Original subtitles

♪ THE LATE LATE SHOW, OH, OH THE LATE LATE SHOW, OOH

♪ THE LATE LATE SHOW, OH, OH THE LATE LATE SHOW

♪ OH, OH IT'S THE LATE LATE SHOW ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> James: GOOD EVENING, LADIES

AND GENTLEMEN AND WELCOME TO THE "LATE, LATE SHOW."

I HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT THURSDAY.

WE'VE HAD A GOOD WEEK AT THE SHOW.

I'VE ENJOYED THIS WEEK.

IT'S BEEN A GOOD WEEK, YOU KNOW WHY?

THE FABULOUS ALICIA KEYS HAS BEEN WITH US ALL WEEK LONG

BLOWING US AWAY WITH HER PERFORMANCES EVERY NIGHT.

BUT SADLY THIS IS OUR FINAL NIGHT OF ALICIA KEYS.

IT IS ALICIA LEAVE.

ALICIA, THE FINAL NIGHT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK, YOU KNOW SHE PLAYS PIANO.

>> Reggie: YEAH.

>> James: ALICIA KEYS.

AND I SAID, I SAID YOU SHOULD CHANGE YOUR NAME TO ALICIA PIANO

I DIDN'T HEAR WHAT SHE SAID, SHE HAD A MASK ON BUT IT WAS, BUT

YOU KNOW WHO WILL BE HEAR NEXT WEEK?

NO ONE, NO ONE, NO-- .

♪ IT IS NOT TRUEK WE HAVE SOME WONDERFUL GESESES.

IT JUST WORKED WITH THE SONG.

BUT ALICIA WILL BE SINGING FROM OUR PARKING LOT AGAIN TONIGHT.

SHE WILL BE PERFORMING HER BRILLIANT SONG UNDERDOG.

THEY'RE OUTSIDE GETTING READY FOR THAT.

AND IT'S BEEN AN ABSOLUTE BLOODY, BLOODY PLEASURE HAVING

H.E.R., HASN'T IT, REG.

>> Reggie: TOP OF THE MORNING.

>> James: YEAH, IT'S BEEN TOP OF THE MORNING.

EVEN IN THE AFTERNOON IT HAS BEEN TOP OF THE MORNING.

ALSO ON THE SHOW WE WILL BE JOINED BY THE ALWAYS CHARMING

JASON SCHWARTZMAN SO STICK AROUND FOR THAT.

AND DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS EARLIER TODAY, PRESIDENT TRUMP

WENT TO PAY HIS RESPECTS TO JUSTICE RUTH BADER GINSBURG AT

THE SUPREME COURT TODAY AND A CROWD GATHERED AND THEY STARTED

JEERING HIM AND CHANTING "VOTE HIM OUT" HAVE A LOOK.

VOTE HIM OUT VOTE HIM OUT.

VOTE HIM OUT.

>> James: THE ONE TIME TRUMP DECIDES TO WEAR A MASK IN

PUBLIC, HE IS GETTING BOOED AND WE CAN'T ENJOY THE GRIMACE ON

HIS ANNOYED FACE.

THIS IS HOW I HOPE PEOPLE HONOR ME ONE DAY.

-- MY ENEMIES.

SIMON FROM FOURTH GRADE.

IT WAS PRETTY BAD THAT YOU JUST KNOW ONE OF TRUMP'S AIDES WHEN

THEY LEFT IS LIKE NO, NO, THEY WERE CHANTING VOGUE HIM OUT, YOU

KNOW, DO YOU REMEMBER?

THAT IS WHAT THEY WERE-- GRETA GAR BEAU, AND MONROE, YOU KNOW,

AND A PRESS BRIEFING YESTERDAY PRESIDENT TRUMP WAS ASKED A VERY

STRAIGHT FORWARD QUESTION ABOUT THE OUTCOME OF THE ELECTION AND

TRUMP'S ANSWER WAS ALARMING.

>> WHEN YOU COMMIT TO MAKING SURE THERE IS A PEACEFUL

TRANSFER OF POWER AFTER THE ELECTION.

>> WELL, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

YOU KNOW I HAVE BEEN COMPLAINING VERY STRNGLY ABOUT THE BALLOTS

AND THE BALLOTS ARE A DISASTER.

>> James: YEAH, IT'S THE BALLOTS.

IT'S THE BALLOTS THAT ARE A DISASTER, YOU'RE RIGHT.

TRUMP SAYS YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN COMPLAINING.

WHICH IS ACTUALLY THE TRUEST THING DONALD TRUMP HAS EVER

SAID.

TRUMP SAID HE MAY NOT ACCEPT THE RESULTS OF THE ELECTION BUT

DON'T WORRY, THE SITUATION IS HANDLED.

THE DEMOCRATS RESPONDED WITH A VERY FIRM, OH YEAH, WELL, YOU

BETTER.

(LAUGHTER) TO GIVE YOU AN IDEA FOR A NEW

SITCOM, TRUMP REFUSES TO LEAVE THE WHITE HOUSE, BIDEN MOVES IN

ANYWAY, OUR TWO PRESIDENTS, THIS JANUARY ON CBS.

(LAUGHTER) AND THIS IS BIG NEWS TODAY, THIS

MORNING NEARLY 500 GENERALS, ADMIRALS AND FORMER NATIONAL

SECURITY OFFICIALS FROM BOTH PARTIESES PUB LUSHED A LETTER

OFFICIALLY ENDORSING JOE BIDEN.

TOP BREAK FOR TRUMP, THAT, ALTHOUGH THERE IS STILL ONE GUY

IN THE NAVY WHO IS STICKING BY HIM, CAPTAIN CRUNCH.

HERE IS SOME OLD JAPANESE-- AS THEY CALL HIM IT IN JAPAN, NEWS,

A SUPERMARKET THERE HAS JUST INTRODUCED A SEVEN FOOT TALL

ROBOT TO STOCK THE SHELVES.

HERE IT IS HERE, LOOK AT THAT.

IT LOOKS LIKE A COMPUTER WHEN ARE WE GOING TO STOP THE ROBOT.

>> WE EVERY FEW MONTHS WE DO A ROBOT STORY, WE DON'T EVEN HAVE

RELIABLE PAPERER TOWEL DISPENSERS YET.

STP TRYING TO MAKE ROBOTS HAPPEN.

ALSO THEY BUILD ROBOTS.

-- YOU ARE PROBABLY INTO ROBOTS, REG, YOU ARE A ROBOT GUY, YOU

WOULD PROBABLY LIKE A ROBOT, WOULD YOU.

>> HAVE-OF-I HAVE A ROBOT VACUUM CLEANER, I LOVE IT.

THE ROOMBA, YEAH.

>> James: I HAVE A ROOMBA, I DON'T KNOW, WE WILL FIND OUT

WHETHER THIS GETS CUT OUT OR NOT.

IF THEY ADVERTISE ON CBS YOU WILL NEVER SEE THIS.

BLEEP BLEECH CAPTAIN CRUNCH JOKE.

>> I GT A ROOMBA.

YOU CAN [BLEEP].

>> >> Reggie: YOU DON'T LIKE IT

SWRZ IT IS JUST TERRIBLE.

IT DOESN'T REALLY DO IT.

NOT TO THE STANDARDS THAT I WANT IT DONE.

YOU KNOW?

I MEAN.

>> Reggie: I THINK MINE IS OKAY BUT IT GETS TRAPPED IN

PLACES AND A COME BACK HOME AND ST NOT ON THE-- AND I HAVE TO GO

FIND IT.

>> James: THAT SAY PROBLEM.

STOP WITH THE ROBOTS, IT'S NOT HAPPENING.

I'M IN THE EVEN SURE IT IS NECESSARY.

THE ROBOT THAT YOU JUST THOUGHT IS CONTROLLED REMOTELY BY A

PERSON, IT MIRRORS THEIR MOVEMENTS.

HER IT IS IN ACTION.

RRS NO, NO.

(LAUGHTER).

>> James: WHO CAME IN TO THE SUPERMARKET AND WAS LIKE TOP OF

THE-- CHOCOLATE MILK NEEDS STACKING, GUYS.

WE GT TO STACK THE CHOCOLATE MILK.

ALL RIGHT.

WE SHOULD BUILD A ROBOT.

(LAUGHTER) GIVE IT ABOUT TWO YEARS, NO

CHOCOLATE MILK FOR TWO YEARS BUT AFTER THAT, AFTER THAT I WILL GO

IN A BACK ROOM AND I WILL DO THIS, AND THEN YOU WON'T BE ABLE

TO MOVE THE CHOCOLATE MILK.

HOW ARE WE DOING?

SEE THAT, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT THERE.

>> LACROUX.

>> FRENCH.

>> James: IS IT LA CROUX, EITHER WAY, IT IT [BLEEP]

> Reggie: THAT'S SAYING IT, THAT IS SAYING IT.

OKAY, OKAY JAMES.

>> James: WE HAVEN'T EVEN DONE DOGS IN SUNGLASSES YET.

>> Reggie: OH MY LORD.

>> James: HAVE YOU SEEN THIS, GUCH SI NOW SELLING DENIM

OVERALLS WITH FAKE GRASS STAINS ON THEM, AND THIS IS TRUE, THAT

COST $1400.

THEY MAY BE BE $1300 TASHED IN ONE OF THOSE POCKETS BUT I DO

LIKE THE IDEA OF PRESTAINING, IF I SPILLED CHOCOLATE ON A WHITE

SWEATER, NO, IT SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THAT, IT'S GUCCI.

DO YOU SEE THE GUCCI OVERALLS AGAIN, LOOK AT THAT, EVERY

FARMER IN NEBRASKA IS NOW LIKE HELEN, GET WHAT?

WE'RE ON FLEEK.

HELEN!

HELEN!

HELEN!

HELEN!

HELEN!

I'M SAYING-- I'LL TEXT YOU.

I'M SAYING WE'RE ON FLEEK.

SORRY.

-- IT IS A LIVING IS WHAT ST. AND FINALLY HELEN!

AND FINALLY A FACTORY IN VIETNAM HAS JUST BEEN ACCUSED OF

BREAKING SEVERAL LAWS AFTER THEY WERE CAUGHT TAKING USED CONDOMS,

WASHING THEM AND THIS IS TRUE, RESELLING THEM.

THEY'RE RESELLING USED CONDOMS.

I MEAN I DON'T EVEN LIKE PUTTING ON THE RENTED BOWLING SHOES

AFTER SOMEONE ELSE.

WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO-- THE BOWLING SHOES THARK WHAT THEY

SHOULD BE WORKING ON, NOT ROBOT TO STOCK THE MILK.

LET ME WEAR MY SHOES BOWLING.

HOW ARE WE SO FAR ADVANCED IN SCIENCE, PEOPLE ARE THROWING

HUMAN EARS ON MICE AND THEY'RE LIKE NO, YOU CAN'T, YOU HAVE TO

PUT THESE ON.

THESE ARE CLEAN, DON'T WORRY.

THEY'RE WASHING AND RESELLING THEM.

SO THE NEXT TIME ARE YOU IN THE DRUG STORE, KEEP AN EYE OUT AND

AVOID ANYTHING THAT LOOKS LIKE THIS.

VIETNAMESE CONDOM.

NOW IT SAYS ONE-- IF THERE IS ONE THING WE LOVE DOING HERE IS

LOOKING AT PICTURES OF DOGS IN SUNGLASSES, BUT WHAT PEOPLE

MIGHT NOT KNOW IS THERE IS A LOT MORE TO THESE DOGS IN SUNGLASSES

THAN MEETS THE EYE.

I WILL TELL YOU A LITTLE BIT THEIR PERSONALITIES TO LET YOU

KNOW WHAT THEY ARE ALL ABOUT, THIS IS DOGS IN SUNGLASSES.

>> Reggie: DOGS IN SUNGLASSES, DOGS IN SUNGLASSES.

♪ DUGS IN SUNGLASSES.

♪ DUGS IN SUNGLASSES.

♪ DOGS IN SUNGLASSES.

♪ WOOF WOOF.

♪ DOGS.

>> James: HELEN!

ALL RIGHT, ROB, HOW LONG WE GT ON THIS SEGMENT BECAUSE I REALLY

WANT TO GO OUT ON TIME.

>> JUST 22 MORE MINUTES.

>> James: OF THE WHOLE SHOW.

ALL RIGHT, HAGAR, YOU GOT A MINUTE, YOU KNOW RUSSIAN, I WILL

TELL PU THIS, STH GUY, THIS GUY, THIS GUY THIS GUY LETS HIS

FAMILY-- THIS GUY, THIS GUY LEFT HIS FAMILY VIA WHATSAPP.

THIS GUY, THIS GUY CAN HANG TEN ALL RIGHT. WATCHING SEVERAL

THIS GUY, THIS GUY CAN HANG TEN ALL RIGHT. WATCHING SEVERAL

PEOPLE FROWN, STEERVEG YOU GOOD FOR A MINUTE.

>> YEAH HAVE.

>> James: GOOD CUZ I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS GUY.

THIS GUY IS THE ONLY REMAINING EMPLOYEE OF BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO.

THIS GUY, THIS GUY SPUT A FLAMING BAG OF CRAP ON HIS

NEIGHBOR'S DOORSTEP AND WHEN THINGS GOT OUT OF HAND, HE

BLAMED SOME GUY WHO DID A GENDER REVEAL.

SON, YOU ALL RIGHT FOR A MINUTE, YOU GOOD?

I WOULD LOVE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS GAL, THIS GAL IS

CONSTANTLY SAYING SURE, I WENT THE WEES MUM IN THE WORLD

BUT-- BEST MUM IN THE WORLD BUT I WAS A LOT OF FUN, RIGHT?

THIS GAL HAS SET TO JERRY GARCIA TWICE WHILE HE WAS ALIVE AND

ONCE WHEN HE WAS DEAD.

LET ME TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS GAL.

THIS GAL DREUFS AN ELECTRIC CAR THAT USES A GAS POWERED

VIBRATOR.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Reggie: WOW.

>> James: I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN READ IT, THIS GAL, THIS GAL

JUST HAD 300,000 WORTH OF-- THIS GAL VUS HAD $300,000 WORTH OF

COSMETIC SURGERY TO MAKE HER SPHINCTER-- I CAN'T READ IT.

(LAUGHTER) LET ME TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS

GUY.

THIS GUY SAID THE WORD YOU CAN'T GET HUNGOVER IF YOU NEVER STOP

DRINKING TO A JUDGE ON THREE SEPARATE OCCASIONS.

THIS GUY-- LET ME TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS GUY.

GUILLERMO, CAN I TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS GUY.

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> James: THIS GUY WILL TELL YOU HE ONLY EATS WELL-ROUNDED

MEALS AND THEN-- THIS GIEL, THIS GUY WILL TILL HE ONLY EATS

WELL-ROUNDED MEALS AND THEN IS QUICK TO POINT OUT THAT HIS MOM

HAS A WELL-ROUNDED ASS.

HELEN!

AND STEVE ARE YOU OKAY I KNOW, ARE YOU OKAY, DO WE HAVE THE

TIME BECAUSE I WOULD LOVE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THESE GUYS.

THESE GUYS, THESE GUYS LIFELONG DREAM IS TO PLAY BETTER AND

ERNIE, MAINLY BECAUSE THEY WANT TO HANG-- IN THEIR.

>> THAT WAS DOGS IN SUNGLASSES, WE'LL RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF

THE "LATE, LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY. DOGS WITH GLASSES.

♪ I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE A MOMENT TO

WISH A HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO A DEAR FRIEND OF MINE.

THIS IS SOMEONE WHO HAS ALWAYS HAD MY BACK.

THROUGH GOOD TIMES AND BAD, HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME.

I'M TALKING OF COURSE ABOUT THE MCDONALD'S McFLURY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, IT HAS BEEN 25 YEARS.

YOU, YOU HAVE DONE SO MUCH FOR ME.

YOU ARE MADE WITH REAL DAIRY.

PRODUCED BY DAIRY FARMERS RIGHT HERE IN THE UNITED STATES.

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY,-- I AM GOING TO CELEBRATE WITH A CHIPS

A'HOY McFLURY AND MY McFLURY 25th B DAY-- AND YOU SHOULD

GO TO YOUR NEAREST MCDONALD'S FOR A McFLURY OR ONLINE MERCH

SHOP GOLDEN ARCHES UNLIMITED FOR TIS TRENDY LOUNGEWEAR SUIT AND

CHAIN.

WOW, 25 YEARS.

OH, NO, THANK YOU, THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING.

HEY, STOP IT.

♪ ♪ ♪ >> James: ALICIA, IS THAT YOU?

>> OH, HEY, JAMES.

>> James: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

>> YOU KNOW, JUST MESSING AROUND.

IT'S JUST KINDA WEIRD NOT HAVING AN AUDIENCE ANYMORE.

IT'S WEIRD.

>> James: YOU'RE TELLING ME.

I KNOW, WE'RE BOTH USED TO PERFORMING FOR THOUSANDS OF

PEOPLE.

>> I MEAN, I'M USED TO PLAYING MADISON SQUARE GARDEN.

>> James: IS THAT BIGGER THAN MY STUDIO?

I DIDN'T GROW UP HERE.

♪ EMPTY STUDIO ♪ FOR OUR SAFETY, IT'S BETTER

NOT A SOUL IN SIGHT ♪ AND IT ECHOES FOREVER

WE USED TO BE TOGETHER ♪ THERE WERE CROWDS AND LIGHTS

BUT NOT RIGHT NOW ¡CAUSE ♪ NOBODY CAN BE PACKED IN TIGHT

SKIP THE CROWDSURFING ♪ PEOPLE STAY BACK SIX FEET

AND ALL I SEE ARE ♪ EMPTY ROWS OF BLANK SEATS'

NO ONE, NO ONE, NO ONE ♪ IS HERE IN THE ROOM

IT'S A WEIRD FEELING NO ONE, NO ONE, NO ONE

♪ NOW WHEN I PLAY IT'S JUST TO YOU, JUST YOU,

♪ AND YOU, YOU TOO' THIS IS THE WAY IT HAS TO BE ♪

>> HELLO?

DID SOMEONE HIT THE LIGHTS?

>> James: EXCUSE US, WE'RE STILL SINGING IN HERE.

>> OH, SORRY.

I DIDN'T REALIZE ANYONE WAS IN HERE.

>> WELL THERE ISN'T REALLY.

THAT'S WHAT THE SONG IS ABOUT.

>> UH, OKAY.

JUST LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU'RE DONE, WE GOTTA CLOSE UP FOR THE

NIGHT.

>> James: WILL DO.

♪ NO ONE, NO ONE, NO ONE CAN GET IN THE WAY

♪ OF US PERFORMING NO ONE, NO ONE, NO ONE

♪ HOPING SOMEDAY WE'LL MEET AGAIN REAL SOON

♪ OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

♪ OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

♪ EVERYBODY ♪ ♪ ♪

OH OH OH OH ♪ OH OH OH OH

OH OH OH OH ♪ OH OH OH OH

♪ HOPING SOMEDAY WE'LL MEET AGAIN REAL SOON

>> James: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ALICIA KEYS!

YEAH!

>> HEY!

DOES THAT MEAN YOU GUYS ARE DONE?

>> James: YEAH, THANKS MAN.

>> FUN SONG.

FUN NIGHT.

♪ NOBODY ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ >> James: WELCOME BACK, LET'S

MEET OUR GUEST TONIGHT, IS HE A GOLDEN GLOBE AWARD-WINNING

ACTOR, WRITER, PRODUCER, AN ABSOLUTE DELIGHT.

WE ARE SO HAPPY HE IS HERE, THE FANTASTIC MR. JASON SCHWARTZMAN

IS ON THE SHOW HOW ARE YOU, FRIEND?

>> I AM GOOD, HOW ARE YOU, SIR.

>> James: I'M GOOD, I'M LOVING THIS, HAVE YOU DONE THIS

ESPECIALLY FOR US OR IS THIS JUST FOR YOUR DAILY ZOOM CALLS

THIS PARTY ATMOSPHERE?

>> A LITTLE OF BOTH.

I THINK IT IS A LITTLE OF BOTH.

I THINK THIS IS DEFINITELY, I SPENT THE LAST HOUR PUTTING THIS

UP FOR YOU.

THESE ARE PART OF MY SON'S BIRTHDAY PARTY YESTERDAY AND

THEN WE THREW THEM AWAY.

AND THEN I HAD THE IDEA TO GET THEM, SO I GOT THEM OUT OF THE

TRASH AND I HAVE TAPED THEM UP.

THEY MIGHT COME DOWN AT SOME POINT DURING THE SHOW, BY THE

WAY.

>> James: WELL LOOK AT THAT, VIEWERS, THAT IS SOMETHING TO

LOOK FORWARD TO.

DON'T-- DON'T CHANGE THE CHANNEL CUZ YOU NEVER KNOW.

>> YEAH.

>> James: YOU NEVER, EVER KNOW.

HOW ARE YOU?

YOU LOOK VERY, VERY WELL.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

HOW IS YOUR LIFE?

>> YOU KNOW, I'M DOING-- YOU KNOW, THE BEST I CAN, ALL THINGS

CONSIDERED.

I HOPE THAT YOU ARE DOING WELL TOO.

AND YOU ARE, YOU KNOW SPENDING A LOT OF TIME WITH OUR KIDS THESE

DAYS.

>> James: YES.

>> I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT, WHILE I HAVE THE CHANCE TO SAY

IT, THAT YOU ARE A BIG PART OF THAT.

IN FACT, I HEAR YOUR VOICE DAILY BECAUSE MY MIDDLE DAUGHTER TINA

WHO SHARES A BIRTHDAY WITH REGGIE, I FOUND OUT, SHE IS

OBSESSED WITH TROLLS, OBSESSED.

BEYOND OBSESSED AND TROLLS, IS ON ALL THE TIME IN OUR HOME.

AND YOUR CHARACTER IS THE CHARACTER THAT I SHOW HAVE BEEN

DESIGNATED TO PLAY.

>> James: OH, YOU'RE BIGGIE.

>> SORT OF.

>> James: YEAH.

>> I DON'T DO A LOT OF LINES BUT SHE LIKES TO RUN AWAY AND I'M

CONSTANTLY CHASING HER AROUND.

SHE REALLY RESPONDS TO THAT.

>> James: THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY.

>> THANK YOU FOR ALL THE JOY THAT YOU HAVE BROUGHT TO MY LIFE

AND IT REALLY IS A GREAT MOVIE.

>> James: THAT HAS REALLY MADE MY DAY, IT HAS.

AND I'M PLEASED THAT YOU ARE ALL WELL AND HEALTHY AND SAFE IN

YOUR GLORIOUS FAMILY.

I MEAN HOW HAS IT BEEN FOR YOU.

YOU HAVE BEEN WORKING NOW FOR I THINK 23 YEARS OR SOMETHING LIKE

THAT AND THEN LOCKDOWN HAPPENS.

HOW HAVE YOU FOUND BEING AT HOME FOR ALL OF THESE MONTHS, HAVE

YOU FOUND IT A DIFFICULT ADJUSTMENT?

>> YEAH, MY TYPE OF WORK DOESN'T HAVE LIKE A CHECK LIST TYPE

THING.

>> James: SURE.

>> THINKING ABOUT THINGS OR YOU KNOW, AND THE ODDEST THING HAS

BEEN HAVING TO GET COMFORTABLE WITH THAT AROUND MY CHILDREN.

LIKE HOW DO I NOT LOOK LIKE-- THEY'RE USUALLY IN DISOOL

WHEN I'M SITTING THERE GOING LIKE THIS.

THAT IS WHY-- WHY I PRETEND THAT I'M WORKING HARD, I AM WORKING

HARD AND WHEN GI TO WORK I GO TO WORK HARD, BUT WHEN I AM HOME

TRK IS JUST A DIFFERENT THING.

I DON'T WANT THEM TO SAY WHAT DOES HE DO ALL DAY, MY FATHER.

WHAT IS HE DOING.

>> James: THAT IS A VERY GOOD POINT.

>> AND IT IS ODD.

LIKE THE OTHER MORNING I WAS READING AN ARTICLE, LIKE ON MY

iPAD AND MY DAUGHTER CAME OVER AND SAID DAD I'M SO SORRY TO BUG

YOU, I KNOW YOU ARE WORKING.

I WAS READING AN ARTICLE LIKE ABOUT CLONING OR SOMETHING.

AND SHE GOES, DADDY, I'M SO SORRY TO BUG YOU, I KNOW YOU ARE

WORKING.

AND I JUST KIND OF WENT WITH IT, I WAS LIKE-- YEAH.

I AM.

HOW CAN I HELP YOU?

LIKE I NEED HELP WITH THE HOMEWORK.

LET ME FINISH THIS, I'M ALMOST DONE WITH THIS.

WHEN I AM DONE I WILL COME HELP YOU, OKAY.

YEAH.

JUST DON'T BE WORRY-- SORRY, THIS IS HOW IT IS.

pWE ARE BOTH DOING THIS.

IT IS KIND OF LIKE THIS KIND OF CHARADE, I'M KEEPING UP A

CHARADE OF LOOKING LIKE I'M WORKING ALL THE TIME, LISTENING

TO LIKE-- I AM GOING TO LISTEN THIS AUDIO BOOK BECAUSE I GOT TO

GO WORK ON IT.

AND IT'S NOTHING, TO DO WITH WORK.

>> James: NOW LET'S TALK, I'M EXCITED ABOUT THIS.

LET'S TALK ABOUT THE NEW SEASON OF FARGO.

ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHOWS ON TV.

FOR ANYONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW, IT IS AN ANALOGY, THERE IS A NEW

STORY, NEW CAST, TELL ANYONE WHAT THIS ONE IS ABOUT AND WHO

YOU PLAY.

>> BASICALLY I DON'T WANT TO GIVE TOO MUCH AWAY BUT IT IS

ABOUT THESE TWO CRIME FAMILIES THAT ARE FIGHTING FOR POWER IN

KANSAS CITY IN THE '50S.

AND ONE OF THE ASPECTS TO IT IS THAT THEY EACH HAVE TO TRADE

THEIR YOUNGEST SON TO THE OTHER CRIME FAMILY BOSS TO LOOK AFTER

THEM.

AND SO WE'RE WATCHING CHRIS ROCK'S CHILD AND HE'S WATCHING

MY LITTLE BROTHER.

AND IT IS BASICALLY JUST, TO ME I THINK IT'S THE BEST JOB I HAVE

HAD.

>> James: REALLY, WOW.

>> I THINK SHALL-- I MEAN I REALLY WAS HONORED.

AND I KNOW, YOU KNOW, IT IS FUNNY BECAUSE ST ANALOGY.

EVERY SEASON IT IS A DIFFERENT CAST.

BUT YOU REALLY, YOU KNOW, WHEN-- YOU ARE RARELY ASKED TO

JOIN SOMETHING YOU LOVE.

LIKE THE THINGS THAT I LOVE ARE ALREADY DONE WITH.

>> James: YEAH.

>> SO TO BECOME PART OF SOMETHING THAT YOU LOVE, EVEN

WITH ALL NEW PEOPLE, YOU FEEL A RESPONSIBILITY TO MARTIN FREEMAN

WHOS WITH IN THE FIRST SEASON AND KIRSTEN DUNST AND EWING

McGREGER, ALL THESE PEOPLE IT IS LIKE A BATON, YOU KNOW, AND I

YUS DON'T WANT TO RUIN ALL OF THEIR WORK EITHER.

I DON'T WANT TO BE THE WORST SEASON.

LIKE I DON'T WANT-- YOU KNOW, I DON'T WANT TO NEGLECT ATE THEIR

WORK OR-- THEY GATE THEIR WORK OR WHATEVER, AS A HUGE FAN, I

WANT IT TO BE A GREAT SEASON.

I REALLY THINK IT IS.

IT WAS SUCH AN INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCE FOR ME.

>> James: IT IS A REAL DEPARTURE OF CHARACTER.

WHEN YOU PAY A CHARACTER LIKE, THIS THE HEAD OF A MAFIA CRIME

FAMILY, IS IT, IS THAT SOMETHING, IS THAT EASY TO

SWITCH OFF FROM AT THE END OF A WORKING DAY?

>> IT'S NOT THAT IT IS HARD TO SWITCH OFF BUT IT IS HARD TO

REMIND YOURSELF THAT NOBODY ELSE KNOWS THAT YOU ARE DOING THIS.

SO FOR INSTANCE SALVATOREEE ESPOSITO, A FULL BLENDED ITALIAN

PIECE OF MAN WHO MAYS MY LITTLE BROTHER, BUT HE'S MY

FALLER-- TALLER BROTHER, ANYWAY, HE'S FROM ITALY.

AND HE WAS IN CHICAGO.

AND WE-- COULD TO GO TO THE MOVIES TOGETHER.

WE HAVE A ROUTINE WHERE A CAR WOULD COME, AN UBER OR WHATEVER,

WOULD PICK ME UP AND PICK HIM UP ALONG THE WAY TO THE MOVIE

THEATER AND GO SEE THE MOVIE.

WELL, IT HAD BEEN LIKE A FEW-- LIKE RIGHT AFTER COUNTRIES

MACE-- CHRISTMAS, I HADN'T SEEN HIM SO WE WERE GOING TO GO SEE A

MOVIE.

I GET THE CAR AND THEN I SAY TO THE GENTLEMAN WHO IS DRIVING,

WE'RE GOING TO GO TO MAKE A QUICK STOP OVER HERE, PICK UP MY

BUDDY, HE'S FROM ITALY ON BUSINESS, A GOOD MAN, YOU'LL

SEE.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

>> GOOD, THIS IS MY LAST DRIVE OF THE DAY.

TIRED, WANT TO GO HOME.

WE'LL BE OUT OF HERE SOON.

WE PULL UP, GET N HELLO MY FRIEND, WHAT'S HAPPENING, GIVES

ME A BIG HUG.

AND WE'RE CATCH UP, HE SAYS HOW ARE YOU, I'M GOOD, GOOD, HOW ARE

YOU, WHAT DID YOU DO THERE WEEK?

>> THIS WEEK WE SHOOT THE THREE GUYS IN THE PARKING LOT, WE

ASSASSINATE THEM.

>> YOU DID.

YOU DID THAT?

HOW WAS IT?

WAS IT SHALL.

>> IT WAS FUN, IT WAS FAST.

>> WAS THERE A LOT OF BLOOD.

>> NO, NO, NO.

VERY FAST. HOW ABOUT YOU.

>> WHAT DID I DO?

I DID THE THING WHERE WE PRETEND-- PRETENDED TO KILL THAT

GUY, WE LIT HIM ON FIRE AND WE SHOVED HIM DOWN THE HILL, HE WAS

ROLLING THEN WE BLEW HIS BODY APART DOWN THERE, IT HAS BEEN A

GREAT WEEK.

I LOOK UP, AT SOME POINT I LOOK UP AT THE REARVIEW MIRROR AND

THE DRIVER OF THIS CAR IS LIKE-- AND I DON'T THINK

ERECTED, SALVATORE DID NOT, AND I SAID IMMEDIATELY, SIR, I'M SO

SORRY, WE ARE ACTORS, THIS IS NOT, WE AREN'T TALKING, THESE

AREN'T REAL DEATHS WE ARE TALKING ABOUT, WE ARE NOT, LOOK,

AND HE SAID THANK YOU SO MUCH, I WOULDN'T HAVE SAID ANYTHING.

BUT-- OKAY, I'M GLAD EVERYONE IS OKAY.

BUT I WOULDN'T HAVE SAID ANYTHING.

LITERALLY, I WOULDN'T HAVE SAID.

JUST, JUST SO YOU KNOW.

AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, YEAH, THIS IS ODD.

YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL WHEN ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOUR JOB IN

PUBLIC, IF YOUR JOB IS KILLING PEOPLE THIS TIME AROUND.

YOU HAVE TO BE VERY MINDFUL OF THAT.

>> James: WELL, I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE THE SHOW.

I REALLY, REALLY AM, LET'S LOOK AT A CLIP FROM FARGO WHICH

PREMIER THIS SUNDAY AT 9:00 ON FX AND THE NEXT DAY ON FX ON

GOOGLE.

>> HEY, YOU GOT ANY BENNYS, GLEERMS, LAY LITTLE CHICKEN

POWDER, SOMETHING TO PICK ME UP.

I'VE HAD A WORLD-CLASS DAY.

>> WOW, SURE, THERE ARE TRIEPS OF NARCOTICS WHEN PRESCRIBEDS A

MEDICAL REMEDY SAY AS A MOOD ELEVATOR OR TO STRENGTHEN THE

CONCENTRATION CAN BE QUITE EFFECTIVE BUT INGESTED THEM

WITHOUT THE WRITTEN PRESCRIPTION OF A CERTIFIED PHYSICIAN, THAT'S

NOT SOMETHING I CAN HELP YOU WITH.

>> WHAT IF I SHARE?

>> James: STICK AROUND, MORE WITH JASON SCHWARTZMAN WHEN WE

COME BACK.

(APPLAUSE)

>> James: WELCOME BACK, WE ARE HERE WITH JASON SCHWARTZMAN, WE

HAVE BEEN DOING A THING, A "LATE, LATE SHOW" AND TELL WHERE

WE ASK OUR GUESTS TO SHARE SOMETHING FROM HOME THAT WE MAY

OTHERWISE NEVER GET TO SEE.

DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH US THIS

EVENING.

>> I DO.

I DO.

I WAS THINK BEING THIS.

I HAVE SOMETHING THAT IS VERY MEANINGFUL TO ME.

I HAVE A DAUGHTER, MY MIDDLE CHILD HAS SPECIAL NEEDS.

AND SPEAKING IS SOMETHING SHE IS WORKING ON.

AND YOU KNOW, THAT SHE IS CHALLENGED WITH.

AND WE NOTICED THOUGH THAT SHE SPEAKS OR SHE VOCALIZES THE MOST

WHEN SHE'S ON THE PHONE.

AND FOR AWHILE AT OUR HOUSE I WOULD CALL LINE ONE CALL PICK UP

LINE TWO, LINE ONE, LINE TWO, AND GIVE IT TO HER AND RUN TO A

DIFFERENT ROOM AND TALK TO HER FOR LIKE AN HOUR.

AND SHE WAS JUST TALKING AND IT WAS JUST SO WONDERFUL BUT IT WAS

A PROBLEM BECAUSE IT WAS TIEING UP THE PHONE LINES.

>> RIGHT.

>> James: AND.

>> AND SO ANYWAY, I WAS WONDERING LIKE HOW DO I GET A

PHONE BUT THAT DOESN'T HAVE, YOU KNOW, THAT DOESN'T ACTUALLY USE

UP OUR LINES AND WHEN I WAS ON FARGO I WAS TALKING TO THE

PROPERTY MASTER, AND HE BUILT ME THIS FOR MY DAUGHTER.

THIS PHONE ACTUALLY GOES TO A BOX, A SEPARATE BOX AND THEN IT

RINGS TO THIS OTHER PHONE THAT IS CONNECTED TO THE OTHER SIDE

OF IT, THIS ONE, AND I CAN PUT IT WHEREVER I WANT.

AND IT IS JUST, FOR HER, WE CAN TALK FOR HOURS AND STUFF ON OUR

OWN PHONE LINES THAT IS NOT BEING USED.

AND IT IS WHEN HE TBAIF IT TO ME, IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST

MEANINGFUL GIFTS I'VE EVER BEEN PRESENTED WITH IN MY LIFE.

AND MY DAUGHTER LOVES IT.

>> James: THAT IS SO.

>> I'M REALLY PROUD TO HAVE THERE IN MY LIFE.

>> James: THAT IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING.

THAT IS GORGEOUS.

PLEASE THANK THE ONE, THE ONLY JASON SCHWARTZMAN, EVERYBODY.

ALICIA KEYS GIVES HER FINAL PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK OUTSIDE

RIGHT AFTER THIS.

COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY.

♪ ♪ ♪ >> James: WELCOME BACK, HERE

PERFORMING UNDERDOG FROM HER NEW ALBUM ALICIA, PLEASE WELCOME

ALICIA KEYS!

IN SONG IS FOR EVERYBODY WHO DEFIES THE ODDS, WHO BREAKFAST

ANY CEILINGS, THIS IS FOR YOU.

♪ SHE WAS WALKING IN THE STREET LOOKED UP AND NOTICED

♪ HE WAS NAMELESS HE WAS HOMELESS

♪ SHE ASKED HIM HIS NAME AND TOLD HIM WHAT HERS WAS

♪ HE GAVE HER A STORY 'BOUT A LIFE

♪ WITH A GLINT IN HIS EYE AND A CORNER OF A SMILE

♪ ONE CONVERSATION A SIMPLE MOMENT

♪ THE THINGS THAT CHANGE US IF WE NOTICE

♪ WHEN WE LOOK UP, SOMETIMES THEY SAID I WOULD NEVER MAKE IT

♪ BUT I WAS BUILT TO BREAK THE MOLD

♪ THE ONLY DREAM THAT I'VE BEEN CHASING IS MY OWN

♪ SO I SING A SONG FOR THE HUSTLERS TRADING AT THE BUS STOP

♪ SINGLE MOTHERS WAITING ON A CHECK TO COME

♪ YOUNG TEACHERS STUDENT DOCTORS

♪ SONS ON THE FRONTLINE KNOWING THEY DON'T GET TO RUN

♪ THIS GOES OUT TO THE UNDERDOG KEEP ON KEEPING AT

♪ WHAT YOU LOVE YOU'LL FIND THAT

♪ SOMEDAY SOON ENOUGH YOU WILL RISE UP

♪ RISE UP, YEAH OOH, OOH, OOH

♪ OOH, OOH, OOH YEAH

♪ OOH, OOH, OOH SHE'S RIDING IN A TAXI

♪ BACK TO THE KITCHEN TALKING TO THE DRIVER 'BOUT

♪ HIS WIFE AND HIS CHILDREN ON THE RUN FROM A COUNTRY

♪ WHERE THEY PUT YOU IN PRISON FOR BEING A WOMAN AND

♪ SPEAKING YOUR MIND SHE LOOKED IN HIS EYES IN

♪ THE MIRROR AND HE SMILED ONE CONVERSATION

♪ A SINGLE MOMENT THE THINGS THAT CHANGE US

♪ IF WE NOTICE WHEN WE LOOK UP, SOMETIMES

♪ THEY SAID I WOULD NEVER MAKE IT, BUT I WAS BUILT

♪ TO BREAK THE MOLD THE ONLY DREAM THAT I'VE

♪ BEEN CHASING IS MY OWN SO I SING A SONG FOR THE

♪ HUSTLERS TRADING AT THE BUS STOP

♪ SINGLE MOTHERS WAITING ON A CHECK TO COME

♪ YOUNG TEACHERS STUDENT DOCTORS

♪ SONS ON THE FRONTLINE KNOWING THEY DON'T GET TO RUN

♪ THIS GOES OUT TO THE UNDERDOG KEEP ON KEEPING AT

♪ WHAT YOU LOVE YOU'LL FIND THAT SOMEDAY

♪ SOON ENOUGH YOU WILL RISE UP, RISE UP, YEAH

♪ OOH, OOH, OOH OOH, OOH, OOH

♪ YEAH OOH, OOH, OOH

♪ EVERYBODY RISE UP YOU GONNA RISE UP, AY

♪ I SING A SONG FOR THE HUSTLERS YOU GONNA RISE UP, AY

♪ YEAH ♪ I SING A SONG FOR THE HUSTLERS

♪ SINGLE MOTHERS WAITING ON A CHECK TO COME

♪ YOUNG TEACHERS STUDENT DOCTORS

♪ SONS ON THE FRONTLINE KNOWING THEY DON'T GET TO RUN

♪ THIS GOES OUT TO THE UNDERDOG KEEP ON KEEPING AT WHAT YOU LOVE

♪ YOU'LL FIND THAT SOMEDAY SOON ENOUGH YOU WILL

♪ RISE UP, RISE UP, YEAH OOH, OOH, OOH

♪ OOH, OOH, OOH OOH, OOH, OOH

♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪ OOH, OOH, OOH

♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) (CARS HONKING )

>> James: ALICIA KEYS EVERYBODY!

HER NEW ALBUM "ALICIA" IS OUT RIGHT NOW!

COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY.

♪

♪ ♪ ♪ >> James: LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN, THIS IS THE END OF ALICIA WEEK.

WHAT AN INCREDIBLE THING TO HAVE ALICIA KEYS HERE EVERY NIGHT,

BLESSED WITH HER MUSIC AND HER PRESENCE.

WE'LL NEVER FORGET T ALICIA, THANK YOU, FOR COMING AND DOING

THIS, IT HAS BEEN INCREDIBLE.

WE'LL SEE YOU NECK WEEK, STAY SAFE, EVERYBODY.

REGGIE, TAKE US HOME!

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