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1
00:00:10,309 --> 00:00:11,242
[Thuds]
2
00:00:11,310 --> 00:00:14,646
Oh, my god! Oh, my god.
3
00:00:14,714 --> 00:00:18,016
Doug, what are you doing?
It's 5:30 in the morning.
4
00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:19,417
They closed down
union turnpike.
5
00:00:19,485 --> 00:00:21,786
I gotta leave for work now
if I'm gonna beat the traffic.
6
00:00:21,854 --> 00:00:23,321
Just go to sleep.
Go to sleep. Shh.
7
00:00:23,388 --> 00:00:25,657
Curl up like a baby bear.
There you go.
8
00:00:26,191 --> 00:00:27,325
[Sighs]
9
00:00:28,628 --> 00:00:29,560
[Sighing]
10
00:00:38,403 --> 00:00:40,438
Ok, shh. Settle down.
11
00:00:40,506 --> 00:00:41,906
Shh. I'm ok.
12
00:00:42,574 --> 00:00:43,675
[Sighs]
13
00:00:53,285 --> 00:00:55,020
[Cluttering]
14
00:01:07,933 --> 00:01:10,168
Without waking up,
15
00:01:10,235 --> 00:01:12,671
do you have any idea
where my work shirt would be?
16
00:01:12,738 --> 00:01:14,205
Check the floor.
17
00:01:16,108 --> 00:01:18,743
I got it. I got it.
Go back to sleep.
18
00:01:18,811 --> 00:01:21,746
You're dreaming.
You're dreaming.
19
00:01:21,814 --> 00:01:26,051
You're rollerblading naked
with Tony danza.
20
00:01:28,754 --> 00:01:30,655
Then you're ironing his shirt.
21
00:01:32,291 --> 00:01:35,526
♪ My eyes are gettin' weary ♪
22
00:01:35,594 --> 00:01:38,196
♪ my back is gettin' tight
23
00:01:38,263 --> 00:01:40,298
♪ I'm sittin' here
in traffic ♪
24
00:01:40,365 --> 00:01:43,234
♪ on the queensboro bridge
tonight ♪
25
00:01:43,302 --> 00:01:46,905
♪ but I don't care,
'cause all I want to do ♪
26
00:01:48,607 --> 00:01:52,210
♪ is cash my check
and drive right home to you ♪
27
00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:56,247
♪ 'cause, baby, all my life
28
00:01:56,315 --> 00:01:59,383
♪ I will be drivin'
home to you ♪
29
00:02:18,470 --> 00:02:20,038
[Car approaching]
30
00:02:24,576 --> 00:02:25,576
Hey, Carrie.
31
00:02:25,644 --> 00:02:26,611
Oh, hey, Lou.
32
00:02:26,678 --> 00:02:27,979
What have you got there?
33
00:02:28,047 --> 00:02:30,815
Ah, I finally decided to
spring for an air conditioner.
34
00:02:30,883 --> 00:02:32,817
Between my dad and Doug,
35
00:02:32,885 --> 00:02:36,320
that living room can get pretty ripe
in August. You know what I'm sayin'?
36
00:02:36,388 --> 00:02:37,421
You need any help?
37
00:02:37,489 --> 00:02:39,791
Oh, no, I--I think I can...
38
00:02:39,859 --> 00:02:42,861
Actually, you're strong
for a living, right?
39
00:02:42,928 --> 00:02:43,895
I got it.
40
00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:46,264
Thanks. You got it?
41
00:02:53,839 --> 00:02:55,673
Where do you want it?
42
00:02:55,741 --> 00:02:57,408
Right there's fine. It's just
gonna go in that window.
43
00:02:57,476 --> 00:02:59,878
I could put it in for you.
I'm free all day tomorrow.
44
00:02:59,945 --> 00:03:02,280
Oh, no, no, no.
That's way too nice.
45
00:03:02,347 --> 00:03:03,882
Please, it's no problem.
46
00:03:03,949 --> 00:03:06,084
My god, you are
such a sweetheart.
47
00:03:06,152 --> 00:03:09,187
And listen, if there's ever
anything I can do for you...
48
00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:12,090
Can you get your husband
to stop making hulk jokes?
49
00:03:13,225 --> 00:03:15,459
I don't think so.
I'm sorry.
50
00:03:17,663 --> 00:03:19,430
Although, there is one thing.
51
00:03:19,498 --> 00:03:21,099
You know what?
I shouldn't bother you.
52
00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:22,801
No, no. Come on,
come on, what is it?
53
00:03:22,868 --> 00:03:26,504
Well, my wife usually does it
for me, but she's out of town.
54
00:03:27,372 --> 00:03:28,306
Ok.
55
00:03:31,543 --> 00:03:33,144
No, nothing like that.
56
00:03:33,212 --> 00:03:35,814
It's just that I have to do a
posing at a gym opening next week,
57
00:03:35,881 --> 00:03:38,482
and it's a last-minute thing,
and, uh...
58
00:03:38,550 --> 00:03:39,984
And? Come on.
What is it?
59
00:03:40,052 --> 00:03:42,486
Would you spread
tanning cream on my body?
60
00:03:53,665 --> 00:03:55,499
Attention. I.P.S. Driver
in the house.
61
00:03:55,567 --> 00:03:57,468
But don't worry,
I come in peace.
62
00:03:58,938 --> 00:04:01,105
Hey, I'm lookin'
for chip diggins?
63
00:04:01,173 --> 00:04:02,207
Thanks.
64
00:04:03,909 --> 00:04:06,477
Chip? Hey, man,
I--I got a package for you.
65
00:04:06,545 --> 00:04:08,913
Oh. Great.
66
00:04:08,981 --> 00:04:10,781
How's it feel
to be on the other side?
67
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:12,317
Hmm?
68
00:04:12,384 --> 00:04:13,885
You and I, we're--we're used
to givin' packages,
69
00:04:13,953 --> 00:04:16,487
but now you're gettin' one.
70
00:04:16,555 --> 00:04:19,224
Uh, it feels pretty much
like you'd expect.
71
00:04:19,291 --> 00:04:21,125
What, you never got a package?
72
00:04:22,161 --> 00:04:24,162
Just making conversation, guy.
73
00:04:26,165 --> 00:04:27,866
Doug!
74
00:04:27,933 --> 00:04:30,101
Mitch! Hey, man. I haven't
seen you since I.P.S.
75
00:04:30,169 --> 00:04:31,269
I know, I know.
76
00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:33,004
Clean up nice.
77
00:04:33,072 --> 00:04:34,805
Yeah, well, I'm in personnel now.
I gotta look my best.
78
00:04:34,874 --> 00:04:35,907
What brings you by?
79
00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:37,775
Oh, I just had a delivery.
80
00:04:37,843 --> 00:04:39,844
Really? Out here
in the boonies?
81
00:04:39,912 --> 00:04:42,113
Can't believe they still
got you working zone 12.
82
00:04:42,181 --> 00:04:43,714
Yeah. Why?
83
00:04:43,782 --> 00:04:46,484
Well, it's just that
you were workin' zone 12
84
00:04:46,551 --> 00:04:48,152
when I left 2 years ago.
85
00:04:48,220 --> 00:04:51,589
You took some time off?
Were you injured?
86
00:04:51,656 --> 00:04:54,192
No, no. It's a tough route, but
they only give the tough routes
87
00:04:54,260 --> 00:04:55,659
to the tough drivers,
am I right?
88
00:04:55,727 --> 00:04:57,628
Why? You think I should have
a better route?
89
00:04:57,696 --> 00:04:59,330
I don't know.
But I tell you one thing,
90
00:04:59,398 --> 00:05:01,718
if you worked here, you'd write
your own ticket, my friend.
91
00:05:01,767 --> 00:05:03,501
Really?
92
00:05:03,568 --> 00:05:05,770
You kidding me? With your experience,
you'd be working kew gardens now.
93
00:05:05,837 --> 00:05:08,706
Kew gardens? They got trees.
94
00:05:10,876 --> 00:05:13,044
Anyway,
just one man's opinion.
95
00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:14,645
Ooh, Doug,
love to stay and chat,
96
00:05:14,713 --> 00:05:16,747
but Rodriguez
ain't gonna fire himself.
97
00:05:16,815 --> 00:05:18,716
Hey, it's good to see you.
98
00:05:19,584 --> 00:05:20,785
Have a mug.
99
00:05:29,895 --> 00:05:31,829
This is very sweet of you.
100
00:05:33,598 --> 00:05:35,733
Hey, it's what neighbors do.
101
00:05:37,803 --> 00:05:39,203
Don't forget my obliques.
102
00:05:39,271 --> 00:05:40,571
Ok, kitten.
103
00:05:43,242 --> 00:05:44,309
Hey.
104
00:05:54,486 --> 00:05:56,087
So, what's for dinner?
105
00:05:56,155 --> 00:05:59,390
I don't know, but whatever it is,
it's gonna have a gorgeous tan.
106
00:06:00,559 --> 00:06:01,725
What's the matter?
107
00:06:01,793 --> 00:06:03,294
What's the matter?
108
00:06:03,362 --> 00:06:06,230
All these years at I.P.S., I'm
still delivering in zone 12.
109
00:06:06,298 --> 00:06:07,265
So?
110
00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:08,666
12.
111
00:06:08,733 --> 00:06:09,667
12.
112
00:06:10,836 --> 00:06:11,802
12!
113
00:06:14,139 --> 00:06:17,808
I'm familiar with the number,
but why is it bad?
114
00:06:17,876 --> 00:06:19,210
Because it's the crap zone.
115
00:06:19,278 --> 00:06:21,980
It's far away,
it's full of potholes,
116
00:06:22,047 --> 00:06:23,948
there's hookers
on every corner.
117
00:06:24,016 --> 00:06:27,185
P.S., most of them
are pretty skanky.
118
00:06:27,252 --> 00:06:29,620
Honey, you've had
this same route for years.
119
00:06:29,688 --> 00:06:31,356
What's the deal today?
120
00:06:31,423 --> 00:06:32,723
The deal is, I ran into
an old friend of mine
121
00:06:32,791 --> 00:06:34,959
who works in personnel
at fedex.
122
00:06:35,027 --> 00:06:37,528
You know what he told me? If I was over
there, I could write my own ticket.
123
00:06:37,596 --> 00:06:40,264
My own ticket.
I never had my own ticket!
124
00:06:40,332 --> 00:06:42,166
Really? That's--that's great.
125
00:06:42,234 --> 00:06:43,868
It's just not fair, you know?
126
00:06:43,935 --> 00:06:47,238
I'm at I.P.S. 8 years, and they
still treat me like a pack mule.
127
00:06:47,306 --> 00:06:48,739
You know,
I'm at fedex 5 minutes,
128
00:06:48,807 --> 00:06:50,375
they treat me
like a valuable person,
129
00:06:50,442 --> 00:06:52,443
and they give me
a beautiful mug.
130
00:06:53,345 --> 00:06:54,379
Where is it?
131
00:06:54,446 --> 00:06:56,614
Handle snapped off.
132
00:06:56,681 --> 00:06:59,450
Driving over
a zone 12 pothole.
133
00:06:59,518 --> 00:07:02,620
Doug, maybe it's time
to think about makin' a move.
134
00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:04,588
What do you mean?
135
00:07:04,656 --> 00:07:06,057
Goin' to work for fedex.
136
00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:08,092
No, no, no--
why not?
137
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:11,262
No, that'd be--
it's like a big deal.
138
00:07:11,330 --> 00:07:13,631
I'd have to
empty out my locker,
139
00:07:15,067 --> 00:07:18,102
bring home
my George foreman grill.
140
00:07:18,170 --> 00:07:20,438
All right. You know what?
Fine. Do whatever you want.
141
00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:21,672
(Lou) Carrie?
142
00:07:21,740 --> 00:07:23,941
Excuse me. I have to go
finish off Lou.
143
00:07:27,612 --> 00:07:30,148
Now, come on, Carrie. I wasn't
sayin' I wanted to change jobs.
144
00:07:30,215 --> 00:07:32,016
I was just blowin' off steam.
145
00:07:32,084 --> 00:07:33,584
You know, I'm pretty
happy where I am.
146
00:07:33,652 --> 00:07:35,286
Now you're happy.
5 seconds ago,
147
00:07:35,354 --> 00:07:38,589
you were ranting about how
they treat you like an animal.
148
00:07:38,657 --> 00:07:39,990
The beer's kicked in.
149
00:07:40,059 --> 00:07:42,126
All right, you know what?
I don't want to get involved,
150
00:07:42,194 --> 00:07:44,195
because when I do,
you just drive me crazy.
151
00:07:44,263 --> 00:07:47,498
So, you drink your beer, and
I'll spread my tanning cream.
152
00:07:47,566 --> 00:07:48,599
Fine.
153
00:07:53,838 --> 00:07:56,240
Besides, I just don't think
I'd fit in over at fedex.
154
00:07:56,308 --> 00:07:59,210
What are you talkin' about? It's
the same exact job you do now.
155
00:07:59,278 --> 00:08:01,745
Only in a blue uniform.
156
00:08:01,813 --> 00:08:03,247
There you go.
I can't wear blue.
157
00:08:03,315 --> 00:08:06,984
You said yourself,
I'm an Autumn.
158
00:08:07,052 --> 00:08:10,621
All right. Maybe you don't have to
actually take the job at fedex,
159
00:08:10,689 --> 00:08:13,191
but could you at least...
Forget it.
160
00:08:13,258 --> 00:08:14,258
What?
161
00:08:14,326 --> 00:08:15,993
No, never mind.
Forget it.
162
00:08:16,061 --> 00:08:19,330
Doug, I think Carrie's sayin' that
you could use the heat from fedex
163
00:08:19,398 --> 00:08:21,365
to put the screen on I.P.S.
164
00:08:21,433 --> 00:08:23,167
Thank you.
165
00:08:23,235 --> 00:08:26,337
Doug, you're hot.
You're in play. Use it.
166
00:08:26,405 --> 00:08:28,211
It works. I got a
nice rate on the hulk
167
00:08:28,224 --> 00:08:30,040
when they wanted me
on the bionic woman.
168
00:08:30,109 --> 00:08:32,243
Huh, huh? The bionic woman.
169
00:08:39,784 --> 00:08:41,119
Hey.
Hey, man.
170
00:08:44,856 --> 00:08:46,690
So, the new boy seems ok, huh?
171
00:08:46,758 --> 00:08:49,660
Yeah. Good-lookin' guy.
172
00:08:51,296 --> 00:08:52,863
I guess.
173
00:08:52,931 --> 00:08:54,432
Just seems to me, if you're
secure in your manhood,
174
00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:56,834
you don't need
to look all attractive.
175
00:09:00,506 --> 00:09:02,106
Zone 1. All right.
176
00:09:04,476 --> 00:09:06,944
Zone 1? He's been here a week,
he gets zone 1?
177
00:09:07,012 --> 00:09:08,712
It took me 4 years
to get zone 1.
178
00:09:08,780 --> 00:09:10,381
I never had it!
179
00:09:10,449 --> 00:09:13,551
I gotta tell you, man, I am so fed up
with the way I get treated around here.
180
00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:16,086
(O'Boyle) Hey, how you doing?
181
00:09:16,155 --> 00:09:17,688
Don't tell me, tell O'Boyle.
182
00:09:17,756 --> 00:09:19,056
Maybe I will.
Go ahead.
183
00:09:19,124 --> 00:09:20,458
Oh, I'm gonna go.
I'm goin'.
184
00:09:20,526 --> 00:09:21,459
Ok, go.
185
00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:22,527
Oh, it's on, baby.
186
00:09:22,594 --> 00:09:23,528
Do it, man!
187
00:09:23,595 --> 00:09:24,895
It's done.
188
00:09:24,963 --> 00:09:26,930
Just give me a little push.
189
00:09:32,437 --> 00:09:33,437
Oh!
190
00:09:33,505 --> 00:09:34,938
Sorry.
191
00:09:35,006 --> 00:09:38,142
How 'bout dinner and drinks before
you get that close, huh, chief?
192
00:09:38,210 --> 00:09:39,210
Supervisor O'Boyle?
193
00:09:39,278 --> 00:09:40,578
Yeah, Doug, what up?
194
00:09:40,646 --> 00:09:43,047
Uh, it just happened to come
to my attention
195
00:09:43,114 --> 00:09:45,516
that you assigned
the new guy to zone 1.
196
00:09:45,584 --> 00:09:46,817
Yeah?
197
00:09:46,885 --> 00:09:48,852
Well, it's just that
that's the best zone.
198
00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:51,121
I mean, is that like a welcome
to the company kind of thing
199
00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:52,256
instead of a basket or...
200
00:09:52,324 --> 00:09:54,358
No. No, that's his zone.
201
00:09:54,426 --> 00:09:55,993
Although, he did
get the basket, too.
202
00:09:56,061 --> 00:09:58,996
Plus, I think, some coupons
for loews theaters.
203
00:09:59,064 --> 00:10:00,665
I guess
I just don't understand
204
00:10:00,732 --> 00:10:02,700
why the new guy
lucks out with a zone
205
00:10:02,767 --> 00:10:05,336
that's all light packages
for suburban housewives?
206
00:10:05,404 --> 00:10:06,604
Well, look at the guy, Doug.
207
00:10:06,672 --> 00:10:08,406
Come on. He's gorgeous.
208
00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:12,943
Listen, I--I gotta
jump on the horn.
209
00:10:13,011 --> 00:10:16,214
Somehow 100 pints of plasma wound
up at tavern on the green.
210
00:10:16,281 --> 00:10:18,949
I got a very angry
maitre d' to deal with.
211
00:10:19,751 --> 00:10:21,051
I'm in play.
212
00:10:21,119 --> 00:10:22,253
Pardon?
213
00:10:22,321 --> 00:10:24,201
Yeah. You know, I--I didn't
want to say anything,
214
00:10:24,223 --> 00:10:25,956
but I got a lot of heat on me.
215
00:10:26,024 --> 00:10:27,325
Lotta heat.
216
00:10:27,392 --> 00:10:28,792
What--what are you
saying?
217
00:10:28,860 --> 00:10:30,940
You saying there's another
company interested in you?
218
00:10:30,962 --> 00:10:32,029
Ah, yes, there is.
219
00:10:32,097 --> 00:10:33,264
Who?
220
00:10:33,332 --> 00:10:34,432
Well, I'm really
not at Liberty
221
00:10:34,499 --> 00:10:35,700
to disclose that information.
222
00:10:35,767 --> 00:10:38,068
Let's just say
it ends in "x."
223
00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:39,570
Gas-x?
224
00:10:41,172 --> 00:10:42,139
Fedex.
225
00:10:42,207 --> 00:10:43,807
Oh. Fedex. Wow.
226
00:10:43,875 --> 00:10:47,645
Now, if we could, uh, come
to some kind of agreement,
227
00:10:47,713 --> 00:10:49,480
you know, regarding my route,
228
00:10:49,548 --> 00:10:52,216
I'd be happy to tell fedex
to overnight their offer
229
00:10:52,284 --> 00:10:53,484
to where the sun don't shine.
230
00:10:53,552 --> 00:10:54,885
[Laughs]
231
00:10:54,953 --> 00:10:56,854
Puttin' the squeeze
on the ol' boss, huh?
232
00:10:56,921 --> 00:10:58,522
Maybe just a touch.
233
00:10:58,590 --> 00:11:00,670
You're a good worker, Doug,
and I'd hate to lose you,
234
00:11:00,692 --> 00:11:02,526
so what's it gonna take
to make you happy?
235
00:11:02,594 --> 00:11:04,595
Zone 1.
No can do. Anything else?
236
00:11:05,196 --> 00:11:06,130
Zone 2?
237
00:11:06,197 --> 00:11:08,198
2? That's right next to 1.
238
00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:10,901
Then zone 3 or 4. It doesn't matter.
Anything with single digits.
239
00:11:10,969 --> 00:11:12,670
Hmm, nope. Nope. No way.
240
00:11:12,738 --> 00:11:15,139
Tell you what, if you can wait
a year, I can get you 13.
241
00:11:15,206 --> 00:11:16,874
I'm in 12 now!
242
00:11:16,941 --> 00:11:19,377
Listen, Doug. I'm tryin' to work
with you. What do you want from me?
243
00:11:19,444 --> 00:11:21,679
I want the respect
that I deserve. You know?
244
00:11:21,747 --> 00:11:23,947
I've been here 8 years,
and I'm a good driver.
245
00:11:24,015 --> 00:11:25,316
I should have zone 1.
246
00:11:25,384 --> 00:11:27,518
And if I don't get it, I'll...
247
00:11:27,586 --> 00:11:28,753
You'll what?
248
00:11:30,021 --> 00:11:32,222
I'll, you know--
I-I'm gonna quit.
249
00:11:33,892 --> 00:11:35,959
Ok, Doug. You win.
250
00:11:36,027 --> 00:11:38,396
Boy, I-I'm gonna catch hell
for this,
251
00:11:38,463 --> 00:11:39,830
but here's what I'm gonna do.
252
00:11:39,898 --> 00:11:43,934
From now on, zone 12
renamed zone 1
253
00:11:44,002 --> 00:11:45,503
and vice versa.
254
00:11:45,570 --> 00:11:47,705
That's the same zone!
That doesn't help at all!
255
00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:49,674
Well, I'm all
out of ideas, Doug.
256
00:11:49,741 --> 00:11:51,709
Listen, you gotta do
what you gotta do, ok?
257
00:11:51,777 --> 00:11:54,545
So, good luck over there
at gas-x.
258
00:11:55,681 --> 00:11:56,747
Fedex.
259
00:12:04,156 --> 00:12:05,722
[Doorbell rings]
260
00:12:09,494 --> 00:12:10,827
Hey, there, Louis.
261
00:12:10,895 --> 00:12:12,896
Is this a good time for me
to put in the air conditioner?
262
00:12:12,964 --> 00:12:15,799
Yeah, you bet.
Come on in.
263
00:12:15,867 --> 00:12:18,569
Oh, by the way,
how do you like my tan?
264
00:12:18,637 --> 00:12:21,138
Hmm. I don't like it.
265
00:12:21,206 --> 00:12:22,139
Really?
266
00:12:22,207 --> 00:12:23,907
I love it!
267
00:12:24,909 --> 00:12:25,942
No kidding.
268
00:12:26,010 --> 00:12:27,611
Lou, you look fantastic.
269
00:12:27,679 --> 00:12:30,080
A dark, rich,
even tan in march?
270
00:12:30,148 --> 00:12:32,449
God, that stuff is amazing.
271
00:12:32,517 --> 00:12:34,218
The best you can buy.
272
00:12:34,286 --> 00:12:36,420
God, look at me
compared to you.
273
00:12:36,488 --> 00:12:38,255
I look so pale and pasty.
274
00:12:38,323 --> 00:12:40,191
You look fine.
275
00:12:40,258 --> 00:12:43,694
No, I'm white as a sheet. I look
like I'm touring with mummenschanz.
276
00:12:43,761 --> 00:12:45,563
You want me to get you
a couple bottles?
277
00:12:45,630 --> 00:12:48,399
Really? Yeah,
thank you.
278
00:12:48,466 --> 00:12:49,433
Hey.
279
00:12:49,501 --> 00:12:50,467
Hey, honey.
280
00:12:50,535 --> 00:12:51,468
Hey, Lou.
281
00:12:51,536 --> 00:12:52,969
Doug.
282
00:12:53,037 --> 00:12:55,806
Uh, honey, could I talk to you in
the kitchen alone or something?
283
00:12:55,873 --> 00:12:57,541
Oh, you don't have
to go anywhere.
284
00:12:57,609 --> 00:13:02,045
You know I'm hard of hearing, and I
won't read your lips. I promise.
285
00:13:02,113 --> 00:13:04,548
All right. Fine.
I lost my job today.
286
00:13:04,616 --> 00:13:05,549
What?
287
00:13:09,387 --> 00:13:10,387
Sorry.
288
00:13:11,789 --> 00:13:13,724
You lost your job?
Yeah.
289
00:13:13,791 --> 00:13:15,226
What happened?
290
00:13:15,293 --> 00:13:16,860
I tried to bluff O'Boyle
with the fedex thing,
291
00:13:16,928 --> 00:13:18,929
and he didn't bite.
He just let me walk out.
292
00:13:18,996 --> 00:13:21,031
Well, why the hell
were you talkin' to O'Boyle?
293
00:13:21,099 --> 00:13:23,100
'Cause you kept saying
how much heat I had on me,
294
00:13:23,167 --> 00:13:25,487
that I was in play! I thought
you wanted me to talk to him.
295
00:13:25,537 --> 00:13:27,271
Not without preparation,
296
00:13:27,339 --> 00:13:29,406
some rehearsal,
some index cards.
297
00:13:29,474 --> 00:13:31,875
For the love of god, I didn't
want you to just wing it!
298
00:13:31,943 --> 00:13:34,245
Well, too late.
It's already wung.
299
00:13:34,312 --> 00:13:36,280
Well, you know what? I mean...
300
00:13:36,348 --> 00:13:38,508
So, you just go back and tell
O'Boyle it was a mistake.
301
00:13:38,550 --> 00:13:42,119
You know what, you tell him that
you were dehydrated and exhausted.
302
00:13:42,186 --> 00:13:46,990
Oh, better yet, tell him you mixed pills
and booze and you had a bad reaction.
303
00:13:47,058 --> 00:13:49,560
You do understand
my job is driving?
304
00:13:50,995 --> 00:13:53,564
All right.
305
00:13:53,632 --> 00:13:56,032
Well, you know what?
Maybe this is not so bad.
306
00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:57,601
I mean, they still love you
at fedex.
307
00:14:01,906 --> 00:14:03,707
Go, fedex! Whoo!
308
00:14:05,610 --> 00:14:06,810
Hey, Mitch.
309
00:14:06,878 --> 00:14:09,480
Doug. Hey, you got
another delivery for us?
310
00:14:09,547 --> 00:14:12,349
Yup. A 250-pound package
of Doug Heffernan.
311
00:14:12,417 --> 00:14:13,350
What?
312
00:14:13,418 --> 00:14:14,485
I left I.P.S.
313
00:14:14,552 --> 00:14:16,153
Really? Why?
314
00:14:16,220 --> 00:14:19,189
Well, let's just say they pushed
and I pushed back. Shall we talk?
315
00:14:19,257 --> 00:14:22,125
Come on. Sure.
Come on in my office.
316
00:14:22,193 --> 00:14:24,295
Gonna be great if I can get
a route in rego park.
317
00:14:24,362 --> 00:14:26,029
That way,
I could stop home for lunch.
318
00:14:26,097 --> 00:14:28,632
But, hey,
not a deal-breaker.
319
00:14:30,034 --> 00:14:31,835
[Clears throat]
320
00:14:31,903 --> 00:14:35,506
So, why should the fedex
company hire Doug Heffernan?
321
00:14:36,775 --> 00:14:37,974
What?
322
00:14:38,042 --> 00:14:41,144
What would a Doug Heffernan
bring to fedex?
323
00:14:41,212 --> 00:14:43,079
I-I'd--I'd bring myself.
324
00:14:43,147 --> 00:14:46,082
And my lunch
if I don't get rego park.
325
00:14:46,150 --> 00:14:47,217
[Chuckling]
326
00:14:47,285 --> 00:14:48,786
No, I think I'd, uh...
327
00:14:48,853 --> 00:14:51,154
Hey, cast away. Whoa.
328
00:14:57,762 --> 00:14:59,062
No, I'd bring a lot of things.
329
00:14:59,130 --> 00:15:03,934
I'm a-- I'm a real good,
dependable driver. You know, um...
330
00:15:04,001 --> 00:15:07,404
I've got a pleasant personality.
I'm relatively hygienic.
331
00:15:07,472 --> 00:15:09,873
And I've been told
I'm quite the cutup.
332
00:15:09,941 --> 00:15:11,208
Cutup, uh-huh.
333
00:15:11,275 --> 00:15:14,277
And where do you see yourself
in the future?
334
00:15:14,346 --> 00:15:15,679
You got a 5-year plan?
335
00:15:15,747 --> 00:15:17,681
5 years? Uh, yeah.
336
00:15:17,749 --> 00:15:20,283
I hope to be still delivering
packages, only in a hovercraft.
337
00:15:20,352 --> 00:15:21,585
[Imitating engine]
338
00:15:21,653 --> 00:15:23,086
Hey, package for Mr. spacely.
339
00:15:23,154 --> 00:15:24,388
[Laughs]
340
00:15:24,456 --> 00:15:26,724
You are quite the cutup.
Here's the thing, though.
341
00:15:26,791 --> 00:15:28,692
We're really
not hiring at the moment.
342
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:29,893
What?
343
00:15:29,961 --> 00:15:31,829
Yeah. We're a little lean
and mean right now, so...
344
00:15:31,896 --> 00:15:33,330
You just told me
how great I was,
345
00:15:33,398 --> 00:15:35,399
how, if I was here,
I could write my own ticket!
346
00:15:35,467 --> 00:15:37,000
That was just friends talkin'.
347
00:15:37,068 --> 00:15:39,388
What am I gonna say, you're the
heaviest I've ever seen you?
348
00:15:39,404 --> 00:15:40,704
I quit my job!
349
00:15:40,772 --> 00:15:42,439
Doug, look, tell you
what I'm gonna do.
350
00:15:42,507 --> 00:15:44,074
I'll leave your application
on file.
351
00:15:44,141 --> 00:15:45,942
I don't want my application
on file, man.
352
00:15:46,010 --> 00:15:47,310
That's a death warrant!
353
00:15:47,379 --> 00:15:49,413
Look, Mitch, I can do this job.
I want this job.
354
00:15:49,481 --> 00:15:51,348
Look at this. See?
Hey, fedex calling.
355
00:15:51,416 --> 00:15:52,349
[Growls]
356
00:15:54,151 --> 00:15:55,853
Mitchell, Mitch,
Mitch, listen to me.
357
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:58,689
I am not leavin' this building
until you hire me.
358
00:15:58,757 --> 00:16:00,791
Now, we both know
I'm the man for the job.
359
00:16:00,859 --> 00:16:02,593
Look in my eyes!
See the passion?
360
00:16:02,660 --> 00:16:04,561
I know you're thinkin'
deep down inside,
361
00:16:04,629 --> 00:16:06,897
I'm gonna roll the dice
on this kid.
362
00:16:09,066 --> 00:16:10,267
Security.
363
00:16:16,541 --> 00:16:17,941
Morning, baby.
364
00:16:18,743 --> 00:16:19,877
What you doing?
365
00:16:19,944 --> 00:16:21,378
Looking through the want ads.
Doug--
366
00:16:21,446 --> 00:16:23,714
I'm looking through the want ads.
Leave me alone!
367
00:16:23,782 --> 00:16:26,082
Would you just call O'Boyle?
368
00:16:26,150 --> 00:16:28,419
He's dead to me.
369
00:16:28,486 --> 00:16:30,987
You are just so damn stubborn.
370
00:16:31,055 --> 00:16:33,891
Just--just crawl back
and--and take your crap.
371
00:16:33,958 --> 00:16:35,225
I do it.
372
00:16:35,293 --> 00:16:37,828
For god's sakes, my boss,
he throws his shoes at me.
373
00:16:37,896 --> 00:16:40,864
I just duck
and get on with my life.
374
00:16:40,932 --> 00:16:42,933
That's you, ok? I want
more out of my job, ok?
375
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,201
I want happiness, I want
respect, and I'm gonna get it,
376
00:16:45,269 --> 00:16:48,572
even if that means slaughtering
pigs for $6 an hour.
377
00:16:52,310 --> 00:16:54,344
All right.
You know what, Doug?
378
00:16:54,412 --> 00:16:56,780
If you wanna find a new job,
379
00:16:56,848 --> 00:16:58,315
then--then I support you.
380
00:16:58,382 --> 00:17:00,517
Thank you.
381
00:17:00,585 --> 00:17:02,986
Honey, didn't Lou tell you to
go easy on that tanning cream?
382
00:17:03,054 --> 00:17:04,455
Yeah? So?
383
00:17:04,522 --> 00:17:06,824
So? How many coats is that?
384
00:17:06,891 --> 00:17:07,991
One.
385
00:17:09,461 --> 00:17:11,194
Ok, maybe 3.
386
00:17:11,262 --> 00:17:12,830
Oh, Doug,
you don't understand.
387
00:17:12,897 --> 00:17:15,817
People have been tellin' me I've never
looked better. This stuff is magic!
388
00:17:15,867 --> 00:17:19,002
Well, Dougie ain't got no job now,
and that magic costs $18 a bottle.
389
00:17:19,070 --> 00:17:21,338
So slap on a coat of sealant
and call it a day.
390
00:17:21,405 --> 00:17:23,406
Fine.
391
00:17:23,475 --> 00:17:27,210
Besides, I can live without the smeared
brown handprints all over the house.
392
00:17:27,278 --> 00:17:29,646
It's starting to look
like a crime scene.
393
00:17:29,714 --> 00:17:31,047
I said fine.
394
00:17:31,115 --> 00:17:32,950
Aha. Look at this right here.
Look. Look.
395
00:17:33,017 --> 00:17:35,586
Look what I found,
miss doubting thomasina, huh.
396
00:17:35,653 --> 00:17:38,088
"Metro courier service
in midtown Manhattan.
397
00:17:38,155 --> 00:17:41,157
"Experienced delivery
personnel needed immediately.
398
00:17:41,225 --> 00:17:42,893
Good pay.
Flexible hours."
399
00:17:42,961 --> 00:17:45,929
Well, looks like daddy
landed back on his feet.
400
00:17:46,698 --> 00:17:48,264
[Blowing whistle]
401
00:17:53,471 --> 00:17:54,905
[Cars honking]
402
00:17:56,708 --> 00:17:58,642
Respect the signal, dude!
403
00:18:01,846 --> 00:18:03,747
[Continues blowing whistle]
404
00:18:33,945 --> 00:18:34,945
Doug?
405
00:18:35,613 --> 00:18:36,647
Carrie?
406
00:18:36,714 --> 00:18:38,314
Hey, honey.
407
00:18:38,382 --> 00:18:40,918
My god! How much of that
tanning stuff are you using?
408
00:18:40,985 --> 00:18:41,952
None.
409
00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:44,220
None? You look like seal!
410
00:18:45,790 --> 00:18:47,323
For your information,
411
00:18:47,391 --> 00:18:49,593
I had lunch outside today.
412
00:18:49,661 --> 00:18:51,628
Well, unless you had it
8 feet from the sun,
413
00:18:51,696 --> 00:18:53,697
I'd say you got a roaring
tanning cream addiction.
414
00:18:53,765 --> 00:18:56,099
Can we forget about me, please?
What are you doing?
415
00:18:56,167 --> 00:18:57,601
Whose bike is this?
416
00:18:57,669 --> 00:18:59,036
Metro courier's.
417
00:18:59,938 --> 00:19:02,172
You're a bike messenger?
418
00:19:02,239 --> 00:19:05,375
A bike courier,
and I happen to enjoy it.
419
00:19:05,443 --> 00:19:07,510
Oh, come on.
You can't be enjoying this.
420
00:19:07,579 --> 00:19:09,112
Yeah, well, I do.
421
00:19:09,180 --> 00:19:11,181
Doug, I am begging you,
422
00:19:11,248 --> 00:19:13,016
let's cut you
out of those pants
423
00:19:13,084 --> 00:19:16,386
and get you back
to I.P.S., please.
424
00:19:16,454 --> 00:19:19,189
No. You know what?
If they can live without me,
425
00:19:19,256 --> 00:19:20,791
I can live without them.
426
00:19:20,858 --> 00:19:23,393
All right?
Now, if you will excuse me,
427
00:19:23,461 --> 00:19:26,830
I need to figure out a way to
pedal through the midtown tunnel.
428
00:19:29,533 --> 00:19:30,867
(Doug) No seat!
429
00:19:41,946 --> 00:19:42,913
Hey, there.
430
00:19:42,981 --> 00:19:44,815
Hey, Doug.
What brings you by?
431
00:19:44,882 --> 00:19:48,118
I just wanted to drop off
all my uniforms.
432
00:19:48,185 --> 00:19:49,886
I--I had 'em martinized
for you.
433
00:19:49,954 --> 00:19:52,789
I don't know what that means,
but it cost me a buck extra.
434
00:19:52,857 --> 00:19:54,557
Well, thanks.
435
00:19:54,626 --> 00:19:57,027
So how's your job there
at fedex?
436
00:19:57,095 --> 00:20:00,497
Oh, actually, you know what?
I passed on 'em. Yeah.
437
00:20:00,564 --> 00:20:03,834
You know what it is? Didn't
quite work into my 5-year plan.
438
00:20:03,901 --> 00:20:06,703
Didn't see it happening. Went over
to Metro courier. Good outfit.
439
00:20:06,771 --> 00:20:09,205
Oh. Those the guys deliver
on skates?
440
00:20:09,273 --> 00:20:11,842
No, no, no, no. They, uh, they
stopped doin' that years ago
441
00:20:11,909 --> 00:20:13,110
when they lost a few guys.
442
00:20:13,177 --> 00:20:15,278
Huh, it's all scooters
and bikes. I'm on a bike.
443
00:20:15,346 --> 00:20:17,313
It's very pleasant, actually.
Very pleasant.
444
00:20:17,381 --> 00:20:18,849
You want your job back,
don't you?
445
00:20:18,916 --> 00:20:20,817
Certainly do. Yes.
446
00:20:20,885 --> 00:20:23,920
Now, what about this respect thing?
You still into that?
447
00:20:23,988 --> 00:20:25,656
Not so much. No. No.
448
00:20:27,725 --> 00:20:30,027
I think once you been
violated by a 10-speed,
449
00:20:30,094 --> 00:20:32,595
your priorities
kind of change.
450
00:20:32,664 --> 00:20:34,898
I heard that.
All right.
451
00:20:34,966 --> 00:20:37,300
You can come back, Doug. See
you in the morning. Oh.
452
00:20:37,368 --> 00:20:39,402
Well, thank you.
Thank you so much.
453
00:20:40,538 --> 00:20:42,906
You know that thing
you said about,
454
00:20:42,974 --> 00:20:45,042
you know,
calling zone 12 zone 1?
455
00:20:45,109 --> 00:20:48,178
I think I--I might be willing
to--to go for that after all.
456
00:20:48,245 --> 00:20:51,181
Nah. You see, Doug,
if I let you do it,
457
00:20:51,248 --> 00:20:53,784
then everybody's gonna want
to rename their zone, zone 1.
458
00:20:53,851 --> 00:20:56,586
You know, it's a-- it's a
slippery slope, my friend.
459
00:20:56,654 --> 00:21:00,791
Ok, what if you and I just call
it zone 1 when we're alone?
460
00:21:00,858 --> 00:21:02,392
Alone? What are you
getting at?
461
00:21:02,459 --> 00:21:05,896
Aw, forget it. How about
giving me a--a welcome basket?
462
00:21:05,963 --> 00:21:07,698
Doug, again
with the slippery...
463
00:21:07,765 --> 00:21:10,067
Well, look, man,
I been here 8 years!
464
00:21:10,134 --> 00:21:11,902
You gotta give me somethin'!
465
00:21:12,536 --> 00:21:13,837
Movie passes?
466
00:21:14,572 --> 00:21:15,572
[Sighs]
467
00:21:15,639 --> 00:21:17,340
All right. What the hell?
468
00:21:17,408 --> 00:21:19,042
All right.
469
00:21:19,110 --> 00:21:20,711
Welcome back, Doug.
470
00:21:20,778 --> 00:21:23,180
Well, thank you.
It's nice to be back, sir.
471
00:21:23,247 --> 00:21:24,815
And good to be appreciated.
472
00:21:25,883 --> 00:21:27,084
Ah, great.
473
00:21:30,254 --> 00:21:33,523
Wait a sec. These--these
passes have expired.
474
00:21:33,591 --> 00:21:36,059
It's cool. It's cool.
It's cool. It's cool.
475
00:21:38,529 --> 00:21:42,432
No. You know what? If they can live
without me, I can live without them.
476
00:21:42,499 --> 00:21:45,468
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I need a way to--
477
00:21:45,536 --> 00:21:47,604
(man) One more time!
478
00:21:47,671 --> 00:21:50,473
No. No, no. If they can live without
me, I can live without them.
479
00:21:50,541 --> 00:21:53,076
Ok? Now,
if you'll excuse me,
480
00:21:53,144 --> 00:21:55,145
I have to figure out
a way to--
481
00:21:55,213 --> 00:21:56,980
I'm laughing at...
482
00:21:57,048 --> 00:21:59,983
Hey, you know what? If they
can't live without me,
483
00:22:00,051 --> 00:22:02,152
then I can't live
without them.
35247
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