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1
00:00:21,099 --> 00:00:22,766
And your heart rate is... six?
2
00:00:22,772 --> 00:00:24,406
I might have missed a couple.
3
00:00:24,413 --> 00:00:27,249
You know what they say
in medicine... close enough.
4
00:00:27,259 --> 00:00:28,826
Moving on to the hearing test.
5
00:00:28,832 --> 00:00:30,465
Raise your hand
when you hear the tone.
6
00:00:30,506 --> 00:00:32,107
Ah...
7
00:00:32,113 --> 00:00:33,812
I smell it, but I don't hear it.
8
00:00:33,854 --> 00:00:35,854
Tina, what are you doing?
Practicing.
9
00:00:35,896 --> 00:00:37,564
I'm earing my Thundergirls
nursing patch
10
00:00:37,570 --> 00:00:39,337
by helping out
the new school nurse today.
11
00:00:39,344 --> 00:00:41,645
If anyone should be getting
a nursing patch, it's me.
12
00:00:41,653 --> 00:00:43,053
I nursed forever.
13
00:00:43,093 --> 00:00:44,994
Yeah, you did,
my little suckling duckling.
14
00:00:45,001 --> 00:00:46,567
Good times.
15
00:00:46,609 --> 00:00:48,543
I'm only allowed to dispense
ice and Band-Aids,
16
00:00:48,550 --> 00:00:51,085
but I think I'll get
a lot out of it.
17
00:00:51,094 --> 00:00:52,861
(machine beeping steadily,
groaning)
18
00:00:52,868 --> 00:00:53,968
It's butt fever.
19
00:00:53,973 --> 00:00:55,540
Worst case I've ever seen.
20
00:00:55,546 --> 00:00:57,214
His butt won't make it
though the night.
21
00:00:57,220 --> 00:00:59,054
Not on my watch.
22
00:00:59,062 --> 00:01:00,262
Starting compressions.
23
00:01:00,266 --> 00:01:01,900
Doctor, I need 50 cc's of ice.
24
00:01:01,907 --> 00:01:03,307
Live, damn it, live!
25
00:01:03,347 --> 00:01:05,248
(beeping resumes)
26
00:01:05,255 --> 00:01:06,755
It's a miracle.
27
00:01:06,761 --> 00:01:09,129
So anyway, I've got
a real zeal to heal.
28
00:01:09,138 --> 00:01:11,273
Here we go.
What's in the box, Bob?
29
00:01:11,281 --> 00:01:12,747
Whatever it is, I call dibs.
30
00:01:12,787 --> 00:01:14,521
- Well, something kind of exciting.
- What?
31
00:01:14,527 --> 00:01:16,362
New stool tops.
Oh.
32
00:01:16,369 --> 00:01:17,869
Look.
Oh.
33
00:01:17,875 --> 00:01:19,642
Nice, huh?
Yeah.
34
00:01:19,649 --> 00:01:22,117
No cracks, no tears,
a little more cushion.
35
00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:23,680
Is that what you said
when you met Mom?
36
00:01:23,700 --> 00:01:24,767
Now, which-which one's
the old one?
37
00:01:24,772 --> 00:01:26,239
The new one...
R-Really?
38
00:01:26,245 --> 00:01:27,245
Well, the one
that he's holding is the...
39
00:01:27,249 --> 00:01:29,049
No, this is the new one.
40
00:01:29,056 --> 00:01:30,690
- This is the old one, obviously.
- That's the...
41
00:01:30,696 --> 00:01:33,064
Oh, that's the old... new one.
No, this one.
42
00:01:33,073 --> 00:01:35,108
- Oh, that's the new one.
- Oh, that's the new... They look...
43
00:01:35,116 --> 00:01:36,917
- Yes, the one that's not attached.
- New one's not attached.
44
00:01:36,924 --> 00:01:39,392
I like it cha... it changes it,
but it doesn't change it.
45
00:01:39,401 --> 00:01:41,235
Yeah, it's like you
cloned the stools
46
00:01:41,242 --> 00:01:43,276
and did nothing
to improve them...
47
00:01:43,284 --> 00:01:44,518
But made 'em better. Right.
48
00:01:44,523 --> 00:01:46,257
Yeah, right.
49
00:01:46,263 --> 00:01:47,797
You people don't understand.
50
00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:50,004
Well, let's give
the old stools one last spin.
51
00:01:50,013 --> 00:01:51,347
Whee! Ow.
52
00:01:51,352 --> 00:01:52,986
I'll get the ice.
53
00:01:52,992 --> 00:01:54,025
Patient is male.
54
00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:55,496
13. Wrestling injury.
55
00:01:55,537 --> 00:01:56,969
Sneaker versus crotch.
56
00:01:57,010 --> 00:01:58,310
Oh, God, still don't know
57
00:01:58,315 --> 00:01:59,749
how I kicked myself
in the beans.
58
00:01:59,755 --> 00:02:01,488
But that's wrestling
for you. Oh.
59
00:02:01,528 --> 00:02:04,229
Groin kick, great.
I'll call for a medevac.
60
00:02:04,273 --> 00:02:05,440
Get me some of
that orange-flavored
61
00:02:05,445 --> 00:02:07,245
chewable baby aspirin, stat!
62
00:02:07,286 --> 00:02:09,186
Nurse Liz isn't
a Nurse Feel-Good, Zeke.
63
00:02:09,228 --> 00:02:11,562
Oh, she's giving you some.
(sighs)
64
00:02:11,605 --> 00:02:12,972
Pretty slow today.
65
00:02:12,978 --> 00:02:14,745
Well, a slow day
in the nurse's office
66
00:02:14,752 --> 00:02:16,352
is a good day, right?
Wrong.
67
00:02:16,392 --> 00:02:17,892
Tina, I didn't become
a school nurse
68
00:02:17,898 --> 00:02:19,932
because no hospital
would hire me.
69
00:02:19,974 --> 00:02:21,775
Course not.
I mean, that was part of it,
70
00:02:21,782 --> 00:02:24,150
but I got into nursing
to help seriously sick kids.
71
00:02:24,159 --> 00:02:26,460
But kids have to do their part
and get seriously sick.
72
00:02:26,468 --> 00:02:27,969
I get it.
73
00:02:27,975 --> 00:02:29,642
You want your life
to be like Hurt Locker
74
00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:31,349
but nobody's
getting hurt by their locker.
75
00:02:31,389 --> 00:02:34,725
Exactly. It's always
scraped this and bruised that.
76
00:02:34,737 --> 00:02:37,371
And never epidemic this
or outbreak that.
77
00:02:37,415 --> 00:02:38,916
Well, maybe things will pick up.
78
00:02:38,922 --> 00:02:40,522
You never know who's
got cooties, right?
79
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:42,562
(chuckles weakly) Hmm.
80
00:02:42,604 --> 00:02:44,038
A gentleman I've been seeing
81
00:02:44,044 --> 00:02:46,545
says I should
be more spontaneous,
82
00:02:46,554 --> 00:02:48,254
so I'm starting right now.
83
00:02:48,295 --> 00:02:50,063
Pop quiz.
84
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:51,169
Pop quiz?
85
00:02:52,479 --> 00:02:54,533
Ms. LaBonz,
do I look sweaty to you?
86
00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:56,089
I'm feeling kind of hot
87
00:02:56,095 --> 00:02:57,094
and vomity.
88
00:02:57,133 --> 00:02:58,432
Well, that happened fast.
89
00:02:58,472 --> 00:02:59,739
Your quiz happened fast.
90
00:02:59,744 --> 00:03:01,243
Fast things happen.
91
00:03:01,284 --> 00:03:02,751
Maybe I should go
to the nurse's office,
92
00:03:02,757 --> 00:03:03,990
if I can make it.
93
00:03:03,995 --> 00:03:05,763
I'm so woozy. Oh.
94
00:03:05,770 --> 00:03:07,704
Whoops. Excuse me, sorry.
95
00:03:07,711 --> 00:03:09,145
Am I there yet?
96
00:03:09,151 --> 00:03:10,651
Just go already, Louise.
97
00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:11,991
Is that you, Grandma?
98
00:03:11,996 --> 00:03:13,230
I'm in the barn.
99
00:03:13,236 --> 00:03:14,602
Go.
100
00:03:14,641 --> 00:03:16,307
My inhaler's almost empty.
101
00:03:16,349 --> 00:03:18,316
Tommy LaCroix thought
it was an air freshener
102
00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:20,357
and took it
into the bathroom with him.
103
00:03:20,399 --> 00:03:22,066
We don't have
any extra inhalers, Rudy,
104
00:03:22,073 --> 00:03:24,241
but how about this?
Hold your arms over your head
105
00:03:24,249 --> 00:03:25,950
and only breathe
when you need to.
106
00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:28,357
Okay. Here we go.
107
00:03:28,366 --> 00:03:29,867
(groans) I needed to.
108
00:03:29,873 --> 00:03:30,973
Oh, hi, Louise.
109
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:32,344
Hi, I have, like,
110
00:03:32,383 --> 00:03:34,918
a 45-minute bug
I picked up first period.
111
00:03:34,928 --> 00:03:37,362
Or maybe it's a popped quizula.
112
00:03:37,405 --> 00:03:39,405
Oh, my God, is winking
one of the symptoms?
113
00:03:39,448 --> 00:03:41,515
Yeah. I'm just gonna
park it over here
114
00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:44,323
until I make a miraculous
recovery after this nap.
115
00:03:44,369 --> 00:03:46,703
(sighs) I'm so sick
of people not being sick.
116
00:03:46,711 --> 00:03:48,312
Well, the important thing
117
00:03:48,319 --> 00:03:49,953
is we're here when someone
really needs us.
118
00:03:49,959 --> 00:03:52,192
Hello. I was in P.E.
and we were gonna climb ropes
119
00:03:52,235 --> 00:03:54,202
and I began to feel
a little gouty.
120
00:03:54,210 --> 00:03:55,411
(sighs)
121
00:03:55,416 --> 00:03:56,416
You're nice.
122
00:03:56,420 --> 00:03:57,886
I'm cramping.
123
00:03:57,926 --> 00:03:59,025
That's the last one.
124
00:03:59,065 --> 00:04:00,198
Wow, I hardly
125
00:04:00,203 --> 00:04:01,270
recognize the place.
126
00:04:01,274 --> 00:04:02,607
Where am I?
127
00:04:02,612 --> 00:04:04,346
(sighs)
Go ahead, Teddy, try one out.
128
00:04:04,353 --> 00:04:06,554
Yeah, be our stool sampler.
129
00:04:06,597 --> 00:04:09,231
Well, I'd be honored. Oh.
(stool farting)
130
00:04:09,274 --> 00:04:10,575
Teddy.
Jeez!
131
00:04:10,581 --> 00:04:12,280
You really planted
your flag in that thing.
132
00:04:12,321 --> 00:04:14,121
That wasn't me!
It came out of the stool!
133
00:04:14,162 --> 00:04:14,995
Mm, sure.
134
00:04:14,999 --> 00:04:16,466
No, really. Look.
135
00:04:16,472 --> 00:04:17,605
(stool farts)
136
00:04:17,644 --> 00:04:18,643
Oh, no.
137
00:04:18,681 --> 00:04:19,681
(stool farts)
138
00:04:19,685 --> 00:04:20,919
This one farts, too.
139
00:04:20,925 --> 00:04:22,626
(stools farting)
So does this one.
140
00:04:22,632 --> 00:04:24,132
And this one.
141
00:04:24,138 --> 00:04:25,138
But not this one.
(stool farts)
142
00:04:25,142 --> 00:04:26,209
Oh, this one does, too.
143
00:04:26,214 --> 00:04:28,148
Oh, no, no.
They all do it.
144
00:04:28,155 --> 00:04:30,056
They look sweet,
but they're full of farts.
145
00:04:30,064 --> 00:04:31,463
Just like the kids.
146
00:04:31,503 --> 00:04:32,970
Ugh.
147
00:04:32,976 --> 00:04:35,044
What's up, universal nerd care.
(chuckles)
148
00:04:35,052 --> 00:04:36,318
Hey, Tam-Tam.
149
00:04:36,357 --> 00:04:37,557
You're all that in a hat.
150
00:04:37,562 --> 00:04:38,929
Seriously, way to accessorize.
151
00:04:38,935 --> 00:04:40,035
Yeah, I'm doing indoor hats now.
152
00:04:40,039 --> 00:04:41,206
It's a game changer.
153
00:04:41,211 --> 00:04:42,211
Hi, Tammy.
What's wrong?
154
00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:43,382
My nails are gross.
155
00:04:43,387 --> 00:04:45,020
Can someone here file them?
156
00:04:45,061 --> 00:04:46,661
- TINA: Um, that's not really what we do.
- Hmm.
157
00:04:46,701 --> 00:04:48,935
Oh, um, it will be
when you do it.
158
00:04:48,978 --> 00:04:51,545
I notice you're
scratching your head.
159
00:04:51,589 --> 00:04:53,223
Yeah, maybe I'm trying
to think of something.
160
00:04:53,229 --> 00:04:54,896
Now I'm wearing a hat.
161
00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:56,304
Hey, hats are fun.
162
00:04:56,310 --> 00:04:58,110
Whoa, as advertised.
163
00:04:58,117 --> 00:04:59,751
What's so fun about this?
164
00:04:59,757 --> 00:05:01,024
Oh.
165
00:05:01,029 --> 00:05:03,164
(yawns)
Well, I think I'm through
166
00:05:03,172 --> 00:05:05,005
the most quizzical part
of my illness.
167
00:05:05,046 --> 00:05:06,280
Good day.
168
00:05:06,285 --> 00:05:07,318
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, Louise!
169
00:05:07,323 --> 00:05:08,323
We got a fun hat.
170
00:05:08,327 --> 00:05:09,627
I already got a fun hat.
171
00:05:09,632 --> 00:05:11,200
Keep yours company.
Come on, girl.
172
00:05:11,206 --> 00:05:13,206
- Zeke.
- Now let's all switch shoes.
173
00:05:13,248 --> 00:05:14,582
Don't know
why you'd be scratching.
174
00:05:14,588 --> 00:05:15,721
Unless it's...
175
00:05:15,725 --> 00:05:16,759
(gasps) It could be.
176
00:05:16,764 --> 00:05:17,830
Oh, my God, yes.
177
00:05:17,834 --> 00:05:18,934
Lice!
178
00:05:18,939 --> 00:05:21,173
Like lice lice?
179
00:05:21,215 --> 00:05:23,983
That hat's infected.
You're all exposed!
180
00:05:24,028 --> 00:05:26,730
We're in quarantine, people!
181
00:05:26,739 --> 00:05:28,306
"Quarantine"?
No, I was actually just...
182
00:05:28,313 --> 00:05:29,914
Hot crap, it is on!
183
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:31,220
No!
184
00:05:31,225 --> 00:05:32,458
Tina, put a rubber glove
on your head.
185
00:05:32,497 --> 00:05:34,096
Oh, I'm doing that, too? Okay.
186
00:05:34,138 --> 00:05:37,406
Ms. LaBonz, I'm ready
to take the pop quiz!
187
00:05:37,452 --> 00:05:39,235
Ms. LaBonz!
188
00:05:41,671 --> 00:05:44,777
I can't believe
Tammy gave us lice!
189
00:05:44,789 --> 00:05:46,556
I'm itchier
than a pair of burlap pants.
190
00:05:46,562 --> 00:05:48,863
I can't have lice.
I go to private school.
191
00:05:48,872 --> 00:05:50,873
This is public school.
What?!
192
00:05:50,881 --> 00:05:52,415
I just hope my body
is strong enough
193
00:05:52,421 --> 00:05:54,756
to fight off lice
and asthma at the same time.
194
00:05:54,764 --> 00:05:56,698
(wheezing): Nope.
195
00:05:56,706 --> 00:05:58,173
Tina, I don't like this.
196
00:05:58,179 --> 00:05:59,680
I have that thing
where I can't stand
197
00:05:59,685 --> 00:06:00,999
huge tables blocking doors.
198
00:06:01,024 --> 00:06:02,392
Oh, you've never mentioned that.
199
00:06:02,397 --> 00:06:04,097
Nurse Liz, can I borrow
some cotton balls
200
00:06:04,104 --> 00:06:07,372
to re-stuff my obesity puppet,
Portion Control Joel?
201
00:06:07,419 --> 00:06:08,986
What's, uh, going on?
202
00:06:08,992 --> 00:06:11,460
We have a serious lice outbreak
at Wagstaff, Mr. Frond.
203
00:06:11,469 --> 00:06:14,270
Okay, so we phone the parents
and get the kids picked up.
204
00:06:14,314 --> 00:06:15,915
We could call parents.
205
00:06:15,922 --> 00:06:18,389
But let me tell you what
I'm hoping for... afraid of.
206
00:06:18,432 --> 00:06:20,499
Superlice.
"Superlice"?
207
00:06:20,541 --> 00:06:21,674
Super what?
208
00:06:21,713 --> 00:06:23,280
It's a strain of lice
209
00:06:23,286 --> 00:06:24,854
that's evolved
to be treatment-resistant.
210
00:06:24,860 --> 00:06:26,660
Every time it's not
completely destroyed,
211
00:06:26,667 --> 00:06:29,001
it comes back even stronger.
212
00:06:29,044 --> 00:06:30,143
Like Mark Harmon.
213
00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,315
Oh, my God.
214
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:32,420
Parents can't handle superlice.
215
00:06:32,425 --> 00:06:34,426
Parents helped create superlice.
216
00:06:34,433 --> 00:06:35,867
Parents are stupid.
217
00:06:35,873 --> 00:06:37,707
Or maybe you love parents.
218
00:06:37,714 --> 00:06:39,949
I d... I don't.
Parents are terrible.
219
00:06:39,958 --> 00:06:41,725
Then we keep them out of it
and handle it here.
220
00:06:41,731 --> 00:06:43,164
That's the plan.
221
00:06:43,204 --> 00:06:44,604
That doesn't seem
like a good plan...
222
00:06:44,644 --> 00:06:46,278
Tina, don't be a giant bummer.
223
00:06:46,284 --> 00:06:47,383
We're doing the plan.
224
00:06:47,423 --> 00:06:48,922
BOB: Yes, a fart sound.
225
00:06:48,963 --> 00:06:50,129
Listen to it again.
226
00:06:50,134 --> 00:06:51,268
(stool farts)
227
00:06:51,273 --> 00:06:52,974
No, that was the stool.
228
00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:54,246
I want them fixed.
229
00:06:54,251 --> 00:06:55,251
Bobby, I installed them.
230
00:06:55,256 --> 00:06:56,255
Let me talk to him.
231
00:06:56,260 --> 00:06:57,427
Hi, this is Teddy.
232
00:06:57,432 --> 00:06:58,833
Bob's handyman and best friend.
233
00:06:58,838 --> 00:07:00,771
I know, I know.
He can get a little hot.
234
00:07:00,813 --> 00:07:02,481
Mediterranean blood, you know?
235
00:07:02,487 --> 00:07:03,987
I'm not Mediterranean.
236
00:07:03,993 --> 00:07:05,460
Oh, I got it!
237
00:07:05,466 --> 00:07:07,067
We hire someone to play
the trumpet real loud
238
00:07:07,073 --> 00:07:08,340
any time anyone sits down.
239
00:07:08,346 --> 00:07:09,413
They'll never know.
240
00:07:09,417 --> 00:07:10,449
(groans)
241
00:07:10,488 --> 00:07:11,588
Well, that explains everything.
242
00:07:11,592 --> 00:07:13,093
That's so simple.
243
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,099
Why didn't I think of that?
244
00:07:14,104 --> 00:07:16,105
Okay, bye-bye.
Well?
245
00:07:16,112 --> 00:07:17,868
The guy says
the stools just do that.
246
00:07:17,886 --> 00:07:19,053
They just do that?
247
00:07:19,058 --> 00:07:20,358
Well, until they're broken in.
248
00:07:20,363 --> 00:07:21,530
A year or two tops.
249
00:07:21,535 --> 00:07:23,069
"A year or two"?
250
00:07:23,075 --> 00:07:24,876
We-we can't be
the farty stool restaurant.
251
00:07:24,883 --> 00:07:26,382
That's not good for business.
252
00:07:26,423 --> 00:07:28,324
Oh, we're gonna have
to break them in ourselves.
253
00:07:28,331 --> 00:07:29,498
Good idea, Bobby.
254
00:07:29,503 --> 00:07:31,069
All butts on deck, come on!
255
00:07:31,109 --> 00:07:32,109
(stool farting)
256
00:07:32,114 --> 00:07:33,148
Can you move down one, Bob?
257
00:07:33,152 --> 00:07:34,284
I'd like a little privacy.
258
00:07:36,633 --> 00:07:38,099
To get a handle
on this superlice outbreak,
259
00:07:38,139 --> 00:07:39,840
we need to know who else
260
00:07:39,847 --> 00:07:41,848
has been exposed
to Tammy's hair.
261
00:07:41,856 --> 00:07:44,624
Great idea, why don't you let me
out and I'll comb the hallways.
262
00:07:44,634 --> 00:07:45,901
(laughs) No pun intended.
263
00:07:45,906 --> 00:07:46,972
We have fun.
264
00:07:47,010 --> 00:07:48,010
Open the door.
(stammers)
265
00:07:48,015 --> 00:07:49,114
You open it.
No, No.
266
00:07:49,153 --> 00:07:50,320
I will not.
Yeah, I got this.
267
00:07:50,325 --> 00:07:51,425
(stammers) You can't do that.
268
00:07:51,430 --> 00:07:53,030
You stay put.
(groans)
269
00:07:53,036 --> 00:07:54,770
I know.
Tammy, give me your phone.
270
00:07:54,777 --> 00:07:56,612
You can give someone lice
over the phone?
271
00:07:56,619 --> 00:07:58,719
Oh, prank calls
just got fun again.
272
00:07:58,761 --> 00:08:00,695
No, selfies.
273
00:08:00,702 --> 00:08:02,702
They thought they were posing
for a picture with Tammy's head.
274
00:08:02,745 --> 00:08:04,478
What they got was so much more.
275
00:08:06,059 --> 00:08:07,393
Hi, it's Jocelyn.
276
00:08:07,398 --> 00:08:09,399
Live from the nurse's office.
277
00:08:09,407 --> 00:08:11,308
I'm filling in for Tammy,
'cause guys,
278
00:08:11,315 --> 00:08:13,449
Tammy's got superlice!
279
00:08:13,457 --> 00:08:14,590
(muttering)
280
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:15,963
Hi, Tammy. I see you.
281
00:08:15,968 --> 00:08:17,101
Hurry up and get better.
282
00:08:17,106 --> 00:08:18,840
No, take your time, ha.
283
00:08:18,847 --> 00:08:20,381
I'm here with Nurse Liz.
284
00:08:20,387 --> 00:08:22,621
So, what are superlice?
285
00:08:22,629 --> 00:08:24,897
- Well Jocelyn, they're parasites.
- Ew.
286
00:08:24,906 --> 00:08:26,807
They live on your hair
and chew your head and
287
00:08:26,814 --> 00:08:28,447
and then drink the blood out
of your scalp...
288
00:08:28,453 --> 00:08:29,921
- by sucking it out...
- Shut up!
289
00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:31,695
Using their little
louse bodies as straws.
290
00:08:31,702 --> 00:08:32,935
(slurping) Oh, my God!
Stop talking!
291
00:08:32,940 --> 00:08:35,409
And then they poop
on you, Jocelyn.
292
00:08:35,418 --> 00:08:37,519
And lay millions of lice eggs.
(retching)
293
00:08:37,527 --> 00:08:39,795
I'm gonna throw up.
294
00:08:39,804 --> 00:08:41,871
Kids with lice are bad, right?
295
00:08:41,878 --> 00:08:44,280
(laughs) No, they aren't bad.
296
00:08:44,289 --> 00:08:45,989
But they are disgusting.
297
00:08:45,996 --> 00:08:47,896
And we want to protect
their identity.
298
00:08:47,938 --> 00:08:50,806
Unrelated...
will the following 16 children
299
00:08:50,817 --> 00:08:54,587
report to the nurse's office
for a, uh, neck exam?
300
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,167
Jimmy Pesto Jr., Lice.
301
00:08:56,173 --> 00:08:57,473
Lenny Destefano, Lice.
302
00:08:57,479 --> 00:08:58,946
Michael Carlish, Licey.
303
00:08:58,951 --> 00:09:00,851
Tracy Schwartz.
Super licey.
304
00:09:00,894 --> 00:09:02,793
So, you'd like to reserve
the whole restaurant?
305
00:09:02,835 --> 00:09:04,302
Mm-hmm.
For a post-funeral meal?
306
00:09:04,308 --> 00:09:05,975
Mm-hmm.
Today?
307
00:09:05,981 --> 00:09:08,149
It's short notice,
but the mortician next door
308
00:09:08,158 --> 00:09:09,525
recommended you highly.
309
00:09:09,530 --> 00:09:10,597
(stool farting) Oh.
310
00:09:10,602 --> 00:09:12,235
Sorry for your loss.
311
00:09:12,275 --> 00:09:14,410
Lin, take a break.
Oh, sorry.
312
00:09:14,418 --> 00:09:15,885
Uh, excuse us,
we're just in the process of,
313
00:09:15,891 --> 00:09:19,159
of, uh, calibrating our,
uh, sitting equipment.
314
00:09:19,205 --> 00:09:21,273
Yes, it would be
about a dozen people.
315
00:09:21,281 --> 00:09:22,615
Some of them are elderly
316
00:09:22,620 --> 00:09:25,287
and obviously grieving.
(stool farting)
317
00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:27,065
Teddy, stop.
W-We'll be ready.
318
00:09:27,072 --> 00:09:28,473
By 2:00.
Oh, my God.
319
00:09:28,478 --> 00:09:29,578
I mean, I'll, yes.
320
00:09:29,583 --> 00:09:30,616
See you then.
321
00:09:30,620 --> 00:09:31,953
Have a great funeral!
322
00:09:33,432 --> 00:09:35,499
Tammy's selfies
sure liced a lot of kids.
323
00:09:35,541 --> 00:09:37,808
Yep, these selfies
went viral, literally.
324
00:09:37,851 --> 00:09:39,719
My lice are going
over to Andy's head.
325
00:09:39,726 --> 00:09:41,660
And my lice are going
over to Ollie's head.
326
00:09:41,667 --> 00:09:44,001
Bye, hello, bye!
Hello, bye, hello!
327
00:09:44,044 --> 00:09:45,411
One, two, three... oh, God!
328
00:09:45,417 --> 00:09:47,185
That's a lot heavier
than I expected.
329
00:09:47,192 --> 00:09:49,059
Louise, I don't think you're
supposed to move that table.
330
00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:50,367
But it looks terrible here.
331
00:09:50,372 --> 00:09:52,672
Let's try it by the trash can!
332
00:09:52,715 --> 00:09:54,216
You can't leave, Louise.
333
00:09:54,222 --> 00:09:55,888
It's just a bitter pill
you have to swallow.
334
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,696
(groans)
But it's not a real pill.
335
00:09:57,703 --> 00:09:59,437
'Cause that would be medicine
and I can't dispense...
336
00:09:59,444 --> 00:10:00,711
I know, Tina!
337
00:10:00,716 --> 00:10:02,216
You're drunk with lack of power.
338
00:10:02,222 --> 00:10:03,588
There's one selfie
339
00:10:03,629 --> 00:10:05,462
on Tammy's phone
I can't identify.
340
00:10:05,503 --> 00:10:07,470
You can see just a little bit
of hair and sweater.
341
00:10:07,511 --> 00:10:09,779
Whoever it is could be
walking around with lice
342
00:10:09,788 --> 00:10:11,289
and not even know it.
343
00:10:11,295 --> 00:10:13,562
Like I'll never truly know
how cute my butt is.
344
00:10:13,604 --> 00:10:14,871
Good news, everyone.
345
00:10:14,876 --> 00:10:17,177
I've found a cure for superlice.
346
00:10:17,186 --> 00:10:18,919
Finally!
That's great.
347
00:10:18,961 --> 00:10:20,127
I'm not a hero, Tina.
348
00:10:20,132 --> 00:10:21,966
I'm just doing my job.
349
00:10:22,007 --> 00:10:23,975
I didn't call you a hero.
Oh, I thought you did.
350
00:10:23,982 --> 00:10:25,215
I get to go first.
(groans)
351
00:10:25,220 --> 00:10:26,387
And I want a reward
for being brave,
352
00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:28,025
like a smoothie or a Prius.
353
00:10:28,066 --> 00:10:31,368
So it's quick, all natural,
but pretty cutting edge.
354
00:10:31,414 --> 00:10:33,615
Bring on this wonder drug!
It's probably hemp.
355
00:10:33,623 --> 00:10:35,891
Yeah, is it a pill
or a shampoo I use at home
356
00:10:35,899 --> 00:10:36,898
or just give it to...
357
00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:38,170
I'm shaving heads!
358
00:10:38,209 --> 00:10:39,609
(gasping) What?!
359
00:10:39,649 --> 00:10:40,916
Oh, and burning hats.
360
00:10:40,921 --> 00:10:42,454
No!
No!
361
00:10:44,232 --> 00:10:47,333
No! My hair and my ears?
362
00:10:47,344 --> 00:10:49,745
Why does everything bad
happen to me?
363
00:10:49,754 --> 00:10:51,922
It's happening
to us, too, Tammy!
364
00:10:51,930 --> 00:10:53,598
Well, not really,
'cause you're not blonde.
365
00:10:53,604 --> 00:10:55,538
Neither are you.
You shut up right now!
366
00:10:55,546 --> 00:10:57,814
You better shut that down.
Shut it up.
367
00:10:57,822 --> 00:11:00,323
Um, Nurse Liz, this sounds like
pretty aggressive treatment.
368
00:11:00,332 --> 00:11:03,334
Yeah! And, Tina,
you get to hold the kids down.
369
00:11:03,345 --> 00:11:05,113
Uh...
370
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:06,620
Anyone comes after me,
they're gonna get
371
00:11:06,626 --> 00:11:08,760
an eyeful
of cherry throat spray.
372
00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:10,336
Do us! Do us!
Do us! Do us!
373
00:11:10,342 --> 00:11:12,109
I heard children screaming
from down the hall.
374
00:11:12,116 --> 00:11:13,517
As a counselor, I've learned
375
00:11:13,523 --> 00:11:15,923
that screams can actually be
a cry for help.
376
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:17,367
She wants to shave our heads.
377
00:11:17,372 --> 00:11:19,272
And I don't even know
how much to tip!
378
00:11:19,314 --> 00:11:21,048
Well, then that's
what's gonna happen.
379
00:11:21,054 --> 00:11:23,335
Mr. Frond, your hair and sweater
match the mystery selfie.
380
00:11:23,365 --> 00:11:26,699
Oh. Well, I might have leaned in
for a selfie.
381
00:11:26,746 --> 00:11:29,180
I'm on top of trends.
(chuckles) Oh, I...
382
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:31,257
I'm-I'm sure I didn't get lice.
383
00:11:31,265 --> 00:11:32,565
Hold him, Tina.
384
00:11:32,570 --> 00:11:34,238
No. (stammers) Please.
385
00:11:34,245 --> 00:11:35,545
I-I have a date.
386
00:11:35,550 --> 00:11:36,783
I have to match my picture!
387
00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:38,923
It's already not very close!
388
00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:40,964
A date with someone
besides my Aunt Gayle?
389
00:11:41,007 --> 00:11:43,241
Maybe.
(growling)
390
00:11:43,249 --> 00:11:44,650
Tina, you're hurting me.
391
00:11:44,656 --> 00:11:46,090
(screams)
392
00:11:46,096 --> 00:11:47,395
Darn it, jammed.
393
00:11:47,434 --> 00:11:49,435
Before too much of
my hair came off?
394
00:11:49,443 --> 00:11:50,677
Oh. Here we go!
395
00:11:50,682 --> 00:11:52,382
(screams)
396
00:11:52,388 --> 00:11:54,790
Crap! Treatment is postponed
while I get these fixed.
397
00:11:54,799 --> 00:11:56,332
(whimpering)
398
00:11:56,372 --> 00:11:58,840
Hey, just change the side
your part is on and...
399
00:11:58,849 --> 00:12:00,149
and nobody will even notice.
400
00:12:02,030 --> 00:12:03,097
(stool farting)
401
00:12:03,101 --> 00:12:04,201
I'm fading here, Bob.
402
00:12:04,206 --> 00:12:05,606
I lost my mechanics.
403
00:12:05,612 --> 00:12:07,113
I'm all up in my head!
404
00:12:07,119 --> 00:12:08,786
Yeah, I gotta take a break, too.
405
00:12:08,792 --> 00:12:09,959
My kegels are givin' out.
406
00:12:09,964 --> 00:12:11,231
We gotta keep going!
407
00:12:11,236 --> 00:12:12,703
Very sad people
will be here in an hour.
408
00:12:12,709 --> 00:12:14,242
(bell dings)
409
00:12:14,282 --> 00:12:16,083
Oh, trying to get the farts
out of stools, huh?
410
00:12:16,090 --> 00:12:18,023
Yes.
You have experience with this?
411
00:12:18,065 --> 00:12:19,398
Yeah. I had a vinyl seat
412
00:12:19,404 --> 00:12:20,905
in my mail truck
with the same problem.
413
00:12:20,911 --> 00:12:22,144
Children laughed at me.
414
00:12:22,149 --> 00:12:23,649
Before that,
I was the cool mailman.
415
00:12:23,689 --> 00:12:25,824
Mike's right!
We can't do this alone.
416
00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:27,431
We gotta accept help
from friends.
417
00:12:27,472 --> 00:12:29,438
I don't think I offered to help.
418
00:12:29,481 --> 00:12:31,148
When the Amish wanted
to build a barn,
419
00:12:31,154 --> 00:12:32,554
did they do it themselves?
420
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:35,062
No, Kelly McGillis
took a sexy sponge bath
421
00:12:35,071 --> 00:12:36,805
and she got Harrison Ford
to pitch in.
422
00:12:36,812 --> 00:12:38,679
The Amish really
know how to bathe.
423
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,354
But there's no time.
How do we get the word out?
424
00:12:40,361 --> 00:12:42,195
Did someone say "free beer"?
425
00:12:42,202 --> 00:12:44,636
Where? Where's free beer? Ohh...
426
00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:46,380
Yes! I'll make a sign!
427
00:12:46,386 --> 00:12:47,786
After a couple of beers,
428
00:12:47,792 --> 00:12:49,192
this stuff pretty
much delivers itself.
429
00:12:49,232 --> 00:12:51,233
Farty party!
(stool farts)
430
00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:53,507
LOUISE: We gotta get outta here.
431
00:12:53,550 --> 00:12:56,319
Maybe someone's already dug
a tunnel behind that cat poster.
432
00:12:56,329 --> 00:12:57,996
We'll just peel it back
and, uh...
433
00:12:58,002 --> 00:12:59,970
Okay, no tunnel.
434
00:12:59,978 --> 00:13:01,245
Well, we'll dig one ourselves
435
00:13:01,250 --> 00:13:02,483
with these Popsicle sticks!
436
00:13:02,488 --> 00:13:03,954
Ah, it broke.
437
00:13:03,995 --> 00:13:06,129
Aw, man, people are gonna
call me cue ball!
438
00:13:06,137 --> 00:13:07,805
I wanted my nickname
to be eight ball.
439
00:13:07,812 --> 00:13:10,113
I haven't been bald
since I was a baby.
440
00:13:10,121 --> 00:13:11,721
I cried all the time!
441
00:13:11,727 --> 00:13:14,028
Ugh, and my dad just built me
a scrunchie closet.
442
00:13:15,075 --> 00:13:16,075
So... I'm picking up
443
00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:17,480
some negative feedback
444
00:13:17,519 --> 00:13:19,086
about shaving
everyone's hair off.
445
00:13:19,093 --> 00:13:20,594
Maybe we send kids home,
446
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:21,998
kick this can
down the road a little bit?
447
00:13:22,038 --> 00:13:24,773
No! I'm saving heads
by shaving heads!
448
00:13:24,783 --> 00:13:27,217
I'll be the school nurse
that beat super lice.
449
00:13:27,261 --> 00:13:29,228
And when I go to
my nursing school reunion,
450
00:13:29,236 --> 00:13:30,637
I won't even need a name tag,
451
00:13:30,642 --> 00:13:32,075
though I'll probably
wear it anyway
452
00:13:32,081 --> 00:13:33,482
if they have one for me,
'cause why not?
453
00:13:33,488 --> 00:13:34,955
I don't want to be
weird about it!
454
00:13:34,961 --> 00:13:36,795
But...
It's happening, Tina!
455
00:13:36,802 --> 00:13:39,270
I'm not gonna be the only freak
around here with a shaved head.
456
00:13:39,279 --> 00:13:41,479
(clippers buzzing)
Hey, I fixed them!
457
00:13:41,522 --> 00:13:43,789
? ?
458
00:13:43,832 --> 00:13:45,132
(stools farting)
Bob, it's working!
459
00:13:45,137 --> 00:13:46,638
I think the farts
are going down!
460
00:13:46,644 --> 00:13:47,843
We just might make it, Lin.
461
00:13:47,882 --> 00:13:49,483
Marshmallow is here.
462
00:13:49,489 --> 00:13:50,855
And she brought her rear.
463
00:13:50,895 --> 00:13:51,996
Oh, hey, Marshmallow.
464
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,001
Hey, baby. Ooh!
465
00:13:54,009 --> 00:13:56,176
Okay, where to start?
466
00:13:56,184 --> 00:13:57,617
With Louise.
(gasps)
467
00:13:57,658 --> 00:13:59,491
(whimpering)
468
00:14:00,671 --> 00:14:01,671
Oops!
469
00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:03,542
Oh, you've stopped me!
470
00:14:03,549 --> 00:14:05,850
I'm just gonna go right here
and plug it right into the wall...
471
00:14:05,859 --> 00:14:07,927
Ah!
Ha!
472
00:14:07,935 --> 00:14:09,501
Now you're exposed!
473
00:14:09,542 --> 00:14:11,176
So let's talk again
474
00:14:11,182 --> 00:14:12,582
about who's getting
shaved and who's g...
475
00:14:12,588 --> 00:14:13,821
(clippers buzzing)
476
00:14:13,860 --> 00:14:15,194
Ahh...
477
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:16,433
Oh...
478
00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:18,139
And...
479
00:14:18,145 --> 00:14:19,745
better.
480
00:14:19,786 --> 00:14:21,754
Eyebrows.
That's commitment.
481
00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:23,228
Uh, Nurse Liz,
482
00:14:23,234 --> 00:14:24,734
you look like someone
who should be lying down.
483
00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:26,241
Under observation.
484
00:14:26,247 --> 00:14:28,781
She also looks a little
like Michael Chiklis.
485
00:14:28,824 --> 00:14:30,757
Come here, Louise.
486
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:33,700
Uh, Nurse Liz, you're on a roll!
487
00:14:33,745 --> 00:14:35,311
Ah, oh!
488
00:14:35,352 --> 00:14:37,219
Move the table!
489
00:14:37,260 --> 00:14:39,061
Everybody run!
490
00:14:39,068 --> 00:14:41,403
I'm not really feeling up
to running... okay!
491
00:14:41,412 --> 00:14:43,857
Stop those louse-y kids!
492
00:14:46,390 --> 00:14:48,623
(panting)
493
00:14:48,666 --> 00:14:50,033
So you finally
saw the light, huh?
494
00:14:50,039 --> 00:14:51,806
'Bout time!
495
00:14:51,813 --> 00:14:53,681
Yeah, I didn't notice it
till she was bald and sweaty,
496
00:14:53,688 --> 00:14:55,454
but Nurse Liz is kind of insane.
497
00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:56,661
Which way do we go?
498
00:14:56,701 --> 00:14:58,634
I can't handle
choices right now!
499
00:14:58,675 --> 00:15:00,409
We'll have a better
chance if we split up.
500
00:15:00,416 --> 00:15:01,749
Half go left, half go right!
501
00:15:01,788 --> 00:15:03,488
Go!
Yeah...
502
00:15:03,529 --> 00:15:05,530
Wh... Oh. We're the only
ones who chose right?
503
00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:06,772
We went right?
504
00:15:06,777 --> 00:15:08,376
I thought this was...
Never mind.
505
00:15:08,417 --> 00:15:09,984
You go after those two!
506
00:15:09,990 --> 00:15:12,125
Ow! You don't have to push me,
I'm on your side!
507
00:15:12,133 --> 00:15:13,866
God!
Go!
508
00:15:13,907 --> 00:15:16,875
Follow me! I know this school
like the back of my hand!
509
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:18,320
Yeah, this is where
the dead end is.
510
00:15:18,326 --> 00:15:19,960
Good. Good. Good.
511
00:15:19,966 --> 00:15:21,432
LIZ: All right, let's go...
(gasping)
512
00:15:21,473 --> 00:15:22,839
nice and easy... no, wait!
513
00:15:22,879 --> 00:15:24,179
Lice and easy.
514
00:15:24,218 --> 00:15:25,618
Good one.
515
00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:27,658
It's just interesting
to see her process.
516
00:15:27,699 --> 00:15:29,766
How long do we have to run?
517
00:15:29,808 --> 00:15:31,175
I'd just like to say
you're the last person
518
00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:32,447
I wanted to be escaping with.
519
00:15:32,486 --> 00:15:33,720
Okay, well,
I would just like to say
520
00:15:33,725 --> 00:15:34,992
that I am not escaping with you,
521
00:15:34,997 --> 00:15:36,463
we are escaping
separately together!
522
00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:38,671
Well, let's just run
and not talk, okay?
523
00:15:38,679 --> 00:15:39,913
Fine, stopping now!
(growls)
524
00:15:39,918 --> 00:15:41,150
You, down there!
525
00:15:41,191 --> 00:15:43,358
Stop them!
No way, man!
526
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,766
They're gonna lice us!
527
00:15:44,805 --> 00:15:46,139
The library!
528
00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:47,412
In here!
529
00:15:47,417 --> 00:15:49,218
The library?
Ew. Ew.
530
00:15:49,225 --> 00:15:50,624
Oh, my God!
531
00:15:50,665 --> 00:15:52,631
(panting quietly)
532
00:15:55,686 --> 00:15:57,819
(awkward chuckling)
533
00:15:59,368 --> 00:16:00,835
LOUISE: We can make it out
through that window.
534
00:16:00,841 --> 00:16:02,308
Then we're safe.
535
00:16:02,314 --> 00:16:03,981
But Mr. Ambrose can see
the window from his desk.
536
00:16:04,021 --> 00:16:05,288
All right, let's just
hunker down here
537
00:16:05,294 --> 00:16:06,561
and wait for him to get up.
538
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,066
It won't take long,
he hates his job.
539
00:16:08,072 --> 00:16:09,305
What's this?
540
00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:11,712
"Medical Encyclopedia."
541
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:12,988
Oh, God, don't open it...
542
00:16:12,993 --> 00:16:14,594
you'll get book smell
everywhere.
543
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:15,999
Thank you. Thanks, everybody.
544
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:17,540
Thanks for helping.
545
00:16:17,546 --> 00:16:19,447
Mm, man, my cushion
did some pushin'.
546
00:16:19,454 --> 00:16:21,288
All right, the funeral people
will be here any second.
547
00:16:21,295 --> 00:16:23,063
But I... I think we're ready.
548
00:16:23,070 --> 00:16:25,870
Ah, I'm still a little worried
about that third stool there.
549
00:16:25,915 --> 00:16:27,415
It was the gassiest one.
550
00:16:27,421 --> 00:16:28,620
What, really?
Oh, God, they're here.
551
00:16:28,660 --> 00:16:30,726
(mourners murmuring)
552
00:16:30,769 --> 00:16:32,002
Welcome, welcome.
553
00:16:32,007 --> 00:16:33,274
Sit... sit anywhere.
554
00:16:33,279 --> 00:16:34,613
The booths are nice.
555
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,052
I've always been
a booth man myself.
556
00:16:36,092 --> 00:16:38,360
They call me the booth fairy.
557
00:16:38,368 --> 00:16:39,635
Uh, sorry.
558
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:41,940
The counter looks nice.
Mm-hmm.
559
00:16:41,984 --> 00:16:43,116
(quietly):
Oh, God, the third stool!
560
00:16:43,156 --> 00:16:44,823
Oh, are you the widow?
561
00:16:44,829 --> 00:16:46,696
Uh, yeah, we have
a VIP booth for you.
562
00:16:46,703 --> 00:16:47,936
For-for widows.
Oh. Ow.
563
00:16:47,976 --> 00:16:49,177
Stop shoving!
564
00:16:49,182 --> 00:16:50,382
No, no, I'm not, I'm helping!
565
00:16:50,387 --> 00:16:51,387
Ow!
I'm helping!
566
00:16:51,391 --> 00:16:52,758
Lin.
Okay.
567
00:16:52,763 --> 00:16:54,362
Sit anywhere.
Wherever you want.
568
00:16:55,408 --> 00:16:56,807
(loud fart) Oh, my.
569
00:16:56,847 --> 00:16:58,882
- (quietly): Damn it!
- Sorry, Bob.
570
00:16:58,889 --> 00:17:00,422
Ooh, unless...
571
00:17:00,463 --> 00:17:02,731
Hmm. Could be.
I-I can't tell.
572
00:17:02,739 --> 00:17:04,306
Teddy, can you get in there?
573
00:17:04,312 --> 00:17:06,113
Was it the seat or was it her?
574
00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:07,519
I'm checking it out
right now, Bob.
575
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,060
(sniffs)
576
00:17:09,066 --> 00:17:10,300
It's real.
577
00:17:10,305 --> 00:17:11,739
It's a real one, all right!
578
00:17:11,745 --> 00:17:13,111
Oh, wow, it's a real one!
579
00:17:13,150 --> 00:17:14,984
Yeah, oh, now I'm getting it.
580
00:17:14,991 --> 00:17:16,224
It's definitely her!
581
00:17:16,263 --> 00:17:17,497
LINDA: All right!
582
00:17:17,502 --> 00:17:19,635
Roger would have
loved this place.
583
00:17:19,679 --> 00:17:20,911
? ?
584
00:17:20,950 --> 00:17:22,885
Huh.
585
00:17:22,892 --> 00:17:24,124
Oh, my God.
586
00:17:24,164 --> 00:17:25,397
Ring.
587
00:17:25,402 --> 00:17:27,337
Oh hello, a librarian emergency?
588
00:17:27,345 --> 00:17:28,610
I'll be right there!
589
00:17:28,650 --> 00:17:30,316
Now's our chance!
590
00:17:30,358 --> 00:17:32,025
LIZ (over P.A. system):
Lice alert.
591
00:17:32,031 --> 00:17:33,664
We have re-quarantined
most of the infected students.
592
00:17:33,705 --> 00:17:35,106
Oh, no.
593
00:17:35,111 --> 00:17:37,177
Louise Belcher and Tammy Larson
remain at large.
594
00:17:37,220 --> 00:17:39,254
If you have any contact
with them, turn them in.
595
00:17:39,262 --> 00:17:41,195
And then turn yourself in
because you have lice.
596
00:17:41,237 --> 00:17:42,437
She got the others.
597
00:17:42,442 --> 00:17:43,508
Sucks for them.
598
00:17:43,547 --> 00:17:45,214
Okay, let's go!
Wait.
599
00:17:45,220 --> 00:17:46,454
(sighs)
600
00:17:46,459 --> 00:17:48,059
We gotta go back.
What?! No!
601
00:17:48,066 --> 00:17:49,467
I know, I know.
602
00:17:49,472 --> 00:17:50,772
But I have a gross feeling
603
00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:52,145
that we should help the others.
604
00:17:52,150 --> 00:17:54,118
And I have an idea
and I need you.
605
00:17:54,126 --> 00:17:55,459
Which is also gross.
606
00:17:55,498 --> 00:17:57,199
Here's the thing:
I hate helping.
607
00:17:57,206 --> 00:17:58,606
I'm out the window!
Wait, wait, wait!
608
00:17:58,611 --> 00:18:00,945
(grunting) Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
609
00:18:02,495 --> 00:18:04,796
Guys, we're in
the nurse's office
610
00:18:04,805 --> 00:18:07,540
where Nurse Liz is gonna shave
kids' heads while we watch.
611
00:18:07,550 --> 00:18:09,718
This microphone's heavy,
I'm gonna put it down.
612
00:18:09,726 --> 00:18:10,958
No, don't do that?
Okay.
613
00:18:10,998 --> 00:18:12,664
Hold it, Nurse Wacky!
614
00:18:12,705 --> 00:18:15,339
Oh, look what
the lice dragged in.
615
00:18:15,383 --> 00:18:17,017
Really not liking this plan.
616
00:18:17,024 --> 00:18:18,223
I have information.
617
00:18:18,262 --> 00:18:20,263
Tammy is Patient Zero.
618
00:18:20,270 --> 00:18:22,104
But she doesn't have lice...
619
00:18:22,111 --> 00:18:24,379
she has dandruff!
620
00:18:24,388 --> 00:18:25,588
Look at it!
621
00:18:25,627 --> 00:18:27,728
Look at the glorious dandruff!
622
00:18:27,736 --> 00:18:29,402
It's snowing!
623
00:18:29,443 --> 00:18:30,776
Old people have dandruff.
624
00:18:30,782 --> 00:18:31,982
I'd rather have lice.
625
00:18:32,021 --> 00:18:33,455
But why are we all scratching?
626
00:18:33,461 --> 00:18:34,994
Dandruff's not contagious.
627
00:18:35,034 --> 00:18:36,334
It's psychosomatic.
628
00:18:36,339 --> 00:18:38,107
The power of suggestion.
629
00:18:38,114 --> 00:18:40,281
Just say the word "lice"
and everyone itches their heads.
630
00:18:40,289 --> 00:18:42,623
Oh, my God!
Stop it, Louise!
631
00:18:42,667 --> 00:18:45,768
Nurse Liz, please read
from this medical encyclopedia
632
00:18:45,813 --> 00:18:48,847
the marked passage...
how dandruff is often
633
00:18:48,893 --> 00:18:50,125
misdiagnosed as lice.
634
00:18:50,165 --> 00:18:52,232
Like how my asthma
was misdiagnosed
635
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:53,840
as having a bad attitude.
636
00:18:53,881 --> 00:18:55,682
Uh, I don't need to read it
637
00:18:55,688 --> 00:18:57,723
because obviously,
Tammy has dandruff and lice.
638
00:18:57,731 --> 00:18:59,932
Dandruff and lice?
639
00:18:59,940 --> 00:19:01,773
Mm-hmm.
She's a mess.
640
00:19:01,815 --> 00:19:03,883
Oh, my God. That's not good.
641
00:19:03,890 --> 00:19:05,089
Yeah. You can have both.
642
00:19:05,129 --> 00:19:06,496
Oh... Sorry.
643
00:19:06,502 --> 00:19:07,769
Darn it, Louise!
644
00:19:07,774 --> 00:19:09,274
I was out the window!
645
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:10,947
Where were we?
646
00:19:10,954 --> 00:19:13,189
(gasps)
No, Nurse Liz, read the book!
647
00:19:13,197 --> 00:19:15,297
It's over, Tina.
Read the book!
648
00:19:15,339 --> 00:19:18,008
God, I could read it,
but reading?
649
00:19:18,018 --> 00:19:19,250
Ugh!
650
00:19:19,290 --> 00:19:21,024
Right, kids? Right?
651
00:19:21,031 --> 00:19:22,363
Yeah!
She gets it.
652
00:19:22,403 --> 00:19:23,837
You can't read it.
653
00:19:23,843 --> 00:19:25,342
Because you don't
have your glasses.
654
00:19:25,382 --> 00:19:26,850
What's... what are you
trying to say?
655
00:19:26,856 --> 00:19:28,121
(laughing): I don't even...
656
00:19:28,161 --> 00:19:29,961
I noticed you squinting,
then I noticed
657
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:31,436
the little marks on your nose.
658
00:19:31,442 --> 00:19:33,176
I have them, too.
(gasps)
659
00:19:33,182 --> 00:19:35,682
I always thought Tina wore
fake glasses to hide those.
660
00:19:35,727 --> 00:19:38,762
Uh... wh... I... I left
them at home, okay?
661
00:19:38,773 --> 00:19:40,741
I got in the car and I thought
it was gonna be that thing
662
00:19:40,748 --> 00:19:42,282
where I say
"where are my glasses?"
663
00:19:42,288 --> 00:19:43,554
and then it turns out
they're on my head.
664
00:19:43,559 --> 00:19:44,793
But they weren't!
665
00:19:44,799 --> 00:19:46,266
They're not, right?
No.
666
00:19:46,271 --> 00:19:47,505
And that's why you couldn't have
667
00:19:47,510 --> 00:19:48,742
seen lice on Tammy's head.
668
00:19:48,783 --> 00:19:50,983
(all gasp) Nice one, T.
669
00:19:51,025 --> 00:19:52,459
All right, yes.
670
00:19:52,465 --> 00:19:54,466
Maybe I saw
what I wanted to see.
671
00:19:54,473 --> 00:19:55,974
Is that such a crime?
672
00:19:55,980 --> 00:19:58,480
You really want a nurse
with no imagination?
673
00:19:58,524 --> 00:20:00,024
- Kind of?
- Yes. Preferably.
674
00:20:00,064 --> 00:20:02,966
Oh, screw it, I'll just
skip the reunion.
675
00:20:02,976 --> 00:20:05,143
I don't want to show up
there with a bald head.
676
00:20:05,185 --> 00:20:06,886
Again.
I get it.
677
00:20:06,893 --> 00:20:08,160
You had a zeal to heal.
678
00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:09,699
But you forgot to keep it real.
679
00:20:09,705 --> 00:20:12,040
Oh, can you sign this form
so I get my nursing patch?
680
00:20:12,049 --> 00:20:13,549
That's not the right place.
681
00:20:13,555 --> 00:20:14,789
Oh, you can't see.
682
00:20:14,794 --> 00:20:16,061
That's my hand.
683
00:20:16,066 --> 00:20:18,600
So, Tammy, what's next for you?
684
00:20:18,609 --> 00:20:20,410
I do the interviews, Jocelyn!
685
00:20:20,417 --> 00:20:21,651
What's next for you?
686
00:20:21,656 --> 00:20:23,890
No, I have the microphone.
687
00:20:23,899 --> 00:20:25,900
- So, like, what's next for you?
- No, what's next for you, Jocelyn,
688
00:20:25,907 --> 00:20:27,908
- in your journey to give me the microphone?
- No...
689
00:20:27,916 --> 00:20:29,917
- I think it's my microphone.
- No, Jocelyn, I'm not kidding.
690
00:20:29,925 --> 00:20:31,593
- I'm doing the news right now.
- Give it back. Give it back!
691
00:20:31,599 --> 00:20:33,099
- Just get off it right now!
- Give it! Give it to me!
692
00:20:33,105 --> 00:20:34,339
Get off it! Ow!
Ha-ha, got it!
693
00:20:34,344 --> 00:20:35,944
So gross.
You're gross.
694
00:20:35,950 --> 00:20:37,184
You're my best friend.
You're my best friend.
695
00:20:37,189 --> 00:20:38,421
I love you.
696
00:20:38,462 --> 00:20:40,029
There you are, Louise.
697
00:20:40,035 --> 00:20:42,236
There's still time
to take your pop quiz.
698
00:20:42,244 --> 00:20:43,511
Pop quiz?
699
00:20:43,516 --> 00:20:44,983
Ah, all right...
700
00:20:44,989 --> 00:20:46,657
Wh... whoa!
701
00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:48,896
My leg! Oh!
702
00:20:48,940 --> 00:20:50,507
Oh, Louise, your leg!
703
00:20:50,513 --> 00:20:52,113
Tina!
It's all twisted!
704
00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:54,454
It's, like, totally
facing the wrong way.
705
00:20:54,463 --> 00:20:55,897
We need to get
this girl some ice!
706
00:20:55,903 --> 00:20:57,804
You gotta be kidding me.
707
00:20:57,811 --> 00:21:00,946
Don't just stand there,
LaBonz, get the damn ice!
708
00:21:00,947 --> 00:21:03,314
(melodic farting)
709
00:21:03,364 --> 00:21:07,914
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