Original subtitles

(OMI READING)

Water!

Fire!

Wind!

Earth!

Wood!

(YELLING)

(WIND WHOOSHING)

(CAWING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

DOJO: Poopsy bear!

What is it this time, Dojo?

Didn't I warn you about using up my mobile minutes?

And what is with that ridiculous outfit?

I'm just so happy you'll be home soon, Master Fung.

I'm cleaning the whole Temple,

getting it ready for a surprise homecoming party for you!

The Shen Gong Wu all turned into little dust puppies!

(BLOWING AIR)

(COUGHING)

Dojo, it's not a surprise

if you tell me about the surprise.

(QUIVERING)

Uh-oh! I'm even breaking out in hives!

You should really see a doctor for that

and a few other issues, Dojo.

These are pustules of happiness, Master Fung.

Each boil brewed with love.

-(GASPS) -(CLANGING)

Oops! Oh, no!

Huh? Don't zap me...

Huh? Ooh!

Ooh!

(GROANING)

DOJO: Uh-oh! Master Fung's Spear of Lightning!

Oh, no!

(SCREECHING)

JACK: Ow! That chafes!

There's got to be a more comfortable position.

(SIGHS) What lame-brained thing

are you trying to do now?

My spy-bot found out the monks

are giving Master Fung a surprise homecoming party.

But did I get an invite?

Um, much to your chagrin, no?

Darn tootin'! And I'm a party animal and a half!

Yeah, you're an animal all right,

sort of intestinal parasite.

Yeah, whatever, make fun of the uninvited.

Anyway, I figure I'll crash the party by mailing myself

as a gift for Master Fung!

Genius, yes?

And what are you going to do for air?

Huh, you know, I never thought of that.

Maybe it is genius!

(LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY)

(ALARM BLARING)

-What? -My new Fung-alarm!

Fung-alarm?

It sends me alert

when anything happens to the Fungster.

Whoa! The Fungster is down!

Help me, help me...

Ah-ha! That's the ticket!

I'll rescue Master Fung and they'll have to let me in!

(LAUGHS) Evil rocks!

Whoa! (GROANING)

(GRUNTING)

Evil rocks. In your head.

DOJO: No, no. No! More to the left!

No, to the right!

No, the other right!

(ALL STRAINING)

How about now?

Higher! No, no, lower!

No! No! No!

I want it perfect for my Fungy-Wungy!

-(EXCLAIMS) -(STRUGGLES)

No, no, lower. Higher.

Kanabi Star!

Shoku Mars, fire!

Oh! It's perfect! It's perfect!

Oh!

(ALL GRUNTING)

It has been a long time since we have seen Master Fung.

DOJO: Oh, you don't know the half of it.

All those lonely tears

cried into my pillow at night

(STAMMERING) I mean,

tears of joy that he's returning.

(NERVOUSLY CLEARS THROAT)

So, is everything good to go?

CLAY: Cake's baked and ready to eat!

(HOOTS) My Great Aunt Yodeler's recipe.

Double-decker chocolate refried beans

with cactus icing.

(SLURPS)

Mmm! And the present?

Wrapped and ready,

but do you really think

Master Fung wants a four by six foot framed

photo of you doing a polka?

It's autographed!

KIMIKO: Whatever.

Now we just need the guest of honor!

I wonder what's holding my Fungster up?

(BIRDS SCREECHING)

-(GROANS) -Shoo! Shoo!

What? You talking to me?

Oh, yuck!

Didn't your mother teach you not to do that in public?

Well, well, well,

if it ain't my old party pal, Master Fung.

Ha! Found you, old man!

Funny, I thought you'd be taller.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

OMI: I hope Master Fung did not get eaten by a woolly mammoth.

Okay, that's it!

We waited all afternoon. Master Fung's a no-show.

Oh! Don't say that!

Master Fung is just fashionably late.

Six hours?

He's very fashionable.

JACK: Just like me!

Jack Spicer,

evil villain heartthrob and partier supreme.

Drumroll... (GRUNTS) No.

(GRUNTING CONTINUES)

No! Wait! Ouchy! (GROANS)

Are you so foolish to come here Jack Spicer?

We are enemies.

Frienemies! That means we fight to party.

Besides, I have something you want.

-(GASPS) -(ALL GASPING)

ALL: Master Fung!

(SCREAMING) No!

DOJO: Oh, how could you?

He may have been an old man,

but he was my old man.

Hold it now, I'm the good guy here.

Take a look at this video flashback!

(MASTER FUNG GROANING)

RAIMUNDO: Blue lightning?

Only thing I know that creates a flash like that

is the Spear of Lightning.

Dojo, weren't you cleaning the Shen Gong Wu room today?

Did you touch the Spear?

Who, me?

Knock over the Spear of Lightning

and accidentally cause it to fire a bolt at its Master?

I guess I must have...

But we have more important things to do than blame me!

There's no pitter-patter of his little heart!

I think Master Fung needs some nose-to-nose resuscitation.

Mouth-to-mouth, dude.

Dojo, don't you have your license?

Just for such an emergency!

(GROANS AND COUGHS)

Something smells like a zookeeper's heel.

Poopsy Bear! You're alive!

-Oh! You saved him! -(LAUGHS)

You gotta stay for Master Fung's homecoming party.

Oh, please, oh please, oh, please, oh, please?

(WELLING UP)

You like me!

You really like me!

Ooh! Air.

Please. A little O2 for the dragon.

CHASE: "Saved Master Fung. Hit me back.

"Xiaolin monks are suckers.

"Heylin Wins."

Jack Spicer infiltrated the Xiaolin Temple before me?

Jack Spicer?

(GROANS) I must harness the Heylin powers

against these monks once and for all!

-I have been too lax! -(BIRD SCREECHING)

Well, well, well.

If it isn't the early bird that didn't catch the worm.

-(GRUNTS) -You failed me!

I didn't see you out there flappin' any feathers!

(YELLS)

-(STRUGGLES) -Don't take that tone with me, missy!

Now, you're going back out there

and fix your mistake!

SHADOW: Over my dead body...

Which I can easily arrange.

(GROWLS)

Or perhaps it's just you don't like being a bird?

Hmm. What if I change you

into something more, uh,

mosquito-y?

They fly, too...

Thought you'd change your mind.

Now go keep an eye on those monks and report back to me.

Or I'll stuff you and mount you above the fireplace!

You and I will have a little talk later, you dirty bird!

(CAWING)

(TANGO MUSIC PLAYING)

(STRUGGLES)

How slow can you go?

That's "low," Brother Omi, not "slow."

And not as low as me!

Huh?

(IN A JAMAICAN ACCENT) Everybody limbo, mon!

Hey! That's not fair!

He is little! (EXCLAIMS)

(GROANING)

Who you calling little?

I can still out-Xiaolin you!

-(GRUNTS) -Whoa!

Huh?

(GRUNTS)

So who wants to play Pin the Tail on the Monk?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Yo, Fungo-man! I think that's the punch talking.

(BURPS)

No, that's the punch talking. (LAUGHS)

(GRUNTS)

You better put Master Fung to bed, Dojo,

before he does something silly.

(GROANS)

Oops, too late!

(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

Master Fung!

Master Fung! Master Fung!

Put those monks down before you break them!

Great party!

Yeah, great, great party!

Just great.

Say, what's your name, gorgeous?

You have got to be kidding me.

Your loss, sugar.

-(GROANS) -(SCOFFS)

I was going to get something to eat,

but I think I just lost my appetite.

(MUNCHING)

I love parties!

(GRUNTS)

Whoa!

Please, Master Fung! It's for your own good!

(GROANS)

Run! Run! As fast as you can!

You can't catch me, I'm the Master Fung Man!

Ooh! Let me out!

Let me out!

Oh! A little lie-down is all you need...

We've got to get Master Fung back to his normal size.

I smell a rat...

(SNIFFS)

That's probably me,

I'm off showers for a while.

Dries out the skin.

I don't know, for once I think it's not Spicer's fault.

(COUGHS ON FOOD) Really?

(SIGHS)

Hey, don't mean I like you,

but it started in the sand dunes, right?

Seriously?

The Spear of Lightning caused this?

Shh.

I got my Fungy-Wungy to bed.

The little guy was beat.

(STAMMERING) Hey!

There, the Spear of Lighting. The side effects,

"Gas, bloating, headache,

"continuous shrinkage when struck in the head while walking."

(SIGHS)

Whoa!

Lucky I wasn't struck!

But Master Fung was!

Oh. Yeah, right.

Look on the bright side,

at least I rescued him

before he turned to nothingness in the sand dunes!

Merci, Jack.

But how do we get Master Fung back to his normal self?

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(YAWNS)

I had the strangest dream

that I was really, really, really little, and...

-(DOOR OPENS) -(SCREAMS)

Morning my Fung-meister...

Did you sleep well?

(EXCLAIMING)

Don't worry, Master Fung, we'll figure this out.

A little breakfast.

Now burp.

(BURPS)

Good baby...

Er, Fungie.

Now let's go for walkies.

This is so humiliating.

(GRUNTS)

How can we reverse whatever is happening to Master Fung?

(GRUNTS)

The Hansu Mirror Wu might work,

though Chase Young has it.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

But even if we got it from Chase,

what Wu would we reverse?

(GRUNTING)

The Morphing Chopsticks makes things smaller,

combining it...

...with the Hansu Mirror,

we will reverse Tiny Master Fung

into the very tall

bald-headed leader we know and adore!

Then what are we waiting for, guys?

(SNORING)

(GROANING)

Oh, now. Now that's what I call a power snooze.

How was your nap, MF?

Master Fung?

Fungy-Wungy? Master Fung?

I lost Master Fung!

Oh, I am so not getting a tip for baby-sitting!

Hey, young'uns! Where're you going?

OMI: To Chase's lair to get the Wu that will restore Master Fung!

I'll, uh, be right behind you.

Just as soon as I find Master Fung!

(SQUEAKING)

-(GRUNTING) -(GASPING)

What in the Xiaolin was that?

Parisian Beetle Eating Croissant!

(GRUNTING)

Needs butter, Beetle!

Here, little Master Fung!

Here, little Master Fung!

Master Fung?

-Where are you, Fungy-Wungy? -(SPIDER GROWLS)

My little Fungster.

(GASPS)

You think you can defeat me

with your Black Widow Fighting Tiny Master stance?

(GRUNTS)

(GROWLING)

Where are you?

(GRUNTING)

Yee-haw!

Ride 'em, bug boy.

Gum?

Hmm,

still has some flavor...

(GRUNTING)

Lost Cricket Reading Map?

Ha, I will destroy you!

No, actually, I'm really lost.

Huh?

Larvae Sipping Cola!

Bearded Lady Eating Hotdogs!

Pig Taking Bubble Bath!

(GRUNTS)

(SIGHS)

Oh! Goodness gracious!

A tree trunk! Shelter at last!

(SNIFFING)

This is no tree trunk,

I know those disgusting scales anywhere.

Dojo!

Where are you,

my favorite little, little person?

Dojo! Down here!

(SHOUTING) Dojo!

(EXCLAIMING)

Oh, my eczema's acting up again!

Oh! Dang allergies!

(GRUNTING)

(SCREAMS)

MF! Is it you?

Yes, Dojo, it is I!

We need to get to Chase's Lair in order to save you.

And by save, I mean fix.

And not in a dog way.

My ear wax will protect you!

(GROANS)

OMI: Yuck-o, cats.

I am a doggie person!

You know where you sit with doggies.

You know where you stand with doggies.

(GRUNTS)

(GROWL)

Go away, Kitties. (LAUGHS)

The Hansu Mirror!

-(GASPS) -Look who's here.

Right on time.

You knew we were coming?

Let's just say a little bird told me so.

Grab the mirror, Brother Omi! And run!

-(CAWS) -(GROANS)

You disgusting bird! Whose side are you on?

(BIRD LAUGHING)

-(TOILET FLUSHING) -Whew,

there sure are a lot of bathrooms in this lair!

Totally jealous.

Hey! The Hansu Mirror,

neato mosquito!

(EXCLAIMS)

Hey, guys, look who's here!

Master Fung, smaller than ever.

(LAUGHING MALICIOUSLY)

Whoa!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

-MASTER FUNG: Jack Spicer! -(GASPING)

I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown!

Uh... Is someone talkin' to me?

I think Master Fung's challenging you

to a showdown, Spicer.

Here, Master Fung! Use my Fist!

-(GRUNTS) -Huh! That pipsqueak?

I wager my Monkey Spear!

The game is Swamp down!

-Let's go, Xiaolin Showdown! -Let's go, Xiaolin Showdown!

-Gong Yi Tan Pai! -Gong Yi Tan Pai!

(RUMBLING)

(STRUGGLING)

Where are you, Funger?

Give me your best shot, you teeny-weenie!

Whoa!

(STRUGGLING)

(GROANS)

(SCREAMING)

(GROANING)

This is just not fair!

You're invisible, Fungster!

Come on, I dare you!

Show yourself!

(EXCLAIMING)

Ahh!

Ooh!

(GRUNTING)

Come to papa, you sweet thing!

Huh? (GROANS)

(GROANING)

Stop it! Huh?

Not fair! Invisible Fungster.

(SCREAMING)

Hop on board, kids and tiny person.

Let's hightail it out of here.

-(GROWLS) -Whoa!

(GROANS)

CLAY: Come here, little doggie.

(GRUNTS)

Way to go, Clay!

(YELLING)

This is going to be a beautiful moment!

Morphing Chopsticks!

Hansu Mirror!

Be still, my beating heart!

Master Fung is back!

Dojo. (KISSES)

I guess I'm back on the un-invite list again!

(ALL CHEERING)

ALL: Welcome back Master Fung!

Thank you, young monks!

You've done exceptionally well.

And you too, Jack Spicer.

(LAUGHS)

Now, let's be on guard before Chase strikes again.

(GRUNTING)

If only I could take a sip of the Lao Mang Lone juice

and get away from Chase's clutches...

(GROWLS)

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