Original subtitles

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(COSTUME SQUEAKING)

(DON'T YOU WANTMEPLAYING)

Testing...

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Testing... Testing...

# You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar

# When I met you

# I picked you out and shook you up and turned you around

# Turned you into someone new

# Now five years later on you've got the world at your feet

# Success has been so easy for you

# But don't forget it's me...#

Shit. Nearly snapped my hair off!

# And I can put you back down, too

# Don't... Don't you want me? #

Not dressed like that.

# You know I can't believe it When I hear that you won't see me

# Don't... #

Don't!

# Don't you want me?

# You know I don't believe you When you say that you don't need me

# Much too late to find... #

FRAN: Whoo!

# Don't you want me, baby? #

Eh, it's nice, isn't it?

Well done, Greg.

# Don't you want me, baby?

# Don't you want me, oh?

# I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar

# That much is true #

FRAN: Help me put this up, love

# But even then I knew I'd find a much better place

# Either with or without you

# The five years we have had have been such good times

# I still love you

# But, now I think it's time I live my life on my own

# I guess it's just what I must do

# Don't...#

Greg. Bloody hell!

# You know I can't believe it When I hear that you won't see me

# Don't...

# Don't you want me?

# You know I don't believe it When you say that you don't need me

# It's much too late to find When you think you've changed your mind

# You'd better change it back or we will both be sorry

# Don't you want me, baby? #

H I, everybody.

# Don't you want me, oh?

# Don't you want me be--. #

(STATIC- FI LLED NOISE)

(SOUND MUFFLED)

Whoa'. Have you not got a costume'?

(CHEERING)

Is this yours, Rog?

CONNIE AND FRAN: # Don't you want me, baby? #

Hey, do you like it, Rog?

Yes. I thought it'd be a bit bigger.

That's what I keep saying to Greg. (LAUGHS)

It's not the size of the boat, Fran, it's the motion of the ocean.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

GREG AND CONNIE: # Don't you want me, 0/1?

# Don't you want me, baby?

# Don't you want me, oh? #

ALL: Whoa: Yeah:!

Cheers, everyone.

- CONNIE: There you go, Rog... - ROGER: Oh, cheers.

And Fran put that up for you.

- ROGER: Cu ntg rota laions. - Eh?

Well, it's your bloody fault.

- It's meant to say "congratulations". - Yeah, I worked that out.

Anyway, to Roger.

Hope you remember us all now you're heading up to the sixth floor.

Oh, don't start.

ALL: Yeah, to... To Roger.

ALL: To Roger! Cheers. Hey.

They're not planning any more lay-offs are they, Rog?

Greg, you know I can't divulge that.

Hey, no shop-talk, remember?

- Tonight, is about fun. - Yeah.

So, who's next?

Oh, will you put me down, Greg?

No, thought you'd never ask.

For a song, I mean, what's it like?

Oh, don't get him to choose, you'll be waiting forever.

Yeah, I have chosen, Connie.

Well, which one?

Dee, dee, da, da, da.

Whoa'.!

It's not just gonna be one song after another, is it?

You not drinking, Janet?

- Duane's getting me one. - Is he?

Mind he don't slip you a roofie.

Come on, jan!

# Like you, baby #

On your feet, Roger. Come on.

- I don't know it. - You'll pick it up.

# Saturday night yes I like the way you move

# Pretty baby

# [t3 party time and not one minute we can lose

# Be my baby #

I know you've been waiting on that Butler contract, Roger.

I'll have it to ya, on your desk, first thing Monday morning.

What?

Ho.

ALL: Hey.

Where've you been?

Had to see a man about a dog, isn't it?

Cheese and rice, bruv, what have you come as, Blobbie Williams?

They told me it was Gangnam Style.

Okay, peeps, listen up.

It's party time, so that means it's time for Duane's famous pill's roulette!

(ALL CHEERING)

Inside there's one ecstasy, one Viagra, one ketamine, one Paracetamol,

one laxative and an orange Tic Tac.

Could I please have the Paracetamol?

Look, I'm sorry, Mr C, it's pot-luck, I'm afraid.

That's the way to do it.

Straight down the hatch.

Oh, I hope I don't get the ketamine again, it gave me really hard poos.

Are you sure it wasn't Viagra? (LAUGHS)

(SOUND MUFFLED)

FRAN: # Saturday #

(SOUND MUFFLED)

FRAN: # Saturday night #

(SOUND MUFFLED)

FRAN: # Saturday

# Saturday night

# Saturday night

# Saturday

# Saturday

# Saturday night

# Saturday night

# Saturday

# Saturday

# Saturday night

# Saturday night

# Saturday

# Saturday night #

Bit limited these lyrics, aren't they?

# Saturday #

- You all right, mate? - Yeah, yeah.

I'm shitting myself, I got the laxative.

Well, I'm not changing your nappy. (LAUGHING)

(FARTING SOUNDS)

FRAN: # Saturday Saturday night #

Right, we need more drinks.

FRAN: # Saturday Saturday #

Jesus, he blows hot and cold.

And which way do you blow?

- Not yours. - Ow.

FRAN: # Saturday

# Saturday night

# Saturday night

# Saturday

# Saturday

# Saturday night

# Saturday night #

Oh, thank God for that.

ALL: Whoa.

I smell like a meat pie.

So, who's next, then? Connie?

No, not me, I'm tone deaf. No offence, Janet.

Sorry? Did you say something?

No.

Have you seen this?

She's all over him like Clingfilm on a buffet.

Oh, she's just letting her hair down.

I know she's disabled and everything,

-but I can't stand her. - Why?

Well, she knows that everyone feels sorry for her and she uses it.

How do you think she got that PAjob?

Well, I was surprised it wasn't you, Connie.

No, I'm not saying that, but it's interesting, isn't it?

I bet she's not being laid off any time soon.

Who's being laid off? What have you heard?

Oh, nothing. This is a private conversation.

- We're just having a bit of craic. - Yeah.

Don't go poking your nose into other people's craics, Greg.

Okay, peeps, let's do this.

Let's learn how to rap like a white man.

ALL: Whoa.

# You got soul on the dole... #

(SOUND MUFFLED)

(MUSIC LOUDER)

# Hey everybody, take a look at me, I've got street... #

Uh-uh, no you haven't!

(MUSIC MU FFLED)

# I said a D.H.S.S

# And the rhythm that they're giving is the very best

DUANE: # You're more dead than alive in a nine to five

# Then they say you've got to go, and

CONNIE AND FRAN: # Get yourself a job

DUANE: # Get out of this house

-# Get yourself a job -# Are you a man or a mouse?

# A finger in each ear you pretend not to hear

# You gotta get some space Get outta this place

# Wham, ham, J am a man

# job or no job, you can '2' tell me that you're not #

Oh, that's Duane's phone. What are you doing?

# If not, just stop

# Don't stand there and rot

# In the streets, in the cars in the underground

# if you listen real hard you can hear the sound

# A million people switching off for work

# Well, listen, Mr Average, you're a jerk

CONNIE AND FRAN: #N0i'me

-# You can't hold me down -# Not me

# I'm gonna fool around

# Gonna have some fun look out for number one

# You can dig your grave I'm staying young

# Wham, bam #

Let me get that for you.

# job or no job you can't tell me that I'm not #

Hey, shots. Thanks, Rog.

# If not, then stop

# Don't stand there #

Yeah, go on, Greg.

# Er... If you're a pub man or a club man

# Maybe a jet-black guy with white coo! cat.-- #

- Oh, I can't do it, it's too fast! - It's not a competition.

DUANE". # Make the most of every day

# Don't let hard times stand in your way

# Give a Wham, give a damn but don't give a damn

# 'Cause the benefit gang are gonna pay

# Now reach up high and touch your soul

# The boys from Wham! will help you reach that goal

-# It's gonna break your mumma's heart -# So sad

-# It's gonna break your daddy's heart -# Too bad

# But you'll throw the dice and take my advice

# Because I know that you're smart

-# Can you dig this thing? -# Yeah

-# Are you gonna get down? -# Yeah

-# Say Wham -# Wham

-# Say barn -# Bam

# Wham, ham, J am a man

# job or no job you can't tell me that I'm not

# Do you enjoy what you do?

# If not, just stop

# Don't stand there and

# Wham, ham, J am a man

# job or no job You can't tell me that I'm not

# Do you enjoy what you do?

# If not, just stop

# Don't stay there and rot #

- ALL: Whoo! - Thank you.

Thank you.

Right, who's next?

ROGER: Me.