All language subtitles for Larry.David.Curb.Your.Enthusiasm.1999.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

Woman:
Good morning, HBO.

I'll see if he's in.

Hi.
How can I help you?

Jeff Greene and Larry David
to see Allan Wasserman.

- I'll let him know
you're here.
- Thank you.

Woman:
Larry David and Jeff Greene
are here for Allan.

For the most part,
I mean, the industry knew

there was a Larry David
behind "Seinfeld."

But the average guy
on the street didn't know

that the funny stuff
coming out of our mouths

were coming out of a guy
named Larry David.

Rick:
Well, he is a comedian.

He's taken that talent
and turned it into writing,

but, I mean,
he did start his career
as a stand-up comedian.

Jerry:
His standard opening
was always,

"I'll tell you something
about good-looking people--

we're not well-liked."

And then he would always call
the audience "you people."

And I used to say to him,

"You know, calling them
'you people,'

it's a bit distancing,
you know?

It's kind of like
you're already putting them

in an adversarial position."

Not often,
but from time to time,

Larry would actually
get up onstage,

grab the microphone,
do a very slow 180,

looking at the audience
from left to right,

surveying them.

Take the microphone,
put it back in the stand
and go, "Never mind,"

and would walk off stage.

And the audience
never knew what hit them.

He was a phenomenon.

He just couldn't
get over the hump

that comedians have to perform
in front of other people.

Carol:
Larry's take was always
so different

and definitely
not mainstream.

And he kind of took
that attitude and put it
into a sitcom,

and I think it made the show
revolutionary.

Jason:
There was an episode
pretty early on--

George was
doing something and I said,
"Guys, you gotta help me.

This is a rewrite situation
because this would never
happen in real life,

but certainly,
if it did happen in real life,

no one would react
like this."

And Larry came up
and he said,

"This happened
to me and this is exactly
what I did, you know."

"Oh, okay."

And actually, that was
the turning point for me.

And from that point on,
I geared myself up for doing

as shameless
a Larry David imitation
as I could muster.

Glenn:
He was stuck with success.

For the first time
in his life,

he was stuck.

It was a hit
and it was like
he always acted

like it was, like,
a major imposition on him

when the show got picked up
for a second season.

I think once he saw
that "Seinfeld," especially,

would be successful,
I think he felt like

the most fulfilling thing
he could do next

would be to return
to stand-up and complete
that unfinished business.

When he started talking to me
about setting up gigs for him
around town,

I said, "Are you thinking
maybe you wanna do
an HBO special?"

He goes, "I think
it's a little too soon."

And I said, "Well, maybe
it's not a little too soon,

'cause I've got
this great idea."

What is it?

It's gonna be on us
all the time?

I mean, it's a little
intrusive, isn't it?

Most of the time.
Most of the time, yeah.

How are you supposed to sit
and have a conversation

with this thing
watching you all the time?

That's the point.

They're gonna watch us
sit and have a conversation.

Forget that it's here.

- No.

- I don't like gum.

What's not to like?

I don't know, I just don't--
I've never been a big gum guy.

See, you're--
this is good stuff, huh?

Yeah, that's real good.
Yeah.

Yeah, I'm glad
it's getting all this.

Yeah. Did you get
that gum story we just did?

'Cause that's--
that was really good.

- Let me just say something
to you-- you'll be fine.
- Yeah.

- Woman: Gentlemen,
they're ready for you.
- Oh, thank you.

This-- I wish I wore
a different shirt.
I really can't--

Well, brown and green
don't usually match,

but you got the yellow
to offset it.

You're okay.
Let's go, come on.

What do you think
of this shirt?

- Woman: You look great.

- We need to walk around
with a camera crew.
- Uh-huh.

I have a tendency
to nod to black people.

Why-- what reason
would you have to--

I don't know.
I just find that
I nod to them.

More so than white--
I haven't nodded
to white people.

I've never heard
of "white liberal
nodding guilt."

Yeah, it's a way
of kind of making
contact.

- Yeah.
- You know, like, "I'm okay.
I'm not one of the bad ones."

Okay.

- Allan: Hey, look at that!
On the money! There he is.

- Ah!

So, so good
to be here.

- So, talk to me.

All right, first off,
I wanna thank you
for allowing us

- to bring the cameras in
because--
- Oh, yeah.

We're not self-conscious
at all about--

- No, I feel
just like I always do.
- He's crazy about it, too.

But, well,
let me explain.

Larry hasn't done stand-up
in nine and a half years,
if you can believe that.

- Okay.
- Judy: Wow.

And what
we wanna do is have
Larry perform again

and have it lead up
to an HBO special.

- Allan: Okay.
- Jeff: It being two parts.

The first part would be
a documentary

of everything
that Larry has to do

to prepare
for the special--

the sets at the clubs,
time alone with his family,

walking down the street,
whatever it is.

We're going to see
how he prepares for it
leading up to the special,

and then the actual special,
which would be just him doing
straight ahead stand-up.

Come on, seriously.
No.

Where do you want
to do this, specifically?

Jeff:
Definitely New York
and Los Angeles.

And we'll probably film
the special in Los Angeles.

- Okay.
- And is it-- this is
straight stand

Because, you know,
on our specials,

we're not limited
to just stand--

like, if you wanted to do
some sketches or any kind
of, you know--

- Cameos, guests,
people with you--
- Yeah, little skits that--

beforehand
that you might wanna--

you certainly have
some great stories
from the last nine years.

I have a lot of stories
about my childhood
in Oklahoma.

Very homespun,
and I think they'll go over.

- And I wear a cowboy hat.

- Um, Larry...
- Yeah.

...do you have
any-- did you do
any of the comedy shows,

you know, like,
"MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour"?

- Any tape that we could...
- No, nothing.

...take a look at
to see your stuff?

No, there's not even
any home movies or anything.

- Is there any film
of you doing stand-up--

No, there's
no film on me at all.

In fact, I'm going
to kill this guy

as soon as I get out
of this meeting.

- You didn't nod to her.
- I tried to, but she--

- She went by too fast.
- She went by too fast.

Yeah, yeah.

That's gonna be
a tough habit to break.

That was good.
I'm real happy with that.
That was good.

- Hey, hey.

Good.
How are you, Jeff?

- That's right, Jeff Yerkes.
Good to see you.
- Yeah, I got it.

- Yeah, Jeff Yerkes,
Jeff Greene, my manager.

Good to meet you.
How are you?

Jeff was
the writer's assistant
on "Seinfeld."

Hey, good.
How about that?

- It was a great gig.
Yeah.
- Yeah.

I actually--
you know, it's funny,
I was gonna give you a call.

Um, I need a bit of a favor,
if you don't mind.

- Yeah, what--
- It's not a big one.

- Good.
- All right,
so here it is, right?

I have the possibility
of a job at Warner Bros.

doing development
over there

and I kind of want
to get out of here.

And I was wondering
if you could give

Michael Weingrad
a phone call.

Kind of, you know,
boost me up a little bit,

tell him that
I'm a good employee and--

That's something you'd do.
You should do that.

That I would be
more than happy to do.

That would be
really great.

I mean, coming from you,
you know...

- Oh, stop it.
- ...somebody of your stature...

- I have no stature.
- ...I think that would
really--

No stature.
Please, stop.

That would put me
over the top.

- Yeah, absolutely.

I'd be more than happy
to do it.

- I'm happy to do it.
- That's fantastic. Great.

Yeah. You'll get out
of this hellhole that's HBO.

Oh, please,
tell me about it.

All right. Well, good.
Nice meeting you, man.

- Nice meeting you, Jeff.
- Yeah.

Thank you so much, seriously.
This means a lot. It does.

- Jeff Yerkes: Take care.
- So long.

- Take care.

- That's nice.
You'll call for him.
- Yeah.

10 seconds earlier,
I could've gotten
in the elevator.

It is both shocking
and absolutely sensible

for Larry to go back
into stand-up.

It's shocking in that
I didn't think he liked it
very much.

I don't think
you're really aware

of how bad the clubs
have become,

like, in the last--
when's the last time
you went onstage?

- 10 years ago.
- Oh.

- They scream,
they yell shit out.
- They talk.

They heckle you
constantly.

You know
how many times I've heard,
"Show me your tits"?

You know how many times
I've heard that?

- I've heard that, too.

I've heard that
a million times.

I hear that all the time.
You don't believe us.

You haven't
been out there.

Mike and I are still
on the road.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- You know how stupid
these people are?

I have two words
for you-- dick jokes.

- Yeah.
- Plenty of dick jokes.

- You're gonna need that.
- I've got plenty
of dick jokes.

- You have plenty
of dick jokes?
- Yeah.

- You have
plenty of dick jokes?
- I started the dick joke thing.

- You did not. Oh!
- I did so.

- You know, that is so--
- Don't you remember that
"I hate my penis" routine

I used to do?
Come on.

- All right, the masturbator.

- I'll give you
the masturbator.
- Yeah. Right. Okay.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- Just wanted to say hi.
- Hi.

Hi. How are you?

Caroline,
you know Suzy, Mike.

It's "Carol-line."
Doesn't matter.

Have a nice meal.
Just wanted to say hi.

You know, that whole...

You know, when people make
a fuss about their name,

- That's a bit weird.

"Carol-lynn,"
"Carol-line."

But you know what,
she's on a show now.
She's, you know...

Mike:
What are you
gonna call yourself?

What's gonna be your name?
Just Larry David?

I'm "Leary."
I'm gonna tell her
I'm "Leary."

- Yeah. Can you take
those sunglasses off?

I'm not taking them off.
Get off of it.

You've been
telling me this since we--

Well, what are you
wearing them for?

Why can't I wear
sunglasses inside?

You know who wears
sunglasses inside?

Blind people
and assholes.

Okay, fine,
I'm an asshole,
all right?

- He's changed.

Larry Charles:
He doesn't take
criticism well.

He doesn't suffer
fools gladly,

doesn't take
criticism well.

I think once he believes
in what he's doing,

he cannot be deterred.

So any external criticism
is useless to him.

Hi, I'm calling
for Michael Weingrad.

Larry David.

I really resent that,
that "who's calling?"

You know, like some people
are good enough to make the cut.

Yeah, hi.

Um, my name's Larry David,

and I used to be
the executive producer
on the "Seinfeld" show.

Well, I don't really know
what to say to that.

Anyway, I'm calling
on behalf of Jeff Yerkes,

who's applying
for a position in development.

Um, no, you know,
I worked--

he worked for me
for a couple of years.

He's a--
you know, I gotta say,

that's a very weird thing
that you said to me.

Well, "Never watch it,
not a fan"?

That's-- well, it's--
yeah, of course.

I just think
it's a stupid thing
to say to somebody.

Well, what reason
would you have to say that?

I don't know,
I'm just calling up
to put in a word for this guy

and then I hear this,
"Never watch it, not a fan."

Look, hey,
I don't wanna get--

I-- all I'm saying is
it's a dumb thing to say.

Fine.
Thank you.

Thank you very much.
Good-bye.

Yes.
Good-bye!

Did you hang up on him?

Well, we sort of
hung up on each other.

And so what happened
with the kid?

I don't know
what's gonna happen.

I don't know.

I tried to call back,
but they wouldn't take
the call.

But how did
you ask for him?

Were you-- did you--
had you changed your attitude
by then when you called back,

or were you just like,
"Ah, it's Larry David"?

I don't know why
you're blaming this on me.

- I'm just curious.
- The guy insulted me.

You should be
defending me.

Well, it--
you know what, it was--

that wasn't nice of him
to say that, but...

Yes, I know.

But here's this guy

who's trying to get a job,
and what have you done?

What have I done?
I haven't done anything?

I was insulted.
Don't you see that?

But, I mean,
are you gonna write him
a letter now or something?

Write him a letter.
"Dear Prick"...

- Okay,
that's not gonna help.
- "I'm sorry--

I'm sorry
you're a prick."

- "I didn't know that you were
such a prick when I called."

- Okay.
- "But it really turned out
that you were.

- In any event..."
- I think this guy--

"...could you please
give this young man a job?"

- He asked the wrong person.

I don't know...

I-- people
used to like me.

Then all of a sudden...

I don't know
how it's evolved like this,

but I used to have friends
who really liked me.

Not women, but friends.

- Yeah, guys liked me.

I'm beginning to sense
a whole wave of--
of antipathy.

A big wave of antipathy.

And now there will be
millions of other people
joining in on that wave.

Well, you invited
this whole thing in.

This was your whole idea.

It wasn't my idea,
it was Jeff's idea.

Well, hello.

Any manager
has the problem

of dealing with
their client's spouse,

because the spouse
always thinks

that they're making
the better decision
than the manager.

Some people just rub you
the wrong way.

Yeah-huh.
And, uh...

that's how I feel
about Jeff.

I just feel like...

I'm not sure he's always
thinking about Larry.

Oh, you're kidding me.

Does my wife know?

Yeah.

So
did she know that?

Oh, so that
was gonna-- oh, gosh.

Just tell my wife.
She'll stay.

Excuse me.

Mm-hmm.

I'll talk to you later.
Bye-bye.

Can I ask you a question?

You know I'm in the room,
why don't you-- how come

you don't pick your head up
just to, you know, say,

"Oh, one second,"
or something?

Because
I'm in the middle of--

I'm giving them my attention
when I'm on the phone.

I give you attention
when you're in here.

I know, but all you have to do
is just go, "One second."

You know,
when I'm on the phone,

if I'm going like this
and somebody comes in,

I go, "One second.
One second."

And then I can go back
to looking down.

But then-- but then
if I say, "One second,"

they on the other end
know the attention's
not on them.

You don't have to say,
"One second," you just--

- Like that.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Caroline Rhea called--
well, I talk to her
every morning.

- Oh, Jesus.
- Um, she said you saw her.

Yeah.

And, uh, well, first off,
you called her "Carol

- Oh, my God.
- Why would you
call her "Carol

You know her name's
"Carol-line."

You know,
"Carol-lynn," "Carol-line."
Is there a big difference?

You gotta start
paying attention to details
because it's people's names.

They get hurt.

The other thing is
you didn't say good-bye
to her.

I didn't say good-bye
to her?

She came over
to the table...

She was upset.
I talked to her.
She was upset.

She says, "First the name
and then he didn't say
good-bye to me."

- She came over
to the table, okay?
- Uh-huh.

She came over,
it was uncomfortable.

She corrected me
on the Caroline.

We talked a little bit,
then she went to her table.

Now, am I obligated
to go to her table now
to say good

I've already said hello.

Do I have to say
hello and good
Why do I have to do both?

Can you just give her a call
whenever you have time?

I'm not gonna call--

Just call up,
say, "Hey!"

That's all I do, is apologize.
All day long I'm apologizing.

It'd be
a big favor to me
if you did.

It's very hard to do
the right thing all the time,
24 hours a day.

People are so touchy about
all these little stupid things
that go on.

Constantly.
You know, it's tough--

It doesn't even pay
to leave your house.
What's the point?

I don't really see Larry,
in the past,

as being someone secure.

It'll be interesting to see
how he gets up onstage now.

Interviewer:
Do you know precisely
what your act will be tonight?

Are you-- how much of it
is improvised,

how much of it is--
do you know exactly
what your set's going to be?

I have an idea,
but, um...

I don't really know
the material at all.

Uh-huh. Will that
be a hindrance,
do you think?

I don't think
it's gonna be a help.

- Cheryl: Larry, honey.
- Yeah.

We need to go.

We need to go.

Oh, yeah,
you're all revved up,
aren't you?

Yeah, you're gonna
be late.

- All right.
- Okay.

- Okay.
- So...

All right, you'll be
laughing there, right?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

I don't wanna walk out
without you.

- All right. All right.

He was interviewing me,
and I had a very long brush.

Man:
This next performer

is returning
to stand-up comedy
after a 10-year absence.

Please welcome
Larry David.

Thank you,
thank you.

I think I'm gonna do
very well tonight,
I really do.

I'm feeling
just unbelievably confident.

Well... that was a bad start.
It was a bad start.

A really stupid start.
I don't know why I did that.

Ah, you know,
you'll see.

Well, you've been--
you seem like a very nice
audience tonight.

I'm wondering,
in case I break into
some Spanish or French,

may I use the familiar
tu form with you people?

Instead of usted,
because I think usted

is gonna be a little
too formal for this crowd.

I feel already
I've established
the kind of rapport

that I can jump
into the tu form with you.

That quickly.
I'm taking a tu liberty
with you.

I'm gonna use the tu form,
and that's it.

You can't talk me
out of it.

You know, Caesar used
the tu form with Brutus,

even after Brutus
stabbed him.

He said,
"Et tu, Brute,"

and I think that's
a little too informal

when someone's trying
to assassinate you.

I think at that point,
perhaps, usted-- he would've
been better off.

But that's Caesar.

That's crazy, wacky,
mixed-up Julius Caesar.

He has tremendous conviction
about what he thinks is funny,

and at the same time,

he'll just crush
like an egg.

Like an empty shell.

- Honey.
- Hey.

- That was great!

- Yes! Yes!

- Yeah.

How do you feel?

You know,
I feel okay.

There are a few things
that didn't-- didn't work.

Yeah.

- Yeah, I know.

- I mean--
- No, I know
what didn't work.

You don't have to, you know--
I know what didn't work.

But I just-- I wrote
some stuff down in case--

you know, in case
we want to go back
through it and...

- You said pussy a lot.
- I didn't say it a lot.

I said it
when it was appropriate
for the material.

Yeah, but it was
still a lot.

It didn't add to--
it didn't make it funnier.

- Jeff: Hey! Hey!
- Hey!

That was great.

- Oh, thank you, thank you.
- That was unbelievable.

- Man, 10--
wasn't he great?
- Yeah.

- She thinks
I said pussy too much.
- A little too much.

Oh, no, you said--
you can say it more.

- No, pussy's great.
You can't say
pussy enough.

You can't say pussy--
pussy's a good comedy word.

Okay, great.
I'm gonna wait inside.

It's good
to see you again.

Great, yeah.
So, I'll see you soon.

Okay, well,
just give me five minutes,
and then we'll go.

- Okay.
- All right.

I'll talk about
your act in a second.
She doesn't like me.

No.
- She doesn't like me.

- No, don't say that. No.

I was stupid even to agree
on the pussy thing.

- Man: Great set, Larry.
- Oh, thank you.
She likes you.

But, um...
talk about you.
Great set, great set.

It was
a great set.

Hey! Hey!

Larry, I'm Caroline Rhea.
Have we met?

Yeah, Caroline.
Why do you make such
a big deal about your name?

- Because it's my name.

It's how I respond.

People say it,
and then I turn around.

What's the difference,
Lynn, Line?

- I've never
mispronounced your name.
- Hi, Larry, Dave, whatever.

You can call me any--
I don't care

if you call me
"Leary" or Larry,
it doesn't matter.

All right,
it's no big deal.

- Jeff: Yeah,
it's no big deal.
- It's fine.

I do apologize
for not coming over
to say good-bye.

That I should've done,
even though the hello
was really good.

- It wasn't that good.

- It was a good hello.
- It wasn't such a good hello
that it equaled a good-bye.

I gave you a nice hello,
and I just forgot--

I forgot
to say good-bye.

- I'm sorry.

You were great tonight,
but I would try and use
the word pussy more.

I think the kids
really liked it.

Wait a second,
don't go, don't go.
Don't be mad.

Oh, don't leave
and not say good

I would never do
something like that.

- Good-bye, Laurie.
- "Carol-lynn. Carol-lynn."

Caroline?

Hey, Ed,
I'll see you tomorrow.

I thought I'm gonna
see you tonight.

- I'm gonna see you later.

- The thing.

Mark's father.

- Oh.
- He's dead.
He passed away.

The thing,
the condolence thing.

- Of course I'm going.

I told him, you know,
I'll be there.

- You come with me.
- I can't be around
mourners.

It's...

I feel like
they're gonna
lash out at me,

tell me, you know,
what they think of me.

They'll take this
as an opportunity

to tell me
what they think of me.

I can't--
look, this is--
you know Mark,

and I know even though
you don't know him well,

you'll come with me
for 10 minutes.

It's not gonna hurt
anything.

I don't even know--
why are you going?

Why did you tell him
you were going?

I mean, it's not
even his father.

It's his stepfather.

His father's still alive.

I mean, this is a step.

I already dug a ditch
for myself, though.

How can I get
out of it now?

Well, see, if you go,
then it's gonna make--

then it makes me look terrible
that I'm not there.

All right,
you're not going, right?

All right, okay.
All right.

I mean, if somebody
in my family died,

would I want
a bunch of people I know

to waste their time
coming to my house,

sitting around, eating M&M's
for three hours?

What's the point?

Seems like a pretty good
audience in there.

- Yeah.

Well, good.
You're gonna be great.

Um... I wrote that guy
a letter today.

Remember that guy Weingrad?

Weingrad, the guy
from Warner Bros.?

- Oh, okay.
- I had the fight with
on the phone?

You apologizing to him?

- Yeah.

"Dear Mr. Weingrad,
I called you last week

to try and put in
a good word for Jeff Yerkes,

a bright, industrious,
and talented young man

who would be a great asset
to your company.

I hope that
any contentiousness
that arose between us

would not jeopardize
any chance he might
have had of being hired.

I'm sorry if I caused you
any distress,

though it obviously
wasn't all my fault,

and I would hope that
if there is ever any need

for us to communicate again,
it will be in better humor."

Wasn't all your fault,
it was--

Well, it wasn't.
Obviously, it wasn't
all my fault.

I'm not gonna say
it's all my fault.

He's gotta take
some responsibility
for it.

I'd rewrite that
if I were you.

- I would rewrite it.

- Hey, Al.

- Good to see you.
- Good to see you.

- Good, good.

I saw your old house
today in the Valley.

- You're kidding.
- No, I've been looking
at houses in the Valley,

this realtor showed me
your old house.

She goes, "Yeah, Larry David
used to live here."

- "I know Larry."

We like the house,
and we're seriously thinking
of putting a bid on it.

- Get outta here!
- It's a great house, man.

- How long has it been
on the market?

I've been trying--
you know, it's been
on the market for about a year.

Al: I'm excited.
We've looked at about 20,
30 houses in the Valley.

- You know, we're--
- Why do you wanna move
to the Valley?

Well, we need
a little more room,
and, you know--

Man:
Larry, Larry, you're up.

Al:
I know it gets
hot there, but, uh...

- Hey, good luck, man.
- Thanks.

- It must have been
very, very stressful

to have grown up
living next door

to Jonas Salk's mother,
I would imagine.

- You know, you got
this woman,

and, you know, every day,
the same thing.

"Estelle, did I--
did I happen to mention, uh...

that my son Jonas, uh...

who your little Stevie
never let play in the games

or stuck him in right field,
and who never went out

with the girls
and wasn't athletic,

did I happen to mention...

that he discovered
the cure for polio?

My little Jonas!

Polio. He's mine!
I love him!

My Jonas!"

Larry:
I've been trying to sell
that house for two years.

You're lucky I didn't
tell my wife.

All right,
let's get started.

Um, Julie has been
scouting some venues,

- and I think we found one
you're gonna be happy with.
- Man: Oh, this place is good.

Looked at a bunch of venues,
and I think the best one for you

is gonna be
the Pasadena Civic Auditorium.

Are you familiar
with this venue?

- No.
- It's beautiful.
It is a great, great house.

Holds about
3,000 seats.

It's warm, it's elegant,
it's exactly, I think,
what we're looking for.

- Yeah, but it's very--
yeah, it's a warm feeling.

- Judy: It's intimate,
believe it or not.
- Julie: It really is.

It's really not
as big as it looks.

- This is huge.
- That's not that big.

Look at the size of this.
- It's not that big.

Julie: It's okay.
It's available when
we need it, ample parking.

How are you gonna
fill up this place?

Any audience seats
that are not filled,

it's very simple--
we pay for the house,
we bring in groups--

What does that mean,
pay for the house?

You bring in groups
of people like the Marines
and convalescent homes.

- Jeff: No, no, no.

Julie:
They're paid.
They're a paid audience.

- Julie: It's $10 a head.

- Larry:
You pay them to laugh?
- Yeah, yeah.

- So, in other words,
the show's fixed?
- Julie: It's not fixed.

We did this
with Eddie Griffin,
and it was very successful.

I mean,
the only thing I recommend
is you don't use seniors.

No offense to seniors,
but they tend to talk
out loud during--

Judy: Yeah, they can't--
sometimes they'll ask you to--
"What did he say?"

Man:
It's all innocent,
but it's very distracting.

- Judy: Um, well...
- Yeah, let's take a look
at the models, huh?

- Judy: Sure.
- Uh, yeah, well,
I don't know if you overheard,

but, um, I just had
this idea--

Jeff:
Who are you?
What are you doing?

My name's Suzy,
and I'm the production designer.

Jeff:
Right, Suzy.
I'm sorry. I apologize.

I just wanna
show you the model.

It's something
I'm really, really
excited about.

Take a look at this.
This should look familiar.

It'll open up
on the "Seinfeld" set.

As you can see, this--

the stage rotates,
and--

so it'll open up
on the "Seinfeld" set,

and then it'll rotate
to reveal...

Larry, the man
behind the scenes.

The man behind "Seinfeld."

- Man: That's great.

- Man: Seeing that revolve,
too, is great.
- Suzy: Yeah.

- Judy: Yeah.
- Suzy: There you go.
The man behind "Seinfeld."

- Judy: And we can add a craft
service table if you want.
Isn't that fun?

Judy:
Clever.
Really excited about it.

Well... I know you put
a lot of work into this.

Yeah. Yeah.

And, uh, the idea,
the concept, is, uh--

- is very clever.
- Thank you.

And it looks good
and all that,

but, um, I just don't
think it's right.

- I'm sorry.
- Oh, wow.

- Larry: There's no way.
It's impossible.

Larry:
Yeah.

- Okay.
- Man: Excuse me.

We've already
designed a whole program
around that idea.

No, it's okay.
I mean, we wanna make this...

We wanna make
Larry happy and--

Well, I did-- I did
bring another one,

because I know
you kind of want
something really simple.

- This is really simple and...

There you go.

- Man: Oh, that's a good one.
Fun.

Just a simple curtain.

- Plain.

- Suzy: That's Larry.
- Jeff: Oh, okay.

Suzy:
You know, if you could
picture yourself right here...

If you have
a Smith & Wesson on you,

just put it to my head
and pull the trigger.

'Cause if that--
'cause if I look
anything like that,

I really don't
wanna be living
on the planet anymore.

- Man: It's just fun.

This actually comes--
this actually comes off.

Yeah, okay.
That's okay.

- That's fine.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- Man: That's nice.
- You know, there's
not a lot to this.

Larry:
Yeah, well...

Suzy:
This makes my job
real easy.

Man:
No, we'll go
with that, then, huh?

Great.
- Larry: Yeah.

- Man: That's nice.
- Larry: Very good.

- Judy: Perfect. Great.
- Larry: Very good.

Interviewer:
Are you concerned
about how well

this situation with HBO
is going to go?

I'm not really
too concerned about HBO.

- I am concerned about
that auditorium, though.
- Yeah.

Larry:
Well, it's clear
I wouldn't have done this

without Jeff
pushing me to do it.

Sometimes I curse him
on my way home

or something
that I'm actually doing it.

And, you know, my wife,
to tell you the truth,

really can't stand him.

She wants me
to leave him.

Of course, I'm sure
he wants me to leave her.

The one thing about Hitler
that I admire

is that he wouldn't take
any shit from magicians,
you know?

Hitler was a big, big fan
of magic, and...

Hitler would go to a--
he'd go to a magic club,

and he'd watch
the show, and...

afterwards,
he'd go backstage

and talk to the magician.

He'd go...

"That was a wonderful show,

and I was just wondering--
I was talking to my friend.

Where's the rabbit?"

"I'm sorry, mein Führer, uh...

I'm really glad
you enjoyed it,

but we're really not allowed
to tell about the secrets.

You know, they're tricks.
We're not allowed."

"Yes, yes, I understand
you're not allowed to tell,

but just tell me,
where's the rabbit?"

"Mein Führer, really,
it's a union thing.

We just--"
"Where is the rabbit?!

You will tell me
where the rabbit is now!"

- Woman: 65¢.

- Oh, thank you.
- You're welcome.

Interviewer:
So, these clubs that
you're playing in New York,

are these the clubs
that you played 10 years ago?

Yeah, one club--
one club is like...

- Hey, Mark.
- Hey, Larry.

Hey.
How you doing?

I'm so sorry to hear
about your stepfather.

Yeah, thanks.
I just got back
from Detroit.

Oh, no kidding.
Wow.

I'm so sorry,
'cause I wanted to go
to the wake that night,

and I had to go
to my daughter's school.

They had, like,
this pizza night
or something,

and the kids
came in pajamas,

and I told my wife
that, you know, I wanted
to go to the wake, and...

( indistinct announcement
over P.A. )

You know, uh...

Well, I'm happy to hear
that at least you were
thinking about it.

Everything okay?
The funeral was all right?

You know,
it is what it is.

It's death, you know?
It's part of life, right?

Yeah.
It is, I guess.

We're lucky
to be alive.

Yeah.
Yeah, we are.

Yeah, you gotta,
you know...

Um, well, shit,
can I call you next week?

Because I gotta--
I gotta catch a plane here.

Sure, Larry,
give me a call.

That's fine.

Did you get the flowers?

- No.
You didn't
get the flowers?

No, I didn't get
anything, Larry.

- I sent-- I sent flowers.
- Didn't get a phone call,
a card, or flowers.

My wife was supposed
to send the flowers.

I told her to send flowers.
You didn't get them?

- Well, she didn't do it.
- Oh, I am so pissed off at her.

- My wife--
- I was pretty pissed about
that, too, Larry, you know?

I mean, the least
you could have done is,
like, called me or something.

You know, I thought
we were friends.

I can't believe that.

- Ed came.

- Yeah.

He was here.
He brought flowers himself.

He delivered them himself.

I mean,
it's just a courtesy.

You could have
at least called, Larry.

Want a piece of gum?

No, Larry, I don't
want a piece of gum.

What do you think
this costs?

If you wanted to do
a science experiment

that people are what they are
despite their environment,

this is the guy.

Everything
in his environment

and his context of his life
has been changed.

Everything.

And he is absolutely
the same.

This guy proves
you are what you are.

- Here you go. Thank you.
- Oh, thank you so much.
That's very nice of you.

- Thank you.
- Mr. David, hi.

Patrick O'Hara.
I'm HBO Media Relations.

- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Hey, we talked!

How was the flight?

- Pretty good.
- Good.

Couple of celebrities
on board.

- Um, Ellen Barkin.

- Jeff: Yeah.

Great, great body.

- She's hot, yeah.
- Yeah, she's hot.

And who is-- what's her name
from "Saturday Night Live"?

- Oh, Molly Shannon.
- Yeah.

Oh, did she fuck
any stewards to death?

Oh, God...

- I said did she--
did she fuck anybody

and kill them on the plane
in first class?

What are you talking about?

- Come on, it's a Molly Shannon
thing.

What Molly Shannon
thing?

Come on.

You don't know this?
Great. Okay.

Molly Shannon fucked
two guys to death.

She was engaged
to both of them--

I'm serious.
She fucked two guys to death.

One was this guy,
like this 50-year-old guy,

first year on "SNL,"
some, like, business manager
that she was engaged to.

They had sex,
he-- his heart,
like, exploded.

She fucked him to death,
and she just got over it

and she was going out
with one of the sound guys.

I mean, he got--
they fucked,

and he died, too.

- I'm-- I am-- I couldn't
be more serious.

Larry: First of all,
I know Molly Shannon,
and I never heard this.

I love Molly Shannon.
I'm just saying--

My wife is really
a good friend of hers,

so I don't know
where you get that from.

- I think she's
the best thing on the show.

I know this
because my lover, Paul,

is friends with Brian,
who's the costumer over
at "SNL."

You know what they say
about Irish Catholic girls.

- I would know.
'Cause I am one.
- Larry: Okay.

Patrick, Patrick.

Pardon me, you shouldn't--
you shouldn't really,
you know.

I mean, there's a driver here
and you shouldn't even be
talking about that to anyone.

That's a crazy thing
to talk about.

Okay.

Larry:
The closest
I ever came to death

was when I masturbated
with a 104-degree temperature.

I was-- I had the flu
and I was sweating.

I was under the covers,
I was shivering.

And the sweat
was coming down

and I couldn't even
raise my arm, hardly.

And all of a sudden,
it started, like,
to drip down.

And I'm dying here.

And the next thing I know,
boom-boom-boom.

You know, and then,
oh, my God.

I thought I was dead.
I saw the white light.

I started drifting toward
the white light.

And then
there's my uncle going,

"Oh, my God,
you disgusting animal!

- What the hell's
the matter with you?"

- I thought the posse thing
worked very well tonight.
- Oh, it was great.

- I loved that.
- That worked, and...

Hi, honey.

Oh, hey, hey, hey.

I-- I was supposed to--
upstairs.

- I'm sorry.
- I know.
I was waiting for you.

I know, I was supposed
to come up there.

I-- oh!
I-- I know.

Look, it's Becky.
Becky, it's Larry.

- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Hi.

- Heard a lot about you.

- Yeah, so...
- I'm so glad to see you.

Yeah, I know.
It's nice, nice.

You wanna--
- I don't know.

You wanna go
get something to eat?

- That sounds like fun.

All right, so, um,

you feeling good about
what went on upstairs?

Feel pretty good
about it?

Yeah, not bad.

Good.
That's good.

- Let's go.
- All right, good.

- So--

That's okay, thank you.
I'm good.

I'm gonna go back to the hotel,
but thanks anyway.

I'll talk to you--
till later.

- Yeah, good.
- Good.

- Okay. Nice to meet you.
- Nice meeting you.

Cheryl:
You're not gonna go out
with Jeff tonight?

Go out with Jeff?
What are you, crazy?

It's 1:00
in the morning.

- I don't know, I just...

I'm tired.
I just got back.
I'm gonna go to sleep.

All right, just curious.

- Yeah.
- See what you guys
are doing out there.

Doing? Believe me,
we're not doing anything.

- We're not doing a thing.
Okay.

There's nothing
that we're doing
except working.

- Okay!
- I'll talk to you
tomorrow.

- Okay. Bye.
- Okay. Bye.

Why didn't you tell me
you were bringing her
to breakfast?

- I wouldn't have come.
- You wouldn't have come
if you knew she was coming?

No, why would I want to have
breakfast with the two of you?

- Well, we talked.
- I know. It's not that.

But I could have done
something else, you know.

Eh, you know.

Your wife doesn't know
anything about this?

I'll-- I'll tell you
more later.

- I don't wanna, you know.
- Hey, guys.

Hey! Hey, hey,
hey, hey.

So I gotta go to MTV.
What are you doing?

Um, I don't know,
I think I'll just...

maybe take a walk
in the park.

Through the East Side?

- Huh.
- That's where
my tie shop is.

Why don't you go
walking with him
and pick up the ties.

- Okay.

And I'll meet you later.
I'll see you back
at the hotel.

Okay, bye.

Bye.
I'll see you later.

What are you--
what are you doing?

I'm walking over
to the East Side
to pick up his ties.

- Um, okay.
- Let's go.

It's a really
nice day out.

- Mmm, not really.

- Oh. It's great.

Yeah, this is
a great park
to do it in.

Yeah, I guess.
I don't know.

That's awfully thin,
isn't it, those wheels?

- It's good exercise.
Yeah?

Larry? Hi.
It's Cindy DeCoste.

- Oh, hey.

- God, good to see you.

Nice to see you.

It is so funny.
I was just thinking
of Cheryl this morning.

I was going through
my jewelry box and saw some--

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Oh, this is a--
a friend of mine, Becky.

- Hi, I'm Becky.
- Hi, Cin-- uh, Cindy.
How you doing?

Actually, a friend
of a friend.

Oh.

So we just had
a cup of coffee before

with her friend.

Becky:
Coffee's good.
You know, whatever.

No, I mean
with her friend.

We had coffee
with her friend,

and then her friend,
like, left and...

- All right.
- Yeah.

So, let's, you know.

You-- okay.

- He's great.

- Yeah, he's doing great.

So, we're doing
really good together.

Good.
Oh, good, good.

All right, well,
so, um...

Yeah, tell Cheryl
I said hi.

I will, I'll tell her
you said hi.

Great, I'll--
okay, great.

- Take care.
- All right.

- See you later.
- It's good that you're jogging.

- That's great.
Okay.

Let's go--
let's go this way.

She seemed nice.

Who's Cheryl?

- My-- my wife.
- Oh, oh.

Larry:
This is actually a great time
for me to cheat on my wife

because of that
whole Clinton scandal.

You know, 'cause she was
such a staunch supporter
of the guy

that, you know,
what is she gonna say?

I can do whatever I want.
Come on.

Did Clinton actually think
that he was gonna get blowjobs

from a Jew
and get off scot

What was he gonna do?

The guy never-- obviously
was never with a Jew before.

He thinks he's gonna
get blowjobs--

blowjobs
from a Jewish woman

and that's gonna be
the end of it?

No consequences?

What is he, crazy?

Yeah, let me ask you
a question--

who do you think
has more freedom?

The married man
in America

or the single man
in Communist China?

I gotta go for the single guy
in Communist China.

Come on,
there's no contest.

You know.

I mean, I'm a married guy
in America.

I can leave the country,
but I can't leave my house.

You know.

They can leave the house,
but they can't leave
the country.

I'll go for that.
I like that better.

I'm not going to Europe.
Where the hell am I going?

Hey, are you there?

Pick up if you're there.

Hello?
No

How come you're not home?

All right, you didn't talk
to your friend Cindy today,
did you?

You know... you know
she's got a big mouth, right?

And if she said anything
to you, which she probably
shouldn't have said,

I hope
you didn't believe it.

Because if she said
anything to you, I mean,
she's out of her mind.

I can't even imagine
what she could have said, but...

you know, come on,
it's-- it's crazy.

You did tell her
to shut up, right?

To mind her own business?

That I would never, ever
do anything like that?

I mean, come on,
she's 25 years old.

So-- so don't be--
don't be pissed off.

Nothing happened.
You know that.

All right?

I love you.
Ahem.

I love you and my voice
went up on that,

but, you know, that--
that doesn't mean anything.

It was just because I have
a little bit of a sore throat.

So, you know
that I love you.

My voice shouldn't have
gone up on that.

It was just
a terrible coincidence.

Larry:
Yeah, checking out.
David, Larry David.

And the room number?

Um, 5201.

Just a final signature, please.
Only for your incidentals.

$276?

- Yes.
- I made, like,
five phone calls or something.

Well, it's actually
phone calls

and it shows
a number of movies
right here.

- You can take a look.

Oh, okay, fine.
What are you doing?
Give it to me.

No! No, no, no, no!
HBO pays for the porn.

- Could you-- could you--
- HBO pays for porn.

- Shut up, shut up.
- Patrick, come here.

- No.
- HBO should pay
for the porn.

The porn?

Actually, it shows that
it's only room and tax
plus the meals.

Right...

Well, we handle
the room and tax,

but I can make a call
about the porn.

- I-- don't call anybody.
- Call about the porn.

I'm paying for it.

No, stop it.
Stop wasting!
Why do you waste?

- I'll pay for it.
- No, you need when you need
to relax, okay?

- Shut up. No.
- HBO is paying for the porn.

- They're set up
only for room and tax.

- Only for room and tax.

- Losmir.
- Jeff: Losmir,
just charge it for now.

Please call someone
about the porn.

- Please.
- I can make a call
right now about the porn.

- HBO will cover the porn.
- Larry: I don't care.
I don't care.

Why do you waste?

Crazy.

Losmir:
So, Mr. David, I'll need
your signature, please.

- Jeff: If I were--
- Shut up!

So you would like
to settle everything?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- Yeah, okay.
- Thank you.

And I'll give you
a final copy.

- Sorry about the--
- It's fine.
Don't worry about it.

- Here you go.
And here's your receipt.
- Thanks.

- Okay, that's fine.
I don't-- I don't want it.
- Okay.

Want me to make a call?
I can make a call.

Don't make any calls,
please.

Do me a favor,
just don't mention this.

I won't say a thing.

I think if he had
the opportunity,

he would kill people
that--

if he thought
he can get away with it,

I think he would, like,
put contracts out

on people
that crossed him.

What the hell
is going on, Larry?

I was with...

this guy I knew from college
and his girlfriend.

And when we left
the restaurant--
we were having breakfast.

When we left
the restaurant,

I was left with her
'cause he went someplace,

and I was walking--
I said I was gonna walk
through the park,

and she tagged along
with me.

Mm-hmm.

- Mm-hmm.

And then we ran into Cindy,
who was jogging.

And I thought that Cindy...

thought that I was doing
something untoward.

You know?

Why would she think that?

Because I was with
this blonde woman
in the park.

- What were
you doing with her?
- Just walking.

Wait-- wait a second.

- No, it's-- I'm...

- That's what happened!
- Okay, but the--

Well, what do you think?
I wanna walk with this woman?

She was talking about ginseng
for an hour and a half!

- I-- I don't wanna
talk to her!
- This is--

Okay, so what did you say
to Cindy when you ran into her?

Did you say, "Hi, this is
my college friend's girlfriend"?

No, I said, yeah,
this is somebody--

I said it was
a friend of a friend.

What, a friend of a friend?
What-- that's the craziest--

I was a little thrown.

But you're not
having an affair?

I swear
on my children's lives

that I'm not having
an affair, okay?

Now, isn't that enough?

You swear
on your children's life that

the girl you were with
was your...

college roommate's
girlfriend?

I swear on my children's lives
that the girl I was with
was not my girlfriend,

that I just
met her that morning,
had breakfast with her,

and walked
in the park with her.

- So she's not
your girlfriend?
- No. No.

Then, who is she?

She's just this woman,
you know.

Is she Jeff's?

No.

You swear
on your children's life?

Larry...

Um...

You know,
this whole business

about swearing
on my children's lives

is starting to make me
very uncomfortable.

Larry:
It's a good thing
they didn't have

answering machines
when they were trying
to form posses, you know.

'Cause everybody
would be screening.

You know what I mean?

"Larry, this is
Sheriff Robbins calling.

We're getting a, uh"--

"We're getting
a posse together

this afternoon
around 2:30.

We're gonna meet
by the old red barn.

Jeez, we'd sure
appreciate it"--

"We'd sure appreciate it
if you could make
this posse soon.

We're kind of short on guys,
and, uh...

we only got about
three or four guys,

and, shit, we can
really use you.

You know what?

We're gonna be going
after the Fontinato gang,

and that's some
tough motherfuckers,
boy, and, uh...

we-- you better bring
some warm clothing.

It's gonna be cold
out there.

It's colder than shit
out there, and, uh,
we're gonna--

we're gonna be gone
about, oh, maybe about
six, seven days,

so, you know,
stock up, and, uh...

the Fontinato--
I gotta tell you once again,

they're--
they're tough, so...

I sure hope--
I sure hope you can make it.

And, uh...

I hope to see--
I hope to see you out there."

Then you--
two weeks later,

you run into the sheriff
in town.

"Sheriff!
Oh, my God!

What happened?
I just-- I got home at 3:00!

I just missed
your message!

How'd the posse go?
Did it go okay?

What happened?
Did you catch him?

I-- I never found out.
What happened?

Oh, I was so pissed off!

I tried, I went over
to the red barn.

Nobody was there.

They told me
you just left.

Oh, shit."

I can guarantee you this.

Now, we haven't filmed
the special yet,

the concert part of it,

but no matter
how that goes,

I can guarantee
from his experiences

of being onstage again,

that Larry David
will never stop doing
stand-up comedy,

no matter what.

I'll tell you one thing--

if I was ever
in a situation like that

and the day ever came
where I couldn't wipe myself,

that's when I call
Kevorkian.

"Come on down, Jack.
You know, I need--
I need your help.

I'm checking out.
Bring the injection."

And, you know,
that's when mercy killing
should be tolerated.

Thanks for
getting me this gig,
'cause I'm really...

- ...just delighted
with this whole thing.

I think we've come
to the end of the line here.

I know, I know,
it's very disappointing
to all of you.

And me, too.
Me, too.

But, you know,

this is what happens
when you run out of nothing.

- Thank you very much.
Good night.

He's not good
with himself.

He's not at peace with himself
after he bombs

until he goes
up onstage again
and does well.

I don't talk to him
about the concert

because I know that'll only
bring out a sense of anxiety.

So I don't bring it up.
We'll go there, we'll shoot it.

It'll be zip in, zip out.
That's it.

He's not gonna bomb,
he's gonna kill.

He's gonna just--
he's gonna devastate.

This is gonna be
the best concert special

that they've had in years,
really.

They're gonna be shocked
by how he's going to kill.

They might ask him
to do another one right away.

Man:
Okay, that's good.

Good afternoon, HBO.

One moment, please.

- Hi.
- Hi, Larry David to see
Allan Wasserman.

Sure.

Hi, Susan?

I have Larry David here
to see Allan.

- Um, actually, no.

But it's kind of urgent.

He says no,
but it's kind of urgent.

Well, you know,
it's not like

an emergency or anything,
but it's important.

Well, he says it's not
really an emergency,

but it's important, so.

- You know, I just basically
need to talk to him.
- Okay, sure.

- It'll just be
a couple of minutes.

Good afternoon, HBO.
Sure.

- Hey.

- Oh, he's not here today.

- No. No.

- Oh, I see.
Have a seat.
- Okay.

Oh. Judy's gonna be
joining us.

- Oh, all right.
- There she is!

What's going on?
- Hi. Good.

Well, I'm sorry,
but it looks like

I'm not gonna be able
to do the special,
the show.

What happened?

It's my stepfather.

He, um-- he got
in a car accident

and he's in a--
yeah, he's in a coma,

and, uh, I gotta go
to Florida

to deal with my mother.

- God.
- It's all her fault.

- Yeah, she, uh--

Well, she made him
put his seatbelt on

while he was driving
and he couldn't coordinate it

and hit a pole.

- So...

No, he's in a coma.

He's in a coma,
but he's in and out
of the coma.

So, he comes in,
he goes out--
I don't know.

At this point,
we're 48 hours away.

Yeah, I know.
Tell me about it.

- It's a terrible tragedy...
- I was so psyched and ready
for it, too.

I think you should
really consider

trying to go through
with it at this point.

Well, you know, Allan,
I have to tell you

there's no way
that I can do it
because...

you know, I even broached
this idea to my mother,

and she just
completely broke down.

- Totally broke down.

She-- she fell
on the floor.

They had to pick her up
to put her back on the phone.

Allan:
She's in shock, of course.

Are you close
to your father?

- I mean...
- Stepfather.

Oh, sorry.
Are you close to him?

Well, not really.

We went fishing
a couple of times
together.

Um...

But we had a good time
out in the boat
that afternoon.

We had such a good time,
we went back again
the second time.

Allan:
Can't somebody else
go down there and...

- You have no other--
nobody down there for--
- No, no, she needs me.

- I mean, I'm her son.
- What if we were to hire

a primary caregiver who--
a professional in that field?

It's not the same.
It's not family.

I mean,
you should have heard her
on the phone last night.

"Larry, Larry, please.
I need you.

Don't-- Larry,
you have to come!
Larry!"

Okay.

Terrible timing.

I mean,
this is not just like
a gig at The Improv, Larry.

- I know, I understand.
- Give me a break here.

I totally-- you know,
give you a break?

- My stepfather is in a coma
in the hospital, all right?
- Allan: I know, I understand.

That's the most
important thing right now.

So let's-- you know,
this is show business, okay?

- I mean...
- It's a very
difficult situation.

- There's no bad people.
- Larry: Right.

- It's a bad situation.
- No, no. True, true.

I need some
sort of idea when we can
resume schedule here.

You know what,
we're just gonna have to wait
and see what happens.

- Allan: We need to have
some kind of a schedule.
- I can't give you a schedule,

'cause I don't--
I'm not in charge of comas.

I've never dealt
with a coma before.

I have no coma experience,
so I don't know.

Well, does she
understand that--
what is at stake here?

She totally understands.
She doesn't care.

It's-- you have to cancel it,
and, you know, we'll reassess

once I get down there and see
what the situation is.

Would we be able
to contact you there?

I'll call you.
Yeah, I'll call you.

I'll let you know
what's going on.

The show's over
for right now.

I gotta fly to Florida now.

Oh, God,
what a nightmare.

- Guess I gotta
get on the phone.
- Right.

- All right.
- Yeah, you go do that.

- I've got a lot
of work to do.
- Okay.

Well, you know, death,
it's a part of life.

We're lucky to be alive.

- All right.
- Okay.

- Okay.
- Take care.

- All right. Bye.
- Allan: All right, bye.

Larry, if anything else
is going on,

now is the time
to tell me.

I don't know what
you're implying by that...

but I swear
on my children's lives...

Say no more.

Validation, please.

- Larry.
- Hey.

How you doing?

What-- what are you do--
you didn't get the job?

Obviously not, huh?

I'm shocked.

I heard that was, uh,
quite a recommendation
you gave me.

Oh. Well, I-- you know,
I called up and the guy--

- You insulted the guy.
- I didn't insult the guy.

- That's what he said you did.
- No, that's not accurate.

- That is not accurate.

I called up
and he insulted me.

He-- he made a crack
about the show--

"Never watched it,
not a fan."

Well, so what?
Not everybody likes the show.

Of course they don't
like the show.

I don't expect them
to like the show, but now--

But you didn't have
to insult the guy
on the phone.

Could you validate this
for me, please?

- Thanks.
- He told me that you
insulted him on the phone

and then you sent him
a letter afterwards,

- adding insult to injury.
- I wrote him--
it's about an hour.

I wrote him
a very nice letter,
a beautiful letter.

- And--
- Yeah, he told me
about that as well.

And I said
some wonderful things
about you in the letter.

Well, if you had said
such wonderful things,

- why would I be sitting
behind this desk?
- I don't know.

It's bewildering, frankly.

- Yeah, to me, too.
- I'm quite puzzled by it.

- Me, too.
- I'm puzzled
by the whole thing.

Well, he said
that you insulted him
at the end of the letter

and virtually took back
everything that you had said.

I didn't insult him at all.
You know what?

Um, you're better off
because the guy's an idiot

and you wouldn't have
even liked working for him.

- I don't care.
It was a great opportunity.
- Believe me, opportunity--

blessing in disguise,
young man.

- Blessing in disguise.
- Well, then, can you make
a phone call to somebody?

I gotta catch
a plane to Florida.

- My stepfather is in a coma.
- I'm sorry to hear about
your stepfather.

That's too bad,
but, Larry--

I gotta--
I'll be back.

I-- I come--
I see Allan all the time.

We see--
we're friendly.

Well, there's gotta be
somebody you can call!

Larry, come on!

♪ Yes, you say either,
I say either ♪

- ♪ You say neither
and I say neither... ♪

♪ Either, either,
a-neither, neither ♪

♪ A-let's call
the whole thing off ♪

♪ Yes, you like potato
and I like potahto ♪

♪ You like tomato
and I like tomahto ♪

♪ Potato, potahto,
tomato, tomahto ♪

♪ Let's call
the whole thing off, yeah ♪

♪ You say laughter
and I say lahfter ♪

♪ You say after
and I say ahfter ♪

♪ Laughter, lahfter,
after, ahfter ♪

♪ Let's call
the whole thing off ♪

♪ Oh, so if you like
pajamas ♪

♪ I like pajamas ♪

♪ I wear pajamas ♪

♪ You've got pajamas ♪

♪ For we know
we need each other ♪

♪ So we better call
the whole thing off ♪

♪ Let's call
the whole thing off ♪

♪ Let's call
the whole thing off ♪

♪ Yes. ♪