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♪ It seems todaythat all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:07,956
♪ Is violence in moviesand sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,033 --> 00:00:11,321
♪ But where are thosegood old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:14,157
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:17,850
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:17,926 --> 00:00:21,353
♪ Lucky there's a man whopositively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,430 --> 00:00:22,855
♪ All the things that make us ♪
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00:00:22,931 --> 00:00:24,501
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:30,029
♪ He's... a...Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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God, the Clam sucks
on Saturday mornings.
11
00:00:40,282 --> 00:00:42,686
It's all just weird
foreign sports fans,
12
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:45,494
like those Pakistani
cricket hooligans.
13
00:00:45,570 --> 00:00:47,190
If you are not rooting
for Lahore,
14
00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:49,192
please you may leave,
I can tell you!
15
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,883
Lahore cricketers are the best,
16
00:00:50,959 --> 00:00:54,002
and the others are not the best,
dear friends.
17
00:00:54,079 --> 00:00:57,964
I'm for Karachi, but I don't
got a death wish about it.
18
00:00:58,041 --> 00:00:59,725
Guys, what's wrong with us?
19
00:00:59,802 --> 00:01:02,039
It's Saturday morning,
and we're drinking in a bar.
20
00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:04,805
We should be drinking at
the Goodwill donation dumpster.
21
00:01:04,881 --> 00:01:07,733
- Why come?
-'Cause right now's
when all the yard sales end.
22
00:01:07,810 --> 00:01:10,185
We can get first pick
of the abandoned leftovers.
23
00:01:10,262 --> 00:01:11,715
That's a stupid idea.
There's not gonna
24
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,855
be anything good
in that dumpster.
25
00:01:13,932 --> 00:01:16,817
What if I told you
everything I'm wearing right now
26
00:01:16,893 --> 00:01:18,077
I found in that dumpster?
27
00:01:18,153 --> 00:01:21,224
Is that a bachelorette sash?
28
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:25,167
Scott said I could do hand stuff
this weekend, but that's it.
29
00:01:28,780 --> 00:01:30,205
I told you this is stupid.
30
00:01:30,282 --> 00:01:31,735
There's nothing good in here.
31
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,386
Hey, look...
A pair of working legs.
32
00:01:33,410 --> 00:01:34,876
Dibs on these.
33
00:01:34,953 --> 00:01:36,878
Wha...? Aw, come on, Quagmire!
34
00:01:36,955 --> 00:01:38,505
Joe, I said dibs.
35
00:01:38,582 --> 00:01:41,078
No, no, you're right.
You said dibs.
36
00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:43,769
Whoa. Check it out.
A Sorry! board game.
37
00:01:43,846 --> 00:01:45,104
Let me see it.
38
00:01:46,798 --> 00:01:49,182
- Three pieces missing.
- How'd you do that?
39
00:01:49,259 --> 00:01:52,361
I can shake anything and
figure out what all's in there.
40
00:01:54,806 --> 00:01:57,427
You got 11 periods left.
41
00:01:57,451 --> 00:02:00,097
Cool. VHS of Eraserhead.
42
00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:03,071
This'll be good for when
I never want to sleep again.
43
00:02:03,148 --> 00:02:05,936
Holy crap.
44
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:07,209
Wha-What? What is it?
45
00:02:10,155 --> 00:02:11,608
A Magic 8 Ball!
46
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,582
This thing can tell the future.
47
00:02:13,658 --> 00:02:15,779
No, it can't, Peter.
It's just a stupid toy.
48
00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,252
I don't know. Let's test it.
49
00:02:17,329 --> 00:02:20,472
Will there be snow
this Christmas?
50
00:02:20,549 --> 00:02:23,425
Oh, my God, the ball is right.
51
00:02:23,460 --> 00:02:24,759
I should ask again later.
52
00:02:24,836 --> 00:02:26,311
How did it know that?
53
00:02:26,388 --> 00:02:28,388
Guys, from now on,
I am living my life
54
00:02:28,465 --> 00:02:30,432
according to the Magic 8 Ball.
55
00:02:30,508 --> 00:02:32,370
It will lead me
like the shorebird
56
00:02:32,394 --> 00:02:34,778
that led the first Pilgrims
to Boston.
57
00:02:35,914 --> 00:02:38,440
Ahoy!
Are you looking to build a city
58
00:02:38,516 --> 00:02:41,443
where sports fans
can be notoriously racist?
59
00:02:41,519 --> 00:02:43,871
Yeah, and can we also ruin
"Sweet Caroline"
60
00:02:43,906 --> 00:02:46,114
- for everyone else?
- Absolutely.
61
00:02:46,191 --> 00:02:49,479
Can our airport security people
be responsible for 9/11?
62
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:53,172
And can our own 9/11 be, like,
one one-thousandth as bad,
63
00:02:53,248 --> 00:02:55,340
but we'll still make
a fricking movie about it?
64
00:02:55,417 --> 00:02:57,125
I think I know just the place.
65
00:02:57,202 --> 00:02:59,823
Okay, I don't know
if this is gonna be a problem,
66
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,796
but we forgot
to bring the letter "R."
67
00:03:01,873 --> 00:03:03,348
No problem at all.
68
00:03:03,425 --> 00:03:05,851
Right this way,
large-faced whites!
69
00:03:05,928 --> 00:03:07,831
Let's go, Red Sox!
70
00:03:09,431 --> 00:03:11,815
Let's go, Red Sox!
71
00:03:16,772 --> 00:03:18,197
What is that?
72
00:03:18,273 --> 00:03:19,676
It's my Magic 8 Ball.
73
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,200
This is the first black ball
74
00:03:21,276 --> 00:03:23,652
that Kim Kardashian
hasn't played with.
75
00:03:23,728 --> 00:03:26,371
Why is it filled with the blue
liquid from tampon commercials?
76
00:03:26,448 --> 00:03:28,185
That's a very gross question,
Meg.
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00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:29,969
You may take your breakfast
in the attic.
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00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:34,858
That question aside, I'm having
a blast with my new 8 Ball.
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00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,164
It knows everything. Watch.
80
00:03:36,241 --> 00:03:38,124
Magic 8 Ball,
81
00:03:38,201 --> 00:03:41,220
will my middle-of-the-highway
puppet show be a success?
82
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,598
Well, I'll show this thing.
83
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,044
How'd it go, Dad?
84
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:56,068
I don't know, Sparky.
What did you think?
85
00:03:56,094 --> 00:03:59,020
The performance was
a little flat.
86
00:04:13,996 --> 00:04:16,204
Magic 8 Ball.
87
00:04:16,281 --> 00:04:18,164
Magic 8 Ball, I'm bored.
88
00:04:18,241 --> 00:04:20,217
Should I sniff
my coworker's hair?
89
00:04:23,413 --> 00:04:24,741
He told me to do it!
90
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,007
Mr. Griffin,
if a Magic 8 Ball asked you
91
00:04:27,083 --> 00:04:29,228
to jump off a building,
would you do that, too?
92
00:04:29,252 --> 00:04:30,677
Did it?
93
00:04:30,754 --> 00:04:33,179
No, I'm just using that
as an example of...
94
00:04:33,256 --> 00:04:35,107
I listened to the toy!
95
00:04:38,928 --> 00:04:42,114
Magic 8 Ball,
what's the best e-mail provider?
96
00:04:43,525 --> 00:04:45,859
"Outlook good." Interesting.
97
00:04:45,935 --> 00:04:48,194
He's not raving about it,
but it's a solid choice.
98
00:04:48,271 --> 00:04:50,363
Let's go, Peter.
Time for church.
99
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:53,625
Mom said they're gonna serve
Chewy Chips Ahoy at coffee hour.
100
00:04:53,702 --> 00:04:55,243
Lois... church?
101
00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:57,245
Who am I supposed to worship...
Jesus?
102
00:04:57,322 --> 00:04:59,080
This is my god now.
103
00:04:59,157 --> 00:05:00,465
Watch your mouth, Peter.
104
00:05:00,542 --> 00:05:03,376
Sorry, Lois, but my religion
is now the 8 Ball.
105
00:05:03,453 --> 00:05:06,638
Magic 8 Ball,
is the Fox network sustainable
106
00:05:06,715 --> 00:05:08,640
in this new streaming world?
107
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:12,594
No. No!
108
00:05:14,130 --> 00:05:15,792
Kim, what's wrong?
109
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:19,151
A black ball went to waste.
110
00:05:26,643 --> 00:05:28,972
Are you streaming Mindhunter
in church?
111
00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:31,830
I'm trying to stream
Mindhunter in church.
112
00:05:35,911 --> 00:05:37,336
Freaking guest Wi-Fi.
113
00:05:37,412 --> 00:05:40,038
You know
the priest gets the good Wi-Fi.
114
00:05:40,115 --> 00:05:41,673
And yea, the Lord said...
115
00:05:41,750 --> 00:05:43,625
Whoa, whoa.
Mindhunter's going in.
116
00:05:43,701 --> 00:05:45,251
I mean...
117
00:05:45,328 --> 00:05:47,962
Thou art the children
of Abraham, and thou shalt...
118
00:05:48,039 --> 00:05:49,348
He's playing you!
119
00:05:49,424 --> 00:05:51,591
You think you're playing him?
He's playing you.
120
00:05:51,668 --> 00:05:53,593
I hate this.
When do I get my cookie?
121
00:05:53,670 --> 00:05:55,929
I just want my cookie
so I can go home.
122
00:05:56,005 --> 00:05:57,972
Now please join me
in silent prayer.
123
00:05:58,049 --> 00:05:59,974
And as we settle
into the silence,
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00:06:00,051 --> 00:06:02,339
I remind you that...
In honor of Lent...
125
00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:06,823
Today's coffee service will not
include Chewy Chips Ahoy.
126
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,212
Hey, Stewie said his first word.
127
00:06:20,288 --> 00:06:22,214
And it was a swear.
128
00:06:22,290 --> 00:06:24,549
Well, this is unacceptable.
129
00:06:24,626 --> 00:06:27,364
We have to leave right now
and go straight to breakfast.
130
00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:29,262
Unbelievable.
131
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:36,228
Let's go!
132
00:06:42,260 --> 00:06:45,215
I can't believe Stewie
finally said his first word
133
00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:47,313
and it ends up being... that.
134
00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:50,387
Right now, every woman in my
mommy wine group is judging me.
135
00:06:50,411 --> 00:06:53,445
I may have to start
drinking wine at home alone.
136
00:06:53,521 --> 00:06:56,489
-Start?
-Not the day for it, Chris!
Not the day!
137
00:06:56,566 --> 00:06:58,825
I don't get it, Stewie.
You've been talking forever.
138
00:06:58,902 --> 00:07:00,304
Why did everyone suddenly
understand you now?
139
00:07:00,328 --> 00:07:01,995
I don't know.
140
00:07:02,071 --> 00:07:04,330
I was feeling so much
intense emotion in the moment,
141
00:07:04,407 --> 00:07:06,736
and that one word somehow
just burst through.
142
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,927
Yeah, but now what?
Everyone can understand you?
143
00:07:09,004 --> 00:07:10,670
I don't think so.
144
00:07:10,747 --> 00:07:13,410
Not unless I'm yelling something
I feel strongly about.
145
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:16,268
Greta Gerwig
is a national treasure!
146
00:07:16,344 --> 00:07:18,011
See? Nothing.
147
00:07:18,087 --> 00:07:19,847
I guess I'm not feeling it.
I don't know.
148
00:07:19,923 --> 00:07:22,891
What if that's the only thing
I'll ever be able to express?
149
00:07:22,967 --> 00:07:25,685
Anger. What kind
of a person would I be then?
150
00:07:25,762 --> 00:07:27,257
Larry David, Lewis Black,
151
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:29,592
a Trump voter,
everyone on Twitter.
152
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,691
But I don't want
to be any of those things.
153
00:07:31,768 --> 00:07:33,067
They've got to hear me.
154
00:07:33,144 --> 00:07:34,861
Ice cream! Lollipop!
155
00:07:34,938 --> 00:07:36,362
Bubbles! Kitty cat!
156
00:07:37,815 --> 00:07:39,908
Doggy! Raincoat! Preschool!
157
00:07:39,984 --> 00:07:43,912
Fire truck! Goldfish!
Finger paint!
158
00:07:48,117 --> 00:07:49,612
Lois, what are you doing here?
159
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,803
What do you mean?
You invited us.
160
00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:54,797
Sorry, but we can't
have Stewie here.
161
00:07:54,850 --> 00:07:56,141
I brought my own veggie burgers,
162
00:07:56,218 --> 00:07:57,787
but I'm not gonna make
a big deal about it.
163
00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:00,123
What with his profanity and all,
I don't think
164
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:02,764
Stewie would be a good influence
on the other children.
165
00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:04,535
Is there a designated spot
on the grill
166
00:08:04,559 --> 00:08:05,795
for the veggie burgers?
167
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,297
And again, not a big deal.
168
00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:09,437
You're saying
that because of a swear word,
169
00:08:09,514 --> 00:08:12,135
my son isn't good enough
for your pool party?
170
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,159
It's a little bit
about him swearing,
171
00:08:14,236 --> 00:08:16,286
but mostly
about you as a parent.
172
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:19,739
Kevin, I said, no arrows!
173
00:08:19,816 --> 00:08:21,500
Crossbows don't shoot arrows.
174
00:08:21,576 --> 00:08:23,451
They shoot bolts, dumbass!
175
00:08:23,504 --> 00:08:25,411
Okay, sweetie.
176
00:08:25,488 --> 00:08:28,915
Hey, Dad, did you hear
what Einstein called bolts?
177
00:08:28,992 --> 00:08:30,392
I heard it.
178
00:08:33,830 --> 00:08:35,588
Brian, shut off the television.
179
00:08:35,665 --> 00:08:36,993
It's ruined my baby!
180
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,424
What are you talking about?
181
00:08:38,501 --> 00:08:41,094
Stewie obviously learned
to swear from some TV show.
182
00:08:41,170 --> 00:08:44,013
No, he didn't. The only show
he watches is Caillou.
183
00:08:44,048 --> 00:08:45,835
Well, then that little
French-Canadian weirdo
184
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,142
is the potty mouth,
I'm sure of it.
185
00:08:48,219 --> 00:08:50,770
And I'm willing to watch every
single episode just to prove it.
186
00:08:50,847 --> 00:08:52,697
Caillou was upset.
187
00:08:52,774 --> 00:08:56,317
Why am I bald?
I'm not a baby. I'm four.
188
00:08:56,394 --> 00:08:58,778
Are kids just bald in Canada?
189
00:08:58,855 --> 00:09:00,405
So Caillou decided
190
00:09:00,481 --> 00:09:01,834
to look himself up on Wikipedia.
191
00:09:01,858 --> 00:09:03,950
God, this is dull.
192
00:09:04,027 --> 00:09:06,097
Maybe I'm supposed
to be a cancer survivor,
193
00:09:06,121 --> 00:09:08,621
and this show is very inspiring.
194
00:09:08,698 --> 00:09:11,165
But Caillou
wasn't a cancer survivor.
195
00:09:11,242 --> 00:09:14,627
The show's creators
just made a weird choice.
196
00:09:14,704 --> 00:09:17,130
Caillou's
low-testosterone father
197
00:09:17,206 --> 00:09:19,632
again indulged
Caillou's tantrum,
198
00:09:19,709 --> 00:09:22,038
clearly trying
to raise a sociopath.
199
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,373
It's okay, Caillou.
200
00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:25,638
I'll bake you a pie.
201
00:09:25,715 --> 00:09:28,211
He said, his body flooding
with estrogen.
202
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:29,642
Lois?
203
00:09:29,719 --> 00:09:31,069
Are you dead?
204
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:33,883
Can I eat you?
205
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,241
- Huh? What?
- Ah, another time.
206
00:09:36,318 --> 00:09:40,320
Oh. I-I, um... I watched
that Caillou, and you're right.
207
00:09:40,396 --> 00:09:42,697
Stewie didn't learn that word
from Caillou.
208
00:09:42,774 --> 00:09:44,877
That means he learned it
from someone in this house.
209
00:09:44,901 --> 00:09:47,085
- Okay.
- And I will find out who.
210
00:09:47,162 --> 00:09:48,870
I'm gonna set a trap
211
00:09:48,946 --> 00:09:51,331
and lure the swearer
into revealing himself.
212
00:09:51,407 --> 00:09:52,707
That sounds hard.
213
00:09:52,784 --> 00:09:55,405
Oh, I will find the swearer.
214
00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:56,722
Dad, why are we sitting
215
00:09:56,746 --> 00:09:58,263
on the washing machine?
216
00:09:58,340 --> 00:09:59,892
Because in Canada,
217
00:09:59,916 --> 00:10:01,808
men have vaginas.
218
00:10:05,922 --> 00:10:08,251
Hey, what's with the stairs?
Why do they look different?
219
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:09,891
Oh, I'm trying to prove
220
00:10:09,967 --> 00:10:11,829
that Peter's the one
cussing in the house,
221
00:10:11,853 --> 00:10:14,613
so I waxed the staircase
for him to fall down.
222
00:10:14,689 --> 00:10:16,759
Hey, Lois, have you seen
my Spider-Man socks?
223
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,077
I can't seem to...
224
00:10:18,101 --> 00:10:19,525
Ouch. Oh, heavens.
225
00:10:19,602 --> 00:10:20,902
Oh, goodness gracious.
226
00:10:20,978 --> 00:10:22,862
That's smarts. Oh, my.
227
00:10:22,939 --> 00:10:24,342
Egad. Well, I'll be.
228
00:10:24,366 --> 00:10:26,436
Yikes.
229
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:28,253
Peter, when did you
become so polite?
230
00:10:28,277 --> 00:10:30,536
Oh, I've been hanging out
with Caillou's beta dad.
231
00:10:30,613 --> 00:10:32,538
In fact,
I'm meeting him at the park
232
00:10:32,615 --> 00:10:34,924
to eat unsalted saltines
on the swings.
233
00:10:35,877 --> 00:10:37,280
I feel like you're wearing
234
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:40,764
what Rachel Maddow
would wear to a pumpkin patch.
235
00:10:43,334 --> 00:10:44,954
Lois couldn't find the swearer,
236
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,956
nor could she remove the voice
237
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,889
of the grating Caillou narratorfrom her head.
238
00:10:49,966 --> 00:10:51,983
Make it stop!
239
00:10:52,060 --> 00:10:54,361
Not until you kill them all,
Lois.
240
00:10:55,230 --> 00:10:56,488
Oh, crap.
241
00:10:56,564 --> 00:10:58,564
It's the lady
with the baby who cussed.
242
00:10:58,641 --> 00:11:00,481
Turn out the lights.
243
00:11:00,518 --> 00:11:01,660
Shh. Quiet, quiet.
244
00:11:01,736 --> 00:11:03,611
H-Hello?
245
00:11:03,688 --> 00:11:05,830
Hello! I know you're in there!
246
00:11:05,907 --> 00:11:07,448
We're closed!
247
00:11:07,525 --> 00:11:09,668
I know you're not closed.
248
00:11:09,744 --> 00:11:11,503
I see the Instacart people
in there
249
00:11:11,579 --> 00:11:13,650
emotionlessly filling up
their baskets.
250
00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:15,318
We're a family establishment,
251
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,250
so take your foul-mouthed baby
and go away!
252
00:11:17,326 --> 00:11:19,177
Please, let me in!
253
00:11:19,254 --> 00:11:21,754
I can only poop
behind a punch-code door!
254
00:11:21,831 --> 00:11:23,067
There's something
about the beeps.
255
00:11:23,091 --> 00:11:24,465
It gets things moving!
256
00:11:24,542 --> 00:11:26,259
It's very secure!
257
00:11:26,335 --> 00:11:27,830
Go away!
258
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,595
You can't do this!
259
00:11:29,672 --> 00:11:31,973
When a mom is shunned
by groceries,
260
00:11:32,049 --> 00:11:35,143
she has nothing!
261
00:11:35,219 --> 00:11:38,071
Please!
262
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:44,277
Aah! It's those antibacterial
wipes for the shopping carts!
263
00:11:44,353 --> 00:11:46,037
It's burning my eyes!
264
00:11:50,026 --> 00:11:51,951
♪ ♪
265
00:11:52,028 --> 00:11:52,952
Oh, my God.
266
00:11:53,029 --> 00:11:54,524
I-It's me.
267
00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,526
I'm the swearer.
268
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:59,217
Oh, God.
269
00:11:59,294 --> 00:12:02,628
I'm ruining my child!
270
00:12:02,705 --> 00:12:04,108
Lois was sad,
271
00:12:04,132 --> 00:12:06,299
but not as sad
as she was going to be
272
00:12:06,375 --> 00:12:09,510
when she realizes she has
to use those ouchie wipes
273
00:12:09,587 --> 00:12:12,021
to make a potty next
to the store dumpster.
274
00:12:18,054 --> 00:12:20,049
I feel so awful.
275
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,740
I've corrupted my baby
276
00:12:21,816 --> 00:12:24,743
with my foul language
and my terrible anger.
277
00:12:24,819 --> 00:12:27,028
I'm so sorry that happened,
Lois.
278
00:12:27,104 --> 00:12:29,363
And Lofthouse cookies
weren't available
279
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:30,990
at any other grocery store?
280
00:12:31,067 --> 00:12:33,563
Don't worry, Dad.
I Instacarted some.
281
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,371
Here's your stuff.
282
00:12:37,448 --> 00:12:38,568
Thank you. Have a good night.
283
00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:40,333
No.
284
00:12:40,409 --> 00:12:41,760
Anyway, the point is
285
00:12:41,836 --> 00:12:44,741
I have to deal with my anger
and fix myself.
286
00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:47,243
So I've decided to attend
this relaxation retreat
287
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,912
at Vista del Vista Resort.
288
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:51,438
Uh, gosh,
I don't know about that, Lois.
289
00:12:51,462 --> 00:12:52,678
It sounds really expensive.
290
00:12:52,755 --> 00:12:55,014
No, I guess you're right.
291
00:12:55,091 --> 00:12:56,682
There's no way we can afford it.
292
00:12:56,759 --> 00:12:58,943
Plus, if I go,
that means I won't be here
293
00:12:59,020 --> 00:13:01,257
to help out around the house
or feed you guys
294
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,926
or monitor your Internet usage
every day...
295
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:04,927
- You should go.
- Yeah, Mom,
296
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,451
you should go, for sure.
297
00:13:10,532 --> 00:13:13,166
Because they want to masturbate,
you see.
298
00:13:14,151 --> 00:13:15,151
Okay.
299
00:13:15,203 --> 00:13:16,606
Uh, I don't know what that was,
300
00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:18,510
but, Lois, you should go
to that resort.
301
00:13:18,540 --> 00:13:20,131
Go relax and fix yourself.
302
00:13:20,208 --> 00:13:21,611
Really?
303
00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:23,543
You guys'll be okay
while I'm gone?
304
00:13:23,619 --> 00:13:24,839
Sure. We'll have fun!
305
00:13:24,863 --> 00:13:27,639
Just like that time me and Chris
went Jet Ski'ing.
306
00:13:27,715 --> 00:13:29,549
Yeah! This is awesome!
307
00:13:29,625 --> 00:13:30,642
I know, right?
308
00:13:32,295 --> 00:13:33,144
Oh, my God!
309
00:13:33,221 --> 00:13:34,221
It's okay, Chris.
310
00:13:34,297 --> 00:13:35,458
I'm sure that was the only one.
311
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,181
Dolphins swim alone.
312
00:13:40,895 --> 00:13:42,937
Okay, maybe we should turn back.
313
00:13:43,014 --> 00:13:44,188
No.
314
00:13:44,265 --> 00:13:47,136
Kill every last one of them.
315
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,380
Chris and I never spoke
of that day.
316
00:13:49,404 --> 00:13:52,997
But whenever somebody talks
about how smart dolphins are,
317
00:13:53,074 --> 00:13:54,644
Chris and I look
at each other like,
318
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,501
"No."
319
00:13:59,697 --> 00:14:04,008
♪ You got to ac-cent-tchu-atethe positive ♪
320
00:14:04,085 --> 00:14:07,753
♪ E-lim-i-nate the negative ♪
321
00:14:07,830 --> 00:14:09,826
♪ And latch on ♪
322
00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:12,662
♪ To the affirmative. ♪
323
00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:14,969
Lois Griffin? My name is Roger,
324
00:14:15,046 --> 00:14:17,096
and I'll be guiding
this relaxation adventure
325
00:14:17,173 --> 00:14:18,973
for you
and the other white women,
326
00:14:19,050 --> 00:14:21,337
plus an Asian woman who has
a white husband back home.
327
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:24,006
I feel more relaxed already.
328
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:27,982
Now sit down and enjoy some
spa music that's mostly rain.
329
00:14:28,059 --> 00:14:30,743
Hey, guys, can we take it
from the rain again?
330
00:14:41,289 --> 00:14:42,766
Well, Chris and Meg
are off to school.
331
00:14:42,790 --> 00:14:44,382
Guess it's just you and me now.
332
00:14:44,459 --> 00:14:45,695
You want a Popsicle?
333
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:46,792
Huh?
334
00:14:46,869 --> 00:14:48,887
Breakfast Popsicle?
335
00:14:50,039 --> 00:14:51,964
Whoa, there's vodka in here.
336
00:14:55,970 --> 00:14:57,729
Now, what... Uh, now, what is...
337
00:14:57,805 --> 00:14:59,375
Now, what... what did you want?
338
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:00,525
What...
339
00:15:00,549 --> 00:15:02,475
Let's go play in the hot yard.
340
00:15:02,551 --> 00:15:04,736
I'm two and a half hours late
for preschool.
341
00:15:04,812 --> 00:15:05,812
Your dad...
342
00:15:05,888 --> 00:15:07,216
What... Who wants milk?
343
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,719
L-Let me quick just check
in the freezer.
344
00:15:12,061 --> 00:15:14,390
You-you burger.
345
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,225
Here-Here's your veggie burger.
346
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:18,728
It'll thaw out.
347
00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:20,229
It... You s-suck on it.
348
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:21,827
It'll thaw out nice.
349
00:15:21,904 --> 00:15:23,421
All right, I'm out of here.
350
00:15:23,498 --> 00:15:25,757
Ah, this is the perfect amount
of drunk
351
00:15:25,833 --> 00:15:28,834
for a Filet-O-Fish.
352
00:15:28,911 --> 00:15:31,596
♪ ♪
353
00:15:32,623 --> 00:15:33,767
Hey.
354
00:15:33,791 --> 00:15:36,100
I'm, um, Trey Headband,
355
00:15:36,177 --> 00:15:39,248
and I'm your dumb
yoga instructor?
356
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,847
Yoga is, um, good?
357
00:15:41,924 --> 00:15:44,587
And from, um, like, China?
358
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,686
Ready? Go.
359
00:15:46,762 --> 00:15:47,924
Go what?
360
00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:48,948
What?
361
00:15:48,973 --> 00:15:51,148
Y-You didn't tell us what to do.
362
00:15:51,225 --> 00:15:53,693
Awesome. You guys did great.
363
00:15:53,769 --> 00:15:55,236
Let's take a break.
364
00:15:55,312 --> 00:15:56,599
Who's got yoga questions?
365
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,100
Oh, I have a question.
366
00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:00,124
What does "namaste" mean?
367
00:16:00,201 --> 00:16:01,201
I don't know.
368
00:16:01,277 --> 00:16:03,272
I've never heard of that.
369
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:06,038
But do you guys remember
OP shorts?
370
00:16:06,115 --> 00:16:07,485
What does that have to do
with yoga?
371
00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:08,615
I don't know.
372
00:16:08,693 --> 00:16:11,113
I'm just saying,
those were pretty rad.
373
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:14,213
You guys are doing really good.
374
00:16:14,290 --> 00:16:15,589
Keep going.
375
00:16:15,666 --> 00:16:18,120
I'm gonna go
to that bathroom right there
376
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:20,353
and do explosive diarrhea.
377
00:16:21,889 --> 00:16:24,598
Just be quiet and meditate now.
378
00:16:24,675 --> 00:16:25,675
Right on?
379
00:16:29,013 --> 00:16:31,897
Just, like,
be one with the silence.
380
00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:37,445
If you hear a sound,
381
00:16:37,521 --> 00:16:40,114
just, um, rec-knowledge it
382
00:16:40,191 --> 00:16:42,241
and then, like, let it go?
383
00:16:46,030 --> 00:16:49,507
Meditation doesn't have
diarrhea sounds.
384
00:16:49,584 --> 00:16:52,385
All right, let's check in
on Peter and the baby.
385
00:16:53,921 --> 00:16:57,159
Okay, Stewie, time for Daddy
to mow this very rocky backyard.
386
00:16:57,183 --> 00:17:00,134
So I'll just put you in this
baby seat you've grown out of,
387
00:17:00,211 --> 00:17:01,572
right where the rocks
are gonna fly.
388
00:17:01,596 --> 00:17:02,729
Wait, what?
389
00:17:05,508 --> 00:17:06,974
Hang on! Stop!
390
00:17:07,051 --> 00:17:09,171
- Aah!
- Uhp, there we go.
391
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,674
Wow, that's a lot of rocks.
392
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,606
Damn it! Ow! Ow! Turn it off!
393
00:17:13,682 --> 00:17:15,327
Uhp, the voles are back.
394
00:17:15,351 --> 00:17:17,680
You can tell
from all the very many rocks.
395
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:18,944
Look at 'em fly!
396
00:17:20,564 --> 00:17:22,948
Still think moving
was such a bad idea?
397
00:17:23,025 --> 00:17:24,025
I don't know.
398
00:17:24,102 --> 00:17:25,982
Do we still live
with your mother?
399
00:17:39,750 --> 00:17:41,392
Good morning, everyone.
400
00:17:41,469 --> 00:17:43,539
Let me start
with another friendly reminder
401
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,846
to please not flush
your feminine products.
402
00:17:45,923 --> 00:17:47,565
The yard over the septic tank
out back
403
00:17:47,642 --> 00:17:49,975
looks like
a Braveheart battlefield.
404
00:17:50,052 --> 00:17:53,187
Okay. Now it's time for everyone
to choose a mantra.
405
00:17:53,264 --> 00:17:54,441
What's that?
406
00:17:54,465 --> 00:17:56,816
It's like a word you say
that brings you peace.
407
00:17:56,892 --> 00:17:58,192
A special word.
408
00:17:58,269 --> 00:18:00,820
A word of release and catharsis.
409
00:18:00,896 --> 00:18:02,391
You mean like?
410
00:18:03,774 --> 00:18:06,325
Now, now, Lois,
let's keep things acceptable.
411
00:18:06,402 --> 00:18:08,255
I mean, I'm just saying...
I already have a word
412
00:18:08,279 --> 00:18:10,162
that does all those things
when I say it.
413
00:18:10,239 --> 00:18:11,424
And that word is...
414
00:18:11,448 --> 00:18:13,218
Yes, we heard the word!
Lois, please...
415
00:18:13,242 --> 00:18:14,875
No, no, maybe I'm not perfect,
416
00:18:14,952 --> 00:18:16,405
but I'm a good person.
417
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:17,740
I love my children.
418
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:18,764
I like my husband.
419
00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:20,005
And there are worse things
420
00:18:20,082 --> 00:18:22,383
than occasionally using
a swear word.
421
00:18:22,459 --> 00:18:24,393
I'm out of here.
422
00:18:28,257 --> 00:18:30,252
Guys, I'm worried
about the baby.
423
00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:32,518
He's hardly touched
any of his birdseed.
424
00:18:32,595 --> 00:18:34,590
Are you sure
we're shaking him enough?
425
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,188
I'm home!
426
00:18:36,265 --> 00:18:38,566
Yeah!
427
00:18:38,642 --> 00:18:40,568
I missed you guys so much.
428
00:18:40,644 --> 00:18:42,570
I'm so sorry
I had that little meltdown.
429
00:18:42,646 --> 00:18:43,696
But, more than that,
430
00:18:43,772 --> 00:18:45,957
I'm sorry
I left you guys on your own.
431
00:18:46,033 --> 00:18:47,770
This is where I want to be.
432
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,460
Is that okay with you guys?
433
00:18:49,537 --> 00:18:50,537
Of course, Lois.
434
00:18:50,613 --> 00:18:52,037
Everyone's glad you're home,
435
00:18:52,114 --> 00:18:54,248
except for
mean older brother Buzz,
436
00:18:54,325 --> 00:18:55,916
who never says anything nice.
437
00:18:55,993 --> 00:18:57,585
Uh-oh. Here he is now.
438
00:18:57,661 --> 00:18:58,878
Hey, Lois.
439
00:18:58,954 --> 00:19:00,972
Pretty cool you're back.
440
00:19:01,048 --> 00:19:03,674
Aw, I guess he's not such
a bad guy after all.
441
00:19:03,751 --> 00:19:05,977
Also, America should only accept
white immigrants.
442
00:19:06,053 --> 00:19:08,124
Uhp, nope, he's still a bad guy.
443
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:10,389
Well, I am so happy to be home.
444
00:19:10,466 --> 00:19:13,934
But there's one little guy
I missed most of all.
445
00:19:14,011 --> 00:19:16,896
Where's my baby?
446
00:19:16,972 --> 00:19:18,906
♪ ♪
447
00:19:23,187 --> 00:19:24,473
Stewie,
448
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,164
i-it's me.
449
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,157
I'm home.
450
00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:30,646
♪ ♪
451
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,314
Mommy!
452
00:19:33,364 --> 00:19:34,288
- Whoa.
- Wow.
453
00:19:34,365 --> 00:19:35,840
It's Stewie's second word!
454
00:19:35,917 --> 00:19:37,486
Oh, my God!
455
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,293
His second word was me!
456
00:19:39,370 --> 00:19:40,502
"Mommy."
457
00:19:40,537 --> 00:19:43,014
Oh, I love you, Stewie!
458
00:19:43,090 --> 00:19:45,474
Ooh, ooh.
Say that again for Instagram.
459
00:19:49,931 --> 00:19:52,668
Well, well, I guess
he doesn't feel like it anymore.
460
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:53,911
- Mommy!
- Ah!
461
00:19:53,935 --> 00:19:57,111
Say it again!
Say "Mommy" again for Instagram.
462
00:19:58,347 --> 00:19:59,658
All right.
463
00:19:59,682 --> 00:20:00,682
I tried.
464
00:20:00,724 --> 00:20:01,724
Mommy!
465
00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:10,928
Wow, Stewie, kind of a big deal
466
00:20:10,952 --> 00:20:12,855
that your second word
was "Mommy."
467
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,690
Makes me think
you don't want to kill her
468
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,547
and maybe you love her.
469
00:20:16,624 --> 00:20:18,666
No, no, no. No, no, no.
470
00:20:18,742 --> 00:20:20,863
No, no, that's what I wanted you
to think.
471
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,272
- What are you talking about?
- Yeah.
472
00:20:22,296 --> 00:20:23,337
I scammed you, man.
473
00:20:23,414 --> 00:20:24,964
Took you for a ride, Jack.
474
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,518
You thought you were a big wheel
475
00:20:26,542 --> 00:20:28,634
till you found out
squares don't roll, man.
476
00:20:28,711 --> 00:20:30,372
Dig this, hep cat.
477
00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:33,876
The Stew-man spun you round
like a Bill Evans 45.
478
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:35,211
Wait, what's happening?
479
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,850
I'll tell you what's happening,
Brian.
480
00:20:36,927 --> 00:20:40,479
The whole family's becoming Jack
Kerouac's insufferable friends.
481
00:20:40,556 --> 00:20:43,315
No one wants us at
their apartment party, ya dig?
482
00:20:43,392 --> 00:20:46,222
Get hip to that, daddy,
or skit-scat out of the house.
483
00:20:50,658 --> 00:20:52,728
We don't know
how to end these shows anymore,
484
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:54,669
so we just do nonsense.
485
00:21:27,695 --> 00:21:29,735
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