'm desperate.

Ah, thank you, Doctor.

Well, a pail of carrots fell on my horse's head,

- and he has amnesia. - [click]

Doctor, you promised!

Well, if you ask me, you need a doctor yourself.

Oh.

You know, you may be right.

I mean, if I could get a doctor to treat me for amnesia,

then I could find out how to treat you.

All I've gotta do is convince Carol,

and she may call one.

It's worth a chance.

[door closing]

Oh, that poor horse.

I hope the doctor can help him.

Honey, please hurry. You're holding us up.

Okay, gang, relax. I'll be right down.

A concert, huh? [chuckling]

Ooh!

[Carol] Oh, Wilbur!

Oh! Oh!

Wilbur! Oh, Wilbur!

Oh, he hit his head. Wilbur, are you all right?

His eyes look glassy.

He always looks like that.

Oh, Wilbur, did you hurt yourself?

Wilbur? Who's Wilbur?

Who are you people, anyway?

Where am I?

Oh, Wilbur, you did hurt yourself!

Please, miss! I'm a married man.

He's only faking.

Mister, will you take your daughter

and get out of here?

He's got amnesia.

Daughter?

I like him better with amnesia.

Wilbur.

Will you stop shouting at me, Louise?

Louise?

Why are you calling me Louise?

For the same reason you're calling me Wilbur.

Now, wait a minute.

He just doesn't want to go to the concert tonight.

The concert. Of course!

Where's my piano?

Piano?

How can I play tonight without my piano?

He thinks he plays the piano.

Thinks? Thinks?

Everybody knows Rabinski plays the piano.

Hello, Dr. Cathcart? This is Carol Post.

Oh, please hurry over here right away.

I'm worried about Wilbur.

Well, what do you think?

Mm, his left eye is a little bloodshot.

I'd cut out those late nights, big boy.

Now he thinks he's a doctor.

I am not a doctor. I am Vladimir Rabinski!

Before the accident,

he couldn't even say Vladimir Rabinski.

It's a clear case of amnesia.

Oh, poor dear.

Oh, if I wasn't married-- [growling]

Maybe you ought to get amnesia.

[Roger growling]

Doctor, what are we going to do?

Well, there's no specific cure.

The duration can be long or short.

Sometimes, however,

these things have been known to disappear

as quickly as they come.

You let him have a good night's sleep.

I'll examine him in my office tomorrow.

But, Doctor, don't go.

I haven't found out yet how to, uh,

how to get rid of these strangers.

Would you mind stepping outside, so we can talk privately?

Please?

This is good. I'm gaining his confidence.

Oh, Doctor, please do something.

I'm going to feel funny living here with Wilbur,

and he not knowing we're even married.

Come in, Doctor.

Well, why are you bringing me into this barn?

Doctor, I, I want to level with you.

Yeah?

Doctor, I'm not sick.

That's the attitude!

It's my horse who's sick.

Yeah.

Horse?

He can't remember who he is.

Oh, I see.

It's your, uh, it's your horse who has the amnesia.

Finally, somebody understands!

Well, I'll, I'll, uh, tell you what to do.

You will?

Mm-hmm. You get a good night's rest,

and you and your horse come to my office in the morning.

I'll treat you both.

Yeah-- No, Doctor, Doctor, you don't understand.

What, what, what I'm trying to tell you is--

[clunk]

Well, he didn't believe a word I said.

He thinks I'm sick.

He's not alone.

[sigh]

Well, well, if I can't find out some way of helping you,

I might as well tell Carol and the others

that I'm all right.

And I realize it's a lot more serious than I thought.

But you did say that people do get better, Doctor.

How?

[Dr. Cathcart] There are numerous ways

amnesia patients recover--

sometimes months of rest, shock treatments.

Sometimes a cure is quickly affected

by another blow to the same area.

You never can tell just exactly

how the cure is brought about.

Oh, I was just, I--

Get him to my office first thing in the morning.

Thank you, Dr. Cathcart.

Oh, I just can't stand Wilbur's being sick like this.

If only we could help bring back his memory.

It might take months of rest.

Hey, wait.

The doctor just said another hit on the head

might bring back his memory immediately.

That's right!

Oh, but I couldn't deliberately hit Wilbur on the head.

Oh, I couldn't, either.

I could.

Roger!

He's my friend,

and a friend doesn't turn his back on another friend

when he needs a good hit in the head.

What would you hit him with?

In my car, I've got a crowbar.

A hammer?

A rock?

Well, I can't hit him with a marshmallow.

Maybe an umbrella would work.

[door opening upstairs]

Uh, Mr. Rabinski,

what do you think of Shostakovich and Stravinsky

as exponents of modern music?

Well, uh, now, that's a very difficult question.

What do you think?

Huh? Uh, I think it might rain.

Why don't you take this to the concert with you?

No, thanks. I always conduct with a baton.

Ah, Ed, it's gonna be all right now.

Everything's going to be fine, but I have to use this,

so just close your eyes, huh?

Look, stranger, why should I close my eyes?

I don't even trust you when they're open.

I'm not gonna hurt you.

I just have to give you

a little rap on the head with this.

Ed, I'm doing it for your own good.

! a little rap on the head with this.

Ed, listen to me.

This is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.

[Ed] Okay, then hit yourself on the head!

Ed, open these doors!

Ed, listen to me!

- [pail clanking] - [Ed] Oh! Oh, my head.

Ed, Ed, what's going on?

Ed! What happened?

That darn pail hit me on the head, Wilbur.

Serves you right for locking me out.

Wait. Wilbur?

You called me Wilbur.

Well, what am I supposed to call you?

But-- But you're all right.

You've got your memory back.

Now, when did I ever lose it?

This is wonderful!

You know, I'm a little worried about you, pal.

Ed, it's so great to have you back.

I'm so happy, I don't know what to say.

While you're so happy,

make me happy with a bucket of carrots.

Okay, fella! [laughing]

Wait, wait a minute.

Now that you're all right,

I, I'd better let the others know that,

that I'm all right.

Oh, it's great to have you back!

[laughing excitedly]

[Roger] I had him right on target,

but, cowardly weakling that I am,

I couldn't go through with it.

Well, maybe it's for the best you didn't hit him.

[Carol] Oh, yes. I just wouldn't feel right

having you hit Wilbur.

Excuse me, strangers.

I want to get my piano music.

I don't want to be late for my concert.

Whoa!

Wilbur!

Oh, Carol, how many times have I asked you

not to polish this floor so much.

Carol? He called me Carol!

Oh, darling, you called me Carol!

Well, what was I supposed to call you?

Roger? Kay? [laughs]

Mm, I'd better get dressed, honey.

I'll be late for the concert.

Ah, he's all right!

By the way, where have you been all afternoon?

Oh!

He's all right!

He regained his memory!

Oh, well, I'll get him some other time.

Ed, you still awake?

Yep.

I thought I'd drop by

and have a little after-concert snack with you.

[Ed] Great idea.

Oh!

[mouth full] Thank you.

How was the concert?

Mm, great, great.

Did you fall asleep?

Only during the music.

That's my boy!

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪

♪ And waste your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪

Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

[Man] This has been a Filmways presentation.