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1
00:00:04,075 --> 00:00:06,409
Uh-oh. You looking at the kids'
Christmas lists again?
2
00:00:06,419 --> 00:00:07,752
Binders, Lin.
3
00:00:07,843 --> 00:00:09,561
They put them in binders
this year.
4
00:00:09,569 --> 00:00:12,436
I-I think we need to explain
to them what "poor" means.
5
00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:15,335
You're putting too much pressure
on yourself. On both of us.
6
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,516
We're so poor, Lin!
And it's Christmas!
7
00:00:17,525 --> 00:00:19,143
Again! It keeps coming!
8
00:00:19,151 --> 00:00:21,035
It never stops!
?Okay okay.
9
00:00:21,043 --> 00:00:22,493
(takes a deep breath)
?Calm down.
10
00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:23,834
It's just, sometimes
this holiday
11
00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:25,974
makes me feel like
I'm a failure.
12
00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:28,102
Hey, hey, hey.
You kiss Santa with that mouth?
13
00:00:28,112 --> 00:00:29,863
Come on. Look,
we'll do all we can,
14
00:00:29,871 --> 00:00:31,755
and it'll be fine.
Besides, you know
15
00:00:31,763 --> 00:00:33,381
what the greatest gift
of all is?
16
00:00:33,389 --> 00:00:35,022
Family.
17
00:00:35,029 --> 00:00:36,980
You say that to the kids
with a straight face.
18
00:00:36,989 --> 00:00:39,157
Yeah, I know.
I was just trying it out.
19
00:00:39,167 --> 00:00:41,085
What about
"Christmas is for closers?"
20
00:00:41,094 --> 00:00:42,845
Um, needs a little work.
21
00:00:42,853 --> 00:00:45,154
Well, we'll figure it out.
And the kids will be okay.
22
00:00:45,164 --> 00:00:47,866
They know it's not all about
Christmas presents. They know.
23
00:00:47,878 --> 00:00:49,762
Christmas presents countdown,
24
00:00:49,771 --> 00:00:52,973
now at: six days,
ten hours, 35 minutes.
25
00:00:52,987 --> 00:00:54,382
Oh, my God.
26
00:00:54,410 --> 00:00:55,827
I'm not gonna make it!
27
00:00:55,834 --> 00:00:57,834
Gene, be strong.
Be my big strong boy.
28
00:00:57,929 --> 00:00:59,679
(door jingles)
You guys, look what I found
29
00:00:59,687 --> 00:01:01,355
on sale at the store?
30
00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:03,530
These light-up
Christmas necklaces!
31
00:01:03,540 --> 00:01:05,541
They were only
a buck 99 for five.
32
00:01:05,550 --> 00:01:07,570
Can you believe
that unbelievable bargain?
33
00:01:07,610 --> 00:01:09,026
I mean, I want to.
34
00:01:09,067 --> 00:01:10,200
Well, I think it's a sign
35
00:01:10,206 --> 00:01:11,490
that this is the year.
36
00:01:11,496 --> 00:01:12,746
The year of Belcher family
37
00:01:12,752 --> 00:01:14,307
Christmas caroling!
38
00:01:14,314 --> 00:01:15,406
Ooh!
?Oh, no.
39
00:01:15,412 --> 00:01:16,316
Ugh, caroling?
40
00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:17,820
Mom, we've had this talk.
41
00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:19,329
We're just not
those kind of people.
42
00:01:19,336 --> 00:01:21,837
I mean, those people get
their clothes dry-cleaned,
43
00:01:21,848 --> 00:01:23,049
they floss...
44
00:01:23,055 --> 00:01:24,366
You know, honkies.
45
00:01:24,394 --> 00:01:26,028
Well, count this honky
46
00:01:26,036 --> 00:01:27,036
? In. ?
47
00:01:27,041 --> 00:01:28,041
That's the spirit!
48
00:01:28,046 --> 00:01:29,213
Come on, guys!
49
00:01:29,218 --> 00:01:30,635
We'll go out to the suburbs,
50
00:01:30,642 --> 00:01:32,343
to a nice street
with pretty lights,
51
00:01:32,351 --> 00:01:34,185
where people
will give us hot cocoa,
52
00:01:34,193 --> 00:01:36,027
and cider
with real cinnamon in it.
53
00:01:36,036 --> 00:01:37,370
Wait. Hot cocoa?
54
00:01:37,376 --> 00:01:38,543
La Vida Mocha?
55
00:01:38,549 --> 00:01:40,099
I call it naughty mud.
56
00:01:40,106 --> 00:01:41,640
I just call it hot cocoa.
57
00:01:41,647 --> 00:01:43,167
I didn't know we had
cool names for it.
58
00:01:43,239 --> 00:01:44,740
And people will want to join us,
59
00:01:44,747 --> 00:01:46,414
and our group
will get bigger and bigger
60
00:01:46,421 --> 00:01:48,255
until it's hands across America,
61
00:01:48,264 --> 00:01:50,765
singing carols
and saving mankind.
62
00:01:50,827 --> 00:01:52,694
Oh! Amity the albino
polar bear cub!
63
00:01:52,703 --> 00:01:54,337
He's on the news again!
Turn it up, damn it!
64
00:01:54,344 --> 00:01:56,796
OLSEN BENNER:
Amity, the albino polar bear cub
65
00:01:56,807 --> 00:01:59,441
born at the Bog Harbor Zoo
only a few days ago,
66
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,321
is being called
a Christmas bear-icle.
67
00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:02,662
KIDS: Aww.
68
00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:05,054
Amity makes non-albino
polar bear cubs
69
00:02:05,064 --> 00:02:06,648
look like a sick joke!
70
00:02:06,656 --> 00:02:08,908
Ugh! He's so cute
it disgusts me!
71
00:02:08,918 --> 00:02:12,431
Oh! "Christmas bear-icle"!
I just got it.
72
00:02:12,468 --> 00:02:14,769
LINDA: Come on, Bob,
time to go caroling.
73
00:02:14,864 --> 00:02:16,732
(door jingles)
Teddy, lookin' good.
74
00:02:16,740 --> 00:02:18,407
Yup. It's a shame
I can only wear
75
00:02:18,415 --> 00:02:20,048
this sweater four months
out of the year.
76
00:02:20,090 --> 00:02:22,257
(phone rings) Bob's Burgers.
77
00:02:22,318 --> 00:02:24,747
Bob. It's your favorite
landlord, Calvin Fischoeder.
78
00:02:24,781 --> 00:02:26,280
Oh hi, Mr. Fischoeder.
79
00:02:26,338 --> 00:02:28,456
Bob, I need you to deliver
some food to my house.
80
00:02:28,466 --> 00:02:29,967
I'm having a little party,
nothing weird,
81
00:02:29,974 --> 00:02:31,440
so just bring whatever.
82
00:02:31,481 --> 00:02:32,865
Mr. Fischoeder, actually,
I'm about to go
83
00:02:32,871 --> 00:02:34,538
caroling with my family, so...
84
00:02:34,546 --> 00:02:36,297
What? Why? Never mind.
85
00:02:36,305 --> 00:02:38,006
Bob, I don't want
to play the landlord card here,
86
00:02:38,014 --> 00:02:39,396
but actually, I do.
87
00:02:39,488 --> 00:02:41,654
Oh, okay.
How much food do you need?
88
00:02:41,699 --> 00:02:43,283
Oh, I don't know.
Just... just bring...
89
00:02:43,290 --> 00:02:45,394
five or six foods.
Over and out.
90
00:02:45,434 --> 00:02:48,553
So, Mr. Fischoeder wants me
to bring food over to his house.
91
00:02:48,566 --> 00:02:49,982
He's having a party.
92
00:02:50,074 --> 00:02:52,491
Nothing weird, he said,
which is troubling.
93
00:02:52,586 --> 00:02:55,254
Ugh! It's definitely
a human sacrifice party.
94
00:02:55,266 --> 00:02:56,816
Or a sensual grown-up party.
95
00:02:56,908 --> 00:02:59,076
Dad, you need a Venetian mask
and a thong, stat!
96
00:02:59,086 --> 00:03:00,503
Stop it.
?Aw, Bob.
97
00:03:00,509 --> 00:03:01,926
What about caroling?
98
00:03:01,933 --> 00:03:03,384
Well, we'll just
drop off some burgers,
99
00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:04,774
and then we'll go afterwards.
(coughs)
100
00:03:04,781 --> 00:03:06,149
You're getting sacrificed.
?Oh!
101
00:03:06,155 --> 00:03:07,738
Bob would be great
at getting sacrificed.
102
00:03:07,745 --> 00:03:09,163
He's got the body for it.
103
00:03:09,170 --> 00:03:10,439
Mm-hmm.
104
00:03:10,510 --> 00:03:13,179
? ?
105
00:03:13,190 --> 00:03:14,440
Okay, I'll be right back.
106
00:03:14,446 --> 00:03:15,945
And they never saw him again.
107
00:03:17,796 --> 00:03:18,930
FELIX: What's the password?
108
00:03:18,935 --> 00:03:20,102
Uh, it's Bob. I'm just here
109
00:03:20,108 --> 00:03:21,557
to drop off some food.
110
00:03:21,649 --> 00:03:23,398
That's not it.
Felix, let me in.
111
00:03:23,458 --> 00:03:25,209
Okay, fine, but if anyone asks,
112
00:03:25,217 --> 00:03:26,751
you totally knew
the password was
113
00:03:26,758 --> 00:03:28,425
"pee-pee, poo-poo,
one, two, three, four."
114
00:03:28,433 --> 00:03:29,767
They're all down in the dungeon.
115
00:03:29,773 --> 00:03:30,940
It's what we call the basement.
116
00:03:30,946 --> 00:03:31,995
Oh, boy.
117
00:03:32,084 --> 00:03:33,804
? ?
118
00:03:35,385 --> 00:03:39,387
Oh, God. Please don't be
something horrible.
119
00:03:39,488 --> 00:03:41,323
Oh, they're gonna cover me
with candy and eat me.
120
00:03:41,331 --> 00:03:42,714
Bob!
121
00:03:42,721 --> 00:03:44,672
Welcome to the Gingerbread
Gentlemen's
122
00:03:44,681 --> 00:03:47,065
Annual Gingerbread House
Competition.
123
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:49,779
Everyone, meet this year's
guest competitor, Bob.
124
00:03:49,790 --> 00:03:50,873
Hello. ?Hello. ?Hello.
125
00:03:50,879 --> 00:03:52,380
I... don't understand.
126
00:03:52,387 --> 00:03:54,187
I'm just here
to drop off the food.
127
00:03:54,195 --> 00:03:55,646
(laughing): Oh, Bob.
128
00:03:55,653 --> 00:03:57,287
You're always doing
that confused
129
00:03:57,295 --> 00:03:59,628
food delivery man business.
130
00:03:59,723 --> 00:04:02,341
(stammers) And I get
why... it's hysterical.
131
00:04:02,353 --> 00:04:03,854
Now, come with me,
and let's, uh,
132
00:04:03,861 --> 00:04:06,111
get you into your tuxedo.
Come, come, come...
133
00:04:06,172 --> 00:04:08,590
Mr. Fischoeder,
what is going on?
134
00:04:08,601 --> 00:04:09,634
Hey.
?Listen.
135
00:04:09,639 --> 00:04:11,140
How are you at building
136
00:04:11,147 --> 00:04:12,500
gingerbread houses?
137
00:04:12,538 --> 00:04:14,038
Well, actually, not bad.
138
00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:15,963
My mom and I used
to build them together
139
00:04:15,972 --> 00:04:18,172
before she died.
It was kind of our thing...
140
00:04:18,233 --> 00:04:19,650
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
okay, okay, okay.
141
00:04:19,657 --> 00:04:20,740
Forget about all that,
because I want you
142
00:04:20,745 --> 00:04:23,162
to enter this contest, and lose.
143
00:04:23,208 --> 00:04:25,175
What? Why?
Because every year,
144
00:04:25,184 --> 00:04:27,553
every damn year, I lose.
145
00:04:27,563 --> 00:04:28,729
You wouldn't think it
by the looks of them,
146
00:04:28,735 --> 00:04:30,152
but those men out there
147
00:04:30,159 --> 00:04:31,493
(stuttering):
those, there are, so...
148
00:04:31,499 --> 00:04:34,216
Well, they are some
creative bastards.
149
00:04:34,263 --> 00:04:35,980
O-Okay. I should
really get going.
150
00:04:35,988 --> 00:04:38,772
Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup...
But, oh, hey, uh, okay.
151
00:04:38,870 --> 00:04:41,788
Where is he? All right, while
we're waiting, let's warm up.
152
00:04:41,801 --> 00:04:44,219
Now repeat after me:
Ang-ang-ang-ang-ang.
153
00:04:44,229 --> 00:04:47,614
ALL:
Ang-ang-ang-ang-ang-ang-ang.
154
00:04:47,664 --> 00:04:49,214
(groans) Mr. Fischoeder, I...
155
00:04:49,221 --> 00:04:51,672
can't Felix lose for you?
What? No!
156
00:04:51,768 --> 00:04:53,902
He wishes.
Only the eldest son
157
00:04:53,911 --> 00:04:56,579
in each founding family
is allowed to compete.
158
00:04:56,675 --> 00:04:58,508
Well, then, why would
I be allowed to compete?
159
00:04:58,552 --> 00:05:00,352
Because I'm the host
this year, and the host
160
00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:02,562
is allowed to pick
one guest competitor.
161
00:05:02,572 --> 00:05:04,289
I mean, uh, generally they're...
162
00:05:04,297 --> 00:05:06,548
they're a lot richer
and cleaner than you,
163
00:05:06,558 --> 00:05:08,926
but I-I only had this idea
a couple of hours ago,
164
00:05:08,937 --> 00:05:11,489
so, well, here we are. As far
as those guys are concerned,
165
00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:14,619
you're my wealthy, woolly buddy.
Uh, listen, sorry,
166
00:05:14,633 --> 00:05:17,133
but I'm supposed to go
caroling with my family.
167
00:05:17,229 --> 00:05:19,480
(grumbles) You keep saying that.
168
00:05:19,490 --> 00:05:21,157
It's so strange.
169
00:05:21,165 --> 00:05:22,916
Hey, what if
you don't have to pay
170
00:05:22,924 --> 00:05:24,173
the rent next month?
?Huh.
171
00:05:24,230 --> 00:05:25,814
Mm-hmm.
?We could use the money
172
00:05:25,822 --> 00:05:27,690
to get better Christmas
presents for the kids.
173
00:05:27,698 --> 00:05:29,532
That's not what I'd do,
but sure.
174
00:05:29,541 --> 00:05:31,091
Okay. Okay, I-I'll do it.
175
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:32,549
Fantastic! And...
and you're okay
176
00:05:32,556 --> 00:05:34,273
with being killed when you lose?
177
00:05:34,281 --> 00:05:36,065
What?
?Oh, I'm just kidding.
178
00:05:36,073 --> 00:05:37,657
Ha. Ha.
?Ha. Or am I?
179
00:05:37,664 --> 00:05:40,566
(laughs) I am.
180
00:05:42,022 --> 00:05:45,304
Mr. Fischoeder wants you to lose
a gingerbread house contest?
181
00:05:45,318 --> 00:05:47,069
But we need
your beautiful soprano voice.
182
00:05:47,077 --> 00:05:48,628
We need it to do the song
183
00:05:48,635 --> 00:05:50,069
"You Can't Spell
Christmas Without Us."
184
00:05:50,076 --> 00:05:51,810
It's a classic.
185
00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:54,136
I mean, I'm not a soprano,
but if I do this,
186
00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:55,696
we won't have to pay rent
next month.
187
00:05:55,704 --> 00:05:57,321
(quietly): And we can
use that money to buy
188
00:05:57,328 --> 00:05:59,545
you-know-whats
for the you-know-whos.
189
00:05:59,590 --> 00:06:00,973
(quietly):
Who are the you-know-whos?
190
00:06:00,980 --> 00:06:02,397
(whispers): Yeah, who are they?
191
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,521
Hey, Whispering Willies,
I'm going with Dad.
192
00:06:04,616 --> 00:06:07,284
I want to see this gingerbread
competition madness.
193
00:06:07,295 --> 00:06:09,213
Me, too.
?Yeah, Dad, we could cheer you on.
194
00:06:09,222 --> 00:06:11,189
Like "Dad, Dad, he's our man.
195
00:06:11,198 --> 00:06:13,148
If he can't do it, that's good."
196
00:06:13,242 --> 00:06:14,826
No, kids.
Y-You go with your mom.
197
00:06:14,834 --> 00:06:17,084
Caroling will be... fun, too.
198
00:06:17,178 --> 00:06:18,979
Okay, well, sold me.
199
00:06:18,987 --> 00:06:21,071
I bought it.
Kids, I want you to know
200
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:23,366
I'm not trying to replace
your father while we're caroling.
201
00:06:23,376 --> 00:06:25,711
But if you so choose,
you may call me Caroling Dad.
202
00:06:25,721 --> 00:06:27,305
Thanks, Teddy.
?All right.
203
00:06:27,313 --> 00:06:29,230
Well, we'll go caroling
around this neighborhood
204
00:06:29,239 --> 00:06:31,240
and then we'll meet you back here,
Bob. ?Okay.
205
00:06:31,249 --> 00:06:32,633
Good luck losing, Dad!
206
00:06:32,639 --> 00:06:33,839
You're in your element.
207
00:06:33,845 --> 00:06:35,812
Do I, uh, look all right?
208
00:06:35,905 --> 00:06:37,572
Yeah. I mean, there's nothing
we can do about your face.
209
00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:39,248
And your hair.
?Hmm.
210
00:06:39,256 --> 00:06:41,456
So, how-how do you want me to lose?
?Simple.
211
00:06:41,550 --> 00:06:43,718
If your house falls down,
it's disqualified.
212
00:06:43,728 --> 00:06:46,363
So, just build it really tall
and extremely unstable,
213
00:06:46,374 --> 00:06:48,375
like-like,
some of my properties.
214
00:06:48,384 --> 00:06:49,718
What? Well, (clears throat)
215
00:06:49,725 --> 00:06:51,175
Not your place.
(chuckles)
216
00:06:51,182 --> 00:06:53,650
Yeah, you're fine.
Anyway, right before the end,
217
00:06:53,661 --> 00:06:55,195
down goes your house,
the judge declares a winner
218
00:06:55,202 --> 00:06:57,003
and a loser,
which won't be me, and bing.
219
00:06:57,011 --> 00:06:58,095
It's over.
(opens door)
220
00:06:58,101 --> 00:06:59,383
The judge? What-what judge?
221
00:06:59,474 --> 00:07:00,891
Godfrey... the same
guy who's been
222
00:07:00,898 --> 00:07:02,418
judging this thing
since the beginning.
223
00:07:02,455 --> 00:07:04,156
BOB: Wow. He is old.
224
00:07:04,164 --> 00:07:05,747
Is he alive?
225
00:07:05,806 --> 00:07:07,056
That's a good question.
Let's find out.
226
00:07:07,062 --> 00:07:08,096
(yelling): Godfrey!
227
00:07:08,101 --> 00:07:09,267
(shrieks) ?There he is.
228
00:07:09,272 --> 00:07:10,405
(shrieks)
229
00:07:10,445 --> 00:07:11,445
Now, let's introduce everyone.
230
00:07:11,450 --> 00:07:12,450
This is August Scharffenheimer.
231
00:07:12,455 --> 00:07:13,754
We all call him Auggie.
232
00:07:13,796 --> 00:07:15,797
(German accent):
I do not like it.
233
00:07:15,806 --> 00:07:17,974
And this is downtown
Randolph Brackenbrown.
234
00:07:17,983 --> 00:07:19,150
BOB: Wow, You are
235
00:07:19,156 --> 00:07:21,457
really arching your eyebrow.
236
00:07:21,467 --> 00:07:23,251
Yes, I'm in fierce
competition mode.
237
00:07:23,260 --> 00:07:24,677
Also, it's a medical thing.
238
00:07:24,683 --> 00:07:26,317
I can't always lower it
239
00:07:26,325 --> 00:07:27,991
(straining): when I want to.
240
00:07:28,034 --> 00:07:29,033
And finally,
241
00:07:29,039 --> 00:07:30,673
Samuel Summerbottom.
242
00:07:30,681 --> 00:07:32,932
I like my houses
like I like my women...
243
00:07:32,942 --> 00:07:34,859
sturdy and ginger.
244
00:07:34,867 --> 00:07:36,985
Okay. And Bob,
as you know, I'm Felix,
245
00:07:36,995 --> 00:07:38,462
and I'm not jealous
of you at all.
246
00:07:38,469 --> 00:07:40,504
(laughs) Isn't that nice?
247
00:07:40,513 --> 00:07:43,097
So, Bob, just put your guns on
the gun table, and we can begin.
248
00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:45,611
Oh, I, I didn't bring any guns.
249
00:07:45,622 --> 00:07:47,289
No guns. Okay.
Interesting. Well,
250
00:07:47,381 --> 00:07:50,015
let's get started.
Haven't you forgotten something?
251
00:07:50,111 --> 00:07:52,112
We can't really start
until last year's loser
252
00:07:52,121 --> 00:07:53,821
puts on the loser hat.
253
00:07:53,913 --> 00:07:55,080
(groans)
254
00:07:55,086 --> 00:07:57,087
Calvin has to wear it
every year.
255
00:07:57,096 --> 00:07:58,480
It's an old bed pan.
256
00:07:58,486 --> 00:08:00,353
It's very shameful.
(laughs)
257
00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:03,030
(mocking laughter) BOB: Yikes.
258
00:08:03,093 --> 00:08:04,876
? ?
259
00:08:04,968 --> 00:08:07,053
Wow. Mr. Fischoeder's
neighborhood
260
00:08:07,063 --> 00:08:08,563
really is beautiful.
261
00:08:08,570 --> 00:08:09,904
Yeah.
(whistles)
262
00:08:09,910 --> 00:08:11,794
Whoa, except for
that poor thing.
263
00:08:11,803 --> 00:08:14,125
LINDA: Oh yeah, what's going on
with that? Ugh.
264
00:08:14,181 --> 00:08:15,932
Oh, man, I know that place.
265
00:08:15,941 --> 00:08:18,409
I've heard crazy stories
about the guy that lives there.
266
00:08:18,419 --> 00:08:20,753
Stories not suitable
for children.
267
00:08:20,798 --> 00:08:22,132
Like what, Teddy?
Okay, I'll tell you.
268
00:08:22,138 --> 00:08:23,137
See all those bedsheets
269
00:08:23,143 --> 00:08:24,442
up in the windows?
270
00:08:24,484 --> 00:08:25,484
He puts those up there
271
00:08:25,489 --> 00:08:27,122
to hide his evil deeds.
272
00:08:27,129 --> 00:08:28,830
Bathroom stuff?
?Murder!
273
00:08:28,838 --> 00:08:30,506
Huh. ?His parents used
to live there with him.
274
00:08:30,514 --> 00:08:32,180
But where are they now?
?Florida?
275
00:08:32,272 --> 00:08:34,273
Murdered! A delivery man
went in there once,
276
00:08:34,282 --> 00:08:36,533
never came out.
What happened to him?
277
00:08:36,628 --> 00:08:38,212
They got married?
Murdered!
278
00:08:38,219 --> 00:08:40,303
Aah... They say he buried
them all in the backyard,
279
00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:42,113
and then he just went
right on murdering.
280
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:44,789
Murder, murder, murder, murder,
murder... hello, sir... murder!
281
00:08:44,886 --> 00:08:47,136
All right, Teddy, you convinced
me, let's go there.
282
00:08:47,230 --> 00:08:48,980
No! What? The murder!
The murder part.
283
00:08:49,074 --> 00:08:51,408
Teddy, stop with your stories.
You're ruining the vibe.
284
00:08:51,418 --> 00:08:53,836
Come on, let's go carol
the crap out of this place!
285
00:08:53,847 --> 00:08:57,467
Yeah! I came here for hot
chocolate, not not chocolate.
286
00:08:57,483 --> 00:08:59,399
FISCHOEDER:
I got to say, gentlemen,
287
00:08:59,493 --> 00:09:00,993
I'm feeling good
about this year.
288
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,384
Tell that to your potty head.
289
00:09:02,390 --> 00:09:04,590
Ha! Classic ginger boom.
290
00:09:04,685 --> 00:09:06,268
Ha, ha, ha. Felix!
291
00:09:06,276 --> 00:09:07,493
I need more frosting.
292
00:09:07,499 --> 00:09:09,237
Coming! Here we go.
293
00:09:09,291 --> 00:09:10,542
Frosting, Calvin?
294
00:09:10,548 --> 00:09:11,964
More like losting.
295
00:09:12,055 --> 00:09:14,522
Ha! Another incredible
ginger boom.
296
00:09:14,568 --> 00:09:15,735
(nervous laughs)
297
00:09:15,741 --> 00:09:18,626
Uh, look at Bob...
298
00:09:18,639 --> 00:09:20,006
that's bad, right?
299
00:09:20,012 --> 00:09:21,312
His whole deal? Ugh!
300
00:09:21,318 --> 00:09:23,569
Uh. Okay. So, what's, uh,
301
00:09:23,579 --> 00:09:25,530
everybody's Christmas plans?
302
00:09:25,539 --> 00:09:28,507
I was going to buy an island
and flip it. Literally.
303
00:09:28,605 --> 00:09:30,189
I'm going to have my cash
washed and waxed.
304
00:09:30,196 --> 00:09:31,646
It really needs it.
305
00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:34,238
I'm going to treat myself
to a new penis.
306
00:09:34,334 --> 00:09:37,336
Okay. So... no one's spending it
with family?
307
00:09:37,349 --> 00:09:38,933
No way. Ha. ?Nope. ?No.
308
00:09:38,940 --> 00:09:40,908
Wait, what about
your brother, Felix?
309
00:09:40,917 --> 00:09:42,834
Oh, right. Him.
310
00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:45,795
Oh, uh, look! I have this,
uh, extra plate under my arm.
311
00:09:45,808 --> 00:09:47,309
Maybe I could just,
uh, join you guys...
312
00:09:47,316 --> 00:09:48,532
Felix, no!
313
00:09:48,538 --> 00:09:49,989
All right, here I go.
314
00:09:49,996 --> 00:09:52,080
Oh, I can't wait
for that prize to be mine.
315
00:09:52,089 --> 00:09:53,252
There's a prize?
316
00:09:53,262 --> 00:09:54,846
You didn't know? We chipped in
317
00:09:54,853 --> 00:09:56,654
and made
an obscenely large donation
318
00:09:56,662 --> 00:09:58,913
to the Bog Harbor Zoo to procure
319
00:09:58,924 --> 00:10:01,259
a private Christmas Day
cuddle session
320
00:10:01,269 --> 00:10:03,602
with Amity the albino
polar bear cub.
321
00:10:03,648 --> 00:10:05,686
He's the "it" bear right now.
322
00:10:05,708 --> 00:10:06,957
He's so fuzzy.
323
00:10:06,998 --> 00:10:08,581
Wow. My kids would love that.
324
00:10:08,588 --> 00:10:10,006
Why?
?Uh, because...
325
00:10:10,013 --> 00:10:12,014
kids love baby animals?
326
00:10:12,023 --> 00:10:14,240
I don't think that's right.
Uh, they, they do.
327
00:10:14,250 --> 00:10:16,751
Why do you guys want
to cuddle a polar bear?
328
00:10:16,847 --> 00:10:18,882
An albino polar bear cub cuddle
329
00:10:18,891 --> 00:10:21,192
is a very prestigious
cuddle, Bob.
330
00:10:21,202 --> 00:10:24,071
I've cuddled a rhino baby,
a tiger baby,
331
00:10:24,084 --> 00:10:27,335
and now I may cuddle
an albino polar bear baby.
332
00:10:27,433 --> 00:10:29,267
That's such a good
order to do it in.
333
00:10:29,276 --> 00:10:31,444
Thank you.
Pay no attention to Bob, everybody.
334
00:10:31,453 --> 00:10:33,204
He's not smart...
ginger boom.
335
00:10:33,212 --> 00:10:35,180
He's also pear-shaped...
ginger boom.
336
00:10:35,189 --> 00:10:38,274
If a pear could be dumb
and bad at things.
337
00:10:38,288 --> 00:10:39,788
Ha, ha. You know what I mean?
(chortles)
338
00:10:39,795 --> 00:10:42,214
A dumb pear.
Pears are the worst.
339
00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:45,476
(singing "Deck the Halls")
? Fa la la la la, la la la la. ?
340
00:10:45,524 --> 00:10:46,774
Okay. Thank you.
341
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:48,281
And we will take
our hot cocoa now.
342
00:10:48,288 --> 00:10:49,704
So, thank you.
343
00:10:49,762 --> 00:10:52,047
Sorry, I don't have any.
BOTH: What?!
344
00:10:52,057 --> 00:10:53,641
Cider?
No.
345
00:10:53,649 --> 00:10:54,899
Cinnamon?
Afraid not.
346
00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:56,238
What about hot cocoa?
347
00:10:56,328 --> 00:10:57,494
Again, no.
348
00:10:57,584 --> 00:10:58,551
Damn it!
Then we don't have
349
00:10:58,556 --> 00:11:00,223
any caroling for you, pal.
350
00:11:00,231 --> 00:11:01,765
Well, I mean,
you already did it.
351
00:11:01,772 --> 00:11:04,102
Oh, did we?
Yeah, we did.
352
00:11:04,118 --> 00:11:06,781
(out of sync): ? Fa la la la la
la la la la ?
353
00:11:06,797 --> 00:11:08,297
Okay, good night, then.
354
00:11:08,356 --> 00:11:09,968
No, no, no, no.
Now you join in.
355
00:11:09,980 --> 00:11:11,480
Oh, uh...
356
00:11:11,487 --> 00:11:14,239
? Hark, the angel Harold sings ?
357
00:11:14,251 --> 00:11:15,584
Grab your coats.
Come on out.
358
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,509
Whoops, the door is closing.
359
00:11:17,518 --> 00:11:19,735
? About all
the Christmas things ?
360
00:11:19,830 --> 00:11:21,697
Okay, bye-bye, then.
Everybody.
361
00:11:21,705 --> 00:11:24,207
? Peace on earth
and salsa mild ?
362
00:11:24,218 --> 00:11:26,885
? La la la la ? MAN: Uh, great.
363
00:11:26,982 --> 00:11:29,701
Wait. Come with us.
Join our Christmas Crusade!
364
00:11:29,713 --> 00:11:32,497
I just want to shut this on you.
365
00:11:32,593 --> 00:11:34,760
Unh. Aw, sugar plumbs!
(lights sizzle)
366
00:11:34,855 --> 00:11:37,406
Um, where are all
the candy wafers?
367
00:11:37,418 --> 00:11:39,202
Auggie, you're
hogging them aren't you?
368
00:11:39,210 --> 00:11:40,844
You're a hoggie Auggie.
369
00:11:40,851 --> 00:11:43,770
Look who's talking, Mr. Too
Many Jelly Fruit Slices.
370
00:11:43,783 --> 00:11:46,283
Samuel, what are you building
with those mini marshmallows?
371
00:11:46,329 --> 00:11:47,662
Oh, just a mini snowman.
372
00:11:47,669 --> 00:11:49,387
Damn, that's brilliant.
373
00:11:49,395 --> 00:11:51,679
So you're just sticking
peppermints everywhere, then?
374
00:11:51,689 --> 00:11:55,408
Uh, yeah. It's uh,
some ornamental filigree.
375
00:11:55,508 --> 00:11:57,875
Bob, I got to say
your gingerbread scoring
376
00:11:57,937 --> 00:12:00,105
is exquisite.
Oh, uh, thank you.
377
00:12:00,115 --> 00:12:02,282
You just got to
be firm but gentle.
378
00:12:02,376 --> 00:12:04,076
Show us.
Um, okay.
379
00:12:04,168 --> 00:12:05,408
I don't think that's necessary.
380
00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:06,924
Potty head, shush.
Mmm...
381
00:12:06,982 --> 00:12:09,017
Ah, so firm but so gentle.
382
00:12:09,027 --> 00:12:10,994
Uh-huh.
And does your big fat belly
383
00:12:11,003 --> 00:12:12,621
get in the way, Bob?
384
00:12:12,628 --> 00:12:14,345
Uh, no, it-it doesn't.
385
00:12:14,353 --> 00:12:15,970
And what about
your body odor, Bob?
386
00:12:15,978 --> 00:12:17,562
Do you find that distracting?
387
00:12:17,569 --> 00:12:19,402
I mean, it's like
your armpits threw up.
388
00:12:19,496 --> 00:12:20,328
Whoa!
Oh, my.
389
00:12:20,383 --> 00:12:21,749
Uh, okay, easy.
390
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,841
You smell like
a stevedore's shorts.
391
00:12:23,850 --> 00:12:25,183
You smell like failure.
392
00:12:25,241 --> 00:12:26,907
Like stinky failure farts.
393
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,701
Okay, that's it. Calvin,
can I have a word with you
394
00:12:28,709 --> 00:12:30,209
in the other room?
Sure.
395
00:12:30,216 --> 00:12:32,551
Look, I'm doing you
a favor, Mr. Fischoeder.
396
00:12:32,561 --> 00:12:33,728
You can't treat me like this.
397
00:12:33,734 --> 00:12:34,900
What's the matter, Bob,
398
00:12:34,906 --> 00:12:36,073
can't handle my garbage mouth?
399
00:12:36,078 --> 00:12:37,378
You mean trash talk?
400
00:12:37,385 --> 00:12:38,552
Trash talk, garbage mouth,
ginger booms...
401
00:12:38,557 --> 00:12:39,891
It's all the same thing.
402
00:12:39,898 --> 00:12:41,098
And it's part of
the gingerbread game, Bob,
403
00:12:41,104 --> 00:12:42,438
so get used to it.
404
00:12:42,444 --> 00:12:43,693
Well, get used to this!
405
00:12:43,784 --> 00:12:45,117
I'm gonna take you down.
406
00:12:45,124 --> 00:12:46,625
I'm gonna try to win this thing.
407
00:12:46,632 --> 00:12:48,599
My kids would love
that polar bear cuddle.
408
00:12:48,608 --> 00:12:50,558
That would be an amazing
Christmas present!
409
00:12:50,652 --> 00:12:52,652
What? No, no.
We have a deal.
410
00:12:52,745 --> 00:12:54,496
The deal's off, Mr. Fischoeder.
411
00:12:54,504 --> 00:12:56,421
Oh, and do you know who's
going to lose this contest?
412
00:12:56,430 --> 00:12:59,015
You are, potty head!
413
00:12:59,027 --> 00:13:00,778
How's that for garbage mouth?
414
00:13:00,786 --> 00:13:02,870
Pretty good, actually.
Wait, Bob, come back.
415
00:13:02,930 --> 00:13:05,022
Auggie, pass me the gumdrops.
416
00:13:05,032 --> 00:13:07,554
AUGGIE: Okay.
You don't have to shout.
417
00:13:07,825 --> 00:13:10,739
RANDOLPH: Uh-oh, looks lik
someone's re-jigger-breading.
418
00:13:10,836 --> 00:13:12,337
And with so little time left.
419
00:13:12,344 --> 00:13:13,711
Pretty ballsy, Bob.
420
00:13:13,718 --> 00:13:15,485
Well, I had this
sudden inspiration,
421
00:13:15,493 --> 00:13:16,660
and I'm gonna go for it,
422
00:13:16,666 --> 00:13:19,034
since I'm in it to win it.
423
00:13:19,044 --> 00:13:21,044
Ah, that is such
a cool expression.
424
00:13:21,139 --> 00:13:23,390
Think about what
you're doing, Bob.
425
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,151
Oh, I have thought about it.
426
00:13:25,159 --> 00:13:26,742
Well, have you
thought about this?
427
00:13:26,749 --> 00:13:28,417
Ow! Stop pinching my thigh.
428
00:13:28,425 --> 00:13:30,642
Stop putting your thigh
between my fingers.
429
00:13:30,736 --> 00:13:32,604
(grunting) ?Oh, the thrills
430
00:13:32,613 --> 00:13:34,613
of gingerbread house
competition.
431
00:13:34,706 --> 00:13:37,124
LINDA:
What's wrong with these people?
432
00:13:37,135 --> 00:13:38,718
A bunch of Christmas crumb bums.
433
00:13:38,810 --> 00:13:40,978
Aw, maybe we should
just pack it in.
434
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:42,988
Go home and drink the kind
of hot cocoa that's wine.
435
00:13:42,997 --> 00:13:45,499
Wait, if we're not gonna
get any cocoa,
436
00:13:45,511 --> 00:13:47,011
the only thing that's
gonna make this worthwhile
437
00:13:47,018 --> 00:13:49,519
is going to that creepy,
dark house.
438
00:13:49,614 --> 00:13:50,864
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
439
00:13:50,870 --> 00:13:52,504
I-I got stuff to live for.
440
00:13:52,512 --> 00:13:54,880
I have a pair of pants
on layaway at the mall.
441
00:13:54,890 --> 00:13:56,191
Doesn't anyone want to check out
442
00:13:56,197 --> 00:13:58,230
this crazy killer?
I mean,
443
00:13:58,291 --> 00:14:00,491
bring Christmas spirit
to this poor guy.
444
00:14:00,586 --> 00:14:02,252
You're right.
Okay, let's do it.
445
00:14:02,311 --> 00:14:03,845
But if we get murdered,
don't tell your father.
446
00:14:03,852 --> 00:14:06,103
Fine, go. I'll be
right behind you.
447
00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:08,193
Protecting you,
in the back, where it's safe.
448
00:14:13,451 --> 00:14:15,985
Okay, I'll just ring the bell.
449
00:14:15,996 --> 00:14:17,797
Huh.
450
00:14:17,805 --> 00:14:19,877
Guess he's not home.
?Hello.
451
00:14:19,933 --> 00:14:21,900
(screaming)
452
00:14:21,993 --> 00:14:23,994
Okay, Bob, you got this.
Ow!
453
00:14:24,003 --> 00:14:26,121
A chance to give your kids
the best Christmas ever.
454
00:14:26,131 --> 00:14:27,548
No pressure. Ow!
455
00:14:27,555 --> 00:14:29,555
Just ignore Mr. Fischoeder. Ow!
456
00:14:29,648 --> 00:14:30,647
Oh, is this not helpful?
457
00:14:30,653 --> 00:14:31,620
Hey, where did all the tiny
458
00:14:31,625 --> 00:14:33,325
candy canes go? Auggie!
459
00:14:33,417 --> 00:14:36,084
What? I needed them
for my tiny candy cane trees.
460
00:14:36,148 --> 00:14:38,348
But how the hell will
my "candy cripples" walk?
461
00:14:38,442 --> 00:14:40,026
Wait, there was one
chocolate Santa left.
462
00:14:40,034 --> 00:14:41,750
I need him.
I need chocolate Santa!
463
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:44,293
Oh, I may have eaten him.
464
00:14:44,355 --> 00:14:46,022
You son of a bitch!
(alarm chiming)
465
00:14:46,114 --> 00:14:48,898
Aah! Time's up.
Contest over.
466
00:14:48,996 --> 00:14:50,212
Oh, nuts!
467
00:14:50,302 --> 00:14:52,470
Why did we hide
instead of keep running?
468
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:53,980
I don't know.
I panicked.
469
00:14:53,987 --> 00:14:56,072
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
This is how we die.
470
00:14:56,081 --> 00:14:58,999
I knew it. I knew it was
gonna be like this... I'm sorry.
471
00:14:59,012 --> 00:15:00,629
Mom, you're great in a crisis.
472
00:15:00,721 --> 00:15:02,105
There you are.
(all scream)
473
00:15:02,111 --> 00:15:03,944
Wait. Please don't
run away again.
474
00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:06,238
Sorry about the knife.
I was chopping hazelnuts
475
00:15:06,248 --> 00:15:07,749
for a winter salad.
476
00:15:07,756 --> 00:15:10,423
You're carolers, right?
I love carolers.
477
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:13,071
Love killing them, or...
What?
478
00:15:13,083 --> 00:15:14,617
Nothing.
?Okay great talk, bye.
479
00:15:14,624 --> 00:15:17,426
No. We are carolers,
480
00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:20,539
and we will sing
for you, right? Right?
481
00:15:20,621 --> 00:15:22,055
Ah, great.
482
00:15:22,062 --> 00:15:23,195
Why don't you come
a little closer
483
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:24,600
so I can hear you better?
484
00:15:24,607 --> 00:15:26,075
LINDA: Uh, sure...
485
00:15:26,082 --> 00:15:27,981
(all muttering)
486
00:15:28,025 --> 00:15:29,191
A little closer.
487
00:15:29,281 --> 00:15:30,865
(all groaning)
488
00:15:30,872 --> 00:15:33,373
Boy, you guys are some
small-stepping carolers, huh?
489
00:15:33,384 --> 00:15:34,517
Thanks.
490
00:15:34,557 --> 00:15:36,975
Judging, judging...
491
00:15:36,986 --> 00:15:39,238
Auggie, if I don't win,
it's on you.
492
00:15:39,248 --> 00:15:40,414
Oh, is that right, Randolph,
493
00:15:40,419 --> 00:15:41,837
the Big-Nose Crybaby?
494
00:15:41,844 --> 00:15:43,727
What about you,
you Santa snacker?
495
00:15:43,770 --> 00:15:45,153
He was delicious!
496
00:15:45,244 --> 00:15:46,995
You are so lucky all my guns are
497
00:15:47,003 --> 00:15:49,587
on the gun table, and I'm not
concealing any weapons.
498
00:15:49,633 --> 00:15:51,300
So are you, mister.
499
00:15:51,358 --> 00:15:53,107
(all three grunting)
500
00:15:53,151 --> 00:15:55,151
Here we go.
Aah, what's happening?
501
00:15:55,244 --> 00:15:56,294
We're pointing guns
at each other's
502
00:15:56,299 --> 00:15:57,383
gingerbread houses, obviously.
503
00:15:57,389 --> 00:15:58,721
Come on, Bob, keep up.
504
00:15:58,812 --> 00:15:59,562
Where were you even hiding that?
505
00:15:59,566 --> 00:16:00,766
Let's just say I have
506
00:16:00,772 --> 00:16:02,322
a high butt crack.
507
00:16:02,330 --> 00:16:03,530
Well, if everybody's
doing it, whoop!
508
00:16:03,535 --> 00:16:04,919
Ha ha. Aah!
509
00:16:04,926 --> 00:16:06,427
Felix, don't you grab a gun.
510
00:16:06,434 --> 00:16:07,884
We're having a moment here.
511
00:16:07,891 --> 00:16:09,692
You think you're
so great, Calvin,
512
00:16:09,700 --> 00:16:12,819
just because you came out
of Mommy's hootenanny before me!
513
00:16:12,833 --> 00:16:15,001
Everybody just calm down.
I mean, come on,
514
00:16:15,011 --> 00:16:17,311
it's just a stupid
gingerbread house contest.
515
00:16:17,405 --> 00:16:19,406
OTHERS: What?!
Aah! Don't point at me.
516
00:16:19,415 --> 00:16:21,616
Back at the houses.
Back at the houses!
517
00:16:21,626 --> 00:16:23,794
? In a one-horse open sleigh ?
518
00:16:23,804 --> 00:16:25,105
LINDA: Okay, good night.
ALL: Bye.
519
00:16:25,111 --> 00:16:27,529
Wait, do you know this one?
LINDA: What?
520
00:16:27,540 --> 00:16:32,493
(singing in falsetto voice):
? Adeste Fideles ?
521
00:16:32,565 --> 00:16:36,734
? Laeti triumphantes ?
522
00:16:36,836 --> 00:16:40,622
? Venite, venite ?
523
00:16:40,639 --> 00:16:44,941
? In Bethlehem ?
524
00:16:45,044 --> 00:16:47,212
Maybe Bob's right.
This is silly.
525
00:16:47,222 --> 00:16:48,472
We should put our guns away.
526
00:16:48,478 --> 00:16:49,311
Yeah. ?Yeah. ?Uh-huh.
527
00:16:49,315 --> 00:16:51,099
Or, counterpoint.
528
00:16:51,108 --> 00:16:55,578
MAN (singing): ? Natum videte ?
529
00:16:55,597 --> 00:17:00,133
? Regem angelorum ?
530
00:17:00,237 --> 00:17:04,323
? Venite adoremus ?
531
00:17:04,341 --> 00:17:08,344
? Venite adoremus ?
532
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:09,660
? Venite ?
533
00:17:09,701 --> 00:17:14,538
? Adoremu-uuus ?
534
00:17:14,559 --> 00:17:18,891
? Dominum. ?
535
00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:20,413
Nice pipes.
536
00:17:20,505 --> 00:17:23,423
Uh, thanks. I'm Oscar.
Care for some hot cocoa?
537
00:17:23,487 --> 00:17:24,933
Uh-huh.
?Yes, please. ?Sure.
538
00:17:28,135 --> 00:17:29,642
Well, it finally happened.
539
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:30,899
We finally shot up
540
00:17:30,905 --> 00:17:32,389
each other's gingerbread houses.
541
00:17:32,396 --> 00:17:34,414
I'm honestly surprised
it took until this year.
542
00:17:34,423 --> 00:17:37,007
(laughs) Well, I just got to say
543
00:17:37,018 --> 00:17:39,936
thanks so much for inviting me
to your competition,
544
00:17:40,033 --> 00:17:42,118
where I was almost a casualty
545
00:17:42,128 --> 00:17:43,928
in a gingerbread massacre!
546
00:17:44,020 --> 00:17:46,244
Calm down.
Yeah, take a chill pill.
547
00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:47,983
Y-You know why I'm even here?
548
00:17:47,990 --> 00:17:49,824
Because
I'm Mr. Fischoeder's tenant,
549
00:17:49,833 --> 00:17:51,884
and he said I wouldn't
have to pay rent next month
550
00:17:51,893 --> 00:17:54,260
if I lost on purpose.
?He's lying.
551
00:17:54,322 --> 00:17:56,273
Huh, that's actually
a pretty good idea.
552
00:17:56,282 --> 00:17:57,615
Yeah.
Innovative thinking.
553
00:17:57,672 --> 00:17:59,171
Really? Well, then, he's right.
554
00:17:59,264 --> 00:18:01,464
Sick of always being
the loser, huh, Calvin?
555
00:18:01,559 --> 00:18:04,060
Yes, I am.
Every year I try,
556
00:18:04,071 --> 00:18:05,655
and every year, a potty head.
557
00:18:05,662 --> 00:18:06,795
It's a lot of pressure.
558
00:18:06,801 --> 00:18:08,586
Look, I-I understand.
559
00:18:08,594 --> 00:18:10,227
This time of year can be hard.
560
00:18:10,235 --> 00:18:12,403
I'm under a lot
of pressure myself
561
00:18:12,413 --> 00:18:13,864
trying to figure out
how to give my kids
562
00:18:13,870 --> 00:18:15,170
a good Christmas.
563
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:16,544
Oh, not that again.
Please, Bob,
564
00:18:16,550 --> 00:18:17,634
I'm talking about real pressure.
565
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:18,973
Oh, my God.
566
00:18:18,979 --> 00:18:21,447
And Bob's house is
the least destroyed.
567
00:18:21,458 --> 00:18:24,077
So I guess, uh, Bob wins.
568
00:18:24,089 --> 00:18:25,221
Oh, my God.
569
00:18:25,260 --> 00:18:27,261
So, yeah, in hindsight,
570
00:18:27,270 --> 00:18:28,938
maybe covering all the windows
with bed sheets
571
00:18:28,946 --> 00:18:30,613
wasn't the best idea.
572
00:18:30,621 --> 00:18:32,839
I thought I was just
being frugal and creative.
573
00:18:32,849 --> 00:18:35,407
I guess that kind of stuff does
get the rumor mill grinding.
574
00:18:35,478 --> 00:18:36,812
The rumor mill.
575
00:18:36,819 --> 00:18:38,403
People love to talk, you know.
576
00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:40,077
(chuckles) But they don't
always have the facts.
577
00:18:40,085 --> 00:18:42,220
Huh, Tina? Lookin' at you.
?What?
578
00:18:42,229 --> 00:18:44,346
Well, Oscar, anyone
with a voice like yours
579
00:18:44,356 --> 00:18:45,356
can't be a murderer.
580
00:18:45,361 --> 00:18:46,528
And even if you are,
581
00:18:46,534 --> 00:18:48,035
you're still okay in my book.
582
00:18:48,042 --> 00:18:49,209
So are you?
I mean, you can tell us.
583
00:18:49,215 --> 00:18:50,214
We're cool.
584
00:18:50,220 --> 00:18:51,769
Uh, no, I'm not.
585
00:18:51,861 --> 00:18:53,895
Damn.
?You did kill those high notes.
586
00:18:53,904 --> 00:18:56,155
Ooh, Oscar, go caroling with us.
587
00:18:56,165 --> 00:18:57,799
Oh, and we can finally
do the song,
588
00:18:57,807 --> 00:18:59,558
"You Can't Spell
Christmas Without Us."
589
00:18:59,566 --> 00:19:00,849
You can be our soprano.
590
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,656
(gasps): I'd love to.
591
00:19:02,749 --> 00:19:04,032
Great, but no killing us, okay?
592
00:19:04,038 --> 00:19:05,706
(chuckles)
593
00:19:05,714 --> 00:19:07,714
Aah, he's got a chain saw!
No, it's just his mug.
594
00:19:07,807 --> 00:19:09,775
I can't believe I won.
Oh, quit gloating.
595
00:19:09,784 --> 00:19:11,700
Hey, does that mean
the rest of us lost?
596
00:19:11,794 --> 00:19:14,077
Yep, you're all tied
for last place.
597
00:19:14,173 --> 00:19:15,256
Well, there's some good news.
598
00:19:15,261 --> 00:19:16,594
We're all losers.
599
00:19:16,685 --> 00:19:18,069
This is all Bob's fault.
600
00:19:18,076 --> 00:19:19,827
He called
the competition stupid,
601
00:19:19,835 --> 00:19:21,836
and I just went into
a blind rage.
602
00:19:21,845 --> 00:19:23,128
Same here.
603
00:19:23,134 --> 00:19:24,852
What you said was
really hurtful, Bob.
604
00:19:24,860 --> 00:19:26,894
Yeah, they're called
feelings, Bob, look it up.
605
00:19:26,903 --> 00:19:30,239
(sighs): You guys, I don't
really think it's stupid.
606
00:19:30,254 --> 00:19:33,755
I actually think this whole
thing is kind of sweet.
607
00:19:33,855 --> 00:19:36,273
You get together every year,
you build gingerbread houses.
608
00:19:36,284 --> 00:19:39,703
You even donated to a zoo.
It's nice.
609
00:19:39,718 --> 00:19:41,886
I mean,
under that rich-loner exterior,
610
00:19:41,895 --> 00:19:45,064
you're all a bunch of softies
who care about each other.
611
00:19:45,078 --> 00:19:47,045
You're like
a weird little family.
612
00:19:47,054 --> 00:19:48,337
Even me?
613
00:19:48,428 --> 00:19:50,646
Uh, yeah, sure,
even you, Godfrey.
614
00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:52,023
I'm the fun one.
615
00:19:52,029 --> 00:19:54,164
And I mean, it may sound cheesy,
616
00:19:54,174 --> 00:19:56,125
but you know what
the greatest gift of all is?
617
00:19:56,134 --> 00:19:58,685
Family.
?Oh, barf. Sounds cheesy.
618
00:19:58,696 --> 00:20:01,064
Um, I'm Calvin's actual family.
619
00:20:01,074 --> 00:20:02,373
Just, uh, want
to point that out.
620
00:20:02,415 --> 00:20:03,915
Hey, maybe next year,
621
00:20:03,922 --> 00:20:05,589
we don't even have
to pick a loser, hmm?
622
00:20:05,681 --> 00:20:06,931
That's the best part.
No, we're still doing that.
623
00:20:06,937 --> 00:20:08,521
That stays.
624
00:20:08,528 --> 00:20:10,863
Well, until next year,
gentlemen.
625
00:20:10,874 --> 00:20:13,125
What is that awful racket?
(muffled singing)
626
00:20:13,135 --> 00:20:15,970
? Because we can't
spell Christmas ?
627
00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:18,651
? Without us. ?
628
00:20:18,663 --> 00:20:20,186
RANDOLPH: Should we shoot them?
629
00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:23,395
(laughter, fawning)
630
00:20:25,413 --> 00:20:26,913
No wonder the ice caps
are melting,
631
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:28,171
this bear is hot.
632
00:20:28,177 --> 00:20:29,844
I changed my mind
about having kids.
633
00:20:29,852 --> 00:20:31,720
I'm gonna have one,
and feed it to this bear,
634
00:20:31,729 --> 00:20:33,613
'cause I love him so much.
635
00:20:33,621 --> 00:20:36,740
He's so cute, but it'd be really
hard to get stains off him.
636
00:20:36,754 --> 00:20:38,837
Ah, best Christmas ever, Bob.
637
00:20:38,931 --> 00:20:40,599
Oh, I want to pet him.
I want to pet him.
638
00:20:40,606 --> 00:20:42,155
Yeah, can we have our turn now?
639
00:20:42,248 --> 00:20:43,665
Thanks again for
letting us come, Bob.
640
00:20:43,672 --> 00:20:45,756
Get ready for the cuddle bug.
641
00:20:45,765 --> 00:20:48,684
You know, Bob,
that family of yours,
642
00:20:48,697 --> 00:20:50,363
they're, uh, they're
lucky to have you.
643
00:20:50,456 --> 00:20:52,240
Thanks, Mr. Fischoeder.
644
00:20:52,248 --> 00:20:54,215
Okay, now you say
something nice about me.
645
00:20:54,224 --> 00:20:56,476
You have pretty... eye?
646
00:20:56,486 --> 00:20:58,186
Sounds like a line, Bob,
647
00:20:58,194 --> 00:21:01,029
but Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Mr. Fischoeder.
648
00:21:01,042 --> 00:21:03,677
LINDA: ? I can spell
Christmas without a U ?
649
00:21:03,688 --> 00:21:06,724
? But that would break
my heart in two ?
650
00:21:06,737 --> 00:21:09,489
? You can spell Christmas
without me ?
651
00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:12,420
? But that would be a tragedy ?
652
00:21:12,432 --> 00:21:15,234
? We need S and U's
this time of year ?
653
00:21:15,247 --> 00:21:18,366
? Because ?
654
00:21:18,379 --> 00:21:21,130
? Because we can't
spell Christmas ?
655
00:21:21,142 --> 00:21:25,312
? Without "us." ?
656
00:21:25,330 --> 00:21:29,133
? Because we can't
spell Christmas ?
657
00:21:29,150 --> 00:21:32,459
? Without "us." ?
658
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:34,199
MAN: Thank you.
659
00:21:34,249 --> 00:21:38,799
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