Original subtitles

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(PANTING)

You haven't thrown away those jam jars, have you?

I was collecting them for the Spring Fair.

No, they're under the sink.

Oh.

(SIGHS) You've got to fill them with stuff for raffle prizes.

What's wrong with the jam? That's a good prize.

Well, try telling that to the PSA.

There's a list of approved items. It's on the fridge.

What like? iPhones?

Oh, yeah, probably.

Oh, and remember, Sally's got a play-date with Gertrude.

Gertrude?

Isn't that the cow from The Magic Roundabout?

No, that is Ermintrude.

Ridiculous.

Well, you did say you wanted her to have more friends.

Yeah, but I'd rather they weren't Shakespeare characters,

Greek goddesses or French wines.

Fine. I'll tell Sauvignon's mother we're cancelling, shall I?

You are joking?

- Maybe. - Hmm.

- How was your run? - Mmm.

Yeah, it was fine. It was weird though.

Weird? Why?

Well, coming in just now, there was a shoe on the pavement.

- A shoe? - Yeah, just one single black shoe.

Looks like it's been placed.

It's not old, it's like a brand new shoe.

Right.

Uh, you haven't seen my keys, have you?

I put it up on the wall anyway, see if anyone comes back for it.

So odd. What's the story behind it?

Right, I am off.

Make sure she brushes her teeth, won't you?

And, erm, if you get a chance,

will you sneak a peek in Gertrude's book bag?

- Why? -just to see what she's reading.

Seriously?

I don't want Sally falling behind.

She's seven. She should be reading janez' and Whats/z' Have Two Mummies

-or whatever they read these days. - Right, see you later!

Yeah, okay.

See if that shoe's still there when you go by.

LOUISE: Bye, Sally!

- SALLY: Bye, Mummy! -(DOOR CLOSES)

(WHIRRING)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Oh, I'm so sorry I'm late.

I had a conference call with Bombay

and it took ages to get everybody on the line.

Better than watching 50 episodes of Fifi and the Flowertots.

Ah, is she still awake?

No, she tried, but she fell asleep with the book in her hand, bless her.

Oh, I feel awful now.

What's this?

Oh, it's that shoe I was telling you about.

- What shoe? - That shoe from this morning,

I told you it was outside the house.

Well, what's it doing on the table?

I thought I'd bring it in.

And put it there? Well, you don't know where it's been.

It could be covered in dog shit.

It's brand new, that's the whole point.

Well, if it's brand new, you don't put it on the table, it's bad luck.

(SHOE THUDS)

All right, I just didn't want anyone stealing it.

What, so you stole it?

It just felt wrong leaving it outside, that's all.

Give it to the school for the Spring Fair

if you're that bothered. You can put Tiffany earrings in it.

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS) This was nicer two hours ago.

I'm sorry.

I, erm... I spoke to, uh, Chris Hutchinson today.

- Oh, yeah? - Mmm.

They're taking over that empty shop next door to Planet Organic.

He's looking for some new reps.

Oh, right.

Well, that's not a million miles away

from what you were doing at Fraser's, is it?

Yeah, sounds good.

I'll, erm... I'll drop him a line.

Oh, I managed to sneak a look in, erm, Gertrude's book bag, by the way.

Oh, yeah, what's she reading?

Anna Karenina.

- And it was in Russian. -(SNICKERS)

You know what, I wouldn't be surprised.

I spoke to her mother the other day.

You know that mean-faced one with the bad breath?

Jeez, she went on and on and on about where they were going on holiday.

And I know she wanted me to get to admit

that we were going to Centre Parcs again and I was not going to rise to it.

She went on and on and on about bloody...

(IN DISTINCT TALKING)

Vroom, vroom.

What are you doing? You mustn't do that!

Give it here.

I was giving Suzie a ride.

This is not your property, Sally!

Whose is it, then?

Well, we don't know, do we? That's what Daddy's trying to find out.

Go to your room. You can play in there.

(noon OPENS)

David? What's this?

We've got to talk to Sally about respecting other people's things.

I just found these stuck on all the lampposts down the street.

Yeah, I did 20 of them, but the printer ran out of ink.

"Found. One black man's shoe."

I know, I wasn't sure about that either.

'Cause it could sound like we're saying the shoe belongs to a black man.

It might do, we don't know, but...

Do you think we should change it?

You've put our number on it.

Well, how else are they gonna get in contact?

Well, I don't want them to get in contact!

I just don't like the idea of our number being displayed up and down the street.

So what?

Well, people can call us, find out if we're in or out.

I mean, burglars.

You're making too much out of this.

You haven't even put a picture on it, David.

It's just a stupid drawing.

Well, I'm not gonna give away all the details, am I?

Or else anyone could claim it.

They'll have to describe it to me when they get in touch.

It is a single tramp's shoe that you f...

That you found in the street. Now just give it to Oxfam.

They won't have it.

They wouldn't take those Angelina Ballerina videos.

Nothing wrong with them!

Because they're videos, people don't have video players anymore!

The library does!

(STUTTERS)

(PHONE RINGS)

I'll get it. No, you get it.

Ask them exactly whereabouts they lost it.

And don't mention the size!

Hello?

Hello, Mum.

Oh, yeah, did you?

Who'd you go with? No, she's fine.

(WHISPERING) Hurry up, people might be trying to get through.

No, sorry.

Daddy, come and see what Sally's got.

Oh, wow, this looks good!

Is it the one you wanted?

What's his name?

CHRIS: You take on a refurb like that,

you're always gonna be looking at some time overspend,

but so, yeah, we've not done too badly.

And the footfall from Planet Organic's gonna be really good for us.

All those yummy mummies and their yoga mats.

Oh, don't.

I should go, I just don't have the time.

No, you don't need to do that, you look smashing.

There we go.

Oh, you've already got drinks?

Yeah, you just poured them out!

(CHUCKLES) I don't know what I'm doing. Trying to get you pissed.

CHRIS: Hey, I'm not complaining.

- Anyway, come on. -(KNOCKS ON TABLE)

Sit down.

What'd you reckon?

About what?

Well, Lou said you might be ready to jump back on the gravy train.

Bit of part-time work.

Oh, yeah, no. It sounds good. But I am a bit busy, at the moment.

Ah! Other irons in the fire, eh?

Well, it's just I've got a bit of a project on the go.

No, you haven't.

Yes, I have. The shoe.

- David. - What?

Not now.

What's this?

- Well, about three weeks ago... - Well, more like three months ago.

All right, well, whenever it was.

A few weeks ago I found a shoe outside the house.

It wasn't like a thrown away, discarded one.

This was black, slip on, good quality leather.

Hardly a mark on it.

And you're trying to find a retail outlet for them?

You see them as a new range?

No, no. I just found a shoe.

Someone lost a single shoe.

DAVID: Well, no, we don't know.

That's the whole point. We don't know what happened, do we?

Could be an accident, someone's fallen over, the shoe's come off.

Could be an older gentlemen with Alzheimer's, say.

He's gone for a wander, doesn't know where he left it.

Could be kids. You know, dressing up.

They've taken their dad's shoe out of the house.

Maybe penny for the Guy...

What, in March?

Right, so it's a bit of a mystery.

Exactly.

Do you wanna see it?

- Yeah, if you like? - DAVID: Yeah, okay.

- David, don't. - What?

I'm just showing Chris, he's intrigued.

Have you moved it, Louise?

It was under here. Where is it?

It's gone, David.

No, I know it's gone. I can see it's gone. Where is it?

I threw it away.

You fucking what?

I got rid of it!

Ithrew it in the bin.

It was too much, you were getting obsessed by it.

- I'm not obsessed! -of course you are!

He's created a website.

He's been badgering the police for CCTV footage.

It's public spirited! You know Mike Evans, don't you?

It's insane!

You can't go for more than two minutes

without banging on about a bloody shoe you found!

- Course I can! - You can't!

All right then, time me!

- Come on, Chris, time me. Two minutes. - There's no need.

No, she thinks I'm insane...

No, I didn't say you're insane. I said it's insane!

We'll see who's making an absolute mountain out of a molehill!

Do it.

Do it. I want you to see this.

Okay. Errn, two minutes.

You going away this summer, Chris, or...

I might go and see my mum in Hastings.

I've gotta be around for the shop really, so...

- How long? - Three or four days.

No, I mean how long?

Oh, erm, 50 seconds.

This is very cruel what you're doing, you know.

I don't mean it to be.

I just want to help you, David.

Which bin is it in?

(SIGHS) Well, that was barely a minute.

- Which bin? - The green one!

(EXHALES)

I'm so sorry about this, Chris.

It's okay, Lou, no problem.

You know he's... He's not been well.

It's fine.

I understand.

But you've been through a lot, too, you know.

I can't.

Here you go, Chris!

Sorry about that.

Panic over.

Now then,

if you saw that in the street

you wouldn't think it'd been thrown, would you?

You'd think it'd been lost.

I see what you mean.

Careful.

So, erm, you're just trying to find the rightful owner.

Like Cinderella.

Exactly! We need to do a proclamation throughout the land!

Get the media involved.

Have celebrities talking about it.

We need it trending on Twitter, hashtag the lost shoe.

You know what I mean though, don't you, Chris?

I'm not going mad.

A pair of shoes, they...

They deserve to be together.

Have to be.

How they belong.

I understand.

Let me have a word with Laurence who does my PR.

We'll see what we can do.

Oh, thank you! Finally somebody gets it!

MAN ON RADIO: $0, er, but look you've offered a re ward. Is that right?

DAVID: Yes. Yeah, I thought it would be some incentive there

for people to come forward, you know, with any information.

MAN: Well, listen, if you've got any old shoes, listen to David.

If you've got any old shoes lying around your garden,

bring them to his place, he'll turn them into hard cash!

DAVID: Well, no, no.

The reward would be specifically for the pairing of the shoe in question.

I don't want time wasters.

MAN: I could have done with you this morning, David,

I was sorting out my sock drawer.

Anyway look, we've had, er, an email from Jacqueline in Barnet and she says,

"Why don't you just give the money to a homeless shelter?

"Why are you concentrating on this one shoe?"

DAVID: jacquel/ne, someone somewhere is missing a shoe

and if I can bring that person and that shoe together then...

{MAN CHUCKLES) - I will have achieved that.

MAN". All right, David. Let's say this for a second, yeah?

Say I'm the person that lost that shoe.

Now I go back to look for it,

but it's not there because you, you've got it in your house.

Now what do I do?

DAVXD: Well, as I say, it's all, it's all on the website and...

Stupid question.

SALLY: Daddy!

ANSWERING MACHINE: You have no new messages.

(DOORBELLS RINGS)

(noon OPENS)

MAN: Hi, I've come about the shoe.

DAVID: Sorry?

MAN: The missing shoe. I think it's mine.

DAVID: Oh, right, er, well, you'd better come in.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Come through.

MAN: Thanks.

Do you wanna take a seat?

No, you're all right, thanks.

Yeah, so can I ask how you heard about us?

Er, my wife heard you on the radio, whenever that was.

Oh, right, er, you live locally?

Er, no. We live up in Norfolk.

- We were down here for a wedding. - Ah.

The shoe must have fallen out of the bottom of my suit bag.

We were parked just out there by the tree.

Right.

Whose wedding was it?

I don't think you'd know them. What's that got to do with anything?

Oh, nothing, I'm just trying to get a full picture.

Er, okay, well, I'm gonna ask you a couple of questions.

I'm sure, er... I'm sure you understand.

Okay.

What size was the shoe you claim you lost?

Nine.

Correct.

Good start.

Er, next, I'm gonna show you some photographs

and I want you to tell me which one is the correct tread.

A, B, Cor D.

Can I see B again?

Yeah.

There you go. Take your time.

Okay, I think it's C.

C-

And what colour are the laces?

It didn't have laces. It was a slip on.

Actually, I've got the other one here, if you need proof?

Just let me...

Yeah, looks the same.

Correct tread.

And, what, it just fell out of your suit carrier, you say?

Mmm. It can't have been zipped up properly.

Yeah, sounds plausible.

Looks like we've got a match.

(SIGHS)

Well done.

Well, can I have it then?

What, you wanna take it now?

That's what I'm here for.

Right, yeah.

Do you want a drink or anything? Celebrate?

No, I'd best get off. My car's on a metre.

Okay.

Here he is.

I've looked after him.

I, er... I won't make you try him on. That'd be weird, wouldn't it?

- Yes. - Yea h.

Could you just give me a minute, please?

I'm finding this really hard.

Sure.

Can I use your loo?

Yes. It's just... It's by the front door. (SNIFFLES)

(TOILET FLUSH ES)

(SNIFFLES)

All right?

Yeah.

Yeah, here you go.

They're both in there, so that's that done now.

Mission accomplished.

Well, thank you.

Oh, I need to get you some money for the reward.

No, I'm not bothered about that.

I just wanted the shoe.

Thanks again.

No, thank you.

- And you know where we are now, so... -(DOOR CLOSES)

That's right, and "Autumn" has a silent "N" at the end,

like, er, "column" or "hymn".

Who?

No, like a hymn that you sing in church.

Like a funeral?

Yeah.

Yeah, or a wedding, or the harvest festival.

Where are my girls? (CHUCKLES)

Daddy!

Hello!

(KISSES)

Oh, wow!

Have you done an autumn picture?

Yeah, look, there's falling leaves,

a bonfire, and there's Mummy, look.

- It's a pumpkin. - Cheeky!

Go and put it in your book bag, darling, you can take it in tomorrow.

-(EXHALES) - How was today?

Fine, yeah, we got those, er,

tiles in from Italy, and Chris says

there might be a trip out there in a couple of months.

- Very nice. - Mmm.

Wives invited?

Well, we'll have to see, won't we?

Daddy, can I show you my assembly?

I've got lines!

Oh, yes, go on!

SALLY: We're doing nursery rhymes.

Darling, let Daddy get in.

I'm gonna make him a cup of tea first.

No, I don't mind. Go on, Sal. I'll be the audience.

Well, I'm here and Annabel's here, and Christian's here and he says,

"Diddle diddle dumpling, my son john,"

and Annabel says, "Went to bed with his trousers on."

And I say, "One shoe off and one shoe on,"

then we all say, "Diddle diddle dumpling, my son john."

Encore! More! Well done!

(noon OPENS)

David?

What have you been doing?

Hmm, well, I could ask you that, Louise. Couldn't I?

What do you mean?

What's this doing outside?

What do you think? It's back where it belongs.

What are you talking about?

You... You said the owner came and took it weeks ago.

You said it was all sorted.

Who's that?

I don't know, people from college.

- You r college? - Yea h.

What is this?

I was doing you a photobook for your birthday.

Thought it'd be a nice surprise

and I got all your old pictures out and I found him.

Your friend.

What's his name?

Ted.

Oh, it's Ted, is it?

When did you last see Ted?

Oh, I don't know.

- It was a while ago. - Really?

'Cause I saw Ted six weeks ago when he came 'round,

pretended he owned the shoe.

(LAUGHS)

I don't know what you're talking about.

Well, this'll really confuse you then.

'Cause after I found that picture, I got your VAT file out,

went through your receipts and I found this.

From Stead and Simpson. Black slip-on, size nine.

Oh, David...

Dated two days before Ted came to see me.

How would you explain that?

Okay.

He was doing me a favour.

I was trying to help you.

BY lying to me? BY giving me false hope?

Oh, listen to yourself, David! (SCOFFS)

I just wanted it to be over.

Who ca res?

Who cares who took the fucking stupid shoe!

It's not about the shoe, is it?

It was never about the shoe.

(WHISPERS) No.

No, it isn't.

And it's not healthy,

David, for any of us.

It's been six years.

Oh, I'm sorry, is that the time limit?

Should I be over it now?

No. No, that's not

what I'm saying, but we still have Sally.

We have to live our lives for her sake.

She doesn't even remember having a brother.

He's not a brother.

Atwin.

Two halves, Louise...

And one of them's gone.

Yea h, I know.

And I understand now

what you're trying to do,

but we can't do that, David...

Because Joseph is dead.

He died.

They should be together.

David, you're bleeding.

No, I'm not.

Where did you get that shoe?

I went to see Ted.

- In Norfolk? - Yes, in Norfolk.

He didn't want to give me it.

(SIREN BLARING IN DISTANCE)

He said something about me being unreasonable.

What did you do?

David, what did you do?

(POLICE SIRENS BLARING)

I can't remember.