Original subtitles

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

Well. Hmm.

Where is everybody?

[Wilbur] Ed?

Uh-oh.

Ed, I told you not to spy on our new neighbors.

I'm not spying.

I'm just exercising my eyes.

Quit sticking your nose in other people's business.

Well, it's such a big nose. I have to stick it some place.

Who are they?

Mr. and Mrs. Harper

and their teenage daughter Emmy Lou.

Go on, Wilbur. What other gossip do you know?

Well, they just moved in. Their furniture is--

Ed, you're nothing but a busybody.

If there's anything I can't stand,

it's a peeping horse.

Big deal.

Come on. Back in the barn.

Back in the barn.

Now I got to watch a daytime soap opera.

That's right. Get in the barn and you stay there.

Okay.

[Carol] Wilbur.

Emmy Lou came over to ask a favor of you, hun.

Mr. Post, I know we just moved in,

and I wouldn't want to impose on you.

That's all right, honey. Impose away.

Well, I'm not going steady with anyone--

I'd be delighted.

I feel I should warn you my fox trot's holding up well,

but my twist is bent.

Emmy Lou is serious.

I'm sorry, honey. What's the favor?

Can I pull a hair from your horse's tail?

You, uh, want to pull a hair from Ed's tail?

Mm-hmm. I was reading in this book called Love Charms,

and it says right here,

"If you pluck a hair from the tail of noble steed,

then love will come to a heart in need."

Honey, you don't mind, do you?

I'm going to use it in a love potion.

You be my guest.

Better yet. I'll be right back. Excuse me.

Ooh.

There you are, dear.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Post.

Don't mention it, Emmy Lou. Anytime at all.

Thank you. Oh.

"If you pluck a hair from the tail of a noble steed..."

[both laugh]

What did you use to catch me with, dear? A horse's tail?

No, an angry father.

[water running]

Ed, stop being such a baby.

Gee, when Emmy Lou told me her problem,

it got me right here.

Ah, you know where it got me.

All this fuss over one little hair.

Pluck a hair from the tail of a noble steed,

and pretty soon a toupee he'll need.

[groans]

Martha, I thought we had her adenoids out.

What hurts me has nothing to do with my adenoids.

George, dear, read your paper.

What do you mean read my paper?

I'm a paid-up member of this family.

I have a right to know what's troubling her.

Well, if you must know, Daddy,

I've been reading a book on romance,

and I mixed a love potion.

You what?

Your daughter is the only girl in Franklin High

who isn't going steady.

Oh.

I'm an old maid, and you just sit there.

You're too young to go steady.

Aha.

Spying again, huh?

Who's spying? I was just sniffing the rhododendron.

Ed, it's getting so you know everything that goes on in the whole neighborhood.

I do not. I'm not one bit interested in what anyb--

[car zooms past]

Hey, there goes Charlie Davis.

Charlie Davis?

That high school boy who always needs a haircut.

He's gone ape over Peggy Phillips.

You say you don't snoop, huh?

How come you know all this stuff?

I happen to have a little radar in my ears.

Well, you better get that radar out of your ears,

or I won't put any carrots in your mouth.

Look, Ed, you go back to the barn.

And if I find you snooping once more,

I'm going to send you to bed without any television.

Oh, brother. It's tough to be an only horse.

Back in the barn, Ed.

Hmm, I never heard that muffler before.

I wonder who that is.

[tires squeal]

Looks like a new delivery boy.

[doorbell rings]

Why doesn't he use the back door?

Oh, look, Mother. The man from the grocery store's here.

[mumbles]

Uh, put it over here, sir.

Uh, do you go to Franklin High?

[mumbles]

Oh, I'm a sophomore, too.

Uh, how come I've never seen you at school?

[mumbles]

Mother, isn't that interesting? He just moved into town.

Must be an exchange student.

Ask him what country he comes from?

Where are you from?

[mumbles]

He's from New Jersey.

My name's Emmy Lou Harper. What's yours?

- Huh? - What's your name?

[mumbles]

Goodbye, Arthur.

How could she understand him?

They're teenagers.

Hello, Taffy? Taffy, guess who just walked into my life.

Mr. Wonderful. He's a dream.

Huh. That's a dream?

I'm going to get out of here before I go ape.

Yes, he's wearing his own buckle.

Yeah.

Darn it. I wish this wasn't Saturday.

Now I have to wait all the way till Monday to see Arthur at school.

Yeah, well, I'll see you later. Bye.

Emmy Lou, honey, take the groceries in the kitchen for me.

- Sure. - Thank you.

Hello, Mr. Bailey. This is Mrs. Harper.

I'd like to order some more groceries,

and have them delivered immediately, will you, please?

Oh, Mother, you and Taffy

are the two best girl friends I've got.

Ed.

I'll bet you think I was snooping.

Oh, no, no.

You were just looking at your reflection in the window

to see if your mane was on straight.

You know what that teenage little hair-puller is trying to do?

She now has her mother ordering more groceries.

I don't care.

All I know is you broke your promise to me not to snoop.

It wasn't a real promise.

What do you mean?

I had my hooves crossed.

[laughs]

Do you really think Arthur will like it?

If he doesn't, dear, don't bother with him. He's dead.

Oh, Wilbur, doesn't Emmy Lou look adorable?

Emmy Lou?

I thought it was Zsa Zsa.

Oh, Mr. Post.

[chuckles]

Here. A little here, there, and on the wrists there.

Why waste time? Just drink it.

[laughs]

Oh, look, Mr. Post.

I soaked a hair from your horse's tail

in the love potion for over 24 hours,

and now I made a ring out of it.

What do you know? My horse is engaged.

I just hope the charm works on Arthur.

Mmm.

[speaking fake French]

What does that mean?

Ma chérie, you are irresistible.

You really think so?

Gee, Arthur's never seen me in high heels.

Just make sure he gets a whiff of this perfume.

If it does what the bottlezf sa, your problems are over.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

[tires squeal]

It's Arthur.

[doorbell rings]

You?

Hello, Arthur. Come in.

More groceries, honey? He was just here an hour ago.

You never can tell when people are going to drop in, right?

And I like to be prepared for any emergency.

It sounds more like a conspiracy.

Arthur, Emmy Lou will take care of the groceries.

Emmy Lou? Honey?

[mumbles]

Oh.

I guess delivering groceries,

you run into a lot of girls from Franklin High.

[mumbles]

You haven't?

[mumbles]

Oh, well, in that case,

since you're new in town and don't know any girls--

[Man] Gina Galuzzi. Gina Galuzzi.

See Italy's newest star at your neighborhood theater.

Arthur, I--

[mumbles]

Here is a scene from her latest film, Bitter Love.

Buon giorno, Roberto.

Oh, Gina, sei giù.

Buon, buon.

Un vino. Fantastico. Grazie, Gina.

Gina, che bella che sei.

Roberto.

[mumbles]

Gina, cala.

Oh, che bella.

[mumbles]

Did you hear what he said?

Oh, I don't know what he said,

but it's the first time I understood him.

Ah, now I think I know how to handle Arturo.

Arturo?

Oh, Emmy Lou, more groceries?

I think there's still a chance to make him notice me.

Honey, if your father sees any more groceries come in--

And besides, dear, there's a limit to chasing a boy.

Now think of your pride.

Pride?

Pride comes after you're going steady.

Oh.

Poor Arturo.

He's going to get it right in the old pasta fazool.

So you're back here again, huh?

Ed, you are positively incorrigible.

Thanks, Wilbur. I'm glad we made up.

Come on. Back to the barn.

Ooh.

[doorbell rings]

We have moved.

George.

[knock at door]

Come in, Arthur.

[Emmy Lou] Buon giorno, Arturo.

Buon giorno, Arturo.

[mumbles]

Prego, prego.

Eh, Arturo.

Prego, prego?

Oh, now George, I told you she's just going through a phase.

She looks more like she's been through a swap.

[mumbles]

You're so right. Women should be so natural.

[mumbles]

[mumbles]

Oh, yes, I'd love to go to the movies.

Very prego.

[mumbles]

Tonight? "Volare dipinto di blu," Arturo.

Here.

[mumbles]

Why can't he use the back door?

That's why I built a house with a front door and a back door.

[mumbles]

Bye, Arthur.

Aw, come on, Wilbur. This is dirty pool.

I'm sorry, Ed.

It's the only way I can teach you

to keep your nose out of other people's business.

But it's such a drag.

[knock at door]

[Emmy Lou] Mr. Post?

Come in, Emmy Lou.

It worked! It worked! I've got a date with Arthur.

And it's all because of Mr. Ed's tail.

[phone rings]

Hello?

[mumbles]

Would you mind repeating what you just said?

If you said anything.

[mumbles]

It's a young boy who doesn't speak English very well.

Oh, that must be Arthur.

I guess my mother told him I was here.

Hello, Arthur?

[mumbles]

Oh, Arthur, that's terrible.

[mumbles]

Oh, please don't call off the date. Please.

[mumbles]

What happened, honey?

Arthur's left rear tire blew out,

and he doesn't have a spare.

Look, it's times like this that a woman has to be brave.

Yeah, but it's tough to be brave when you're pushing 15

and your best years are behind you.

Ed, isn't it funny how these kids think life ends at 15?

[Ed sobs]

What are you crying for?

You think puppy love is funny?

Oh, what's with you?

First you were against Emmy Lou. Now you're all for her.

You just don't understand us teenagers.

Oh, boy.

But, Daddy, we don't want your whole car.

Just one tire.

Just one tire?

George, couldn't you let them have the spare?

And what happens if we have a flat when we're out tonight?

But, Daddy, you and mom don't need to go out.

You're married.

I'm married.

Darling, it's Arthur's car,

so I think it's his responsibility.

But, Daddy, Arthur doesn't have enough money

to take me to the movies and buy a tire.

Well, maybe if he'd quit eating apples for a while,

he could afford both.

Oh, Daddy, you just don't understand.

I'm sorry to bother you again, Mr. Post.

Honey, I'd like to help you,

but, I mean, if your own father won't let you have a spare tire,

it would be wrong for me to.

But, Mr. Post, Daddy just doesn't understand.

He thinks I'm too young to be going steady.

Well, you're not exactly over the hill, you know.

Well, Juliet was only 13

when she was going steady with Romeo.

Yeah, but look at the mess those two kids got into. Ick.

Besides which, I think your father's right, dear.

I mean, after all, why should you give Arthur a spare tire

just so you can get a date?

Arthur just has 5enough money to take us to the movies.

He doesn't have $5.00 for a tire.

Why doesn't he sell that loud muffler of his?

I'd give him $5.00 myself.

Sell his muffler?

Without that muffler,

there would always be a piece of Arthur missing.

Honey, this isn't the end of the world.

It is for me.

I've just got to get that tire for Arthur.

I feel sorry for her, Ed,

but if I were to help her without her father knowing,

I could never face him.

[Mister Ed sputters]

Ed, I thought at least you would understand.

It's easier to understand Arthur.

Going, going, gone.

Sold to Gloria for 60 cents.

- Your money? - Oh, here you go.

And now girls. Girls.

This very treasured possession of mine.

[all] Oh, wow.

This brand-new bikini bathing suit

that my father won't let me wear.

What are my bids?

I'll bid 10 cents.

Gloria, how could you

only bid 10 cents for this brand-new bikini?

Well, my father won't let me wear it, either.

Anybody have an understanding father?

Sold to Gloria for 10 cents.

I wonder how I'd look in a bikini.

There's nothing else to auction, and I'm still a dollar short.

Wait a minute, girls.

This last item is this Bobby Dexter record.

Who needs that?

Who needs it?

This Bobby Dexter record's a collector's item.

It's the only flop he ever made.

I'll bid 25 cents.

Marjorie, are you kidding?

Only 25 cents for "I Wonder Who's Sharing Your Straw"?

There were only seven of these records sold in the whole world.

It's the worst record Bobby Dexter ever made.

He wasn't even Bobby Dexter then.

He was still Elmerm3 Diggins.

Hmm, maybe that would make a good souvenir.

55 cents.

It's worth a dollar.

65.

70.

80.

90.

$1.00.

Sold.

It was a rotten trick, but Emmy Lou needed the dollar.

I sure hope Arthur likes the tire.

Here, try this.

[phone rings]

Hello?

Oh, no, Arthur.

[mumbles]

What happened?

Now Arthur's battery went dead.

[Emmy Lou] Mr. Post.

Emmy Lou, we're right back where we started with the tire.

If your father won't give you a battery, then I can't, either.

Well, in that case, you might as well have this hair ring back.

I guess your horse wasn't very lucky for me after all.

I just can't.

You already said no.

You don't have to rub it in.

See? Now my buddy thinks I'm a jinx.

I feel bad enough without you starting on me.

Scrooge.

Fagin.

Simon Legree.

Don't you start blaming me.

Maybe you are a jinx.

I mean how come Arthur's tire blew out

and then his battery went dead?

Why do you guilty people always yell?

I am not yelling.

Me thinks he doth protest too much.

Well, I'm not going to stand around here

arguing with a screwball horse

who has no right to be talking in the first place.

And you are a jinx.

See?

Doesn't your father or Mr. Post

understand how important your date is?

Well, they think they're doing right.

It's just that grownups are so mixed up today.

[phone rings]

Hello?

Oh, Mr. Post.

Oh, oh, oh, that's wonderful, Mr. Post.

Oh, thank you.

No, don't mention it.

After all, that's what neighbors are for.

Bye-bye.

[mumbles]

That's the nicest thing anybody ever said to me.

[mumbles]

Arthur, it just wouldn't be right to kiss you.

Well, gee, we're not even going steady.

[mumbles]

Well, in that case--

True love always finds a way,

but sometimes it needs a little help.

[knock at door]

Come in.

Mr. Post, I want to thank you again

for lending me your horse last night.

Even my father said it was a fair compromise.

Oh, think nothing of it, dear.

I knew if I put my mind to it,

that I could come up with some brilliant solution.

Thank you.

Brilliant solution, huh?

That was my idea.

[mumbles]

What did you say?

You just don't understand us teenagers.

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪

♪ And waste your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪

Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

[Man] This has been a Filmways television presentation.