Original subtitles

On the beach at Grande-�chouerie,

- on la-Madeleine island... - There's Oli?

Yes. I don't think he was even one year old then?

I remember the push chair, the diapers,

and his bottle...

We had to keep the bottle warm.

That wasn't easy!

- Why was that? - If the milk wasn't warm

enough, you wouldn't drink it.

You'd bawl and bawl! It was terrible. Besides,

I think the seals stopped coming ashore

- because of you. - Yes?

- Where was I? - You hadn't been born yet!

Look at that!

Thomas couldn't stand the sun...

I didn't like being in the sun?

No. You got terribly sun burnt.

We had to put smear a whole lot

- of cream over your whole body. - And you didn't like the cream either.

So, we had to buy you

a tent so you could play in the shade on the beach.

I remember. And it was windy!

I had to keep chasing it down the beach.

And then the sand would stick to him because of the cream.

And there you were just like Oli. You bawled and bawled!

Actually it was lucky that it rained most of the time.

It rained?

Yes. All the time. All the time. Yes.

I think that was one of our best vacations.

They were great!

Hm!

A little before year 2001 and a little after the stone age

A nuclear family lived on the banks of the St Laurence

A nuclear family

Two steps away from Jupiter Hop!

Louis!

Louis!

- It's 7:15. - So?

- You've got to get up. - Why?

You have to shout at the boys and get them up?

- No. - Aren't you afraid the school's

- going to call? - No.

And do you know why not?

Because it the school holidays!

- Exactly! - Oh!

- Two months with no school! - Oh! Oh!

Since you're the boss

you don't have to be at work until 10,

that gives another whole hour to sleep.

That'll be fun.

Orrrr... If you'd rather...

- What? - I don't know.

- Do I have bad breath? - No.

- Do you have a headache? - No.

We could go back to sleep if you'd prefer.

No, that's okay, it's uh...

I'm in no hurry! It's the first day of the school vacations.

I'm not a sex-craved monster.

- That's it. - What? - The monster!

We're ready!

Yoohoo!

- We've had breakfast. - I brushed my teeth.

We're going on the monster!

I promised you'd take them to the amusement park

to celebrate the start of their vacation.

What would you say to sending them to a summer camp?

- A camp? - Yes. A summer camp with all sorts of activities.

I thought you wanted to go to the la-Madeleine island!

- Yes, but before then. - You'd send all three? - Of course.

What's the matter, you don't go along with that?

I don't think they'd want to go.

Why not? Camps are really fun places.

You make a lot of friends, and you do all sorts of things.

It would be better than their idling away their time here.

But they want to idle away their time all summer.

- Not Zak. - Maybe not Zak, but Zak

just wants to idle away his time with us...

- at the amusement park! - I don't know about you

but I have no intention of spending the summer on the monster.

Besides that, I'd like to have a break!

Okay, but that doesn't mean sending him to camp!

He doesn't know anyone. At 8...

Come on, kids love them! After the first day they won't want to come home.

I didn't like them.

It wasn't the same with you, you were a loner.

- I wasn't a loner. - You were, a little. You always have been.

No, for me being in a camp

with a bunch of morons and singing dumb songs,

wasn't my idea of a vacation.

Just because you didn't like it doesn't mean that they won't!

- Plus, it would be a new experience for them. - Singing dumb songs?

Learning to cope for themselves and get along with others

without our holding their hands. It will build up their character.

I think they've got enough character already.

Plus...

We'd be all alone.

The whole week...

Completely alone!

When was the last time we made love on the kitchen table?

The kitchen table?

Or outside on the terrace when it was 80 degrees?

Totally naked on the deck chair?

Totally naked? Outside?

- Unless you prefer doing it on the grass? - On the grass?

- What about the neighbors? - The neighbors aren't there.

If they are, we'll just invite them to join in! Hi! hi! hi!

- Uh... the woman next door? - Yes,

- we could invite her. - Hm!

Think about it, Louis! A whole week...

Just the two of us. Just you and I.

And all we have to do is send the boys to a camp.

Don't you think it's a good idea?

Looking at it that way...

You haven't seen anything yet!

I've already done the booking. All we have to do is

- to send them a check. - A check?

- Just a little check. - Hang on! How little?

1,500.

What? $1,500?

A 15 with two zeros after it?

Come on, Louis, you knew it wouldn't be free?

Just tell yourself that for that whole time,

You'll be enjoying a whole week of sex, beer and BBQ!

Yes but 1,500 bucks! In the bars you can get a

meal and beer served by a sexy waitress for 8.95!

Louis, we really need to get a new washer!

- It still does a good job. - Yes, but it leaves the clothes wet.

- But it washes well. - A washer should spin the clothes dry, too.

We could hang them up outside. It'd take a little longer, but�

- Louis! - If you really want my advice,

we don't need one. It'd just be a waste of money.

And you expect me to keep on doing the laundry!

While we're at it we might as well get a new drier.

Don't exaggerate! Just because it makes funny noises

doesn't mean we have to buy a new one!

See? If we had a machine that spun dry better,

it wouldn't make such funny noises.

- Are you kidding me? - Look,

just because we're getting a new washer doesn't mean we have to get a new drier.

They're independent of each other. The drier's not broken!

Wait a minute!

- Hey! Whoa! - It's not broken, huh?

That's okay, I understand, Jackie Chan!

Thank you, sir!

- Come on! - They're really annoying!

- Mom! - Oli, stop it!

- We're just playing! - What's the game? - Hockey-bine.

- Hockey-bine? - Oli came up with it.

They're playing video hockey and each time they score a goal

the scorer jabs the other with his elbow.

Come on, mom!

Oli, stop hitting me

- each time that� - Hey, guys!

Yes, but that's part of the game!

I'll go.

Wow!

What did you do to them?

A good coach never reveals his secrets.

Woohoo! 1-0!

- I can't wait until I can score. - No way!

Hurry up, guys, I'm going to be late at the office.

It's dumb anyway, don't you think?

- What's that? - They spend the whole year in school.

And then in summer, they spend all their time in a day camp.

I think that's lousy.

It's better than letting them spend all day watching TV.

Hurry up, guys!

Get a move on!

When I was small we used to jump on our bikes in the

morning, and wouldn't be home until the evening.

- It was great fun. - You bet!

The holidays meant total freedom.

Except, when we were small there wasn't some maniac

hanging around on street corners waiting to make off with the kids.

And parks weren't full of street gangs

trying to recruit the kids into selling all sorts of stuff.

Oli, put them on in the car. Let's go!

Now there aren't any kids in the park.

They're all at day camps. Bye!

- Have a good time. - Maybe it is better, all the same.

They'll never be bored. Let's go, Zak! Hurry up a bit.

- I don't feel like going! - I don't know... Bye, Zak!

Bye-bye! Hey, Nat, Nat! Your bag!

You know, even being bored was fun.

At least you'd learn to keep yourself busy.

When everything's laid on for them, they lose their initiative.

It has got to be lousy for them, huh!

Really lousy!

It's not really that I'm against feminism,

but I'm not sure it wasn't better the old way.

- What do you mean? - Well, you know, in the days

when mothers stayed at home, the kids could stay at home, too.

- Hey, I just had an idea! - What?

Oli, Zak, get out! You're going to stay home with Pop.

- I get the TV! - Whoa, whoa, guys!

- I get the computer! - Hey, Nat!

What? You're going to be at home all summer aren't you?

Yes, but that's entirely different. I mean,

I spend all my summer in my office, it's just that my office is at home. Nat?

Have a good day!

Ah shit! Feminist!

I hope they had a good time.

You don't need to worry about that!

Maybe you were right at least about Zak.

Maybe he's a little too young to go to camp.

Nat, there were a lot of kid of his age.

In that case, he won't want to come home.

Maybe we put too much pressure on him, maybe he thought

we'd be disappointed in him, if he didn't go.

We sold him so much on the idea that he was going to have fun!

No, look at Oli! He doesn't like it and never has.

We never forced him. It was his choice.

But that isn't the same. Zak has always had the impression that

he has to prove that he's mature. That he can do everything the older ones can.

First, Thomas is with him.

Yes, but Thomas, is with the older kids.

Yes, but in the same camp. Zak isn't alone there!

Yes, and we told him that if he didn't like it there

he just had to call us and we'd pick him up.

So, if he's really unhappy, he'll call us.

Maybe you're right.

It's just that's the way mother's think.

I'm sure I'm right.

In fact,

the one who'll like it the least is Oli.

Oli?

Yes. Oli's going to get bored. He's not going to let on,

but he's going to regret not being with Zak.

Oli with Zak? Come on! They can't stand being together for 30 seconds!

Don't you believe it. Oli's too proud to show it,

but you can really be sure

that he can never wait until Zak gets home.

Yes, hello!

Will you accept a collect call from Zakharie Parent?

- No! - Thanks.

What would you say to going to Florida for our vacation?

Florida? I thought we were going to la-Madeleine island.

- I prefer the island. - I'm fed up with the island.

Each time we go to the island, we're lucky if it doesn't snow.

Don't exaggerate. It's not as if it was at the North Pole.

In Florida, it's warm, it's always sunny

and it's got some really big waves

- It also has sharks. - Isn't Florida quite a distance from here?

- Three days. - 3 days to drive down and

3 days back, that's a lot of driving.

- Hello, Kyoto! - We can stop off.

We don't have to drive straight through.

- It could also be really educational. - Educational? Florida?

Yes! They could discover a lot of things. The fauna,

the flora, I don't know!

I'd like you to go to Florida

because of the weather, but not the flora and the fauna... C'mon!

Why not? They'd get to see the alligators,

- palm trees! - Come on, palm trees!

We've got one in the living room.

We could go to the NASA space center.

We could watch them launch a shuttle.

We could just as easily watch it explode on TV, too!

- Don't they have a lot of hurricanes in summer? - Come on, Nat!

It's no more dangerous than a blizzard. It could even be cool.

Yes! Imagine it!

Nature in all its forms. The sky darkening on the horizon,

thunder beginning to rumble. Suddenly, birds flying off

to beat the storm. The ocean starting to roil.

The elements raging.

The wind picks up,

the trees bending in the wind and the waves starting to grow.

The tent blowing away

No more phones, no more electricity.

- You're really negative about this! - I can't see driving over 2,000

miles there and back just to see what we already have here.

A hurricane on the island?

No, I wasn't speaking about the island.

- Mom! - Just wait till I catch you!

Mom!

Hey, whoa, whoa!

Come on!

Hey!

After Andrew and Katrina, we have Zak and Oli.

OK, OK, OK! I understand.

Rock, paper, scissors... Ah!

- Hey, stop! - What would you say to going

- camping in the wild? - Camping in the wild?

I thought we were going la-Madeleine island.

Yes, I know, but I thought it would be super fun for the

5 of us to go on an expedition.

I'd even thought about going to Anticosti island

- Anticosti? - Where's that?

In the middle of the St Laurence. It's supposed to be really beautiful.

- And super desolate. - And what will we be doing while

- we're camping in the wild? - We'll be discovering things.

Exploring. We could even go on an expedition in a canoe.

A canoe?

On our way down the rapids we could explore the grottoes,

we could even go down into the canyons and set up camp

right next to the waterfalls.

- Wow! - I'm not sure that would appeal to me.

I'm sure it wouldn't appeal to me.

Come on! We'd have nature all to ourselves.

We could go wherever we wanted and set up the tents anywhere...

No neighbors dressed up as Santa Clause

wanting to play Macarena until midnight!

No. It would be a super experience.

What would we be eating in the wild?

We'd eat whatever we could trap, whatever fish we could catch.

Wouldn't you enjoy walking out into the river,

catching salmon with our bare hands...

- Ha! ha! ha! - Or hunting hare

and cooking them over the camp fire in the evening?

I thought you didn't like hunting.

But we'd do it with great respect for nature.

I don't think that would make much of a difference to the hare.

Pop, could I fire the rifle?

- You bet! - Cool! I want to. - Me too.

Very good. 3 against 2. So, it's on, Nat.

- Come on! - Just image! No TV, no computer,

no telephone. It will be great for them.

They'll learn how to fend for themselves,

and to concentrate on their basic human needs.

Speaking about basic needs, where do we poop?

- Poop? - Poop?

- Yes, well, poop. - In the wild.

- In the wild? And what do we use to wipe ourselves? - No idea!

Dead leaves. Pine branches.

- Pine branches? - Cool! - Yuck.

Good. Raise your hand to vote for not going to Anticosti.

4 against 1.

That's settled. We're going to poop on la-Madeleine island.

Really!

Mutiny!

Shall I finish the washing while your packing the cases?

No, That's okay. Zak and Oli are taking care of it.

- Zak and Oli? - Yes. That's a surprise, huh?

You think so?

Yes. They've suddenly developed a passion for washing.

Perhaps because of the new washer-drier.

Maybe because they're new...

The attraction of using a new gadget.

Anyway, we should have got new ones a long time ago.

Yeah!

Good. There... I've a feeling we're forgetting something.

We've got that.

Where's the basketball?

Where's the basketball?

Good! Good, everyone ready? Nobody has forgotten anything?

No!

Florida, here we come!

- Wait, wait! - Good.

- I thought so. - I've forgotten my tampons.

Louis, the keys!

- Hey, the video! - Hey, guys, 2 minutes!

Good! Everything okay? Ready? Can we go?

- Yes! - OK, let's go.

- Pop? - What, Zak?

- It's just that... - You need to pee, is that it?

- Well... - That's okay, go ahead!

If anyone else needs to, now's the time, go ahead!

- Keys! - Yes!

- Which one? - This one. When you leave, you just have to close the door.

Good. Okay now?

You have everything you need, can we go, now?

- Well... - What, Thomas?

Could I go and get some other games for my Gameboy?

While you're there, Thomas, would you get a couple of rolls of toilet paper?

We'll need them if we have to stop alongside the road!

I'll go, because I don't want to set off and then

have to come back. Anything else, guys?

This is the last warning.

If we've forgotten anything, too bad.

Toilet paper and the games. Is that everything?

- Yeah! - Good, I'll be back in 2 minutes.

Everybody happy?

- Can we leave, now? - Yeah!

- Buckle up, kids. - Okay, there you go!

What's up? Have you forgotten something?

The keys.

The door locks automatically!

It's a long way.

We should have gone to la-Madeleine island.

Stop complaining!

Anyway, I had the time to rest my one hand.

Why's that?

Because they're afraid of terrorists entering their land.

- Terrorists? - Yes!

In case Bin Laden attacked one of their camping grounds!

I think there should be a

separate line for Canadians

another for Americans and one for terrorists.

- I can see the US flag! - That's good!

- That means we're getting close. - Lucky,

because you've only got one other hand, huh! Do you have the passports?

Of course! Calm down, Louis. We're not terrorists.

Yes, but you never know with these guys.

You guys just keep quiet.

No dumb jokes. Is that clear?

- Why? - We're coming up to customs

and the American customs agents are known for not having a sense of humor.

And they can make life difficult for us. That means cool it, OK?

- How could they make things difficult? - That's their job.

Cool! That's the sort of job I want to have.

What do they do if they think we're terrorists?

They'll send us to Guantanamo.

- Where's that? - Guantanamo?

It's a special prison for terrorists in Cuba,

where you don't have any rights at all.

- They could send us to Cuba? - Cool!

No, Zak.

They'll just stop us from going over the border, that's all.

- Then what? - Then we won't be going to Florida.

Good!

Anything to declare? Yes?

We have a nuclear bomb in the ice chest.

That was a good one.

Well done, Thomas!

Hey, Pop, is it a long way to la-Madeleine island!

I'd like the whole world to know

why I love you What?

I love you because you're not of this world

That's what they need to understand

That's what they need to understand?

That's what they need to understand

Ah!