All language subtitles for Bobs Burgers s09e10 Better Off Sled.eng

Wonder Wharf
feels more like Winter Wharf

after a record-breaking
snowstorm overnight.

Someone tell Santa
to put on his snow tires.

Ah! Ha! Snow tires.

With schools
on winter break this week,

it's a nice day for...
a white sledding.

You are correct, Olsen Benner
from Channel 6 News.

We're gonna sled
ourselves sick.

Sledding's my favorite sport
because Lady Gravity

does all the work.

I've been practicing
my "whee!"

Whoo!
Oh, wait.

Snowplows have been working

since early this morning
to clear the streets

and bury my Subaru.

Hey, that's my truck.
Wow!

It looks ten pounds
heavier on TV.

Oh, yeah,
look at you plowing.

- Where are you?
- Church parking lot.

I got to call my mom.
This counts as going, right?

Whoa, Teddy,
you're really fishtailing a lot.

Yeah, I am.
It's snowy, Bob.

Do you even know
how to plow, Bob?

You just drive...
drive a car

and push the snow off
to the side, right?

Yes.
Something like that.

All right, team,
let's chop-chop with the hot-choc.

- Sleds await.
- Hang on.

There's a marshmallow down
there I cannot reach.

- That's life, pal.
- Have fun, kids.

If you see Rudolph,
don't make fun of him.

He doesn't like that.

So, the plan is we sled,

and then
we sled some more,

and then we keep sledding.
Sound good?

Huh, I see sleds,
but I don't see butts in them.

Rudy, Darryl,
why aren't you guys sledding?

We've got a little
situation.

Oh, just go behind a tree
and use some leaves.

And don't be
creeped out by that

one squirrel
that likes to watch.

N-No,
I'm talking about that.

- Hey! Ow!
- Ugh. Logan.

Here's a snowball
in your spleen.

- And a snowball in your ween.
- Ow!

Aah! I don't want
to get snowballs

in any of those places.

Yeah,
I'm a snowball magnet.

Maybe we should sled
somewhere that doesn't have

rowdy teen boys
with arms.

Well, now, hold on.
We don't want to go somewhere

with no hot,
rowdy teen boys.

- Nobody said hot.
- Someone did.

Guys, this is
the only hill in the park.

This is where we sled.

We can't let Logan
and his stupid friends

snowball
on our parade.

- Come on, let's go.
- Okay.

Uh, huh!

Okay, that was perfect,
but let's run away.

Saving Private Ryan called.

It wants
its opening scene back.

You're not gonna believe
what I found in the basement.

A tote bag?
You just found that?

Look at the handles
on that thing.

No, I mean
what's inside the bag.

Ta-da!
It's my knitting yarn.

- Wait, you knit?
- Yeah, I knit.

Are you sure?
Because I've never seen you do it before.

Well, I was gonna knit.

I bought this yarn when I
was pregnant with Louise.

I wanted
to make the kids scarves,

and I never
got around to it.

But now it's time.
It's time to knit or get off the pot.

Ha! I'm gonna make
the kids scarves for Christmas.

Are you gonna
be able to do that, Lin?

- Christmas is in two days.
- Oh, yeah, scarves are a cinch.

You just...
You whip 'em right up.

So, what are you gonna do
with this terrific tote

- that nobody wants?
- Hey, get your hands off that.

- It's my knitting bag.
- Hey, can... can you...

- I just want to look at it.
- Ooh, get off it. Teddy, stop!

Bob, Bob,
who should have the tote?

And don't say
split it in half.

I-I don't want
to get involved.

But Teddy,
he needs it more.

- Ah, yeah, maybe you're right.
- Yes!

That was horrible.

How could something
as pure as snow

be so violently
thrown at us?

This is ridiculous.

I'm gonna go talk some
sense into these fools.

Okay, you do that,
and we'll support you

by standing right here
at this safe distance.

Oh, great,
it's Louise Smellcher.

Oh, clever, Logan.

Look, I know your tiny little brain

doesn't understand things,
so let me help you out here.

This is a sledding hill,
where people sled

every time it snows.

Actually, this is the
snowball-fighting hill now,

because sledding is for babies,
and babies should be home

sleeping
or doing tummy time.

But this is the only hill
in the park.

There's nowhere else
to sled.

Oh, maybe you should try
checking out the hill

by the...
I don't give a crap.

Well, your face gives a crap,

because your face is crap,
Logan.

- Your face is crap.
- Your face is crap!

- Your face is a crap!
- You're the crappest face!

Logan,
are we snowballing or what?

Yeah,
we're snowballing!

Scram, sled wetters.

Son of a...

- Oh, man.
- Ow! What the...?

- Uh-oh.
- Oh, no.

You'd better dash,
diaper rash.

- Got to go.
- Logan, let's just enjoy the day.

- Enjoy that!
- Oh!

Okay, we need a new plan.

Who can throw a snowball
really hard?

- Uh, nah.
- Not so much.

I could give it a try.

Where'd it go?

Hey, my cousin
Mandy is a pitcher

on the high school
softball team.

She lives near here.
Maybe she could help.

Is she good?

She makes underhand
look like overhand.

- Understand?
- No.

You know what? That was confusing.
I'll call her.

Lot of testosterone
down there.

And we've all synced
our cycles up here.

Wow.

Rudy's cousin is Brienne of Tarth.

So, yeah. This is Mandy.

Yeah, hi. I'm Mandy.

Rudy cried
until I said I'd come.

That's how I got you to come to
my yellow belt test at the dojo.

Would've been so cool
if I had passed.

Is that Logan?

- You know him?
- Yeah. He's in my grade.

He used to pick on me
when I was younger.

He called me
Manitary Napkin.

He picked on you?
You're so much bigger than him.

Well, I used to be smaller.

Hey, maybe
I'll be really big and strong

when I'm older,
right, cuz?

Yeah. Sure, buddy. High-five.

High-five... Oh,
ow! - Oof, sorry.

Look, I'm only gonna give
you guys about 15 pitches.

Let me see
if I can even throw snow.

Might be
wasting your time.

Huh, ohh!

- Is he dead?
- Uh...

No, he's moving. Twitching
is moving, right?

Yes. Santa, look away.

This isn't
for your delicate eyes.

OK everybody,
here's the plan.

We protect Mandy
as she rains down frozen terror,

and we take back the land
that is rightfully ours.

We might not all make it...

Why are you looking at me?

Shh. But those that do
will remember the fallen.

I feel like
I'm gonna throw up.

That's
my little warrior.

Oh, good.
I was wondering

where I was gonna
put all this snow.

Now I know.
In your tiny, dumb face.

- Shields up!
- Uh, okay.

It's time for a pitch slap!

Manitary Napkin? What
are you doing here?

Oh! My neck!

Advance!

Advance!

Advance!

- I'm out of here.
- Me, too.

- Come on, Logan.
- No way.

I'm not going
anywhere.

Okay, maybe I am.

Yes! Nice work,
Manitary Napkin.

Thanks.
Wait, don't call me that.

Right, right, right, right,
right, right, right right.

- Lin, can you take these to table two?
- Bob, I can't.

I'm knitting,
and I got to keep going.

Wait, that's all
you've done?

Yes, Bob. It's slow at first,

but then it's like
Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba, scarf.

Now stop
distracting me.

Okay, I'll just cook
and serve the food

and do everything and
you're not listening.

Lin.

Oh, my beautiful scarves.

Great job, Linda.

Thank you,
Knitcracker.

Lin, you're scaring me.

- Wha...?
- Who's Knit-cracker?

Nobody. Oh, no,
I dropped a stitch.

- Oops, another one. Oops, another one.
- Sorry, did I throw you off?

I just thought maybe
you were going crazy.

Hush, Bob! Oh, God, another one.

Ooh, there goes another one.

Hey, Mandy, the dumb teen boys are gone.

You can go. I'm sure you've
got, mm, athletic stuff to do.

I always have athletic stuff to
do, but I'm just sticking around

because Rudy wanted
me to watch him sled.

Look at me! Backwards!

Tell the other cousins about this. Oh!

Oh, my God, too scary.
Turning around, turning around.

Whee! I feel like a kid again.

I feel like I'm in one of
those breath mint commercials.

Is that a giant white round bird?

It's not!

What the hell?

The teenage boys
are back.

And they brought their
young-looking dad.

Everyone,
I'd like you to meet Cameron.

He's on
the varsity basketball team.

He's their best outside shooter.

Hey, you, uh... you shoot
a lot of threes, Cameron?

Yeah. Threes and twos
and occasionally ones.

Yeah, that's right.
All the numbers.

Oh, no.
Everyone into formation, quick!

Don't worry, I got this.

Oh!

Oh, snow down my back!
Snow down my back!

Oh, oh!

Down my crack. That's it, I'm done.

No! Where are you going?

Sorry, guys. Oh,
I feel it with every step.

Uh, I'm gonna go, too.

Too much snow time for me.

Uh, Louise, based on how far

my wiener has retracted into
my body, we should go, too.

Ugh! Fine, we're leaving.

But we're walking away
with dignity.

Aah! Forget dignity!

Just go! Go, go, go, go!

Hey, Teddy.
Back so soon?

What?
I just plowed two parking lots.

That means I get two cups of coffee.
That's my system.

I'm gonna have 18 cups of coffee
today.

- Mm.
- How's the scarf, Linda?

It's great. Great. Everything's going
perfectly. I'm right on track.

Lin, I-I'm worried
you're not gonna get

three scarves done
by Christmas.

I mean, you've only done
about a... inch and a half,

and it's been, like, three hours.

Thanks for the pep talk,
Bob.

Yeah.
Who invited Dr. Scrooge?

- Scrooge was not a doctor.
- Not a medical doctor, right.

Listen, Lin,
maybe I can help.

What do you mean?
Like, knit?

Yeah. You can show me how,
right?

All right.
Here, watch me.

You put the thing through the thing,
and you pull it through like this...

Mm-hmm. -
Yay, it worked.

- Nice one, Linda.
- Here, Bob. You try.

Now, don't rush.
You take your time.

- Okay.
- It unravels so easily.

You got to be real
careful... Oh, you did it.

- Yeah.
- You did it again.

Yeah.
It-it's easier than I thought.

Okay, all right,
calm down. Give it.

Oh, they're back.

Hide the yarn.
Don't let them see it.

How was sledding, kids?

Logan and his friends
took over the sledding hill

and threw basketball-sized
snowballs at us.

Ugh. Snow bullies.
When I was little,

this kid Ricky used
to follow me around

and throw snowballs at me
every time it snowed.

And I'd try to laugh it
off.

"Very funny, Ricky.
I love it."

But I hated it, you know?
I-I hated him.

I used to fantasize
about sneaking up on him

when he was volunteering

and just nailing him
with a snowball.

And all the homeless
people just laugh at him.

Wait, your childhood bully was
a volunteer at a homeless shelter?

Yeah,
he was an Eagle Scout.

Darn those mean boys

for ruining my babies' fun.

We could still have fun.

Maybe we could build
a snowman out front.

Oh, yeah. We could use dog-pee
snow to give him blond hair

and a gold chain and
a pee stain on his pants.

I don't want to build
a dog-pee snowman.

I want to sled.

This is our winter break,
damn it.

But there's nothing
we can do.

Logan and his friends have
the hill.

I know that, Tina.

Whelp, got to get back out there.

The extra-wide men's
shoe store parking lot

is not gonna plow itself.

And you know what?
Narrow lot.

See you, Teddy.

Guys,
I changed my mind.

Let's build that snowman.

- Teddy.
- Yeah?

I was just thinking about
your snow bully, Ricky.

Eh, yeah, Ricky.

Yeah. I bet you wish you could
get him back somehow, huh?

You mean like
get a job as his doctor

and then tell him
he's gonna die in a month?

Yeah, that could work,

or you could help us get
back at our snow bullies.

What? How?

Logan and his jerk
friends couldn't throw

their dumb snowballs
on the hill

if there was
no snow for them to throw.

Like if someone plowed it
all away?

Oh, wow. Yeah.
Who would do that?

You would, Teddy.

Oh, no. I only do
driveways and parking lots.

Oh, okay. I guess the
snow bullies win again.

Ricky would be proud.

All right,
all right, that's hilarious.

All right,
that's enough, Ricky!

That's enough, Ricky!

Okay, I'll do it.

- You'll do it?
- I'll do it.

Louise, if Teddy plows the hill,
then we can't sled.

That is not what
this is about, Tina.

If she can't be mine,
then no one can have her.

You can't force someone
to love you, Louise.

- Wait, what are we talking about?
- The hill.

- We're plowing that son of a bitch!
- Yeah, we are.

And we'll blame it
all on global warming.

It's the perfect crime.

Bedtime, kids.

Turn off the TV and
jingle your butts to bed.

I'll, uh, go in a sec.

Come on, Teddy.

Is it done?

I can't. I-I can't do it.

I'm not supposed to be
driving my plow in the park.

I'd get in big trouble.

Ugh. Teddy, listen.

You're not hurting anyone.
You're helping.

And besides, no one's
gonna know it was you.

- Who's calling this late?
- Telemarketer selling makeup.

Ooh,
what kind of makeup?

Oh, actually, it's insurance.

Oh, ew.

Teddy, you there?

Oh, God, oh, God, oh,
God, oh, God, oh, God.

Okay, I'm coming down there.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You stay where you are.

The-the-the park's
no place for a kid.

I'll take care of this.
You can do this, Teddy.

Just picture Ricky in
his Eagle Scout uniform

raising money to build a hospital.

Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God.

Hello? Is this the police?

It's Louise. Is it done?

- Nothing happened.
- You didn't do it?

I didn't say that.

Nothing happened
because I was never here.

So did you do it
or not do it, Teddy?

All I'm gonna say is
the hill looks different

than it did 20 minutes ago.

I-I got to go, Louise.
I got to get out of

this park that I was never
in and I'm not in right now.

Yes.

Oh, look at your scarf.

It's so long and so straight.

- Yeah, I think it's almost finished.
- Wow.

How-how's yours
coming?

It's coming along.

Is it a little narrow?

No, it's not narrow.

It's like a tie.
But that's good.

- It could be a tie.
- It's supposed to be,

so it goes around
a couple times.

Right, except for
how short it is.

It's the style, Bob.

Well, I'm gonna go to sleep.

Uh, I could start a new scarf
in the morning if you want.

Great.
Good night.

Oh.

Knit-cracker?

- You suck at this.
- Aah!

You'll be knitting the
same scarf until you die.

Oh, my God.

Hey, Bobby!

- Lin, are you all right?
- Oh! I had a dream.

My scarf was wrapped around
my neck and tried to kill me.

Well, it's not really long
enough to wrap around your neck.

- Right?
- Good night, Bob.

Good night.

Revenge.
The best sleeping pill.

The town is
getting a double dose of winter

after a second record-breaking
snowfall early this morning.

What? It snowed?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

- Isn't it pretty?
- No!

Well, I'm gonna go shovel
the sidewalk.

Wow, Dad. That's, like, the
butchest thing you've ever said.

- Thanks, Gene.
- I'm gonna go work on the scar...

I mean, work on something
really special

that you're all gonna love.

I mean-I mean nothing.
Stay out of my room!

Stupid snow.

- Louise, are you our new kitchen?
- This is armor.

I'm going back to the hill to sled,
as is my God-given right.

What? No.
Come on, is it worth it?

All this fighting just to sled?
It's Christmas break.

It's the time of year for
peace and goodwill, damn it.

This is the best snow this
town has seen in years,

maybe even ever,
and if I have to,

- I'll sled till I've bled.
- Louise, wait.

No, Tina. You guys stay
here where it's safe.

I'm going alone.

Oh. I was just gonna say

maybe you should take
these oven mitts

- for extra butt padding.
- Oh.

But now this is awkward,
so I guess I'll go with you?

I mean, "I'll go with
you," I said strongly.

We both will.
Right, Gene?

"Right," I said,
not totally knowing

what you guys are
talking about.

Thanks, guys.
It's a good day to die.

- What? -Huh?
- Nothing, nothing.

Get your pots on.

We're all suited up.

We're pretty much
invincible. Let's sled.

Uh, after you.

All right, here I go.

Oh. Oh, no.

- Uh-oh.
- Uh-oh.

We're sledding whether you guys
throw snowballs at us or not.

Oh, we're gonna throw snowballs
at you,

but these aren't just
any old snowballs.

All the old snow from yesterday
got plowed for some reason,

and now that snow is
really hard and icy.

These snowballs leave
a mark.

Show her, Caleb.

- How's that feel, buddy?
- Hurts.

Yeah, that's right it hurts.

Throw your dumb, super snowballs.

That's what this is for.

You just rob
a Williams Sonoma?

- What are you, my mom?
- What?

She stole a muffin thing.
Whatever.

- Just give me my sled back.
- Uh-uh.

Give it! Oh, no.

Looks like you're
baking sheet out of luck.

- Get ready to eat snow Smellcher
- Okay

Uh, whatever you do,
don't aim for my butt.

She's trying to get us
to aim for her butt, guys.

She's probably got oven
mitts in there or something.

What? No. That's ridiculous.

Then why does it look like
your butt could take a sheet

of fresh-baked cookies
out of the oven?

- Genetics?
- All right, gentlemen.

On three.

- One, two...
- Stop.

Hit us.
Myself and... Gene?

We were supposed to both use
our armor to block Louise.

Sorry. Seemed like you had
it covered. Here I come.

The more the merrier.

One...

two...

What the...?

- Mandy?
- Manitary Napkin?

- Aah! It's the whole softball team.
- Aah!

And the girls basketball team.

And the lacrosse team.

Get 'em, girls.

Rudy, did you do this?

Yeah. Me and my dad were
driving to get some earrings

for his friend Nancy, even
though they're not sure

where their relationship
is going,

and I saw you guys walking
to the park with your sleds.

I thought you were gonna get killed,
so I called Mandy.

I was at the gym
with some of the girls,

and Sarah called her friend
on the basketball team.

And they were like, "We
can hit Logan with snowballs?"

And then we decided to
call everyone we know

who also wanted to hit Logan
with snowballs, and here we are.

- Ow!
- Logan, this is too intense.

We're gonna take off.

That's right, run away with
your fully formed teenage butts.

And don't even think about
coming back.

No, this isn't over!

It'll be over in a few seconds.

You're about to get wiped
out by a Manitary Napkin.

That's right,
I'm owning it now.

- Uh...
- Hey!

Human shield! Probably the
worst, smallest choice for one,

but-but here we are.

Hey, Teddy.

Another big snowplow day,
huh?

Yeah.
It's a Christmas miracle.

My prayers were
answered.

I said, "Lord, please
don't let anyone find out

about the terrible
thing I did last night."

And then it snowed.

So it's like it never happened.

Wait, Teddy, what terrible
thing did you do last night?

I, uh... I didn't do anything.

What terrible thing
did you do, Bob?

Okay. Hey, Lin, have
you seen my scarves?

I haven't seen them.
I'm sorry.

Huh. That's weird. Because they
were right here a minute ago.

- Ah, I can't help you.
- Linda!

You threw them in the garbage?

No. I threw them in the recycling.

- Why did you do that?
- I'm sorry.

I-I feel like a failure, Bob.

I was gonna be a great knitter
who made my children scarves.

And then I was gonna
start a store on Etsy

and call it "Scarving Children."

But all I made was
this weird-looking mess.

- Oof.
- It's not that bad.

- Yes, it is.
- Teddy.

Let's just give the kids
your scarves.

No. B-Between
my two and your one,

we have a scarf for each kid.

They can just share them, so
no one gets one they don't want.

I guess.

And we could say
your mom knitted them.

They can be a gift
from Gram Gram.

You're gonna blame
Gram Gram for that?

- We blame a lot of stuff on her.
- We do?

Oh, I guess I just do.
I mean, she's great.

- Let go of her.
- She's not a shield.

She's the only sister I have.

- What?
- Oh. Hi.

Oh, Logan, Logan, Logan,
you are so screwed.

Surround him.

Wha-What are you doing?
Stop it!

- S-Stop surrounding me!
- Pummel his ass!

You're gonna have
so much snow in you,

you're going to poop ice.

Poop Ice!
Poop Ice! Poop Ice!

- Poop Ice! Poop Ice!
- Oh, God.

I think this is happening, pal.

Just get out of here.

Time to cover my unmentionables.

Merry Christmas, punk.

Ready... Aim...

Ugh, stupid Christmas.

What the...?

Whoa...

You saved me.

Oh, I didn't save you.

I just kind of gave
you a little head start.

- Get him!
- Oh, no!

Oh, this is horrible!

Merry Christmas, Logan.

Let's sled!

Hey. This one's from Gram Gram.

It's for all three of you.

You don't have to open it
if you don't want to.

- Mine! - Let me at it!
- Give me!

Scarves?

You guys can choose
which one you want.

Flip a coin or fight it out.

- Ooh. I want this one.
- That's the one I want.

Well, it's mine.
So neither of you get it.

Wait, you all want that one?

Yeah. It's creepy,
but it tells a story.

The other two just look
like Gram Gram bought them

- at a store.
- A boring scarf store.

Um, I wouldn't say it was
"boring." It's just a...

- They love my scarf, Bob.
- Yeah, they do.

You know
what this means?

I'm better at knitting
than you

- I knew it. Stick to burgers.
- Oh, my God.

I made it!
I made that!

♪ Snowballs and sledding
and sledding and snowballs ♪

♪ And snowballs and sledding ♪

♪ And sledding and snowballs
and snowballs and sledding ♪

♪ And sledding and
snowballs and sledding ♪

- ♪ And snowballs and sledding ♪
- ♪ Sledding! ♪

♪ Santa,
cover your delicate eyes ♪

♪ Mandy's arm is
gonna save the day ♪

♪ Mom knit a scarf that
looks like a sad tie ♪

♪ But it's nice in
its own weird way ♪

♪ Snowballs and sledding
and sledding and snowballs ♪

♪ And snowballs and sledding ♪

♪ And sledding and snowballs ♪

♪ And snowballs and
sledding and sledding... ♪

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