Original subtitles

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

[Man singing on radio] ♪ She'd be mine today ♪

♪ [Mister Ed humming along with song]

♪ [continues]

Hey, Wilbur. Wilbur, let's get going.

You know, I get a kick out of it

every time they play that song.

It's still going strong, and I wrote it last year.

You wrote? [laughs]

You mean I wrote.

Since you don't want anybody to know that you talk,

why, I had to take the credit.

And those fat royalty checks.

- ♪ [song ends] - Stop complaining.

- Well... - [radio shuts off]

Ed, do you remember Mrs. Addison's brother, Paul Fenton?

Yeah. What about him?

Well, he's been after me for months

to write another song like my--

- Hmm. - like our "Pretty Little Filly"

for his music publishing company.

Come on, Wilbur. Hurry it up.

[sighs]

My Sabrina.

Aha!

Can't wait to see your girlfriend, huh?

[sighs] Just look at Sabrina.

Ever see such kissable lips?

Yeah. Like two beautiful bicycle pedals.

You can say that again.

She's a nice-looking horse, Ed,

but a little hippy, don't you think?

No. [laughing]

Everything's in the right place.

Ed, why don't you write a love song about Sabrina?

Who's got time? I'm too busy making love.

Hello, Sabrina.

Ah, you're getting kind of chubby, aren't you?

Oh, you...

- Hi, Andy. - Hey, Wilbur.

[sputtering]

Just coffee, Al. Thanks.

Say, your Mister Ed's really sweet on my horse, isn't he?

Yeah.

Hey, here comes Harvey Wells.

That horse of his, Robespierre, is a handsome animal, isn't he?

- Hi, Harve. - Hi.

[sputtering]

[whinnies]

I'm going to have to teach Sabrina how to bowl.

I think I'll hook this one in the 1-3 pocket.

Wow.

I wonder if there's a pony league for bowling.

Oh, honey, look.

Mayfair's is running a sale on cocktail dresses.

What do you think of them?

Hmm. I like the style,

but the prices seem a little too high.

[door opens]

My brother-in-law just drove up.

Quick, hide me.

And remember, if he rings the bell, you don't know where I am.

Oh, Roger, the way you carry on about Kay's brother is ridiculous.

Yeah, you should try to like Paul, Roger.

I know he needles you and gives you [+a hard time,

but underneath it all, I have a feeling he really hates you.

- That's not very funny. - [car door closes]

There he is.

Remember, you don't know where I am.

[doorbell rings]

Wilbur, baby! How's my boy?

Carol, sweetie pie, you're looking more gorgeous than ever.

- Oh, Paul. - If I weren't a married man,

I could really go for this girl.

Well, I am, and I do.

Say, I heard "Pretty Little Filly" on the radio this morning.

Yeah, it was great. That was a swell number you wrote for me, kid.

It must be a year since you published Wilbur's song.

And it's been a year since my company's had a hit,

and that's why I'm here.

Wilbur, the blues are coming back bigger than ever this year,

and that's what I need right now--

A good sock blues number.

You're going to sit down and write me a hit song.

Oh, Paul, I'm an architect.

I mean, I admit, I got lucky with "Pretty Little Filly,"

but that doesn't make me a songwriter.

What are you talking about?

Anybody who can write a hit song like "Pretty Little Filly"

is just loaded with talent,

and if you can write a love song,

you can write a blues number.

Because anybody who's got talent can do anything.

Right, Roger?

And you got to work fast, Wilbur.

There's a lot of companies coming out with some new stuff,

and I've got to beat them to the punch.

Roger, what were you doing in there? Developing pictures?

You may not believe this,

but I had a very good reason for being in there.

Really? What?

I was hiding from you.

Well, that's a pretty wild story.

But you know something? I believe him.

Wilbur, how long do you think it would take you

to write this song for Paul?

Oh, well, it all depends.

Paul, do you want a plain, ordinary hit,

or an immortal classic?

Hey, you're getting to be a real sharpshooter.

[chuckles] Thanks.

You know what I'd like for my birthday?

No, what?

Two pairs of bowling shoes.

Okay, Ed, if you do me a favor.

You've got a deal.

What's the favor.

Well, Paul Fenton dropped by.

Oh.

He wants me to write a song for his publishing company.

Oh, yeah.

Here, Ed. Have a carrot.

Thank you.

Mm, imported.

You were saying?

Well, he said he wants a blues number now.

You see, that's the trend.

So I told him I'd see what I could do.

You mean what I could do.

Well, that's what I meant, yes.

Well? What about it?

Well, I don't dig writing the blues, pops.

Why not?

I'm, like, a happy, swinging cat, man.

Try Ella Fitzgerald's horse.

Come on, Ed.

You wrote "Pretty Little Filly,"

and that was a big hit.

Here is your chance to write another song.

No, man. I made the scene with one gasser,

and I'm, like, through.

Come on, Ed. Give it a try.

Look, I'll see if I can put you in the mood.

[croons] ♪ Oh, I got the blues ♪

♪ I got those eating carrot blues ♪

Oh, brother.

♪ I got ♪

♪ I got those carrot blues ♪

♪ I got the eating carrot blues ♪

♪ Oh, I get the blues ♪

♪ When I eat a carrot ♪

♪ I get the blues when I look at a parrot ♪

♪ I got those imported carrot blues ♪

♪ I-- ♪

Hi, Paul.

Uh, Wilbur, do you always sing to your horse?

Well, I find it helps me compose.

Horses have a great sense of pitch, you know.

All animals do.

You take cats. The best violin strings.

Come on, Ed.

Go on, Ed. Go on.

Wilbur, you don't have to explain anything to me.

As far as I'm concerned, all composers are kooks.

Yeah, well...

Now, Wilbur, if singing to your horse

is going to help you to write a hit song,

I'll take you to Santa Anita. We'll do a whole album.

Okay? [laughs]

Wilbur, you don't seem to understand.

I came over here privately

to tell you how important this song is to me.

If my company doesn't come up with a hit pretty soon,

I'm going to be out of business.

Is it that bad, Paul? I'm sorry.

Wilbur, I'm depending on you.

Your first song was lucky for me,

and I've got a hunch you can pull me out of this.

Yeah, well, I'll do the best I can, Paul.

I'll really keep my nose to the feedbag.

- The-- - The grindstone.

Okay, Wilbur. You get in there and start slugging.

I'm depending on you. I know you'll come up with a hit song.

Soon as you feel you have something good, just call me.

Okay. Oh, I'll be right next door.

Next door?

Yeah, yeah. I'm staying with Roger and Kate

until you come up with that hit song, baby.

Oh, you artists.

You need somebody to keep pushing you all the time.

Yeah. What did Roger say about you staying with him?

Roger? Who knows.

He's so difficult to understand when he's crying.

Well, it's hard to tell how long it might take.

I know you can do it. Get in there. Keep slugging.

Keep pitching. You'll be great.

Atta boy. Don't forget, call me.

Ah, temper, temper.

June? Spoon?

Croon? Moon?

Spittoon.

Tears? Dears? Fears?

And two beers.

I got it!

Oh, Wilbur, I'm sorry.

I didn't want to disturb you while you were composing.

It's all right, dear.

Honey, maybe I can help.

Would you like to try anything on me?

No, honey, there's nothing to--

Yes, yes. There is something I can try on you.

Second chorus, please.

You know, honey, it's hard to write the blues

when you've got a lovely house,

a car, a horse, a woman you love--

Not necessarily in that order.

Well, honey, if it'll help put you in the mood,

I'll try to make you miserable for a few days.

You couldn't make me miserable.

Miserable. Sure!

Make him miserable, that's it.

Wilbur.

Oh, I'm sorry, dear.

Make who miserable?

Honey, if you want me,

I'll be in my office for the next few hours,

spreading the blues.

Oh, Sabrina, you doll, you.

1,100 pounds of loveliness, and it's all mine.

Oh, hi, Wilbur.

What are you doing?

Just locking up your carrots.

From now on, you are on straight hay.

Hay? That's for horses.

What do you think you are?

A songwriter who earned those carrots.

Yeah? Well, you write a song about the blues,

you'll get your carrots back.

So you want to make me miserable, huh?

Ed, the best songwriters are the hungry ones.

I see you've never met Fats Domino.

He was skinny till he made it.

SPCA, please.

Oh, no, you don't.

You start writing the blues.

I warn you, we songwriters have a strong union.

Start writing.

There'll be a picket line.

Start writing.

I'll sue you

for every carrot you've got.

Ed, I don't like to make you miserable,

but that's the way it's got to be.

You go ahead.

If you feel like crying, let the tears come out.

Don't hold back. Whatever you do,

let the blues come through. The blues.

Hi, Rog.

Wilbur, I have a brother-in-law who has moved in on me

and is making my life sheer agony.

I had hoped you would give him his song and he would leave.

Instead, I find you standing here, begging a horse to cry.

Wilbur, please, I implore you in my hour of need,

don't flip your wig.

Paul's really giving you a problem, huh?

When he's not talking on the telephone, he's in the refrigerator.

He's wearing my clothes, he's eating my food,

he's destroying my house.

He's not a brother-in-law, he's a 200-pound termite.

Rog, I'm doing the best I can with the song,

but you can't rush these things.

"Stormy Weather" wasn't written in one sprinkle.

Why don't you go on home, Rog?

Come on. Rest and relax,

and I'll stick with it until I come up with something.

Oh, bless you, my boy.

My prayers are with you.

He's pitiful, isn't he?

Ed, that man's in a spot, and we have to help him.

Now, let's really get in there and come up with something.

Sure, kid. Meanwhile, how about a little bowling?

There'll be no bowling.

Then how about turning on the TV set?

No TV.

Aw, please, Wilbur.

Paladin is riding a friend of mine.

Ed, until you come up with a song,

there'll be no carrots, no bowling, and no TV.

Okay.

I can live without those things.

And you can't see Sabrina.

No Sabrina?

Now you're hitting below the saddle.

Ed, the sooner you get miserable,

the sooner you'll be happy again.

Misery, misery.

No Sabrina. [whimpers]

Cheers, fears--

Wilbur, you got anything you want to try out for me?

Well, it's coming kind of slow, Paul.

Wilbur, we got to move fast. Time is running out.

My accountant just sent me my financial statement in two words--

Leave town.

Well, I'm trying. You got to be patient.

As soon as I give birth to the blues,

you'll get the first cigar.

Atta boy, chickie baby.

Remember, I'm counting on you.

Paul, you'll get that song if I have to write it myself.

That's the old spirit in there.

Good morning, Ed.

Well? Did you come up with anything?

Your light was on last night when I went to bed.

Ed?

[whinnies]

Oh. I know how you must miss Sabrina, Ed,

and believe me, I hate to do this to you,

but you got to suffer to write the blues.

Right, Ed?

Ed, you've been up all night.

Your straw hasn't been slept in.

You all right, fellow?

[whinnies]

Look, Ed, this is the only way to get into the mood.

You understand, don't you?

[sniffles]

Oh, no, Ed. No. Don't cry, please, Ed.

[whimpers]

Ed.

Oh, Ed, you know how I feel about you, fella.

If I had a choice of letting you suffer

or Paul suffer or Addison suffer,

I'd let them suffer.

Well, then why am I doing this to you?

I mean, their problems aren't my problems,

and they're not your problems.

Why, think of the nerve. Making my horse miserable.

Ed, I'm going to go put my riding clothes on,

and before you know it, you'll be back with Sabrina.

Why'd you stop, Ed? Flat tire?

Look at that stupid Robespierre,

trying to make time with my baby. Ho ho!

You worried, Ed?

No, Sabrina's a one-horse filly.

Well, let's go, Wilbur.

Let's go? You're on the bottom.

Oh, sorry.

- Hello, Wilbur. - Hi.

Hi, fellows.

[sniffles]

What's the matter, Ed?

Take me home, Wilbur.

I'm ready to write the blues.

How are you doing, Ed? Got anything yet?

Yeah, I think so.

Well, what is it?

I call it "The Empty Feedbag Blues."

Good. Let's hear it.

You mean sing it?

Come on, chickie baby.

[clears throat]

♪ When I get up for breakfast ♪

♪ There's no oats in the bin ♪

♪ Because everything is going out ♪

♪ And nothing's coming in ♪

♪ Believe me when I tell you ♪

♪ I have heard the news ♪

♪ I got those empty feedbag ♪

♪ Empty feedbag blues ♪

♪ My pretty filly told me ♪

♪ Stay away tonight ♪

♪ Because all that I bring with me ♪

♪ Is a healthy appetite ♪

♪ Why am I so unlucky? ♪

♪ Me, with four horseshoes ♪

♪ I got those empty feedbag ♪

♪ Empty feedbag blues ♪

Great, Wilbur, great.

Gets you right in here.

You can feel that broken heart in every note.

You really like it, Paul?

Like it? Like it, Wilbur? That's the understatement of the year.

Do you realize what you've done?

You've put the Fenton Music Company back in business.

I got a million people waiting to hear this.

Wilbur, I can't thank you enough.

You've done it again, you've done it again.

"The Empty Feedbag Blues."

Oh, oh, tell Roger I'm going back to my own apartment,

and tell him I'm sending him a little thank-you gift--

his clothes.

"The Empty Feedbag Blues," "The Empty Feedbag Blues."

Ed, that carrot box is open permanently,

and I'm throwing away the key.

Well. [sighs]

Ed, you want me to bring the TV back?

Can I set up the bowling pins for you?

[sighs]

Oh, I'm sorry you lost Sabrina, Ed,

but you'll find somebody else.

Wilbur, do they take horses in the Foreign Legion?

Oh, I'm sorry, Ed.

Gee, it's my fault you lost Sabrina.

Tell you what I can do--

- I can buy her for you. - Buy Sabrina?

Sure. Andy said many times

he'd be willing to sell her if the price was good.

I'll drop around and see him first thing in the morning.

Wilbur, if she doesn't come to me of her own free will,

then I say bring her in on a rope.

I don't see Andy around here.

He must still be asleep.

Hark, I hear the stirring of my love in her bedchamber.

Look, Ed, maybe we should come back later, huh?

Please, Wilbur, let me just look in and say good morning.

Ed, you shouldn't.

Why not? She's practically Mrs. Ed.

Well, I guess Andy won't mind.

Yoo-hoo, Sabrina.

Are you decent?

Who's that?

Must be Sabrina's mother

or grandmother.

No, that's Sabrina.

See, women just don't look their best in the mornings.

She looks so old. She's 18 if she's a day.

No, she's not that old.

No? Well, I'll bet there's a set of teeth

in that bucket of water.

Ed, stop talking like that.

Come to think of it, she only chews soft oats.

Like I said, we just caught her at a bad time.

Look what's hanging on the wall-- Her girdle.

That's just--

Golly, it--

That does look like a girdle, doesn't it?

No, that's just a wide belly cinch.

And she's got the wide belly to go with it.

Uh, you know,

I think I better leave Andy a $50 deposit.

Hold it. You're not sticking me with that beast.

Ed, Ed, come back with my wallet.

Poor old Robespierre. What a shock he's in for.

♪ Feedbag ♪

♪ Empty feedbag blues ♪

"Empty Feedbag Blues."

[both chuckle]

That's quite a song you wrote, Ed.

Yeah, man. It was, like, from the heart.

Hand me the phone, Wilbur.

Who you going to call?

Robespierre's owner.

I want Frenchie to see Sabxrina tomorrow morning.

I thought you didn't like him.

I don't, but he's a fellow horse,

and I wouldn't stick a dog with a hen like that.

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪

♪ And waste your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪

Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

[Man] This has been a Filmways television presentation.