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1
00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:07,880
I had no idea so much
went into a wedding.
2
00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:09,680
Speaking as your wife,
that was clear.
3
00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:12,000
Hmm. CAPTAIN: Five boxes...
4
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,040
..six, seven, eight...in here.
5
00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:17,200
And ten in the lobby. Excellent.
6
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:20,760
Right. Lift from the knees!
Trust me, you don't want a hernia.
7
00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:22,400
Head! What?
8
00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:23,680
...chog.
9
00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:24,960
Hedgehog. Sorry.
10
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:26,600
I thought I saw a hedgehog. Where?
11
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,480
Did you? Mm-mm.
12
00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:29,720
No. Ah.
13
00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:32,240
HUMPHREY: Chase it out with a broom.
They'll leave fleas in the rug!
14
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:36,040
Now, the other bit. I have you down
for night lookout this evening.
15
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,960
Again? Can't he do it? I mean...
16
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,920
..me do it? Hardly.
17
00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:45,000
There's a lot of valuable
ordnance on base, and, while
your counterpart here
18
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:48,320
is very dextrous, observation
is not his strong suit.
19
00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:51,520
OK. Fine. Pick me up at six.
Literally.
20
00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:52,960
HUMPHREY CHUCKLES
Very good.
21
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:55,760
Oh, no, no, no!
I know you're on a budget,
22
00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:57,720
but where are the oyster forks?
23
00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:59,680
They're not having oysters. What?!
24
00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:02,560
How much? To hire knives and forks?!
25
00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:05,920
It's wedding silver, Mike.
It's got to be top quality.
26
00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:07,360
Don't try to bend them!
27
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,120
That's just what I heard.
No, don't be daft.
28
00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:38,760
Course it ain't haunted.
29
00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,000
Just act natural.
30
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,720
If anyone asks, we're couriers
who got lost in the grounds
31
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,840
while looking for a toilet,
cos you needed to go urgently
32
00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:49,120
due to a recent operation
to remove a small section of bowel.
33
00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:50,920
That's a lot of detail, Vin.
34
00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:52,440
That's what makes it believable.
35
00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:55,120
Now, Pete says this place has been
getting deliveries all week
36
00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:56,320
for some big wedding bash.
37
00:01:56,320 --> 00:02:00,840
Silverware, furniture,
PA system - all quality stuff.
38
00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:02,880
So, what's the plan?
39
00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:05,640
So we case the joint,
find a way in... Uh-huh.
40
00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:08,720
..then come back
when they're asleep...
41
00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:10,360
..and nick it.
42
00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:17,600
♪ I'll make love to you
43
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,560
♪ If you want me to
44
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,560
♪ And I'll hold you tight
45
00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:25,560
♪ Baby, all through the night... ♪
46
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:27,040
I don't want him to!
47
00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:29,280
♪ I'll make... #
OK!
48
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,720
Great. They're doing Music Club...
Well, they're busy.
49
00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:33,000
They won't even know I'm out.
50
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:34,280
You haven't told them?
51
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,240
It would just become
some whole big thing
52
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,960
and it's better if I just sneak out.
53
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,480
They won't bother you. Hmm.
54
00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:41,400
You've been on your own
with them before.
55
00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:43,920
Yeah, not at night,
with the house all dark and creepy
56
00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:46,160
and them all dead and weird.
57
00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:47,960
You still can come with us,
you know?
58
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,640
Nah. You go.
59
00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:51,840
They're your friends, really.
I'll be fine,
60
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:54,360
with the...dead people.
61
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:01,480
Thanks for waiting. No problem.
62
00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:07,240
This is perfect. They're going out.
63
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,200
Come on, now's our chance.
64
00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:12,920
But I've still got the thighs.
65
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,320
God, you eat slowly.
66
00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:18,400
Well, I have got that bowel thing.
67
00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:20,800
No, you haven't.
68
00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:24,480
Oh, yeah.
69
00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,720
MIKE: Yeah, no, that's cool.
70
00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:31,520
No, no, no. No reason.
I just thought,
71
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:34,280
if you wanted to pop round,
play a bit of Xbox or something,
72
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,440
but it's fine - another time. Yep.
73
00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:38,800
All right, say hello to...
74
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,440
BEEP
Hello?
75
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,200
Ah!
HE SIGHS
76
00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:47,640
TV: Coming up tonight
in The Love Nest...
77
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:51,200
WOMAN: I like ya and I love ya, but
I don't like ya - know what I mean?
78
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:52,520
MAN: Yeah. I mean, no.
79
00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:54,640
I just don't think
you've shown me the real you.
80
00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:55,840
I have. You touched it.
81
00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:58,320
That's not what I mean.
I just think you're a bit...
82
00:03:58,320 --> 00:03:59,360
TV OFF
83
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:04,120
Right. I know you can hear me...
84
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:07,960
HIGH-PITCHED:
# Amazing Kitty, so... ♪
85
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:11,880
Now, I'm going to stay in here, OK?
86
00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:15,080
And you stay...anywhere else.
87
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:18,280
♪ Hurray for Kitty! ♪
88
00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:20,400
I don't want any trouble.
89
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,120
I just want to watch my show,
90
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,440
and eat my trifle,
and go to sleep...
91
00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:26,520
Not that I will sleep.
92
00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:29,200
Haunted house. On my own.
In the middle of nowh...
93
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,120
HE SNORES
94
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:41,040
VAN APPROACHES
95
00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:42,840
Oh.
96
00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:45,080
Oh, visitors!
97
00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:46,280
Intruders?
98
00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:47,880
Intruders.
99
00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:49,200
Intruders!
100
00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,800
♪ Rum tuka-tum, rum tuka-tum
Rum tuka-tum... ♪
101
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,280
Snare drum!
# Pom pom pom
102
00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:55,640
♪ Pom-pom pa-rum-pum pa-dum
103
00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:57,120
♪ Ba ba ba... ♪
104
00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,560
Intruders!
105
00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,120
♪ Ba ba ba-dum ba pom
pom pom pom... ♪
106
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:01,680
Anyone?
107
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,560
♪ Ba ba ba-dum dum ba-dum
108
00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:10,760
♪ Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba-dum ba ba
109
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:12,320
♪ Oh, ba, ba
110
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,280
♪ Rum, rum, rum! ♪
111
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:17,640
HE SNORES
112
00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:19,800
TO THE TUNE OF IT'S A LONG WAY
TO TIPPERARY: # Ba ba ba ba
113
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,400
♪ Ba-ba-ba ba ba
114
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:22,960
♪ Ba ba ba ba
115
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,000
♪ Ba ba... ♪
116
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,120
Horn section!
117
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,120
♪ Brum ba-rum bum bum bum... ♪
118
00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:33,440
Piccolo!
# Bum bum ba ba
119
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:34,840
♪ Bum bum ba ba
120
00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:35,920
♪ Daddle-addle-ah
121
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,200
♪ Bum bum ba ba bum bum bum bum
122
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:39,320
♪ Baaa-nup
123
00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:41,120
♪ Ba ba ba doof!
124
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:42,920
♪ Ba ba... ♪
125
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,320
PIANO KEYS CLASH
126
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,000
Sh!
127
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,280
Whatever was that?
128
00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:49,600
It's the Coldstream Guards.
129
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,040
No, no. It come from down stair.
130
00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:53,400
Now...
131
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:56,440
Ah, ah, ah!
132
00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,200
JULIAN: Oh! I know what this is!
133
00:05:58,200 --> 00:05:59,480
A masked ball!
134
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,800
No, no. We had this at
the Bramptons'. It's, um...
135
00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,480
A burglary! ..insurance fraud.
136
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:06,560
Oh, yes, I suppose it might
actually be a burglary. Yeah.
137
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,640
Good Lord, there's another one.
138
00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:11,040
Well, I can't see no cameras.
139
00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:13,160
Oh, it's you, Nev.
140
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,120
I didn't recognise you.
141
00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:16,880
I was just wearing a hat.
142
00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:18,160
Oh. Right.
143
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,320
Let's see what's worth nicking,
shall we?
144
00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:23,120
All right. We have enemy insurgents.
145
00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:25,560
Somebody warn Alison.
Tell her to inform the authorities.
146
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:26,640
Where is she?
147
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,400
In bed, I think. I'll go!
148
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,520
In the meantime,
we must NOT lose sight of them.
149
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,560
Fanny, keep eyes on
the leader. Right.
150
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,000
Kitty, Mary - make a note of
anything that they try to steal.
151
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,240
We'll need a full inventory.
152
00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:37,720
Ahem... A list!
153
00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:38,760
Oh.
154
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:41,320
And as for you...
155
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:43,400
No! Leave this one to me.
156
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:49,800
I am placing you
under a citizen's arrest.
157
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:53,840
You do not have to say anything, but
anything you do say will be taken...
158
00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:55,240
Wurgh! Ohhh!
159
00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:58,120
Cheeky little blighter.
160
00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:02,560
Tray. One tray.
161
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:03,720
Silver tray.
162
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,120
How dare you!
163
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,000
You contemptible, odious...
164
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,720
Candlestick. One candlestick.
165
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,520
No, no, no. Those come as a pair.
166
00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:14,880
Forks. Just forks?
You need a full canteen.
167
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:18,160
A dinner service requires
a full canteen!
168
00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:24,560
He's taken nothing.
169
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,680
Still nothing.
Yes, thank you, Mary.
170
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:32,760
Young man,
you are heading down a dark path.
171
00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:34,120
But it's not too late, you know.
172
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,840
You're yet to commit
a serious offence...
173
00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:38,240
HE GASPS
Borstal.
174
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,640
You're going to borstal.
They're going to eat you alive.
175
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:41,960
Nothing here.
176
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,040
See?
177
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:45,360
GROANS SHE
178
00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:47,920
HE SNIFFS
179
00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:49,280
VINNY: Anything?
NEV GASPS
180
00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:52,040
Can you smell that? What is that?
181
00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:53,240
HE SNIFFS
What?
182
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,000
I'm telling you -
this place ain't right.
183
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:59,080
You ain't right. Come on,
I think I've found the DJ kit.
184
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:00,200
Right. DJ kit...
185
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:03,000
She's not here! Alison!
He's alone up there.
186
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,200
Maybe she's left him!
187
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,920
Or gone out? Probably just gone out.
188
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:07,280
Gentlemen...
189
00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:09,760
..we're on our own.
190
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:19,280
Right. Box, 'nother box, bigger box.
191
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:20,520
And some worms.
192
00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:22,160
It is a lot to remember.
193
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:23,760
No, it's only...
194
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,960
What did I just say?
195
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:29,240
Oh! Alison taught me
a clever way of remembering things
196
00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:31,760
when I kept forgetting
the colours in a rainbow.
197
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,640
You make a sentence
with the same first letters.
198
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:38,560
So, it's Richard Of York
199
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:41,760
Gave Battle In Vain.
200
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:45,760
So that's red, orange, yellow...
201
00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:49,040
..grey...
202
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:50,520
..blue... Yeah?
203
00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:52,280
..indigo...
204
00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:56,400
..v-v-v...ery light blue.
205
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:57,560
A rainbow!
206
00:08:57,560 --> 00:08:58,720
Sounds right.
207
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:02,360
So, candlesticks, cutlery
208
00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:05,600
and silver tray could be...
209
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,440
Cups? Yes!
210
00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:09,360
Cups. And...
211
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:11,280
S-s-s-s-s...
212
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:13,120
...some more cups.
213
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,600
Exactly!
214
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:19,120
Oh, that muddles things. Oh.
215
00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:24,800
ALL YELL
216
00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:28,800
JULIAN YELLS
217
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:31,920
Move it along, man!
Push for the finish!
218
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,120
CHEERING
219
00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:34,960
RINGING TONE
220
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,320
Emergency services. ALL: Yes!
221
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,280
What service do you require?
222
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:42,040
The police, please!
The constabulary.
223
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,240
Do you need fire,
police or ambulance?
224
00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:46,800
We not think this through.
225
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:48,160
Hello, is anyone there?
226
00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:50,880
Oh! The plague girl can be heard!
227
00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:52,200
Yes! To the pantry!
228
00:09:58,920 --> 00:09:59,960
Hang on.
229
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:01,960
Was that always like that?
230
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:06,040
Ghosts! It was definitely ghosts!
231
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:09,000
Or I might have knocked it.
I do do that.
232
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:13,880
What? Do you think someone's here?
233
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,160
Shouldn't be, but...
234
00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:16,520
Let's be on the safe side.
235
00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,160
Cut the phone line.
236
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:20,880
No - the main one.
237
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:24,280
No - the main one!
238
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:26,400
Outside.
239
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:30,800
Come! Come!
This way. That's it.
240
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:32,600
What? Who did that?
241
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,760
JULIAN STRAINS
242
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,080
Right, pay attention.
243
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,880
Just ask for the police.
Tell them a burglary is in progress
244
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,440
at Button House, then give them
the address. Got it?
245
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,680
HE SHUDDERS
246
00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:44,960
ALL CHEER
247
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:47,200
Emergency services.
What service do you require?
248
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,320
Yes, please, Jemima.
249
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:52,640
♪ Ring a ring o' roses
250
00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:55,960
♪ Pocket full of posies... ♪
251
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:58,400
Hello, is anyone there?
# A-tish-oo, a-tish-oo... ♪
252
00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:00,240
I think maybe that's all she does.
Honestly.
253
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,440
Why is no-one ever alive
when you need them?
254
00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,440
Well...someone is.
255
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:07,800
ELECTRICITY CRACKLES
256
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,600
ROBIN STRAINS
257
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:15,000
Still nothing.
258
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,560
Is he dead? I wish.
259
00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:18,800
No, I don't. Wait. Hang on...
260
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,200
MIKE SNORES, ALL GASP
261
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:22,280
Scratch his head.
262
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,000
Thatcher's dead?!
263
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:27,880
No. Scratch his head.
Or, like, jab him.
264
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,680
Come on. I'm exhausted!
265
00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:33,240
Don't complain about it. It's a
gift. All right! Da-da-da-da!
266
00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:34,360
Give me some space.
267
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:38,160
Shwa-da!
268
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:43,960
HE SNORES
269
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:51,480
Oh, man!
270
00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:56,200
Eeny meeny miny...
271
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:57,560
Main one.
272
00:11:57,560 --> 00:11:59,400
BANG, HE SCREAMS
273
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:03,560
JULIAN STRAINS
274
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,520
You could try prodding his...
275
00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:08,800
No!
276
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:11,160
No?
277
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:21,280
PHONE: Hello? Can you hear me?
278
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:24,480
TO THE TUNE OF RING A RING
O' ROSES: # Burglary in progress! ♪
279
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,680
If you can hear me,
all you have to do is...
280
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:27,960
CONTINUOUS TONE
281
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:31,720
HE SIGHS DEEPLY
282
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:40,920
Hmm.
283
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:43,560
Did you cut the wrong cable?
284
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:46,360
It's possible.
HE SIGHS
285
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:47,440
What d'ya reckon?
286
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:49,480
Well, it's a fine piece.
Look at the brushwork.
287
00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:50,520
Dunno.
288
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,600
Oh, you "dunno".
How are things at Sotheby's?
289
00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:53,840
The frame's all cracked.
290
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:56,360
Well, forget the frame,
just cut out the canvas!
291
00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:58,480
Ugh!
292
00:12:58,480 --> 00:12:59,560
Trust me, it'll work.
293
00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:01,680
Well, look, I just...
I don't feel comfortable...
294
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:03,040
Oh, not still asleep?
295
00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:04,240
I HAVE been trying!
296
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,280
But we need his help.
He's our only hope.
297
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:07,880
Star Wars!
298
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:10,360
Well, I've done my bit.
Good luck with it all.
299
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:11,440
Wait!
300
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,000
In case of emergency...
301
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,800
..break glass!
302
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,520
JULIAN SIGHS
Fine.
303
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:20,000
But if I get RSI, I'm suing.
304
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,040
Come along.
305
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:25,280
Shammo!
306
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:27,960
Mi-wadi-wadi-wadi...
307
00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:30,240
Push that! Push!
308
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:32,560
ALL GROAN
309
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:34,000
Ah, good quality.
310
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,960
TOGETHER: Ooh!
311
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:38,840
Ah! Made in Britain.
312
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:40,400
Right.
313
00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:59,640
CLATTERING, MIKE GASPS
314
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:00,880
Shhh!
315
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:03,400
Vin!
316
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,800
WHISPERED: Maybe someone is in here.
317
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,240
Or some-THING. Shut up, Nev.
318
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:09,960
Grab that candlestick.
319
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,320
Right.
320
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:13,520
Not that. That!
321
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,120
I thought this WAS a candlestick.
322
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:16,520
That's just a candle.
323
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:19,080
But it's in the shape of a stick.
324
00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:21,000
Yes, it's the shape of
a stick, but...
325
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,440
Look, just grab that!
326
00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:34,640
SWITCH CLICKS
327
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:40,600
All right, this isn't funny.
328
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,000
Stop messing about. Seriously.
329
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,840
He's up.
330
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,640
Yes, but how do we
communicate with him?
331
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:48,000
SNAPS FINGERS
Morse code!
332
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:49,160
Will he know Morse code?
333
00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:51,120
BOTH: Everyone knows Morse code.
334
00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:53,520
Fine. I'll try.
335
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:56,400
But something light! Getting crampy.
336
00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:00,600
FAINT CLICKING
337
00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:05,560
CLICKING CONTINUES
338
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:09,080
CLICKING SPEEDS UP
339
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,640
HE SCREAMS
340
00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:24,280
Eh... Ah. Yes, probably not
the best choice.
341
00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:25,440
Hmm.
342
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:40,640
DANCE MUSIC
343
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,480
They've... They've gone what?
344
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:44,040
Mike, I can barely hear you.
345
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,840
Rogue! They've gone rogue!
The ghosts.
346
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:48,200
He on phone!
347
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,240
Robin?
348
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,840
Ooh! It Alison!
349
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:54,840
ALL SHOUT AT ONCE
Alison! There are insurgents!
350
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:56,760
I don't know why,
but they've wrecked the joint
351
00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,400
and broke the lights
and blown the power
352
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,160
and I don't know what
I'm going to do. Mike!
353
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,880
Mike. Sorry, can you stop talking?
Can you open the wardrobe door?
354
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:04,920
What makes you think
I'm in the wardrobe?
355
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:06,720
Are you? Yes.
356
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:07,760
Yes.
357
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,160
Shush up! Shush up! One at a time.
358
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:13,160
Alison, there is a burglary
in progress.
359
00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:14,920
The authorities must be
notified at once!
360
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:16,440
Oh, my... Over.
361
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:19,760
Mike! Mike, there are burglars
in the house.
362
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:20,880
What?!
363
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,960
Can you just hang up, and stay where
you are and call the police?
364
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:25,120
I'm on my way! Right.
365
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:26,600
Oh, no.
366
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,760
Oh, come on!
367
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:34,640
VINNY: Anything?
368
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,000
Nope. No-one here.
369
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,000
Yeah, well,
I definitely heard something.
370
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:41,600
Come on. Let's finish up
and get out of here.
371
00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:02,120
Right, if you can hear me,
knock three times.
372
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:04,400
Why THREE times?
373
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:07,920
HE STRAINS
374
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,120
KNOCK
375
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:14,480
HE YELLS
376
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:15,520
KNOCK
377
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:17,000
Yes! Well done.
378
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,280
Well, yeah, you know.
379
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:21,600
Right. OK.
Where are the burglars now?
380
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,760
Well, how the hell
am I supposed to answer that?
381
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:24,960
No, that doesn't... Um...
382
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,360
What DOES she see in him?
383
00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:27,560
Right, OK...
384
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:29,640
What weapons have they got?
385
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:32,640
No. How many burglars are there?
386
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:34,000
Ah, yes, can do that.
387
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,040
And where are they?
ALL SIGH
388
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:37,440
Oh, this is futile.
389
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:40,200
Are they bigger than me? No...
390
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,600
Or smaller?
391
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,120
PAT: Oh, I think I've had an idea!
392
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:46,760
Me? Again?
393
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:51,240
God! I haven't worked this hard
since that animal welfare bill.
394
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:52,720
YOU had an animal welfare bill?
395
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,680
No, no. I was lobbying against it.
396
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:55,800
Balls to animals.
397
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,200
This way, everyone.
398
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,280
To the bog!
Knock twice if you're still here.
399
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,000
TAP SQUEAKS
400
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:09,960
JULIAN YELLS
That's it.
401
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,120
Oh.
402
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,160
Very good. Good, good.
403
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:19,920
Very good. Yes, yes.
404
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:25,240
Ooh! OK, Robin.
405
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:26,280
Every time.
406
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:27,440
There we go.
407
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,440
OK...
408
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:32,040
..how many burglars are there?
409
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:35,000
Ah. All right. Here we go.
410
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,920
HE STRAINS
411
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:37,960
Come on.
412
00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:41,240
Two.
413
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:44,760
20?
414
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,160
I need to get out of here!
415
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:50,480
What are you doing? There's not 20!
416
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:53,440
No, I was writing, "2 of them."
417
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:55,800
Just write, "2."
418
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,560
Well, you know, hindsight is
a wonderful thing, isn't it?
419
00:18:58,560 --> 00:18:59,680
Moron!
420
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,760
Hi. Do you have a car?
421
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:05,320
30 minutes. Could it be 20?
422
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:06,400
It could be 40.
423
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:09,320
I'm sorry, are you haggling
with...time?
424
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:12,320
Look, it's an hour, love -
take it or leave it.
425
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,680
What are you doing? Oi!
What the...?
426
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,000
CAPTAIN: Well, that's just
wonderful, isn't it?
427
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:25,040
Michael's gone AWOL,
Alison is off-base,
and we have absolutely no way
428
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:28,800
of contacting the authorities.
We have to do something. Any ideas?
429
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:29,880
Uh... Ooh!
430
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:31,040
Yes, please, Robin.
431
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:38,000
Oh, that's very helpful, isn't it?
A deserter!
432
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,280
I could have you shot
for that, you know!
433
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,720
Ooh...
434
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:42,760
Well...
435
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:50,040
NEV: Do you think this is gold?
436
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,080
VINNY: No, it's silver.
FLOORBOARDS CREAK
437
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:53,880
How do you know?
Because it's silver.
438
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:55,360
Just put it in the bag.
439
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,160
Hyah!
440
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:42,440
CLATTERING
441
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,440
Why is everything so old?
442
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:45,920
NEV: Who's there?
443
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:48,960
Me, you moron. Oh, sorry, Vin.
444
00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:59,440
Well, swaddle them in something!
445
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:01,840
If they crack,
they're worth nothing.
446
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,320
♪ Cut glass decanters! ♪
447
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:07,320
Caused Godwin's dog...
448
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:10,560
♪ Three pewter tankards! ♪
449
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,960
..to puke up...turnip?
450
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:16,000
♪ Ju-u-ugs! ♪
451
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,320
Juice!
452
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:19,480
I think putting it to music helped.
453
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:22,320
To be honest, I think
I was nailing it anyways.
454
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:24,240
ROBIN PANTS
455
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:33,960
SHE SIGHS
456
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:39,000
Hello.
457
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,200
Were you murdered
while hitch-hiking, too?
458
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:42,360
Huh?
459
00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:43,760
Oh, no. Oh...
460
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,840
No. Er, no. I was...
461
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:49,680
I've got to go. I...
462
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:57,600
NEV: Anything else?
463
00:21:57,600 --> 00:21:59,880
VINNY: Pete said
there's disco lights.
464
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:30,160
HE HOWLS
465
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,520
DOGS BARK
466
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:34,240
Oh, what's got into them?
467
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:37,760
Burglars?
468
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:38,920
Stay there, Bunny.
469
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,240
They'll rue the day!
470
00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:46,800
Hi. Hello?
471
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:50,680
Hi. Sorry, um,
I know this is a long shot,
472
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:52,840
but I need to get home urgently...
473
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:54,480
GIRLS SHRIEK
474
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:57,040
GIRL: Oh, look! Hi!
475
00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:58,960
Hi.
476
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:00,720
♪ I will survive
477
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:05,160
♪ Oh, as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive... ♪
478
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:06,480
DOGS BARK
479
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:09,160
What? Out there? In the garden?
480
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,360
DOGS BARK
481
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:15,680
Who goes there?
482
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:17,600
HOWLS
483
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:19,800
DOGS YELP
484
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,160
HE SIGHS
Bitches!
485
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:28,720
No, no, no. Those were only pewter.
486
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:32,600
Save that space,
and go back for the champagne!
487
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:33,920
Just here, driver!
488
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:37,600
♪ Go on, now, go! #
Can you drop me...?
489
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:39,520
I can jump off at the turning.
490
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:42,160
GIRLS: Bye! Bye!
491
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,120
I reckon that's it.
492
00:23:44,120 --> 00:23:45,680
You've made your bed.
493
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,720
Don't come crying to me
when you bend over in the shower
494
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:50,920
and someone puts drugs
in your bottom!
495
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:55,880
I watched a film about borstal.
496
00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:58,400
Bits of it.
497
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:01,800
Well, mission very much
NOT accomplished.
498
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:04,280
At least, tell me
you got an inventory.
499
00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:06,520
KITTY HUMS
Caused...
500
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:07,600
♪ Two... ♪
501
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,280
..Godwin's dog to...
# Three...
502
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:13,040
♪ ..one... #
..to puke up...
503
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:16,720
♪ Drink... #
..turnips...
504
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:18,040
Cups.
505
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:19,680
And a rainbow!
506
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:21,520
VINNY: Just give them here.
NEV: What?
507
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:23,240
Let's get out of here.
508
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:24,920
What?
509
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:27,760
CLANKING
510
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:32,880
Oh, my God, it's a ghost!
I told you!
511
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:35,800
CREAKING
512
00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:39,040
MIKE SCREAMS
513
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:41,880
Get in the van, Nev.
514
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:45,080
MIKE: Yeah, run away. Go on...
515
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:48,080
Oh, just leaving
the witness alive, are we?
516
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:49,800
Not even a threat of violence?
517
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:51,960
At least, take some identification
518
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,560
and say you'll be back
if he contacts the authori...
519
00:24:58,080 --> 00:24:59,520
What have I become?
520
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:03,400
SHE PANTS
521
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,840
NEV: I can't believe we
got away with it.
522
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:12,320
See? Absolute piece of...
523
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:14,840
VINNY YELLS
524
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,400
CRASH
525
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,360
DOGS BARK
526
00:25:19,360 --> 00:25:20,720
Ah!
527
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:22,320
Don't bally move!
528
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:24,160
I've got a problem with my bowel!
529
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:25,920
Move an inch and you will have.
530
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,200
Good girls. Good girls!
531
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,240
Ah! Annabel!
532
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:33,760
SHE PANTS
533
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:35,760
Alison.
534
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:37,520
..pivots in the middle.
HUMPHREY YELLS
535
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:39,200
Ow!
I fought in an actual battle...
536
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:41,440
There are burglars!
537
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:42,840
But you know that.
538
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:44,840
POLICE RADIO CHATTER
539
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:48,080
As a pivotal member of
the local neighbourhood watch,
540
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:52,120
I was keeping my usual vigil
over the surrounding estates...
541
00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:54,040
The operator thought
she heard a child,
542
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:55,880
so we traced the number
and got the address.
543
00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:56,920
What?
544
00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:00,280
But we'd have been too late
if it weren't for your friend here.
545
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:01,520
Thank you.
546
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:04,480
No, no. Least I could do.
547
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:10,320
No-one to blame
but yourself, Neville.
548
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:13,760
You mark my words. They're going
throw the book at you, son.
549
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:17,080
What do you reckon?
No previous. Probably probation.
550
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:18,880
You what?!
551
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:23,200
I mean, they do still freak me out.
But, well...they did good tonight.
552
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:25,640
Yeah, they properly saved our skins.
553
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:30,560
And to think, when I first met them,
they seemed so selfish.
554
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,560
TAP GUSHES
555
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,680
SPLUTTERS
556
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,280
Well, close the door, then!
557
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:43,280
I've had a hell of a day.
558
00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:47,360
HE EXHALES DEEPLY
36936
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