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1
00:00:01,584 --> 00:00:03,218
[whinnies]
2
00:00:03,219 --> 00:00:06,472
Hello. I'm Mister Ed.
3
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♪ A horse is a horse,of course, of course ♪
4
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:15,681
♪ And no one can talkto a horse, of course ♪
5
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,316
♪ That is, of course,unless the horse ♪
6
00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:18,935
♪ Is the famousMister Ed ♪
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00:00:18,935 --> 00:00:21,103
♪ Go right to the sourceand ask the horse ♪
8
00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,738
♪ He'll give youthe answer ♪
9
00:00:22,739 --> 00:00:23,823
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
10
00:00:23,823 --> 00:00:25,991
♪ He's alwayson a steady course ♪
11
00:00:25,992 --> 00:00:27,610
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
12
00:00:31,414 --> 00:00:34,116
♪ This is the way
we shine our shoes ♪
13
00:00:34,117 --> 00:00:37,370
♪ Shine our shoes,
shine our shoes ♪
14
00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:40,089
♪ This is the way
we shine our shoes ♪
15
00:00:40,090 --> 00:00:43,343
♪ Every Sunday morning ♪
16
00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:47,130
♪ Oh, this is the way
we shine our-- ♪
17
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:51,467
Ed, how many times
have I told you
18
00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:53,636
not to use my shoeshine kit?
19
00:00:53,636 --> 00:00:56,355
Oh, about 80 or 90. Why?
20
00:00:56,356 --> 00:00:59,058
That's very funny.
21
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:01,778
I don't like you
using my stuff.
22
00:01:01,778 --> 00:01:05,565
But we're buddies, Wilbur.
We ought to share.
23
00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:06,649
That sharing--
24
00:01:06,649 --> 00:01:08,283
and look at this.
25
00:01:08,284 --> 00:01:10,986
I don't mind you reading
the magazines, Ed,
26
00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:12,621
but at least you could leave
the place tidy.
27
00:01:12,622 --> 00:01:15,875
You want a horse
or a house maid?
28
00:01:15,875 --> 00:01:18,043
One thing I don't want
is a pig.
29
00:01:18,044 --> 00:01:19,662
Neither do I.
30
00:01:19,662 --> 00:01:21,830
They eat like horses.
31
00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:28,887
Who gave you permission
to use my sunlamp?
32
00:01:28,888 --> 00:01:31,590
I was only toasting some hay.
33
00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:34,310
Toasting hay?
34
00:01:34,310 --> 00:01:38,097
With sliced carrots,
it makes a delicious sandwich.
35
00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:42,434
Stop being such a clown.
36
00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:45,154
And look, Ed. I don't want you
messing up my office.
37
00:01:45,155 --> 00:01:46,773
Now, you get in your stall
and stay there.
38
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,941
Come on, in your stall.
39
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,110
[Mister Ed groans]
40
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,279
Funny guy.
41
00:01:55,999 --> 00:01:58,701
Wilbur,
you're always picking on me.
42
00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:02,504
Some day I'm going to run away
and join the Folies Bergère.
43
00:02:02,505 --> 00:02:04,123
You mean the Foreign Legion.
44
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,758
You join what you want--
45
00:02:05,758 --> 00:02:08,460
[together]
...and I'll join what I want.
46
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:10,095
[Mister Ed groans]
47
00:02:10,096 --> 00:02:11,180
[mock groans]
48
00:02:11,181 --> 00:02:13,883
Ed, all I want out of you
is silence.
49
00:02:13,883 --> 00:02:18,220
I have a little work to do on
these Holbrook sketches,
50
00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:19,855
very important, you know.
51
00:02:19,856 --> 00:02:22,558
- [phone rings]
- [Mister Ed] I'll get it.
52
00:02:24,727 --> 00:02:26,361
[Wilbur]
Thank you.
53
00:02:29,616 --> 00:02:32,869
Hello. Oh, yes, Carol.
54
00:02:32,869 --> 00:02:36,122
Yeah, I'll be right in.
55
00:02:36,122 --> 00:02:40,993
If the phone rings, will you
take the messages, please?
56
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,162
Ed?
57
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,882
Ed, I'm waiting for an answer.
58
00:02:45,882 --> 00:02:49,669
You called me a pig,
and pigs can't talk.
59
00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:51,303
What I say still goes.
60
00:02:51,304 --> 00:02:52,388
Stay out of my office.
61
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,895
Insults after insults.
62
00:02:58,895 --> 00:03:02,148
Someday I'm going to have
to let that man go.
63
00:03:07,036 --> 00:03:09,738
Roger, does that lie detector
machine really work?
64
00:03:09,739 --> 00:03:11,373
Does it? I tried it on Kay
65
00:03:11,374 --> 00:03:14,076
and found out how much
she paid for her new hat.
66
00:03:14,077 --> 00:03:15,161
Oh, really, Kay?
67
00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:16,795
That darn thing
does everything
68
00:03:16,796 --> 00:03:18,414
but beat you
with a rubber hose.
69
00:03:18,414 --> 00:03:19,498
What's so important?
70
00:03:19,499 --> 00:03:21,133
What have you got here, Rog?
71
00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:23,302
A simplified lie detector.
72
00:03:23,303 --> 00:03:24,921
A professor I know at UCLA
invented it,
73
00:03:24,921 --> 00:03:26,555
and he wants us
to put some money in it.
74
00:03:26,556 --> 00:03:29,809
- Us?
- You know when I have a good thing, I always let you in.
75
00:03:29,809 --> 00:03:31,977
Yeah, we always lose money,
and you never let me out.
76
00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:33,596
- Does it work?
- Does it?
77
00:03:33,596 --> 00:03:36,315
I had to take
an hysterical hat back to Mayfair's this morning.
78
00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:38,484
Wilbur,
this thing is so simple.
79
00:03:38,484 --> 00:03:40,102
You just put this on your arm.
80
00:03:40,103 --> 00:03:42,271
When you tell the truth,
a bell rings.
81
00:03:42,272 --> 00:03:43,906
When you lie, it buzzes.
82
00:03:43,907 --> 00:03:46,075
- Here, let me try it on you.
- Now, just a minute, Rog.
83
00:03:46,075 --> 00:03:47,693
@Oh, honey, let him.
84
00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,862
You have nothing to hide
from me, have you?
85
00:03:49,862 --> 00:03:53,115
Me? Put it on, Rog.
86
00:03:53,116 --> 00:03:55,835
My life is an open book.
87
00:03:55,835 --> 00:03:58,003
Don't miss chapter 3.
It's a pip.
88
00:03:58,004 --> 00:03:59,088
[Addison]
Here we are. We're all ready.
89
00:03:59,088 --> 00:04:00,706
Partner, you and I
90
00:04:00,707 --> 00:04:02,341
are going to make a fortune
with this invention.
91
00:04:02,342 --> 00:04:04,510
Look, Rog, I think you better
count me out of the deal.
92
00:04:04,510 --> 00:04:06,128
You see, I'm a little
short of cash right now.
93
00:04:06,129 --> 00:04:07,763
[machine buzzes]
94
00:04:07,764 --> 00:04:10,466
Uh, well-- well, I mean I can
only spare a couple of hundred.
95
00:04:10,466 --> 00:04:11,550
[buzzes]
96
00:04:11,551 --> 00:04:13,185
Keep lying, Wilbur.
Keep lying.
97
00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:14,270
It's working beautifully.
98
00:04:14,270 --> 00:04:15,354
I am not lying.
99
00:04:15,355 --> 00:04:16,439
[buzzes]
100
00:04:16,439 --> 00:04:20,443
Tell the truth just once.
I want to hear it ring.
101
00:04:20,443 --> 00:04:22,394
Oh, well, I--
102
00:04:22,395 --> 00:04:24,563
I love my wife.
103
00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:33,789
Rog, if you have to beat
the truth out of it, forget it.
104
00:04:33,790 --> 00:04:34,874
[machine rings]
105
00:04:34,874 --> 00:04:37,042
See? I do love you.
106
00:04:37,043 --> 00:04:39,211
You'll never know
how close you came
107
00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:40,830
to sleeping
in the barn tonight.
108
00:04:40,830 --> 00:04:42,464
This thing is so good,
it kind of frightens me.
109
00:04:42,465 --> 00:04:44,083
Would you mind taking this off?
110
00:04:44,083 --> 00:04:45,167
- All right.
- Oh, no, wait. Wait.
111
00:04:45,168 --> 00:04:47,336
I want to ask Wilbur
a few questions.
112
00:04:47,337 --> 00:04:48,421
Don't do it, doll.
113
00:04:48,421 --> 00:04:50,055
I only lost a hat.
114
00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:52,224
You can lose a husband.
115
00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:54,927
I have nothing to hide
from my little wife.
116
00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:57,095
- [buzzes]
- Take it off, Rog.
117
00:04:57,096 --> 00:05:00,349
Wilbur, are you
a happily married man?
118
00:05:00,350 --> 00:05:01,434
Of course I am.
119
00:05:01,434 --> 00:05:02,518
[rings]
120
00:05:02,518 --> 00:05:04,686
See?
121
00:05:04,687 --> 00:05:06,321
Did you ever love
any other woman?
122
00:05:06,322 --> 00:05:07,940
Of course not.
123
00:05:07,940 --> 00:05:09,574
[buzzes]
124
00:05:09,575 --> 00:05:11,743
- Just my mother.
- [buzzes]
125
00:05:11,744 --> 00:05:13,912
- My sister.
- [buzzes]
126
00:05:13,913 --> 00:05:14,997
- Try your horse.
- No.
127
00:05:14,998 --> 00:05:17,166
Take this off, Rog.
It isn't working right.
128
00:05:17,166 --> 00:05:18,250
Don't blame the machine,
Wilbur.
129
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:20,419
- Blame your past.
- What was her name?
130
00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:21,504
Who?
131
00:05:21,504 --> 00:05:24,206
Oh-- Oh, some girl
that I met at college,
132
00:05:24,207 --> 00:05:26,375
just a casual acquaintance.
133
00:05:26,376 --> 00:05:28,010
[buzzes]
134
00:05:28,011 --> 00:05:29,629
- Warm friend.
- [buzzes]
135
00:05:29,629 --> 00:05:31,263
Look, I can't even remember
her name.
136
00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:32,882
- [buzzes]
- It was Gladys Hodges.
137
00:05:32,882 --> 00:05:34,516
[rings]
138
00:05:34,517 --> 00:05:37,770
Wilbur, I wouldn't say
another word without a lawyer.
139
00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:41,540
Did you love her very much,
Wilbur?
140
00:05:41,541 --> 00:05:43,175
- Of course not.
- [ring]
141
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,878
See?
142
00:05:45,878 --> 00:05:47,512
- [phone rings]
- That was the telephone.
143
00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:49,681
Oh. Excuse me.
144
00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:52,384
[ring]
145
00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:54,553
Hello?
146
00:05:54,554 --> 00:05:57,273
Oh, yes, Mr. Holbrook.
147
00:05:57,273 --> 00:05:58,891
Well, as a matter of fact
I'm, uh--
148
00:05:58,891 --> 00:06:00,525
I'm working
on your plans right now.
149
00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:03,228
[machine buzzes]
150
00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:06,482
Yes, well, I'll bring them
over tomorrow.
151
00:06:06,482 --> 00:06:08,116
- Rog.
- [Addison] Hm?
152
00:06:08,117 --> 00:06:10,285
Will you please get
this thing off me? It's stuck.
153
00:06:10,286 --> 00:06:12,988
Okay, I've got a pair
of pliers in my toolbox.
154
00:06:12,989 --> 00:06:15,157
Isn't this
a fabulous machine, Wilbur?
155
00:06:15,158 --> 00:06:17,326
And believe me, there's
a tremendous market for it.
156
00:06:17,326 --> 00:06:19,494
Yeah? well,
I just think it's a gadget.
157
00:06:19,495 --> 00:06:22,214
A gadget?
This thing is going to make us a mint of money.
158
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:25,468
- Believe me.
- I don't know.
159
00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:29,255
Well, I don't know how much
money it will make for them,
160
00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:31,974
but it sure could
boom business in Reno.
161
00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:35,227
Gladys Hodges.
162
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,396
I wonder if Wilbur married me
on the rebound.
163
00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:42,818
Where are they hiding
that crossword puzzle today?
164
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:50,943
Uh-oh,
I just flooded four rooms in the Holbrook house.
165
00:06:50,943 --> 00:06:52,577
I'd better try to clean it up.
166
00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:53,662
[Wilbur whistling]
167
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,281
Uh-oh, it's Wilbur.
168
00:06:56,916 --> 00:07:01,253
How can I have so much bad luck
with four horseshoes?
169
00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:07,209
[whistling]
170
00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:14,800
[stops whistling]
171
00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:22,391
My-- My plans.
172
00:07:22,391 --> 00:07:26,728
Ed. Ed!
173
00:07:26,729 --> 00:07:29,448
[yawning]
Hi, buddy-boy.
174
00:07:31,067 --> 00:07:33,235
Don't you buddy-boy me.
175
00:07:33,236 --> 00:07:34,870
I warned you to stay
out of my office.
176
00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:38,124
I did, Wilbur.
You did, huh?
177
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:40,292
Then who spilled the ink
all over my plans?
178
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:43,546
Uh-- wha-- It was a cat.
179
00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:46,248
A cat. A cat.
180
00:07:46,249 --> 00:07:47,333
Are you sure
it wasn't a horse?
181
00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:48,967
I'm sure.
182
00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:52,221
As soon as he said meow,
he gave himself away.
183
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,559
Oh, you claim
you're not lying, huh?
184
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:59,261
That is my claim, sir.
185
00:07:59,262 --> 00:08:03,599
Well, we'll soon find out, sir.
186
00:08:03,599 --> 00:08:06,318
Now, what did he mean by that?
187
00:08:14,443 --> 00:08:16,077
Now, Ed.
188
00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:19,331
What are you doing, Wilbur?
189
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,500
What is this thingamajig?
190
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,669
That is a lie detector.
191
00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:25,287
A lie detector?
192
00:08:25,288 --> 00:08:28,007
Yeah. Going to find out
if you are telling the truth.
193
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:30,175
What are you going to do next,
194
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:33,429
shave my head
and slap a helmet on me?
195
00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:36,131
No, I'm not going to hurt you,
196
00:08:36,132 --> 00:08:39,385
just want to get
the truth out of you.
197
00:08:39,385 --> 00:08:44,273
But I told you, Wilbur.
I never spilled the ink over your plans.
198
00:08:44,273 --> 00:08:45,357
[machine buzzing]
199
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,695
What was that?
200
00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:52,397
That buzz means
that you told a lie.
201
00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:55,651
Hm, why don't we try it
on the cat?
202
00:08:55,651 --> 00:08:57,819
Ed, you know very well
there was no cat.
203
00:08:57,820 --> 00:08:59,454
Oh, but there was, Wilbur,
204
00:08:59,455 --> 00:09:03,242
this great big black cat
with long claws--
205
00:09:03,242 --> 00:09:05,961
- [machine buzzes]
- You shut up.
206
00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:07,580
Ed, thanks
to your disobedience,
207
00:09:07,580 --> 00:09:10,299
I have to stay up
the whole night tracing those plans.
208
00:09:10,299 --> 00:09:12,467
Wilbur, would you forgive me
209
00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:14,636
if I admitted
I spilled the ink?
210
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:16,255
I would not.
211
00:09:16,255 --> 00:09:19,508
- Then it was the cat.
- [buzzes]
212
00:09:19,508 --> 00:09:21,676
I'm going to punish you, Ed.
213
00:09:21,677 --> 00:09:24,930
For the next week,
you are confined to quarters.
214
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:27,650
You will remain in that stall.
Do you understand?
215
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:31,437
You mean I've got to stay in
for a whole week?
216
00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:32,521
That's right.
217
00:09:32,521 --> 00:09:36,324
Gee. Locking me up
like some kind of animal.
218
00:09:36,325 --> 00:09:38,493
Ed, I hate being
this strict with you,
219
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:41,747
but you've just got to learn
to follow my orders.
220
00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:45,000
As long as you're living
under my roof,
221
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:47,703
you must realize
that my word is law,
222
00:09:47,703 --> 00:09:50,422
so you're going to have to stay
in your stall for a week.
223
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,591
Wilbur.
224
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:55,294
Why did you have
that lie detector on your horse?
225
00:09:55,294 --> 00:09:59,097
Uh, well, it-- it's animal--
animal psychology.
226
00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:01,800
I-- It was
a little experiment.
227
00:10:01,801 --> 00:10:05,054
To find out if your horse
was telling the truth?
228
00:10:05,054 --> 00:10:07,773
Yeah. No! No.
229
00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:09,391
A lie detector on a horse.
230
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:13,194
[Addison sighs]
231
00:10:15,898 --> 00:10:17,532
Your poor wife.
232
00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:19,701
All she can do is pray
for a miracle drug.
233
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:23,489
Ed--
234
00:10:26,742 --> 00:10:30,545
- Ed--
- Gee, it's a lovely day, Wilbur.
235
00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:33,248
How about taking me
for a ride in the park?
236
00:10:33,249 --> 00:10:34,883
I'll let my top down.
237
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:35,968
Not a chance.
238
00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:38,136
I meant what I said, Ed.
239
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:40,305
You're going to stay
in this stall for a week.
240
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:44,093
[moaning]
You'll drive me away from home yet.
241
00:10:44,093 --> 00:10:46,261
[sniveling]
242
00:10:46,262 --> 00:10:48,430
You and those phony tears.
243
00:10:48,431 --> 00:10:50,599
[Mister Ed groans]
244
00:10:50,599 --> 00:10:52,233
That'll hold you in.
245
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:01,443
- Wilbur.
- I hate to do this to you, Ed.
246
00:11:01,444 --> 00:11:03,612
Believe me, this hurts me
more than it does you.
247
00:11:03,612 --> 00:11:06,331
You want to bet?
248
00:11:12,288 --> 00:11:15,007
- [knock on door]
- Come in.
249
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:16,625
- Hi.
- Hi.
250
00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:19,878
What are you doing, sweetie?
251
00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:22,598
Oh, just looking
through some of Wilbur's old college yearbooks,
252
00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:24,216
just for laughs.
253
00:11:24,216 --> 00:11:25,850
Oh? When I want laughs,
254
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:28,553
I go through some
of Addison's old checkbooks.
255
00:11:28,554 --> 00:11:31,273
He calls it
strolling down memory lane.
256
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:35,060
- Gladys Hodges.
- Oh, now, sweetie.
257
00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:37,780
Don't take
that lie detector seriously.
258
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:39,398
I am surprised at you,
259
00:11:39,398 --> 00:11:42,117
being jealous over your
husband's old girlfriend.
260
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:44,820
You're right, Kay.
261
00:11:44,820 --> 00:11:48,623
I guess I was being childish,
worrying about Wilbur's past.
262
00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:51,877
I mean, after all,
what if she was a beautiful girl?
263
00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:54,045
That's all over with now.
264
00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:56,214
Maybe he thinks of her
occasionally.
265
00:11:56,215 --> 00:12:00,002
Maybe he even writes
to her now and then.
266
00:12:00,002 --> 00:12:03,255
Maybe he phones her
once in a while.
267
00:12:03,255 --> 00:12:06,508
Maybe he sneaks off
and takes her to lunch occasionally.
268
00:12:06,509 --> 00:12:08,143
I'll kill her.
269
00:12:09,762 --> 00:12:13,015
- Help me.
- Yeah. There you go.
270
00:12:13,015 --> 00:12:15,183
Oh, I'll find her.
271
00:12:17,353 --> 00:12:18,987
- You found her.
- Bingo.
272
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:21,690
Yup, here's where Wilbur
did his browsing
273
00:12:21,690 --> 00:12:22,774
before he bought your store.
274
00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:26,028
[Kay]
Read what it says about her.
275
00:12:26,028 --> 00:12:29,281
"Phi Beta Kappa,
Captain of Debating Team,
276
00:12:29,281 --> 00:12:32,000
"President
of Literary Honorary Society,
277
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:36,872
Winner of Socrates Award,
School of Philosophy."
278
00:12:36,872 --> 00:12:40,125
I thought so--
just a dumb blonde.
279
00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:41,210
Whoops, sorry.
280
00:12:41,210 --> 00:12:43,378
I wonder
what they talked about
281
00:12:43,379 --> 00:12:45,214
when Wilbur took her
out on dates.
282
00:12:45,214 --> 00:12:47,182
Oh, probably nuclear physics,
283
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,885
Plato's dialogues,
the theory of relativity.
284
00:12:49,885 --> 00:12:52,604
What do you two talk about?
285
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,307
My hairdresser,
holes in his socks,
286
00:12:55,307 --> 00:12:56,391
bills from the plumber,
287
00:12:56,392 --> 00:12:59,111
whether we should have fish
or meatballs for dinner.
288
00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:01,279
Do you think that's an
intellectual conversation, Kay?
289
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,448
Only if it's in Latin.
290
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:06,151
Oh, doll,
stop trying to compete
291
00:13:06,152 --> 00:13:08,871
with that great brain
from Wilbur's past.
292
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:13,208
I'm sure Wilbur misses
those cultural moments he shared with her.
293
00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:16,462
I wish I could fill
that void in his life.
294
00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:18,630
The way you fill that dress
is all you need.
295
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,249
No, Kay.
296
00:13:20,249 --> 00:13:22,417
Something new
is going to be added.
297
00:13:24,587 --> 00:13:26,221
[mouthing]
298
00:13:33,262 --> 00:13:36,515
Gosh, that Aristotle sure had
a great mind, didn't he?
299
00:13:36,515 --> 00:13:38,149
Uh-huh.
300
00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:39,234
Just like Plato.
301
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:42,488
He thought of the universe
as an ideal world,
302
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:46,275
an interrelated organic system
of--
303
00:13:46,275 --> 00:13:48,994
eternal, unchangeable forms.
304
00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:51,162
Wilbur.
305
00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:52,781
If you want it, honey,
you go buy it.
306
00:13:52,781 --> 00:13:54,666
Wilbur.
307
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,035
Hm? Oh, I'm sorry.
308
00:13:56,035 --> 00:13:57,669
What are you reading, Carol?
309
00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:01,457
Aristotle's Metaphysics,Rhetoric, and Poetics.
310
00:14:01,457 --> 00:14:02,541
You ought to read it, honey.
311
00:14:02,541 --> 00:14:05,794
No, I'll wait until they make
it into a movie.
312
00:14:05,794 --> 00:14:07,962
Frank Sinatra
should be great as Aristotle.
313
00:14:12,301 --> 00:14:17,723
Wilbur, do you know why
they called Aristotle's school the Peripatetic?
314
00:14:17,723 --> 00:14:19,357
Hm?
315
00:14:20,976 --> 00:14:24,229
Do you know why
they called Aristotle's school the Peripatetic?
316
00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:27,483
Look, what am I having here,
lunch or a final exam?
317
00:14:27,483 --> 00:14:30,202
You just don't want to discuss
anything intellectual with me.
318
00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:31,820
You don't think
I'm on your level.
319
00:14:31,820 --> 00:14:33,454
Carol,
what are you so upset about?
320
00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:34,539
All you think I can talk about
321
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,708
is whether we have
fish or meatballs for dinner
322
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,327
or holes in your socks.
323
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:43,214
Holes in my socks for dinner?
324
00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:47,002
Who can understand women.
325
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:54,059
Hello, is this J.P. Allen
the locksmith?
326
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:57,846
Good. I've got a stall door
that's jammed.
327
00:14:57,846 --> 00:15:00,014
Would you bring
a blowtorch over?
328
00:15:00,015 --> 00:15:03,268
Forget it.
the warden just came in.
329
00:15:08,691 --> 00:15:10,325
I heard that, Ed,
330
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:11,944
and it's not going to do you
any good.
331
00:15:11,944 --> 00:15:14,112
You will stay
locked in that stall.
332
00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:16,832
- Like a prisoner?
- Like a prisoner.
333
00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:20,619
If I'm going to wear stripes,
I might as well be a zebra.
334
00:15:20,619 --> 00:15:22,253
You're acting like a jackass.
335
00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:26,041
So now you're bringing
my relatives into this.
336
00:15:26,041 --> 00:15:27,675
Oh, Wilbur,
how about a pardon?
337
00:15:27,676 --> 00:15:29,294
No, Ed.
338
00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:33,098
Thanks to you I was up all night
copying Mr. Holbrook's plans.
339
00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:36,351
Now, Wilbur, you know
I love you like a brother.
340
00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:39,054
When you punish me,
you're only hurting yourself,
341
00:15:39,054 --> 00:15:41,773
and I hate to hurt you,
so let me out.
342
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,392
Sorry, Ed.
343
00:15:43,392 --> 00:15:46,111
Okay, then you'll have to do it
the hard way.
344
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:49,364
Sunday you'll go
horseback riding without a horse.
345
00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:50,983
You ever hear
of renting a horse, Ed?
346
00:15:50,983 --> 00:15:53,151
Oh, now, that's dirty pool.
347
00:15:53,152 --> 00:15:55,871
If your wife was locked up
in the house for a week,
348
00:15:55,871 --> 00:15:58,907
you wouldn't go out and rent
another wife, would you?
349
00:15:58,907 --> 00:16:00,742
Well, I'll cross that bridge
when I come to it.
350
00:16:00,743 --> 00:16:03,462
- [Mister Ed groans]
- I've got to deliver Mr. Holbrook's plans now.
351
00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:06,164
Wilbur, I'm going to give you
one more chance.
352
00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:08,333
- What?
- Unlock the door!
353
00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:12,671
- Goodbye, Ed.
- I hope you're happy with your rented horse.
354
00:16:12,671 --> 00:16:14,839
It'll be a change
to be with an animal
355
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,474
that doesn't talk back to me.
356
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:27,319
- [Addison]
Oh, Wilbur. - Rog.
357
00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:30,021
Wilbur, I'm returning
this lie detector.
358
00:16:30,022 --> 00:16:31,656
Do you want to ride downtown
with me?
359
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:33,275
No, I've got to deliver
these plans, Rog.
360
00:16:33,275 --> 00:16:36,528
Did you decide to invest
in this electric stool pigeon?
361
00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:39,247
No. No, I couldn't make
a deal with the inventor.
362
00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:40,332
What did you offer him?
363
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,950
20% of the profits.
364
00:16:41,950 --> 00:16:44,118
Now, how could a man turn down
a proposition like that?
365
00:16:44,119 --> 00:16:45,753
Maybe he was sober.
366
00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:47,922
That was a cruel remark,
367
00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:51,710
but just what you'd expect
from a man who is mean to his wife.
368
00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:52,794
What are you talking about?
369
00:16:52,795 --> 00:16:54,963
Carol telephoned Kay
and told her the whole story.
370
00:16:54,963 --> 00:16:57,682
Your wife
was just trying to emulate
371
00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,301
that blonde encyclopedia
372
00:16:59,301 --> 00:17:00,935
you used to date at college,
373
00:17:00,936 --> 00:17:02,020
and you made fun of her.
374
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,639
Gladys Hodges.
375
00:17:03,639 --> 00:17:06,892
Oh, so that explains
this Aristotle.
376
00:17:06,892 --> 00:17:10,695
You know, you
and this lie detector started the whole thing.
377
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,864
Wilbur, you've got
a very unhappy wife.
378
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:15,567
If I were you,
I'd go in and tell her
379
00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:17,201
that she was the only woman
in your life,
380
00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:18,820
that you love only her.
381
00:17:18,821 --> 00:17:20,455
Okay.
382
00:17:32,918 --> 00:17:34,552
[door closes]
383
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:56,741
Oh, honey, don't worry
about Gladys Hodges.
384
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,910
I didn't want to marry brains.
385
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:02,164
I wanted you.
386
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,332
W-What I mean is
387
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:06,501
brains don't make a marriage.
388
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:09,755
Honey, when I married you,
I knew what I was getting.
389
00:18:13,559 --> 00:18:17,346
I was getting a sweet,
loveable, adorable--
390
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:18,980
- Village idiot.
- Vi--
391
00:18:18,981 --> 00:18:20,065
No. No.
392
00:18:20,065 --> 00:18:21,683
I love nobody but you.
393
00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:23,317
Wilbur, admit it.
394
00:18:23,318 --> 00:18:25,486
You haven't forgotten Gladys.
395
00:18:25,487 --> 00:18:27,655
There are still
some warm memories.
396
00:18:27,656 --> 00:18:30,358
Well, if they're warm,
it's because you're sitting on them.
397
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,527
[laughs]
398
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,162
Aw, sweetie,
399
00:18:34,163 --> 00:18:35,781
look, I never got close enough
to Gladys
400
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:36,865
to fog her glasses.
401
00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:39,033
- Really?
- Sure, who wants a girl like that?
402
00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:40,668
She's got spindly legs.
403
00:18:40,669 --> 00:18:42,287
Does she really have
spindly legs?
404
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:44,455
Toothpicks.
405
00:18:44,456 --> 00:18:46,624
Come on, sweetie,
406
00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:48,259
I'm going to take you out
tonight, white tie.
407
00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:49,878
We're going to go dancing,
nightclubbing, the works.
408
00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:51,512
- Okay?
- Okay.
409
00:18:51,513 --> 00:18:54,215
We'll take Aristotle with us.
We'll have a ball.
410
00:19:00,189 --> 00:19:03,442
Ed, I want you to take--
411
00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:26,748
[Mister Ed's voice]They haven't made the stablethat can hold this horse.
412
00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:30,001
I hope you're happywith that rented plug.
413
00:19:31,637 --> 00:19:37,059
And don't look for meat the Union Truck Terminal.
414
00:19:37,059 --> 00:19:40,312
P.S. Whatever it costto fix the door
415
00:19:40,312 --> 00:19:42,480
you can takeout of my allowance.
416
00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:46,267
Oh, that crazy horse.
417
00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:48,987
Honey, I'm all ready.
418
00:19:48,987 --> 00:19:51,689
Oh, we're going to have
a wonderful evening.
419
00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:52,774
Wait for me, Carol.
420
00:19:52,774 --> 00:19:54,408
Where are you going?
421
00:19:54,409 --> 00:19:57,662
Uh-- uh, I've got to see
a truck about a horse.
422
00:20:03,085 --> 00:20:09,040
[Man]
Get up! Come on, get up, now.
423
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:10,675
Get up!
424
00:20:10,676 --> 00:20:11,760
Come on, get up, now.
425
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:14,462
[continues spurring]
426
00:20:25,857 --> 00:20:28,025
Moo.
427
00:20:29,111 --> 00:20:30,729
Hey, what are you doing here?
428
00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,897
Moo.
429
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,786
[Man]
Charlie, come here.
430
00:20:41,039 --> 00:20:43,207
What are you doing
with a horse here?
431
00:20:43,208 --> 00:20:45,376
This truck is for cows.
432
00:20:45,377 --> 00:20:46,461
Well, he mooed.
433
00:20:46,461 --> 00:20:48,079
Who mooed?
434
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,248
The horse mooed.
435
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,417
The horse mooed?
436
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:55,136
Honest, I'm standing there,
checking off the cows,
437
00:20:55,137 --> 00:20:57,839
and this horse walks up to me,
looks me straight in the puss,
438
00:20:57,839 --> 00:21:00,558
and says "Moo."
439
00:21:00,559 --> 00:21:04,896
Look, Charlie, I've talked
to you before about hitting the bottle on the job.
440
00:21:04,896 --> 00:21:07,598
Honest, boss, I'm standing there
checking off the cows.
441
00:21:07,599 --> 00:21:09,767
Along comes this horse,
looks me straight in the puss,
442
00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:12,487
and says "Moo."
443
00:21:12,487 --> 00:21:14,655
All right, take it easy,
Charlie.
444
00:21:14,656 --> 00:21:16,274
Go get yourself
some black coffee.
445
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,994
- I'll finish checking them off.
- Now, look, boss.
446
00:21:18,994 --> 00:21:21,696
Like I told you,
honest, I'm standing there checking off the cows--
447
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,331
Beat it, Charlie.
448
00:21:29,838 --> 00:21:32,006
When this horse comes along,
looks me in the puss,
449
00:21:32,007 --> 00:21:34,709
and says "Moo."
450
00:21:39,047 --> 00:21:41,766
Moo.
451
00:21:42,851 --> 00:21:45,186
Hey, what's going on here?
452
00:21:45,187 --> 00:21:47,189
Want some black coffee, Joe?
453
00:21:47,189 --> 00:21:49,357
Wh-- Who's is this anyway?
454
00:21:49,358 --> 00:21:53,695
He says moo.
Maybe it's one of them cow ponies that grow'ed up.
455
00:21:53,695 --> 00:21:55,313
Come on, go on.
Go on, get out of here.
456
00:21:55,314 --> 00:21:58,567
Go ahead. Come on,
we don't need any horses here.
457
00:21:58,567 --> 00:21:59,651
Geez.
458
00:21:59,651 --> 00:22:03,454
Charlie, I know you heard it,
459
00:22:03,455 --> 00:22:05,623
and I heard it,
460
00:22:05,624 --> 00:22:07,792
but I still don't believe it.
461
00:22:07,793 --> 00:22:09,961
You may think I'm
some kind of a nut,
462
00:22:09,961 --> 00:22:14,832
but 5 will get you 10
that horse gives milk.
463
00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:17,001
Uh-oh, here comes Wilbur.
464
00:22:18,637 --> 00:22:19,721
Beat it, sister.
465
00:22:19,721 --> 00:22:21,339
You can't walk around here
466
00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:24,059
this time of night
in a bikini.
467
00:22:25,143 --> 00:22:28,095
[clamoring]
468
00:22:28,096 --> 00:22:28,930
[chuckles]
469
00:22:35,987 --> 00:22:40,858
- Ed.
- Why, Wilbur, what a surprise.
470
00:22:40,859 --> 00:22:43,027
How did you know I was here?
471
00:22:43,028 --> 00:22:44,662
Come on home, Ed.
472
00:22:44,663 --> 00:22:46,831
I'm not letting you
run off like this.
473
00:22:46,832 --> 00:22:49,000
[whimpers]
Please, Wilbur,
474
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,618
don't make a scene.
475
00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:53,338
Maybe I was a little hard
on you, Ed,
476
00:22:53,338 --> 00:22:56,591
but I promise I'll never lock
you up again, okay?
477
00:22:56,591 --> 00:22:58,209
Okay.
478
00:22:58,210 --> 00:23:00,929
Ed, why are you crying?
479
00:23:00,929 --> 00:23:02,547
Uh, I got scared.
480
00:23:02,547 --> 00:23:04,715
I thought
you'd never get here.
481
00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:24,786
Oh, boy. Ah...
Yeah, real fresh.
482
00:23:27,489 --> 00:23:30,742
- Good morning, Ed.
- Morning.
483
00:23:32,377 --> 00:23:33,995
Ah.
[chuckles]
484
00:23:33,995 --> 00:23:36,163
I see you got
your own breakfast, huh?
485
00:23:36,164 --> 00:23:41,052
Yeah. It's great to have
my kitchen privileges back again.
486
00:23:41,052 --> 00:23:43,220
It's great to have
a happy family again, Ed.
487
00:23:49,177 --> 00:23:52,430
Carol and I had a great time
last night.
488
00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:54,599
Good to see my horse
smiling again.
489
00:23:54,599 --> 00:23:58,402
That's America, Wilbur--
togetherness.
490
00:23:58,403 --> 00:24:00,571
What you working on,
buddy-boy?
491
00:24:00,572 --> 00:24:03,274
Mr. Holbrook
has a little change
492
00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:04,909
he wants to make in his house,
493
00:24:04,910 --> 00:24:08,697
wants to move the fireplace
from there over to here.
494
00:24:08,697 --> 00:24:10,865
Where?
495
00:24:10,866 --> 00:24:11,950
Wha--
496
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:17,922
Oops. Well, back to solitary.
497
00:24:20,091 --> 00:24:22,793
♪ Send all my mail ♪
498
00:24:22,794 --> 00:24:26,597
♪ To the Birmingham jail ♪
499
00:24:26,598 --> 00:24:30,385
♪ Send all my laundry ♪
500
00:24:30,385 --> 00:24:34,722
♪ To the Birmingham jail ♪
501
00:24:41,780 --> 00:24:43,948
♪ A horse is a horse,of course, of course ♪
502
00:24:43,949 --> 00:24:46,651
♪ And no one can talkto a horse, of course ♪
503
00:24:46,651 --> 00:24:48,285
♪ That is, of course,unless the horse ♪
504
00:24:48,286 --> 00:24:50,454
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
505
00:24:50,455 --> 00:24:52,623
♪ Go right to the sourceand ask the horse ♪
506
00:24:52,624 --> 00:24:53,708
♪ He'll give youthe answer ♪
507
00:24:53,708 --> 00:24:55,326
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
508
00:24:55,327 --> 00:24:56,961
♪ He's alwayson a steady course ♪
509
00:24:56,962 --> 00:24:59,130
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
510
00:24:59,130 --> 00:25:01,298
♪ People yakkity-yaka streak ♪
511
00:25:01,299 --> 00:25:03,467
♪ And wasteyour time of day ♪
512
00:25:03,468 --> 00:25:05,636
♪ But Mister Edwill never speak ♪
513
00:25:05,637 --> 00:25:07,805
♪ Unless he hassomething to say ♪
514
00:25:07,806 --> 00:25:09,424
♪ A horse is a horse,of course, of course ♪
515
00:25:09,424 --> 00:25:12,143
♪ And this one will talktill his voice is hoarse ♪
516
00:25:12,143 --> 00:25:14,311
♪ You never heardof a talking horse? ♪
517
00:25:15,931 --> 00:25:18,099
♪ Well, listen to this ♪
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00:25:18,099 --> 00:25:21,352
[Mister Ed]
♪ I am Mister Ed ♪
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00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:24,606
Closed-Captioned By
J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
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00:25:26,775 --> 00:25:29,494
[Man]This has been a Filmwaystelevision presentation.
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