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1
00:00:17,449 --> 00:00:19,918
It's breakfast
and you're eating
a piece of candy?
2
00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:22,253
It's dessert.
3
00:00:23,889 --> 00:00:25,757
There is
no dessert with breakfast.
4
00:00:26,726 --> 00:00:29,127
Maybe not where you live.
5
00:00:29,194 --> 00:00:30,862
Will you at least
take your vitamin?
6
00:00:30,930 --> 00:00:32,597
My God,
you're a time bomb.
7
00:00:38,470 --> 00:00:39,403
[Sighs]
8
00:00:49,081 --> 00:00:51,750
What you got
goin' on there, bub?
9
00:00:51,817 --> 00:00:54,418
Before I
swallowed the vitamin,
10
00:00:54,486 --> 00:00:56,420
there was a lifesaver
in my mouth.
11
00:00:57,757 --> 00:00:59,190
Wow.
12
00:00:59,258 --> 00:01:01,059
You're like the evel knievel
of sucking candy.
13
00:01:02,494 --> 00:01:03,695
Wish me luck.
14
00:01:13,305 --> 00:01:14,906
I got it.
15
00:01:14,974 --> 00:01:16,941
And welcome back,
butterscotch goodness.
16
00:01:22,014 --> 00:01:23,915
[Spits]
17
00:01:23,983 --> 00:01:26,484
♪ My eyesare gettin' weary ♪
18
00:01:26,552 --> 00:01:29,220
♪ my back is gettin' tight
19
00:01:29,288 --> 00:01:31,255
♪ I'm sittin' herein traffic ♪
20
00:01:31,323 --> 00:01:34,325
♪ on the queensboro bridgetonight ♪
21
00:01:34,393 --> 00:01:39,664
♪ but I don't care,'cause all I want to do ♪
22
00:01:39,732 --> 00:01:43,568
♪ is cash my checkand drive right home to you ♪
23
00:01:45,470 --> 00:01:47,305
♪ 'cause, baby, all my life
24
00:01:47,372 --> 00:01:49,874
♪ I will be drivin'home to you ♪
25
00:01:58,383 --> 00:01:59,317
Howdy.
26
00:01:59,384 --> 00:02:01,319
Oh, hey. You're home.
27
00:02:01,386 --> 00:02:04,222
Thought you were gonna
go pick up those patches
for the screen door.
28
00:02:04,289 --> 00:02:05,656
Well, I was,
and then I thought
29
00:02:05,725 --> 00:02:07,826
that sounded
like a good errand for you.
30
00:02:07,893 --> 00:02:08,893
[Chuckles]
31
00:02:08,961 --> 00:02:10,428
Ooh. Orange Julius.
32
00:02:10,495 --> 00:02:11,763
[Slurping]
33
00:02:12,765 --> 00:02:14,432
Ok, honey,
I told you before.
34
00:02:14,499 --> 00:02:16,300
If it's empty
by the time you get home,
35
00:02:16,368 --> 00:02:18,903
leave the cup in the car.
Don't come in here
showboatin' with it.
36
00:02:19,438 --> 00:02:20,605
Sorry.
37
00:02:20,672 --> 00:02:21,973
So did you get me anything?
38
00:02:22,041 --> 00:02:23,708
Um, as a matter of fact,
yes, I did.
39
00:02:25,544 --> 00:02:27,812
Ah! Oh! Look at this.
40
00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:30,115
Hi, shirt. You get to be
draped across my nipples.
41
00:02:30,182 --> 00:02:32,083
Congrats!
42
00:02:32,151 --> 00:02:33,818
Ok, well,
you two get acquainted.
43
00:02:33,886 --> 00:02:35,419
I'm gonna
go put this stuff away.
44
00:02:37,322 --> 00:02:38,322
Hey, dad.
45
00:02:38,390 --> 00:02:39,490
Look at this.
46
00:02:39,558 --> 00:02:42,660
4 more break-ins
on casino boulevard.
47
00:02:42,728 --> 00:02:45,463
It's getting so you can't
walk out the door anymore.
48
00:02:45,530 --> 00:02:46,831
Well, you can
walk out the door.
49
00:02:46,899 --> 00:02:48,466
You just can't go left.
50
00:02:48,533 --> 00:02:49,600
That's not the point.
51
00:02:49,668 --> 00:02:52,036
A man should be able
to walk out his front door,
52
00:02:52,104 --> 00:02:53,504
turn right, turn left,
53
00:02:53,572 --> 00:02:55,673
or walk right out into
the street if he wants to.
54
00:02:55,741 --> 00:02:58,309
Don't make me lock you
in the house, dad, ok?
55
00:02:59,344 --> 00:03:00,945
Well, hello.
56
00:03:01,013 --> 00:03:01,980
Ooh.
57
00:03:02,047 --> 00:03:03,714
That shirt
looks sexy on you.
58
00:03:03,783 --> 00:03:05,516
Does it? I, uh,
hadn't noticed.
59
00:03:07,887 --> 00:03:09,320
Hi, I'm Doug.
I'm a pisces.
60
00:03:09,388 --> 00:03:11,823
I like walks in the rain
and bags of pork rinds.
61
00:03:14,927 --> 00:03:17,829
Work it, baby.
Work it.
62
00:03:17,897 --> 00:03:19,764
I got the trash, babe.
That'll be our deal.
63
00:03:19,832 --> 00:03:21,933
Every time you buy me a shirt,
I take out the trash.
64
00:03:22,001 --> 00:03:23,301
Oh, that's ok, honey.
I got it.
65
00:03:23,368 --> 00:03:24,669
I got it.
No, really. It's fine.
66
00:03:24,736 --> 00:03:26,304
What--what is this?
67
00:03:26,371 --> 00:03:28,339
Barry's big and tall shop?
68
00:03:28,407 --> 00:03:30,408
What?
Oh, that's trash, baby.
69
00:03:31,977 --> 00:03:34,045
You got my shirt
at the big and tall shop?
70
00:03:34,113 --> 00:03:35,246
Did I?
71
00:03:36,148 --> 00:03:37,882
No, I don't think so.
72
00:03:37,950 --> 00:03:39,550
Oh, I got myself
something there.
73
00:03:39,618 --> 00:03:40,584
What?
74
00:03:40,652 --> 00:03:41,886
A barrette.
75
00:03:41,954 --> 00:03:43,354
Oh, stop it, Carrie.
76
00:03:43,422 --> 00:03:45,156
You got my shirt
at the big and tall shop
77
00:03:45,224 --> 00:03:46,724
and you were
hiding the bag from me.
78
00:03:46,792 --> 00:03:48,459
Ok, fine. I'm sorry.
79
00:03:48,527 --> 00:03:50,295
Oh, man,
I can't believe this.
80
00:03:50,362 --> 00:03:53,097
At most I thought I was, like,
the biggest size at Macy's.
81
00:03:56,168 --> 00:03:58,769
When did I
make the crossover?
82
00:03:58,838 --> 00:04:00,504
2 years ago,
Christmas.
83
00:04:02,141 --> 00:04:03,407
Oh, God!
84
00:04:03,475 --> 00:04:05,009
Come on, honey.
What's the big deal?
85
00:04:05,077 --> 00:04:06,878
It's just
a big and tall store.
86
00:04:06,946 --> 00:04:08,880
Oh, yeah? Well, let me
break it down for you.
87
00:04:08,948 --> 00:04:10,481
I'm certainly not tall.
88
00:04:13,018 --> 00:04:15,653
You're tall.
Sure you're tall.
89
00:04:15,721 --> 00:04:16,787
What are you, 6'2"?
90
00:04:16,856 --> 00:04:17,822
I'm 5'9".
91
00:04:19,124 --> 00:04:20,892
That's pretty damn tall.
92
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:22,227
Oh, would you come on?
93
00:04:22,294 --> 00:04:26,097
All right. Maybe you're
a little bit big.
94
00:04:26,165 --> 00:04:28,233
Why is this
even a discussion?
95
00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:30,101
The man is gargantuan.
96
00:04:32,238 --> 00:04:34,572
Ok, what else came
from the big and tall shop?
97
00:04:34,639 --> 00:04:35,840
Tell me. What--
this belt?
98
00:04:35,908 --> 00:04:39,510
My--my jeans?
My cowboy shirt? What?
99
00:04:39,578 --> 00:04:41,880
A few things
might have come from there.
100
00:04:41,947 --> 00:04:43,581
I don't know.
101
00:04:43,648 --> 00:04:45,049
Ok, then let's
go the other way
with it, ok?
102
00:04:45,117 --> 00:04:47,752
What didn't come
from the big and tall shop?
103
00:04:47,819 --> 00:04:49,453
Ok. I will show you.
104
00:04:56,461 --> 00:04:59,063
The thing is
they use very good fabric.
105
00:05:01,233 --> 00:05:02,934
There's nothing in there,
is there?
106
00:05:03,002 --> 00:05:04,769
Yes, there is.
107
00:05:07,339 --> 00:05:08,706
This.
Ok, fine.
108
00:05:08,774 --> 00:05:09,941
Great. Well,
you know what?
109
00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:12,110
This is what I'm
gonna be wearing from now on,
110
00:05:12,177 --> 00:05:14,812
so you better
get used to it, missy, ok?
111
00:05:19,818 --> 00:05:21,652
I can't feel my hands.
112
00:05:29,128 --> 00:05:31,662
Hi, babe.
What are you doin'?
113
00:05:31,730 --> 00:05:34,399
Lookin' at myself
in various stages of fatness.
114
00:05:35,734 --> 00:05:36,834
Look at this.
Come here.
115
00:05:36,902 --> 00:05:38,202
Watch this.
116
00:05:38,270 --> 00:05:40,138
You can actually
see me gaining weight.
117
00:05:40,772 --> 00:05:41,739
Hey.
118
00:05:43,208 --> 00:05:44,208
Watch this.
119
00:05:44,276 --> 00:05:46,110
And there goes my neck.
120
00:05:47,712 --> 00:05:49,480
Ok, would you
stop this now?
121
00:05:49,548 --> 00:05:51,282
Here. Just
watch some t.V.
122
00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:53,017
♪ The tiny shipwas tossed ♪
123
00:05:53,085 --> 00:05:55,519
♪ if not for the courageof the fearless crew ♪
124
00:05:55,587 --> 00:05:57,388
♪ the minnow
would be lost ♪
125
00:05:57,456 --> 00:05:58,789
♪ the minnow
would be lost ♪
126
00:05:58,857 --> 00:06:00,825
Oh, my God.
I'm fatter than the skipper.
127
00:06:00,892 --> 00:06:02,593
Ok. Enough.
128
00:06:02,661 --> 00:06:04,162
This is brutal.
129
00:06:04,229 --> 00:06:07,065
I knew I wasn't slim
or even normal size,
130
00:06:07,132 --> 00:06:09,400
but seein' that bag,
you know?
131
00:06:09,468 --> 00:06:11,802
Honey, you are really
overreacting to this.
132
00:06:11,870 --> 00:06:15,106
I mean, you
are totally attractive.
133
00:06:15,174 --> 00:06:18,109
So you--you still love me?
134
00:06:18,177 --> 00:06:19,510
Of course,
I still love you.
135
00:06:19,578 --> 00:06:20,945
I love you no matter what.
136
00:06:24,516 --> 00:06:26,317
What does that mean,
"no matter what"?
137
00:06:26,385 --> 00:06:27,952
Nothing.
Just that I love you.
138
00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:29,653
No, "no matter what"
means you love me
139
00:06:29,721 --> 00:06:31,522
even though I
have some sort of problem,
140
00:06:31,590 --> 00:06:32,723
like no job or no money,
141
00:06:32,791 --> 00:06:35,226
or biggie
can't fit through doorway!
142
00:06:37,229 --> 00:06:38,963
Ok. I take it back.
143
00:06:39,031 --> 00:06:40,898
I love you.
That's it. Period.
144
00:06:40,966 --> 00:06:42,900
No, come on, Carrie.
I'm being serious here.
145
00:06:42,968 --> 00:06:44,568
Let's go. You're
telling me right now
146
00:06:44,636 --> 00:06:46,804
you have no problem
with that area in here?
147
00:06:49,274 --> 00:06:50,441
Nothing?
148
00:06:53,212 --> 00:06:54,745
Well, you know,
for health reasons--
149
00:06:54,813 --> 00:06:57,081
no, no, no, no.
I'm not talkin'
about health here, ok?
150
00:06:57,149 --> 00:06:58,682
Let's assume
I'm in perfect health
151
00:06:58,750 --> 00:07:00,751
and I don't have that flutter.
152
00:07:00,819 --> 00:07:02,153
I want to
know right now:
153
00:07:02,221 --> 00:07:05,223
Am I as sexy and attractive
to you as ever?
154
00:07:05,290 --> 00:07:07,691
Huh? Is this it for you?
Am I perfect?
155
00:07:10,162 --> 00:07:11,595
Well, ahem...
156
00:07:11,663 --> 00:07:13,931
I guess it wouldn't kill me
157
00:07:13,999 --> 00:07:15,333
if you lost a little weight.
158
00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:17,268
Aha! Ok,
159
00:07:17,336 --> 00:07:19,837
and how much weight
would it not kill ya
for me to lose?
160
00:07:21,106 --> 00:07:22,673
I don't know.
50 pounds?
161
00:07:22,741 --> 00:07:24,775
50?
All right! Less!
162
00:07:24,843 --> 00:07:27,078
Whatever.
You made me say it.
163
00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:28,979
I can't believe
you said 50!
164
00:07:29,048 --> 00:07:32,316
Doug, come on!
You know I love you
no matter-- ah...
165
00:07:32,384 --> 00:07:34,352
This is--
this is unbelievable.
166
00:07:34,420 --> 00:07:36,254
You know,
here I am walking around
thinking everything's great.
167
00:07:36,321 --> 00:07:39,157
Meanwhile, you're
smuggling in my clothes
and hating the way I look!
168
00:07:39,224 --> 00:07:41,426
No, I don't
hate the way you look, ok?
169
00:07:41,493 --> 00:07:43,694
But, yes,
I admit it.
170
00:07:43,762 --> 00:07:45,629
You could
lose a little weight.
171
00:07:45,697 --> 00:07:46,764
But, Doug, come on.
172
00:07:46,831 --> 00:07:48,232
I'm sure there
are things about me
173
00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:50,334
you wish were different
that you hold back on.
174
00:07:50,402 --> 00:07:52,370
You? No, you're--
you're perfect.
Yeah, right.
175
00:07:52,438 --> 00:07:54,672
Hey, look, when you start
getting the old lady whiskers,
176
00:07:54,739 --> 00:07:57,641
I'll let you know,
but for now you're fine.
177
00:07:57,709 --> 00:08:00,378
Doug, come on.
This could be really good
for our marriage.
178
00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:02,780
I mean, if there are things
bothering us about each other,
179
00:08:02,847 --> 00:08:04,682
we should just
get them out there,
you know?
180
00:08:04,749 --> 00:08:05,649
It's healthy.
181
00:08:08,087 --> 00:08:09,520
I guess.
All right, so come on.
182
00:08:10,322 --> 00:08:11,255
Hit me, baby.
183
00:08:13,358 --> 00:08:14,292
Uh...
184
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,562
I guess maybe
sometimes...
185
00:08:19,965 --> 00:08:21,865
You wear
a little too much makeup.
186
00:08:28,173 --> 00:08:30,874
What do you mean?
187
00:08:30,942 --> 00:08:33,077
Well, just, you know,
all that goop over there.
188
00:08:33,145 --> 00:08:34,979
Sometimes
I think you could just...
189
00:08:35,046 --> 00:08:36,414
Back her down a notch.
190
00:08:39,218 --> 00:08:41,719
Ok, this is stinging
more than I thought it would.
191
00:08:43,188 --> 00:08:45,556
So you really think
I wear too much makeup?
192
00:08:45,624 --> 00:08:47,658
No. I just-- like if we're
going out for burgers,
193
00:08:47,726 --> 00:08:50,461
you know, and I
throw on a pair of sweatpants
and a baseball hat,
194
00:08:50,529 --> 00:08:52,296
you look like
you're going to the opera...
195
00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:56,066
Or you're in the opera.
196
00:09:00,405 --> 00:09:02,607
Ok. Ok.
197
00:09:04,143 --> 00:09:07,077
I will try
to wear less makeup.
198
00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:08,412
Well, this is great.
All right.
199
00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:10,014
But we're gonna
do this together, ok?
200
00:09:10,081 --> 00:09:11,915
And I'm gonna
join a gym and start to diet.
201
00:09:11,983 --> 00:09:13,551
I'm gonna
whip this body into shape
202
00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:16,420
'cause nobody's calling me
fatty mcbutterpants anymore.
203
00:09:17,989 --> 00:09:21,592
Somebody called you
fatty mcbutterpants?
204
00:09:21,660 --> 00:09:23,561
On line at the bank
yesterday, yeah.
205
00:09:25,297 --> 00:09:27,265
And it took seeing
the big and tall bag
206
00:09:27,332 --> 00:09:29,267
to push you
over the edge?
207
00:09:31,537 --> 00:09:32,470
Mmm-hmm.
208
00:09:40,579 --> 00:09:44,515
Ok. I dieted
for the last 8 hours.
209
00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:46,484
Granted I was asleep,
but I can feel it.
210
00:09:46,552 --> 00:09:49,587
Something's happening.
211
00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:52,956
And I have
almost no makeup on.
212
00:09:53,024 --> 00:09:55,326
Take a good look around,
fat,
213
00:09:55,394 --> 00:09:56,627
look at this house,
214
00:09:56,695 --> 00:09:58,496
'cause you ain't
comin' back here no more.
215
00:10:00,532 --> 00:10:01,999
By the way, uh,
216
00:10:02,067 --> 00:10:03,801
I'm joining the gym
on the Deacon's family plan,
217
00:10:03,868 --> 00:10:05,403
so if anybody calls,
218
00:10:05,470 --> 00:10:07,238
he's the man
I share my life with.
219
00:10:11,076 --> 00:10:12,376
Carrie.
220
00:10:12,444 --> 00:10:14,845
I'm not putting it on!
I'm just looking at it.
221
00:10:15,780 --> 00:10:17,181
It's sparkly.
222
00:10:19,518 --> 00:10:20,451
Ok.
223
00:10:24,423 --> 00:10:25,823
Darling,
224
00:10:25,890 --> 00:10:29,026
let me introduce you to Frank,
a.K.A. Mr. safety.
225
00:10:31,296 --> 00:10:32,896
"Mr. safety"?
226
00:10:32,964 --> 00:10:34,699
Reading about
this recent crime wave
227
00:10:34,766 --> 00:10:36,967
made me concerned
for your well-being.
228
00:10:37,035 --> 00:10:39,537
Just sit him on the passenger
seat in your car
229
00:10:39,605 --> 00:10:41,038
when you go to work,
230
00:10:41,106 --> 00:10:43,541
and the carjackers
will move on to easier prey.
231
00:10:46,211 --> 00:10:48,078
Dad, I take
the subway to work.
232
00:10:48,146 --> 00:10:50,013
Well, then, take him
on the subway with you.
233
00:10:51,950 --> 00:10:53,851
He has no legs.
234
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:57,221
Pretend he's an amputee.
235
00:10:59,858 --> 00:11:02,560
Dad, how is
a legless doll
236
00:11:02,628 --> 00:11:04,729
gonna protect me
on the subway?
237
00:11:04,796 --> 00:11:06,964
Why are you
being so difficult?
238
00:11:07,031 --> 00:11:08,666
I'm trying to
save your life!
239
00:11:10,269 --> 00:11:11,469
Oh, forget it!
240
00:11:13,572 --> 00:11:14,505
Nope.
241
00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:21,979
[People chattering]
242
00:11:22,881 --> 00:11:24,014
[Sighs]
243
00:11:24,082 --> 00:11:25,616
What's up, ladies?
244
00:11:25,684 --> 00:11:28,018
All right.
Let's light this candle.
245
00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:32,423
[Grunts]
246
00:11:49,908 --> 00:11:51,809
♪ My blood runs cold
247
00:11:51,876 --> 00:11:54,412
♪ my memory
has just been sold ♪
248
00:11:54,479 --> 00:11:56,580
♪ angel is a centerfold
249
00:11:56,648 --> 00:11:58,482
♪ angel is a centerfold
250
00:11:59,451 --> 00:12:00,384
[yells]
251
00:12:03,021 --> 00:12:04,254
[Yells]
252
00:12:05,023 --> 00:12:07,124
♪ Na-na, na-na, na-na
253
00:12:07,192 --> 00:12:09,226
♪ na-na, na-na, na-na
254
00:12:09,294 --> 00:12:11,128
♪ na-na, na-na, na-na
255
00:12:12,497 --> 00:12:13,831
[screaming]
256
00:12:17,803 --> 00:12:19,403
(Doug)
Little help?
257
00:12:26,411 --> 00:12:27,344
[Sighs]
258
00:12:30,315 --> 00:12:31,249
Hello, Douglas.
259
00:12:32,684 --> 00:12:33,617
So...
260
00:12:34,552 --> 00:12:36,453
You, uh...
261
00:12:36,521 --> 00:12:39,090
You got your guy
at the table now, huh?
262
00:12:39,158 --> 00:12:40,591
That's right.
263
00:12:40,659 --> 00:12:43,227
Ne'er-do-Wells could be
casing our house as we speak.
264
00:12:43,295 --> 00:12:45,863
Yeah? Then why you
playing pinochle with him?
265
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,231
Because, moron,
266
00:12:47,299 --> 00:12:49,667
if I don't treat Mr. safety
like a real person,
267
00:12:49,734 --> 00:12:51,269
they'll know he's a fake.
268
00:12:51,336 --> 00:12:53,137
Yeah, well, I gotta tell you,
still weird.
269
00:12:55,808 --> 00:12:58,142
What's up with the walk,
frankenstein?
270
00:12:58,210 --> 00:12:59,210
[Chuckles]
271
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:00,812
[Chuckles]
I just joined the gym,
272
00:13:00,879 --> 00:13:02,079
and I might have overdone it.
273
00:13:02,147 --> 00:13:03,848
Gym, huh?
Throwin' your money away.
274
00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:05,349
I got 2 words for you,
friend:
275
00:13:05,417 --> 00:13:06,884
Dynamic tension.
276
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,887
Give me a bag of rice,
gallon of milk,
and a rubber band,
277
00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:12,690
and I'll give you a workout
you won't soon forget.
278
00:13:14,392 --> 00:13:17,195
Don't work out
with my milk, ok?
279
00:13:17,262 --> 00:13:19,263
I'm telling you,
it works.
280
00:13:19,331 --> 00:13:21,365
Look at the shape I'm in.
281
00:13:21,433 --> 00:13:22,666
I weigh
exactly what I weighed
282
00:13:22,734 --> 00:13:24,501
when I was 12 years old.
283
00:13:27,873 --> 00:13:29,073
[Groaning]
284
00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:32,910
[Sighs]
285
00:13:39,651 --> 00:13:41,953
[Groaning]
286
00:13:42,020 --> 00:13:44,989
♪ She's a superfreak,
superfreak ♪
287
00:13:45,057 --> 00:13:46,790
♪ she's superfreaky
288
00:13:46,859 --> 00:13:47,791
yeow.
289
00:13:48,593 --> 00:13:49,593
What was that?
290
00:13:49,661 --> 00:13:51,329
You are not
going to believe this.
291
00:13:51,396 --> 00:13:54,866
At work I got
all these compliments
about the no-makeup thing.
292
00:13:54,933 --> 00:13:56,834
I mean, people telling me
I looked great,
293
00:13:56,902 --> 00:13:58,635
and, like, younger.
Really?
294
00:13:58,703 --> 00:14:01,339
Yes! And I actually
got carded at lunch,
295
00:14:01,406 --> 00:14:02,840
and then I went
to 2 other places,
296
00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:04,141
got carded again.
297
00:14:04,209 --> 00:14:05,509
I'm not gonna
lie to you, honey.
298
00:14:05,577 --> 00:14:06,844
I'm a little looped.
299
00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:08,379
[Laughs]
300
00:14:08,446 --> 00:14:10,514
That's--that's great.
Great for you.
301
00:14:10,582 --> 00:14:11,849
It is great, isn't it?
302
00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:13,985
We decided to be
more honest with each other.
303
00:14:14,052 --> 00:14:15,552
You know,
set some goals,
304
00:14:15,620 --> 00:14:17,922
work on some stuff,
and we did it.
305
00:14:19,291 --> 00:14:20,691
Yeah, we--we did it.
306
00:14:20,759 --> 00:14:22,059
Yeah.
307
00:14:22,127 --> 00:14:23,060
You're done.
308
00:14:26,831 --> 00:14:28,532
Wow.
309
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,034
It's like without my makeup,
310
00:14:30,102 --> 00:14:33,504
my eyes stand out
in this really great way.
311
00:14:33,571 --> 00:14:35,940
And my mouth
is so naturally pouty.
312
00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:37,474
I tell you,
313
00:14:37,542 --> 00:14:39,110
this telling
each other stuff
314
00:14:39,177 --> 00:14:41,245
was the best thing
we ever did, babe.
315
00:14:43,548 --> 00:14:45,716
You know,
there is other stuff.
316
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:47,785
Huh?
317
00:14:47,852 --> 00:14:49,686
There's more things
that you could work on
318
00:14:49,754 --> 00:14:51,389
about yourself,
you know.
319
00:14:51,924 --> 00:14:52,957
There are?
320
00:14:53,025 --> 00:14:54,425
A couple, yeah.
321
00:14:54,492 --> 00:14:56,460
Well, how come you
didn't mention it
the other night?
322
00:14:56,528 --> 00:14:59,030
I guess I didn't want to dump
everything on you all at once.
323
00:14:59,097 --> 00:15:01,598
I thought this
makeup thing was gonna be
hard enough, but now--
324
00:15:01,666 --> 00:15:03,234
ok. Like what?
325
00:15:04,036 --> 00:15:04,969
Um...
326
00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:07,771
Your accent.
My accent?
327
00:15:07,839 --> 00:15:09,974
It's a little thick,
honey.
328
00:15:10,042 --> 00:15:12,376
Ok, well, what the hell
am I supposed to do?
329
00:15:12,444 --> 00:15:13,677
It's the way I talk.
330
00:15:13,745 --> 00:15:15,379
"Talk." See?
That right there, "talk."
331
00:15:15,447 --> 00:15:16,713
So what are you saying?
332
00:15:16,781 --> 00:15:18,615
After 7 years all of a sudden,
my accent bothers you?
333
00:15:18,683 --> 00:15:20,318
It's not a question
of it bothering me.
334
00:15:20,385 --> 00:15:22,253
I mean, look,
are you smart? Sure.
335
00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:23,921
Do you sound smart?
336
00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:24,922
[Grunting]
337
00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:30,561
O-ok.
338
00:15:30,628 --> 00:15:32,629
Um, so what else?
339
00:15:32,697 --> 00:15:33,797
Your laugh.
My laugh?
340
00:15:33,865 --> 00:15:36,834
Yeah. Ha!
341
00:15:36,901 --> 00:15:39,270
Well, I thought people
think my laugh is fun.
342
00:15:39,338 --> 00:15:41,772
Yes, if you think loud,
scary noises are fun.
343
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:46,677
O-ok. So what else?
What else?
344
00:15:46,744 --> 00:15:48,379
Nothing else.
Come on. Tell me!
345
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:50,181
There's nothing else!
Is it my forehead?
346
00:15:50,248 --> 00:15:52,049
What?
Last week I told you
347
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:54,218
my hairdresser said
I had a big forehead.
You said it was fine,
348
00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:55,953
but you were lying,
weren't you?
349
00:15:57,322 --> 00:15:58,755
To protect you, yes.
350
00:16:06,965 --> 00:16:08,899
[Man chattering on t.V.]
351
00:16:12,404 --> 00:16:13,337
Hey, fellas.
352
00:16:15,740 --> 00:16:17,274
Could I speak to Arthur
in private?
353
00:16:19,044 --> 00:16:21,078
He's for safety!
That's all.
354
00:16:22,780 --> 00:16:24,181
Watch this part.
355
00:16:28,286 --> 00:16:30,054
Carrie, come on,
let's go.
356
00:16:30,122 --> 00:16:31,422
I'm comin'!
357
00:16:32,757 --> 00:16:34,125
Coming.
358
00:16:34,192 --> 00:16:35,592
I'm coming.
359
00:16:45,937 --> 00:16:47,638
(Movie announcer)From Columbia pictures,
360
00:16:47,705 --> 00:16:51,008
comes a comedy abouta happy-go-lucky polygamist
361
00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:53,044
and his 5very different wives.
362
00:16:53,111 --> 00:16:55,246
It's your classic
363
00:16:55,313 --> 00:17:00,484
boy-meets-girl-meets-girl-meets-girl-meets-girl-meets-girl story.
364
00:17:00,552 --> 00:17:02,353
(Man)Honeys! I'm home!
365
00:17:03,488 --> 00:17:05,022
[Laughing]
366
00:17:07,325 --> 00:17:08,692
What's up with her?
367
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,794
(Man)How can 5 womenhave a headache
368
00:17:10,862 --> 00:17:12,463
on the same night!
369
00:17:13,231 --> 00:17:14,165
[Laughing]
370
00:17:16,034 --> 00:17:17,301
Oh, my.
371
00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:24,641
Hey, deac,
question for you.
372
00:17:24,709 --> 00:17:25,742
Yeah.
373
00:17:26,878 --> 00:17:28,712
You ever feel
bad about yourself
374
00:17:28,780 --> 00:17:32,550
so you tell Kelly
there are things
wrong with her
375
00:17:32,617 --> 00:17:35,453
just to, you know,
hurt her?
376
00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:40,958
You're asking me
if I mentally abuse my wife?
377
00:17:41,759 --> 00:17:43,727
Yeah.
378
00:17:43,795 --> 00:17:44,728
No, I don't.
379
00:17:45,530 --> 00:17:46,464
Me neither.
380
00:17:47,732 --> 00:17:49,133
Wait. Does this
have anything to do
381
00:17:49,201 --> 00:17:52,869
with why Carrie
was acting so freaky
last night?
382
00:17:52,937 --> 00:17:54,572
It might. I don't know.
383
00:17:54,639 --> 00:17:56,574
What did you do?
384
00:17:56,641 --> 00:17:59,276
First she told me
that I could stand
to lose a little weight,
385
00:17:59,344 --> 00:18:02,813
so I told her
to wear less makeup,
386
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,082
to work on her accent,
her laugh,
387
00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:07,318
and her huge forehead.
388
00:18:07,385 --> 00:18:09,386
I'm sorry.
Her huge forehead?
389
00:18:09,454 --> 00:18:12,189
All right, maybe it's
not freakshow material,
390
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:14,658
but she draws some looks.
391
00:18:14,726 --> 00:18:15,993
Step aside, bro.
392
00:18:16,060 --> 00:18:17,694
[Laughing]
You are messed up.
393
00:18:17,762 --> 00:18:19,096
How am I messed up?
394
00:18:19,164 --> 00:18:20,664
Carrie tells you
you have to lose weight,
395
00:18:20,732 --> 00:18:22,533
which is like-- come on.
396
00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:24,935
And you tell her
she has to work
on her forehead?
397
00:18:25,003 --> 00:18:26,970
How the hell
do you work on a forehead?
398
00:18:27,038 --> 00:18:29,873
Hey, I had to eat
baby carrots at the movies.
399
00:18:29,941 --> 00:18:31,975
Yes, all right. Nice work
on your relationship.
400
00:18:32,043 --> 00:18:33,477
Sounds real healthy.
401
00:18:33,545 --> 00:18:36,780
Hey, don't judge me,
Mr. black-Dr.-Joyce-brothers,
ok?
402
00:18:36,848 --> 00:18:38,949
You're tall and thin.
You don't understand
my issues.
403
00:18:39,017 --> 00:18:41,252
And I don't want to
understand 'em.
Yeah, all right. Yeah.
404
00:18:41,319 --> 00:18:42,686
Walk away.
That's right, tall-ee.
405
00:18:42,754 --> 00:18:43,954
Whoo-hoo, I'm big.
406
00:18:44,022 --> 00:18:45,656
Yeah, have fun
ducking under doorways.
407
00:18:45,723 --> 00:18:47,358
I'm on this now!
408
00:18:47,425 --> 00:18:49,926
I hate me!
409
00:18:54,132 --> 00:18:55,332
[Growls]
410
00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:57,834
[Screams]
411
00:19:01,406 --> 00:19:02,339
[Grunting]
412
00:19:09,013 --> 00:19:09,946
[Yells]
413
00:19:14,419 --> 00:19:15,619
What's going on?
414
00:19:15,687 --> 00:19:16,620
I lied!
415
00:19:16,688 --> 00:19:17,754
What?
416
00:19:17,822 --> 00:19:20,691
I lied, ok.
I'm not fatty mcbutterpants.
417
00:19:20,758 --> 00:19:22,526
I'm fatty mcliarpants.
418
00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:23,860
What did you lie about?
419
00:19:23,928 --> 00:19:25,962
About all that stuff
I told you is wrong about you.
420
00:19:26,030 --> 00:19:27,565
You know, I made it all up...
421
00:19:27,632 --> 00:19:28,699
Because I was suffering,
422
00:19:28,766 --> 00:19:30,467
and I wanted to
drag you down with me.
423
00:19:30,535 --> 00:19:33,036
Man, I'm not even
fatty mcliarpants.
424
00:19:33,104 --> 00:19:34,905
I'm fatty mcevilpants.
425
00:19:34,972 --> 00:19:36,973
All right, could you
stop saying what you are
426
00:19:37,041 --> 00:19:39,009
with the words "fatty"
and "pants" around it,
427
00:19:39,077 --> 00:19:40,911
and just let me process this
for a minute?
428
00:19:40,978 --> 00:19:43,214
So you have no problem
with my accent?
429
00:19:43,281 --> 00:19:45,749
No! It's regional.
It has character.
430
00:19:46,951 --> 00:19:48,051
And my laugh?
431
00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:49,553
A burst of energy.
432
00:19:49,621 --> 00:19:51,322
And this, uh,
football field up here?
433
00:19:51,389 --> 00:19:53,190
I love your forehead,
ok?
434
00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:54,592
I'd carry it around
in my wallet
435
00:19:54,659 --> 00:19:57,060
if that was
any way workable.
436
00:19:57,128 --> 00:19:58,229
I can't believe this!
437
00:19:58,296 --> 00:20:00,864
I know.
I was so out of line.
438
00:20:00,932 --> 00:20:02,466
It's just that you
came in so happy,
439
00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:04,768
and I couldn't
get my shoes off.
440
00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:07,003
So I flailed at you.
441
00:20:07,071 --> 00:20:08,505
I'm sorry.
Do you forgive me?
442
00:20:08,573 --> 00:20:09,873
No!
443
00:20:09,941 --> 00:20:11,007
I don't forgive you.
444
00:20:11,075 --> 00:20:12,409
I mean, you had me
walking around
445
00:20:12,477 --> 00:20:13,644
acting like an idiot.
446
00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:17,448
You made me feel
really bad about myself, Doug.
447
00:20:17,515 --> 00:20:20,016
I know! I didn't mean to.
448
00:20:20,084 --> 00:20:21,385
You did mean to.
449
00:20:21,453 --> 00:20:23,053
That was the whole point,
right?
450
00:20:24,689 --> 00:20:26,089
I guess it was, yes.
451
00:20:26,824 --> 00:20:27,958
I'm sorry.
452
00:20:28,025 --> 00:20:30,494
No. No.
I don't forgive you.
453
00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:31,629
You don't?
454
00:20:31,696 --> 00:20:32,630
No.
Never?
455
00:20:32,697 --> 00:20:33,864
No!
456
00:20:33,931 --> 00:20:35,832
I mean,
what you did
was--was horrible.
457
00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:37,468
I mean,
"oh, I'm sorry, Carrie."
458
00:20:37,535 --> 00:20:41,037
"Oh, ok." That's
not gonna cut it, buddy.
459
00:20:41,105 --> 00:20:42,973
Hey, how about this?
How about this, huh?
460
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:45,743
How about you
think of another thing
that you don't like about me,
461
00:20:45,810 --> 00:20:47,077
something really hard to fix.
462
00:20:47,145 --> 00:20:48,679
All right?
Then I'll have the weight
463
00:20:48,747 --> 00:20:50,748
and the new hard thing.
That's 2 hard things.
464
00:20:50,815 --> 00:20:52,149
And you'll have nothing.
Huh?
465
00:20:52,216 --> 00:20:53,884
What do you say there,
sugar?
466
00:20:53,951 --> 00:20:55,586
Hmm?
467
00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:57,254
Well, that's not bad.
468
00:20:57,322 --> 00:20:58,756
Ok.
469
00:20:58,823 --> 00:21:01,057
So come on.
Hit me. Gloves off.
470
00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:04,828
Your hair.
471
00:21:04,896 --> 00:21:06,029
My hair?
472
00:21:07,965 --> 00:21:08,932
Thinning.
473
00:21:09,967 --> 00:21:11,201
In the front a little?
474
00:21:12,570 --> 00:21:14,905
In the front, yes...
475
00:21:14,972 --> 00:21:16,440
And in the back...
476
00:21:19,477 --> 00:21:21,912
And on the sides.
477
00:21:21,979 --> 00:21:23,980
You're really
starting to enjoy this,
aren't you?
478
00:21:24,048 --> 00:21:25,248
Little bit.
479
00:21:25,317 --> 00:21:26,784
(Arthur)
Carrie!
480
00:21:27,385 --> 00:21:28,952
They got to him!
481
00:21:30,789 --> 00:21:32,756
I'll kill you,
you vicious thugs.
482
00:21:35,059 --> 00:21:36,560
Ironic, isn't it?
483
00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:38,995
The only one Mr. safety
couldn't protect was himself.
484
00:21:59,050 --> 00:22:00,617
Hey.
485
00:22:00,685 --> 00:22:02,386
Give me your wallet.
486
00:22:02,987 --> 00:22:03,920
Hmm.
487
00:22:07,659 --> 00:22:08,759
All right.
488
00:22:08,827 --> 00:22:09,760
[Sighing]
489
00:22:18,503 --> 00:22:19,370
[Grunts]33894
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