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1
00:00:02,768 --> 00:00:04,903
♪ My eyes are gettin' weary ♪
2
00:00:04,971 --> 00:00:07,538
♪ my back is gettin' tight
3
00:00:07,607 --> 00:00:09,674
♪ I'm sittin' here
in traffic ♪
4
00:00:09,742 --> 00:00:12,711
♪ on the queensboro bridge
tonight ♪
5
00:00:12,778 --> 00:00:18,016
♪ but I don't care,
'cause all I want to do ♪
6
00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:21,920
♪ is cash my check
and drive right home to you ♪
7
00:00:23,422 --> 00:00:25,790
♪ 'cause, baby, all my life
8
00:00:25,858 --> 00:00:28,359
♪ I will be drivin'
home to you ♪
9
00:00:33,833 --> 00:00:35,433
(Carrie)
Dad, for the 3rd time,
10
00:00:35,501 --> 00:00:36,701
your dinner's ready!
11
00:00:36,769 --> 00:00:38,269
(Arthur) And for the 3rd time,
12
00:00:38,337 --> 00:00:40,672
I'm still shaving my ears!
13
00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:43,441
Well, hurry up.
You're gonna be late!
14
00:00:43,509 --> 00:00:45,376
All right. Ready to rock
when you are.
15
00:00:45,444 --> 00:00:47,612
Oh, come on.
You're wearing that?
16
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,781
What's wrong with my outfit?
17
00:00:49,849 --> 00:00:52,684
Ok, outfit is an awfully big word for
what you've done here, my friend.
18
00:00:52,752 --> 00:00:55,253
We're goin' to the circus.
What, I gotta throw on a tux
19
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,622
to watch a clown
light his ass on fire?
20
00:00:57,690 --> 00:00:59,390
It's not a regular circus.
21
00:00:59,458 --> 00:01:01,392
It's French. It's
cirque de soleil.
22
00:01:01,460 --> 00:01:03,928
They have men with wings
dancing in the air.
23
00:01:05,297 --> 00:01:07,866
More like cirque de so gay.
24
00:01:07,933 --> 00:01:10,669
And they have those
female contortionists,
25
00:01:10,736 --> 00:01:12,470
you know, that bend their legs
26
00:01:12,538 --> 00:01:14,505
all the way around the
back over the head.
27
00:01:14,573 --> 00:01:16,274
That's where they
lose me, right there.
28
00:01:16,341 --> 00:01:18,622
I need a little more distance
between the sun and the moon.
29
00:01:18,644 --> 00:01:20,311
All right.
30
00:01:20,379 --> 00:01:23,114
All right.
Let's get this over with.
31
00:01:23,182 --> 00:01:26,384
Oh, dad, you look great!
32
00:01:26,451 --> 00:01:27,485
[Chuckles]
33
00:01:27,553 --> 00:01:29,921
Just promise you won't
bury me in this.
34
00:01:29,989 --> 00:01:32,724
You're all over my clothes,
but he gets to wear a shirt
35
00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:34,926
with anchors and
ukuleles on it?
36
00:01:34,994 --> 00:01:37,295
Yes. I told you,
I signed dad up
37
00:01:37,362 --> 00:01:39,230
for that package
of theme dances
38
00:01:39,298 --> 00:01:40,665
at the senior center.
39
00:01:40,733 --> 00:01:42,633
Oh, that's right. Yeah,
the thing you told me
40
00:01:42,702 --> 00:01:45,203
to act positive about
in front of him.
41
00:01:45,270 --> 00:01:47,338
Yes, I did say to be positive
42
00:01:47,406 --> 00:01:49,174
because it is a good thing.
43
00:01:49,241 --> 00:01:51,076
Ahh!
44
00:01:51,143 --> 00:01:53,878
Tonight's theme
is Maui madness.
45
00:01:53,946 --> 00:01:55,680
Well, I think you
look great, Arthur.
46
00:01:55,748 --> 00:01:58,950
I like the way the purple brings
out the veins in your legs.
47
00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:00,218
Outta here, get out.
48
00:02:02,054 --> 00:02:03,888
What the hell do you
call this, anyway?
49
00:02:03,956 --> 00:02:06,657
I call it fish,
like most people.
50
00:02:06,726 --> 00:02:09,393
Is it too late to substitute
something enjoyable?
51
00:02:09,461 --> 00:02:12,897
Dad, your cholesterol is
now, like, the low 700s.
52
00:02:12,965 --> 00:02:14,532
Come on, the fish
is good for you.
53
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,267
I don't care.
I want bacon.
54
00:02:16,335 --> 00:02:18,236
Oh, ok. You want bacon?
I'll give you bacon.
55
00:02:18,303 --> 00:02:20,171
Just make sure
you wave hi to grandma
56
00:02:20,239 --> 00:02:22,440
as you're going
towards the light, ok?
57
00:02:25,277 --> 00:02:27,045
Oh, my god.
Doug, it's late.
58
00:02:27,113 --> 00:02:29,380
Would you mind dropping dad
off at the senior center
59
00:02:29,448 --> 00:02:30,648
while I finish getting ready?
60
00:02:30,716 --> 00:02:31,983
Mind? You kiddin' me?
61
00:02:32,051 --> 00:02:35,120
Between that and the French
circus, this is a dream night.
62
00:02:35,187 --> 00:02:37,622
Ok, dad, come on.
Medicine time.
63
00:02:38,090 --> 00:02:39,157
Ok...
64
00:02:40,826 --> 00:02:42,693
Red, yellow,
65
00:02:42,762 --> 00:02:44,095
and big blue.
66
00:02:45,831 --> 00:02:46,931
Good.
67
00:02:50,202 --> 00:02:52,937
Ah. There. Happy?
68
00:02:53,005 --> 00:02:54,705
Take big blue.
69
00:02:54,774 --> 00:02:56,040
I took it.
70
00:02:57,209 --> 00:02:58,542
See?
71
00:02:58,610 --> 00:03:01,479
Get it out of your sock
and swallow it.
72
00:03:01,546 --> 00:03:02,981
Yes, mein fuehrer!
73
00:03:03,916 --> 00:03:05,750
Oh! I almost
forgot something.
74
00:03:10,756 --> 00:03:12,791
(Carrie) Eeh, yeah!
75
00:03:13,725 --> 00:03:15,626
Oh, dad,
76
00:03:15,694 --> 00:03:17,862
you look so adorable.
77
00:03:17,930 --> 00:03:20,031
Ok, ok! Have
a good time. Bye-bye.
78
00:03:22,734 --> 00:03:25,469
Is there any chance I can
use this to hang myself?
79
00:03:29,508 --> 00:03:31,075
♪ [Organ playing]
80
00:03:35,815 --> 00:03:37,115
Hey, hey.
81
00:03:37,183 --> 00:03:39,250
The joint is really jumping.
82
00:03:39,318 --> 00:03:40,785
Huh?
83
00:03:40,853 --> 00:03:42,520
Look, there's
your buddy Mickey.
84
00:03:42,587 --> 00:03:44,488
Oh, aloha!
85
00:03:44,556 --> 00:03:46,624
Ready to hang 10?
86
00:03:48,093 --> 00:03:49,627
Yeah.
87
00:03:49,695 --> 00:03:51,196
Yeah.
88
00:03:51,263 --> 00:03:53,364
Let's go.
Hurry!
89
00:03:53,432 --> 00:03:55,867
All right, I'll see
you in a few hours.
90
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:02,406
Brutal.
91
00:04:03,575 --> 00:04:05,609
♪ [Organ playing]
92
00:04:11,783 --> 00:04:14,152
Hey, daddy-o!
93
00:04:17,289 --> 00:04:19,824
♪ [Organ playing]
94
00:04:25,197 --> 00:04:26,697
Howdy, pardner!
95
00:04:27,833 --> 00:04:29,767
Come on.
96
00:04:29,835 --> 00:04:31,602
What is wrong with that man?
97
00:04:35,274 --> 00:04:37,909
(Doug) So, it's outer
space night, huh?
98
00:04:40,645 --> 00:04:42,914
I like it a lot better
than pajama party night.
99
00:04:42,982 --> 00:04:46,284
I gotta be honest. I didn't
expect to see so many negligees.
100
00:04:46,352 --> 00:04:48,253
I mean, there were
a few secrets
101
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:51,422
Victoria should have kept
to herself, am I right?
102
00:04:51,490 --> 00:04:52,656
Pull over.
103
00:04:52,724 --> 00:04:53,858
I'm sorry, what?
104
00:04:53,926 --> 00:04:55,860
Pull the car over, Douglas.
105
00:04:55,928 --> 00:04:58,096
Arthur, we're still
6 blocks away.
106
00:04:58,163 --> 00:04:59,163
Do it.
107
00:05:03,502 --> 00:05:05,370
Look, I--I think we're
in a bus Lane here.
108
00:05:05,437 --> 00:05:07,171
Douglas, look me in the eye.
109
00:05:11,110 --> 00:05:12,476
Hi.
110
00:05:12,544 --> 00:05:14,312
You gotta help me out here.
111
00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:16,214
I can't go to
that place again.
112
00:05:16,282 --> 00:05:17,882
I just can't.
113
00:05:17,950 --> 00:05:19,284
Why not?
114
00:05:19,351 --> 00:05:21,052
Have you taken a good look?
115
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:24,055
That place is like
death's greenroom.
116
00:05:24,123 --> 00:05:26,457
Well, it's no Hooters,
I'll give you that.
117
00:05:26,525 --> 00:05:28,526
But really, what is?
118
00:05:28,593 --> 00:05:29,727
Listen to me.
119
00:05:29,795 --> 00:05:31,529
I know this fellow
named chick.
120
00:05:31,596 --> 00:05:33,731
He's hipped me to some clubs
down at the docks.
121
00:05:33,799 --> 00:05:35,366
Let me go down there tonight.
122
00:05:35,434 --> 00:05:36,667
The docks?
123
00:05:36,735 --> 00:05:39,003
What am I
supposed to tell Carrie?
124
00:05:39,071 --> 00:05:40,338
She doesn't have to know.
125
00:05:40,406 --> 00:05:42,673
I'll be back at
the center by 10:00.
126
00:05:42,741 --> 00:05:44,409
Douglas, I'm beggin'.
127
00:05:44,476 --> 00:05:46,510
There's a taxi stand
at the corner.
128
00:05:46,578 --> 00:05:48,879
Please give me back the night!
129
00:05:51,083 --> 00:05:53,084
Go ahead. Go on.
Get outta here.
130
00:05:53,152 --> 00:05:54,652
Oh, thank you, friend!
131
00:05:54,719 --> 00:05:56,787
So, you won't tell Carrie?
132
00:05:56,855 --> 00:05:58,823
Tell Carrie what?
133
00:05:58,890 --> 00:06:00,291
About our arrangement.
134
00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:01,859
I know.
I was doing the thing
135
00:06:01,927 --> 00:06:03,861
where I pretend to not even
know what you're talkin' about.
136
00:06:03,929 --> 00:06:04,929
I don't follow you.
137
00:06:04,997 --> 00:06:05,997
Just go.
Just go. Just go.
138
00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:07,332
Right, right.
139
00:06:11,937 --> 00:06:13,838
Wait, take--take off
your antennae!
140
00:06:21,813 --> 00:06:23,714
Boy, some of these people
really went for it
141
00:06:23,782 --> 00:06:25,116
with the space costumes, huh?
142
00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:26,317
[Both chuckle]
143
00:06:26,385 --> 00:06:29,087
Oh, check out the guy
with the oxygen tanks.
144
00:06:29,154 --> 00:06:31,122
Actually, I think
those are real.
145
00:06:33,658 --> 00:06:36,227
So where's my dad?
Why hasn't he come out yet?
146
00:06:36,295 --> 00:06:37,495
You know him.
147
00:06:37,562 --> 00:06:39,563
He's probably stealing
some cookies or something.
148
00:06:41,433 --> 00:06:42,833
(Carrie) Oh, hi, Mickey.
149
00:06:42,901 --> 00:06:45,336
Hey, you're
lookin' good there.
150
00:06:45,404 --> 00:06:47,505
Oh, thank you.
151
00:06:47,572 --> 00:06:49,640
If you ever get tired
of your big boy,
152
00:06:49,708 --> 00:06:51,409
my planet needs women.
153
00:06:52,744 --> 00:06:53,878
I'll let you know.
154
00:06:53,945 --> 00:06:55,713
So, is my dad still in there?
155
00:06:55,780 --> 00:06:57,482
He never showed up.
156
00:06:59,451 --> 00:07:00,618
Funny story.
157
00:07:05,324 --> 00:07:07,058
(Carrie) What the hell
were you thinking?
158
00:07:07,126 --> 00:07:08,792
He promised
he'd be back by 10:00.
159
00:07:08,860 --> 00:07:10,228
Yeah, well, he also promised
160
00:07:10,295 --> 00:07:12,030
to wear underwear
underneath his bathrobe,
161
00:07:12,097 --> 00:07:14,732
but we know how that
worked out, don't we?
162
00:07:14,799 --> 00:07:16,200
All right, well,
he's not at home,
163
00:07:16,268 --> 00:07:18,169
and didn't leave
a message on the machine.
164
00:07:18,237 --> 00:07:19,237
This is just great.
165
00:07:19,304 --> 00:07:20,338
Will you relax, ok?
166
00:07:20,406 --> 00:07:21,605
I know exactly where he is.
167
00:07:21,673 --> 00:07:23,307
Oh, really? Would you
mind telling me?
168
00:07:23,375 --> 00:07:25,576
He's down by the,
uh, you know,
169
00:07:25,644 --> 00:07:26,911
the, uh, docks.
170
00:07:27,646 --> 00:07:29,613
The docks?
171
00:07:29,681 --> 00:07:31,649
Oh, that sounds like a perfect
place for an old man with gout.
172
00:07:31,716 --> 00:07:33,284
Where at the docks?
173
00:07:33,352 --> 00:07:35,686
He didn't specify, but he did
tell me who he was gonna be with.
174
00:07:35,754 --> 00:07:36,687
Who?
175
00:07:36,755 --> 00:07:38,556
A gentleman named chick.
176
00:07:39,158 --> 00:07:40,191
Chick?
177
00:07:40,259 --> 00:07:42,126
It's a nickname.
Probably short for...
178
00:07:42,194 --> 00:07:44,328
Chicken.
179
00:07:44,396 --> 00:07:47,131
I can't believe
you let him run off.
180
00:07:47,199 --> 00:07:49,100
God, what if something
happened to him?
181
00:07:49,168 --> 00:07:51,702
He can take care of himself.
Will you stop worryin'?
182
00:07:51,770 --> 00:07:53,438
All right, now,
we'll go down there,
183
00:07:53,505 --> 00:07:56,107
we'll check out a few places,
and I'm sure we'll find him.
184
00:07:56,175 --> 00:07:58,176
Don't forget to
drop me off first.
185
00:07:58,243 --> 00:08:01,145
Oh, we won't, Mickey.
Where--where should I turn?
186
00:08:01,213 --> 00:08:02,380
I don't know.
187
00:08:04,116 --> 00:08:05,683
You don't know?
188
00:08:05,750 --> 00:08:09,653
Well, I just moved in
a couple of months ago.
189
00:08:09,721 --> 00:08:12,890
Ok, well--well, can you give
me something, a--a landmark?
190
00:08:13,959 --> 00:08:16,160
I live next door
to the Johnsons.
191
00:08:16,995 --> 00:08:18,296
They're colored.
192
00:08:19,731 --> 00:08:20,664
Ok.
193
00:08:24,503 --> 00:08:26,170
♪ [Jazz music playing]
194
00:08:27,306 --> 00:08:28,706
Hello, young lovers.
195
00:08:28,773 --> 00:08:29,773
[Chuckles]
196
00:08:29,841 --> 00:08:31,209
Attaboy, arty.
197
00:08:31,276 --> 00:08:32,876
Hey, chicky!
198
00:08:32,944 --> 00:08:34,745
To life!
To love!
199
00:08:34,813 --> 00:08:35,846
To the ladies.
200
00:08:35,914 --> 00:08:37,047
I'll drink to that.
201
00:08:37,116 --> 00:08:39,150
May I freshen your
rusty nail, enid?
202
00:08:39,218 --> 00:08:41,352
You aren't goin'
anywhere, fella.
203
00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:42,786
I aims to please.
204
00:08:45,491 --> 00:08:47,691
Hey, Carrie!
He's in this one!
205
00:08:47,759 --> 00:08:49,360
Hey, Douglas!
Welcome!
206
00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:50,861
I want you to meet the gang.
207
00:08:50,929 --> 00:08:52,330
That's chick and Monica.
208
00:08:52,397 --> 00:08:53,864
How do you do?
Hi, how are ya?
209
00:08:53,932 --> 00:08:55,933
And this young lady is enid.
210
00:08:56,001 --> 00:08:58,569
Pleasure to meet you.
211
00:08:58,637 --> 00:09:00,338
A delightful morsel,
am I right?
212
00:09:00,405 --> 00:09:03,474
Oh, yes. She's very-- can I
see you for a second, please?
213
00:09:03,542 --> 00:09:06,010
What the hell's goin' on? You're
supposed to be back by 10:00.
214
00:09:06,077 --> 00:09:07,512
And I will.
What time is it now?
215
00:09:07,579 --> 00:09:08,812
It's 1:30
in the morning!
216
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:09,913
Wow!
217
00:09:09,981 --> 00:09:11,081
[Sighs]
218
00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:12,983
Sorry, big guy.
Truth is,
219
00:09:13,051 --> 00:09:15,819
I have something marvelous
going on with enid.
220
00:09:17,256 --> 00:09:18,356
Enid, huh?
221
00:09:18,423 --> 00:09:19,357
Yeah.
222
00:09:19,424 --> 00:09:21,159
(Doug) She's not bad.
223
00:09:21,226 --> 00:09:24,028
Kind of has that worldly,
smoky quality.
224
00:09:24,996 --> 00:09:27,798
So, can you buy me
a little time?
225
00:09:27,866 --> 00:09:29,066
I'm gonna level
with you, Arthur.
226
00:09:29,134 --> 00:09:30,701
Dad?
We're dead men.
227
00:09:30,769 --> 00:09:32,370
He's fine. I told
you he was fine.
228
00:09:32,437 --> 00:09:34,605
Dad--dad, what have
you been doing?
229
00:09:34,673 --> 00:09:37,308
I have been worried
half out of my mind about you!
230
00:09:37,376 --> 00:09:39,510
Any chance we can discuss
this later, darling?
231
00:09:39,578 --> 00:09:40,844
Maybe tomorrow?
232
00:09:40,912 --> 00:09:43,247
Have you been
drinking hard liquor?
233
00:09:43,315 --> 00:09:45,316
I may have had a sip
or two of a rob Roy.
234
00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:46,417
Why do you ask?
235
00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:48,719
Because you have half a liver,
236
00:09:48,787 --> 00:09:50,388
and you're on 9 medications
237
00:09:50,455 --> 00:09:52,590
that say,
"do not take with alcohol."
238
00:09:52,658 --> 00:09:54,225
That's why I ask.
239
00:09:54,293 --> 00:09:56,126
Wow, you weren't
kiddin', arty.
240
00:09:56,195 --> 00:09:57,328
[Snickering] Short leash.
241
00:09:57,396 --> 00:09:58,629
Who the hell are you?
242
00:09:58,697 --> 00:09:59,797
I'm chick dugan.
243
00:09:59,864 --> 00:10:01,632
Who are you, his nurse?
244
00:10:02,601 --> 00:10:03,834
No, I am his daughter,
245
00:10:03,902 --> 00:10:05,969
and we are in the middle
of a private conversation,
246
00:10:06,037 --> 00:10:08,138
so why don't you go shake down
the vending machines?
247
00:10:08,207 --> 00:10:09,940
Ooh, excuse me.
248
00:10:10,008 --> 00:10:11,909
That's why I like 'em
post-menopause.
249
00:10:11,976 --> 00:10:13,277
Oh, I hear that.
250
00:10:15,113 --> 00:10:17,315
Listen, darling, why don't
you kids head for home--
251
00:10:17,382 --> 00:10:19,983
oh, dad, don't be ridiculous.
It's almost 2:00 in the morning.
252
00:10:20,051 --> 00:10:22,152
Now, we're going home. Say
goodbye to your friends.
253
00:10:22,221 --> 00:10:23,487
I'll meet you in the car.
254
00:10:24,423 --> 00:10:26,156
[Sighs]
255
00:10:26,225 --> 00:10:27,725
Come on, Arthur. We should--
we should get going.
256
00:10:27,792 --> 00:10:28,792
Right.
257
00:10:28,860 --> 00:10:31,862
Arty, take care of yourself.
258
00:10:32,731 --> 00:10:33,864
You, too, kiddo.
259
00:10:33,932 --> 00:10:35,866
All right. Come on,
partner. Let's go, huh?
260
00:10:35,934 --> 00:10:37,535
Plenty more where
that came from.
261
00:10:37,603 --> 00:10:38,669
Sure.
262
00:10:38,737 --> 00:10:41,038
The living room is
filled with adventure.
263
00:10:50,515 --> 00:10:52,950
Dad, come inside!
What are you gonna do,
264
00:10:53,017 --> 00:10:54,352
sleep in the car?
265
00:10:57,756 --> 00:10:59,056
Good night!
266
00:11:05,497 --> 00:11:07,064
How dare you?
267
00:11:07,132 --> 00:11:09,734
How dare me?
How dare you?
268
00:11:09,801 --> 00:11:12,002
No, how dare you?
269
00:11:12,070 --> 00:11:13,471
How dare you?
270
00:11:13,538 --> 00:11:16,140
All right, let's just
get the fight going.
271
00:11:16,207 --> 00:11:18,409
You humiliated me
in front of my friends.
272
00:11:18,477 --> 00:11:20,043
I got news for you,
sweetheart.
273
00:11:20,111 --> 00:11:21,379
You're my daughter,
274
00:11:21,446 --> 00:11:23,013
not the other way around!
275
00:11:23,081 --> 00:11:26,049
Well, if you don't want
to be treated like a child,
276
00:11:26,117 --> 00:11:27,785
then don't act like one.
277
00:11:27,852 --> 00:11:29,953
I did not act like a child!
278
00:11:30,021 --> 00:11:32,657
Dad, you ran off, you didn't call,
you didn't leave a message,
279
00:11:32,724 --> 00:11:35,125
you were drinking, and I gotta
be honest with you, dad, ok?
280
00:11:35,193 --> 00:11:36,494
Your date looked like a pro.
281
00:11:36,561 --> 00:11:37,995
How dare you?
282
00:11:38,062 --> 00:11:39,664
Ok, let's not backtrack.
283
00:11:39,731 --> 00:11:41,231
I've got news for
you, sweetheart.
284
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:43,367
Tonight was the first night
I felt alive
285
00:11:43,435 --> 00:11:45,135
since you dragged me
into this house.
286
00:11:45,203 --> 00:11:47,204
But you couldn't stand to
see it, could you? No!
287
00:11:47,272 --> 00:11:48,472
You had to hobble me,
288
00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:50,374
like that fat broad in misery.
289
00:11:52,344 --> 00:11:54,878
I am not trying
to hobble you, dad.
290
00:11:54,946 --> 00:11:57,047
I am trying to look after you.
291
00:11:57,115 --> 00:11:59,149
I care about you, that's all.
292
00:11:59,217 --> 00:12:00,718
Douglas, I appeal to you.
293
00:12:00,786 --> 00:12:03,020
Am I crazy, or did she
spill my plums
294
00:12:03,087 --> 00:12:05,523
all over that barroom floor?
295
00:12:05,590 --> 00:12:07,057
Actually, I gotta
tell you, hon,
296
00:12:07,125 --> 00:12:09,092
you were a little rough
on him back there.
297
00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:10,795
You were.
298
00:12:10,862 --> 00:12:12,630
All right, don't you
start in on me,
299
00:12:12,698 --> 00:12:14,164
because this is
your fault, too.
300
00:12:14,232 --> 00:12:15,566
My fault?
Yes!
301
00:12:15,634 --> 00:12:17,535
All you had to do
was drop him off
302
00:12:17,602 --> 00:12:19,503
at the senior center.
Simple thing.
303
00:12:19,571 --> 00:12:20,838
He's a grown man.
He wanted out.
304
00:12:20,905 --> 00:12:22,606
What am I gonna do,
lock him in the car?
305
00:12:22,674 --> 00:12:25,008
Yes! You can lock all the
doors from the driver's side!
306
00:12:25,076 --> 00:12:26,210
I showed you that!
307
00:12:26,277 --> 00:12:27,745
If it didn't happen tonight,
308
00:12:27,813 --> 00:12:29,413
it was gonna happen
eventually.
309
00:12:29,481 --> 00:12:30,948
I gotta be honest with you.
310
00:12:31,015 --> 00:12:32,850
I've been observing you
for quite a while,
311
00:12:32,917 --> 00:12:34,385
and you've been stifling him.
312
00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:37,655
Stifling him? Is that
what you've observed, Doug?
313
00:12:37,723 --> 00:12:39,122
Yeah, yeah.
Oh. Oh, oh, ok.
314
00:12:39,190 --> 00:12:41,225
'Cause I thought your view
might've been blocked
315
00:12:41,292 --> 00:12:43,293
by the dorito bag
you always have your head in.
316
00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:44,628
How dare you?
317
00:12:44,696 --> 00:12:46,597
All right. Anyway,
what I'm sayin' is,
318
00:12:46,665 --> 00:12:47,898
just back off him, ok?
319
00:12:47,966 --> 00:12:49,967
You've been running his life
like a drill sergeant.
320
00:12:50,034 --> 00:12:51,068
Oh. Really?
321
00:12:51,135 --> 00:12:53,136
And--and what, you think
you can do better?
322
00:12:53,204 --> 00:12:55,138
I would've made some
different choices, yeah.
323
00:12:55,206 --> 00:12:56,139
Would ya?
324
00:12:56,207 --> 00:12:57,241
Indeed, I would.
325
00:12:57,308 --> 00:12:59,142
Indeed, you would? Hmm.
326
00:12:59,210 --> 00:13:01,712
Ok, ok. Obviously
I'm in the wrong here.
327
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:03,581
I mean, you think so.
He thinks so.
328
00:13:03,648 --> 00:13:05,115
(Carrie) Even chick thinks so.
329
00:13:05,183 --> 00:13:07,117
So, um, you know what?
330
00:13:07,185 --> 00:13:09,052
As of this moment,
I am out of it.
331
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:10,755
You can make
all the decisions.
332
00:13:10,822 --> 00:13:12,322
He belongs to you.
333
00:13:12,391 --> 00:13:14,157
Fine. I'll do it.
It's no big deal.
334
00:13:14,225 --> 00:13:16,427
Ok. Just-- that works
for you, too, dad?
335
00:13:16,495 --> 00:13:19,697
Douglas would be
a breath of fresh air.
336
00:13:19,765 --> 00:13:21,432
Ok. Well,
have fun, ladies.
337
00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:23,501
Oh, we'll have more
than fun, Mary Jane.
338
00:13:23,568 --> 00:13:24,902
We'll have so much damn fun,
339
00:13:24,969 --> 00:13:27,070
the neighbors
will think it's weird.
340
00:13:29,107 --> 00:13:30,441
Ok.
341
00:13:36,214 --> 00:13:38,082
All right, art deco.
Give me an update.
342
00:13:38,149 --> 00:13:40,818
How are we lookin'
with the waffle iron?
343
00:13:40,885 --> 00:13:43,520
It would appear to have
reached optimal temperature.
344
00:13:43,588 --> 00:13:46,556
Now hit me with
a load of Dougie batter.
345
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:47,825
Let's start with the waffles
346
00:13:47,892 --> 00:13:49,627
and see what happens, huh?
347
00:13:49,694 --> 00:13:52,496
Ah, the sound of good eatin'.
348
00:13:52,563 --> 00:13:53,664
Good mornin'.
349
00:13:53,732 --> 00:13:55,165
Oh, hello.
350
00:13:55,233 --> 00:13:57,034
What've you guys
got goin' on there?
351
00:13:57,102 --> 00:13:59,637
We're livin' our life.
Now, back off, sister!
352
00:14:01,072 --> 00:14:04,708
Easy. I'm just
getting some juice.
353
00:14:04,776 --> 00:14:07,811
By the by, Douglas, I wanna take
this opportunity to thank you
354
00:14:07,879 --> 00:14:09,913
for involving me
in the morning goings-on.
355
00:14:09,981 --> 00:14:11,882
Oh, well, you're
very welcome, Arthur.
356
00:14:11,950 --> 00:14:13,550
And may I add that your wisdom
357
00:14:13,618 --> 00:14:15,619
has enriched
the waffle-making process.
358
00:14:15,687 --> 00:14:18,022
Kudos on the nutmeg.
359
00:14:18,089 --> 00:14:19,923
(Arthur)
I surely appreciate that.
360
00:14:19,991 --> 00:14:22,126
Oh, it's, uh, right
around the time
361
00:14:22,193 --> 00:14:25,863
when my pills are usually
forced down my gullet.
362
00:14:25,930 --> 00:14:28,132
Douglas, do you mind
if I take them later,
363
00:14:28,199 --> 00:14:29,700
of my own volition?
364
00:14:29,768 --> 00:14:31,368
I don't know what
"volition" means,
365
00:14:31,435 --> 00:14:34,038
but I certainly understand
"later." That'd be fine.
366
00:14:34,105 --> 00:14:36,807
Thank you for that
shred of respect.
367
00:14:36,875 --> 00:14:38,776
Well, I gotta say,
368
00:14:38,843 --> 00:14:41,478
this is working out
delightfully.
369
00:14:41,546 --> 00:14:43,547
I mean, everything's
under control,
370
00:14:43,614 --> 00:14:46,216
wafflemania's in progress,
371
00:14:46,284 --> 00:14:48,686
and guess who's got
a free afternoon
372
00:14:48,753 --> 00:14:50,721
to get a manicure?
Hi, me!
373
00:14:56,594 --> 00:14:59,129
Oh, look, Douglas.
Scissors.
374
00:14:59,197 --> 00:15:00,998
May I run with them?
375
00:15:04,035 --> 00:15:06,070
Be my guest, Arthur.
376
00:15:06,137 --> 00:15:07,337
Ooh, look!
377
00:15:07,405 --> 00:15:09,639
I'm running with the scissors,
378
00:15:09,708 --> 00:15:13,276
and I'm not dead!
Whoo-hoo, look at me!
379
00:15:13,344 --> 00:15:14,377
[Chuckling]
380
00:15:14,445 --> 00:15:15,612
Good one.
381
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,147
Oh, watch this.
382
00:15:17,215 --> 00:15:19,083
Oh, look, a fork.
383
00:15:19,150 --> 00:15:23,253
Douglas, do you mind if I
stick it in the toaster?
384
00:15:23,321 --> 00:15:25,388
Actually, yes.
Don't do that.
385
00:15:25,456 --> 00:15:27,024
Ok, guys, I'm going.
386
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:29,827
Doug, don't forget to run
his errands with him.
387
00:15:30,528 --> 00:15:31,595
Errands?
388
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,734
(Arthur)
You call this a haircut?
389
00:15:36,801 --> 00:15:38,635
Where are
the blond highlights?
390
00:15:42,707 --> 00:15:46,210
I don't care if your sign says "no
shoes, no shirt, no service."
391
00:15:46,277 --> 00:15:48,078
I want my wind chimes!
392
00:15:53,718 --> 00:15:55,986
Sorry, Douglas.
It used to be here.
393
00:16:00,358 --> 00:16:02,559
Son of a gun.
Not here, either.
394
00:16:05,897 --> 00:16:07,131
Be patient, Douglas.
395
00:16:07,198 --> 00:16:09,299
It's very hard
to find parking here.
396
00:16:11,602 --> 00:16:14,304
I don't care how many
tattoos you've got.
397
00:16:14,372 --> 00:16:17,440
You mess with me,
you mess with my son-in-law!
398
00:16:17,508 --> 00:16:18,976
[Car tires screeching]
399
00:16:22,580 --> 00:16:23,680
[Door opens]
400
00:16:23,748 --> 00:16:26,150
What a day, what a way.
401
00:16:26,217 --> 00:16:27,550
Am I right, Douglas?
402
00:16:27,618 --> 00:16:28,786
I don't know.
403
00:16:29,888 --> 00:16:31,255
Boy, I'm starving.
404
00:16:31,322 --> 00:16:33,356
What's for dinner, hop sing?
405
00:16:33,424 --> 00:16:35,292
I don't know. What do
you-- what do you want?
406
00:16:35,359 --> 00:16:37,060
Cake.
407
00:16:37,128 --> 00:16:38,695
Cake? You can't have
cake for dinner.
408
00:16:38,763 --> 00:16:41,498
Ok, then jambalaya.
409
00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:43,033
I'll make you
a grilled cheese.
410
00:16:43,101 --> 00:16:44,268
I love it.
411
00:16:46,737 --> 00:16:49,106
You know what? Here.
Have a mini-doughnut.
412
00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:50,640
It'll tide you over
till dinner.
413
00:16:50,708 --> 00:16:52,309
Don't mind if I do.
414
00:16:52,376 --> 00:16:53,576
Whoo.
415
00:16:53,644 --> 00:16:55,946
Douglas, quick question.
416
00:16:56,014 --> 00:16:58,381
Is the room listing
severely to the left?
417
00:16:59,517 --> 00:17:00,750
Nope.
418
00:17:00,819 --> 00:17:02,752
Then I may need my medication.
419
00:17:02,821 --> 00:17:04,354
You didn't take your pills?
420
00:17:04,422 --> 00:17:06,056
I-- apparently not.
421
00:17:06,124 --> 00:17:07,925
Arthur, you said
you were gonna take them!
422
00:17:07,992 --> 00:17:10,260
I was drunk with freedom.
423
00:17:10,328 --> 00:17:12,062
All right, what do
we start with here?
424
00:17:12,130 --> 00:17:13,263
Hang on, hang on.
425
00:17:13,331 --> 00:17:14,597
Start with the ear drops in,
426
00:17:14,665 --> 00:17:15,933
and for god's sakes,
427
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,000
hurry.
428
00:17:17,068 --> 00:17:18,501
Well, there are
3 droppers here,
429
00:17:18,569 --> 00:17:20,437
and none of them
say "ear" on it.
430
00:17:20,504 --> 00:17:21,872
Oh, god.
It's Carrie.
431
00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:23,106
Hey! Hey!
432
00:17:23,174 --> 00:17:24,208
(Carrie) Hey!
433
00:17:24,275 --> 00:17:25,608
Everything ok here?
434
00:17:25,676 --> 00:17:26,810
Couldn't be better.
435
00:17:26,878 --> 00:17:28,011
[Gasping]
436
00:17:29,948 --> 00:17:31,982
Well, I gotta
hand it to you guys.
437
00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:33,951
I had a good day,
and it looks like
438
00:17:34,018 --> 00:17:35,518
you had a good day, too.
439
00:17:35,586 --> 00:17:37,020
Oh, yeah. Great day,
great day.
440
00:17:37,088 --> 00:17:39,122
Just gonna throw in
the old ear drops now,
441
00:17:39,190 --> 00:17:40,657
and, uh,
that'll be it. Whoo!
442
00:17:40,725 --> 00:17:43,360
Ok. But these are
the ear drops.
443
00:17:43,427 --> 00:17:46,029
If you wanna use the corn
remover, be my guest.
444
00:17:46,097 --> 00:17:47,831
I don't want to micromanage.
445
00:17:48,599 --> 00:17:49,833
[Chuckling] Ok.
446
00:17:52,270 --> 00:17:54,071
All right, hang on.
Relief is on the way.
447
00:17:54,138 --> 00:17:55,772
All right, come here.
Tip your ears.
448
00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:57,074
The other one, other one!
449
00:17:57,141 --> 00:17:58,508
Good. There you go.
450
00:17:58,576 --> 00:18:00,777
Ok, now we just gotta
get it in there.
451
00:18:02,013 --> 00:18:03,546
Easy! I'm not a Martini.
452
00:18:03,614 --> 00:18:06,016
All right, come on, relax. I
wanna make sure it's in there.
453
00:18:06,084 --> 00:18:08,085
All right, now, pills, pills, pills.
Here we go.
454
00:18:08,152 --> 00:18:10,988
All right, we got a red one, a
blue one, and a yellow one. Here.
455
00:18:11,055 --> 00:18:12,822
I'm not taking big blue.
I hate those.
456
00:18:12,891 --> 00:18:14,491
You gotta take your
medicine. Open up!
457
00:18:14,558 --> 00:18:16,026
Dream on!
Open the damn mouth!
458
00:18:16,094 --> 00:18:17,794
No! Look at yourself,
Douglas.
459
00:18:17,862 --> 00:18:20,830
You're behaving just like her.
460
00:18:20,899 --> 00:18:24,567
Oh, my god. You're-- you know what?
You're absolutely right.
461
00:18:24,635 --> 00:18:26,836
I'm--I'm--I'm--
I'm sorry, Arthur.
462
00:18:26,905 --> 00:18:28,205
Apology accepted.
463
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:30,107
Yeah. Wow,
464
00:18:30,174 --> 00:18:33,377
I-I'm just gonna
get, uh, dinner going.
465
00:18:33,444 --> 00:18:36,013
I'm sorry about that. I
don't know what happened.
466
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:38,048
You know what?
Just to show I'm a good guy,
467
00:18:38,116 --> 00:18:39,349
why don't you, uh,
468
00:18:39,417 --> 00:18:40,884
why don't you have yourself
469
00:18:40,952 --> 00:18:43,186
another mini-- mini-doughnut
before dinner, huh?
470
00:18:43,254 --> 00:18:44,554
Thank you, Douglas.
Ok.
471
00:18:44,622 --> 00:18:45,889
That's more like it.
472
00:18:45,957 --> 00:18:47,057
(Doug) Yeah.
473
00:18:49,427 --> 00:18:51,028
I gotta tell you, Arthur,
474
00:18:51,095 --> 00:18:52,695
you put up such a good fight,
475
00:18:52,763 --> 00:18:55,232
it almost feels wrong to win.
476
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,434
What're you talkin' about?
477
00:18:57,501 --> 00:19:00,237
I slipped big blue
into your mini-doughnut.
478
00:19:02,173 --> 00:19:04,274
You scurvy son of a bitch!
479
00:19:08,612 --> 00:19:10,080
Delightful sandwich.
480
00:19:10,148 --> 00:19:12,182
What kind of cheese is this?
481
00:19:12,250 --> 00:19:13,650
American.
482
00:19:13,717 --> 00:19:15,652
Well, hats off
to the Americans.
483
00:19:16,654 --> 00:19:17,988
Glad you like it.
484
00:19:18,056 --> 00:19:19,056
[Clears throat]
485
00:19:19,123 --> 00:19:20,290
So what are you, uh,
486
00:19:20,358 --> 00:19:21,925
what do you got
goin' on for tonight?
487
00:19:21,993 --> 00:19:25,462
Remember my drinking buddy,
chick, from the docks?
488
00:19:25,529 --> 00:19:27,965
He got a tip
on a busted slot machine
489
00:19:28,032 --> 00:19:30,867
in one of those
Indian casinos in Connecticut.
490
00:19:30,935 --> 00:19:33,103
It's payin' off
like gangbusters.
491
00:19:33,171 --> 00:19:35,705
Well, you-- you wanna
go to Connecticut tonight?
492
00:19:35,773 --> 00:19:38,041
Sure. Chick's corvair
is street-legal again,
493
00:19:38,109 --> 00:19:40,077
and I just cashed in
some c. Ds.
494
00:19:40,144 --> 00:19:42,679
He's the wheels,
and I'm the bank.
495
00:19:42,746 --> 00:19:45,648
Are you-- are you insane, Arthur?
You're-- you're not goin'.
496
00:19:45,716 --> 00:19:47,084
Oh-ho-ho, I'm goin'.
497
00:19:47,151 --> 00:19:48,452
Oh-ho-ho,
no, you're not.
498
00:19:48,519 --> 00:19:50,988
And who, pray tell,
is gonna stop me?
499
00:19:51,055 --> 00:19:52,422
You're lookin' at him.
500
00:19:52,490 --> 00:19:55,292
Oh-ho, Douglas,
you are priceless.
501
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,794
For the next 8 hours,
you won't be able
502
00:19:57,862 --> 00:19:59,729
to stop yourself
from droolin'.
503
00:20:00,431 --> 00:20:01,431
What?
504
00:20:01,499 --> 00:20:03,467
I jammed the rest
of the big blues
505
00:20:03,534 --> 00:20:04,834
in your sandwich.
506
00:20:04,902 --> 00:20:07,437
I was afraid you'd notice,
but fortunately,
507
00:20:07,505 --> 00:20:09,973
you wolf down your food
like a rottweiler.
508
00:20:11,476 --> 00:20:12,942
You drugged me?
509
00:20:13,777 --> 00:20:15,979
[Snickering]
510
00:20:16,047 --> 00:20:18,548
Doesn't feel too good,
does it?
511
00:20:18,616 --> 00:20:20,950
So, bye-bye, sucker!
512
00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:22,819
Enjoy the pretty colors!
513
00:20:25,990 --> 00:20:28,925
♪[Hey Joe
by Jimmy Hendrix playing]
514
00:20:52,850 --> 00:20:54,251
Doug?
515
00:20:54,318 --> 00:20:55,919
Hey, honey!
516
00:20:56,987 --> 00:20:58,655
[Music stops]
517
00:20:58,722 --> 00:21:00,257
Where--
where's my father?
518
00:21:00,324 --> 00:21:02,926
Oh, he put the big blue pills
519
00:21:02,993 --> 00:21:04,928
in my sandwich,
and he ran way.
520
00:21:04,995 --> 00:21:07,164
I love you!
521
00:21:07,231 --> 00:21:08,798
Stay with me, honey.
Stay with me.
522
00:21:08,866 --> 00:21:11,000
Where exactly did he go?
523
00:21:11,069 --> 00:21:14,737
He went to a casino
in connec-I-ta-cut.
524
00:21:15,973 --> 00:21:18,241
Ok, and when did he leave?
525
00:21:18,309 --> 00:21:22,079
Well, that depends
on when now is-- the-- now.
526
00:21:23,448 --> 00:21:25,682
Ok, I was gonna take a bath,
527
00:21:25,749 --> 00:21:27,684
but searching casinos
in Connecticut
528
00:21:27,751 --> 00:21:29,252
seems just as relaxing.
529
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,221
I tell you, Carrie,
you were right.
530
00:21:31,289 --> 00:21:33,223
You take good care
of your father.
531
00:21:33,291 --> 00:21:35,858
I was bad and stupid.
532
00:21:35,926 --> 00:21:37,060
I know, honey.
533
00:21:37,128 --> 00:21:39,028
All right, sleep it off.
534
00:21:39,097 --> 00:21:40,297
All right.
Ok.
535
00:21:40,364 --> 00:21:41,465
Hey.
536
00:21:41,532 --> 00:21:43,032
Great ass!
537
00:21:44,402 --> 00:21:45,469
Thank you.
538
00:21:47,539 --> 00:21:49,973
(Carrie) Yeah. This man in
the picture right here.
539
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:51,308
Have you seen him?
540
00:21:51,375 --> 00:21:52,542
(Man) Oh, yes.
541
00:21:52,610 --> 00:21:54,978
He's the one we call
"little yells a lot."
542
00:21:55,045 --> 00:21:57,114
He left about 15 minutes ago.
543
00:21:57,181 --> 00:21:58,415
[Carrie sighs]
37926
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