Original subtitles

(OMI READING)

Water!

Fire!

Wind!

Earth!

Wood!

(YELLING)

I will open the portal.

(GRUNTING)

Open! Open!

Open!

(YELLING)

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTING)

(PANTING)

I failed again. The Portal of Heroes.

It's been 49 days and I still cannot open it.

I must boost the power of the Lao Mang Lone juice.

Hmm...

Not enough dragon juice. Shadow!

(YELLS)

(ECHOING) Shadow!

(GROWLS)

So, this is where you've been hiding.

Oh, the Lao Mang Lone juice.

The powerful elixir I've longed to taste.

(SLURPING)

(GROWLING) Make me powerful!

What's happening to me?

Who are you?

(GRUNTING)

I must find my vision woman!

Huh?

Oh, Shadow, you shall pay for this.

But first I must have more dragon juice.

Hey, kids, check out the Nano-Puff Shen Gong Wu!

Dojo, what does it do?

Not a clue. That page of the scroll is missing.

OMI: No matter. It has my name tattooed all over it.

(GRUNTS)

(ALL GRUNTING)

Jack-Bots! Secure your positions!

Make your move, Jack.

You got it, cowboy.

Hit it, Music-Bot.

-(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) -(SCATTING)

-(GASPS) -Oh, yeah!

The horror. The horror.

(CONTINUES SCATTING)

Make it stop! Make it stop!

-Oh, yeah! -Hey!

(JACK LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Jack's trying to dance away with the Wu.

(YELLING)

Jack-Bots! Boogie them!

♪ Swing your partner round and round

♪ Let 'em fly and hit the ground ♪

Disco's not dead, it was just sleeping.

I will show you my Gangnam dance move.

♪ Sexy lady ♪

(YELLING)

(GIGGLES)

Cool Gangnam move Omi-Psy!

Gallop bot-trot!

Fantastique! Speed gallop, oui, oui!

(SCATTING)

Oh, I give it a 95. It's got a nice beat and you can dance to it!

(SHOUTING)

♪ Ooh, ah, cha-cha-cha

♪ Thriller, thriller night ♪

(LAUGHS) Hee-hee!

(EXCLAIMING)

Whoa! (SIGHS)

I'm gonna be sick to my stomach.

-(GRUNTING) -(GASPS)

Jack Spicer, I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown.

Sure, Kim-meister. I wager my monkey spear,

-against whatever you got there. -My Kanabi Star.

The game is haystack racing. Winner takes the Nano-Puff Shen Gong Wu.

Let's go! Xiaolin Showdown!

Gong Yi Tan Pai!

(BOTH SHOUTING)

Ha! I am so going to win this Wu.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

You mean like this?

(SCREAMS)

(COW MOOING)

(GASPING)

Leave me alone, Bessie! I'm too young to cud!

Monkey Spear! Monkey Spear!

(MONKEYS CHATTERING)

Maybe I need to work out more.

Monkey Jack. Watch me win.

(GROWLS)

(COW MOOS)

Yuck! Ugh!

I've been licked by a bovine with bad breath.

KIMIKO: Come to me.

(GASPS)

(KIMIKO SCREAMS)

(JACK SNICKERING)

Jackpot!

(LAUGHS)

(ALL GASP)

I did it?

(LAUGHING) I did it!

ALL: He did it?

Was that a dragon?

-How bizarre. -Dragon?

-Quel dragon? -It was a huge red dragon.

And it shot fireballs at me.

Are you sure you didn't hit your head when you fell?

That happened to my great-uncle, Manfred.

-He thought he was a teakettle after that. -But I saw it!

Kimiko, it is all right to admit defeat,

everybody loses sometimes.

Except me, of course.

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

Bow before the mighty Jack Spicer!

I'm going to take that Wu.

Ooh! Jack-Bots away!

Party at my RV!

Hmm.

Finally. After so long.

I'm solid again!

And there are going to be some changes.

No more Miss Nice Floating Villain Face.

Come out, come out, wherever you are.

(REVVING)

Whose butt do you want us to kick?

Everyones.

But now, we ride.

(SNORING)

-Hey! -(CROWD CHEERING)

(CHANTING) Rai! Rai! Rai!

(CHUCKLING)

Huh?

Don't worry, just going for a walk.

(SNORING)

Betsy, you look marvelous.

Hi, Clay! Walkies!

No worries!

(SNORING)

-All done, Omi! -(CHUCKLING)

Your head shines like a star.

(GASPS)

Heading out to grab some nachos. Be back real soon!

(SNORING)

-All done, Omi! -(CHUCKLING)

Your head shines like a star.

Going to get some fresh air. Don't worry about me!

(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)

Where am I? Why am I here?

(SCREAMS)

No! (SHRIEKS)

(SCREAMS)

No!

(GASPS) What are you doing in my room?

You woke us up. Yelling. A lot.

(SIGHS) It was so real.

I was eaten by a fire breathing dragon.

The same one I saw during the Showdown.

Well, you know what they say about girls and dragons...

-No. What do they say, Omi. -Uh...

That they get eaten?

(BELL RINGING)

Oh, man. Master Fung really likes that bell on laundry day.

ALL: Laundry day. Ugh.

Maybe Kimiko can do it. It is, after all, girls' work.

-(KIMIKO YELLS) -(GRUNTS)

(HUMMING)

(OMI GIGGLING)

Whoo-hoo!

Free! I'm Free!

(GIGGLING)

I worry about the little round guy sometimes.

Stop.

(SCREAMS)

(LAUGHING)

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTS)

You've been dreaming about dragons?

-It is a girl thing. -It is a dragon thing.

Pulse raised. Eyes dilated.

Tongue slightly purple.

-Have you been smelling rutabaga lately? -(GASPS)

What does rutabaga smell like?

(SNIFFING)

Now that you mention it, I've been smelling something.

-I just thought it was Dojo. -Dojo?

Dojo?

Has anyone seen Dojo?

I've been seeing a red dragon.

A red dragon?

Wait. I must check on some very, very ancient scrolls.

Hey! Where is Dojo?

(GRUNTING)

Whoa! Whoa, what a rush!

Good thing I'm wearing rubber underpants or I'd be in real trouble!

What a pleasure to see you, old friend.

Oh, no! The Rutabaga Gripper Wu!

DOJO: (SCREAMING) I'm being suction cupped.

(LAUGHING)

(SCREAMING)

Ooh!

-(TIGER ROARS) -(SCREAMS)

(SHUDDERING)

You know, a simple handshake would have sufficed. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

(GRUNTING)

(LAUGHS EVILLY)

Whoa! Whoa!

(DOJO SCREAMING)

(LAUGHS EVILLY)

Huh. Curious. I never noticed before,

but most of this stuff is Omi's.

I cannot help it if I sweat most profusely.

-(DOJO SCREAMING) -Did anyone else just feel that?

Oui, oui! I feel the babies bottom softness

of the new fabric softener I used today.

-Ah! -(CLEARING THROAT) No!

I just got the strangest tingly feeling that Dojo is in trouble.

Girls, dragons and laundry.

Oui, oui! Fantastique towel move!

I'm serious guys! Something is up with Dojo.

I can feel it. Let's go find him.

You are just trying to get out of your folding duty, are you not?

Fine! You don't believe me, I'll look for him myself.

Told you. Girls and dragons.

Where is Kimiko?

Gone to look for Dojo.

She says, get this, "she can feel he's in trouble."

(GASPS) Oh, that is not good.

What in the Dallas skyline is up, Master Fung?

The Mask of the Green Monkey has returned

just at the moment of a rare cosmic alignment

between the Portal of Heroes and the Shanga World.

English, please?

I must travel back in time to confer with the Master Dashi.

This has grave consequences.

Quantum Wand!

(ALL GASP)

-We must do something, too! -But what?

Without Dojo we are infoless about Xiaolin.

Well, when the going gets tough, the tough go to the library.

You mean, we have to study?

(SHOUTING) No!

♪ Mean Girl Vipers are the best

♪ Run you down und crush your chest

♪ Then we beat you up in style

♪ Put you in traction for awhile ♪

Ah, finally.

Wuya?

-My visions have led me to you. -What took you so long?

You were expecting me?

Good work, Shadow.

You finally had the gumption to drink to Lao Mang Lone juice.

Seeing visions, huh? Of a woman?

-How did you know? -You'll be surprised.

But I will help you find your memories. What are friends for?

(GRUNTS)

Time for a break.

Until I need you.

So, where do we go next, BFF?

We will call upon the power of the ancient scroll of the dragons,

to find out what we do not know, but need to know.

Kinda like googling, huh?

(GASPS) Feed your head!

(ALL SCREAMING)

NARRATOR: In a world where the forces of good and evil collide,

the Portal of Heroes spans the universes

between the Earth and the Shanga World.

There, inside the Shanga World,

the spirits of the enlightened Xiaolin dragon masters,

those who have gone beyond,

are kept in special chi bottles,

protected throughout the millennium

by the legendary seven blind swordsmen.

But one man risks all to steal the chi bottles...

- Chase Young. -(CHASE YELLS)

(ALL SCREAMING)

Wow! It even has its own narrator!

I could totally do better homework with that guy's help.

Coolness.

The only homework we have now is to stop Chase Young from getting the chi bottles.

Dojo is in there.

I know he's in there.

(GASPS)

(PANTING)

You again!

(ROARS)

(GASPS)

I gotta say, Chase, you had me fooled.

You're usually a mean and nasty guy,

but an all-expenses paid trip to the Islands...

I just hope I don't get too tan.

(CHUCKLES)

But what are friends for, hmm?

I mean, after all, it is better to give than to receive.

(SLURPING)

Ah. (CHUCKLES)

Hello, darkness, my old friend.

(GRUNTS)

(YELLS)

(LAUGHS EVILLY)

Rise, Portal of Heroes, rise!

Take me to the Shanga World!

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

Rise!

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

(RUMBLES)

Chi Temple, here I come.

(LAUGHS EVILLY)

Huh. The tide must be coming in.

(GASPS) Poor Dojo.

He's slowly being steamed.

(GRUNTS)

-Don't worry, Dojo, I'm here to save you. -Huh?

From what, a sunburn? Oh, sure, just slather more lotion on my back.

Dojo, wake up. You're not at the beach.

Chase had you hypnotized.

(GASPS) Hypnotized?

Chase has sweated me out of my valuable bodily essences.

That villain!

Now I'll never get rid of my tan lines.

(GRUNTS)

How did you even find me?

I just followed the call of the dragon.

-CHASE: (LAUGHING) At last! -(GASPS)

I've opened it!

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

This is so not good, Kimiko.

He's used my gourmet dragon juice to open the Portal of Heroes.

Kimiko!

(DOJO SCREAMING)

You shall not pass, Chase Young.

I will stop you!

(LAUGHING) You little girl monk.

I am full of Dojo's dragon juice.

I alone have the power to destroy Xiaolin.

And destroy the universe.

Oh, you're full of something, all right.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Yah!

Well, well, well. You've grown.

But so can I.

(GRUNTING)

(ROARS)

(ROARING)

(GROANS)

(GASPS)

Shut the portal. Chase must never get inside the Shanga World.

Red dragon!

But you're...you're real?

(IN DRAGON'S VOICE) I am your dragon.

But only if you're worthy.

What? Am I reading your mind?

(GASPS)

Your mind is playing tricks with you, little monk girl.

(ROARS)

(YELLING)

Shut the portal.

(GASPS)

Kimiko, no! Wait for us!

(ALL GASP)

Just in time for my party.

(ALL SCREAMING)

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

(SCREAMS)

(GRUNTING)

Come on! Close it already!

(LAUGHING) Make yourselves comfortable. Enjoy.

Oh, no!

Kimiko!

Oh.

(GRUNTS)

KIMIKO: So, this is the Chi Temple.

Whoa!

(RUMBLING)

No.

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

(GASPS)

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